.
.
Three hours, or so the recipe says. If you start with raw, which I did. Why so long? So the hulls will come off. Only the tender part is desirable. Oh, fine, an hour more and I should... be ready for the next step. The good news is that the author, someone who is really into hummus, thinks canned garbanzo beans are fine. Still, I had the dry beans. I had thought it was a simple overnight soak and then a bit of cooking. I had no idea how complicated it was, I had not read that far into recipes. And, I will be able to compare cooked to canned beans. The home cooked beans would have to exhibit a whole lot of taste loving over the canned beans in order for me to do this. Unless it is a slow time, winter, and I am just looking for something more to life.
The regular beans are cooked. I tasted a bowl, with juice, and a bit of sour cream. They are done, and if poisonous, the poison is slow acting. If so... goody, I will get to die in my sleep! And, while thinking about how long the garbanzo beans would take, I decided to get the wheat boiled and stowed. The wheat is now finishing in the thermos. I did have to boil a tad more water, and then overfilled because I am a dork, but it is all good. I will get better in time and go onto bigger and better mistakes. :p
Dishes have been being kept up, though I think the last of the bean cookery will not be tended. The wheat pot is easy, nothing sticks there at all. The tomatoes and the rest were watered again, while checking on Sam. She enjoys the outdoors, especially right after she makes poppa mad by trying to approach while he is eating or jumping on the table. She was weird tonight, usually she knows better. It could not have been the beans that drew her? I thought it might be the milk, but poured some for her, as she went a bit schizo while I was carrying the jug to poor myself a glass of milk. Nope, beans! She seemed to meow. Weird, just weird.
Tomorrow I am hoping to get the bed together and solidly placed. I will look for the attachments, screws, bolts, nuts, and whatever else for the rest of the items to be re-assembled tomorrow. I simply ran out of time today.
I am not working every minute of every hour. I am not even working every hour. I will not even claim to be working half of the time. I would say a good quarter of my time, maybe a bit less, sees me at work. The rest of the time I am... doodling on the computer, interweb, reading some manual or map or something, or chilling somewhere else but on my butt as well. I know that is not much. Honestly, it is what I have to offer, more than I have been doing in... ages, and maybe even as good as it gets. I cannot even seem to do that much every day. Though on some days it does seem, recently, that I have worked (or been driving to, or from, or because of) work for most of the day. Then needing a day of much lower exertion. I do not know if those are irregularities yet or not. Oh fie, I am doing what I can, when I can, how I can. I do more on my light days, honestly, than what I did before. I would even say my weak days are more involved, physically if not quite mentally, than when I was going to school.
Chest pains come and go. They were coming a bit before, heavier, harder, more painful (if that is indeed pain I sense... but I think so). Now, it is a thump, a bit of reverberating throb for a few minutes to a half hour, and then it is gone. Instead of daily as it had been, it is more like weekly. It does not seem to be related to physical output, though stress might have something to do with it. I am not sure what, exactly, it is. But I know what a doctor would say, testing and back on meds. Testing, give or take, fine. Medicine... not going to happen. Wishing in one hand, shitting in the other, I already know which gets filled first and I will not be grabbing anymore. Still, the whistling in my ears is usually less, my urine is cleaner, I have a cat, and I am prepared to die should that be the case.
Too funny.
Hey kids, I think this will be my last post for the night. I do have a good hour more, since it will take me at least a half hour to prepare the garbanzo beans, mix the tahini with the lemon juice, first obtaining the lemon juice, crush the garlic cloves, then figure out the proportions of all that and the olive oil for the recipe, and then blend the goop to the right consistency. Oh, and then, of course, to taste it. If there is enough, I would like to have some plain, add cayenne to some, and maybe something else to another portion. If I had calamari olives, those would go good in a third batch. Anyway, I have... things... to do.
Good night, Charlie and Janey. A prayer for you two and your rugrat troopers.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Stamp of approval.
.
.
