Not everything.

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Won't get to everything.  The dryer was set for a final spin.  What of the dishes I could fit in the dishwasher were put in.  Might have to hand redo some?  Will have to see about that.  The cookie sheets are pretty big, and were pretty rough.  If nothing else, it'll give it a better go than it's had, and extra.  If I am awake when it finishes, I'll put what else will go in for another run.

As well, I put two of the clothing racks together.  The first one took just a bit, to figure out.  The second one took seeming seconds.  I am supposed to have another around, but it may have been stolen.  Not seeing it anywhere.  And it's not like a cellphone.  The box is as tall as I am, a foot and a bit wide, and four inches thick.  Still, maybe it is somewhere, yet.  Not terribly worried exactly yet, either way.  The room I have for those is taken with the two up.  Still... I want to find the other.

Fantastic.

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Tuna and "rice", a keto version.  Using lime juice I had stored away, lemon?  I'll have to look again.  The lime juice is rather old, wasn't sure... how that would turn out.  Lemon?  Whatever.  One must work with the ground palm heart, rinsing it extremely well, several times.  Then I steamed it, in a spit of water, with some lemon/lime juice, and butter.  Lots of butter.  The tuna was simply griddled on the flattop, five minutes on each side.

I'll tell you, that was absolutely delicious.  The problem is that I am still hungry.  There was plenty there.  That would usually do for my meal.  But the fall season has me against the hunger wall.  On the good side, I have a steak thawed, band burger getting there.  I think I will grill the steak in a bit.  That steak has been excellent, unlike t-bones most recently... or even for the last few years.  I was a bit fearful of buying it, glad I took the risk.  Cost... a lot more than anticipated, but... okay.

Then mother called.  She was having tuna and noodles.  So, we... shared a meal.  Quite nice.  We talked about other foods, including cabbage.  She has always loved cabbage, I used to hate it.  Kids, and their tastes, what can you do.  I told her I was going to cook chicken, perhaps, next time.  And add some of that in, to a stew.  She... wouldn't waste her cabbage on chicken.  *laughs*

Fine.  I told her about steaming burger and cabbage, together.  She almost thought that might sound good, or not.  Maybe she was just being nice.  Hard to tell with mom'o.  I told her my brother and myself had gotten in a bit of spiff.  And that I did call to apologize.  Not her problem, I think, but glad to hear it, too.

All good.  Yes, more steak.  And, maybe, some vegetables on the side.  Trying to eat that up, before I go.  It's... old, out of date, but does just fine.  Green beans?  Corn?  Stewed tomatoes?  I'm thinking green beans and tomatoes.  Carby, a bit, but... it'll do.  With steak as the main course.  Uhmm.... yes.  That would do.  In an hour or two.  Loverly.

Still feeling a bit battered and bruised. as if I had been in an accident, or major multiple enemy fight recently.  A few days to a week ago.  Always took... time... to get better.  Not sure why I am this bruised, battered, and sore.  Sleep has been good.  Food has been plentiful and more carnivore.  Working on keeping water out, if failing a bit in that department, but... working on it.  The wound on my leg is REALLY looking better.  So no infection, probably.  Oh well, I'll... just keep doing my best.

I have told the group that I will do some traveling for them.  Go to a meeting.  It's, generally speaking, for higher level members.  But they can't go, and technically it is mandatory.  But... they put it out, almost on the sly, with almost no notice.  So will have to get who they get.  Which, in this case, is myself and a fellow of some degree or other.

God, Himself, doesn't always gets who He would prefer.  He gets who hear and abide His call, and who He will accept from among those.  So it is with His sons, children in general.  I'll never be among His favored, but as long as I am among those He would claim, it is what I will take.  I'll do my best.

Anyway... on to a bit of gaming.  Oh, finished coffee, so back to tea.  I may make a sip of that.  I want to try a second flush of the oolong, see if that gets too weak, or does okay.  If it is okay, I may even try a third brewing... forth?  I'm curious.  Sometimes teas really do have a very find, slightly different, second, third, fourth, maybe even fifth, steeping.  I love experimenting.  Later.

Good and bad.

