.
.
I saw that I had an appointment today. I held off changing it. I was hoping to make it in spite of the situation I am in. With good days, or parts of days, here and there, I have been limping by, sometimes doing a little or more. It is really hit or miss though. I realized I wasn't going to make it, so I rescheduled. Which, really, is actually pretty good in itself. Often, usually, in the past, when I have been this ill, remembering to change appointments has been impossible. Even with electronic and mechanical calendar notifications, I simply couldn't put it all together. I really have been doing pretty good with that. I may have missed my last three appointments but I changed or delayed them ahead of time. Not perfect, just far better than before, especially with me in this condition. I am not even losing the day. It seems like such a trivial task. I wish you could feel how I feel for just a day. You would probably be surprised I am alive. If you didn't know the day was it, or more like a week? You would do the same thing that I tried initially. This hurts, in so many ways. I'm just sort of used to it now. I've learned to cope, sort of. But you? Yeah and no, you wouldn't be fighting with your docs to help you. That took decades, plus finally the correct diagnosis and treatment, and even then it can be a bit weak. You, like I was, would be nearly comatose, just hoping someone would notice a problem and figure it out.
I have come a long way, but my condition isn't that improved. I have learned to use the scant resources available to me to roar across various lines and hail those who can help. I seem to catch their ears. Not always favored for it. Cripples aren't supposed to get uppity. And yet, with the right words and some truths, I seem to pull through. I still think this is a plateau of sorts. A reverse one. When I drop, the drop is limited. Might seem all the same to some, but it's not. Remembering the day, appointments and to reschedule or cancel, heck, knowing my name in this sort of phase, at times, was literally beyond me.
I can only yell, though, then lay flat and let it all work out or not. I can only try to get my days back in line, which it seems I am about to do. Though if health doesn't stabilize, days will roll right back over. I can only attempt to work, keep things in mind. Sometimes just sitting in a chair for most of the day is it. And yet I know there is more available. A lot more. Odd how women can stabilize by managing some of the things that vex men, especially ill men.
Well... on to bed. Good night.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Friday, October 9, 2015
Nights, I suppose.
.
.
I can't really get going. I honestly thought I might pull it all together and get out today. That just wasn't going to happen. I am still feeling good enough. Much better than I had been. I am not feeling like a water balloon about to pop anymore either. Minor aches and pains, I think from inactivity. Oh, I keep thinking about how to get it all going. And I want it. I just can't quite do it.
I decided not to ask for help. I want to do this myself. It has been a very long time since I asked for a favor. I don't want to start. I'll keep at things, I suppose. I am sure something will give, and I will be able to get going again soon. For a while. It's just easier when someone doesn't continually try to kick your legs out from under you. It's easy, though, and satisfying for the worst types, if they pay no consequences. Most people, when given power, abuse it. Bureaucrats are the type of people who look for such jobs for that very reason, whether they know it or not. If you every hear, "Hello, I am from the government, and I am here to help you"? Run.
Just a brief update, and start to my "day". Later.
.
I can't really get going. I honestly thought I might pull it all together and get out today. That just wasn't going to happen. I am still feeling good enough. Much better than I had been. I am not feeling like a water balloon about to pop anymore either. Minor aches and pains, I think from inactivity. Oh, I keep thinking about how to get it all going. And I want it. I just can't quite do it.
I decided not to ask for help. I want to do this myself. It has been a very long time since I asked for a favor. I don't want to start. I'll keep at things, I suppose. I am sure something will give, and I will be able to get going again soon. For a while. It's just easier when someone doesn't continually try to kick your legs out from under you. It's easy, though, and satisfying for the worst types, if they pay no consequences. Most people, when given power, abuse it. Bureaucrats are the type of people who look for such jobs for that very reason, whether they know it or not. If you every hear, "Hello, I am from the government, and I am here to help you"? Run.
Just a brief update, and start to my "day". Later.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
She's back.
.
.
I'm pretty sure, this time, who it is. There is a psychic scent about all folk. If I get to know them, I learn to see it, I suppose as learning to see through the code in the movie The Matrix. But the distance in time and space is great, and she is staying hidden. Either by strong choice or because she is wandering in her sleep. Dames are such drama queens, especially if they... have it. If they can afford to squander some of a man's want and attention, she will dance that dance.
Why, I thought to myself, is she here. Oh, it's not to open closed doors. It's not to attempt to rekindle a lost flame. It is just to visit. To claim what is owed, to dance in her favorite moonlight, even as a gift. Accolades for a master. I think she finally realizes I did not abandon her. I gave her a choice. A choice, I no know, she shouldn't have been given. That's not how it works. But then it took me decades to understand... or accept... some things. I won't make the same mistakes again. She was my... finishing school in the art and war of love.
.
I'm pretty sure, this time, who it is. There is a psychic scent about all folk. If I get to know them, I learn to see it, I suppose as learning to see through the code in the movie The Matrix. But the distance in time and space is great, and she is staying hidden. Either by strong choice or because she is wandering in her sleep. Dames are such drama queens, especially if they... have it. If they can afford to squander some of a man's want and attention, she will dance that dance.
Why, I thought to myself, is she here. Oh, it's not to open closed doors. It's not to attempt to rekindle a lost flame. It is just to visit. To claim what is owed, to dance in her favorite moonlight, even as a gift. Accolades for a master. I think she finally realizes I did not abandon her. I gave her a choice. A choice, I no know, she shouldn't have been given. That's not how it works. But then it took me decades to understand... or accept... some things. I won't make the same mistakes again. She was my... finishing school in the art and war of love.
A very fine day.
.
.
After some real rough ones, life is back to the good side. It is amazing how things can go from truly torturous to nearly civil. I didn't do that much. Medicines more closely on track. That is all I could change, and only because I was able at that point. Sleep is better, but that was not in my control. I was shiver sleeping, for days. I say shiver, as it was sort of like the sleep I have had when actually fevered. On and off, a few hours at a time both ways, but never really awake or truly asleep. Only last "night" and "yesterday". But that was enough of a break that I feel wonderful. Not sure why bloat has fallen away so well also. Usually when I am that infested with water it takes days, sometimes a week or more. I still have a bit of trouble in my legs. Even that area isn't too bad, just a bit heavier than usual. And it isn't about the stress being lifted. I still have no idea what they are sending, if it will arrive, and if this is a one time, or the beginning of a usual thing. Until this becomes clockwork I am under the gun.
So... what did I do with an enjoyable day? Well I enjoyed it! No use wasting it worrying. In my email, I don't use "carpe diem", I use "carpe sulum diem"... seize every moment. Assuming one can seize, of course. So, yes, I simply attempted, and really succeeded at, enjoying every moment that I could. I had thought about getting out but that just isn't quite possible yet. It might well be a week before I get out. Oh, but I did, through the time, finish off the last of the first salami and opened up a new preserved meat. They call it a dried sausage. And, for my part, I can see that. I am thinking, a specifically flavored dried brot. It isn't as dry as the last, it has a much stronger pork, and spice (in a slightly spicy, if also Italian) taste. I went with a cheese I also, generally, have not enjoyed. Whoever they source from, the company I ordered through, and how fresh and regulated they keep it, I am well satisfied with their goods.
Why would I order cheeses I don't like? Well, technically, I didn't. I ordered two various taster samplings. One more a matured cheese sort, the other a variety of softer cheeses. Now, I knew there were some I didn't not, or didn't not think, or have not, liked in the past. In part I wanted to try their fair. In part... I always try to learn to like what I... don't seem to like. I try to twist my tongue around things. Just as with language, getting the teeth, tongue, lips, and all to work in such a way that a new item may be spoken... only in this case enjoyed. And, two for two, the cheeses I thought I would enjoy the least I am enjoying quite pleasantly. Sausage, salami, and pate were no brainers. I couldn't hate them unless they were literally bad. But cheese... well... It has to be made correctly, it has to be stored correctly, and it has to be shipped correctly. Even then it is a very subjective thing. I am just amazed at what premium means, and at not that much extra, if at all, over local storebought. No offense to mass produced goods, they have their place. And it is what I usually buy. But they are not even close to boutique, artisan. Not to be a snob, I simply like an extra taste of life just once in a while in my long painful march between birth and death, and death, and death, and... who knows how many more times. I suspect I have just been where very few men go and then return. Back on this side, but. So, yeah... a fine taste, now and again, is fair.
It seems my power supply will not be arriving until next week, holding up the whole show. Fine. It will just give me more time to set up. A good thing, I was running behind. I am hoping the extra week will give me the time, along with the improvement in my sense of self, to prepare and dig in when that arrives. And, no, I won't trounce Amazon. They do a fantastic job. One in a thousand, or so it seems. They bat quite well. I don't want them to get in the habit, but once in a great while is... just the way it is here. They are far better than most.
Okay, well, good and bad news regarding medicine. It has arrived, but is just two vials. Which means I am living on the edge of extinction with it. Why they refuse to give me breathing room in reorder? Is it to cause stress? Is it to shove it in my face that they have power? I will see if my doctor, next month, can get them to send more. Perhaps this was just the doctor there redoing what they had done before, ignoring the prescription. Perhaps they can only send so much, if I think they can send more than they have. I am positive they can send at least a supply for three months. And, considering that by their instructions I should be increasing beyond the dose I am on, they would have to send more just to cover the three months... Three vials does not last three months. Gah! Still, that gives me a window before I have to deal with the reorder again. I feel like a fish that is being tossed on the bank, then kicked back in, continuously. Yeah, they know what they are doing.
Still, this is enough good for the day, and some hope for more improvement. I would like to stay awake four to six more hours, to make it a full actually day. I just don't think I have it in me. On to bed, perhaps with a shower when I wake up, and some work along with goofing. A twelve hour day isn't optimal, but it beats four hour days, two up, two down, never awake or asleep. Trust me, I know torture. Twelve hours is good enough, just coming out of that tail spin. Good night.
.
After some real rough ones, life is back to the good side. It is amazing how things can go from truly torturous to nearly civil. I didn't do that much. Medicines more closely on track. That is all I could change, and only because I was able at that point. Sleep is better, but that was not in my control. I was shiver sleeping, for days. I say shiver, as it was sort of like the sleep I have had when actually fevered. On and off, a few hours at a time both ways, but never really awake or truly asleep. Only last "night" and "yesterday". But that was enough of a break that I feel wonderful. Not sure why bloat has fallen away so well also. Usually when I am that infested with water it takes days, sometimes a week or more. I still have a bit of trouble in my legs. Even that area isn't too bad, just a bit heavier than usual. And it isn't about the stress being lifted. I still have no idea what they are sending, if it will arrive, and if this is a one time, or the beginning of a usual thing. Until this becomes clockwork I am under the gun.
So... what did I do with an enjoyable day? Well I enjoyed it! No use wasting it worrying. In my email, I don't use "carpe diem", I use "carpe sulum diem"... seize every moment. Assuming one can seize, of course. So, yes, I simply attempted, and really succeeded at, enjoying every moment that I could. I had thought about getting out but that just isn't quite possible yet. It might well be a week before I get out. Oh, but I did, through the time, finish off the last of the first salami and opened up a new preserved meat. They call it a dried sausage. And, for my part, I can see that. I am thinking, a specifically flavored dried brot. It isn't as dry as the last, it has a much stronger pork, and spice (in a slightly spicy, if also Italian) taste. I went with a cheese I also, generally, have not enjoyed. Whoever they source from, the company I ordered through, and how fresh and regulated they keep it, I am well satisfied with their goods.
