It took a long time to get started.

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Then again, at least I started with gaming.  Well, actually, before that, I reset all the waterers.  Then set them to warm.  Then I started gaming.  Oh, I am sure, playing games may seem leisurely, to most.  To me it is work.  It makes me think, I have to remember things, the stresses within the game are... harsh, to me.  Gaming is as close to work as I can get.

The thing which makes gaming different from work is, I can do it at my time... when I can.  If I fail, it is only a setback for the game, but can be made up.  A boss doesn't want to deal with setbacks.  Often, they won't deal with setbacks, or not many.  And, they require a form of timed quota, with no setbacks.  Simply beyond my ability.

I played for a few hours, and the water warmed.  When I finished, I got to the rabbits.  Their waterers were thawed, out there.  But they were hungry.  I did feed them, and will feed them later.  Today is their Thanksgiving.  The girls will get three feedings today, and two snacks.  As for myself?  I technically already had mine, but will try to get another good meal.  Pork chops, grilled.  I had thought about another potato, but... no.  I will have a salad to go with it.

I seem to have lost track of insulin, both fast and slow.  Getting to town, trying to get things caught up, plus cooking, just... it was too much with the cool weather and this level of meds... at least for the moment.  I will keep at it.  So very tired, but things are being done.

Hmm, a fatted coffee, shortly.  A bit of browsing on the web.  Getting the grill going, then getting chops cooking.  I'd like to reset waterers brought in, shortly, as well.  I did bring a bucket of fresh water in for the girls, and then another one in order to reset waterers.

I would like to get trash and recycling out.  Perhaps get another shower, and set up dishes.  Probably dreaming.  Not sure all of that is possible.  Though, who knows.  Sometimes it is possible.  My mother called tonight.  She is getting things done there, with help.  Sounds healthy, and able.  Plus is getting out from time to time.  All good.

I need something, something.  Food?  Water?  Something.  I'll have some water with electrolyte added.  And meds and vitamins, if I haven't taken them?  I think I have had medicines, pills, and insulin... fast acting... with chia breakfast.  But I am thirsty, and maybe a touch hungry, in the way that really does mean food could be had.  Or... I might wait on that.

Yes.  I will have electrolyted water, and just hold off on the chops until a bit later.  

Finally, a real meal.

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I can't be sure how long it has been since I made a meal, a real meal.  Oh, chia seed breakfast is okay.  And cheese sandwiches are fine.  But they aren't a real, hot, meaty meal.  I haven't cooked in a very long time.  I have been so very hungry for a homecooked meal.

Thanksgiving was a bit late, but good.  Not keto, I had a potato too.  The rest was four chicken drumsticks.  Of which the girls got one, plus bones.  While I was cooking the meal, Sassy... went all very weird.  So I put her away.  She was yeowling in the oddest fashion.  Then Sam, while I was eating, became an absolute creep.  I almost didn't share.  Thankfully, for them, three was quite enough.

Ah... to have a hot, multi-item meal, with meat and... almost anything else would have done.  I have other foods, for soon, tomorrow probably.  Taco salad, more chicken, oh and pork chops.  Yeah, I'll eat well for a short bit.  And, with the salad, I can add tuna as well.  Not as fancy, but it is easy.  I might even add some fat to the tuna, and heat it, by frying it in butter.  As well, as I eat, I will try to aim toward keto again.

Oh, and tomorrow, the rabbits will get two meals, early and late.  Though... sort of on my schedule, which is off.  It's 04:38 and I won't be quite going to bed for just a bit.  Soon, though, soon...  as I can.  Later, or maybe goodnight if I don't happen to get back to the blog... which I probably won't.

Out?

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I went to my usual feed supply store.  None.  Not just rabbit food, they were out of half a dozen items.  I thought most other stores were twice the cost.  And they might be.  I thought the rabbit food I generally buy is in 50# bags, but maybe not?  If so, yes.  If not, then no.  Still, I found some in town, enough to last a few weeks.

I fed the critters first thing, and changed their waterers.  On to three were frozen, or near it.  One was empty.  The rest were cold but flowing, just low enough to pull and replace.  All of their feeders were empty, but that is to be expected.  Actually, I wasn't able to feed them well yesterday, so will do so probably tomorrow.  I ran out.  Thankfully they don't know which day was Thanksgiving, so a Saturday Thanksgiving will be just as good as a Thursday one.

While in, I stopped at the grocery store, after checking my account.  Low, but there was some money.  Just... some meats, the family salad pack, and more cheese for sandwiches.  Perhaps a few other odds and ends, but I kept it light.  Burger, at $6 to $7 a pound?  Which meant anything else was out of the question.  Even pork is up to about that, chops.  The more they increase, the less I buy.  I have... other things to eat.  

Worse comes to worse, an occasional fast food run.  Still pricey, but not THAT pricey.  Choices.  I suppose my Sunday dinner may become McDonalds, or chicken.  Actually, since Wendy's will do lettuce wrapped burgers, I am going that way.  When I do well, I remember my water, and just order a couple of doubles, on lettuce.  The funny thing is, all the McDonald (etc.) bitchers will be in line behind me.  Sometimes, yes, it does come down to dimes and nickels and hard but final choices.