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The good first.  I was worried cabbage would be too high carb, somehow.  Or the wrong kind, or have a twist.  Blood sugar is 99, after two serious helpings... half a big head of cabbage.  With butter and salt of course, and pepper for the last one.  If that much won't trigger blood sugar, I doubt if I could eat enough to do it, for my system.  Nor would I wish to eat as much as it might take.

I think it was the carrots, from the veggie pack, if even then I war recovering from the tomatoes.  I don't think I had come back down completely from those.  I'm telling you, I'm ready for blood sugar to normalize just a bit.  It needs to stop having a fit any time I step just a touch out of line.  That... may not happen, in my lifetime?  Who knows, until... I, or we, know.

Parent.

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Child.

She... knows.

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Lots of pops.  Here are a few.  Had to laugh.

Just thinking of a special girl.

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Life is difficult.  Then it gets really hard.  Many of us loved, and still do, for my part a cousin.  She was always a sweetheart.  And, that... wasn't always fair.  Still, she did her best, like a champ.

A slow day.

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It's up to 84 outside.  And, without a fan or ac, is just up to 76 here in this front room, near the computer.  It is 73/75 in the main of the back and this room.  Quite nice, if it's time to turn a fan or two on.  And, maybe, the ac in a bit.  Not sure about upstairs.  I'll check in a few hours.  If it's in the mid 70s, I'll turn the ac on to give it time to pull back a bit before bedtime.

Three days of wearing compression socks is helping.  And remembering medicine, mostly.  Very light dosages, with an aspirin thrown in every other day or so.  Sometimes every day, if there is some pain.  I haven't been checking bp, but pulse?  Resting is running 68, highs are 109?  Without medicine, my lows are... between 110 and 120.  So, not bad.  Lows.  I may have been correct, they may have been trying to overdose me.  Maybe not directly hit me, but get me with kidney and liver failure.  Doctors aren't your friend, especially not ones working for the government.  Understand that.  This very light dose is enough.  And it doesn't truck me down.

I'm not able to get to much.  Having trouble doing more than sitting.  I did get a steak cooked.  Delicious.  And, done rightly.  It was a thinner steak.  Not the thin cut, but not the thick.  An inch, give or take.  Bone-in.  The thinner steaks are more difficult to track, if the bone helps slow the process, but also alters things, in that the bone absorbs more of the heat, leaving the meat around it a bit rawer.  Still, I... love meat ripe off the bone!  Something about chewing it off the bone adds... flavor, texture, something.  We all have a touch of caveman in us?  But, that was about perfect, as steak goes.  I am improving.

Ah, I do remember.

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Down around 16:00.  Not sure if I tiptoed over the line, or was stopped just short, but that is close enough.  Awake around 23:30.  This time, with double layers, top and bottom.  No socks today, or yet.  But if these aren't enough, or are too much?  I may either simply add socks, or warm socks, or replace the longjohns with socks, or warm socks.  Upstairs, with just two windows open and two fans going on low, it was 66/68.  Down here it is 71 main, 72 in the main of this front room, and 73 near the machine.  With windows only cracked, and no fans.

While the temp is fine, with the extra layers, I may open the front door a wee, and turn on the fan.  I like fresh air.  I have begun to suspect why.  I haven't been keeping all the p-traps and else moist.  I do wonder about... backup.  So, I am going to begin sorting those things.  Not sure it has any real impact, but it may.  It doesn't go to city sewer, it goes to a septic tank.  That... may or may not be a help for these sorts of things?  I may also see about having the septic tank inspected before winter hits?  And... talk up the man, asking him... about this system.  He can't tell me everything, but he can tell me some things.  And any care or maintenance issues.

I asked my brother if they store any food.  Not a bit.  Just what they eat.  I talked about rising food prices, scarcity.  It has never crossed his mind to worry.  At least he has a firearm, and knows how to use it.  But, as with gold, bullets cannot be eaten.  Nor, for a mostly honest man, will they provide food, water, or any other resource when competing with those who already thieve and murder for a living.  If you live like the cricket, not the ant, don't think the ant will just give.  Probably can't just give, and survive.  I didn't argue the point, I just asked.  He has... real concerns.  Busy saving the world, one Biden vote at a time.

