.
.
With nothing else happening as I would hope, but with the shelf constructed in the living room, console gaming is what I have been doing. It requires me to think, it keeps me awake, it offers challenges, and something to do. It has been ages since I last played. And, actually, in the last few weeks I have finished three games. Two and a start on another, actually, come to think more clearly on it. It beats looking at a computer screen all day, over and over, with the theoretical memory of a goldfish. Wait, make that three and an half games. If I like the game, and the trophies can be had offline, I'll go for them. None of these games are like that. The two games I would go for trophies with require at least coop, though probably online play. I have no interest in that.
Do many people even play console games anymore? Or do they mostly only play the multiplayer sections? I despise, at this point, online games. If people there played with intensity, instead of sniffing out sex and age, and wanting to talk not play, and were worth a crap, I'd have some slight more interest. I started asking what sex they preferred. Then I told them to imagine I am just the opposite, and old too. :) What is creepy is that doesn't even always work. I'll stick to solo gaming, at this point.
It's about bedtime. Looks like people just dropped off lately. I hope everyone is doing well.
Oh... if next week holds, weather-wise, and I can get out early, I am hoping to head out hiking some day in there. Probably later in the week. I'd really like to push getting some cleaning in the kitchen. That would help me get back into physical and mental shape to head out, perhaps. Where I will be hiking is around 8,100 feet. So I may just take a jacket, water, and a few minor trinkets including just a bit of food, in a fanny pack.
I am hoping that little infinity might allow me to begin getting back on my feet. Sure it's just a story. But, then, that is all we are. And, in some ways, that is exactly what God is. Or, at least, how we know Him. Go on, rest and enjoy. I believe I am going to begin, perhaps, gearing up for Sunday reflections... Call it a layman's sermon, based on the readings of the day... maybe. Not sure I can get one it tomorrow, but I might. Good night.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Creating an infinite.
.
.
What that means, mind you, I could not tell you. I will tell you my theory, however, and suggest that just such an incident has occurred.
My theories goes something like this. While there is only one God, there are many children of God (who have the seed from which Children of God can be born/fulfilled), there are also many similar, or have been and maybe will be, but of flesh. The children of God have a potential that is only realizable... initially... in spirit. Those who go to heaven will be that realization. Those who know that, but only of flesh, will perish... give or take, in some way, or diminish(?), when the old earth is no more, destroyed by fire, and the new earth takes it's place. Though I suggest there are precious few who are of the flesh sort who have been called. I'm... not exactly sure what that means. Perhaps being called, and abiding, provides a path to redemption. Though it might well not. Not a worry, since called, being taught, and accepting, my fate is of little consequence. God's will is the only consequence.
So, only those who yet bear the mark of Cain have no mortal... fleshly... or immortal... heavenly... claim. Who those are, as I have mentioned... there is room for debate. My guess is, despite having surrendered authority in these areas... though that is natural and right for the church as hope faith and charity are her graces, calling, and deserts for those who seek to know to be just. The secular, government, and us rowdy sons, of various natures, are for protection and meting out justice... wrongly or rightly, but sometimes the church has to be shushed, and the work done. Just as women have no head for civil or social justice, the church, as the bride to Christ, has no courage in this area, so terribly as to often choose the wrong side out of her nature. Much as women do.
So... Last night I went through an odd thing. I did a minor reality reset and created an infinity. Large, small? I am not sure there is such a thing, or more, they are the same. Just different. Never worry your head. It'll ache and you won't be able to eat that relational solemnitude of the fathomless sublime even with the will and Word. All I know is something changed. I am suffering, though in this case that is a good thing, the psionic boom from the creation.
Oh, yes. Heavens yes. Many religions have it that the Coyote, Crow, Raven, or whoever... whatever??? maybe all of us, actually almost certainly all of us in our ways save those with the mark, are minor creators. Tricksters change things of flesh, unless they are human tricksters. Then I think it is difficult for them. Change, for them, takes work. Those with a soul, regardless of what they believe, create. But on more of a spiritual plane for now. To create as a trickster is too potent of a thing... for soulbearers. We are creative us, the many of us. Just not the Creator. Though, perhaps, in time, that is the destiny for some. Some of us, perhaps, already have a taste of this nature. I tell you, I reset something, then... Well... I don't know. I suspect, however, as with the blue being my favorite color video thing, which it is, whatever the change? It's for me to know and you to, probably, never find out. *wink*
Yes, yes I am praising God. If what I suggest is true, it is minor compared to His works. Like a child putting on his Father's shirt, and slogging around in shoes that are way too big... even if I did reset and shart an infinity... to Him? That merely means diaper change and nap time. *grins* Well... that's my story. I am sticking to it.
Later. *poof*
.
What that means, mind you, I could not tell you. I will tell you my theory, however, and suggest that just such an incident has occurred.
My theories goes something like this. While there is only one God, there are many children of God (who have the seed from which Children of God can be born/fulfilled), there are also many similar, or have been and maybe will be, but of flesh. The children of God have a potential that is only realizable... initially... in spirit. Those who go to heaven will be that realization. Those who know that, but only of flesh, will perish... give or take, in some way, or diminish(?), when the old earth is no more, destroyed by fire, and the new earth takes it's place. Though I suggest there are precious few who are of the flesh sort who have been called. I'm... not exactly sure what that means. Perhaps being called, and abiding, provides a path to redemption. Though it might well not. Not a worry, since called, being taught, and accepting, my fate is of little consequence. God's will is the only consequence.
So, only those who yet bear the mark of Cain have no mortal... fleshly... or immortal... heavenly... claim. Who those are, as I have mentioned... there is room for debate. My guess is, despite having surrendered authority in these areas... though that is natural and right for the church as hope faith and charity are her graces, calling, and deserts for those who seek to know to be just. The secular, government, and us rowdy sons, of various natures, are for protection and meting out justice... wrongly or rightly, but sometimes the church has to be shushed, and the work done. Just as women have no head for civil or social justice, the church, as the bride to Christ, has no courage in this area, so terribly as to often choose the wrong side out of her nature. Much as women do.
So... Last night I went through an odd thing. I did a minor reality reset and created an infinity. Large, small? I am not sure there is such a thing, or more, they are the same. Just different. Never worry your head. It'll ache and you won't be able to eat that relational solemnitude of the fathomless sublime even with the will and Word. All I know is something changed. I am suffering, though in this case that is a good thing, the psionic boom from the creation.