Why would I order cheeses I don't like? Well, technically, I didn't. I ordered two various taster samplings. One more a matured cheese sort, the other a variety of softer cheeses. Now, I knew there were some I didn't not, or didn't not think, or have not, liked in the past. In part I wanted to try their fair. In part... I always try to learn to like what I... don't seem to like. I try to twist my tongue around things. Just as with language, getting the teeth, tongue, lips, and all to work in such a way that a new item may be spoken... only in this case enjoyed. And, two for two, the cheeses I thought I would enjoy the least I am enjoying quite pleasantly. Sausage, salami, and pate were no brainers. I couldn't hate them unless they were literally bad. But cheese... well... It has to be made correctly, it has to be stored correctly, and it has to be shipped correctly. Even then it is a very subjective thing. I am just amazed at what premium means, and at not that much extra, if at all, over local storebought. No offense to mass produced goods, they have their place. And it is what I usually buy. But they are not even close to boutique, artisan. Not to be a snob, I simply like an extra taste of life just once in a while in my long painful march between birth and death, and death, and death, and... who knows how many more times. I suspect I have just been where very few men go and then return. Back on this side, but. So, yeah... a fine taste, now and again, is fair.
It seems my power supply will not be arriving until next week, holding up the whole show. Fine. It will just give me more time to set up. A good thing, I was running behind. I am hoping the extra week will give me the time, along with the improvement in my sense of self, to prepare and dig in when that arrives. And, no, I won't trounce Amazon. They do a fantastic job. One in a thousand, or so it seems. They bat quite well. I don't want them to get in the habit, but once in a great while is... just the way it is here. They are far better than most.
Okay, well, good and bad news regarding medicine. It has arrived, but is just two vials. Which means I am living on the edge of extinction with it. Why they refuse to give me breathing room in reorder? Is it to cause stress? Is it to shove it in my face that they have power? I will see if my doctor, next month, can get them to send more. Perhaps this was just the doctor there redoing what they had done before, ignoring the prescription. Perhaps they can only send so much, if I think they can send more than they have. I am positive they can send at least a supply for three months. And, considering that by their instructions I should be increasing beyond the dose I am on, they would have to send more just to cover the three months... Three vials does not last three months. Gah! Still, that gives me a window before I have to deal with the reorder again. I feel like a fish that is being tossed on the bank, then kicked back in, continuously. Yeah, they know what they are doing.
Still, this is enough good for the day, and some hope for more improvement. I would like to stay awake four to six more hours, to make it a full actually day. I just don't think I have it in me. On to bed, perhaps with a shower when I wake up, and some work along with goofing. A twelve hour day isn't optimal, but it beats four hour days, two up, two down, never awake or asleep. Trust me, I know torture. Twelve hours is good enough, just coming out of that tail spin. Good night.
Just a bite.
.
.
I finally was in shape to look over the delicacies ordered and recently received. True salamis, fine cheeses, and a pate... if that last awaits either a bread I can crisp, a solid bread, or a right cracker. I picked a mild salami and an extreme aged gouda. I was a bit nervous about the gouda. Not so much because it was a gouda, but because of the extreme aging. Sometimes, or of the very aged cheeses I have tasted, long aging can make them quite chalky, and either extremely (too) flavorful or dull. My guess is smaller doses and acquired taste, things I don't always have the patience to obtain or always in a natural state.
In this case, the gouda, even with, or more because of, the extreme aging was absolutely fantastic. And paired wonderfully with the mild salami. Even mild, the salami held it's own, and offered a reasonable contrast to the rather potent gouda. I think it is the texture of a good salami that will help the balance. The gouda was indeed aged quite long. There were layers of salt inside, that... how to put it. Have you have eaten a coated candy, like a skittle or m&m? Yes, well, think that but salty, or briny, but just about as crispy or crunchy as that, but running through the cheese, on the inside, in sheets parallel to each other. To me it was not overwhelming, just quite right. Both, on their own, and together, were a great treat.
Oh, but what is interesting, is that these foods are perfect for right now. I get so full so quickly, and yet am so hungry. Usually I end up eating just a typical meal and ending up stuffed. With this food, it is so rich that just a little dab does me just right. I end up not overeating, or feeling like I have. And yet I end up quite satisfied. Seriously, this type of food is expensive, but you... or at least I... can't eat too much. Something in the brain says all is good after just a small platter. Oh... the next time I am in town I definitely need to look for some fresh fruit to pair some of these things with. Grapes would be very good, as would pears if I can find some I trust, even apples. I am not sure about citrus, but I would certainly give that a chance should I find citrus types in full flavor.
Ah, the company is called igourmet. This is not an advertisement, just a word of mouth thing. I receive no commissions. I strongly doubt any of my readers have any such tastes. Since childhood, family and friends have thought my tastes and mannerisms to be... very old style European. I've been accused of playing a role. I assure you, you cannot like well ages salami, or cheese, or various other foods like pate, just by accident. You certainly can't fake it. Why I enjoy it some of these things, or eat with two pieces of flatware, or some other things, is quite a query. I have thoughts as to why. No more. Anyway. If you like those items, can't find them locally, and just want a taste of the old world... there you go. Hmm, they do sell geese too. I need to ask some folk how big of a turkey they usually by, and see if geese and turkey are similar in proportions. I figure, this year, delivering a touch of the exotic to some kindly local folk would be a good thing.
Family love, I am one to know, does not always have to be of blood. For I have no full blood kin. I would love to do a goose myself, but it is far too much food. And, as I am finding, a bit pricey. As a gift, though, a few to some for Thanksgiving, a few for Christmas, perhaps I will hear back how good the food is. Oh, and I will look up details regarding cooking the fowl beasts, and print that out. Hmm, and probably ask if such a gift would be too much. Some may not have an oven of that size, or a roaster to suit.
Funny thing? As the want of geese dies, so has the bird. When something isn't useful to man, or preferred, it seems to go away. Sad, truly. So few geese these days, a one time regular food item. Later... or good night. Most likely later. :p I don't know!
.
I finally was in shape to look over the delicacies ordered and recently received. True salamis, fine cheeses, and a pate... if that last awaits either a bread I can crisp, a solid bread, or a right cracker. I picked a mild salami and an extreme aged gouda. I was a bit nervous about the gouda. Not so much because it was a gouda, but because of the extreme aging. Sometimes, or of the very aged cheeses I have tasted, long aging can make them quite chalky, and either extremely (too) flavorful or dull. My guess is smaller doses and acquired taste, things I don't always have the patience to obtain or always in a natural state.
In this case, the gouda, even with, or more because of, the extreme aging was absolutely fantastic. And paired wonderfully with the mild salami. Even mild, the salami held it's own, and offered a reasonable contrast to the rather potent gouda. I think it is the texture of a good salami that will help the balance. The gouda was indeed aged quite long. There were layers of salt inside, that... how to put it. Have you have eaten a coated candy, like a skittle or m&m? Yes, well, think that but salty, or briny, but just about as crispy or crunchy as that, but running through the cheese, on the inside, in sheets parallel to each other. To me it was not overwhelming, just quite right. Both, on their own, and together, were a great treat.
Oh, but what is interesting, is that these foods are perfect for right now. I get so full so quickly, and yet am so hungry. Usually I end up eating just a typical meal and ending up stuffed. With this food, it is so rich that just a little dab does me just right. I end up not overeating, or feeling like I have. And yet I end up quite satisfied. Seriously, this type of food is expensive, but you... or at least I... can't eat too much. Something in the brain says all is good after just a small platter. Oh... the next time I am in town I definitely need to look for some fresh fruit to pair some of these things with. Grapes would be very good, as would pears if I can find some I trust, even apples. I am not sure about citrus, but I would certainly give that a chance should I find citrus types in full flavor.
Ah, the company is called igourmet. This is not an advertisement, just a word of mouth thing. I receive no commissions. I strongly doubt any of my readers have any such tastes. Since childhood, family and friends have thought my tastes and mannerisms to be... very old style European. I've been accused of playing a role. I assure you, you cannot like well ages salami, or cheese, or various other foods like pate, just by accident. You certainly can't fake it. Why I enjoy it some of these things, or eat with two pieces of flatware, or some other things, is quite a query. I have thoughts as to why. No more. Anyway. If you like those items, can't find them locally, and just want a taste of the old world... there you go. Hmm, they do sell geese too. I need to ask some folk how big of a turkey they usually by, and see if geese and turkey are similar in proportions. I figure, this year, delivering a touch of the exotic to some kindly local folk would be a good thing.
Family love, I am one to know, does not always have to be of blood. For I have no full blood kin. I would love to do a goose myself, but it is far too much food. And, as I am finding, a bit pricey. As a gift, though, a few to some for Thanksgiving, a few for Christmas, perhaps I will hear back how good the food is. Oh, and I will look up details regarding cooking the fowl beasts, and print that out. Hmm, and probably ask if such a gift would be too much. Some may not have an oven of that size, or a roaster to suit.
Funny thing? As the want of geese dies, so has the bird. When something isn't useful to man, or preferred, it seems to go away. Sad, truly. So few geese these days, a one time regular food item. Later... or good night. Most likely later. :p I don't know!
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Ugh.
.
.
Beat up a bit, a little hot, but feeling just a bit better. Getting meds straight helps a bit. Not saying I am exactly there. Sleep is still a bit crazy. I suppose just doing my best is helping. Perhaps not worrying quite as much about whether medicine will arrive or not helps. Stress, at least when I am in rough shape, can pound me more than I thought. Then again, getting ready to face the torturous pain of cutting medicines down... Oh, yeah, that... especially since I just went through a smaller portion of it, will... cause problems. Still, feeling much better.
Oh, and it has, finally, started too really cool off as fall settles in. I wasn't sure whether to let it stay really cool or to heat things up. That will always be a bit of a trick. Some of it being mood, some of it health, related. After trying 66, then 72, I have settled on 68. For now.
Oh, last "night", sometime, I went looking for information as to putting the components together. There wasn't as much specific as I had hoped. I don't think I was able to find any two components put together. I saw reviews, general tips, standard practices, and such. I will try to be, when the time comes, in enough focus to read the instructions. Some things, generally, will be quite simple. Adding the ram, for example. Some things will be very involved, at least to do it right. The motherboard connects to everything else, and may need to be fiddled with a bit as well. Then there is the burning in time, testing, and perhaps overclocking. That, in itself, is an involved, if not too complicated, procedure. A risky one, too. You can eat your machine, or blow it in a single bad, and for nominal gains. If I do it, I will do one small area of oc'ing at a time, and I won't go very deeply into it. Mostly I just want to understand the process. As with water cooling, I don't really trust those technologies. One leads to instability, sometimes even if done correctly. The other is just a high maintenance questionable tech. Water, like women, the weather, and some other things, can't be controlled in the way a man would natively think. Water, over time, will always win. Just as a woman, when she is within the paradigm, will eventually, often, win. Just... know these things. *wink* (I didn't say like, I said know. :p )
-----------
I had two dreams last night. The first, again, dealt with cleaning the cave. I won't go into detail. It was me doing it, a bit at a time, little things here, little things there, a big effort from time to time. Again, it seemed so very real. When I woke, I began working on some dressers drawers. I may finish the dresser shortly. I am going to begin packing clothes away that I don't wear. I will wash them, fold them, and for now put them away... box them away. If I end up moving I will give those to a charity. Some are quite good, pretty much new. I have only been on my feet enough this last year, minus recently, to return items. So I have clothes that were too small or too large, a few anyway. Oh, yes, but the dream was so good. You have no idea how good it is to living a tidy home until you don't... assuming you like that sort of thing. Worse when you fall, fail, and can't really do much. I am thinking about that, too, though. There might be a way. As I said, I won't bore you with details. Just think whole house down to the nubs. Wonderful.