I don't have... enough.  I don't have the things I want, or necessarily like.  But I have what I can afford, in dollars and labor.  But, just enough for me, and maybe, if we go hungry a bit, a second person.  For... three to six months?  Still trying to add a bit more, but...  It's so difficult.  A bit more, as I go?  As I can.  But, yeah.  I couldn't help him.  Can barely help myself.  Won't push, or such.  Just... asking.  I'll pray, for all of us.

On that note, I actually ordered more wheat.  Just... a bit.  Not sure what I ordered would last a year, for just myself.  But it might, on light enough duty.  Of course, I still don't have a manual grinder.  Bleh.  But... I... do have wheat.  Could trade some for the grinding?  Or something else?  No one will have everything.  It will be hand to mouth, give and take.  May already be beyond more than preparing for the hard landing.  So... I do.

Well, on to something... or nothing.  But, I am warm.  Warm enough for some fresh, outside, cool air.  Oh, it is right at 50, outside, currently, if I didn't mention.  Pleasant, really.  I just... some fresh air.  Soon enough I will have to shutter the house for the winter.  But, I am hoping to have a few rooms cleared and cleaned before I go into that dark season.  To freshness can last a bit.  Pray for me to be able to do some of this.  Down to the nitty gritty musty.  If you kindly would.  As for return prayers?  You are in them every night, often by name, if not by... some other way.  I've probably got you beat.  Fool, or wise one, old or young or even middlings, healthy ill.  And you, your sister, your wife, and a few others quite by name.  My prayers get... long.  As well, when I learn of your concerns.  But, it's... not about that.  :p

Good evening, morning, day maybe?  A good night, if not goodnight, too?

Happy Mother's Day weekend.

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I... thought it was next weekend.  So... she called me.  Of course.

Still, thinking of her.  Definitely... thinking of her.

The... thing.

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Someone saw... something.  And linked to a song.

Hmm...

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Maybe not?  After speaking with my mother, perhaps my brother isn't up to anything.  Last time I spoke with her, she had suggested my brother was calling every other day.  Now, just a few days later, and more coherent, she says he only called frequently when she first went back.  So, yea, okay.

And, she is almost certain she is getting out.  That... doesn't mean she will.  It only means she still thinks she will be going home.  She asked me about my plans, I told her.  It is, as always, to be there when she gets home.  To be her part-time help.  No gaming systems, just Japanese lessons, card games we can play together, and maybe a board game, to help with her memory and such.

I haven't told her everything.  I am there, as much to help, as to evaluate.  If, in two weeks, she has improved enough to take back over, then good.  If not, I may spend another two weeks trying to get her back into the nursing home.  I don't want her floundering, and dying at home, needlessly.  She has to be able to take care of herself, take her medicine, and get on with the rest of her life.

I may spend another week or two there, either way.  And I will help her.  Fairly well, I think.  So much easier with two people, potentially.  By the sounds of it, they won't decide anything, there at the facility, for a while yet.  They are running physical therapy with her, though, and tiring her.  So, I think even they are planning on her going home.

Ugh.  I... just feel bad for my brother.  I would call...  Should I call?  They remain in my prayers.  I'm not sure... he wants to talk, right now?  A good time to talk, sometimes.  I'm not timid about sharing in someone's hurt, though neither do I wish to be a problem.  The balance, on some things, I am terrible with.  So... yes, I'll call.  If nothing else, I will leave a message of encouragement and concern.

Later.

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Oh my word!  On top of all his other problems, today was the day.  They pulled his bottom teeth.  His medicine, and general health issues, caused his teeth to go bad.  So, they pulled them all.  I don't know if they will be doing his tops, or if only his bottom teeth went wrong?  But... that... is quite enough.

He talked a bit, but was in such pain there wasn't much he could do.  I told him I will add this to my prayer concerns, and kept it very brief.  I am glad I called.  They have the in-laws, too, in poor health.  They have their health issues.  And this.  What a lug, I can be.  As tough as things can be, here, there are some who... when it rains, it pours.  If you wish to offer a prayer for him, and his family, I'd be grateful.

Brothers.  Can be annoying.  Right or wrong.

It always takes me a bit to cool down.

