.
.
I've heard the song before, though by another band. I can't seem to find it. No matter, it works as is. Although I prefer a little visual with the music. Just my way. Well, and my style of video. Not a preference, mind you. More of an understanding, or mine at least. Yeah, a little different, true. But, then, aren't you?
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Probably.
.
.
A long time waking, at a restful pace. Still, it worked well enough. I did a bit of research regarding confession. The sins I know, the procedure is still... well... As with all things, practice will lead closer to perfection. Still, a small printout of what I should do, and expect. As I was about to take a shower, then a bath, a call. My friend figured out some technical difficulties, and just wanted to share the good/bad news. Bad because it will take some parts, good because the problems are that simple... probably. Probably? Probably. One never knows for sure, even when things seem to be fixed and working as we think they should. Trust is needed, but trust in anything of flesh is... should be a... ginger thing. Still, that is what we have, and it is what it is.
After that call, and setting up for a general plan for a shoot, cook, and eat day, I decided to attempt to phone my mother. She has been busy, or hiding, or such. I know, being tired, and having someone call so often anyway, makes it more difficult to reach out. She is slowing, and yet trying to fill her time more than ever. Sounds familiar. She didn't answer. I'll try another time.
Now, a shower. No time for a bath as well. Baths take a long time for some reason. While I don't relax as women seem to do, I do lose track of time. I am, after all, trying to soak, literally. And I spend time scrubbing my feet with pumice, and using the salts to scrub elbows, knees, and the face. So I don't really rest in there, much. A shower is all I have time to do, which is just fine. I printed out a sheet, sans sins... I have those in my mind, and only for father's ear. That's how it goes. I really need to do a more versed study regarding sin. And learn those sins well enough to, perhaps, more certainly see what, how, and when, something is a sin. Is anger a sin? Only if it is unjust, and perhaps even more. Just anger is blessed. Defining which is which is a scholarly pursuit, though often one knows. Still... just to define these things a bit more surely would be good.
Right. Best get going. I could still lose time and miss. That is always possible. It is a horrible thing, but, for me, a simple reality I have to endure, be humbled by and through. I am going to make an attempt at... figuring my way past it, today, this time. It's almost luck, with great effort, and some other things. Later.
------------------
Dry run. Somewhere, somehow, I just took too long. I know how long it takes, roughly. I know, from dozens of dry runs, even pushing it, even on good days when traffic is light and the lights are with me, how long it takes. I've missed often enough to know. Next Saturday I will try again. Everything should be pretty much set up for another attempt. If that fails, it will be... a while, probably. The simple, but devastatingly humbling, nature of failure... makes it so that I try a few times and then drift. If nothing else, I sort of lose focus on things. My doctors know this as well as professors, and past women types. Next week. I can only push just so hard, and only move so fast. Sometimes. Other times all you will see is a blur. Not this time.
.
A long time waking, at a restful pace. Still, it worked well enough. I did a bit of research regarding confession. The sins I know, the procedure is still... well... As with all things, practice will lead closer to perfection. Still, a small printout of what I should do, and expect. As I was about to take a shower, then a bath, a call. My friend figured out some technical difficulties, and just wanted to share the good/bad news. Bad because it will take some parts, good because the problems are that simple... probably. Probably? Probably. One never knows for sure, even when things seem to be fixed and working as we think they should. Trust is needed, but trust in anything of flesh is... should be a... ginger thing. Still, that is what we have, and it is what it is.
After that call, and setting up for a general plan for a shoot, cook, and eat day, I decided to attempt to phone my mother. She has been busy, or hiding, or such. I know, being tired, and having someone call so often anyway, makes it more difficult to reach out. She is slowing, and yet trying to fill her time more than ever. Sounds familiar. She didn't answer. I'll try another time.
Now, a shower. No time for a bath as well. Baths take a long time for some reason. While I don't relax as women seem to do, I do lose track of time. I am, after all, trying to soak, literally. And I spend time scrubbing my feet with pumice, and using the salts to scrub elbows, knees, and the face. So I don't really rest in there, much. A shower is all I have time to do, which is just fine. I printed out a sheet, sans sins... I have those in my mind, and only for father's ear. That's how it goes. I really need to do a more versed study regarding sin. And learn those sins well enough to, perhaps, more certainly see what, how, and when, something is a sin. Is anger a sin? Only if it is unjust, and perhaps even more. Just anger is blessed. Defining which is which is a scholarly pursuit, though often one knows. Still... just to define these things a bit more surely would be good.
Right. Best get going. I could still lose time and miss. That is always possible. It is a horrible thing, but, for me, a simple reality I have to endure, be humbled by and through. I am going to make an attempt at... figuring my way past it, today, this time. It's almost luck, with great effort, and some other things. Later.
------------------
Dry run. Somewhere, somehow, I just took too long. I know how long it takes, roughly. I know, from dozens of dry runs, even pushing it, even on good days when traffic is light and the lights are with me, how long it takes. I've missed often enough to know. Next Saturday I will try again. Everything should be pretty much set up for another attempt. If that fails, it will be... a while, probably. The simple, but devastatingly humbling, nature of failure... makes it so that I try a few times and then drift. If nothing else, I sort of lose focus on things. My doctors know this as well as professors, and past women types. Next week. I can only push just so hard, and only move so fast. Sometimes. Other times all you will see is a blur. Not this time.
Another heavy, but this time in a good way, day.
.
.
Oh, but I was able to rise before the alarm this morning. So there is that. What helped was having the fan run last night. While it is the cool of spring, I have, in a way, been pushing things. The extra long shoot, yesterday, raking the day before, while light, because of my condition of late, were heavy. And so many things earlier in the week. Daily for a bit. Not for you, perhaps, but for me that was a very active period of time. Still, it is pleasing to be a bit sore if more tired. It is fighting through that which has kept me alive, if I had to guess. It is also the way to becoming able to do more... a slim but true possibility.
I didn't offer much detail of my dream from the other night, and I won't. Nothing you haven't seen, in ways you might understand. A collection of memories from family life, for you. Perhaps some happy summer day, then a couple of holidays where it all seemed to go rightly. I will share one part of the dream. As my oldest son was preparing to get his permit, I let him know I would not purchase a vehicle for him. He had to earn the money for the vehicle. After that, I and the others would pitch in to fix the vehicle, make it road worthy. He had done his part, so he, the next to oldest sons, and myself, were in the garage/shop. We had pulled the engine, had it on a stand. Just finishing up from a work session, we were discussing the exhaust system. We had to get it up to specs, as it has to pass a county inspection system where I (and we, in the dream) live. None of us knew, exactly what would fit the bill, but in the dream I knew we could do that with an older vehicle. So, while I was going to look into it, I also assigned the younger son present and eldest son to also look into the matter. We then closed up shop and went to clean up for dinner. Just a dream, but... a precious one if so. The rest are mine, like some memories. Can't, or more won't, share all. Especially if they seem vitally precious, and personal.
I had hoped to make it to the post office. And, technically I still could, just barely. I am just not in any condition to be social. Not quite yet. I will go Monday. I checked their hours, I just have to be there before noon, I believe. Instead, I will take in some coffee, then shower and bath, and prepare for making it to Church. I haven't been able to ponder sin, so I am hoping to do that more closely. If I can't, I will go with the simple solution of going with my gut feel. Yes, it would be nice if I could "just do". Sometimes I can't. Can't focus. Sometimes all I can do is be somewhere on time. Sometimes not even that. We will see. No, you probably don't understand. It's not a willful thing, it's a simple health thing. Can't focus, can't read, can't think, sometimes. Might be able to do, anyway, but maybe not even that. Still, I am thankful for what it is I do have. I do believe God is pleased, seems to be.
One other thing. I decided to use the fresh olive oil to make a batch of bath salt. I smelled it, then compared with what I had on hand. What I have is not, actually, rancid. Olive oil just had an odd odor I had sort of forgotten about. Still, I will use the new stuff for gifts, the old stuff for myself. The new stuff is good quality, too. The old stuff is just regular, if I have some doubts about the quality of any olive oil. Too much that says it is extra virgin... urhm... well... let's leave metaphors, metonymy, allegory, and such out of the notion. Too close to censorship as I leaned that way. Never mind. Olive oil, it seems, is not ever what it seems, and even good money won't ensure it.
Later.
.
Oh, but I was able to rise before the alarm this morning. So there is that. What helped was having the fan run last night. While it is the cool of spring, I have, in a way, been pushing things. The extra long shoot, yesterday, raking the day before, while light, because of my condition of late, were heavy. And so many things earlier in the week. Daily for a bit. Not for you, perhaps, but for me that was a very active period of time. Still, it is pleasing to be a bit sore if more tired. It is fighting through that which has kept me alive, if I had to guess. It is also the way to becoming able to do more... a slim but true possibility.
I didn't offer much detail of my dream from the other night, and I won't. Nothing you haven't seen, in ways you might understand. A collection of memories from family life, for you. Perhaps some happy summer day, then a couple of holidays where it all seemed to go rightly. I will share one part of the dream. As my oldest son was preparing to get his permit, I let him know I would not purchase a vehicle for him. He had to earn the money for the vehicle. After that, I and the others would pitch in to fix the vehicle, make it road worthy. He had done his part, so he, the next to oldest sons, and myself, were in the garage/shop. We had pulled the engine, had it on a stand. Just finishing up from a work session, we were discussing the exhaust system. We had to get it up to specs, as it has to pass a county inspection system where I (and we, in the dream) live. None of us knew, exactly what would fit the bill, but in the dream I knew we could do that with an older vehicle. So, while I was going to look into it, I also assigned the younger son present and eldest son to also look into the matter. We then closed up shop and went to clean up for dinner. Just a dream, but... a precious one if so. The rest are mine, like some memories. Can't, or more won't, share all. Especially if they seem vitally precious, and personal.
