Another day, little done.

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Far less than I had hoped but a few things went forward. And, as for the purchases? Since I spend nothing other than paying bills on myself, and upkeep, and a few things like that, I really shouldn't feel guilty about spending several hundred dollars. Sure, it's large. But too, other than on items I have actually needed, I have spent very little in a very long time. My friend called it being house-poor. He is a lawyer for the county he lives in and make about the same as I do. He bought a house at a similar price point, in similar condition.

The turkey breast has ended up being... quite nice. I am careful when warming it. Too much and it would dry like old wood adding shoe leather texture and flavor. I must have roasted the bird just right though, too. All good. Ah... It's been so long. I forgot to wrap the hindquarters in foil for the last hour to half hour. That would have been nicer, if not absolutely necessary.

Why bother?

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Some conservative (and at one time libertarian) blogs are so in love with... pick a candidate... that suggesting anything negative at those sites is seen as concern trolling.  While I make it clear that I am not on any politicians side at this moment, if I do lean, that I am merely a conservative libertarian mix.  The Republican party abandoned me, if it ever was conservative.  It is a business application, and not the best among them, too often siding with crony capitalism (a business application of socialism) than with real free-market economy.  It has all but surrendered any real drive toward social conservativism, it has absolutely rolled on fiscal conservativism.  It just doesn't have it, maybe never did.  Sure, there was Reagan.  And maybe he really did believe.  But he never had the power to prove it for enough time to be sure.

I simply ask, when told someone will do something, how they plan to do it and if that is even possible, and I am labeled a concern troll.  I doubt what is being promised, and I am "out with the in crowd".  Now, I don't mind.  Really.  If one of those sites wants to become more like a newspaper, go for it.  A Republican, Democrat, left, right, rag, what is the difference if you can't question your candidate, his promises, or whatever else might come up.  Who, for example, honestly believes that even if Republicans win the house, senate, and the presidency, that they will be able to get 2/3rds of the votes for a constitutional amendment capping government spending to 18% of GDP?  *Put your hand down, that was a rhetorical question you should already know is, no one who knows how politics works!*  Who believes even one department of government malfeasance and redundancy department will be cut?  Who even thinks the U.N. will get anything but empty threats to cut off funding?  Lets not play.  The truth is, while Republicans will try to hold the roof on with a few strings, they aren't going to change the world as we know it, in the end it may not even appear as if they even really tried (if they will have some very small successes, and be comparatively better for what that is worth).  They can't save social security, perhaps not even medicare or medicaid, let alone roll back Zerocare.  Sure, pick your guy, mine probably is the Republican candidate, but... don't lie, repeat his lies, or such.  Lets talk about what can actually be done and aim for it.  I like aiming at the moon, I do.  But... I don't waste ammo actually shooting at it and I don't disparage others who would guide me away from such foolishness.

One of the other "conservative" blogs just loves to tear things down and examine every nut and bolt as if they were intellectuals and as if life and politics is theory.  And, again, anything against Caesar is absolutely unthinkable.  The truth is, whether Zero is a muslim, an atheist socialist or communist, an anti-colonialist, or what, matters little.  What matters is, what has he done and intend to do and then what general category does that place him in?  Hammer, nail, bam.  Shut it, that's all.  Discussion over.  A snake is a snake, be it adder, viper, pit viper, or what, when the antivenin is the same as it happens to be in this case.  Just call a spade a spade and leave it be.  So be it.

I haven't removed them from the sidebar, yet.  It is under consideration.  What I have tried to get across, however, is that if they act like "Paulians" or "Zero's zombies", and it is about one man and his success, they are no better and cannot point fingers.  No matter how right they think they are, sure they are.  Actually that kind of certainty shows me a fragility of belief. Are they trying to convince me and others... or themselves? Didn't we go through non-vetting a president and his promises recently?  I am not sure some people can be... salvaged.  When you have voluntarily chained yourself to one particular cult of personality, idea or set of them, ideology, or religion, then suspend thought, you are most likely lost.

Is it only few who can question, and do, their sincerest beliefs?  Why, I question Catholicism on a daily basis!  I ask questions and seek the Churches answers.  I don't just eat those answers, I weigh them.  If an answer seems wrong, I seek... clarification.  I questioned the Republican party until I realized I wasn't a Republican.  Not because I questioned them but because their answers or further clarifications of poor answers and other attempts to clarify, ended up in a huge garbage pail.  I simply won't accept feces as a substitute for good thinking or right answers.  I've been a bit out of common circles for most of my life, just in them enough to know that being on the edge was the best play.  Going solo is no better than fully surrendering to social idiocy.  Right on that line, keep it there.

Still... it's fun to... mess with those who have chained themselves.  Meow?  Woof woof!  Oh... looks like your chain is just shy of you reaching me.  Meowwww!  Hey... I think I can reach some of your food and water from here.  Mind?  Meow.  Heh.

A little more shopping.

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No, I didn't leave my home.  Leaving IS on the menu but above my paygrade for now.  There are a number of things I have been planning on buying for some time.  I keep holding my breath instead of my financial nose and just taking the plunge.  No, nothing special.  A kitchen gadget I have been eyeing for over a year, and researched to be as sure of as good of a product in the line as possible, went into the cart.  A hand operated food strainer, for canning and other applications was on the longer list, but being less expensive and after being qualified through research had been languishing in the wish cart (while I hoped it didn't stop being made), went into the basket before some other things.  *cough* Like a serious home pressure canner.  *cough*  Another item that went into the cart was a poly strap machine, handheld mind you.  It is supposed to be a hand tool that secures packing bands/tape around boxes and such.  Of course I ordered the deluxe set of grates for the strainer and 1/2" packing tape for the other device.  Mine uses 1/2 to 5/8 poly strapping, and I suspect the 1/2 strapping should secure the air conditioner back into it's shipping package well enough.  Well, there were a few other things.  A bit of music, a few more games as I am pretty much out of games (of games I like).  Avenged Sevenfold, Sabaton, Bioshock 2, Darksiders 1 & 2, and a few other sich.  Bah!  I love being a premium member, all but the packing tape tool will be in by Tuesday (give or take), with no shipping and handling costs save for the non-Amazon supplied strapping device.  For $3.99 (per item) I could have them here by Monday.  Nah...

I also called my ladyfriend.  I was planning to have her out this year, for Christmas.  But I know she has her heart set on something she can never afford.  Now, if she had the money, she would probably buy the Apple version in the genre.  Thankfully though there is me.  I help her when she... doesn't know and only wants to fit in.  While Amazon still has issues that need to be resolved for me to board that plane, they are much better than Apple as I see things, and much more affordable, too.  Plus, that... geek fanboy fashionesta thing isn't there.  Yeah, hush, I know who you are.  So, I called and asked if she would rather have a trip or a Kindle Fire 4G.  Uhrm, she's probably sleeping so I left the message.  Good though, I want her to take some time to think about it, look up the device online, talk to her "tech support club and fellow fashionestas" and get back to me tomorrow.  Hehehehe  Well, I might hear back in a month or two, unless her friends are all hot with jealousy over the notion.  Meh... women.  The nice thing about the device is it might buy me some time to actually arrange my funds, unlike a trip.  I always feel... behind... even when I order tickets in advance.  Treating people to good food and travel is simply downright expensive, and if I have it, I spend even more than what I planned, and even actually have!  While I have my problems I do try to be a great host.  It would end up being similar, though I think the device might be just a wee less.  If... that really isn't the point.  I am not going to be able to show a naturalist type a good time is all, not this year.  And there is the weather to contend with, both for inbound and outbound flights, and maybe just getting out of the door some winters!

Still, a few things done, or in the works.  Yeah, I had to order blind since I can't see my account information online, and it was a bit costly.  But it should take care of a number of long, mid, and short term goals, plans, and entertainment.  Enjoying shopping isn't all that bad either.  It's all coming together like a herd of elephants dying of thirst dashing toward a kiddy pool right after a thousand mice have been released and begin running between the elephants' toes.  But... it'll work itself out. 

While trying to increase computer security...

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You guessed it, I messed things up.  I can't check one of my banks and I can't comment at D.C.'s blog.  I can post at all other blogs, or the ones I have sampled so far.  And I can check one of my banks, oddly.  I even undid what was done in the effort.  I truly am beginning to simply hate computers, security software, and all that.  All I did was... when a program popped up, I followed some lead back to exceptions.  I clicked them all off, then started doing a bit of research on each individually.  Apple sure puts it's nose into everything, innit?  Anyway, after realizing they were all (probably) kosher, I turned them all back on, the ones that had been on, anyway, I think.  Although checking just now, it seems I had disallowed all exceptions through the firewall control panel, reading the meaning the opposite of what it (I think now?) really meant, which I just unchecked.  So I will check again, in a bit, to see if that helped.  Gah!

I see nothing official has been done or said about what is happening in the world.  Oh, wouldn't surprise me if he is thinking up something while playing miniature golf in a bunker somewhere.  Can't be too cautious or take things too seriously, that's for sure.  Vox was right about there being a laugh a minute, if he didn't add but we all guessed there would be bouts of that surrounded by bouts of crying, tearing out of the hair, and the rest.  There are even enough defections from one side of the aisle to support the notion of the rending of clothing in self-subjugation.  Maybe he is in partial hiding while coming down off his highs and/or lows?  Whatever.

