.
.
Laundry all going. I should be able to pull from the dryer and cycle the white towels. Dishes were all reset, but that is it for them tonight. Dinner was a mix of better items which mix well, and a rare luxury, potato. Lots of garlic, plenty of butter, onion, and everything was cooked just right.
Other than changing the laundry out, I think it is bedtime again. As noted, I will sleep as needed, if it isn't a choice this time. It is just at midnight. I am so exhausted I am having to push to cycle laundry. No worries, I will do it, then sleep, wake, and work again. All good. I think I need to take medicine and insulin as well.
Good night.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Still Saturday?
.
.
I am so confused! I thought it might already be Monday. Such long days and little sleep, then waking up into Saturday three different times. At midnight, then a nap from ¿6:00~8:00? Until noon, then sleep again from early afternoon until 19:30? I can't be sure about the times, only that I am certain I woke three times, after heavy sleeps, into Saturday. And, strangely, there is still quite a bit of Saturday left. Possibly enough for another sleep and wake, if I think not.
I continue to feel like hell. A dozen and more bm's on and I still need more gone. Oh, cabbage! And a beef roast. Well, and chia and ground flax every day for a bit. Cabbage and those seeds for cereal, along with plenty of fats in butter and cream, helps. I had cut back a bit much on food. I simply have to eat more, and fatter, and much more fiber. Odd how cutting consumption in the wrong way leads to weight gain. If I don't think it is from fat storage. It is from g.i. food hoarding. Thus actual mechanical bloat. It isn't gas.
I'll get started on dinner, hit laundry which while dry could use a quick warm spin as well as starting a load of whites, then hitting dishes. Nothing fancy, do what I can. Perhaps more if I get those all on track. I finally had enough sleep to do something. Days and nights aren't right, but oh well. I haven't done what I wanted to do, I have done what I had to do. Weather has been absolutely nuts on top of it. We are still cycling not just between spring and summer but winter and summer still. I count the 30's as winter.
I'll... do what I must and attempt what wisdom divines, as possible. Later.
.
I am so confused! I thought it might already be Monday. Such long days and little sleep, then waking up into Saturday three different times. At midnight, then a nap from ¿6:00~8:00? Until noon, then sleep again from early afternoon until 19:30? I can't be sure about the times, only that I am certain I woke three times, after heavy sleeps, into Saturday. And, strangely, there is still quite a bit of Saturday left. Possibly enough for another sleep and wake, if I think not.
I continue to feel like hell. A dozen and more bm's on and I still need more gone. Oh, cabbage! And a beef roast. Well, and chia and ground flax every day for a bit. Cabbage and those seeds for cereal, along with plenty of fats in butter and cream, helps. I had cut back a bit much on food. I simply have to eat more, and fatter, and much more fiber. Odd how cutting consumption in the wrong way leads to weight gain. If I don't think it is from fat storage. It is from g.i. food hoarding. Thus actual mechanical bloat. It isn't gas.
I'll get started on dinner, hit laundry which while dry could use a quick warm spin as well as starting a load of whites, then hitting dishes. Nothing fancy, do what I can. Perhaps more if I get those all on track. I finally had enough sleep to do something. Days and nights aren't right, but oh well. I haven't done what I wanted to do, I have done what I had to do. Weather has been absolutely nuts on top of it. We are still cycling not just between spring and summer but winter and summer still. I count the 30's as winter.
I'll... do what I must and attempt what wisdom divines, as possible. Later.
Attempting recovery.
.
.
Sleep problems, physical problems, backed up in contacts and business. Getting to hot, then too cold. It was 60 F yesterday, 38 F, later last night. I finally had to turn the heat up. I did grill brots and a small lamb chop. I've been finding those of a superior brand at reasonable (for lamb) prices.
I couldn't sleep, yet. I'll feed and water ducks, then the girls, and hit it. I have been awake since midnight, but after three exceptionally long days with little sleep. I think I went to bed around 17:00? More like 19:00. I need a lot more sleep. I sort of let diabetes go, as the doc asked. That... isn't going to work.
I will get things sorted soon. The cave is improving, it is bills, business, and personal I need to tend. Later. Actually after calling my mother, dealing with the duckles and furry ladies, it will be bedtime. I will try to sleep as much as possible for the next few days, and work like hell when awake. Good night and day.
.
Sleep problems, physical problems, backed up in contacts and business. Getting to hot, then too cold. It was 60 F yesterday, 38 F, later last night. I finally had to turn the heat up. I did grill brots and a small lamb chop. I've been finding those of a superior brand at reasonable (for lamb) prices.
I couldn't sleep, yet. I'll feed and water ducks, then the girls, and hit it. I have been awake since midnight, but after three exceptionally long days with little sleep. I think I went to bed around 17:00? More like 19:00. I need a lot more sleep. I sort of let diabetes go, as the doc asked. That... isn't going to work.
I will get things sorted soon. The cave is improving, it is bills, business, and personal I need to tend. Later. Actually after calling my mother, dealing with the duckles and furry ladies, it will be bedtime. I will try to sleep as much as possible for the next few days, and work like hell when awake. Good night and day.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Finally, much needed sleep.
.
.
In really rough shape lately. Too little sleep, blockage, other troubles. Two of those things are being fixed. And it is cooler. It is physically cooler, but the hair cut helps.
At 234 blood sugar is really high this morning. My last blood sugar test this morning was high enough to take insulin, but being bedtime I didn't do that. I'll get started back on things today. A regular dose, plus, but with chia, nuts, and strawberries. Yeah, a start.
My midsection still feels rough. I have had several more bm's. I need more if I would rather a break on those. I am not sure about that. Does insulin cause backing up? Eating chia more often should help with that. Could it be that cutting fat and calories caused the problem?
Sore, tired, cool to almost cold. I won't do much today. Recover. Get meds down. Maybe a few chores, food, rest. Later.