I had hoped to make it to the post office. And, technically I still could, just barely. I am just not in any condition to be social. Not quite yet. I will go Monday. I checked their hours, I just have to be there before noon, I believe. Instead, I will take in some coffee, then shower and bath, and prepare for making it to Church. I haven't been able to ponder sin, so I am hoping to do that more closely. If I can't, I will go with the simple solution of going with my gut feel. Yes, it would be nice if I could "just do". Sometimes I can't. Can't focus. Sometimes all I can do is be somewhere on time. Sometimes not even that. We will see. No, you probably don't understand. It's not a willful thing, it's a simple health thing. Can't focus, can't read, can't think, sometimes. Might be able to do, anyway, but maybe not even that. Still, I am thankful for what it is I do have. I do believe God is pleased, seems to be.
One other thing. I decided to use the fresh olive oil to make a batch of bath salt. I smelled it, then compared with what I had on hand. What I have is not, actually, rancid. Olive oil just had an odd odor I had sort of forgotten about. Still, I will use the new stuff for gifts, the old stuff for myself. The new stuff is good quality, too. The old stuff is just regular, if I have some doubts about the quality of any olive oil. Too much that says it is extra virgin... urhm... well... let's leave metaphors, metonymy, allegory, and such out of the notion. Too close to censorship as I leaned that way. Never mind. Olive oil, it seems, is not ever what it seems, and even good money won't ensure it.
Later.
Friday, March 20, 2015
A good day.
.
.
It seems it was a bit of a push. Tired, moving slow, out late, but I did get there and done. Lunch, then shooting. My friend was in a shooting mood. Lots and lots of shooting. All good. It was a perfect day for it. Not too hot, a little wind, not too cool, not wet, not even too dry somehow. I wasn't able to get my ak assembled fully in time. One part of it is quite tricky. I tried to do it as I always have. Perhaps the time pressure, or just because, I simply struggled. I knew what to do, but knowing and doing don't always mean the same thing. In the end, and late, I finally had to abandon the project. Next time. I also made it to the store. Dead tired, but I didn't want to waste the trip. And I needed fresh olive oil to make bathing salts for gifts. I'll use old olive oil for myself, and I think it smells fine. But I won't risk offending, especially women folk who seem to have much better olfactory sensitivities... at least than me, almost across the board.
I let him know that next week, sometime, it would be good to have a cookout, and perhaps bonfire, here. I asked him to ask our mutual friend. To save them the trouble, I may just pick them both up. One is in a wheelchair, the other has a really bad ticker. If there is one or two more who wish to come, it's all good by me. Well, a shoot and eat, I should say. To the range first, then back for a meal and talk. Dang kids shouldn't be stuck in the house all of the time, they... we... need to get out.
Oh, I have been mentioning that I can take eggs out of boiling water. I thought that was... more common than it seems to be. I have been all but called a liar. Wait, no, I have been called a liar. I could use my smartphone, or my new fancy camera... both take hd movies. The trick will be to upload it so that it doesn't become a virus. I am not interested in fame, not for such a silly thing. I think, the days my friends are here, I may do that. A few witnesses, generally, to go with the video. Trust me, I wouldn't do it if I hadn't done it many times before. I can't remember how I figured it out. Probably just a thoughtless grab at something. And then I found that boiling water isn't all that? In any case, I do it fairly often. Oh, sure, yeah, it stings. But it doesn't burn. Being at 4k altitude, I think water is hotter when it boils, too. Anyway... might get that going as a little project. Does anyone know how you can put video online and keep it from being taken? Wait... doesn't Youtube have something like that? Where you can't link it... I'll look into that. It seems it must be a rare thing, to cause that much incredulity? Whatever. I'll just show ya.
---------
Oh, but for some reason I am very prone to sunburn. I have to, slowly, work up a resistance to the sun. At the last Saguaro Man event, my friend was absolute amazed at how quickly I burned. He had never seen such. His wife is very fair skinned, and delicate. We sat in the sun, playing cards. In just a few hours I had cooked and she wasn't even red. Different... sources... Now, I can work up to being able to handle the sun fairly well. Still burn, a bit, even so. But the burn simply heals quicker... if appearances hold. Though too, just naturally, there are times when I am more prone to burning and times I am not. I can't really explain it.
---------
Tired, but I need to practice braiding my hair, then maybe some reading. That book on monsters is taking forever. I'll... make it, eventually. Good night.
.
It seems it was a bit of a push. Tired, moving slow, out late, but I did get there and done. Lunch, then shooting. My friend was in a shooting mood. Lots and lots of shooting. All good. It was a perfect day for it. Not too hot, a little wind, not too cool, not wet, not even too dry somehow. I wasn't able to get my ak assembled fully in time. One part of it is quite tricky. I tried to do it as I always have. Perhaps the time pressure, or just because, I simply struggled. I knew what to do, but knowing and doing don't always mean the same thing. In the end, and late, I finally had to abandon the project. Next time. I also made it to the store. Dead tired, but I didn't want to waste the trip. And I needed fresh olive oil to make bathing salts for gifts. I'll use old olive oil for myself, and I think it smells fine. But I won't risk offending, especially women folk who seem to have much better olfactory sensitivities... at least than me, almost across the board.
I let him know that next week, sometime, it would be good to have a cookout, and perhaps bonfire, here. I asked him to ask our mutual friend. To save them the trouble, I may just pick them both up. One is in a wheelchair, the other has a really bad ticker. If there is one or two more who wish to come, it's all good by me. Well, a shoot and eat, I should say. To the range first, then back for a meal and talk. Dang kids shouldn't be stuck in the house all of the time, they... we... need to get out.
Oh, I have been mentioning that I can take eggs out of boiling water. I thought that was... more common than it seems to be. I have been all but called a liar. Wait, no, I have been called a liar. I could use my smartphone, or my new fancy camera... both take hd movies. The trick will be to upload it so that it doesn't become a virus. I am not interested in fame, not for such a silly thing. I think, the days my friends are here, I may do that. A few witnesses, generally, to go with the video. Trust me, I wouldn't do it if I hadn't done it many times before. I can't remember how I figured it out. Probably just a thoughtless grab at something. And then I found that boiling water isn't all that? In any case, I do it fairly often. Oh, sure, yeah, it stings. But it doesn't burn. Being at 4k altitude, I think water is hotter when it boils, too. Anyway... might get that going as a little project. Does anyone know how you can put video online and keep it from being taken? Wait... doesn't Youtube have something like that? Where you can't link it... I'll look into that. It seems it must be a rare thing, to cause that much incredulity? Whatever. I'll just show ya.
---------
Oh, but for some reason I am very prone to sunburn. I have to, slowly, work up a resistance to the sun. At the last Saguaro Man event, my friend was absolute amazed at how quickly I burned. He had never seen such. His wife is very fair skinned, and delicate. We sat in the sun, playing cards. In just a few hours I had cooked and she wasn't even red. Different... sources... Now, I can work up to being able to handle the sun fairly well. Still burn, a bit, even so. But the burn simply heals quicker... if appearances hold. Though too, just naturally, there are times when I am more prone to burning and times I am not. I can't really explain it.
---------
Tired, but I need to practice braiding my hair, then maybe some reading. That book on monsters is taking forever. I'll... make it, eventually. Good night.
Some mornings are a bit... heavier?
.
.
Yes, heavy is about right. Oh, no real trouble. Simply waking took some effort. I was having so much trouble I let the girls in. I was pleased to see that Sassy how learned control. While she used her claws, she has learned not to rip or tear. Simply, gently, rhythmically poke, as one might while playing a piano. Not to stab the keys, merely to tickle them. She did it at the pace of the snooze sound. I usually don't feed them right away, and technically didn't. But most mornings I am more conscious and reject the notion. Further, I usually wait about four hours from waking. Otherwise they try to wake me earlier and earlier. They... don't measure time well or rightly. Children, yes, in a way. I have only been up a bit, but as the thought comes to me, I have decided to feed them. I could wait until after my trip, but I am well pleased with their... relatively... tender assistance.
No dreams I remember, if I think there were others. I slept a bit hard, I think because the nap was so late, which offset bedtime a good bit. I ended up with eight hours in the last session, but broken by fighting the alarm. The nap might have helped if it had been earlier. As is it seemed to create the notion of having slept too long. Bleh. Oh, just a funny thing that many know. Trying to live just right, and most of us know, by now, what our bodies need, isn't as easy as just knowing, willing, or practice. More so for those of us who have anatomic anomalies. My bioclock just doesn't quite work exactly as it could, or should. Of course, even for the "healthy", that isn't always the case. The artistic patchwork of our lives is a humbling thing, and yet it is the variances that add contrast and a very strange sort of beauty. If we can but stop and smell those flowers. Sometimes the world rains on our heads for not paying attention, so we don't get the chance to stop and enjoy. This is a gift given from Father, I think, for having other things taken. I might even say, now that I have come to some acceptance, that it and the other gifts are far better than what I had, or could have, planned. It does take perspective, humility, and some other hard things to see. But it is there.
Today? Ah, right. My friend called and suggested we head to the hills, loaded for bear. I do believe so. I need to assemble the ak, as I mean to take that. And a pistol or two. Oh, and my headset. I have earplugs, if I forget the headset. But earplugs are uncomfortable and of dubious ability to actually keep the sound out. Tilt your head, just a bit, or even turn it, and more... or less... noise penetrates. Headsets, definitely. Then, of course, lunch. As the month comes to the end, money is always a bit short. I think fastfood is probably the way of it today. Unless he found a pot o' gold? I certainly have not. Calories, at times, are just that. I'll need them, as will he.