I am not getting to much work, play, or anything.  My goals for today?  Dishes, again.  And a shower.  I had hoped to make it to confession and Mass (yeah, I know they officially call confession something else, but... I'm not official, see, see).  I was about to set the timers and such when I realized that, though I have cleared the air in here, I still haven't washed my clothes.  Whether clean, dirty, hanging, or anything, all have to be cleaned, and the closets aired in the process.  A fan and the empty space where the clothes were should do just fine and not take long, save for washing, drying, folding, hanging, and such.  I haven't gotten to all that needs doing but I am getting some of the things, here and there, managed, as I can.  Rather than over or through the problems, I am... going under them.  Hey, as long as I am getting there, and I am, I'll take it.

Sassy is just on me like flies on stink.  She has been fed twice today already, in four hours.  I think I am going to begin throttling back on the feed lever.  Like I said, I didn't mind for a while.  They had been going way too weak on their feed bag for a goodly bit of the summer.  That always worries me just a bit.  So feeding them up a bit is all good.  Sassy just doesn't know when enough is enough though and will have to be trained back down.  Still, she is becoming an exceptional lap cat and buddy.  Now to get those two things to be their own separate things, begging and lap-cat/navigator that is.  I tease her about dying from hunger, and that I would have a beautiful funeral for her, with roses, a nice eulogy, and that even Sam would say a few meows.  She just meowls weakly at me, again, as if she were on the edge of starvation.  I think, though, that she knows poppo is mocking her.  Oh... yes I think she does.  At least she isn't too hateful about it, usually.  I would make a great father, laughing through a great deal of it, if more privately.

Hmm, I have set the alarm to feed them in two hours.  Sam will take her meal on the patio, thank you.  Be a dear and refresh the water while you are at it, she seems to hint.  Yeah, okay.  I'll take my shower then, if I can.  It's not a big life, there is no fame, no travel, no wealth, no things some think will make them happy but I sure enjoy it.  I can't even say new tires will make me happy, they will simply allow me to rest just a little easier.  A new computer is as good as I will probably get in the next year, but having to save, dodge other expenses, and plan make the thing much more valuable than the mere money I might end paying to buy it.  All... really good though.  Oh, wait.  I never did start money going in to Church.  That will allow me to rest better and feel more correct than all the rest.  I don't know if I can just do it online or if I need to get paperwork and fill it out, then hand it to the teller...  I'll figure this out soon.  Gah!

Later.

A nominal top of the morning to you?

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I'm just not feeling it yet this morning.  But at first surfacing the ocean of sleep, then popping the top, there is often that sense of blah.  It usually gets better.  Cats have been fed and their litter policed.  I am... surprised that policing the litter actually does cut the odor way down.  I always thought the worst of the smell was from urine.  Not so much.  When you are changing the litter out, yeah, sure.  Otherwise, not at all.  I will still go ahead with the fancy stuff, since I have it, but knowing what I know now, I will simply be going back to the old stuff when the new stuff is done.  It is plenty good enough if I do my part.  While I try to clean it daily, if I missed a day I would probably be fine.  No more though.  And once that smell starts it is very difficult to eradicate, which I think I have done.

Sleep was very good.  I woke a few times during the night, just... a rolling wake though.  I was able to settle back in well and relatively easily.  I slept long again, from say 18:30 until 6:00 this morning.  No dreams that I can recall, I think?  There might be something in there, though it might have just been odd thoughts in one of my wakings last night or even this morning.  At least I have regular, strong, periods of sleep and wakefulness.

A neighbor stopped by last night and invited me to a hog roast!  Oh, I would love to have gone but I was already done in.  He regretted not reminding me sooner, though I am not sure that would have helped.  I simply can't do much right now.  The want is there but the flesh, and even the will, cannot be focused.  As the sun wanes, so it seems, for now, do my various strengths.  While astrology is less than a silly notion, it did seem to get this right about me.  Even if I don't like the sun all that much.  Broken clocks and sich.  It probably has more to do with being in the last trimester in summer heat.  Especially back before everything and everywhere had air conditioning.  Homes certainly did not, save for those of nobility and reges.  Yeah, and no remote controlled television, cars that ran on leaded gas, no bicycle helmets or even motorcycle helmets or even seat belts quite often, or... Hmm...  I did come from a different planet. As for computers? The ones in spacecraft... weren't as powerful as my handheld scientific calculator.

Hmm?  I don't know.  Now to do some reading I suppose.  Later.

... fiddles while ... burns.

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Reading reports, seeing pictures, knowing who is in office and what he has done for the last four years...  Take a deep breath and think.  Is this the stirrings of a group who thinks US leadership is about to change and wants to do something now while the getting is good?  Or could this be people, encouraging others, through odd channels, odd bedfellows as they say, pulling strings to put egg on Zero's face.  No, not Romney.  I am more suggesting Middle Eastern nations and groups who have been harmed, one way or another, by the reduction of the US financially, economically, industrially, and in many other ways?  I really can't say for sure.  I can say this happened the last time we had just such a president in very similar circumstances.

What do I expect out of this administration?  One of several things is possible.  Either ill equipped, poorly supported, doomed troops will be sent needlessly to their deaths for some ridiculous thing, rumored associated warehouses will be bombed using hundreds of millions in cruise missiles we are already short on (after *cough* saving Libyans from barbarity *cough*), or some great liberal military thinker will decide to invade the whole Middle East, including Israel of course, since they are for free speech and all.  I would like to say we are represented by a clown, but he isn't.  He means to do what he does.  Nothing he does is not scripted, which is why he is so slow to act.  Well, that and the tranqs, or whatever he uses to blow off reality.  The guy is the pawn of evil, thankfully not the son of it.  Although he is the son of something evil in a vulgar literary phrase, to be sure.

I don't know how this will end, I am not even sure if people understand the problems, all of them or even most of them.  I won't even swear I do, even having read everything I can put before my eyes.  I am not sure how this will impact the election, though the fumbling that has come from this administration so far should shred any support he might have held, save by those so self-absorbed that D.C. could burn so long as they get their filthy contract with no evaluations.  Even if the msm is trying to put all the problem onto a movie maker, Romney, or any one or anything else but the true culprits... a lame president and a savage animal-like people supported over staunch allies at every turn by this president, one would hope enough Americans are awake and aware by now.  Just how many 9/11's must we unnecessarily endure?

If there ever was an election to end all elections, I am guessing this is it.  Even if the right side wins, this will, according to demographics, be the last time it can win even as moderate as it is.  The sun, dear friends, is setting.  We don't need to surrender, as Reagan suggested, we already have.  There are possibilities.  There are choices yet to be made.  Just understand, the gig is pretty much over.  But... one last dance?  We will see.

Not doing all that well.

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I'm not in pain, I'm not freezing or burning up now that I have the furnace running a bit in the morning.  I am eating more than once or twice a week, and my additions should help (if I have to find something else to add into my diet when they are finished, as my blood sugar is going up), life is pretty good, really.  I am even 'doing days'.  I am sleeping a little long, in the ten to twelve hour range, but I am resting well.  I even have enjoyed the dreams lately, even the spooky home invasion seeming one.  But I am not able to function well.  Tired, a bit confused, lethargic, plus lethargic, tired, and a bit confused.  :p  I just can't find a window, nor do I have the will to go through one if I saw it.  The home is smelling fresher.  I am brushing at least twice a day, on top of my continued teeth pick-work.  The cat litter is being tended daily.  But that is it.  I have flatlined, plateaued, hit the brick ceiling, stopped.  When I say I can't, I mean it.  There isn't anything to give, no leverage by which to rock the boat or get the cart started down the tracks from which to gain or increase momentum.  Up a .... creek without a paddle.  Not even one!

At least life is good.  I did roast the turkey yesterday.  And, in the end, made it legless and wingless before the feast fight was done.  It was a smaller turkey though, so don't freak.  Now all I have is the stuff I don't really like.  Breast meat, white, yummy as sand.  Still, it has more protein and a few other good things to it, compared to sand.  And I don't need to drink as much fluid while consuming, if only slightly less.  Bleh.  It should keep me fed until Wednesday, if I can eat that much of it.  Hmm, to get out and shop for more meat though.  That was the last thing in my freezer.  Beef, boys, I need beef.  But the price is murder.  Pork wouldn't be bad but it is starting to become as pricey as beef.  Lamb would be good if I could find a good packager, but it is even more expensive than beef.  Bits and bites, I guess.

Still, life is pretty good.  No pain, no feverishness, and even in my diminished state I am better off than a true collapse into the void.  Time registers a bit better, the days track, but with nothing happening that becomes a long empty memory tape.  Ah, but it gives me something to complain about.  Some times that is as good as it gets. 

I do wonder if many marriages end because women think they can revitalize themselves by going out and facing the world again, not realizing time has passed them by and their youth is gone forever.  While that will revitalize them by forcing them to react quickly, what they often learn is that they don't have what it takes and are quickly beaten into the sand and surrender to whoever is strongest rather than who they might want to be their master.  Work, passing boyfriends who know better than to mess with a failed woman, drugs, some mix of that.  Yeah, the jungles of life look much better through a telescope, viewed from the safety of even a less than optimal home.  The notion of taking the helm seems interesting, novel, even exciting, until all there is is excitement, quite often of the ugliest kinds, all around and at an impossible pace. 

