I swear...

.

.

I am honestly not sure why, or how?  I yet live.  Have you ever had difficulty breathing?  Whether from exhertion, too much weight on you by being trapped or pinned, health problems, or such?  Imagine having a hundred pounds of something on you, most of the time.  I tell you, it's... difficult.  Been that way between a quarter and three quarters of the time for most of the last forty years.

Better, lately.  More like a quarter of the time.  Medicine, is my guess, has helped.  But that quarter of a time is a bit harsher, these days.  I can resist less.  Age has it's costs.

I swear to you, this last six months has been very difficult.  As I suggested, I went carnivore, or am trying, because I was sure I was going to die if I did nothing.  Medicine doesn't help, enough.  I am reviewing the diabetes medicine my doc sent.  I haven't seen anything too negative, yet.  But they hide bad things, these days.  Trust, once abandoned, is difficult to regain.  Unless I am sure a medicine not only could, but should, be taken, I won't take it.  Insulin was keeping me from health, making weight loss literally impossibly, making my body more insulin resistant, and making healing from diabetes impossible.  It WAS the illness.

Still having difficulty, with that, but...  Well, I didn't eat right today.  It is 141 now.  If I did this on insulin, my blood sugar would be in the 200s or 300s.  It... wasn't even effective at what it was supposed to do.  I wonder if what is being offered is any better.  I'd like to struggle with this, for a bit longer, without medicine.  Try to get the diet more naturalized, see if I can't bring blood sugar down further.  Besides, my worst days are better than any medicine I have tried.  Even when I go off the dietary rez.

But today, as little as was truly done, was brutal.  Difficult.  So tired.  I'll tell you.  I'll be hitting bed at around 22:00, or a little after.  Only because I had heated up so much I could barely stand.  Had to cool off, still not quite there, but... will go on to bed and do well enough now.  Ugh.

I just can't believe I haven't died.  I'm not sure how much longer I can make it like this.  I don't know what else I can do to alter the probability?  I... just don't know.  Later... well, actually, goodnight.  I'll... think about what else I can do.