Oh, I found a few medium and small waterers.  I look every time I am in, for what, often, the effort is worth.  Still, a few, here and there, is good.  I'd like, perhaps, six more of the smaller ones, maybe a dozen?  Then I can more easily switch out the faster to thaw ones, twice, even three times a day.  I like my critters.  I try to do good by them.  Even if they never produce.  Not the, or a, savior... or king... but the them... if captively... along those lines.  But, the truth of those notions isn't to boss or own or else, it... is to serve.  So, I serve.  Like trying to wear His sandals.  Poorly, but... it's as good as I can do.

Ugh.  I am hoping to get to bed before long.  I would like to check the waterers.  The girls have been fed twice, today, so I am good.  And I let them up today.  They only go up during the day, mostly, oddly.  While I couldn't wake well, we did have fun, from time to time.  I play wrestle, tease, itch and scratch, then fall asleep, every few hours.  Oh, they love it, taking turns.  More trying to wake me up to feed them, if they do enjoy light rough and tumbles.  I truly love the girls, and I think they love me right back.  Mostly.  Just glad I am the larger of the group, by far.  Just as with women of any type.

Well... on to... something?  Something, or nothing.  Good evening and day.  Oh, and while at it, a small prayer for yahoos and goodun's, near and far, kin, kith, enemy.  Amen.

Odd.

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To bed at 22:30.  Not as early as hoped, but sure beats 01:30, 04:30, or later.  Sleep has been very odd lately.  I am not sure when I woke, but I think it was around 12:30?  13:30?  It is nearing 15:00.  I did get a shower, and fed the girls.  Hoping to do a few other things, though who knows.

Sleep was good, but difficult to escape.  I'm not sore.  I did miss medicine last night, all of it I think.  Blood sugar was pretty high this morning.  Though it seems, the longer I go without carbs, when I eat a bit of carbs it absolute crushes blood sugar.  There isn't a middle ground, or a way back.  Double my carb allowances last night and blood sugar went nuts.  Or some carbs are even worse than others... or, some other possibilities.

The thing is, I need food.  More solid food.  Beans, meat, more solid veggies.  But I just don't have anything of the keto variety easily available.  And, to be honest, keto food isn't easy to keep on hand, with enough variety, for quick or easy meals.  Most of it requires cooking.

Anyway... on to something.  Getting dressed, now that I am dry, and... I don't know.  Later.

To bed early.

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Possibly?  Probably.  Thought I'd check blood sugar.  Reading 72 I think I should eat something.  Especially since I still need to take slow acting.  And, will be increasing that tonight.  All I can see is a can of beans and cheese.  Not keto friendly at all, but as low as it is I don't mind.  No fast acting, of course.

Just been sitting.  Though no great difficulty.  I am hoping to pull in a new bag of rabbit feed, get some in the buckets, then get fresh waterers out... and feed.  Trying to keep the critters watered and extra feed for the holiday.  Not a lot, just... a bit extra.  If I can't eat much, at least they can.  Hungry, I just... don't really have more going on and nothing thawed.  But I am satisfied with it all.

Oh, I suppose I'll get the girls another meal.  Three in a day is an extra.  And, maybe, two treats as it will end up.  As well, I need to get their litter cleared.  It's in pretty good shape.  I'd like to keep it that way.  I had the door open yesterday, but they didn't come up.  Not sure why.  Usually, after a shower, they like to come up.  Not last night.  Yeah, I know, Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I think I forgot Tuesday?  

Who knows... a bit off even now.  It may not be the medicine?  Might it just be the cool and dark?  Even when the sun is out, it goes down so early.  Meh, I'll keep trying.  I'll get a bag of rabbit feed in, first, then make myself something to eat... take a bit of a break.  Then feed the critters.  I need food in order to do much more.

Later.  And, most likely, goodnight.

Rather tired.

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I did look outside, again.  To see what temp it was... 37.  Not freezing, but close.  And, who knows.  At this altitude, given a certain barometric pressure, with any breeze or wind, it might get to freezing at that temp.  Though that can possibly be true on flatlands.  Though, honestly, I am not sure if the chill index actually affects the temp at which water freezes?  Barometric pressure, I am almost certain, will.  And I strongly suspect the wind chill will.  But... Not certain, from my own experimentation or experience.

No calls.  And I don't want to interrupt anyone's meal.  But I am fine.  So tired it is difficult to tend some things anyway.  Not much else going on.  I hope to check the waterers in a few hours, and get more food out.  I gave them a bit last night, and this morning.  The girls are getting a bit more, too.  I doubt if they will ever understand holidays, but... I can do that part for them.  They can just enjoy a bit extra, from time to time.

Someone has been around.  Something about what I wrote recently seems to have stirred someone.  Not sure if it is the last possible I had considered.  Maybe she... likes the idea, not the reality, and visits.  I may work a little up, from what was viewed, here and there.  She'd... do.  Though I am not sure she wants to just "do".  It might not be her at all.  Perhaps someone else thinks to present possibilities, hopes, thoughts.  Never can tell.

A bit to eat.  Perhaps a bit more.  Not terribly hungry.  Still, it's... not always about hunger.  It's about knowing food is needed.  Later.

A strange one.

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I don't think I dreamed.  But I sure slept deeply.  I didn't get down until very late.  I at first thought it was 01:30, then remembered.  I didn't sleep until 04:30 (give or take minutes, less than a dime).  But, then, sleep I did.  A prayer first.  Usually intended, not always able.  And, sometimes, I fall asleep in the middle of it, if I don't cut it short.  If too, usually, later, if I think I dozed in the middle, I finish it later.  I do my best, He knows it.

