To bed later, up late.

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Midnight, and change, or so.  Up at 8:30, give or take a handful.  Blood sugar still higher, at 144.  Difficult to keep on carnivore.  Again, looked at a few vids in an attempt to help with that.  Even eating right, again, for days.  Takes... a while to get back into trim, I guess.  Though I am not doing things just right.  If that may not ever be possible.  Bah.

I do have meats out, thawed, ready.  Not sure if the chicken is good.  It's older, from when I still bought chicken by parts.  Thighs.  But those had become so hit and miss, that I stopped buying them that way.  Every package was suspect.  I'll brine them, and bake them.  See how it works.  Toss them if they have that... scank old chicken taste.  As if they hadn't been frozen quickly enough.

I only even ate half the steak I made last night.  It was good.  Really good.  And, adding butter?  Not while cooking.  I add butter after it is done, like on toast.  A toasted steak, if you will.  Doesn't take much, just a slim pat of butter will do.  It does add flavor, if it softens the crust.  Trade-offs.

Today?  I'd like to hit the dishes, just a few in there, then get a shower.  As well, begin in on laundry.  Which means working upstairs.  As well, begin digging for the motorcycle parts and paperwork.  Will try to get the world back in order.  I have a few weeks before the next appointments.  I'd... like to have things back in order.  And, maybe, get back to church before long.  Even a few times a month?  Can try.  Need to get dress clothes sorted and set back up too.

Losing weight, losing size.  Not... important.  At this point in life, it just doesn't matter.  Even tending health is... won't... help much.  More a hobby than anything that will ever be useful?  Something like that.  Even so, it is what I have left to me.  So, I will give it a go... when and as I can.

Oh, carnivore condiments?  Yeah.  As well, spicey additivies, if even those get... dull.  Can only do things for  a bit, to an extent.  But... gotta do something.  A grouping of carnivore condiments, additives, and flavor boosters.  As well, trying to figure out how to mix and match foods.  Eggs, boiled and fried.  Burger, with cheese, spices, zero-noodles.  Tomatoes seem to... be too carby, for me.  But have to have something once in a while.  Steak, chops, roasts.  Chicken... if it's any good.  Going with the whole chicken seems to be the best way, but pretty pricey.  Costs as much as a beef roast, but mostly being bone.  Ugh.  What else?  Can't afford lamb, don't like mutton... probably can't afford mutton either.  Well, liver and kidney is still a favored, and inexpensive (so far, when it can be found).

Still, that is tight.  Like I said, carnivore condiments.  And, sometimes, cheating slightly into veggies.  If I have noticed that the further I get into the carnivore diet, the more affect veggies have.  It's like I become more insulin resistant the more carnivore I get.  Though... that is in the short term.  I'll... keep at it, see if that can be improved.  Ugh.

Right... here... finally.

I... have to do something.  The diet works, but if I can't consume it, it doesn't matter.  Still having nausea.  Something is just off.  I need... more... extra... something.  What will work?  I don't know.  I worry that it is too much fat.  Though it could be just too much protein.  I am having trouble taking it in.  Eating, or eating enough?

We'll see about these things.  See if some of them might help.  The dressings?  For on the meat, or mixed in?  So very difficult.  I'll keep at it, and struggle.  I may lose.  I think I'll probably get a pizza before long.  I... need to eat something I really like.  I have to eat.  I need something!  Ugh.  I may even just go overboard a bit, and eat what I want, think I need, what tastes good, until I can... regain control.  Then, try to sort out what can be eaten, within my wants.

I... may have lost for a bit.  But I really need food!  Hungry, and what I am eating is not working.  Ugh.  Later.