.
.
I tried to catch up on some sleep. It was early dark, I thought. I looked at my watch. I couldn't quite get my brain to work but it looked 'early but not too early'. So, out of bed. I went about my morning, feeding the cats, planning to gather trash and put it out, and thinking about Church. All was good. I was still a bit groggy, so I began my wake-up routine. Blogging... reading and writing, and news. I checked my email on the Bionic. Hmm, what was the day and time? ArghGhgHgh! It was around 18:00 and change, Saturday. I thought I was 6:00 and change Sunday. Never mind.
I do need to reset my medset. All other priorities are behind that. I have fallen off my medicines and it shows. Further, I need to get those diabetes medicines. I will take them for a while, until I can get my sh*t in one sock again, and begin getting back on the bus. Even the back of the bus is better than sitting in the mud and rain. Once I get back on meds I need to begin planning meals, getting back into Mass regularly, and exercising. It isn't a matter of priority so much how things have to work. Much like you can't drink a soda, then open it.
In a response to a comment recently, I noted that I had aggravated a female professor greatly, and that the response was weird. She became intellectually angry and yet socially frisky. Yep, Game. I am a natural gamer. I don't pander, more so in the last few decades than ever before. I also saw this article. I concur completely. I think it plays into a woman's need for drama, emotional highs and lows which sooth or allow her to focus. I just seem to do well, if I don't know how (or always want to) handle it. Young women scare me, when their eyes go all dilated, their skin tone flushes, and their voice changes, I know... And I was just saying something social. Never mind. Just... thinking this "morning".
I keep hoping to hear something from Amazon about the game system. I have some of the accessories I ordered, in spite of them saying my billing procedure wasn't working on the order. That can't be. The whole order was on one debit card. My other debit card doesn't have enough on it to pay for what I have received. I think, simply, that they ran out of some of the things I ordered and had no way to cover for it. Either that or their system is messed up from Christmas overload? ArghGhgHgh!
I like saying argh, by the way. I even enjoy frustration a bit. If you can back out of the frustration, it is often a great funny. Perhaps not when you get a foot caught in a grinder and lose a toe or something. But if you live long enough, I guarantee even the most horrific memories (can, or for me have) become funny. If nothing else, you lived when you really shouldn't have. For me that has been about three quarters of my many adventures. What a gas. If people weren't so sensitive to horror, I would list them. Over a month I might be able to gather most of the things, too. While I don't remember much, these I remember for the most part. They are all I have.
I hope to do just a bit, medicine set, dishes, then go back to bed. I hope to make Mass tomorrow, if I have some doubts. My sleeping habits have gone feral, I have no control and no flexibility to fix or override them, for now. Medicines should help, more so the lower dose on the main troublemaker. It is all good. Make a plan, do what of it you can, then go, go, go. Shhhh, just do!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Dinner and a bit of shopping.
.
.
Dinner was a gift from my friend. Both of us enjoy food with no cooking, dishes, and some company from time to time. He decided to go with clamps for his engine turning kit. I'm not sure that will work. Perhaps if a slow pace it taken, perhaps. He seems to be a bit ill. Me too. My diabetes is back, full throttle. I am not sure why he is ill, I just know it though.
Reading one of my blog roll blogs, I chanced upon test results. I decided to take that again. It seems I am still ENTJ. It advised conferring with a "feeling type" when dealing with huma... people. On personal matters. And I do. Among them my mother. She knows these things. It makes sense, and yes, I understand why I have always felt somewhat lonely. Most people don't want you to tell them the truth, they want only to hear what they want to hear. Both people and organizations want you to be on their side, if you are affiliated with them, regardless if they should or shouldn't be supported. Some even take extremely stupid stances in order to see who is a yes-man and who, those like me, tell them in simple terms to "blow". I have no difficulty spouting off or taking a walk from bad practices by people, groups, or organizations.
It seems this makes most people think I am a: know-it-all, blowhard, set-in-my ways guy; that I am aloof and insensitive; and that I am judgmental. While those things really can be seen as true, they couldn't be further from the truth. I do have high standards, and I expect others to tow the line, if not mine then at least theirs, period. I do look at many things, and state things simply and sometimes simply forcefully. Often that is merely a request for support or denial, then an explanation of why what I said is supported or not. Not important, just interesting. While not perfectly, it does allow me some understanding of those who have Aspergers, if to a much lesser degree I think. I do feel, much more, I just don't use it as relational tool, mostly. Emotions are mostly... a non-essential tool used to understand one's decisions or thoughts in the aftermath of events which don't necessarily allow for feeling during the events. Or some such. Though I wouldn't be rid of them I don't give them much weight.
Odd, I just thought, so many people use drugs to feel or experience life then end up feeling nothing. Some of us need very little to dull the pains and such. Emotional fish? :p
I have done something with some of the money I received. I ordered a Playstation 3. Yes, yes, I know. But a computer to play the games I want to play, top notch, cost somewhere between $3k and... well, I have seen $15k machines. They last about three to five years, if you upgrade things from time to time. Then they become paperweights. I still need a computer, a new one, but may have a nearly free one on the way. Never mind the details. It would be fine for emails, blogging, and such... until it becomes a paperweight too. I also ordered some games and extra bits as well. Yeah, I know. But I do need something to engage me, keep me awake, and possibly get me going a bit more.
.
Dinner was a gift from my friend. Both of us enjoy food with no cooking, dishes, and some company from time to time. He decided to go with clamps for his engine turning kit. I'm not sure that will work. Perhaps if a slow pace it taken, perhaps. He seems to be a bit ill. Me too. My diabetes is back, full throttle. I am not sure why he is ill, I just know it though.
Reading one of my blog roll blogs, I chanced upon test results. I decided to take that again. It seems I am still ENTJ. It advised conferring with a "feeling type" when dealing with huma... people. On personal matters. And I do. Among them my mother. She knows these things. It makes sense, and yes, I understand why I have always felt somewhat lonely. Most people don't want you to tell them the truth, they want only to hear what they want to hear. Both people and organizations want you to be on their side, if you are affiliated with them, regardless if they should or shouldn't be supported. Some even take extremely stupid stances in order to see who is a yes-man and who, those like me, tell them in simple terms to "blow". I have no difficulty spouting off or taking a walk from bad practices by people, groups, or organizations.
It seems this makes most people think I am a: know-it-all, blowhard, set-in-my ways guy; that I am aloof and insensitive; and that I am judgmental. While those things really can be seen as true, they couldn't be further from the truth. I do have high standards, and I expect others to tow the line, if not mine then at least theirs, period. I do look at many things, and state things simply and sometimes simply forcefully. Often that is merely a request for support or denial, then an explanation of why what I said is supported or not. Not important, just interesting. While not perfectly, it does allow me some understanding of those who have Aspergers, if to a much lesser degree I think. I do feel, much more, I just don't use it as relational tool, mostly. Emotions are mostly... a non-essential tool used to understand one's decisions or thoughts in the aftermath of events which don't necessarily allow for feeling during the events. Or some such. Though I wouldn't be rid of them I don't give them much weight.
Odd, I just thought, so many people use drugs to feel or experience life then end up feeling nothing. Some of us need very little to dull the pains and such. Emotional fish? :p
I have done something with some of the money I received. I ordered a Playstation 3. Yes, yes, I know. But a computer to play the games I want to play, top notch, cost somewhere between $3k and... well, I have seen $15k machines. They last about three to five years, if you upgrade things from time to time. Then they become paperweights. I still need a computer, a new one, but may have a nearly free one on the way. Never mind the details. It would be fine for emails, blogging, and such... until it becomes a paperweight too. I also ordered some games and extra bits as well. Yeah, I know. But I do need something to engage me, keep me awake, and possibly get me going a bit more.
Up, but late again.
.
.
Oops. I thought it was Saturday! I wondered why I received a call from the V.A. Nothing makes sense until, finally, it does make sense. Does it? Here, some stories I thought interesting. And maybe some quips, wit, thoughts, or such. I'll try to be brief.
Why do I not trust academia? Because I faced hatred from professors (I disavow everything evil they seem to believe in) and cheating on a scale that made my efforts at competition seem quaint. Why work hard when you can make it without work? Because I went there to learn, I suppose. Proof? Here is some proof, from the beginning.
Oh, my, it seems France is cracking down. Then again, you wouldn't want to accidentally become French, would you?
And finally, I found this story to be a delight. It looks like Hungary, for the most part, is taking control and becoming quite libertarian. In so doing, they are scaring the bejesus out of Europe. What if their reforms work! I think the title is wrong, they are widening a rift with socialism, cronyism, and bureaucracy more than differing from the "West". (I don't know what happened, but the story seems to be disappearing?)
Hmm, I have some things to do. Shoo! Later.
.
Oops. I thought it was Saturday! I wondered why I received a call from the V.A. Nothing makes sense until, finally, it does make sense. Does it? Here, some stories I thought interesting. And maybe some quips, wit, thoughts, or such. I'll try to be brief.
Why do I not trust academia? Because I faced hatred from professors (I disavow everything evil they seem to believe in) and cheating on a scale that made my efforts at competition seem quaint. Why work hard when you can make it without work? Because I went there to learn, I suppose. Proof? Here is some proof, from the beginning.
Oh, my, it seems France is cracking down. Then again, you wouldn't want to accidentally become French, would you?
And finally, I found this story to be a delight. It looks like Hungary, for the most part, is taking control and becoming quite libertarian. In so doing, they are scaring the bejesus out of Europe. What if their reforms work! I think the title is wrong, they are widening a rift with socialism, cronyism, and bureaucracy more than differing from the "West". (I don't know what happened, but the story seems to be disappearing?)
Hmm, I have some things to do. Shoo! Later.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Still awake.
.
.
I may sleep very well tonight, or not at all again. Never mind all that, I found some interesting links.
Do any of you cook with alcohol? Did you think all or a very high percentage of it cooked out? Not so much. Then again, if your take on the consumption of alcohol is that moderation is the key, perhaps like me you don't mind all that much?
I see I am not the only cranky critter. Sometimes you just have to have some peace and quiet... and a new toy. Plus the look on people's faces can be half the fun!
Who cares about what experts think of the snowfall. Ski resorts are sweating bullets, us peons are quite pleased. WE WIN! For now anyway. While I honestly love snow I am not in any condition do deal with it. So, I'm good with the bad for now.
With two womenfolk, of the feline variety, overrunning my home... And as cute as puppies are. And how they could change the dynamics. I think I need puppies!
On some things, one could almost dream. Unfortunately, I think it is just delusions of... well, just delusions. What he really needs isn't cancer. It's a frontal lobotomy. It would calm his nerves as well. Then again, I almost wonder if he hasn't already had brain surgery of some kind or other. Perhaps he had his soul removed.
Just follow these suggestions for added internet security. I don't often curse, not really my style. And I dislike abbreviations, more so when they invoke certain words. But after reading that, as a somewhat seasoned user... WTF? Just sayin'.
Good night, I hope.
.
I may sleep very well tonight, or not at all again. Never mind all that, I found some interesting links.
Do any of you cook with alcohol? Did you think all or a very high percentage of it cooked out? Not so much. Then again, if your take on the consumption of alcohol is that moderation is the key, perhaps like me you don't mind all that much?
I see I am not the only cranky critter. Sometimes you just have to have some peace and quiet... and a new toy. Plus the look on people's faces can be half the fun!
Who cares about what experts think of the snowfall. Ski resorts are sweating bullets, us peons are quite pleased. WE WIN! For now anyway. While I honestly love snow I am not in any condition do deal with it. So, I'm good with the bad for now.
With two womenfolk, of the feline variety, overrunning my home... And as cute as puppies are. And how they could change the dynamics. I think I need puppies!
On some things, one could almost dream. Unfortunately, I think it is just delusions of... well, just delusions. What he really needs isn't cancer. It's a frontal lobotomy. It would calm his nerves as well. Then again, I almost wonder if he hasn't already had brain surgery of some kind or other. Perhaps he had his soul removed.
Just follow these suggestions for added internet security. I don't often curse, not really my style. And I dislike abbreviations, more so when they invoke certain words. But after reading that, as a somewhat seasoned user... WTF? Just sayin'.
Good night, I hope.
What a wretched horrible wonderful day.
.
.
Huh?
You read me right. I did make it to my appointment. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night. When speaking with my mother yesterday I asked that, if she was awake early this morning, she call me to try and help me wake up. I set all three of my alarm clocks too. It took every ounce of everything I had to be up in time and then I was only 15 minutes early. I had to focus like a hawk and still missed the turnoff, but saw that I missed it this time and circled back. It almost looks like the area around the turnoff to the clinic has changed, as it just isn't recognizable. Either that or it has simply been too long of a time since I went there.
I had one of my best days there at the clinic. Not that my health is looking up. Blood pressure was 140's/80's, give or take. But diabetes might be back on the rise (which means I really need to kick my new/old diet back into high gear). The nurse and the doctor both seemed reasonable. No yelling, no drama, no weirdness. I only holler when I am being yelled at while being ordered to do things I can't do. Oh, even fully dressed, my weight was 284 (so that is coming down). I may have to try to drink water almost exclusively, with only a glass of milk a day (32 ounces though) and one sports drink a day (which is the only thing with which I can choke down the powder potassium, the pill form is impossible every way I have tried it). It was the attitude and friendliness that... took me back. It was like going in to see one's old time family doc, at his office.
After the doctor I went to the DWR Regional Office. I can't get a lifetime fishing license it seems. You have to be blind, in a wheel chair, missing a limb, or otherwise unable to fish to get it! They had a veterans special, $21 a year, the usual is $26. I wouldn't be buying one now in any case. He seemed rather surly about it all, the guy behind the desk. Why do people have to be so snotty about it? I was simply asking.
Next I went to the National Park there in Ogden. They were able to offer me the card that allows me to go into National Parks and some other places free of charge. It was quick and painless. I don't know, but I didn't feel welcome there either. I suppose, with all my arms and legs, people wonder why I should be getting disability? That is the place with the nice restaurant. I stopped in there and had a truly fine meal. There is not a thing they serve that doesn't taste like it was very carefully put together, cooked very well, and well taste tested before being served. Even their tea, unsweetened as that is the way for now on again, was a splendid delight. It cost no more than an Arbeys' meal, either. I had hoped to stop at the hospital in Logan to deal with the collection action by them against me but there was nothing left with which to do that. I was simply done after what I did, and the circumstances.
So, what is the "wretched", the "horrible"? Several times through the day, when I had to stand for a bit, I nearly passed out. Getting up and going was as difficult as one could imagine. My eyes are burning, my body hurts, I am tired beyond reason, but worse... at times I am grumpy. Oh, sure, you read here so you know me! Truth is, I try my darnedest to be kind in real interactions, even gentle. Doctors can get under my skin, same with some other professional types (though I count that as business and business can be rough), but only when they try to tell me what I know to be true is false or some such. Don't blow smoke up my ass because you have a degree. If you were taught something and I am experiencing something different, do not be quarrelsome. You lose any respect I might have had and the immaturity you show will only garner my disdain, regardless of how many degrees or years in college or your profession you have. And I WILL voice it. But to the working men and women of the world? I have only the deepest respect. Save on the road where... I can be a bit... tight, terse, impatient (praying and working on that though). Anyway, I have been somewhat unkind these last few days and that bothers me more than all the rest. Now you really do know more.
I have some visitors coming shortly. And I am going to try to last as long into the day, evening, as I can before sleeping. The drive was gorgeous though. The weather is rather warm, into the 40's I think. Clouds and sun are taking turns at dominance, and as the clouds spill over the mountains and the sun variously back-lighting this group or shining on this part or that of the mountains, the views have been a weather watcher and nature lover's dream.
Have a great day.
.
Huh?
You read me right. I did make it to my appointment. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night. When speaking with my mother yesterday I asked that, if she was awake early this morning, she call me to try and help me wake up. I set all three of my alarm clocks too. It took every ounce of everything I had to be up in time and then I was only 15 minutes early. I had to focus like a hawk and still missed the turnoff, but saw that I missed it this time and circled back. It almost looks like the area around the turnoff to the clinic has changed, as it just isn't recognizable. Either that or it has simply been too long of a time since I went there.
I had one of my best days there at the clinic. Not that my health is looking up. Blood pressure was 140's/80's, give or take. But diabetes might be back on the rise (which means I really need to kick my new/old diet back into high gear). The nurse and the doctor both seemed reasonable. No yelling, no drama, no weirdness. I only holler when I am being yelled at while being ordered to do things I can't do. Oh, even fully dressed, my weight was 284 (so that is coming down). I may have to try to drink water almost exclusively, with only a glass of milk a day (32 ounces though) and one sports drink a day (which is the only thing with which I can choke down the powder potassium, the pill form is impossible every way I have tried it). It was the attitude and friendliness that... took me back. It was like going in to see one's old time family doc, at his office.
After the doctor I went to the DWR Regional Office. I can't get a lifetime fishing license it seems. You have to be blind, in a wheel chair, missing a limb, or otherwise unable to fish to get it! They had a veterans special, $21 a year, the usual is $26. I wouldn't be buying one now in any case. He seemed rather surly about it all, the guy behind the desk. Why do people have to be so snotty about it? I was simply asking.
Next I went to the National Park there in Ogden. They were able to offer me the card that allows me to go into National Parks and some other places free of charge. It was quick and painless. I don't know, but I didn't feel welcome there either. I suppose, with all my arms and legs, people wonder why I should be getting disability? That is the place with the nice restaurant. I stopped in there and had a truly fine meal. There is not a thing they serve that doesn't taste like it was very carefully put together, cooked very well, and well taste tested before being served. Even their tea, unsweetened as that is the way for now on again, was a splendid delight. It cost no more than an Arbeys' meal, either. I had hoped to stop at the hospital in Logan to deal with the collection action by them against me but there was nothing left with which to do that. I was simply done after what I did, and the circumstances.