Today has been a long one, again. Much was done, and much will yet be done. It is hot, and working only adds to the sensation. Still, I seem to be able to chug along at whatever pace required. Even with a short rain burst and clouds giving partial to total coverage for an hour, the weather has not seemed to affect the temperature at all. Such is life in a desert I am learning. No air conditioning, with temps in the 90's, and still working? Really, this does not sound like me at all, and yet there it is.
While the men who helped me move were here today, while we were unloading and then afterward even more while sipping soda, we discussed the house. I know several people who have been here do not consider it much of a house. The kitchen, to be sure, needs updated. The extra bathroom, the one big enough for a tub and shower combo, the one with plenty of room, is rather nicely done. The upstairs is fantastic, really. And the front rooms have been very nicely modernized. But the rest of the house is dated. All but two of the downstairs windows need replaced. The back door and screen door need to be replaced. There is work everywhere. And, in some eyes, I have seen disappointment in my place and choice.
That is fine. This is not their place. This is not their call. What they can offer for a place is well beyond my means, not of interest to me in one case, or simply not my style in yet another. As well, the land means a great deal to me and nothing to most of them. But today, in the discussion, the elder man reviewed some things, asked some questions, and I told him about a few things. Nice place you have here, was his final assessment. I think from him, and the way he said it, that is about as good as it gets. I even took more from it, in that some of my plans met with his approval (regarding livestock, gardening, and such). Not a sourpuss, really, so much as a pragmatist who is not easily impressed. He even showed me something I had missed, a wild rose bush hidden by another bush (which he recommended cutting well back to allow the rose to grow). And, looking at him, I realized he is more on target than the others, even the other man with him. Most people want a bought, immaculate, move in-do nothing home. They want the lawn and garden watered, on a timer, automatic. Mowing, if they must, is to be minimized. They have no other use for the place except as a means of social or economic gain and a place to lay there heads. This I do not mind, but there assessments are also less valuable to me. So, today, I received the only type of approval I would want. And, yes, need to a degree. Perhaps I am being too judgmental myself, but that is how I see things.
What this home offers, if I will work toward it, is self-sufficiency, security, some comfort, and a quieter way of living. I do not believe in organic, if I may end up using heritage seed. I do not believe in what goes for "environmentalism", especially of the activist varietal of the disease, but I will do my utmost to cut my costs and perhaps figure out how to live off the grid. And I worry nothing about much of what the world yammers on about on a thousand topics. I will do fine here, assuming I survive my health issues, better than almost anywhere else in the world, I should think. Even my health issues will be dealt with better by living, should I become functional even in a more minor way, here than by taking medicine. So, having a stamp of approval from a man who has worked his whole life, starting with less or nothing, working with what he has and could make, and making a living for himself and his family, yeah, that was good.
Is it self-serving to accept one compliment against a host of disappointments? No, it is weighting the reasons for the various reactions. If he had merely said that because it was expected, it would mean nothing. If he had said the opposite, because it is not like his place or a McMansion, it would have had no impact. This was purely weighted on meaning, much of which I gained from his questions and interest in certain parts of the discussion. Let us say Vox and D.C. visited, can you guess which one's opinion would matter the most to me? Not a slight to either, but their approaches, means, and ways within those means are very much different.
Well, beans of many sorts need to be attended. The wheat can be done right before bed, though I have room if it needs to be fit in. A loaf of bread, sourdough, was purchased, and I am hungry again. I suppose I should get to it. With the table set up, the chairs around it, and room to access the lot, I might end up having a simple but pleasant dinner tonight. Yes, time to get back to the work at hand. A stamp of approval means nothing if the product is not utilized. I cannot utilize it on my butt, mostly.
Oh, I did finalize the storage shed, so that is done. I did make it to the store and bought the goods I needed, and some bread as I mentioned. I picked my friend up and took him along for a ride. I stopped at the place I mentioned, though my friend was not hungry. He was thirsty though, so a few beers (and a side of chicken wings as they are not allowed to sell beer without food, they are a restaurant and that is the law here). Yep, got a lot done, if I did not make it to Church but it will happen (or even find my shoes! Where are those! I used to lose shoes as a child, all the time, literally, but not for years! Mommy! Hmmm, she will be here in a few weeks, maybe she can find them for me?) Bah!
