.
.
Coffee was good, but even two pots a day was not enough. Perhaps it simply is not the best type of caffeine transference for my system? It can give me a jolt. It is tasty, served the way I like it or even not to be honest and with the right basic ingredients, but it does not function to keep me up. Soda does, for whatever reason, help me stay awake. I would like to add coffee, maybe even to switch over to it. Right now I can do little more than stay awake. So, we will see.
Wretchedly tired this morning but I did wake before the alarm. I gave myself eight hours to sleep, rather than push right at this moment in my life events. For the second day in a row I was up and at it before the alarm. With a longer term goal to make 6:00 my waking time, I think my body is just trying to comply. And in spite of, as I said, being very tired, I am able to do this. I feel like a clown telling you about such small successes, at times. Anyone who did not understand would think it laughable. And, I suppose, it is. For me it is as big as a sometimes quadriplegic being able to move a few fingers. Which, too, is to some laughable. Then again, some people should be beaten around the head and shoulders on a regular basis, rotten to the core, as my father used to tease was my case. Tease? Mostly, generally, jovially. I tease, mostly, if not so convivially. Hmm, maybe he was right. Maybe I am. Could we both be correct? Could Beee!
I am not sure what I am doing today. It will be a test to stay up until bedtime. Perhaps I can dig into some chores, mail my package, cook some food, or otherwise be a typical human. For now my goal is to stay awake as long as I can on two of my eight cylinders cranking. I am avoiding hills, high altitude running, and even downhill runs in case the gas in my tank should reach such a tipping point that the engine dies. Steady as she goes, one quarter steam ahead, damn the... pillows? Yes, indeed. That is all.
Have a good day.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Odd?
.
.
Perhaps. This whole thing about Gifford being shot... really, it is not of importance. If that was you or I it would not be news. And, so it is not, for me. If I am going to worry about people, it is the people in the margins or below them. People who have little protections, who have no power, who have never known even the level of wealth this woman knew, who have never known real success. These are the ones who concern me. Not some woman who pretty much had it all, as far as women go. No, that is not the odd part.
I keep considering the woman who is representing the shooter. That, to me, is odd. No, I do not hope she "wins". I do not wish to see that man loose. Neither do I want to see her attacked for doing exactly what the law, on paper and in spirit, lays forth. I do not always like the notion that people receive legal council which could free them from real guilt. I do not like that. As with gun rights and the costs associated with those rights, I would rather have a fair system in which some incorrectly are released than one in which there exists no truth in law. It is a price for a given outcome, in an imperfect world. I worry more about her than Gifford.
We are in a spot, here, politically, with real threats to many of our rights, because many of us (the majority) would not agree on a candidate. Then again, I think McCain was rigged in to lose. Whether by Democrats or the RNC, or both, it does not matter. Still, we did not take charge, put our people in place, get out and nix McCain, and we are here because of it. I hope we have learned. We will be paying for this mistake for the rest of our lives. The children of this generation's grandchildren will be paying for it. I guess our only hope is that they will learn from our failings and simply pay the piper without becoming a slave to him. We will see.
A good day today. My friend and myself made it to Ogden. He bought powder, bullets, and cases for his chosen ammunition. I found a book I have been looking to buy. We shopped several stores, finding bits in each. Then a dinner out. Oh that was good. The drive to Ogden was fine, the drive back was a little spooky. The pass, when it snows, is blizzard like. Winds are always going up there, winter or summer. A little snow and the road becomes invisible. As well, at the lower elevations on that side, it was raining then snowing. The fear of freezing was there. We made it back, safe and sound. I remembered to snag extra soda and another gallon of milk before retiring from the world for a bit. I still need to do some mailing, in time.
That is that. Have a good night. Yes, yes, I will pray for Gifford et. al. Sincerely. Any who come to my knowledge in such a fashion receive prayers. It is just... what about all those nameless who her policies and beliefs have maimed and killed who go unnamed, who receive no justice, who are unknown and often forgotten? Socialists are not high on my list, save as enemies. And, as I have mentioned, I pray for those as well. Done.
.
Perhaps. This whole thing about Gifford being shot... really, it is not of importance. If that was you or I it would not be news. And, so it is not, for me. If I am going to worry about people, it is the people in the margins or below them. People who have little protections, who have no power, who have never known even the level of wealth this woman knew, who have never known real success. These are the ones who concern me. Not some woman who pretty much had it all, as far as women go. No, that is not the odd part.