-----------
The other dream was very short. I was at an atm, in some sort of dining area... a fast food restaurant or in the food court at a mall, getting my card out, when a young man saw me getting my card out and just ripped past me. Furious. I grabbed him by the neck and shoved/lifted him, and just floated him over into an empty of people dead end in the seating area. I was just about to beat him to a pulp. I pulled back but... let it go, then let him go. I went over, got back in line, and suggested he just go on with his transaction.
He approached, himself now enraged, and about to sputter and hiss. I looked him right in the eyes and suggested he not do that. I told him I was doing what I was doing, not because I was wrong, certainly not because he was right, but because I wasn't sure about my reaction. So I suggested he not push it. Further, I told him that, if my reactions are right, and people come to their senses and begin reacting that way in order to rebuild society, if he can't handle one old guy with a seriously bum heart and diabetes out the roof, he wouldn't stand a chance against a realigning society. so I told him that he better get ahold of himself, not be and emotional and wrongful man, and to think about what is coming. No one cares about evil people, people who choose stupid or evil or selfish as a means to their ends at the cost of others.
I let him know, that if that was too much, he may begin the fight. He started to cry, like a girl. Then he tried to leave. That's when I said, "NO!". I would not let him leave. I forced him to live with the shame and anger and all else. No, after giving him the place, I would not allow him to abandon it. He surely thought about attempting and escape but realized, for as bad of shape I am in, he had no chance. So, tearfully and whimpering, he finished his transaction, leaving without a word or backward look. I might not have raised any of my children, but I do have eyes in the back of my head anywise.
-----------
I'm not sure what will happen "today". A shower, then I'll think on some things. Laundry, a few other tasks. I hope. Later.
.
Beat up a bit, a little hot, but feeling just a bit better. Getting meds straight helps a bit. Not saying I am exactly there. Sleep is still a bit crazy. I suppose just doing my best is helping. Perhaps not worrying quite as much about whether medicine will arrive or not helps. Stress, at least when I am in rough shape, can pound me more than I thought. Then again, getting ready to face the torturous pain of cutting medicines down... Oh, yeah, that... especially since I just went through a smaller portion of it, will... cause problems. Still, feeling much better.
Oh, and it has, finally, started too really cool off as fall settles in. I wasn't sure whether to let it stay really cool or to heat things up. That will always be a bit of a trick. Some of it being mood, some of it health, related. After trying 66, then 72, I have settled on 68. For now.
Oh, last "night", sometime, I went looking for information as to putting the components together. There wasn't as much specific as I had hoped. I don't think I was able to find any two components put together. I saw reviews, general tips, standard practices, and such. I will try to be, when the time comes, in enough focus to read the instructions. Some things, generally, will be quite simple. Adding the ram, for example. Some things will be very involved, at least to do it right. The motherboard connects to everything else, and may need to be fiddled with a bit as well. Then there is the burning in time, testing, and perhaps overclocking. That, in itself, is an involved, if not too complicated, procedure. A risky one, too. You can eat your machine, or blow it in a single bad, and for nominal gains. If I do it, I will do one small area of oc'ing at a time, and I won't go very deeply into it. Mostly I just want to understand the process. As with water cooling, I don't really trust those technologies. One leads to instability, sometimes even if done correctly. The other is just a high maintenance questionable tech. Water, like women, the weather, and some other things, can't be controlled in the way a man would natively think. Water, over time, will always win. Just as a woman, when she is within the paradigm, will eventually, often, win. Just... know these things. *wink* (I didn't say like, I said know. :p )
-----------
I had two dreams last night. The first, again, dealt with cleaning the cave. I won't go into detail. It was me doing it, a bit at a time, little things here, little things there, a big effort from time to time. Again, it seemed so very real. When I woke, I began working on some dressers drawers. I may finish the dresser shortly. I am going to begin packing clothes away that I don't wear. I will wash them, fold them, and for now put them away... box them away. If I end up moving I will give those to a charity. Some are quite good, pretty much new. I have only been on my feet enough this last year, minus recently, to return items. So I have clothes that were too small or too large, a few anyway. Oh, yes, but the dream was so good. You have no idea how good it is to living a tidy home until you don't... assuming you like that sort of thing. Worse when you fall, fail, and can't really do much. I am thinking about that, too, though. There might be a way. As I said, I won't bore you with details. Just think whole house down to the nubs. Wonderful.
-----------
The other dream was very short. I was at an atm, in some sort of dining area... a fast food restaurant or in the food court at a mall, getting my card out, when a young man saw me getting my card out and just ripped past me. Furious. I grabbed him by the neck and shoved/lifted him, and just floated him over into an empty of people dead end in the seating area. I was just about to beat him to a pulp. I pulled back but... let it go, then let him go. I went over, got back in line, and suggested he just go on with his transaction.
He approached, himself now enraged, and about to sputter and hiss. I looked him right in the eyes and suggested he not do that. I told him I was doing what I was doing, not because I was wrong, certainly not because he was right, but because I wasn't sure about my reaction. So I suggested he not push it. Further, I told him that, if my reactions are right, and people come to their senses and begin reacting that way in order to rebuild society, if he can't handle one old guy with a seriously bum heart and diabetes out the roof, he wouldn't stand a chance against a realigning society. so I told him that he better get ahold of himself, not be and emotional and wrongful man, and to think about what is coming. No one cares about evil people, people who choose stupid or evil or selfish as a means to their ends at the cost of others.
I let him know, that if that was too much, he may begin the fight. He started to cry, like a girl. Then he tried to leave. That's when I said, "NO!". I would not let him leave. I forced him to live with the shame and anger and all else. No, after giving him the place, I would not allow him to abandon it. He surely thought about attempting and escape but realized, for as bad of shape I am in, he had no chance. So, tearfully and whimpering, he finished his transaction, leaving without a word or backward look. I might not have raised any of my children, but I do have eyes in the back of my head anywise.
-----------
I'm not sure what will happen "today". A shower, then I'll think on some things. Laundry, a few other tasks. I hope. Later.
I guess you just have to be willing to cut ties and walk?
.
.
I just received a phone call. I will be receiving insulin. No, I did nothing else. I didn't call one other individual or group, I didn't... do anything. I was getting ready to cut medicines. I do know I will be being very cautious. I will see how much medicine arrives, I'll look at the expiration date, I'll be very cautious. Beside this and that, the stress of this is actually beating me up, throwing me off my medicines generally, off my feed... I am so swollen, and have been for weeks. Every step of the way there has been a bump, a shove, a push. I haven't been doing well with it all.
I will see what will be. It will take a while for me to clime out of this hole. First I will have to get my medicine back on schedule, solidly. Then I will need to get food sorted out, well and fluids. It's not just my hands that are swollen. Feet, legs, arms, torso, neck, perhaps even my head. Pressurized, and it hurts. How much is just from stress, how much from food and other stuff, and how much is just getting ready to bleed. It hurts to cut things. I will reset my appointment with my local doctor, but not until next month. I'm tired. I need to rest, relax, and do what I can.
The woman's voice sounded familiar. Whether the first woman I spoke with the other day, or the woman from last Friday, was it? She was NOT HAPPY to be talking to me. She wasn't, exactly, rude. More like fuming. If you have ever had a teenage daughter, who gets caught doing what she knows is wrong and yet tries to push that she was doing nothing wrong. Biting her lip, in a way, but talking through the side of her mouth in a very hissy, angry, denying way. This woman kept it all clean, she just couldn't keep from talking in that weird way. Oh, I don't mind. I don't care how someone talks to me, so long as they do what is right. I'm at Death's door, and she is pissed that I am getting medicine? Really? Yeah, that is how it goes there. Never mind, as long as it is on the way. I think I have enough filled syringes to last until it arrives. I don't want to open the last vial until it does, or if I do, I will begin cutting my dose. I just... I can't take the risk, if it doesn't arrive yet this week, of knowing whether it really will arrive. I just can't trust. Too hard to go cold turkey. I'll see soon enough.
I may ask for a favor. Shopping. I suppose I could, but wearing even size 14 boots and going easy all the way around is still a huge shove right now. I hurt getting ready, going, doing, coming back, and then am down for a day or more. I think I have enough cash, I just need legs. I am thinking about who to call. I may be crashing soon, though. Perhaps I can arrange it for tomorrow, or the day after. Some would do this happily, some will do it but not so happily. I hate to ask the latter, but the former(s) have such busy lives... I do my best, and rarely ask.
Maybe, with medicine having been taken today, and a bite to eat, and this thing settled for the moment... just maybe I can sleep correctly. Odd though, even as messy as things are, I have not been losing days, or even hours (other than what messed up sleep can do, on a minor scale). I really have improved. Three years ago and I would have lost weeks, months more like. Well... on to seeking a bit of help, then... I don't know. Later or good night.
.
I just received a phone call. I will be receiving insulin. No, I did nothing else. I didn't call one other individual or group, I didn't... do anything. I was getting ready to cut medicines. I do know I will be being very cautious. I will see how much medicine arrives, I'll look at the expiration date, I'll be very cautious. Beside this and that, the stress of this is actually beating me up, throwing me off my medicines generally, off my feed... I am so swollen, and have been for weeks. Every step of the way there has been a bump, a shove, a push. I haven't been doing well with it all.
I will see what will be. It will take a while for me to clime out of this hole. First I will have to get my medicine back on schedule, solidly. Then I will need to get food sorted out, well and fluids. It's not just my hands that are swollen. Feet, legs, arms, torso, neck, perhaps even my head. Pressurized, and it hurts. How much is just from stress, how much from food and other stuff, and how much is just getting ready to bleed. It hurts to cut things. I will reset my appointment with my local doctor, but not until next month. I'm tired. I need to rest, relax, and do what I can.
The woman's voice sounded familiar. Whether the first woman I spoke with the other day, or the woman from last Friday, was it? She was NOT HAPPY to be talking to me. She wasn't, exactly, rude. More like fuming. If you have ever had a teenage daughter, who gets caught doing what she knows is wrong and yet tries to push that she was doing nothing wrong. Biting her lip, in a way, but talking through the side of her mouth in a very hissy, angry, denying way. This woman kept it all clean, she just couldn't keep from talking in that weird way. Oh, I don't mind. I don't care how someone talks to me, so long as they do what is right. I'm at Death's door, and she is pissed that I am getting medicine? Really? Yeah, that is how it goes there. Never mind, as long as it is on the way. I think I have enough filled syringes to last until it arrives. I don't want to open the last vial until it does, or if I do, I will begin cutting my dose. I just... I can't take the risk, if it doesn't arrive yet this week, of knowing whether it really will arrive. I just can't trust. Too hard to go cold turkey. I'll see soon enough.
I may ask for a favor. Shopping. I suppose I could, but wearing even size 14 boots and going easy all the way around is still a huge shove right now. I hurt getting ready, going, doing, coming back, and then am down for a day or more. I think I have enough cash, I just need legs. I am thinking about who to call. I may be crashing soon, though. Perhaps I can arrange it for tomorrow, or the day after. Some would do this happily, some will do it but not so happily. I hate to ask the latter, but the former(s) have such busy lives... I do my best, and rarely ask.
