Better, a bit weak, and thoughts.

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Oh, I know.  I'm going to push tomorrow or Monday.  I am going to do some work this weekend yet, and get cleaned up.

Stretching and checking.

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Better?  I think so.  I've been awake for an hour or so, can't be absolutely sure, though I think I am going to be okay.  I probably need to take it slowly and not push for a few days, keep on medicine, and eat as properly as possible.  Other than that, I think I'll do it.  If this isn't a simple case of not being awake enough to know.

As I was waking, I remember what a lot of the problem has become.  Now, economic turmoil was caused by government and private malfeasance.  Have no doubt.  People and governments began betting on losers and rolling up the costs of their gambling into the cost of business.  To help paper over unsustainable losses, they began also stealing from the middle and lower classes through all sorts of government and private schemes, often working together against us, covering each other at our cost, and continuing to gamble.

However, they weren't the only ones.  Every government and large corporation, at this point, in every nation who could bandy coin to toss in the fires of gambling loss have played.  Shouldn't their be a "house", one that doesn't lose?  Well, yes, except they became just as hooked on gambling.  You can see how corruptions magnified at that point, can't you?

As resources, and real wealth, dwindled, shifted, and fought to escape those who tried to maintain it, an economic war broke out.  Allies and enemies switched as fast as a micro-current in a hurricane catches a leave and alters it's heading.  China was on our side, until they thought they would build a bank and market their currency, a currency unwisely allowed to be marked to our currency and for too long protected by that.  The oil states were making a killing on China undercutting our currency to produce as slaves.  When China decided to go their own way, they were shown that there is no other way, and the oil states were left with glut and are now choking on their alliances.

Now, no one is really on the side of the American middle class, not even itself.  It was, it seems allied with a bruiser of a mix of government and big business that has gambled and warred too much to leave them much of a cut and is continuing to rob them blind.  No amount of capitulation will help, those actors don't believe they need it.  And, if Americans keep voting as they have, those actors are right.  Yeah...  What a wake up call.  That is what I saw as I bumbled out of bed.

Still, don't really care.  No headache, no body aches, only slight oddities in body temp.  I'll work on working inside the cave, if I can, tonight.  A shower, in time.  Laundry, a load or three.  And dishes, if I can get on it.  Later.

Hopefully soon.

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Nothing I am doing is helping all that much.  Fever comes and goes, though no chills so it's just medicine.  Headache to migraine, if I did have more anacin and it does help, some.  Nausea, sleepiness, aches and pains.  While off medicine, I seemed to void liquid quite well anyway, however, without medicine there were no vitamins, and those are what keep my body from cramping when I void a great deal.  So, yes, cramping.  Mostly legs and arms, but tickles of that everywhere from time to time.

Sleep and waking has been... off kilter.  Three to eighteen hours, now and then, this and that.  It'll straighten out soon enough.  I am trying to use blogging, gaming, even watching movies, to attempt to straighten that out.  I simply don't have control.  Back to bed.  No real choice.  I'll be back up before too long, probably.  I'll keep on things as well as I may.  For now it's recovery mode.  Good day, and night.

Oh, and hey?  I'm about 200 to 250 pageviews from my all time high.  This will, in any case, be my second best month ever, at 2,446 pageviews so far.  Not bad for a mostly dead old ghost.  *grins*

I went back down pretty fast.

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I've been dodging the migraine.  Sleep, food, drink, whatever I think will work.  Too much, or little, food or drink, though sometimes right through sleep too, the pain finds me.  Usually it isn't so much of a problem, but this time it's really bugging me.  And, yeah, it's a migraine, not just a headache.  Light sensitivity, nausea, several types of pain, it's an ugly thing.  I am not beating it or escaping it, boys and girls.  That's just medicine start up pangs, I am pretty sure.  I'll make it through.  And, yes, I am continuing with medicine like clockwork.  I am having to switch the water pill around, but that is a minor thing and causes no real problems.  I'll take naps, eat, occasionally dose with anacin, whatever it takes... plus keep on the regimen.

