.
.
And cleaning too. Not a lot, but enough cleaning to get to the bean pot. There are just a small number of dishes left to be done. Cans have been sorted, some tidying has been done, but the heavier cleaning waits, languishes. The rice is cooked and cooling, the beans are finishing their cooking. I already had a small bowl of rice, butter, salt, and pepper. Numm! I really do like brown rice.
I tried short grain, to be different, this time. I currently have short and long grain rice on hand. Honestly, I cannot tell any real difference between long, medium, and short grain rice. Even in a visual inspection, it would take an uptight lefty or farmer to tell the difference, really. I did not really compare prices per pound or look for nutritional differences, but I would guess they are pretty much all the same. From now on, I will base my purchases purely upon price (from among better producers, minus organic). One thing I will do, I will buy better rice (already am) and beans from here on out. You can buy beans very inexpensively in generic brands. And, actually, I find no stones or dirt in even these. However, what I do find in basic beans is old, green (moldy), and broken beans in generics. I, however, would not even consider organic beans. They are way to expensive and very possibly problematic. The varieties they use have not been well tested on larger population bases and there may be a reason heritage crops did not see wider use. The lore regarding why one crop is not chosen is lost to history quite often, for political, economic, and other reasons. It is always assumed to be purely economic. My guess is that is often a bad assumption.
I need to get to town tomorrow. Beans, rice, and eggs are on hand, but no meats are to be had. This is a meat house. This is a sad meat house. I need to stop at the butcher and see what they have fresh. I do not like buying their old (frozen). If it is not under the glass or a fresh hanging cut, I simply have to leave it. Butcher paper either does not do well with frozen meats or their frozen meats are a little dated. Could I be wrong? Only if butcher paper is purely to blame. But their fresh meats are absolutely fantastic. A roast of steaks, cut to my specs, a couple of whole thick chuck roasts, and some other meats must be had. As well, I need to buy 10 pounds of ground beef and 5 pounds of ground chuck, which since this is never fresh at the butcher I will buy at my usual store. No problem, I need milk as well. Meat, meat, meat meat meat. How did that vegetable get there! Ackh! Run away, run away fast! Oh, I like vegetables, they just do not seem worthy of the bother to cook, regardless of what some over-educated, under performing, medicant says. Meat! Grains and legumes... for filler and to some degree taste, along with prepping. But meat in the meantime.
Laundry tonight, and finishing the dishes and cooking and the storing of those foods. Tomorrow I need to finally do that 24-hour urinalysis. I void the first time, tomorrow, without saving it. The rest of the day I use the container (I bought ice to keep it cool in the lavatory, in one of the smaller old kitty litter pans), and then I void into their provided container first thing Monday morning. And, since I go to SLC Monday for an appointment, I can give them their due. Do not drink it all at once! It took me a day to grow that. :p Bah!hahaha
Well, on to tinkering as the beans finish. I am looking forward to a bowl of those, too. Fresh warm beans move me. Sometimes even a way that brings back my boyish giggles and makes me want to test it in a bathtub. Wee! Look mommy, bubbles! Oh well, even Doom can get lost in reverie. Oh, I am skimming the beans for the first time. A foam begins to develop as the beans are cooked. I read somewhere, in recent readings on such topics, that there was a reason to do so. I remember neither the reason nor the source, but I am trying it anyway. I might have to revisit why I do what I do? Nah.
Later, or good night.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Japan, cats, and other things.
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I keep hearing about sending aid to Japan. As with Haiti, the drum rolls and the hat passes. And, thoughtlessly, I pondered that. Who would I give to and how could I trust them. No, not just trust them to use the money for charity work but to make sure they were not, say, adding strings to it. For example, offering food but requiring condoms to be handed out free; to offer shelters, but require this or that which I find more than objectionable. Then it hit me, just as it did with Haiti, Katrina, and the other disasters. Great care has to be given in how much is offered. Too much and people go on the lam. Japanese culture could not withstand this. No. So, I am considering what to give if to give at all. Not that my sentiments are not with those people, much more than the people of Haiti or Katrina. Actually, that is a part of it. Sentiment, certainly. Prayers, of course. Money? Do they really need it, will it be used correctly, what strings will be attached? Careful.
On to cats. Strange creatures, to be sure. Intelligent? Yes. If you try to change a behavior a cat does, it may simply use that behavior to garner attention. Sassy is the best at this. Sam is older and more evenly tempered. Sassy does not care if I am yelling and chasing or petting and scratching, it is all good in her book. She knows the worst I will do is put her outside for ten minutes. Changing her behavior is... probably a losing battle. I hope she matures out of it. As is, she knows how to get popo going. As I said before, hitting a cat, even in the act, is nearly meaningless to them. The younger they are the worse the chance a connection would be made, so that is out. Water seems to work, but is just as meaningless to Sassy as hitting her is. The "experts" suggest spraying her with water while she is doing something unfavorable without letting her know it is you. Have these experts ever even dealt with a cat? Oh, my, what big ears you have. What a big nose you have. What fine eyes you have, kitty. Ah, dear owner, the better to know where you are at all times. So, drop the squirt gun and come out with your paws, I mean hands, up. Bah!
A window may have opened. To the ends to getting further into cleaning, I have turned the heat in the house up a bit. I hope to finish the dishes tonight, set beans to soak, and cook another load of rice. A more steady diet has been helping. It is not enough. So, rather than 66 F, I am running 68 F, and when I think I can get to things, 70 or 72 F. I truly despise heat, and 72 is hot. But that seems to enervate me, something I need. The thing is, that like caffeine, this only works on a short term basis. Too long in higher temps and I begin to become, of course, lethargic. I only have tricks that can sometimes work. Fear, if it is real. Physical discomfort works for a bit. Hunger and thirst, though a form of discomfort, work for small bits of time. Whatever would normally make one grumpy or angry or even to some lesser extent simply emotional can help me get to things. So, when I get windows of opportunity but am not quite there... bring on the pain.
Good night, or later.
.
