.
.
Not a choice. I simply became lost while awake. In a way, I am... might as well be... asleep. From time to time I can think in such a way as to involve myself with action. However, only on rare such occasions does that lead to action. I have been thirsty for... hours now? Oh, and it has been longer than that since going to the bathroom was a desire. Actually, I'll be right back.
The bathroom was needed, not so much the tea. Here and I was so thirsty for so long and beside me an half gallon of tea. Now I know. For as long as it is true, and for as long as I can be aware. It's just one of those things the near dead must endure. It can be a gift, as the numbness paraplegics and quadriplegics can know, only it is mind and body.
Blood sugar was really high, so I hit it hard. I thought 220 fasting. So, 25 cc's with breakfast. Three hours later it was 85. A few more hours on, it is up to 124. Strange, no food or insulin since breakfast. It obviously isn't a linear thing, any of it. I didn't worry about the lowest reading, it wasn't preceded by any symptoms. My instincts, senses, are well placed in this matter.
It looks like YouTube has excluded music videos. Going broke? Can't afford the fees, royalties? I wonder if that isn't also, in part, why they have cleared the deck of contributors? It's cutting their own throat, but it cuts the cash stream share in the short term. When you hire a million useless sjw's, who can do nothing but destroy your business, guess what? If they aren't living on the streets, with the other shitwalkers, they soon will be. Who needs a disease with these last few gens, smartphones, easy access to the hard stuff (heroin, meth, not whisky), and jobs that don't require skill, making them completely replaceable?
It is up to the mid 80's out there, but with partly passing clouds. As well behaved a summer day as one could wish. The ducks choose to return to their pen, I am considering shutting them out, and bug bombing, then cleaning, the area. Ugh, sometime this week, after installing curtains. So trapped at nowhere, in nothing, though. Later.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
So cold, so dark.
.
.
I planned on scrapping the idea of a later breakfast. I just didn't think I could do it. So I began planning breakfast. A fatted coffee and chia pudding. Ducks first. Out, or at least the door was opened. They take their sweet time. No complaints, I have no basis for such. Food out for them, as well their pool was emptied, cleaned, and filled. Then the girls were fed.
Tea had to be made. I kept looking out. So dark. Rather cool. Had to take breaks. No sun. I am wearing sweats, shorts, of course with underwear, a shirt and shoes. Still a bit too cool. Hard to stay awake. Time just went by. Perhaps a few minutes early, but, yes, basically a 10:00 breakfast. May need a nap.
Can't think, can't really stay awake. Later, or much later. Medicine, yes. Aspirin, no. Forgot. It might help.
.
I planned on scrapping the idea of a later breakfast. I just didn't think I could do it. So I began planning breakfast. A fatted coffee and chia pudding. Ducks first. Out, or at least the door was opened. They take their sweet time. No complaints, I have no basis for such. Food out for them, as well their pool was emptied, cleaned, and filled. Then the girls were fed.
Tea had to be made. I kept looking out. So dark. Rather cool. Had to take breaks. No sun. I am wearing sweats, shorts, of course with underwear, a shirt and shoes. Still a bit too cool. Hard to stay awake. Time just went by. Perhaps a few minutes early, but, yes, basically a 10:00 breakfast. May need a nap.
Can't think, can't really stay awake. Later, or much later. Medicine, yes. Aspirin, no. Forgot. It might help.
A weekend befalls.
.
.
Not a terrible thing, I suppose. Cool out there. I just had to check. At 46° F, the morning of July 6th, it is surprisingly cool. More that there is a reasonable chance at a morning cold flush which could see a two to six degree drop, something to do with sun, mountains, slope, or such. There is still snow up there. In July? Yep.
I woke around two, but not for the night, or day? Call it as you will. More the groundhog and shadow thing. I had gone on to bed around 17:00. The windows were shut, not cool enough to open them at bedtime? I may not have checked. I could have gotten up, wasn't ready. I did open the cave. Then back to bed for an hour and an half.
Today? Dishes, a shower, and curtains... I hope. The plan, again. After waking. My back, kidney area, or both, are cranky. Aches and pains galore on the side. A handfull of aspirin with meds, then an hour or two to wake, then I'll see what can be kicked over. I have been eating and sleeping well.
I found small lamb blade chops, small enough and on sale low enough that I can afford occasionally. They are vacuum sealed, so I buy several when available at the right size and price. One of those is right and ready. With eggs, it should work. Oh, and a fatted coffee. But... wait... Intermittent fasting. I'll hold off to 10:00. Ugh. I will have coffee.
Later.
.
Not a terrible thing, I suppose. Cool out there. I just had to check. At 46° F, the morning of July 6th, it is surprisingly cool. More that there is a reasonable chance at a morning cold flush which could see a two to six degree drop, something to do with sun, mountains, slope, or such. There is still snow up there. In July? Yep.
I woke around two, but not for the night, or day? Call it as you will. More the groundhog and shadow thing. I had gone on to bed around 17:00. The windows were shut, not cool enough to open them at bedtime? I may not have checked. I could have gotten up, wasn't ready. I did open the cave. Then back to bed for an hour and an half.
Today? Dishes, a shower, and curtains... I hope. The plan, again. After waking. My back, kidney area, or both, are cranky. Aches and pains galore on the side. A handfull of aspirin with meds, then an hour or two to wake, then I'll see what can be kicked over. I have been eating and sleeping well.
I found small lamb blade chops, small enough and on sale low enough that I can afford occasionally. They are vacuum sealed, so I buy several when available at the right size and price. One of those is right and ready. With eggs, it should work. Oh, and a fatted coffee. But... wait... Intermittent fasting. I'll hold off to 10:00. Ugh. I will have coffee.
Later.
Friday, July 5, 2019
Roughly better.
.
.
Between time off, extra sleep, and cool weather, things seem better. I didn't sleep much last night, but I have been sleeping a bit extra over the last few days. I may sleep more this morning, shortly, before the heat of what may be a beastly hot day? Or not. Medicine, breakfast, and insulin all in. Blood sugar was fasting, hadn't eaten in at least eight hours, but hadn't slept much... not sure if sleep is required for it to be called fasting? Anyway, 168 last read. Would like to be up another hour, though maybe not.
I will get back to work today. If I can find masonry bits... actually I am still not sure which type of material I would be working with. I'll have to investigate. Though I have found a means of potentially using standard wood screws in masonry, with wire to hold it in. Handy if it works.
Ducks first, then cats, then in for a nap. Then a shower and the curtains. Later.
--------
One last thing. Thelow car bread replacements? They will work. Edibl. I have a sort of flax based flatbread and pitas. Both similarly formulated, so as to rely on fiber for carbs. The thing is, the arrive extremely moist, perhaps because of where they are from? Where packaged?
I believed, without intervention, they would grow moldy quickly. Living in a low humidity area, the solution seemed simple. Remove the items from the resealable packaging, separate the items, let them air out, then repackage. One is being left out, two are in the refrigerator, and one is frozen. I am checking how ell these hold up, where.
.
Between time off, extra sleep, and cool weather, things seem better. I didn't sleep much last night, but I have been sleeping a bit extra over the last few days. I may sleep more this morning, shortly, before the heat of what may be a beastly hot day? Or not. Medicine, breakfast, and insulin all in. Blood sugar was fasting, hadn't eaten in at least eight hours, but hadn't slept much... not sure if sleep is required for it to be called fasting? Anyway, 168 last read. Would like to be up another hour, though maybe not.
I will get back to work today. If I can find masonry bits... actually I am still not sure which type of material I would be working with. I'll have to investigate. Though I have found a means of potentially using standard wood screws in masonry, with wire to hold it in. Handy if it works.
Ducks first, then cats, then in for a nap. Then a shower and the curtains. Later.
--------
One last thing. Thelow car bread replacements? They will work. Edibl. I have a sort of flax based flatbread and pitas. Both similarly formulated, so as to rely on fiber for carbs. The thing is, the arrive extremely moist, perhaps because of where they are from? Where packaged?
I believed, without intervention, they would grow moldy quickly. Living in a low humidity area, the solution seemed simple. Remove the items from the resealable packaging, separate the items, let them air out, then repackage. One is being left out, two are in the refrigerator, and one is frozen. I am checking how ell these hold up, where.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
A day to consider.
.
.