I am going to attempt confession and Mass tomorrow. It's a bit daunting. Lots of people, most likely. All good though. My knees are out of practice, but that is okay too. Only one way to get those back in shape. I want the first so that the Eucharist may be honestly approached. I will do my homework regarding the first rite tonight. I have done it before, but there is a better way, and some options. I would like to explore those more fully. Not trying to be fancy, just... right. It's a heavy thing. Difficult to concentrate. Takes much of me to do the very simple. I would like to do more in and with it. Yes... a bit of study, and a review of sins, tonight. My hunger for the Eucharist has not pushed past my flaws, hoping to change that tomorrow.
Oh, best put the rifle together, grab some stuff, get a shower, and... feed the girls. One more round of music, first. Some dreams... the perfume from them can sustain a weary soul. And remain for some time in mind and spirit. Perhaps just a dream, but... a dream... of life. Later.
.
Yes, heavy is about right. Oh, no real trouble. Simply waking took some effort. I was having so much trouble I let the girls in. I was pleased to see that Sassy how learned control. While she used her claws, she has learned not to rip or tear. Simply, gently, rhythmically poke, as one might while playing a piano. Not to stab the keys, merely to tickle them. She did it at the pace of the snooze sound. I usually don't feed them right away, and technically didn't. But most mornings I am more conscious and reject the notion. Further, I usually wait about four hours from waking. Otherwise they try to wake me earlier and earlier. They... don't measure time well or rightly. Children, yes, in a way. I have only been up a bit, but as the thought comes to me, I have decided to feed them. I could wait until after my trip, but I am well pleased with their... relatively... tender assistance.
No dreams I remember, if I think there were others. I slept a bit hard, I think because the nap was so late, which offset bedtime a good bit. I ended up with eight hours in the last session, but broken by fighting the alarm. The nap might have helped if it had been earlier. As is it seemed to create the notion of having slept too long. Bleh. Oh, just a funny thing that many know. Trying to live just right, and most of us know, by now, what our bodies need, isn't as easy as just knowing, willing, or practice. More so for those of us who have anatomic anomalies. My bioclock just doesn't quite work exactly as it could, or should. Of course, even for the "healthy", that isn't always the case. The artistic patchwork of our lives is a humbling thing, and yet it is the variances that add contrast and a very strange sort of beauty. If we can but stop and smell those flowers. Sometimes the world rains on our heads for not paying attention, so we don't get the chance to stop and enjoy. This is a gift given from Father, I think, for having other things taken. I might even say, now that I have come to some acceptance, that it and the other gifts are far better than what I had, or could have, planned. It does take perspective, humility, and some other hard things to see. But it is there.
Today? Ah, right. My friend called and suggested we head to the hills, loaded for bear. I do believe so. I need to assemble the ak, as I mean to take that. And a pistol or two. Oh, and my headset. I have earplugs, if I forget the headset. But earplugs are uncomfortable and of dubious ability to actually keep the sound out. Tilt your head, just a bit, or even turn it, and more... or less... noise penetrates. Headsets, definitely. Then, of course, lunch. As the month comes to the end, money is always a bit short. I think fastfood is probably the way of it today. Unless he found a pot o' gold? I certainly have not. Calories, at times, are just that. I'll need them, as will he.
I am going to attempt confession and Mass tomorrow. It's a bit daunting. Lots of people, most likely. All good though. My knees are out of practice, but that is okay too. Only one way to get those back in shape. I want the first so that the Eucharist may be honestly approached. I will do my homework regarding the first rite tonight. I have done it before, but there is a better way, and some options. I would like to explore those more fully. Not trying to be fancy, just... right. It's a heavy thing. Difficult to concentrate. Takes much of me to do the very simple. I would like to do more in and with it. Yes... a bit of study, and a review of sins, tonight. My hunger for the Eucharist has not pushed past my flaws, hoping to change that tomorrow.
Oh, best put the rifle together, grab some stuff, get a shower, and... feed the girls. One more round of music, first. Some dreams... the perfume from them can sustain a weary soul. And remain for some time in mind and spirit. Perhaps just a dream, but... a dream... of life. Later.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
It was raking day.
.
.
All good. And I did get out and help this time. I do enjoy doing that. Now to buy grass seed. I'm not sure if I should buy enough for this spring and fall, or just wait. I don't know how well grass seed stores. Just patches that need filling, and perhaps to add strength to what else is there. I will need to watch the water a bit more carefully too. Especially here. Very dry. But I don't want to over-water either. Bleh... I'll never be a landscaper or yard-man. I will give it a shot though. Many of my neighbors take good care of their lawns and I'd like to not be the odd man out. Not the only reason. I love having a lush green lawn. There is something psychologically good about that. Hmm... fertilizer and a spreader, too? Dunno. Weed work, even by hand? It is a thought. Dunno... thinking. I won't put the hoses out until after last frost, and then some though. I do need new sprinklers. The ones I have seen available don't seem to last long. I've tried metal (tin) and plastic. Tin seems better, but not by much. I may research to see if there are any that really do well, and last. Or... research again, again, again.
After the work, some crystal light. They can't enter my home, which is probably a good thing. It's messy now. I have some chairs out, just needed to take the table from the garage and put it on the patio again. A bit of resting, a cool drink, conversation, and then that was that. Always a good thing. Well, assuming the company is pleasant, and they were.
Perhaps another shower, then bath. Laundry and maybe a few dishes too. Oh, and the bathroom. Not sure how much else, but I would like to clean the bathroom and set up the rugs. I think they will really go with the Mona Lisa shower curtains, adding contrast, and an offset focal point(s). I'm not an artist. I don't even play one on television. But I do know what I like, making some effort to express it is tricky, since I can't be sure I am using the right terms. Still, that should do. Then again, how much of what we say is almost purely made up, even wrong? Don't know? Record all of your conversations for a day, or week, then listen some time. Hmm... yeah. I have done that, with one particularly squirrelly woman I knew. Not to prove her wrong (or right), only to get a sense of what it is I was saying. A few times and I fully realized she was the problem. Fine, just checking. If you don't know something, for sure... check.
Hmm... or I may read a bit, and take a nap. Shouldn't need a nap, even with helping the little bit in the yard. But I feel like having one anyway. Yeah, reading then nap. Then maybe a bit of this or that. Later.
.
All good. And I did get out and help this time. I do enjoy doing that. Now to buy grass seed. I'm not sure if I should buy enough for this spring and fall, or just wait. I don't know how well grass seed stores. Just patches that need filling, and perhaps to add strength to what else is there. I will need to watch the water a bit more carefully too. Especially here. Very dry. But I don't want to over-water either. Bleh... I'll never be a landscaper or yard-man. I will give it a shot though. Many of my neighbors take good care of their lawns and I'd like to not be the odd man out. Not the only reason. I love having a lush green lawn. There is something psychologically good about that. Hmm... fertilizer and a spreader, too? Dunno. Weed work, even by hand? It is a thought. Dunno... thinking. I won't put the hoses out until after last frost, and then some though. I do need new sprinklers. The ones I have seen available don't seem to last long. I've tried metal (tin) and plastic. Tin seems better, but not by much. I may research to see if there are any that really do well, and last. Or... research again, again, again.
After the work, some crystal light. They can't enter my home, which is probably a good thing. It's messy now. I have some chairs out, just needed to take the table from the garage and put it on the patio again. A bit of resting, a cool drink, conversation, and then that was that. Always a good thing. Well, assuming the company is pleasant, and they were.
Perhaps another shower, then bath. Laundry and maybe a few dishes too. Oh, and the bathroom. Not sure how much else, but I would like to clean the bathroom and set up the rugs. I think they will really go with the Mona Lisa shower curtains, adding contrast, and an offset focal point(s). I'm not an artist. I don't even play one on television. But I do know what I like, making some effort to express it is tricky, since I can't be sure I am using the right terms. Still, that should do. Then again, how much of what we say is almost purely made up, even wrong? Don't know? Record all of your conversations for a day, or week, then listen some time. Hmm... yeah. I have done that, with one particularly squirrelly woman I knew. Not to prove her wrong (or right), only to get a sense of what it is I was saying. A few times and I fully realized she was the problem. Fine, just checking. If you don't know something, for sure... check.
Hmm... or I may read a bit, and take a nap. Shouldn't need a nap, even with helping the little bit in the yard. But I feel like having one anyway. Yeah, reading then nap. Then maybe a bit of this or that. Later.
While striking the thinker pose.
.
.
Uhrm, and there is only one project that ever leads me to such. Never worry, we all do. Still, sometimes it's the only quiet time, or one of the rare times my mind is quiet. A load sensitivity thing? *grins*
Today, as I was thinking *cough* a couple of things came to me.
The first was about women. No offense, unrelated to the pose, or reason for it. I was speaking with a woman, recently. I have seen her before, but not really spoken. A wonderful woman. She had no fear or worry about me, and a smile in her eyes. No, not a romantic thing at all. As a sister, or kin, I think as we both saw it. At the time, because I was in the middle of a four day outing spree, I didn't have the time to consider. Sometimes my mind will go back, sometimes it won't. Enough rest, a bit of this or that, and a reason, usually... or another tie-in... must call me back, or I might just drift there. If there is a reason, my mind will eventually re-evaluate some things. Rightly? Wrongly? Will we ever know while we live and breath, for certain?
In any case, this woman... I didn't see it immediately at the time. She seems familiar. Perhaps the sister of a friend, a lady I somewhat know. Although, when one meets another at a masquerade ball, and never sees the true face, whether someone is a sister of a woman met, or a friend, or the actual woman, sometimes, may never be known. Not with any certitude, especially if the woman or women choose to be obscure. Like that ever happens! :p Still, I... finally realized... there might be a tie-in between this one and that one... or not.