Oh, yes. Heavens yes. Many religions have it that the Coyote, Crow, Raven, or whoever... whatever??? maybe all of us, actually almost certainly all of us in our ways save those with the mark, are minor creators. Tricksters change things of flesh, unless they are human tricksters. Then I think it is difficult for them. Change, for them, takes work. Those with a soul, regardless of what they believe, create. But on more of a spiritual plane for now. To create as a trickster is too potent of a thing... for soulbearers. We are creative us, the many of us. Just not the Creator. Though, perhaps, in time, that is the destiny for some. Some of us, perhaps, already have a taste of this nature. I tell you, I reset something, then... Well... I don't know. I suspect, however, as with the blue being my favorite color video thing, which it is, whatever the change? It's for me to know and you to, probably, never find out. *wink*
Yes, yes I am praising God. If what I suggest is true, it is minor compared to His works. Like a child putting on his Father's shirt, and slogging around in shoes that are way too big... even if I did reset and shart an infinity... to Him? That merely means diaper change and nap time. *grins* Well... that's my story. I am sticking to it.
Later. *poof*
Friday, August 21, 2015
Oh well.
.
.
There simply isn't a way to get up and get going. I went to bed a bit later, and woke a bit later. Not that those things are always or necessarily tied. I know I dreamed. I remember none of it. Pleasant mundane, from what little I can recall of the reaction more than what happened.
I did take a shower, nearly first thing. There was hope that a shower would kick the system over. Nope. Always good, just not always any more helpful than not. A bit to eat, and then medicine. Since then I have just been tinkering and gaming. Perhaps this afternoon I will do some work in the kitchen, and maybe boil eggs. It's a... hope.
While I have taken care of some business, there is more business to arrange. I need to, over the weekend, line up what I have to tend. Then do it Monday. So far I haven't fallen off the track, but time is ticking away on a couple of things. Ugh... Later.
.
There simply isn't a way to get up and get going. I went to bed a bit later, and woke a bit later. Not that those things are always or necessarily tied. I know I dreamed. I remember none of it. Pleasant mundane, from what little I can recall of the reaction more than what happened.
I did take a shower, nearly first thing. There was hope that a shower would kick the system over. Nope. Always good, just not always any more helpful than not. A bit to eat, and then medicine. Since then I have just been tinkering and gaming. Perhaps this afternoon I will do some work in the kitchen, and maybe boil eggs. It's a... hope.
While I have taken care of some business, there is more business to arrange. I need to, over the weekend, line up what I have to tend. Then do it Monday. So far I haven't fallen off the track, but time is ticking away on a couple of things. Ugh... Later.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Oh, hey...
.
.
I sometimes brag. Sometimes it is about my friends. One of them recently took a trip to Europe. She created a spoof movie review. However, it really impressed me. Better than what I have been paying to see for years. I was simply impressed with what she did, what can be done... amazing work. I put this out both in salute, but also to let others know just what is possible. Very well done foam. Truly, an amazing little bit of work. Oh, did I mention, she has been convalescing since her return.
.
I sometimes brag. Sometimes it is about my friends. One of them recently took a trip to Europe. She created a spoof movie review. However, it really impressed me. Better than what I have been paying to see for years. I was simply impressed with what she did, what can be done... amazing work. I put this out both in salute, but also to let others know just what is possible. Very well done foam. Truly, an amazing little bit of work. Oh, did I mention, she has been convalescing since her return.
Dreams.
.
.
Three to be precise. The first was totally different, the next two were... associated.
------
In the first dream, according to remembered chronology, a woman came to stay with me. She was a refugee from some part of Europe, say Poland or Romania. War. Not a large war, a local, family, war. An old blood feud between some of the powerful houses had broken out. Some, as with this woman, chose to escape. She had no close family ties, to either side, and was not married either. So she was at great risk and with no real means of self-defense against the various soldiers. I believe my church had brought her in, and had sort of just told me to take her in. So, yeah, I did.
She spoke English, if not really well. She spoke her own tongue, but only as a native. She didn't know the language really well, structurally or such. It either wasn't taught or was not her forte. Still, we worked on language up front, and tried to learn to communicate and to teach each other. She was a pretty enough woman. Middle aged, a younger middle-age than myself. Even so. probably not virginal, so of little interest. A younger woman who makes a mistake is somewhat forgivable. A middle-aged woman who has been on several and more casting couches is not. I just didn't get the sense that she could have children anyway. Still, I was as friendly as possible. And, personably. She was a fine seeming woman, in the general way. And I did have sympathy for her plight.
We did become friends. She had much curiosity, and I fed that as much as possible. I was given a small stipend for her overstay, which I used to feed her books and some travel, what went beyond food and household expenses. I am just as curious as she was. It was fine to share in a search for history, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. I even tutored her with English, tried with math but she became frustrated with that very quickly. Still, I did insist on just a bit of mathematics. Simple functions, fractions, and minor bookkeeping. I let her catch my checkbook up from the last four years. Not because I need, or want, that, but because she would eventually be on her own and need to understand dollars and cents.
On one of our trips, some of her enemies, who happen to have traveled here seeking other enemies but who found her and started to hunt her, interrupted our travels. Between me being armed, and trained (far better than the thugs who attacked), thus saving us from dying that way, she had also, in fleeing while the gun battle occurred, slipped and fallen over a path, and was hanging on for dear life. After dispatching or chasing off the hooligans, I found her, told her to be calm and relax as much as possible, that I would be right back. She thought I would need to go into town, so was extremely surprised when I literally returned in a few minutes with rope. I had a harness too, but it was far too big for her, and would have been a danger. I tied a few loops that would work for legs and torso, and lowered it to her. She was able, with simple instruction and taking of some minor risk, able to get into the rig. At which time I pulled her up. She laughed and was pleased, and suggested I was just like John Wayne. Funny how they, over there, some of them, still remember him and Americans don't.
That night she offered herself to me. Not... rudely. Not... rightly, in a secular way. I let her know I was celibate. Though I... also showed her that I could, and showed her that I was interested, while refraining from actually engaging. I wanted to make sure she didn't... misunderestimate. If anything, I impressed her further. If too, she hated me for it.
Soon, though, her time was coming to leave. We talked, and wondered. We found out as much as we could to ease her mind. On the last day, I... broke my oath. She didn't want to, by then, but didn't resist. I made love to her that whole day, in many ways.
A few months later, she let me know that she was indeed pregnant. That she had been a virgin until me. I told her I would accept her, but not as a wife, as a house servant. But that I would respect the child as my own. If she wanted to stay with me. I don't know if she accepted, but I think in time she did.
Hey, keep any judgements in YOUR pants. It was, after all, simply a dream.
------
------
The next two, while they differ in a major way, about a major point, are two parts to a tale of searching. The story is based in India, where I am seeking specific components for a non-metal, non-leather armor. Personal armor, sort of like what knights or samurai wore. I had researched on ancient cultures and had stumbled upon two types of armor that, it was written, were made from types of grains or seeds. The grains were only grown, unmodified to a degree from their original types, in a few places in the world. In both cases, it seems some of the more traditional parts of India would at least get me started. I even had dna samples from the original grains by which to compare the crops reported to be of the same traditional strains.
------
The first part of the dream, I was just me. I do have a way with these things. If I have the energy. In foreign countries, especially at the lower end of the economic scales, where governments are somewhere between weak, arrogant, corrupt, and the rest, and the people can be kind to absolutely depraved, without always being able to tell when or where you will interact with what, it takes... instinct and the will to do what it takes to survive. Best to know who is approaching, and why. And yet best not seem like a killswitch. Balance, nuance.