Maybe, with medicine having been taken today, and a bite to eat, and this thing settled for the moment... just maybe I can sleep correctly. Odd though, even as messy as things are, I have not been losing days, or even hours (other than what messed up sleep can do, on a minor scale). I really have improved. Three years ago and I would have lost weeks, months more like. Well... on to seeking a bit of help, then... I don't know. Later or good night.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Crazy sleep.
.
.
I can't say why. I can only say that for the last few days my sleep has been so unusual that I couldn't really carry on with any kind of regular life. Two hours, give or take, up and down. When I was awake I was just barely awake. Only awake because I couldn't quite sleep. A day, two, three? I know it wasn't that bad to begin with, but it was heading that way. I suspect, to be honest, that fall weather has more to do with it. Though, perhaps, stress dealing with medication and medical care, or the lack of it, added to it. I simply wasn't sure what was going to happen, when, or how.
Not knowing is worse than realizing it is about to get really bad. I've know bad times quite well. Even realizing they are going to try to murder you by denying medicine is easier to take than not being sure about it. What doesn't make sense is I am saving them money by seeing my own doctor. I suppose they want to make sure any doctor I see is sufficiently incompetent for their grading system. Further, I doubt if there are V.A. employees who make less than even 100% disabled vets. That hospital isn't about us, it's about them.
As well, I realize my unorthodox method of treating diabetes might be worth pursuing further. I become "well" once, regarding diabetes through that method, some years ago. It's a tenuous cure, not sure, but seems to work from time to time. It's all about bringing down the numbers, not methods, is it? If so, that method I just used, which was quite successful before, might be the way to go. It's a lot cheaper than insulin, that's for sure. If, this time, I monitor through various foods and my odd technique, I might clean up well enough. Time will tell. If I can get the numbers down, I may then begin seeing a doctor. With the numbers down he won't be able to say much. Just a maybe.
If it all starts going really down hill I will stop blogging. I won't be sharing that part of my life anymore.
I did dream about getting my home cleaned and in order. I don't know if it is possible. The dream sure seemed real though. I will want to clean and clear whether I end up staying or being forced out. And I just want it. Later.
.
I can't say why. I can only say that for the last few days my sleep has been so unusual that I couldn't really carry on with any kind of regular life. Two hours, give or take, up and down. When I was awake I was just barely awake. Only awake because I couldn't quite sleep. A day, two, three? I know it wasn't that bad to begin with, but it was heading that way. I suspect, to be honest, that fall weather has more to do with it. Though, perhaps, stress dealing with medication and medical care, or the lack of it, added to it. I simply wasn't sure what was going to happen, when, or how.
Not knowing is worse than realizing it is about to get really bad. I've know bad times quite well. Even realizing they are going to try to murder you by denying medicine is easier to take than not being sure about it. What doesn't make sense is I am saving them money by seeing my own doctor. I suppose they want to make sure any doctor I see is sufficiently incompetent for their grading system. Further, I doubt if there are V.A. employees who make less than even 100% disabled vets. That hospital isn't about us, it's about them.
As well, I realize my unorthodox method of treating diabetes might be worth pursuing further. I become "well" once, regarding diabetes through that method, some years ago. It's a tenuous cure, not sure, but seems to work from time to time. It's all about bringing down the numbers, not methods, is it? If so, that method I just used, which was quite successful before, might be the way to go. It's a lot cheaper than insulin, that's for sure. If, this time, I monitor through various foods and my odd technique, I might clean up well enough. Time will tell. If I can get the numbers down, I may then begin seeing a doctor. With the numbers down he won't be able to say much. Just a maybe.
If it all starts going really down hill I will stop blogging. I won't be sharing that part of my life anymore.
I did dream about getting my home cleaned and in order. I don't know if it is possible. The dream sure seemed real though. I will want to clean and clear whether I end up staying or being forced out. And I just want it. Later.
Canceled.
.
.
No reason to see a doctor if medication isn't available. I have a few more days of full doses before I have to begin the new vial and cutting back. I did explain this to the woman on the phone, very mildly. In case the doctor asked. I don't know if I will cut all medications as well, right away, or... I'll have to see how much medication I have.
Well... back to bed. Sleep is wonky. Maybe it's stress over medication. I know this is going to hurt. It might even be fatal. I simply don't see a practical choice. Later and good night, or good nap, depending on whether I can stay asleep.
.
No reason to see a doctor if medication isn't available. I have a few more days of full doses before I have to begin the new vial and cutting back. I did explain this to the woman on the phone, very mildly. In case the doctor asked. I don't know if I will cut all medications as well, right away, or... I'll have to see how much medication I have.
Well... back to bed. Sleep is wonky. Maybe it's stress over medication. I know this is going to hurt. It might even be fatal. I simply don't see a practical choice. Later and good night, or good nap, depending on whether I can stay asleep.
No medicine.
.
.
I called the V.A. today. I had to fight through the want to sleep. While I was awake every other few hours, I was starting to not be truly awake, ever. From 8:00 on, I kept looking for a chance to call. A rough day. I can't remember when I did call, or at least begin making calls, perhaps 13:30? Somewhere in there. I called the V.A. pharmacy line, to speak with a rep. She told me, after some research and talking to actual pharmacists that they did get the faxed prescription, but were not going to fill it. She would, however, send a request to my doctor there. I suggested I would call the people I spoke with the other day, who told me to just have my doctor's office fax it in.
I called that office, spoke with a woman I spoke with before, but this time she hid her identity and suggested I call the pharmacy at the V.A. I suppose they have spoken to her, or she has spoken to them. I am definitely person non grata. I explained what, I presume, she already knew... that I had called and they had refused to honor the prescription. I asked to speak to the other rep for a program they have. She is the other rep but refused to get involved this time. Shameka or something. She sent me to even another phone number (which she gave me first) that went to a line that timed out to a very strange line, where I could hear people talking but they couldn't or wouldn't answer. V.A. is hell. And they wonder why I stay away.
Now, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. There is no reason for me to go if I can't fill the scripts. So... I'm about to call and cancel. I guess that's the way it goes. I knew I might have to close up shop, sell and toss, and get out. Perhaps they were just messing with me, to see how long they could trick me into staying. Either way, it looks like this is it.
It looks like I best start parting out the last vial, which means cutting to 30 cc's, then 15, and finally ending the medicine. As well, I suspect they will stop sending the other medication, so I best start cutting back on that. I don't know of any otc diuretic, but I best begin checking about supplements or even foods that help with that. I do have some stuff that will definitely help with blood pressure. I'll just call my doc and cancel the appointment, then take another nap, I guess.
.
I called the V.A. today. I had to fight through the want to sleep. While I was awake every other few hours, I was starting to not be truly awake, ever. From 8:00 on, I kept looking for a chance to call. A rough day. I can't remember when I did call, or at least begin making calls, perhaps 13:30? Somewhere in there. I called the V.A. pharmacy line, to speak with a rep. She told me, after some research and talking to actual pharmacists that they did get the faxed prescription, but were not going to fill it. She would, however, send a request to my doctor there. I suggested I would call the people I spoke with the other day, who told me to just have my doctor's office fax it in.
I called that office, spoke with a woman I spoke with before, but this time she hid her identity and suggested I call the pharmacy at the V.A. I suppose they have spoken to her, or she has spoken to them. I am definitely person non grata. I explained what, I presume, she already knew... that I had called and they had refused to honor the prescription. I asked to speak to the other rep for a program they have. She is the other rep but refused to get involved this time. Shameka or something. She sent me to even another phone number (which she gave me first) that went to a line that timed out to a very strange line, where I could hear people talking but they couldn't or wouldn't answer. V.A. is hell. And they wonder why I stay away.
Now, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. There is no reason for me to go if I can't fill the scripts. So... I'm about to call and cancel. I guess that's the way it goes. I knew I might have to close up shop, sell and toss, and get out. Perhaps they were just messing with me, to see how long they could trick me into staying. Either way, it looks like this is it.
It looks like I best start parting out the last vial, which means cutting to 30 cc's, then 15, and finally ending the medicine. As well, I suspect they will stop sending the other medication, so I best start cutting back on that. I don't know of any otc diuretic, but I best begin checking about supplements or even foods that help with that. I do have some stuff that will definitely help with blood pressure. I'll just call my doc and cancel the appointment, then take another nap, I guess.
Up and down.
.
.
I can't seem to stay awake or asleep. On the other hand, I do actually sleep for two hour periods. And that is about how long I seem to be able to stay awake. Dreams, in there. Sometimes I only have a sense that I dreamed. Sometimes I have no memory initially but it comes back to me later. It's not like I try to remember.
Oh, and as to the dream recently? I've never considered myself anything special. I don't even understand why women have. But I won't deny that I have... the oddest relationships with women. Dog faced boy is what I think of myself. Though too that has never mattered. Whether you are a rich man, a poor man, a smart man, or anything else, you must dine. Man doesn't live by bread alone, and in more ways than one. To feast on the attention of a woman. I don't worry about not being some, especially these days, phony notion of a man. Or being handsome, I don't think I am. Or knowing I am ugly. I don't brag because I don't see any reason to do so. And, to a degree, in that time and place, back when, I don't have shame. I did what I could with what I had. I didn't mean to break things up. I probably wasn't capable of that sort of love. I had to come back to it. I would actually be married, happily and otherwise, if my last hadn't chosen to be independent. I changed my ways, but there are limits. She has to be wife material. And, beyond having changed my ways to that point, I am now beyond. No brag, just an understanding through the dream. Some of them cause me sadness, others were... I don't know... playing a game. Got stuck in their own drama, I suppose. It's the ones, even if on the wrong side of things in many ways, who tried to be legit, but she, I, or we failed somehow. Love is a brutal game.
Back to bed. Sam wants something. Just fed her, so... not that. Probably. Sitting on my arm rest, looking to me as if... Outside. That is what she wants. Later. Good night, actually, again. Ugh.
.
I can't seem to stay awake or asleep. On the other hand, I do actually sleep for two hour periods. And that is about how long I seem to be able to stay awake. Dreams, in there. Sometimes I only have a sense that I dreamed. Sometimes I have no memory initially but it comes back to me later. It's not like I try to remember.
Oh, and as to the dream recently? I've never considered myself anything special. I don't even understand why women have. But I won't deny that I have... the oddest relationships with women. Dog faced boy is what I think of myself. Though too that has never mattered. Whether you are a rich man, a poor man, a smart man, or anything else, you must dine. Man doesn't live by bread alone, and in more ways than one. To feast on the attention of a woman. I don't worry about not being some, especially these days, phony notion of a man. Or being handsome, I don't think I am. Or knowing I am ugly. I don't brag because I don't see any reason to do so. And, to a degree, in that time and place, back when, I don't have shame. I did what I could with what I had. I didn't mean to break things up. I probably wasn't capable of that sort of love. I had to come back to it. I would actually be married, happily and otherwise, if my last hadn't chosen to be independent. I changed my ways, but there are limits. She has to be wife material. And, beyond having changed my ways to that point, I am now beyond. No brag, just an understanding through the dream. Some of them cause me sadness, others were... I don't know... playing a game. Got stuck in their own drama, I suppose. It's the ones, even if on the wrong side of things in many ways, who tried to be legit, but she, I, or we failed somehow. Love is a brutal game.
Back to bed. Sam wants something. Just fed her, so... not that. Probably. Sitting on my arm rest, looking to me as if... Outside. That is what she wants. Later. Good night, actually, again. Ugh.
There was another dream in there.
.
.