.
In really rough shape lately. Too little sleep, blockage, other troubles. Two of those things are being fixed. And it is cooler. It is physically cooler, but the hair cut helps.
At 234 blood sugar is really high this morning. My last blood sugar test this morning was high enough to take insulin, but being bedtime I didn't do that. I'll get started back on things today. A regular dose, plus, but with chia, nuts, and strawberries. Yeah, a start.
My midsection still feels rough. I have had several more bm's. I need more if I would rather a break on those. I am not sure about that. Does insulin cause backing up? Eating chia more often should help with that. Could it be that cutting fat and calories caused the problem?
Sore, tired, cool to almost cold. I won't do much today. Recover. Get meds down. Maybe a few chores, food, rest. Later.
Strange things.
.
.
It seemed so cold. But I have become a pansy regarding temperature sensitivity. At even 73 F I have been cool. So initially I didn't dig into that. But it wasn't just cool, it was cold! The thermostat was set at 66. And that was the temp! It's nearly July! I closed everything up and turned up the furnace. I'm just not up to that level of cool. I decided to check outside... ~35 F? Crazy.
.
It seemed so cold. But I have become a pansy regarding temperature sensitivity. At even 73 F I have been cool. So initially I didn't dig into that. But it wasn't just cool, it was cold! The thermostat was set at 66. And that was the temp! It's nearly July! I closed everything up and turned up the furnace. I'm just not up to that level of cool. I decided to check outside... ~35 F? Crazy.
Long hard day.
.
.
With little sleep, only two hours yesterday, and two very long days, I had to get to the V.A. An appointment with my doc. A1C has dropped over three points, from 12 to 8.7. There are still problems. BP refused to go below 134/93, pulse was unusually high at 96. As will, kidney function is still week, but stable.
I let her know of my frustration with incapacity. She suggested psychiatry. I told her they had been given decades and proved to be incapable, incompetent, and downright dangerous. If they know how to help they refused doing so. Besides, it's not a mood or mind issue. It is simple exhaustion. Something no antidepressant helped. Most actually exacerbated. So, no. The only process that had any sat effect was the treatment of "ptsd - without cause" treatments. But those did what they could.
I hurt all day. A band about ther torso, as if belted with a baseball bat right after eating a large meal. And as if something tore in there from that. I often hurt early, but it fades. This was all day. It is back, after seven hours sleep, but less severe. It may be gas, as unusual as that is for me. Or part of it.
I ate nothing while out. Waking at 4:30 getting back at 17:00, only drinking from a fountain once. Blood sugar, with nothing but that sip, went from 129 after waking, to 110 at 8:14, 123 at 11:34 and finally 145 at 17:11 right before eating. I crashed so hard after a bowl of menudo that no aftermeal read was possible. it is 131 as a true fasting read.
She wants me to not use insulin if the read is as high as 180. I initially agreed, but have changed my mind. That is too high. I will go with 150, for now. Below 150 and no insulin. Of course that means titrating down starting at 180. Hmm... 180 - 150 = 30, 30 / 15 cc's = 2, so for every two points below 180 I shave a cc from the dose? I think so. Math...
As well, there is a very small addition to carvedilol. I am thinking the slight elevation was due to a lack of sleep, over several days. At first I wondered whether I had missed morning meds, but checking this morning that wasn't the case. Just a bit more, two of the smallest doses. I am right on the edge of capacity with those, so it's a hope that a bit more is possible.
On the way home, I did grocery shopping. Much needed veggies, some meats, basics. Then to the car wash. I asked them about two vehicles. They have a program that will work, possibly. I haven't switched to it, but will when I am in better shape. Finally, I went in for a hair cut. Went with a flattop. It will take some training, and may not work out. But... it is done.
Today, from travel and business, my body is hurting. Joints, muscles, some skeletal. From pushing sleep as well. At least I was able to see my doc for a last time. They see so many of us, one probably makes no difference. Especially a difficult one. I see so few each has importance. When one is stuck pretty much waiting to die, no matter how incapable of that, the value of those interacted with takes on new meaning. You never live as while you are dying. Later.
.
With little sleep, only two hours yesterday, and two very long days, I had to get to the V.A. An appointment with my doc. A1C has dropped over three points, from 12 to 8.7. There are still problems. BP refused to go below 134/93, pulse was unusually high at 96. As will, kidney function is still week, but stable.
I let her know of my frustration with incapacity. She suggested psychiatry. I told her they had been given decades and proved to be incapable, incompetent, and downright dangerous. If they know how to help they refused doing so. Besides, it's not a mood or mind issue. It is simple exhaustion. Something no antidepressant helped. Most actually exacerbated. So, no. The only process that had any sat effect was the treatment of "ptsd - without cause" treatments. But those did what they could.
I hurt all day. A band about ther torso, as if belted with a baseball bat right after eating a large meal. And as if something tore in there from that. I often hurt early, but it fades. This was all day. It is back, after seven hours sleep, but less severe. It may be gas, as unusual as that is for me. Or part of it.
I ate nothing while out. Waking at 4:30 getting back at 17:00, only drinking from a fountain once. Blood sugar, with nothing but that sip, went from 129 after waking, to 110 at 8:14, 123 at 11:34 and finally 145 at 17:11 right before eating. I crashed so hard after a bowl of menudo that no aftermeal read was possible. it is 131 as a true fasting read.
She wants me to not use insulin if the read is as high as 180. I initially agreed, but have changed my mind. That is too high. I will go with 150, for now. Below 150 and no insulin. Of course that means titrating down starting at 180. Hmm... 180 - 150 = 30, 30 / 15 cc's = 2, so for every two points below 180 I shave a cc from the dose? I think so. Math...