Who is American? What is happening to them, the nation. Cheers for what was, what could be again. I don't know about that. Like an old bison, whose days are short even if longer than many a decade younger, decades younger as some of them are going, to not be jaded would take the sort of nicety that saw and still sees planned genocides to international winks and nods.
No, jaded isn't the right term. Awake, aware, and old enough to remember a time when politicians didn't dare at the anti-American sentiment most now wear as a badge of honor. Even Hollywood stars were burned, even by their own, when they went too far.
What does all that mean? Time will tell. Either America will fall or she will cleanse her ills, pluck off parasites, and remove bad actors or she will become fully worldly and join the secular cesspool that is the rest of the world. Fast or short, but not far off, America and those living here will choose to open fully and completely to the world, or clothe herself, even in armor and go armed, in rejection to the world and it's beasts.
No longer my affair. I see no politicians with either the real will or ability.
This day, for me, is for remembering when America really was great. When a family of six children was small. When Mothers tended, actually knew, their children. When the military was honored and socialism and communism were, without a doubt, known as evil even by adherents, much as with satanism, drug use, and else. There were always flaws. Nothing, almost nothing, couldn't be worked out with effort and time.
Perhaps such a time can be had again. It would require blood. A whole next civil war? I don't think that much. It would require a deep state not of a communist backbone, what we have now. It would require men, at every level, willing to do what it takes, starting with making and keeping a family, creating and defending church and society, starting locally and moving outward. It would take doing the hard things that make these things possible, whether it be from the back of a hand, to a belt, to battalions of men ready, willing, and able to kill or die.
It is rare for a nation to save itself, without crushing pain even meth or heroin won't numb. Not my game, it's a young man's game. But I do remember better if harder days. I remember them well. I also realize they weren't the best of the really hard times. But I know it was those hard times that required family, church, military, and country.
One way or another it will return. The question is, at what cost.
Happy Fourth. And may God bless America, just so much as we deserve that. Amen.
.
Who is American? What is happening to them, the nation. Cheers for what was, what could be again. I don't know about that. Like an old bison, whose days are short even if longer than many a decade younger, decades younger as some of them are going, to not be jaded would take the sort of nicety that saw and still sees planned genocides to international winks and nods.
No, jaded isn't the right term. Awake, aware, and old enough to remember a time when politicians didn't dare at the anti-American sentiment most now wear as a badge of honor. Even Hollywood stars were burned, even by their own, when they went too far.
What does all that mean? Time will tell. Either America will fall or she will cleanse her ills, pluck off parasites, and remove bad actors or she will become fully worldly and join the secular cesspool that is the rest of the world. Fast or short, but not far off, America and those living here will choose to open fully and completely to the world, or clothe herself, even in armor and go armed, in rejection to the world and it's beasts.
No longer my affair. I see no politicians with either the real will or ability.
This day, for me, is for remembering when America really was great. When a family of six children was small. When Mothers tended, actually knew, their children. When the military was honored and socialism and communism were, without a doubt, known as evil even by adherents, much as with satanism, drug use, and else. There were always flaws. Nothing, almost nothing, couldn't be worked out with effort and time.
Perhaps such a time can be had again. It would require blood. A whole next civil war? I don't think that much. It would require a deep state not of a communist backbone, what we have now. It would require men, at every level, willing to do what it takes, starting with making and keeping a family, creating and defending church and society, starting locally and moving outward. It would take doing the hard things that make these things possible, whether it be from the back of a hand, to a belt, to battalions of men ready, willing, and able to kill or die.
It is rare for a nation to save itself, without crushing pain even meth or heroin won't numb. Not my game, it's a young man's game. But I do remember better if harder days. I remember them well. I also realize they weren't the best of the really hard times. But I know it was those hard times that required family, church, military, and country.
One way or another it will return. The question is, at what cost.
Happy Fourth. And may God bless America, just so much as we deserve that. Amen.
The 4th.
.
.
A holiday through which to take time off. Fair. I am considering grilling something. After breakfast I had a bit of pork roast. Blood sugar is at 120. Perhaps I should eat a bit more. What to do on another day off. Fireworks? Not alone. Strange giants aren't welcome. That is fair too.
I am considering calling my mother. Hopefully without interfering with anything. It is a cool day here. A good day to gather, if one had company. I hope people do get out. If you get the opportunity, I would encourage it. So tired, I may nap. I will see if there is something tasty to thaw. Perhaps a beef roast.
I found low-carb bread options. I am testing them. Perhaps a tuna melt as I prepare to sleep? My first use. I'll review the stuff soon. In part, the stuff is for camping. It doesn't require refrigeration, in the short run. Fairly expensive by volume, but as a rare use item, that can have it's shelflife greatly expanded by freezing or even refrigeration, it really could be a wonderful gift both on and off the trail.
Later, perhaps much later.
.
A holiday through which to take time off. Fair. I am considering grilling something. After breakfast I had a bit of pork roast. Blood sugar is at 120. Perhaps I should eat a bit more. What to do on another day off. Fireworks? Not alone. Strange giants aren't welcome. That is fair too.
I am considering calling my mother. Hopefully without interfering with anything. It is a cool day here. A good day to gather, if one had company. I hope people do get out. If you get the opportunity, I would encourage it. So tired, I may nap. I will see if there is something tasty to thaw. Perhaps a beef roast.
I found low-carb bread options. I am testing them. Perhaps a tuna melt as I prepare to sleep? My first use. I'll review the stuff soon. In part, the stuff is for camping. It doesn't require refrigeration, in the short run. Fairly expensive by volume, but as a rare use item, that can have it's shelflife greatly expanded by freezing or even refrigeration, it really could be a wonderful gift both on and off the trail.
Later, perhaps much later.
Hiking, camping, and going in light.
.
.
Before I go there, a breakfast. Chia cereal, with pecans, hazel nuts, and pumpkin seed. As well, a fatted tea and a dose of insulin. Oh, right. The plan was to wait a few extra hours. Focus is lacking. The crash took it away. I wonder about using the digital calendar, trying to order life with it? Anyway, perhaps starting things over tomorrow.
I have been dreaming of getting out camping. Ultra light camping has draws, if severe limits too. I wouldn't even think about such a plan in heavy weather. Which means, in the mountains, it is risky. Storms can sneak up on you. Still, in the summer, for short trips, perhaps. Day trips until experience in weather understandings, gear, and self have been built, then longer trips.
How do you know gear? Well, it is possible to learn from others. A variety of sources, more out there. Many more.
.
Before I go there, a breakfast. Chia cereal, with pecans, hazel nuts, and pumpkin seed. As well, a fatted tea and a dose of insulin. Oh, right. The plan was to wait a few extra hours. Focus is lacking. The crash took it away. I wonder about using the digital calendar, trying to order life with it? Anyway, perhaps starting things over tomorrow.
I have been dreaming of getting out camping. Ultra light camping has draws, if severe limits too. I wouldn't even think about such a plan in heavy weather. Which means, in the mountains, it is risky. Storms can sneak up on you. Still, in the summer, for short trips, perhaps. Day trips until experience in weather understandings, gear, and self have been built, then longer trips.
How do you know gear? Well, it is possible to learn from others. A variety of sources, more out there. Many more.
Not possible.
.
.
Not only did I go to sleep early, around 13:00, I never fully woke. I have pushed my body too hard, and continued to do too much as it rolled to a stop. Like or not, I am done for a few days. Blood sugar at bedtime was 130, as I wake it is 169 fasting. I know how to lower it, not how to maintain it low.
The docs instructions are no better than mine at lowering fasting blood sugar, at least without my way crashing them requiring a few days downtime from low sugar illness and then an elevated blood sugar for a day or two. I can keep within her daytime blood sugars, if not my preferred without crashes. It's that fasting blood sugar that eludes me, so far.
I should be eating more. Sometimes, like yesterday, I just couldn't. Some days I am fearful, as blood sugar is staying high, but not high enough to treat. It is like playing tic-tac-toe with a chicken. It, once trained, will wipe the floor with you. As, it seems, is diabetes. I may have to alter the rules further. Pray I don't alter them further after that.
Back still greatly hurts. Sore elsewhere... everywhere. I weary quickly. I had forgotten to shut the ducks in. I thought it would just be a nap. I slept for twelve hours or so. In opening windows and closing the ducks in, I wore out and caused flares of pain in my back. I will get dishes and the last load of laundry, then take downtime. No choice. Not sure about those things.