I'll stick to slowly living, and enjoy it as I may.  And I'll thank God about... well... being a son.  One who has lost the thrill of excitement at too fast a pace for any to handle.  Maybe even for getting a good long time to be a bachelor.  I almost feel sorry for women who allow themselves to be lead astray by bright lights and big city (im)morals.  It is almost unfair, being a woman, I suppose.  So social, so susceptible to 'common thought'.  They need leadership and it has been rejected for them through the mechanisms that granted it, much as have their real freedoms.  Many of them were born into getting to decide what was never meant to be their, or anyone's, simple choice.  And as they have failed, men failed first, by "gifting" them choices not meant  for simple consumption.  Now some men want drugs legalized.  I don't see a lot of difference.  Apparently though... the attempted murder on the family that is destroying our civilization isn't working fast enough for some.  *shrug*  I am just me and just do what I do.  I can't help but notice though.

More dreams.

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I think that is three nights running where dreams have been seemingly a major part of my sleep.  I remember three from last night, wait, four?  In the first a younger woman wanted me to take her to the movies, she had to drag me out of bed.  Hey, I was in pajamas, it was kosher.  For some reason I was living with her and her parents.  Her father for sure but maybe her mother too (can't always tell with women though, they can love you or hate your guts and act... pretty much the same if they see you as superior, otherwise okay, plan on poisoning you, or some other things).  Anyway, that was the pretty much the whole of the dream.  Well, she did get her way but I don't know if the dream ended or the rest of it was lost to me.  Why was she so insistent though?

The next dream was of me taking a younger women (a different one, one I know) to the movies.  She was reluctant this time.  I had no intention, by the way, of actually watching the movie.  That's all I am saying.  And no, this isn't the time of drive in theaters, so there are limits with crowds around.  In various discussions with me I got the feeling she thought marrying, perhaps more so marrying me than typical, would be like her resigning her life.  I got her into a conversation and explained, after she admitted this, that if my health didn't kill me, on it's own, say 20 years ago, that it wasn't likely to soon.  Besides I suggested, while getting married and perhaps more so marrying me might be like crawling into the crypt, the truth is she is already in the crypt whether she knows it or not.  Her choices are simple, to be in the crypt with someone or to remain in it alone.  I have a way of just... making people feel better, don't I?  Hush you, yeah you, in the peanut gallery.

Another dream was of my mother finding a husband.  Rich?  He had his home away from business on a mountain, rather higher up.  He owned the mountain.  It was literally a mansion.  The road to it was of Autobahn quality, which was required for high-grade construction.  Anyway, my mother and myself were 20 years younger than now, but somehow she was living with me in my home here at the time, to help me with my health.  Not wanting to abandon me, she was torn.  He simply offered to buy me out at full price and deal with the property as he saw fit (meaning he paid for the loan and paid me it's purchase price as well), giving me a large suite in the mansion, and a servant for cleaning.  Well, okay.  The thing was, he merely married her for her to manage his estate there, cook when he was home, he was home just on the weekends if then, and having some marital relations.  When he was gone there were to be no questions about his doings.  I didn't get the logic of it, his mansion staff wasn't reduced, he had a chef on duty and other cooks for the lesser meals.  Dreams just are what they are I suppose.

And there was one last one that I remember.  I was living with some friends I met through a better cousin.  Oh, they do take in strays once in a while too.  My uncle, who passed away many years, was also living there somehow.  I had been living with them previously but became hospitalized or something, and owed my uncle a bit of money for some reason.  Returning to their somewhat shabby dusty but large house? several story apartment? I got everyone paid off, then settled in.  This place they were staying was since their move from the first place I had stayed with them, so we had to figure out arrangements, and did.  I was still driving the Camaro, oddly.  In any case, I was driving through the city (smallish, blue collar, strongly on the seedy side as towns go).  I saw something dangerous in the road.  I stopped, jumped out (keys in the car) to retrieve the material and get it off the road.  The items were a half-block back.  When returned to my car, a black thug was trying to take my car (somehow my car morphed from a hard-t-top to a convertible, never mind they got the color right.  Ha.  He was having troubles though, and when I approached, he had gotten out to check something, also leaving the keys in the ignition.  I merely got in and headed out.  Neither of us really wanted to fuss over it, but as I was driving away, he laughingly held up my cd collection and made some snide remark.  I figured he was packing, most thugs do.  As I was looking back at him I noticed he'd lost something too.  He had put a bunch of packages in my back seat.  I had a feeling it was money.  On the nose.  Over a million dollars, I counted up to that anyway.  I kept it a secret, made sure I was as untraceable as possible, helped the family I was living with, and enjoyed the thing with a smirk for the rest of my days.  The hardest thing was remembering all the cd's to replace.  Oh, and the family I was living with had started thinking about going back to Church.  They asked me about things and I asked if they were going to the Catholic Church.  Their response?  Is there a difference between Churches?  Urhm, it had... probably been a while since either had been to Church.  I did have some advice, on whichever Church or denomination they chose though.  Going to Church is really good at first, but as people get to know you... it does get a little tight.  Just... the way it is.  As Americans, we are no longer familiar with people knowing things, as in small towns and close-knit Church communities.  We are thinned skinned and prone to righteous and wrongous paranoia.  It IS a bit of a culture shock.  It is part of my problem with Church, if not the largest one since I am not able to go as often as I would like.

There were others, but that is all I can pull out of the memory pail this morning.  There are things I am not writing that I remember, not because they aren't g-rated (kissing or intending to kiss is g-rated, right?), but because they are even more extraneous that what I DID right.  Actually, I did pretty good remembering the dreams from last night.  I woke at around midnight, and was up for an hour or two.  I focused on getting back to bed and was able to sleep, thankfully.  I have a day schedule going and hope to keep it that way.  But the notion is very fragile for me.  I simply can't sleep and wake on a regular pattern, sometimes needing more sleep, sometimes just not being able to sleep, and the worst is a combination of those.

The girls have been fed, the litter cleaned, altogether.  I had no idea about cat regularity, but it seems they aren't.  Neither relieves themselves on a daily basis, though Sam does go out and may prefer to do her duty outside.  But with as much as Sassy eats...  I'm surprised she doesn't simply explode.  Perhaps it is the onset of cooler weather, and trying to fatten up for winter though, too?  Dunno.  Oh what a merry mix house chores and science makes sometimes, though, innit?  At least I am not dissecting and examining the fecal matter under a microscope!

Good day.

Finally, a good meal from my own kitchen.

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The kitchen isn't in the kind of shape I would trust to cook for others, at the moment, how I actually usually keep it.  But it is quite good enough for my own dinner.  With the turkey thawed, I set about roasting the thing.  While not a great fan of fowl on their own, I do appreciate how others use them, and occasionally as a meal.  There are some exceptions, including turkey, duck, and goose.  Why?  I can't say.  Even so if all I had was a chicken in the freezer that would have been roasting.  But turkey has that feel of family life, tradition, to it.  I can't remember a thanksgiving, growing up, when turkey was not the headliner.  The breast meat will be tolerated, but the rest will be gobbled up with absolute relish.  I am not baking potatoes with it, or making gravy right after roasting.  I didn't make a stuffing.  This will be an all meat meal, until my eyes cross.  Then I might make mashed potatoes and gravy.  I will be setting aside the drippings, for a day or two, just in case.  Meh, allows the fat to collect on the surface to be removed easier anyway.  If too, I leave a 'healthier' portion of the fat in the turkey juice jello...  Fat free just isn't how I fly.  Actually, I think it IS healthier to have more natural fats.

It has been roasting for an hour.  My stomach is doing flips waiting to be fed.  The odor has delicious written on it, and not in invisible ink.  I suspect I will start with a leg.  If that doesn't quite do it I'll add a wing.  My stomach suggests "we" just invite the turkey in and debate the matter whole.  My mind suggest that "we" will be lucky to get through a drumstick.  I suspect my mind is much closer to right than my stomach.  But bless my stomach for... the audacity!  It can look a steer over and suggest a beef roast, whole, on the rare side.  The rest of us know better.  It is good for the funny bone and some other things to have that exuberance, or child-like nature, or whatever you want to call it, still in play.

On another subject, there is a myth still floating around that ought to be put in it's place.  I had heard the myth, but without cracking the numbers it seemed impossible to me, even in my early teens.  It turns out I was correct.  Someone did crack the numbers.  The myth is that Henry Ford paid his workers double the typical rate in his day, after generally paying a little less to begin with, in order to create a larger base of buyers for his vehicles.  I am not sure if this myth is some kind of swipe at capitalism, some snippet that socialism works, or... what.  Simply though, the myth it is patently false.  Ford merely realized that employee turn-around at his plant was costing him a great deal of product, simply because it wasn't being produced, produced well, or produced in a timely fashion, thus lowering profits.  He believed raising wages and then being an absolute freak about who was hired and maintained in his employ would allow him greater financial success.  The bet, if such men actually make bets, paid off.

Hmm, later.  Oh, I bet I'll be ready for a nap after dinner.  No, not because of tryptophan either.  The dose is too small, another myth.  Just having a large meal... that is what does it.  I don't get to feast often so I don't mind.

Later, perhaps much later.

If, then? Why? Because.

