Meal prayers.

.

.

Usually, pretty much every time I remember, or when I remember, I pray before meals.  I had a cousin ask why I don't do it before snacks.  Which, actually, made me a bit angry... initially.  He suggested I should.  He doesn't pray before anything!  The problem is, he was correct.  Regardless of his intent, I now pray before snacks too.  Oh, I do forget.  It's the nature of illness, age, reality.

However, once in a while, I don't pray immediately.  It's like sneaking some of His food.  It is... petulant?  Or... something, but in that neighborhood.  The thing is?  I know, acknowledge in my sneaking, that it is His food... not mine, yours, ours.  So, in even that case, I am acknowledging some very important things.  Now, before long, after a bite or such, I do offer prayer.  Just... an odd thing.  A very rare thing, but it does happen.  Had to laugh, when I realized how little I was actually getting away with.

I am hoping to get to bed early tonight.  No guarantee.  I seem to glide right through this stage of insomnia.  There is hope.  I have to be awake until chores.  I'd like to do some dishes, make soup, take a shower, start laundry.  I'm just not sure anything will happen.  Work, or an early sleep... hopes, goals, such.  Later.  

Down at two.

.

.

Better than the night before, still a bit late.  Waking at noon and change, if more moving slow so it already seems later.  Snow last night, rain this morning if the snow seems to be staying.  Warmer than freezing.  It is a strange winter.  Whoever is doing water management has a bit of a trick to perform... keep enough, but not so much that more snow or rain won't cause flooding.  It is almost a betting game you can't win.

A bit rough, of body, this morning.  Carryover from pushing.  That, and not quite being able to sleep enough.  It's almost like the eight hours I am sleeping is somehow considered too much?  Well, it may not be how much, but when.  My body had gotten used to sleeping nights.  Sleeping in the day, even with little sun, is a hard sleep.

Oh, a big, healthy, clean, tabby tom was hit out in front of my house a few days ago.  If you are missing your tom, I hate to tell you but he is gone.  He was one of my favorites.  He would visit the girls several times a week.  A big boy, solid.  They would paw at the window, saying "Go away!", and chase him from window to window, saying "Don't go THAT far away!".  Women!  I'll miss him.  He wasn't a mess.  Broke his back, he crawled off, under the tree near my driveway.  I'd give him, and the ducks, a proper burial, but the ground just doesn't seem to give enough... or didn't last I tried.

I have the furnace going, will get chores done shortly.  Everything is ready.  While I didn't get to dishes last night, I did get prepped for chores.  I am hoping to really hit dishes today, and maybe get a load of laundry through... when I can begin.  Milk is here already.  I am pretty much caught up on kefir, so this is perfect.  I don't think I'll be drinking as much kefir as I have been.  Maybe one big glass a day, then small samples of the stuff before meals.

One thing about kefir... when it has fully formed, out on a counter... then you cap it and put it in the fridge (warm kefir is just not my thing, doubt if many could choke that down), make sure you leave the cap open enough for it to breath.  Otherwise it goes from a semi-solid drink to milk or even watery milk.  As to worry about cross-contamination?  I'm not so worried.  While you keep the cap loose, the critters will keep a positive pressure loop, keeping things out.  Just a heads up.  I generally followed my own advice, but must have been in a hurry, and not thinking, recently.  It's still okay.  It just doesn't have as many good critters swimming around, and they aren't as big.

I think that is about it.  I'll try to get going soon.  A shower, dishes, soup, a taco salad lunch, a kefir breakfast, laundry, who knows what can be done.  So tired.  Gonna try to stay up all day, get to be earlier tonight.  Fighting the schedule is... problematic.  If it's easy, I suppose it isn't worth messing with?  Sometimes.  Good afternoon and day.

I have been taking note, of late.

.

.

Oh, I do see.  I do understand.  Do you?

Isaiah 53:3-4

Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (my preferred)

3 Despised, and the most abject of men, a man of sorrows, and acquainted with infirmity: and his look was as it were hidden and despised, whereupon we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he hath borne our infirmities and carried our sorrows: and we have thought him as it were a leper, and as one struck by God and afflicted.

Oh, I get it.  I do.

Tools? Toys?

.

.

Both.  Although toys which can take an arm or leg, or do very bad things.

I can't sleep more.  I can't quite get to work.  So I am looking over tools.  A tool has become available for potential use, two actually.  I suppose three, if I pushed it.  Other tools are being considered.  Not by me, at the moment.  To be honest, I'm not terribly familiar with all these tools.  So... I went looking.  Power tools, with blades of one sort or another.

Only an hour down.

.

.

I thought I might sleep all night, as rough as I felt going down.  An hour, give or take.  I just can't remember the minute, but the hour was 16:00 and it is the middle of 17:00 as I wake.  I struggled to stay abed to no avail.  I feel pretty rough at waking.  Upset stomach, a bit dizzy, everything is a bit off.  A lot off?  No, just a bit off.

I am still hoping to get a few batches of dishes started.  A shower and probably shave sometime tonight.  The last of chores, if not for a few hours.  No used chasing ducks in when they aren't ready to go in.  Perhaps a few other things.  I have found one of the boxes of kitchen trash bags.  I have been getting by with a few found here or there in small groups, but this means I can get to washing those trash cans out, then using the bags to fill.  Just a few, per can.  I tried doing three per can, but the cats, I presume, end up pushing the extra bags down in.  Because, even when being extra careful,  they end up down in the muck.

Sam is horrible about it, a dumpster diver she is.  I suspect she had taught Sassy bad habits.  It's not like they don't have food, but Sam (especially) absolutely loves human food.  Even things I wouldn't think she would enjoy.  If I had more room, I'd create an enclosure for the trash cans.  She has learned how to get into them, without knocking them over.  Only when I was able to pay exacting attention did I realize what she was doing.  Hmm, I may have some of those domed swinging lids.  That might... discourage?  I also try to sack really strong smelling things in grocery bags... which sometimes works.  Double bagging, one tied inside the other.  But, sometimes, that just doesn't matter.