As well, there is a very small addition to carvedilol. I am thinking the slight elevation was due to a lack of sleep, over several days. At first I wondered whether I had missed morning meds, but checking this morning that wasn't the case. Just a bit more, two of the smallest doses. I am right on the edge of capacity with those, so it's a hope that a bit more is possible.
On the way home, I did grocery shopping. Much needed veggies, some meats, basics. Then to the car wash. I asked them about two vehicles. They have a program that will work, possibly. I haven't switched to it, but will when I am in better shape. Finally, I went in for a hair cut. Went with a flattop. It will take some training, and may not work out. But... it is done.
Today, from travel and business, my body is hurting. Joints, muscles, some skeletal. From pushing sleep as well. At least I was able to see my doc for a last time. They see so many of us, one probably makes no difference. Especially a difficult one. I see so few each has importance. When one is stuck pretty much waiting to die, no matter how incapable of that, the value of those interacted with takes on new meaning. You never live as while you are dying. Later.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
At it.
.
.
Still feeling it at the corners. Green about the gills, squared where things should be rounded, bleeding and hurting in there. My torso isn't sure if pulling an Elvis or bleeding out is the way to go. Pain just isn't going to be allowed to be an excuse, even a reason, today.
Laundry has been given a reset. More later. Much more. Medicine in. Blood sugar is 129. I am calling that definitely the lowest fasting blood sugar at least since starting insulin, probably ever. My average is down to 117. I wondered how the average could go down with the actual number read being higher. Of course, the number it replaced in the set was much higher. It replaces either 171 or 193, the first two hour before, the second an hour after. Funny, that.
I best get started. I will take aspirin. It might help. Good day.
.
Still feeling it at the corners. Green about the gills, squared where things should be rounded, bleeding and hurting in there. My torso isn't sure if pulling an Elvis or bleeding out is the way to go. Pain just isn't going to be allowed to be an excuse, even a reason, today.
Laundry has been given a reset. More later. Much more. Medicine in. Blood sugar is 129. I am calling that definitely the lowest fasting blood sugar at least since starting insulin, probably ever. My average is down to 117. I wondered how the average could go down with the actual number read being higher. Of course, the number it replaced in the set was much higher. It replaces either 171 or 193, the first two hour before, the second an hour after. Funny, that.
I best get started. I will take aspirin. It might help. Good day.
I was still feeling awful.
.
.
It was probably just something I ate? Blood sugar was 130, right. One meal and one small dose of insulin had brought it down nine points. Then a fatted tea and a near full dose. Whatever. So I showered, stripped the bed, started laundry, reset the larger portion of dishes, then sat.
Worse. Quickly. An hour before I should test again, but something was seriously wrong. Ah. Blood sugar dived to 54! I had started food, bacon and eggs. Strange. Okay, the strawberry preserves are not a problem. Ugh. This is rough. At least I kept checking.
Quite a tidy bit finished. Laundry is drying. Perhaps a nap. So shot. Then again that took my average to 119. Later.
.
It was probably just something I ate? Blood sugar was 130, right. One meal and one small dose of insulin had brought it down nine points. Then a fatted tea and a near full dose. Whatever. So I showered, stripped the bed, started laundry, reset the larger portion of dishes, then sat.
Worse. Quickly. An hour before I should test again, but something was seriously wrong. Ah. Blood sugar dived to 54! I had started food, bacon and eggs. Strange. Okay, the strawberry preserves are not a problem. Ugh. This is rough. At least I kept checking.
Quite a tidy bit finished. Laundry is drying. Perhaps a nap. So shot. Then again that took my average to 119. Later.
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Better, still troubling.
.
.
Bedding has been stripped and is washing. Breakfast was had. I got a shave in. A vinegar ketonic is being sipped, a shower planned. Dishes are being slowly sorted. Medicine is in, save potentially any insulin which might be needed. Not bad. Not much but something every so often.
I tried sugar free strawberry jelly, jam? It is supposed to be 5 grams of carbs, no sugars, per tablespoon. I had a teaspoon, in with chia, flax, and a very small group of sliced almonds and walnuts. As well, half a cup of cream. I went with a smaller dose of insulin. At 130, blood sugar is high. I will need to be cautious about the jam. Though perhaps a fluke?
It feels like it might be dropping though. Maybe a bit fast. I checked, feeling odd, as if crashing. It did drop to 102 , but that shouldn't have hit me so hard. Perhaps the lime juice is dated. Something is just off. After taking a shower, getting fresh bedding on, finishing the ketonic, resetting dishes, and having a fatted tea, I may nap. If I can make it.
Later.
.
Bedding has been stripped and is washing. Breakfast was had. I got a shave in. A vinegar ketonic is being sipped, a shower planned. Dishes are being slowly sorted. Medicine is in, save potentially any insulin which might be needed. Not bad. Not much but something every so often.
I tried sugar free strawberry jelly, jam? It is supposed to be 5 grams of carbs, no sugars, per tablespoon. I had a teaspoon, in with chia, flax, and a very small group of sliced almonds and walnuts. As well, half a cup of cream. I went with a smaller dose of insulin. At 130, blood sugar is high. I will need to be cautious about the jam. Though perhaps a fluke?
It feels like it might be dropping though. Maybe a bit fast. I checked, feeling odd, as if crashing. It did drop to 102 , but that shouldn't have hit me so hard. Perhaps the lime juice is dated. Something is just off. After taking a shower, getting fresh bedding on, finishing the ketonic, resetting dishes, and having a fatted tea, I may nap. If I can make it.
Later.
Ugly, weird, annoying.
.
.
Down after 13:30. How much later is pure speculation. I looked right at the clock, going over the ridges and valleys of the pronunciations of the terms with tongue and thought and all. I knew even then it wasn't sticking. I could have written it down, but if I had been able enough to have thought myself through to there, I wouldn't have forgotten the time.