A bit windy out there. Warmer, at 55, but it feels cooler. It has been from 48 to 52 F lately, at night. Yesterday seemed cooler during the day. I know I checked, but just before bedtime, it didn't stick in memory well... Was it 72 F, around noon? I... think so. Can't be sure.
Well, later.
.
Not only did I go to sleep early, around 13:00, I never fully woke. I have pushed my body too hard, and continued to do too much as it rolled to a stop. Like or not, I am done for a few days. Blood sugar at bedtime was 130, as I wake it is 169 fasting. I know how to lower it, not how to maintain it low.
The docs instructions are no better than mine at lowering fasting blood sugar, at least without my way crashing them requiring a few days downtime from low sugar illness and then an elevated blood sugar for a day or two. I can keep within her daytime blood sugars, if not my preferred without crashes. It's that fasting blood sugar that eludes me, so far.
I should be eating more. Sometimes, like yesterday, I just couldn't. Some days I am fearful, as blood sugar is staying high, but not high enough to treat. It is like playing tic-tac-toe with a chicken. It, once trained, will wipe the floor with you. As, it seems, is diabetes. I may have to alter the rules further. Pray I don't alter them further after that.
Back still greatly hurts. Sore elsewhere... everywhere. I weary quickly. I had forgotten to shut the ducks in. I thought it would just be a nap. I slept for twelve hours or so. In opening windows and closing the ducks in, I wore out and caused flares of pain in my back. I will get dishes and the last load of laundry, then take downtime. No choice. Not sure about those things.
A bit windy out there. Warmer, at 55, but it feels cooler. It has been from 48 to 52 F lately, at night. Yesterday seemed cooler during the day. I know I checked, but just before bedtime, it didn't stick in memory well... Was it 72 F, around noon? I... think so. Can't be sure.
Well, later.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
When bulbs aren't bulbs.
.
.
Before a shower and breakfast, I decided to replace the bulbs in the overhead lighting. Imagine my surprise to find some strange quad folded neon type plug-in bar... 26w, 3500k, the rest was useless. A 4-pin jig. Amazon actually made quick work of it. Ordered. Not in until Monday. Not needed, one of the three still lights, and I have other options. Still...
A shower, then dishes in. Breakfast after... chops and eggs. Then up and to it. I really think curtains can go up without any mockup. The place cooled off well. It should be much easier to work. I believe I will take rods up and do some quick measurements, just to whet my appetite for the project. I know, but it will get done.
Blood sugar rose to 172. Blasted thing. Still, only using 10 cc's. Later.
.
Before a shower and breakfast, I decided to replace the bulbs in the overhead lighting. Imagine my surprise to find some strange quad folded neon type plug-in bar... 26w, 3500k, the rest was useless. A 4-pin jig. Amazon actually made quick work of it. Ordered. Not in until Monday. Not needed, one of the three still lights, and I have other options. Still...
A shower, then dishes in. Breakfast after... chops and eggs. Then up and to it. I really think curtains can go up without any mockup. The place cooled off well. It should be much easier to work. I believe I will take rods up and do some quick measurements, just to whet my appetite for the project. I know, but it will get done.
Blood sugar rose to 172. Blasted thing. Still, only using 10 cc's. Later.
Another four hours.
.
.
Sleep was better, if still a bit warm. Sleeping like that isn't... optimal. Even with the cave cooled, that first sleep session was damaging. I woke with minor complaints, if aspirin helped everything from before. A new complaint, a sour stomach. Not from aspirin. Shouldn't be from the spicy food. I actually could just taste the spice, it wasn't strong, literally just a whisper.
The goal tonight, after waking and solving the sour stomach with a vinegar ketonic, is to shower, reset dishes, and then begin installing curtains upstairs. The east then south facing windows first. I may need to replace bulbs up there as well. If there isn't any tinkering with angels and mocking in brackets, I think I can get them all up easily, maybe pretty quickly. All rods up first, then adding curtains all in one shot. I may be tall enough, with the windows as they are lower, to sit while I work. It helps. My back is still sore as heck.
I will be avoiding food until after four. I have keto back on track solidly, blood sugar is... well it isn't hitting 400s (or higher), or even the 200s lately... so, I'd like to begin adding in intermittent fasting again. One more tool in an attempt to control calories and leverage eating rules to an potential advantage. Ah, waking blood sugar is 167. The snot! I will dose with breakfast, but just 10 cc's. I don't mind running two hours later, with meals, each day, if that will include a natural day or three of fasting every twelve days, assuming waking and sleeping are relatively stable. Which they aren't. Still, I would bet two days of fasting can be added in. And, by then, I will be ready and able, through what I eat and when.
I have to keep trying. I do keep failing, but there are many difficulries, complexities, limits, and such. Since dying doesn't seem to be a choice, and digging my way fully out of the grave with or without medicine of any type hasn't proved possible, I am sort of stuck. Better to have functioning limbs you can rarely sally to even survival, or better to be paraplegic, or even limbless. At least then there is no doubt.
.
Sleep was better, if still a bit warm. Sleeping like that isn't... optimal. Even with the cave cooled, that first sleep session was damaging. I woke with minor complaints, if aspirin helped everything from before. A new complaint, a sour stomach. Not from aspirin. Shouldn't be from the spicy food. I actually could just taste the spice, it wasn't strong, literally just a whisper.
The goal tonight, after waking and solving the sour stomach with a vinegar ketonic, is to shower, reset dishes, and then begin installing curtains upstairs. The east then south facing windows first. I may need to replace bulbs up there as well. If there isn't any tinkering with angels and mocking in brackets, I think I can get them all up easily, maybe pretty quickly. All rods up first, then adding curtains all in one shot. I may be tall enough, with the windows as they are lower, to sit while I work. It helps. My back is still sore as heck.
I will be avoiding food until after four. I have keto back on track solidly, blood sugar is... well it isn't hitting 400s (or higher), or even the 200s lately... so, I'd like to begin adding in intermittent fasting again. One more tool in an attempt to control calories and leverage eating rules to an potential advantage. Ah, waking blood sugar is 167. The snot! I will dose with breakfast, but just 10 cc's. I don't mind running two hours later, with meals, each day, if that will include a natural day or three of fasting every twelve days, assuming waking and sleeping are relatively stable. Which they aren't. Still, I would bet two days of fasting can be added in. And, by then, I will be ready and able, through what I eat and when.
I have to keep trying. I do keep failing, but there are many difficulries, complexities, limits, and such. Since dying doesn't seem to be a choice, and digging my way fully out of the grave with or without medicine of any type hasn't proved possible, I am sort of stuck. Better to have functioning limbs you can rarely sally to even survival, or better to be paraplegic, or even limbless. At least then there is no doubt.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
In bad shape.
.
.
The blood sugar dips and sleeping in the heat have taken a toll. Nausea, feverishness, aches and pains, a headache, more... other. The cave is open, airing. Back to bed after a bit of tea. Blood sugar has climbed to 158, drinking only plain tea. It really doesn't make sense. The last calories were eaten at noon. Not even sweetener has been consumed since.
At least it feels like it is cooling off. Perhaps some sleep will get help. It would be better to work in the cool, at night. Curtains up, ac in and going, sleep again if needed in the morning, for as long as necessary. Then finish clothes and dishes as able. Then take the rest of the week down... other than standard pet care, personal feeding and upkeep, while attempting to avoid backtracking on successes?
Yeah, another nap. It feels like dying, and I have worn my body down as well. Aspirin might help this time. Lots of pains, but little ones... or at least no serious ones, or so many my body opens the natural pharmacy. Yeah, that might help to sleep better as well. Later.
.
The blood sugar dips and sleeping in the heat have taken a toll. Nausea, feverishness, aches and pains, a headache, more... other. The cave is open, airing. Back to bed after a bit of tea. Blood sugar has climbed to 158, drinking only plain tea. It really doesn't make sense. The last calories were eaten at noon. Not even sweetener has been consumed since.
At least it feels like it is cooling off. Perhaps some sleep will get help. It would be better to work in the cool, at night. Curtains up, ac in and going, sleep again if needed in the morning, for as long as necessary. Then finish clothes and dishes as able. Then take the rest of the week down... other than standard pet care, personal feeding and upkeep, while attempting to avoid backtracking on successes?