I keep hearing about sending aid to Japan. As with Haiti, the drum rolls and the hat passes. And, thoughtlessly, I pondered that. Who would I give to and how could I trust them. No, not just trust them to use the money for charity work but to make sure they were not, say, adding strings to it. For example, offering food but requiring condoms to be handed out free; to offer shelters, but require this or that which I find more than objectionable. Then it hit me, just as it did with Haiti, Katrina, and the other disasters. Great care has to be given in how much is offered. Too much and people go on the lam. Japanese culture could not withstand this. No. So, I am considering what to give if to give at all. Not that my sentiments are not with those people, much more than the people of Haiti or Katrina. Actually, that is a part of it. Sentiment, certainly. Prayers, of course. Money? Do they really need it, will it be used correctly, what strings will be attached? Careful.
On to cats. Strange creatures, to be sure. Intelligent? Yes. If you try to change a behavior a cat does, it may simply use that behavior to garner attention. Sassy is the best at this. Sam is older and more evenly tempered. Sassy does not care if I am yelling and chasing or petting and scratching, it is all good in her book. She knows the worst I will do is put her outside for ten minutes. Changing her behavior is... probably a losing battle. I hope she matures out of it. As is, she knows how to get popo going. As I said before, hitting a cat, even in the act, is nearly meaningless to them. The younger they are the worse the chance a connection would be made, so that is out. Water seems to work, but is just as meaningless to Sassy as hitting her is. The "experts" suggest spraying her with water while she is doing something unfavorable without letting her know it is you. Have these experts ever even dealt with a cat? Oh, my, what big ears you have. What a big nose you have. What fine eyes you have, kitty. Ah, dear owner, the better to know where you are at all times. So, drop the squirt gun and come out with your paws, I mean hands, up. Bah!
A window may have opened. To the ends to getting further into cleaning, I have turned the heat in the house up a bit. I hope to finish the dishes tonight, set beans to soak, and cook another load of rice. A more steady diet has been helping. It is not enough. So, rather than 66 F, I am running 68 F, and when I think I can get to things, 70 or 72 F. I truly despise heat, and 72 is hot. But that seems to enervate me, something I need. The thing is, that like caffeine, this only works on a short term basis. Too long in higher temps and I begin to become, of course, lethargic. I only have tricks that can sometimes work. Fear, if it is real. Physical discomfort works for a bit. Hunger and thirst, though a form of discomfort, work for small bits of time. Whatever would normally make one grumpy or angry or even to some lesser extent simply emotional can help me get to things. So, when I get windows of opportunity but am not quite there... bring on the pain.
Good night, or later.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
No, the ticker is on the fritz.
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Coming and going, staying away for a few days at a time, then coming back. It is not as bad as it was but the extra beat is here to stay. I am not sure how much of a risk it is. I am pretty sure it is not good. Then again, I have lived with incredibly high blood pressure and diabetes for a rather long time. I somehow doubt if I get to dodge the coming economic bullet that easily. I just hope that if I have a heart attach or stroke, I do so here at home. A heart attack has a good chance of being relatively quick. A stroke, on the other hand, will bring days of suffering before dehydration death. Still, I actually think I prefer that to "medical treatment". No open heart surgery, no opened chest cavity, just leave it alone. I swear doctors just like to experiment anyway. Is surgery a fetish? Are procedures sexy? I do not know, but I do not trust. I have had my fill of medical "help".
Sassy has become pretty fritzy. Not sure what is up with her, but she is about a year old now. Even fixed, and before maturity, I think she is looking for a man cat. And yet she does not have quite enough push to, well, actually find one. I would not be able to keep her indoors if that were true. Sam is doing well. She just amazes me. I have learned enough of her language through action to know what she means between 40 and 60 percent of the time. The only major thing I am not sure about is when she comes over, puts her paws up on my leg, then lifts one as if waving hello. I just do not know what that means. Most other times, I get it and right away. And, usually find a break in whatever I am doing to give her what she wants. Crazy girls, but I sure love them.
Well, off to bed. Very late, my schedule is still a bit off. I fight it, but for now it is what it is. Stupid naps! That is what threw me off, a single nap that turned into a mini-sleep cycle. Then again, I am not sure I could have stayed up. Perhaps I am simply facing my old, original, illness. It is an unbeatable force. I even thought back to the days of the Navy. Often I did not want to work, not only did I, but I could. Something simply changed. Good night.
.
Coming and going, staying away for a few days at a time, then coming back. It is not as bad as it was but the extra beat is here to stay. I am not sure how much of a risk it is. I am pretty sure it is not good. Then again, I have lived with incredibly high blood pressure and diabetes for a rather long time. I somehow doubt if I get to dodge the coming economic bullet that easily. I just hope that if I have a heart attach or stroke, I do so here at home. A heart attack has a good chance of being relatively quick. A stroke, on the other hand, will bring days of suffering before dehydration death. Still, I actually think I prefer that to "medical treatment". No open heart surgery, no opened chest cavity, just leave it alone. I swear doctors just like to experiment anyway. Is surgery a fetish? Are procedures sexy? I do not know, but I do not trust. I have had my fill of medical "help".
Sassy has become pretty fritzy. Not sure what is up with her, but she is about a year old now. Even fixed, and before maturity, I think she is looking for a man cat. And yet she does not have quite enough push to, well, actually find one. I would not be able to keep her indoors if that were true. Sam is doing well. She just amazes me. I have learned enough of her language through action to know what she means between 40 and 60 percent of the time. The only major thing I am not sure about is when she comes over, puts her paws up on my leg, then lifts one as if waving hello. I just do not know what that means. Most other times, I get it and right away. And, usually find a break in whatever I am doing to give her what she wants. Crazy girls, but I sure love them.
Well, off to bed. Very late, my schedule is still a bit off. I fight it, but for now it is what it is. Stupid naps! That is what threw me off, a single nap that turned into a mini-sleep cycle. Then again, I am not sure I could have stayed up. Perhaps I am simply facing my old, original, illness. It is an unbeatable force. I even thought back to the days of the Navy. Often I did not want to work, not only did I, but I could. Something simply changed. Good night.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
If you did not see it coming...
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There should be no doubt left. What we are headed for is NOT a minor glitch in the systems, government, and wealth we have known. This is not a one year, or even ten year, slow down. If we are to survive with more than the shirts on our back and little else, and then only possibly, we are going to have to change the way we do business, how our government works, and how money is created and used. The rest of the world can go hang, they have for most of history. We are not, as our mother's might have said, just like everyone else. Or, at least, that is my hope.