As I said, I was searching for a few farms that might still grow some ancient crops. India is hot and muggy often. There is some variance, but, really, especially for someone like me, it is just... hot and muggy or hotter and muggier. I sometimes hired a sort of long distance taxi service. Somewhat of a taxi plus a guide and a second for security. I still had connections, and those connections have connections everywhere. For a bit of kit, I might have to do some kibootle. I grab a clean connection, then I deliver a package. Nothing technically illegal, but sure as shit to get me shot if found. But, hey, who wants to live forever?
The rest of the dream was just... boring. I found two sources of one of the grains, and secured the crop and next year growing season, just to make sure. Plus, if I found grains that were more true to what I was looking for, both farmers had been willing to forgo their normal seeds for a year or two, possible more, so long as their current seed would be saved for their future use, or kept in production some other way. Tit for tat, farmer, .mil, .intel, .woman... Just the way it goes. Then that part of the dream ended.
------
The next part of the dream was a bit odd. In it I was a woman. Talk about tit and tat. Never mind. Anyway... Somehow I, as a woman, took over the operation, but before I as a man had begun it. My plan to get to India was a bit different. Women really do have to do things differently. It just doesn't pay to try to bravado their way through things. Security had to be beefed up. And even with it, as a woman, it was a concern. Especially with India becoming a terribly murderously raping nation, in some parts. The horror stories out of there are pretty rough. That's was social pressure to only have sons and the technology to get what you wish... but then unbalance everything. Why not just change the marriage system so that dowries aren't so crushing? Why not a lot of things. But that isn't our call, and it certainly isn't as easy as it sounds. I'm not even sure they are even trying, or looking at options.
Anyway, the rest of the dream was similar to it's... sister dream... brother dream? Only a lot more fussing. Crazy. A man, such as myself in real life, can go wherever and do whatever, and just... do it. A woman wants to plan, needs a shower or bath and privacy and clean clothes and... and... and... Gah! That part of the dream about drove me batshit.
No, ladies, and women, and broads, you are not equal. You can't "just do", or "just go", or "not worry". Anyway... those were the dreams.
------
.
Three to be precise. The first was totally different, the next two were... associated.
------
In the first dream, according to remembered chronology, a woman came to stay with me. She was a refugee from some part of Europe, say Poland or Romania. War. Not a large war, a local, family, war. An old blood feud between some of the powerful houses had broken out. Some, as with this woman, chose to escape. She had no close family ties, to either side, and was not married either. So she was at great risk and with no real means of self-defense against the various soldiers. I believe my church had brought her in, and had sort of just told me to take her in. So, yeah, I did.
She spoke English, if not really well. She spoke her own tongue, but only as a native. She didn't know the language really well, structurally or such. It either wasn't taught or was not her forte. Still, we worked on language up front, and tried to learn to communicate and to teach each other. She was a pretty enough woman. Middle aged, a younger middle-age than myself. Even so. probably not virginal, so of little interest. A younger woman who makes a mistake is somewhat forgivable. A middle-aged woman who has been on several and more casting couches is not. I just didn't get the sense that she could have children anyway. Still, I was as friendly as possible. And, personably. She was a fine seeming woman, in the general way. And I did have sympathy for her plight.
We did become friends. She had much curiosity, and I fed that as much as possible. I was given a small stipend for her overstay, which I used to feed her books and some travel, what went beyond food and household expenses. I am just as curious as she was. It was fine to share in a search for history, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. I even tutored her with English, tried with math but she became frustrated with that very quickly. Still, I did insist on just a bit of mathematics. Simple functions, fractions, and minor bookkeeping. I let her catch my checkbook up from the last four years. Not because I need, or want, that, but because she would eventually be on her own and need to understand dollars and cents.
On one of our trips, some of her enemies, who happen to have traveled here seeking other enemies but who found her and started to hunt her, interrupted our travels. Between me being armed, and trained (far better than the thugs who attacked), thus saving us from dying that way, she had also, in fleeing while the gun battle occurred, slipped and fallen over a path, and was hanging on for dear life. After dispatching or chasing off the hooligans, I found her, told her to be calm and relax as much as possible, that I would be right back. She thought I would need to go into town, so was extremely surprised when I literally returned in a few minutes with rope. I had a harness too, but it was far too big for her, and would have been a danger. I tied a few loops that would work for legs and torso, and lowered it to her. She was able, with simple instruction and taking of some minor risk, able to get into the rig. At which time I pulled her up. She laughed and was pleased, and suggested I was just like John Wayne. Funny how they, over there, some of them, still remember him and Americans don't.
That night she offered herself to me. Not... rudely. Not... rightly, in a secular way. I let her know I was celibate. Though I... also showed her that I could, and showed her that I was interested, while refraining from actually engaging. I wanted to make sure she didn't... misunderestimate. If anything, I impressed her further. If too, she hated me for it.
Soon, though, her time was coming to leave. We talked, and wondered. We found out as much as we could to ease her mind. On the last day, I... broke my oath. She didn't want to, by then, but didn't resist. I made love to her that whole day, in many ways.
A few months later, she let me know that she was indeed pregnant. That she had been a virgin until me. I told her I would accept her, but not as a wife, as a house servant. But that I would respect the child as my own. If she wanted to stay with me. I don't know if she accepted, but I think in time she did.
Hey, keep any judgements in YOUR pants. It was, after all, simply a dream.
------
------
The next two, while they differ in a major way, about a major point, are two parts to a tale of searching. The story is based in India, where I am seeking specific components for a non-metal, non-leather armor. Personal armor, sort of like what knights or samurai wore. I had researched on ancient cultures and had stumbled upon two types of armor that, it was written, were made from types of grains or seeds. The grains were only grown, unmodified to a degree from their original types, in a few places in the world. In both cases, it seems some of the more traditional parts of India would at least get me started. I even had dna samples from the original grains by which to compare the crops reported to be of the same traditional strains.
------
The first part of the dream, I was just me. I do have a way with these things. If I have the energy. In foreign countries, especially at the lower end of the economic scales, where governments are somewhere between weak, arrogant, corrupt, and the rest, and the people can be kind to absolutely depraved, without always being able to tell when or where you will interact with what, it takes... instinct and the will to do what it takes to survive. Best to know who is approaching, and why. And yet best not seem like a killswitch. Balance, nuance.
As I said, I was searching for a few farms that might still grow some ancient crops. India is hot and muggy often. There is some variance, but, really, especially for someone like me, it is just... hot and muggy or hotter and muggier. I sometimes hired a sort of long distance taxi service. Somewhat of a taxi plus a guide and a second for security. I still had connections, and those connections have connections everywhere. For a bit of kit, I might have to do some kibootle. I grab a clean connection, then I deliver a package. Nothing technically illegal, but sure as shit to get me shot if found. But, hey, who wants to live forever?