Now, that bedtime, by itself, is one of the two 'gooder' options. To either sleep early so as to pick up early, or to stay awake to the far side of noon so as to pick up daylight. Grueling? That is the only cut my jib knows. If you like the cut of my jib, come a little closer and I'll give you a fistful of it. No, bedtime was fine, if punishing. It was bedtime, as an extended intensive play, on top of waking time. The most optimistic length of sleep is four hours, after a slightly less draconian sleep cycle yesterday, and an extended waking period both times... probably eighteen to twenty hour days? I think it is the heat? Or, really, warmth.
Oddly, other than some sense of midsection pressure, as if gassy but not, and mild grogginess, I don't feel terrible. Blood sugar is also... okay, at 137 fasting, two points better than yesterday. And it may be the lowest fasting blood sugar since starting insulin again? Still, it is a bit rough.
The hope is another shave, a shower, back to a juggling of dishes, bedding change, and a load of laundry? That is the plan. Then a nap? Maybe. It's a tough one. Later.
.
Down after 13:30. How much later is pure speculation. I looked right at the clock, going over the ridges and valleys of the pronunciations of the terms with tongue and thought and all. I knew even then it wasn't sticking. I could have written it down, but if I had been able enough to have thought myself through to there, I wouldn't have forgotten the time.
Now, that bedtime, by itself, is one of the two 'gooder' options. To either sleep early so as to pick up early, or to stay awake to the far side of noon so as to pick up daylight. Grueling? That is the only cut my jib knows. If you like the cut of my jib, come a little closer and I'll give you a fistful of it. No, bedtime was fine, if punishing. It was bedtime, as an extended intensive play, on top of waking time. The most optimistic length of sleep is four hours, after a slightly less draconian sleep cycle yesterday, and an extended waking period both times... probably eighteen to twenty hour days? I think it is the heat? Or, really, warmth.
Oddly, other than some sense of midsection pressure, as if gassy but not, and mild grogginess, I don't feel terrible. Blood sugar is also... okay, at 137 fasting, two points better than yesterday. And it may be the lowest fasting blood sugar since starting insulin again? Still, it is a bit rough.
The hope is another shave, a shower, back to a juggling of dishes, bedding change, and a load of laundry? That is the plan. Then a nap? Maybe. It's a tough one. Later.
How does she do that?
.
.
It isn't that I don't trust her. Though I don't. It isn't that I feel the need to watch every single detail when... entertaining her. If I must. Well, and the rest. It's just... I don't even mind, women are women. It's, well, interesting that while denying the actually know. Dangerous, devious, capricious, and it all comes down to sex.
No doubt in my mind. If they get good frequent sex the rest of the world may burn.
This seems to be her response. Thank God my penis isn't removable.
It is well past noon. I need sleep. Blood sugar is 107. Good night.
.
It isn't that I don't trust her. Though I don't. It isn't that I feel the need to watch every single detail when... entertaining her. If I must. Well, and the rest. It's just... I don't even mind, women are women. It's, well, interesting that while denying the actually know. Dangerous, devious, capricious, and it all comes down to sex.
No doubt in my mind. If they get good frequent sex the rest of the world may burn.
This seems to be her response. Thank God my penis isn't removable.
It is well past noon. I need sleep. Blood sugar is 107. Good night.
Yea? No.
.
.
Couldn't sleep. Little bits of work were ongoing. Why? No clue. My last blood sugar was 94, 91 before that if I hadn't mentioned. I decided on one more meal. Bacon, eggs, milk, and a small fatted coffee. I will test one last time before bed. If I can ever sleep! Argh!
Music popped. Oldies, mostly. Strange... patterns. Some new. I can't tell, if I... never mind. What is she doing? Remembering. Perhaps dreaming of those memories?
.
Couldn't sleep. Little bits of work were ongoing. Why? No clue. My last blood sugar was 94, 91 before that if I hadn't mentioned. I decided on one more meal. Bacon, eggs, milk, and a small fatted coffee. I will test one last time before bed. If I can ever sleep! Argh!
Music popped. Oldies, mostly. Strange... patterns. Some new. I can't tell, if I... never mind. What is she doing? Remembering. Perhaps dreaming of those memories?
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
A rather good day.
.
.
Aspirin helped. A lot. It won't handle everything, or always anything fully. But it softens the blows. Medicine doesn't help or hurt, at this point.
Breakfast was good. Eggs fried in ghee, bacon reheated, a tablespoon of salsa... yes I am measuring, a small fatted coffee, and a light dose of insulin. I went with 8 cc's since I was close enough to 140. Perhaps I should have gone with 10. Blood sugar was 119 after two hours. Not horrible, but 80 ~ 100 would be better. Though it is far better to go a bit light than too heavy. Far better.
An hour after that read and I am soaking chia and flax, with walnuts and pumpkin seeds this time... if half those latter than before. I don't mind a very large chia and flax mix, but nuts and cream... the high calorie parts... have to be cut. I will do about 6 cc's of insulin with this. It is an experiment. It is the volume which suggests using insulin.
A shower after. Dishes have been getting worked. After a shower, bedding and one load of laundry. When that goes in the dryer, it will be bedtime. Early. Push, hurry, go!
---------
Beautiful. Slid it to 91 with a 123 weekly, a 143 biweekly and monthly average? Really? There are 35 samples for the last seven days, which means about five readings a day. As well, 69 for biweekly and 170 monthly reads. I think the biweekly and monthly are the same because of crashes and jumps, still... irregular. Careful, reasoned, deliberate steps. Heart medicine as well. Truly a wonderful program. I think this is just shy of the two month mark. A year from now, if I can keep up, this will be done.
It helps not feeling like an animal caught in a painful death trap. If only I could cash it in for more... life... f... father. Not that the pain has stopped, I am just... used to it? Yes. Dishes are ongoing. A shower, change of bedding, more dishes set, all other laundry back but no laundry started tonight, a fatted tea, and then to bed. It's already way late. Ugh. Moving so slowly.