Three calls today.  Which is odd.  I should have been awake for some, if not all, of them.  The phone was right near me.  Even when I am otherwise focused, or as some accuse lost in thought, the vibrate function usually causes enough stir that I sense it.  I really think my phone, out here, doesn't always connect through.  Perhaps later, after the call, it quietly slips in that someone called.  It's not even that I am that far out of town.  Perhaps plane comms interfere?  Perhaps towers are lowering their send, as they have found the waves are causing radiation poisoning, or something else?  I just know something isn't quite right, and I don't think it is a personal problem.  Maybe they are just going broke, having gambled the government largess they received for creating the networks, and overcharges to customers on top of it?  Economic problems are really showing up.  I feel, often, as if I am not getting what the service or product I believed I was paying to receive.  It's getting ugly out there and the state is on the .corp side.  Too big to fail, or jail, and to keep the trains running on time, and not hang anyone, they change the schedules on the fly.  Not just lies, damned lies and statistics.

Yeah, a bit grumpy.  For good reason on top of good reason.  If I could just get this migraine to back off for a bit things would smooth out.  If I will still note the failures around me.

Well...  Let me find if I have more anacin, take a smattering if so or something else, then get on with the evening... morning... as I may.  Later.

Up!

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Just trying to avoid the death cart.

I slept pretty well and must have been fairly deep and hard.  No major pains as I wake, just a few hinges that seem a little rusty, feeding a minor notion that a headache might get me.  Medicine in back on track, but with days and nights upended again, I am saving my water pills until the evening set with evenings being my mornings.  Otherwise I am up all "night".

As I was checking and using the defueling station this morning, I saw something strange.  While the windows in that area are frosted, it seemed as if the drive was clear.  I didn't think it was warm enough to have melted, and that wouldn't have happened.  For that to work it has to either be really warm, or that and have enough snow off for the blacktop to help the sun.  When I finished I investigated.  Nope.  The snow thieves were at it again!  Oh, I was quite grateful.  Bushed and a bit beaten, seeing no snow out there revitalized morale.  It is snowing again but I will be ready tonight or tomorrow to hit it... as soon as it seems to have stopped and when that and my function seem to coincide... or if it just keeps going, to get out ahead of it.  An amazing year this year.

I'll keep going.  And, maybe, if I can figure a few things out this summer, I'll get on track with mowing.  I really might try to figure out a riding mower with a plow attachment.  I'd love to add a deep tiller too, but...  I'll definitely look at a unit that has various options, from bagger to tiller to snow blade, bargaining what I want and need first, then making sure if I ever want the other things that they are available.  I just can't, otherwise, do heat.  Not that well.  So many things yet to do, I'm not sure.  I just know, sometimes, I might be able to pull it off.  And, if I am careful, the other things I might through time be able to afford to have done.

Later.

Not going to make it.

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I think I'm about to bank into bed.  I just can't stay up longer.  I did get a good day in.  Shopping, shoveling, more shoveling, more shoveling...  It does look like it stopped.  It does look like I took the vast majority off the top, or bottom actually.  I am amazed at what I did just today.  Somewhat surprised I didn't pop.  What with starting up meds, going through all that, going shopping (which was a bit of a big deal as I was doing it), then shoveling the driveway at least twice over?  Yeah, I sometimes wonder why I don't pop.  Meh.  I really have gotten away with much, in one sense.  All things are possible with God.

I am sort of feeling a bit on the rougher side.  Not as bad as this "morning", or even all "night".  More like just a really slim slice on the worse side of life.  Given all I suspect I earned it.  I'll take a shower, then leisurely dry, before getting on to the shoveling later today.  Maybe I'll get a load of laundry going after the shower.  We'll see.  I need to keep pushing.  I'm just not good at some things.  Good "night".

It looks like it has stopped.

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The snow that is.  What I shoveled puts me well ahead of the work.  And since I scooped the bit which had tracked over, I'm probably in a pretty good position to finish tomorrow.  I am not sure if I will be able to stay up until it is to be done, or will sleep before I can get to it again.  I am pretty sure I will get to it though.  I actually thanked God for the challenge.  The work, as the pain, is to His glory.