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Sometimes that's as close as I can come to answering a question.  If you like one color over the others then what do you do about it?  Why do you prefer that color?  Because.  Duh.  Some questions I can pinpoint down to the last detail though.  Like one recently asked, or implied.

I know the notion of nephilim to a modern man is no less silly than the notion of God.  The children of women and angels are even considered laughably impossible in many Christian circles, as are even angels themselves.  I have heard homilies, not in the Catholic Church mind you, describing angels and suggesting that the whole notion of them must just be literary bunk.  So to even suspect that one might be such a being must sound preposterous, even to many, or most, Christians.  As I have written, it is just a thought, a passing consideration, a notion.  It is not something I would declare in a court of law, civil or religious, or as a truth nominally, or even strong probability, only... something that crosses my mind from time to time, in accordance with what has been written about them and what I know about myself.  It isn't just size, although... as many know... size matters.

In many of the "old beliefs", nephilim, giants, members of the Canaanitish tribe, sons of the daughters of men and angels, whatever you might call them or whatever they might be or have been, had specific characteristics, if there was no way to differentiate them from men objectively that is given, save that they usually are regarded as giants, some of the smaller sort such as Goliath (supposedly about 6'5" as my father believed, as a religious scholar), some as large as in the twenty feet plus range of their king and perhaps other leaders.  Though it has been suggested that not all were of abnormal size.  Something about them, though, in much of the literature, is that they have no soul, or at least they have no place in heaven or hell.  They will simply die once and forever when their life is over.

Someone asked if I knew this.  Of course I know this.  The question left unasked, I think, though I hit it a bit, is to ask why, if I had no chance at heaven and no risk of hell would I choose to even attempt to follow God's commands, why would I worship a God Who has written me out of existence, denied me favor (if disallowing damnation too)?  Ah, but this was such an easy question.

I do not worship or attempt to obey God for any favor He might or might not confer.  I do not follow God because He is on my side, for He isn't.  Beyond the notion that rain may fall on sinner or saint, so with sun, drought, flood, and all manner of calamity in the world of flesh, God is on no man's side.  If anything, some small number of men try to be on His side, and we fail, sometimes miserably.  Okay, so why worship a God Who isn't on your side?  Ah, because He IS the Truth.  I see that so very plainly, simply, honestly.  His truth is worth more than any gold, fleshly pleasure, or comfort I have ever known.  I lost my taste for much if this, and I have sipped so deeply, known so many women, known some gold and had access to more plus channels to even greater gold.  It is not like I haven't seen.  I can compare apples to apples, straight across.  And I easily choose God.  Even now, in my condition, you would be absolutely astonished at what sorts of sinful pleasures float my way and are rejected as often as I am strong enough to do so, even sometimes seemingly purely through divine intervention... I am weak.

And, actually, as a side and little note to that, I have seen, personally, that living an honest, God fearing, respectable life (within my limits and as I see things) leads to a much better mundane life.  It's not perfect, here, now.  I am still ill.  And yet my little life is so much easier, better, comfortable, by surrendering these things to what God sets forth and trusting in God to see things to the right than in trying gather it all to myself and for myself that there is no comparison.

So, yes, even if I have no soul, even if heaven is not to be granted regardless of the notion of hell being out of consideration as well, even if all else is balance, I choose God.  Some things are just so simple.  If nothing else, God has surely granted me the faith to walk through the fires of life I have had to walk and those to come.  And if heaven is not for me, if I help get one other soul to turn around and fall to their knees and worship God to be accepted to heaven, that would be more than enough of a thanks.

Casting stones.

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I shouldn't but...  Here it goes.

A new group of Americans has been found, hiding in the jungles of Africa.  They are calling them a new species of the owl faced monkey, if I think they have it a bit wrong.  With a red face and blue bottom to go with that lost confused look, it should be named the Americanus Africanus Independientia (or... something, if maybe not so wretchedly pig Latin).  Evidence?

the face, red and lost

the bottom, blue as W.D.C.

Oh, I know.  I ARE an independent.  All the former, none of the latter.  If, in the end (no pun intended) the difference might seem moot to some, but there it is.  Hey, I cast stones all day, if not truly judgmentally as it might seem, usually.  Even I get hit from time to time.  Oh, it doesn't hurt that bad you big ninnies.

h/t Mail Online

Another day.

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I went to bed rather early last night, right after supper.  Oh, that was quite good.  The lady who brought it fretted that the cookies had been a bit overly crisped.  Gotta love someone who apologizes for... feeding your face?  It's quite endearing, like a mound of puppies and kittens that make you the focus of their play?  Something.  If I were playing cards I might have just held my hand, kept my poker face, and suggested I would survive.  Problem is I wasn't playing games, saw no need, so just let the cat out of the bag that over-browned (according to whom?) cookies are my favorite by far.  I always look for the one, or batch, that is crisped a little extra.  Her husband had assured her that... I would survive, and right he was.  After a quite nice dinner, I laid down for either a nap or the night.  *bam*

I thought I had set the alarm, for 20:00 maybe.  If I did I set it way wrong or didn't hear it or don't remember shutting it off, let me check.  It seems it was correctly set for 20:00, but it was still set.  I fiddled with it this morning for some reason, so maybe I turned it on.  Either that or I slept through it, which is quite possible.  As I said, I slept through klaxons onboard a submarine.  When in serious stupor, illness torpor, certainty it is possible.  The mind fumbles when falling that hard and fast and first thing in the morning, so I don't know what I did or when to the alarm for sure.  I woke last night at 23:00 give or take an hour, but realized I should just go back to bed, could, and did.  I woke just around 6:00 this morning.  Grumpy at first, and the cats were all over me about breakfast.  Three or four harrumphs, a cat chases (man they are fast when I am in zombie mode, I had no chance, if I am rarely ever about catching them except in play).  But in less than five minutes I was apologetic and just... fed them.  While they might be running for fear of their lives from poppo grizzly zombie, I still think I detect laughter and bliss when they look back to see if poppo is still coming and where he is.  I wasn't chasing for their begging, but when they don't get what they want they go on a scratch-anything-poppo-says-not-to-scratch thing.   

I turned the furnace up a goodly bit this morning, and actually am leaving it at a baseline of 70 at all times now.  That seems to be of benefit this morning.  All good.  Oh, cleaning the cat litter.  I'll do that right away.  Trying to remember to do that right after feeding the girls.  The turkey will probably go in the oven later today.  Brushing my teeth is becoming a regular thing too.  Just... certain things go first, second, and on through to last, in a specific order, for psychic comfort, if you know what I mean.  Turkey dinner is a very good reason to finally finish the dishes.  There isn't much left to do, just... it's the point of the thing.  Then I can get on to the rest of the kitchen.

Later.

A few things.

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While discussing things with my mom a bit more lately, and doing this and that, I finally tried to buy tickets for her visit.  The last time, and $70 dollars cheaper, the deal simply would NOT go through.  I did not call her to discuss which days, what times, or any such.  That... leads to disaster.  I simply bought them and sent the confirmation information to a friend out there who acts as an email collector for her in these matters.  The money I sent... yesterday?  Monday?  She has it.  I was a bit worried, she needed it by Thursday, gas for a medical appointment or some such.  She tried to work on top of social security but they ended up taking out $300 of the $400 she was making, plus more mistakenly, kicking her off one of her medical plans, taking away her prescription plan, making it so the cost to work was more just in gas than what she was making.  All that shorted her a quarter of her meager income.  Yeah, I don't support socialism, but for those who are on it to be jerked around like that is a whole other issue.  She's 70 for heavens sakes, let her work for her health if nothing else!  As I said, I wish I could do more.  She has some coming back, after they realized they had not just jacked her but shorted her even more... when they get around to paying her back.

Anyway, I got the tickets and the money out that I have meant to get out.  Now... to figure out new tires.  I will be watching my accounts and perhaps making an appointment for that for the 1st.  Some of it may have to be on credit.  On the good side my sole credit card is down to less than a quarter of it's max and by then will be down to a fifth, all give or take.  It's a humble card and I will keep it that way.  After that, all I have to do is make preparations and have some savings in line to make her visit comfortable and edifying.  We both love food.  Perhaps I will have menudo and tortillas down to a science by then and can make her a Mexican meal in trade for three of hers?  I won't win that contest but trying is good enough for moms... of any age. 

On my birthday card she indicated "from your favorite mother".  Not so much.  I have one mother.  I have other types of women who played their roles, to whom I am grateful, but I... only have one mom.  No favoritism is needed.  It's known by the big hug and goober kiss.  Moms, what can you do with that?

Later.

Looking over my shoulder?

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The term goes both ways.  I do get a bit uptight about things, and to some degree, shouldn't.  I might learn to better handle my reactions.  Looking back, or over my shoulder, some of this is simple to spot and certain.  While I do have some sort of link with God it certainly doesn't gain me access to certainty, even when I focus, pray, read the catechism, read the bible, then put it all together.  A blind man on a balance beam with one hand tied behind his back, all of his own doing?  To a degree. All of this lead me to question what is good.  What is a good deed?