So strange how women can hate and love at the same time. Women have watched me move on, and again, and sometimes several more times. And still think my actions wrong. Now, on in a Christian way, sure. But coming from a woman who has done the same, there isn't room for pointing fingers. I never knew if such women felt that way about all of their exes or just me. I knew that some of them hated deeply for it, and yet would still have come back... even for a moment. Some did. I eventually decided bringing a failed woman back was not only cruel, it had no chance at success. By my mid 20's I stopped doing that. Not even if I was out of luck on a particular night. I burned my black book, mostly.
.
So strange how women can hate and love at the same time. Women have watched me move on, and again, and sometimes several more times. And still think my actions wrong. Now, on in a Christian way, sure. But coming from a woman who has done the same, there isn't room for pointing fingers. I never knew if such women felt that way about all of their exes or just me. I knew that some of them hated deeply for it, and yet would still have come back... even for a moment. Some did. I eventually decided bringing a failed woman back was not only cruel, it had no chance at success. By my mid 20's I stopped doing that. Not even if I was out of luck on a particular night. I burned my black book, mostly.
A strange night.
.
.
I wanted, and felt I needed, to get to bed earlier. It just didn't happen until 23:30 or so. Then I kept waking, every few hours, until here at 4:30 I think I am up. Maybe not though, I'll give it a bit. That is a rather short sleep, especially have been broken up by getting up, I would say, at least twice. I forgot to get fruit when I was in town last. I had grapefruit left, and if a bit bitter, it was still good enough. When grapefruit is perfectly ripe, if you pull all the white skins off, the fruit fibers are actually sweet. If it is past ripe, and in our area into dry, then you can't really get down to just the fruit. A bit of salt on each chunk helps bring back the sweet, though a bitter aftertaste will exist that doesn't exist when ripe and split out down to the orangeish colored pulp. Then again, when it dries out, there isn't enough pulp to dig to, and that pulp sticks to strongly to the white "packing". Two smaller grapefruits, even if not at optimal ripeness, and a large glass of iced water sure makes a tasty breakfast... or "midnight" snack.
I'll see if it is actually time to wake or not. Tired? Yes, but as it should be?
I spoke with one of my cousins, in various stages of our lives, last night, in dreams. She was a pretty thing, still is for her age. No, never a temptation, mind you. Family is family. Still, one can appreciate the company, and companionship, of a fine looking dame in the family. Just being seen with them boosts... social standing. More so when they actually want to be seen with you. At times in the past, both were true. Not quite Blondie, but not far off. And definitely natural, no nose, lips, or boob jobs. We discussed things, life, each other. We had always been, sort of, drawn to each other. As friends, but always with a curiosity that supposed a theoretical 'what if'. I was as much an enigma to her as she was to me, and from quite young. Some questions I want to ask can't be asked in the dream, because there isn't an actual answer. The dreams were a puzzle of what I knew, and what I wanted to know but didn't.
Grapefruit and water. Quite good, really. I'll have to see if they have some fresh enough grapefruit, but also cherries, berries of some sort, apples... probably a couple of other fruits. Pears seem to never actually ripen, just becoming pulpy mush then going bad, so I will skip those until next spring, I suppose. Milk, cream, butter again, eggs. Just a bit. Ah, I checked the last of the eggs last night and there were just enough to make dinner. Along with a chopped brot cooked again in with the eggs and tortillas and a glass of milk.
You know? I haven't seen grapefruit juice in the longest time. It can be good, though perhaps the window is too short and too few people buy? I used to get that, once in a while. Now I don't even drink orange juice... if they do (and probably always have) add sugar and lots of other stuff. Though, to be honest, I can't really tell the difference between supposedly fresh presses and the mecha-pharma-megaagra-engineered stuff. I am starting to doubt if there is a dot of difference between the priciest stuff and the standard brands (if I am always dubious regarding generics-bug parts, people, my own eyes... not in juice but then, after that, I didn't give it a chance).
Blathering as I try to figure out what to do, to wake up, or to go back to bed. Never mind me. Later or much later.
.
I wanted, and felt I needed, to get to bed earlier. It just didn't happen until 23:30 or so. Then I kept waking, every few hours, until here at 4:30 I think I am up. Maybe not though, I'll give it a bit. That is a rather short sleep, especially have been broken up by getting up, I would say, at least twice. I forgot to get fruit when I was in town last. I had grapefruit left, and if a bit bitter, it was still good enough. When grapefruit is perfectly ripe, if you pull all the white skins off, the fruit fibers are actually sweet. If it is past ripe, and in our area into dry, then you can't really get down to just the fruit. A bit of salt on each chunk helps bring back the sweet, though a bitter aftertaste will exist that doesn't exist when ripe and split out down to the orangeish colored pulp. Then again, when it dries out, there isn't enough pulp to dig to, and that pulp sticks to strongly to the white "packing". Two smaller grapefruits, even if not at optimal ripeness, and a large glass of iced water sure makes a tasty breakfast... or "midnight" snack.
I'll see if it is actually time to wake or not. Tired? Yes, but as it should be?
I spoke with one of my cousins, in various stages of our lives, last night, in dreams. She was a pretty thing, still is for her age. No, never a temptation, mind you. Family is family. Still, one can appreciate the company, and companionship, of a fine looking dame in the family. Just being seen with them boosts... social standing. More so when they actually want to be seen with you. At times in the past, both were true. Not quite Blondie, but not far off. And definitely natural, no nose, lips, or boob jobs. We discussed things, life, each other. We had always been, sort of, drawn to each other. As friends, but always with a curiosity that supposed a theoretical 'what if'. I was as much an enigma to her as she was to me, and from quite young. Some questions I want to ask can't be asked in the dream, because there isn't an actual answer. The dreams were a puzzle of what I knew, and what I wanted to know but didn't.
Grapefruit and water. Quite good, really. I'll have to see if they have some fresh enough grapefruit, but also cherries, berries of some sort, apples... probably a couple of other fruits. Pears seem to never actually ripen, just becoming pulpy mush then going bad, so I will skip those until next spring, I suppose. Milk, cream, butter again, eggs. Just a bit. Ah, I checked the last of the eggs last night and there were just enough to make dinner. Along with a chopped brot cooked again in with the eggs and tortillas and a glass of milk.
You know? I haven't seen grapefruit juice in the longest time. It can be good, though perhaps the window is too short and too few people buy? I used to get that, once in a while. Now I don't even drink orange juice... if they do (and probably always have) add sugar and lots of other stuff. Though, to be honest, I can't really tell the difference between supposedly fresh presses and the mecha-pharma-megaagra-engineered stuff. I am starting to doubt if there is a dot of difference between the priciest stuff and the standard brands (if I am always dubious regarding generics-bug parts, people, my own eyes... not in juice but then, after that, I didn't give it a chance).
Blathering as I try to figure out what to do, to wake up, or to go back to bed. Never mind me. Later or much later.
Monday, October 5, 2015
More work, if possible.
.
.
It's still tough. The body is okay. Everything I eat causes me to feel stuffed. I've cut consumption and still, even a few bites, and I end up feeling like I ate a full Thanksgiving dinner. Beyond that I feel tired, very tired. I just woke and yet have that sense that going back to bed would be great. I am not sure I could get back to sleep. If it persists I may try. There is no reason to try to push through this sort of sense of things. I never do get anything done and staying awake simply exasperates the exhaustion. If I can't sleep, though, I have no choice. That is when it gets really tough.
Now, or after a sleep period or nap, I should be able to get back to work. Emptying the freezer first. Then maybe working on cleaning out the refrigerator. Although I may hold off on the refrigerator until the freezer is definitely back in play. That way I have a place to put the stuff in the little freezer, and the stuff from the fridge, if I work fast. Then I hit the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry. Well, that is the plan. I'm almost certain some of it will happen either soon, or after more sleep. Then, maybe later, shopping in town. Just a bit more milk, a few quarts of whole whipping cream, and more fruit.
I looked over my finances. And... decided to pull the switch and purchase the components for a new computer. After years of comparing components, research, reading reviews, deciphering who was saying what, why, and what it meant for me, I had the components pretty much set. Now, I only ordered the bare bones parts, right now. There is another item or two I may purchase yet this month. And there are some components I may order next month. Or I may be finished with the order for a long time. This machine should do everything I need and want, and then some. I was a bit amazed. Just a few years ago, at this level for then compared to now (this machine is twice the machine that would have been, if equal for their time, I mean), it would have cost about $3,500 then but is far less than half that now. I'm wondering if the bottom fell out for pc's? Did the prices drop due to a severe drop in demand? I'm betting it did. Anyway... I've been eyeing one for three or four years.
The only thing I am slightly worried about is the motherboard. Though manufacturing is thinner than it has ever been. Anything could go wrong. Some companies work well with you, others not so much. I would like to have purchased half this month, half next. I suppose I could have, buying half in the last week, buying the other half in the first week of the next month. But I didn't. Not sure that would have worked. Plus, it looks like it shouldn't be a problem. Probably. Everything will be in in about a week. I should have the kitchen, and part of the living room, ready to go for tinkering by then. Hmm... yeah... I'll at least have to have the couch and coffee table cleared, and a power cord set up. I am a bit excited. Oh, one thing that save a good deal was the hybrid hard drives. Though I am hearing that they might have some reliability issues, same as ssd's. I understand why the former has problems, not the latter. There are no moving parts, so what could possibly go wrong with ssd's? I honestly have to think the manufacturers create the problems. I suppose if your main consumer is the government, and major businesses, you can get away with it. They like things to break so that they can get new things, have electronic 'get out of jail' cards, and really because they don't care.
I don't know. Probably back to bed. Later.
.
It's still tough. The body is okay. Everything I eat causes me to feel stuffed. I've cut consumption and still, even a few bites, and I end up feeling like I ate a full Thanksgiving dinner. Beyond that I feel tired, very tired. I just woke and yet have that sense that going back to bed would be great. I am not sure I could get back to sleep. If it persists I may try. There is no reason to try to push through this sort of sense of things. I never do get anything done and staying awake simply exasperates the exhaustion. If I can't sleep, though, I have no choice. That is when it gets really tough.
Now, or after a sleep period or nap, I should be able to get back to work. Emptying the freezer first. Then maybe working on cleaning out the refrigerator. Although I may hold off on the refrigerator until the freezer is definitely back in play. That way I have a place to put the stuff in the little freezer, and the stuff from the fridge, if I work fast. Then I hit the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry. Well, that is the plan. I'm almost certain some of it will happen either soon, or after more sleep. Then, maybe later, shopping in town. Just a bit more milk, a few quarts of whole whipping cream, and more fruit.
I looked over my finances. And... decided to pull the switch and purchase the components for a new computer. After years of comparing components, research, reading reviews, deciphering who was saying what, why, and what it meant for me, I had the components pretty much set. Now, I only ordered the bare bones parts, right now. There is another item or two I may purchase yet this month. And there are some components I may order next month. Or I may be finished with the order for a long time. This machine should do everything I need and want, and then some. I was a bit amazed. Just a few years ago, at this level for then compared to now (this machine is twice the machine that would have been, if equal for their time, I mean), it would have cost about $3,500 then but is far less than half that now. I'm wondering if the bottom fell out for pc's? Did the prices drop due to a severe drop in demand? I'm betting it did. Anyway... I've been eyeing one for three or four years.
