.
.
Well, yes and no. As I said, I will need to hit the pool until it warms, then hit the bike this summer. And yet I was able to work for my mother at quite a pace for three weeks. While three weeks of washing windows, moving furniture, hauling this or that, and just the up and down of commands, might not seem like much, you would have to meet my mother to understand. Three weeks! That was almost boot camp. Further, I was able to be up early quite some number of days, I drove to town on top of that and shopped while in town, some number of days each week, and there was more. So, yes, even as is, I can probably handle a week of strenuous demand. Though, I wasn't on medicines. Then again, medicines have usually helped, once the shake-down cruise is complete.
My doctor suggested, from doing his own personal stress test, that I was extremely fit (he brought someone else to help with me, in case I failed, due to my... on-paper delicate condition... by the way). I could easily have outpaced him if I had known the path. He thought my heart must have improved beyond the need for the cardiology/heart transplant clinic. While the heart did improve, it didn't improve enough to be moved from the clinic. True, I can't do that on a daily basis for long periods. But my mother showed what I can do and my doctor, after checking my heart and breathing afterward, was well pleased for his sake. No, boys and girls, Doom is not on death's door. I am not even gasping for air. Why? Don't look at me. I've offered some various possibilities, some you might accept, some you think are downright foolish. If you can come up with better reasons, I am all eyes.
Still, I really want to begin swimming this January. Even twice a week, to kick things off, would be good. I tried to ride the bicycle the year I got it, but... it was a bit much. And this year it was far too hot while I had no cooling, initially. The bike has two problems, for me. One, there is the simple physical shape required. The other problem is the oddness of sitting and balancing the thing after so many years of nary a pedal to foot. Neither, alone, is a show stopper, I think. Together they were a bit much. Swimming, I am hoping, will alleviate one of those two problems. Further, my guess is, once you attain a certain level of fitness and comfort in the saddle, as it were, you can probably nearly ride a bike for infinity. I can walk like that, and at a reasonably quick pace, at this point (if not hike on an incline, that is different). It hits 100 rather frequently here, in the summer, too. So that shouldn't be too much of a change, either. I handled the first few weeks, perhaps a month or two of that heat, here, before falling ill to it. I had no break from it here, though. The bike would merely add some serious speed potential.
I really am in it now. Beyond just figuring one or two things out, I am now up to... four or five or six major projects, some with their own subunits of consideration, some of which are mandatory (through investment or need), some of which might very well end up contradictory by costs, all of which are being settled into a scheme that is as fuzzy as thick fog at this point, but coming together in starts and fits anyway. Hmm, I've... had worse. And the projects are helping me to focus on clearing the odd air the medicines put up around me. I remember reading stories of Merlin. Among the things that struck me then, and now, was one of the common notions that he somehow lived his life backwards through time. He could remember the future, as well as any remembers their 'past', but the past was fuzzy, only partially accessible somehow. I sometimes... feel more like that than anything. Ah well, it adds to the curiosity of life, for me anyway. Of course, if I could actually remember the future I would be day-trading into a bazillionaire!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Church, you ask?
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.
Well, I didn't think that would happen, no matter what I did. I figured the alarm and great effort would simply traumatize my system. As I said, I didn't use the alarm. And, well, that was wise. I didn't naturally rise until 19:30, and that was a brutal thing as is. There is a chance to make it to Church in the morning though. My sleep schedule is simply awful. I make no promises. It is just on my mind.
I am figuring out how to take my medicine, and usually getting my potassium in too. That last is easy to forget, but can be taken any time during the 'day'. Care must be given not to over sample potassium though too. Especially since my potassium has risen from the just under the minimum to just over the minimum and on toward the center of regular blood levels. Some of this stuff is simply tricky to try to balance, more so with a single worldly day often being split into 1/2 to three of my sleep cycles. *BoYoAh!?!* At least I know this will pass, it is just a medicine reaction thing.
The thing is, I am, as usual, plugging away at trying to develop a more regular schedule. I am, honestly, still in complete freefall. I am looking for the hand holds, when I am of the mind to it, to try to latch on, to end the fall. So far, grabbing those hasn't even slowed my fall. Still, one of these times, when I grab, I might hold for a bit or change the rate of fall. If nothing else I don't see it as the exercise in futility it might seem to be, but more as a challenge that will eventually be taken in hand. Well, and the other thing is, I know the medicines are doing SOMETHING. Hehe. Boy do I know, if... for other reasons too! It also helps that, though I am freefalling through any kind of sleep schedule, I am thinking rather clearly and doing minor things on the side, including blogging, researching for various projects, reading! again, keeping up on medicine and the girls' needs, and such. Tain't bad for a little life out in the wilderness of time and space. Hmm, I've even noted a couple of available human doe that seem... interested. Was... was that... a tail flicker?!? Never you mind.
I am my own biology project. While I am not introducing scientific processes, due to dysfunction, I am at least giving it the ol' 'most likely', and 'could be', principles of targeting, guesstimating, trial and error, and such. It is rather like figuring out a parachute on the way down, but that is how I have always lived and enjoyed living. A little book learning, some verbal instructions, a short flight, some gear, a little push sometimes, and then... WEEEEE! Hehe. It was sort of like with engineering school. My health didn't support it, and when it wasn't boring from repetition (if at a rocket's pace) and exhausting, the sheer terror of prepping for three midterms or finals, after sleeping for a month, in a three-day period, was absolutely delicious. Try it sometime. When it worked it was I was rock solid for a good while. Nothing like pulling off the impossible. So this life now is a little slower, but it is still fun in it's own ways.
Well, off to... something. I keep looking for good coffee suppliers. Bulk green coffee, mostly for use in French, Italian, and Espresso roasts, is what I am after. Say in 50 pound blocks, of four types. I am finding it difficult to find the best coffees for those, that are in stock, or at correct prices. When I see blends going for $100 plus for 20 pounds, and yet see other beans going for 123-150 pounds at a quarter the pound price, it is pure frustration when I can't find the right beans at the right price and quantity. Working on it, though. My goal is to have one to two hundred pounds of the stuff laid up before the next year is out, but at the right price. I wish to neither negotiate too much on price or quality. Three different search engines are proving to be no hedge against gougers, crooks, confusion, and access, yet, though. Bleh. Oh, right. Later!
.
Well, I didn't think that would happen, no matter what I did. I figured the alarm and great effort would simply traumatize my system. As I said, I didn't use the alarm. And, well, that was wise. I didn't naturally rise until 19:30, and that was a brutal thing as is. There is a chance to make it to Church in the morning though. My sleep schedule is simply awful. I make no promises. It is just on my mind.
I am figuring out how to take my medicine, and usually getting my potassium in too. That last is easy to forget, but can be taken any time during the 'day'. Care must be given not to over sample potassium though too. Especially since my potassium has risen from the just under the minimum to just over the minimum and on toward the center of regular blood levels. Some of this stuff is simply tricky to try to balance, more so with a single worldly day often being split into 1/2 to three of my sleep cycles. *BoYoAh!?!* At least I know this will pass, it is just a medicine reaction thing.
The thing is, I am, as usual, plugging away at trying to develop a more regular schedule. I am, honestly, still in complete freefall. I am looking for the hand holds, when I am of the mind to it, to try to latch on, to end the fall. So far, grabbing those hasn't even slowed my fall. Still, one of these times, when I grab, I might hold for a bit or change the rate of fall. If nothing else I don't see it as the exercise in futility it might seem to be, but more as a challenge that will eventually be taken in hand. Well, and the other thing is, I know the medicines are doing SOMETHING. Hehe. Boy do I know, if... for other reasons too! It also helps that, though I am freefalling through any kind of sleep schedule, I am thinking rather clearly and doing minor things on the side, including blogging, researching for various projects, reading! again, keeping up on medicine and the girls' needs, and such. Tain't bad for a little life out in the wilderness of time and space. Hmm, I've even noted a couple of available human doe that seem... interested. Was... was that... a tail flicker?!? Never you mind.
I am my own biology project. While I am not introducing scientific processes, due to dysfunction, I am at least giving it the ol' 'most likely', and 'could be', principles of targeting, guesstimating, trial and error, and such. It is rather like figuring out a parachute on the way down, but that is how I have always lived and enjoyed living. A little book learning, some verbal instructions, a short flight, some gear, a little push sometimes, and then... WEEEEE! Hehe. It was sort of like with engineering school. My health didn't support it, and when it wasn't boring from repetition (if at a rocket's pace) and exhausting, the sheer terror of prepping for three midterms or finals, after sleeping for a month, in a three-day period, was absolutely delicious. Try it sometime. When it worked it was I was rock solid for a good while. Nothing like pulling off the impossible. So this life now is a little slower, but it is still fun in it's own ways.
Well, off to... something. I keep looking for good coffee suppliers. Bulk green coffee, mostly for use in French, Italian, and Espresso roasts, is what I am after. Say in 50 pound blocks, of four types. I am finding it difficult to find the best coffees for those, that are in stock, or at correct prices. When I see blends going for $100 plus for 20 pounds, and yet see other beans going for 123-150 pounds at a quarter the pound price, it is pure frustration when I can't find the right beans at the right price and quantity. Working on it, though. My goal is to have one to two hundred pounds of the stuff laid up before the next year is out, but at the right price. I wish to neither negotiate too much on price or quality. Three different search engines are proving to be no hedge against gougers, crooks, confusion, and access, yet, though. Bleh. Oh, right. Later!
Reading, sleep oddities, and other issues.
.
.
The consumption of the Screwtape Letters continues at a goodly pace. So much practical wisdom can be found in the book that I feel saddened that it is so late in life before I found myself finally obtaining a copy and digging in. Still, I am far from my deathbed and I have much to do. And... I am an old 'ship'. A little bolstering about the bow, or midships, after a good seasoning, is not such a bad thing either.
The book reminds me of things I have thought, clarifies other things I have considered, and points out tricks and traps I had previously missed. Some of it is upsetting. The notion of dulling a man, so that he neither knows nor cares, hits home. No, that is not how I live when well, but when ill. All I can see is gray, dust, nothing, and nowhere. I do realize though that as soon as I may I pick myself up and hurry to the next opportunity. My illness is my work, and like all, work sometimes does take precedents. Sometimes it is the net sum of what a man can do. Charity is fine, but to not work to make or earn what can be given, one becomes a charity case. Which is rather convoluted, considering my income is a source of charity like insurance. Oh, but some things I cannot dodge. I must take some things to heart. If too, some things that are offered are rejected in whole, part, or at least in the way I perceived them. It is, however, written from the viewpoint of a demon, so... that might be called to be expected.
While no true religious expert, no preacher of the Word, no great debater of the way, I am most certainly a shrewd thinker, a solidly faithful man, and I have some long history with the Word and the faith. My greatest weakness is in my association with other faithful. Uhrm, something I blame mostly on myself, though having an intricate nature, which can be used to ill affect, does play a role. In any case, in the reading of this book, I do find that many of the questions I have asked, and would have asked, are being covered. No man will solve the riddle of the Word, not in a lifetime or a hundred lifetimes. No, all we can do is search, seek, and be open to His Word, His will, and His way. Further, His way for me may literally not be His way for you. And further still, I do believe, His will happens, we only agree to be a party to it or not. Free will without free way. That is how I see it, mostly. Never mind. The thing is I feel I could have discussed the universe, people, and God, rather freely and easily with the author. C.S. Lewis and G.H. Chesterton would have made for fine men with whom to discuss much. And I think we all would have come away... better for it. No scholar, am I, but that might be the very point. No slight to scholars there at all, it is just that they are often much more formulaic, less... natural, or instinctive.
Sleep? Church today? I have been up since? And I slept ? hours before that. I honestly have no idea, or control, over my sleep, or wake time, at the moment. I am pretty sure I am about to crash. And I will set my alarm to give me time to attend Church. I am willing it to beyond spec tolerances. I am also sure that I have almost no say in the matter. It will be a form of luck, a touch of grace, not my will, that will see me into the pew next. I don't know that my priest understands. I am pretty sure God can see right into the guts of a man and knows the truth. Which, for me, is enough. Well, okay, it's a little much at times. But then, I never feel that lying would serve my purposes, not to others, not to myself. So... that is one advantage to the 'see right into the guts' notion. Oh, I have known folk who will look right into your eyes, while they are doing what they say they never do, telling you with a straight face that they don't do what they are doing. Never understood that, but it's there. On that note, I do believe I have decided not to set my alarm. I can't see trying for three hours to wake only to realize I am already an hour late, which... is most likely the best of outcomes and it really messes everything up.
Bed time. Oh, and don't worry. While I am compiling a list of needs and some wants for the trip, I am still focusing on getting the seedlings going. I may have to see if a neighbor will water the plants the week and a half or so that I am gone. I'll bet for some product, and maybe a small fee, one of the neighbor children would be happy to do so. Uhm, assuming the seedlings make it, then get planted, and that they last that long. Never mind, once again. Just... plotting and planning. Good... night, and day.
.
The consumption of the Screwtape Letters continues at a goodly pace. So much practical wisdom can be found in the book that I feel saddened that it is so late in life before I found myself finally obtaining a copy and digging in. Still, I am far from my deathbed and I have much to do. And... I am an old 'ship'. A little bolstering about the bow, or midships, after a good seasoning, is not such a bad thing either.
The book reminds me of things I have thought, clarifies other things I have considered, and points out tricks and traps I had previously missed. Some of it is upsetting. The notion of dulling a man, so that he neither knows nor cares, hits home. No, that is not how I live when well, but when ill. All I can see is gray, dust, nothing, and nowhere. I do realize though that as soon as I may I pick myself up and hurry to the next opportunity. My illness is my work, and like all, work sometimes does take precedents. Sometimes it is the net sum of what a man can do. Charity is fine, but to not work to make or earn what can be given, one becomes a charity case. Which is rather convoluted, considering my income is a source of charity like insurance. Oh, but some things I cannot dodge. I must take some things to heart. If too, some things that are offered are rejected in whole, part, or at least in the way I perceived them. It is, however, written from the viewpoint of a demon, so... that might be called to be expected.
While no true religious expert, no preacher of the Word, no great debater of the way, I am most certainly a shrewd thinker, a solidly faithful man, and I have some long history with the Word and the faith. My greatest weakness is in my association with other faithful. Uhrm, something I blame mostly on myself, though having an intricate nature, which can be used to ill affect, does play a role. In any case, in the reading of this book, I do find that many of the questions I have asked, and would have asked, are being covered. No man will solve the riddle of the Word, not in a lifetime or a hundred lifetimes. No, all we can do is search, seek, and be open to His Word, His will, and His way. Further, His way for me may literally not be His way for you. And further still, I do believe, His will happens, we only agree to be a party to it or not. Free will without free way. That is how I see it, mostly. Never mind. The thing is I feel I could have discussed the universe, people, and God, rather freely and easily with the author. C.S. Lewis and G.H. Chesterton would have made for fine men with whom to discuss much. And I think we all would have come away... better for it. No scholar, am I, but that might be the very point. No slight to scholars there at all, it is just that they are often much more formulaic, less... natural, or instinctive.
Sleep? Church today? I have been up since? And I slept ? hours before that. I honestly have no idea, or control, over my sleep, or wake time, at the moment. I am pretty sure I am about to crash. And I will set my alarm to give me time to attend Church. I am willing it to beyond spec tolerances. I am also sure that I have almost no say in the matter. It will be a form of luck, a touch of grace, not my will, that will see me into the pew next. I don't know that my priest understands. I am pretty sure God can see right into the guts of a man and knows the truth. Which, for me, is enough. Well, okay, it's a little much at times. But then, I never feel that lying would serve my purposes, not to others, not to myself. So... that is one advantage to the 'see right into the guts' notion. Oh, I have known folk who will look right into your eyes, while they are doing what they say they never do, telling you with a straight face that they don't do what they are doing. Never understood that, but it's there. On that note, I do believe I have decided not to set my alarm. I can't see trying for three hours to wake only to realize I am already an hour late, which... is most likely the best of outcomes and it really messes everything up.
Bed time. Oh, and don't worry. While I am compiling a list of needs and some wants for the trip, I am still focusing on getting the seedlings going. I may have to see if a neighbor will water the plants the week and a half or so that I am gone. I'll bet for some product, and maybe a small fee, one of the neighbor children would be happy to do so. Uhm, assuming the seedlings make it, then get planted, and that they last that long. Never mind, once again. Just... plotting and planning. Good... night, and day.
Food and various provisions for a week, plus.
.
.
Have you ever stopped to calculate how much food costs each meal, or day, or even per week? I have, or tried. The problem is, hamburger and beans and etc. this week, day, meal, costs a lot less than ribeye and potatoes, but they all cost more than a big batch of chili or tuna-mac. Urhm, I think? Trying to make sense of that is just not my area. I honestly have no idea how much I spend, save that $200 twice a month is slim and $650 or more is easy if I don't pay attention, at least when I was trying to do all the cooking myself (threw a lot of good food gone bad away though, if too I would have eaten it save for dishes having me in a corner). Oh, sure, a wife would probably tame that right down... being that she would probably have other plans for the money. I would love to, myself, but it's just not a man-thing. I have tired, just... I can use a vacuum cleaner sooner than do a grocery list... budget... thing.