So, what is the "wretched", the "horrible"? Several times through the day, when I had to stand for a bit, I nearly passed out. Getting up and going was as difficult as one could imagine. My eyes are burning, my body hurts, I am tired beyond reason, but worse... at times I am grumpy. Oh, sure, you read here so you know me! Truth is, I try my darnedest to be kind in real interactions, even gentle. Doctors can get under my skin, same with some other professional types (though I count that as business and business can be rough), but only when they try to tell me what I know to be true is false or some such. Don't blow smoke up my ass because you have a degree. If you were taught something and I am experiencing something different, do not be quarrelsome. You lose any respect I might have had and the immaturity you show will only garner my disdain, regardless of how many degrees or years in college or your profession you have. And I WILL voice it. But to the working men and women of the world? I have only the deepest respect. Save on the road where... I can be a bit... tight, terse, impatient (praying and working on that though). Anyway, I have been somewhat unkind these last few days and that bothers me more than all the rest. Now you really do know more.
I have some visitors coming shortly. And I am going to try to last as long into the day, evening, as I can before sleeping. The drive was gorgeous though. The weather is rather warm, into the 40's I think. Clouds and sun are taking turns at dominance, and as the clouds spill over the mountains and the sun variously back-lighting this group or shining on this part or that of the mountains, the views have been a weather watcher and nature lover's dream.
Have a great day.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Okay, so some things take time.
.
.
While being 100%, permanent and total, service connected, honorable, disabled from the service has it's down sides, I have been ignoring the perks (so says a sheet the V.A. just sent me). In Utah, there are state day passes, or something. I think I have to fill out a form (which I can find but my printer is not working), send that with proof of eligibility, then wait. I'll do that soon, I'm sure. But there are things that I might be able to get. Perhaps a lifetime fishing license. That may seem silly, but, every time I buy a year pass I end up never quite getting around to it that year. Then when I do get around to it... the pass has expired. Yeah, I will try for that. As well, there is a pass for veterans that is quite handy at National Parks and other areas. I think it reduces the entrance fees to zero for me and any in my vehicle. It might have other uses inside the parks, but that will be partial and hit or miss at that. Both of those could come in quite handy. The other I would like to apply for this coming year. I may never use them. But the chances increase greatly should I have them in my paws (and let people know).
I am hoping, if I can make it to my appointment tomorrow, to make the rounds and apply for those things on my way back. Both the fishing license and the National Parks pass can be had in Ogden, one is on my way exactly pretty much, the other is no more than seven to ten blocks off my path, and I know that way. Plus the one that is off the path has a rather nice diner, verging on fine dining but on a nickle not a quarter.
If I get the fishing license, I may try my hand at ice fishing, should the ice be well thick enough. One of my fellow KoC members, who joined with me, does that. Perhaps he wouldn't mind a noob tagging along once in a while. As for the parks? I do have some plans. In time I would like to begin exploring them, looking for places to take guests, friends, neighbors. Something to just get out of the house and see new and wonderful places (or, get out of work!).
It has only taken me 20 years to finally be using some of the benefits. Then again, early on, actually until recently, I really didn't have a way to get to any of this. And, too, I kept thinking I could beat the disability. I kept hoping I could find the way out, the way up, in spite of the severity. I still haven't given up, I just thought it might be nice to get these things while I wait for the miracle. Perhaps that would be part of the miracle? Yeah, fine, I'm a dreamer.
Good night.
.
While being 100%, permanent and total, service connected, honorable, disabled from the service has it's down sides, I have been ignoring the perks (so says a sheet the V.A. just sent me). In Utah, there are state day passes, or something. I think I have to fill out a form (which I can find but my printer is not working), send that with proof of eligibility, then wait. I'll do that soon, I'm sure. But there are things that I might be able to get. Perhaps a lifetime fishing license. That may seem silly, but, every time I buy a year pass I end up never quite getting around to it that year. Then when I do get around to it... the pass has expired. Yeah, I will try for that. As well, there is a pass for veterans that is quite handy at National Parks and other areas. I think it reduces the entrance fees to zero for me and any in my vehicle. It might have other uses inside the parks, but that will be partial and hit or miss at that. Both of those could come in quite handy. The other I would like to apply for this coming year. I may never use them. But the chances increase greatly should I have them in my paws (and let people know).
I am hoping, if I can make it to my appointment tomorrow, to make the rounds and apply for those things on my way back. Both the fishing license and the National Parks pass can be had in Ogden, one is on my way exactly pretty much, the other is no more than seven to ten blocks off my path, and I know that way. Plus the one that is off the path has a rather nice diner, verging on fine dining but on a nickle not a quarter.
If I get the fishing license, I may try my hand at ice fishing, should the ice be well thick enough. One of my fellow KoC members, who joined with me, does that. Perhaps he wouldn't mind a noob tagging along once in a while. As for the parks? I do have some plans. In time I would like to begin exploring them, looking for places to take guests, friends, neighbors. Something to just get out of the house and see new and wonderful places (or, get out of work!).
It has only taken me 20 years to finally be using some of the benefits. Then again, early on, actually until recently, I really didn't have a way to get to any of this. And, too, I kept thinking I could beat the disability. I kept hoping I could find the way out, the way up, in spite of the severity. I still haven't given up, I just thought it might be nice to get these things while I wait for the miracle. Perhaps that would be part of the miracle? Yeah, fine, I'm a dreamer.
Good night.
Late is the hour.
.
.
Well, late to the appointment. Traffic was just being stupid today. It really does seem that when I have an hour to burn, slow traffic stays in the slow lane or gets out of the way. When I am on the edge, they pile in all lanes and slow all traffic. Today was no different. The doctor had no other time to see me. We rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00. Then again, he wanted a resting fast for the blood draw anyway. So be it. I don't know how I will be up and out by then, I don't. But, that is what I have before me.
I stopped at Sears to pay off my card. Guess what? No Sears, the store is gone. I will just have to do a one-time bank payment. I decided, if I was going to do that with Sears, I would do it with my other accounts to be paid off. It was too late to stop at the hospital to begin gnawing on some accountant's ear, hopefully I can do that tomorrow on the way back. I did stop at the gym. It looks right. I like what they have. And there are a few places that are quieter to work, should I work my way to machines as an intermediary or winter workout center, even during rush hours. I was there at their rush hour start, not bad even then. There are free swimming lessons, and other classes too I think, with the membership. I don't know if I would use them, at least right away. I need to beat the rust off first. I will be joining Monday.
I think, by pushing to get out, and having some problems, nothing made sense to me today. I missed the turnoff into the clinic (though I was already too late by that time). I couldn't make sense of my map. I couldn't tell time well. It was sort of a rough day. Never mind all that though. It was a gorgeous drive. It was a beautiful day to be alive. Even ugly women seemed kind, strangers seemed friendly in a genuine way, people were polite. Shoot me now!
Hush.
I will see what I might do yet today. The bills, I would like to get them paid. Dishes perhaps. Maybe a bit of laundry. I don't know. I still am a bit confused, as if I had been dazed by a glancing blow. Maybe I will just seek my piano lesson book. I still remembered having a rather gifted piano instructor telling me in almost a gasp that my fingers, my style, amazed her. That I was a natural. And that she wished she had found me as a child. I almost thought to ask if still being a big baby counted, but she seemed so intent. I didn't want to break the moment. I just giggled like a boy after passing gas in a bathtub, but just in my mind.
Later.
.
Well, late to the appointment. Traffic was just being stupid today. It really does seem that when I have an hour to burn, slow traffic stays in the slow lane or gets out of the way. When I am on the edge, they pile in all lanes and slow all traffic. Today was no different. The doctor had no other time to see me. We rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00. Then again, he wanted a resting fast for the blood draw anyway. So be it. I don't know how I will be up and out by then, I don't. But, that is what I have before me.
I stopped at Sears to pay off my card. Guess what? No Sears, the store is gone. I will just have to do a one-time bank payment. I decided, if I was going to do that with Sears, I would do it with my other accounts to be paid off. It was too late to stop at the hospital to begin gnawing on some accountant's ear, hopefully I can do that tomorrow on the way back. I did stop at the gym. It looks right. I like what they have. And there are a few places that are quieter to work, should I work my way to machines as an intermediary or winter workout center, even during rush hours. I was there at their rush hour start, not bad even then. There are free swimming lessons, and other classes too I think, with the membership. I don't know if I would use them, at least right away. I need to beat the rust off first. I will be joining Monday.
I think, by pushing to get out, and having some problems, nothing made sense to me today. I missed the turnoff into the clinic (though I was already too late by that time). I couldn't make sense of my map. I couldn't tell time well. It was sort of a rough day. Never mind all that though. It was a gorgeous drive. It was a beautiful day to be alive. Even ugly women seemed kind, strangers seemed friendly in a genuine way, people were polite. Shoot me now!
Hush.
I will see what I might do yet today. The bills, I would like to get them paid. Dishes perhaps. Maybe a bit of laundry. I don't know. I still am a bit confused, as if I had been dazed by a glancing blow. Maybe I will just seek my piano lesson book. I still remembered having a rather gifted piano instructor telling me in almost a gasp that my fingers, my style, amazed her. That I was a natural. And that she wished she had found me as a child. I almost thought to ask if still being a big baby counted, but she seemed so intent. I didn't want to break the moment. I just giggled like a boy after passing gas in a bathtub, but just in my mind.
Later.
Rough!
.
.
I have an appointment to get to. Fine. I went to bed when I could. This is the earliest I have been awake in a week, I think, give or take. I need to get a shower and get on the road.
I have been dreaming again, but this time just odd little dreams. The last one I remember had an announcer, there is a better term for it but I just can't recall it. As the dream moved along, he was talking about the past, tying it into the present, and predicting the future (of the dream). Which was fine for a while, but I kept having to correct him, in a sort of Monty Pythonish way. He became annoyed and threatened to quit. I just suggested he quit being poetic and stick to the truth. The dream went on and the announcer stuck to the truth. *grins* I don't think that was how the dream was supposed to go, but you know me.
Hopefully, on the way back through town, I will be paying off those bills. Oh, I finally found out what is showing up as a problem on my credit report. A medical bill from the local hospital. I need to go in and talk to them. After having been seen there three times, and two of those times the bill being paid by the V.A. without me being involved, why they did not bill the third one to the V.A. I cannot say. Needless to say I am more than slightly put out.
When I speak to whomever, I will indicate that they should have known. That now that the bill has gone to the collection agency, they will now not even get the full amount of whatever the V.A. offers them, and that in these tight times their boss might not appreciate the incongruity and loss of income generated by their lousy bookkeeping. If they don't fix it I am going to begin calling: Veterans groups; the V.A.; blogging naming names; and contacting their boss(es) up their chain of command until I get positive traction (at running them over). If they don't fix it, retract the the black mark on my credit report(s), and offer an apology, I am going to make this very hard on them. Their job is on the line a lot more than my financial butt is. Who says war is always just pure combat. Personally, I hope someone does get fired. That is pure incompetence. It isn't my call though.
Hey, I best get going. Have a good day.
.
I have an appointment to get to. Fine. I went to bed when I could. This is the earliest I have been awake in a week, I think, give or take. I need to get a shower and get on the road.
I have been dreaming again, but this time just odd little dreams. The last one I remember had an announcer, there is a better term for it but I just can't recall it. As the dream moved along, he was talking about the past, tying it into the present, and predicting the future (of the dream). Which was fine for a while, but I kept having to correct him, in a sort of Monty Pythonish way. He became annoyed and threatened to quit. I just suggested he quit being poetic and stick to the truth. The dream went on and the announcer stuck to the truth. *grins* I don't think that was how the dream was supposed to go, but you know me.
Hopefully, on the way back through town, I will be paying off those bills. Oh, I finally found out what is showing up as a problem on my credit report. A medical bill from the local hospital. I need to go in and talk to them. After having been seen there three times, and two of those times the bill being paid by the V.A. without me being involved, why they did not bill the third one to the V.A. I cannot say. Needless to say I am more than slightly put out.
When I speak to whomever, I will indicate that they should have known. That now that the bill has gone to the collection agency, they will now not even get the full amount of whatever the V.A. offers them, and that in these tight times their boss might not appreciate the incongruity and loss of income generated by their lousy bookkeeping. If they don't fix it I am going to begin calling: Veterans groups; the V.A.; blogging naming names; and contacting their boss(es) up their chain of command until I get positive traction (at running them over). If they don't fix it, retract the the black mark on my credit report(s), and offer an apology, I am going to make this very hard on them. Their job is on the line a lot more than my financial butt is. Who says war is always just pure combat. Personally, I hope someone does get fired. That is pure incompetence. It isn't my call though.
Hey, I best get going. Have a good day.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Swimming or no?
.
.
I just received a response. It seems there are no swim only passes. The cost would be nearly $50 a month plus an enrollment fee, that is discounted. It seems expensive, and is to a degree. But swimming, come to think of it, in Iowa, was several dollars a day, and that was just for swimming. Let me think, 3 days x $2.50 x 4 weeks = $30. I believe that is what I paid in Iowa for swimming. But I wasn't buying a house AND a car then. It does seem... reasonable, doesn't it? I know I need it. And the times I suggested would be best, it has been presented, are quieter times. Swimming, again. That would be very good. The next time I am in town I will have to stop in and take a look, make sure there is parking, talk to the people there, see what other fees, fines, or expenses might be involved. I had hoped for a lower fair but they seemingly can't go lower, offering 10% off as is, and half off the initial fee. It won't cost me extra in gas, since, when I am doing right, I go into town on those days for Mass anyway. What do you think? It is nearly $600 a year, but exercise would do me a ton of good. Swimming is easier than the weights, at least until I get heat for the garage. Argh! Decisions!
I keep looking over toys, tools, and such. I must remain focused. I wasn't able to rise and get to things today, but it is coming. Oh no, tomorrow I must drive to Ogden for an appointment at the clinic. They were able to get me in quite quickly. I did make the appointment for early afternoon. I will still have to shove hard to get out in time. Never mind, I will get it done.
I figured out what was wrong with my electric piano, a Roland RD-150. The headset was having a problem and I don't have a speaker for it anymore. It had simply been plugged into the wrong outlet. I hope to begin playing again, as soon as I find my lesson book. While I did finish it, it is my best way to begin playing again. What I will do after that I don't know. While you can learn to play by ear, you can't really teach yourself. Especially since my only real interest is playing baroque. Fine, I think I agree with you all on something at least this one time. I am weird. I mostly listen to heavy metal, hard rock, punk, and such. Why I am only interested in baroque, even though I know of it and like it a lot though rarely listen to it, I can't say. I just know that is the way of it and I my mind has been set that way from the beginning. Bah!
Well, a bit of something to eat, a bit of cleaning tonight maybe, redoing my medicine set, then maybe I can get to sleep early.
Good night.
.
I just received a response. It seems there are no swim only passes. The cost would be nearly $50 a month plus an enrollment fee, that is discounted. It seems expensive, and is to a degree. But swimming, come to think of it, in Iowa, was several dollars a day, and that was just for swimming. Let me think, 3 days x $2.50 x 4 weeks = $30. I believe that is what I paid in Iowa for swimming. But I wasn't buying a house AND a car then. It does seem... reasonable, doesn't it? I know I need it. And the times I suggested would be best, it has been presented, are quieter times. Swimming, again. That would be very good. The next time I am in town I will have to stop in and take a look, make sure there is parking, talk to the people there, see what other fees, fines, or expenses might be involved. I had hoped for a lower fair but they seemingly can't go lower, offering 10% off as is, and half off the initial fee. It won't cost me extra in gas, since, when I am doing right, I go into town on those days for Mass anyway. What do you think? It is nearly $600 a year, but exercise would do me a ton of good. Swimming is easier than the weights, at least until I get heat for the garage. Argh! Decisions!
I keep looking over toys, tools, and such. I must remain focused. I wasn't able to rise and get to things today, but it is coming. Oh no, tomorrow I must drive to Ogden for an appointment at the clinic. They were able to get me in quite quickly. I did make the appointment for early afternoon. I will still have to shove hard to get out in time. Never mind, I will get it done.
I figured out what was wrong with my electric piano, a Roland RD-150. The headset was having a problem and I don't have a speaker for it anymore. It had simply been plugged into the wrong outlet. I hope to begin playing again, as soon as I find my lesson book. While I did finish it, it is my best way to begin playing again. What I will do after that I don't know. While you can learn to play by ear, you can't really teach yourself. Especially since my only real interest is playing baroque. Fine, I think I agree with you all on something at least this one time. I am weird. I mostly listen to heavy metal, hard rock, punk, and such. Why I am only interested in baroque, even though I know of it and like it a lot though rarely listen to it, I can't say. I just know that is the way of it and I my mind has been set that way from the beginning. Bah!
Well, a bit of something to eat, a bit of cleaning tonight maybe, redoing my medicine set, then maybe I can get to sleep early.
Good night.
Whoa!
.
.
Some strange things are happening. I realize most consider me... unbalanced. I know this. No, don't worry if you think you belong in that group. What I write can be taken in many ways. Even if taken in the right way, if you are on the receiving end, you must think me a brute or a madman. You have probably avoided thinking such thoughts and avoided people who say such things.
In my recent writings and comments, I have been discussing God and faith. I wondered if that would not further get me written off. For all the faith that so many have, much of it is a tiny part of their lives, often pretty much only evidenced on the Sabbath, if then. Religion seems to have retreated to a personal favorite notion, but only the good things. Hell, sin, even the crucifixion have been stuffed into a cubbyhole, boarded up, and referred to, if required, only in dainty quick whispers. Still, I must say what I see, I must. And yet, the reactions have been... different. I don't know if I have touched nerves or people are, on their own, opening up the cupboards and reviewing truth, the whole of it, again. Perhaps they always did, but remained quiet? I just know that my faith messages have been more warmly received than ever.
Another thing seems to be happening. I am being taken seriously. Whether people now see that a serious heart condition accounts for much of what they might have thought was madness, or whether my words are lining up more closely with reality as people begin to see the world with new eyes and hear with new ears, or whether the darkness that is closing in has simply allowed people to hear what they would not have tolerated listening too just weeks, months, or years ago... I do not know. Not that I am simply taken to be the absolute arbiter of truth or anything (and I would recommend against that in any case :p ). It is just that I am being included in discussions.