I keep considering the woman who is representing the shooter. That, to me, is odd. No, I do not hope she "wins". I do not wish to see that man loose. Neither do I want to see her attacked for doing exactly what the law, on paper and in spirit, lays forth. I do not always like the notion that people receive legal council which could free them from real guilt. I do not like that. As with gun rights and the costs associated with those rights, I would rather have a fair system in which some incorrectly are released than one in which there exists no truth in law. It is a price for a given outcome, in an imperfect world. I worry more about her than Gifford.
We are in a spot, here, politically, with real threats to many of our rights, because many of us (the majority) would not agree on a candidate. Then again, I think McCain was rigged in to lose. Whether by Democrats or the RNC, or both, it does not matter. Still, we did not take charge, put our people in place, get out and nix McCain, and we are here because of it. I hope we have learned. We will be paying for this mistake for the rest of our lives. The children of this generation's grandchildren will be paying for it. I guess our only hope is that they will learn from our failings and simply pay the piper without becoming a slave to him. We will see.
A good day today. My friend and myself made it to Ogden. He bought powder, bullets, and cases for his chosen ammunition. I found a book I have been looking to buy. We shopped several stores, finding bits in each. Then a dinner out. Oh that was good. The drive to Ogden was fine, the drive back was a little spooky. The pass, when it snows, is blizzard like. Winds are always going up there, winter or summer. A little snow and the road becomes invisible. As well, at the lower elevations on that side, it was raining then snowing. The fear of freezing was there. We made it back, safe and sound. I remembered to snag extra soda and another gallon of milk before retiring from the world for a bit. I still need to do some mailing, in time.
That is that. Have a good night. Yes, yes, I will pray for Gifford et. al. Sincerely. Any who come to my knowledge in such a fashion receive prayers. It is just... what about all those nameless who her policies and beliefs have maimed and killed who go unnamed, who receive no justice, who are unknown and often forgotten? Socialists are not high on my list, save as enemies. And, as I have mentioned, I pray for those as well. Done.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I am an offal man.
.
.
Terribly offal. First tongue, now heart. I was really hungry tonight, almost could not wait to cook. I had purchased heart not long ago. I recently thawed it. The two, hunger and availability, finally came together to produce dinner tonight. I will probably explore other organ meats as I can. I would, as I have suggested, try fresh beef blood, so long as it was from good stock and such. It is an African thing, a specific tribe actually, the tall ones. Started, for them, with human blood. The blood of their enemies. Later it changed to milk because we Christians became downright Roman about the whole cannibalism thing. Most likely they are tall because of blood. Now, they drink it warm and fresh, sometimes (often) mixed with warm fresh milk. And, they do not kill the beast to get the blood. Interesting. For my part, I want the blood, the steak, the heart, liver, tongue, and brains (the latter I have yet to try as well, supply being... difficult due to regulations and such).
How was it, you might ask, and fairly. Well, a lot like tongue. It is more dense then liver but a good deal tastier. Liver can be, usually is, very strong tasting, iron maybe? I still sometimes really enjoy liver, not always. It has a taste somewhat unique, save for tongue I have tasted nothing else quite like it. It does not taste like beef really, more like a slightly spongy slightly meaty beef flavored mushroom? Yes, something like that. I will work on the explanation. I hope, like tongue when cooled and sliced, it makes perfect sandwich meat. I did not add garlic, but I think if I had it would have had a similar twang to it. Anyway, I am satisfied. As a diner, a cook, and a foodie. And I have another food possibility for the future.
Well, back to doing little. I did not get things done today. I did not actually expect I would. I hoped, I considered, I was tired. Too many days on the road have left me too tired. And I go again tomorrow. I will see to it the things I need to send are sent tomorrow along with the rest of the days affairs.
Good night. I hope you honestly understand that I personally and really love you. As a friend, kin, and just as a human being. No requirements. Again, good night.
.
Terribly offal. First tongue, now heart. I was really hungry tonight, almost could not wait to cook. I had purchased heart not long ago. I recently thawed it. The two, hunger and availability, finally came together to produce dinner tonight. I will probably explore other organ meats as I can. I would, as I have suggested, try fresh beef blood, so long as it was from good stock and such. It is an African thing, a specific tribe actually, the tall ones. Started, for them, with human blood. The blood of their enemies. Later it changed to milk because we Christians became downright Roman about the whole cannibalism thing. Most likely they are tall because of blood. Now, they drink it warm and fresh, sometimes (often) mixed with warm fresh milk. And, they do not kill the beast to get the blood. Interesting. For my part, I want the blood, the steak, the heart, liver, tongue, and brains (the latter I have yet to try as well, supply being... difficult due to regulations and such).