The other part of looking over my shoulder is that while I sometimes do it to myself, God is always doing it.  Oh, I don't think of it as a parent looking over my shoulder.  Wait.  Actually, that is very much how I see it, only a perfect Parent.  If the Lord knows, I had parents who really tried.  Yes, I see God over my shoulder when I look.  But God doesn't have a smiling face or a long face, unlike what many seem to believe.  No, He just Is.  So, what do I receive from perceiving God looking over my shoulder?  Ah, a reminder of what Is and what He wants.  If I am a child, He is not.  In physical, civil, secular terms, at least for me, seeing God there is similar to looking up at a mountain from it's base, or looking around out in the middle of the ocean, or watching a huge storm.  It is humbling, settling too, and puts the world, all, and me in place, our places.  He brings order.

So, what is a good deed?  Some will say helping people.  Others say "helping the planet" is a good deed.  There are many schools of thought, but most fail in part or in whole.  A quick search at a search engine lead to anti-war people, questions, and groups.  No, if God were to be of the laughing sort, this would surely cause Him to grin, then grimace, then become very angry I should think.  It refutes His very will from times past, possibly present, and the times to come.  Christ will cause blood to flow in the streets, if not directly through warfare but through His will it seems, if due to the threat of obliteration.  I knew I had read the right answer somewhere before, at least as I see things.  The Catechism?  Maybe, but where is it and how to find the topic in such a big book?  A very short trip found the book in my hand before I had actually started the search.  I merely entered the next room to begin contemplating where I might have placed the book, from there to go and begin my search.  My left hand had it in hand before I truly realized I had found it or even started contemplating which room to search for it.  Well, at least God didn't throw it at me.  :p

A very short search within the book itself and, there it is.  The chapter title, if I can call it a chapter, was 'Good Acts and Evil Acts".  Well, yeah.  A bit of reading made me sure this is where I had seen what I approved as an answer before.  I've read the book twice, and searched it while reading the bible many times.  Still, it is rather more than memory can contain, if some notions stick pretty well, like this one.  An act, as the Catechism puts it, is split into three parts.  The first part is the object.  This can be a self-contained act, the example it gives is fornication which is always an evil act.  The other parts of an act may include the end, and circumstances.  If a man prays and fasts, for example, that would seem to be a good act.  But if he does it to be seen by men, then... not so much.  As well, if someone does an evil, but it is done under duress, that would have an effect on the level of corruption.  Much as the amount that is stolen will have a moral and legal affect on judging the action.

I am not sure I am getting it exactly right.  But that is the crux of it, some of it nearly verbatim.  Why is this on my mind?  It's that looking over my own shoulder thing at the moment.  I am trying to square some circles, I just didn't have the right tools at hand.  Now I do and can move on to the next set of issues to be defined, tackled, unknotted.  At least I know where to go, for my purposes, in my belief.

One notion that bothers me is that it is suggested that if another man is doing wrong, that a personal conversation to clarify the actor's action and understanding, and to attempt to have the actor cease what he is doing wrong.  I would hope others would do this with me, and I will do likewise.  Beyond that, the next step is to take the issue up with the Church.  These steps are not intended for suspicion, though snotty behavior might be included.  It is then their job to set the thing straight.  An issue I have here is, what about a Presbyterian and a Lutheran?  Can they speak to each other in such a manner?  Catholic and Baptist?  No, I don't have an answer, only a question.  My guess is it would depend on many factors, rightly or wrongly.  It is a troubling thought.

Hmm, on to my day.  I did get the litter policed, the girls need more food now, and I will reset the dishes to a fresh soak.  I am extremely tired today.  I turned the furnace up a bit, for a while, though I think I blew it.  I need a blast of hot air, for say an hour, not a breath of warm for a while.  I need to drive the cold out of my body, first thing, then let the house cool down.  My body just has to warm up a bit before it can maintain boiler temps and I didn't do that well this time.  Trial and error, the stuff life is made of?

Later.

Dreams.

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I don't remember many of the dreams, only that there were many.  I woke throughout the night, from time to time, seemingly for no reason, which is unusual itself.  Usually I sleep solid, save once or twice a week, and usually less often actually, waking to relieve myself.  Last night was simply a very odd sleep cycle.  Through the night I sort of counted the dreams as well as I could.  My most definite count is at least seven independent dreams that I recalled, and knowing I dreamed more after that but never waking well enough after the definitive count to count them beyond that point.  I am guessing as many as twelve full length dreams, if all content is lost save the one I wrote about.  As I was waking this morning, as if to let me know that dreamscapes can't be completely put into abeyance by consciousness, time seemed to fast forward to Sam dying of old age, then another of me dying when the girls were too old to be taken in by others.  Just a harsh punch on the nose to let me know even an awake mind can be jacked?

Never mind.  I slept well and am rested.  I have shaken the morning psychic slam.  Hey, the girls are all I have.  Feeding the girls was done posthaste, not for the dream, simply that is what I try to do.  They are really into the feed lately, probably a fall thing.  Most animals see winter and begin feeding more heavily I would guess?  The girls have been heavily feeding, come to think of it, since mid to late August.  I have been keeping up with their demands since they were pretty light feeders for much of the summer.  Oh, I need to remember to clean out their litter box right after feeding them.  Make the whole process one chore rather than two, since the one chore seems automatic in good or bad health, that would make it much easier than splitting the two tasks into their own efforts.

My blood sugar was high this morning.  At 142, it is the highest I have seen it since I began monitoring it.  My weight is staying at 260.  My guess is the 'snack foods' provide the wrong type of carbohydrates, much as Gatorade does.  So, when I am finished with them I will not be buying more of them.  Seriously, I can drink regular soda and live on candy bars for a week during a bad downward cycle without raising my blood sugar, but a month of eating 'healthy' bars to supplement a diet and my blood sugars bump harshly?  No wonder no one knows what diabetes is about.  One of my organs, in the mid-upper left side of my torso (from my perspective) seems to be twitching.  It does it regardless of blood sugars, from time to time, anyway.  My guess is blood pressure causes the vessel feeding into it to surge, causing slight pain to the organ and to the surrounding tissue.  A little burning and sometimes a more solid sharp pain at an irregular if somewhat cyclical rate is the deal.  I should look at an anatomical diagram to see if I can guess which organ it is.  It isn't the only, what I believe to be, organ to do that, it is just the most typical.  Old 'cars' simply have problems.  At least I am not leaking oil or gas, yet.

I am setting the alarm for 6:00 and trying to wake at that time as I see the opportunity to make landfall into a day schedule.  I couldn't wake at 6:00 this morning, maybe because of the dreams, perhaps because of the sleep disturbances.  I reset the alarm and was able to wake at 7:00, to much rejoicing from the girls.  I have to hand it to them, they do try to help me wake... if for their own reasons.  Sassy is on a tear, Sam is over trying to figure out if she wants to stay awake or nap.  Sassy is very careful NOT TO MESS with Sam at these times.  Sassy loses hard, even having the tear-factor, being younger, and weighing 50% more with all else being equal.  Let... sleeping cats lie?  Who knew?

Well, on to another attempt to get at the work needed.  Whoa though... I just realized it is chilly!  I may have to set the furnace to fire a bit in the mornings.  Just an hour or two runtime to make waking just a bit easier.  It still gets a bit warm and stuffy some afternoons so I can't quite take the ac out yet and I need to be careful to just knock the chill down when running the furnace.  Gotta love the season changes, and I do.  They at least try to keep me on my toes.  Good day.

Odd night.

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I was awake until 20:30 or so, if just barely able to stay up that late.  I wasn't able to get to the dishes.  I did cook an early afternoon meal though.  The other fellow who arranges the room and brings snacks was in town for the meeting today, thankfully.  He called to ask what to do, so I gave him a short and sweet version if I don't think there is a long and sour version.  I did ask that he ask around about a table-top podium for when we have speakers and guest speakers, something I will be checking on if he turns up snake-eyes.  The group may not know of the whereabouts of such a device, but somebody else at Church will know.

I woke just a bit ago, mid-sleep, at about 23:30.  Someone was in my room!  I was just reaching for my pistol when I realized it was merely a dream.  And, I wasn't even actually reaching for my pistol.  I was quite asleep.  The dream up to that point had been an odd conversation with one of my cats, actually in the dream my only cat.  Oh, she didn't speak back, it was more like my real "conversations" with my cats.  I speak, they look at me when they are near me for company, as if they are listening and learning, or more, merely entertained by being talked at by a bigpeopletype.

In the dream I was living more south, south east, something, here in Utah.  Somewhere with train tracks somewhat elevated by being built up heading east to west close by, and tracks that came in from the south then split and joined with the main tracks.  The terrain was definitely desert, but not sandy desert.  The soil was redish brown or tan.  Tawny perhaps?  We were in my home and looking out the window, partly open.  There was a mountain lion out there, somewhere.  We knew, from tracks or reports or having seen or heard it.  I was pretending my cat was asking "why the mountain lion", "why does it want to hurt us", and explaining.  Thus the conversation.  I can't remember how the conversation went exactly, only that the explanation was interesting (or I thought so as an observer).  While I played the main role, it also seemed like I was sometimes viewing things from behind the cat and man, like a cameraman.  Anyway, I (he) went to bed, and woke to someone in my (his) room.  That is when I "woke" and "reached for my pistol" only to wake in my own room here at my home.  Silly dreams.  I am hoping to get back to bed shortly.  No, the dream didn't disturb me.  Dreams like that usually don't.  It wasn't close enough to me, here, and/or now.  It does make me wonder... if someone out there has had a surprise visitor though, and what happened next.

Good night, I hope.

An odd thing, and well, gaming.