Ah, and the last two sets of ribs tonight.  That was amazingly good.  And, maybe, a start on the chicken stew.  I'm not really hungry, if eating isn't a difficulty.  Those are the last ribs I will have for a fairly long time.  I best enjoy them.  Later.

All done.

.

.

Oh, I didn't think I'd be able to do much.  Bits at a time, breaks from time to time, then more.  But, no.  I was able to do everything planned.  My body is whining about being tried.  And I may take a nap.  But I got everything suggested in one go.  The body does continue to ache, but not terribly.  It's being so tired I can't see straight that is the problem, and what has really gotten worse.

All good though.  I am pleasantly satisfied with what was done.  I am hoping, after the nap, to get to dishes.  It should be very easy, if I can be rested enough to work.  So very tired.  Later.

Attempting to break out.

.

.

Stuck.  Just waking up, of mind, is difficult.  Physically doing anything is very difficult.  It's past time for chores, but... I...  I'll get to that.  Confused by exhaustion.  And there isn't a lot I can do about it.

I have been watching yt.  Trying to find something which will engage my mind... how to use a hand planer as a jointer... seventeen secrets about the Waltons... ten autistic characteristics of women, spooky that... spooky coincidences, also with some odd... what... parallels?  Nothing really helped me wake.  I couldn't "hear" well, make sense of all I was hearing... drifting of mind and spirit.

Still, I keep trying to sort or figure.  Perhaps chores will help.  Oh... a taco salad might be good.  Having to think to cook, getting warm food in, and a bit more kefir.  Well, and I best feed the girls and deal with their litter, and refresh their water.  Sam is sitting on my chair arm, letting me know it's about that time.  I know it is past time when she sits on my shoulder, or chair back, looking over my shoulder like a vulture.  :p  Worse, when the girls take turns bother, haunting, irritating, pushing me.  Hey, it's fair.  I get mad until I realize... we have an agreement, one I enjoy.  So I must do my part.

It is such a dark day, too.  The clouds are thick and low.  Not as dark as they can be, but plenty dark even so.  No sun.  For the last few days.  Such is winter.  It has actually been a good winter, in this regard.  A few dark days won't ruin me... even if the rest of the winter is dark.  It's just... I got so used to the sun being out for a few days there, that when it hides, it throws me.

On to tending critters, and my belly as a final thing... for a while.  Good afternoon and day.

Oh, ouch.

.

.

Better than expected.  But things are a bit cranky, from head to toe.  I should have taken a fistful of painkillers last night.  Forgot.  I can only remember, then do, just so much.  When pushing well beyond all normal, more so.  It was a very good night of work though.  I didn't go down until half after five?  Give or take small change.  Waking at a bit before thirteen hundred.  Or... waking just as the daytime midnight ends.  :p

Sleep was okay.  Dreams.  Not sharing them.  Not so much predictions as current realities.  Some will be surprised how things turn.  Some already know where things are.  So be it.

Today?  Well, heat is on to prep the waterers.  The timer is set.  I could let the ducks out, but I can't quite do it.  After chores, another shower, then setting up two loads of dishes... as possible.  Chicken soup is in the planning stages as well.  Though I think I will wait on some of the larger stock pots to be cleaned before beginning.  To be honest, the cast duct just doesn't handle stews as well as I would like.  If you wanted to steam the mirepoix, sure.  But to cook it in the base, it just... it cooks slowly then far too fast.  In my humble opinion.

Kefir, right first thing.  A taco salad for lunch, with just three to six ounces of kefir as a starter.  It... helps everything go down, in, and through.  It is said to help break it down, and even absorb what nutrients are available.  I can't swear to that.  I can swear that it keeps it from lingering.  I used to think going daily, or twice daily on rare occasions was good.  Going, pretty much, every meal is vastly superior.  That first shot of the stuff wakes everything up.  I go like I sometimes go with a rare fresh coffee.  That had stopped working, especially when I went to freeze dried.  It's not the same, if regular good coffee had stopped working too, and anyway, so it may have been something in my gut that changed?

Glad to be up as early as I am, considering bedtime.  I'll... keep trying to fix that.  No push tonight.  If I do dishes, work on the cages, etc, it will need to be done by the time I finish chores... no later than 21:00~22:00.  Then, if needed, winding down for bed, or just going on to bed, is the hope.  Not sure it works that way, when I break my sleep cycle as badly as happened last night, but I can try.

Later.

No, I wasn't done.

.

.

I... got a second wind?  Something.  Absolutely and cruelly exhausted now, but...  I got the chicken off the bone, into a bag, and into the fridge.  The waterers were reset, and the cats got fresh water.  Twice a day, it must be nice.  They get what is left over from the waterers.  The ribs and beans were put up as well.  And, finally, a shower.  Oh, and I reset tea... which means brewing a lot, refilling the water for the next load, and loading all containers including the thermos I will drink from in the morning.  It stays cool, as I need it.

Not a bad gig.  I really thought I was through, and probably should have been.  But... for once... I wanted to try for more.  It took until 03:36 to get that all finished and begin typing as I air dry a bit.  Mostly just the hair and feet needing that.  Oh, but my feet are doing better, since I replaced much of my tea with kefir.  The tea was keeping my skin dry.  Kefir seems to replenish moisture, rather than, somehow, just steal it.  I still drink a... healthy... amount of tea.  But cut by half, and replaced by half to a third the volume but of more full kefir.

I am going to ache tomorrow.  Already beginning.  Still... it's good.  I'll take a handful of anacin, and set my pillow to just the right angle, and hope.  It's all I've got.