Still, I know that for three squares, which I never do, but lets work with that, and even with a woman doing the budgeting and buying and such, costs a fairly nice shiny coin. My guess is that at 3k calories a day, on the moderate to meek side of the budget, and with balance in mind, $15-$30 isn't out of line at all per day (and, yes, 3k, perhaps as high as 3.5k-4k, for me, is maintenance). Now, how much would food on the go, out there, travel food, cost? If you said more you are correct. Even eating at the least expensive places, to fully cover appetite, say at McDonalds, it would cost me between $25 and $40 a day. A real restaurant would be much more. And a special venue would be astronomical. So, how would $12.28 per day, for three squares, on the road, work? Perfectly, if you ask me. A week of three MRE meals per day, plus tidbits such as napkins, utensils, drinks, sides, and deserts for $86 would be the ticket. Most likely I would have food left over, for the pantry. Good for hiking and such, if I can get to it after the trip. Well, and not bad to have around for the days/weeks where cooking just isn't happening.
Oh, if you want one, I could always order an extra MRE kit for you, D.C. I pay much less in shipping, and since I will be driving that way anyway... Anything else you might want from there I could probably get too. I think I only pay $6.95 shipping, regardless of order size. That shipping price included the year's supply of grains and legumes, iirc. Though if you plan on buying three year's supply of stuff... well... we would have to... discuss that. Heh.
Oh, not to say I wouldn't like to bring other things, a few salami for example, perhaps some cheeses that haven't been embalmed. :p And of course there are other things to consider. It might be fun to bring beans and lentils and such, and the rocket stove, just to see how that truly works? I might even just take powdered milk rather than trying to fuss with fresh. Save that it would be fun to see how well an alternative refrigerator or two really would work. A desert science lab? A prepper's self-schooling opportunity? There are probably other foods that would be good, fun, or simply delicious to take as well. I won't be without my butter, but canned butter or ghee would do just fine. And whole coffee beans, my grinder, and probably a french press would work best. Gotta have my coffee since soda just, probably, won't do well in that heat. Might even be a little dangerous?
Yes, yes, I haven't been this into a project in a while. Damned the money, inconvenience, and the rest of it, all sails and full steam ahead. I have... places to go, things to see, and people to irritate! I will have to slow down and do some real taking of stock soon. I will be taking, pretty much, most of my camping gear minus a tent. I will be taking bits of both cold and warm weather gear. I do have some rope, though I am not sure it is the best for tying down a camper. I will have to collect, audit, contain, and bolster my first aid kit, to include bug repellant(s), sun block, and other asunder. Why so early? Last time, going on the blind, taking without thinking, worked fine. This time it is a little more complicated. And being, essentially, in the middle of nowhere, living even in a camper not at a home, with no phone access (which doesn't mean much to me, actually, save emergencies though that will be covered), the thing becomes just a bit more serious. Though, too, I don't want to take too much, either. At least we don't have to hump our gear a couple decades of miles, or even clicks. Still, a decent back pack full (which nicely converts to full pack with side "rockets" down to even a single "rocket" in the sling for day use), maybe another pack of some sort, but... not too much more, save for water and food. They suggest, at a minimum, 1.5 gallons, per person, per day. Hmm, by seven that is 10.5 gallons. I am thinking more along the lines of about 3 gallons per day, being a true desert, and just in case, plus the possibility someone else might need a drop. Since I'm not having to tote it I am more inclined to bring enough to share. So, 21 gallons per person? Yes... Oh, sorry, just thinking.
Yes, I am getting excited. Oh, and I would have to discuss things with my adventure partner. Some things, like water, will be somewhat dependent upon the buggy chosen. It is just that, at the beginning of the road, everything seems possible. And, it is all possible. It probably isn't all doable. Maybe. Depending on how high or off one aims I suppose.
.
Have you ever stopped to calculate how much food costs each meal, or day, or even per week? I have, or tried. The problem is, hamburger and beans and etc. this week, day, meal, costs a lot less than ribeye and potatoes, but they all cost more than a big batch of chili or tuna-mac. Urhm, I think? Trying to make sense of that is just not my area. I honestly have no idea how much I spend, save that $200 twice a month is slim and $650 or more is easy if I don't pay attention, at least when I was trying to do all the cooking myself (threw a lot of good food gone bad away though, if too I would have eaten it save for dishes having me in a corner). Oh, sure, a wife would probably tame that right down... being that she would probably have other plans for the money. I would love to, myself, but it's just not a man-thing. I have tired, just... I can use a vacuum cleaner sooner than do a grocery list... budget... thing.
Still, I know that for three squares, which I never do, but lets work with that, and even with a woman doing the budgeting and buying and such, costs a fairly nice shiny coin. My guess is that at 3k calories a day, on the moderate to meek side of the budget, and with balance in mind, $15-$30 isn't out of line at all per day (and, yes, 3k, perhaps as high as 3.5k-4k, for me, is maintenance). Now, how much would food on the go, out there, travel food, cost? If you said more you are correct. Even eating at the least expensive places, to fully cover appetite, say at McDonalds, it would cost me between $25 and $40 a day. A real restaurant would be much more. And a special venue would be astronomical. So, how would $12.28 per day, for three squares, on the road, work? Perfectly, if you ask me. A week of three MRE meals per day, plus tidbits such as napkins, utensils, drinks, sides, and deserts for $86 would be the ticket. Most likely I would have food left over, for the pantry. Good for hiking and such, if I can get to it after the trip. Well, and not bad to have around for the days/weeks where cooking just isn't happening.
Oh, if you want one, I could always order an extra MRE kit for you, D.C. I pay much less in shipping, and since I will be driving that way anyway... Anything else you might want from there I could probably get too. I think I only pay $6.95 shipping, regardless of order size. That shipping price included the year's supply of grains and legumes, iirc. Though if you plan on buying three year's supply of stuff... well... we would have to... discuss that. Heh.
Oh, not to say I wouldn't like to bring other things, a few salami for example, perhaps some cheeses that haven't been embalmed. :p And of course there are other things to consider. It might be fun to bring beans and lentils and such, and the rocket stove, just to see how that truly works? I might even just take powdered milk rather than trying to fuss with fresh. Save that it would be fun to see how well an alternative refrigerator or two really would work. A desert science lab? A prepper's self-schooling opportunity? There are probably other foods that would be good, fun, or simply delicious to take as well. I won't be without my butter, but canned butter or ghee would do just fine. And whole coffee beans, my grinder, and probably a french press would work best. Gotta have my coffee since soda just, probably, won't do well in that heat. Might even be a little dangerous?
Yes, yes, I haven't been this into a project in a while. Damned the money, inconvenience, and the rest of it, all sails and full steam ahead. I have... places to go, things to see, and people to irritate! I will have to slow down and do some real taking of stock soon. I will be taking, pretty much, most of my camping gear minus a tent. I will be taking bits of both cold and warm weather gear. I do have some rope, though I am not sure it is the best for tying down a camper. I will have to collect, audit, contain, and bolster my first aid kit, to include bug repellant(s), sun block, and other asunder. Why so early? Last time, going on the blind, taking without thinking, worked fine. This time it is a little more complicated. And being, essentially, in the middle of nowhere, living even in a camper not at a home, with no phone access (which doesn't mean much to me, actually, save emergencies though that will be covered), the thing becomes just a bit more serious. Though, too, I don't want to take too much, either. At least we don't have to hump our gear a couple decades of miles, or even clicks. Still, a decent back pack full (which nicely converts to full pack with side "rockets" down to even a single "rocket" in the sling for day use), maybe another pack of some sort, but... not too much more, save for water and food. They suggest, at a minimum, 1.5 gallons, per person, per day. Hmm, by seven that is 10.5 gallons. I am thinking more along the lines of about 3 gallons per day, being a true desert, and just in case, plus the possibility someone else might need a drop. Since I'm not having to tote it I am more inclined to bring enough to share. So, 21 gallons per person? Yes... Oh, sorry, just thinking.
Yes, I am getting excited. Oh, and I would have to discuss things with my adventure partner. Some things, like water, will be somewhat dependent upon the buggy chosen. It is just that, at the beginning of the road, everything seems possible. And, it is all possible. It probably isn't all doable. Maybe. Depending on how high or off one aims I suppose.
In the tank.
.
.
After having been shown what to use to download videos, and tinkering with varieties of such, I finally got to it tonight. I had thought it would be a very unhappy chore. But that wasn't the only reason for the stall. I've been sleeping and needing it. I simply haven't been up to thinking things through and getting to them. It happens. Finally I set out to see if I could get a few YouTube videos into memory. Hmm, not bad, says I. So, I did a few more. Watching the videos on the browser while they were being downloaded to the hdd made the task eminently more pleasurable. This loaner computer is barely up to the task but... it came through for me, with only a bit of time-out frustration. As it turns out there are only, perhaps, thirty songs to which the videos were worth downloading. Most of them I have in my CD collection, so I have no guilt that way, come to think of it. Usually the download was done before the video quite playing, save on a few that were in true 1k hd, even the 720 hd were a bit long to download. No complaints, really. I did test my download function, for my cable. I'm hitting 12.5, which is... pretty good actually. Upload time seems a bit slow, but I don't use that feature to any real extent.
All through this process I was thinking it was either early Saturday or late Sunday. A review of data on my smartphone, or two, finally clarified that it was merely evening on a Friday. All good, it means I didn't miss Mass tomorrow, if I did today. I slept... pretty much all day, and long again considering when I went to bed but more so on top of the fact that I have been sleeping like a winter bear. I realize too, I am as hungry as a bear. I'll have to figure something for food. While I can go without food for days and weeks, if I consciously realize that hunger, it hurts like few things I know. That doesn't always motivate me, but... this time I am feeling the hunger before the real pain starts, and I am looking to avoid the pains. Yeah, I suppose I am an odd critter, but... and?
I have been looking for some things to take to the Black Rock Desert. Oh, they can have serious weather, it is a high desert, the days are hot and often over a 100 while the nights are cold by comparison, dipping into the 40s. First thing is to make sure I have real clothes, gear, and such, for the practicalities. Now, being a part time prepper and an outdoor enthusiast if I haven't done as much as I should like of those, I do have a pretty serious set of gear. I will do some checks. I know my med-kit could use some things. And there might be another hole or three that could be filled or whole kitted out. But in the main, I should be fine on the practical side.
Now, on the fashion side? Hmm, my leather trench might be fine, engineering boots up to my knees might go, and I do have a few trinkets and clothes that work double duty as fashion and practicum. But, there are large holes in this part of the event. I won't be going with a Church group, if at least one fellow Christian will be there. This isn't a public or typical social event either. Now, I have defined limits, as to His will, but those limits are rather lenient and reasonable. He has never said we can't play, have fun, or goof. So, to those ends, I have been shopping around. Oh, I certainly won't take everything I see. I couldn't afford it, and wouldn't afford it anyway. If some of it might have double duty, perhaps working with Renaissance festivals, it has a better chance. Even then, that would be quite a lot. Still, just like shopping for a cruise, or a special trip perhaps, I am looking for a few items to enhance the experience. Some of it is Christian enough that there won't be too much doubt. It is fun to look, to see what has become of that world, a world I used to know.
The other thing I need to consider is food, water, and various other consumables for the trip. They do not provide water even. No, this will have to be carefully considered. While they might sell things, like ice, you can bet between transporting that in and gouging the heck out of poor planners, it would behoove me and my wallet to plan ahead as best as I can. Dry ice is an excellent thing, and done right it can last a good long time. Being a prepper, I have become aware of alternative methods of doing things, too. Zeer pots would be preferred, I think. Food, of course. I have some foods, as is, that pack well, split out easily, and would work nicely for such a short time as a week. I am thinking about getting some MRE's to fill that out, though, too. Make the mundane easy so as to enjoy the funner parts a little better.
What world did I used to know? Ah, vampire clubs before they were ever called such. Places of invitation only parties where... the world simply was. No violence allowed, save the ones in the 'corner' who were into minor events amongst themselves. Pretty much anything was game, and available. Unlike today, these things were never held in the same place. Each event was it's own. That kept the non-invites, non-re-invites, and rejects out. It was sort of like what is shown in this vid, only... I never saw kids in a cage. Not that they might not have been there, with mum and dad around to keep an eye on them, just that I never saw such. The rest of it? Pretty typical. Yeah, a different life. Oh, no, it really wasn't evil, just... people searching, figuring things out, and simply enjoying who and what we were.
.
After having been shown what to use to download videos, and tinkering with varieties of such, I finally got to it tonight. I had thought it would be a very unhappy chore. But that wasn't the only reason for the stall. I've been sleeping and needing it. I simply haven't been up to thinking things through and getting to them. It happens. Finally I set out to see if I could get a few YouTube videos into memory. Hmm, not bad, says I. So, I did a few more. Watching the videos on the browser while they were being downloaded to the hdd made the task eminently more pleasurable. This loaner computer is barely up to the task but... it came through for me, with only a bit of time-out frustration. As it turns out there are only, perhaps, thirty songs to which the videos were worth downloading. Most of them I have in my CD collection, so I have no guilt that way, come to think of it. Usually the download was done before the video quite playing, save on a few that were in true 1k hd, even the 720 hd were a bit long to download. No complaints, really. I did test my download function, for my cable. I'm hitting 12.5, which is... pretty good actually. Upload time seems a bit slow, but I don't use that feature to any real extent.
All through this process I was thinking it was either early Saturday or late Sunday. A review of data on my smartphone, or two, finally clarified that it was merely evening on a Friday. All good, it means I didn't miss Mass tomorrow, if I did today. I slept... pretty much all day, and long again considering when I went to bed but more so on top of the fact that I have been sleeping like a winter bear. I realize too, I am as hungry as a bear. I'll have to figure something for food. While I can go without food for days and weeks, if I consciously realize that hunger, it hurts like few things I know. That doesn't always motivate me, but... this time I am feeling the hunger before the real pain starts, and I am looking to avoid the pains. Yeah, I suppose I am an odd critter, but... and?
I have been looking for some things to take to the Black Rock Desert. Oh, they can have serious weather, it is a high desert, the days are hot and often over a 100 while the nights are cold by comparison, dipping into the 40s. First thing is to make sure I have real clothes, gear, and such, for the practicalities. Now, being a part time prepper and an outdoor enthusiast if I haven't done as much as I should like of those, I do have a pretty serious set of gear. I will do some checks. I know my med-kit could use some things. And there might be another hole or three that could be filled or whole kitted out. But in the main, I should be fine on the practical side.
Now, on the fashion side? Hmm, my leather trench might be fine, engineering boots up to my knees might go, and I do have a few trinkets and clothes that work double duty as fashion and practicum. But, there are large holes in this part of the event. I won't be going with a Church group, if at least one fellow Christian will be there. This isn't a public or typical social event either. Now, I have defined limits, as to His will, but those limits are rather lenient and reasonable. He has never said we can't play, have fun, or goof. So, to those ends, I have been shopping around. Oh, I certainly won't take everything I see. I couldn't afford it, and wouldn't afford it anyway. If some of it might have double duty, perhaps working with Renaissance festivals, it has a better chance. Even then, that would be quite a lot. Still, just like shopping for a cruise, or a special trip perhaps, I am looking for a few items to enhance the experience. Some of it is Christian enough that there won't be too much doubt. It is fun to look, to see what has become of that world, a world I used to know.
The other thing I need to consider is food, water, and various other consumables for the trip. They do not provide water even. No, this will have to be carefully considered. While they might sell things, like ice, you can bet between transporting that in and gouging the heck out of poor planners, it would behoove me and my wallet to plan ahead as best as I can. Dry ice is an excellent thing, and done right it can last a good long time. Being a prepper, I have become aware of alternative methods of doing things, too. Zeer pots would be preferred, I think. Food, of course. I have some foods, as is, that pack well, split out easily, and would work nicely for such a short time as a week. I am thinking about getting some MRE's to fill that out, though, too. Make the mundane easy so as to enjoy the funner parts a little better.
What world did I used to know? Ah, vampire clubs before they were ever called such. Places of invitation only parties where... the world simply was. No violence allowed, save the ones in the 'corner' who were into minor events amongst themselves. Pretty much anything was game, and available. Unlike today, these things were never held in the same place. Each event was it's own. That kept the non-invites, non-re-invites, and rejects out. It was sort of like what is shown in this vid, only... I never saw kids in a cage. Not that they might not have been there, with mum and dad around to keep an eye on them, just that I never saw such. The rest of it? Pretty typical. Yeah, a different life. Oh, no, it really wasn't evil, just... people searching, figuring things out, and simply enjoying who and what we were.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Now it is heavy sleep that is eating me.
.
.
My cycle has been, mostly, staying up half days and sleeping about four hours. That model, I am told by management, is no longer fashionable. No! We are on to sleeping full plus cycles while staying up as little as four hours. It would be nice if they would mention this before the switch. Taking medicine became a bit trickier, as does getting food down. Feeding the girls has even become a trick. Knowing what day it is is a fun old game with new rules. This too shall pass. Friday, still, or again, or... something. Sleeping too much is rude to my body. That does cause aches, I see now. But alarm clocks and wanting to be up, targeting times in my mind and such, have zero impact on things. My alarm did wake me today, two hours after it started ringing, and probably only then because Sassy came in and added her help. Actually, this time, I was quite grateful for her help. Ugh.