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I know it is odd to put such varied topics as console game thoughts and heavy political stuff in one article, but... this isn't a professional blog.  This is just a repository of thought, belief, disbelief, exploration, fantasy, and the rest. 

Today being what it is, blogs and other sites have put things up in remembrance.  I don't, always.  Sometimes my thoughts are personal.  When I go to log onto my blog I found, since it doesn't work as it should, that the fastest way to gain access is to visit the main Google search engine site and patch in from there.  So I do.  I have heard about, and acted upon, the notoriously anti-American, un-American, or un-patriotic nature of Google (depending on how you see things) by not using them where I can spare it.  I kept seeing something on the site today, a little picture.  I simply didn't know what it meant or was for.  And, actually, I won't claim to at this moment either.  The picture is of a black ribbon, like the pink one's for breast cancer awareness (pro-abortion), and such.  Only, as I said, the one at Google was black.  Finally, I realized it might be about what happened on 9/11.  Yeah, yeah, hush it.  But what does a black ribbon represent?  A quick search seems to indicate that the black ribbon is in memory of the European victims of communism and socialism (often called nazism by today's European and American socialists (governments), albeit).  So, what is up with that?  It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that Google is blaming American politics for the attack, directly, indirectly, through conspiracy theories, or whatnot.  But I don't actually know.  I only have their bad rep, what is shown, and a little research to go on.

Okay, on to gaming.  I am playing "007 Quantum of Solace".  No, it is not a great game.  It is pretty cookie cutter with no real challenges unless you allow your aim to be reduced to luck and the enemy health and movement to be set to absurd.  While combat might be tricky at times, a good soldier usually doesn't have a difficult time with it.  Imagine if the Army wanted to make better soldiers so they made the sights more difficult to use and packed them down with 50 pounds worth of clothing on top of their gear loadouts.  Yeah, no.  Still, I remember again why I enjoyed Bond movies as a kid, if there are few... "ugly, mean, stupid, girls" in the game portion.  I still remembering not thinking too highly of girls in school, as a social ordered thing, at least publicly.  Girl cooties and stuff.  But I also remember going to the movies to watch Bond with my fellow anti-girl crew and... enjoying the grown up version of girls very much.  As well, the impossibility of what Bond does, as if it was nothing, is fun too.  While we have excellent soldiers, sailors, marines, intelligence agents, and such, none of them can simply walk through a hail of bullets every other building they enter and then just have a martini to make it all better.  Impossible is fun.  One advantage to this game is that, for the most part, it is so static that I can just view the upcoming chapters on YouTube, then go do.

Why would I spoil it?  Well... if you are serious at all about things, everybody would.  You can try to invent your own wheel but that is rather non-productive.  If you can learn floor plans, at least a bit, do walkthroughs, see what works, and mentally (or better) practice, before doing something, and you have the time, why wouldn't you?  Imagine never having worked on an engine and deciding to do a complete teardown of your only driver?  Or imagine never having cooked and deciding to make some feast come to life?  Do you think our special forces and intelligence agents are just parachuted into enemy territory with little more than a communication device, navigation equipment, and some questionable and old intelligence reports?  Well, not if otherwise possible.  Heck, they will reconstruct mockups of places they will be entering for a major event, if given the time leeway necessary, including adding guards, cameras, obstacles, locks, and whatever else is known to be in place, plus some possibles but unlikely additives.  Yeah, so I... look ahead, plan.  Not much to it with this game.  I guess I just hate surprises, to boot.

Later.

Well, some nukage.

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Buying things.  Yeah, okay, I have always been at least a middling advanced shopper.  Tech, ideas, and such.  I sometimes would like to think that I am on the cutting edge, if in many ways I am dubious about the proposition.  In secular terms, at my price point, I probably could easily be counted as such.  But that was never the point.  I had one of the first cellphones (for personal use) in my area.  Some of my family and friends were quite curious, others thought I was damned fool for wasting good money on a toy.  Hmm, I wonder how many of them have cellphones now, come to think of it?  As well, I was one of the first to realize what a lark cellphones really are, if many still don't get it.  At least for personal use.  Now, in my case, since I was always going to or from, rarely at home if I even had a home, and moving frequently even then, a cellphone was my only real choice.  For the first time in my life people from my past, after I got my first cellphone, could track me down easily.  I wasn't an invisible man to society, being impossible to find or even contact.  I lost interest though and turned the phone off and kept it off until it was purely mine again, using it only for when I wanted to reach people or check messages.  There are many things, from having a cellphone, home computer, certain tech regarding my vehicles, and on it goes, in which I have been a consumer use leader.

And, for the most part, for someone in my situation, I suppose that is fine.  I can't get ahead.  I won't be looking at significant raises, my income will not improve with performance, I can't produce alternative revenue streams for legal and realistic reasons, I am simply an adult child in many ways, receiving an allowance because I cannot work.  But most people aren't that way.  If a solid wage earner or salaried man improves his output or increases what he brings in for a company or takes on a second set of duties, and will fight for a better income, quite often he will get it or find a headhunter who targets such individuals for growing companies.  Or... traditionally.  Further, if he increases his output and cuts his expenses, he can get much further ahead.  But if he extends his buying power with his income, assuming he saves money himself and even if he doesn't go deeply into debt, all he will doing is slightly increasing his savings which draw a yield below inflation, so even while saving he will be losing money.

Why get ahead?  Ah, in order to invest.  If I had enough squirreled away, the first investment would be "free housing". A reasonable home in which I didn't have to pay to live. Taxes and insurance are minor, really, compared to the rest. While investments don't yield like they can and have, they do beat banks, and often inflation, meaning he isn't losing money as he would be by purely saving money in a bank, if he has control over the investments... they need to be somewhat liquid.  I see so many people with so many things that do no bring a return that... I just shrug.  As I said, I actually can't get ahead, if buying a home is as close to getting ahead as I can do, and I am doing that, finally.  And even that form of getting ahead isn't now and never was quite what it was supposed to mean recently.  A house is an investment in a bit of static wealth to a degree, but mostly an attempt to have a free place to live, a springboard into keeping more or working less, maybe even a place to meet other people with money to invest if you are... far enough ahead.  I live too baseline, economically, to get ahead any more than that.  When in the Navy I was beginning to see how other sailors had catapulted their careers into some serious wealth, enlisted men at that.  Tight, hard, and without all the doodads and toys, though in the end able to live a rather comfortable life.  I had plans to follow some of their lead until it all fell apart.  Reading books, talking to practical small investors, learning, looking, and planning.  Perhaps I am wrong about my income, but... I didn't, and probably don't now, have the wherewithal to coral that in any case.  Maybe it is the complexity and demanding regimen that is the problem with others too?  Dunno...  Just... grumbling as I try to figure out how to buy a piece of equipment I can't afford and which will bring me no income?  Oh, one other point...  I think being in a marriage can, if guided a bit, greatly help.  Two heads can be better than one, more so if they are on the same page but with very different ideas about it, in a way. Give them both the veto! 

Death from below.

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Can't recall exactly, but that or something like that was a common theme for submariners.  Whether boomer or fast-attack sub, the notion was there.  Snipers of the ocean, really.  The first sub I was stationed to had enough missiles, with mervs, to hit every major city in Russia (or so I was told, assuming a full compliment which none of us knew save the captain and a few others perhaps).  While the reality might have not been quite that, as the launches could not simply be fired off in machinegun succession or even at revolver speed.  A few missiles would have been fired, then the sub would have scooted out of that location as fast as we could pedal the oars! 

Russians radar, satellites, and possibly underwater sonar devices would target us quickly and a response might well be on it's way.  The response would vaporize at least one square mile of water, so... even a carrier up to 40 to 60 nautical miles away might be sucked into the resulting whirlpool, if I think being underwater might have reduced that range, possibly significantly, if I never actually found a theory thread about that which I can recall.  The 'response' didn't have to be all that accurate if it was... timely enough.  I hope I didn't divulge any secrets, I don't think I did but sometimes they said everything about everything was a secret on subs. 

Oh, don't call submarines boats loosely to some of the more particular sailors, either, if I did with my part of the crew... boats are technically vessels that are small enough to be stowed aboard ships, and will get some officers and senior enlisted quite cross-eyed, if that was a fun pastime for some of us teen and twenty something adultified rug-rats, bored with months of sea duty.  Just play dumb when doing it, the lecture can get you out of a little work when tired and a bit overworked, too!  It was even better than calling a bulkhead a wall or a ladder stairs, which would only get a little bit of snarling and some lipspittle tossed your way.  Sassy does the same thing to Sam, species doesn't seem to matter? *grins*

Anyway, when I first wake, it seems that I am in death from below mode, sitting at Defcon 3 or 4.  I need to... avoid commenting, when possible, until all stations have reported in and no threats, obstructions, or orders would preclude going back to standard operating procedures.  Some days that never happens, though usually I can simply gurgle through the waking dream phase and surface for fresh air before too long.  Only if I can't get the cpu (brain) working, or the extended units (arms, leg, body in general) are suggesting incoming fire (pain), or something like that, will I remain in heightened stages of readiness.  Today looks to be getting back to sop pretty quickly.  Still, a few hours before commenting is becoming the new sop, should I be able to remember.  Nukes are not toys... I'll write that a couple hundred times on the chalkboard, then clean the board and the erasers?