Awake at 11:30, give or take less than a dime in pocket change minutes.  But which way?  *filip*  Awake and actually at it.  I got right out and refreshed the rabbits' waterers.  They had all been used, but were all quite frozen.  I'll get them reset again tonight.

It is a bit tight this morning.  Is it the cold?  Could be.  Well, and still down from medicine.  It... can take a while.  The more extreme the environment, the longer it takes to acclimatize to medicine.  Even what I normally take, I am always sort of on the edge with that.  Any new medicine can be that proverbial feather that breaks the camel's back.  The first one was good, the second one not so much.  We will see about this next one.  I was afraid, and rightly.  Then again, I was afraid of the last two adjustments, and they went pretty good.  So, it's... not just psychosomatic.

Breakfast water is heating up.  Blood sugar is 238 fasting.  I forgot slow acting insulin, and fasting acting too really.  I didn't have an actual meal, but grazed on pistachios all through the evening.  And ate quite a few.  Couldn't quite get to things, to cleaning, and cooking.

Pretty tired today.  Oh, but it is Thanksgiving.  Ah.  And, yes, I am grateful.  I give thanks to God every time I pray.  Even a hard, harsh, life is worth celebrating.  It is a gift on a level very few groupings of molecules will ever know.  No boulder or comet or even sun, solar system, or universe will ever know having a will.  No matter how complex, or seemingly intelligent, they are all less than one human.  The hubris to claim the humility to be less is amazing.  Yes, that is what it is.  If you wish to be nothing, you... probably can't be.  Can go to hell, can't cease to be.  And shouldn't try to push that on others, who are humble to their nature as is.  Don't... try to square the infinite, you just look silly.

I forgot to keep my feet warm, for a few days.  Kept thinking I would get in to a shower, so didn't wear socks.  Then just... sat... in the cold.  My heels hurt, a lot, for it.  Dried up, dried out, and now they hurt.  It's as if the shelf between the flat and the whole of the foot, at the heel and around in a horseshoe shape, started separating.  Ugh.  I'll be limping for a bit.  But, okay.  I'll fix it.

Maybe another shower today?  I sure like them when I can get to them.  It is amazing how well I can clean up.  Even after an extended down time.  I am sure hoping medicines can be adjusted sooner than later, so I can get back to bathing and showering at least every other day.  It is too much, but with a bit of oil after, I seem to adjust to excessive cleanliness quite well.  And I dearly love it.  Most showers just being a quick clean, but one or twice a week a very long shower, or that and a bath.  Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean.  I really love being clean.

Well, good morning.  Good day.  God's speed.  And... get to it.  If you want to do me a favor, say a little prayer.  If you want to do yourself a greater favor, do that and for yourself, and the rest, even your enemies.  Amen.

A bit tough still.

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Things feel just a bit better.  Feelings, again, aren't translating to action.  I have been sitting here, might as well be counting flowers on the wall.  Wall paper just isn't the thing anymore, so I don't even have that.  Oh, but there is yt.  They have pretty much stripped it, so all I can do is look around, direct specifically.

With the notion of becoming an expat on my mind, I went looking with as a theme.  And, yea, I found interesting things.

Expat?

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Have thought about it.  Not sure it is possible.  Unsure if it would endanger .mil disability.  Though it almost certainly would be difficult to obtain medical abroad.  Though, maybe, at military bases?  Then again, some nations have their own programs one could enter.

Rents, in some places, are quite good.  Hiring a maid and cook is even possible, and for rather little.  Weather?  In some places, with mountains not far from beaches, you could have cool weather to live in, and a short ride to warmer weather most of the year.

Of course, politics, religion, monetary concerns... things can go south very quickly.  And a foreigner would be seen as an easy target, for one or many reasons.  Still, some places offer rent, maid services, cook (at least part time) and all for less than $600 a month.  Probably less, that was on the beach, higher up, and more for a small family.  I'd bet I could do with just $200 to $400, just smaller and more rural.

As to dangers?  I have dangers right here.  People are breaking into my house as is.  Who knows what all they take, or if or when they might try to harm me.  Perhaps they already are.  Strange blood sugar spikes, and missing and possibly rearranged medication makes me wonder.  At this point, it might be worth going elsewhere.

Just... thinking.  Saw a few videos.  Not conclusive.  Sent an email, with a few specific, noted here, queries.

Well... on to other things.  Later.

Disappointing.

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To bed at 19:16.  I was able to remember.  A good time, really.  And sleep was great.  I woke a few times.  Less than a average number of wakings, I am sure.  Even so, I wasn't able to wake until 11:00.  But why?  I didn't feel all that tired when going to bed.  I didn't feel bad, hurt, or... such.  I just couldn't wake.

Sam was letting me know it was time to get up, probably around nine.  But I heard her as if through a great distance, in a tunnel, in a dream.  I wanted to get up, to feed her.  My legs had no strength?  No, it wasn't a lack of strength.  There was simply no means by which to employ the strength they have.  Thought did not get on through to function.

Up, awake, now.  But just on that cusp.  Enough to be down, sitting, writing.  I am hoping to hit chores, if probably taking a shower first.  Chores, feeding the girls, tending their litter.  If I can get all of this done, shortly, perhaps I can do something more this afternoon and evening.  Maybe.

I'm not tired.  I am dissociated.  The lack of a link being thinking and doing seems strong.  Still, maybe.  I... might be able to get a few things going, done.  If just the small daily list, it is something.  If even more, all good.  I'll get to prayers before long.  I have been praying better, lately... more frequently and more fully.  There is that.