Oh, far be it from me to be grumpy about the doings of ladyfolk. I quite love the way they play, hide, show, and sneak. I understand at least some of it. Defensive, perhaps, at first. But then once something is one way, even if a perceived need of it goes away, changing the game is difficult. And, I think, a woman might always have a bit of a need for this or that beyond what one other party might know, especially what a man might think or understand. And I most certainly am a man... or male... are nephilim men? Male for sure in any case. Still, I either met a sister I had not met but know, or a sister to that sister, if not necessarily by blood or even bond, but by nature? Suspicious... even when I know, which I don't at this point. Yes, Athena will always remain through the... damage(?)... done while making me aware of her, then extricating her. A little piece of her remains, if nothing else to give me a headache from time to time. *grin* Oh... just... more stories. Probably.
The other thing, as I was doing my daily daily along with the other thinking and sudoku, I realized that the pen (which I no longer use) was only part of the problem. The touchplate on the smartphone is extra sensitive, even to my touch. I am beginning to believe my complaints regarding Verizon, especially the ones that hit a nerve (which I do well), have gotten to them. Their passive-aggressive nature means that they tinker with my device from afar, making it difficult to use. Who knows what else they have done to the thing. And they wonder why we don't like to have them get in bed with the government? They are nasty enough, no one wishes for them to have even more access to power. Petty and dangerous. I am definitely giving the device, and service, a toss when the contract is up.
Oh, right... even with their tinkering, sudoku has been amazing. Even while striking a pose, and actively, and thinking on the side as I am wont to do, as I have said, I play anyway. Yesterday and the day before, I broke records, even while otherwise quite indisposed. First I did my fastest time, finishing in 13 seconds. Then, yesterday, I did one better in the same situation. I finished a sudoku problem in 12 seconds, without the stylus as well (which refuses to be tamed so as to be useful, though as I mentioned they are tinkering with the sensitivity of the touch screen, or now(?)). I wonder how fast I could get without artificial interference? They think what they do is invisible. It is not.
Well... something something, then maybe something else? I don't know that! Later.
.
Uhrm, and there is only one project that ever leads me to such. Never worry, we all do. Still, sometimes it's the only quiet time, or one of the rare times my mind is quiet. A load sensitivity thing? *grins*
Today, as I was thinking *cough* a couple of things came to me.
The first was about women. No offense, unrelated to the pose, or reason for it. I was speaking with a woman, recently. I have seen her before, but not really spoken. A wonderful woman. She had no fear or worry about me, and a smile in her eyes. No, not a romantic thing at all. As a sister, or kin, I think as we both saw it. At the time, because I was in the middle of a four day outing spree, I didn't have the time to consider. Sometimes my mind will go back, sometimes it won't. Enough rest, a bit of this or that, and a reason, usually... or another tie-in... must call me back, or I might just drift there. If there is a reason, my mind will eventually re-evaluate some things. Rightly? Wrongly? Will we ever know while we live and breath, for certain?
In any case, this woman... I didn't see it immediately at the time. She seems familiar. Perhaps the sister of a friend, a lady I somewhat know. Although, when one meets another at a masquerade ball, and never sees the true face, whether someone is a sister of a woman met, or a friend, or the actual woman, sometimes, may never be known. Not with any certitude, especially if the woman or women choose to be obscure. Like that ever happens! :p Still, I... finally realized... there might be a tie-in between this one and that one... or not.
Oh, far be it from me to be grumpy about the doings of ladyfolk. I quite love the way they play, hide, show, and sneak. I understand at least some of it. Defensive, perhaps, at first. But then once something is one way, even if a perceived need of it goes away, changing the game is difficult. And, I think, a woman might always have a bit of a need for this or that beyond what one other party might know, especially what a man might think or understand. And I most certainly am a man... or male... are nephilim men? Male for sure in any case. Still, I either met a sister I had not met but know, or a sister to that sister, if not necessarily by blood or even bond, but by nature? Suspicious... even when I know, which I don't at this point. Yes, Athena will always remain through the... damage(?)... done while making me aware of her, then extricating her. A little piece of her remains, if nothing else to give me a headache from time to time. *grin* Oh... just... more stories. Probably.
The other thing, as I was doing my daily daily along with the other thinking and sudoku, I realized that the pen (which I no longer use) was only part of the problem. The touchplate on the smartphone is extra sensitive, even to my touch. I am beginning to believe my complaints regarding Verizon, especially the ones that hit a nerve (which I do well), have gotten to them. Their passive-aggressive nature means that they tinker with my device from afar, making it difficult to use. Who knows what else they have done to the thing. And they wonder why we don't like to have them get in bed with the government? They are nasty enough, no one wishes for them to have even more access to power. Petty and dangerous. I am definitely giving the device, and service, a toss when the contract is up.
Oh, right... even with their tinkering, sudoku has been amazing. Even while striking a pose, and actively, and thinking on the side as I am wont to do, as I have said, I play anyway. Yesterday and the day before, I broke records, even while otherwise quite indisposed. First I did my fastest time, finishing in 13 seconds. Then, yesterday, I did one better in the same situation. I finished a sudoku problem in 12 seconds, without the stylus as well (which refuses to be tamed so as to be useful, though as I mentioned they are tinkering with the sensitivity of the touch screen, or now(?)). I wonder how fast I could get without artificial interference? They think what they do is invisible. It is not.
Well... something something, then maybe something else? I don't know that! Later.
Today?
.
.
I slept a little long. The girls were being pest. Sometimes, usually, that helps get me out of bed. Sometimes, however, as today, I become stubborn. So I slept into the morning, trying not to sleep so long, though, that too much sleep became a problem. Too much sleep can be as disorienting as too little, worse actually. Since I have been pushing, a few extra hours of sleep was actually good. Well, and being stubborn fit, too. It's fun, once in a while. Especially watching the 'girls' go all crosseyed about it. :) Women, feline or human, all have that... interesting thing. Still, I woke before they became too cross. I'd had my fun, got my dues, all good. Oh, hush. Women play that same game, sometimes even better, and much more frequently. At least the women I knew, and I have probably known more than you. Studies don't work well, because women don't live in labs, if they try to put everyone else in their labs. :p
I dreamed last night. I looked at some life truths, notions, explored questions. I have some idea of what the things were about, but these are mine. Nothing really deep, or extremely personal or such. But, this time, I'm keeping them. Usually I share, not today. Oh, I enjoyed the look. I saw some things I could, potentially right... for myself. Though knowing some things could be done better doesn't always make that possible. Imagine driving a racecar. Let's say you have enough cameras to review your weaknesses. For example, perhaps you notice that you ride out too far while cornering. Actually learning to cut that means training, first, what is right, then practicing that under supervision, with review capacity, over and over, until it is, mostly, ingrained. You don't just "fix it". Same with much of life. Improvements means seeing what is wrong, then learning exactly how to fix it, and then practicing. Few have the kind of time to do this on all things. Sometimes, often, the flaws in our family, friends, and others... We have to make a choice to live with those or replace the person. If you wish to love, learn to accept flaws. Still... I will chew the fat of what I dreamed. And chuckle, a bit. We are all danged kids! :)
Yeah, I am hoping to get some things done today. But as a light work day. I have been pushing, getting out and about, and socializing. But the cave is all but falling in. Laundry, cleaning, boxes, dishes... Bleh. Just a bit of work though. The bathroom and some laundry, I think. It's a cloudy cool day, a good rest day. I will have to push to do much. All good though. Later.
.
I slept a little long. The girls were being pest. Sometimes, usually, that helps get me out of bed. Sometimes, however, as today, I become stubborn. So I slept into the morning, trying not to sleep so long, though, that too much sleep became a problem. Too much sleep can be as disorienting as too little, worse actually. Since I have been pushing, a few extra hours of sleep was actually good. Well, and being stubborn fit, too. It's fun, once in a while. Especially watching the 'girls' go all crosseyed about it. :) Women, feline or human, all have that... interesting thing. Still, I woke before they became too cross. I'd had my fun, got my dues, all good. Oh, hush. Women play that same game, sometimes even better, and much more frequently. At least the women I knew, and I have probably known more than you. Studies don't work well, because women don't live in labs, if they try to put everyone else in their labs. :p
I dreamed last night. I looked at some life truths, notions, explored questions. I have some idea of what the things were about, but these are mine. Nothing really deep, or extremely personal or such. But, this time, I'm keeping them. Usually I share, not today. Oh, I enjoyed the look. I saw some things I could, potentially right... for myself. Though knowing some things could be done better doesn't always make that possible. Imagine driving a racecar. Let's say you have enough cameras to review your weaknesses. For example, perhaps you notice that you ride out too far while cornering. Actually learning to cut that means training, first, what is right, then practicing that under supervision, with review capacity, over and over, until it is, mostly, ingrained. You don't just "fix it". Same with much of life. Improvements means seeing what is wrong, then learning exactly how to fix it, and then practicing. Few have the kind of time to do this on all things. Sometimes, often, the flaws in our family, friends, and others... We have to make a choice to live with those or replace the person. If you wish to love, learn to accept flaws. Still... I will chew the fat of what I dreamed. And chuckle, a bit. We are all danged kids! :)
Yeah, I am hoping to get some things done today. But as a light work day. I have been pushing, getting out and about, and socializing. But the cave is all but falling in. Laundry, cleaning, boxes, dishes... Bleh. Just a bit of work though. The bathroom and some laundry, I think. It's a cloudy cool day, a good rest day. I will have to push to do much. All good though. Later.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
A good day. A resting day.
.
.