I do know the locals have found me anywhere from... possibly problematic, to possibly untruthful, to maybe just a wee touched. As they spend time with me, though, they realize there is something real, honest, possibly good there too. Some read here. My visitor logger shows no visitors, and yet here I have four comments. I love that people are learning to hide their tracks a bit. Cyberrangers, something I have been for some time now. I would guess the locals have learned to be rather more savvy than many might think as well. And, being often a plain people, I must seem fantastical to them. I mean no disrespect, just that theory, academia, princely behaviors, and richly things are not a part of the world they know. They live with hard work, social order, and the reals of the here and now and past. That is a good thing. As they begin to actually deal with me, in daily events, conversations, and such, they are having to balance what they read with what their gut tells them. Not an easy task, but things are actually looking up, if I would venture to guess, regarding local understandings.
Sometimes I do blather. Sometimes what I say does, and is, fantastical. The experiences I have had are... different from most, bordering on the impossible (which of course, I might enhance even so). A Woden who finally has chosen to settle, perhaps? Fantastical indeed. But neither is it off the mark by more than a little. What I write here has some cores of truth, wrapped with various things at various times. Bacon on this topic, to make it much more appetizing. Red meat wound on that topic, to bring the blood to a boil. Mint, tarragon, and cloves in this, to bring a fresh yet bold and even spirited flavor to this. And of course, a cloak of shadow over much of it so only outlines may be seen. Sometimes, that latter, because I cannot see more of my past, the present, or the future than what I write. Sometimes because some promises cannot be undone. People seem to begin to understand.
I am finally coming into my own. After so many years of wandering, looking, fighting, warring, learning, teaching, and living, I have found a place to become a man. Just a man. While I can never cease being a bard of sorts, perhaps I can become more than just that. I must admit, my heart quivers at the responsibilities I have taken on, more so at the prospect of finding a woman, and beyond that becoming a father. Bound to a home, a woman, children. I fear it will take the heart of me. Some hearts, though, I realize, are worth losing. I know very well the notion of getting a new heart in more ways than most. And so it is I begin here, now, again, all over. Humbly, I hope. But sure too, in some ways.
A new year is upon us. A new man is coming forth. And Christmas? Somewhere in the remembrance of the birth of my Lord I saw the makings of my own rebirth. A second chance through Him? Never mind, I have begun babbling again.
Have a great day.
.
Some strange things are happening. I realize most consider me... unbalanced. I know this. No, don't worry if you think you belong in that group. What I write can be taken in many ways. Even if taken in the right way, if you are on the receiving end, you must think me a brute or a madman. You have probably avoided thinking such thoughts and avoided people who say such things.
In my recent writings and comments, I have been discussing God and faith. I wondered if that would not further get me written off. For all the faith that so many have, much of it is a tiny part of their lives, often pretty much only evidenced on the Sabbath, if then. Religion seems to have retreated to a personal favorite notion, but only the good things. Hell, sin, even the crucifixion have been stuffed into a cubbyhole, boarded up, and referred to, if required, only in dainty quick whispers. Still, I must say what I see, I must. And yet, the reactions have been... different. I don't know if I have touched nerves or people are, on their own, opening up the cupboards and reviewing truth, the whole of it, again. Perhaps they always did, but remained quiet? I just know that my faith messages have been more warmly received than ever.
Another thing seems to be happening. I am being taken seriously. Whether people now see that a serious heart condition accounts for much of what they might have thought was madness, or whether my words are lining up more closely with reality as people begin to see the world with new eyes and hear with new ears, or whether the darkness that is closing in has simply allowed people to hear what they would not have tolerated listening too just weeks, months, or years ago... I do not know. Not that I am simply taken to be the absolute arbiter of truth or anything (and I would recommend against that in any case :p ). It is just that I am being included in discussions.
I do know the locals have found me anywhere from... possibly problematic, to possibly untruthful, to maybe just a wee touched. As they spend time with me, though, they realize there is something real, honest, possibly good there too. Some read here. My visitor logger shows no visitors, and yet here I have four comments. I love that people are learning to hide their tracks a bit. Cyberrangers, something I have been for some time now. I would guess the locals have learned to be rather more savvy than many might think as well. And, being often a plain people, I must seem fantastical to them. I mean no disrespect, just that theory, academia, princely behaviors, and richly things are not a part of the world they know. They live with hard work, social order, and the reals of the here and now and past. That is a good thing. As they begin to actually deal with me, in daily events, conversations, and such, they are having to balance what they read with what their gut tells them. Not an easy task, but things are actually looking up, if I would venture to guess, regarding local understandings.
Sometimes I do blather. Sometimes what I say does, and is, fantastical. The experiences I have had are... different from most, bordering on the impossible (which of course, I might enhance even so). A Woden who finally has chosen to settle, perhaps? Fantastical indeed. But neither is it off the mark by more than a little. What I write here has some cores of truth, wrapped with various things at various times. Bacon on this topic, to make it much more appetizing. Red meat wound on that topic, to bring the blood to a boil. Mint, tarragon, and cloves in this, to bring a fresh yet bold and even spirited flavor to this. And of course, a cloak of shadow over much of it so only outlines may be seen. Sometimes, that latter, because I cannot see more of my past, the present, or the future than what I write. Sometimes because some promises cannot be undone. People seem to begin to understand.
I am finally coming into my own. After so many years of wandering, looking, fighting, warring, learning, teaching, and living, I have found a place to become a man. Just a man. While I can never cease being a bard of sorts, perhaps I can become more than just that. I must admit, my heart quivers at the responsibilities I have taken on, more so at the prospect of finding a woman, and beyond that becoming a father. Bound to a home, a woman, children. I fear it will take the heart of me. Some hearts, though, I realize, are worth losing. I know very well the notion of getting a new heart in more ways than most. And so it is I begin here, now, again, all over. Humbly, I hope. But sure too, in some ways.
A new year is upon us. A new man is coming forth. And Christmas? Somewhere in the remembrance of the birth of my Lord I saw the makings of my own rebirth. A second chance through Him? Never mind, I have begun babbling again.
Have a great day.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Oh, right, the home credit has been deposited.
.
.
I was amazed at how fast it came and how painless that ended up being. And with whatever has been going on in my account, it couldn't have come at a better time. There is nothing like a minor pot of gold burning a hole in the pocket though. I have talked about doing so many things this last year. Oh, I looked, window shopping to my hearts content. Everything from a 20v cordless tool set to space heaters to, well, you name it. Nope, not a penny is being spent, for the moment. At least not on goods.
I have decided to put 3/8ths of it against debt, the rest of it into a savings account I will be creating hopefully tomorrow. I will be paying off 3 bills completely and about half on a final one. That will give me a lot more money to throw at my remaining debts. I haven't worked it out yet, though other than my home and auto, I should be out of debt in, perhaps, a year. At which time I begin working on the car payment. Finally, I might have enough to throw double payments at my home payment. And, should I need, I might also be able to renege on that for a month or two for special occasions. I really need to make a plan but I honestly don't know how. And, I do want some of that money going into savings. I like having a minor nest egg, for eventualities, work on my home, and troubles. While I still would like to get some of those other things I mentioned. Plus, how could I not be thinking about solar power? Ugh. But there is only so much a nickel will buy and I only have a nickel to spend!
I may even, for a few months after paying this round of bills off, stay my hand and send the extra into savings. I simply have despised living, gaspingly, from one month to another. I have also reduced costs in various ways. I am tightening down the hatches. The one group of purchases I may consider working harder toward, out of my income money now though, is food stuffs. Long term. I doubt, still, if I can buy it all in one month, or even two. But with this sense of security, perhaps in three months, starting in January, I might be able to stock enough for one and a half people for a year. That seriously needs to happen. I will speak with the missionaries about having someone help me arrange things. An adviser would be quite welcome, a hands-on, in the flesh, sort of helper. And I do believe, with a little help and training, and that the LDS Church food pantry is happy to lend out a canning device that would allow me to get most of the food in #10 cans. I do have the materials to put some of it in five gallon buckets. Some buckets and various sorts of lids, desiccants, oxygen absorbers, and the mylar bags. I wouldn't mind having a few five gallon buckets o' food. But mostly I want it in cans. Easier to trade, move, handle, and eat before it goes bad.
After the bills are paid, money begins to come in, and I see what is going out and how, I can then change up my savings and spending. It is so very different to have enough in an account that, even if all my tires needed changed, I wouldn't have to figure it out over two or three months. My available portion of my income will still be small, but not like it has been. I have no idea, yet, what it will all look like, but I have some plans flexible enough to deal with the rough edges.
This year will be different. Working out, saving, storing food, eating right, all the things I need to do will begin in earnest. Perhaps by spring I will be beyond some things and into even newer things. After food, solid tools need to be purchased, hand tools. Just one or two a month. A grain mill, of course, and I think D.C. is right on the choice. Hopefully, if I can get in shape enough, perhaps I can begin practicing with those tools. No, D.C., I don't think you are crazy. One of the men at the Christmas party has purchased tools and trained his horses for field work and buggies. And he practices with them. I know he gets a lot of razz for it, even here. I definitely flashed my hand just a bit, and let him know I too believe there is trouble coming, that his works were wise. I did it in a way that it went right over the heads of many, but he caught it at once. There is an understanding among some. It is just that it has been difficult to do anything, swamped one way or another so often, as I have been. Perhaps this is my time to begin on that hard path you discuss.
Never mind. I tried to go online to pay some of those bills. Snake eyes. I then tried to call. Elevens. No, I will have to go in to pay. Tomorrow, after Mass. And I best stop and see my friend. He sounds a little green around the gills. I did call my brother. I think it is very lonely for him. He may be better off now being 100% and retired along with his wife working, but money is little comfort. He has three women in his home against just one guy, and he is not able to get around as much as he might like. No, male companionship, especially that of a brother, even if long distance, is good for him. I need to call him more. But his cellphone reception (Sprint) is crap, or he needs a new phone, or both. I tried to convince him on Verizon. For all it's problems (usually minor to my mind), I have zero problems talking to people, I don't lose calls, I don't have large periods where I can't hear or speak. Ugh. Why do people stay with crap carriers? I did call my lady friend too, but she is indisposed, at work, or over spending Christmas with friends. I left a message.
I have some things to attend. Good night.
.
I was amazed at how fast it came and how painless that ended up being. And with whatever has been going on in my account, it couldn't have come at a better time. There is nothing like a minor pot of gold burning a hole in the pocket though. I have talked about doing so many things this last year. Oh, I looked, window shopping to my hearts content. Everything from a 20v cordless tool set to space heaters to, well, you name it. Nope, not a penny is being spent, for the moment. At least not on goods.
I have decided to put 3/8ths of it against debt, the rest of it into a savings account I will be creating hopefully tomorrow. I will be paying off 3 bills completely and about half on a final one. That will give me a lot more money to throw at my remaining debts. I haven't worked it out yet, though other than my home and auto, I should be out of debt in, perhaps, a year. At which time I begin working on the car payment. Finally, I might have enough to throw double payments at my home payment. And, should I need, I might also be able to renege on that for a month or two for special occasions. I really need to make a plan but I honestly don't know how. And, I do want some of that money going into savings. I like having a minor nest egg, for eventualities, work on my home, and troubles. While I still would like to get some of those other things I mentioned. Plus, how could I not be thinking about solar power? Ugh. But there is only so much a nickel will buy and I only have a nickel to spend!
I may even, for a few months after paying this round of bills off, stay my hand and send the extra into savings. I simply have despised living, gaspingly, from one month to another. I have also reduced costs in various ways. I am tightening down the hatches. The one group of purchases I may consider working harder toward, out of my income money now though, is food stuffs. Long term. I doubt, still, if I can buy it all in one month, or even two. But with this sense of security, perhaps in three months, starting in January, I might be able to stock enough for one and a half people for a year. That seriously needs to happen. I will speak with the missionaries about having someone help me arrange things. An adviser would be quite welcome, a hands-on, in the flesh, sort of helper. And I do believe, with a little help and training, and that the LDS Church food pantry is happy to lend out a canning device that would allow me to get most of the food in #10 cans. I do have the materials to put some of it in five gallon buckets. Some buckets and various sorts of lids, desiccants, oxygen absorbers, and the mylar bags. I wouldn't mind having a few five gallon buckets o' food. But mostly I want it in cans. Easier to trade, move, handle, and eat before it goes bad.
After the bills are paid, money begins to come in, and I see what is going out and how, I can then change up my savings and spending. It is so very different to have enough in an account that, even if all my tires needed changed, I wouldn't have to figure it out over two or three months. My available portion of my income will still be small, but not like it has been. I have no idea, yet, what it will all look like, but I have some plans flexible enough to deal with the rough edges.
This year will be different. Working out, saving, storing food, eating right, all the things I need to do will begin in earnest. Perhaps by spring I will be beyond some things and into even newer things. After food, solid tools need to be purchased, hand tools. Just one or two a month. A grain mill, of course, and I think D.C. is right on the choice. Hopefully, if I can get in shape enough, perhaps I can begin practicing with those tools. No, D.C., I don't think you are crazy. One of the men at the Christmas party has purchased tools and trained his horses for field work and buggies. And he practices with them. I know he gets a lot of razz for it, even here. I definitely flashed my hand just a bit, and let him know I too believe there is trouble coming, that his works were wise. I did it in a way that it went right over the heads of many, but he caught it at once. There is an understanding among some. It is just that it has been difficult to do anything, swamped one way or another so often, as I have been. Perhaps this is my time to begin on that hard path you discuss.
Never mind. I tried to go online to pay some of those bills. Snake eyes. I then tried to call. Elevens. No, I will have to go in to pay. Tomorrow, after Mass. And I best stop and see my friend. He sounds a little green around the gills. I did call my brother. I think it is very lonely for him. He may be better off now being 100% and retired along with his wife working, but money is little comfort. He has three women in his home against just one guy, and he is not able to get around as much as he might like. No, male companionship, especially that of a brother, even if long distance, is good for him. I need to call him more. But his cellphone reception (Sprint) is crap, or he needs a new phone, or both. I tried to convince him on Verizon. For all it's problems (usually minor to my mind), I have zero problems talking to people, I don't lose calls, I don't have large periods where I can't hear or speak. Ugh. Why do people stay with crap carriers? I did call my lady friend too, but she is indisposed, at work, or over spending Christmas with friends. I left a message.
I have some things to attend. Good night.
I'm going to have to do it.
.
.
So much to do. I am still in relatively poor shape from my recent fall. I must begin digging my way out. I woke too late for Mass, I have been stumbling around this morning doing little, but I have been forming plans for an attack. Last night and this morning I have been exploring exercise. I have a Herculean set of iron weights in my garage, there isn't really a good place for them in my home. But with the temperature being what it is, I have been looking for a space heater, of some sort. Amazon, and web searches, have led me to a couple of units. It depends on what I might think is needed to be warm enough, I am not sure if a bigger 360 radiant or a small directional heater might be best, most economically, more useful in more ways, to do the trick. My garage is almost a two car garage and I have no experience with these types of heaters. The latter one would be excellent as a backup, and portable, heating device. Useful for everything from camping to fishing to hunting, and perhaps truly worthy of emergency small area heating in the home. The bigger one? Perhaps emergency home heating, but it does look a bit riskier to use as such. The thing about the bigger one is that it would truly warm the whole garage which would be useful for other things, like turning the garage into a real shop. Remember, it is relatively cold around here most of the year.
Further I have been considering swimming. The college has a pool, but there seem to be a thousand and one rules and the hours of lap swimming are archaic at best. An hour there, a few hours here, none of them look to be good for my schedule (hopefully right after Mass on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday). And parking near the college is expensive, if it is even available. Perhaps I should consider getting a handicap sticker? My heart condition might warrant it (if I would only use it for easier access at times, I prefer to park far away if I can for safer parking and a little more exercise).
I did find a club that has an indoor pool. I worry about the cost and my, at least initial, lackluster use of a lane. So, I emailed them to see if we could work something out, filling them in on my particulars. I even suggested a limited membership, just for the pool. Though I must admit, if I could get a heavily discounted full membership, as I progress in swimming I might see what else they might have to offer. While machines are not the best at strength and stamina building, they might be a safer beginning back into weights. I don't know. I know nothing, often. I must try to get back in shape. If something comes through, I will just need a pair of speedos. Urhm, maybe not.
There is much other work to do though. I need to clean my kitchen up, get back to more whole grains than not meat and real foods, and begin planning for smaller more frequent meals. I need to do some legal research. I have to get my finances in order. I need to get my medicine set redone. I need to figure out how to get my butt off my chair too. And of course, I have a number of pieces of business to do with the KoC. I don't even consider blogging a part of my duties. I just do it, anymore.
Well, enough. I should get to making those late Christmas calls. My brother is a bit steamed at all of us. *grins* He often was. Then again, in all fairness, we have all taken our turns at being the angst ridden angry 'person in the corner pouting'. :p Loverly. Later.
.
So much to do. I am still in relatively poor shape from my recent fall. I must begin digging my way out. I woke too late for Mass, I have been stumbling around this morning doing little, but I have been forming plans for an attack. Last night and this morning I have been exploring exercise. I have a Herculean set of iron weights in my garage, there isn't really a good place for them in my home. But with the temperature being what it is, I have been looking for a space heater, of some sort. Amazon, and web searches, have led me to a couple of units. It depends on what I might think is needed to be warm enough, I am not sure if a bigger 360 radiant or a small directional heater might be best, most economically, more useful in more ways, to do the trick. My garage is almost a two car garage and I have no experience with these types of heaters. The latter one would be excellent as a backup, and portable, heating device. Useful for everything from camping to fishing to hunting, and perhaps truly worthy of emergency small area heating in the home. The bigger one? Perhaps emergency home heating, but it does look a bit riskier to use as such. The thing about the bigger one is that it would truly warm the whole garage which would be useful for other things, like turning the garage into a real shop. Remember, it is relatively cold around here most of the year.
Further I have been considering swimming. The college has a pool, but there seem to be a thousand and one rules and the hours of lap swimming are archaic at best. An hour there, a few hours here, none of them look to be good for my schedule (hopefully right after Mass on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday). And parking near the college is expensive, if it is even available. Perhaps I should consider getting a handicap sticker? My heart condition might warrant it (if I would only use it for easier access at times, I prefer to park far away if I can for safer parking and a little more exercise).
I did find a club that has an indoor pool. I worry about the cost and my, at least initial, lackluster use of a lane. So, I emailed them to see if we could work something out, filling them in on my particulars. I even suggested a limited membership, just for the pool. Though I must admit, if I could get a heavily discounted full membership, as I progress in swimming I might see what else they might have to offer. While machines are not the best at strength and stamina building, they might be a safer beginning back into weights. I don't know. I know nothing, often. I must try to get back in shape. If something comes through, I will just need a pair of speedos. Urhm, maybe not.