Yeah, another nap. It feels like dying, and I have worn my body down as well. Aspirin might help this time. Lots of pains, but little ones... or at least no serious ones, or so many my body opens the natural pharmacy. Yeah, that might help to sleep better as well. Later.
Back up.
.
.
Not quite to it, well... I did close in, feed, and water, the ducks. I am only just allowing them outside, so am still terribly fearful for them. I am not sure if they or I was traumatized more. Still... I... we... are getting better. I really wanted to put them in before my nap but the crash happened too fast. That and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves.
The last two blood reads before sleep were 130 then 142. I started to worry about it going way up while I slept. Four hours of sleep later, it is a reasonable 119. None of these are perfect numbers, but they are far superior to anything I have seen for a long time. As well, today was from one dose of insulin and two meals, plus a fatted tea. I went with 16 cc's. From now on, in that range, it will be 10 cc's. Ugh. I went with a higher dose out frustration rather than reason. My bad.
I am hoping to do more work. The drop sort of pounded me into the dirt, but sleeping in the heat was bad for business as well. While I am tolerating heat a great deal better, that was a bit over the line. It is almost time to open things up. Actually, with the fan facing out, and a curtain between the front room and the rest of the interior, the front door is successfully open, as is the east facing bathroom window.
Getting curtains up is a higher priority than other things on the list currently. I may need to nap, first, later, when it is cooler. I am done with food for the day. Only plain and carefully sweetened tea. One more test later. A shower too, then dishes put back for a last soap cycle. If I can get half of the curtains up, I will be pleased. All of them would be better. I doubt either. Hey, I have to doubt, I don't have a woman around to do it for me. You do realize that is part of their job, right? And a woman's job is never done. ;)
Later.
.
Not quite to it, well... I did close in, feed, and water, the ducks. I am only just allowing them outside, so am still terribly fearful for them. I am not sure if they or I was traumatized more. Still... I... we... are getting better. I really wanted to put them in before my nap but the crash happened too fast. That and they seemed to really be enjoying themselves.
The last two blood reads before sleep were 130 then 142. I started to worry about it going way up while I slept. Four hours of sleep later, it is a reasonable 119. None of these are perfect numbers, but they are far superior to anything I have seen for a long time. As well, today was from one dose of insulin and two meals, plus a fatted tea. I went with 16 cc's. From now on, in that range, it will be 10 cc's. Ugh. I went with a higher dose out frustration rather than reason. My bad.
I am hoping to do more work. The drop sort of pounded me into the dirt, but sleeping in the heat was bad for business as well. While I am tolerating heat a great deal better, that was a bit over the line. It is almost time to open things up. Actually, with the fan facing out, and a curtain between the front room and the rest of the interior, the front door is successfully open, as is the east facing bathroom window.
Getting curtains up is a higher priority than other things on the list currently. I may need to nap, first, later, when it is cooler. I am done with food for the day. Only plain and carefully sweetened tea. One more test later. A shower too, then dishes put back for a last soap cycle. If I can get half of the curtains up, I will be pleased. All of them would be better. I doubt either. Hey, I have to doubt, I don't have a woman around to do it for me. You do realize that is part of their job, right? And a woman's job is never done. ;)
Later.
Skating on the thinnest of ice.
.
.
Lunch was completed. I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. No, it isn't chili mac and cheese. It was good, satisfying, well worth the effort. I filled a square Pyrex baking dish. I have eaten a third of it, with several cups of milk. I can't drink a quart of milk at a time anymore, closer to half that. Getting old? Stuffed to the gills.
I pushed things. Between the effort required to make the meal, and the prep, cook, and consumption times, I believe blood sugar dropped. Enough to just dip into the bad feels. In spite of enjoying the food, due to the blood sugar drop the food is only just staying down.
It feels like the food is working on the blood sugar, but slowly. That IS keto. There are probably advantages. Including learning how to eat correctly, facing hard consequences for not doing so, learning to understand consumption related to work. And what to eat when. Handicapped, but by the consequences of past bad behavior.
The shakes, cold sweats, nausea, a headache, but improving? I'll check blood sugar in either an hour twenty, or twenty... the latter if symptoms haven't eased more. I so feel like crashing but don't dare in case this food wasn't enough. I truly hate having to stay awake when I feel this bad. Discipline, a belief in life, a holy promise now a choice...
Later.
---------
Blood sugar is 130 so I can, and will, safely crash. Ciao. Ciao Belle, even.
.
Lunch was completed. I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised. No, it isn't chili mac and cheese. It was good, satisfying, well worth the effort. I filled a square Pyrex baking dish. I have eaten a third of it, with several cups of milk. I can't drink a quart of milk at a time anymore, closer to half that. Getting old? Stuffed to the gills.
I pushed things. Between the effort required to make the meal, and the prep, cook, and consumption times, I believe blood sugar dropped. Enough to just dip into the bad feels. In spite of enjoying the food, due to the blood sugar drop the food is only just staying down.
It feels like the food is working on the blood sugar, but slowly. That IS keto. There are probably advantages. Including learning how to eat correctly, facing hard consequences for not doing so, learning to understand consumption related to work. And what to eat when. Handicapped, but by the consequences of past bad behavior.
The shakes, cold sweats, nausea, a headache, but improving? I'll check blood sugar in either an hour twenty, or twenty... the latter if symptoms haven't eased more. I so feel like crashing but don't dare in case this food wasn't enough. I truly hate having to stay awake when I feel this bad. Discipline, a belief in life, a holy promise now a choice...
Later.
---------
Blood sugar is 130 so I can, and will, safely crash. Ciao. Ciao Belle, even.
Stalled.
.
.
Partly while considering what to do. I waited a few hours before checking blood sugar again. At 79 it is lower, but not a problem by itself. However, any work might cause a crash. So... a meal first. A hamburger cauliflower cheese casserole? Something like that. I will need to thaw the frozen cauliflower mash, as the stuff in the fridge is too questionable.
It is recommended to have blood sugar up to 100 before exercise or heavy work. I could try a single carbohydrate tab, but it is lunchtime and better calories, and micros, would be a better solution. The tab would be easier, quicker, but it really isn't the best way. Hard to focus to cook, or do much. But that is when it is best to try, to push.
A fatted tea as the cauliflower thaws, oven heats, and burger crumble gets a quick light fry. Some Carolina Reaper flecks, onion granules, garlic, ginger, and fresh ground black pepper should do well. I will add a cup of crushed pork rinds to the burger and two eggs to the cauliflower, and plenty of cheddar... not a single meal, obviously. Lighter on the heat, but I'll know it. You wouldn't be able to do it. Tasty, just not in the mood to burn the temple down.
Perhaps it will help me get back to work. Just getting things going started to push blood sugar. I... backed the speed down, went more evenly. At least I can tell when there is, or is starting to be, trouble. And it seems I can pace down to avoid it. Learning one step at a time. Later.
.
Partly while considering what to do. I waited a few hours before checking blood sugar again. At 79 it is lower, but not a problem by itself. However, any work might cause a crash. So... a meal first. A hamburger cauliflower cheese casserole? Something like that. I will need to thaw the frozen cauliflower mash, as the stuff in the fridge is too questionable.
It is recommended to have blood sugar up to 100 before exercise or heavy work. I could try a single carbohydrate tab, but it is lunchtime and better calories, and micros, would be a better solution. The tab would be easier, quicker, but it really isn't the best way. Hard to focus to cook, or do much. But that is when it is best to try, to push.
A fatted tea as the cauliflower thaws, oven heats, and burger crumble gets a quick light fry. Some Carolina Reaper flecks, onion granules, garlic, ginger, and fresh ground black pepper should do well. I will add a cup of crushed pork rinds to the burger and two eggs to the cauliflower, and plenty of cheddar... not a single meal, obviously. Lighter on the heat, but I'll know it. You wouldn't be able to do it. Tasty, just not in the mood to burn the temple down.
Perhaps it will help me get back to work. Just getting things going started to push blood sugar. I... backed the speed down, went more evenly. At least I can tell when there is, or is starting to be, trouble. And it seems I can pace down to avoid it. Learning one step at a time. Later.
I have to remember work?
.
.