I needed sleep. I have been pushing. I thought a sip would do. Actually I think that helped me unwind. Even if I took a bowl to bed, just in case. *spinning* Yeah. I am doing well enough today. Just have to keep the fluids going a bit faster. Some people clear their systems with this, or that. I use what I use. It can, actually, work quite well. Plus, it... relaxes and resets the mind. Medicine, for the most part. Still, keeping that rare is the best. Same with all medicine, really.
Visitors visited. Finishing the lawn, raking. Okay, so I set up a time. Not sure if it is tomorrow or next week though? Funny how "next" can be interpreted. Well, and being just a shy off this morning, I didn't realize that Thursday is tomorrow. Next week, this week, no idea on what day it is, and not having the fuss in me to be particular enough. No matter, I have nothing happening either day, and I will know tomorrow. I do like to rake. With help, usually, I can do more. Or even just company. If not, I might easily go for a break and that might end up being that unless I am really on game.
It's a cool, cloudy, day. Perfect for rest and relaxation. I have been finishing up the second season of Hannibal, the series. Yeah, looks like the main is simply a psychopath. Rudeness, while a potential measure of a man, is not a measure of the worth of a life. If he was going after murderers, thieves who target the particularly weak, or such, that would be one thing. It looks more like he is simply killing though others as a control mechanism, or himself for a secular, pretty much atheist (if hidden in religious tones) way. A superman of the Nietzschean school of thought. Not interesting at all, I won't watch new seasons. I may, in time, review these... to take a closer look, but I don't think a dark rider is in there. Just... another. A lost soul with no hope of salvation trying to take others down with it.
I'll finish the season, then probably just read. I'd like to finish the monster book then start something else up. Oh, right... Finally, time to think and put some things together. More free books had been on offering, but I had been unable to arrange a post and get those. Still, I have quite a few books on my list at the moment. I am, mostly, enjoying reading again. This might become a permanent re-entry into a much beloved hobby of long ago. If I can find authors whom are worth reading. Oh, well, and I did find another author, from the past albeit, who was the mentor of another of my favored authors. Upon advice, I pulled a particular book and have it ready to go... though finishing the current book, a history book written by a fellow blogger (but actual writer, the real kind beside blogging), then... Gee, it's actually nice to have so many books lined up that I am... dazzled. I'll worry about next when I finish. Hmm... I wonder... reading a sci-fi/fantasy while also reading a legit tome? Might have to try it. Different reading styles, might work.
Later.
.
I needed sleep. I have been pushing. I thought a sip would do. Actually I think that helped me unwind. Even if I took a bowl to bed, just in case. *spinning* Yeah. I am doing well enough today. Just have to keep the fluids going a bit faster. Some people clear their systems with this, or that. I use what I use. It can, actually, work quite well. Plus, it... relaxes and resets the mind. Medicine, for the most part. Still, keeping that rare is the best. Same with all medicine, really.
Visitors visited. Finishing the lawn, raking. Okay, so I set up a time. Not sure if it is tomorrow or next week though? Funny how "next" can be interpreted. Well, and being just a shy off this morning, I didn't realize that Thursday is tomorrow. Next week, this week, no idea on what day it is, and not having the fuss in me to be particular enough. No matter, I have nothing happening either day, and I will know tomorrow. I do like to rake. With help, usually, I can do more. Or even just company. If not, I might easily go for a break and that might end up being that unless I am really on game.
It's a cool, cloudy, day. Perfect for rest and relaxation. I have been finishing up the second season of Hannibal, the series. Yeah, looks like the main is simply a psychopath. Rudeness, while a potential measure of a man, is not a measure of the worth of a life. If he was going after murderers, thieves who target the particularly weak, or such, that would be one thing. It looks more like he is simply killing though others as a control mechanism, or himself for a secular, pretty much atheist (if hidden in religious tones) way. A superman of the Nietzschean school of thought. Not interesting at all, I won't watch new seasons. I may, in time, review these... to take a closer look, but I don't think a dark rider is in there. Just... another. A lost soul with no hope of salvation trying to take others down with it.
I'll finish the season, then probably just read. I'd like to finish the monster book then start something else up. Oh, right... Finally, time to think and put some things together. More free books had been on offering, but I had been unable to arrange a post and get those. Still, I have quite a few books on my list at the moment. I am, mostly, enjoying reading again. This might become a permanent re-entry into a much beloved hobby of long ago. If I can find authors whom are worth reading. Oh, well, and I did find another author, from the past albeit, who was the mentor of another of my favored authors. Upon advice, I pulled a particular book and have it ready to go... though finishing the current book, a history book written by a fellow blogger (but actual writer, the real kind beside blogging), then... Gee, it's actually nice to have so many books lined up that I am... dazzled. I'll worry about next when I finish. Hmm... I wonder... reading a sci-fi/fantasy while also reading a legit tome? Might have to try it. Different reading styles, might work.
Later.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Did it.
.
.
I really wasn't sure about today. I was running so slowly I just... Like running in mud, on water, or on sand. I just wasn't getting there. I got a shower in, then a bath. Yeah, okay, shower first is better. When I came out I almost panicked. Looked like I only had an half hour to dress and scoot. Then I remembered that I keep most of my clocks at a time to allow some cushion. Still, not much cushion, if just enough. That shock is probably what allowed me to make it though. Put a fire under the boiler. Yeah, I made it.
Not a long lesson. Started with an implant. It was funny, I had dreamed of taking something along, to practice on. And, while a sound notion, I didn't really easily think of anything. Ah, I suppose rope would have worked, but it just hadn't fit. Sometimes you have to twirl a thing in the mind until the answer arrives. I simply hadn't had enough time. I did tell her about my dream of bringing something. Glad she thought of it. In this first lesson, she showed me a basic braid. And that will work, but not as well as what she will show me next week, assuming I do the homework and put learn what I have been taught through practice. Actually, I'll do that a bit tonight. And each evening until the next session. Ugh... What I get myself into. Never mind.
The second season of the Hannibal mini-series is in. I'll review it as I rest up a bit in these next few days. If he is a simple psychotic, as he seems to be in the first season, I'll dump the viewing and gift the series to someone who might... have some fascination with what I consider to be trite, boring, evil. Dark things, surely, are done for right reasons. But it the deal is just for ego or will or a call to power, then I have no use for it.
I did call my friend and we went for a bite. I wanted to go shooting, but no time. I've pushed, I must now rest a bit. He did need something from one of the sporting stores. Since I was out, and had just enough time, I took him for a looksee. First store, no problem, exactly what he needed. And an extra. Always good to be useful. Never a bad thing to look around in the stores, either. My wallet might, at times, disagree. But my eyes and imagination are lit afire and let go from the effort. All good.
Tomorrow? Resting. Like a steak, rightly cooked, the juices allowed to flow back into the parts nearest the heat. If anyone needs anything, they can eat me! Though I will recommend not doing so until I have rested. Never negotiate with a psycho, though. :p Later.
.
I really wasn't sure about today. I was running so slowly I just... Like running in mud, on water, or on sand. I just wasn't getting there. I got a shower in, then a bath. Yeah, okay, shower first is better. When I came out I almost panicked. Looked like I only had an half hour to dress and scoot. Then I remembered that I keep most of my clocks at a time to allow some cushion. Still, not much cushion, if just enough. That shock is probably what allowed me to make it though. Put a fire under the boiler. Yeah, I made it.
Not a long lesson. Started with an implant. It was funny, I had dreamed of taking something along, to practice on. And, while a sound notion, I didn't really easily think of anything. Ah, I suppose rope would have worked, but it just hadn't fit. Sometimes you have to twirl a thing in the mind until the answer arrives. I simply hadn't had enough time. I did tell her about my dream of bringing something. Glad she thought of it. In this first lesson, she showed me a basic braid. And that will work, but not as well as what she will show me next week, assuming I do the homework and put learn what I have been taught through practice. Actually, I'll do that a bit tonight. And each evening until the next session. Ugh... What I get myself into. Never mind.
The second season of the Hannibal mini-series is in. I'll review it as I rest up a bit in these next few days. If he is a simple psychotic, as he seems to be in the first season, I'll dump the viewing and gift the series to someone who might... have some fascination with what I consider to be trite, boring, evil. Dark things, surely, are done for right reasons. But it the deal is just for ego or will or a call to power, then I have no use for it.
I did call my friend and we went for a bite. I wanted to go shooting, but no time. I've pushed, I must now rest a bit. He did need something from one of the sporting stores. Since I was out, and had just enough time, I took him for a looksee. First store, no problem, exactly what he needed. And an extra. Always good to be useful. Never a bad thing to look around in the stores, either. My wallet might, at times, disagree. But my eyes and imagination are lit afire and let go from the effort. All good.
Tomorrow? Resting. Like a steak, rightly cooked, the juices allowed to flow back into the parts nearest the heat. If anyone needs anything, they can eat me! Though I will recommend not doing so until I have rested. Never negotiate with a psycho, though. :p Later.
Awake, if still... with something wrong.
.
.
A very mild headache, a sub-fever (feels like a fever but doesn't exhibit exactly, nor is it measurable), perhaps a bit of a sore throat (?could just be dry?), and a few other things. I honestly don't think it is a flu, other virus, or infection. I think it is just from pushing. If I get weakened, bodily defenses go down. As they go down, I get symptoms without actually getting sick. Something has been just a bit off for a while. Off and on, better or worse, for a while. It might just be my attempts to adjust to the weather. It being spring, that is a messy proposition. Since my body doesn't adjust as quickly as I would like, but keeps having to adjust, that might be all of it right there. Bleh. I've had worse, much worse.