There is much other work to do though. I need to clean my kitchen up, get back to more whole grains than not meat and real foods, and begin planning for smaller more frequent meals. I need to do some legal research. I have to get my finances in order. I need to get my medicine set redone. I need to figure out how to get my butt off my chair too. And of course, I have a number of pieces of business to do with the KoC. I don't even consider blogging a part of my duties. I just do it, anymore.
Well, enough. I should get to making those late Christmas calls. My brother is a bit steamed at all of us. *grins* He often was. Then again, in all fairness, we have all taken our turns at being the angst ridden angry 'person in the corner pouting'. :p Loverly. Later.
Highway lane warning ridges.
.
.
Have you ever been driving on a highway and veered a bit to the left or right while distracted? Perhaps you noticed the *thump* *thump* *thump* until you corrected into your lane? I have started to think that my dreams where just that. I am out of shape, weak. I think I need to begin getting into shape. I am not sure how this will go with my heart if I think it won't actually hurt my heart. I just need to... work around the extra exhaustion. I think the dreams might have been more than just an annoyance, more than just remembrances.
I still smell the stench of that sweat. My fight sweat smells mostly like iron, along with other minerals. Too there is a touch of sulfur and sour and even a bit of gunpowder smell. The smell, for the most part, is connected with victory, usually, in my mind, so it isn't a terrible smell for me. It has infused my bedroom and bathroom. A simple cleaning won't clear it. Only time, and if weather permitted an airing out that would speed the process a bit.
No, it is time to get in shape, what shape I can get in with the time I have. How much else will have to go on the backburner though? I will have to weave and dodge as I begin readying my body. Now that I know I can use naps successfully, that may help greatly. I am too old to be an effective general combat unit. I cannot know the path to long forced marches, 20 mile runs, six mile swims. Too much cold, heat, other discomfort, and perhaps even minor wounds would harshly impact my performance. But for short distance combat, defense, or acting as a guide through less well patrolled areas I might still be useful. But not in the shape I am in. I think the dreams were a call, I am almost sure of it. Perhaps the time is coming.
Now, I can't just begin swimming long distances, lifting tons, or jumping rope. To be honest, it will begin with nutrition. I need to prepare for high protein, good solid slow burning carbs, and a good mixture of fats. I need to get back to six or seven meals a day. I might be able to find a place to begin swimming, too. I am not sure if the garage is truly too cold to do my weights or not, though perhaps a small heating unit might help. It wouldn't be bad to get a minor heating unit for prepping anyway, and have fuels and the knowledge to work the thing. Oh, sure, I am beginning this when I am just coming off a fall, if not quite over it, wouldn't you know. The dreams are compelling though.
I was given a reprieve, for Christmas. And I needed it. I hope to avoid a repeat of the dreams though. Never mind. Now, don't take this as a New Years resolution. It isn't a resolution of any kind. It is merely a choice derived from a warning. I will, at times, still stumble, and fall, on this as with all things. I must rise and continue when I can. Destiny calls.
I cannot, still, believe the peace, warmth, fellowship, and kindness I have known this Christmas. At the meal, it was like I was with long known family. The food was very good, the talk was quite entertaining, with laughs and grins and chuckles and thoughts, new and old. I gifted and was gifted. I went to God's home to thank Him in person. My world was quiet too, if the rug squirrels wouldn't quite let me have too much peace and quiet. *grrrr* *meow?* I see it as a gift from God to prepare me to do what I must do. If it is for naught, if nothing ever happens? As with prepping, so be it. To be ahead is potential, reserves. Work and storing are never lost if wisely done.
Prepare yourselves. The ride, most likely, is soon enough to get rather bumpy. Don't be caught flat footed and unaware, if you can. Yes, I know, all must sleep. Meaning that all are vulnerable. Walk in faith or walk in the dark. Good night.
.
Have you ever been driving on a highway and veered a bit to the left or right while distracted? Perhaps you noticed the *thump* *thump* *thump* until you corrected into your lane? I have started to think that my dreams where just that. I am out of shape, weak. I think I need to begin getting into shape. I am not sure how this will go with my heart if I think it won't actually hurt my heart. I just need to... work around the extra exhaustion. I think the dreams might have been more than just an annoyance, more than just remembrances.
I still smell the stench of that sweat. My fight sweat smells mostly like iron, along with other minerals. Too there is a touch of sulfur and sour and even a bit of gunpowder smell. The smell, for the most part, is connected with victory, usually, in my mind, so it isn't a terrible smell for me. It has infused my bedroom and bathroom. A simple cleaning won't clear it. Only time, and if weather permitted an airing out that would speed the process a bit.
No, it is time to get in shape, what shape I can get in with the time I have. How much else will have to go on the backburner though? I will have to weave and dodge as I begin readying my body. Now that I know I can use naps successfully, that may help greatly. I am too old to be an effective general combat unit. I cannot know the path to long forced marches, 20 mile runs, six mile swims. Too much cold, heat, other discomfort, and perhaps even minor wounds would harshly impact my performance. But for short distance combat, defense, or acting as a guide through less well patrolled areas I might still be useful. But not in the shape I am in. I think the dreams were a call, I am almost sure of it. Perhaps the time is coming.
Now, I can't just begin swimming long distances, lifting tons, or jumping rope. To be honest, it will begin with nutrition. I need to prepare for high protein, good solid slow burning carbs, and a good mixture of fats. I need to get back to six or seven meals a day. I might be able to find a place to begin swimming, too. I am not sure if the garage is truly too cold to do my weights or not, though perhaps a small heating unit might help. It wouldn't be bad to get a minor heating unit for prepping anyway, and have fuels and the knowledge to work the thing. Oh, sure, I am beginning this when I am just coming off a fall, if not quite over it, wouldn't you know. The dreams are compelling though.
I was given a reprieve, for Christmas. And I needed it. I hope to avoid a repeat of the dreams though. Never mind. Now, don't take this as a New Years resolution. It isn't a resolution of any kind. It is merely a choice derived from a warning. I will, at times, still stumble, and fall, on this as with all things. I must rise and continue when I can. Destiny calls.
I cannot, still, believe the peace, warmth, fellowship, and kindness I have known this Christmas. At the meal, it was like I was with long known family. The food was very good, the talk was quite entertaining, with laughs and grins and chuckles and thoughts, new and old. I gifted and was gifted. I went to God's home to thank Him in person. My world was quiet too, if the rug squirrels wouldn't quite let me have too much peace and quiet. *grrrr* *meow?* I see it as a gift from God to prepare me to do what I must do. If it is for naught, if nothing ever happens? As with prepping, so be it. To be ahead is potential, reserves. Work and storing are never lost if wisely done.
Prepare yourselves. The ride, most likely, is soon enough to get rather bumpy. Don't be caught flat footed and unaware, if you can. Yes, I know, all must sleep. Meaning that all are vulnerable. Walk in faith or walk in the dark. Good night.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
A good day.
.
.
I decided, after looking, to go to the 23:00 Mass yesterday. It was specifically a Christmas eve Mass. I knew I would not make it for the morning Mass, this morning, and I had some small hope that it would be less crowded. I was half right. Even with chairs brought in there were not but a few places open when all was said and done. And, actually, some people must not have noticed the spare chairs, or were with too large of a group to use the few sparse places, as some were standing at the back of the Church. Still, all good.
I may have to speak with my priest. I was one of the the few dressed for Church! I even saw one man in a heavy metal pullover sweatshirt. He was my age. I don't know what has happened. I just can't rid myself of the notion of wearing my best for Mass. I have toned things down, just a bit, for weekday Mass. But I just can't for Sabbath Masses, certainly not high Masses (is that the term?) without being properly attired. Something about the secondary wedding guests, Christ, being dressed properly or being thrown out? I don't know if that applies, but I thought so. Though I do stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been invited to a dinner! I was quite pleased. I had beef-mac as the meal plan. Hey, I'm a bachelor and that seemed easy enough on a celebration day. These are some local people, going to one of their parent's home. I don't have anything to take. And I realize taking food when more is being cooked than can be eaten is a silly notion anyway. I suppose I should just humbly and politely accept the gift. It will be good to be in company though. You know me, even if you know me, you know?
My mother has been spoken with, with all the usual Christmas sayings. Just a touch and go thing, as she is a busy woman. She has more people coming over for a minute than any woman I know, and calls too. I have a few more calls to make this afternoon. Everything is on schedule that way, more or less. She thinks the Church will be empty at her funeral. Sometimes I think she really doesn't understand. She has become something between the Godmother and Mrs. Santa in her area. Really really.
And again, Merry Christmas.
.
I decided, after looking, to go to the 23:00 Mass yesterday. It was specifically a Christmas eve Mass. I knew I would not make it for the morning Mass, this morning, and I had some small hope that it would be less crowded. I was half right. Even with chairs brought in there were not but a few places open when all was said and done. And, actually, some people must not have noticed the spare chairs, or were with too large of a group to use the few sparse places, as some were standing at the back of the Church. Still, all good.
I may have to speak with my priest. I was one of the the few dressed for Church! I even saw one man in a heavy metal pullover sweatshirt. He was my age. I don't know what has happened. I just can't rid myself of the notion of wearing my best for Mass. I have toned things down, just a bit, for weekday Mass. But I just can't for Sabbath Masses, certainly not high Masses (is that the term?) without being properly attired. Something about the secondary wedding guests, Christ, being dressed properly or being thrown out? I don't know if that applies, but I thought so. Though I do stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been invited to a dinner! I was quite pleased. I had beef-mac as the meal plan. Hey, I'm a bachelor and that seemed easy enough on a celebration day. These are some local people, going to one of their parent's home. I don't have anything to take. And I realize taking food when more is being cooked than can be eaten is a silly notion anyway. I suppose I should just humbly and politely accept the gift. It will be good to be in company though. You know me, even if you know me, you know?
My mother has been spoken with, with all the usual Christmas sayings. Just a touch and go thing, as she is a busy woman. She has more people coming over for a minute than any woman I know, and calls too. I have a few more calls to make this afternoon. Everything is on schedule that way, more or less. She thinks the Church will be empty at her funeral. Sometimes I think she really doesn't understand. She has become something between the Godmother and Mrs. Santa in her area. Really really.
And again, Merry Christmas.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The night before Christmas?
.
.
Time flies when you can't think. Never mind. I am rather at peace with Christmas this year. There have been a Christmas or dozen that were not filled with so much cheer. Sometimes I choked on self pity, it happens. Sometimes there was a sense of lonesomeness that would not be undone no matter how many were around, how close those people were, or what. And sometimes I drowned in the activities. A party here, a meal there, presents to be opened here, there, and yonder as well.
Mostly Christmas has been a time to escape the doings of the world. The thing that bothers me is that, often, with people, there is prejudice. Political, religious, personal, private, for good reason and for no reason, people just can't let go. I often wonder if one of the key things Christ wanted to teach was to simply let go. To honestly love the ones closest to us. Don't choose one of your own over someone else, choose the right one. Don't choose yourself over one of your own, choose the right one. Find the fundamental truths, understand them, and use them to guide you in all things. The more reason to crucify Him, by a worldly host of men, not knowing this would be the undoing of petty, selfish, self-vested notions. No, I am not saying that was Jesus's purpose, He came to save. But He taught for a bit before He returned to where He belonged. And this is what I speak of, His teaching.
When I find myself straying, and realize it, I try to look to Christ. While He is God, He also claimed me, by proxy, as friend and even kin. I know of little, truly, of God. I cannot comprehend what my mind was not meant to understand. But Christ, as a man too, I can see arms, legs, a torso and head. I read words uttered past his tongue. I know where He lived, where He went, what He did. And I am satisfied with Him, as Savior, King, Prophet, Friend, Kin, Adviser, and as One who knows what my "sandles" feel like to wear and use, in the full multiplicity of that last notion. Not all His choices, of course, are for me. Nor are all His duties completed here. So I cannot say fully that I know what He wants of me, only that I understand enough to know the path I must take. My point is, while I know He is God, I know too He was Flesh, Man, Friend, and Kin. And, to the exact point, He is worth... abiding.
Whether He was born, 'xactly, on December 25th I neither know nor worry. That I have let others concern themselves with the matter is enough, and this is what they have said. So be it. There will always be naysayers. Some say it was a different day! Some say there is no day as He never existed. There are some who still insist the world is flat or that men did not land on the moon (my grandfather believed the latter, to much cheer and endearment). Distractions abound if you choose to find them. As with many things, just look to God and these things fade into the irrelevance they deserve. No, it isn't about the exact day, if with faith there is no doubt He was born, it is just about remembering what the day is about. It is about the birth of the only true King men will ever find worthy of bowing for, to.
This is a great Christmas for me, personally. At ease with the approach, even on my own in a strange land. I am in my home, the first I have ever known. I am among people who are peaceful and have graces, some unique to them. I have two animal friends who seem to enjoy me as much as I enjoy them. I am slowly learning to live, to use my medicines to my advantage and function. I have finally begun partaking in worship and fellowship in my Church. I even have enough left over to share with others, bits and pieces of what I have and am. I have taken as much reasonable control of my life as I can, with Christian, Catholic, guidelines to follow. Life is so very good, the frustrations simply things to work with. I would never have believed such a thing could be.
Christmas, for my part, is every day. As is Easter. And yet neither is true without the darkest of days. But to see the greatest sin of men turned into the finally victory for God is to see debris woven with the finest materials into a tapestry of hope, faith, and charity. It is a good Christmas. Without being able to afford ornaments, let alone a tree. Without many gifts under the tree that isn't here. Without people all around. Without even the realization that Christmas day snuck up on me. It is a very good Christmas. How little we really need. I best be off to Mass.
Merry Christmas, should I not post tomorrow. I have some prayers to say. I believe it will be a day of prayers.
.
Time flies when you can't think. Never mind. I am rather at peace with Christmas this year. There have been a Christmas or dozen that were not filled with so much cheer. Sometimes I choked on self pity, it happens. Sometimes there was a sense of lonesomeness that would not be undone no matter how many were around, how close those people were, or what. And sometimes I drowned in the activities. A party here, a meal there, presents to be opened here, there, and yonder as well.
Mostly Christmas has been a time to escape the doings of the world. The thing that bothers me is that, often, with people, there is prejudice. Political, religious, personal, private, for good reason and for no reason, people just can't let go. I often wonder if one of the key things Christ wanted to teach was to simply let go. To honestly love the ones closest to us. Don't choose one of your own over someone else, choose the right one. Don't choose yourself over one of your own, choose the right one. Find the fundamental truths, understand them, and use them to guide you in all things. The more reason to crucify Him, by a worldly host of men, not knowing this would be the undoing of petty, selfish, self-vested notions. No, I am not saying that was Jesus's purpose, He came to save. But He taught for a bit before He returned to where He belonged. And this is what I speak of, His teaching.
When I find myself straying, and realize it, I try to look to Christ. While He is God, He also claimed me, by proxy, as friend and even kin. I know of little, truly, of God. I cannot comprehend what my mind was not meant to understand. But Christ, as a man too, I can see arms, legs, a torso and head. I read words uttered past his tongue. I know where He lived, where He went, what He did. And I am satisfied with Him, as Savior, King, Prophet, Friend, Kin, Adviser, and as One who knows what my "sandles" feel like to wear and use, in the full multiplicity of that last notion. Not all His choices, of course, are for me. Nor are all His duties completed here. So I cannot say fully that I know what He wants of me, only that I understand enough to know the path I must take. My point is, while I know He is God, I know too He was Flesh, Man, Friend, and Kin. And, to the exact point, He is worth... abiding.
Whether He was born, 'xactly, on December 25th I neither know nor worry. That I have let others concern themselves with the matter is enough, and this is what they have said. So be it. There will always be naysayers. Some say it was a different day! Some say there is no day as He never existed. There are some who still insist the world is flat or that men did not land on the moon (my grandfather believed the latter, to much cheer and endearment). Distractions abound if you choose to find them. As with many things, just look to God and these things fade into the irrelevance they deserve. No, it isn't about the exact day, if with faith there is no doubt He was born, it is just about remembering what the day is about. It is about the birth of the only true King men will ever find worthy of bowing for, to.
This is a great Christmas for me, personally. At ease with the approach, even on my own in a strange land. I am in my home, the first I have ever known. I am among people who are peaceful and have graces, some unique to them. I have two animal friends who seem to enjoy me as much as I enjoy them. I am slowly learning to live, to use my medicines to my advantage and function. I have finally begun partaking in worship and fellowship in my Church. I even have enough left over to share with others, bits and pieces of what I have and am. I have taken as much reasonable control of my life as I can, with Christian, Catholic, guidelines to follow. Life is so very good, the frustrations simply things to work with. I would never have believed such a thing could be.
Christmas, for my part, is every day. As is Easter. And yet neither is true without the darkest of days. But to see the greatest sin of men turned into the finally victory for God is to see debris woven with the finest materials into a tapestry of hope, faith, and charity. It is a good Christmas. Without being able to afford ornaments, let alone a tree. Without many gifts under the tree that isn't here. Without people all around. Without even the realization that Christmas day snuck up on me. It is a very good Christmas. How little we really need. I best be off to Mass.
Merry Christmas, should I not post tomorrow. I have some prayers to say. I believe it will be a day of prayers.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Out and about.
.
.
Not until later. I finally arrived to see my friend at about 16:00. It seems he needed new pants and a coat. It is fun shopping for new stuff. He purchased three pair of pants in the right sizes, and a jacket. I was able to help him find what he needed. The size tags are often small, and as with many stores, around Christmas at least, keeping the sizes in order is difficult. Hunt and peck. Not my favorite activity but it wasn't that bad today. Grocery stores, with dozens of similar products, all bunched together in aisles stacked floor to ceiling, are the places I despise. This soap is for cold water, with bleach, for high efficiency machines, with softener, original (whatever that means anymore). On it goes. Clothes are a bit easier, usually. He didn't quite feel up to supper, or dinner out. But a half pint of his favorite brew sounded good. After that I let him off, helped him get his goods in, then went shopping myself.
