Unable.

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Food... I got it.  I added carbs, hoping that bowing to the... darkness... would help.  Nope.  Just as nauseaus as before.  Worse?  Hard to tell.  So... no laundry.  I'm too ill.  I've been fighting it, looking for a window of opportunity.  It just isn't going to happen.  Here, it's 23:00, and I'm going on to bed.

Clean, shaven... or at least trimmed.  If I can get up, and get going, tomorrow.  I will.  There is a reason I have been doing nothing.  I can't.

So very difficult, rough.  I just want to eat.  I can't eat, right or wrong, and have a good turnout.  Everything makes me want to be ill, violently.  I haven't been, but I want to be.  Just to purge, at this point, would be good.  Like when I used to drink too much, becoming ill was a cleansing.  The thing is, for the most part, there isn't anything to clean out.  Not... sure it would work.

On to bed.  Goodnight.

Not getting to things all that quickly.

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But, there is the start.  A shower.  Long, hot, beautiful... sitting for a while and just... taking it in and on like an old dog getting a wonderful treat.  Teeth brushed, body clean, fresh clohtes... if mostly just pj's... if amenable to admitting a visitor, or small runs to local shops.

No socks on, yet.  Letting my feet dry.  I trimmed the nails a bit before showering as well.  I hope they dry quickly.  Yes, I dry between the toes, these days, after showering.  But, still, moitured clings to the skin.  I... like to let it get really dry, Utah dry.

A very good sleep.

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Down at 22:30, I think?  Not up until nine.  Way too much sleep, in one sense.  But wonderful sleep.  Yes, I had the alarms set, at five and seven.  I'm still... trying.  I may even get back to it.  Or not.  Will just see in a bit.

Sassy was fed first thing.  She helped me wake.  And it is late.  So... first thing.  I'll change her water and do her litter, after she uses those to her whiles.  I give her a bit of time if it's later.  She usually goes an hour or two after eating, but if eating is later, she may go right away.  I don't have all of her peculiarities down, but a few.

A difficult day.

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Can't quite understand.  I am dizzy, really dizzy.  I can keep my feet under me, but I feel ill from it, almost seasick sort of ill.

I check blood sugar and bp.  At 129, blood sugar isn't great, but it's not too bad.  Higher than it should be, but that comes from eating incorrectly, and several times in a row... three times, every other or third day.  Yeah.  BP was a bit high, on the first check, at 167/100 with a pulse of 79.  The second reading was 144/100, same pulse.  But that was with almost no effort, other than changing arms.  So, while not great, not all that bad.

A bit of a struggle.

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The five alarm did wake me.  And I was... getting up.  Not sure what happened, but ended up sleeping until well into the seven alarm.  It has... five or six snoozes, ten minutes per.  I think it was the fourth one at which I finally got up.  Or... knew I would so shut it off.

Litter, then fresh water, and finally food for Sassy.  Water started, for coffee.  And the machine turned on, so as to be ready when I got to it.  It takes a bit, as beside the computer turning on, I unplug the internet each night.  I don't want the machines to be accessible while I sleep.

Just past 22:00.

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Six after, to be exact.  I am tired.  Ready for bed.  Going in early.  Earlier, anyway.  Last I checked, it was 31 outdoors, if falling quickly, from a high of 44... to the best of my knowledge.  But... it's... been a nice day.  It looks ugly, not a pretty day.  But I'll gladly take the warmth over the pretty, right exactly on this day... and through these last.  Sometimes it's just... nice.  Like... some women?  Hmm.  *grins*

I checked blood sugar after dinner.  It was down to 119, so that's good.  It'll probably be high in the morning, and will be for several days.  It... takes a while, after eating poorly.  Surprised it lowered this much this soon as is.  I'll take it.  Wanted to check again, but... decided against.  Running out of test strips, and don't have money here or there to buy it.  Well, I do, but... I really don't even though I do?

Annoying.

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Not that being annoyed is something I don't enjoy, from... time to time.

It looks to be working.

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I let it go about three hours.  And the drain pipes are holding, dry as a whistle.  Hmm... my whistles are wet though?  That's... not the point.

A spot of coffee, finally.  Gaming as I was trying to wake.  I must figure some things out.  Work, at getting things right.  Dig in, do some more work around the cave.  And, I think I can.  Maybe not through this week, until next week.  But, Christmas is fast upon me, so that's okay.