Tomorrow?  Dishes are ready.  Some are, really, primed from today.  And the counter for drying is open.  Even cleaned it off after boning the chicken.  Perhaps the stew?  I saved the bones and skin, for making the stew liquids.  But it might still be a bit thin.  I have carrots and celery, if I think I forget yellow onions.  I have red onions... I've never tried that before.  I guess there is a first time for everything.  And another shower.  I am enjoying those, nearly daily, again.  For a while, as long as I can push through.

Quite a day.  Tomorrow will be another good day, or I will crash so hard I can't stand most of the time.  Might even sleep the day through.  That is coming, as I push well beyond my capacity.  All good.  Good night.

The idea is good.

.

.

The thing is, as I stretch into the night, with intent to work, and my body is slowing at an increasing rate, I get stuck between falling asleep and trying to stay awake to work.  It... can get ugly.  It is late.

The ribs were extremely good.  They had... softened a bit.  But in the best possible way.  Absolutely fresh meat can be a bit hard, harsh.  This didn't have that feel.  I ate about half.  The rest will be put up shortly.  Absolutely fantastic food.  More tomorrow.  And, I will debone the chicken, and put that up.  For soup... stew if possible.  So hungry for that stuff.

As for dishes?  I think I am going to give up on that.  For tonight.  I will drain those, set them aside, and hopefully yet take a shower.  Ugh.  Well, and maybe reset the waterers.  If I rush, I might be able to be to bed in an hour.  If... if I can get to any of it.  I will do what I can.  It is raining outside.  It is just at freezing.  Or the roof is crinkling?  I think it is rain.  Wouldn't surprise me if it turns to hail... but little hail.  We don't, haven't since I have lived here, been hit by big stones.  Hope I didn't just doom us?

The rabbits are covered.  And bigger hail stones wouldn't get through the caging material itself.  Plus they are under the forty foot evergreens.  Well protected, as well as I can do.  The ducks are indoors... if in the out of doors.  While they may leave, ducks are smart enough to hide out of things... at least after a few dings.

Oh, something funny about the ducks?  My little indian runner, Henry, about a third the size of the muscovy drake Herc(ules), decided he liked one of the muscovy hens.  She was down with it, but Herc was having none of it.  Henry... if he wasn't absolutely clobbering, was certainly holding his own.  I had to laugh and laugh.  Herc didn't think my chuckles were all that pleasing.  

Well, at least I can stop worrying about Henry being mashed to death by ol'... young... Herc.  I was pleased with his pluck, if even I would rather he keep to his own.  I ought to get a few more hens for him this spring though.  Two is sort of tight.  Herc has four, if Theseus is going to begin vying for those.  I'll probably need to get a few more hens of that sort as well.  Or there will be far too many problems.  

Theseus is still a bit young for such, but his time is coming.  Still... had to laugh.  Henry was easily holding his own, and Penguin Girl was hoping he'd... win.  I just didn't have time, interfered because initially I thought Henry was about to get killed.  Herc thanked me, save for hurting his ego by laughing when I finally caught it all.  Heh.

Good night.

Late, for reasons, and a really good find.

.

.

I finished chores.  A bit late.  I still need to reset waterers, but food is ready.  I have the chicken out, warming.  I hate cold meaty squishy... at least room temp... so it will be.  I did wash off the freezer, and have set one load, then just recently reset it and set another.  Both are smaller loads, but will do for a start.  As well, I have cycle the kefir through.

Finally, though, I remembered the ribs!  I was a good boy, if a bit late.  So, I got those out.  Just a bit... rough.  I rinsed them, smelled.  Just ever so slightly off.  I baked them for 30 minutes.  Smelling while cooking.  Nothing too foul, or foul at all.  With pork I am very picky.  Then, out to the grill.  It smelled "sweat" all while cooking.

It is done.  And a can of pork and beans... of the better quality.  I am letting them cool in the now cool oven.  Should be quite good.  I don't drink milk often anymore, but tonight is one of those nights.  And it will be a small glass, followed by kefir.  I am planning to get a apple cider vinegar concoction going soon, but need a few better implements for making it.  As well, I am looking for other drinks, including water kefir.  I have what is needed for that, but... that is such a high maintenance thing, I won't be consuming that except as a rare dessert, really.  And there is the bottling process, and keeping up on the bottles.  It is wonderful, but it takes a lot of work to do right.  I may see if there is a less intense means of larger production.  I do love that stuff... soda... without the sugar, with probiotics instead... of any flavor of fruit you would like, and possibly ginger, maybe rootbeer?

Anyway... a meal, then some dishes, possibly with a shower after... some air drying and on to bed.  It will be late, but... so be it.

On the good side.

.

.

Not another thing going, so far.  Maybe a bit in a bit?  I have to stay awake long enough to do final chores... putting the ducks up and pulling the waterers.  And I really want to clean off the freezer, do a load or two of dishes, set those out, and be ready for another start tomorrow.  Hmm, perhaps something else, take a shower between or after a or the loads of dishes.

The good side?  I think I am tired enough, after yesterday and the bits I have done today, to get to bed early.  Much earlier than I have been getting to bed.  It is so dark though, I'm not sure I will be able to wake well even so.  Plus, I have been keeping the furnace around 66, save for an hour or two while waking... in order to heat up the waterers.  Actually, I am rather comfortable at 66 F, without wearing extra layers.  I suppose I have acclimated.  The girls are good with that too.  They just sleep a bit more.

Oh, and one other thing?  I haven't pulled the chicken yet, from the bone.  I will set that out tonight.  Let it warm.  Might even turn the heat up a bit to help.  I want that ready for stew tomorrow, one way or the other.  That really is good stuff.  It seems to get boring, until you get another bowl.  Then it seems excellent all over again.  It's almost addictive, especially if you can thicken it well.

I will see, if it all works.  Best get to it.  Later.  Or good night.