Later.
.
Aspirin helped. A lot. It won't handle everything, or always anything fully. But it softens the blows. Medicine doesn't help or hurt, at this point.
Breakfast was good. Eggs fried in ghee, bacon reheated, a tablespoon of salsa... yes I am measuring, a small fatted coffee, and a light dose of insulin. I went with 8 cc's since I was close enough to 140. Perhaps I should have gone with 10. Blood sugar was 119 after two hours. Not horrible, but 80 ~ 100 would be better. Though it is far better to go a bit light than too heavy. Far better.
An hour after that read and I am soaking chia and flax, with walnuts and pumpkin seeds this time... if half those latter than before. I don't mind a very large chia and flax mix, but nuts and cream... the high calorie parts... have to be cut. I will do about 6 cc's of insulin with this. It is an experiment. It is the volume which suggests using insulin.
A shower after. Dishes have been getting worked. After a shower, bedding and one load of laundry. When that goes in the dryer, it will be bedtime. Early. Push, hurry, go!
---------
Beautiful. Slid it to 91 with a 123 weekly, a 143 biweekly and monthly average? Really? There are 35 samples for the last seven days, which means about five readings a day. As well, 69 for biweekly and 170 monthly reads. I think the biweekly and monthly are the same because of crashes and jumps, still... irregular. Careful, reasoned, deliberate steps. Heart medicine as well. Truly a wonderful program. I think this is just shy of the two month mark. A year from now, if I can keep up, this will be done.
It helps not feeling like an animal caught in a painful death trap. If only I could cash it in for more... life... f... father. Not that the pain has stopped, I am just... used to it? Yes. Dishes are ongoing. A shower, change of bedding, more dishes set, all other laundry back but no laundry started tonight, a fatted tea, and then to bed. It's already way late. Ugh. Moving so slowly.
Later.
Fascinating.
.
.
Sleep is still crazy off. Fear of a negative blood sugar spike has kept me up. That and chasing the last gasps of my capacity in order to wring every bit of work possible out of a day. Between the two I simply am getting lost. Stretching my day is stretching my body. I'll down a fistful of pain pills with medicine this morning. It feels like my body is cracked front the right shoulder to the left hip, with tears from the bellybutton out in other directions. How is that kind of pain even possible? What would do that?
Sleep was great. I collapsed into a dog rag heap and, utterly spent, mostly just went dark. I rolled a lot, more than usual, and fought something often. And was with women through the night alternatively. Women sure can be mean. Good thing I don't care, and if far less frequently, am actually far meaner. Oh the mean things we used to say and do. Not... hatefully. Just... well... it's part of the dark beauty of love. Roses, thorns, pain of various sorts, and other whatnot. Sweet though too. War is a lot... less complicated.
Blood sugar is 139 fasting? Wow, finally. I can definitely take that.
Today? Too late to get out. A shower as soon as I can wake fully enough. Then rinsing dishes, bacon and eggs, a fatted tea, and on to collecting and tearing down boxes. As well, I may have enough for a load or two of laundry, plus changing and washing bedding. The goal is to hit things quickly, knock them out fast, then sleep early in order to wake early. Force the things, ignore or treat the pain as required.
While I have lost days, and dealing with controlling diabetes and fears in there were a legitimate part of that, reasons can't be allowed to become excuses. I have to push back to days as hard and fast as possible. I need to act as if I was in school or at work and couldn't afford to miss.
So. Yeah. Perfection isn't possible, not even for the healthy. But getting back on one's feet, as soon as possible, is a choice. I might get knocked down and dragged around far more often, but I just have to steel myself against it and to get back up. No, life isn't fair. Deal with it.
Later.
.
Sleep is still crazy off. Fear of a negative blood sugar spike has kept me up. That and chasing the last gasps of my capacity in order to wring every bit of work possible out of a day. Between the two I simply am getting lost. Stretching my day is stretching my body. I'll down a fistful of pain pills with medicine this morning. It feels like my body is cracked front the right shoulder to the left hip, with tears from the bellybutton out in other directions. How is that kind of pain even possible? What would do that?
Sleep was great. I collapsed into a dog rag heap and, utterly spent, mostly just went dark. I rolled a lot, more than usual, and fought something often. And was with women through the night alternatively. Women sure can be mean. Good thing I don't care, and if far less frequently, am actually far meaner. Oh the mean things we used to say and do. Not... hatefully. Just... well... it's part of the dark beauty of love. Roses, thorns, pain of various sorts, and other whatnot. Sweet though too. War is a lot... less complicated.
Blood sugar is 139 fasting? Wow, finally. I can definitely take that.
Today? Too late to get out. A shower as soon as I can wake fully enough. Then rinsing dishes, bacon and eggs, a fatted tea, and on to collecting and tearing down boxes. As well, I may have enough for a load or two of laundry, plus changing and washing bedding. The goal is to hit things quickly, knock them out fast, then sleep early in order to wake early. Force the things, ignore or treat the pain as required.
While I have lost days, and dealing with controlling diabetes and fears in there were a legitimate part of that, reasons can't be allowed to become excuses. I have to push back to days as hard and fast as possible. I need to act as if I was in school or at work and couldn't afford to miss.
So. Yeah. Perfection isn't possible, not even for the healthy. But getting back on one's feet, as soon as possible, is a choice. I might get knocked down and dragged around far more often, but I just have to steel myself against it and to get back up. No, life isn't fair. Deal with it.
Later.
Some of it.
.
.
A shave. Dishes washed again then set out. A break, one I couldn't end. I kept hoping I would get up, go in, shower, then set the dishes to a rinse. Nope. I just lost my mind.
Blood sugar is up to 103. I can live with that. Nothing else eaten, consumed.
