Kidneys.

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I was nervous to try those.  Looked up various suggestions about how to cook and serve them.  Then, had to look around quite a lot to find them.  Strange thing?  Found them the last place I looked, and would have looked.  My very own, daily driver, usual grocery store.

While doing a different order, I asked about kidneys, and I think some other things.  Liver?  For certain.  Maybe other things.  Now, they didn't have "other", but they did have kidneys and liver.  They have it in a special place.  With cow tongue and heart.  I would do heart and tongue, but those are so very expensive now!  When they were cheap cuts (too), I used to buy those.  No more.  Ugh.

Up a bit before noon.

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Not ideal, in either direction.  It doesn't feel like enough sleep, and yet it is so late in the day that it's cut half the day gone before it started.  Stuck with it, for now.  If it will move along shortly?  Unless my schedule is stuck here for a while.  I never know.  And all my efforts often come to naught.

She's not happy.

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I told her I was planning on selling and moving on.  She wasn't happy with just the thought, less so now.  Why though?  I can't take care of this place.  It should be in the hands of someone who can tend it.  But, that's... not what concerns her.

She does realize she could never live with me?  Right?  She does realize I can't afford an American wife, not a keeper.  Right?  And while, practically, too old to find a keeper wife, in another country that may not be the same.  And, in another country, I could afford a wife, and children.  Not here.

Sam is buried.

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It didn't hurt as much as I thought.  I was... glad to see her where she rightly belongs.  Two mice with her, from traps and one Sassy killed but wouldn't eat.  Sam sure would have.  Had to dig a bit more, and get extra dirt, but... she is home.  I'll miss not being able to see her.  Strange as that is.  But it was, is, is past, time.

Then I got help with getting my phone sorted out.  I'll have to do some work with it.  But, for now, it will do.  I have numbers and such stored.  It was factory reset, then updated, then restored.  Any time they want to reset it, I'll factory strip and restore it.  Can't trust the c ck suckers.  They wonder why they are hated?  Eventually, they will get taken down for these things.  Here, soon, earth, hell.  It's... not an option.

Ugh.

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Just a bit rough.  Up late.  The web crawling keeps crawling along.  Churning up old memories, old music.  I keep looking, seeing.  They couldn't be reading, and aren't really tabulating.  It's just... churning.  Clicking, then moving on.  Okay.  Probably.  Who ever knows, these days.  It's on an android though?  Very strange.

The internet stopped working last night, for me.  Which... got me to bed, finally.  I think around two, perhaps up to half after.  But I slept solid when I got there.

Some... thoughts.

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Musical... thoughts.

Cold.

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I was having a heck of a time today, and yesterday.  I thought it was around 70 in here, but no.  It's 66, 46 outside.  Raining.  But, snow on the peaks already?  Wow.  Winter is... coming.  Life will hit you fast, and this is so very fast, and hard.  So I turned the furnace on.  Wow.

Still going.

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At over 21,000 views, the crawler crawls on.  Probably viewed every post still available.  And, who knows, maybe through echoes... posts that are no more.  The internet, sort of, if you know how, is forever.  Yes, I... stayed up later than wanted, watching what was unearthed in the process.  Beautiful, dark, strange?  Aye.  So be it.

Sleep, though, was excellent.  I have figured out, for now, the perfect arrangement for the house.  Closed downstairs, one window open upstairs but the rest closed, and one fan on medium low or low depending one my mood, needs, wants at any given moment.  That has worked for the last month or so.  No fans anywhere else.  Well, a fan in this front room, on very rare occasions.    But, by and large, for the most part, and other phrases and terms along those lines.  

That didn't go over well.

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I called my brother a few days ago.  He didn't answer, usually doesn't.  Either he gets back to me or he doesn't.

He called tonight, but with business on his mind.  He said our mother was going to go, or was in the hospital.  But, he wasn't sure what was going on.  Wanted me to call the nursing home.  No problem.

A face from the past.