Still, today I go in for my first lesson. I'll get a shower, then a bath, in. I haven't been bathing as often as I had hoped, but this string of events has worn me down a bit. I would like to take care of the dry skin, at least a bit, and the baths really seem to be helping. Plus I found a stink mix that is not troubling to the mind to entertain in public. Though I am not sure any scent lasts very long. Still, it's a mind thing. And, I know, women (?some, most?) can pick up on scents much better than I. I wouldn't know if I went out stinky or not, in the literal or figurative actually. So... a bath and shower, using as masculine of stink-salts as I can. Have to use something, since the olive oil is rancid. I wonder if they smell that when the essences evaporate? Hmm... dilemmas... :)
In one way, what any particular woman thinks is irrelevant. I am not chasing the whole herd... well... not any more. I'm not even chasing any woman I might see. However, women talk. This gets told there, and from there goes everywhere. The three fastest means of communication are television, telephone, and tell a woman. But you don't always have to tell, as I mentioned. They see, and feel, what we cannot. And they tell. That doesn't effect me, in a general sense, either. But it might affect my woman, should she become my woman. Yes, it gets complicated quickly when you let one of them into your life. Not double the complication, powers of multiples, perhaps greater.
One of my reads, on the subject of women, was discussing the lies a woman was spewing about a topic that she seems to have, or have had, some acquaintance... and of course a personal interest. Relationships with men. Relationships of the romantic sort. I had to laugh. Those weren't lies. They are bait. While they are untrue, they weren't presented as lies. Though, in a woman's mind, regarding romance and love, those things criss and cross. More so in a woman who chases men who would have her for nothing but a tryst, the patterns become unbelievable messed up. Whether she knows it or not, and many really don't, she was just offering room to be corrected. She wants to be corrected. She doesn't even care if the correction is right, as long as it is surer than her beliefs.
Further, going into a recent notion I have been playing with, this is why women are so attracted to psychopaths, at least the behavior patterns that seem to be such. There is a certainty in some men, whether created through training, natural to the man, of good or evil intent, which draws women. They really want to have it, but knowing themselves and the impossibility of it, they choose as a next resort to align themselves to such a man. Some try to learn, some take pieces of it and use it where they may, others just submit fully to it. It depends, to a degree, on the will and self-knowledge of the man involved. Women not only don't know the truth, and will reject it as bait even when they do, they will choose wrong but sure over righteous but mild, every time. It's just the way of it.
Anyway... I need to get going. Or... waking anyway. More coffee... Hmm... something about my coffee pot is off. I have looked, but not found a crack, so I filled the pot to the normal max, and am letting it sit, in the sink. If it isn't the pot, it must be the filter mechanism. All it might take is a piece of plastic that wasn't trimmed, diverting some of the flow. I'll keep checking and decide what to do. Blasted things! Still, I don't mind a little bit of testing, now and again. Right, and that auto warranty company keeps calling, then hanging up. They are in harassment mode, so it looks like a call to the state attorney general office is required. I don't know how long it will take to fix it, though I suspect it won't take long. Who knows though, politics, business, and money speak louder than one call from one more unhappy citizen. We'll see. Later.
.
A very mild headache, a sub-fever (feels like a fever but doesn't exhibit exactly, nor is it measurable), perhaps a bit of a sore throat (?could just be dry?), and a few other things. I honestly don't think it is a flu, other virus, or infection. I think it is just from pushing. If I get weakened, bodily defenses go down. As they go down, I get symptoms without actually getting sick. Something has been just a bit off for a while. Off and on, better or worse, for a while. It might just be my attempts to adjust to the weather. It being spring, that is a messy proposition. Since my body doesn't adjust as quickly as I would like, but keeps having to adjust, that might be all of it right there. Bleh. I've had worse, much worse.
Still, today I go in for my first lesson. I'll get a shower, then a bath, in. I haven't been bathing as often as I had hoped, but this string of events has worn me down a bit. I would like to take care of the dry skin, at least a bit, and the baths really seem to be helping. Plus I found a stink mix that is not troubling to the mind to entertain in public. Though I am not sure any scent lasts very long. Still, it's a mind thing. And, I know, women (?some, most?) can pick up on scents much better than I. I wouldn't know if I went out stinky or not, in the literal or figurative actually. So... a bath and shower, using as masculine of stink-salts as I can. Have to use something, since the olive oil is rancid. I wonder if they smell that when the essences evaporate? Hmm... dilemmas... :)
In one way, what any particular woman thinks is irrelevant. I am not chasing the whole herd... well... not any more. I'm not even chasing any woman I might see. However, women talk. This gets told there, and from there goes everywhere. The three fastest means of communication are television, telephone, and tell a woman. But you don't always have to tell, as I mentioned. They see, and feel, what we cannot. And they tell. That doesn't effect me, in a general sense, either. But it might affect my woman, should she become my woman. Yes, it gets complicated quickly when you let one of them into your life. Not double the complication, powers of multiples, perhaps greater.
One of my reads, on the subject of women, was discussing the lies a woman was spewing about a topic that she seems to have, or have had, some acquaintance... and of course a personal interest. Relationships with men. Relationships of the romantic sort. I had to laugh. Those weren't lies. They are bait. While they are untrue, they weren't presented as lies. Though, in a woman's mind, regarding romance and love, those things criss and cross. More so in a woman who chases men who would have her for nothing but a tryst, the patterns become unbelievable messed up. Whether she knows it or not, and many really don't, she was just offering room to be corrected. She wants to be corrected. She doesn't even care if the correction is right, as long as it is surer than her beliefs.
Further, going into a recent notion I have been playing with, this is why women are so attracted to psychopaths, at least the behavior patterns that seem to be such. There is a certainty in some men, whether created through training, natural to the man, of good or evil intent, which draws women. They really want to have it, but knowing themselves and the impossibility of it, they choose as a next resort to align themselves to such a man. Some try to learn, some take pieces of it and use it where they may, others just submit fully to it. It depends, to a degree, on the will and self-knowledge of the man involved. Women not only don't know the truth, and will reject it as bait even when they do, they will choose wrong but sure over righteous but mild, every time. It's just the way of it.
Anyway... I need to get going. Or... waking anyway. More coffee... Hmm... something about my coffee pot is off. I have looked, but not found a crack, so I filled the pot to the normal max, and am letting it sit, in the sink. If it isn't the pot, it must be the filter mechanism. All it might take is a piece of plastic that wasn't trimmed, diverting some of the flow. I'll keep checking and decide what to do. Blasted things! Still, I don't mind a little bit of testing, now and again. Right, and that auto warranty company keeps calling, then hanging up. They are in harassment mode, so it looks like a call to the state attorney general office is required. I don't know how long it will take to fix it, though I suspect it won't take long. Who knows though, politics, business, and money speak louder than one call from one more unhappy citizen. We'll see. Later.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Doctors aren't the brightest of critters.
.
.
They are also relatively petty. Seriously, most of them think two things which are in direct opposition to truth. First, they think they are reasonable solid thinkers. Who could, without painkillers being administered or even with quite often, cut someone else open? Even if there are painkillers, and a supervisor, what kind of human could practice dicing another human? Actually, ask yourself, if you aren't a doctor... if you could do that. They are troubled people when the go in, definitely by the time they are released onto society. Who, honestly, actually even knows if what they are doing is always right and how much is just for the extra money, or curiosity, or even with intent to harm? The very people who went into it, knowing, at the very best, what they would be doing might be as wrong as right but don't really care as long as "science" supports them in their quest for riches? Further, they go in thinking they can cure. Which would be like an adult fireman going in thinking he could put out a forest fire by himself, or an astronaut thinking he would be issued a laser pistol. The first thing they should be taught is all they really might, and I mean might be able to do, is slow things or alter things so that the patient might have time to heal themselves. Doctors do not heal.
Whatever reason got them to medical school, by the time they are through they aren't who they were when they started. Most of them aren't bright enough to realize that many, most, all perhaps, of their professors were little more than the Hannibal type, in the series, with how they were played as students. What traits did any particular professor look for in any particular student? A particular coldness? One that wasn't reckless enough to be seen as murderous, but bright, playful, imaginative, regardless of right or wrong... perhaps even exclusive of the notion of right and wrong? Get rid of that, to remove flaws in the medicine, and you open up the person to much greater flaws. An indifference that can easily be murderous, even if just once in a while. Why not, if there is no difference between good and evil. Hell, it might be fun. Most doctors don't even know their heads were fiddled with. The intern didn't. He doesn't know, either, that he is a psychopath. He just knows anyone who believes in good and evil is bad. He knows he is right. Someday it will pop. He'll realize what he is, what made him what he is to even beyond his dreams, how his murderousness and malintent have undone him, and why that is bad.
I was tempted to pray for some minor harm to befall him. Hush! Temptation is what it is. However, I realized, even if my prayer was sent to God, and rebuffed? There are others who do hear, and might respond. Giant? At least physically. What else goes with that medical definition? Further, I have some wonder if my darker kin doesn't do such anyway. So, I prayed the other way. I don't know if it will save him. Kin with power can be vengeful for their own, even in spite of our wishes, and who has power here but my kin? As well, I saw a choice, for him, coming up. He can choose to do the right thing, or further his steps into evil. If he chooses evil, his career is ensured. If he doesn't, his career, at least, will be... hampered, or may be... probably... made more difficult. It might even be ended. He will get to choose tribal or righteous. If his choice won't save one life, it could save others. I don't have much faith in him, but... choices... consequences. As above, so below, if not always as it might seem. Better to be a pauper on earth, with a clear conscience, than a rich self-made psychopath. Choices. Consequences.