As I have slowly begun replacing my movie stock I am adding a few movies that either caught my eye, or I felt belonged in my collection.  Some I simply wasn't sure about.  Then again, any movie, foreign or domestic, really has to be reviewed.  I had been curious about Red Riding Hood.  Other than them sticking blacks into a German fairy tale, it wasn't too bad.  I've only seen the stock ending, there is an alt.  I'll see that next time I am wanting some down time of that sort.  There are a number of Catholic themed movies... though... coming from H-wood, that isn't always good.  Some seem to be indies, such as There Be Dragons, I think it was named.  I'm not sure about the movie, I think there were some serious flaws.  Though if it be true...  Well...  I suppose, in those times, when the only civil choice was socialism (fascism) or outright communism, foolishness abounded, even in the church and among priests.  Which seems to be returning.  When will they learn that populism and earth socialism/communism will only murder them and promote sin?

Anyway... I am slowly rebuilding my library, adding a few as well.  I simply can't remember what all I had given him to see.  As one can probably tell, my viewing habits have nothing to do with porn.  At worst, silly action.  At best, life stories of faith... though even those have to be closely scrutinized.  If they fail they will be removed or outright destroyed.

Pain remains.  It's not as bad as it was.  It ebbs and flows, heightens and diminishes.  I'm not sure pushing helps, but it doesn't seem to be causing extra intensity.  Meh.  I did say I dig through pain.  I just never quite thought shoveling snow literally was a way to do so.  *grins*  I might say the devil made me do it, but that isn't the Man's name at all.  The devil would have me rest on false laurels to my death, then chide me for it.  :p  Later.

Feeling better, so... Dig?

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Yep.

I was feeling just enough topped off by 21:00 or so that I decided to do a stealth shop and eat raid.  I need more to drink.  Milk, beer, soda.  I know, but my thirst is... well... when it's on it's on and water is not enough.  Tea, coffee, milk, water, beer, soda, drink mix, and etc.  I drink as if oceans were my floor.  Any one thing is not enough, it becomes annoying, cloying, harsh.  Water becomes painful, in the amounts my body demands.  Resistance is futile.  So it has been long before diabetes was diagnosed... or more properly misdiagnosed.  The Can't-Shoot-Straight gang is at it as usual.  Pick the lowest hanging peg and put your hat on it, then go fucking golfing.  Idiots.  Anyway...

So, I got out, and to town.  I got my fluid, got some food, and headed back.  As I started back it started to snow.  The closer I got to home, only a 23ish mile drive, the heavier the snowfall became.  By the time I got home, if all isn't always exactly as it seems, I ended up with two to three inches in the drive.  I did NOT want to drive on that, then have to scoop the tracks.  So I parked in the frontage area, but far enough in no one would (probably) sideswipe me.  Then I got to shoveling.  Dig, lad, dig.

And so, as I said, feeling better lead to me digging.  I have decided to fill in the blanks, as it seems some aren't very awake when they read here.  You are welcome.  I decided, at first, to just dig out the area I would need to drive on.  However, as I got going, I went ahead and hit the other area.  Then I realized the problem.  If I was to open up the drive area, I would have to let the other area go.  I hit it all twice before I realize I could not win.  So I finished the drive area, backed her in, unloaded groceries, then packed her into her berth.  Then I finished by clearing an area near the garage doors for the third time, then scooped the tracks from the Xterra... yes, by the time I scooped just the drive area there was already about an half inch or more that had fallen on the area I began.  I called it quits, for the night, after that.  Migraine, oh... it was better.  It's threatening again, but I think I shut down just in time.  Night meds might restart it anyway.

Heck of a thing.  Still, it's my lot, I'll stick with it until I am out of the game.  I'm not sure if bedtime is looming or has been pushed off by the double double time this night... shopping and shoveling in one go is a hell of a go boys and girls... especially for a man who is supposed to be dead.  *grins*  Later or good night.