Later.
.
Today has been a long one, again. Much was done, and much will yet be done. It is hot, and working only adds to the sensation. Still, I seem to be able to chug along at whatever pace required. Even with a short rain burst and clouds giving partial to total coverage for an hour, the weather has not seemed to affect the temperature at all. Such is life in a desert I am learning. No air conditioning, with temps in the 90's, and still working? Really, this does not sound like me at all, and yet there it is.
While the men who helped me move were here today, while we were unloading and then afterward even more while sipping soda, we discussed the house. I know several people who have been here do not consider it much of a house. The kitchen, to be sure, needs updated. The extra bathroom, the one big enough for a tub and shower combo, the one with plenty of room, is rather nicely done. The upstairs is fantastic, really. And the front rooms have been very nicely modernized. But the rest of the house is dated. All but two of the downstairs windows need replaced. The back door and screen door need to be replaced. There is work everywhere. And, in some eyes, I have seen disappointment in my place and choice.
That is fine. This is not their place. This is not their call. What they can offer for a place is well beyond my means, not of interest to me in one case, or simply not my style in yet another. As well, the land means a great deal to me and nothing to most of them. But today, in the discussion, the elder man reviewed some things, asked some questions, and I told him about a few things. Nice place you have here, was his final assessment. I think from him, and the way he said it, that is about as good as it gets. I even took more from it, in that some of my plans met with his approval (regarding livestock, gardening, and such). Not a sourpuss, really, so much as a pragmatist who is not easily impressed. He even showed me something I had missed, a wild rose bush hidden by another bush (which he recommended cutting well back to allow the rose to grow). And, looking at him, I realized he is more on target than the others, even the other man with him. Most people want a bought, immaculate, move in-do nothing home. They want the lawn and garden watered, on a timer, automatic. Mowing, if they must, is to be minimized. They have no other use for the place except as a means of social or economic gain and a place to lay there heads. This I do not mind, but there assessments are also less valuable to me. So, today, I received the only type of approval I would want. And, yes, need to a degree. Perhaps I am being too judgmental myself, but that is how I see things.
What this home offers, if I will work toward it, is self-sufficiency, security, some comfort, and a quieter way of living. I do not believe in organic, if I may end up using heritage seed. I do not believe in what goes for "environmentalism", especially of the activist varietal of the disease, but I will do my utmost to cut my costs and perhaps figure out how to live off the grid. And I worry nothing about much of what the world yammers on about on a thousand topics. I will do fine here, assuming I survive my health issues, better than almost anywhere else in the world, I should think. Even my health issues will be dealt with better by living, should I become functional even in a more minor way, here than by taking medicine. So, having a stamp of approval from a man who has worked his whole life, starting with less or nothing, working with what he has and could make, and making a living for himself and his family, yeah, that was good.
Is it self-serving to accept one compliment against a host of disappointments? No, it is weighting the reasons for the various reactions. If he had merely said that because it was expected, it would mean nothing. If he had said the opposite, because it is not like his place or a McMansion, it would have had no impact. This was purely weighted on meaning, much of which I gained from his questions and interest in certain parts of the discussion. Let us say Vox and D.C. visited, can you guess which one's opinion would matter the most to me? Not a slight to either, but their approaches, means, and ways within those means are very much different.
Well, beans of many sorts need to be attended. The wheat can be done right before bed, though I have room if it needs to be fit in. A loaf of bread, sourdough, was purchased, and I am hungry again. I suppose I should get to it. With the table set up, the chairs around it, and room to access the lot, I might end up having a simple but pleasant dinner tonight. Yes, time to get back to the work at hand. A stamp of approval means nothing if the product is not utilized. I cannot utilize it on my butt, mostly.