Actually, what I did find funny? He was trying to use tricks on me that I could train him to use... if he were even aware of his nature. Cute, mildly annoying, but cute. I'm just not a sociopath for my own purposes or riches. I was made one, but knowingly, for a reason... a set of them. To survive physically and mentally, even spiritually, when all light fades. With the hope that, in survival, I can... do good. He was made one by medi-corp, for their mutual enrichment... and with room for him to entertain his darkest spirits. Further, as I mentioned, he probably doesn't even know it. Well, until he reads here. Yeah... he'll know if he thinks about it. He'll know his chase for gold and glory was a dead end into psychopathy. It's fun watching the ignorant play at something so poorly. His boss knows what they are, but has found comforts to deal with it. It's in the eyes. Dead eyes. Takes one to know one. Difference is, mine is a tool, he is the tool.
.
They are also relatively petty. Seriously, most of them think two things which are in direct opposition to truth. First, they think they are reasonable solid thinkers. Who could, without painkillers being administered or even with quite often, cut someone else open? Even if there are painkillers, and a supervisor, what kind of human could practice dicing another human? Actually, ask yourself, if you aren't a doctor... if you could do that. They are troubled people when the go in, definitely by the time they are released onto society. Who, honestly, actually even knows if what they are doing is always right and how much is just for the extra money, or curiosity, or even with intent to harm? The very people who went into it, knowing, at the very best, what they would be doing might be as wrong as right but don't really care as long as "science" supports them in their quest for riches? Further, they go in thinking they can cure. Which would be like an adult fireman going in thinking he could put out a forest fire by himself, or an astronaut thinking he would be issued a laser pistol. The first thing they should be taught is all they really might, and I mean might be able to do, is slow things or alter things so that the patient might have time to heal themselves. Doctors do not heal.
Whatever reason got them to medical school, by the time they are through they aren't who they were when they started. Most of them aren't bright enough to realize that many, most, all perhaps, of their professors were little more than the Hannibal type, in the series, with how they were played as students. What traits did any particular professor look for in any particular student? A particular coldness? One that wasn't reckless enough to be seen as murderous, but bright, playful, imaginative, regardless of right or wrong... perhaps even exclusive of the notion of right and wrong? Get rid of that, to remove flaws in the medicine, and you open up the person to much greater flaws. An indifference that can easily be murderous, even if just once in a while. Why not, if there is no difference between good and evil. Hell, it might be fun. Most doctors don't even know their heads were fiddled with. The intern didn't. He doesn't know, either, that he is a psychopath. He just knows anyone who believes in good and evil is bad. He knows he is right. Someday it will pop. He'll realize what he is, what made him what he is to even beyond his dreams, how his murderousness and malintent have undone him, and why that is bad.
I was tempted to pray for some minor harm to befall him. Hush! Temptation is what it is. However, I realized, even if my prayer was sent to God, and rebuffed? There are others who do hear, and might respond. Giant? At least physically. What else goes with that medical definition? Further, I have some wonder if my darker kin doesn't do such anyway. So, I prayed the other way. I don't know if it will save him. Kin with power can be vengeful for their own, even in spite of our wishes, and who has power here but my kin? As well, I saw a choice, for him, coming up. He can choose to do the right thing, or further his steps into evil. If he chooses evil, his career is ensured. If he doesn't, his career, at least, will be... hampered, or may be... probably... made more difficult. It might even be ended. He will get to choose tribal or righteous. If his choice won't save one life, it could save others. I don't have much faith in him, but... choices... consequences. As above, so below, if not always as it might seem. Better to be a pauper on earth, with a clear conscience, than a rich self-made psychopath. Choices. Consequences.
Actually, what I did find funny? He was trying to use tricks on me that I could train him to use... if he were even aware of his nature. Cute, mildly annoying, but cute. I'm just not a sociopath for my own purposes or riches. I was made one, but knowingly, for a reason... a set of them. To survive physically and mentally, even spiritually, when all light fades. With the hope that, in survival, I can... do good. He was made one by medi-corp, for their mutual enrichment... and with room for him to entertain his darkest spirits. Further, as I mentioned, he probably doesn't even know it. Well, until he reads here. Yeah... he'll know if he thinks about it. He'll know his chase for gold and glory was a dead end into psychopathy. It's fun watching the ignorant play at something so poorly. His boss knows what they are, but has found comforts to deal with it. It's in the eyes. Dead eyes. Takes one to know one. Difference is, mine is a tool, he is the tool.
Three out of four, so far.
.
.
While I am not doing extremely well, minor stomach upset, sleep irregularities, and a few other things, I have been able to take care of several appointments with relative ease, showing up on time showered and ready. One more to go. Well, I didn't shower this morning, but I did shower last evening. I was up too early, and the meeting last night was later, meaning little time for sleep. I set the alarm for 5:00, though I suspected I would need to reset it to 6:00, which I did. I don't know if I will get to keep my driver license or not. I do believe I will speak to some admin at the V.A., to keep V.A. staff and such from viewing my blog, at least at work. And to have someone speak with these folk, to help them understand that writers write. They seem... astoundingly unsophisticated regarding some matters. Doctors, quite often, are just nerds with white lab coats, mind you. Still, I believe a little chat with their superiors might be helpful.
Well, and they are generally required to be secular. They are not allowed to judge sin, so it's all good... except for those who do believe in sin. Those who believe in sin, to their eyes, become the sinner. But given the power, they will use force to require treatments to their specs. A testament of which is that there have been many laws written to prevent them fro forcing any patient against their will. Which is what they are trying to get around with the DoT paperwork they are jerking me around regarding. The intern gave poor numbers, suggesting "he" had never seen me before, in spite of the fact that the actual doctor has seen me many times. And has monitored my situation, even when he wasn't the attending. That is what happens when medical become bureaucratic, and there is no real choice. Oh... you'll see, shortly.
Lunch at Round Robin. Just a burger, but a real one, and fries. A glass of tea. Nothing fancy. I am weary. Three days in a row, and one more, might cause me to go down a bit. Though maybe not. I am feeling quite good, if I might not do much else today. It was mostly the drive. It isn't long, but it is harried. Bumper to bumper, at times. The minor stress isn't terrible, I simply am not used to it. It's not a regular thing. I do love to drive, even great distances, if I need a reason. Heavy traffic isn't driving, as I term it, mind you. It is merely not wrecking. An annoyance, and a somewhat dangerous one.
After I found music I recently played, I decided to purchase the first two seasons of series about Hannibal. While it is clever, and interesting from a crime and psychology perspective, it isn't really what I had hoped. From previous movies on the topic, Hannibal is seen more as a... dark angel? Someone who deals darkly with people who do evil. In the mini-series, so far anyway, he is presented as a mere, if exceptionally smooth, psychopath. He seems to murder, and use, merely for pleasure. After I view the next season, if that is how they are presenting the story, I will not continue with the line. I have no interest in pure psychopaths. I do have an interest in monsters who, over the edge or not, at least believe what they are doing is warranted. More so if what they do is actually valid. I'm not seeing that. Clever, witty, possibly deep if some things end up unraveling a certain way, but... dull at it's core. Psychopaths are not interesting. I am not even sure, as with true agnostics, they can even be called evil. Just... twisted creatures with no empathy, no life, no purpose, no... anything. What they do might be called evil, but they can't be. If they don't have a true higher purpose, do not suffer decisions, do not have a goal, they are merely the dead infecting the living.
Hmm? Oh, examples? The Hannibal from the movies, for the most part. Perhaps excessive, perhaps. But the people he killed seemed to be psychopaths themselves, sometimes worse. But the pointless ones. Or ones who where privileged and protected from justice. Real examples? National security agents, and servicemen, who kill people who are doing harm but who are otherwise protected. Federal agents who take down, and often kill in doing so, criminal elements who have political, financial, and other protections. But, sometimes, the system purely fails. It is nice to believe there are men who are willing to do what it takes, at personal risk, to do what the system can't, or won't, but should. Hannibal, from the movies, as a general rule, was such an individual. Not so much in the mini-series. Not from what I have seen. Bleh.
I have also been reading. I had not read H.P. Lovecraft up to this point. While I have ready many monster, and dark themed writers, I had not even heard of H.P. From what I have gathered recently, it was as if Lovecraft was considered the Ozzborne of writing, and so was kept from young avid readers. By the system, mostly. Librarians in small towns... neglected to order such. E.A. Poe was pushing things for most of them, though I was able to find many of his books at quite a young age. Being a librarian's pet, commonly, I was offered things that were not easy to find, or actually hidden. I am not exactly what this story in the compendium is about, should find out soon enough. I had stopped reading for a bit, headaches from speed reading and that distastefully awful story by that wretched femi-modernist-nasty sort of put me off. Well, and the collection I am reading is tale after story, so I can't ever really get too far into the stories before having to start with a new topic, different pace, other author... It seems I have to gear up, gather enough information, then I kick into high gear.
That's that for that. When I go to town next, I'll figure out to whom to send the form. I think I will be home the rest of the week though. I have something planned for sometime on the weekend. And I do hope to do some cleaning here at home. I may have to figure out storage. I probably, just in case, need to prepare to move. Most things, what I will keep anyway, need to go into storage. The rest will simply be discarded. I won't move into the city. I will probably just set up my gear and go homeless. Camp around, backcountry living. I won't be forced into city living. Save up, purchase a mule most likely, and... I have some doubts if the home will sell, so I'll just let it go back to the bank. I knew I should have gotten a real, non-bureaucratic doctor. Too late now, possibly.
Later.
.