It took about four hours, perhaps half less, other than breakfast, to begin. Then there were many more dishes than anticipated. Thankfully I realized sitting would help, then did so. Everything got a solid, and is stacked, ready to be put back for another run after a shower. Ducks were let out, fed, and a few minor chores else regarding them was completed. I am hoping to scoop their hutch yet this week.
A shower next. Then a short break. Perhaps with a fatted tea. Blood sugar dropped to 82. Yeah, that work thing? It doesn't take much. Then to putting up laundry, probably another break, back is squealing like a little girl every time I even stand. When the dishes and curtains are done, I am taking a few days down. It isn't that I won't push, it is that I have pushed. I have surpassed my ability to handle the pain and am into that dreamy state that excessive pain induces. I know, from it, that it hurts beyond my ability to sense it. No reason to take aspirin, couldn't touch this.
Almost getting there. Almost done for a few days. With much to show for it. Plus, I will be much better able to begin prayer habits again. Required down time has it's advantages. Nobody actually wants downtime, do they? I have friends going on vacation. I believe the mr. is afraid. It is, mostly, an unknown. But more, the structure of duty, schedule, family, and... else... won't be there. I best add their safe travels, and relaxation intention, to my prayer intentions. And that their house remain standing in there absence. Kids, you know. :p
Yeah, a fatted tea, and another blood sugar test in an half hour. A carb tab if it is still dropping, as any work may cause a crash. I plan on a final meal in a few hours. Later.
.
It took about four hours, perhaps half less, other than breakfast, to begin. Then there were many more dishes than anticipated. Thankfully I realized sitting would help, then did so. Everything got a solid, and is stacked, ready to be put back for another run after a shower. Ducks were let out, fed, and a few minor chores else regarding them was completed. I am hoping to scoop their hutch yet this week.
A shower next. Then a short break. Perhaps with a fatted tea. Blood sugar dropped to 82. Yeah, that work thing? It doesn't take much. Then to putting up laundry, probably another break, back is squealing like a little girl every time I even stand. When the dishes and curtains are done, I am taking a few days down. It isn't that I won't push, it is that I have pushed. I have surpassed my ability to handle the pain and am into that dreamy state that excessive pain induces. I know, from it, that it hurts beyond my ability to sense it. No reason to take aspirin, couldn't touch this.
Almost getting there. Almost done for a few days. With much to show for it. Plus, I will be much better able to begin prayer habits again. Required down time has it's advantages. Nobody actually wants downtime, do they? I have friends going on vacation. I believe the mr. is afraid. It is, mostly, an unknown. But more, the structure of duty, schedule, family, and... else... won't be there. I best add their safe travels, and relaxation intention, to my prayer intentions. And that their house remain standing in there absence. Kids, you know. :p
Yeah, a fatted tea, and another blood sugar test in an half hour. A carb tab if it is still dropping, as any work may cause a crash. I plan on a final meal in a few hours. Later.
Just about a perfect sleep.
.
.
I didn't go down until almost 19:00. It was too warm. It remained a bit too warm but I was absolutely exhausted by then. That made it a nineteen hour heavy (for me) work day. I fell so fast, if oddly softly, that other than a bit of a head spin as I wake, from the speed sleep hit, waking is quite good as well.
That sleep was the type one craves when sleep is denied or hampered. Awake at 3:30, a perfect sleep time, if not compatible with the waketime yesterday in order to square a twenty four(ish) hour day. That three and an half hours was eaten into the schedule. In this case, a good thing... brings me back closer to a day schedule.
First thing, the cave was opened and fans turned on. It is 58° F outside. I am amazed at how well I am tolerating temps. It is 74° F indoors , if because the house wasn't opened earlier. That is always tricky. But opening too early is far worse than not opening at all.
Blood sugar is 154 fasting. It was 114 as a final read, nine hours after my last meal yesterday. Better, I suppose. Still, why the jump while I sleep? Swelling has gone down in my foot, finally. Mostly. It was remaining in my left foot. The skin on top of that foot is yet sore, and the big toe is still puffy. It has taken nearly a week of nearly doubling the dosage of furosemide to solve this, and it isn't done.
First thing, after I wake, dishes at least being turned over as much so as to shower as to kickstart the day, then put back for another wash. Then the last of the laundry put away. Just to be done with that. Then a rosary and morning prayer. Breaks as needed. Then, up to start on curtains. Oh yes. If that can be done today, I will have a cool place to sleep tonight.
I have a cot up there, but I do believe I am going to begin sleeping on the floor, as mentioned. My winter quilt, perhaps the next heaviest quilt as well, folded and wrapped together as the base, wrapped in sheets as possible, with a light sheet and several of my lightest blankets on top. It helped my back and life in general the last time I tried this. I am thirty years older, but in better condition. Seventy, at least, pounds lighter, and with heart condition diagnosed and nearing control. If I like this, I will order a real floor bed. Uhrm, or not. Can't afford anymore.
Well, to wake a bit. Plus a fatted tea and chia breakfast. Later.
.
I didn't go down until almost 19:00. It was too warm. It remained a bit too warm but I was absolutely exhausted by then. That made it a nineteen hour heavy (for me) work day. I fell so fast, if oddly softly, that other than a bit of a head spin as I wake, from the speed sleep hit, waking is quite good as well.
That sleep was the type one craves when sleep is denied or hampered. Awake at 3:30, a perfect sleep time, if not compatible with the waketime yesterday in order to square a twenty four(ish) hour day. That three and an half hours was eaten into the schedule. In this case, a good thing... brings me back closer to a day schedule.
First thing, the cave was opened and fans turned on. It is 58° F outside. I am amazed at how well I am tolerating temps. It is 74° F indoors , if because the house wasn't opened earlier. That is always tricky. But opening too early is far worse than not opening at all.
Blood sugar is 154 fasting. It was 114 as a final read, nine hours after my last meal yesterday. Better, I suppose. Still, why the jump while I sleep? Swelling has gone down in my foot, finally. Mostly. It was remaining in my left foot. The skin on top of that foot is yet sore, and the big toe is still puffy. It has taken nearly a week of nearly doubling the dosage of furosemide to solve this, and it isn't done.
First thing, after I wake, dishes at least being turned over as much so as to shower as to kickstart the day, then put back for another wash. Then the last of the laundry put away. Just to be done with that. Then a rosary and morning prayer. Breaks as needed. Then, up to start on curtains. Oh yes. If that can be done today, I will have a cool place to sleep tonight.
I have a cot up there, but I do believe I am going to begin sleeping on the floor, as mentioned. My winter quilt, perhaps the next heaviest quilt as well, folded and wrapped together as the base, wrapped in sheets as possible, with a light sheet and several of my lightest blankets on top. It helped my back and life in general the last time I tried this. I am thirty years older, but in better condition. Seventy, at least, pounds lighter, and with heart condition diagnosed and nearing control. If I like this, I will order a real floor bed. Uhrm, or not. Can't afford anymore.
Well, to wake a bit. Plus a fatted tea and chia breakfast. Later.
Monday, July 1, 2019
No nap, no more work.
.
.
I tried. Too warm. I laid in there for a while. Prayed while I was at it. Couldn't sleep. Blood sugar worried me. Not that it would go down again, that it would go up. Needn't have worried. An hour after each previous reading it went... from 59 to 159, 140, 128, 123, and finally two hours later to 117. No more food or insulin. I... just had a feeling it would be better not to dose, even at 159. Not after the drop.
What I don't understand is why my blood sugar, at say 117 after hours... what was that, 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 = 5 hours, possibly 6 with rollover... of not eating, with blood sugar low, and fasting through the night... I definitely don't 'sleep eat'... does blood sugar spike while I sleep? I really don't get that. Especially very carefully eating keto and now watching calories? For that matter, why are my feet swelling? I have become cautious with salt, don't eat sugar, and my heart is supposed to be better. I am beginning to wonder if the echocardiogram was a fraud. I am drinking a lot less, a gallon a day from two to four, and taking five 40 mg furosemide tabs. And still there is enough swelling to begin opening an ancient scar on my ankle.
I did pull the barrels back. It was just trash today. Oh well. I should shut the ducks back up. They were done with the outdoors a few hours ago. I just... wanted to give them more time. Their water trough was cleaned, but needs to be filled. And their food needs to go in with them. All good.
