That might work.

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When I fall I often forget I have medicines to tinker with. I have been taking them rather faithfully. I am at a point, however, where my back is against the wall. I need some relief. Fine, if dropping them all at once is not preferred, and restarting them whole hog is just as bad, how about a minor reduction in the medicine I think is the culprit? Okay, fair enough. So that is just what I will do. Instead of a whole carvedilol at night, I will take half of one.

I do wonder how much the season has to do with things? Winters have always been more difficult, summers easier. Perhaps that has just been reactions to medicines though there is enough evidence to indicate my issues are more than just medicine. It seems to happen even when I am taking nothing. I have wondered what living in a tropical "paradise" would do. I think it would boost things for a while, then the reaction would wear off and something else would become the cyclical cause of exhaustion. That would be my guess. I simply have periods where more rest is needed, function is interrupted. I still suspect a rolling 'brown-out' of various organs and tissues as my heart rotates around which parts get what of that which my heart can give. I don't think there is a way, save through something monstrous like a heart transplant, which because of the other factors would kill me even quicker, that would help. If I can't handle the medicines I am on now there is no way I could handle the stuff they would give me after such a Frankenstein thing.

Odd how, even being rather vociferous about something, when I get tired enough I forget that a minor cut in medicine might help me back to function. How can I forget so soon? Then again I am not positive a cut in medicine, at this point, will do anything. It is worth a shot though, to my mind. After 25 years of bad medicine I have given up on any real faith in the field. I am, at this point, just trying to enjoy my last bits of time here, long as that may actually be. I am not in it for longevity. Technically the game is already over. At this point I am merely trying to stay on my feet as long as I can and do some of those little things I like to do. Sleeping all night and still being too tired to do much else all day is not one of my pet projects.

If lowering medicines works it will take a week or two for me to more than just feel better, but to get back to work. I hate the slow road but, after a little research because of the doctor's reaction to my quitting for three days then restarting whole hog, I sort of have a responsibility (when I am capable of choice that is) of not doing that. Both actions truly are potentially lethal. And I am definitely not suicidal. Headstrong, stubborn, ornery, sure, but not that other. Further, I know they are trying to get me put into a ward. Not because I "have issues" but because they believe I could go on full dose of their medicine that way and there is no other way they can get me in for long term care. They can't hospitalize me for three months, not just for my heart or reaction to meds. I realize I have to be careful with these people, even if they are... thinking outside of the box and sort of on my side. It seems both their and my hands are tied, unfortunately. Anyway, a slow reduction it is.

Later or good night.