How was it, you might ask, and fairly. Well, a lot like tongue. It is more dense then liver but a good deal tastier. Liver can be, usually is, very strong tasting, iron maybe? I still sometimes really enjoy liver, not always. It has a taste somewhat unique, save for tongue I have tasted nothing else quite like it. It does not taste like beef really, more like a slightly spongy slightly meaty beef flavored mushroom? Yes, something like that. I will work on the explanation. I hope, like tongue when cooled and sliced, it makes perfect sandwich meat. I did not add garlic, but I think if I had it would have had a similar twang to it. Anyway, I am satisfied. As a diner, a cook, and a foodie. And I have another food possibility for the future.
Well, back to doing little. I did not get things done today. I did not actually expect I would. I hoped, I considered, I was tired. Too many days on the road have left me too tired. And I go again tomorrow. I will see to it the things I need to send are sent tomorrow along with the rest of the days affairs.
Good night. I hope you honestly understand that I personally and really love you. As a friend, kin, and just as a human being. No requirements. Again, good night.
Not better.
.
.
The meds don't seem to be touching it. They put me on a bunch more today, and at first I agreed. Doc (new one) sent me down to pharmacy but they didn't have anything listed. On the way home, I realized there is no way I can take those meds. I will call pharmacy tomorrow and tell them to hold those meds. Until this one med I am on, which I seem to be tolerating, has a chance and until I know if I can even take it for long, I will not take even one more. These idiots are just that, trying to shove medicines at me, ignoring everything I am saying to them. If they want to put me in the hospital where I know I will be safe, fed, and comfy, with access to my computer, I will not do it. I might even give up access to the machine, but I won't go comatose here at home, I cannot take care of myself, my bills, or anything. Wait, I cannot go to the hospital, I have cats to tend, bills to pay, and such. *sigh* Oh, the 24 hour bp monitor they installed... failed after about 12 hours. I think trying to pump that high so often, and maybe it sometimes being out of range so having to redo it often, caused the battery to fail, mostly. It was not even showing the time when it failed, just a line of bars and continual weak attempts to pump every five minutes. Oh well, I tried. I AM hard on machines, and nerves. Heh!
Blood pressure was down just a wee bit, a few points top and bottom. I am set for a clinic which works with those with difficult to treat high blood pressure and psychology to see if more trauma work might help. I will look over what psychology has to offer. No groups, usually a bunch of momma's boys or sissy girls who piss themselves at the thought of being in control, and that is the therapist in charge. Not my game. No Freudian therapy either, talking, one way, does nothing. I will need interactive sessions. If they cannot do it, I do not need what else is available. Already tried it. We will see. Might just have to back away, slowly but surely, from "care" once again. These people are nuts, even the regular doctors, deaf too.
Oh well, at least I am getting out a bit. It has been brutal getting up and out. It is a tough time for me. Sometime tomorrow I am hoping to get to the post office and mail my lady friend those items, pictures, birthday card, and check. It will be something to do. One more day out of the house will be tough. And Thursday I am taking my friend to Ogden, so no break there. But it will not be on a schedule... Sometime in the afternoon, so I can sleep a little longer if needed. Same with tomorrow, plus tomorrow will be short and sweet. I might even just walk there.
Cats are mad at popo (me). Two days gone and they are not getting their daily recommended doses of loving. Sassy attacked me tonight, while playing my game, just to let me know she needs some of my time too. Or because she is just a butt. Hard to tell. But I gave her some loving anywhile. Butt. Sam is... just being a woman. A little distant, a little stand-offish, a shoulder turned away, yeah... I know that. Reminds me of when I could not remember to put the lid down for most of my thirty plus lady loves. Oh, more, right after she figures out the mechanical squat failure with a butt induced shower at midnight... Yeah, them were the days. Heh! Oh, by the way, I have learned. I keep in practice too. Though a week or two of quiet was nice back in the day. Just... saying.
Anyway, back to winding down (up) gaming. Good night though. I will pray for you, some of you specifically, as I know your names. Some of you not so much by name, but by being enemy or friend, good or evil in heading, in pain, in joy, in doubt, in hope. You will be in there somewhere. Good night.
.
The meds don't seem to be touching it. They put me on a bunch more today, and at first I agreed. Doc (new one) sent me down to pharmacy but they didn't have anything listed. On the way home, I realized there is no way I can take those meds. I will call pharmacy tomorrow and tell them to hold those meds. Until this one med I am on, which I seem to be tolerating, has a chance and until I know if I can even take it for long, I will not take even one more. These idiots are just that, trying to shove medicines at me, ignoring everything I am saying to them. If they want to put me in the hospital where I know I will be safe, fed, and comfy, with access to my computer, I will not do it. I might even give up access to the machine, but I won't go comatose here at home, I cannot take care of myself, my bills, or anything. Wait, I cannot go to the hospital, I have cats to tend, bills to pay, and such. *sigh* Oh, the 24 hour bp monitor they installed... failed after about 12 hours. I think trying to pump that high so often, and maybe it sometimes being out of range so having to redo it often, caused the battery to fail, mostly. It was not even showing the time when it failed, just a line of bars and continual weak attempts to pump every five minutes. Oh well, I tried. I AM hard on machines, and nerves. Heh!