Oh... blood sugar.  I'm not sure it is fasting.  I got the munchies, and ate a few handful of pistachios.  It read 203, but that has been after grazing on nuts for the last fifteen minutes.  Ugh.  I hate when I do that.  I'll see, after breakfast, insulin, and a few hours.  

It always takes a while.

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Still, and not yet 22:00 if only by minutes, it's a good time to go to bed.  I will feed the girls first.  As well, I will leave the door open for them to join me, at their leisure.  I have decided, Tuesday and Thursday would be a good time to let them up.  Something for us to look forward to, a regular scheduled set of events.

I haven't been able to do anything else.  Still hungry, so I had a few more nuts.  Hopefully it will be okay.  Would rather have cooked meat, but what I have is what I ate.  I'll try to get a shower tomorrow, and get into the freezer.  At least I am keeping up with chores, got caught back up with the girls, and am eating something, anyway, and regularly.

Vision is still blurry.  I am hoping it will improve, in time.  Who knows.  I received eye drops, sans preservatives.  Not sure it will help, but seemed to.  Trying to remember to blink more often, as I think not blinking often enough is more of the problem than else.  Won't be able to know for sure until medicine becomes sane enough to go in to find out.  I'm not going as long as they are pushing shots and requiring masks.  They know better.  Then again, maybe their whole point is to shut down the medical establishments?  Especially public, government, ones.  Saving a lot of money.

Well, on to feed the girls, then on to bed.  Goodnight.

Cold out there!

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The thermometer reads 35, but the waterers were beginning to freeze.  Some were already frozen, most were just getting frozen.  Hands, and even body to a degree, got quite cold out there.  It is amazing how cold it is out there.  A bit of a heavier breeze going, and wind from time to time.

I am hungry, as in blood sugar was on the way down.  Thought about what I could eat that might not raise blood sugar.  Pistachios.  An ounce or two of those, and a bottle of water.  Should work out.  Medicine was taken.  No insulin with this meal, and I dropped the newest medicine, as that seems too strong or just not a fit otherwise.  Hopefully I have a few days to a week to sort of try to clear up a bit.

My mother called back.  She was out to her friend's house.  They are starting Thanksgiving preps.  I... didn't realize that was coming up.  Lost track.  Then again, barely staying seated and awake most days.  She sounded good but tired.  It doesn't take much to wear her out these days.  Still, at nearing eighty, with some hard falls and else, she's doing just fine.

I'll try to dig my way into the freezer, tomorrow, and see if I have a cornish game hen, or at least some chicken thighs or drumsticks.  If so, I'll get those thawing.  No stuffing, probably no veggies, but it'll do.  Just roast them, this time.  Not feeling like fiddling with the grill.  Assuming I have anything, and it gets thawed in time.

 It's almost bedtime.  I just need to... get ready to go down?  Something.  Goodnight.  Prayers for you.  Sleep well.

Not much more.

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I did reset the waterers available.  I turned up the heat to warm those a bit more before taking them out in a bit.  Cold.  Or so it seems here in the front room.  I did get a cheese and meat sandwich, plus pork rinds, for a meal.  A few hours after, blood sugar is 111.  I forgot to add a dose of slow acting insulin.  I'll do that tomorrow.  Just one cc per every three days, I was told.  Okay.  Seems a bit slow, but... there it is.

I will get to litter tonight, and feed the girls one more time.  As well, check the waterers out there.  Probably frozen.  Oh, and put a padlock on the tap out there, someone has been leaving it open, to freeze.  They are trying to break it, I guess.  They may have succeeded.  Still, I'll put a lock out there, and hope that keeps it from getting worse.  Someone seems to have a lot of time on their hands.

I am surprised they... hmm... maybe they did kill the rabbits too.  Just not all of them, or yet.

I did call my mom.  She didn't answer.  Her phone is working, at least.  And it did ring through, if to messaging.  Perhaps she is at bingo or some such.  Can't say I didn't try.

I'll give it half an hour, then check waterers out there.  If they are frozen, I'll replace.  If not... so be it.  Though I suspect they will be.  Cold out there.  Later or good night.

There are options.

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A new, new, medicine.  The last one will be dropped.  Ugh.  We will see if that works.  I will stop taking it as of tonight.  Though I go back on 10 mg of the older new medicine.  And, then, wait for the new medicine to come in.  As to the water pills?  I wasn't sure if a milder medicine was called for, or... what.

As things stand, I will wait until I get on the next new medicine.  If things go well, I will then begin trying something with the water pill.  If all goes well, and I get even to this point on the new medicine, he suggested trying half a pill.  Cool.  I don't quite want to quit the waterpill, whole hog.  But, when things are arranged on the new medicine, the possibility of cutting it in half sounds reasonable.

Three blood tests a day, he says.  I don't have enough test strips.  He tried to argue, looked it up.  He'll... add another pack.  I can't do what I don't have to do with.  Gladly do as suggested if I have it.  I did look at strips, to buy myself.  Not... too bad.  But I am sort of living on the edge, financially.  Not sure I could afford extra, not very often.  I may order an extra, if I am flush for some reason on some month, just to have a few extra in case I feel the need to test more often... which... sometimes I do.  A slush of extra.  I'll have a month or two to save aside a little for the extra.  I like to check more carefully (which means more often) if the number is sliding quickly, or some other extreme is happening.  If nothing else than to try to understand what just happened.  I am not still alive just by accident.  I try my best to sort out what is killing me, eating me, crashing me, and either prevent it or not allow it to happen again.  If I could figure my way to health, I would.  It just doesn't exist.  I am a miracle worker to a greater degree.  My miracles simply aren't complete.  That... would take Another.  Blood sugar is 138.  Time for a cheese sandwich, tea, and insulin I suppose.  I'll go with 8 cc's.