A bit tight.

.

.

It hurts everywhere, even with the painkillers.  Not too harshly, mostly.  Not as tired, oddly, exhausted either.  Just body pains, from lifting, moving, doing, going, driving, walking, and else all on one day.  Five days of work, I'd say,  Days of work I usually couldn't have done back to back.  I don't mind the pain, at all.  Beside having holy uses for it, I don't mind working until well past pain, when I can.  It's a grace.

Even so, chores are done.  I got to those rather quickly.  Had to take a break after, a long one.  Then I did make the calls.  An appointment, by phone, is set up.  And the blood work is still available.  Not bad.  Almost forget, falling into something between a trance and a nap... while still mostly awake.  It is so dark out there.  Winter is, it seems, back... in full blossom.

I do enjoy most seasons, even the summer if heat can be tolerated.  I prefer the three wetter, colder seasons.  I would like to claim that they are more alive, but the truth is, if summer works as it should, it is far more of a living season... save maybe spring.  Even compared to spring, summer is just the slow finish to life rather than the jump-start of it.  And fall is the end of it.  Winter being the finality of that ending.  Still, I... think... other than what is, sometimes.

That might be the end to work today.  Still, I did reset one pan of dishes.  And I hope to clean off the freezer, and then get to that pan of dishes.  Perhaps several groupings of dishes to be done yet today... if I can clean off the freezer.  As well, on to a soup.  Oh, and making a taco salad.  Something like those things.  All maybes.  But... hope is there for the hopeless.  And, sometimes, it actually works.  If that takes faith and charity to fulfill, and a bit of luck for the lame.  Amen.

Be well.  Later.

A late start.

.

.

Sort of expected.  I busted my hump yesterday.  While quite successfully, it wore me out.  Things hurt, a bit, if no where near the level I expected.  I would call this level of pain a good day, save that on a good day this would melt off in the first hour or two.  I suspect this won't go for a day or two.  So, a typical dose of painkiller right off the starting line.

The waterers were reset, I just turned up the furnace and set the alarm for an hour.  Then to chores.  I may not do a whole lot more today.  And, what I do, will be in small, discreet, parts.  After chores, for example, if I can, I will wash off the freezer.  Next, I will take a break, play games or look through the internet... looking for a roux... if that cheese sauce from earlier might work.  

Someone brought up scalloped potatoes.  And, it really looks good.  Potatoes?  I don't know.  But flour roux?  No.  Even the potatoes would have to either be eaten cold (in theory... some sort of deactivated or manipulated starch... with a dubious proving out), or soaked and that refreshed until the water is clear?  Something.  Removing as much of the starch as possible, anyway.  I think there is a way to do that so that you don't destroy the texture.  Not sure any of it will work, or if I will ever get to finding out... but... I can look around.

Later, too, a call.  To the V.A., to make sure the blood test will be available next week, and to set up a next appointment.  Nothing fancy.  I just have to call before 15:00... they generally shut down about then.

I am hoping, as well, to maybe do one or two loads of dishes... assuming I get the space open for air drying.  And I would like to test the tool, and do a bit of work on the larger cage, trying both the staple and nail function of the 2 in 1 tool.  Of course, that means getting the compressor out, figuring out how to get it over close enough to the cage (as I can't move that cage solo), and then getting everything set up and going...  Hmm... maybe parts of that, or tomorrow.  But... I really want to check the tool or and get the cage reset.  Though, I could do some smaller things with the cages too?

Assuming, of course, that I will be able to do more than sit.  Ooh!  That first glass of kefir is doing it's thing!  I'll... call it quits on the post for... a bit.  :p  Later.

Slow.

.

.

I've been tootling very slowly.  No second shower today.  I'm... just out of energy.  I did get the ducks in, and waterers in, plus cleaned and reset them.  Not much else.  I have been awake, hoping to get the shower in.  I just don't have it.  My hair is still clean.  I may have a bit of dried sweat, but... I just... can't shower tonight.  Too tired, worn, a bit sore, and needing sleep.

Oh, I think it is bedtime.

.

.

Drats!  I need to do final chores.  As well, I want that nighttime shower, and some time to air dry a bit before sleep.  I hate going to bed too wet.  And, after being clean today, I really want to go to bed clean tonight.  Rabbit food is set up, duck food is filled, right, and mixed.  I'll do waterers as well, tonight, so everything is ready in the morning.  Plus, refresh the water for the cats tonight.  They absolutely love fresh water.

I am sorely tired... the heart.  I think I can do these last bits, if I do them in a paced measured manner.  No rushing, pushing, shoving.  Just... a gentle steady go at it.  Muscles no longer burn, lungs are good again, just the heart.  Sleep will ease it back into place.  If it doesn't, pray for the peace of my soul in the next area.  I would be grateful.

You probably don't know how many people I pray for, who have moved on.  From my last step father, to Kord, a few cousins... minus one who had been being prayed for more recently... as I believe she made it.  Cousins, friends, people I knew, people I really didn't like... then.  Odd how, over time, even those not liked... once... or not appreciated... something changes.  I pray, generally, for those in purgatory.  I do.  I've been there.  I suffer for them as well.  But, beyond that, I pray.  No one was praying for me, and I'm... not sure moving along is possible without it.  I suppose general prayers might help.  But so slowly.  I name many.

Though, I tell you, I do not fear death.  I fear the Lord, rightly, not in doubt.  Nor do I fear life.  I don't mind living in His name, or dying in or for it.  Even when it hurts.  The pain can be gifted, and is useful.

I best get to things.  Good night, sleep well, dream boldly... terribly or wonderfully.  Amen.

Nearly miraculous.

.

.

Miraculous?  I'd... have to say so.  Started late, moving slow, but when I got the groove...