Blood pressure was down just a wee bit, a few points top and bottom. I am set for a clinic which works with those with difficult to treat high blood pressure and psychology to see if more trauma work might help. I will look over what psychology has to offer. No groups, usually a bunch of momma's boys or sissy girls who piss themselves at the thought of being in control, and that is the therapist in charge. Not my game. No Freudian therapy either, talking, one way, does nothing. I will need interactive sessions. If they cannot do it, I do not need what else is available. Already tried it. We will see. Might just have to back away, slowly but surely, from "care" once again. These people are nuts, even the regular doctors, deaf too.
Oh well, at least I am getting out a bit. It has been brutal getting up and out. It is a tough time for me. Sometime tomorrow I am hoping to get to the post office and mail my lady friend those items, pictures, birthday card, and check. It will be something to do. One more day out of the house will be tough. And Thursday I am taking my friend to Ogden, so no break there. But it will not be on a schedule... Sometime in the afternoon, so I can sleep a little longer if needed. Same with tomorrow, plus tomorrow will be short and sweet. I might even just walk there.
Cats are mad at popo (me). Two days gone and they are not getting their daily recommended doses of loving. Sassy attacked me tonight, while playing my game, just to let me know she needs some of my time too. Or because she is just a butt. Hard to tell. But I gave her some loving anywhile. Butt. Sam is... just being a woman. A little distant, a little stand-offish, a shoulder turned away, yeah... I know that. Reminds me of when I could not remember to put the lid down for most of my thirty plus lady loves. Oh, more, right after she figures out the mechanical squat failure with a butt induced shower at midnight... Yeah, them were the days. Heh! Oh, by the way, I have learned. I keep in practice too. Though a week or two of quiet was nice back in the day. Just... saying.
Anyway, back to winding down (up) gaming. Good night though. I will pray for you, some of you specifically, as I know your names. Some of you not so much by name, but by being enemy or friend, good or evil in heading, in pain, in joy, in doubt, in hope. You will be in there somewhere. Good night.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Good and bad news.
.
.
I did two things today at the hospital. First I was fitted with a 24 hour blood pressure monitor. Before they fitted me, they checked my blood pressure. That is the bad news. My blood pressure was right at 210/145. This made them nervous enough that they decided to check again. At 216/146 they quit. They considered keeping me, but since there is nothing they can do, short term, to lower it, they let me go. Then I went to ultrasound. They looked at my liver and kidneys. They at least look good. Well, I saw the screen. If they are that blue I am probably in trouble:p
Getting up and going was a bear. I was an hour late but that is as good as I could do. On the way home I picked up the pictures I was supposed to have out the door weeks ago, and a birthday card which will be late. Along with a little money, the pictures, the card, and a hope that she will forgive, I hope my Miss Persnickety will be... satisfied, mollified, or just pleased.
I am bone tired. The road seemed more brutal today than usual. Then again, because they were doing ultrasound, they did not want me to drink carbonated drinks or dairy. I just cannot quite do coffee without a little something something from a cow. Yeah, yeah, sue me. So I was running on empty. It was not as long a day as I had feared though. When I did have to wait, I just found something to read. I seem to do just fine even if there was nothing around to nose into as well.
You know, I am actually in pretty good shape for the shape I am in. And, other than driving sometimes, I am quite satisfied to just be. I enjoy the little bits of time I get to spend with people. And I do enjoy life, mostly. Pretty good for a grumpy old man, down on his luck, with poor health, and a lost mind:) It is all good. And, I know Christ, and through Him the Father. The Spirit is with me as well. Live, die, it is all good. Though to be able to do something good, just once, really good... I would like to live just a little longer and get to some function. Visiting death row inmates is that one good thing I would like to do. To be with the Christ that is in them, and the men who may not know or who may have forgotten.
Anyway, we will see. Later or good night. Another day on the road again tomorrow.
.