The rest of the dream was just... boring. I found two sources of one of the grains, and secured the crop and next year growing season, just to make sure. Plus, if I found grains that were more true to what I was looking for, both farmers had been willing to forgo their normal seeds for a year or two, possible more, so long as their current seed would be saved for their future use, or kept in production some other way. Tit for tat, farmer, .mil, .intel, .woman... Just the way it goes. Then that part of the dream ended.
------
The next part of the dream was a bit odd. In it I was a woman. Talk about tit and tat. Never mind. Anyway... Somehow I, as a woman, took over the operation, but before I as a man had begun it. My plan to get to India was a bit different. Women really do have to do things differently. It just doesn't pay to try to bravado their way through things. Security had to be beefed up. And even with it, as a woman, it was a concern. Especially with India becoming a terribly murderously raping nation, in some parts. The horror stories out of there are pretty rough. That's was social pressure to only have sons and the technology to get what you wish... but then unbalance everything. Why not just change the marriage system so that dowries aren't so crushing? Why not a lot of things. But that isn't our call, and it certainly isn't as easy as it sounds. I'm not even sure they are even trying, or looking at options.
Anyway, the rest of the dream was similar to it's... sister dream... brother dream? Only a lot more fussing. Crazy. A man, such as myself in real life, can go wherever and do whatever, and just... do it. A woman wants to plan, needs a shower or bath and privacy and clean clothes and... and... and... Gah! That part of the dream about drove me batshit.
No, ladies, and women, and broads, you are not equal. You can't "just do", or "just go", or "not worry". Anyway... those were the dreams.
------
So strange.
.
.
A mix, of breeds, natures, and more. Often a mixture becomes it's own thing. Sometimes, in this case at this time, it is two things at once, two different, contrary, things.
.
A mix, of breeds, natures, and more. Often a mixture becomes it's own thing. Sometimes, in this case at this time, it is two things at once, two different, contrary, things.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Dazed, lost a bit, no energy.
.
.
Medicines are right. Food is pretty good, even with that minor loss of meat. I am staying hydrated. Nights are very pleasantly cool and I am sleeping well. And yet it simply doesn't matter. I can't seem to get started on things.
I called about my health registration. I don't need an extension unless I don't get the stuff going by the 16th of next month. I will begin trying to find a doc who won't rip me off for whatever reason. The only thing the DMV has any concern regarding is the diabetes. They told me that the last time we talked, and suggested that was the case again.
I can't believe everything is going so well and still I am so stuck. Not ill, not in pain, not anything. Not even freefloating (accidentally transcendental). I am simply not able to do much. The weather is changing, given the givens, fairly strongly. From 40's to 80's for a bit, highs and lows, to 70's to 90's/100's maybe. But bouncing back and forth. Maybe I am simply not able to catch up?
Good night.
.
Medicines are right. Food is pretty good, even with that minor loss of meat. I am staying hydrated. Nights are very pleasantly cool and I am sleeping well. And yet it simply doesn't matter. I can't seem to get started on things.
I called about my health registration. I don't need an extension unless I don't get the stuff going by the 16th of next month. I will begin trying to find a doc who won't rip me off for whatever reason. The only thing the DMV has any concern regarding is the diabetes. They told me that the last time we talked, and suggested that was the case again.
I can't believe everything is going so well and still I am so stuck. Not ill, not in pain, not anything. Not even freefloating (accidentally transcendental). I am simply not able to do much. The weather is changing, given the givens, fairly strongly. From 40's to 80's for a bit, highs and lows, to 70's to 90's/100's maybe. But bouncing back and forth. Maybe I am simply not able to catch up?
Good night.
It looks like all is good.
.
.
My day was off yesterday. Today, though, starting with last night, all went back to normal. I was in bed by 22:30 and asleep fairly shortly thereafter. I set the alarm for 8:00, as an emergency backstop. I was awake by 5:30, though I don't think I crawled out until 6:00 or 6:30. No complaints. It was a great day to enjoy just resting in bed. Nice and cool, like fall or spring. And it was early enough that I didn't mind wasting a little bit of time doing so.
It feels more like fall than summer. The last few days have been really nice, that way. I suppose if you love summer more than fall or spring, or prefer your season not to mix, then it wouldn't be so good. Dreams, too, last night. Though nothing stuck. Lots of dreaming lately. It just isn't being remembered well. They say you dream 27 or 29 times a night. They say lots of things. If you believe them, that's your choice. I don't, not necessarily. They have proven to be wrong, way wrong, more often than they have proven to be right. And as things stand, my trust seems to be going in the same direction as their skill and honesty. Downhill.
I did cook meat yesterday. Unfortunately I made it far too smokey. Yes, there is such a thing as too much smoke taste in food, at least for me. And, honestly, it isn't all that much. Odd how some meats will take smoke so harshly and quickly, while other meats simply will not accept that smoke flavor. I honestly wonder if there are a lot more factors than can practically be negotiated without working in an otherwise environmentally controlled environment? At least in places with all four real seasons. I am honestly going to be tossing the meat out. It is done perfectly otherwise, simply too smokey. Well, the beef ribs anyway. I am going to try the pork roast. Pork seems to handle a heavier smoke, though it too has some limits.
A few phone calls shortly. Perhaps some work in the kitchen. Part of my plans for a trip this fall. Though, too, perhaps another visit. For as unrelenting and ornery a seeming cuss as I present... I'm simply surprised at some things, is all. :p It'll be a pricey little drive around the country. But I will be seeing places I have never seen before, visiting some folk sight yet unseen and maybe an origins, from online, pair of friends, and just... traveling. If I could afford it I would travel more often.
Well, on with things. Later.
.
My day was off yesterday. Today, though, starting with last night, all went back to normal. I was in bed by 22:30 and asleep fairly shortly thereafter. I set the alarm for 8:00, as an emergency backstop. I was awake by 5:30, though I don't think I crawled out until 6:00 or 6:30. No complaints. It was a great day to enjoy just resting in bed. Nice and cool, like fall or spring. And it was early enough that I didn't mind wasting a little bit of time doing so.
It feels more like fall than summer. The last few days have been really nice, that way. I suppose if you love summer more than fall or spring, or prefer your season not to mix, then it wouldn't be so good. Dreams, too, last night. Though nothing stuck. Lots of dreaming lately. It just isn't being remembered well. They say you dream 27 or 29 times a night. They say lots of things. If you believe them, that's your choice. I don't, not necessarily. They have proven to be wrong, way wrong, more often than they have proven to be right. And as things stand, my trust seems to be going in the same direction as their skill and honesty. Downhill.