Oh, not complaining. If this is helping my heart, and it seems to be if slowly, then I will endure this. A six percent improvement isn't much, but it is enough for the moment. And that six percent is in a form that is dubious... the real improvement is nearly double that in terms most people would truly understand. My bp was better in some ways today, 138/100 or so. If that bottom number falls, even to 80, I am in top shape. Then I will be in a position to conscientiously veto any further med increases save one I would allow, knowing I am doing as good as I can, for a while anyway. We will see what swimming brings. That may help as well. They have a full day of lap swim schedule, off and on, so I should be able to swim two or three times a week regardless of my weird sleep patterns, if I can just have enough energy to simply get there.
I feel sorry for the people who have nowhere to go with their health. Those who can't live on their own at all. I have done everything I know how to keep from being like that. If I am not sure such things are in our hands, really. The fit, right-eating, man who gets paralyzed by accidentally stepping in front of a bus. The woman who does everything right only to have a freak embolism from a bruise from an happenstance oddity in life cause her a career-ending stroke. Let alone those who do everything right to no good ends anyway, simply having their body begin to die, fail, pump out the wrong number of various hormones, or begin growing cancers, all for no known reason at all. And of course death is never too far, whether sought or avoided. And even death cannot be commanded, one way or the other. In the world of recorded history of man I am already nearly an ancient. A thing many seem to forget. Even in my own youth it was not uncommon for folk to not live long enough to see their great grand children. Four generations, alive at once, was considered a minor miracle when I was growing up. Now it's all but expected. So my issues sort of need to be put into perspective. And, I suppose, our medical field has to be given some serious thanks. That last I tend to forget in my knotted little world of exhaustion, sleep oddities, physical aches, headaches, and such.
Well, on to... who knows. I will probably continue to use that day lamp to read by at least once a day, and for Latin lessons when I restart those. I don't know if it will end up doing any good at all, but it sure makes reading easier. And, after all, I actually still enjoy reading. I just won't go full throttle as I did before I was ill. My guess is I read up to seven, maybe nine, books a week back then. Even as a child I didn't read the candy cane teen books, but mostly classics, even the "boring" ones. Especially the boring ones, they were interesting to me. A book or two a week would be fine for me, at this point. But I will have to work up to that. Hmm, mix and match? A fun reader such as the Screwtape Letters followed by one of the econ books? Yes, that might work. What I found with reading is, even if you end up having to screw your face up to read, if it is a book you "should read", then just deciding to do it, then doing it, is the best way to go. Picking and choosing leads to the bottom very quickly.
Good day.
.
My cycle has been, mostly, staying up half days and sleeping about four hours. That model, I am told by management, is no longer fashionable. No! We are on to sleeping full plus cycles while staying up as little as four hours. It would be nice if they would mention this before the switch. Taking medicine became a bit trickier, as does getting food down. Feeding the girls has even become a trick. Knowing what day it is is a fun old game with new rules. This too shall pass. Friday, still, or again, or... something. Sleeping too much is rude to my body. That does cause aches, I see now. But alarm clocks and wanting to be up, targeting times in my mind and such, have zero impact on things. My alarm did wake me today, two hours after it started ringing, and probably only then because Sassy came in and added her help. Actually, this time, I was quite grateful for her help. Ugh.
Oh, not complaining. If this is helping my heart, and it seems to be if slowly, then I will endure this. A six percent improvement isn't much, but it is enough for the moment. And that six percent is in a form that is dubious... the real improvement is nearly double that in terms most people would truly understand. My bp was better in some ways today, 138/100 or so. If that bottom number falls, even to 80, I am in top shape. Then I will be in a position to conscientiously veto any further med increases save one I would allow, knowing I am doing as good as I can, for a while anyway. We will see what swimming brings. That may help as well. They have a full day of lap swim schedule, off and on, so I should be able to swim two or three times a week regardless of my weird sleep patterns, if I can just have enough energy to simply get there.
I feel sorry for the people who have nowhere to go with their health. Those who can't live on their own at all. I have done everything I know how to keep from being like that. If I am not sure such things are in our hands, really. The fit, right-eating, man who gets paralyzed by accidentally stepping in front of a bus. The woman who does everything right only to have a freak embolism from a bruise from an happenstance oddity in life cause her a career-ending stroke. Let alone those who do everything right to no good ends anyway, simply having their body begin to die, fail, pump out the wrong number of various hormones, or begin growing cancers, all for no known reason at all. And of course death is never too far, whether sought or avoided. And even death cannot be commanded, one way or the other. In the world of recorded history of man I am already nearly an ancient. A thing many seem to forget. Even in my own youth it was not uncommon for folk to not live long enough to see their great grand children. Four generations, alive at once, was considered a minor miracle when I was growing up. Now it's all but expected. So my issues sort of need to be put into perspective. And, I suppose, our medical field has to be given some serious thanks. That last I tend to forget in my knotted little world of exhaustion, sleep oddities, physical aches, headaches, and such.
Well, on to... who knows. I will probably continue to use that day lamp to read by at least once a day, and for Latin lessons when I restart those. I don't know if it will end up doing any good at all, but it sure makes reading easier. And, after all, I actually still enjoy reading. I just won't go full throttle as I did before I was ill. My guess is I read up to seven, maybe nine, books a week back then. Even as a child I didn't read the candy cane teen books, but mostly classics, even the "boring" ones. Especially the boring ones, they were interesting to me. A book or two a week would be fine for me, at this point. But I will have to work up to that. Hmm, mix and match? A fun reader such as the Screwtape Letters followed by one of the econ books? Yes, that might work. What I found with reading is, even if you end up having to screw your face up to read, if it is a book you "should read", then just deciding to do it, then doing it, is the best way to go. Picking and choosing leads to the bottom very quickly.
Good day.
Hmm, sleep is just weird.
.
.
I stayed up well past the time I wanted to try to sleep. Hitting 22:30, I finally packed my bags and headed for the pillows. Sleep set on rather nicely. It was quick, not too much rolling around, and before I knew it, lights out. I have no idea why, but at around 12:00 or 1:00 and change I woke and that was that. No going back to bed. I wasn't hungry or thirsty, I didn't need to use the restroom, nothing. No dreams, no thoughts, no reason at all. So, I am up.
While up, I decided to investigate the mystery of the non-appearing confirmation emails. I went to the Burning Man ticket site, to see if there were problems with confirmation emails not going out. I checked a few other places. Of course I checked my email again. I noticed an email from my friend, asking for details about the purloined confirmation emails. I was going over some of the details of why I wanted him to check his email, then I thought... You know... it could be in spam? Bingo. Four, beautiful, identical save for the time stamp, confirmation emails. AND a sale on handbags I coulda missed! ;p So, remembering the God Father movies, I dropped the confirmation emails and grabbed the... no, no, it was grabbed the confirmation emails and dropped the bag. Right! I forwarded that on. Should be there for when he wakes. I hope it didn't give him a rough sleep. It wasn't what woke me, and it didn't bother me, I knew it had worked. I just wanted him to know it had. Gosh those tickets were spendy though.
Still, it's good to have that out of the way. Now to figure out sleep. I am simply assuming that medicine is still getting settled. If I remember correctly, it can take a month or more after each increase. And the higher the dose the longer it takes. Plus, I have been shifting my medicines upward at a rocket's pace compared to how I did it that first time. The first time it took... six months or more? or seemed to... to do what I have done in a month or two. Well, it seems like I have ratcheted up the medicines much much faster, in any case. Yeah.
This weekend is the Christmas Show. I really am aiming to be there. I know what time it is, and the day and date. So long as I can keep track of the current day and date, and create a glide path for it, I am pretty sure I can be there. That really is tricky for me, even with only a few days left, simply because I can have one to three "days" in any given 24-hour period. I am also hoping to make it to Church today or tomorrow. That is trickier, in my delicate condition, as it requires contemplating a variable window (drive) time. Yeah, I know. But that really is a ball buster for me. Oh, probably not the best language to use about getting to Church, but it's absolutely honest. Hmm, if I make it to Church, perhaps I will see if my friend needs to get out afterward. With nothing on my agenda I could be his driver and personal assistant, unfettered by my own concerns. That makes things a lot easier for me.
Good... something or other. Neither good day nor good night? Shoot me running, minus the running part. Heh.
.
I stayed up well past the time I wanted to try to sleep. Hitting 22:30, I finally packed my bags and headed for the pillows. Sleep set on rather nicely. It was quick, not too much rolling around, and before I knew it, lights out. I have no idea why, but at around 12:00 or 1:00 and change I woke and that was that. No going back to bed. I wasn't hungry or thirsty, I didn't need to use the restroom, nothing. No dreams, no thoughts, no reason at all. So, I am up.
While up, I decided to investigate the mystery of the non-appearing confirmation emails. I went to the Burning Man ticket site, to see if there were problems with confirmation emails not going out. I checked a few other places. Of course I checked my email again. I noticed an email from my friend, asking for details about the purloined confirmation emails. I was going over some of the details of why I wanted him to check his email, then I thought... You know... it could be in spam? Bingo. Four, beautiful, identical save for the time stamp, confirmation emails. AND a sale on handbags I coulda missed! ;p So, remembering the God Father movies, I dropped the confirmation emails and grabbed the... no, no, it was grabbed the confirmation emails and dropped the bag. Right! I forwarded that on. Should be there for when he wakes. I hope it didn't give him a rough sleep. It wasn't what woke me, and it didn't bother me, I knew it had worked. I just wanted him to know it had. Gosh those tickets were spendy though.
Still, it's good to have that out of the way. Now to figure out sleep. I am simply assuming that medicine is still getting settled. If I remember correctly, it can take a month or more after each increase. And the higher the dose the longer it takes. Plus, I have been shifting my medicines upward at a rocket's pace compared to how I did it that first time. The first time it took... six months or more? or seemed to... to do what I have done in a month or two. Well, it seems like I have ratcheted up the medicines much much faster, in any case. Yeah.
This weekend is the Christmas Show. I really am aiming to be there. I know what time it is, and the day and date. So long as I can keep track of the current day and date, and create a glide path for it, I am pretty sure I can be there. That really is tricky for me, even with only a few days left, simply because I can have one to three "days" in any given 24-hour period. I am also hoping to make it to Church today or tomorrow. That is trickier, in my delicate condition, as it requires contemplating a variable window (drive) time. Yeah, I know. But that really is a ball buster for me. Oh, probably not the best language to use about getting to Church, but it's absolutely honest. Hmm, if I make it to Church, perhaps I will see if my friend needs to get out afterward. With nothing on my agenda I could be his driver and personal assistant, unfettered by my own concerns. That makes things a lot easier for me.
Good... something or other. Neither good day nor good night? Shoot me running, minus the running part. Heh.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Passion, she is back!
.
.
I have written about a couple of difficulties and solution sets lately, some of them as pairs some as separate devices, relating to passion, love, desire. As well, mixed in there I have written about a returning of desire that is blindingly, crushingly, potent. Perhaps it is the medicine, but just as possibly it is the heart being somewhat repaired and heading for even better, added to what that does in my mind, hope, considerations for the future. Whatever the case, the culmination of thoughts, the frequency of the firing, the sense of there being meaning to them, it's shaking and stirring me. My old foundations may have to be revised.
I am not sure, of anything. I do know something is, all about, stirring me to the games of life, the loves of a woman, the chase, the hunt, the search, and very possibly a find. As each piece has fallen into place, the next has appeared and fallen into it's place, until finally I have the means, motive, and perhaps the opportunity. A woman I have written about previously, though I will give no other clue about her, was seen today. For the first time, and without thinking of it at the time, I noted she had no rings on her fingers. None. Not one. This evening, as I was considering things... I suspect a trap. A trap I may well jump into and wiggle past the one-way trap bars to wedge myself into fully. Hells yeah. And in my recent post I explained some of the how of it. But it starts at the start... How boring, but as I have matured as a man, so necessary... I see now.
Hungry, and I think I saw honey in that there bee hive. Damn the bees, full speed ahead. We will see. But after Christmas I am going to make a grab for a first encounter of teh crazy kind. How odd that someone that close, seen that often, with her attitude and seeming interest... went totally unnoticed... Well, not totally. Simply overlooked as... a potential. I must be daft! Wait, yeah, okay, we knew that. But... Never mind. And HUSH! I'm huntin' wabbit!
.
I have written about a couple of difficulties and solution sets lately, some of them as pairs some as separate devices, relating to passion, love, desire. As well, mixed in there I have written about a returning of desire that is blindingly, crushingly, potent. Perhaps it is the medicine, but just as possibly it is the heart being somewhat repaired and heading for even better, added to what that does in my mind, hope, considerations for the future. Whatever the case, the culmination of thoughts, the frequency of the firing, the sense of there being meaning to them, it's shaking and stirring me. My old foundations may have to be revised.
I am not sure, of anything. I do know something is, all about, stirring me to the games of life, the loves of a woman, the chase, the hunt, the search, and very possibly a find. As each piece has fallen into place, the next has appeared and fallen into it's place, until finally I have the means, motive, and perhaps the opportunity. A woman I have written about previously, though I will give no other clue about her, was seen today. For the first time, and without thinking of it at the time, I noted she had no rings on her fingers. None. Not one. This evening, as I was considering things... I suspect a trap. A trap I may well jump into and wiggle past the one-way trap bars to wedge myself into fully. Hells yeah. And in my recent post I explained some of the how of it. But it starts at the start... How boring, but as I have matured as a man, so necessary... I see now.
Hungry, and I think I saw honey in that there bee hive. Damn the bees, full speed ahead. We will see. But after Christmas I am going to make a grab for a first encounter of teh crazy kind. How odd that someone that close, seen that often, with her attitude and seeming interest... went totally unnoticed... Well, not totally. Simply overlooked as... a potential. I must be daft! Wait, yeah, okay, we knew that. But... Never mind. And HUSH! I'm huntin' wabbit!
Aww... It didn't happen?
.
.
No way! Yes way! I think for the first time in my life I am going to an event. Okay, so it probably isn't an event just anyone, certainly not everyone, would like to attend. Full of ragged hippies, crazy artists, lost souls (there is always... possibilities with these), and some folk like me I am sure. Lost souls who found their way back home, there to remember another time, way, and even to celebrate being saved from much of that? Who knows, something. Well, and as you have for certain ascertained by this point, I am not normal in any fashion, sense, or way... if the Lord knows, twere it to me, I probably would be. But it is not. In any case, the deal is at least on the tracks. The first thing is to get tickets. See, but tickets are scarce, expensive, and really both (of course if you understand the simplest notions of supply and demand as regards price within economics). Between my friend and myself, his foresight and for now my cash, the tickets were purchased. And, I think we can come to terms with repayment, or how that can be handled, and both be comfortable with the cash flow. If all else fails, the tickets can be put up for resale easily, so I won't lose a thing. Few gambles are this easy.
Now, to get them to send the darned confirmation though. My guess is their system is quite busy. Today is the first day of sales and these things must be flying off the internet. I doubt if their confirmation system is all that robust, and it certainly wouldn't be as fast as sales. Take the cash, THEN offer a receipt. Repeat this a dozen times if you don't understand, at least you will simply know.
In spite of having used the sun lamp I am fading fast. It is an excellent reading lamp, albeit. Still, I will stay awake long enough to send the confirmation along... whenever it arrives... Probably. Hmm, I'll give it a couple two or three hours anyway.
My mission, should I choose it, is to dig into swimming until it warms. That is to start in January, as with all expenses of late I want to get some fresh money tucked away, and no more out until then. Then continue with swimming, if slightly less so as to hit bicycling. The only means of allowable transport there is walking and biking, and the place is rather large... housing 48k people, with large arenas for various events, performances, displays, and who knows what else. Oh, so who will I be? Well, just me. Though throw on the face paint of a solid warrior, some of the clothes of a goth, some of a Renaissance figure, if more on the tech and religious side of things somehow, and... that would be me. I might even have to get a real mowhawk for this. Hmm, we'll see, in truth.
.
No way! Yes way! I think for the first time in my life I am going to an event. Okay, so it probably isn't an event just anyone, certainly not everyone, would like to attend. Full of ragged hippies, crazy artists, lost souls (there is always... possibilities with these), and some folk like me I am sure. Lost souls who found their way back home, there to remember another time, way, and even to celebrate being saved from much of that? Who knows, something. Well, and as you have for certain ascertained by this point, I am not normal in any fashion, sense, or way... if the Lord knows, twere it to me, I probably would be. But it is not. In any case, the deal is at least on the tracks. The first thing is to get tickets. See, but tickets are scarce, expensive, and really both (of course if you understand the simplest notions of supply and demand as regards price within economics). Between my friend and myself, his foresight and for now my cash, the tickets were purchased. And, I think we can come to terms with repayment, or how that can be handled, and both be comfortable with the cash flow. If all else fails, the tickets can be put up for resale easily, so I won't lose a thing. Few gambles are this easy.