I have high hopes for the day.  Oh, not world shaking, not even house shaking.  I doubt if I would exactly be said, if all goes well, to have rumbled myself even a little.  But that isn't my lot at this time.  A little more work, more progress than regression by a goodly lot, a few more areas hit and hit well?  Yeah.  Dishes were not done, so I will be draining some of the relatively fresh water in one of the sinks and adding hot water.  The other sink only had a bit of water in it, so a bit of fresh hot water to that, and before long I will kick those out.  I would like to continue picking up the place, neatening little areas as I go.  A door and windows could be opened.  And I am going to begin policing the kitty litter, as that is required for the new kitty litter to work or work better.  That may be it for the day, but if I dig into those solidly I should have a noticeably nicer place in which to dwell.  Just a bit, each day, with lots of rest between sets of tasks.  Just like when I used to lift weights and swim, I didn't lift it all at once... reps and sets, laps and rest (when I was leveling up anyway), reps and...  OH look, bacon!  Bah!  Made myself hungry.

Have a good day.

Such a simple set of tasks?

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Well, yes, of course.  And, no, not really.  Dressing was easy.  Clean clothes, even if they do or don't smell clean, were available.  Ah, but addresses.  I wrote the new address at which my mother receives mail just... this morning?  No, wait, Friday.  But while cleaning today it disappeared.  A call to her, hoping she was available to answer.  Okay, got the address.  This time I put it into my smart phone.  For the other address I had to check my email and go back to... April?  Really?  Has it been that long.  Counting off the months, it seems that even if mail forwarding only lasts six months (though I think it works for a year), that should be enough time for the letter to go to her old address and be forwarded.  Why... do women move?  Bah!

Then writing short letters, filling out some checks, making sure the right check went to the right woman.  No, no child support or any funny business.  My mother is a little short, and not just in stature.  I wish I could do more but this should do nicely.  The other, just a gift for someone who needs.  Oh, I don't think she is starving, just...  Someone who is probably living on the fringes of what most consider a reasonable financial way.  One of those things.  Like I said, getting the money out of my greedy little hands is the hard part, once it is off I do feel much better.  A task from April, the other from August... or really last Friday for sure.

As for anything else today?  I do hope to finish up the dishes.  The water might be cold by now but that is no real problem as hot as it started out.  The cats were fed as I was about to leave and the trash and recycling bins were brought back to their stations once I was out the door.  Nothing fancy but not bad.  Maybe tomorrow I can get another batch of chores done.  So simple and yet so impossible.  Oh, dinner will be arriving before too long as well.  While the front room isn't exactly perfect yet it might look just a tad better should it be viewed.  All good. 

Later.

Napped, showered...

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Now to just crawl into some clothes, get some things written, find some addresses, and make it to the post office before they close.  It's 15:00, I am not sure how late they stay open, though last I thought I knew they are open until 17:00.  Yeah, best get cracking.  Not much of a nap, couldn't really sleep.  Then again that means I have a better chance at doing this priority group of tasks.

Life really is as thin for me as I suggest here.  While I can be lazy, I couldn't live with myself if even a quarter of this problem was simply an unwillingness to do... whatever.  My will pushes all of the time.  It usually loses.  The body just can't do things, won't do things.  Beating it with a whip doesn't help, though I haven't literally tried flagellation or such.  Scorn for self is... enough, too much.  Even this, for the most part, has been set aside.  It didn't work and was quite self-destructive.  Beating a dead horse with tongue or rod serves no purpose.  Still, I do enjoy what I can, and I do what I can.  And I like to do things, work, play, worship. 

Well, I best be off.

Work done.

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Oh, well, I didn't quite open my front and back door, dig a canal to the local river, build a water purifying plant in between, and clean my house like I almost ought to do.  No, not that.  I did set two loads of dishes to soak, picked up a couple of rooms (a... a bit... just a bit, but a mostly bit).  I took the wheat to the basement, along with the jet stove and water pasteurizer.  I did have to rebox the stove.  Hey, I'm looking for all the points I can get.  Well, that was that though, all the work I could squeeze out.  I set my timer for an hour and an half, and will likely reset it if I don't take a nap.  Remember, that is on top of getting the cat litter changed, the trash together and out, the recycling together and out, and then taking those bins out to the curb.

I am hoping to finish off the dishes this afternoon, then sweep and pick up some more.  That will be my day.  Even if I could do more, doing too much after being so sedentary is not wise.  Well, one other thing, I need to get some mail out.  Actually the mail trumps anything else and will be my next effort.  That will require a shower and putting on something other than my manly pjs.  Ha.  Hmm, definitely will need a nap to get the mail out.  I could probably lumber through the other tasks and stay up until 17:00 or later, hopefully, as is.  Getting a shower in, getting some things written and dealing with finances, then getting to the post office?  Yeah, no, not without a nap.  Bah!  I best get the nap in before it gets too late.

Geez Louise!

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It's just not working today.  Still sluggish of brain and body.  Still, I think I will get some work done anyway.  I don't know how, nor do I care, so long as at least a couple of things get hit.  A load or two of dishes, sweeping, picking up around my home, laundry will wait until cleaning is done and I am at the airing out stage though, perhaps cleaning the bathroom, or a whole list of other odd jobs.  No, not all.  Like I said two or three of those, depending on how deeply I dig into whichever projects do go forth.

I am still a bit sore.  It must be the weight loss.  The headaches have pretty much gone away, I just have an occasional discomfort as if my brain stem was become detached from my spine.  While it doesn't hurt there are odd things, like nausea, dizziness, and minor feverishness.  As I said though, if I get in the right mood I will ignore all but the loss of limbs and just get to it.  This might be one of those days.  Oh, and I am going to have to get out.  I need to send my mother something, and another long promised card.  Both require a little bit of gelt, stingy as I am right now.  Funny how hard it is to send money sometimes, but how much of a relief it brings when the green is on the way though, isn't it?

I've been hunting the girls this morning, a little more than usual.  They hate it, all the while loving it, and coming to me for more if I think they have really had enough.  Sam tries to explain it to me... something along the lines of... when I say no, I mean no, except that I don't mean no, unless I really really mean no, at which time you should do it more.  She is quite put out with me if I don't rough her up well past her saying no.  Well, right until she goes for the eyes...  I play with them rather gently, actually.  I have found the right balance.  How do I know?  Because neither have turned into absolute monsters.  They truly are a pair of the nicest cats I have ever 'owned', some of that comes from playing the right way with them.  Hmm, now to turn Sassy into tickle bunny number one!

My mother called today.  She didn't mention it but I know what the call was about.  So, I'll get to it, as mentioned above.  It was a planned event but my fall, or fear of a fall, from good graces last Friday left the task undone.  I need stamps.  I probably have a roll of nearly a hundred.  The thing is I am not sure it is the current price for postage!  Time travels so fast that I simply lose track of such things.  Then again, who even sends letters much anymore, other than businesses?  Yes, after a bit I will need to shower, get the mail ready, and risk being offensive going into the post office.  Some things will be done today.  Beside the push of season change, and my wanting to get out, the prospect of home made menudo has me drooling.

Later.

Local news.

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While I don't always take the time, I try to look at local news from time to time.  The problem?  Even here in Utah, most news is filtered through the idolatry and heresy of liberals in SLC.  While the lean is thinner, the intent is no less strong.  Still, sometimes on local news, some of their reporters almost forget that it is their job to reeducate Americans and the story is just that.  Mostly.  Grumpy much?  Shut it, a life time of immoral jerks attempting to indoctrinate me with their evil is simply getting it's due.

In these next stories, you see tragedy on the little scale.  Sometimes with a better ending, sometimes not.  This first group of stories shows people living their lives and doing what they do and finding themselves out of all bounds, sometimes to finality.  The first is about a man, leading his life, who has a stroke.  The next story is an ongoing tale, which means I will be seeing what happens next.  Two men, climbing in the mountains I have some hopes of maybe climbing myself.  The last is of a family man who, despite all his hard work at being healthy, lost his life in the oddest of ways.  Sympathy and empathy are easy here, and given.  Don't just sit there, consider this an informal prayer request.  We can't if you and I can.

Next, a story in which it is difficult to have any positive feelings toward the lead, save that he didn't kill anyone else while acting self-destructively.  Oh, I can't say I don't pray for the man.  I hope he finds his way back, learns his lesson as we all sometimes get that opportunity, and all.  But more it is hoped that he doesn't get this kind of opportunity again, or soon, if at all.  Throwing stones?  Well, if to this extent, I am throwing stones at myself, not in a glass house.  And I took extra time to learn my lesson, turning down the chance to drive again even without having been in an accident, until I was sure I could get it right.

And this story just caught my eye.  Gaming as a means of staving off dementia?  Well, it seems to be the case.  Now there are caveats, holes big enough to drive a truck through, and many reasons to disagree (internet access is fraught with as much moral peril as is possible with alcohol consumption, or more... it's the stuff you don't see coming that seems to get people the worst?).  But by and large, my guess is that they are onto something.  I actually use my game play, if at a much higher level, to test my functioning.  If I can't seem to tie my shoes, so to speak, in game, I know life outside is not going to be any better. Sometimes I can still push through but it is as thin and weak as sewing thread.  But if I can remember where the loot is or find it all, zap a group or better waves of pesky mobs, and take down the boss or mini-boss, and sometimes all at once and in short order?  Then I am ready to... go grocery shopping.  *sigh*  Hey, it's about as good as I get.

