I've got to stop doing that.

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Following behind whatever is pecking through my post.  To see what is dug up, reviewing it.  As mentioned, I have posted well over 14k posts, half way to the next thousand or so.  I didn't read.  But, I was looking at old vids, entertaining what they meant then, and now.  As I sit and wait, for death or a second breath of some sort.  Can't seem to do more at the moment.

But, I am ending up staying awake very late into the night, until two or so.  Ugh.  And, yes, they might have clicked/viewed every post I posted.  Couldn't have read them, there is that.  And, yet, there were... responses, themes, at times.  Sometimes based on what I had posted, sometimes just as if sorted by ideas before, and plugged in to search for certain themes of the moment, or for a few hours.

I've seen that before, often.  When I write something rather specific, sometimes someone will find an half dozen posts related to it, and/or music will show on y.t. related to the topic, new and old.  Someone(s) has my blog, posts, nailed.  Must have a mechanical or digital cheat sheet, with cross references?  It seems unlikely, to me, but it's the only real possibility.  I am somebody's hobby.  Or a small group?  But haters or lovers?  Or a mix.  Shitzus, or shitzu-nots?  :p

Anyway, up, before noon.  Must have been around eleven.  It is just 54 out there, but feels good?  Oddly, yes.

I left the pork out overnight.  Got to admit, I'm not sure I can eat it.  I had some of it warm, but it's... just... not a meat to be eaten without a lot of something something.  Shredded, which this just wasn't doing... on sweet rolls/buns... with lots of sweet and sour sauce... which I don't, won't, have.  It just isn't edible otherwise, to my mind.  Why won't it shred!  I cooked the beastly hump of meat for eight hours?  There is a bark, but the inside is not burned, or charcoaled.  But it just won't shred!  Ugh.  I may just quit and toss the pig hump, and never do it again.  No more pig roasts until I can figure them out... without sugar, rolls, etc.  What a waste of time.  But brisket is just too expensive.  Hell, even chuck, unless on a good sale, is too expensive.  Oh well.

A steak, or half of one.  And a few burger patties.  Oh, and maybe to get started on homemade mustard and mayo?  I'll wait for fresh eggs, this Saturday, for the mayo.

After reviewing the posts?  I get why I am considered a loon.  Could be, but I... really don't think I'm that special.  Just... high strung, from time to time.  And, I... may be mostly dead, but I have lived.  Done things most wouldn't, shouldn't, often can't.  Didn't have great choice though, really.  If I'd had my druthers, I would have just been a mild mannered bookworm, with some simple educated woman, and a few children, living as close to off the grid and out of any worldly stuff as possible.  I... wasn't given that as an option.  And I couldn't wrest it from the world.  Everything I garnered that was was broken, died or was killed, or was stolen.  I had no chance from the start.  So... this... is how it went and how it is ending up.

Lunatic?  I... almost wish.  That would be easy.  There might even be a pill for it.  But, no.  Just a simple being in a very complex world, who understands far too much.  At least I found God, and He took me in.  His people?  Not... always so much... whichever group.  But, I'm not here, or in church when I can go, for their sakes.  Their company would be nice, but it... isn't necessary.  Nor their approval, or else, up to a point.  Fair enough to turn their backs, but even then hate is ill advised.

Here, there.  I... see.  All good though.  Everybody is trying?  I don't even worry too much about unseen stones.  Unlike a woman, I don't need the Christ to intervene.  I can only prayer that the one casting will come to wisdom... before death.  Even the greatest of saints have been stoned by those claiming the faith.  Amen.

Hmm... coffee!  Then... I don't know.  Looking about the web a bit, then gaming.  Hopefully dishes, and a shower, finally, today.  Trimming the beard?  Maybe a shave too?  Don't know, maybe.  If... I can do anything.  A short prayer to the faithful, and the unfaithful, that each will see, and act rightly, in their time.  For the ill, the healthy, the wealthy, and the poor, that each will live within their means correctly.  And just for people, to find wisdom.  Amen.

Oh, someone was talking about how some come to wealth while others wallow in poverty, or even middle class (which is mostly gone now).  The study came to the conclusion that luck played a larger role than anything else.  Far over skills, talent, and such.  If I would suggest who you know, are kin to, has more than even "luck".  

However, there is luck to it.  An analogy I find prescient for these things?  Who, in a war of attrition, survives the battlefield?  The strong?  Or will they be taking greater risks due to greater ability?  The fast, who while getting into danger quicker, can get out of it faster?  The slow, the stupid, the smart, the cowardly?  Who?  Find this answer, and you may well be on the way to finding who gets rich.  And... why.

Some people were born with a bullseye on their back.  For some it is fatal.  For some of us, it just makes us stronger?  Stranger?  Amen.