While I am not doing extremely well, minor stomach upset, sleep irregularities, and a few other things, I have been able to take care of several appointments with relative ease, showing up on time showered and ready. One more to go. Well, I didn't shower this morning, but I did shower last evening. I was up too early, and the meeting last night was later, meaning little time for sleep. I set the alarm for 5:00, though I suspected I would need to reset it to 6:00, which I did. I don't know if I will get to keep my driver license or not. I do believe I will speak to some admin at the V.A., to keep V.A. staff and such from viewing my blog, at least at work. And to have someone speak with these folk, to help them understand that writers write. They seem... astoundingly unsophisticated regarding some matters. Doctors, quite often, are just nerds with white lab coats, mind you. Still, I believe a little chat with their superiors might be helpful.
Well, and they are generally required to be secular. They are not allowed to judge sin, so it's all good... except for those who do believe in sin. Those who believe in sin, to their eyes, become the sinner. But given the power, they will use force to require treatments to their specs. A testament of which is that there have been many laws written to prevent them fro forcing any patient against their will. Which is what they are trying to get around with the DoT paperwork they are jerking me around regarding. The intern gave poor numbers, suggesting "he" had never seen me before, in spite of the fact that the actual doctor has seen me many times. And has monitored my situation, even when he wasn't the attending. That is what happens when medical become bureaucratic, and there is no real choice. Oh... you'll see, shortly.
Lunch at Round Robin. Just a burger, but a real one, and fries. A glass of tea. Nothing fancy. I am weary. Three days in a row, and one more, might cause me to go down a bit. Though maybe not. I am feeling quite good, if I might not do much else today. It was mostly the drive. It isn't long, but it is harried. Bumper to bumper, at times. The minor stress isn't terrible, I simply am not used to it. It's not a regular thing. I do love to drive, even great distances, if I need a reason. Heavy traffic isn't driving, as I term it, mind you. It is merely not wrecking. An annoyance, and a somewhat dangerous one.
After I found music I recently played, I decided to purchase the first two seasons of series about Hannibal. While it is clever, and interesting from a crime and psychology perspective, it isn't really what I had hoped. From previous movies on the topic, Hannibal is seen more as a... dark angel? Someone who deals darkly with people who do evil. In the mini-series, so far anyway, he is presented as a mere, if exceptionally smooth, psychopath. He seems to murder, and use, merely for pleasure. After I view the next season, if that is how they are presenting the story, I will not continue with the line. I have no interest in pure psychopaths. I do have an interest in monsters who, over the edge or not, at least believe what they are doing is warranted. More so if what they do is actually valid. I'm not seeing that. Clever, witty, possibly deep if some things end up unraveling a certain way, but... dull at it's core. Psychopaths are not interesting. I am not even sure, as with true agnostics, they can even be called evil. Just... twisted creatures with no empathy, no life, no purpose, no... anything. What they do might be called evil, but they can't be. If they don't have a true higher purpose, do not suffer decisions, do not have a goal, they are merely the dead infecting the living.
Hmm? Oh, examples? The Hannibal from the movies, for the most part. Perhaps excessive, perhaps. But the people he killed seemed to be psychopaths themselves, sometimes worse. But the pointless ones. Or ones who where privileged and protected from justice. Real examples? National security agents, and servicemen, who kill people who are doing harm but who are otherwise protected. Federal agents who take down, and often kill in doing so, criminal elements who have political, financial, and other protections. But, sometimes, the system purely fails. It is nice to believe there are men who are willing to do what it takes, at personal risk, to do what the system can't, or won't, but should. Hannibal, from the movies, as a general rule, was such an individual. Not so much in the mini-series. Not from what I have seen. Bleh.
I have also been reading. I had not read H.P. Lovecraft up to this point. While I have ready many monster, and dark themed writers, I had not even heard of H.P. From what I have gathered recently, it was as if Lovecraft was considered the Ozzborne of writing, and so was kept from young avid readers. By the system, mostly. Librarians in small towns... neglected to order such. E.A. Poe was pushing things for most of them, though I was able to find many of his books at quite a young age. Being a librarian's pet, commonly, I was offered things that were not easy to find, or actually hidden. I am not exactly what this story in the compendium is about, should find out soon enough. I had stopped reading for a bit, headaches from speed reading and that distastefully awful story by that wretched femi-modernist-nasty sort of put me off. Well, and the collection I am reading is tale after story, so I can't ever really get too far into the stories before having to start with a new topic, different pace, other author... It seems I have to gear up, gather enough information, then I kick into high gear.
That's that for that. When I go to town next, I'll figure out to whom to send the form. I think I will be home the rest of the week though. I have something planned for sometime on the weekend. And I do hope to do some cleaning here at home. I may have to figure out storage. I probably, just in case, need to prepare to move. Most things, what I will keep anyway, need to go into storage. The rest will simply be discarded. I won't move into the city. I will probably just set up my gear and go homeless. Camp around, backcountry living. I won't be forced into city living. Save up, purchase a mule most likely, and... I have some doubts if the home will sell, so I'll just let it go back to the bank. I knew I should have gotten a real, non-bureaucratic doctor. Too late now, possibly.
Later.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
The race begins.
.
.
A turtle race, I would say. A one tortoise race at that. Actually it started yesterday. I thought yesterday was Friday, maybe Thursday. The clock was ticking faster than my ability to account for it. A day or two was lost in there. Four days of something required each day. Oh, sure, I have done something every day for four days before, and not too long ago, and longer. But I haven't had specific times and places to be for that long of a stretch for a very long time, probably since college. Yesterday was a good start. I was, for the first time that I can remember, actually on time. But it was the one event I could have been late attending and still been fine.
It was cool enough yesterday. Actually, the weather may be on my side for most of these things. Partly cloudy, but warm enough. My schedule seems to favor the times involved as well. At this point, I am going to do my best to make each, and have a decent shot at them. Each is so different. From the type of event, to how much driving is involved, to how each event will last. I am not all that nervous about it, either. I do have some mild concerns about making one of them, but there is some leeway on that one. All I can say is it must be nice to actually be able to do daily events without having to worry about physically failing. Life might be exhausting at times, but if you have health, enjoy that.
Another bath? Perhaps. Those have been helping a great deal. My feet are being cleaned and oiled, dry patches on my hands, and wounds, are improving. The pine stuff today, I think. If I don't think the scent lasts all that long on my person. It is much drier here than I thought, or noticed? This stuff is really quite nice. Skin doesn't tear as easily, when it retains moisture. Perhaps another week of three baths a day, then slowing that down a bit. My skin was like paper but is becoming much more like skin as I think of such. Amazing what that is doing. But I really need to remember to buy toys. They might keep me in the bath longer, making the treatments more sure. Well, and it has been fun, tinkering with the salts and chemicals. If I don't think some of it is all that. Lemon grass, lemon, and grapefruit, pretty much, all smelled pretty much the same to me. Then again, as noted, while I can see colors as good, or better, than women... on the olfactory score women have me by a big nose.
On to... something. I have a dinner thing, and can't handle much food lately, so I have to skip a meal. Perhaps yogurt and dry cereal in that, though. You don't want to be either an ascetic nor a glutton. It's finding that fine balance. In my case, a more complicated procedure due to health and the irregularities that come from it. Can't digest food, but get ill with no food, one day, and need regular amounts another, or worse, need regular calories and yet can't digest any of it... an ill feeling either way. It's just the way of it for some, for me. I am already needing food and yet still have dinner from yesterday, sitting in their, mocking me... daring me to take another bite... while my stomach growls and the body tells me it needs to eat. *green* Bleh.
Later.
.
A turtle race, I would say. A one tortoise race at that. Actually it started yesterday. I thought yesterday was Friday, maybe Thursday. The clock was ticking faster than my ability to account for it. A day or two was lost in there. Four days of something required each day. Oh, sure, I have done something every day for four days before, and not too long ago, and longer. But I haven't had specific times and places to be for that long of a stretch for a very long time, probably since college. Yesterday was a good start. I was, for the first time that I can remember, actually on time. But it was the one event I could have been late attending and still been fine.
It was cool enough yesterday. Actually, the weather may be on my side for most of these things. Partly cloudy, but warm enough. My schedule seems to favor the times involved as well. At this point, I am going to do my best to make each, and have a decent shot at them. Each is so different. From the type of event, to how much driving is involved, to how each event will last. I am not all that nervous about it, either. I do have some mild concerns about making one of them, but there is some leeway on that one. All I can say is it must be nice to actually be able to do daily events without having to worry about physically failing. Life might be exhausting at times, but if you have health, enjoy that.
Another bath? Perhaps. Those have been helping a great deal. My feet are being cleaned and oiled, dry patches on my hands, and wounds, are improving. The pine stuff today, I think. If I don't think the scent lasts all that long on my person. It is much drier here than I thought, or noticed? This stuff is really quite nice. Skin doesn't tear as easily, when it retains moisture. Perhaps another week of three baths a day, then slowing that down a bit. My skin was like paper but is becoming much more like skin as I think of such. Amazing what that is doing. But I really need to remember to buy toys. They might keep me in the bath longer, making the treatments more sure. Well, and it has been fun, tinkering with the salts and chemicals. If I don't think some of it is all that. Lemon grass, lemon, and grapefruit, pretty much, all smelled pretty much the same to me. Then again, as noted, while I can see colors as good, or better, than women... on the olfactory score women have me by a big nose.
On to... something. I have a dinner thing, and can't handle much food lately, so I have to skip a meal. Perhaps yogurt and dry cereal in that, though. You don't want to be either an ascetic nor a glutton. It's finding that fine balance. In my case, a more complicated procedure due to health and the irregularities that come from it. Can't digest food, but get ill with no food, one day, and need regular amounts another, or worse, need regular calories and yet can't digest any of it... an ill feeling either way. It's just the way of it for some, for me. I am already needing food and yet still have dinner from yesterday, sitting in their, mocking me... daring me to take another bite... while my stomach growls and the body tells me it needs to eat. *green* Bleh.
Later.
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