I will attempt to sleep when it is cool enough to open things back up. Last I checked it was in the low eighties. I have definitely worked. Lungs still feel burning, ribs are a bit sore. Ten minutes on my feet and my back screams at me. And my eyes are burning for sleep that just won't happen. All good. I... earned it. I prayed to earn it. I wanted more. God said no.
Later, or good night.
.
I tried. Too warm. I laid in there for a while. Prayed while I was at it. Couldn't sleep. Blood sugar worried me. Not that it would go down again, that it would go up. Needn't have worried. An hour after each previous reading it went... from 59 to 159, 140, 128, 123, and finally two hours later to 117. No more food or insulin. I... just had a feeling it would be better not to dose, even at 159. Not after the drop.
What I don't understand is why my blood sugar, at say 117 after hours... what was that, 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 = 5 hours, possibly 6 with rollover... of not eating, with blood sugar low, and fasting through the night... I definitely don't 'sleep eat'... does blood sugar spike while I sleep? I really don't get that. Especially very carefully eating keto and now watching calories? For that matter, why are my feet swelling? I have become cautious with salt, don't eat sugar, and my heart is supposed to be better. I am beginning to wonder if the echocardiogram was a fraud. I am drinking a lot less, a gallon a day from two to four, and taking five 40 mg furosemide tabs. And still there is enough swelling to begin opening an ancient scar on my ankle.
I did pull the barrels back. It was just trash today. Oh well. I should shut the ducks back up. They were done with the outdoors a few hours ago. I just... wanted to give them more time. Their water trough was cleaned, but needs to be filled. And their food needs to go in with them. All good.
I will attempt to sleep when it is cool enough to open things back up. Last I checked it was in the low eighties. I have definitely worked. Lungs still feel burning, ribs are a bit sore. Ten minutes on my feet and my back screams at me. And my eyes are burning for sleep that just won't happen. All good. I... earned it. I prayed to earn it. I wanted more. God said no.
Later, or good night.
Well?
.
.
The ducks are enjoying the outdoors. I check on them from time to time. With windows closed and a fan running I can't hear a thing, barely hearing vehicles. Most of the laundry has been put up. Shirts and bedding left. My back was absolutely killing me. Some of the dishes have gotten a quick first shot, three of the half gallon tea cups have been all but finished... air drying.
I still need a nap. I stayed up to see a two hour blood sugar read. I am feeling a bit better, but not great. This time I didn't see it hit. It was clouded by wearing down from working. Then again, I think this time it really hit fast. Something about working really doubled, tripled, or more the rate of drop.
Damn, blood sugar is up to 159. I may try a single tab, no meal, next time. Bah!
I am amazed how much has been done. Quickly. Or... it seems that way. Dishes, the bathroom, putting away the last of laundry, and starting in on curtains upstairs, if perhaps only one or three or parts of those. That for after a well deserved nap. I want to start with the curtains, so as to create a cool dark place to sleep, even in the day... maybe in the closet if still too bright otherwise. Then work is more possible. Not too cool though, or I will hibernate. I so love sleep, and the cold. But as with death, that grace is not for me, not yet. Winter will return.
Later. Just a nap it is hoped. But I have hurt, then kept pushing, my body. I will set an alarm for three and four hours, hopefully as unnecessary backups, but... Later.
.
The ducks are enjoying the outdoors. I check on them from time to time. With windows closed and a fan running I can't hear a thing, barely hearing vehicles. Most of the laundry has been put up. Shirts and bedding left. My back was absolutely killing me. Some of the dishes have gotten a quick first shot, three of the half gallon tea cups have been all but finished... air drying.
I still need a nap. I stayed up to see a two hour blood sugar read. I am feeling a bit better, but not great. This time I didn't see it hit. It was clouded by wearing down from working. Then again, I think this time it really hit fast. Something about working really doubled, tripled, or more the rate of drop.
Damn, blood sugar is up to 159. I may try a single tab, no meal, next time. Bah!
I am amazed how much has been done. Quickly. Or... it seems that way. Dishes, the bathroom, putting away the last of laundry, and starting in on curtains upstairs, if perhaps only one or three or parts of those. That for after a well deserved nap. I want to start with the curtains, so as to create a cool dark place to sleep, even in the day... maybe in the closet if still too bright otherwise. Then work is more possible. Not too cool though, or I will hibernate. I so love sleep, and the cold. But as with death, that grace is not for me, not yet. Winter will return.
Later. Just a nap it is hoped. But I have hurt, then kept pushing, my body. I will set an alarm for three and four hours, hopefully as unnecessary backups, but... Later.
So that was the problem.
.
.
Crashing. I thought it was the work. I am positive the work played a roll. Blood sugar, negative spike, down to 59. Two carb tabs, plus bacon, eggs, and milk. Hopefully it doesn't jack blood sugar as high this time. Four tabs and a larger meal last time, iirc, led to a 174 read, or so. Recovery is experimental. If this hits 150, next time just two tabs, no meal. Would rather hit high, then softly titrate negatively per experience, than miss the mark low.
I don't fully understand. A single if slightly high dose, but a large fatted coffee (large = full cup of cream) and chia cereal with nuts and preserves. The work on top of else? It doesn't seem like much work. Maybe it wasn't, merely compared to usual? I will try to work more often. But... that has been the goal for three decades now.
Before I realized the problem, I let the ducks out, feeding them outside and tightening and raising their tarp. Then set most of the dishes for a soapy soak. A few other things as well. Laundry will be put up shortly. I won't nap until I see a better read, hopefully in two hours.
While making breakfast, I used the cast iron pan and placket upon which to bake the bacon, rubbed the bacon fat all around after removing the bacon to towel off, then put the iron back in to cure. I'll do that as long as needed to get them back in shape. If that fails to remove rust, I will pull out the angle grinder and steel rope wheel, wash clear again, grind, and do the bacon thing again.
Feeling a bit better. Time to put laundry away then check the ducks. I have found a few Catholic books, some particularly for men, some more general. I know, no better a man than a Catholic, but if not those than what... that is aimed at you naysayers among my ranks. Those who have no standing, either way, feel free to piss off. I don't feel your pain, and only offer you sand to go pound. You don't have to be Catholic or a man, but you have to be on the right side. Not necessarily my side, but wishing me to be right.
Later.
.
Crashing. I thought it was the work. I am positive the work played a roll. Blood sugar, negative spike, down to 59. Two carb tabs, plus bacon, eggs, and milk. Hopefully it doesn't jack blood sugar as high this time. Four tabs and a larger meal last time, iirc, led to a 174 read, or so. Recovery is experimental. If this hits 150, next time just two tabs, no meal. Would rather hit high, then softly titrate negatively per experience, than miss the mark low.
I don't fully understand. A single if slightly high dose, but a large fatted coffee (large = full cup of cream) and chia cereal with nuts and preserves. The work on top of else? It doesn't seem like much work. Maybe it wasn't, merely compared to usual? I will try to work more often. But... that has been the goal for three decades now.
Before I realized the problem, I let the ducks out, feeding them outside and tightening and raising their tarp. Then set most of the dishes for a soapy soak. A few other things as well. Laundry will be put up shortly. I won't nap until I see a better read, hopefully in two hours.
While making breakfast, I used the cast iron pan and placket upon which to bake the bacon, rubbed the bacon fat all around after removing the bacon to towel off, then put the iron back in to cure. I'll do that as long as needed to get them back in shape. If that fails to remove rust, I will pull out the angle grinder and steel rope wheel, wash clear again, grind, and do the bacon thing again.
Feeling a bit better. Time to put laundry away then check the ducks. I have found a few Catholic books, some particularly for men, some more general. I know, no better a man than a Catholic, but if not those than what... that is aimed at you naysayers among my ranks. Those who have no standing, either way, feel free to piss off. I don't feel your pain, and only offer you sand to go pound. You don't have to be Catholic or a man, but you have to be on the right side. Not necessarily my side, but wishing me to be right.
Later.
Pain.
.
.
Back, arms, lungs. I hobbled to my chair after getting the trash and recycling together, out, then to the street. Dishes were completed, dried, and mostly put up immediately before. I will, before long, try to put all remaining dishes in for a wash. Well, except what is in the fridge. That will be for another run, sometime after curtains are finished.