Oh, but first...  I got a lot of negative psychic feedback about the last song of the last bunch.  How do you think Satan meant to muddy the bloodlines?  One way, several, many?  Legion, I tell you.  My way was but one, if probably a more powerful one as can be seen today.  Imagine if my kind was the singer, speaking to her spiritual grandfather and corrupter, not a man.  As with the assassination of Christ, Satan's attempt to corrupt the bloodlines has failed, and his legion, at least the strongest among them, have abandoned him.  There is a better way, a truth.  In the horror of the crucifixion of God and attempt at murdering the bloodline, there are beautiful things.  Just say no, boys and girls.  It's that easy, even for one born to, from, and in darkness.  So... there.  Though I think some of the rejection is that people don't want to think of the first song, and why sin is wrong and always goes wrong to worse.  Hate will not protect them when they cannot lie, this I know.  I have seen it, and believe.  The video is through his eyes, as he sees, or wishes, things.  Not as I see things.  Ask and yea shall receive, innit?

Dark days done.

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There was a time when darkness was what I knew.  It is what I shared for it was all I had.  Murder was on the minds of many of those around me.  A child of darkness, have no doubt.  And yet, even in those days, I had yet to choose.  My darkness was from my nature, not choice.  It was all I had to share, it was all I knew.

Back on medicine.

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There is a cost.  Migraine.  I should, I think, still be asleep.  Half way through, however, the pain came.  Then it got worse.  I can't sleep under this one.  Usually I can out-sleep it, especially if I take some pain killers.  Though usually it won't wake me.  I can outsleep it if it happens when I am awake.  This one is a bad one.  Not so much in intensity as in... something.  There is no break from it.

A shower, first thing.  That helped the headache for a bit.  I almost thought I had beaten it.  Nope.  Nausea and rising body temp are hitting.  No, not the flu.  Part of it is starting up medicine, part of it was sleeping too sound... not moving.  That last, of course, was caused by medicine but can't quite be called the same thing.  This thing is going to pound me into the dirt.  I just took some painkillers.  After my hair dries, I may go on back to bed.  Nasty painful thing.

Well, at least I am back on medicine.  I must have been off it longer than I thought.  As I said, I sort of lost track there for a bit, like I lived in the old days.  You have no idea how much better life is, even as bad as it might still seem.  The difference is that I can remember the good and bad times now.  Back then?  Not a clue, not for long anyway.  Sometimes having no real memory is a good thing.  But, really, it only seems that way.  Living in a fog is horrid.  Later.

I've lost track.

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No major event.  Finding my watch would help a bit.  Probably.  Or not.  Days and nights are a swirl for the last few days.  The long sleep upset everything else.  I think I took the watch off because it was bruising my wrist for some reason.  I think I tried loosening it to no avail.  Internal thermostat (in my body) is wicked off.  Hot, cold, cool, with the temp having no real impact.  Yes, medicine indeed.  I'll keep at it.

I'll do just a bit more then attempt sleep.  I'll set the alarm, but won't push that.  I have simply done far too much, then lost track of medicine.  I'll have some down time.  I'll get medicines going again.  And I'll actually try to keep at work.  The goal is to push, but then to keep up on everything else, not get lost.  That is what survival will take.  It would be easier to give up.  As I have mentioned, God said that wasn't my way.  And so it isn't.  It's sort of humorous.  For so long I could and did ignore God.  Now I follow what I perceive to be His will as well as I am able.  Life is usually better for it, when I can keep up.  Though keeping up is a new thing.  There was a time I moved faster than His words.  I was always just out of earshot.  In some ways I miss that, though I wouldn't trade.  Should I find health, I would find a way to stay within earshot, if my kind can.

Pushed, more, and then some more.

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Then I paid for the ticket to ride.  I can't say exactly, though I am thinking I have been down for eighteen hours.  I got up to use the facilities fairly often, and drink more milk or water before going on back to sleep.  So, yeah, I think I probably pushed a bit much.  And my muscles are sore and weak.  You know that queasy sore/weak muscle problem when you have the flu or such?  Yeah, that.  If I dreamed, I don't remember.  I didn't let the girls in, I needed to roll and scoot and shuffle and they would have been a problem.  I did feed them first thing though.  Poor dears.  They were even patient.  They know when I get ill like this there isn't much I can do.  They weren't even pushing me for food, probably surprised I remembered.  Oh, well, they do have dry food.  Always.  But they really like their canned.  Usually one a day, two every other day in the winter to help with being housebound.  I'll definitely feed them again later.