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Another night of rounds.  It was tough.  Neither of us were exactly lively.  I burned myself out yesterday.  Even with the long sleep, it was difficult tonight.  He is just beginning to get ground down, by the heavy day work, and the additional night work.  To bed at 00:00~01:00, up at 06:30, working in ~90 for twelve hours, then driving around five hours at night?  Right.

His other job will begin tapering, in time.  He thought it might already have happened, but not so much.  Still, he holds his breath and... does his best.  Keeping him awake tonight was tricky.  Worse, I think he slept with his eyes open.  He thought they were closed, but they weren't.  It's what I look for.  I can't drive for him, so I just have to help keep him awake.

Me?  I'm just... a bit old, ill, out of shape, and weakening to the heat as summer continues.  I'll try, again, tomorrow, to get to work early.  If I can wake.  If not, then to get to work when I can, and just take the hit.  A few more logs to move, more twiggy branches, and a lot of smaller twigs to be loaded, as well, at some point, at least one unloading of the trailer into the greens collection.  Two if I could, though I don't think that is possible.

As well, in with the other work, I could pull the stacked wood, set up the cinder blocks, cut the medium limbs into lengths (setting aside those big enough to be split, then loading those into the wheelbarrow to me moved to the splitting station), and stack the ones small enough to be burned as is.

Oh, and I could put the hay stations on the rabbit cages.  Currently I simply have wood in there, they seem to chew well enough on.  I'd rather they get timothy hay, but... for now... this does and keeps their teeth growth in check.  Oh, and getting the last multi-cage installed would be good.

I would like to move one or both standing, open air, cages to a cooler spot, and move the finishing cage to a better spot.  Both for ease of access and to hopefully make them cooler for the critters.  I have cleared the wood, so that they can be moved.  Mostly.  But I can't move them myself.  They are far too heavy and bulky for one to even drag them.  Even a near giant one.  I have great strength, and more, just no stamina... or... currently, yet.  If I keep pounding my head into the wall, will that help?  I... it... hasn't yet.  But, maybe.  I've been doing it for thirty years.  Why would I stop now?

What are you doing on my porch?

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Who are you?  Though, I... suspect I know.  Walk with care, here.

So late. And with or at?

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So dark.  Rather cold as well.  Snowing, again.  If it snows heavier, we could see a blizzard.  The wind is rattling the world.  I could not wake up!  Now I know why.  Thankfully I turned the heat on and up to 70 before bedtime... after being cool to cold all day yesterday.  Amazing weather for April.  March, sure.  But April?

After the alarms, at 07:00 and 09:00... which I was sure would wake me but failed, dreams.  One of them was of the devil, L... actually.  In the form she prefers, speaking to me in the form she would rather I be.  Tempting, too strongly to escape... this time.  I win sometimes.  She was laughing.

Laughing.  At me.  At God.  I was laughing too.  She, initially, thought I was laughing with her.  Then she picked up on something else.  She had to start wondering, with or at?  She asked.  Both, I said.  Though the 'with' part wasn't quite what it seemed.

A mystery?  Aye, to many.  If not THAT Mystery.  Sisters?  Cousins?  They do share traits.  They build, or really destroy, one upon the other.  Their ways.

Oh, right, it's... time to blog.

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I have been up since 06:30.  It is already 08:16.  I have just been reading, roughly, and watching vids.  Hmm, I think I forgot to turn the heat up, if that wouldn't have helped?  Nor hurt.  I'm... it takes a while to wake, some mornings longer than others.  I have enjoyed the waking time, if it hasn't been all that successful.  Still, I... think it is working, slowly.

Not just those things.

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I called my mother back.  Just... she worries and works so hard.  Of course, had to jack her.  Last time she called, she hit politics.  I've left that out, didn't appreciate it.  So... I told her Trump was stepping down, sometime in January.  As she crackled, fizzed, and whirred, I finished.  In 2025.

Oh.  Wonderful.  She has someone she is now going to use that on.  Generally a fellow Trumpian.  At least she can take a joke, and use it.  I think she actually enjoyed the ride.  It broke up some things though, for the moment.  But her gifts should be in.  Christmas treats and a specific directed item purchase.  Okay, but too late to check today.