A bit later, and not.

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I think it was 23:30 when I finally got down.  I woke at 4:30, if just in time to turn off the five alarm and go on back to bed.  The seven woke me?  Or did I was just before?  I didn't get up, had no intention of getting up quite immediately, in either case.

I hit the snooze a few times, planning on waking in a slow process.  I'm still tired from yesterday, from life in general, for the weather, age, lack of health.  So, while I planned to wake in the seven range, not the early part of it.  At about forty after, I hit the last snooze, then got up.  The space heater had been running.  The thermometer on the alarm read 60, but had been placed next to the outside wall, and near a window, so... it would read cooler.  The main thermometer in the middle of the room, at waist level, read 66.  Usually that will read from 55 to 57, though can go from 54 to 60, without anything else.  So that space heater, given time, does warm it up there.  Just not necessarily in the "corners of the room", as I think of the odd, outer, lower, windowed, spaces.

I swear...

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I am honestly not sure why, or how?  I yet live.  Have you ever had difficulty breathing?  Whether from exhertion, too much weight on you by being trapped or pinned, health problems, or such?  Imagine having a hundred pounds of something on you, most of the time.  I tell you, it's... difficult.  Been that way between a quarter and three quarters of the time for most of the last forty years.

Better, lately.  More like a quarter of the time.  Medicine, is my guess, has helped.  But that quarter of a time is a bit harsher, these days.  I can resist less.  Age has it's costs.

What a day.

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The bike was set up.  Installed a charger system, for the battery.  And installed a different usb, this one also has an 'auto cigarette lighter'.  I don't smoke, but those are very handy... both as a heat/lighting source, and as a plug in for various things.  As well, the fuel filter was added.  I didn't do much of it, but... it was okay.

Oh, and checked the springs.  I think they are stock, but for now that is good enough.  I only weigh forty pounds more than the guy who has been riding her, and he has zero problems with train tracks or potholes.  Suspects I won't eighter.  Off road?  I'll... think of that when I get to that.  But, at least I know, or am pretty sure, they are stock.  So, if need be, I could get the progressives for a bit more resitstance to front bottiming.

A good wake.

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A bit late.  Down around 22:30, had hoped to wake at five.  Set the alarms for five and seven.  Heard the five, knew it wouldn't happen, shut that one down.  Hoping to be awake before the seven.  Nope.  Shut that one down too?  Must have.  Oh, but with plans to wake up.  So, was on the way.  Heard a beep.

A text.  Are you awake?  Thought that it would be that, or a cancelation.  Looks like it's good.  I just, fifteen minutes later, let him know I was awake.  Just needed to shower.  Which... I just am out of.  Took a long time, but... yeah.  Though I wanted to let my feet dry.  I dry them, very well, these days.  But too, want to let them air dry.

Dinner, and to bed?

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Later than anticipated.  But, it just took longer to get dinner going.  A steak, if I, again, only ate half.  But this one was much tastier.  I'll wrap up the other half for tomorrow.  Delicious.  Well, still having nausea problems.

One thing that has been suggested is to go to those medium carb foods, such as broccoli, various squashes, yams/sweet potatoes.  It's been suggested that, perhaps, I am not yet ready for going without carbs as completely as I have been.  And, yes, that... makes absolute sense.

Someone thinks... something.

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Always?  Often... surprised.  The way things come together, here and there.

Someone suggests, or reiterates, things suggested... here and there.  Ears to hear?  It seems so.  And learning a voice too.  I... had to laugh.  If I don't think humor was the point.  Laughter isn't always about humor.  Watching a puppy stumble, or a kitten fall asleep right on top of danger, and... watching people understand what they can't believe.  Faith is... a terribly wonderful thing.  Truth?  I suspect so.  Not... always.  But often enuogh?  Maybe, something.

To bed later, up late.

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Midnight, and change, or so.  Up at 8:30, give or take a handful.  Blood sugar still higher, at 144.  Difficult to keep on carnivore.  Again, looked at a few vids in an attempt to help with that.  Even eating right, again, for days.  Takes... a while to get back into trim, I guess.  Though I am not doing things just right.  If that may not ever be possible.  Bah.