First, of course, a shower.  No big thing there, but... it... took a while and a lot.  Then on to the grainery.  I picked up enough for... a while.  Twelve bags of various feed.  No help there, but it was close.  At home... I decided to unload what I could.  I was... nervous.  Six bags out back.  Three of those mixed into the active feed barrel.  Then a rabbit feed in on the back porch.  Was getting low.

Not sure I could go on, but... was... feeling okay?  So, the last five bags into the garage, hoisted a bit in hopes rodents can't get to it... or... easily.  Hmm.  Really?  I... think it is the kefir.  I really do.  That, alone, might not even have been possible for the last year.  Well, on to town, for a bit of grocery shopping, and else.  That is that for spending, it looks like.  I might be able to eek through the month.

As well, something I had heard about.  A two in one 18 gauge nailer and stapler, for ~$30... plus expendables.  Still, worth it for me.  So I don't have to beg the neighbors.  Does it work well?  I will find out.  As well, they had some bigger screwdrivers!  I have been hankering for those for a while.  Their biggest was in a set, but the ala carte were far bigger than any I have currently.  Why big screwdrivers?  They are the next best thing to bigger hammers... from deconstruction to mechanics to... other things.

Finally, on my way home, I wanted more milk.  My kefir is doing well, but, currently, I am eating it almost faster than I can make it.  I will do so for another week or two, then, hopefully, settle into a lower rate of consumption.  But the stuff, I'm telling you, is doing incredible things!  On almost any given day, for the last year, any single part of any single project would have done me in for a week.  I just pulled off four or five days of work.  

Just finding the milk farm, on my own, at dusk and beyond, was more than I would have attempted.  I even saw the sign, not from a mile away, but from the turnoff.  Couldn't have read it, five feet away, but I can see it a couple miles away!  :)  Oh, what a day.  I may even take another shower yet tonight.  Then set dishes up?  I can hope.

I need to call the V.A., make sure a blood test is still available.  And they called to set up another appointment with the doc?  Okay.  I'll call about that, too.  The earliest I can get in, for blood work, is Monday.  I... am a bit shot.  But that doesn't mean I am quitting.  I am hoping to, possibly, do some work tomorrow on the feeder box.  And maybe some other parts of the cages.  As well, perhaps, set up the outbuilding boxes, putting a few in if I can get to that.

Ah, but... quite a good day.  I may not be able to do anything tomorrow... or for a few days.  If I can, I will.  That is why I don't plan on a trip to SL City for a while.  I'll do what little things I can, or rest if really needed.  But, yea.  It pleases my little dark heart to push until I bleed.  My heart is sore tired.  My muscles are all burning.  My neck and shoulders are stiff, to the point of starting up a headache.  Pleasing.  And, all any glory garnered from said is to Him.  I... think it pleases Him.  Amen.

A late morning.

.

.

I may be losing the day, but I am improving in very odd ways.  My vision?  Well, it isn't improving, itself.  What seems to be improving is eye fluid.  When I drink a lot of tea, then pee it all out, it sort of steals the fluid in all parts of my body.  A dry throat (if I stop drinking), dry eyes, probably drier skin.  All that liquid just shoots through, pulling fluid from everywhere else.  The kefir... allows me to drink a lot less actual liquid.

While kefir is rather fluid, sometimes more than milk, though often a cross between milk and yogurt, it has a lot of... bits.  Whether smaller, as pebbles or even grains of sand (albeit made of dairy, bacteria, and yeast rather than hard minerals), or bigger clumps like slivers of chalk or cauliflower like growths of rather larger size (as overdone medium flowerets) (as well, both made of dairy rather than their various counterparts), it is more like eating than just drinking.  Further, when some of this hits the stomach, it changes.  I think it grows, and expands, within the tight confines of the various organs it passes through?  It sure acts as roughage, so I suspect so.

While I do get fluid with this, it isn't the same as drinking simple water or tea.  Those just shoot right through, mostly, especially at the volume I had been consuming tea.  Up to three to four gallons a day, now down to, say, a gallon to a gallon and an half... so more than an half reduction.  As well, I am eating better.  Not always the perfect foods, but better foods and heading to even better foods than of recent.

I can't always go the absolute keto dietary path.  I can only do just so much.  If I am cleaning, doing business, and doing extra with the rabbits or ducks, I don't always have time to cook properly.  Sometimes I just don't have anything extra... beyond simple chores.  I lead a small life.  Still, it is better to eat something, even the wrongthings, than to eat nothing.  So... I eat... if I have the coin for it.  Bleh.

But, this kefir, beyond being a drink replacement, and food, is also helping with bodily liquid balances.  And, it covers a bit when I don't have other right foods.  As well, regularity on this stuff is absolutely amazing.  But my eyes... my sore, tired, dry, eyes are coming around.  I won't ever see extremely well, but I can see as good as I can see or I can see worse.  Seeing better is much better.

Warming the waterers, treated the girls, will get their litter sorted before getting to other chores.  A shower, dishes set up, and after a break, cleaning the area for dishes to air dry.  Maybe a nap in a bit.  Ugh.  Later.

Oh, you tease, flirt, jest...

.

.

Echoes of others?  I... don't think so.  A warning or threat... or offer... more like.

To it!

.

.

I got the call, to the ssa.  The primary rejection, and reconsidered rejection, letters are being sent.  How soon?  Who knows.  Soon.  I'll check Friday.  But, very good.  The call didn't take too long, and it wasn't complicated.  I'll take it.

Now, if I can do it, I might get the pork ribs.  Today, or tomorrow, though I am hoping today.  But what with it?  I just don't know.  A can of veggies, or... what?  I'll figure it out.

I am still feeling pretty good.  I'd like to hit dishes.  I will see in a bit.  Still moving slowly, though... with some hope.  I have checked on the critters.  I look out from time to time.  Not purely out of concern.  It is as much because I enjoy the critters.  They are friends, for my part.  As a good friend, I try to stay out of their way.