The only thing I am slightly worried about is the motherboard. Though manufacturing is thinner than it has ever been. Anything could go wrong. Some companies work well with you, others not so much. I would like to have purchased half this month, half next. I suppose I could have, buying half in the last week, buying the other half in the first week of the next month. But I didn't. Not sure that would have worked. Plus, it looks like it shouldn't be a problem. Probably. Everything will be in in about a week. I should have the kitchen, and part of the living room, ready to go for tinkering by then. Hmm... yeah... I'll at least have to have the couch and coffee table cleared, and a power cord set up. I am a bit excited. Oh, one thing that save a good deal was the hybrid hard drives. Though I am hearing that they might have some reliability issues, same as ssd's. I understand why the former has problems, not the latter. There are no moving parts, so what could possibly go wrong with ssd's? I honestly have to think the manufacturers create the problems. I suppose if your main consumer is the government, and major businesses, you can get away with it. They like things to break so that they can get new things, have electronic 'get out of jail' cards, and really because they don't care.
I don't know. Probably back to bed. Later.
I wasn't quite done.
.
.
No chance at sorting through, then breaking down, boxes. It just wasn't in the cards. I was able, though, to clear out other recycling. What I cleared out was bulky, but light. It'll leave room for boxes next time. As well, I grilled meat for this week. Oh, and took out the regular trash. There wasn't much of anything. If I had crushed the milk jugs they wouldn't have filled the bin as they did. Not bad, really.
I am now considering whether I want to order components for my machine. I'll look over my various sources. I might be tempted, even if using credit for half of the machine makes me feel more comfortable. I will be checking my finances shortly. Most likely next month, though, or even December. I'm more cautious, and I have a few things I'd like to buy soon.
I am waiting on the meats to cool enough to be zip-sacked and stored. I am too full to enjoy any of it, but they were at the end of thawing. If I don't cook right then, I often end up forgetting and tossing. I really do hate that. Oh, and I have the buckets ready to begin emptying the freezer, perhaps later today (tomorrow, technically). Yeah, I'm starting to get some things done.
Oh, looks like DuffleBag has, pretty much, caught my drift, or vice versa. They call it humor, or an odd slice of it. This slice, in my opinion, is a homerun into the reals. Yeah, Russia is rushing headlong into a ruinous war with no good outcome, and for reasons that don't make any more sense than why the US was over there, at least regarding "nation building" and the "muslim spring". Doing e x a c t l y what the US (in the worst part) and EU were doing. I do agree that we had to go, I just don't agree that we should have gone there for nation building or creating democracy. It doesn't work with those people, and it can't be imposed. But we could have and should have shut down some of the operations, then left a force that was will, able, and allowed to take care of any messes. Let them figure out their politics. Just crush any political leadership that goes the wrong way... over and over and over and over. If we have to save ourselves by saving them through absolute attrition, then so be it. That's my gig, my schtick, and if in charge, exactly what would happen.
Good night.
.
No chance at sorting through, then breaking down, boxes. It just wasn't in the cards. I was able, though, to clear out other recycling. What I cleared out was bulky, but light. It'll leave room for boxes next time. As well, I grilled meat for this week. Oh, and took out the regular trash. There wasn't much of anything. If I had crushed the milk jugs they wouldn't have filled the bin as they did. Not bad, really.
I am now considering whether I want to order components for my machine. I'll look over my various sources. I might be tempted, even if using credit for half of the machine makes me feel more comfortable. I will be checking my finances shortly. Most likely next month, though, or even December. I'm more cautious, and I have a few things I'd like to buy soon.
I am waiting on the meats to cool enough to be zip-sacked and stored. I am too full to enjoy any of it, but they were at the end of thawing. If I don't cook right then, I often end up forgetting and tossing. I really do hate that. Oh, and I have the buckets ready to begin emptying the freezer, perhaps later today (tomorrow, technically). Yeah, I'm starting to get some things done.
Oh, looks like DuffleBag has, pretty much, caught my drift, or vice versa. They call it humor, or an odd slice of it. This slice, in my opinion, is a homerun into the reals. Yeah, Russia is rushing headlong into a ruinous war with no good outcome, and for reasons that don't make any more sense than why the US was over there, at least regarding "nation building" and the "muslim spring". Doing e x a c t l y what the US (in the worst part) and EU were doing. I do agree that we had to go, I just don't agree that we should have gone there for nation building or creating democracy. It doesn't work with those people, and it can't be imposed. But we could have and should have shut down some of the operations, then left a force that was will, able, and allowed to take care of any messes. Let them figure out their politics. Just crush any political leadership that goes the wrong way... over and over and over and over. If we have to save ourselves by saving them through absolute attrition, then so be it. That's my gig, my schtick, and if in charge, exactly what would happen.
Good night.
Tinkering.
.
.
Since Amazon canceled (and probably thankfully) an older hard drive I ordered, I decided to check into the computer to see just exactly what type of hard drive would fit. As it turns out, the machine is, mostly, riveted together. Which means I won't be getting in. Cages and wiring and all, this computer is not meant to be upgraded other than by using ports and slots built in. I suppose you could take it apart mechanically, and figure out how to put it together later. The thing is, it looks to be boobytrapped so as to pretty much end up destroying the thing by trying that. It must have been when HP first went for disposable machines. Technically there is a place to add another hard drive. The problem is... you really can't. One side is open for screwing that side in, the other side is not open. I have 90 degree philips and standard screwdrivers. But nothing along those notions I have ever seen would fit into such a tight area.
I did go on in to town. I was, again, hungry. Again, on less than I normally eat, I got so stuffed I could barely walk. I have no idea what is going on with that. And yet I am so hungry that, when I start eating, I can't stop until I am pretty much done. Three meals in the last week, mostly. Maybe four. Lots of soda, water, and milk, but little actual food.
Oh, but back to the computer. As tight as it was in there, and as big as my hands are, I... wasn't sure if I bungled anything. Not until I fired it up and it lit as it should. I'll do a bit of research tonight to see if I can figure out if this machine even has a 3.0. I am hoping the research will be easy. The next question is if that sort of drive will be available. A faster hard drive and windows 7 might be enough to kick this old machine up a notch. An antique, if it was kept in a box, unused by my last gal. She wasn't even techy enough to set it up. She used my machine (and abused it). She just didn't want one of her own.
Well, it was good to get out. I'm not sure I will do much else. Later.
----------------
Okay, from a bit of quick research, it looks like I need a sata, probably 3.0. A 6.0 will most likely work just fine if that's all I can find... probably. Bleh. At least it isn't ide, or worse.
.
Since Amazon canceled (and probably thankfully) an older hard drive I ordered, I decided to check into the computer to see just exactly what type of hard drive would fit. As it turns out, the machine is, mostly, riveted together. Which means I won't be getting in. Cages and wiring and all, this computer is not meant to be upgraded other than by using ports and slots built in. I suppose you could take it apart mechanically, and figure out how to put it together later. The thing is, it looks to be boobytrapped so as to pretty much end up destroying the thing by trying that. It must have been when HP first went for disposable machines. Technically there is a place to add another hard drive. The problem is... you really can't. One side is open for screwing that side in, the other side is not open. I have 90 degree philips and standard screwdrivers. But nothing along those notions I have ever seen would fit into such a tight area.
I did go on in to town. I was, again, hungry. Again, on less than I normally eat, I got so stuffed I could barely walk. I have no idea what is going on with that. And yet I am so hungry that, when I start eating, I can't stop until I am pretty much done. Three meals in the last week, mostly. Maybe four. Lots of soda, water, and milk, but little actual food.
Oh, but back to the computer. As tight as it was in there, and as big as my hands are, I... wasn't sure if I bungled anything. Not until I fired it up and it lit as it should. I'll do a bit of research tonight to see if I can figure out if this machine even has a 3.0. I am hoping the research will be easy. The next question is if that sort of drive will be available. A faster hard drive and windows 7 might be enough to kick this old machine up a notch. An antique, if it was kept in a box, unused by my last gal. She wasn't even techy enough to set it up. She used my machine (and abused it). She just didn't want one of her own.
Well, it was good to get out. I'm not sure I will do much else. Later.
----------------
Okay, from a bit of quick research, it looks like I need a sata, probably 3.0. A 6.0 will most likely work just fine if that's all I can find... probably. Bleh. At least it isn't ide, or worse.
Gah!
.
.
Back on a righteous eating and drinking program... for two days. My blood sugar jumps right back to 546. Why 546? The last three times I tested it, when it was high, it was that number. Never mind. I'll have to do a beer flush. I'm telling you, this is just odd.
I went down, but mostly just for a nap. I dreamed of digging into the cave when I woke. And it sounded good. Reality just hasn't seen the dream life being realized. Then again, the dream was more an over time thing. I knew that in the dream. Still not sure if it will work out but I would be greatly pleased to see it do so. I am hoping to get trash and recycling out before too long. Clearing and tearing down boxes, in this room or the kitchen, might not be bad. Trash is easy this week, it's recycling that might be a bit of a number.
If... *cough* When I get those things done, then I want to empty, swab, then dry the freezer, then take some measurements. If that works well, maybe a shopping trip to town? Not much. Fresh fruit, a gallon or two of milk, a couple quarts of whole whipping cream, and perhaps some meat. Just a bit. Oh, and beer. Seriously, I have to break this high sugar thing, and medicine and eating right doesn't do it. Beer. A case, maybe two, in a single event. So... I ought to buy four or five. I like to have beer on hand. A few, more literally often, at a time can help keep blood sugars in check.
If all that works, I'll be well and ready for bed tonight. Though I will try to stay awake until well into the evening... to get days and nights back on track. Crazy stuff, but it'll work. If I can keep pushing, and working, I'd like to get the kitchen and bathroom cleaned this week. Then on to the other rooms. I might be able to get to it. Might. I'm almost on my way back, I think, even with the temp sugar spike. Later.
.
Back on a righteous eating and drinking program... for two days. My blood sugar jumps right back to 546. Why 546? The last three times I tested it, when it was high, it was that number. Never mind. I'll have to do a beer flush. I'm telling you, this is just odd.
I went down, but mostly just for a nap. I dreamed of digging into the cave when I woke. And it sounded good. Reality just hasn't seen the dream life being realized. Then again, the dream was more an over time thing. I knew that in the dream. Still not sure if it will work out but I would be greatly pleased to see it do so. I am hoping to get trash and recycling out before too long. Clearing and tearing down boxes, in this room or the kitchen, might not be bad. Trash is easy this week, it's recycling that might be a bit of a number.
If... *cough* When I get those things done, then I want to empty, swab, then dry the freezer, then take some measurements. If that works well, maybe a shopping trip to town? Not much. Fresh fruit, a gallon or two of milk, a couple quarts of whole whipping cream, and perhaps some meat. Just a bit. Oh, and beer. Seriously, I have to break this high sugar thing, and medicine and eating right doesn't do it. Beer. A case, maybe two, in a single event. So... I ought to buy four or five. I like to have beer on hand. A few, more literally often, at a time can help keep blood sugars in check.
If all that works, I'll be well and ready for bed tonight. Though I will try to stay awake until well into the evening... to get days and nights back on track. Crazy stuff, but it'll work. If I can keep pushing, and working, I'd like to get the kitchen and bathroom cleaned this week. Then on to the other rooms. I might be able to get to it. Might. I'm almost on my way back, I think, even with the temp sugar spike. Later.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
A quick review.
.
.
Yeah, more work in the last few days than I have in months before. I'm having to shove to get things done. That isn't unusual. Work is, well, hard. And I am not well. Work is very hard for me. Water isn't draining as well as it should, if I might still be drinking too much for that to work. Might have to push the water pill just a bit higher for a few days. Other than that, life is beginning to normalize. The cool of fall helps.