Now, to get them to send the darned confirmation though. My guess is their system is quite busy. Today is the first day of sales and these things must be flying off the internet. I doubt if their confirmation system is all that robust, and it certainly wouldn't be as fast as sales. Take the cash, THEN offer a receipt. Repeat this a dozen times if you don't understand, at least you will simply know.
In spite of having used the sun lamp I am fading fast. It is an excellent reading lamp, albeit. Still, I will stay awake long enough to send the confirmation along... whenever it arrives... Probably. Hmm, I'll give it a couple two or three hours anyway.
My mission, should I choose it, is to dig into swimming until it warms. That is to start in January, as with all expenses of late I want to get some fresh money tucked away, and no more out until then. Then continue with swimming, if slightly less so as to hit bicycling. The only means of allowable transport there is walking and biking, and the place is rather large... housing 48k people, with large arenas for various events, performances, displays, and who knows what else. Oh, so who will I be? Well, just me. Though throw on the face paint of a solid warrior, some of the clothes of a goth, some of a Renaissance figure, if more on the tech and religious side of things somehow, and... that would be me. I might even have to get a real mowhawk for this. Hmm, we'll see, in truth.
Some things.
.
.
Alright, it looks like I have enough to order tickets. The thing is the application process which had to be activated in order to apply (wtf?!?) went down before I was able to get into it. I'll have to try to contact D.C. about that. I'm not sure how to make the transact as things stand, though there may be a low tech and inexpensive way. Or a bit of trust. I'm always fuzzy about trust, but it has happened before. And that might work either way.
Into town I went. The bank, first thing, then to the store. Nothing fancy, fast and easy, relatively cheap and painless. A fast food dinner on my way home. I had no choice. I have nothing truly prepared and my stomach was threatening me with a working over of my rib cage. I hadn't even seen that hunger creep up, and I had eaten breakfast. Must be part of that ongoing weird thing.
I do believe I will hit the lights a bit more, perhaps fifteen minutes to an half hour, reading while lighting up.
Ah-ha! Something I figured out about women, or women as they relate to me. In a mock conversation, the topic is irrelevant but more the thing is so good I won't be sharing anyway, a woman came to me, angry about the topic(tm). One of the things I said to her, something I am sure of, is that women who are married should not take their anger to another man. A woman who brings her anger to me has very possibly put herself in my (very capable, I'll have you know) hands. Yes, that is one of my key tools in catching a women. If I can get her to bring me her anger I have a very good chance of hooking that fish. Yes indeed. Further, her anger is a lure to me like few others. It is like the flick of a white tale doe's tail to a buck.
Oh, and, at first, I just take her anger. After a bit though, she gets it back with a cold dose of reality. No, I don't get angry with her, I merely tell her she has no right to be angry because what she did was foolish, or such. No, I also don't contrive. It has to be real, all the way. As she struggles with me over her anger, and as I steal it away from her and replace it with some understandings of her failings, and do some other stuff (sort of trying to mature her)... tagged, bagged, and ready for delivery. Right, wrong, we all have our means of attempting to find a mate. This one, for me, is golden. The relationship up to her finally giving me her anger is fuzzy. You just have to be paying attention, learn how to steer her and the conversation, it's fluid not formulaic really, reality not physics. And it isn't guaranteed. Just... it's the best tool I have ever had or used. It's nice when a light flicks on and you get to see your main tools closely, perhaps for the first time ever.
Anyway. A bit more light and reading, after an email. Gosh, I really want to go the that thing-a-ma-bob in the desert. But, yeah, maybe waiting is best.
Later. If the light works. Or good night.
.
Alright, it looks like I have enough to order tickets. The thing is the application process which had to be activated in order to apply (wtf?!?) went down before I was able to get into it. I'll have to try to contact D.C. about that. I'm not sure how to make the transact as things stand, though there may be a low tech and inexpensive way. Or a bit of trust. I'm always fuzzy about trust, but it has happened before. And that might work either way.
Into town I went. The bank, first thing, then to the store. Nothing fancy, fast and easy, relatively cheap and painless. A fast food dinner on my way home. I had no choice. I have nothing truly prepared and my stomach was threatening me with a working over of my rib cage. I hadn't even seen that hunger creep up, and I had eaten breakfast. Must be part of that ongoing weird thing.
I do believe I will hit the lights a bit more, perhaps fifteen minutes to an half hour, reading while lighting up.
Ah-ha! Something I figured out about women, or women as they relate to me. In a mock conversation, the topic is irrelevant but more the thing is so good I won't be sharing anyway, a woman came to me, angry about the topic(tm). One of the things I said to her, something I am sure of, is that women who are married should not take their anger to another man. A woman who brings her anger to me has very possibly put herself in my (very capable, I'll have you know) hands. Yes, that is one of my key tools in catching a women. If I can get her to bring me her anger I have a very good chance of hooking that fish. Yes indeed. Further, her anger is a lure to me like few others. It is like the flick of a white tale doe's tail to a buck.
Oh, and, at first, I just take her anger. After a bit though, she gets it back with a cold dose of reality. No, I don't get angry with her, I merely tell her she has no right to be angry because what she did was foolish, or such. No, I also don't contrive. It has to be real, all the way. As she struggles with me over her anger, and as I steal it away from her and replace it with some understandings of her failings, and do some other stuff (sort of trying to mature her)... tagged, bagged, and ready for delivery. Right, wrong, we all have our means of attempting to find a mate. This one, for me, is golden. The relationship up to her finally giving me her anger is fuzzy. You just have to be paying attention, learn how to steer her and the conversation, it's fluid not formulaic really, reality not physics. And it isn't guaranteed. Just... it's the best tool I have ever had or used. It's nice when a light flicks on and you get to see your main tools closely, perhaps for the first time ever.
Anyway. A bit more light and reading, after an email. Gosh, I really want to go the that thing-a-ma-bob in the desert. But, yeah, maybe waiting is best.
Later. If the light works. Or good night.
Alrighty then!!!
.
.
Yeah, I think a half hour session under those lights IS QUITE ENOUGH. hehe WOW! They aren't that bright, but sum total? I feel like I just downed two pots of coffee, with sugar, thank you, thank you very much, hey, stay and talk, just a little, a little more, hey, where are you going! That has some serious punch to it. No, I didn't shine it into my face! I am a creature of the night, by habit and perhaps biology. I am sun adverse. I had that light as subdued as humanly possible while still allowing me to use it as a reading lamp. *Don't touch me!* Said I to the light.
And the book? It is a great read so far. Screwtape Letters, or some such, by C.S. Lewis. I had zero idea what to expect. I didn't know if it was a general Christian q&a, a theology manual, or what. Yes, sure, I have read the youngen books by Mr., Dr.?, Lewis. And, yes, I have had this book on my read list since about the time I stopped reading... say... 22 years ago, really... wait, make that 32 years ago. Anyway. However, if I have a book 'on order', I take great pains to avoid spoilers. I do believe I have the capacity to empty short term memory as well, no, better than, any computer. Yes I can dump data, so long as there is no strong or binding principle or emotion involved.
I should have read this book long ago. The few chapters I have glided through have impeccably devastated my efforts at Church attendance. Things I have written here, about dress codes and such, are clearly... explained. As well, the notion that it was about me, the shallowness at times and certainly at the beginning of my new-found career as a Christian... All of it, underscored, explained, highlighted, for my delighted (horrified) full understanding. On the good side, it seems the devil did not drive me from the pew. That has mostly simply been health. Further, much of what I wrote, I later corrected "myself" (I use quotes because I doubt myself, I assume good comes from God, I either allow it or not... or some such... work with me). I know I revisited my discussion of the man who came to Church wearing heavy metal t-shirts. And how I realized... he regularly attended and I did not. No, regular attendance, in this situation, isn't apple to apple, nor is it The Way, if it is rather large. No, just that I had to, and did, rethink the situation. I was humbled, and gladly. So, while I have struggled with the very things noted, I have also sought wisdom for it and I have been satisfied, to the good, with the outcomes. Still, I have to chuckle at how close to home the novel already comes. I hope I can see a bit into my future to avoid a few other potential pitfalls to come? Blarney but when they shoot blind and still hit me!
Shower taken, book read, light lamp ILLUMINATED MY DAY, I shall now seek to complete a few endeavors in town.
Good DAY. Wow but that light is bright, if I didn't mention it. WAKEY NOW. hehe
.
Yeah, I think a half hour session under those lights IS QUITE ENOUGH. hehe WOW! They aren't that bright, but sum total? I feel like I just downed two pots of coffee, with sugar, thank you, thank you very much, hey, stay and talk, just a little, a little more, hey, where are you going! That has some serious punch to it. No, I didn't shine it into my face! I am a creature of the night, by habit and perhaps biology. I am sun adverse. I had that light as subdued as humanly possible while still allowing me to use it as a reading lamp. *Don't touch me!* Said I to the light.
And the book? It is a great read so far. Screwtape Letters, or some such, by C.S. Lewis. I had zero idea what to expect. I didn't know if it was a general Christian q&a, a theology manual, or what. Yes, sure, I have read the youngen books by Mr., Dr.?, Lewis. And, yes, I have had this book on my read list since about the time I stopped reading... say... 22 years ago, really... wait, make that 32 years ago. Anyway. However, if I have a book 'on order', I take great pains to avoid spoilers. I do believe I have the capacity to empty short term memory as well, no, better than, any computer. Yes I can dump data, so long as there is no strong or binding principle or emotion involved.
I should have read this book long ago. The few chapters I have glided through have impeccably devastated my efforts at Church attendance. Things I have written here, about dress codes and such, are clearly... explained. As well, the notion that it was about me, the shallowness at times and certainly at the beginning of my new-found career as a Christian... All of it, underscored, explained, highlighted, for my delighted (horrified) full understanding. On the good side, it seems the devil did not drive me from the pew. That has mostly simply been health. Further, much of what I wrote, I later corrected "myself" (I use quotes because I doubt myself, I assume good comes from God, I either allow it or not... or some such... work with me). I know I revisited my discussion of the man who came to Church wearing heavy metal t-shirts. And how I realized... he regularly attended and I did not. No, regular attendance, in this situation, isn't apple to apple, nor is it The Way, if it is rather large. No, just that I had to, and did, rethink the situation. I was humbled, and gladly. So, while I have struggled with the very things noted, I have also sought wisdom for it and I have been satisfied, to the good, with the outcomes. Still, I have to chuckle at how close to home the novel already comes. I hope I can see a bit into my future to avoid a few other potential pitfalls to come? Blarney but when they shoot blind and still hit me!
Shower taken, book read, light lamp ILLUMINATED MY DAY, I shall now seek to complete a few endeavors in town.
Good DAY. Wow but that light is bright, if I didn't mention it. WAKEY NOW. hehe
Ugh.
.
.
Up before noon, anyway. I believe it was pretty close to the alarm at 11:00 that saw me to get my feet on the floor one final time. I heard the alarm at 8:00, reset to 10:00, then finally to 11:00. Not bad, really. Some days I can go really short on sleep. Today was simply not one of those days. Then again I am still in the tractorbeam sleep pull of medicine, so I am not sure if it really counts. Gosh, but I have things to do. Still, I need to wake. I might give that full spectrum day lamp a chance. While the sun is indeed shining, and at an alarming pace, at this time of year, at this latitude, the sun simply isn't giving off the full spectrum... or more, we aren't receiving the full spectrum from the sun. Angle, distance through the atmosphere, some such things prevent that. Which is why so many have a vitamin D deficiency in northern regions, possibly southern too for all I know.
Hmm. A shower first, to put in my bona fide as to intent to make it to town? Maybe. Then some reading while I hit the lamp. The lamp does work, too! It's a real one, a medical supply one, so it should be about as good or better than anything available any other way. The furnace is up, so that should help get me going too. A bit of coffee, and a bite to eat already this morning, should all combine to help see me to town. I will have to re-read one of my last posts though because I only know I have things to do. I have no idea what those things are. Golly, but it is good to remember food. Eating it is the icing on the cake. How can someone forget to eat... for days or weeks? *shrug* At least my neighbors don't forget me.
Good day.
.
Up before noon, anyway. I believe it was pretty close to the alarm at 11:00 that saw me to get my feet on the floor one final time. I heard the alarm at 8:00, reset to 10:00, then finally to 11:00. Not bad, really. Some days I can go really short on sleep. Today was simply not one of those days. Then again I am still in the tractorbeam sleep pull of medicine, so I am not sure if it really counts. Gosh, but I have things to do. Still, I need to wake. I might give that full spectrum day lamp a chance. While the sun is indeed shining, and at an alarming pace, at this time of year, at this latitude, the sun simply isn't giving off the full spectrum... or more, we aren't receiving the full spectrum from the sun. Angle, distance through the atmosphere, some such things prevent that. Which is why so many have a vitamin D deficiency in northern regions, possibly southern too for all I know.
Hmm. A shower first, to put in my bona fide as to intent to make it to town? Maybe. Then some reading while I hit the lamp. The lamp does work, too! It's a real one, a medical supply one, so it should be about as good or better than anything available any other way. The furnace is up, so that should help get me going too. A bit of coffee, and a bite to eat already this morning, should all combine to help see me to town. I will have to re-read one of my last posts though because I only know I have things to do. I have no idea what those things are. Golly, but it is good to remember food. Eating it is the icing on the cake. How can someone forget to eat... for days or weeks? *shrug* At least my neighbors don't forget me.
Good day.
A good effort.
.
.
To bed early? Not on your... uhrm my... life. An hour or two, it seems, just... watching the dark... darken... or something. I even believed, before getting into bed, that I was tired. Nope! I do have the day lamp down stairs and set up, with the book I will be reading beside it. The alarm is still set for the time that would have been an emergency outer limit wake-up time. My bedroll is still comfortably set for good sleep. I even let the girls in. Somehow, with them messing about and walking on me, I often sleep more soundly lately.
I have things to do tomorrow, and will still make every effort to get to them. Here it is, 2:50 though, and I don't see sleep anywhere on the horizon. I hope that lamp works. I did a bit more reading regarding the use of a sun lamp and the use of melatonin. I can't seem to find the information I need though. I am pretty sure strobing the brights while I sleep, somehow, will neither work to reset my timetable or make the lamp last very long. And waking at 3:00 in the morning to take melatonin isn't exactly how I am going to reset my clock. Next...
I did read a bit about how filtering out blue light might actually help, along with those other things. And, yes, I think the studies seem to be reasonable. It might be worth a try. So, while scouting blue light filtering goggles I ran right smack into gothic and Renaissance clothiers and jewelers. Bleh. As I may have mentioned, I was goth before there was such a thing. These kids today, costuming up. Hmm, anyway... I did see a few things and found a jeweler I had thought lost. I have several pieces of their work from before they were popular, at least on this side of the ocean. As it turns out they have been in business since the mid-1400s. Go reason why goths would... or is it the other way around? Oh yes, I did see something I very much desire and a ring any true American should appreciate. Several things, actually, including some pieces that resemble pieces I have lost (minus the gem, thankfully I have a Dremel for that perhaps) and another piece I should like to own on top of that. But... money, money, money, so just... thoughts. Ah well. But I did find blue light eliminating goggles too. Seriously, it was the only ones I could find after serious searching. Hey, they are double duty. While helping me with sleeping, potentially, they would do well in, say, a desert festival or something? Dang kids?
Well, I suppose, I could try to get a bit of rest in. Now that it is 5:10 (that "research" took some time). I will still try to rise with the alarm, or shortly after. A reset or two might be expected. Though with things to do, one never knows.
Uhrm, good... night? Sort of. Hush... You...
.
To bed early? Not on your... uhrm my... life. An hour or two, it seems, just... watching the dark... darken... or something. I even believed, before getting into bed, that I was tired. Nope! I do have the day lamp down stairs and set up, with the book I will be reading beside it. The alarm is still set for the time that would have been an emergency outer limit wake-up time. My bedroll is still comfortably set for good sleep. I even let the girls in. Somehow, with them messing about and walking on me, I often sleep more soundly lately.
I have things to do tomorrow, and will still make every effort to get to them. Here it is, 2:50 though, and I don't see sleep anywhere on the horizon. I hope that lamp works. I did a bit more reading regarding the use of a sun lamp and the use of melatonin. I can't seem to find the information I need though. I am pretty sure strobing the brights while I sleep, somehow, will neither work to reset my timetable or make the lamp last very long. And waking at 3:00 in the morning to take melatonin isn't exactly how I am going to reset my clock. Next...
I did read a bit about how filtering out blue light might actually help, along with those other things. And, yes, I think the studies seem to be reasonable. It might be worth a try. So, while scouting blue light filtering goggles I ran right smack into gothic and Renaissance clothiers and jewelers. Bleh. As I may have mentioned, I was goth before there was such a thing. These kids today, costuming up. Hmm, anyway... I did see a few things and found a jeweler I had thought lost. I have several pieces of their work from before they were popular, at least on this side of the ocean. As it turns out they have been in business since the mid-1400s. Go reason why goths would... or is it the other way around? Oh yes, I did see something I very much desire and a ring any true American should appreciate. Several things, actually, including some pieces that resemble pieces I have lost (minus the gem, thankfully I have a Dremel for that perhaps) and another piece I should like to own on top of that. But... money, money, money, so just... thoughts. Ah well. But I did find blue light eliminating goggles too. Seriously, it was the only ones I could find after serious searching. Hey, they are double duty. While helping me with sleeping, potentially, they would do well in, say, a desert festival or something? Dang kids?