All good.  It's winter.  I've been shoveling, off and on like a madman.  I could use with a few more days off.  I do need to do laundry, and dishes, and the house in general.  Not sure I can.  I am pleased with what I did though.  Not bad.  I still think that being more active, doing more work, is the way to make it.  It's not nice, easy, or without price.  I don't know how much is good and what is too much.  It's tricky.  I think I did too much but not quite critically too much.  I may end up sleeping long "nights" for a bit for it.  Or not.  Just... putting out the daily report.  Later.

So, what to do when it hurts.

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First, you have to work your way to an understanding.  What hurts, how, and how do I function around or through it.  Sometimes you just have to settle down and let the pain burn off... through healing, growth, death... beyond what is causing suffering.  If you need to bide time, then do so.  If you can figure a way through, as those who survived impaling, by dodging that which kills, then you figure out how to work around the pain and on to other things, surviving is just one.  Today, I spent a good deal dodging, if not escaping, pain.  I wasn't quite willing to give up.

So, after figuring out my pain centers, some workarounds, and a few matters of will, I decided to get out and finish the frontage to my tastes.  While the distances, on each side but in total, that I shoveled was only about half to two-thirds the distance of my driveway... so 15 to 20 yards... it was deep.  I would guess some of it was eight inches, if some of it was less than an inch right beside the road.  The thing is, the thin stuff was frozen and the thick stuff was very slushy.

Yes, if I can, digging into pain is how I dig out of it, sometimes, often.  Since I often hurt, I dig a lot, though not always does it show.  Though, with this blog, my guess is people finally do understand.  They might not believe, but... they know something is going on in there.

If nothing else, I feel much better about the driveway and frontage.  And, should it snow before long, I will be much more ready to hit it and not have to deal with old snow.  The UPS truck will be by tomorrow.  I know he will appreciate it.  Oh, and, while it is warming to well above freezing during the day, as the mid-afternoon approaches, and the sun gets long, those trickles here and there begin to freeze.  Salt has been added.  Only one small patch anymore, but that's the patch that will get you.  No worries tonight or tomorrow.

Later.

I thought.

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Waking and sleeping are crazy.  Four hour spreads, regardless of bedtime.  And, now, this morning, all of them, it hurts.  I thought I would escape any major session of pain.  Though there may be a reason other than physical from shoveling.  Probably a mix.  I keep missing medicine.  The pain isn't the worst I have known, not close.  It just isn't all that good.

On the good side, the sun is up and out.  I can't quite handle having it invade my a.o.  So it lingers just outside, if it creeps in around the curtains.  A cheering action, so no attempt will be made to keep it out.  Not always is the sun welcome, but this is one of those days.  If I had a way to do it, I might even go out in it for a bit.

I'll see what I can do, keep up on things as I can, do what I must if nothing else... if possible.  Oh, I went to bed in time to be up early.  And I woke early.  I just could not pull it together and wake.  I tried many times, finally surrendering to the fact that anything I did would simply make waking more problematic.  Even now, sleeping an extra five hours, I feel like taking a nap already.  I'll... see what I can do.  Later.

Major nap.

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I sort of suspected that, having waken four hours earlier than I have in nearly a week.  I waited until afternoon, technically, then fell flat on my pillow.  No dreams, though I think I woke in there.  Sam wanted in.  Sassy was a bit late, but took my calves instead.  Crazy cats.  Sleep was wonderful.  First thing I did upon waking was shower.  Yes, I have been a bit... too tired to muss with that for a few days.  I love showers, I love being clean, but if waking around and/or standing are a bit much, then, well... I don't.  I catch up when I can.  Farmer, lawyer, etc... if you have to go long, something has to go short.  Figuring out which to allow presentation status for the needs and demands is the trick.  Currently I am free to choose, skip, decide, without... problems.  So I do.