Oh, something about increasing the slow acting insulin in order to bring fasting blood sugar down to 80 to 120?  Or... something like that.  Up one unit every three days?  Okay.  Well, I can try that.  I think that was discussed before, but got lost in all else that was, or wasn't at the time, happening.  Ugh.  I'll... give it a go.  One unit tonight, to start.

I have to get in for blood work.  I'll... get to that soon.  He wants a fasting blood sugar draw.  That's... preferable, even for me.  So... all good.  A pretty good day.  Critters fed and watered, litter managed, trash getting put together to go out, and a few other things.  Plus medicine being managed and the appointment dealt with.  A shower would be good.  I'll have to do chores again this evening... just putting water out for them again.  A nap?  Not... yet, but I'd love one.  I really need to get meat out of the freezer.  I need food!

I had started tearing into things on top of the freezer.  I suppose I'll have to finish that soon.  I really need to get some meat out.  Then, maybe, I won't be eating as poorly.  A good, warm, meat meal a day is needed.  I can handle the chia seed breakfast and deli meat and cheese sandwich(es) for most of the day, with a handful of nuts as occasional sides or snacks once every few days.  But I really need a bit, warm, meat, meal a day, or even two out of three days.  A fatted coffee is coming back into it's own, as the weather cools.  Though I'd like to counter that with tea, say, every other day, give or take?

We'll see about the next medicine.  It sounds like there might be more options, after this.  With everything else so close, might be able to get there without too high of a level of other stuff.  Might be able to get this sorted, and still be somewhat functional.  Ugh.  Otherwise I just have to live with a slightly elevated bp, when I can take medicine.  So tired, on or off the medicine.  The medicine helps, right until it doesn't.  Ugh.

Later.

A few things.

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Medicine down, save insulin.  But breakfast is brewing.  Cats fed, their litter finally changed out.  Trash ready to go, recycling will also get readied and out sometime today.  Chores done.  Actually, a pretty good, and rather fast morning.  Surprising.  I'll definitely take it.  It's what I aim for every morning, just not what I get.

I must have twisted something.  My left side is a bit numb.  Not dysfunctional.  Not a stroke.  Just numb, as when you sit wrong, or too long, and the limb 'falls asleep'.  Only it's a large part of my left side.  Even my left facial cheek, if that has returned to feeling.  I don't think I've ever had that much of my body fall asleep before.  Ah!  I had a robe on the back of my chair.  It was just in the wrong place, was pushing against a part of my lower back and I think that did it.  Too asleep, initially, to realize that was poorly placed.  Odd world we live in.

Very good bp, at 107/78 pulse 75.  I took it within an hour of taking medicine this time, which seems to help a lot.  Not sure if eating raises bp too, but it might.  There is some mix between blood sugar and blood pressure.  Direct, indirect, partial, I just don't quite know for sure.  Hopefully blood sugar comes down well enough, and shortly.  Breakfast is ready to be stirred, plus a bit more water, then let to stew a bit longer.  I try to get as much expansion of the seeds as possible.

A shower, trash and recycling out, and then maybe a nap?  Oh, but I can't nap for a while.  Still, a nap is on the menu.  Unless I get past it.  Later.

Almost eight.

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So, probably awake at about 07:30?  It was brightening out there.  It helps to wake.  Still pretty cool though.  Yes, plenty cool outdoors at 22 F.  Frosted, grasses, probably trees too.  Not bad in here, for now.  Even in this cold front room.  A warm sleep, an easy wake, a few dreams and hopes of dreams, but gone with the light.

A shower, as soon as possible this morning.  And a bit more, if possible.  Chores... in an hour or so.  Hopefully letting it warm.  There isn't much warmth from the sun though, or doesn't seem it.  Who knows, maybe warmth from somewhere will blow in.  Always a bit of hope.

An appointment today, but over the phone.  If he will try again, I will try to get to the blood lab this time, sometime this week.  So tired.  At least I don't hurt.  But the sleepiness, weariness, tiredness, lack of focus... those types of things are every bit as bad, perhaps worse than, pain in keeping me down.  Days and weeks drift, without marks to remember or things to cause recall.  Actions become muted, then disappear in the fog without being started or finished.

I'll talk to him.  This is as good as it has gotten in decades, probably, blood pressure and blood sugar wise.  I have been close, but never right on.  This is it.  I have done my part, and somehow made it to this point without falling into sleep for weeks and months.  I hope he enjoys it, because this can't last.  I will have to back off, so as to function, or fall off in time.  Though, most likely, I will fall off almost no matter what, from time to time.  I can't maintain this.  Still, I guess he gets to see that medicine could work, if it could be maintained.  And that I can do it, for a while.  I'm not sure that is important, since it isn't sustainable.  A dog and pony trick, but... I have done what I can.

A shower, shortly.  Chores.  Cat litter, and feeding.  The appointment before long.  Then?  Anything else I might be able to do, or fit in somehow.  I'll... keep... trying to do things.  Blood sugar is 189 fasting, which is terrible.  Oh well.  I had two frozen burritos last night, had to have something warm, can't really cook.  Bleh.  Later.

Ah, stats.