As for the end of the world. This I cannot say. If I see Mexico City disappear under lava, if I see California separate and mostly sink, if I see China sink, if I see oceans turning to blood killing off millions of fish, yeah, maybe. Until that time, do not think you will get off that light or that easy. You will be alive, living in a corpse that will quickly go feral. If you do not prepare, you will kill people to eat, perhaps even eating those you killed. You will become the basest of your animal instinct. You... do not want to go there.
Preparation is overwhelming, seen as a whole and in full term. So do not look at the whole. Look at what you can do. Store enough extra food to see you through four weeks. Make sure it is food you can tolerate, make it food that is easy to prepare, some of it without the need to cook, and buy containers to put enough for a gallon a day for a month, then fill those. That is all, for now. It is about where I am, if I also have 80 pounds each of beans and rice. When you get that done and have the food on rotation, think further about it. I know, money, time, effort. I sometimes squeeze by with as little as $500 in a month for anything other than bills.
Another way to think of it is to think of food as the new currency. If money becomes meaningless, as it is fast becoming, food will be what you buy other things with as well. At least unless you have other goods or services people not only could but would want. Can you cut hair and do you have the tools? Can you tend children, the elderly, or livestock? What real services can you offer? Think about it and stock up. I, for example, can be security. I can train men for that as well. I need to boost my capacity in long arms, that is more than rusty. At least scoped shooting. I can also haul, lift, and am tall so I can do things others might have difficulty with.
Disabled as I am, I wonder about life after cataclysm. Will the world slow enough that my speed is more acceptable? Today, one has to go to work and be there all day, five days a week. But when simply getting food and wood, managing to keep one's home stapled down, and making sure the fruits of one's labor and their neighbors is secure, is what is required, perhaps my more sedate manners would be more acceptable. Working when I could, resting when I cannot, with a hungry belly or several to keep me on the move a bit more than I am at this time. Either that or I will die a hard death of starvation. I do not want to see this tested, but I think, if nothing changes in a huge way, I will see that. Even if those changes come, it will not completely avert paying a dear price for our foolishness.
Pray. Talk to your friends and family. Strengthen bonds and stock up. This is going to hurt. Every time I go to the grocery store, I realize we are in serious trouble. I know those dear prices are just the tip of the iceberg. The upward momentum of which is unstoppable. I just pray, pray strongly faithfully and hopefully, that the ship stays together long enough to get a real captain in the presidency. An actual man needs to be in place, a strong one too. He may have to fight the mob horde to save the worthwhile few, or choose the unthinkable. The socialism, or really communism, the current beast in office would absolutely choose.
Get to it, the clock is not on your side. Either you are a beast or a man. Take your pick and be prepared to be a little of each even with the best of those choices.
.
There should be no doubt left. What we are headed for is NOT a minor glitch in the systems, government, and wealth we have known. This is not a one year, or even ten year, slow down. If we are to survive with more than the shirts on our back and little else, and then only possibly, we are going to have to change the way we do business, how our government works, and how money is created and used. The rest of the world can go hang, they have for most of history. We are not, as our mother's might have said, just like everyone else. Or, at least, that is my hope.
As for the end of the world. This I cannot say. If I see Mexico City disappear under lava, if I see California separate and mostly sink, if I see China sink, if I see oceans turning to blood killing off millions of fish, yeah, maybe. Until that time, do not think you will get off that light or that easy. You will be alive, living in a corpse that will quickly go feral. If you do not prepare, you will kill people to eat, perhaps even eating those you killed. You will become the basest of your animal instinct. You... do not want to go there.
Preparation is overwhelming, seen as a whole and in full term. So do not look at the whole. Look at what you can do. Store enough extra food to see you through four weeks. Make sure it is food you can tolerate, make it food that is easy to prepare, some of it without the need to cook, and buy containers to put enough for a gallon a day for a month, then fill those. That is all, for now. It is about where I am, if I also have 80 pounds each of beans and rice. When you get that done and have the food on rotation, think further about it. I know, money, time, effort. I sometimes squeeze by with as little as $500 in a month for anything other than bills.
Another way to think of it is to think of food as the new currency. If money becomes meaningless, as it is fast becoming, food will be what you buy other things with as well. At least unless you have other goods or services people not only could but would want. Can you cut hair and do you have the tools? Can you tend children, the elderly, or livestock? What real services can you offer? Think about it and stock up. I, for example, can be security. I can train men for that as well. I need to boost my capacity in long arms, that is more than rusty. At least scoped shooting. I can also haul, lift, and am tall so I can do things others might have difficulty with.
Disabled as I am, I wonder about life after cataclysm. Will the world slow enough that my speed is more acceptable? Today, one has to go to work and be there all day, five days a week. But when simply getting food and wood, managing to keep one's home stapled down, and making sure the fruits of one's labor and their neighbors is secure, is what is required, perhaps my more sedate manners would be more acceptable. Working when I could, resting when I cannot, with a hungry belly or several to keep me on the move a bit more than I am at this time. Either that or I will die a hard death of starvation. I do not want to see this tested, but I think, if nothing changes in a huge way, I will see that. Even if those changes come, it will not completely avert paying a dear price for our foolishness.
Pray. Talk to your friends and family. Strengthen bonds and stock up. This is going to hurt. Every time I go to the grocery store, I realize we are in serious trouble. I know those dear prices are just the tip of the iceberg. The upward momentum of which is unstoppable. I just pray, pray strongly faithfully and hopefully, that the ship stays together long enough to get a real captain in the presidency. An actual man needs to be in place, a strong one too. He may have to fight the mob horde to save the worthwhile few, or choose the unthinkable. The socialism, or really communism, the current beast in office would absolutely choose.
Get to it, the clock is not on your side. Either you are a beast or a man. Take your pick and be prepared to be a little of each even with the best of those choices.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Some thoughts on family folk I have met.
