Up and down.

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I can't seem to stay awake or asleep.  On the other hand, I do actually sleep for two hour periods.  And that is about how long I seem to be able to stay awake.  Dreams, in there.  Sometimes I only have a sense that I dreamed.  Sometimes I have no memory initially but it comes back to me later.  It's not like I try to remember.

Oh, and as to the dream recently?  I've never considered myself anything special.  I don't even understand why women have.  But I won't deny that I have... the oddest relationships with women.  Dog faced boy is what I think of myself.  Though too that has never mattered.  Whether you are a rich man, a poor man, a smart man, or anything else, you must dine.  Man doesn't live by bread alone, and in more ways than one.  To feast on the attention of a woman.  I don't worry about not being some, especially these days, phony notion of a man.  Or being handsome, I don't think I am.  Or knowing I am ugly.  I don't brag because I don't see any reason to do so.  And, to a degree, in that time and place, back when, I don't have shame.  I did what I could with what I had.  I didn't mean to break things up.  I probably wasn't capable of that sort of love.  I had to come back to it.  I would actually be married, happily and otherwise, if my last hadn't chosen to be independent.  I changed my ways, but there are limits.  She has to be wife material.  And, beyond having changed my ways to that point, I am now beyond.  No brag, just an understanding through the dream.  Some of them cause me sadness, others were... I don't know... playing a game.  Got stuck in their own drama, I suppose.  It's the ones, even if on the wrong side of things in many ways, who tried to be legit, but she, I, or we failed somehow.  Love is a brutal game.

Back to bed.  Sam wants something.  Just fed her, so... not that.  Probably.  Sitting on my arm rest, looking to me as if... Outside.  That is what she wants.  Later.  Good night, actually, again.  Ugh.