I did cook meat yesterday. Unfortunately I made it far too smokey. Yes, there is such a thing as too much smoke taste in food, at least for me. And, honestly, it isn't all that much. Odd how some meats will take smoke so harshly and quickly, while other meats simply will not accept that smoke flavor. I honestly wonder if there are a lot more factors than can practically be negotiated without working in an otherwise environmentally controlled environment? At least in places with all four real seasons. I am honestly going to be tossing the meat out. It is done perfectly otherwise, simply too smokey. Well, the beef ribs anyway. I am going to try the pork roast. Pork seems to handle a heavier smoke, though it too has some limits.
A few phone calls shortly. Perhaps some work in the kitchen. Part of my plans for a trip this fall. Though, too, perhaps another visit. For as unrelenting and ornery a seeming cuss as I present... I'm simply surprised at some things, is all. :p It'll be a pricey little drive around the country. But I will be seeing places I have never seen before, visiting some folk sight yet unseen and maybe an origins, from online, pair of friends, and just... traveling. If I could afford it I would travel more often.
Well, on with things. Later.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Ah, finally.
.
.
Going back to bed was successful. I did set the alarm for 9:00. I heard it, but was in the middle of an... extended dream sequence. I was solving something, and teaching it as I was solving it. I can't remember what, exactly. I was teaching a number of people who, when I initially spoke of the notion, seemed interesting in having me explore that train of thought. To do so I need to fulfill some practical applications, contemplation, and run some numbers both of the mechanical type and of probability and statistics. I did sort it out, but it took until 10:30, or so, in real time, to cook the numbers and come to a conclusion. Mind you, conclusions are ongoing affairs... subject to error revision and new information. Still... the model created was within significant parameters. I wish I could remember. I think it... has some application and would be interesting to have checked while awake. As I have mentioned, sometimes those dream sequences prove out, sometimes they don't, once awake. This one, I am almost sure, would have proven out.
All good though. I received the rest I needed as well. Some dreams, in which I work, don't allow resting. Some, especially of this sort, do allow me to sleep well concurrently. I was absolutely bedraggled that first time I woke. I wasn't even sure I could get back to sleep. Now I feel like I, in the last months/years have learned to know after sleep. You can't imagine what not ever getting fully rested, for decades, can do to you. Some it drives to madness, true, unrecoverable, insanity. Some just die inside, and never make it out. Some of us just never quit. And, when we find it, we normalize like nobody's business. Even thank God for both the experience so as to understand some unique things, to know privation and so enjoy "normalcy", and a few other things. Suffering can be a grace, once you let go of your notions of fairness, or belief that you don't deserve it, among other things. So I think God. He has, directly or not, brought me to a greater appreciation of Wisdom... and of something so simple as a good night of rest.
I am in today. I am trying to wake. Then I will consider making a few phone calls, boil eggs for the week, and grill meats for the week as well. It's cloudy, and cool. Yum! I do love that cool. I am also working through more kefir and refilling whey water. I used nearly a quart on the grains I just cooked. Plus, it would be good to hit the kitchen. I hit the bathroom, slightly, yesterday. And I have been doing little odd jobs in the kitchen. Just nothing massive, yet. Maybe today, or not. :p
Be well, and later.
.
Going back to bed was successful. I did set the alarm for 9:00. I heard it, but was in the middle of an... extended dream sequence. I was solving something, and teaching it as I was solving it. I can't remember what, exactly. I was teaching a number of people who, when I initially spoke of the notion, seemed interesting in having me explore that train of thought. To do so I need to fulfill some practical applications, contemplation, and run some numbers both of the mechanical type and of probability and statistics. I did sort it out, but it took until 10:30, or so, in real time, to cook the numbers and come to a conclusion. Mind you, conclusions are ongoing affairs... subject to error revision and new information. Still... the model created was within significant parameters. I wish I could remember. I think it... has some application and would be interesting to have checked while awake. As I have mentioned, sometimes those dream sequences prove out, sometimes they don't, once awake. This one, I am almost sure, would have proven out.
All good though. I received the rest I needed as well. Some dreams, in which I work, don't allow resting. Some, especially of this sort, do allow me to sleep well concurrently. I was absolutely bedraggled that first time I woke. I wasn't even sure I could get back to sleep. Now I feel like I, in the last months/years have learned to know after sleep. You can't imagine what not ever getting fully rested, for decades, can do to you. Some it drives to madness, true, unrecoverable, insanity. Some just die inside, and never make it out. Some of us just never quit. And, when we find it, we normalize like nobody's business. Even thank God for both the experience so as to understand some unique things, to know privation and so enjoy "normalcy", and a few other things. Suffering can be a grace, once you let go of your notions of fairness, or belief that you don't deserve it, among other things. So I think God. He has, directly or not, brought me to a greater appreciation of Wisdom... and of something so simple as a good night of rest.
I am in today. I am trying to wake. Then I will consider making a few phone calls, boil eggs for the week, and grill meats for the week as well. It's cloudy, and cool. Yum! I do love that cool. I am also working through more kefir and refilling whey water. I used nearly a quart on the grains I just cooked. Plus, it would be good to hit the kitchen. I hit the bathroom, slightly, yesterday. And I have been doing little odd jobs in the kitchen. Just nothing massive, yet. Maybe today, or not. :p
Be well, and later.
No real sleep.
.
.
I can't say why, only that, so far, I haven't been able to sleep. It is wonderfully cool. I did sort of rest, off and on, for about four hours. I was up late, finishing the grain cooking... had to do it in two batches, then let each cool before storing away. Well, and I wasn't the speediest of kitchen help last night. I'm going back to bed! I hope to get some sleep. But I'll set the timer for, say, 9:00. I simply don't want to lose the morning, or if possible to avoid wreck my day schedule. I have a few business calls to make today, as well. Bleh. I hate business but there it is. Later? Good night? Good morning? I don't think I was made for conventions, so I have no clue which one would be most appropriate always. Yes, unconventional. Good later morning!
.
I can't say why, only that, so far, I haven't been able to sleep. It is wonderfully cool. I did sort of rest, off and on, for about four hours. I was up late, finishing the grain cooking... had to do it in two batches, then let each cool before storing away. Well, and I wasn't the speediest of kitchen help last night. I'm going back to bed! I hope to get some sleep. But I'll set the timer for, say, 9:00. I simply don't want to lose the morning, or if possible to avoid wreck my day schedule. I have a few business calls to make today, as well. Bleh. I hate business but there it is. Later? Good night? Good morning? I don't think I was made for conventions, so I have no clue which one would be most appropriate always. Yes, unconventional. Good later morning!
Monday, August 17, 2015
Almost.
.
.
Almost ran over a biker. Hog type. A nice looking rig, say a 50's or 60's style big bike, with metalic paint... seriously older school, though maybe not original to date... or seriously updated. The kid (to me... and early middle age, I think, though perhaps younger), was suited up right. I was heading down the road, minding my own business, going speed limit plus five (or you get honked at on that spit of road, in spite of it being busy and narrow). I get right up to the intersection, maybe 15 feet from it. He is stopped at a stop sign. Without looking, he jumps right out in front of me, spots himself the middle of the road, and doesn't even kick it, just puts on. There was no way for me to slow in time. Thankfully the oncoming lane is clear.