Well, I suppose, I could try to get a bit of rest in. Now that it is 5:10 (that "research" took some time). I will still try to rise with the alarm, or shortly after. A reset or two might be expected. Though with things to do, one never knows.
Uhrm, good... night? Sort of. Hush... You...
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Into the wild blue yonder? Maybe.
.
.
The last... week, two, more, has been rather confusing. Oh, sure, I have been taking medicine. I have found my way to some food but I have been dependent on others for the most part. Sleeping and waking have been crazy. Some work goes forward, but only the type of work that is very straight forward and relatively easy on the body and mind. Reading, studying, even gaming have taken a back seat. It is the medicine, but it could turn to the other without some intervention.
To that end I tried to stay up today so that I would be going to bed in the evening. I am not sure when I woke, though I am thinking it was still morning. The goal is to try to capture a schedule, a day schedule. From what I have read, melatonin might help me reset my circadian rhythm, taken later in the day. I still need to research usage a bit more, and there is no guarantee. The other notion is that bright light in the morning will help me to wake, and help establish or re-establish a day schedule. Hmm, about time I set up the day lamp, and perhaps try to read with it for an hour? I have several places ready to go, depending on which location just feels better to me. I don't know if the lamp still works. Yeah, this might be as good of a time to find out as any other time. So, in the morning, I may just see daylight before the sun is up.
I have checked one of my accounts. I am still having some sort of problem checking the other account online. I don't have a clue as to where to even begin fixing it. I get to that bank homepage, I sign in, and then I am redirected to a blank page. I just updated FireFox, in case that was the problem. An unusual thing is that in the address bar there is a button link to security settings for the page. Nothing I have tinkered with seems to help though. I will have to go to town tomorrow, I need milk and other such. I will check my other account there. I know I dug into my total savings with my mother here, but how much I can't tell. What I do know is that I could pay for two tickets, just on that one part of my savings, and not really be too much worse for the wear assuming the other savings is in the black (should be though). I may go ahead and apply to apply for Burning Man tickets tonight, or whatever, then make one last check about whether my partner in this crime is sure he would want me to buy the tickets. If money is an issue, I don't want to cause him consternation?
So, a few things to do, including to bed early and waking with an alarm clock. I'll give myself ten hours to sleep, though I am hoping I will wake in six to eight hours. When I get up I will attempt to set the sun lamp up, and maybe read for a bit, well, after vitals and medicine. A trip to town tomorrow, to the bank and the grocery store. The dishes will be done tomorrow, I want, need, to start thawing meat because I do need food. I put my foot down and decided no more meat would be thawed until the kitchen was ready for cooking. Maybe, just maybe, I will finish the drywall repair tomorrow. Well, that is the goal. And, of course, if my accounts allow for it and my friend agrees, then I might put in for the tickets. Cheaper, later, for sure. But less sure and one less chance in any case.
Good night.
.
The last... week, two, more, has been rather confusing. Oh, sure, I have been taking medicine. I have found my way to some food but I have been dependent on others for the most part. Sleeping and waking have been crazy. Some work goes forward, but only the type of work that is very straight forward and relatively easy on the body and mind. Reading, studying, even gaming have taken a back seat. It is the medicine, but it could turn to the other without some intervention.
To that end I tried to stay up today so that I would be going to bed in the evening. I am not sure when I woke, though I am thinking it was still morning. The goal is to try to capture a schedule, a day schedule. From what I have read, melatonin might help me reset my circadian rhythm, taken later in the day. I still need to research usage a bit more, and there is no guarantee. The other notion is that bright light in the morning will help me to wake, and help establish or re-establish a day schedule. Hmm, about time I set up the day lamp, and perhaps try to read with it for an hour? I have several places ready to go, depending on which location just feels better to me. I don't know if the lamp still works. Yeah, this might be as good of a time to find out as any other time. So, in the morning, I may just see daylight before the sun is up.
I have checked one of my accounts. I am still having some sort of problem checking the other account online. I don't have a clue as to where to even begin fixing it. I get to that bank homepage, I sign in, and then I am redirected to a blank page. I just updated FireFox, in case that was the problem. An unusual thing is that in the address bar there is a button link to security settings for the page. Nothing I have tinkered with seems to help though. I will have to go to town tomorrow, I need milk and other such. I will check my other account there. I know I dug into my total savings with my mother here, but how much I can't tell. What I do know is that I could pay for two tickets, just on that one part of my savings, and not really be too much worse for the wear assuming the other savings is in the black (should be though). I may go ahead and apply to apply for Burning Man tickets tonight, or whatever, then make one last check about whether my partner in this crime is sure he would want me to buy the tickets. If money is an issue, I don't want to cause him consternation?
So, a few things to do, including to bed early and waking with an alarm clock. I'll give myself ten hours to sleep, though I am hoping I will wake in six to eight hours. When I get up I will attempt to set the sun lamp up, and maybe read for a bit, well, after vitals and medicine. A trip to town tomorrow, to the bank and the grocery store. The dishes will be done tomorrow, I want, need, to start thawing meat because I do need food. I put my foot down and decided no more meat would be thawed until the kitchen was ready for cooking. Maybe, just maybe, I will finish the drywall repair tomorrow. Well, that is the goal. And, of course, if my accounts allow for it and my friend agrees, then I might put in for the tickets. Cheaper, later, for sure. But less sure and one less chance in any case.
Good night.
Off with his head!
.
.
Well, okay, just the fuzzy part of it. Well, the fuzzy lower part of it. Yes, I shaved the mutton chops. I looked at the remainder, the mustache, but that would not do for how I think I should look. No, off with his... facial hair. I haven't seen that guy in months! Still ugly, but more recognizable! I had to have fun with the title, being that I am continuing my debate with womenfolk from my past, somehow. And... I keep getting the feeling that "Off with his head!" is a reverberation from the 'chat'.
I do remember discussions with my last lady about right, wrong, winning, losing, and such. As I said, I had stacks of quarters from hundreds of bets I won (even with her pilfering them to hide her shame, and pay her parking *grins*... yeah, babe, I knew). I think she won... three times? Seriously. And it wasn't just on whether George Washington, whether truly seriously or not, was offered a crown... but whether hunters are good for wildlife, whether gun control saves lives and cuts crime, and on and on. The woman was wrong every time. Sure, she could find writers who supported her notion. But when I sent her to find facts that did, and all the facts belied her beliefs, even her pride would not allow her to claim victory, or even a tie. Further, given some time to digest things and being relatively honest if honestly ignorant, she changed many opinions. But that change came with a little bit of hatred. It added up heinously quickly. I'm still almost surprised she didn't kill me. I must have had some means of balance with her, and control. Long term though? Well, we were together... four, five, maybe six years, as a couple? And the intention was long term. Hmmm, maybe?
Further, I didn't and wouldn't do housework, not with a woman type about, mostly. Yeah, I'll cook. So as to eat properly, to include meat and fats. And, yeah, I... might do... some stuff. But I'm not using a vacuum, gah! I'm not cleaning the bathroom, I won't do windows. Yeah, I know I do those things in my own home, on my own, uhrm, with a woman to... help or guide that. But not as the man part of a man-woman thing. Then again I didn't expect her to take care of anything mechanical, electric, heavy, or cumbersome. I didn't expect her to see to security or math. Further, she could have me be her muscle on pretty anything she needed or wanted, much as she pleased. Hey Farm Boy, would you fetch me the milk pail? As you wish. It was a trade thing. And it was a good deal for both of us. As to being right more often? Not my problem. "Oh, you think you are always right!", she would often spout. "If too, you usually are, but that's not the point!", I would see her think but never admit that last.
She learned much from me, and is even now... admitting some things, finally. In another decade I might have had her as a solid conservative, giggling about her past silliness. Hating me even the more! Go figure. Oh, as I have said, she is not a dumb woman. I have met those. And dumb men. And that is fine so long as they understand their position. Heck, I are a dumb man, from time to time, on some things. But I reckon not to stay one, should I have practical needs to the otherwise. On some things, though, I will remain dumb, ignorant, or both. I honestly don't care what some interior designer says, I'm sticking with man things in my man cave, should I bother to mess with that. No pastels, no modernism, no fashion statements, no "this year's edition". And I don't care what the guys in Cali, Hawaii, Timbuktu, or even the guy next door find fashionable. Some examples of where it don't matter none to me.
Ah, life is good. And no woman has killed me yet, too. I'm really hoping that getting out with swimming even, might lead me into another long term... argument. Heheehehehe
.
Well, okay, just the fuzzy part of it. Well, the fuzzy lower part of it. Yes, I shaved the mutton chops. I looked at the remainder, the mustache, but that would not do for how I think I should look. No, off with his... facial hair. I haven't seen that guy in months! Still ugly, but more recognizable! I had to have fun with the title, being that I am continuing my debate with womenfolk from my past, somehow. And... I keep getting the feeling that "Off with his head!" is a reverberation from the 'chat'.
I do remember discussions with my last lady about right, wrong, winning, losing, and such. As I said, I had stacks of quarters from hundreds of bets I won (even with her pilfering them to hide her shame, and pay her parking *grins*... yeah, babe, I knew). I think she won... three times? Seriously. And it wasn't just on whether George Washington, whether truly seriously or not, was offered a crown... but whether hunters are good for wildlife, whether gun control saves lives and cuts crime, and on and on. The woman was wrong every time. Sure, she could find writers who supported her notion. But when I sent her to find facts that did, and all the facts belied her beliefs, even her pride would not allow her to claim victory, or even a tie. Further, given some time to digest things and being relatively honest if honestly ignorant, she changed many opinions. But that change came with a little bit of hatred. It added up heinously quickly. I'm still almost surprised she didn't kill me. I must have had some means of balance with her, and control. Long term though? Well, we were together... four, five, maybe six years, as a couple? And the intention was long term. Hmmm, maybe?
Further, I didn't and wouldn't do housework, not with a woman type about, mostly. Yeah, I'll cook. So as to eat properly, to include meat and fats. And, yeah, I... might do... some stuff. But I'm not using a vacuum, gah! I'm not cleaning the bathroom, I won't do windows. Yeah, I know I do those things in my own home, on my own, uhrm, with a woman to... help or guide that. But not as the man part of a man-woman thing. Then again I didn't expect her to take care of anything mechanical, electric, heavy, or cumbersome. I didn't expect her to see to security or math. Further, she could have me be her muscle on pretty anything she needed or wanted, much as she pleased. Hey Farm Boy, would you fetch me the milk pail? As you wish. It was a trade thing. And it was a good deal for both of us. As to being right more often? Not my problem. "Oh, you think you are always right!", she would often spout. "If too, you usually are, but that's not the point!", I would see her think but never admit that last.
She learned much from me, and is even now... admitting some things, finally. In another decade I might have had her as a solid conservative, giggling about her past silliness. Hating me even the more! Go figure. Oh, as I have said, she is not a dumb woman. I have met those. And dumb men. And that is fine so long as they understand their position. Heck, I are a dumb man, from time to time, on some things. But I reckon not to stay one, should I have practical needs to the otherwise. On some things, though, I will remain dumb, ignorant, or both. I honestly don't care what some interior designer says, I'm sticking with man things in my man cave, should I bother to mess with that. No pastels, no modernism, no fashion statements, no "this year's edition". And I don't care what the guys in Cali, Hawaii, Timbuktu, or even the guy next door find fashionable. Some examples of where it don't matter none to me.
Ah, life is good. And no woman has killed me yet, too. I'm really hoping that getting out with swimming even, might lead me into another long term... argument. Heheehehehe
Odd how ideas spiderweb outword, sometimes at an amazing pace.
.
.
I was remembering some things, from when my mother visited. I had given her, to within my health allowance, unfettered access to command me. She has never had this kind of access to me, or to the work of any man would be my guess. There is a natural resistance, both to work and to obedience, if not just by men either. There were a number of times were I saw pure amazement on her part. Some of that may have been that I offered no resistance in the face of her requests, some of it was at what I could do irregardless of my condition.
I don't think women understand how much horsepower a man can offer, few of them have seen that unbridled. If for good reason. Like anything else, there is a limit to how much and to the life of the machine sum total. Women would use a man up in years if he gave himself to her work whims added to the demands of the world. But too, a workhorse must be fed and maintained. You don't just work an animal, whether a man or a horse, then simply unhitch and send away. If you use the energy which would be used by a creature to tend itself, you must ensure that you balance the equation by caring for those needs. My mother is better at that than most modern women, but she still has the impetuous capricious nature that is, to my mind, the majority of what it is to be feminine. And I think that hate women get of men through various forms of love is... shared to all other men. It's sort of... no, I won't use that analogy... didn't go over with the other half all so well last time. In any case, working a man to death would be the crowning victory any woman would love to achieve. And still they would see themselves as the victim! Heh.
I was only able to release my constraints from, resistance to, her demands because she was reasonable and because I have not been hitched to a woman in some time. My natural, or developed, resistance to feminine coercion has not been kept up to date. Though too, I had much work to be done and could not use my own horse-flesh to those ends. While I could and can work, if I do so I can't think well. The reverse also being true, figuring out how to plan to do work, but plan perfectly enough that I wouldn't have to deal with... complications... was beyond me. A complication while working does cause a stoppage in work, with a restart some time off. Look to the drywall repair as an example. That is a half day job, if you don't use something to speed the drying of the spackle for various coatings. Every complication has led directly to a delay of days. No, but she could think for me when I hit complications.
Yes, I think her amazement was twofold. First that I didn't resist, second what I was able to do... with a little help. I think it is the first time I have ever seen that sort of amazement on a woman's face. Oh, I think I have amazed women before. It's just that, in a relationship, to hedge control and keep it a contest, most women wouldn't show amazement if you sharted out gold nuggets! No, they would ask why you didn't form it into an intricate necklace. The games we play. Oh, no, I won't say men are innocent, but... that part of it is not my problem.
.
I was remembering some things, from when my mother visited. I had given her, to within my health allowance, unfettered access to command me. She has never had this kind of access to me, or to the work of any man would be my guess. There is a natural resistance, both to work and to obedience, if not just by men either. There were a number of times were I saw pure amazement on her part. Some of that may have been that I offered no resistance in the face of her requests, some of it was at what I could do irregardless of my condition.
I don't think women understand how much horsepower a man can offer, few of them have seen that unbridled. If for good reason. Like anything else, there is a limit to how much and to the life of the machine sum total. Women would use a man up in years if he gave himself to her work whims added to the demands of the world. But too, a workhorse must be fed and maintained. You don't just work an animal, whether a man or a horse, then simply unhitch and send away. If you use the energy which would be used by a creature to tend itself, you must ensure that you balance the equation by caring for those needs. My mother is better at that than most modern women, but she still has the impetuous capricious nature that is, to my mind, the majority of what it is to be feminine. And I think that hate women get of men through various forms of love is... shared to all other men. It's sort of... no, I won't use that analogy... didn't go over with the other half all so well last time. In any case, working a man to death would be the crowning victory any woman would love to achieve. And still they would see themselves as the victim! Heh.
I was only able to release my constraints from, resistance to, her demands because she was reasonable and because I have not been hitched to a woman in some time. My natural, or developed, resistance to feminine coercion has not been kept up to date. Though too, I had much work to be done and could not use my own horse-flesh to those ends. While I could and can work, if I do so I can't think well. The reverse also being true, figuring out how to plan to do work, but plan perfectly enough that I wouldn't have to deal with... complications... was beyond me. A complication while working does cause a stoppage in work, with a restart some time off. Look to the drywall repair as an example. That is a half day job, if you don't use something to speed the drying of the spackle for various coatings. Every complication has led directly to a delay of days. No, but she could think for me when I hit complications.
Yes, I think her amazement was twofold. First that I didn't resist, second what I was able to do... with a little help. I think it is the first time I have ever seen that sort of amazement on a woman's face. Oh, I think I have amazed women before. It's just that, in a relationship, to hedge control and keep it a contest, most women wouldn't show amazement if you sharted out gold nuggets! No, they would ask why you didn't form it into an intricate necklace. The games we play. Oh, no, I won't say men are innocent, but... that part of it is not my problem.
Limbo.
.
.
I am still simply hopping from one bit of wakefulness to the next. I have no idea when or how long I will be awake or asleep, and controls are completely off the rail. The higher dose of medicine simply hasn't been put into perspective yet. I am taking it, and very regularly, save the metformin. I need to call my doc and ask if he wants me to take it whether I eat or not. I simply don't eat twice a day. Not at this moment. I expected this sleep disruption, if I never really know how long it takes to shake out the medicine blues. Beyond, the weather and season will play their part.