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A woman.  No, not a lover, or even love interest.  Familial, of sorts.  But... judgmental, I think.  Most of her life she thought little of me.  As a general rule, but then when I became ill, she let her dislike rule.  And, if only behind my back, she ripped and shredded.  I knew.  I... see, have eyes, ears, reliable ones... I don't listen to idle gossip.  But... catching things others miss, and pick up some clues just by my nature.

I've got to stop doing that.

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Following behind whatever is pecking through my post.  To see what is dug up, reviewing it.  As mentioned, I have posted well over 14k posts, half way to the next thousand or so.  I didn't read.  But, I was looking at old vids, entertaining what they meant then, and now.  As I sit and wait, for death or a second breath of some sort.  Can't seem to do more at the moment.

But, I am ending up staying awake very late into the night, until two or so.  Ugh.  And, yes, they might have clicked/viewed every post I posted.  Couldn't have read them, there is that.  And, yet, there were... responses, themes, at times.  Sometimes based on what I had posted, sometimes just as if sorted by ideas before, and plugged in to search for certain themes of the moment, or for a few hours.

Food, and more.

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A steak was set up.  The grill/smoker was set to go as well.  Checking on the grill, then getting the pork in.  But, tracking the steak, getting the griddle warmed, then cooking that.  Two different timers, trying to keep things right.  Worked out, so far.  A steak is a good meal.  this one cost around... $5.50~$6.50.  An inch cut, but new york strip, so not wide and no bone, at $9.99 a pound.

I keep thinking of the economy of eating meats only.  Even steak, usually, since I often only eat a single steak, at most, a day.  Or add half to three quarts a pound of burger?  At most, I'm looking at $14 a day, for food, rounding up.  Not... including coffee and kefir.  I usually spend $100~$125 per month on dairy (depending on various things, if mostly how many weeks are in the month, or Saturdays really).  At four, it's usually around a hundred, at five one and a quarter.

Near a record.

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At, currently, 14,020 views, and counting(?), since the 13th, someone has clicked on nearly every post I have.  Though, not every post.  Some were watched twice, or more.  Some were watched four to six times.  But at different times, over time, usually.  So, they must be going back to some of them?  It's got to be a web crawler, of some sort.  Just one with favorites?  Strange.  Well, and there is the usual thirty to fifty a day?  Maybe more, with the Mona Lisa type post.  That... garnered some attention.  More than almost any post I have posted in some time.

I was awake late, seeing... looking... watching.  Patterns did emerge.  I was surprised.  Whoever it was, is, behind it... is looking for at at things.  And responded to my post, as did y.t.  Against it's will, y.t.  But people can do that.  Much as cattle, in a fence.  If they get... startled, frightened, curious, or else, the fence won't hold.  So it is with y.t. and it's attempts to gatekeep.

Nudes, of the woman I loved.

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Awake, not dead?

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Oh, no... problem.  Just, some mornings I am surprised.  When I wake, and push through to stand.  Making it down to do a few things, while doing things, in preparation for doing what I can do through the day.  I partly spoke a prayer, I think, asking for help getting to dishes, and a shower.

Sassy was right there, but just asking for food.  Not first thing, today, but by eight or nine.  I thought about kefir, but... not until eight or nine.  Coffee, though, I'll have.  Without sweetener.  With potatoes used up, I can get back to keto.  And, next month, I won't be having my usual veggie cheats.  Just... stick to the grindstone for a while.  Carnivore, no sweeteners, just meet, heavy cream, and kefir.

Two meals today.

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And kefir.  It's a warmer day.  Up to at least 78, if I think that was about it.  It's 72 in the cooler part of the house, 75 up here in front... at least near the computer.  Hmm, may take the jacket off now that I am thinking on it.  Getting warm.  The warmest it has been in... a week?  Which is why I was already calling it fall.

Wearing warmer clothing, and a jacket.  Enjoying the warmth, an unusual thing for me.  I wasn't quite ready for winter, or even a hard fall.  Hoping we have some warmth over time, just a bit more.

Eugenia is still alive?

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Oh, a woman I... ran into.  And, lost track of since.  I was too busy dying myself to... follow another.  Not that I didn't care, or do?  But... I do.  I hadn't heard from, of, her in some time.  Still, a friend of sorts, once?  Or so I believed.  It sounds like the time is drawing nigh?