Well, just some regional and local news, and a bit to say about it.  At least they have a forum where people can chime in.  I use Doom there too, or some variant of the name, back when I tried.  Beside being a seeming naysayer, I think the name has bad polling numbers...  I certainly wouldn't run as Mayor Doom, for sure.  :p

The cat litter has been policed and replaced, if the boxes did not get washed the ones I placed outside to air the last change smell... comparatively sweeter.  I used the last of the 'old school' cat litter, so next week I should be using the new stuff.  I sure hope it works.  I got the easy to get trash.  Of course in the kitchen receptacles, but also all the little refuse nugget holders around the house.  I am absolutely amazed how much a one gallon bucket sized container can hold.  Weight lifting done for the day, too!  I even remembered the bathroom chunk bucket this time.  That thing has been overflowing for a month or two now.  Yeah, yeah, mother, I'm... right on that.  I have left the main kitchen garbage container outside to air out.  Oh, and I opened the windows and front door, turning the fan on as well.  Mostly for the dust of the cat litter, atm, since I haven't cleaned yet so I am not sure how much just fresh air will help.  Surface, surface, we need fresh air!  Still, I am sure it will help.  All good, all good.  The alarm only went on for eight minutes before I heard and responded, too.  Actually maybe a little less.  That is when I turned it off, and I had already responded by bagging one more bag of recyclables, and started fidgeting with some other stuff when the alarm finally became intolerable.  Nerves, synaptic firing, misplaced signals, out of time sync reactions, whatever.  Shut up.  :p 

Ugh!^i

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Oh, nothing really wrong or bad.  My saddle sores seem to be improving.  I might even have an explanation for those.  As I have dropped to 260, perhaps just enough fat reserves have dissipated that... I am bottoming out, sitting differently, and such.  D.C. described a similar situation.  There is some threshold of comfort, aside from eating more to a degree (or at least eating without much thought), from having a "few extra pounds".  I am certainly not yet thin, or even ideal (by anyone's standard).  But I have dropped, last I checked, to 260.  With 250 as a goal, I can actually see that possibly happening, at which point I will have to seriously pad my chairs.  Anyway, the thing to is that my sleep cycles are just out of my hands.  I made it up to 17:30, and then only rested as I knew supper was scheduled.  Well worth the wait, and to add complement to a tasty meal and to the service of delivery, more of those cherry tomatoes.  I prayed, ate, crashed (but enjoyed immensely).  Waking shortly after 1:30 maybe, I see that keeping a day schedule is still not a done deal, given the notion of an 8:00 to 17:00 workaday.

On the good side, a simple prayer helped me stay chaste last night.  No, being tired and out of it a bit isn't a guarantee.  Often that makes control much more difficult.  Sometimes I can sweat bullets praying to no effect.  Why chastity?  Because God seems to prefer it, the Church asks singles to abide it, for me so as to struggle against the stream, to try to master myself, and actually many of those reasons combine into the notion that chastity leads one into the poison(tm) arms of a wife more surely which is their reasoning in the first place I suspect.  Many reasons.  Sometimes I sound definitively like your average 3rd grade boy.  All good, though, somehow. But... yeah... girl germs?  Yeah...  I mean...  No!

The girls have been fed, just dry for now.  My brain simply hasn't got the will to mess with canned food for them right this second.  Oh, yeah, they... keep checking.  How can tiny cats can make an ogre feel like a mouse?  On the good side of being up so early, I didn't get kitty litter, the trash, or the recycling managed yesterday.  And while my mind and body aren't quite ready for that I have set the alarm for 4:00 or something, to try to get going with that.  The recycling truck arrives very early, the other might not arrive until after noon.  Though one can never be exactly sure.  I'm not the only one, it would seem, who put out the bin only once in a while.  I bet the blue moon which causes everyone to put their bins out makes for a very long day for the drivers though.

I am still considering when to take the ac out of the window.  I did keep the packaging, but to use that for storage I would need to get packing straps to hold it together.  It is a wonderful packing system, save re-use requiring something I am not sure is common for households.  I'll look to see if it is a reasonable option.  Packing straps are quite nice to have for many reasons, so a reasonable excuse to purchase that system would allow for a bit of shopping.  The thing is, even now, sometimes a little shot of cold air helps.  I suppose though, simply opening the windows and using a fan might due just as well, usually. So long is when I need to sleep is at night.

On to my day.  Have a good day yourself.

Keeping food simple gets a boost.

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Oh, sure, I know home cooking every meal from start to finish from scratch with the freshest ingredients possible is the way.  Some of us simply can't.  Heck, some of us are happy to have just about anything to eat at times.  Sure, I have enough money to live well enough.  It is shopping, keeping things in stock, cooking then cleaning, that gets me.  I have a small system in place that is helping, and I am building on that.  One of the things I had pretty much decided against was microwave mac and cheese.  Still, I had four packs left of the ten that came in the box and I didn't want to waste.  It takes two of those to make a meal.  Not really wanting to eat them, but not wanting to throw them away, I decided to simply... hold my nose and put the stuff down the hatch.  At least it is warm.

As I was getting them ready I remember that I do have cans of tuna, small ones.  And of course I do have spices, though really only hot seemed right for the goo.  I decided to add tuna to both packs and cayenne to just one.  A little exploration.  While still not a meal to write home about, I think I might actually buy more of these.  The unspiced, even with tuna, simply won't do.  Adding the cayenne makes the meal into nearly a real meal.  Hmm, a decent meal, hot, with protein, spiced to my taste, in less than four minutes.  Yes, that will do once in a while when nothing else is possible.

Perhaps if I do get my place picked up and back in order this week I can make something I really like, as a treat.  My goal is one meal a week, home cooked, my way as to spice and cooking method and such, from the ground up.  That won't always happen, shopping must take place even if everything else is in place.  It's just a goal.  The first meal on my list is menudo.  I will be doing a bit of research for recipes.  I am thinking the pork's feet are a strong want, so will be looking for a recipe that includes that.  Aside from the flavor, the collagen thickens the soup to nearly a stew if the portions are right (and yes, you do eat the meat, usually it is just shredded into the soup if there is some worry that some people would be upset by finding a whole pig's foot in their soup).  I might even try to make my own tortillas.  My brother, for heavens sake, has made his own tortillas!  I have to catch up to him!  I don't need to win, and... actually... it's nice that my older brother is... leading the way.  Oh, here is a recipe that will do quite nicely.  If you try this, remember, the tripe shrinks a bunch.  What may look like enough in the store really isn't, according to my brother.  My brother says he makes large batches and freezes the extra.

Now if I could do more than sit.  Oh, it's coming...  But I am sort of stuck until... I clean and air out my whole home.  That's coming too.  At least I got something down my gullet all by my lonesome.

Kindle Fire, revamped.

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I have considered the Kindle, in various versions, before.  Not for myself, mostly, finally, but as a gift.  There were several problems, including no 3G/4G connectivity.  If I still wanted one now my smart phone would act as a hotspot, and since I was an early subscriber to data packages I have unlimited data from my carrier.  But, no, don't need it or want it.  My smart phone does everything but the big screen, and maybe more.  I believe the original versions lacked the ability to transfer what was being viewed to televisions, monitors, or such as well.  If that was possible, it took a lot of fairly technical steps and extra gear.  While the Kindle, to my mind, even now, while it's really not a laptop, it is enough for who it would be intended.  Books on demand, movies, magazines, and with both wi-fi and 4G, rather acceptable for at home or on the move (if it will still take some technical muscle to get it working, the hurdle isn't horrendous).  I believe there is a $55 yearly fee for 4G, but that is less than a cable connection by far (my cable bill is that much a month), and portable within the city in mind, more with so many wi-fi hotspots popping up.  Amazon even, after a bit of arm-twisting, decided to allow consumers to opt out of their all-advert all the time gig.  Oh, for the person I am considering this for that would be required or the thing might end up being thrown at me.  Hm, not really, just... the thought would be there.

I am well pleased that Amazon has been listening.  I keep looking for the real problems, limitations, extra costs, and reasons not to gift this device.  But at this time, from what I am seeing, other than some of the technical details involved, this would make a certain persnickety little firecracker almost happy.  She would still hate me, but... more warmly, if that isn't honestly the point either.  She can't help herself I think.  Hmm, I have a ton of other things on my financial plate atm, but I am considering it for a Christmas gift.  Rather than a plane ticket to visit, especially if I am as laid out as I am now.  No one likes to play with mostly dead hosts.  The price is a little high, and higher if you go all out (as much as all out really gets you).  As I said though, for what it is looking to deliver, as I see things now, it might be the right item at the right time.  Thanks for asking consumers and then actually paying attention to responses, Amazon.

The only thing I would ask, further, from Amazon, is to make sure that if I buy a book... my fault, their fault, no one's fault, that the book is mine.  That disappearing book thing was not cool, not at all.  Eat your mistakes.  Costly?  Yeah, well, that is how I learned half of what I know.  Learn.  And make sure, through the tech, that books in my collection cannot be altered.  Do this and I might honestly think about picking up one of the lesser gizmos for myself, eventually, just... because... I am a techy and a once and possibly future voracious reader.  It... just is the way of things.