The sun is blazing away today if the mountains to the south are surrounded in angry or swirling resistant clouds. I can't easily see the mountains, simply noting huge lumps of swirl, with some patches of rock underneath from time to time. The mountains to the east are easily viewed, but not from where I sit. And as with the sleep cycle, activity is off. But with the sun getting in to both mountain and clouds to the south, it almost looks like a reverse shadowbox or something.
Finally, a break from the notion of women both in my sleep and wakefulness. I guess some things have to burn themselves out. The medicine seems to play a very large part, especially regarding dreams of women, when I start or increase the level. Hmm, both more dreams and thoughts of women AND becoming unhinged as to sleep cycle? Go figure! I've watched my girls go through days, even nearly a week, of very active sleep cycles. Sam especially, who will chase or flee in her sleep. Her legs jolting, simulating a run. My dreams seem to be virulent and focused on themes at times. An old hound dog, too lame to chase anymore, lying on the kitchen rug near the pot-bellied stove. No harm it I suppose.
I am hoping things normalize before long. While mostly keeping up on things, I am slipping just a bit. Further, I am not getting ahead on tasks and chores. To be sure, I can never be too far ahead. Whatever I do to prep will require, often, in the end, more work than not having prepped. If I set out everything for a meal, for example, I often end up doing more by making a vegetable too, or adding a step to the cooking process, since it might seem so easy. I then add a pan or two to clean up. Well, if I can make a large enough pot of something, though, that usually pays dividends. With the big freezer and plenty of meal and three-meal containers, I can now store the chili, menudo, roast, or whatever. I haven't gotten that far, save with one batch of menudo I split out into three or four containers, but that is long gone. Yes, another shot of chili might work quite well. But I won't thaw one more meat until I have my kitchen back into full order. Incentives! Yeah, that will probably be done today. If so I will begin soaking beans and thawing meat.
Oh, somewhere in the last bit of dreaming and thinking of women, I started to question some of the anger, hate. Why should it be there? I am not a brutal man, a big lug but quite gentle for the most part. I couldn't really remember from most of my relationships, save a small snippet from my last. With my last love I tried to figure some things out that have bothered me. When queried, she said she hated me because I seemed to get my way far too often, among other things. I had, initially, thought she was being silly, and that I was quite fair with things. After thinking about it though, I kind of think she was right. Not that I minded, she certainly did try to get her way, she simply wasn't as good at it. A woman really holds grudges over these things, and they aren't the best at... plugging for their way. At least that is what I have found. When I got a woman to actually think my way was her idea, even then they eventually do the math and realize they have been had. A thousand such little wounds really does create some serious hate. That wasn't all of it, but... it was a good chunk of it. How to manage that in a marriage though? Yikes!
Good day.
.
I am still simply hopping from one bit of wakefulness to the next. I have no idea when or how long I will be awake or asleep, and controls are completely off the rail. The higher dose of medicine simply hasn't been put into perspective yet. I am taking it, and very regularly, save the metformin. I need to call my doc and ask if he wants me to take it whether I eat or not. I simply don't eat twice a day. Not at this moment. I expected this sleep disruption, if I never really know how long it takes to shake out the medicine blues. Beyond, the weather and season will play their part.
The sun is blazing away today if the mountains to the south are surrounded in angry or swirling resistant clouds. I can't easily see the mountains, simply noting huge lumps of swirl, with some patches of rock underneath from time to time. The mountains to the east are easily viewed, but not from where I sit. And as with the sleep cycle, activity is off. But with the sun getting in to both mountain and clouds to the south, it almost looks like a reverse shadowbox or something.
Finally, a break from the notion of women both in my sleep and wakefulness. I guess some things have to burn themselves out. The medicine seems to play a very large part, especially regarding dreams of women, when I start or increase the level. Hmm, both more dreams and thoughts of women AND becoming unhinged as to sleep cycle? Go figure! I've watched my girls go through days, even nearly a week, of very active sleep cycles. Sam especially, who will chase or flee in her sleep. Her legs jolting, simulating a run. My dreams seem to be virulent and focused on themes at times. An old hound dog, too lame to chase anymore, lying on the kitchen rug near the pot-bellied stove. No harm it I suppose.
I am hoping things normalize before long. While mostly keeping up on things, I am slipping just a bit. Further, I am not getting ahead on tasks and chores. To be sure, I can never be too far ahead. Whatever I do to prep will require, often, in the end, more work than not having prepped. If I set out everything for a meal, for example, I often end up doing more by making a vegetable too, or adding a step to the cooking process, since it might seem so easy. I then add a pan or two to clean up. Well, if I can make a large enough pot of something, though, that usually pays dividends. With the big freezer and plenty of meal and three-meal containers, I can now store the chili, menudo, roast, or whatever. I haven't gotten that far, save with one batch of menudo I split out into three or four containers, but that is long gone. Yes, another shot of chili might work quite well. But I won't thaw one more meat until I have my kitchen back into full order. Incentives! Yeah, that will probably be done today. If so I will begin soaking beans and thawing meat.
Oh, somewhere in the last bit of dreaming and thinking of women, I started to question some of the anger, hate. Why should it be there? I am not a brutal man, a big lug but quite gentle for the most part. I couldn't really remember from most of my relationships, save a small snippet from my last. With my last love I tried to figure some things out that have bothered me. When queried, she said she hated me because I seemed to get my way far too often, among other things. I had, initially, thought she was being silly, and that I was quite fair with things. After thinking about it though, I kind of think she was right. Not that I minded, she certainly did try to get her way, she simply wasn't as good at it. A woman really holds grudges over these things, and they aren't the best at... plugging for their way. At least that is what I have found. When I got a woman to actually think my way was her idea, even then they eventually do the math and realize they have been had. A thousand such little wounds really does create some serious hate. That wasn't all of it, but... it was a good chunk of it. How to manage that in a marriage though? Yikes!
Good day.
It's a good thing for distractions.
.
.
With women flooding my dreams and waking mind, at least I am not as bothered by the fact that my sleep cycle, well... I don't have one. A few hours of sleep or wakefulness here, a dozen or two there, sleep is short, or wakefulness, and alarms and will power are doing nothing for it. So, I ride the currents. Oh, it's not horrible. I am taking my medicine, checking my stats if at odd hours. My one failing is food, thankfully that comes in regardless of my efforts or minding. If I tried to fight it this would turn into a nightmare fast though. When your are in a riptide, you simply swim to a place where you can bargain more gently for your freedom. I have the stamina to see this through and the cognizance to not panic.
A shower was enjoyed tonight. Excellent soup arrived, and is already gone. There was plenty, it just tasted quite good. Well, and I haven't been eating much otherwise. No small meals, or snacks. A bit of the chili-mac remains. I keep forgetting to simply eat though. As I said, even gaming has taken a hit. Tomorrow we are supposed to be hit by a heavy snow. I haven't independently verified. I have heard this from several independent sources though. That's good enough if I might see if we are still expecting incoming.
Oh, about that hate thing. Yeah, it's true. I must admit though, I have never liked it. I just noted that the thing works and how it works. It certainly isn't the whole of the relationship, only a partial component. It... can be entertaining. And I honestly don't have shame for it. I just sort of hoped there might be a... better way. Alpha women have it too, it is just that it doesn't disturb them as deeply. They seem to know how to handle it better, mostly. But weaker women... have to be avoided. Some things I keep in mind as I window shop.
Good day, or more, probably, good night. Hmm, after mid-rats that is. Speaking about food reminded my stomach which sounded the alarm. Can't sleep with all that growling from belowdecks. Good night.
.
With women flooding my dreams and waking mind, at least I am not as bothered by the fact that my sleep cycle, well... I don't have one. A few hours of sleep or wakefulness here, a dozen or two there, sleep is short, or wakefulness, and alarms and will power are doing nothing for it. So, I ride the currents. Oh, it's not horrible. I am taking my medicine, checking my stats if at odd hours. My one failing is food, thankfully that comes in regardless of my efforts or minding. If I tried to fight it this would turn into a nightmare fast though. When your are in a riptide, you simply swim to a place where you can bargain more gently for your freedom. I have the stamina to see this through and the cognizance to not panic.
A shower was enjoyed tonight. Excellent soup arrived, and is already gone. There was plenty, it just tasted quite good. Well, and I haven't been eating much otherwise. No small meals, or snacks. A bit of the chili-mac remains. I keep forgetting to simply eat though. As I said, even gaming has taken a hit. Tomorrow we are supposed to be hit by a heavy snow. I haven't independently verified. I have heard this from several independent sources though. That's good enough if I might see if we are still expecting incoming.
Oh, about that hate thing. Yeah, it's true. I must admit though, I have never liked it. I just noted that the thing works and how it works. It certainly isn't the whole of the relationship, only a partial component. It... can be entertaining. And I honestly don't have shame for it. I just sort of hoped there might be a... better way. Alpha women have it too, it is just that it doesn't disturb them as deeply. They seem to know how to handle it better, mostly. But weaker women... have to be avoided. Some things I keep in mind as I window shop.
Good day, or more, probably, good night. Hmm, after mid-rats that is. Speaking about food reminded my stomach which sounded the alarm. Can't sleep with all that growling from belowdecks. Good night.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Murder lurks in the heart of love?
.
.
Yes.
I was thinking about the dream last night. Most would suspect that there was some sort of problem in a marriage where a woman sought the death of her man, actively. Perhaps I have had... a different reaction from women or been with a unique subset of women. Perhaps I do something to women that... Just that I have never had a lover with whom I had any doubt but that she has had murderous intent despite being true to me, and in love or at least deeply in passion with me. I have even reviewed some of the... very short term loves. In the few handful of those last that I can actively bring to mind I noticed signs of such hatred in each.
My guess is women, without thought, see love as their battle field. Love is a many splendored thing, but with the beauty of it is the ugly. What is said about a woman scorned? Hell hath no fury like it. So what of a woman scorned by her own loss in her version of war? When she loses it all, her fury must be like nothing she has ever known. When she is naked and alone in the arms of the master of her heart, a slave to what men would consider unconscionable, hatred must be a part of the thing. Yes, women want to be owned but there are depths of such that must be overwhelming. Love is as much about control as it is about anything else. Sex is merely the coin of the realm, or the tongue of it.
No, my marriage was... as I would have it, in the dream. Some think I am a dolt because I do not respond to obvious or even subtle hints, threats, disrespect. What most don't realize is I am quite aware. Further, I see most such as... unremarkable in any way. Often those things are even minor, no matter how big they might loom in the mind or heart of the participant. Can I bleed like you? Oh child, you don't have the blood in you to bleed like me, nor the life that would allow you to endure any of my minor wounds. Let's... not compare scars, shall we. Said the dragon as he laid his head to rest, too sleepy to bother with the womanling presenting itself for comparison (consumption). Go on home now, I'm tired. Though... your sister would do well to entreat me. I should... like to parlay with her, if you will.
And yet, in my heart, I know no matter how bloody my wounds, how deep the blade bit, how hard I fell, I will never know the depths of a woman's despair. A thing seemingly greatest when she has fallen in love, and for the fact of being in love. I have always known when it was a real love by the depth of her hate.
Good day.
.
Yes.
I was thinking about the dream last night. Most would suspect that there was some sort of problem in a marriage where a woman sought the death of her man, actively. Perhaps I have had... a different reaction from women or been with a unique subset of women. Perhaps I do something to women that... Just that I have never had a lover with whom I had any doubt but that she has had murderous intent despite being true to me, and in love or at least deeply in passion with me. I have even reviewed some of the... very short term loves. In the few handful of those last that I can actively bring to mind I noticed signs of such hatred in each.
My guess is women, without thought, see love as their battle field. Love is a many splendored thing, but with the beauty of it is the ugly. What is said about a woman scorned? Hell hath no fury like it. So what of a woman scorned by her own loss in her version of war? When she loses it all, her fury must be like nothing she has ever known. When she is naked and alone in the arms of the master of her heart, a slave to what men would consider unconscionable, hatred must be a part of the thing. Yes, women want to be owned but there are depths of such that must be overwhelming. Love is as much about control as it is about anything else. Sex is merely the coin of the realm, or the tongue of it.
No, my marriage was... as I would have it, in the dream. Some think I am a dolt because I do not respond to obvious or even subtle hints, threats, disrespect. What most don't realize is I am quite aware. Further, I see most such as... unremarkable in any way. Often those things are even minor, no matter how big they might loom in the mind or heart of the participant. Can I bleed like you? Oh child, you don't have the blood in you to bleed like me, nor the life that would allow you to endure any of my minor wounds. Let's... not compare scars, shall we. Said the dragon as he laid his head to rest, too sleepy to bother with the womanling presenting itself for comparison (consumption). Go on home now, I'm tired. Though... your sister would do well to entreat me. I should... like to parlay with her, if you will.
And yet, in my heart, I know no matter how bloody my wounds, how deep the blade bit, how hard I fell, I will never know the depths of a woman's despair. A thing seemingly greatest when she has fallen in love, and for the fact of being in love. I have always known when it was a real love by the depth of her hate.
Good day.
Hmm, up. But why so early?
.
.
I can't say as it is truly all that early. It is only early when juxtaposed with bedtime. My mother called this morning. She received her Christmas presents, they fit, and they are handsome gifts. She, most likely, enjoyed the hat more than she enjoyed the sweater. But the sweater will be worn much more often. It's not like she doesn't like, or even love, the sweater. It's just that she is a hat collector and this one is a knit bonnet type beanie, of sort of a singular design, plus it is multi-berry colored. Oh yes, I saw her in that the moment it popped on the page. The sweater was simply utility, if solid, beautiful weave, and a gnarled white and black yarn meant to truly keep her warm in solid classic style.
They had a mixed family (her guy and her/our families) Christmas party yesterday, at her place. If she doesn't do the thing it won't get done, on our side to be sure. She is the matron, have no doubt about that. She can boss around even her older brothers about getting to these things. *grins* Even I mostly know my place. Yes, that is where I got part of my alpha. The rest were genes, baby. Many of my aunts and uncles were there, and some cousins. I know all of her guy's family as well. So it was a truckload of folk. Lots of food, of course, and just pleasant company. A lot of people were happy to see my brother and myself together for the first time in... well... a generation has passed since the last time. It seems my family were impressed with my "weight loss". I asked my mother if she bothered to suggest to them that I hadn't lost a pound? She got a bit upset. For women, it is about the actual weight. I think it is more impressive to not have lost but a few pounds and to look as if you had lost a sixty or seventy pounds. Women don't think much of muscle mass in themselves, and their thinking is based on the feminine. Men and women just think differently on these things. Almost back to Navy days, or such? Anyway...
Dreams, of course. Of women, of course. I had me a younger wife. She bore me three children to about half into the dream. Then she started using gymnastics during... coitus... to try and kill me off. Aye, I saw the score and took the lass well in hand. Wore her out well and proper and kept my life to boot, but kept her from the kill moves. Then we went on to have two more babies before I could remember no more of the dream. It was a boring dream to you all, mostly about sex, sex, and even more sex. Sex is fine, more is better, good sex is more better, more good is superior. It was truly a superior dream. I'll have to check to see if there are any footprints, somehow, 'still' on the ceiling in real life, or if anything else from the dream got transcribed into the real world. Never mind. Gymnastics, eh? Who knew that could be lethal!
My bp has come back up to 150/100 the last few days. I guess that was just a fluke. Oh well. Blood sugars have been in the 220s. Weight is staying put at right about 280s. Oh bloody well.
I'm not sure what today will bring. Just a bit of housework, if I am lucky. I'm simply not pulling my weight. I can't even get into playing my games. A shower won't help but it sure wouldn't hurt, especially after that dream. My word was that a long dream.
Good day.
.
I can't say as it is truly all that early. It is only early when juxtaposed with bedtime. My mother called this morning. She received her Christmas presents, they fit, and they are handsome gifts. She, most likely, enjoyed the hat more than she enjoyed the sweater. But the sweater will be worn much more often. It's not like she doesn't like, or even love, the sweater. It's just that she is a hat collector and this one is a knit bonnet type beanie, of sort of a singular design, plus it is multi-berry colored. Oh yes, I saw her in that the moment it popped on the page. The sweater was simply utility, if solid, beautiful weave, and a gnarled white and black yarn meant to truly keep her warm in solid classic style.
They had a mixed family (her guy and her/our families) Christmas party yesterday, at her place. If she doesn't do the thing it won't get done, on our side to be sure. She is the matron, have no doubt about that. She can boss around even her older brothers about getting to these things. *grins* Even I mostly know my place. Yes, that is where I got part of my alpha. The rest were genes, baby. Many of my aunts and uncles were there, and some cousins. I know all of her guy's family as well. So it was a truckload of folk. Lots of food, of course, and just pleasant company. A lot of people were happy to see my brother and myself together for the first time in... well... a generation has passed since the last time. It seems my family were impressed with my "weight loss". I asked my mother if she bothered to suggest to them that I hadn't lost a pound? She got a bit upset. For women, it is about the actual weight. I think it is more impressive to not have lost but a few pounds and to look as if you had lost a sixty or seventy pounds. Women don't think much of muscle mass in themselves, and their thinking is based on the feminine. Men and women just think differently on these things. Almost back to Navy days, or such? Anyway...