I whizzed around him, perhaps honk on my way. I am pissed. I had to use every bit of my dexterity and strength to avoid having a Harley grill ornament. Mad? Not quite, more... shocked. Anyway, I slam on the breaks, hop out, and I think, for the second time that day and in as many minutes, the biker shats himself. Nothing like almost getting hit, then having a bear come out of the vehicle hollering and approaching. Yeah, I realized to stop my approach, but gave him a good... talking to. Mad? No, just... don't want to see the lad dead. I asked if he saw me, but knew he didn't, he hadn't looked. Then I just told him if he can't focus he ought to take a nap, or timeout, or drive something else. Then I got back into my rig and headed out.
Just glad I didn't run him over. I had almost no time to react. And, while I like the Xterra, it handles a bit like a tank. Still, I got it done, no blood, no foul, no morgue or hospital visit. Dang kids. All good.
I checked on spelt. Best to buy berries. Quinoa is quite expensive. I'm going to try another type that is a bit less expensive. It's not golden, more a tan... or even rock... color. A twenty five pounder would last about a year. I'm not sure if the seed stays good that long though. One part of that, to two parts both brown rice and lentils or other legumes. That's been some good food. Unfortunately, neither brown rice nor, I think, quinoa, store well. I best check on quinoa. If it does, it might be good to get two or three bags, just make sure to rotate. Too pricey to waste, that.;
Milk and cream and a few other things. Oh, and made it to the post office before any of my packages were returned. It had to be close. I sort of forgot, then just generally lost track of the world out there. I have a phone call or two to make today, and a few ideas I need to begin considering. The best path to Texas, where to stay along the way, etc. There is even a blogger and family along the way. I don't wish to... disturb. And I am disturbing. Still... a cup of coffee and few words, perhaps, on the way, would be good. You never know, but you can suspect. Oh, and always a few other things. Might be getting too late for business, but... I can give it a shot or three. Later.
.
Almost ran over a biker. Hog type. A nice looking rig, say a 50's or 60's style big bike, with metalic paint... seriously older school, though maybe not original to date... or seriously updated. The kid (to me... and early middle age, I think, though perhaps younger), was suited up right. I was heading down the road, minding my own business, going speed limit plus five (or you get honked at on that spit of road, in spite of it being busy and narrow). I get right up to the intersection, maybe 15 feet from it. He is stopped at a stop sign. Without looking, he jumps right out in front of me, spots himself the middle of the road, and doesn't even kick it, just puts on. There was no way for me to slow in time. Thankfully the oncoming lane is clear.
I whizzed around him, perhaps honk on my way. I am pissed. I had to use every bit of my dexterity and strength to avoid having a Harley grill ornament. Mad? Not quite, more... shocked. Anyway, I slam on the breaks, hop out, and I think, for the second time that day and in as many minutes, the biker shats himself. Nothing like almost getting hit, then having a bear come out of the vehicle hollering and approaching. Yeah, I realized to stop my approach, but gave him a good... talking to. Mad? No, just... don't want to see the lad dead. I asked if he saw me, but knew he didn't, he hadn't looked. Then I just told him if he can't focus he ought to take a nap, or timeout, or drive something else. Then I got back into my rig and headed out.
Just glad I didn't run him over. I had almost no time to react. And, while I like the Xterra, it handles a bit like a tank. Still, I got it done, no blood, no foul, no morgue or hospital visit. Dang kids. All good.
I checked on spelt. Best to buy berries. Quinoa is quite expensive. I'm going to try another type that is a bit less expensive. It's not golden, more a tan... or even rock... color. A twenty five pounder would last about a year. I'm not sure if the seed stays good that long though. One part of that, to two parts both brown rice and lentils or other legumes. That's been some good food. Unfortunately, neither brown rice nor, I think, quinoa, store well. I best check on quinoa. If it does, it might be good to get two or three bags, just make sure to rotate. Too pricey to waste, that.;
Milk and cream and a few other things. Oh, and made it to the post office before any of my packages were returned. It had to be close. I sort of forgot, then just generally lost track of the world out there. I have a phone call or two to make today, and a few ideas I need to begin considering. The best path to Texas, where to stay along the way, etc. There is even a blogger and family along the way. I don't wish to... disturb. And I am disturbing. Still... a cup of coffee and few words, perhaps, on the way, would be good. You never know, but you can suspect. Oh, and always a few other things. Might be getting too late for business, but... I can give it a shot or three. Later.
Excellent sleep.
.
.
For as warm, hot, as it gets, I have been able to sleep well enough. The ac carries me into sleep then sustains me through sleep for a full night. This morning, right at 7:00 anyway, when I remembered to check, the e-thermo suggested it was 50. I can't really trust that one though, for some reason... sometimes. Yep, fifteen minutes later, and the sun has been shining for a while, and the fluid thermo reads at about 43 F. Nice. Very nice, really.
I am hoping to wake well enough and soon enough to get the trash out to the bin and then to the curb. Maybe recycling too, depending on what the neighbors are showing. Coffee, and after getting the trash sorted, a shower. I'd like to find my finger(toe)nail clippers and take care of those too. Yeah, I really do have to use toenail clippers. Even then, I have to go around and clip, say, three times on my bigger nails. And I remind, I consider, for my size, my hands to be petite, my fingers thin. Hmm... Nothing else until shopping later tonight, perhaps.
Well... on with the day. I have a few convalescents still in my prayer list, too. I am sure I am on prayer lists, but it probably isn't that I get better. :p Not all of it, for sure. They don't even know they, usually, are doing me a favor, as futile as that is. *grins* Besides, if I have to lump it, so do they. *chuckling* Just one of those mornings. Later.
.
For as warm, hot, as it gets, I have been able to sleep well enough. The ac carries me into sleep then sustains me through sleep for a full night. This morning, right at 7:00 anyway, when I remembered to check, the e-thermo suggested it was 50. I can't really trust that one though, for some reason... sometimes. Yep, fifteen minutes later, and the sun has been shining for a while, and the fluid thermo reads at about 43 F. Nice. Very nice, really.
I am hoping to wake well enough and soon enough to get the trash out to the bin and then to the curb. Maybe recycling too, depending on what the neighbors are showing. Coffee, and after getting the trash sorted, a shower. I'd like to find my finger(toe)nail clippers and take care of those too. Yeah, I really do have to use toenail clippers. Even then, I have to go around and clip, say, three times on my bigger nails. And I remind, I consider, for my size, my hands to be petite, my fingers thin. Hmm... Nothing else until shopping later tonight, perhaps.
Well... on with the day. I have a few convalescents still in my prayer list, too. I am sure I am on prayer lists, but it probably isn't that I get better. :p Not all of it, for sure. They don't even know they, usually, are doing me a favor, as futile as that is. *grins* Besides, if I have to lump it, so do they. *chuckling* Just one of those mornings. Later.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Nothing done.