Too tired. I best get to bed before I mess up even worse. Good night.
.
A shave. Dishes washed again then set out. A break, one I couldn't end. I kept hoping I would get up, go in, shower, then set the dishes to a rinse. Nope. I just lost my mind.
Blood sugar is up to 103. I can live with that. Nothing else eaten, consumed.
Too tired. I best get to bed before I mess up even worse. Good night.
I got lost.
.
.
In my mind. It took a while to eat. I have given the largest batch of dishes a once over. They will need at least one more run. I did a few other small jobs. Finally a meal.
Scrambled eggs with bacon and cheese. As well, hash browned cauliflower. Not great but not bad. I need to brown those a good deal more. They will never be as potatoes. It isn't the taste or texture, it's the missing starch. It worked well enough, for me. I should have had salsa with it.
I forgot to take insulin, so finally took it two hours after dinner. Then set the alarm for two hours. A fantastic blood sugar of 95 averaging 131. No complaints. I believe I will have a fatted coffee then go to bed. I... will trust this lower number.
I will hit the dishes one more time, remove them and maybe shave and shower tonight or in the morning. I need to do much tomorrow. I need to be ready. I will attempt to do these things yet tonight. Yes, after checking, I did pull the barrels back to the cave. Little things, here and there.
Later, or good night.
-----------
Couldn't sleep. Did have a fatted coffee, a small one. Since then, blood sugar dropped to 84 then recently is 88. My average is 128. I messed up with the dishes. Forgot to reset fully. I still washed them and reset. I will give them another shot, then maybe shower before resetting them, or shave and leave them out and dry so I can shower first thing. Or shave, do dishes, rest, then shower? Ugh. I want those things done, but dragging ass to the point I have doubts. Good night.
.
In my mind. It took a while to eat. I have given the largest batch of dishes a once over. They will need at least one more run. I did a few other small jobs. Finally a meal.
Scrambled eggs with bacon and cheese. As well, hash browned cauliflower. Not great but not bad. I need to brown those a good deal more. They will never be as potatoes. It isn't the taste or texture, it's the missing starch. It worked well enough, for me. I should have had salsa with it.
I forgot to take insulin, so finally took it two hours after dinner. Then set the alarm for two hours. A fantastic blood sugar of 95 averaging 131. No complaints. I believe I will have a fatted coffee then go to bed. I... will trust this lower number.
I will hit the dishes one more time, remove them and maybe shave and shower tonight or in the morning. I need to do much tomorrow. I need to be ready. I will attempt to do these things yet tonight. Yes, after checking, I did pull the barrels back to the cave. Little things, here and there.
Later, or good night.
-----------
Couldn't sleep. Did have a fatted coffee, a small one. Since then, blood sugar dropped to 84 then recently is 88. My average is 128. I messed up with the dishes. Forgot to reset fully. I still washed them and reset. I will give them another shot, then maybe shower before resetting them, or shave and leave them out and dry so I can shower first thing. Or shave, do dishes, rest, then shower? Ugh. I want those things done, but dragging ass to the point I have doubts. Good night.
Monday, June 17, 2019
A start, a real one.
.
.
With trash and recycling out, cat litter cleared, dishes remain as the worst offender. Plus, I had run out of clean frying pans. Oh, and the stovetop was a mess. I wanted a shower first, but I ended getting to things ass backwards. I started clearing and cleaning then never stopped.
The stovetop is clean, waxed as well! It's a glass flattop. All dishes are soaking. It's a start. Incentive as well. To shower I will have to do the dishes. In an hour I will pull one of the skillets, clean it and the spatula, then do an egg scramble. Insulin, a light dose, as well. Three eggs instead of four or five? A quarter cup of cheese instead of an half cup? A teaspoon of heavy cream instead of a quarter cup? Two ounces of bacon instead of three or four? An half cup of cream in my fatted coffee instead of a full cup?
Cutting everything, a little at a time, until weight loss begins, then paring more steeply. Skinny guys think fat ill guys can just go do. Sometimes I think so too. It just doesn't work out that way. Until weight at least begins to drop, working out is next to useless. I would like to swim, but that is a bit different. No, I have to lose some weight again first. Funny thing? I probably won't notice the difference, especially on keto. I am just used to larger portions. Habit.
Crazy weird happening. It was doing lightning and thunder out there when power went out. Fine, it happens, quite frequently out here. We must be on an ancient subsystem. The strange thing? Only half of my house went down. I turned the main breaker off then back on. Surprisingly, to me, that worked. I feared I would have to reset each individual breaker. Thankfully not. I have never had that happen in the decade I have lived here, until now. Actually, I have never had to reset the breaker, if I have shut it off for things. Odd.
Well... later.
.
With trash and recycling out, cat litter cleared, dishes remain as the worst offender. Plus, I had run out of clean frying pans. Oh, and the stovetop was a mess. I wanted a shower first, but I ended getting to things ass backwards. I started clearing and cleaning then never stopped.
The stovetop is clean, waxed as well! It's a glass flattop. All dishes are soaking. It's a start. Incentive as well. To shower I will have to do the dishes. In an hour I will pull one of the skillets, clean it and the spatula, then do an egg scramble. Insulin, a light dose, as well. Three eggs instead of four or five? A quarter cup of cheese instead of an half cup? A teaspoon of heavy cream instead of a quarter cup? Two ounces of bacon instead of three or four? An half cup of cream in my fatted coffee instead of a full cup?
Cutting everything, a little at a time, until weight loss begins, then paring more steeply. Skinny guys think fat ill guys can just go do. Sometimes I think so too. It just doesn't work out that way. Until weight at least begins to drop, working out is next to useless. I would like to swim, but that is a bit different. No, I have to lose some weight again first. Funny thing? I probably won't notice the difference, especially on keto. I am just used to larger portions. Habit.