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BP was a bit odd, at 114/86 with a pulse of 80.  Then again, I am wearing a belly band, for my pistol.  It's probably increasing it just a bit.  Still, not bad.  Blood sugar is 126.  Oddly low, given several recent readings.  But I'll take it.  Mostly doing nothing.  I can't wake, or get going well.  At all actually.

It is starting to cool off for the night.  It is cooler than usual.  It just is.  Or I think so.  Though it is steady.  So far.

I don't mind.  With the way I am doing things, I am sleeping warmly, comfortably, mostly.  There is always a night, from time to time, where I didn't reset the blankets, or I kicked and rolled more than usual... creating drafts.  Even then, with my pj's, it works well enough.

No serious pains or aches.  A bit today, but so light, mild, disperse, that I almost don't count it.  Tired, again.  Not sure why, if I think it is a combination of still getting used to medicine as well as the cold... or perhaps attempting to get used to medicine in the cool.

I will check the waterers tonight.  But I think they will still be good.  Being put out warm, at 40ish F, even if it feels chill.  Some may have been emptied though.  Some of the rabbits really eat and drink a lot.  Others have learned to conserve, just in case.

I may try to call my mother.  The problem is I have to wait until after she eats, perhaps until, what, 19:00 her time?  Something like that.  After dinner, and hopefully not when bingo or such is on.  Assuming she hasn't shut her phone off again.  If so, I won't call again until she calls me.  I just won't mess around too much.  Not grumpy about it.  It means she is fitting in, staying busy, and such.  Puff the magic dragon must always be left behind as people go about their lives, grow up, and go away.  I am used to that.

Chores... I'll do that now, so that when I feel it, I can go on to sleep.  Oh, but a bite to eat... a single cheese sandwich, an extra slice of cheese, and a fatted... something.  Goodnight, most likely.

Just getting to breakfast.

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A very slow day.  More waterers done.  Chores finished.  Cats fed a second time.  A few other very small things done.  Just can't get to it.  Not sure why breakfast got missed.  So tired, sleepy, just kept passing it by, as it sat brewing on the counter.  I refreshed it a bit, with boiling water.  It was warm, needed to be warmer to take the cold cream... at least without becoming cold.  I like a warm breakfast, it helps in the cool.

The thermometer reads 40 out there, 38 to 40.  But the water isn't thawing.  It's a very cold 40.  I wonder what the barometric pressure is?  That might be the problem.  Bitter chill cold out there, for some reason.  Still, all is good.  Oddly, the rabbits are all still good with food, mostly.  One, out in the shed, is eating way too much?  Dunno.  She has become... strange.

Ah, remembered to call the VA.  First, to make sure the appointment is by phone, tomorrow.  Not going in until they quit with genocide and the mask.  I fear them trying funny business should I arrive.  And... apparently I am far from the only one.  The woman I spoke with suggested she is bombarded with calls, making sure it is by phone.  I think they have stopped testing everyone going in, which was as sure to be wrong as to be... wrong.  But they still have the mask and are still pushing the clot-shot, even offering it to vets who aren't disabled or otherwise involved, their spouses, and some caretakers.  The VA doesn't do anything that costs them money.  So... they are being paid to give people shots.  Enough to have staff dedicated to it.

Then I called for medications.  Refills on the way, or so I was told.  All good.

I am guessing it is becoming a lonely place to work.  The only people coming in have been 'vaxxed.  And they are coming in for covid and offshoot things, from being 'vaxxed.  The unvaxxed know better than to go in.  The 'vaxxed only go in with no choice.  I would rather die at home, their treatments are more lethal than the so-called disease, and their 'vaxxes are even worse.  I have to wonder how many doctors and nurses who got the 'vaxxes actually gave each other saline... or just signed on the lines without even that.  

What bothers me, is how they can continue to give the shot, knowing how bad it really is?  Nurses can be pushed and shoved, and often cave.  But doctors?  Is there enough money it if for them to soothe their consciences?  There is ignorance.  But, at this point, not even willful ignorance can cover that gap.  They have to know.  And children?  The level of evil is impressive.  Though, no matter how tricky it seems, everyone who took it, took it completely by choice.  So far.  Australia is leading the way, probably, in the other direction.  Austria too, perhaps.

Still, now I have... most things arranged.  I have one last task, for the year, then, perhaps, I can, sort of, just crash for the winter.  One more thing, or small group of things.  Ugh.  Bleh.  Blah.  Ekh.  Oh... I could go on with those.  So tired, but not quite sleepy.  Later.

When to bed?

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I think, as it ended, a few minutes after midnight.  I had been heading to bed by 22:30, giver or take.  It just... took a while.  Now, I had two naps yesterday, I think?  I sure thought so.  Plus dozing in the chair fairly often, which I have never done before to memory.  Oh, I glide, in time, in thought.  But never have I slept sitting up.  Didn't even know I could do that.

Awake at 09:57.  A bit surprised I slept in so long, after so much sleep yesterday.  But, so be it.  Good prayers before bed, and a morning remembrance.  I still think many fear Christ because of what happened to Him, or what they feel they owe, or their fear of death which He illuminates plainly.  But it's not like that.  If a school is locked down, then becomes engulfed in fire, and the janitor opens the doors, but dies doing so, it was a gift, not a debt.  