.
.
A shower was taken, food was eaten. It was simply too hot for me. I was able to manage by doing little and judicious use of the ac and fans. Some days the mid 70's seem okay. Some days they don't. I thought the shower would have helped but it really didn't. I suppose I did a few things. I cleared off one of the areas in the kitchen and set lentils, rice, and quinoa to soak. With lentils, unlike even black beans, I can soak that with the rest, and cook it all together. I thought about setting up either 9-grain or oatmeal to a soak, but I am not sure when I will get milk, or what time tomorrow. I will be going, I just don't know when. Probably.
Another shower tomorrow. I may well wait until later in the evening to go out. Just a small bit of shopping. Milk, cream, fresh fruit. I might even look for something to add to the cereal. If I can get the kitchen cleaned, I'd love to figure out how to start my own sourdough. So I do need more flour. Yes, grinding your own flour would be super, but that just isn't available to me right yet. So, I'll do what I can with with I have.
Other than being down with the heat it has been a good day. Just a typical lazy summer day. These, as Sundays, are gifts. You really can't do much about them. So might as well just enjoy the leisure. Well, that's how I'm calling it anyway. Good night.
.
A shower was taken, food was eaten. It was simply too hot for me. I was able to manage by doing little and judicious use of the ac and fans. Some days the mid 70's seem okay. Some days they don't. I thought the shower would have helped but it really didn't. I suppose I did a few things. I cleared off one of the areas in the kitchen and set lentils, rice, and quinoa to soak. With lentils, unlike even black beans, I can soak that with the rest, and cook it all together. I thought about setting up either 9-grain or oatmeal to a soak, but I am not sure when I will get milk, or what time tomorrow. I will be going, I just don't know when. Probably.
Another shower tomorrow. I may well wait until later in the evening to go out. Just a small bit of shopping. Milk, cream, fresh fruit. I might even look for something to add to the cereal. If I can get the kitchen cleaned, I'd love to figure out how to start my own sourdough. So I do need more flour. Yes, grinding your own flour would be super, but that just isn't available to me right yet. So, I'll do what I can with with I have.
Other than being down with the heat it has been a good day. Just a typical lazy summer day. These, as Sundays, are gifts. You really can't do much about them. So might as well just enjoy the leisure. Well, that's how I'm calling it anyway. Good night.
A ghost visitor, of sorts.
.
.
No, not a real ghost. The young woman isn't dead. Nor did she visit. A flash of a waking dream. In any case, it was merely... Let me set it up, as it "happened", and then begin.
There is a young woman I know. She is not of interest to me, save as any neighbor might be. Young, actually more intelligent than I initially suspected (in real life, for real... she surprised me a time or two), but also... modernized. She doesn't consider herself a feminist, yet believes women are equal, believes women have more right to live as they choose than a baby necessarily even has a right to life, and such. Oh, yes, I can see it in her eyes. Pride, you see, shines brightly for one such as I. One who knew the father of that as kin, and rejected that before even being able to hear God. I see much, and this I saw.
In any case, one must work with what one has. We knew each other, lightly, from several social involvements. Nothing fancy or heavy, just a familiarity of face and some connection through common association. As it was, we happened to see each other out, in town somewhere. As often happens, at least for some (I am guilty of the opposite more often than not, but that is me), when surrounded by strangers, a familiar face is often sought.
She approached, opened a minor dialogue. Small talk, initially. But then she said something which caught my attention. I can't remember, now, what it was. Something about her motives and what she wanted, if on a 'small ticket item'. Perhaps she suggested that she wanted to eat something at the deli? I just don't remember. In any case, I saw that as an opportunity to teach.
I suggested, going with the deli item as if that was the notion, that she didn't actually, in fact, wish to eat the menu item she had indicated. She was a bit taken aback. She was also a bit angry. Still, she remained civil. Suggesting that I could not know her mind or intent, and more that I should not presume or attempt to bully if that was my aim. I merely smiled, then asked if she would rather remain hurt and angry, or if she would care for me to explain. She thought, just a bit. Suddenly, probably a form of submission, she decided to hear me out.
I suggested that the reason I said she didn't really want to eat the chosen item, wasn't so much about the item, or her want, or what she would or wouldn't do, but about the motives. Huh? Ah. What you want isn't that item. What you want is not to feel hungry. The item is merely an object you believe will keep you from knowing that particular pain. Urhm? As with most wants, even many needs, filling those things isn't as direct as it seems.
If you want children, is it because you think you might enjoy the suffering of childbirth? Probably (hopefully) not. Is it about being, or in this case not being, alone? Perhaps in some future. Is it about a hunger for sex, natural to the body? In part. It's many things. Life is simply so complicated. It isn't impossibly complicated, in one sense. If it isn't to be completely figured out in whole, ever, not here, or again yet, perhaps. All I am suggesting is that, when you say you want, will have, or will do something... sometimes, just for entertainment or wisdom or learnings of other sorts, consider why you want, will, or do. It may lead to a better choice. Or maybe you will just have a fuller understanding.
Oh, never mind. Daydreams just happen, from time to time. This one was fast. While making another pot of coffee, between turning on the r.o. faucet and before the carafe filled, the thing was spent. Pleasant to have surprise company, and interesting to me conversation, and then just to go on about my day. No, it wasn't staged. It just "happened". Later.
.
No, not a real ghost. The young woman isn't dead. Nor did she visit. A flash of a waking dream. In any case, it was merely... Let me set it up, as it "happened", and then begin.
There is a young woman I know. She is not of interest to me, save as any neighbor might be. Young, actually more intelligent than I initially suspected (in real life, for real... she surprised me a time or two), but also... modernized. She doesn't consider herself a feminist, yet believes women are equal, believes women have more right to live as they choose than a baby necessarily even has a right to life, and such. Oh, yes, I can see it in her eyes. Pride, you see, shines brightly for one such as I. One who knew the father of that as kin, and rejected that before even being able to hear God. I see much, and this I saw.
In any case, one must work with what one has. We knew each other, lightly, from several social involvements. Nothing fancy or heavy, just a familiarity of face and some connection through common association. As it was, we happened to see each other out, in town somewhere. As often happens, at least for some (I am guilty of the opposite more often than not, but that is me), when surrounded by strangers, a familiar face is often sought.
She approached, opened a minor dialogue. Small talk, initially. But then she said something which caught my attention. I can't remember, now, what it was. Something about her motives and what she wanted, if on a 'small ticket item'. Perhaps she suggested that she wanted to eat something at the deli? I just don't remember. In any case, I saw that as an opportunity to teach.
I suggested, going with the deli item as if that was the notion, that she didn't actually, in fact, wish to eat the menu item she had indicated. She was a bit taken aback. She was also a bit angry. Still, she remained civil. Suggesting that I could not know her mind or intent, and more that I should not presume or attempt to bully if that was my aim. I merely smiled, then asked if she would rather remain hurt and angry, or if she would care for me to explain. She thought, just a bit. Suddenly, probably a form of submission, she decided to hear me out.