Several other small tasks, plus breakfast. Another hour then another blood sugar test. After medicine has been consumed regularly for a week I will start checking bp again... next weekend assuming medication remains regular. The laundry remains yet to do, but it will be done, today. Folding what is before me, putting all of it up.
Afterward a nap? Probably. A, late but still, morning prayer as I go down. It's what I can do. If I wake in reasonable condition, I may hit the last load of dishes and begin curtains upstairs. As well, the ducks will be let out. Not until the sun is well up. While still exposed, they do have a tarp. As with fencing, it is there but incomplete.
A handful of aspirin and a plan. Later.
.
Back, arms, lungs. I hobbled to my chair after getting the trash and recycling together, out, then to the street. Dishes were completed, dried, and mostly put up immediately before. I will, before long, try to put all remaining dishes in for a wash. Well, except what is in the fridge. That will be for another run, sometime after curtains are finished.
Several other small tasks, plus breakfast. Another hour then another blood sugar test. After medicine has been consumed regularly for a week I will start checking bp again... next weekend assuming medication remains regular. The laundry remains yet to do, but it will be done, today. Folding what is before me, putting all of it up.
Afterward a nap? Probably. A, late but still, morning prayer as I go down. It's what I can do. If I wake in reasonable condition, I may hit the last load of dishes and begin curtains upstairs. As well, the ducks will be let out. Not until the sun is well up. While still exposed, they do have a tarp. As with fencing, it is there but incomplete.
A handful of aspirin and a plan. Later.
A good start.
.
.
Laundry that was drying is done and out to be folded. I found the blessed rosaries and others needing blessed. I am not starting everything today. Prayers, yes. The rosary tomorrow. As well, The Imitation of Christ, the book, has been found. I will have to look for other such books, and begin reading the bible readings for the day. Sometimes that will mean reading the same scriptures several days in a row. I don't see a problem with that.
A shower after draining the dishes, then those were reset. A fatted coffee is going down, then a chia breakfast to begin steeping. Then trash and recycling. I may fold laundry while I take a break. Already am feeling like sleeping again. Exhausted. Don't be surprised. I am surprised I am doing this much. It won't last. Has nothing to do with the will, definitely not a want issue.
I might be able to get all planned done, with a maybe on a start for the curtains. I will do morning and evening prayers, maybe midday prayer as well. I will do them offhand for now. However, I will be seeking a pattern, recipe, guide, for better prayer practice. The practice of faith, or in my case certainty, should be more than professional. A profession may see food on the table, a roof over the head, clothes on the back... assuming God has nothing to do with that... an assumption I wouldn't risk my soul upon. But neither does man live by bread alone, nor is this life the sum of our lives.
Tend the life given, don't believe or fully vest in it. Pray, but improve prayer. Include God in every decision, especially the ones you already know better about. You aren't a saint. You are commanded to be one. The only way is through careful action and consideration, right and righter prayer, and slow improvement, learning, and discernment. Mind you, that won't see you to heaven alone. It might make you prone to the graces that will.
Well. Good morning and day.
.
Laundry that was drying is done and out to be folded. I found the blessed rosaries and others needing blessed. I am not starting everything today. Prayers, yes. The rosary tomorrow. As well, The Imitation of Christ, the book, has been found. I will have to look for other such books, and begin reading the bible readings for the day. Sometimes that will mean reading the same scriptures several days in a row. I don't see a problem with that.
A shower after draining the dishes, then those were reset. A fatted coffee is going down, then a chia breakfast to begin steeping. Then trash and recycling. I may fold laundry while I take a break. Already am feeling like sleeping again. Exhausted. Don't be surprised. I am surprised I am doing this much. It won't last. Has nothing to do with the will, definitely not a want issue.
I might be able to get all planned done, with a maybe on a start for the curtains. I will do morning and evening prayers, maybe midday prayer as well. I will do them offhand for now. However, I will be seeking a pattern, recipe, guide, for better prayer practice. The practice of faith, or in my case certainty, should be more than professional. A profession may see food on the table, a roof over the head, clothes on the back... assuming God has nothing to do with that... an assumption I wouldn't risk my soul upon. But neither does man live by bread alone, nor is this life the sum of our lives.
Tend the life given, don't believe or fully vest in it. Pray, but improve prayer. Include God in every decision, especially the ones you already know better about. You aren't a saint. You are commanded to be one. The only way is through careful action and consideration, right and righter prayer, and slow improvement, learning, and discernment. Mind you, that won't see you to heaven alone. It might make you prone to the graces that will.
Well. Good morning and day.
Such dreams.
.
.
A call, to return. To wake and return.
In the dream, I did two hours in adoration to Mary. Doing the rosary and various others prayers and beadwork. After that, another hour was prayed to and for Christ. Fulfilled, at the end... if that wasn't the point... too, I was exhausted. As climbing a mountain, reaching the summit.
It was a fantastic dream. It calls, beckons, pulls. Prayer life... I lost track, was praying over meals, for intentions, and occasionally. I need to return. Morning intention and work prayers, at least one rosary... better in the morning to be sure, meal and intention prayers as usual, a midday prayer often, and a bedtime prayer. Each of the two main prayers bookending my day to also receive at least fifteen minutes of meditation... unless I begin nodding off. Health doesn't allow all. Further, my focus on God needs to be more conscious. It has gotten weak lately, sometimes seems missing. When doing right, I always have a link to God, a strong one.
Still a wonderful dream. A video might add to my dream, offer direction.
.
A call, to return. To wake and return.
In the dream, I did two hours in adoration to Mary. Doing the rosary and various others prayers and beadwork. After that, another hour was prayed to and for Christ. Fulfilled, at the end... if that wasn't the point... too, I was exhausted. As climbing a mountain, reaching the summit.
It was a fantastic dream. It calls, beckons, pulls. Prayer life... I lost track, was praying over meals, for intentions, and occasionally. I need to return. Morning intention and work prayers, at least one rosary... better in the morning to be sure, meal and intention prayers as usual, a midday prayer often, and a bedtime prayer. Each of the two main prayers bookending my day to also receive at least fifteen minutes of meditation... unless I begin nodding off. Health doesn't allow all. Further, my focus on God needs to be more conscious. It has gotten weak lately, sometimes seems missing. When doing right, I always have a link to God, a strong one.
Still a wonderful dream. A video might add to my dream, offer direction.
Not everything.
.
.
All previous clothes folded, some put up. The washed clothes... I set them to dry twice but the machine either conked off or didn't do as wished. The dryer is going now, if I will check it shortly. The ducks were put away with their food, and water refreshed. A few other little things were done.
Today, first thing, the main dishes. Right after this, they will be drained and rinsed fresh, to be dried at put away. A shower before putting them back to a rinse. Cleaning the bathroom next. A breakfast in there. Chia and flax, with cream and maybe bacon beside. I may vacuum the portion of the living room that has been opened.
What else? Perhaps finishing the laundry drying. There is no more clothes, towels, or bedding to be washed, so it would be good to be completely finished for now. Then maybe hitting the smaller loads of dishes. Hmm, trash and recycling! It is that day. My new new system is working better. All trash should take a mere moment to gather, and recycling.
All of that? I doubt it, but maybe. If I really want to figure out the curtains upstairs too. If they will fit outside the slope, that job might be much faster than anticipated. The primary aims are draining dishes, showering, resetting dishes, trash and recycling, then all laundry folded hung and put away.
The cave has been opened, airing out. Cold tea to start, fresh tea shortly... for a fatted tea and chia and flax starter. I haven't added pecans, pumpkin seeds, or such for a goodly while, today it will be so. Maybe a teaspoon of sugar-free preserves as well. When one gets used to few carbs and no sugars, this is tasty. Blood sugar was 177 fasting. The last two, both two and then fiveish hours after my last meal, blood sugar reads were 128 and 129. Why does my blood sugar jump while sleeping?
Technically, my doctor instructions would suggest that I not dose. I disagree with her numbers, and have shaved that. So, a dosage with breakfast. First to drain the dishes, set tea, wake up, then a shower, reset dishes, get the trash and recycling out, then another break... perhaps folding laundry on that break. If possible.
Later.
.
All previous clothes folded, some put up. The washed clothes... I set them to dry twice but the machine either conked off or didn't do as wished. The dryer is going now, if I will check it shortly. The ducks were put away with their food, and water refreshed. A few other little things were done.