There is hope you learn from the gift, but it isn't ever meant to be a cudgel.  It was a trick I had to... sort out myself.  It isn't even about who is deserving.  That's... just not it.  Anyway... I remembered priorities, of which I am not really one.  The world around me at least righteous obligations, duties, promises, those in my care, people in general, perhaps my maintenance and upkeep.  But I am not the one.  Just... another.  Amen.  Actually, in many ways, like the Janitor.  Only, playing my part.

I'll get food going shortly.  But get chores first thing.  When I can, in a few.  I have electrolytes going down, meds to be with it... done, actually.  I decided to take blood sugar, which is 217 fasting.  My last check was 105, at 22:45 last night.  Still not quite getting why blood sugar is so high.  It had been coming down.  I am not eating anything unusual these last few days.  Many days I am eating less than 1k calories.  I have a limit of well over 2k, at a moderate weight loss level.  Bleh.

Well, waterers were filled, as well.  I'll get to chores soon.  Then, hopefully, fill those waterers right away.  I keep trying to get ahead, so I'll have, say, three days ready.  It just hasn't been happening.  It is 34 out there, and maybe warming.  But it does look like it froze pretty hard last night.

Things are starting.  Later than hoped but on the way.  I'll try to get a few more things done.  I'll keep at it, if just in my mind.  Have a good day.

Feeling better?

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Now I can't sleep.  I feel too much better.  Blood sugar is 106.  No, I stopped dosing, couldn't eat more.  Until just recently.  I had more fatted coffee, walnuts, and pecans.  Raw, between three and four ounces total.  It's... something in.  Didn't dose though, with blood sugar so low.  I only ate because... because.  I felt I should.

Still hoping to get litter, trash, and recycling sorted.  And, maybe, a shower.  Though maybe not.  Feeling good doesn't mean being able.  Yes, I get up and head toward things.  Find myself right back here.  Must almost sleep-walk back.  Don't remember deciding to return.  

Nighttime meds, of all sorts, have been taken.  The clock reads 23:37, but it feels so much later.  I thought it would be three or four, maybe later.  Ugh.  Such a rough one, in some ways.  A very odd thing, today, with blood sugar and sleepiness.  High blood sugar doesn't usually cause sleepiness.  Something bad may have just missed.

Anyway... I'll probably head on to bed, actually, as soon as possible.  Bleh.  If you'd say a prayer that I might get to work, I'd... appreciate it.  Or, just say hello to God for me.  I do, but I like when others remember me to Him.  You'll be in my prayers, either way.  Name-dropped, specific, or general...  Be well, sleep well, amen.

Oddly better.

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I have no really good idea why.  I finally got to chores, fed and watered the rabbits, got fresh water, and will probably refill the few waterers needing it, and refresh the girls water.  There is yet hope that trash and recycling can get gathered and out.  

I had been doing everything I could, to the point of chores, to just stay awake.  There appeared, in my mind, will, a window of opportunity.  I took it as hastily as possible, also feeding the girls while at it.  Strangely, the girls have been as down as I have today.  It isn't just me, which does raise some concerns.

Cat litter, trash, recycling... if possible.  Perhaps a shower.  I keep missing that.  Then again, I am missing almost everything today, and yesterday was rough as well.  There is some hope.

I did have a fatted coffee, and a cheese sandwich.  Not two sandwiches.  Sometimes I can handle two, sometimes it just doesn't go down.  I didn't think this would go down.  Given how little I have eaten today, I would have thought two, and more, would be good.  But, at prep time, I realized that just wasn't so.

Blood sugar is slowly coming down, but not all that well.  Given that I have only eaten three tablespoons of chia, 1/2 tablespoon of flax, three pieces of cheese (at 15 calories per slice), and four pieces of deli ham (at 50 calories), something is off.  I dosed, smaller doses, each time I ate (twice).  From 277, to 240, and now to 204, blood sugar is very oddly still high.  It was 166 fasting, this morning.  Still don't know what happened.  Unless someone is adding something to my food?  Seriously, I don't know what else would do that.

Well, on to... trying to get to a bit more before bedtime.  Good evening, and maybe good night.

Heck of a day.

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I can't wake up.  So tired.  I did do one small project, then just about crashed.  Going to try to do one more.  Maybe two?  Oh, heck, but today is rough.  Nothing more to eat, blood sugar is 240.  I'll have a fatted coffee, shortly, and a dose of insulin.  Something is really off today.

I think it actually warmed up a bit out there, earlier.  Not that I have been out, to enjoy it or otherwise.  Still, I'll be out in a bit, I hope.

Not great pains, but the neck is cracking and popping every time I look around.  More like there are grains in the works, sounds like, feels like, sand in a mechanism.  No aches or pains, just... something odd.

Ugh.  Life can go very odd very quickly.  So sleepy.  Slogging through life to get to a few things.  Hmm, perhaps something to eat, with the fatted coffee.  And definitely insulin.  Later.  Or goodnight.

A nap, no choice, again.

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I can't be sure when I went down.  I had been struggling to stay awake all morning.  I could guess that it was around 10:00, maybe half after.  I went down hard.  I woke around 12:30, give or take about a quarter... again guessing to a degree.  I'll be honest, I may have to go down again.  Not sure what the problem is.

I did check blood sugar as I went down.  After a check on that, it was 10:09.  Oh, but for whatever reason, blood sugar spiked.  Nothing I ate should have caused a spike.  It is what I have been eating for breakfast for the last few weeks.  Mostly chia seed, with a bit of flax, hot water of course, plus cinnamon, and my normal other spices and herbs.  For whatever reason, blood sugar spiked from 166 fasting to 277.  I only used 8 cc's of insulin, but sometimes I don't take insulin with breakfast.  Oh well.