I am planning to call my mother again today.  She was tired, napping, yesterday.  If she needs more sleep today, I will let it go, and wait for her to call me when she is able.  No worries.  She is... aging.  I just hope her naps are pleasant, as with her dreams.  Good day.

Are you sure you want to play this game?

.

.

Someone sees.  Knows?  Or... suspects, most likely.  And so it goes.

Good morning.

.

.

Difficult to wake this morning.  The sun isn't out.  Dark days make it difficult to wake.  Still, awake and going for things.  As I was dressing, I began making plans.  First thing, simply, was turning up the furnace for a bit, and putting the waterers out to warm up.  As well, I grabbed a few treats for the girls.  Oh, and I finally remembered to pull the ac's upstairs.  Yea...

I had feared the ac's might be full of water.  I wasn't sure where to put them.  I didn't know this, I wasn't sure about that, and else!  Then?  I simply forgot.  I pulled the first and... it sits in the area easily.  There is a very long sill?  Something.  Anyway, it pulled very easily, and can stay in place.  The other one was the same.  That... may well help cut my bill.  As well, it cut the sounds of vehicles.  Oh... such a fool.  But... live and learn.  And enjoy what you can.

A call, today.  A shower before long.  Dishes later.  Chores in an hour, giving the waterers time to warm.  I will call my mom, again, today.  Just to let her know she is on my mind, and I am concerned for her.  She is having surgery in the spring.  I offered to visit, somehow, and help her.  But she... thinks she has that covered.  It wasn't an empty offer, but she has a good situation.  So...

As well, I have been thinking about kefir.  After a few days, I was beginning to wonder if the acidity was just too much.  It was... definitely... changing things in there.  I liked most of it, but felt the acidity might be becoming too much.  I have been having three drinks a day.  Which... might be too much?  I kept thinking, wondering, and continuing anyway, the last few days.

I figured a few things out.  First?  Only have a larger portion if using it as a stand-alone meal.  Nearly sixteen liquid ounces is fine twice a day.  Second, having a smaller amount before any other meal really helps digestions.  Further, I suspect it helps non-keto, non-diabetic friendly meals, digest better and seem much more friendly.  It... changes the whole board.  Not that I should eat those things, only... it helps when I fail.  What it does for keto and diabetic friendly foods is boosts their function into the stratosphere.

A bit odd and rough.

.

.

I have been doing bits and pieces, making calls, eating as rightly as possible.  I am making plans.  A business call tomorrow, soup tonight or tomorrow, dishes... a bit as I go, and of course tending the critters... feathered, furry... hairless... well... I still have a head of hair... and a bit more.  *blush*   Anywhile.  I actually think I am doing better, if not quite perfect.

Oh, medicine will be set up and started tonight or tomorrow.  Eating keto helps, but it can make some things... like insulin... a bit dangerously slick.  I do have carb tabs, a few stacks.  But... that can go really fast.  Ah, I need to get to the feed store tomorrow, as well.  Ugh.  So many things, but... I think, in pieces and parts, I can get there.

A bit more.

.

.

My brother called.  Funny thing, I was going to call him, but thought it was late.  Actually, it was too early, when I went to call him.  Now I know.  I had thought his state wasn't on the daylight savings program, but it is.  I asked about their last homestate, but, no, they had it there too.  The time difference is constant, good to know.  We had a good talk.

I then called my mother.  She was napping.  I asked if we could talk later.  She thought that was a good idea.  I can tell when she is tired.  I am tired too, just... it isn't dragging me down, quite yet.  No worries.  I'll try to be the one to call my brother next time... in a week or so.  We are running out of new events and things, but... perhaps we can talk about worries and else... just... talk.

We made it around some things.  I won't be taking the jab, especially if they try to mandate it.  He, and my mother, have or will take them as soon as they can get them.  They are true believers.  Whatever the news says, they... pretty much follow.  It's always been that way.  From when I was a kid.  I never... quite fit in.  That was tolerated, but just.  They wanted to go along to get along.  I had no interest in such.  Yea, it was... difficult, for both sides.  I have always walked alone.  Not (or just) because I was right, but because I simply see things differently and choose what is right, wise, better, if only just for me.  But that is too much.  They want an authority to tell them what is good, right, and then to follow that.  Not too... uncommon, actually.  Pretty typical.  I, in truth, am the problem.  I know this, but it is my way.

I won't be able to call today.  Tomorrow, almost certainly.  I must admit, the start of keto, mostly, through kefir, and soup shortly, and the meat crumble and else, is beginning to help.  I am hoping I can set up a few monthly medsets tomorrow, maybe today, as well.  Adding in particular vitamins and minerals, which I had partially set up before.  Bit by bit, I think life might be coming back into a sort of better function.

As well, the kitchen and bathroom are beginning to be sorted out.  Just little bits, each day, on top of chores.  It's a slow process, but something is coming back into play.  A bit more sun the last few days has helped.  It is a joy to have the sky sparkly smile, after being gone for a longer time.  It almost feels like spring.  If I suspect we are far from it.  How to enjoy a moment, without becoming dependent upon it?  Well... it's to have hope, faith, charity, but an realistic understanding as well.

All good.  Still full from lunch, but I might steal just a touch more of kefir.  Check the cat litter, look out and watch the birds for just a bit, then take a nap.  I am hoping to hit dishes this afternoon, and maybe take a shower.  It's a handsome day out there.  Oh... I have added an extra medium waterer to the mini does, to see if that helps.  They are drinking so much!  If I must, I may have to add another large waterer.  I'll... do it for them.  I want them with as much water as they desire.  I don't think it is bad for them.  Later.

Tricks, hints, tips.

.

.

Okay, not original to me, but they work or don't, at least for me.