Just food and cat items. Two cats sure go through a LOT of cat litter. I go through a 35-40 pound sack of litter every four to six weeks. Perhaps I am not doing it right? Along with that, they eat three to four 24 can packs of wet and a bag of dry food a month. Sum total, I would say they cost about a sixty dollars a month, give or take. It's toting the bags of litter that gets to me. Never mind, I'll do it. I do love the little house squirrels. Oh, I got a goodly number of treats. They go through those quite quickly.
I also bought a bit more, minor foods. I have not been eating right lately. I have cheese, I just ran out of salami and other nibblets. I should be good to go for a goodly period of time. Then, on my way home, a meal to go. Nothing fancy, I can't afford it. I still have to bring all that in. I hope, after doing that then a short rest, to finish the dishes. I really need to get to Church tomorrow. I miss receiving the Eucharist. It is like air, water, and food combined, and more still. Perhaps I am silly, but since I found it... I abhor going without it.
Well, on to other things. Perhaps, over the weekend, I can find my feet and put them on the track to good things. Good night.
.
Not until later. I finally arrived to see my friend at about 16:00. It seems he needed new pants and a coat. It is fun shopping for new stuff. He purchased three pair of pants in the right sizes, and a jacket. I was able to help him find what he needed. The size tags are often small, and as with many stores, around Christmas at least, keeping the sizes in order is difficult. Hunt and peck. Not my favorite activity but it wasn't that bad today. Grocery stores, with dozens of similar products, all bunched together in aisles stacked floor to ceiling, are the places I despise. This soap is for cold water, with bleach, for high efficiency machines, with softener, original (whatever that means anymore). On it goes. Clothes are a bit easier, usually. He didn't quite feel up to supper, or dinner out. But a half pint of his favorite brew sounded good. After that I let him off, helped him get his goods in, then went shopping myself.
Just food and cat items. Two cats sure go through a LOT of cat litter. I go through a 35-40 pound sack of litter every four to six weeks. Perhaps I am not doing it right? Along with that, they eat three to four 24 can packs of wet and a bag of dry food a month. Sum total, I would say they cost about a sixty dollars a month, give or take. It's toting the bags of litter that gets to me. Never mind, I'll do it. I do love the little house squirrels. Oh, I got a goodly number of treats. They go through those quite quickly.
I also bought a bit more, minor foods. I have not been eating right lately. I have cheese, I just ran out of salami and other nibblets. I should be good to go for a goodly period of time. Then, on my way home, a meal to go. Nothing fancy, I can't afford it. I still have to bring all that in. I hope, after doing that then a short rest, to finish the dishes. I really need to get to Church tomorrow. I miss receiving the Eucharist. It is like air, water, and food combined, and more still. Perhaps I am silly, but since I found it... I abhor going without it.
Well, on to other things. Perhaps, over the weekend, I can find my feet and put them on the track to good things. Good night.
Crash.
.
.
No, I did not finish the dishes. I did not collect $200. I went straight to bed. I had my alarm set. I reset it three times before finally just turning the damned thing off. At least I have enough on the ball that I can be pissed about it. Oh, not too angry, I know how this illness can be. I am not happy though. Never mind.
I saw that my friend called, so I called back. It seems he has been in some trouble this week too. Serious trouble it seems. Earlier this week he started having a lot of trouble breathing. Thankfully he called someone this time. He was way low on both blood and iron. They seem to have fixed him back up, filling both of those reserves. Who knows how low he was. He, like me, seems to be able to survive past going well below survival levels of stuff. He, like me, is feeling better, if just gaining his feet too. He needs to do some clothes shopping, not food. I said I could help this afternoon, and let him know he is invited for a spaghetti dinner if that suits him. He isn't sure. He said, regarding the clothes since he has been gaining weight (a good thing, trust me) that when he went to his closet, he couldn't find a thing to wear. He did note women do this every day! Ha! I just suggested that now he knows what women go through! What a larf. Oh, hush women. You know of that which we speak. Iffin you might not think it so grandly hilarious.
I finally woke at 13:30 or so. I feel good. I have some energy back. It's a happy, if late, day. Never mind, I'll do what I can. A shower, perhaps a neck trim, maybe a bit of beard clipping, then the rest of grooming and dressing and I'll be there... in a few hours. I ain't moving fast. I am fully awake, just not... quite able yet. Bah!
Good day.
.
No, I did not finish the dishes. I did not collect $200. I went straight to bed. I had my alarm set. I reset it three times before finally just turning the damned thing off. At least I have enough on the ball that I can be pissed about it. Oh, not too angry, I know how this illness can be. I am not happy though. Never mind.
I saw that my friend called, so I called back. It seems he has been in some trouble this week too. Serious trouble it seems. Earlier this week he started having a lot of trouble breathing. Thankfully he called someone this time. He was way low on both blood and iron. They seem to have fixed him back up, filling both of those reserves. Who knows how low he was. He, like me, seems to be able to survive past going well below survival levels of stuff. He, like me, is feeling better, if just gaining his feet too. He needs to do some clothes shopping, not food. I said I could help this afternoon, and let him know he is invited for a spaghetti dinner if that suits him. He isn't sure. He said, regarding the clothes since he has been gaining weight (a good thing, trust me) that when he went to his closet, he couldn't find a thing to wear. He did note women do this every day! Ha! I just suggested that now he knows what women go through! What a larf. Oh, hush women. You know of that which we speak. Iffin you might not think it so grandly hilarious.
I finally woke at 13:30 or so. I feel good. I have some energy back. It's a happy, if late, day. Never mind, I'll do what I can. A shower, perhaps a neck trim, maybe a bit of beard clipping, then the rest of grooming and dressing and I'll be there... in a few hours. I ain't moving fast. I am fully awake, just not... quite able yet. Bah!
Good day.
Bit by bit.
.
.
While I did do more of the dishes, my ability to stay right on it sank. Still, I finished all save the roaster and dinner dishes. I finally finished enough of my dirty dishes to warrant a steak. Potatoes went in the oven, the steak in my cast iron skillet. Easy to clean stuff. I am going to try to get everything cleaned yet tonight.
A bright sunny day today. I got a lot of things done, actually. I am feeling a bit better, if not as good as last night. Tomorrow, if I can rise, I will do some laundry. Just a load or two, hopefully to be done by the time I need to leave for Mass. After that, a visit with my friend and some shopping. I may even ask if he wants dinner at my place. Spaghetti and meat sauce, American style of course. It only takes an half hour to fix that dish, give or take. The longest thing is getting the gallon and an half of water that I use per pound of spaghetti up to boiling. I don't stew the sauce all day, I don't know that method. It is one of the few foods I use right out of a jar, the sauce. I just wish I had access to my favorite fresh spices, offered in bulk. I hate "canned" spices and herbs, from what I have found. They are often very old and quite brittle, unlike what I am used to. Still, I have a few bulk type spices to freshen the sauce a bit. My friend may not be interested though. And, I understand. Some days are just hard. Perhaps an early call to get his hunger worked up might help.
It does feel good to be getting to some of it again. It does feel good to seem normal again, too. While not quite back to some semblance of normality, I can see it just... there. Those medicines are nasty little beasts. I wonder how many people with a bad heart would feel better on fewer medicines, perhaps be able to return to a more normal life. How many people are needlessly bed-ridden? They have been tricked by doctors who promise the high dosage will be short-term and then just... forget. Many of them being fed medicines by wives and other care-givers, without a thought. "Doctors orders", she sings. They never are short term. Doctors seem to only know how to add. My question though, considering my guess is many doctors know this, is... why? Why do they want to medically disable certain people, usually men, patriarchs? You will have to find your own theories. Since I don't know, and perhaps doctors don't know they are just "following orders" (some of them), you will have to guess for yourself. Perhaps I am wrong. I doubt it. The average doctor wouldn't know, his professors might know though. When trying to understand the puppet, it is best to understand the puppeteer.
Well, good night. Sleep well.
.
While I did do more of the dishes, my ability to stay right on it sank. Still, I finished all save the roaster and dinner dishes. I finally finished enough of my dirty dishes to warrant a steak. Potatoes went in the oven, the steak in my cast iron skillet. Easy to clean stuff. I am going to try to get everything cleaned yet tonight.
A bright sunny day today. I got a lot of things done, actually. I am feeling a bit better, if not as good as last night. Tomorrow, if I can rise, I will do some laundry. Just a load or two, hopefully to be done by the time I need to leave for Mass. After that, a visit with my friend and some shopping. I may even ask if he wants dinner at my place. Spaghetti and meat sauce, American style of course. It only takes an half hour to fix that dish, give or take. The longest thing is getting the gallon and an half of water that I use per pound of spaghetti up to boiling. I don't stew the sauce all day, I don't know that method. It is one of the few foods I use right out of a jar, the sauce. I just wish I had access to my favorite fresh spices, offered in bulk. I hate "canned" spices and herbs, from what I have found. They are often very old and quite brittle, unlike what I am used to. Still, I have a few bulk type spices to freshen the sauce a bit. My friend may not be interested though. And, I understand. Some days are just hard. Perhaps an early call to get his hunger worked up might help.
It does feel good to be getting to some of it again. It does feel good to seem normal again, too. While not quite back to some semblance of normality, I can see it just... there. Those medicines are nasty little beasts. I wonder how many people with a bad heart would feel better on fewer medicines, perhaps be able to return to a more normal life. How many people are needlessly bed-ridden? They have been tricked by doctors who promise the high dosage will be short-term and then just... forget. Many of them being fed medicines by wives and other care-givers, without a thought. "Doctors orders", she sings. They never are short term. Doctors seem to only know how to add. My question though, considering my guess is many doctors know this, is... why? Why do they want to medically disable certain people, usually men, patriarchs? You will have to find your own theories. Since I don't know, and perhaps doctors don't know they are just "following orders" (some of them), you will have to guess for yourself. Perhaps I am wrong. I doubt it. The average doctor wouldn't know, his professors might know though. When trying to understand the puppet, it is best to understand the puppeteer.
Well, good night. Sleep well.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A bit more.
.
.
A few light loads of dishes, some of the snow sweeping, some visitors, bed made, and the missionaries are about to arrive. Oh, and the garbage and recycling barrels have been brought back in. No, not as much as it seems. The sweeping, what of it I completed, was some work. The rest of it was mostly just... doing it. Right, I also made an appointment with my primary. I have a new doctor now though. Who knows how this will work. Never mind, I am no longer seeing a primary for blood pressure and such. Hopefully there will be no arguments. I just need to discuss a fall, a sprained ankle, ear wax removal (toward which I will start using oil to soften it), and a general checkup. They might want to do a blood draw so I will show up early, just in case.
If I can finish the dishes after this next visitor group I will probably take a nap. I would be taking one now but they will be arriving shortly. Oh, I also found the catechism. I had told them I would look for it. Remember how usually what you are looking for you find in the last place you look (if you are sane?). Well, how many times do you find something that is lost in the first place you look? So it was, I found the catechism in the first and last place I looked. I have been looking for it for weeks, before today, too. But today, bam, there it was.
I really wonder if I am dying. As bad as things sometimes get. It is just with as much practice as I have had I am dying well? *grins* Not fast, not hard, without pain mostly, as if I had a death parachute. Whatever the case, even when I am weak, I am enjoying my little life. I just wish I could recharge my batteries a little faster and fuller and that they would take me a little further. No worries. I'll get through it.
Good day.
.
A few light loads of dishes, some of the snow sweeping, some visitors, bed made, and the missionaries are about to arrive. Oh, and the garbage and recycling barrels have been brought back in. No, not as much as it seems. The sweeping, what of it I completed, was some work. The rest of it was mostly just... doing it. Right, I also made an appointment with my primary. I have a new doctor now though. Who knows how this will work. Never mind, I am no longer seeing a primary for blood pressure and such. Hopefully there will be no arguments. I just need to discuss a fall, a sprained ankle, ear wax removal (toward which I will start using oil to soften it), and a general checkup. They might want to do a blood draw so I will show up early, just in case.
If I can finish the dishes after this next visitor group I will probably take a nap. I would be taking one now but they will be arriving shortly. Oh, I also found the catechism. I had told them I would look for it. Remember how usually what you are looking for you find in the last place you look (if you are sane?). Well, how many times do you find something that is lost in the first place you look? So it was, I found the catechism in the first and last place I looked. I have been looking for it for weeks, before today, too. But today, bam, there it was.
I really wonder if I am dying. As bad as things sometimes get. It is just with as much practice as I have had I am dying well? *grins* Not fast, not hard, without pain mostly, as if I had a death parachute. Whatever the case, even when I am weak, I am enjoying my little life. I just wish I could recharge my batteries a little faster and fuller and that they would take me a little further. No worries. I'll get through it.
Good day.
A good sleep.
.
.
I might have made it up at 9:00, when the alarm went off. But when I went back to bed I went in hard and slept at a weird angle and didn't roll. Ugh. I reset the alarm for 10:30. I got a call sometime before that but couldn't quite get up even then. At 10:30, thankfully, I did wake. I am not sure I will get to much. I have set some things to a fresh soak. If I can just do the dishes I will be happy. Sometime after that and yet today, perhaps, I can have a great meal.
Still a bit cranky, my first 32 ounce glass of fluid has almost gone down. Medicine has been taken. I am dressed and just need to brush my teeth for my routine to be finished. I might get my trash and recycling bins in too, today.
It looks to have snowed lightly again. Perhaps tomorrow, before getting ready for Mass, I might get out and sweep or scoop that. It is just a light snow, powder. I sure hope last night wasn't it. But it might be, for a while. Still, even if I end up getting nothing done I will begin scheduling things. It... usually eventually works, at least as I get better, if I am getting better. No fight dreams in a day or two. I'm catching my breath again.
Later.
.
I might have made it up at 9:00, when the alarm went off. But when I went back to bed I went in hard and slept at a weird angle and didn't roll. Ugh. I reset the alarm for 10:30. I got a call sometime before that but couldn't quite get up even then. At 10:30, thankfully, I did wake. I am not sure I will get to much. I have set some things to a fresh soak. If I can just do the dishes I will be happy. Sometime after that and yet today, perhaps, I can have a great meal.
Still a bit cranky, my first 32 ounce glass of fluid has almost gone down. Medicine has been taken. I am dressed and just need to brush my teeth for my routine to be finished. I might get my trash and recycling bins in too, today.
It looks to have snowed lightly again. Perhaps tomorrow, before getting ready for Mass, I might get out and sweep or scoop that. It is just a light snow, powder. I sure hope last night wasn't it. But it might be, for a while. Still, even if I end up getting nothing done I will begin scheduling things. It... usually eventually works, at least as I get better, if I am getting better. No fight dreams in a day or two. I'm catching my breath again.
Later.
Not quite.
.
.
Not bad either. I have finished two loads of dishes and another is soaking. I will finish that load. Along with a needed shower it seems that I am just about done otherwise. I have pots and pans large storage containers and a roaster to clean yet. I am truly too tired to finish those, bake potatoes, and cook a steak. Tomorrow, perhaps, when I wake up. The good thing is that most of the regular dishes and silverware have been cleaned. Just the annoying large items are left. I may set what of those need it to soak overnight. A fist full of clementines might be my treat for the work. If nothing else I have a huge headstart on what I wanted to do tomorrow.
Even as I tire I feel even better than when I woke. I hope I get some of this tomorrow, I definitely needed at least a minor break from what has been ailing me. I have so much to do, as well, other things. Thankfully, because of the state I was in, I actually have little laundry and only few dishes compared to longer, more serious, falls. If I can just keep up, and I am in line to do that, I will be fine.
Good morning, I suppose. Good night too.
.
Not bad either. I have finished two loads of dishes and another is soaking. I will finish that load. Along with a needed shower it seems that I am just about done otherwise. I have pots and pans large storage containers and a roaster to clean yet. I am truly too tired to finish those, bake potatoes, and cook a steak. Tomorrow, perhaps, when I wake up. The good thing is that most of the regular dishes and silverware have been cleaned. Just the annoying large items are left. I may set what of those need it to soak overnight. A fist full of clementines might be my treat for the work. If nothing else I have a huge headstart on what I wanted to do tomorrow.
Even as I tire I feel even better than when I woke. I hope I get some of this tomorrow, I definitely needed at least a minor break from what has been ailing me. I have so much to do, as well, other things. Thankfully, because of the state I was in, I actually have little laundry and only few dishes compared to longer, more serious, falls. If I can just keep up, and I am in line to do that, I will be fine.
Good morning, I suppose. Good night too.
Well, okay.
.
.
When a window opens, get out. I went to bed at about 21:30. I fell asleep immediately. I had an odd dream. At first I thought it was going to be some kind of horror flick type dream (no worries, my dreams like that are classy, just scary). Nope, it was a dream about a new kind of bug. These people had moved several times, thinking it was the home they lived in. While it was, they carried it with them. I dreamed I was the mister, had a cute wife. But the mister wasn't me (and, no, it wasn't THAT kind of dream). I think we were figuring it out. Anyway, I woke at zero hundred hours on the dot. I think I heard the llama braying, or some other weird noise it makes. Just once. Then again that might have been part of that dream, some other dream, or such.
Since I was awake, I used the facilities. I was not sure if I could go back to bed. Steak? Yes, the notion of eating a steak rolled across my mind. Well, I knew that wasn't going to happen, not with dirty dishes to be washed. Without a thought I found myself in the kitchen loading up a load of dishes to soak and then be washed. If I can get through all, or at least most, of the dishes I will indeed have a steak.
Oh, by the way, trucks, semis, aren't roaring through here all night long anymore. As a fact, I rarely hear one go through. And, a goodly bit ago, when midnight was still early, I noticed why. The police or sheriffs men were on patrol. I think they put a stop to the midnight runs. Good on them. I saw, in my mind, a half-asleep driver running out in front of one, being hit by one of those semis. His vehicle was sent into a house. The semi went on to do serious damage to. Lots of blood and damage and death. At the speed those rigs were going there is no way they could have stopped in time. My mind is at ease now. I swear, I am read by more than I think. It was shortly after writing about this that the police arrived in force.