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I have known, and prefer to befriend, married folk. Why I cannot say. Perhaps that is a hope, or has been one. I know I like the simple way they live and work. Oh, they present well, but I see well into the insanity of those lives. Little irritations, day in and day out. The kid that always loses his... (fill in the blank, that was me as a kid, by the way); the kid that talks back (they all take turns), the spouse that wants everything and seems to give so little (can be either, depending on perspective/moment); and on the list goes. What they often do not see is that their time is so filled that instead of living a hollow, hard working, drab, plain life, their lives are filled with other people. They have neither the time nor the allowance to be too into themselves. Yes, I may be blind on many things, but not on this. Is that grass greener? No, it is merely different. I would not, as a proverbial cow, wish to munch that grass by accident. Only by design and with some serious forethought would I end up in that pasture. Still, I think it is the one I wanted. Then again I never wanted to fight, war really. I just wanted to read, write, tinker with math, and know peace. We do not get what we want, perhaps not even what we were designed to be. Not all of us. I suppose I have hope in God's design. I hope that what I am is of some use, some joy, some comfort, to Him.
Couples seem so... simple at times. Especially those with children. Some of it is created so as to envelop the children in a safe, sane, quiet place in which to begin learning. Mothers seem to lead the charge, becoming nearly childlike at times, to be at the level of their children. Though, never mistake a woman's seeming childishness with the real thing. A good mother is one of the most mature beings out there, and does not miss a trick or a tick. I cannot help, when I see this nature, to think about what the bible says about becoming as children before entering the kingdom of heaven. Is this it or close to it? As well, I think spouses who decide to have children (odd, decide to do what is absolutely natural and what their whole lives have driven them to do?) have to, somewhere in the occurrence, develop a faith that they will be able to do something they have never done before in the face of economic, political, and many other obstacles. They are hopeful prone, yet practical enough to deal with what else comes. I have to believe, though, that the facing of that is quite thin. Without the family as a unit, the thing would not work. It seems both the sum AND the parts are somehow greater than each other. Put that in your calculator and smoke it.
I suppose this could be a piece dedicated to the (dying) family. It is not really dying, it is just dying in secularizing parts of the world. And yet, I hope that it is not an idealizing of the notion of familyhood. Idealism fails, only hard work, sacrifice, and faith can create real goods, like families. But all praise should be given to those who have chosen to not be selfish. And, no, having three or more children is not selfish or thoughtless, not in these times. Well, among certain groups anyway. Still chomping at a bit which will probably never find me anywhere near the pasture of familyhood, but so it goes.
.
I have known, and prefer to befriend, married folk. Why I cannot say. Perhaps that is a hope, or has been one. I know I like the simple way they live and work. Oh, they present well, but I see well into the insanity of those lives. Little irritations, day in and day out. The kid that always loses his... (fill in the blank, that was me as a kid, by the way); the kid that talks back (they all take turns), the spouse that wants everything and seems to give so little (can be either, depending on perspective/moment); and on the list goes. What they often do not see is that their time is so filled that instead of living a hollow, hard working, drab, plain life, their lives are filled with other people. They have neither the time nor the allowance to be too into themselves. Yes, I may be blind on many things, but not on this. Is that grass greener? No, it is merely different. I would not, as a proverbial cow, wish to munch that grass by accident. Only by design and with some serious forethought would I end up in that pasture. Still, I think it is the one I wanted. Then again I never wanted to fight, war really. I just wanted to read, write, tinker with math, and know peace. We do not get what we want, perhaps not even what we were designed to be. Not all of us. I suppose I have hope in God's design. I hope that what I am is of some use, some joy, some comfort, to Him.
Couples seem so... simple at times. Especially those with children. Some of it is created so as to envelop the children in a safe, sane, quiet place in which to begin learning. Mothers seem to lead the charge, becoming nearly childlike at times, to be at the level of their children. Though, never mistake a woman's seeming childishness with the real thing. A good mother is one of the most mature beings out there, and does not miss a trick or a tick. I cannot help, when I see this nature, to think about what the bible says about becoming as children before entering the kingdom of heaven. Is this it or close to it? As well, I think spouses who decide to have children (odd, decide to do what is absolutely natural and what their whole lives have driven them to do?) have to, somewhere in the occurrence, develop a faith that they will be able to do something they have never done before in the face of economic, political, and many other obstacles. They are hopeful prone, yet practical enough to deal with what else comes. I have to believe, though, that the facing of that is quite thin. Without the family as a unit, the thing would not work. It seems both the sum AND the parts are somehow greater than each other. Put that in your calculator and smoke it.
I suppose this could be a piece dedicated to the (dying) family. It is not really dying, it is just dying in secularizing parts of the world. And yet, I hope that it is not an idealizing of the notion of familyhood. Idealism fails, only hard work, sacrifice, and faith can create real goods, like families. But all praise should be given to those who have chosen to not be selfish. And, no, having three or more children is not selfish or thoughtless, not in these times. Well, among certain groups anyway. Still chomping at a bit which will probably never find me anywhere near the pasture of familyhood, but so it goes.
No sleep and troubled breathing.
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While the heart seems to be recovering fully, the breathing problems come and go and are as bad as I have experienced. I have to consider whether the bat infestation is the problem, or even a part of the problem. In reviewing online material, I noted that bats (so the experts say) do not over stay winters in homes, preferring more constant temperatures found in caves or even leaving the state. Apparently bats or experts are off their mark. I have... many bats still here. The cats know. They are not bound to the attic either, choosing walls as well. And yes, bat guano is just as bad as rat feces. Yeah, I do have some work. I do not know if they are part of the problem, but I do know I have to get rid of them. Getting rid of bats will be a heck of a job. Though not quite as able to enter a home as say cockroaches, they can get in a half an inch diameter, down to perhaps close to a quarter inch hole. Being an old, and stone, house, I have my work cut out for me.
From what I hear of professional pest control, that really is not a good solution. Neither are their methods all that good, their expense is not practical, and they refuse guarantees unless you pay far more. I have conflicting data regarding when they have pups. I have heard spring only and spring and fall so far. I cannot do the work whenever they are pupping, as the pups cannot fly and would end up dying (and stinking, and inviting other pests to feed on them). Not to mention it would be rude. The suggestion is August, or possibly in the winter. August would be harsh, with outside temperatures reaching 100 and more in the shade here. I can only imagine what the attic would be like. Even with central air, which I do not have, that would be... a bit much. As well, I will want to try to force the V.A. to give me precautionary rabies shot(s), which will essentially make me immune to the disease for about a year, before the venture. The incidence of rabies is low here, but all it takes is one bite, perhaps even a scratch.