I added up the work I have done in the last four days and it really is good. I'm only putting bits of it, the bigger ticket items, in my blog lists. Much else, little things, here and there, are being done as well. It hurts, actually, to work. Right now. Even eating. Super was good tonight, maybe too good. And I really haven't been eating much. I didn't expect dinner tonight so had to ask for a bit, and went ahead an cleaned up before it arrived. Then I... overate. Delicious. I am getting some hunger back. Intermittent, but when it hits it is motivational. Sometimes, even so, I run out of steam before I get things read for a meal, and then make it. Or even if I make the meal, I may have run out of hunger.
I'm not sure what I can get to yet tonight. Maybe empty the cleaning fluid from the freezer, maybe some laundry. I am still so stuffed I am not sure about anything. Perhaps a nap first? I would definitely like to make plans for an assault on moving then cleaning the refrigerator. I ought to see if I can switch which way the door swings. That would make it a lot easier to clean. Though if the dolly works easily enough, until I buy a new reefer, I suppose that would work. As I said though, I am far too full to contemplate much. It almost hurts.
Later, maybe much later. A nap? Yeah, probably.
.
Yeah, more work in the last few days than I have in months before. I'm having to shove to get things done. That isn't unusual. Work is, well, hard. And I am not well. Work is very hard for me. Water isn't draining as well as it should, if I might still be drinking too much for that to work. Might have to push the water pill just a bit higher for a few days. Other than that, life is beginning to normalize. The cool of fall helps.
I added up the work I have done in the last four days and it really is good. I'm only putting bits of it, the bigger ticket items, in my blog lists. Much else, little things, here and there, are being done as well. It hurts, actually, to work. Right now. Even eating. Super was good tonight, maybe too good. And I really haven't been eating much. I didn't expect dinner tonight so had to ask for a bit, and went ahead an cleaned up before it arrived. Then I... overate. Delicious. I am getting some hunger back. Intermittent, but when it hits it is motivational. Sometimes, even so, I run out of steam before I get things read for a meal, and then make it. Or even if I make the meal, I may have run out of hunger.
I'm not sure what I can get to yet tonight. Maybe empty the cleaning fluid from the freezer, maybe some laundry. I am still so stuffed I am not sure about anything. Perhaps a nap first? I would definitely like to make plans for an assault on moving then cleaning the refrigerator. I ought to see if I can switch which way the door swings. That would make it a lot easier to clean. Though if the dolly works easily enough, until I buy a new reefer, I suppose that would work. As I said though, I am far too full to contemplate much. It almost hurts.
Later, maybe much later. A nap? Yeah, probably.
Very good!
.
.
I went down shortly after that last post. Eyes stinging from bleach, but with the fans going, windows open, and a room I could keep closed off to the rest of the house and flush with fresh cool air. My cave has been... out of sorts for a while now. Yes, I smelled it. No, there wasn't much I could do about it. A truly rotten situation. All that was bad has been tended. The bleach odor, just another bad if necessary one, has even been handled through opening the house. There is still some bleach scent, but at a level that makes it... pleasant... given the original strength of it and the odors that required bleach in the first place. Nice, really.
As I was waking, I started thinking that it would be quite nice to clean out the refrigerator next. I purchased an appliance dolly, some time back, that should make the task simple enough. I have tried to wrestle the fridge out, necessary to get the door open far enough to remove the bottom drawers, both to clean them and to clean under them. I think I can, I think I can. If that works, I will clean my fridge a bit more fully a bit more often. A house is a lot of work. Oh, if I keep the fridge up, if the technique I am considering works, I may buy a new refrigerator soon. Oh, and I may move on to cleaning behind and under my stove as well. A home IS a lot of work. Too much for one, in all honesty. A home is for a family. If even then it can be overwhelming.
I dreamed of a clean home though. Through and through. If I handle a few things, and help, I might end up paying for help. I can't do it, certainly not all or even most of it, but I might be able to work with and afford some help here in the cave. I may do a paring down, first. Trimming what isn't necessary, organizing what I believe should be kept, figuring out where to store what. Then ordering a larger bin, or even an industrial/construction sized bin and getting rid of a lot of stuff all at once. I've got to do something.
It's a wonderful fall day. I won't knock it too much. I slept well as if I had worked, mostly because I did work, and plan on more. Health seems to be taking a slight turn northward. And I am beginning to plan for more out of life. It's not perfect, never will be. But it could be good, or better. Oh, and I pulled a bit of food to prepare for this week. Brots, chicken, and a package of hamburger. I may float test the rest of the eggs to see if there are enough good ones for a last meal of those while the rest is thawing. Nothing fancy, it will simply do. Later.
.
I went down shortly after that last post. Eyes stinging from bleach, but with the fans going, windows open, and a room I could keep closed off to the rest of the house and flush with fresh cool air. My cave has been... out of sorts for a while now. Yes, I smelled it. No, there wasn't much I could do about it. A truly rotten situation. All that was bad has been tended. The bleach odor, just another bad if necessary one, has even been handled through opening the house. There is still some bleach scent, but at a level that makes it... pleasant... given the original strength of it and the odors that required bleach in the first place. Nice, really.
As I was waking, I started thinking that it would be quite nice to clean out the refrigerator next. I purchased an appliance dolly, some time back, that should make the task simple enough. I have tried to wrestle the fridge out, necessary to get the door open far enough to remove the bottom drawers, both to clean them and to clean under them. I think I can, I think I can. If that works, I will clean my fridge a bit more fully a bit more often. A house is a lot of work. Oh, if I keep the fridge up, if the technique I am considering works, I may buy a new refrigerator soon. Oh, and I may move on to cleaning behind and under my stove as well. A home IS a lot of work. Too much for one, in all honesty. A home is for a family. If even then it can be overwhelming.
I dreamed of a clean home though. Through and through. If I handle a few things, and help, I might end up paying for help. I can't do it, certainly not all or even most of it, but I might be able to work with and afford some help here in the cave. I may do a paring down, first. Trimming what isn't necessary, organizing what I believe should be kept, figuring out where to store what. Then ordering a larger bin, or even an industrial/construction sized bin and getting rid of a lot of stuff all at once. I've got to do something.
It's a wonderful fall day. I won't knock it too much. I slept well as if I had worked, mostly because I did work, and plan on more. Health seems to be taking a slight turn northward. And I am beginning to plan for more out of life. It's not perfect, never will be. But it could be good, or better. Oh, and I pulled a bit of food to prepare for this week. Brots, chicken, and a package of hamburger. I may float test the rest of the eggs to see if there are enough good ones for a last meal of those while the rest is thawing. Nothing fancy, it will simply do. Later.
Bring it on.
.
.
Russia versus the US? To be honest, Russia can't win. Not because the US is capable of crushing them, it is. Nukes, perhaps, might be a problem. Though I have doubts about even those. What the US lacks is the will. That and having the military gutted after having burned out in the M.East. Russia just isn't a threat, nor China actually. America's problem is it can't get up and get going. Our social, economic, and international problems are all from the same source, our foul politics. What hinders one of those blocks the others from working as they should. Even so, in a push come to shove, Russia and China are midgets in all ways.
Still, many seem to love those countries. There is a certain American and European hatred for the US. It's a... rebel thing, of sorts. Some of it involves politics, in theory. Some of it is more about personal issues. Can't get what is wanted so hate America. Whatever. I never went there too deeply. I am not happy about some things, but will lay that exactly at the door of those Americans who do wrong, not at the door of all of America. Simply put, even as badly damaged as she is, America is still better than any nation I can conceive. Even old Israel, if you want to get biblical, went for a king, against God's will and wish.
Russia really is doing pretty much what America is doing. Oh, they might seem to be actually, functionally, on Assad's side. But that is for now, and only for as long as it takes to get what they want. Those who believe Russia is doing the US, Europe, or even Syria, a solid, are idiots. Russia does what it does for it's own purposes. And those purposes are not better than what the US, especially of late though probably back into both Bush's and Clinton's years. The US is on the wrong side of things, or does things so assbackwards, that we can't win. Russia, and China, are no better... actually probably worse as a general rule.
Yeah, I agree with their work in Syria, but that is for now. Putin is on nobody's side, but his own, and literally. I think he'd see Russia burn if it made him look good. He is better at being a tyrant than Zero, for now. He just doesn't have that much to work with. He has Russians. The only super power worse than Russians are the Chinese. Hmm... I wonder if the could go to war. Or is China saving up for war with India. Make it a three-some? It might just go that way.
When Vox, and ilk, and dread ilk, believe in Putin, I know they are off their feed. He isn't an ally. He isn't a good guy. He isn't in it for us, or even Russia. He is a putz that wants what he wants and probably won't ever get it. He is just as destructive, for his size, as the US. Well, our politicians of late have been pretty bad. Thankfully, they all seem to be about equally incompetent. Even when they aim for bad they mostly just end up stepping on their dicks. Whatever...
Yeah, that's how I see it. Putin fan-boys just piss me off. I suppose it's better than being Zero fan-boys. Probably. Now scoot. I've no time to deal with big babies who are either lying or too stupid for me to mess with the more.
.
Russia versus the US? To be honest, Russia can't win. Not because the US is capable of crushing them, it is. Nukes, perhaps, might be a problem. Though I have doubts about even those. What the US lacks is the will. That and having the military gutted after having burned out in the M.East. Russia just isn't a threat, nor China actually. America's problem is it can't get up and get going. Our social, economic, and international problems are all from the same source, our foul politics. What hinders one of those blocks the others from working as they should. Even so, in a push come to shove, Russia and China are midgets in all ways.
Still, many seem to love those countries. There is a certain American and European hatred for the US. It's a... rebel thing, of sorts. Some of it involves politics, in theory. Some of it is more about personal issues. Can't get what is wanted so hate America. Whatever. I never went there too deeply. I am not happy about some things, but will lay that exactly at the door of those Americans who do wrong, not at the door of all of America. Simply put, even as badly damaged as she is, America is still better than any nation I can conceive. Even old Israel, if you want to get biblical, went for a king, against God's will and wish.
Russia really is doing pretty much what America is doing. Oh, they might seem to be actually, functionally, on Assad's side. But that is for now, and only for as long as it takes to get what they want. Those who believe Russia is doing the US, Europe, or even Syria, a solid, are idiots. Russia does what it does for it's own purposes. And those purposes are not better than what the US, especially of late though probably back into both Bush's and Clinton's years. The US is on the wrong side of things, or does things so assbackwards, that we can't win. Russia, and China, are no better... actually probably worse as a general rule.
Yeah, I agree with their work in Syria, but that is for now. Putin is on nobody's side, but his own, and literally. I think he'd see Russia burn if it made him look good. He is better at being a tyrant than Zero, for now. He just doesn't have that much to work with. He has Russians. The only super power worse than Russians are the Chinese. Hmm... I wonder if the could go to war. Or is China saving up for war with India. Make it a three-some? It might just go that way.
When Vox, and ilk, and dread ilk, believe in Putin, I know they are off their feed. He isn't an ally. He isn't a good guy. He isn't in it for us, or even Russia. He is a putz that wants what he wants and probably won't ever get it. He is just as destructive, for his size, as the US. Well, our politicians of late have been pretty bad. Thankfully, they all seem to be about equally incompetent. Even when they aim for bad they mostly just end up stepping on their dicks. Whatever...
Yeah, that's how I see it. Putin fan-boys just piss me off. I suppose it's better than being Zero fan-boys. Probably. Now scoot. I've no time to deal with big babies who are either lying or too stupid for me to mess with the more.
Oh, right, dreams.