Crazy weird happening. It was doing lightning and thunder out there when power went out. Fine, it happens, quite frequently out here. We must be on an ancient subsystem. The strange thing? Only half of my house went down. I turned the main breaker off then back on. Surprisingly, to me, that worked. I feared I would have to reset each individual breaker. Thankfully not. I have never had that happen in the decade I have lived here, until now. Actually, I have never had to reset the breaker, if I have shut it off for things. Odd.
Well... later.
Okay, maybe.
.
.
Cutting calories, on top of pushing keto, maybe, is showing results. Eating just enough to control, taking just as little insulin as possible, yeah. Blood sugar is 146 fasting. That is the best I have seen since my first blood sugar plunge. Absolutely awesome. I am learning how to manage reduction without crashing. It takes willpower, dedication, a bit of luck, there is a learning curve as well. But temperance and a few other virtues are required. I'm not good at virtue, but I pray for it, seek humility, will make do.
I believe scrambled eggs, with bacon and cheese, and a cold small fatted coffee, with a mild insulin dose, should do. Perhaps this weekend or next a three day fast. No insulin no matter though. Yeah, I might be back to fasting. I have to be either all in, or all out, of it to fast. A bit of cold tea and medicine as I wake.
Oh, odd. It looks like no one else put trash or recycling out. I wonder, is today a holiday? Has trash day changed? Though, sometimes, as with myself, not everybody takes trash out on any given day. It may have just been a fluke, if that is rare to see no other out. I'll check in a second... Trash did go, not recycling. No complaints, in any case, the town and county run a good show.
On to waking, breakfast, a shower, and eventually a shave. Plus some work. Later.
.
Cutting calories, on top of pushing keto, maybe, is showing results. Eating just enough to control, taking just as little insulin as possible, yeah. Blood sugar is 146 fasting. That is the best I have seen since my first blood sugar plunge. Absolutely awesome. I am learning how to manage reduction without crashing. It takes willpower, dedication, a bit of luck, there is a learning curve as well. But temperance and a few other virtues are required. I'm not good at virtue, but I pray for it, seek humility, will make do.
I believe scrambled eggs, with bacon and cheese, and a cold small fatted coffee, with a mild insulin dose, should do. Perhaps this weekend or next a three day fast. No insulin no matter though. Yeah, I might be back to fasting. I have to be either all in, or all out, of it to fast. A bit of cold tea and medicine as I wake.
Oh, odd. It looks like no one else put trash or recycling out. I wonder, is today a holiday? Has trash day changed? Though, sometimes, as with myself, not everybody takes trash out on any given day. It may have just been a fluke, if that is rare to see no other out. I'll check in a second... Trash did go, not recycling. No complaints, in any case, the town and county run a good show.
On to waking, breakfast, a shower, and eventually a shave. Plus some work. Later.
Not as planned.
.
.
After the 83 read, the next was 93, 85, 88, and finally 101. I... am not comfortable with blood sugar that low. No difficulties this time, other than staying up so late. My average is 136, again again finally. I am stuck going to bed now. I stayed up until blood sugar came up enough.
I just don't trust blood sugars that low as I go to bed. No siree.
While up, I have done a few very minor chores. Including oven baking bacon, which I nibbled attempting to bring blood sugars up. But just a bit, tempting as that is. I've got to hit it. Later. I mean good night.
.
After the 83 read, the next was 93, 85, 88, and finally 101. I... am not comfortable with blood sugar that low. No difficulties this time, other than staying up so late. My average is 136, again again finally. I am stuck going to bed now. I stayed up until blood sugar came up enough.
I just don't trust blood sugars that low as I go to bed. No siree.
While up, I have done a few very minor chores. Including oven baking bacon, which I nibbled attempting to bring blood sugars up. But just a bit, tempting as that is. I've got to hit it. Later. I mean good night.
Gooder.
.
.
Trash and recycling out and to the road, bins bagged, refrigerator cleared too. Oh, I will clean, clear, and get cat litter out as well. I am hoping to shower and shave as well. Maybe. I did eat in time to prevent a major crash, but still feeling it. Tough titty said the cat to the kitty? I will do what I can and sleep a bit earlier.
It won't be as early as hoped. My next blood test had to be reset, and I have a few more things to do. I'll do as I may, get to bed quite a bit earlier, and push waking earlier. I have things to do, places to go. I want to dig in this week, perhaps swimming, hiking. I... hope.
It is good to have the trash out and canisters bagged. A shower would be super, a shave grand. It is sometimes all about the seemingly little things, especially when chained, as lightning, branching to various areas, topics, chore lines, more when chained and extended. I love to work when possible, heck... even when and how impossible.
Later.
.
Trash and recycling out and to the road, bins bagged, refrigerator cleared too. Oh, I will clean, clear, and get cat litter out as well. I am hoping to shower and shave as well. Maybe. I did eat in time to prevent a major crash, but still feeling it. Tough titty said the cat to the kitty? I will do what I can and sleep a bit earlier.
It won't be as early as hoped. My next blood test had to be reset, and I have a few more things to do. I'll do as I may, get to bed quite a bit earlier, and push waking earlier. I have things to do, places to go. I want to dig in this week, perhaps swimming, hiking. I... hope.
It is good to have the trash out and canisters bagged. A shower would be super, a shave grand. It is sometimes all about the seemingly little things, especially when chained, as lightning, branching to various areas, topics, chore lines, more when chained and extended. I love to work when possible, heck... even when and how impossible.
Later.
Sunday, June 16, 2019
Going to try something.
.
.
Blood sugar dropped to 164. So I made coleslaw and had another, standard, dose... which is about 16 cc's. I prefer even numbers. I actually Don't mind obvious factors of odd numbers, such as 15, 9, 28, etc, yet will still take an even, especially prime, over an odd number. Yeah, okay, I am a number snob. After two hours, blood sugar is down to 84. I am feeling it. A fatted coffee, a bigger one.