Then I stayed up to after 15:00.  My eyes burn.  My lungs burn.  I am sore, tired beyond reason, and keep flunking cognitive simple checks.  A good prayer, of thanks, for the opportunity to bleed, in more ways than one, to His glory.  Nothing good comes of us save through Him.  And today was good.  Good night, and afternoon.

Particular hungers.

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A strange hunger.  Not precisely a single one.  I can't say I ever loved corn bread or palenta.  I can only suggest I enjoyed it rarely but well.  I have been developing a stronger and growing desire for these.  And palenta showed up in a recent meal which sounded good.  But keto?  Yes and no.  Definitely not the standard issue.

Well goodie.

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A few hours in and a forty eight point drop in blood sugar.  If even at 133 it would be better lower.  A nearly double fatted coffee for now.  Eggs and bacon next, after I finish then wait three hours.  I have ingredients for a keto bread, charcoal back in stock, and thawed burger and ground lamb.  At least a few burgers would be good.  As well, chicken thighs...  This time, other than a few warm, I plan to pull the meat and make chicken salad.  I have various keto breads I want to try.

Odd.  The thermometers all read between 70 and 71 F.  Which, for me, has been, traditionally, hot.  At least that has been on the early edge of insufferable... underwear season.  Here I sit, with socks, heavy pj tops and bottoms, and of course unders, nearly shivering?  Must be lower bp and blood sugar.  Even the 181 read is far below my 200s~400s typical ranges.  I suppose I am becoming even more humanish.  Not my favorite side effect, but it couldn't be happening at a most propitious time.

Well, on to something.  So chilly, though.  And yet I don't want to turn the furnace up... then again as cool as I am, I'm not sure even 178 would help... it's a cold deep in the bones.  Ah!  An extra top and bottom layer.  Simple, really, but who ever imagines summer and layering?  Groovy, baby.

Oh, a young one is getting married today.  I do pray for that all.  And... a small thought. Hunters we are.  But the best hunter needs to understand there are far better hunters out there.  Know your limits, know your place, good fortunes, and go get em'!  Just... dog, cat, mix, match, it isn't what it seems.  *grins*

Is cold closing in?

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Perhaps.  Maybe the body is falling into a cold all it's own.

Calls.  Mom, just a check-in.  Bills paid.  One appointment set.  I am staying up long enough to try another call.  Meds.  Might make a few calls between now and then.

I did check, just below freezing... 28° to 30° F.  So actually warmer.  Must be exhaustion.

Oh, a bit of music.  Good day and night.

How wonderful can the terrible be?

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A woman I knew haunted my dreams two nights ago.  I knew her most of my life, through all of our stages in life, from very young to these days.  Lost, recently.  Love?  Yes.  In ways only... very close people can know.  Only those of the opposite sex who love the beauty of that.  Never known, in that way, but known the hunger, both ways, mutually.  How dear a solid, true, platonic love?  Only this sort of relationship could expose the full depth.

She had, in my eyes, fallen... while still alive.  I had stopped answering her calls.  I could not handle where she had gone.  She had problems.  I could not help.  I kept her in my prayers, from time to time, but knew that, as close as we had been, she was more of a danger to bring me down with her than for me to help her out of her despair.

She had, at once, tested me.  She wanted to know... some things about me.  She wanted to know, for sure, if there was more than an civil interest, geniality.  She also wanted to know about the nature of my hungers.  Further, she wanted to know if I was a base man or could control, even steeped in my cup.  I passed her tests, if... who knows what pleases a woman, even if it is right, laudable, powerful, in a man.  Still... she knew all from her test.

In my dream, she came as a woman from heaven.  How a woman can love there, in innocents, is a bit powerful for a man here.  Even one such as I.  Bound, hedged, avowed, and powerful through time and will, even so, real open innocent love is... can... unlock such things.  Heaven always trumps earth.

Yes, she knew all my secrets.  She probably surmised even more than most readers here, and fully.  For she knew and explored some things directly.  Still, she knew the botttom lines and borders.  A song, one I have played here before, often at a time, popped to the surface.  Very strange, as they do that rarely these days.  Either youtube is dying, or it is killing some things for some viewers, or...  Don't know.  So, that this one popped the day after the dream, just...  But... it... made sense to me.  A song sung for her, to her.