I did two things today at the hospital. First I was fitted with a 24 hour blood pressure monitor. Before they fitted me, they checked my blood pressure. That is the bad news. My blood pressure was right at 210/145. This made them nervous enough that they decided to check again. At 216/146 they quit. They considered keeping me, but since there is nothing they can do, short term, to lower it, they let me go. Then I went to ultrasound. They looked at my liver and kidneys. They at least look good. Well, I saw the screen. If they are that blue I am probably in trouble:p
Getting up and going was a bear. I was an hour late but that is as good as I could do. On the way home I picked up the pictures I was supposed to have out the door weeks ago, and a birthday card which will be late. Along with a little money, the pictures, the card, and a hope that she will forgive, I hope my Miss Persnickety will be... satisfied, mollified, or just pleased.
I am bone tired. The road seemed more brutal today than usual. Then again, because they were doing ultrasound, they did not want me to drink carbonated drinks or dairy. I just cannot quite do coffee without a little something something from a cow. Yeah, yeah, sue me. So I was running on empty. It was not as long a day as I had feared though. When I did have to wait, I just found something to read. I seem to do just fine even if there was nothing around to nose into as well.
You know, I am actually in pretty good shape for the shape I am in. And, other than driving sometimes, I am quite satisfied to just be. I enjoy the little bits of time I get to spend with people. And I do enjoy life, mostly. Pretty good for a grumpy old man, down on his luck, with poor health, and a lost mind:) It is all good. And, I know Christ, and through Him the Father. The Spirit is with me as well. Live, die, it is all good. Though to be able to do something good, just once, really good... I would like to live just a little longer and get to some function. Visiting death row inmates is that one good thing I would like to do. To be with the Christ that is in them, and the men who may not know or who may have forgotten.
Anyway, we will see. Later or good night. Another day on the road again tomorrow.
Busy week.
.
.
I have two things today, in SLC, and two tomorrow. So, grooming, driving, and of course the appointments. I have some other appointments coming up but not until next week or even further out. As well, I suggested to my friend that we drive to Ogden Thursday or Friday, he thought Friday would be best. He has wanted to go for a while now. As well, I thought Saturday or Sunday would be a good day for a beef roast. Not sure which day, but one of them will see us feast in a minor way. Meat, potatoes, and gravy. I need to add vegetables, but only for me. He simply does not eat them, mostly.
I have to figure out bills. I know some are overdue. I took care of one of them a few days ago. Most are on automatic pay. But between problems with that staying on and those that are not yet on auto, I... struggle. I usually have the money, usually. It is merely a matter of staying connected enough to know I need to pay. I need to get those last on autopay. Though some are too variable for that, so... we will see.
I did call my mother. She was trying to nap. I honestly think, if she does love me, that she does not actually like me. It is not just a woman thing, though of course there is always that. I sense that, as a person, she simply does not like me. That actually does not hurt, just... is good to know. I might be wrong but I do not think so. I also, finally, took some pictures I promised my lady friend I would take. I have the pictures being developed as well. I will remember to pick them up tomorrow and send them, along with a (late) birthday card. Yeah, I do like her. I just do not agree with most of what she says.
Well, the bed beckons. I have been staying up much later, but today's doings, meager as they were, were enough that I need sleep. Oh, I have been tracking my medicines better, even taking the new one fairly regularly, after I finally picked it up from the post office a few days ago. I do what I can. Good night.
.
I have two things today, in SLC, and two tomorrow. So, grooming, driving, and of course the appointments. I have some other appointments coming up but not until next week or even further out. As well, I suggested to my friend that we drive to Ogden Thursday or Friday, he thought Friday would be best. He has wanted to go for a while now. As well, I thought Saturday or Sunday would be a good day for a beef roast. Not sure which day, but one of them will see us feast in a minor way. Meat, potatoes, and gravy. I need to add vegetables, but only for me. He simply does not eat them, mostly.
I have to figure out bills. I know some are overdue. I took care of one of them a few days ago. Most are on automatic pay. But between problems with that staying on and those that are not yet on auto, I... struggle. I usually have the money, usually. It is merely a matter of staying connected enough to know I need to pay. I need to get those last on autopay. Though some are too variable for that, so... we will see.
I did call my mother. She was trying to nap. I honestly think, if she does love me, that she does not actually like me. It is not just a woman thing, though of course there is always that. I sense that, as a person, she simply does not like me. That actually does not hurt, just... is good to know. I might be wrong but I do not think so. I also, finally, took some pictures I promised my lady friend I would take. I have the pictures being developed as well. I will remember to pick them up tomorrow and send them, along with a (late) birthday card. Yeah, I do like her. I just do not agree with most of what she says.
Well, the bed beckons. I have been staying up much later, but today's doings, meager as they were, were enough that I need sleep. Oh, I have been tracking my medicines better, even taking the new one fairly regularly, after I finally picked it up from the post office a few days ago. I do what I can. Good night.
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