I am not sure when I will be going westward, though August seems like the soonest possible time. I have to count pennies, draft some mileage charts, look at gas prices, check airline ticket prices, before I know though. I might not be able to go until early fall. Ah! And people wonder why I get nothing done. There is so much that goes into every decision. Timing for this and that, money, effort, planning, assumptions, and non-related topics. Well, my mom and bats only have an affiliation in the most rude of ways. Still, she did chuckle when, after she suggested she would come back with me and fly home that I suggested she bring her best flying broom. Ha! Still, I think I will keep the bat analogy to myself, thank you. She does cook for me, you know. Socrates saw the poison coming, but he was dealing with men. With women... you just will not see it until you are under the table. That is all I am saying right there.
Yeah, and no sleep. I simply could not sleep. I do not know why. The hard breathing does not help. I guess I get to stay up and try to reset my internal clock. I hate this part of life. I want to sleep, not all the time like in bad times, but just a normal sleep pattern. I love my six to eight hours of blissful nothing. Though I wish I could wake up pain free sometime soon, and without shortness of breath.
Later.
.
While the heart seems to be recovering fully, the breathing problems come and go and are as bad as I have experienced. I have to consider whether the bat infestation is the problem, or even a part of the problem. In reviewing online material, I noted that bats (so the experts say) do not over stay winters in homes, preferring more constant temperatures found in caves or even leaving the state. Apparently bats or experts are off their mark. I have... many bats still here. The cats know. They are not bound to the attic either, choosing walls as well. And yes, bat guano is just as bad as rat feces. Yeah, I do have some work. I do not know if they are part of the problem, but I do know I have to get rid of them. Getting rid of bats will be a heck of a job. Though not quite as able to enter a home as say cockroaches, they can get in a half an inch diameter, down to perhaps close to a quarter inch hole. Being an old, and stone, house, I have my work cut out for me.
From what I hear of professional pest control, that really is not a good solution. Neither are their methods all that good, their expense is not practical, and they refuse guarantees unless you pay far more. I have conflicting data regarding when they have pups. I have heard spring only and spring and fall so far. I cannot do the work whenever they are pupping, as the pups cannot fly and would end up dying (and stinking, and inviting other pests to feed on them). Not to mention it would be rude. The suggestion is August, or possibly in the winter. August would be harsh, with outside temperatures reaching 100 and more in the shade here. I can only imagine what the attic would be like. Even with central air, which I do not have, that would be... a bit much. As well, I will want to try to force the V.A. to give me precautionary rabies shot(s), which will essentially make me immune to the disease for about a year, before the venture. The incidence of rabies is low here, but all it takes is one bite, perhaps even a scratch.
I am not sure when I will be going westward, though August seems like the soonest possible time. I have to count pennies, draft some mileage charts, look at gas prices, check airline ticket prices, before I know though. I might not be able to go until early fall. Ah! And people wonder why I get nothing done. There is so much that goes into every decision. Timing for this and that, money, effort, planning, assumptions, and non-related topics. Well, my mom and bats only have an affiliation in the most rude of ways. Still, she did chuckle when, after she suggested she would come back with me and fly home that I suggested she bring her best flying broom. Ha! Still, I think I will keep the bat analogy to myself, thank you. She does cook for me, you know. Socrates saw the poison coming, but he was dealing with men. With women... you just will not see it until you are under the table. That is all I am saying right there.
Yeah, and no sleep. I simply could not sleep. I do not know why. The hard breathing does not help. I guess I get to stay up and try to reset my internal clock. I hate this part of life. I want to sleep, not all the time like in bad times, but just a normal sleep pattern. I love my six to eight hours of blissful nothing. Though I wish I could wake up pain free sometime soon, and without shortness of breath.
Later.
Da kittehs made me do itz.
.
.
Two days without milk is enough to put all of us in my household on edge. So, after much meowling and fussing, popo got to it. Later than I would have liked, but so goes it. While in town, I decided to visit my friend. I told him I had called twice, to no answer, for our planned dinner Saturday. Which was true. He must have been out smoking, but twice in a row? Well, that is how things work. And he could have called me. He said tomorrow will be warm, and thought it might be a good time to go shooting. I could find no flaw in this logic, so tomorrow we will go shooting again. Our range, such as it is (which is just perfect by my standards), is easy to get too, not too muddy to move around in, and close. So, more shooting on the way.
I bought treats for the cats while out. Milk as well, of course. I avoid much else at Wal-Mart these days, and look over everything I buy very closely. They have become, if they were not always, more like the dime stores of my youth, selling mostly junk and seconds or thirds. Which is fine, if you know what you are looking at, know what the flaws are, and they are not a problem for what you intend for the product, and such. And of course, if you have an immediate need for a group of items and no time to dicker or it is late when the absolute need occurs, the products they sell might just be enough. I will not complain too much, just... look at what I am buying there much more carefully.
I am hoping getting out and getting some fresh air will help bring something back. Of course, the warming will help. I have already turned the heat down a goodly bit in the house. I simply do not need it heated as much with it being so much warmer. I can, often, wear just my underwear in 60'ish F temps... assuming no airflow. Not always, but often.
Oh, the cats, to include Sam, actually like their treats. Sam did not care for the last sampling I brought home, salmon flavored. Then again, I am with her with regards to salmon. Sassy... not so much. She could and probably would eat just about anything, crawling, squirming, flying, dead, or alive. She makes no bones about liking food. Well, save for the food currently in her bowl. I am not putting out other food until that is gone though. What is that about becoming your parents? Arghghghghghghahahaha!
Good night.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Ah-ha, I now know what she was hiding.
.
.