The reason for a bigger one is that will be it for the night. And, because the blood sugar drop feels a bit extreme, two squares of dark chocolate, 76%. It is about 5 carbs per square. I'll test in two hours, unless I begin to feel worse. The only thing I hope to do is get the trash out. I just won't do more as sickly as I am feeling.
Ugh. I can only try. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does nothing, sometimes it overacts. On the good side, I might be able to sleep earlier. If blood sugar comes up, I will sleep. If not, I'll have a bit more to eat. Actually, a pickle, ten green olives, a dash of whipped cream on a small swerving of canned fruits seems wise. Ugh but those drops can be a bitch.
Later.
.
Blood sugar dropped to 164. So I made coleslaw and had another, standard, dose... which is about 16 cc's. I prefer even numbers. I actually Don't mind obvious factors of odd numbers, such as 15, 9, 28, etc, yet will still take an even, especially prime, over an odd number. Yeah, okay, I am a number snob. After two hours, blood sugar is down to 84. I am feeling it. A fatted coffee, a bigger one.
The reason for a bigger one is that will be it for the night. And, because the blood sugar drop feels a bit extreme, two squares of dark chocolate, 76%. It is about 5 carbs per square. I'll test in two hours, unless I begin to feel worse. The only thing I hope to do is get the trash out. I just won't do more as sickly as I am feeling.
Ugh. I can only try. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does nothing, sometimes it overacts. On the good side, I might be able to sleep earlier. If blood sugar comes up, I will sleep. If not, I'll have a bit more to eat. Actually, a pickle, ten green olives, a dash of whipped cream on a small swerving of canned fruits seems wise. Ugh but those drops can be a bitch.
Later.
Lack of sleep?
.
.
Blood sugar is really high, at 214 fasting. I didn't go to bed until nearly noon. My last read, at 8:30, was 126 without having eaten or dosed for quite a few hours. I think? I pushed my day between six and eight hours. Then woke, without much choice, five hours later. I had a well deserved headache all through sleep, when I could be aware, and when I woke for a bit. Oddly, that passed before I got around to taking aspirin.
Ducks and brushing first thing. Medicine in, back on track with that. And a large dose of insulin on an empty stomach. I am not going to fib about my usage or else. Yeah. I think this is needed. I will check in two hours, and fix something to eat. I don't think it is calories, but I do need to cut those. I think it is having extended days and grazing. My food handlers never get a proper break from insulin reactions. Though when I am trying to push through, it is difficult to not eat.
I am going to try a food/calorie log, with weighed portions so as to get more precision, or accuracy? Both? I am not losing weight. I can't lose quickly with food alone, but I can't work out well at my weight. I HAVE to cur calories and I HAVE to get in and swimming. Got to do it. I love swimming, I just have to do it!
Today? I really need to get the trash out, get dishes started, but shower first, shave later. I may have enough for a load of laundry. And boxes... collected, torn down, then dropped off. Can I? I have to start. It isn't about can, it is a must. Sore eye my foot! (As an example)
Later.
.
Blood sugar is really high, at 214 fasting. I didn't go to bed until nearly noon. My last read, at 8:30, was 126 without having eaten or dosed for quite a few hours. I think? I pushed my day between six and eight hours. Then woke, without much choice, five hours later. I had a well deserved headache all through sleep, when I could be aware, and when I woke for a bit. Oddly, that passed before I got around to taking aspirin.
Ducks and brushing first thing. Medicine in, back on track with that. And a large dose of insulin on an empty stomach. I am not going to fib about my usage or else. Yeah. I think this is needed. I will check in two hours, and fix something to eat. I don't think it is calories, but I do need to cut those. I think it is having extended days and grazing. My food handlers never get a proper break from insulin reactions. Though when I am trying to push through, it is difficult to not eat.
I am going to try a food/calorie log, with weighed portions so as to get more precision, or accuracy? Both? I am not losing weight. I can't lose quickly with food alone, but I can't work out well at my weight. I HAVE to cur calories and I HAVE to get in and swimming. Got to do it. I love swimming, I just have to do it!
Today? I really need to get the trash out, get dishes started, but shower first, shave later. I may have enough for a load of laundry. And boxes... collected, torn down, then dropped off. Can I? I have to start. It isn't about can, it is a must. Sore eye my foot! (As an example)
Later.
Still awake.
.
.
Attempting to salvage days. Between warming and medicine problems I lost my footing. I have things to do which require day operations on top of my will do keep to days. If I fall down, I need to get up quickly. Am I just too old, or still ill, or is it really the medicine? Whichever, I may die trying to get back up on my feet.
I have been checking blood sugar every few hours, the most recent and highest for the morning was 123. I am staying awake for another read, may not make it. Won't make it. Exhaustion hit quickly. Good night.
.
Attempting to salvage days. Between warming and medicine problems I lost my footing. I have things to do which require day operations on top of my will do keep to days. If I fall down, I need to get up quickly. Am I just too old, or still ill, or is it really the medicine? Whichever, I may die trying to get back up on my feet.
I have been checking blood sugar every few hours, the most recent and highest for the morning was 123. I am staying awake for another read, may not make it. Won't make it. Exhaustion hit quickly. Good night.
About that time.
.
.
After going without insulin, with a fatted coffee, blood sugar went up to 132. Not bad, but I didn't like that. So a fatted tea and a minor dose. Two hours after that meal and blood sugar is 126. That is it for the night. I expect a high fasting blood sugar. I just do. The body is being weird.
.
After going without insulin, with a fatted coffee, blood sugar went up to 132. Not bad, but I didn't like that. So a fatted tea and a minor dose. Two hours after that meal and blood sugar is 126. That is it for the night. I expect a high fasting blood sugar. I just do. The body is being weird.
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