Since I am up and can't get back to sleep, this works. And more, I really wasn't sure how long before I got to the dishes. While I write down my goals, they are often just hopes. It is always wonderful when I get the chance to work. And I have loved having my home nice and tidy. It still is, mostly. It is a pleasant thing. I don't know if this is a fluke, an early but not lasting event, of if I am beginning to 'thaw' already. I will take what I can get. After dishes, if I still feel like cooking and eating a steak and then do that, I may go right back to bed afterwards and try to get up early and do more tomorrow. Weird how this illness comes and goes.
.
When a window opens, get out. I went to bed at about 21:30. I fell asleep immediately. I had an odd dream. At first I thought it was going to be some kind of horror flick type dream (no worries, my dreams like that are classy, just scary). Nope, it was a dream about a new kind of bug. These people had moved several times, thinking it was the home they lived in. While it was, they carried it with them. I dreamed I was the mister, had a cute wife. But the mister wasn't me (and, no, it wasn't THAT kind of dream). I think we were figuring it out. Anyway, I woke at zero hundred hours on the dot. I think I heard the llama braying, or some other weird noise it makes. Just once. Then again that might have been part of that dream, some other dream, or such.
Since I was awake, I used the facilities. I was not sure if I could go back to bed. Steak? Yes, the notion of eating a steak rolled across my mind. Well, I knew that wasn't going to happen, not with dirty dishes to be washed. Without a thought I found myself in the kitchen loading up a load of dishes to soak and then be washed. If I can get through all, or at least most, of the dishes I will indeed have a steak.
Oh, by the way, trucks, semis, aren't roaring through here all night long anymore. As a fact, I rarely hear one go through. And, a goodly bit ago, when midnight was still early, I noticed why. The police or sheriffs men were on patrol. I think they put a stop to the midnight runs. Good on them. I saw, in my mind, a half-asleep driver running out in front of one, being hit by one of those semis. His vehicle was sent into a house. The semi went on to do serious damage to. Lots of blood and damage and death. At the speed those rigs were going there is no way they could have stopped in time. My mind is at ease now. I swear, I am read by more than I think. It was shortly after writing about this that the police arrived in force.
Since I am up and can't get back to sleep, this works. And more, I really wasn't sure how long before I got to the dishes. While I write down my goals, they are often just hopes. It is always wonderful when I get the chance to work. And I have loved having my home nice and tidy. It still is, mostly. It is a pleasant thing. I don't know if this is a fluke, an early but not lasting event, of if I am beginning to 'thaw' already. I will take what I can get. After dishes, if I still feel like cooking and eating a steak and then do that, I may go right back to bed afterwards and try to get up early and do more tomorrow. Weird how this illness comes and goes.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A better day.
.
.
I was awake a bit this morning, then took a long nap. I have been awake from then on. I am feeling better. Perhaps the cut in medicine, extra sleep, or both, have seen me to better moments. I can promise nothing. I hope tomorrow I may do the dishes. There will be no big meal this week, I simply can't do it. Perhaps I can make it to town and have my friend go out for dinner with me though. I will swear to nothing. I have been sitting in this chair, and only a little else, for the last week or two or three. Memory goes blank, time passes at great speed, and all I have wanted is sleep or wakefulness. Receiving neither I have ghosted through time.
I have not set up an appointment with my general practitioner yet either. Dishes and that would be good. More than that I dare not hope. Friday I hope to make it to Mass. If I do, that would be a good day to have a meal with my friend. Perhaps the purchase of milk and other drinks, oh, and spaghetti for when I can finally cook the meal. Hungry as a bear I have not eaten more than, perhaps, three or four meals in the last few weeks. Can you be too tired to eat? Yes, I think so.
I finished the last of the LotR trilogy, the movies, tonight. Ah, I do remember halflings, after seeing the second movie. Giant folk. That was always something, before LotR books even, that made me laugh. There is much in the books, and as far as movies can go, much in those too. The author understood some fundamental truths and the moviemaker either understood them, or at least saw fit to represent them correctly.
I see at the end Froto and Bilbo must go. They are tainted, I think. They must be taken away so that what was destroyed cannot manifest itself, somehow, through them. I wonder how many people understand that, or believe they do. After war and such there is a high rate of suicide among those who have known it. Perhaps some simply never were made for what they see. If you make it past the first five years, what then? I suppose each has a different path to follow. It may depend what you have left of friends, family, and something else, something personal, something inside. Yes, the author saw much. He knew so very much. But how?
I had hoped to make potatoes and a steak tonight but I think I will pass. Too tired to eat, again. Maybe when the dishes are washed my hunger will return more strongly than my exhaustion. Perhaps just a glass of milk and more sleep. Good night, I think.
.
I was awake a bit this morning, then took a long nap. I have been awake from then on. I am feeling better. Perhaps the cut in medicine, extra sleep, or both, have seen me to better moments. I can promise nothing. I hope tomorrow I may do the dishes. There will be no big meal this week, I simply can't do it. Perhaps I can make it to town and have my friend go out for dinner with me though. I will swear to nothing. I have been sitting in this chair, and only a little else, for the last week or two or three. Memory goes blank, time passes at great speed, and all I have wanted is sleep or wakefulness. Receiving neither I have ghosted through time.
I have not set up an appointment with my general practitioner yet either. Dishes and that would be good. More than that I dare not hope. Friday I hope to make it to Mass. If I do, that would be a good day to have a meal with my friend. Perhaps the purchase of milk and other drinks, oh, and spaghetti for when I can finally cook the meal. Hungry as a bear I have not eaten more than, perhaps, three or four meals in the last few weeks. Can you be too tired to eat? Yes, I think so.
I finished the last of the LotR trilogy, the movies, tonight. Ah, I do remember halflings, after seeing the second movie. Giant folk. That was always something, before LotR books even, that made me laugh. There is much in the books, and as far as movies can go, much in those too. The author understood some fundamental truths and the moviemaker either understood them, or at least saw fit to represent them correctly.
I see at the end Froto and Bilbo must go. They are tainted, I think. They must be taken away so that what was destroyed cannot manifest itself, somehow, through them. I wonder how many people understand that, or believe they do. After war and such there is a high rate of suicide among those who have known it. Perhaps some simply never were made for what they see. If you make it past the first five years, what then? I suppose each has a different path to follow. It may depend what you have left of friends, family, and something else, something personal, something inside. Yes, the author saw much. He knew so very much. But how?
I had hoped to make potatoes and a steak tonight but I think I will pass. Too tired to eat, again. Maybe when the dishes are washed my hunger will return more strongly than my exhaustion. Perhaps just a glass of milk and more sleep. Good night, I think.
It seems good?
.
.
After sleeping most of yesterday, minus the time for two movies and some blogging, I woke this morning, very shortly after the 9:00 alarm. While it seemed like the alarm was going off 'all morning', I was out of bed after only ten minutes of that annoying sound. I have been reading blogs since. Annoyed with myself I have been erasing comments, mostly. I didn't erase all of them, or everywhere. I may stop commenting regarding politics or social issues for a while. Then again I am not seriously interested in reading about those things either.
I did read one thing that pleased me this morning. I saw a convert from soccer to football. You probably know that sports isn't my thing. Sure, and while that is true, there are levels of sports hell. Soccer is in the lowest of hells. It is not only boring, it is stupid enough that almost anyone can play it. It is what socialism does to sports. I love it when a woman says, "But my daughter plays, and is super at it". I so sorely wish to say, "Right, exactly!". But it would be lost on the poor feminized dear lady. She might be a Tea Partier, she might believe she is conservative, but given how much women's sports are subsidized both from the government and men and boy sports, the truth is she isn't half what she thinks. But to see a Brit come to his senses is a wonderful thing. My real problem with sports is that it has become, if it wasn't always, rigged. Whether by players taking drugs, the outcome being set up by Vegas, or other things that are completely contrary to simply playing a stinking game. I remember, with my brother, when we were kids, arguing about wrestling. I would lay $10 down on a bet that he still thinks "pro" wrestling is real. And of course the others sports have to be real, for sure. Ugh. I love my brother, but regarding sports, brother = rock. :p
At least American sports, if simply allowed to be played, are both fun to play and interesting to watch. Soccer? Urhm, no. A socialist game for a socialist mom. Soccer mom, the term, comes from what I just stated and the fact (if just my belief, or not yet proven) that women are skirt socialists, interested more in equality of outcome (minus their children against other children though, but definitely among their children).
Fine, grumpy and complaining this morning. At least I am up. Then again many people don't read the truth that hurts. That's fine, I think... *knock... knock knock* while I have the podium I am quite alone in here. Hello ello ello lo o o o. Yep. *grins* Shut up, it's fun talking in an empty space. Later.
.
After sleeping most of yesterday, minus the time for two movies and some blogging, I woke this morning, very shortly after the 9:00 alarm. While it seemed like the alarm was going off 'all morning', I was out of bed after only ten minutes of that annoying sound. I have been reading blogs since. Annoyed with myself I have been erasing comments, mostly. I didn't erase all of them, or everywhere. I may stop commenting regarding politics or social issues for a while. Then again I am not seriously interested in reading about those things either.
I did read one thing that pleased me this morning. I saw a convert from soccer to football. You probably know that sports isn't my thing. Sure, and while that is true, there are levels of sports hell. Soccer is in the lowest of hells. It is not only boring, it is stupid enough that almost anyone can play it. It is what socialism does to sports. I love it when a woman says, "But my daughter plays, and is super at it". I so sorely wish to say, "Right, exactly!". But it would be lost on the poor feminized dear lady. She might be a Tea Partier, she might believe she is conservative, but given how much women's sports are subsidized both from the government and men and boy sports, the truth is she isn't half what she thinks. But to see a Brit come to his senses is a wonderful thing. My real problem with sports is that it has become, if it wasn't always, rigged. Whether by players taking drugs, the outcome being set up by Vegas, or other things that are completely contrary to simply playing a stinking game. I remember, with my brother, when we were kids, arguing about wrestling. I would lay $10 down on a bet that he still thinks "pro" wrestling is real. And of course the others sports have to be real, for sure. Ugh. I love my brother, but regarding sports, brother = rock. :p
At least American sports, if simply allowed to be played, are both fun to play and interesting to watch. Soccer? Urhm, no. A socialist game for a socialist mom. Soccer mom, the term, comes from what I just stated and the fact (if just my belief, or not yet proven) that women are skirt socialists, interested more in equality of outcome (minus their children against other children though, but definitely among their children).
Fine, grumpy and complaining this morning. At least I am up. Then again many people don't read the truth that hurts. That's fine, I think... *knock... knock knock* while I have the podium I am quite alone in here. Hello ello ello lo o o o. Yep. *grins* Shut up, it's fun talking in an empty space. Later.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Oh, some notions about the movie.
.
.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy was one of my favorites, along with The Hobbit. For some people that is the only old fiction, myth, and mix of such that they know. I myself have read of elves, dwarves, orcs, and all but hobbit before reading the trilogy, plus. I suppose in my previous readings hobbits would be, physically, gnomes. Gnomes, however, were either magical or at least highly intelligent, unlike hobbits. Never mind that part.
I see Gandalf the Grey, as I see things from story and myth, would have been more of a pagan, earth centered, magic user. Somewhere between a high pagan priest and a magic user or wizard. His use of the moth (a very favored symbol of earth type worship, a very pagan symbol) and rocs (very large eagles, give or take) and such. The white wizard, before he was corrupted, would have been more like what we might consider a priest or pastor (albeit, of course, in a world of magic). He would have been about good things, human things, rightfulness and truth. When the holy man is corrupted, the nature magician (commonly known as a druid), must pass through much pain and harrowing war and death to achieve the title of 'white' (or good). Myth and truth mixed in a very nearly magical tale, just unto itself.
The orcs, goblins, and others are known to me. The fighting uruk hai were new to me. I hold much in common with their creation. There are differences too. The differences are greater. This group interests me, as a change in the old school monster paradigm. Evil troops which could move at speed in the daylight. If you are a bit of a war-gamer, imagine having never heard of motorized cavalry, or helicopter cav. The dynamic of those would be... mind expanding on your war board. So too the uruk hai. I was well into myth and legend and history before finally reading the LotR trilogy. These were interesting new elements.
The tale is such a fine mix of myth, legend, history, and wisdom that I am always re-remembering something, connecting new ideas to old, and their ideas to reality. The possibility of destruction, understanding we are on the brink of disaster with only hope to carry us over, knowing that those who could help us, the powerful, must also tend their own greed, avarice, and thirst for power... "Do not tempt me, Froto"! "You offer the ring willingly"? As a people, as little people, we must carry our own weights, our crosses, sometimes, often. We cannot hand them off to others, not without great risk of losing everything else. How few among our leadership know this?
I just had to write just a bit about these things. They are not important. It is just that I have no one else to share them with. Sad thing is, few do. It is a truth of life that we walk through it alone, even if married with a dozen children. It is just that in such cases people are so busy they do not seem to notice. I notice. This is my place to speak in the hopes of more than being heard but being understood.
Good night, I think.
.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy was one of my favorites, along with The Hobbit. For some people that is the only old fiction, myth, and mix of such that they know. I myself have read of elves, dwarves, orcs, and all but hobbit before reading the trilogy, plus. I suppose in my previous readings hobbits would be, physically, gnomes. Gnomes, however, were either magical or at least highly intelligent, unlike hobbits. Never mind that part.
I see Gandalf the Grey, as I see things from story and myth, would have been more of a pagan, earth centered, magic user. Somewhere between a high pagan priest and a magic user or wizard. His use of the moth (a very favored symbol of earth type worship, a very pagan symbol) and rocs (very large eagles, give or take) and such. The white wizard, before he was corrupted, would have been more like what we might consider a priest or pastor (albeit, of course, in a world of magic). He would have been about good things, human things, rightfulness and truth. When the holy man is corrupted, the nature magician (commonly known as a druid), must pass through much pain and harrowing war and death to achieve the title of 'white' (or good). Myth and truth mixed in a very nearly magical tale, just unto itself.
The orcs, goblins, and others are known to me. The fighting uruk hai were new to me. I hold much in common with their creation. There are differences too. The differences are greater. This group interests me, as a change in the old school monster paradigm. Evil troops which could move at speed in the daylight. If you are a bit of a war-gamer, imagine having never heard of motorized cavalry, or helicopter cav. The dynamic of those would be... mind expanding on your war board. So too the uruk hai. I was well into myth and legend and history before finally reading the LotR trilogy. These were interesting new elements.
The tale is such a fine mix of myth, legend, history, and wisdom that I am always re-remembering something, connecting new ideas to old, and their ideas to reality. The possibility of destruction, understanding we are on the brink of disaster with only hope to carry us over, knowing that those who could help us, the powerful, must also tend their own greed, avarice, and thirst for power... "Do not tempt me, Froto"! "You offer the ring willingly"? As a people, as little people, we must carry our own weights, our crosses, sometimes, often. We cannot hand them off to others, not without great risk of losing everything else. How few among our leadership know this?
I just had to write just a bit about these things. They are not important. It is just that I have no one else to share them with. Sad thing is, few do. It is a truth of life that we walk through it alone, even if married with a dozen children. It is just that in such cases people are so busy they do not seem to notice. I notice. This is my place to speak in the hopes of more than being heard but being understood.
Good night, I think.
Sleep.
.
.
Lots of sleep. I woke for a short bit this afternoon. I blogged, I fell. Back to sleep until slightly after 18:00. A bit of food and then a movie. Carolers arrived, quite a nice event. So cold tonight, so brave the singers! I thanked them, and I think I wished them a Merry Christmas. I sure hope I did, I can't remember much these days, and not for long. If I had known they were coming I would have had hot cocoa and warmed cider for them. Yeah, I like the old ways and days. I just can't hop and skip to get something going right at the moment and on the spur of the moment.
I watched the first in The Lord of the Rings series. I might watch another before going back to bed. I am just not doing well.
I suggested trying to cut down on fluid intake. That isn't working well at all. Beside increasing exhaustion I my urine has gone from nearly clear to dark yellow and finally to a brownish (bloody looking) dark yellow. No, I best keep drinking. Perhaps cutting medicines will work. I will begin that regimen this evening. I cut my morning medicine in half a while ago, to great success. I have faltered since then. Perhaps I have taken as much as I can for as long as I can though too. These medicines are brutal, regardless of what the doctors might suggest. What else can I honestly do?
Later or, if possible, good night.
.
Lots of sleep. I woke for a short bit this afternoon. I blogged, I fell. Back to sleep until slightly after 18:00. A bit of food and then a movie. Carolers arrived, quite a nice event. So cold tonight, so brave the singers! I thanked them, and I think I wished them a Merry Christmas. I sure hope I did, I can't remember much these days, and not for long. If I had known they were coming I would have had hot cocoa and warmed cider for them. Yeah, I like the old ways and days. I just can't hop and skip to get something going right at the moment and on the spur of the moment.
I watched the first in The Lord of the Rings series. I might watch another before going back to bed. I am just not doing well.
I suggested trying to cut down on fluid intake. That isn't working well at all. Beside increasing exhaustion I my urine has gone from nearly clear to dark yellow and finally to a brownish (bloody looking) dark yellow. No, I best keep drinking. Perhaps cutting medicines will work. I will begin that regimen this evening. I cut my morning medicine in half a while ago, to great success. I have faltered since then. Perhaps I have taken as much as I can for as long as I can though too. These medicines are brutal, regardless of what the doctors might suggest. What else can I honestly do?
Later or, if possible, good night.
That might work.
.
.
When I fall I often forget I have medicines to tinker with. I have been taking them rather faithfully. I am at a point, however, where my back is against the wall. I need some relief. Fine, if dropping them all at once is not preferred, and restarting them whole hog is just as bad, how about a minor reduction in the medicine I think is the culprit? Okay, fair enough. So that is just what I will do. Instead of a whole carvedilol at night, I will take half of one.
I do wonder how much the season has to do with things? Winters have always been more difficult, summers easier. Perhaps that has just been reactions to medicines though there is enough evidence to indicate my issues are more than just medicine. It seems to happen even when I am taking nothing. I have wondered what living in a tropical "paradise" would do. I think it would boost things for a while, then the reaction would wear off and something else would become the cyclical cause of exhaustion. That would be my guess. I simply have periods where more rest is needed, function is interrupted. I still suspect a rolling 'brown-out' of various organs and tissues as my heart rotates around which parts get what of that which my heart can give. I don't think there is a way, save through something monstrous like a heart transplant, which because of the other factors would kill me even quicker, that would help. If I can't handle the medicines I am on now there is no way I could handle the stuff they would give me after such a Frankenstein thing.