.
.
Three dreams last night. In the first I had to shoot a man at a goodly distance, around 600 yards. That isn't quite, to my mind, a sniper shot, and yet it is the beginning of a sniper distance. Of course, that may depend upon what is being shot. A .45 acp? I suppose it might be possible. I am not sure it would be lethal. Though it might well not be a possible shot. If it was, it would be a rather special shot. In this dream, the shot was with a rifle. I made the shot.
In the next dream, my mother, and some other family and friends, were driving in Iowa. One of my cousins was following in his vehicle. It got late, quickly. And the weather closed in. So we pulled into the parking lot of a place we knew. When we woke in the morning it was as if everything had aged around us while we slept. The highway looked as if it had not been repaired in a decade or more. The businesses were all boarded up and shut down. Without talking to us first, my cousin backed out of the lot and gunned it away.
There was another dream, an odd one. I just can't remember it. Odd that I would forget the last dream yet remember the two before it? I almost forgot to write them though. Nothing fancy with these. All very short, and very lacking in detail. I rarely have such dreams. Oh well. On to bed, I suppose. Good night.
.
Three dreams last night. In the first I had to shoot a man at a goodly distance, around 600 yards. That isn't quite, to my mind, a sniper shot, and yet it is the beginning of a sniper distance. Of course, that may depend upon what is being shot. A .45 acp? I suppose it might be possible. I am not sure it would be lethal. Though it might well not be a possible shot. If it was, it would be a rather special shot. In this dream, the shot was with a rifle. I made the shot.
In the next dream, my mother, and some other family and friends, were driving in Iowa. One of my cousins was following in his vehicle. It got late, quickly. And the weather closed in. So we pulled into the parking lot of a place we knew. When we woke in the morning it was as if everything had aged around us while we slept. The highway looked as if it had not been repaired in a decade or more. The businesses were all boarded up and shut down. Without talking to us first, my cousin backed out of the lot and gunned it away.
There was another dream, an odd one. I just can't remember it. Odd that I would forget the last dream yet remember the two before it? I almost forgot to write them though. Nothing fancy with these. All very short, and very lacking in detail. I rarely have such dreams. Oh well. On to bed, I suppose. Good night.
Good and bad, definitely ugly too.
.
.
After stalling, or more failing, for a long time, I finally got to the freezer. Sure, I did this and that. But today I got everything pumped out, sopped up the remainder, filled it with fresh chlorinated water and plenty of it, then washed it all out all over again. Tomorrow (later today) I will remove all the water, again, sop the last of it, again, and then let it dry out for a few days. If, and I do mean if, it smells sociable, I will set it up for freezing again. I will also take some measurments and purchase bottom baskets. I have baskets which sit on the lip around the top. I would like, say, four baskets for down inside. At least to start things. I also want room for ice bags. I like having three or four big bags of ice for on-call duty. Travel, cold water, iced tea, you name it. I just can't keep up with ice trays, so... Even if I never have to remove large lots of rotten meat I would like to be able to more easily adjust and organize the meat that is in there. I knew this into my first hog, but definitely into my second hog. However, being into a hog means changing things up isn't so easy.
I may be purchasing a smaller, or half, beef this year. And I need another hog. I will just have to consider the options. It would be quite tight, and I might want more, but smaller, perhaps stackable, baskets for the meat. Roasts there, hamburger there, chops there, etc. One of the devices needed is coming in, to help me check on the freezer. Another type is also under consideration.
I have the towel soaking in warm laundry detergent water. I'll use that, in with the bleach soak I put into the freezer, to do a wash later. Maybe today, perhaps tomorrow. It looks good. Can't smell much more than bleach to be honest. A bit strong, certainly a solid bite, but with the pots, pans, and freezer clean, perhaps the cave will be habitable in a day or so. I think I'll close my bedroom door and use the fan and ac... the latter just to kick in fresh air, mostly. Nice...
Later, or good night.
.
After stalling, or more failing, for a long time, I finally got to the freezer. Sure, I did this and that. But today I got everything pumped out, sopped up the remainder, filled it with fresh chlorinated water and plenty of it, then washed it all out all over again. Tomorrow (later today) I will remove all the water, again, sop the last of it, again, and then let it dry out for a few days. If, and I do mean if, it smells sociable, I will set it up for freezing again. I will also take some measurments and purchase bottom baskets. I have baskets which sit on the lip around the top. I would like, say, four baskets for down inside. At least to start things. I also want room for ice bags. I like having three or four big bags of ice for on-call duty. Travel, cold water, iced tea, you name it. I just can't keep up with ice trays, so... Even if I never have to remove large lots of rotten meat I would like to be able to more easily adjust and organize the meat that is in there. I knew this into my first hog, but definitely into my second hog. However, being into a hog means changing things up isn't so easy.
I may be purchasing a smaller, or half, beef this year. And I need another hog. I will just have to consider the options. It would be quite tight, and I might want more, but smaller, perhaps stackable, baskets for the meat. Roasts there, hamburger there, chops there, etc. One of the devices needed is coming in, to help me check on the freezer. Another type is also under consideration.
I have the towel soaking in warm laundry detergent water. I'll use that, in with the bleach soak I put into the freezer, to do a wash later. Maybe today, perhaps tomorrow. It looks good. Can't smell much more than bleach to be honest. A bit strong, certainly a solid bite, but with the pots, pans, and freezer clean, perhaps the cave will be habitable in a day or so. I think I'll close my bedroom door and use the fan and ac... the latter just to kick in fresh air, mostly. Nice...
Later, or good night.
What to do.
.
.
Games are pretty much at an end. I could move on to some other games. While Alice Madness Returns was a good game, and I would like to have worked on the platinum trophy, the bugs make that impossible. There are several areas I must complete, but they are broken. While not necessary to complete the game, it makes it so that getting all trophies is not possible. Further, I am not sure if the dlc content is required for the trophy. If so, even if the main game worked correctly, I would skip that trophy run. I am not sure if it is worth figuring out Castlevania or not. As confusing as it is, at this point, it would require a video walkthrough. That might allow me to get up to speed. But who really wants to spend hours watching what to do, often by put out by people who aren't doing any better than I was doing?
Grumpy? Not really. I am just a bit amazed that the game world has fallen so badly. It wasn't always all that great. And there were times where it has been better and worse. Sequels were often, as with movies, just money sucking junk. It just seems that standards are even lower than before. Of three or four games, plus two or three dlc's, none of them is fully functional, only two were enjoyable, and none of them allow for a full trophy gather, at least solo, for one reason or another. Pretty bad odds.
I had thought to check out movies on Amazon prime and Netflix. Now I have prime more for shipping, the movies are just an extra. As with most extras you get, if you don't expect too much it works. Once in a while there is a decent flick there. Not all Amazon's fault. The truth is, good movies have become rarer than good games. And what Amazon has, Netflix pretty much has as well. In a month subscription I ran out of the difference between the two, and ran out of movies that even really seemed interesting on Neflix so canceled. They seemed to have more movies on their mail subscription program, but I am simply not able to keep up with that.
Homebound, part of the time, too much of the time to risk such. If I had home delivery that might be a way to go. As is I have to skip it. Though, as is, when companies send things to me through usps, there is a decent chance that either the company won't include the complete address given them through Amazon or some other company, or for no good reason my package(s) will end up being diverted to some weird other town in Utah (always seems to be the same one, if memory serves, though a town I have n familiarity with). Basically, I can't trust the post office. I suppose some of their workers read my blog, put two and two together. Beside being anti-union (which is what keeps them in way too much pay and benies, plus ensures failures in the system), I also note the failures, and actually ask companies not to use usps, and explain the problems to them. Hated, I am, but those who fail and are pointed out. Why does the V.A. and Post Office workers, while failing to do their damned simple jobs, have time to track complaints online? Seriously? And then cause problems for those who complain? And they wonder why citizens have started to hate the government? Really?
Today? No idea. I hope to finish the freezer. Anything else will be extra. The added bleach water should break up the last of the juice for removal. Then I have to bleach wash it several times, then plain water rinse it several more times before setting it up to freeze again. I may try to find extra baskets for it, so that I can keep everything up, separated into discreet packs, and easier to manage or remove if necessary. With the high powered ice chests and the extra freezer/reefer I should be able to handle small, short-term problems. And the devices I need to track these things should be arriving soon.
Well... an hour or three to wake up first. Then... on to the freezer. I did take care of the other problems in the kitchen, this is all that remains. If then I have to dig in and down a bit. Clutter is much less of an issue than things that go stink in the world. Bleh...
.
Games are pretty much at an end. I could move on to some other games. While Alice Madness Returns was a good game, and I would like to have worked on the platinum trophy, the bugs make that impossible. There are several areas I must complete, but they are broken. While not necessary to complete the game, it makes it so that getting all trophies is not possible. Further, I am not sure if the dlc content is required for the trophy. If so, even if the main game worked correctly, I would skip that trophy run. I am not sure if it is worth figuring out Castlevania or not. As confusing as it is, at this point, it would require a video walkthrough. That might allow me to get up to speed. But who really wants to spend hours watching what to do, often by put out by people who aren't doing any better than I was doing?
Grumpy? Not really. I am just a bit amazed that the game world has fallen so badly. It wasn't always all that great. And there were times where it has been better and worse. Sequels were often, as with movies, just money sucking junk. It just seems that standards are even lower than before. Of three or four games, plus two or three dlc's, none of them is fully functional, only two were enjoyable, and none of them allow for a full trophy gather, at least solo, for one reason or another. Pretty bad odds.
I had thought to check out movies on Amazon prime and Netflix. Now I have prime more for shipping, the movies are just an extra. As with most extras you get, if you don't expect too much it works. Once in a while there is a decent flick there. Not all Amazon's fault. The truth is, good movies have become rarer than good games. And what Amazon has, Netflix pretty much has as well. In a month subscription I ran out of the difference between the two, and ran out of movies that even really seemed interesting on Neflix so canceled. They seemed to have more movies on their mail subscription program, but I am simply not able to keep up with that.
Homebound, part of the time, too much of the time to risk such. If I had home delivery that might be a way to go. As is I have to skip it. Though, as is, when companies send things to me through usps, there is a decent chance that either the company won't include the complete address given them through Amazon or some other company, or for no good reason my package(s) will end up being diverted to some weird other town in Utah (always seems to be the same one, if memory serves, though a town I have n familiarity with). Basically, I can't trust the post office. I suppose some of their workers read my blog, put two and two together. Beside being anti-union (which is what keeps them in way too much pay and benies, plus ensures failures in the system), I also note the failures, and actually ask companies not to use usps, and explain the problems to them. Hated, I am, but those who fail and are pointed out. Why does the V.A. and Post Office workers, while failing to do their damned simple jobs, have time to track complaints online? Seriously? And then cause problems for those who complain? And they wonder why citizens have started to hate the government? Really?
Today? No idea. I hope to finish the freezer. Anything else will be extra. The added bleach water should break up the last of the juice for removal. Then I have to bleach wash it several times, then plain water rinse it several more times before setting it up to freeze again. I may try to find extra baskets for it, so that I can keep everything up, separated into discreet packs, and easier to manage or remove if necessary. With the high powered ice chests and the extra freezer/reefer I should be able to handle small, short-term problems. And the devices I need to track these things should be arriving soon.
Well... an hour or three to wake up first. Then... on to the freezer. I did take care of the other problems in the kitchen, this is all that remains. If then I have to dig in and down a bit. Clutter is much less of an issue than things that go stink in the world. Bleh...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)