A fluke. Bah!

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The few good days I had seem to have been more of a kind accident than a path forward. My days and nights are all messed up again. I've fallen and hard. At least the game keeps me occupied, so that I am not sleeping all of the time. And, yes, that is a nice thing. When you sleep for many hours a day, or even days on end, the world seriously gets out of control.

I am continuing medicines and food, mostly. Dishes are, of course, becoming a problem again. Well, and laundry, neatness, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, KoC work, other efforts. It's all conspiring to... not get done. I have been feeding the cats, too. Though I really need to change the litter boxes. I simply can't quite think myself to action. I don't have that vital something. I had hoped getting out would do it. I hoped too that the tree work (little of it that I did) would shake me up. Nope. I really just want to sleep. I don't even want to play the stupid game. How odd, having to force yourself to play video games? As a gamer?

I never said it would make sense. I try to make sense, but my world, my reality, they don't work out no matter how well designed the equation. My heart should have given out long ago. And my sanity, from being falsely accused of being mentally ill, should have collapsed. I shouldn't be able to do the things I can do. I shouldn't be able to even scrape by on my own. Should, could, would, all have meanings. In my world though those meanings are suspended.

Still trying to angle toward recovery. I just don't have anything to grasp at that might get me there at this time. There is no window. I am just here. Never mind, this will pass. Good night or day or something like that.

Getting back on my feet.

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Two days, two goals. Done. I didn't get to Church again today, but I wasn't sure that was possible anyway. I seem to be doing a bit better, a lot better. Tomorrow the goal is to make it to Mass, go swimming for the first time, and then visit my friend. I have checked for a price for another pistol he wants to buy. I might be able to get him a slightly better price through my contacts. New, all else same-same, it is just that the seller is pretty much simply not looking for profit and has no overhead.

Not much else in the news here. Good night.