I do have meats out, thawed, ready.  Not sure if the chicken is good.  It's older, from when I still bought chicken by parts.  Thighs.  But those had become so hit and miss, that I stopped buying them that way.  Every package was suspect.  I'll brine them, and bake them.  See how it works.  Toss them if they have that... scank old chicken taste.  As if they hadn't been frozen quickly enough.

Not quite?

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I put out meat, to thaw.  Thought a steak might thaw enough to work with.  No... it just didn't quite get there.  Moved it out, where it might thaw a bit quicker.  Hoping for a steak yet tonight.  Why steak?  First, they don't need to thaw completely, to cook well.  Second, everything else needs much more thawing time.  And, finally, I need to eat something tasty.  Tastier.  Burger has become... very... old.  Which, is fine.  Sometimes.  But... I've got to make food edible, or I won't eat it.  And, if I don't eat it, I will, in time, eat something else.  Something not good.  Pizza!  Tacos!  Burritos!  And those throw my blood sugar even more off than the slight stuff I have been eating off the wagon.

In some ways I am as hungry as a bear.  I need something in me.  In other ways, I'm not hungry and all, and could keep going without for a long time.  But... in truth, I am just on an edge.  A slip could cause me to go out and eat out for days in a row, to take care of my needs, or more my wants.  I have to be caustious.  While it is true, I don't need food.  My body wants, nay demands, food.  And it requires food that is good to eat.  You can survive on stuff.  But the first shot your body gets at something better, tastier, more, it'll take it.

No, not what was thought.

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I made another attempt to contact UPS, change the address.  It just didn't work.  It has been changed, on amazon.  But that didn't, and hasn't, affected the order.  As they said it should.  It simply won't work.

I have made attempts to contact the company, halt or change the order through them, to no success.  There is no one there, or it isn't getting through... my attempts to contact them.  Nothing.  As well, it is a product that can't be canceled, or the order in any way changed.

Quite the morning.

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Mostly gaming.  Then, I thought I heard something, someone, out front.  I checked.  Expecting a package, so... but no.  Nothing, no one?

Then, I... was sure I heard something.  I checked.  Again, nothing, no one.  But... someone pulled into my drive.  I didn't recognize him, at first.  He was speaking, but I couldn't hear him.  So I went out to the drive.  Father!

A nice morning.

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What was it, 20:30 when I went down?  Or so.  Give or take an half hour.  I set the alarms, for 5:00 and 7:00.  Just could not wake at five.  Kept hitting the snooze button.  Turned on the space heater.  it was 58, down by me, before the space heater was turned on.  By the time I woke, at 5:45, it was up to 64.  Which... seemed to help.

I basically got through all the snoozes allowable?  There might have been one left, I can't remember if their are four or five... or would that maybe be six?  I can't remember, and turned it off before finding out.  On the good side, I didn't sleep until the seven alarm.  Up.

A bit to eat.

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A sort of... dirty rice?  Burger, tomato, spices... hot, and a pseudo rice.  Must not have been too bad.  After eating, blood sugar finally started to come down just a bit.  Just to 126, but okay.  It, without that, had only just come down to 146.  It just wasn't moving.  I haven't checked blood pressure or weight.  Later... in the week.

So tired.  It's been difficult to stay awake.  Hitting 19:24, as I write this.  Ah, but thankfully I was awake long enough to remember to take medicine.  I took morning pills as well.  A little higher doses, just... because I keep missing.  Most nights for the last three to four days, and some days.  On the good side, a bit extra, from time to time, seems to help.  If I could just focus, remember, the small doses would work.  Just having a heck of a time.  Winter... eating less... other things?

How clever.

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As I wake, I look at my blogger start area.  I have 248 visitors for the day, for whatever that means.  Which, isn't much by itself.  But?  That is how much I weigh this morning.  Clever.  Very funny.  Something about repeating numbers, patterns, echoes for reality?  This... down for 285 to 290.  I'd go with the high one, maybe 295 at that point.  Things were going... wrong.  It's been a month?  Since going, trying to go, carnivore?  Three weeks?  Eight?  Somewhere in the shorter range, like a month, or a month and a week or two?

I had lost some weight before, but had gained it all back after my second previous doctors appointment.  But had been carnivore for a week or two, so had gotten back down to the mid 260's range by the next visit.  Now to 248.  Still, not impressed.  And, not really doing it for that.  Though would welcome weight loss.