I suggested that the reason I said she didn't really want to eat the chosen item, wasn't so much about the item, or her want, or what she would or wouldn't do, but about the motives. Huh? Ah. What you want isn't that item. What you want is not to feel hungry. The item is merely an object you believe will keep you from knowing that particular pain. Urhm? As with most wants, even many needs, filling those things isn't as direct as it seems.
If you want children, is it because you think you might enjoy the suffering of childbirth? Probably (hopefully) not. Is it about being, or in this case not being, alone? Perhaps in some future. Is it about a hunger for sex, natural to the body? In part. It's many things. Life is simply so complicated. It isn't impossibly complicated, in one sense. If it isn't to be completely figured out in whole, ever, not here, or again yet, perhaps. All I am suggesting is that, when you say you want, will have, or will do something... sometimes, just for entertainment or wisdom or learnings of other sorts, consider why you want, will, or do. It may lead to a better choice. Or maybe you will just have a fuller understanding.
Oh, never mind. Daydreams just happen, from time to time. This one was fast. While making another pot of coffee, between turning on the r.o. faucet and before the carafe filled, the thing was spent. Pleasant to have surprise company, and interesting to me conversation, and then just to go on about my day. No, it wasn't staged. It just "happened". Later.
Not always, or even usually.
.
.
To bed an hour earlier, this time, meant waking an hour earlier. It was probably the prospect of having more cool in the morning that geared my body to wake earlier. My mind, will, heart, and soul are various things that can act on my body. But my body has been through so much that it, like a mule, will only accept input. It will not, necessarily, do as instructed. Then again, what it can do is amazing. Therapy for ptsd is actually what finally allowed contact between the various natures. That has been shattered, broken. I think it is weak for most people, and limited. Only those who have pushed their bodies to extremes begin to have rather developed natures, and sometimes connections between these natures. If those types have a break, and those parts separate and no longer "talk", or even fear each other, there are... problems. I called my flesh 'the beast' for a long time. I wonder what it called me, or the other parts of it? Didn't think to highly of the rest of us, either. In combat it would blank "my" view. Anyway... now we are closer to one, but... more like a committee. Today the beast did as requested. If that is more common, it isn't a sure thing. *grins*
Dreams...
The first was a general dream in which I spoke with, and perhaps visited, my foster relatives. They are "liberals", hardcore. Lily-white minority lovers, white haters, do-gooders, who think they can make the world better through force of the state. I don't think they even understand that their hubris is little, or often not at all, different from the NAZI regime. Just put in some 'A's instead of A's, and change the motivations from genocide of others to genocide against one's own and you have the same program. Still, as with my mother, I do love them. I guess, even with the various forms of white devil, I think there might be hope. :p
Me? I believe there is hope. I believe the world can be better, and can be brought to be better. It just won't happen through the force of state. It will happen when people insist that their government, or really the people running government in our stead since we the people ARE the government, live up to real standards. Not impossible standards that allowed people like Stalin and Hitler to blackmail their way to power, not lawful standards, but moral, social, ethical standards that are true... based on things that aren't variable. Anyway, it was good to see them. Even if in a dream.
------
The next was about a flavor. I think I dreamed of this, or thought of this before this year, and blogged about it. In the dream I went seeking some type of lemon, lime, and mix of those, drinks. A brew, like a beer, another sort like a spirit of some sort... like a lemon cider, and the other a liqueur, though I thought one type was a bit stronger. No idea. I've not really had good luck with the ciders I have tried. Might have to explore those a bit. As to the others? Perhaps a schnaps, for the one? I can only imagine, say, a lemon or lime flavored vodka or such for a spirit. Don't know. Might not even go there. Just a dream, but they sure quenched my thirst in the dream.
------
More detail, but nothing interesting, to my point of view, beyond the summaries. I don't always feel like typing a short story, especially just about a search for something to drink. The foster family visit was short, and most of it personal. I just put out the bit as a thought tied to other thoughts I had in the dream. Yes, I tell people just such things, if they bother to ask. If you don't want my analysis, don't ask... by the way.
On to waking and the rest of my day. Later.
.
To bed an hour earlier, this time, meant waking an hour earlier. It was probably the prospect of having more cool in the morning that geared my body to wake earlier. My mind, will, heart, and soul are various things that can act on my body. But my body has been through so much that it, like a mule, will only accept input. It will not, necessarily, do as instructed. Then again, what it can do is amazing. Therapy for ptsd is actually what finally allowed contact between the various natures. That has been shattered, broken. I think it is weak for most people, and limited. Only those who have pushed their bodies to extremes begin to have rather developed natures, and sometimes connections between these natures. If those types have a break, and those parts separate and no longer "talk", or even fear each other, there are... problems. I called my flesh 'the beast' for a long time. I wonder what it called me, or the other parts of it? Didn't think to highly of the rest of us, either. In combat it would blank "my" view. Anyway... now we are closer to one, but... more like a committee. Today the beast did as requested. If that is more common, it isn't a sure thing. *grins*
Dreams...
The first was a general dream in which I spoke with, and perhaps visited, my foster relatives. They are "liberals", hardcore. Lily-white minority lovers, white haters, do-gooders, who think they can make the world better through force of the state. I don't think they even understand that their hubris is little, or often not at all, different from the NAZI regime. Just put in some 'A's instead of A's, and change the motivations from genocide of others to genocide against one's own and you have the same program. Still, as with my mother, I do love them. I guess, even with the various forms of white devil, I think there might be hope. :p
Me? I believe there is hope. I believe the world can be better, and can be brought to be better. It just won't happen through the force of state. It will happen when people insist that their government, or really the people running government in our stead since we the people ARE the government, live up to real standards. Not impossible standards that allowed people like Stalin and Hitler to blackmail their way to power, not lawful standards, but moral, social, ethical standards that are true... based on things that aren't variable. Anyway, it was good to see them. Even if in a dream.
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The next was about a flavor. I think I dreamed of this, or thought of this before this year, and blogged about it. In the dream I went seeking some type of lemon, lime, and mix of those, drinks. A brew, like a beer, another sort like a spirit of some sort... like a lemon cider, and the other a liqueur, though I thought one type was a bit stronger. No idea. I've not really had good luck with the ciders I have tried. Might have to explore those a bit. As to the others? Perhaps a schnaps, for the one? I can only imagine, say, a lemon or lime flavored vodka or such for a spirit. Don't know. Might not even go there. Just a dream, but they sure quenched my thirst in the dream.
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More detail, but nothing interesting, to my point of view, beyond the summaries. I don't always feel like typing a short story, especially just about a search for something to drink. The foster family visit was short, and most of it personal. I just put out the bit as a thought tied to other thoughts I had in the dream. Yes, I tell people just such things, if they bother to ask. If you don't want my analysis, don't ask... by the way.
On to waking and the rest of my day. Later.
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