I still hope to do a few things before going back to bed, if necessary.  Wow.  Not sure what the crushing sleepiness is about, or the blood sugar spike.  Shouldn't happen.  Later.

Almost fell back to sleep.

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Not sure what happened.  A morning crash.  Still, breakfast was in the works, so I kept with it.  I watched a documentary on ancient Egypt as a... backstop.  But, really, was snoozing most of it.  Just finished breakfast.  It actually takes at least twenty minutes.  Though, lately, I am giving the chia more time to bloom.  Today I gave it more like forty five minutes... a thirty minute, just chia and flax seed bloom time, then a bit more hot water but with the other ingredients.

It seemed a bit better.  Though, to be honest, I may try to figure out an overnight recipe, which can be warmed in the morning.  I suppose it would be fine cold, but that is more of a summer thing.  I really like a warm to hot slurry for breakfast.  It breaks that cold morning thing.

Still sleepy though.  Not sure what to do.  I may go on back and sleep just a bit longer.  Ugh.  I did take insulin, but just 8 cc's this morning.  With blood sugar being that low, and food being completely keto compliant, and then some, I didn't want to push that.  I just am not sure what to do at this point.

BP is 123/88 pulse 75.

Blood sugar is so difficult.  First, to break it down to a reasonable number.  Then to manage it as it gets lower.  I have been told various things, but those things don't really work.  No dosing if it is below 180?  It always ends up going higher.  There is, probably, some threshold at which I shouldn't dose, but I don't know what that is.  I'll find out soon enough.  At 140 and below, 120?  

And even keto food can trigger an upward spike.  And, for no good reason, downward spikes can happen, even when eating... I assume too few calories?  This is the equivalent of the bp dead zone, when it is around the 80s/60s, at least while still medicating.  But I need to clarify it a bit lower.  And... it will get there.  It's like sneaking up on a rattle snake, often in the dark.  I did with with bp, now to do it with diabetes.  I can't remember the lowest I have seen it, but that would probably be the time I fasted for five days?  On the verge of passing out for... what... four hours?  Give or take.  Then I ate a refrigerator of food, only to get blood sugar up to 118... two hours after my last bits?  Crazy.  That must have been extremely low.  Wish I had taken it, but was so ill couldn't think, or find the glucometer, was just trying not to pass out.  The lowest I remember, for sure, is 57... the last time I began getting it lower again.  Bleh.

Most of my life is boring.  But when I am getting healthy, or trying, things get... a bit more interesting.  I really wonder if life might improve if all stats are copesthetic.  I would still have to lose weight, and get in shape.  Not sure that is possible.  Then again, I didn't think this was possible.  People are finding out, at any age, that a bad heart is... almost a done deal.  Like or not, the shot is making more of us alike than should be.  If teenagers with a sudden bad heart have trouble living, imagine someone two to three times their age.  Yea.

Later.

Awake at 05:00?

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Strange.  I was to bed at 23:00.  It just took a while longer to get up and going to get there.  Not a terrible thing, just a bit annoying.  I had, really, started with the intention of getting to bed at just a bit after 21:00.  It... just... didn't happen.  I realized time was slipping, pushed and thought and considered.  But, nope.  Two hours to get to bed.  *sigh*

So, why up early?  No idea.  Further, I am feeling pretty good.  Really good.  Sleep was warm, a bit broken but not problematically.  Just, I woke from time to time, lightly or more fully.  Dreams, again.  One of which I wanted to share, but it has evaporated into the wakefulness.  Just a short one, as the ones yesterday.  If I only did remember one of those.

Medicine down, save for insulin.  I need to get water heating for that.  Though I did take a fasting blood sugar, for the first time in days.  With blood sugar seeming to be on the downtrend, I thought I would risk it.  With a non-keto supper I wasn't sure how bad it would be.  At 166 fasting, I'll happily take that.  No, not super doses of insulin.  Besides, that doesn't work.  Larger doses have a very limited benefit.  I have learned that keeping it smaller, and more frequent, if I am going that way, is the way.  At just a bit bigger than normal, more won't do anything.

Today?  Trash and recycling, and cat litter.  Chores, of course, around sunup or a bit after.  And a shower?  If I can get those things done, I'll be satisfied.  Nothing fancy.  I'd like to do more, not sure if I can.  Tired, though not sleepy this morning, for now... so far.

No pain, aches, or else.  Not a bad day at all.  Just a bit tired, weary.  The work I have been doing, and pushing to do, has gotten to me.  Trying to push through that, sometimes I can, sometimes not so much.  Trying to be warmer today.  The cold really gets to me.  It doesn't have to be all that cold inside, or out.  Sometimes that is just health, or lack of feeding, if I suspect lately it is more mild health than eating... mostly.  As bp comes down, that itself cools me off generally.  Not used to that yet.  Well, and as diabetes comes down, the heat of high blood sugar passes.  Why do you think chunk-bunnies have a hard time with heat, love the cool and need air conditioning?  Carbs, but also the high blood sugar and glucose.

I am simply having to adjust to a body running very different ways.  I am pretty sure the benefits, eventually, will outweigh the costs... if I can get used to the medicine and alter a few more ways... including dressing even more warmly than I already am.  Well, and layering.  It's tricky business.

On to get breakfast going.  Then... I don't know.  A shower first, if possible.  Then chores, I think.  Good morning and day.