I have been having problems with my tea jugs smelling, the ones from which I drink.  The refrigerator storage jars do just fine.  Better if I clean them from time to time, both, but even so, the drinking jugs... I have had great difficulty getting that... sour, moldy, smell out.  Someone suggested efferdent... a cleaner for dentures.

I suspect it is the plastic bits, not the metal (which does seem like stainless), which holds the bacteria and mold, thus odor.  And, that stuff works on plastics usually kept in the mouth.  So, perhaps, there was a possibility.  One of my jugs is an half gallon, the other is half that... a quart.  So it would take a goodly lot of packs.  Still, I ordered them.

They arrived several days ago, but the effort wasn't on my schedule and I have so much else going, that... I had to add it in slowly.  Finally, last night, I put enough tabs to make the water and else spirt through the closed cap... think giant sippy cups.  Right up and out through, which I guessed would clean parts unseen.  However, that... taste... you either like it or gag at it.  I'm near to gagging at it, just me maybe, but...  Still, I let them soak overnight, turning them and shaking them from time to time.

Then, right before chores, I put baking soda in, then charged that with vinegar, and let it spout through the straw opening again.  Then I let that set while doing chores, and then taking a break.  Finally, around lunch, I rinsed them well, thoroughly, and several times, until any odd smell was gone... or seemed so.  I was a bit nervous about the first tea.  Now, there is a very mild minty efferdent flavor.  But so mild I usually miss it.  No issue.  And, to my nose, for now, it seems clean of the other moldy smell.  Now, I think, I just need to do that once a month or even every two weeks.  It seems to work.

And efferdent doesn't cost a lot.  I paid, like, $6, and received 226 tabs in sheets of eight.  Hmm, that doesn't seem to come out to an even number of sheets.  Odd.  Anyway, there are 28 sheets and some, of eight each.  The big jug... I used eight tabs (though will only use six next time.  And the little jug I used three, but will just use two next time.  So, that will last me a couple of years!

Further, I may not need to clean as often as I suggest.  The problem was that I had not cleaned these jugs for years.  Yea, it... catches up.  After, I had a taco salad for lunch.  Not bad.  There are a few other things I am trying that seem to be working.  Life isn't perfect.  But if you keep it small enough, try little changes from time to time, and keep on top plus remember... it does get better, even if you are busy dying and close enough to spit in Death's face.  Not that I would, to be honest.  Death... is my oldest friend, at this point.

Later.

Ugh, oof, and such.

.

.

Oh, well, a pleasant morning.  I am just still sleepy, very sleepy.  Not sleepy enough to stay asleep, in spite of being so very sleepy.  Not tired, not exhausted, just sleepy.  I woke at 08:00, and couldn't get up.  I didn't want to sleep the whole day, so I set the alarms for 09:00 and 11:00.  I woke fifteen minutes later, turned them both off so I didn't have this dread in my mind, and went on back to bed.

Here, at 08:58, I find myself quite awake, and laughing.  I am happy to be awake, pleased at the time, just... the circumstances leave me chuckling.  At or with myself though, that... I can't answer.

The vehicles, shoving through.  Can tell it is Monday.  You can tell which vehicles are late.  No one, otherwise, is in a hurry to go back to work.  Do you remember when we dreamed of what we would do when we grew up?  No one thought they would be rushing to work, hoping they aren't late one more time... to a job they often hate.  But food... table.  Further on, I never thought I would be stuck at home, listening to traffic, wishing I was a part of it.

Thick-necked bastards?  It's the only way to make a dime.  You drive your flesh until it dies or breaks.  Better to die.  If it breaks, it's... hard to kill.  Though, in time, for moments, even that can be endured.  Oh, not a whine.  Just a note.  I'm over whining.  Doesn't help, isn't fun, and life, even now, is worth more than being reduced to complaining.  It just won't ever be what you thought, or even think, it will be.  Enjoy what you can, endure what you don't enjoy, and get out and do your best... even if that isn't much.

I know have four half gallon jars of kefir going.  As soon as I make some room, I'll probably add another, keeping one as a deeper reserve.  Of the four active, I will pull a morning and night draught.  Then fill with milk, leave out a day or two, then put back in at the back of the line.  The reserve will be pulled for similar every other rotation... to keep it fresh and sharp.  If a particular jar starts looking a bit rough, I will empty it into a clean jar and go on.  I... need more half gallon jars.

I have cut tea jars to three, but am using five for kefir, so there is no savings of jars.  Four more, for reserves for whatever, plus a few extra.  As to pickling, say of onions, I do believe those will go into quart or pint jars.  I just don't eat enough of those.  Hmm, I wonder if there is a level of too many probiotics?  My guess is it would begin pushing food through, without taking in nutrients.  I sort of get the feeling that it continues to bubble while in the gut, which allows it to act as roughage.  On top of what all else it does in there, chemically, perhaps mechanically.

Kefir was rather thin, this morning.  Somedays it will be.  If I think this is one of the kefirs which I just used and refilled.  Fine.  It won't usually be like that, once I create a proper rotation.  It is still pretty good, if the milk isn't as broken down as would be best.  Like I said, I am just starting to develop a rotation which will mean only kefir which has worked for four days will be consumed... one to three days on the counter, one to three days in the fridge.

I forgot to put the burger up, but I did cover it.  I turned the furnace up to get the waterers warmed.  I set an alarm to know when those will be ready.  Then I do chores and will put the burger up.  I best put out the chicken, to warm to room temp and get shredded.  Soup will begin later today.  Lots of mushrooms, plenty of veggies, of several sorts, life will be good.  I am hoping to have that ready by this afternoon or evening.

As well, a phone call.  Dishes to be started again.  Hmm, perhaps other things.  Yes.  The week has started.  It is Monday for even me.  No escaping Monday.  It doesn't hurt, anyway.  And it's not a bad day.  It would be slightly better if I could get beyond that want of sleep.  Later.