Odd how, even being rather vociferous about something, when I get tired enough I forget that a minor cut in medicine might help me back to function. How can I forget so soon? Then again I am not positive a cut in medicine, at this point, will do anything. It is worth a shot though, to my mind. After 25 years of bad medicine I have given up on any real faith in the field. I am, at this point, just trying to enjoy my last bits of time here, long as that may actually be. I am not in it for longevity. Technically the game is already over. At this point I am merely trying to stay on my feet as long as I can and do some of those little things I like to do. Sleeping all night and still being too tired to do much else all day is not one of my pet projects.
If lowering medicines works it will take a week or two for me to more than just feel better, but to get back to work. I hate the slow road but, after a little research because of the doctor's reaction to my quitting for three days then restarting whole hog, I sort of have a responsibility (when I am capable of choice that is) of not doing that. Both actions truly are potentially lethal. And I am definitely not suicidal. Headstrong, stubborn, ornery, sure, but not that other. Further, I know they are trying to get me put into a ward. Not because I "have issues" but because they believe I could go on full dose of their medicine that way and there is no other way they can get me in for long term care. They can't hospitalize me for three months, not just for my heart or reaction to meds. I realize I have to be careful with these people, even if they are... thinking outside of the box and sort of on my side. It seems both their and my hands are tied, unfortunately. Anyway, a slow reduction it is.
Later or good night.
.
When I fall I often forget I have medicines to tinker with. I have been taking them rather faithfully. I am at a point, however, where my back is against the wall. I need some relief. Fine, if dropping them all at once is not preferred, and restarting them whole hog is just as bad, how about a minor reduction in the medicine I think is the culprit? Okay, fair enough. So that is just what I will do. Instead of a whole carvedilol at night, I will take half of one.
I do wonder how much the season has to do with things? Winters have always been more difficult, summers easier. Perhaps that has just been reactions to medicines though there is enough evidence to indicate my issues are more than just medicine. It seems to happen even when I am taking nothing. I have wondered what living in a tropical "paradise" would do. I think it would boost things for a while, then the reaction would wear off and something else would become the cyclical cause of exhaustion. That would be my guess. I simply have periods where more rest is needed, function is interrupted. I still suspect a rolling 'brown-out' of various organs and tissues as my heart rotates around which parts get what of that which my heart can give. I don't think there is a way, save through something monstrous like a heart transplant, which because of the other factors would kill me even quicker, that would help. If I can't handle the medicines I am on now there is no way I could handle the stuff they would give me after such a Frankenstein thing.
Odd how, even being rather vociferous about something, when I get tired enough I forget that a minor cut in medicine might help me back to function. How can I forget so soon? Then again I am not positive a cut in medicine, at this point, will do anything. It is worth a shot though, to my mind. After 25 years of bad medicine I have given up on any real faith in the field. I am, at this point, just trying to enjoy my last bits of time here, long as that may actually be. I am not in it for longevity. Technically the game is already over. At this point I am merely trying to stay on my feet as long as I can and do some of those little things I like to do. Sleeping all night and still being too tired to do much else all day is not one of my pet projects.
If lowering medicines works it will take a week or two for me to more than just feel better, but to get back to work. I hate the slow road but, after a little research because of the doctor's reaction to my quitting for three days then restarting whole hog, I sort of have a responsibility (when I am capable of choice that is) of not doing that. Both actions truly are potentially lethal. And I am definitely not suicidal. Headstrong, stubborn, ornery, sure, but not that other. Further, I know they are trying to get me put into a ward. Not because I "have issues" but because they believe I could go on full dose of their medicine that way and there is no other way they can get me in for long term care. They can't hospitalize me for three months, not just for my heart or reaction to meds. I realize I have to be careful with these people, even if they are... thinking outside of the box and sort of on my side. It seems both their and my hands are tied, unfortunately. Anyway, a slow reduction it is.
Later or good night.
No sleep.
.
.
I sort of like Bill, Whittle that is. He is interesting to watch, has at least one solid point to put things into perspective, and backs up what he says. Here are several that, well, you decide.
There are more.
.
I sort of like Bill, Whittle that is. He is interesting to watch, has at least one solid point to put things into perspective, and backs up what he says. Here are several that, well, you decide.
There are more.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Trying to smooth out life?
.
.
I think I dreamed again last night, again of fighting. I don't remember much, just what I have written. And I seriously cramped in my lower legs. I am wondering if I have been cramping in my dreams but not remembering it. My possibly sprained ankle... I think the cramps are keeping it from getting better. The pace in my dreams... Being tight all the time, both in sleep and while awake... I am almost surprised, after a week or two of these dreams most nights that I haven't had a heart attack. I must not be as vulnerable to that as I thought.
I was discussing women, and their humor (or as I have suggested lack of it). And, yeah, I do love making women laugh. Even the ones who "hate me". *laughing* Oh, and edgy humor is the absolute best. Getting a woman to break down and almost pee her pants, especially when she tries hard not to (though that mood can make it easier), that is something I really like. Unlike some men, I love a woman with a deep solid sense of humor, too. I don't even mind being one of the targets if she captures my occasional stupidity right. But too, I like to be able to make a woman cry. I like knowing her buttons. Don't tell me you are just 'the funniest woman ever', show me. If I stick with a woman I will know, or learn, how to turn all her various reactions on. She will laugh, oh yes she will. She will cry too, right down to her soul.
Since ignoring the fight themes doesn't seem to fix the problem I am going to try desensitizing. The movie 300 might help. Yesterday it was Screamers (not the silly college ones) and earlier it was Hellboy. I am amazed at how many similarities there are between Hellboy and myself, cutting out the fiction, mostly. Clint Eastwood and John Wayne don't quite cut it. Captain and Commander, Hellboy, and a few others are more amenable to my needs these days. I don't watch sports or boxing in particular anymore. I think too much of it is rigged. Well, on to my show. Then, maybe, if the Lord is willing to give this poor fool a break, on to bed.
Good night.
.
I think I dreamed again last night, again of fighting. I don't remember much, just what I have written. And I seriously cramped in my lower legs. I am wondering if I have been cramping in my dreams but not remembering it. My possibly sprained ankle... I think the cramps are keeping it from getting better. The pace in my dreams... Being tight all the time, both in sleep and while awake... I am almost surprised, after a week or two of these dreams most nights that I haven't had a heart attack. I must not be as vulnerable to that as I thought.
I was discussing women, and their humor (or as I have suggested lack of it). And, yeah, I do love making women laugh. Even the ones who "hate me". *laughing* Oh, and edgy humor is the absolute best. Getting a woman to break down and almost pee her pants, especially when she tries hard not to (though that mood can make it easier), that is something I really like. Unlike some men, I love a woman with a deep solid sense of humor, too. I don't even mind being one of the targets if she captures my occasional stupidity right. But too, I like to be able to make a woman cry. I like knowing her buttons. Don't tell me you are just 'the funniest woman ever', show me. If I stick with a woman I will know, or learn, how to turn all her various reactions on. She will laugh, oh yes she will. She will cry too, right down to her soul.
Since ignoring the fight themes doesn't seem to fix the problem I am going to try desensitizing. The movie 300 might help. Yesterday it was Screamers (not the silly college ones) and earlier it was Hellboy. I am amazed at how many similarities there are between Hellboy and myself, cutting out the fiction, mostly. Clint Eastwood and John Wayne don't quite cut it. Captain and Commander, Hellboy, and a few others are more amenable to my needs these days. I don't watch sports or boxing in particular anymore. I think too much of it is rigged. Well, on to my show. Then, maybe, if the Lord is willing to give this poor fool a break, on to bed.
Good night.
Wha?
.
.
Yes, still awake. And most likely I will be for a while. At least I took care of what was becoming a headache. The trash and recycling was collected, put in the bins, and the bins have been set out for the trucks tomorrow. Yes, the cat litter too. Oh, and I finally remember to get a batch of beans and old hamburger out. Well, at least that took care of the stink from cat litter. I can't smell that anymore. *gag* Just desserts I suppose. Being a cripple gets me no points in my own book on accounts.
I started looking around at woodworking tools. You knowI would almost directly find one of the king of wood working toys, don't you? I also looked over various tools. Some of them are outrageous. I saw minor seeming kits for $250 and up. No, I think I can go a little lower end. Sure, if the hobby began to pay serious money I might look into better tools if they happened to honestly be more than brand expense, such as making better woods easier to carve, hold edges much longer, or such. A couple of carving knives, a wooden mallet, and some stock is all it would take. Oh, and the primary wood, for beginner on up to master is not that expensive either. Mostly. A 10' by 4" by 4" would cost about $42, plus shipping (though I could probably find it locally, a little more expensive but it might negate through shipping costs?). Never mind. It is just something that has been on my mind for some time, in the background. It might lead to a more productive eating of time. I am not sure I have the patience for it though. Here is the machine. What a way to begin adding to the decor of a home. Door panels, inlays, who knows.
I know I would like to tinker more with electronic kits, to actually make useful items and learn. But electronics can be a devastatingly expensive hobby. Getting exactly what you need is much more expensive then getting bundles of stuff, per task. But buying in bundles might mean you get a huge selection of items you might never use. It is difficult to know which way to go with that. I've tinkered before. Now, with television gone, I am looking for something else to do.
I found a neat song while looking around. It reminds me of back when fighting was fun, before people were broken and and nerves became shattered. Bravado, punching, no real consequences. Yeah, this song reminds me a great deal of those early days. Believe it or not it all turned bad by 3rd grade, if I had a few fights after then that I really enjoyed. My favorite fight that I remember was in Greeley, Colorado, well other than the k.o.'s. I was... in the 4rth grade. A 7th grader was picking on my big brother (he always tried to hide that stuff from me, but I usually found out). He was my beat-down-toy (something I greatly regret, mind you). I never liked to share. Anyway, I found the guy after school. Problem is he was with a bunch of kids, or they showed up. Something. I thought I was going to get killed but it was too late. I just hoped I could get some serious smack down on him before I was slaughtered. Nope, they just circled us in and let us go at it. Off school grounds, where adults knew better than to trouble us. I absolutely mashed him. A few days later the principle called him and myself in "for a talk". F', I thought I was going to get kicked out, again. Nope, he just had us shake hands. The guys face, and he was a good bit bigger than me, was bruised everywhere. I did have a minor scratch over my right eye, that was it. *grins* I remember, toward the end of that fight, he went to kick me and just collapsed. Anyway, here is the song.
Can't sleep. It just isn't happening. I don't know if it is the weather, the funk, falling, or what. But my days and nights are inverting again. I'll keep working on it. Good day. Well, actually, good night. Though have a good day when you read this.
.
Yes, still awake. And most likely I will be for a while. At least I took care of what was becoming a headache. The trash and recycling was collected, put in the bins, and the bins have been set out for the trucks tomorrow. Yes, the cat litter too. Oh, and I finally remember to get a batch of beans and old hamburger out. Well, at least that took care of the stink from cat litter. I can't smell that anymore. *gag* Just desserts I suppose. Being a cripple gets me no points in my own book on accounts.
I started looking around at woodworking tools. You knowI would almost directly find one of the king of wood working toys, don't you? I also looked over various tools. Some of them are outrageous. I saw minor seeming kits for $250 and up. No, I think I can go a little lower end. Sure, if the hobby began to pay serious money I might look into better tools if they happened to honestly be more than brand expense, such as making better woods easier to carve, hold edges much longer, or such. A couple of carving knives, a wooden mallet, and some stock is all it would take. Oh, and the primary wood, for beginner on up to master is not that expensive either. Mostly. A 10' by 4" by 4" would cost about $42, plus shipping (though I could probably find it locally, a little more expensive but it might negate through shipping costs?). Never mind. It is just something that has been on my mind for some time, in the background. It might lead to a more productive eating of time. I am not sure I have the patience for it though. Here is the machine. What a way to begin adding to the decor of a home. Door panels, inlays, who knows.
I know I would like to tinker more with electronic kits, to actually make useful items and learn. But electronics can be a devastatingly expensive hobby. Getting exactly what you need is much more expensive then getting bundles of stuff, per task. But buying in bundles might mean you get a huge selection of items you might never use. It is difficult to know which way to go with that. I've tinkered before. Now, with television gone, I am looking for something else to do.
I found a neat song while looking around. It reminds me of back when fighting was fun, before people were broken and and nerves became shattered. Bravado, punching, no real consequences. Yeah, this song reminds me a great deal of those early days. Believe it or not it all turned bad by 3rd grade, if I had a few fights after then that I really enjoyed. My favorite fight that I remember was in Greeley, Colorado, well other than the k.o.'s. I was... in the 4rth grade. A 7th grader was picking on my big brother (he always tried to hide that stuff from me, but I usually found out). He was my beat-down-toy (something I greatly regret, mind you). I never liked to share. Anyway, I found the guy after school. Problem is he was with a bunch of kids, or they showed up. Something. I thought I was going to get killed but it was too late. I just hoped I could get some serious smack down on him before I was slaughtered. Nope, they just circled us in and let us go at it. Off school grounds, where adults knew better than to trouble us. I absolutely mashed him. A few days later the principle called him and myself in "for a talk". F', I thought I was going to get kicked out, again. Nope, he just had us shake hands. The guys face, and he was a good bit bigger than me, was bruised everywhere. I did have a minor scratch over my right eye, that was it. *grins* I remember, toward the end of that fight, he went to kick me and just collapsed. Anyway, here is the song.
Can't sleep. It just isn't happening. I don't know if it is the weather, the funk, falling, or what. But my days and nights are inverting again. I'll keep working on it. Good day. Well, actually, good night. Though have a good day when you read this.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Oh well.
.
.
I actually glided on my path to being to Church on time. With the time plan in place, my shower was taken on time, I dressed and groomed right on schedule. I was about five minutes behind getting into the vehicle. I simply kept forgetting where this was, what I wanted to take with me, then finding that and losing something else in the process, forcing me to stop and remember what I had dropped, then where. Never mind, that was all built in. I had plenty of time. I arrived 20 minutes, plus, early. Dark. All dark. Perhaps, being a campus Church, everyone showed up at the last minute? I entered, found the lights for the vestibule. I peeked into the sanctuary. No lights on in there, either. I decided to wait in the vestibule for others to arrive. I remembered seeing a sign on the door, no Mass December 18, 25, and so on. It... it isn't already December 18th is it? I read through one of remaining pamphlets handed out as Mass lets out from last week. Hum-ho... It... it is December 18th, isn't it. Yeah, it is. So, off with the lights, out the door, and on to what else I had planned. *shrug* And I looked good, too. Not handsome, or even rugged, just dressed up as well as a tank can be. The top of the line of my Sunday best.
I stopped for a sandwich, did a bit of shopping after, then headed home. Catching my reflection I realize I look more like a "pro" than a churchgoer. Oh well. At least my beard covers some of the ugly. And being nearly white, it takes away most of the aggression. I am turning into Santa! One thing of note, even as tired as I am, if I shop at my pace (a jog, at least for women) I don't get tired. I was lugging around two gallons of milk, eight pounds of hamburger, and a half dozen other items in a carry cart. As long as I kept moving at my pace I didn't weary a bit. Weird, that. It seems I only get dizzy when I go at too slow of a pace. I don't understand these things.
I really need to get the trash and recycling out, remembering for sure to get the cat litter changed too. Poor cats, I think this is... three weeks. Yeah, I know, but... I simply couldn't get to it. I'm dying on the vine here. Yeah, I definitely need a checkup. And probably an oil change and a new CPU. Ha!
Good night, if I can figure out how to get to sleep. Well, yes, of course, after tending the cat litter. *of course*
.
I actually glided on my path to being to Church on time. With the time plan in place, my shower was taken on time, I dressed and groomed right on schedule. I was about five minutes behind getting into the vehicle. I simply kept forgetting where this was, what I wanted to take with me, then finding that and losing something else in the process, forcing me to stop and remember what I had dropped, then where. Never mind, that was all built in. I had plenty of time. I arrived 20 minutes, plus, early. Dark. All dark. Perhaps, being a campus Church, everyone showed up at the last minute? I entered, found the lights for the vestibule. I peeked into the sanctuary. No lights on in there, either. I decided to wait in the vestibule for others to arrive. I remembered seeing a sign on the door, no Mass December 18, 25, and so on. It... it isn't already December 18th is it? I read through one of remaining pamphlets handed out as Mass lets out from last week. Hum-ho... It... it is December 18th, isn't it. Yeah, it is. So, off with the lights, out the door, and on to what else I had planned. *shrug* And I looked good, too. Not handsome, or even rugged, just dressed up as well as a tank can be. The top of the line of my Sunday best.
I stopped for a sandwich, did a bit of shopping after, then headed home. Catching my reflection I realize I look more like a "pro" than a churchgoer. Oh well. At least my beard covers some of the ugly. And being nearly white, it takes away most of the aggression. I am turning into Santa! One thing of note, even as tired as I am, if I shop at my pace (a jog, at least for women) I don't get tired. I was lugging around two gallons of milk, eight pounds of hamburger, and a half dozen other items in a carry cart. As long as I kept moving at my pace I didn't weary a bit. Weird, that. It seems I only get dizzy when I go at too slow of a pace. I don't understand these things.
I really need to get the trash and recycling out, remembering for sure to get the cat litter changed too. Poor cats, I think this is... three weeks. Yeah, I know, but... I simply couldn't get to it. I'm dying on the vine here. Yeah, I definitely need a checkup. And probably an oil change and a new CPU. Ha!
Good night, if I can figure out how to get to sleep. Well, yes, of course, after tending the cat litter. *of course*
The lady friend.
.
.