Today, first thing, the main dishes. Right after this, they will be drained and rinsed fresh, to be dried at put away. A shower before putting them back to a rinse. Cleaning the bathroom next. A breakfast in there. Chia and flax, with cream and maybe bacon beside. I may vacuum the portion of the living room that has been opened.
What else? Perhaps finishing the laundry drying. There is no more clothes, towels, or bedding to be washed, so it would be good to be completely finished for now. Then maybe hitting the smaller loads of dishes. Hmm, trash and recycling! It is that day. My new new system is working better. All trash should take a mere moment to gather, and recycling.
All of that? I doubt it, but maybe. If I really want to figure out the curtains upstairs too. If they will fit outside the slope, that job might be much faster than anticipated. The primary aims are draining dishes, showering, resetting dishes, trash and recycling, then all laundry folded hung and put away.
The cave has been opened, airing out. Cold tea to start, fresh tea shortly... for a fatted tea and chia and flax starter. I haven't added pecans, pumpkin seeds, or such for a goodly while, today it will be so. Maybe a teaspoon of sugar-free preserves as well. When one gets used to few carbs and no sugars, this is tasty. Blood sugar was 177 fasting. The last two, both two and then fiveish hours after my last meal, blood sugar reads were 128 and 129. Why does my blood sugar jump while sleeping?
Technically, my doctor instructions would suggest that I not dose. I disagree with her numbers, and have shaved that. So, a dosage with breakfast. First to drain the dishes, set tea, wake up, then a shower, reset dishes, get the trash and recycling out, then another break... perhaps folding laundry on that break. If possible.
Later.
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Everything hurts.
.
.
Dishes have been washed and are rinsing. I shouldn't have left the cast iron in there. Then again they had to be stripped down. Still, all will work out. Laundry has been fluffed and brought out to fold. The ducks are finding their way out to the pool. I did move their food out, but believe they were out anyway. Not sure they are using the pool though.
I had to empty the pool. Clean it out. There were two dead mice in it. Drowned. Bloated. Patchy, white and brown, must be a cross of domestic and wild. I may have to... begin facilitating that. The more in the pool the better. Better in the pool than my basement.
Another, final, meal. A fatted tea. Blood sugar is 128, so no need for insulin. If I can stay awake at least four more hours, I will take night pills. Perhaps I will skip even a liquid lunch?
Oh, right. My back, and various muscles everywhere, hurt. Lots of bending, lifting, moving things. I am fine with muscle pain. I don't want to brutalize myself, but I will push as able. The kidneys and heart have mildly hurt, if probably less than sitting days. Cloudy, partly. Cool enough.
What is left is folding clothes. Hopefully even what is drying as well. The main load of dishes, it is hoped, will be dried and put away. A shower as a last thing, perhaps and taking medicine. I just don't think I will get to the bathroom. I am only able to do what I have because I have been able to figure out how to sit while working, mostly.
A show and folding. Then to what else is possible. A fatted tea while at it. Cheers.
.
Dishes have been washed and are rinsing. I shouldn't have left the cast iron in there. Then again they had to be stripped down. Still, all will work out. Laundry has been fluffed and brought out to fold. The ducks are finding their way out to the pool. I did move their food out, but believe they were out anyway. Not sure they are using the pool though.
I had to empty the pool. Clean it out. There were two dead mice in it. Drowned. Bloated. Patchy, white and brown, must be a cross of domestic and wild. I may have to... begin facilitating that. The more in the pool the better. Better in the pool than my basement.
Another, final, meal. A fatted tea. Blood sugar is 128, so no need for insulin. If I can stay awake at least four more hours, I will take night pills. Perhaps I will skip even a liquid lunch?
Oh, right. My back, and various muscles everywhere, hurt. Lots of bending, lifting, moving things. I am fine with muscle pain. I don't want to brutalize myself, but I will push as able. The kidneys and heart have mildly hurt, if probably less than sitting days. Cloudy, partly. Cool enough.
What is left is folding clothes. Hopefully even what is drying as well. The main load of dishes, it is hoped, will be dried and put away. A shower as a last thing, perhaps and taking medicine. I just don't think I will get to the bathroom. I am only able to do what I have because I have been able to figure out how to sit while working, mostly.
A show and folding. Then to what else is possible. A fatted tea while at it. Cheers.
Time to get to it.
.
.
It takes time to begin functioning. This morning it took a bit longer than usual. Fine. Hitting dishes, fluffing laundry, taking a shower, hopefully to finish off laundry. Though there might be a load or two to hit. I may clean the floor in this room first. It just, it is calling me to it.
Blood sugar was being stupid. It was 209 fasting, I guess I... wait, after reviewing, that was my last read yesterday, right at bedtime. Anyway, after breakfast, a dose of insulin, and several hours, it was 183. Two hours on, at 110, it is better. Very odd. I may have a fatted tea now? Hmm, how about after whatever work is possible? Yes.
While working in here, I found glasses with the scripts from the V.A. that didn't work but not glasses from the V.A. Single vision, not bifocal. Trying them, oddly, they work, or well enough. Blood sugar and pressure, in better if not perfect control, must be changing things. Though, strangely, the Chinese glasses, with the off scripts, actually were better if not good enough. Now they, at least one of them, is nearly as good as the best script. Hopefully I can find all the others. If they all work that will provide three spare, if all are now slightly off. Slightly off is much better than nothing.
The goal is to get both bp and blood sugar controlled well enough and long enough to stabilize vision, then tack down a script, then get several pair of solid backup. These will do for now. I am wearing that pair now. Bifocals have their places, uses, but I much prefer single vision glasses. It's now as if my vision is right between the two scripts, as perfect an average as I can tell. But changing from one to the other doesn't leave me with a headache. I am thinking conch spiral function differences in the scripts, which line up on the twist, rather than a simple linear function difference? I'd bet money. Yes, I see with my eyes shut in more ways than one.
Later.
-----------
Winded, with catches in my back... a nerve or muscle hung up on a bone, in several places. But the floor is... in time it can be vacuumed. As well, a bit more clearing, organizing. Busted a nut, but I'll still hit dishes by six or thirty after. I won't fluff laundry until I start on dishes. That way they will be freshly rolled. I could get a load washing. It should be ready for the dryer by the time I rest and do the dishes. Yeah, a laundry start then a break.
.
It takes time to begin functioning. This morning it took a bit longer than usual. Fine. Hitting dishes, fluffing laundry, taking a shower, hopefully to finish off laundry. Though there might be a load or two to hit. I may clean the floor in this room first. It just, it is calling me to it.
Blood sugar was being stupid. It was 209 fasting, I guess I... wait, after reviewing, that was my last read yesterday, right at bedtime. Anyway, after breakfast, a dose of insulin, and several hours, it was 183. Two hours on, at 110, it is better. Very odd. I may have a fatted tea now? Hmm, how about after whatever work is possible? Yes.
While working in here, I found glasses with the scripts from the V.A. that didn't work but not glasses from the V.A. Single vision, not bifocal. Trying them, oddly, they work, or well enough. Blood sugar and pressure, in better if not perfect control, must be changing things. Though, strangely, the Chinese glasses, with the off scripts, actually were better if not good enough. Now they, at least one of them, is nearly as good as the best script. Hopefully I can find all the others. If they all work that will provide three spare, if all are now slightly off. Slightly off is much better than nothing.
The goal is to get both bp and blood sugar controlled well enough and long enough to stabilize vision, then tack down a script, then get several pair of solid backup. These will do for now. I am wearing that pair now. Bifocals have their places, uses, but I much prefer single vision glasses. It's now as if my vision is right between the two scripts, as perfect an average as I can tell. But changing from one to the other doesn't leave me with a headache. I am thinking conch spiral function differences in the scripts, which line up on the twist, rather than a simple linear function difference? I'd bet money. Yes, I see with my eyes shut in more ways than one.
Later.
-----------
Winded, with catches in my back... a nerve or muscle hung up on a bone, in several places. But the floor is... in time it can be vacuumed. As well, a bit more clearing, organizing. Busted a nut, but I'll still hit dishes by six or thirty after. I won't fluff laundry until I start on dishes. That way they will be freshly rolled. I could get a load washing. It should be ready for the dryer by the time I rest and do the dishes. Yeah, a laundry start then a break.
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