My mother, that is. She called today. Several issues, one being that the phone does not work. We are on one phone system, which I pay. Heck, she is only $10 extra, so why in the world not? Well, there is a little bit added to that because of the extended group plan, not much. Her logic is typically female though. She could not use her phone, it redirected the calls to billing. So, she calls me on other phones and leaves messages. Messages I cannot receive because my calls are, you know it, redirected to billing. Oh, I really like women. They are soooo cute sometimes. In any case, I took care of that so we could talk longer. Being that she was borrowing someone else's phone, that initial call was to let me know there was a problem and letting me know she wanted to talk when our phones were back up.
Well, after some arranging, I paid the bill in full. I have tried to use their automated pay system several times now, all comes to failure. I will get that set up through my bank, this time. I have house, car, and several other things set up that way because businesses are either absolutely incompetent at creating a system of automatic bill pay, or they pick on the weakest bill paying links to drop that and recover over-due fees, fines, reconnection fees, and whatever else they can get. Including home and auto. It is a slim game they pay, one they will end up losing hard. Then again, if a bank needs fast cash, I would guess a foreclosure is much more much more quickly than a standard payment? If not directly, money wise, through write offs and other setasides?
Anyway, I was right to be suspicious of the woman. Her main goal is to have me paint her ceiling. No problem, though I suggested she have the paint and tools ready. Drop clothes would be wise, though it does not bother me one way or the other on those. Not if I am being conscripted. I have no problem painting, but I knew she was keeping something super woman sekret. Now I know. As well, she now wants to come back out with me on my return trip. Fine, fine, though that will take a one way ticket home for her. So, I told her straight out that I am not sure where money is right now, or how much all of this will cost. Gas being an arm and a leg, airlines jacking everything up, and of course food, lodging, and all that, is not something to be sneezed at either. I will not drive 26 hours anymore. Not even 18 hours. It is foolish to be driving that impaired.
And sleeping in a vehicle made for darned midgets is not something at all comfy. If I am too broke to pay for lodging then I am too broke to go, save an emergency.
So, I need to get my place in order before I go for sure, whenever that might be. I also need to figure out how much this will cost, as best I can gauge it, look for a ticket home for her in advance (which is tricky not yet having a date for even my departure), and figure out the best way to travel with the cats. I do have two cages, at the moment, though one is sort of iffy. They are good enough to take both cats to the vet, if that were called for, but I am not sure about such a long journey. They cost about $25, so a new one might be worth the cost. I not only love my cats, I am obliged to them. Losing a cat in middle America would be a hard thing on them, and me. So, time to get cracking.
I did get the trash and recycling out. I did not do another darned thing. I wanted to, I surely did. But there is no go in my umph, or something like that. I am barely managing consciousness. Yes, it is that bad. It has been that bad for quite a while. Still, I will do what I can, when I can. Good night.
Oh, I have just learned that I will live forever. I guess God will have to take me up and then decide? Hahahaha
.
My mother, that is. She called today. Several issues, one being that the phone does not work. We are on one phone system, which I pay. Heck, she is only $10 extra, so why in the world not? Well, there is a little bit added to that because of the extended group plan, not much. Her logic is typically female though. She could not use her phone, it redirected the calls to billing. So, she calls me on other phones and leaves messages. Messages I cannot receive because my calls are, you know it, redirected to billing. Oh, I really like women. They are soooo cute sometimes. In any case, I took care of that so we could talk longer. Being that she was borrowing someone else's phone, that initial call was to let me know there was a problem and letting me know she wanted to talk when our phones were back up.
Well, after some arranging, I paid the bill in full. I have tried to use their automated pay system several times now, all comes to failure. I will get that set up through my bank, this time. I have house, car, and several other things set up that way because businesses are either absolutely incompetent at creating a system of automatic bill pay, or they pick on the weakest bill paying links to drop that and recover over-due fees, fines, reconnection fees, and whatever else they can get. Including home and auto. It is a slim game they pay, one they will end up losing hard. Then again, if a bank needs fast cash, I would guess a foreclosure is much more much more quickly than a standard payment? If not directly, money wise, through write offs and other setasides?
Anyway, I was right to be suspicious of the woman. Her main goal is to have me paint her ceiling. No problem, though I suggested she have the paint and tools ready. Drop clothes would be wise, though it does not bother me one way or the other on those. Not if I am being conscripted. I have no problem painting, but I knew she was keeping something super woman sekret. Now I know. As well, she now wants to come back out with me on my return trip. Fine, fine, though that will take a one way ticket home for her. So, I told her straight out that I am not sure where money is right now, or how much all of this will cost. Gas being an arm and a leg, airlines jacking everything up, and of course food, lodging, and all that, is not something to be sneezed at either. I will not drive 26 hours anymore. Not even 18 hours. It is foolish to be driving that impaired.
And sleeping in a vehicle made for darned midgets is not something at all comfy. If I am too broke to pay for lodging then I am too broke to go, save an emergency.
So, I need to get my place in order before I go for sure, whenever that might be. I also need to figure out how much this will cost, as best I can gauge it, look for a ticket home for her in advance (which is tricky not yet having a date for even my departure), and figure out the best way to travel with the cats. I do have two cages, at the moment, though one is sort of iffy. They are good enough to take both cats to the vet, if that were called for, but I am not sure about such a long journey. They cost about $25, so a new one might be worth the cost. I not only love my cats, I am obliged to them. Losing a cat in middle America would be a hard thing on them, and me. So, time to get cracking.
I did get the trash and recycling out. I did not do another darned thing. I wanted to, I surely did. But there is no go in my umph, or something like that. I am barely managing consciousness. Yes, it is that bad. It has been that bad for quite a while. Still, I will do what I can, when I can. Good night.
Oh, I have just learned that I will live forever. I guess God will have to take me up and then decide? Hahahaha
Some days are really harsh.
.
.
Today is one of them. My physical health matches my general capacity. Breathing is still a bit of a chore. It is like I am tense, more tense than usual. That is not the case, but it is as if my body is almost holding my breath. Like when you are in a tense situation. Only it is all the time. That comes and goes, or I notice is more or less, I am not sure which. Of course, that is just one part of it.
I cannot, as usual, get to the things I want done. Dishes languish, laundry needs to be done, I am exhausted but at least staying awake (no more naps). I might be back to a more regular schedule, with a slight tilt to being up a bit too late and thus, of course, waking late. But more, I realize there is no way I could afford a wife, though I suppose there might be a wife out there who would be negotiable in my situation otherwise. Just getting out to meet the right woman is beyond my capacity.