Dreams, of course. Of women, of course. I had me a younger wife. She bore me three children to about half into the dream. Then she started using gymnastics during... coitus... to try and kill me off. Aye, I saw the score and took the lass well in hand. Wore her out well and proper and kept my life to boot, but kept her from the kill moves. Then we went on to have two more babies before I could remember no more of the dream. It was a boring dream to you all, mostly about sex, sex, and even more sex. Sex is fine, more is better, good sex is more better, more good is superior. It was truly a superior dream. I'll have to check to see if there are any footprints, somehow, 'still' on the ceiling in real life, or if anything else from the dream got transcribed into the real world. Never mind. Gymnastics, eh? Who knew that could be lethal!
My bp has come back up to 150/100 the last few days. I guess that was just a fluke. Oh well. Blood sugars have been in the 220s. Weight is staying put at right about 280s. Oh bloody well.
I'm not sure what today will bring. Just a bit of housework, if I am lucky. I'm simply not pulling my weight. I can't even get into playing my games. A shower won't help but it sure wouldn't hurt, especially after that dream. My word was that a long dream.
Good day.
So close. Not.
.
.
Okay, so, I did get started on installing a downloader. Well, no, I did it. The thing is I was not sure about the conversions. So, a bit more digging. FireFox has an app for that. Okay, it has the conversions I am sure about. Fine, so I get that going. I download and... what? I have to have a conversion processor too, for this? Hmm, well, I did download that, in case I needed it. It looks like I do need that. Very well. Will that actually work? I don't know. Well, there is another reason to go with FF's app. I can download right during the viewing, without even disturbing the performance. Yeah, I like that. Still, I will tinker with the various systems if something isn't adding up or just to compare quality. I am trying to get the best quality available. I may have to cut that quality if I want to put it in another format for either the Ipod or my Android phone. Then again, with my Android, I can just hook up to YouTube directly, as if I enjoyed watching videos on a postage stamp! Heh... Still, it's something to tinker with if I have even less of a life than I have now, somehow. Bleh.
The dishes will probably get done, but that will be it. I am not able to focus. How I got this other stuff going I can't say. It more or less just happened. One thing led to another and, there it is. Well, and it takes zero real energy. Uhrm, and most of the things being discussed, if not perfectly understood, were well within my zone of comfort. So, I didn't have to learn, just get a few definitions and comparing qualities from there. There wasn't a lot of thinking involved either. Like I said, it was a zero calorie burn exercise.
Tired. I also have that feeling I get when I have a fever. Odd vision, sort of light headed, a little 'loose'. I'm not dizzy or anything, just a bit out of it. My stomach and sides are feeling better. Diarrhea though, light so far, just enough to have to take my liquid bm more seriously than not. Too much hot sauce? Part of an ongoing flu/cold thing? Don't know. After I do the dishes though I believe I am going to snuggle into the blankets and see if I can fly, fight evil, or even and preferably just sleep.
.
Okay, so, I did get started on installing a downloader. Well, no, I did it. The thing is I was not sure about the conversions. So, a bit more digging. FireFox has an app for that. Okay, it has the conversions I am sure about. Fine, so I get that going. I download and... what? I have to have a conversion processor too, for this? Hmm, well, I did download that, in case I needed it. It looks like I do need that. Very well. Will that actually work? I don't know. Well, there is another reason to go with FF's app. I can download right during the viewing, without even disturbing the performance. Yeah, I like that. Still, I will tinker with the various systems if something isn't adding up or just to compare quality. I am trying to get the best quality available. I may have to cut that quality if I want to put it in another format for either the Ipod or my Android phone. Then again, with my Android, I can just hook up to YouTube directly, as if I enjoyed watching videos on a postage stamp! Heh... Still, it's something to tinker with if I have even less of a life than I have now, somehow. Bleh.
The dishes will probably get done, but that will be it. I am not able to focus. How I got this other stuff going I can't say. It more or less just happened. One thing led to another and, there it is. Well, and it takes zero real energy. Uhrm, and most of the things being discussed, if not perfectly understood, were well within my zone of comfort. So, I didn't have to learn, just get a few definitions and comparing qualities from there. There wasn't a lot of thinking involved either. Like I said, it was a zero calorie burn exercise.
Tired. I also have that feeling I get when I have a fever. Odd vision, sort of light headed, a little 'loose'. I'm not dizzy or anything, just a bit out of it. My stomach and sides are feeling better. Diarrhea though, light so far, just enough to have to take my liquid bm more seriously than not. Too much hot sauce? Part of an ongoing flu/cold thing? Don't know. After I do the dishes though I believe I am going to snuggle into the blankets and see if I can fly, fight evil, or even and preferably just sleep.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Okay, well, one problem... two maybe... sorted.
.
.
Sometimes someone lands a notion on my desk that looks really good. And, it is a great notion. The thing is, once you have a way to fix something, you then have to dig into what all else is around the problem(s) and solution(s) and hope you have the knowledge, skill, ability (for me a very deep thing but something that can be incredible or nonexistent), whether your tech will hold, you have enough tools or money, etc. Nothing is as easy as giving men fire, then saying 'good luck with that'. Heh. Still, sometimes I can make it through.
This time the notion regarded downloading videos. Oh, pulling the program down, installing it, and such, was a breeze. I then went to download a test video and... the program went Greek on me. No, I am familiar with some of the terms. Not familiar with what they mean, some of them are branded such as with Apple video and audio formats, others are things I have seen. None of it made sense. So, just figuring out what format to pull something down and then store it into was... quite a shock.
After a bit of looking around, reading here and there (often reading writers who ramble more than even I do!), I found a couple of pages of information that was laid out as if it was meant to actually guide. The one that keeps popping as the preferred general use format, for me, is MKV. While I do have an Apple Ipod, a small waterproof one for swimming, first I have never been able to get the Apple Store to work on this particular computer, second I wouldn't go with Apple generally, and finally that Ipod doesn't support video. No, for pc use, MKV makes sense for me.
Okay, that bad hair day figured out, I went to play the thing. What do you mean I have to... prove the legitimacy of the OS to get a player? Fine. So I do that, then get the player, then... For only $40, this will play even (probably) the format you wish to view? So, after all that, the machine still won't play. Bullocks on $40 though. So I begin my search for a player that will play the video (which I pulled down in mp4, since I didn't know and wanted to at least test).
After a bit of searching, I landed on the downloader for PotPlayer. No, I don't like the name. Still, this software device has some serious bona fides. After making snap decisions, while downloading, about things not in my area of knowledge, I got the thing up and... It played the download with nary a hitch. I'll have to pull somethings down in the MKV format, and check that. There is still a ways to go. I couldn't easily find how to put the video onto full screen, and there are some other things I would like to figure out, but... not bad for a non-on-day.
I have more tinkering to do. I will probably want to buy memory cards, too, as I don't trust this machine I am using, at all. Days or weeks of downloads could be disappeared on it, one way or another, in moments or less. This is NOT my machine, it is not secure, and it doesn't function well. But it is what I have. So I use it. Never mind, at least I got something done today.
Later.
.
Sometimes someone lands a notion on my desk that looks really good. And, it is a great notion. The thing is, once you have a way to fix something, you then have to dig into what all else is around the problem(s) and solution(s) and hope you have the knowledge, skill, ability (for me a very deep thing but something that can be incredible or nonexistent), whether your tech will hold, you have enough tools or money, etc. Nothing is as easy as giving men fire, then saying 'good luck with that'. Heh. Still, sometimes I can make it through.
This time the notion regarded downloading videos. Oh, pulling the program down, installing it, and such, was a breeze. I then went to download a test video and... the program went Greek on me. No, I am familiar with some of the terms. Not familiar with what they mean, some of them are branded such as with Apple video and audio formats, others are things I have seen. None of it made sense. So, just figuring out what format to pull something down and then store it into was... quite a shock.
After a bit of looking around, reading here and there (often reading writers who ramble more than even I do!), I found a couple of pages of information that was laid out as if it was meant to actually guide. The one that keeps popping as the preferred general use format, for me, is MKV. While I do have an Apple Ipod, a small waterproof one for swimming, first I have never been able to get the Apple Store to work on this particular computer, second I wouldn't go with Apple generally, and finally that Ipod doesn't support video. No, for pc use, MKV makes sense for me.
Okay, that bad hair day figured out, I went to play the thing. What do you mean I have to... prove the legitimacy of the OS to get a player? Fine. So I do that, then get the player, then... For only $40, this will play even (probably) the format you wish to view? So, after all that, the machine still won't play. Bullocks on $40 though. So I begin my search for a player that will play the video (which I pulled down in mp4, since I didn't know and wanted to at least test).
After a bit of searching, I landed on the downloader for PotPlayer. No, I don't like the name. Still, this software device has some serious bona fides. After making snap decisions, while downloading, about things not in my area of knowledge, I got the thing up and... It played the download with nary a hitch. I'll have to pull somethings down in the MKV format, and check that. There is still a ways to go. I couldn't easily find how to put the video onto full screen, and there are some other things I would like to figure out, but... not bad for a non-on-day.
I have more tinkering to do. I will probably want to buy memory cards, too, as I don't trust this machine I am using, at all. Days or weeks of downloads could be disappeared on it, one way or another, in moments or less. This is NOT my machine, it is not secure, and it doesn't function well. But it is what I have. So I use it. Never mind, at least I got something done today.
Later.
Good morning.
.
.
After waking for dinner I was not able to sleep until... well... sometime. Actually I have no idea when I finally went to bed. Or when I woke! Was it 15:00, 16:00, later? It wasn't earlier. I still feel like my innards have been scrambled, set on fire, then had the fire put out with a mallet. My midsection feels like it has been squished from both sides by a unhappy giant. I've had worse though, this is just a notion of those things. On the good side, I didn't miss the Christmas thing, that is next week. No, I really do want to go. Yes, I am still humbug about Christmas songs, but only when they are everywhere and always, wall to wall as they say. I enjoy hearing Christmas music (not to be confused with muzac), and even have been known, when I have the coin, of paying to go hear it. But local is better as a general rule. While one need not be a devotee of Confucius, one only needs to have read his material a bit to understand the man was as wise as the Godless can be. He had no one to teach him, no access to Christ, other than what God has imbued in us. And he used what he had to the utmost. In any case, Confucius had things to say about such, and I do... take those thoughts to heart.
What to do? Oh, I did change the cat litter, get the trash out including emptying the little bins scattered about my warren, take the recycling out, then get it all to the curb. I had forgotten until just as I was ready to sleep. I didn't WANT to mess with it, at that point. But as I have said, what I want and what I do, if I have it to me to decide, are often two different things. Such is being an adult... mostly. God must see us as the oddest creatures. That we don't want to do even what is good for us, even in the short term, let alone what is right, at times, must make Him astonied. Never mind, I got it done.
I still don't know what to do. I am just set the dishes I used for supper and it's preparation to a soak. It is already getting very dark, so working on the drywall? It may happen, just taking things a bit more slowly. I think I have another load of laundry in the dryer to be dealt with, and the rest of the laundry to put up or hang, too. But I need to wake up! I just can't seem to wake. I did turn the heat up, and that helps. The snow was gone off the driveway and sidewalks, front and back, so that job can be checked off (thank you, Father). Hmm, I'm thinking on things. I feel like a nap already, but that is not going to happen. I'll... get to something, soon, I am sure.
Good day.
.
After waking for dinner I was not able to sleep until... well... sometime. Actually I have no idea when I finally went to bed. Or when I woke! Was it 15:00, 16:00, later? It wasn't earlier. I still feel like my innards have been scrambled, set on fire, then had the fire put out with a mallet. My midsection feels like it has been squished from both sides by a unhappy giant. I've had worse though, this is just a notion of those things. On the good side, I didn't miss the Christmas thing, that is next week. No, I really do want to go. Yes, I am still humbug about Christmas songs, but only when they are everywhere and always, wall to wall as they say. I enjoy hearing Christmas music (not to be confused with muzac), and even have been known, when I have the coin, of paying to go hear it. But local is better as a general rule. While one need not be a devotee of Confucius, one only needs to have read his material a bit to understand the man was as wise as the Godless can be. He had no one to teach him, no access to Christ, other than what God has imbued in us. And he used what he had to the utmost. In any case, Confucius had things to say about such, and I do... take those thoughts to heart.
What to do? Oh, I did change the cat litter, get the trash out including emptying the little bins scattered about my warren, take the recycling out, then get it all to the curb. I had forgotten until just as I was ready to sleep. I didn't WANT to mess with it, at that point. But as I have said, what I want and what I do, if I have it to me to decide, are often two different things. Such is being an adult... mostly. God must see us as the oddest creatures. That we don't want to do even what is good for us, even in the short term, let alone what is right, at times, must make Him astonied. Never mind, I got it done.
I still don't know what to do. I am just set the dishes I used for supper and it's preparation to a soak. It is already getting very dark, so working on the drywall? It may happen, just taking things a bit more slowly. I think I have another load of laundry in the dryer to be dealt with, and the rest of the laundry to put up or hang, too. But I need to wake up! I just can't seem to wake. I did turn the heat up, and that helps. The snow was gone off the driveway and sidewalks, front and back, so that job can be checked off (thank you, Father). Hmm, I'm thinking on things. I feel like a nap already, but that is not going to happen. I'll... get to something, soon, I am sure.
Good day.
Sleep?
.
.
I was sure I would be back to bed by now. I tried to lean that way. When that failed I then tried to fight sleep as some form of reverse psychology. Nope. It was like jumping at the bulkheads of a carrier, hoping to get it started tipping. Impotent efforts. I feel like I could drop at any moment, it just isn't happening. I am free falling just high enough that I can see the world falling away from me, but it is falling away at least as fast as I am falling. Just for sniggles, I checked my bp. While not as low as it was this morning, at 139/91, that is still one of the, if not the, lowest bps I have ever seen excluding the numbers this morning. What kills me is that this was the same amount, if not less, of the various medicines I took much of last summer and fall, before I fell and dropped everything. Why lower this time? The heart hasn't improved enough to account for it.
I was still hungry, even after a dinner for four (they feed me quite well). No, this hunger is unusual. I haven't felt this kind of teeth in the demands of my stomach since I was a spurting sprout, trying to fill out the gangly. This is feral, wild, hunger. Never mind. For now I will try to keep it fed to a degree, seeing if it leads me anywhere positive. Sometimes a healing body simply needs more food, a lot more, mine does anyway. A pot of chili-mac, using the home-made hot sauce, did the trick. I used some of the hamburger from the recently butchered cow. Wonderful, all around. Three heaping tablespoons of hot sauce was just about right to mix with two and a half to three pounds of food. I kept my hunger in check, stopping the feast after consuming half the pot. *smacks lips* Oh, but I think I could have eaten the whole pot. Something is up.
While at the dinner the other night, one of the families at my table was the gent and his wife with whom I helped with the cow. Another man is one of the five (technically six) dairy farmers here in town. He was discussing that, though he loved his animals, if one went down he never has found success taking steaks or roasts off it. He only made hamburger from what he decided to use. My partner in crime and I both sort of choked. I didn't want to say anything. At first I was a bit ashamed, oddly. It was just some sort of emotional response. Then I had to choke down a chuckle, as I didn't want to be rude. I have to tell you, as darn neared a steak connoisseur, not by learning but through tasting as much of the stuff as I could get, and seeking the best tastes, and learning what those are supposed to be and learning my own variances... those steaks were delicious. I was more than a little impressed. As I said, they were not ribeye, or ribeyes as are commonly known. But then again, they don't fat out dairy cattle for the slaughter, especially ones who fall and become lame. So, maybe they were unfattened beef ribeye? But, they reminded me of the notion of sirloins, only... good. I don't care much for sirloin, perhaps I don't know how to cook them as a general rule? Do you do something different, other than adding butter, then how you cook ribeye? Anyway, as I said, that was an interesting conversation.
I had forgotten about skiing. What with the ups and downs, I simply lost track. But too, knowing that my physical progression can become stunted, I don't wish to jump into a new sport anyway. If swimming, and possibly weight lifting later, go well, then for several years, then I might consider such a thing. If I am doing well, and everything else is good, I can always rent from time to time. Still, something brought the notion to the fore tonight, so I went looking into back country skiing again. A good link was found at the local college, so I dug through most of it. It was a FAQ, done by some club or other at the college. It was well done, from what I could tell. Bits of data I have picked up elsewhere, in the tiniest parts, were assembled and well developed. The type of skis, the type of boots, lengths of poles, places to consider buying kit even. I truly hope I get well enough to do that. The hope, for that sport, is to pack out for a day or week, into the hinterlands. Not so much mountaineering as modern mountain manning. Perhaps with a hunting license, a good rifle or black powder long gun, a pistol for other and extra, a map and compass, some notion of where to go but no certainty, provisions, into the mountains and weather.
I also have had some songs on my mind. While one of the videos is still on YouTube, one of my favorite is gone, Siouxsie and the Banshees, It's About to Happen... that video is gone. Gah! I wish there was a way to download those. Hmm, I'm going to have to check. Urhm, no... that is DEFINITELY pirating. Gah... I might have to see if those can be bought, then, somehow. I just hate it when one of my favorites goes dead. Some of them are excellent. Ah well, here are the songs, one of them still in video form, that have been haunting my dreams and days. Women truly are fascinating creatures. Mean, cold, cruel, at times. But as beautiful and weak as the are, perhaps that is their only defense? Psychological mace. It works on real men, anyway. Not so much the animal types.