A good sleep, wake.

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Down a bit late, 23:09 was the last time I saw, on the way up.  Always have to fuss...  Undress, put on sleeping clothes, set up the bed, get tucked in... or what passes for that, then on to sleep.  Sometimes that is fast, sometimes it's a dogs day and takes an hour.  It was quicker, last night.

Sleep was good.  I closed the windows, opening them this morning.  Just too cool to have them open at night these days.  No fans going, either.  Might turn one on tonight, but with windows closed.  On low.  Just... fresh air thing, I like that, sometimes even in dead winter.

Someone has been going through posts.  A lot of them.  I've been enjoying seeing some of the older ones.  Brings back memories.  Sad to see music gone, but... I'm surprised any music remains, to be honest.  Between this and that, legalities, illegalities, censorship, and such?

The powers that be want to burn the whole place down, but want to profit from it too.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.  And no one is buying the new stuff.  Even if they get rid of the old.  It just... doesn't matter.  Have to start making our own, like we did back when.  Keeps the gatekeepers and "influencer" out, doing it on our own.  Hmm... something to think about.  You want music?  Get the family together, around the piano, or guitar, fiddle, or flute, or better all.  A few for vocals.  Don't have to be great.  The pleasure is as much in the doing, and being a part of, as in the product.  Plus, you'll always know what will be sung.  Some new stuff, to try, now and again.  But, really, stick with the old songs, Christian songs, pleasant, good, right music.  What if I told you, when you get to heaven you will be singing.  As I have it, that will pretty much be how you communicate.  Even in purgatory.  Hell?  I would guess so, it's just that no one else will hear you?  I can't say that, for sure.  Thankfully, I don't think I saw hell.  Unless it was just darkness?  Dunno.

Well, thinking out loud, I guess.

I made coffee the pour through method.  I recently bought that, but haven't had fresh coffee to try it with.  Today was the day.  It's... okay.  I add, of course, cream.  But no sweetener this time.  Trying to pull back.  Though, why.  While I finish off potatoes from the first of the month.  Those should already be gone, but I... wasn't eating fast, much, often.  So they didn't get used up.  I like, early in the month, to eat some carbs.  Avoid actual sugars, and seed oils, but... carby foods, first of the month, to create a reset.  Don't want ketosis to get too deep.  Worry, about that, just a touch.  And, it's a treat.  

So, it doesn't matter if I add sweetener until those last two potatoes are gone.  Today and tomorrow, it is hoped.  Still, wanted to try it in the raw.  It's good.  Not as good as french press, but takes a lot more coffee grinds to get any real flavor.  So... I'll usually stick to the press, save this for days I don't want to fuss.

It seemed warm, when I stepped out to check.  But it is just at 50, here at 8:31.  I didn't check the low... or did I?  Was it 40, when I woke?  Actually, I think so.  I was just... not very awake, so... memory almost slipped.  While 40, and 50, aren't cold?  When the days only get to the low to mid 70s as a high, it is beginning to feel cold.  Long sleeved shirts and heavy pj bottoms, with socks and else, isn't enough.  I'll have to start wearing long johns with pants or pj's.  And, possibly, an undershirt and/or jacket on top.  And I will keep the furnace up, when... that is needed.  The world has changed.  I have changed.  I think I keep losing weight.

I am sure, when I become statically thinner, find some base weight, then get used to it, I'll handle the cool, cold, better again.  Until then, as I keep changing, losing my "padding", insulation, I... will be subject to cold spells.  On the good side, a shower, hot food, the furnace, a blanket, or other things, can really help.  Can't do much about the heat, even ac's are limited.  But, I have gotten to the point where heat is less of an issue, up to a point.  I would never have believed, from twenty to even two years ago.  Eating right makes a difference.

On to... my life.  Some gaming.  A second cup of coffee, if either french press or just dehydrated?  An easy cup, going with the latter.  Nice to have options though.  Oh... 6,649 visits this month!  Though, who ever really knows.