Yeah, it all gangs up on some days. Oh, I have always known the truth of things. Never fear. I guess I follow some paths in the hopes that opening some door in my mind will cause something else to loose which will... I do not know for sure... allow a chance at a more normal life? I am not sure. Well, that and I do not seem to be able to quit no matter how bound I find myself. I am most certain Christ would be able to not just heal me, but teach me to heal myself. That may sound silly, but I think it is true. It is not necessarily that I am my own worst enemy and that is the sum total of my problems. But the solutions to the problems I have probably very much are within me. Both my fleshly and other problems. I honestly think I have taken care of issues I have had. The sticking point is failing flesh. It probably always was the sticking point, the rest just swirled around it, was caused by some failing.
Christ has not knocked on my door, not in so many words, with the answer to everything and all. Not even with the simple solution I need to resolve my problems. He lives here, in here. Either He or I am incapable of communicating the answer. Still, I think I have the solution, just no means of seeing it implemented. Not safely, wisely. Another place and another time, perhaps I will understand.
*looks down, kicks the dirt, walks off*
Tomorrow will be better. And, truth is, if we all see our own lives in a certain light on a certain day, it is disheartening. I have been hit. Now, what to do about it. I think I will figure out, somehow, how to get the trash and recycling out and to the curb, do a load of dishes, and maybe put a load of laundry to the works. Maybe. Dang but it is hard. And I so want it.
Good night.
.
Today is one of them. My physical health matches my general capacity. Breathing is still a bit of a chore. It is like I am tense, more tense than usual. That is not the case, but it is as if my body is almost holding my breath. Like when you are in a tense situation. Only it is all the time. That comes and goes, or I notice is more or less, I am not sure which. Of course, that is just one part of it.
I cannot, as usual, get to the things I want done. Dishes languish, laundry needs to be done, I am exhausted but at least staying awake (no more naps). I might be back to a more regular schedule, with a slight tilt to being up a bit too late and thus, of course, waking late. But more, I realize there is no way I could afford a wife, though I suppose there might be a wife out there who would be negotiable in my situation otherwise. Just getting out to meet the right woman is beyond my capacity.
Yeah, it all gangs up on some days. Oh, I have always known the truth of things. Never fear. I guess I follow some paths in the hopes that opening some door in my mind will cause something else to loose which will... I do not know for sure... allow a chance at a more normal life? I am not sure. Well, that and I do not seem to be able to quit no matter how bound I find myself. I am most certain Christ would be able to not just heal me, but teach me to heal myself. That may sound silly, but I think it is true. It is not necessarily that I am my own worst enemy and that is the sum total of my problems. But the solutions to the problems I have probably very much are within me. Both my fleshly and other problems. I honestly think I have taken care of issues I have had. The sticking point is failing flesh. It probably always was the sticking point, the rest just swirled around it, was caused by some failing.
Christ has not knocked on my door, not in so many words, with the answer to everything and all. Not even with the simple solution I need to resolve my problems. He lives here, in here. Either He or I am incapable of communicating the answer. Still, I think I have the solution, just no means of seeing it implemented. Not safely, wisely. Another place and another time, perhaps I will understand.
*looks down, kicks the dirt, walks off*
Tomorrow will be better. And, truth is, if we all see our own lives in a certain light on a certain day, it is disheartening. I have been hit. Now, what to do about it. I think I will figure out, somehow, how to get the trash and recycling out and to the curb, do a load of dishes, and maybe put a load of laundry to the works. Maybe. Dang but it is hard. And I so want it.
Good night.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Rumblings.
.
.
My heart is a bit better. Breath is still a bit short, or more tight which leads to shortness, at times. I still wake up with terrible neck and shoulder pains, that has not stopped. Headaches are occasional gifts from life, I guess, too. Ah well. I still thank God for the chance I have that is life. Suffering is an offering, to life, to Him. Not that He intended pain, only that living through it is a testament or something like that. And, I think in the grander scheme of things, any suffering we could know here we will someday realize to be nothing all that much. Scraped knees on children. Something that will happen, seem traumatic at the time, and fade into the mind or even become a point of great humor at some later than the event date.
Still, like the kid with the booboo, it would be nice to find a little comfort and relief. A little kindness in this way should not be that difficult and yet it is proving to be unattainable. I am still not sure about the heart, or breathing. I almost wonder if it could be some flu symptom, or respiratory infection of another type. Though too, it may simply be what I mainly suspect.
The dinner did not happen yesterday. I did not get cleaning up to spec, but that was not the problem. I called my friend a couple of times and got no answer. I still have not gotten to the house cleaning. Or at least it is not done. I have started a few things today. I need to do a lot more. I simply have nothing to put into the effort. I will keep... plugging away.
Have a good day. Do something in spite of how you feel for those who really cannot get to their work. Yeah, do that. Or tomorrow since today is getting late. Good night.
.
My heart is a bit better. Breath is still a bit short, or more tight which leads to shortness, at times. I still wake up with terrible neck and shoulder pains, that has not stopped. Headaches are occasional gifts from life, I guess, too. Ah well. I still thank God for the chance I have that is life. Suffering is an offering, to life, to Him. Not that He intended pain, only that living through it is a testament or something like that. And, I think in the grander scheme of things, any suffering we could know here we will someday realize to be nothing all that much. Scraped knees on children. Something that will happen, seem traumatic at the time, and fade into the mind or even become a point of great humor at some later than the event date.
Still, like the kid with the booboo, it would be nice to find a little comfort and relief. A little kindness in this way should not be that difficult and yet it is proving to be unattainable. I am still not sure about the heart, or breathing. I almost wonder if it could be some flu symptom, or respiratory infection of another type. Though too, it may simply be what I mainly suspect.
The dinner did not happen yesterday. I did not get cleaning up to spec, but that was not the problem. I called my friend a couple of times and got no answer. I still have not gotten to the house cleaning. Or at least it is not done. I have started a few things today. I need to do a lot more. I simply have nothing to put into the effort. I will keep... plugging away.
Have a good day. Do something in spite of how you feel for those who really cannot get to their work. Yeah, do that. Or tomorrow since today is getting late. Good night.