My arms are still sort of mushy.  They can tighten up a bit, with use.  For now I am just recuperating.  And that means slack guns, mostly.  That was more work than when I had gotten up to benching 300, just before moving out here while in Iowa.  I'll bet people, then and now, were expecting me to pop.  It actually makes me think about getting that heater going, then beginning to work out some out in the garage.  I can obviously, at least for the moment, handle that in the medium-short term.  I'll think about it.  I would have to get some clothes for that sorted out, figure out the heater, and all else.  But, yeah, possible.  That and snowshoeing.  Then again, I tend to push until I overdo, then end up exactly where I currently am... on my butt.  Still, worth a shot, something, anything.  What will kill me is never getting up.  Plus I like to do things, when I can.

Later.

Up, and quite early.

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Very odd.  Awake at just before 9:00.  I didn't go to bed much earlier, if at all.  I actually woke, first, a bit before 7:00.  I thought setting the alarm for 8:00 would be cute.  Didn't even hear it go off.  No clue what is up with sleep.  My guess is, as I am healing from the workout, I am needing less sleep.  There is another sprinkling of frozen bits out there.  I wouldn't call it a real snow.  Looks more like dropped frozen rain, from here.  I'll have to get to it before long.  That might sweep off.  I can't be sure, but it might.  First things first, coffee and a shower.  Maybe some gaming.  For, while I am awake, I am not comfortably awake?  Yeah.

Do I need comfort?  No.  I simply like it.  I will let my body attempt to figure things out.  It just doesn't feel good.  Since there is no rush, I prefer to let my body figure the world out before I just shove it into gear.  I almost suspect that some of my issues come from pushing like there was no tomorrow.  I suppose, given my condition, I have done just that.  Which is why I am in a bit of a spot.

My stomach feels like I have been in a fight.  The lower back has a powerful tickle from time to time, and muscles under all that haven't been used like that in a very long time have trace tickles, the threaten pain, from time to time.  Lungs are a bit tight too.  Cold air, mostly, and large volume exchanges, both, tend to tickle things in there.  Improving, but it's still a bit rough.  Which is why, for the most part, I have been parked lately.  If today is just a sweeper, I will be quite grateful.  Sweeping is much easier.

Later.

While a bit late, earlier.

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My days have been slipping a bit, and worse.  I hit a patch a few days ago where I started to wake a bit earlier and more.  I don't know if I can reverse this aspect of time.  I do it rarely, I try often.  Time will tell.

I grilled ribs last night.  It was... frozen rain snowing, sort of.  I swept a tract near the garage entrance, then took a path out to the front of the drive and did a bit there.  Mostly just hoping to help for the morning while I was cooking.  I wasn't ready to do the whole thing last night.  Especially with food on the way and then a meal, plus it being later.  As I said, I did what I could in the time of cooking.  Once eating commenced, all bets where off.

So, this morning, first thing, even before I officially woke, I checked.  Okay, a bit, maybe an inch.  What I had worked on actually, somehow, stayed mostly clear so the effort had helped.  Back to it, right first thing.  I used the broom on some of it.  As I got to the virgin areas that I had not worked last night, the broom became less useful.  The shovel worked and easily from then on.  Only, maybe, an inch.  The base was becoming slush, but hadn't started freezing yet.  Yes, boys and girls, your... favorite... ogre finished snappily.  I laid salt in the areas where traffic will happen, as I could only get most of the gunk up and it was beginning to freeze.  The last bits simply would not lift without a ton of work.

How do I feel?  Wonderful.  You know, unless the snow is deep, it isn't the weight in the scoop.  It's the bending and lifting.  Light or heavy, that is something I have not done, not this intensely, for ages.  That will get me from now until I'm an hundred.  At which time I am not going to shovel anymore.  Heck, might give it up in my 90's.  Laugh?  Then again, shouldn't you be laughing about a guy who could be on the heart transplant list shoveling?  Race you!

All good.  I haven't done anything else this weekend.  If I am going to be a good boy, I best get to some of these things on my list.  Laundry, dishes, a shower... bleh.  Later.