I got a call today. Calls are unusual. It seems her cd player is working again. She is one of those women who can find using a functional toaster complicated. What do you mean I have to plug it in? Why doesn't the bread go down? Isn't it automatic? *sigh* It was one of her more endearing qualities to be honest. It meant that I had some use even though I slept much of the time and had difficulties waking up. I remember many a "It doesn't work! Stupid thing!", and a response along the lines of, sigh, give it here. "NO, I CAN DO IT"! An hour later I would have a pacified by failure woman/girl sidling up to me and asking if I could fix it, or make it work? Sometimes it took a great deal of work to undo her efforts but usually I would just turn it on, maybe plugging it in first, then making her face shine as I made her toy or tool work, or work again. She was definitely an anti-engineering type, a natural. I finally realized she really didn't grok 'things'. She thought I was magic, and because of my politics, probably black magic. *smiles* As with engineering so went her logic, reasoning, understanding of history, and both big and little economic realities. No, and I don't expect most women to be too much different, not from my experience with women. They do have their talents though, she was quite good and prettifying a home.
So, she doesn't need a new cd player, or my new used one. And, really, she sounded pretty weak about the powerball. She wanted it but it didn't sound like she would ever use it. So I won't send either. Money is too tight to send something she just wants about at the same level that I want, especially after such an expensive gift already sent. She did surprise me though. She asked what I wanted. I wasn't sure how much she could afford so I told her about this. If that one is too much, I suggested they have a couple of others, the electronic book would be fine as well, and it is a bit less expensive. She said that, being broke and all, I might not get it in time for Christmas. If you have read here you ought to know by now that I consider every day Christmas. I don't care if it doesn't arrive until July, if I would like it sooner. She should know that by now. On most things I am the most forgiving of people. Just don't be stupid around me, on purpose, in spite of proof. Don't.
Now that I have socks tended, having enough to last me a month and a half even wearing two pairs a day on half of my days and changing them every day, and all wool of various thicknesses I have to begin thinking up other gifts. Little things. I don't have any givers who could quite afford to get me a set of DeWalt 20v power tools, a table saw, a miter saw, or... any big toy. So, what little things could I reasonably ask for? I keep being drawn to the notion of carving. Just little stuff, but on a more serious level. I haven't looked into kits or how-too's, but that might be something to offer people. It might even be cheap. Well, and minor electrical kits, with chips and wires and components. And there are still some blank spaces in my minor tool inventory. Plus they keep coming out with some of the neatest little handyman gadgets. I'm thinking $40 or down to $10, give or take. I come from humble stock, if you know what I mean.
I am trying to cut down on my fluid intake. If I can get it down, perhaps I could cut down on my water pill dose. The thing is I am always, horribly, definitely, thirsty. I can drink 32 ounces in a single sip usually. Drinking doesn't slake the thirst, though. Nothing I have tasted quite cuts the dry in my throat. I am sort of stuck chugging fluid, of any kind. *gulp* *big gulp*
I best start focusing. To be to church by 18:00 I will need to leave here by 17:15 at the latest. I need an half hour to shower, groom and dress, at least if I am in slow mode (which I am). It is 15:45 so I have an hour an half. Ugh. I really just want to sit here and not move. I will do some shopping and buy a drive-through dinner as my gift for getting out, making Mass. Bribes certainly have some impact. And while I am not usually eating at home I can eat out rather more easily if I am not eating all of even that.
Later.
.
I got a call today. Calls are unusual. It seems her cd player is working again. She is one of those women who can find using a functional toaster complicated. What do you mean I have to plug it in? Why doesn't the bread go down? Isn't it automatic? *sigh* It was one of her more endearing qualities to be honest. It meant that I had some use even though I slept much of the time and had difficulties waking up. I remember many a "It doesn't work! Stupid thing!", and a response along the lines of, sigh, give it here. "NO, I CAN DO IT"! An hour later I would have a pacified by failure woman/girl sidling up to me and asking if I could fix it, or make it work? Sometimes it took a great deal of work to undo her efforts but usually I would just turn it on, maybe plugging it in first, then making her face shine as I made her toy or tool work, or work again. She was definitely an anti-engineering type, a natural. I finally realized she really didn't grok 'things'. She thought I was magic, and because of my politics, probably black magic. *smiles* As with engineering so went her logic, reasoning, understanding of history, and both big and little economic realities. No, and I don't expect most women to be too much different, not from my experience with women. They do have their talents though, she was quite good and prettifying a home.
So, she doesn't need a new cd player, or my new used one. And, really, she sounded pretty weak about the powerball. She wanted it but it didn't sound like she would ever use it. So I won't send either. Money is too tight to send something she just wants about at the same level that I want, especially after such an expensive gift already sent. She did surprise me though. She asked what I wanted. I wasn't sure how much she could afford so I told her about this. If that one is too much, I suggested they have a couple of others, the electronic book would be fine as well, and it is a bit less expensive. She said that, being broke and all, I might not get it in time for Christmas. If you have read here you ought to know by now that I consider every day Christmas. I don't care if it doesn't arrive until July, if I would like it sooner. She should know that by now. On most things I am the most forgiving of people. Just don't be stupid around me, on purpose, in spite of proof. Don't.
Now that I have socks tended, having enough to last me a month and a half even wearing two pairs a day on half of my days and changing them every day, and all wool of various thicknesses I have to begin thinking up other gifts. Little things. I don't have any givers who could quite afford to get me a set of DeWalt 20v power tools, a table saw, a miter saw, or... any big toy. So, what little things could I reasonably ask for? I keep being drawn to the notion of carving. Just little stuff, but on a more serious level. I haven't looked into kits or how-too's, but that might be something to offer people. It might even be cheap. Well, and minor electrical kits, with chips and wires and components. And there are still some blank spaces in my minor tool inventory. Plus they keep coming out with some of the neatest little handyman gadgets. I'm thinking $40 or down to $10, give or take. I come from humble stock, if you know what I mean.
I am trying to cut down on my fluid intake. If I can get it down, perhaps I could cut down on my water pill dose. The thing is I am always, horribly, definitely, thirsty. I can drink 32 ounces in a single sip usually. Drinking doesn't slake the thirst, though. Nothing I have tasted quite cuts the dry in my throat. I am sort of stuck chugging fluid, of any kind. *gulp* *big gulp*
I best start focusing. To be to church by 18:00 I will need to leave here by 17:15 at the latest. I need an half hour to shower, groom and dress, at least if I am in slow mode (which I am). It is 15:45 so I have an hour an half. Ugh. I really just want to sit here and not move. I will do some shopping and buy a drive-through dinner as my gift for getting out, making Mass. Bribes certainly have some impact. And while I am not usually eating at home I can eat out rather more easily if I am not eating all of even that.
Later.
No dice.
.
.
In spite of my troubles I set the alarms, and set in my mind, to wake early this morning. The goal was 10:00 Mass. I think I finally rolled out of bed somewhere in around noon. Decidedly after but I am not sure how far after. I had thought about rolling around the clock by staying up all night but I don't have the reserves for that. I will make it to Mass this evening. I have been keeping the Sabbath lately and I mean to keep it that way. My goal is making a Sunday morning Mass, at least several times a month though. It'll happen.
I don't remember dreaming at all last night and the bed doesn't look like bison trekked through it. I am not sure if the perceived troubles are related to the dreams. I can see how they would be. I can also see how they might be totally unrelated. Just because something makes common sense doesn't mean it is correct. Common sense is more sure than science these days but it was never an absolute sure thing.
I am still exhausted. I realize I have been eating very little. I need to fix that, but how? If your body just doesn't feel like food it is difficult to put it in sometimes. Maybe start with smaller bits for meals. Whatever else is going on I do think it is time for a checkup. When I call I will ask if they will do a complete blood check-up, adding in those supplements I am taking. I want to make sure I am not inadvertently overdosing. I also want to make sure I am taking sufficient amounts. When you flood out like I have been, sometimes those vitamins simply don't have time to be absorbed.
Over at Helen's I saw a neat magazine type thing for tinkerers. If you are a typical man/boy, it might be interesting. Even if you have a thousand and one ongoing projects, I almost have to think there might be ideas which could work with those projects. I haven't looked too deeply into them yet, it just looks to have some potential. I don't, therefore, know how practical the projects are, how high end or silly they might be. Some people spend all their available income on things that I certainly wouldn't consider undertaking. Just as some men spend all their money on guns, reloading a dozen calibers, and making a .22 shoot ragged holes at a hundred yards. Still, I have to think that the ideas therein might be worth the risk of the cost of the magazine.
Ugh, if I can just wake up! My awake time has been dim and my sleep has been weak. I can't seem to fully get into either gear. I am sleeping regular, or more, hours. I just can't... I feel like I am running through a swamp. Why can't they just figure out how to give us tuneups? New plugs, an oil change, change the filters, retool the transmission and change that fluid. Yeah. I do worry, perhaps, that the problem with some in the group is me. Am I tainted beyond hope? Then again, I am positive that I am getting put down by a few of those guys. But could that just be how I present or do they read here, or does my reputation precede me in some other way, rightly or wrongly on any or all of that? I don't know. I will deal with it openly and honestly though.
Have a great day!
.
In spite of my troubles I set the alarms, and set in my mind, to wake early this morning. The goal was 10:00 Mass. I think I finally rolled out of bed somewhere in around noon. Decidedly after but I am not sure how far after. I had thought about rolling around the clock by staying up all night but I don't have the reserves for that. I will make it to Mass this evening. I have been keeping the Sabbath lately and I mean to keep it that way. My goal is making a Sunday morning Mass, at least several times a month though. It'll happen.
I don't remember dreaming at all last night and the bed doesn't look like bison trekked through it. I am not sure if the perceived troubles are related to the dreams. I can see how they would be. I can also see how they might be totally unrelated. Just because something makes common sense doesn't mean it is correct. Common sense is more sure than science these days but it was never an absolute sure thing.
I am still exhausted. I realize I have been eating very little. I need to fix that, but how? If your body just doesn't feel like food it is difficult to put it in sometimes. Maybe start with smaller bits for meals. Whatever else is going on I do think it is time for a checkup. When I call I will ask if they will do a complete blood check-up, adding in those supplements I am taking. I want to make sure I am not inadvertently overdosing. I also want to make sure I am taking sufficient amounts. When you flood out like I have been, sometimes those vitamins simply don't have time to be absorbed.
Over at Helen's I saw a neat magazine type thing for tinkerers. If you are a typical man/boy, it might be interesting. Even if you have a thousand and one ongoing projects, I almost have to think there might be ideas which could work with those projects. I haven't looked too deeply into them yet, it just looks to have some potential. I don't, therefore, know how practical the projects are, how high end or silly they might be. Some people spend all their available income on things that I certainly wouldn't consider undertaking. Just as some men spend all their money on guns, reloading a dozen calibers, and making a .22 shoot ragged holes at a hundred yards. Still, I have to think that the ideas therein might be worth the risk of the cost of the magazine.
Ugh, if I can just wake up! My awake time has been dim and my sleep has been weak. I can't seem to fully get into either gear. I am sleeping regular, or more, hours. I just can't... I feel like I am running through a swamp. Why can't they just figure out how to give us tuneups? New plugs, an oil change, change the filters, retool the transmission and change that fluid. Yeah. I do worry, perhaps, that the problem with some in the group is me. Am I tainted beyond hope? Then again, I am positive that I am getting put down by a few of those guys. But could that just be how I present or do they read here, or does my reputation precede me in some other way, rightly or wrongly on any or all of that? I don't know. I will deal with it openly and honestly though.
Have a great day!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ah, so that's how it will work?
.
.
I have made some decisions about what has been happening in my new group. I will set aside these recent slights. No, I am not being too touchy, either. However, in the future, I will set some limits on how I may be dealt with. If I am given a task I will take it. The limits are that the parameters will be hammered out first. Don't hand me a job then allow all givens to be undone by anyone with a special request. That makes the job simply impossible. To that end I will be doing a group email to see what the majority of the men are interested in actually participating with, and when, after I do the work up on a number of proposals and after running those through the leadership and our priest.
Beyond that, on a personal level, when I find serious problems working with individuals, after speaking with the leadership, I will approach those individuals personally and privately. I will not allow men to slight me without dealing with it. They will have only a small number of choices in how to deal with it. If they have a personal problem that doesn't fit the group dynamics then they will have to either eat it or, if it is legitimate, we will have to work on it. I will not allow weak men to back-stab me and denigrate me through slights or attitude. This is how I warred, it is how I do peace too. Directly.
At least I am feeling like I am going somewhere again. Beat up and tired, ill and feint as I am, I still have teeth. My tongue and mind are much more effective than my fists, if my fists are still lethal. I will no longer allow childish bull shit. No punks, no passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, no back-biting. I won't put up with it. I am no weakling of this or that way. And, yeah, it feels good to be back in the saddle. I'll ride that bull, have zero doubts. Then I'll cook it, put a fork in it, and eat it. It has been decades since I have had to deal with men, it took a while to sort this out. Actually, not even that long come to think of it. I have only been in the group for around a month and only met those men two or three times. Yeah, well, I used to work a bit faster, if my... methods were slightly different. I didn't have the choices I would have preferred. I suppose God had a reason for that?
This. And, yes, finally these. You know they never did find the head of Leonidas. They wanted to add it to their collection. You don't have to live to win. You don't have to win to succeed. But you do, sometimes, have to fight knowing you will lose.
Someday I might even tell you how I really feel. Yeah, okay, the dreams are back. Fighting all night it seems and remembering all day. Perhaps now that I have plotted a course of action it may help. Perhaps nothing will change until I take action, or even until things are resolved. And they will be if it means walking away from an untenable situation with no support for righteousness.
Good night.
.
I have made some decisions about what has been happening in my new group. I will set aside these recent slights. No, I am not being too touchy, either. However, in the future, I will set some limits on how I may be dealt with. If I am given a task I will take it. The limits are that the parameters will be hammered out first. Don't hand me a job then allow all givens to be undone by anyone with a special request. That makes the job simply impossible. To that end I will be doing a group email to see what the majority of the men are interested in actually participating with, and when, after I do the work up on a number of proposals and after running those through the leadership and our priest.
Beyond that, on a personal level, when I find serious problems working with individuals, after speaking with the leadership, I will approach those individuals personally and privately. I will not allow men to slight me without dealing with it. They will have only a small number of choices in how to deal with it. If they have a personal problem that doesn't fit the group dynamics then they will have to either eat it or, if it is legitimate, we will have to work on it. I will not allow weak men to back-stab me and denigrate me through slights or attitude. This is how I warred, it is how I do peace too. Directly.
At least I am feeling like I am going somewhere again. Beat up and tired, ill and feint as I am, I still have teeth. My tongue and mind are much more effective than my fists, if my fists are still lethal. I will no longer allow childish bull shit. No punks, no passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, no back-biting. I won't put up with it. I am no weakling of this or that way. And, yeah, it feels good to be back in the saddle. I'll ride that bull, have zero doubts. Then I'll cook it, put a fork in it, and eat it. It has been decades since I have had to deal with men, it took a while to sort this out. Actually, not even that long come to think of it. I have only been in the group for around a month and only met those men two or three times. Yeah, well, I used to work a bit faster, if my... methods were slightly different. I didn't have the choices I would have preferred. I suppose God had a reason for that?
This. And, yes, finally these. You know they never did find the head of Leonidas. They wanted to add it to their collection. You don't have to live to win. You don't have to win to succeed. But you do, sometimes, have to fight knowing you will lose.
Someday I might even tell you how I really feel. Yeah, okay, the dreams are back. Fighting all night it seems and remembering all day. Perhaps now that I have plotted a course of action it may help. Perhaps nothing will change until I take action, or even until things are resolved. And they will be if it means walking away from an untenable situation with no support for righteousness.
Good night.
If nothing else...
.
.
I did get in to see my friend, drill press in arms. He was quite pleased to see the machine. His tooling kit arrived sometime recently as well, a engine turning kit. If he masters that I may ask him to work on some of my guns. Oh, don't know what an engine turning kit is for? Actually I didn't either. I knew the work, just never what the process was called. Here is a video.
I am curious to see how well he gets on with this, how fast he learns. He has worked with metals off and on through his life, from welding to other types of work. He has some knowledge, and opinion, about it. He loves to work with guns too. I almost had to talk him into the drill. He really was like a kid in a candy store when opening it up. Then he turned into a shop class teacher and went right to work on fitting the thing together. I finally got him out shopping, for metal to practice with. We couldn't find much, and what he got probably isn't going to work that well.
While shopping I became dizzy. He likes to stop and look at this and that. And while I do too, from time to time, like a shark I must continue to move or I have problems. I won't call it exhaustion, I am not sure what it is. If I dig in I have to dig in hard or just wait until I can. Recently I am not able to dig in. Yeah, I really need to get in for a general checkup. These yahoos have to have someone else checking on their work or it fails. If nothing else, at least I got out of the house a few days this week. And someone else benefited from it. I certainly hope I can get things back on track soon. As is, Monday, I may ask Father to put me on the list, temporarily, for the Eucharist home delivery. It is embarrassing but I would rather have it even that way then not at all. And being that I am falling, not able to even hear the alarms (all three were set today), or be on time, this seems like the best way. I am definitely falling.
Later or good night.
.
I did get in to see my friend, drill press in arms. He was quite pleased to see the machine. His tooling kit arrived sometime recently as well, a engine turning kit. If he masters that I may ask him to work on some of my guns. Oh, don't know what an engine turning kit is for? Actually I didn't either. I knew the work, just never what the process was called. Here is a video.
I am curious to see how well he gets on with this, how fast he learns. He has worked with metals off and on through his life, from welding to other types of work. He has some knowledge, and opinion, about it. He loves to work with guns too. I almost had to talk him into the drill. He really was like a kid in a candy store when opening it up. Then he turned into a shop class teacher and went right to work on fitting the thing together. I finally got him out shopping, for metal to practice with. We couldn't find much, and what he got probably isn't going to work that well.
While shopping I became dizzy. He likes to stop and look at this and that. And while I do too, from time to time, like a shark I must continue to move or I have problems. I won't call it exhaustion, I am not sure what it is. If I dig in I have to dig in hard or just wait until I can. Recently I am not able to dig in. Yeah, I really need to get in for a general checkup. These yahoos have to have someone else checking on their work or it fails. If nothing else, at least I got out of the house a few days this week. And someone else benefited from it. I certainly hope I can get things back on track soon. As is, Monday, I may ask Father to put me on the list, temporarily, for the Eucharist home delivery. It is embarrassing but I would rather have it even that way then not at all. And being that I am falling, not able to even hear the alarms (all three were set today), or be on time, this seems like the best way. I am definitely falling.
Later or good night.
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