Late, for good reason.

.

.

Chicken is finished, and put away.  Burger... a mix of ground beef, pork, and turkey, is finished, and served as a taco salad.  No real heat added, just not in the mood.  It has to be put up, and will be.  Then to bed.  It's more a matter of... getting going.  I cleaned the dutch oven I used for the chicken, and will hit the pan with the beef.  Just a simple wipedown, mostly to remove moisture.

The girls are being weird, so I am not going to let them up tonight.  Sassy... can be a real annoyance.  I'm not sure why they do it some times, then not for a long time.  Oh well.  They do get the hint.  Though, to be honest, it seems that they know they have annoyed me.  Often they ignore my fits.  This time?  Sassy actually had guilt in her eyes.  That helps, but it won't change me locking them out for a bit.  Three or four days, then we'll see.  She has been so good for weeks.  I just don't get it.

Food for the rabbits is prepped, most of the trash is out.  I had to hide trash from tonight, or Sam was getting into it.  I just don't get it.  It's as if the girls are starving.  I assure you, they are not.  Though, with Sam, anything chicken, and much else I cook, she... really wants some.  I didn't even have chicken tonight, so...  And I gave her some of my last bites of my taco salad, saving only the meat.  She enjoyed, but still wanted that chicken.  She is a fiend for cooked chicken.

Well, on to put the meat crumble up, then on to bed.  Good night.

No nap.

.

.

And sleep won't be early.  I am going to bake chicken, then fry a mix of ground meat.  The chicken will be put up, overnight, then left to warm tomorrow... so I can pull it off the bone.  A terrible task, if it's cold and slimy.  So, as said, left out to warm a bit through the morning.  The burger will make for supper tonight.  A taco salad.  I really don't get bored with those.  The rest will be bagged and used for various things through the week.

Actually, even as good as I have gotten at making baked chicken, I like it so much better in soup that I am not going to bother having even a single portion of the hindquarter.  It just isn't as good.  Fried?  Yeah, maybe.  But I can't have properly fried, and my keto versions just don't cut it.  Soup... stew hopefully actually, will do.

Tomorrow, if I do what is needed, I will have a rack of ribs.  Oh, not all at once.  I will bake it, just before being done, then finish it on the grill.  I'd love to have gotten to a keto ketchup, from which to derive a keto barbeque sauce, but that just hasn't happened yet.  Then again, I do have dirty keto ketchup on hand.  I could start from that, if I could find the gumption.  Still, if I call ssa and get the rejection letter sent, I will have the last ribs I will have for some time.  As with the steak, it was a leftover from summer food fun.

I have checked the waterers.  Then, after the second check, I checked the temp.  It was 38 F, quite nice.  No need to check, actually, at least for flow.  But the mini girls drank all of their water.  I replaced it.  Ugh, but they are piggies!  They eat and drink everything available to them in ten hours?  I also put Rusty in with Hazel.  Nada.  He was too interested in sniffing her... scents.  And she was getting... hostile.  She tried everything to get in his way.  He absolutely ignored her.  She was getting mad.  I pulled him before she ate him.  Bleh.  Yeah, do have to put her in with him, it turns out.

Why the opposite worked for the woman I bought them from, she showed me how that worked... and doesn't work for me?  Bleh.  And, they are next door neighbors, so the scent is right there.  Argh!  Maybe he just wasn't in the mood.  I am going to try to breed, but will hold off to get things better arranged.  Get all the bucks their own cages, and any breeders their own cages for after... so I can put the does in with the bucks and the does will have their own place to settle in after.  Bleh.  Tomorrow, I'll see what I can do.

Since I'll be up a while, I may try to get into dishes.  I have gotten trash and recycling out, but there isn't enough to pull to the curb.  If enough else is brought together, it might still go.  Just trash tonight, recycling is next week.  I think.  But it is out.  Now, to get to cleaning the counter, clearing the fridge a bit, and the food for the week.  Life is doing well, if I can just keep up... a bit... mostly.

What else, besides a letter from ssa?  No reason to contact the lawyer, until I have the rejection letter.  Hmm... I would like to find a source for chicken feet, chicken carcass bones, pork hocks, and beef bones.  Oh, and honeycomb tripe... at least for the next beef stock production.  I can use some of this in the chicken soup, but most is for the stock.  And I need 16 and 32 ounce containers for that.  So... not quite yet, but I want to be stocked up for it, when that comes through.  It's on the list.

Oh, someone brought up roasted onions.  Which... sounds worth a whirl.  But that made me think of roasted garlic.  Now, this guy uses a smoker/griller.  Not how I will do it.  But he offers the three ways which are on my mind.  Excellent for stews, or a variety of things.  Same with onions, pickled or baked.  Oh, yes, I think so.

Later.

A bit late, slow, and pained.

.

.

I have had worse.  And the sun shines through, sort of?  From time to time?  A good day.

Chores are done.  It is probably in the mid thirties to low forties?  It's nice out there.  Wet, so cool in that way, but... nice.  Oh, best feed the girls, and fix their litter boxes shortly.

Kefir has gone down.  Something about kefir?  It really helps regulate that which sometimes needs regulating, especially for those of us who can't, don't, eat regularly.  It doesn't turn out bricks, nor liquid, if you know what I mean.  Soft serve.  Hope I... didn't ruin that for anyone.  :p  Not only that, but if I haven't eaten enough, it seems to create the bulk needed to push everything out.

As for kefir, it is a strange drink.  There isn't just one type of critter growing in there.  Some if it is like highly softened cauliflower, some of it is like milky chalk, if most of it is like liquid yogurt.  No matter how much I shake, stir, or else, there are always bits of the growing things.  Initially that was a bit off-putting.  Now it is like finding the CrackerJack prize!  It... will take you a while to get to that point.

Oh, a few things for the morning...