.
I was sure I would be back to bed by now. I tried to lean that way. When that failed I then tried to fight sleep as some form of reverse psychology. Nope. It was like jumping at the bulkheads of a carrier, hoping to get it started tipping. Impotent efforts. I feel like I could drop at any moment, it just isn't happening. I am free falling just high enough that I can see the world falling away from me, but it is falling away at least as fast as I am falling. Just for sniggles, I checked my bp. While not as low as it was this morning, at 139/91, that is still one of the, if not the, lowest bps I have ever seen excluding the numbers this morning. What kills me is that this was the same amount, if not less, of the various medicines I took much of last summer and fall, before I fell and dropped everything. Why lower this time? The heart hasn't improved enough to account for it.
I was still hungry, even after a dinner for four (they feed me quite well). No, this hunger is unusual. I haven't felt this kind of teeth in the demands of my stomach since I was a spurting sprout, trying to fill out the gangly. This is feral, wild, hunger. Never mind. For now I will try to keep it fed to a degree, seeing if it leads me anywhere positive. Sometimes a healing body simply needs more food, a lot more, mine does anyway. A pot of chili-mac, using the home-made hot sauce, did the trick. I used some of the hamburger from the recently butchered cow. Wonderful, all around. Three heaping tablespoons of hot sauce was just about right to mix with two and a half to three pounds of food. I kept my hunger in check, stopping the feast after consuming half the pot. *smacks lips* Oh, but I think I could have eaten the whole pot. Something is up.
While at the dinner the other night, one of the families at my table was the gent and his wife with whom I helped with the cow. Another man is one of the five (technically six) dairy farmers here in town. He was discussing that, though he loved his animals, if one went down he never has found success taking steaks or roasts off it. He only made hamburger from what he decided to use. My partner in crime and I both sort of choked. I didn't want to say anything. At first I was a bit ashamed, oddly. It was just some sort of emotional response. Then I had to choke down a chuckle, as I didn't want to be rude. I have to tell you, as darn neared a steak connoisseur, not by learning but through tasting as much of the stuff as I could get, and seeking the best tastes, and learning what those are supposed to be and learning my own variances... those steaks were delicious. I was more than a little impressed. As I said, they were not ribeye, or ribeyes as are commonly known. But then again, they don't fat out dairy cattle for the slaughter, especially ones who fall and become lame. So, maybe they were unfattened beef ribeye? But, they reminded me of the notion of sirloins, only... good. I don't care much for sirloin, perhaps I don't know how to cook them as a general rule? Do you do something different, other than adding butter, then how you cook ribeye? Anyway, as I said, that was an interesting conversation.
I had forgotten about skiing. What with the ups and downs, I simply lost track. But too, knowing that my physical progression can become stunted, I don't wish to jump into a new sport anyway. If swimming, and possibly weight lifting later, go well, then for several years, then I might consider such a thing. If I am doing well, and everything else is good, I can always rent from time to time. Still, something brought the notion to the fore tonight, so I went looking into back country skiing again. A good link was found at the local college, so I dug through most of it. It was a FAQ, done by some club or other at the college. It was well done, from what I could tell. Bits of data I have picked up elsewhere, in the tiniest parts, were assembled and well developed. The type of skis, the type of boots, lengths of poles, places to consider buying kit even. I truly hope I get well enough to do that. The hope, for that sport, is to pack out for a day or week, into the hinterlands. Not so much mountaineering as modern mountain manning. Perhaps with a hunting license, a good rifle or black powder long gun, a pistol for other and extra, a map and compass, some notion of where to go but no certainty, provisions, into the mountains and weather.
I also have had some songs on my mind. While one of the videos is still on YouTube, one of my favorite is gone, Siouxsie and the Banshees, It's About to Happen... that video is gone. Gah! I wish there was a way to download those. Hmm, I'm going to have to check. Urhm, no... that is DEFINITELY pirating. Gah... I might have to see if those can be bought, then, somehow. I just hate it when one of my favorites goes dead. Some of them are excellent. Ah well, here are the songs, one of them still in video form, that have been haunting my dreams and days. Women truly are fascinating creatures. Mean, cold, cruel, at times. But as beautiful and weak as the are, perhaps that is their only defense? Psychological mace. It works on real men, anyway. Not so much the animal types.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Hmm, that shouldn't have been a hit.
.
.
The few dishes are done, the kitchen neatened a bit, most of the laundry run through, what needs folded was folded, but some things remain to be hung and all of it needs to be put away. The cat litter will be swapped out tonight and the trash and recycling taken to the curb. Anything else? No, not a chance. I am honestly surprised I got to what I did do. After supper arrives I may tinker just long enough to digest dinner, take my medicine early, and go on to bed.
While the sleep and run times are all stunted, at least I am finding time within them to do what is needed. I won't begrudge that. And, really, I am getting more done in less time and more done sum total than when I was staying up and sleeping in a typical, normal, generic, expected by the main stream, fashion. I still can't concentrate for squat. It isn't just Latin, or reading. Even in my game, focusing on objectives, remembering how to do some things, and getting all the collectibles has proven beyond my ken. I can play the game, basically, but nothing beyond. I am actually down, pretty hard. That I am doing other things, anything, is a bit of a surprise. I don't generally like surprises, whether I sneak up and find my own personal ones or someone 'gifts' me with a surprise. This one I will take.
I am a bit sore and ill. I can't say what the problem is, just that... Well... it feels like someone used a human organ mixer in there, than beat on the area with a sludge hammer. In a mild way. Gullet juice running loose is making everything a bit green. Well, if I had to fantasize. I have never had internal bleeding like that, well... maybe that once. But that was the least of my problems at the time so I wouldn't have noticed that as a major issue, consciously. If your toe has been hit by a hammer but your hand is on fire, you... sort of not tend to notice the toe.
Actually I don't think I am going to make supper. I am crashing hard, fast, and uncontrollably. Good night.
.
The few dishes are done, the kitchen neatened a bit, most of the laundry run through, what needs folded was folded, but some things remain to be hung and all of it needs to be put away. The cat litter will be swapped out tonight and the trash and recycling taken to the curb. Anything else? No, not a chance. I am honestly surprised I got to what I did do. After supper arrives I may tinker just long enough to digest dinner, take my medicine early, and go on to bed.
While the sleep and run times are all stunted, at least I am finding time within them to do what is needed. I won't begrudge that. And, really, I am getting more done in less time and more done sum total than when I was staying up and sleeping in a typical, normal, generic, expected by the main stream, fashion. I still can't concentrate for squat. It isn't just Latin, or reading. Even in my game, focusing on objectives, remembering how to do some things, and getting all the collectibles has proven beyond my ken. I can play the game, basically, but nothing beyond. I am actually down, pretty hard. That I am doing other things, anything, is a bit of a surprise. I don't generally like surprises, whether I sneak up and find my own personal ones or someone 'gifts' me with a surprise. This one I will take.
I am a bit sore and ill. I can't say what the problem is, just that... Well... it feels like someone used a human organ mixer in there, than beat on the area with a sludge hammer. In a mild way. Gullet juice running loose is making everything a bit green. Well, if I had to fantasize. I have never had internal bleeding like that, well... maybe that once. But that was the least of my problems at the time so I wouldn't have noticed that as a major issue, consciously. If your toe has been hit by a hammer but your hand is on fire, you... sort of not tend to notice the toe.
Actually I don't think I am going to make supper. I am crashing hard, fast, and uncontrollably. Good night.
Short but sweet, actually.
.
.
I was only able to stay awake about four hours after waking so oddly this morning. But I used that time as efficiently as I am able. I did a couple of loads of laundry, seriously pondered working on the drywall but it really is too dark to try to cut the holes to exacting angles and straight lines as dark as it was, as well as doing a number of other little things. Researching this and that as well. But when the timer hit four hours I fell like a rider rent with one too many arrows. Ah, but such a wonderful sleep.
Waking, I see it has snowed, again. Perhaps I noticed that before I went to sleep, if I simply can't be sure. My friend suggested it was set to snow for, say, three more days more or less. It seems to be snowing overnight, mostly. My back has become verbal. Every time my brain and the rest of my body think about grabbing the broom my back yelps and kicks me. I may try it anyway, just... because I... No, I'm not a masochist. I just don't like being held at nerve-point. Well, and I tinker with pain, when I have enough going. And I like fulfilling my will over my way, there is strength to be earned in that. I won't swear I will get to it today, but it is on my mind. I don't feel like it, otherwise, either. But, that's not always the point either. I don't do things 'when I feel like it', I do things when I can or must regardless of how I feel, despite what some truly might think. Some can't tell the difference. Neither can I always, absolutely. But when it gets thin enough that I can't do it, the difference is negligible between why this way or why that way. Uhrm, usually.
I didn't wake until almost 14:00 after going to bed at, about, half past 8:00. Whatever. The increased dose, the dropping bp, the weather, the season, still needing to rest up a bit after my mother's visit, could any or all be the sole culprit, but combined? I am probably lucky I am not crawling around like a whipped cur. Yep. So I'll take this minor inconvenience with a glad continence and nature, and use what time I have in the waking world to do my will and tend the way. Laundry has been set back in motion, dishes are in a fresh soak, a pot of coffee has been lit, and I am thinking about... what next. That driveway is looking mighty tempting, that's all I'm saying... Though I may try to get a the drywall squared and cleaned, the replacement drywall cut, boards found, and the first steps in repairing that going. Then see if I am still up to being a great big little boy by playing with snow and will and the broom.
Good day.
.
I was only able to stay awake about four hours after waking so oddly this morning. But I used that time as efficiently as I am able. I did a couple of loads of laundry, seriously pondered working on the drywall but it really is too dark to try to cut the holes to exacting angles and straight lines as dark as it was, as well as doing a number of other little things. Researching this and that as well. But when the timer hit four hours I fell like a rider rent with one too many arrows. Ah, but such a wonderful sleep.
Waking, I see it has snowed, again. Perhaps I noticed that before I went to sleep, if I simply can't be sure. My friend suggested it was set to snow for, say, three more days more or less. It seems to be snowing overnight, mostly. My back has become verbal. Every time my brain and the rest of my body think about grabbing the broom my back yelps and kicks me. I may try it anyway, just... because I... No, I'm not a masochist. I just don't like being held at nerve-point. Well, and I tinker with pain, when I have enough going. And I like fulfilling my will over my way, there is strength to be earned in that. I won't swear I will get to it today, but it is on my mind. I don't feel like it, otherwise, either. But, that's not always the point either. I don't do things 'when I feel like it', I do things when I can or must regardless of how I feel, despite what some truly might think. Some can't tell the difference. Neither can I always, absolutely. But when it gets thin enough that I can't do it, the difference is negligible between why this way or why that way. Uhrm, usually.
I didn't wake until almost 14:00 after going to bed at, about, half past 8:00. Whatever. The increased dose, the dropping bp, the weather, the season, still needing to rest up a bit after my mother's visit, could any or all be the sole culprit, but combined? I am probably lucky I am not crawling around like a whipped cur. Yep. So I'll take this minor inconvenience with a glad continence and nature, and use what time I have in the waking world to do my will and tend the way. Laundry has been set back in motion, dishes are in a fresh soak, a pot of coffee has been lit, and I am thinking about... what next. That driveway is looking mighty tempting, that's all I'm saying... Though I may try to get a the drywall squared and cleaned, the replacement drywall cut, boards found, and the first steps in repairing that going. Then see if I am still up to being a great big little boy by playing with snow and will and the broom.
Good day.
A seedling rig?
.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
.
Well, I suppose you could call it what you want. But, yes. I have been thinking things over, looking at ideas, and doing all sorts of fuzzy math regarding what is best, costs, realities for me and here, and... Okay, so my notion of building a wooden seeding platform... thingy... is... probably on the scrap heap. Why? Well, mix wood, potting material, chemicals, lights, and growing things and... before long the wood will come back to life. Only it will come back in a form of life that you don't really want. I suppose you could use treated wood, and continued to treat it. YOU could. The notion that I fell upon was that of using a stainless kitchen shelving stand.
Considering the costs of wood, hardware, and longevity or lack of it, the stainless would be the better deal, I think probably even up-front. The extended years of use compared to a wooden system would simply be gravy. Urhm, and construction would... definitely be limited to "an afternoon or three". Cheh. Heh. Why am I going on to planting instead of saving for a top grain mill you ask? Didn't think I remembered the old steps I had set forth, did you? Well I do remember. The reason is that the mill will cost more than I can afford in the shorter run and gardening is something I can fill in the blanks between now and the mill with, that will probably still allow me to save, if a little more slowly. So... there.
I have been looking at other things, as well. But for this year, if I can afford this, I will be keeping the operation pretty simple. Instead of two lamps, though, it would require three or I could just buy two with room to upgrade. I am learning about fluorescent lighting, but I still don't have that exactly down. Some say any of it will work, others demand full spectrum, and still others suggest various strengths/spectrums and sizes based on the type of plant, it's age, etc. Too much information to tack down simply, especially when solid growers disagree completely on what should be a simple thing. My best bet is to find growers who have used all sorts of fluorescent systems, but they don't advertise that. You find, somewhere in a book worth of writing, that they have. Or you simply don't see anything about alternatives they have tried so you don't know.
I suppose it might seem a bit odd to be obsessing over such a little thing that is really only a minor part of what I want to do with gardening and cooking. Save for a few things you might be right. First, I do things this way, when I can. When I have the time, money, and other resources, I tack shit down. I will fail, I will fall, and then I will learn. If I am successful, I repeat. If I think I can be more successful, I work the thing (often until failure somewhere, but... that's all good too, the best learning has come from failures, for me). Second, this is just the start of what I hope to turn into a natural part of my personal food production industry. No, I don't mean to sell. Well, to sell to myself, give or take. I have the time, some money, a strong interest, and a belief that there is quickly coming a need. Beyond that, I haven't taken a full fledged project from start to finish in decades, really. I would like to see this through, see where a few years of tinkering and playing and eating maybe and such lead. A few years older, a few coins shorter at worst and if all fails, a bit smarter more knowledgeable and perhaps a tad wiser, and maybe with a taste of fresh and home-canned garden foods.
Do I believe? Hell no! Who do you think you are reading? I don't have an email addy like doomed forever and go by Doom because I believe bunny tickles and pixy farts will spare even your lives, definitely not your souls. So... But is belief necessary? No, obviously. How do you think I still live but on faith? But I will make you a deal, a trade... you can have your belief in your life being spared by pixie farts for three good habanero plants this year. If they all make it, and I have a bumper crop, I'll let you at least hope for purgatory instead of outright perdition due to bunny tickles. Deal? Not that any of your situation concerns me, this is just... bacon in the clouds in trade for a new car in New Delhi. Now back off would you, I have work to do.
Yeah, well... Have a good day.
Ah! and Wow! But is that actually healthy?
.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
.
Okay, that might be why I am waking up after four hours of sleep, too. After sort of catching up on lost sleep, interrupted sleep, and such yesterday(s), I got hit again by the sleep bandit. Oh well. I remembered to do my vitals and stats this morning anyway. Up on the scale. A pretty typical 279.stupid. Agh! Just drop, would you! On to the bp. Hmm, didn't seem to be taking very long before coming back down. Yeah, probably just not awake enough to... click time off mentally. Hmm? That couldn't be possible, 125/82. No, I'll try the left arm, and make sure I do it right in every way. Lower, 115/72? No way. I haven't seen that bp since the Navy. It has been 150/105 average for... a while, give or take, with a spike or two, and 205/140 average before that for months, and probably 180/120 average for the last... since 1999, December of that year for sure. I am wondering if, when it kicked down or while it is trying to lower, my ability to sleep is disturbed. Who knows though, perhaps this is just a fluke. Time will tell. But... Wow!
I did ask, again, about Ritalin. About whether it might ever be possible to try that again. I was told, how truthfully I don't know, by the cardiologist (not the intern) that the answer was yes but only if my bp was reduced and stabalized. As I said, even if such came to pass I would only want to be on it just long enough to try to gain my own foothold, say a year and a half, maybe two. To get in shape, to become involved in things, to... quicken. Then the stuff would have to be taken away and I would sink or swim from then on. I won't become a junky. And I did quit the stuff cold turkey without a hiccup or seeking 'other sources'. How many chances does a guy get? Maybe just enough? But I am so old now. Engineering school is for young men, and it beats them into the ground. Same with a wife and kids. And I wouldn't have any real reason not to succeed. I hope this wasn't a joke on me, somehow. One way or another, but... here it goes.
Yes I am jazzed. Later.
Burning Man?
.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
.
This year or skipping a year? Preregistration is required to get in on the first attempts at tickets, January 4th. If this year, is the idea to try to order two tickets each, selling if both are fortunate? Yeah, I won't scab them, they have a fair price buy-back system. Do unto others, plus, I have enough in life, innit? I almost lost track.
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