Sleep?
.
.
Sure, when I have things, real things, to be done, all I can do is sleep. But when I want to sleep it just is not happening. I probably need to sleep. Naps, then again, are probably not the best idea. Two naps in three days and my schedule is completely shot. So, with little ability to sleep and naps taking away my ability for longer sleep, I am stuck with a, once again, hyperactive heart. Such a fragile system, such a slim grip on life, the two make for a very tenuous moment. Should I live past it, I might learn something. Then again, knowing one is going to slip and fall does not really change much. Perhaps you can train to fall, but... even that is risk filled. And training only improves chances, it does not guarantee safety. Ah well.
Here it is, 8:00, and I think I am finally ready to sleep. But I am so used to sleeping in the dark I am not sure how well or if I can sleep in the day. Grumbling off to bed, a cat under one arm, a kitten under the other. Neither is all that interested in sleeping. Hmmm, maybe popo ought to close the door and have a free-rolling sleep. Yeah, that is it. Good night. *grump*
.
Sure, when I have things, real things, to be done, all I can do is sleep. But when I want to sleep it just is not happening. I probably need to sleep. Naps, then again, are probably not the best idea. Two naps in three days and my schedule is completely shot. So, with little ability to sleep and naps taking away my ability for longer sleep, I am stuck with a, once again, hyperactive heart. Such a fragile system, such a slim grip on life, the two make for a very tenuous moment. Should I live past it, I might learn something. Then again, knowing one is going to slip and fall does not really change much. Perhaps you can train to fall, but... even that is risk filled. And training only improves chances, it does not guarantee safety. Ah well.
Here it is, 8:00, and I think I am finally ready to sleep. But I am so used to sleeping in the dark I am not sure how well or if I can sleep in the day. Grumbling off to bed, a cat under one arm, a kitten under the other. Neither is all that interested in sleeping. Hmmm, maybe popo ought to close the door and have a free-rolling sleep. Yeah, that is it. Good night. *grump*
The broken window theory.
.
.
Of course, this theory is based on government spending. At least the most recent version, and from what I understand. It, of course, in this case, is bunk. Government spending, almost to a cent, is a waste. Now, waste is necessary, in smaller sips. And there are bits of spending which actually prove either worthwhile in a large sense, think museums at least within reason, and transportation such as roads, bridges, and such (again within reason and probably excluding Bus, train, and definitely excluding high speed trains).
However, what is happening in Japan, while tragic due to the loss of life and serious potential for a number of nuclear disasters, may end up having a net positive affect on that nation. Once a shining city, but only for a short time, it has economically fallen into decay, disrepair, and fiscal lunacy. There is a chance that through confrontation with serious disaster, a greater understanding of life, a perspective on wealth, and a shakeup of all that is entrenched, it will allow the people to change the government for the better. Perhaps, finally, they will throw off the chains of socialism we put on them after the war.
Why can a theory work one way and not another. I think it has to do with whether men meddle in it or not. Natural events seem to come, and men simply pick up or die. When men cause the disasters, they often already have a political and economic plan devised around it. And the plans of men are foolish and ignorant, idealistic and unscientific (in the real not academic sense of science, mind you). No, men cannot devise a means of breaking windows in such a way in which a nation may truly profit. But nature seems to have a way. Actually, survival in such cases means pushing politicians, bureaucrats and whole bureaucracies, laws, and other such to the side while figuring out how to simply survive. It lends strength to people who have been shackled and afraid. It shows them what there really is to fear. A fine or going without water? Try and fine me for surviving!
Most cases, hopefully, are not that extreme. But in many cases people will be fighting more minor incursions into their needs and wants by often petty and foolish laws, meant merely to help the peasants understand their place and create markers around what some elites think should be the boundaries of civilized life. I hope the Japanese do learn. I hope they do become strong. And I hope they realize that a socialist government is nothing but an impediment, and pushes it to the side to rise a stronger, rebuilt, forward moving nation and economy. Oh, and remove the "rights" (special set-asides for women to work, and vote). Well, good luck on those last, but if the nation rises, these things will happen.
Good night.
.
Of course, this theory is based on government spending. At least the most recent version, and from what I understand. It, of course, in this case, is bunk. Government spending, almost to a cent, is a waste. Now, waste is necessary, in smaller sips. And there are bits of spending which actually prove either worthwhile in a large sense, think museums at least within reason, and transportation such as roads, bridges, and such (again within reason and probably excluding Bus, train, and definitely excluding high speed trains).
However, what is happening in Japan, while tragic due to the loss of life and serious potential for a number of nuclear disasters, may end up having a net positive affect on that nation. Once a shining city, but only for a short time, it has economically fallen into decay, disrepair, and fiscal lunacy. There is a chance that through confrontation with serious disaster, a greater understanding of life, a perspective on wealth, and a shakeup of all that is entrenched, it will allow the people to change the government for the better. Perhaps, finally, they will throw off the chains of socialism we put on them after the war.
Why can a theory work one way and not another. I think it has to do with whether men meddle in it or not. Natural events seem to come, and men simply pick up or die. When men cause the disasters, they often already have a political and economic plan devised around it. And the plans of men are foolish and ignorant, idealistic and unscientific (in the real not academic sense of science, mind you). No, men cannot devise a means of breaking windows in such a way in which a nation may truly profit. But nature seems to have a way. Actually, survival in such cases means pushing politicians, bureaucrats and whole bureaucracies, laws, and other such to the side while figuring out how to simply survive. It lends strength to people who have been shackled and afraid. It shows them what there really is to fear. A fine or going without water? Try and fine me for surviving!
Most cases, hopefully, are not that extreme. But in many cases people will be fighting more minor incursions into their needs and wants by often petty and foolish laws, meant merely to help the peasants understand their place and create markers around what some elites think should be the boundaries of civilized life. I hope the Japanese do learn. I hope they do become strong. And I hope they realize that a socialist government is nothing but an impediment, and pushes it to the side to rise a stronger, rebuilt, forward moving nation and economy. Oh, and remove the "rights" (special set-asides for women to work, and vote). Well, good luck on those last, but if the nation rises, these things will happen.
Good night.
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