Limbo.

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I am still simply hopping from one bit of wakefulness to the next.  I have no idea when or how long I will be awake or asleep, and controls are completely off the rail.  The higher dose of medicine simply hasn't been put into perspective yet.  I am taking it, and very regularly, save the metformin.  I need to call my doc and ask if he wants me to take it whether I eat or not.  I simply don't eat twice a day.  Not at this moment.  I expected this sleep disruption, if I never really know how long it takes to shake out the medicine blues.  Beyond, the weather and season will play their part.

The sun is blazing away today if the mountains to the south are surrounded in angry or swirling resistant clouds.  I can't easily see the mountains, simply noting huge lumps of swirl, with some patches of rock underneath from time to time.  The mountains to the east are easily viewed, but not from where I sit.  And as with the sleep cycle, activity is off.  But with the sun getting in to both mountain and clouds to the south, it almost looks like a reverse shadowbox or something.

Finally, a break from the notion of women both in my sleep and wakefulness.  I guess some things have to burn themselves out.  The medicine seems to play a very large part, especially regarding dreams of women, when I start or increase the level.  Hmm, both more dreams and thoughts of women AND becoming unhinged as to sleep cycle?  Go figure!  I've watched my girls go through days, even nearly a week, of very active sleep cycles.  Sam especially, who will chase or flee in her sleep.  Her legs jolting, simulating a run.  My dreams seem to be virulent and focused on themes at times.  An old hound dog, too lame to chase anymore, lying on the kitchen rug near the pot-bellied stove.  No harm it I suppose.

 I am hoping things normalize before long.  While mostly keeping up on things, I am slipping just a bit.  Further, I am not getting ahead on tasks and chores.  To be sure, I can never be too far ahead.  Whatever I do to prep will require, often, in the end, more work than not having prepped.  If I set out everything for a meal, for example, I often end up doing more by making a vegetable too, or adding a step to the cooking process, since it might seem so easy.  I then add a pan or two to clean up.  Well, if I can make a large enough pot of something, though, that usually pays dividends.  With the big freezer and plenty of meal and three-meal containers, I can now store the chili, menudo, roast, or whatever.  I haven't gotten that far, save with one batch of menudo I split out into three or four containers, but that is long gone.  Yes, another shot of chili might work quite well.  But I won't thaw one more meat until I have my kitchen back into full order.  Incentives!  Yeah, that will probably be done today.  If so I will begin soaking beans and thawing meat.

Oh, somewhere in the last bit of dreaming and thinking of women, I started to question some of the anger, hate.  Why should it be there?  I am not a brutal man, a big lug but quite gentle for the most part.  I couldn't really remember from most of my relationships, save a small snippet from my last.  With my last love I tried to figure some things out that have bothered me.  When queried, she said she hated me because I seemed to get my way far too often, among other things.  I had, initially, thought she was being silly, and that I was quite fair with things.  After thinking about it though, I kind of think she was right.  Not that I minded, she certainly did try to get her way, she simply wasn't as good at it.  A woman really holds grudges over these things, and they aren't the best at... plugging for their way.  At least that is what I have found.  When I got a woman to actually think my way was her idea, even then they eventually do the math and realize they have been had.  A thousand such little wounds really does create some serious hate.  That wasn't all of it, but... it was a good chunk of it.  How to manage that in a marriage though?  Yikes!

Good day.