Oh, I did finalize the storage shed, so that is done. I did make it to the store and bought the goods I needed, and some bread as I mentioned. I picked my friend up and took him along for a ride. I stopped at the place I mentioned, though my friend was not hungry. He was thirsty though, so a few beers (and a side of chicken wings as they are not allowed to sell beer without food, they are a restaurant and that is the law here). Yep, got a lot done, if I did not make it to Church but it will happen (or even find my shoes! Where are those! I used to lose shoes as a child, all the time, literally, but not for years! Mommy! Hmmm, she will be here in a few weeks, maybe she can find them for me?) Bah!
Later.
A nap? No.
.
.
There is simply too much to do just to do what I have to do even yet today. I cannot seem to get rolling any further than out of bed though. I had stripped and crawled in, thinking a nap would do. I set the alarm as well. After cooling down though, my mind started counting the things that have to be done.
The wheat is sprouting, and it is time, or will be tonight, to finish that process and start another batch. Did I miss a night in there? Until I get this down, some steps may be missed. As well, the garbanzo beans are soaked, and will be needing attention. I lack fresh garlic and fresh lemons, which I am going to try and obtain sometime today. And the standard beans, a mix, has soaked overnight and will need to be cooked this evening. None of those tasks, as it ends up, will be a major concern. All of them together, at once, is not a concern. What is a concern is that some of what was brought from storage will complicate the process where it sits currently. So, to even begin doing what I need to do, I will have to... I am not sure exactly, though it has to do with moving boxes, deciding things like where the cat food should now go, seeing if the table will fit in the dining niche along with the chairs, then reconfiguring the boxes so as to have some usable space back in the kitchen. No job, when dealing with a home, is quite digital. Idea meets fact, fact goes back to idea level if it fails or proceeds, considerations arise which either let the process continue or sends it back to the idea stage, and so on, until either the job is done, all available energy is spent, or time runs out on the work period.
There are other things I really would like to do, as much because they are one shot jobs (such as setting the bed up properly) as because the items which will be used to do those jobs are currently underfoot, more so in an already overcrowded with boxes and furniture home further conflated by the new arrivals. There are far too many of those jobs to do them all right now, the bed, 3 bookshelves, a couple of end tables, and whatnot else, plus then figuring out where to put them, to try the whole set of tasks at once. Of course, with the things which need rebuilt, finding the fasteners first seems to be as much of an issue as anything else. These jobs, all little, but when connected with what needs to go on before them, then the jobs themselves, and what to do after, make the simple into minor to major headaches. Hopefully, with the bed together tonight and the kitchen re-ordered, these things become more possible tomorrow and throughout the week. If I remember to look for the connectors, bolts, nuts, and whatever else tonight, that will be a great start.
Still, a shower, a run into the store, perhaps a check up on my friend, ending my storage account, and maybe a lunch. Perhaps maybe a mix of some of those things, if my friend wants to go around town a bit to get out of his apartment. But, only after I get the kitchen done I think. A little work here, a restful drive, some chow, a little social, and then back in time to begin working on the food. Yes, that is how I am seeing things.
I just could not rest. Cooling down and chilling for a half hour was quite good though. Now to get back to it. At least nothing will be as hard as this morning was, as reasonable as even that turned out to be. Wow, life really is beginning to pop a bit. I think I am actually getting a bit excited about the prospect of getting my home in order and beginning to then get popping on the outside, yard, and maybe checking some other areas for repairs, updates, upgrades, or other types of care. (Keep saying that...)
Later.
.
There is simply too much to do just to do what I have to do even yet today. I cannot seem to get rolling any further than out of bed though. I had stripped and crawled in, thinking a nap would do. I set the alarm as well. After cooling down though, my mind started counting the things that have to be done.
The wheat is sprouting, and it is time, or will be tonight, to finish that process and start another batch. Did I miss a night in there? Until I get this down, some steps may be missed. As well, the garbanzo beans are soaked, and will be needing attention. I lack fresh garlic and fresh lemons, which I am going to try and obtain sometime today. And the standard beans, a mix, has soaked overnight and will need to be cooked this evening. None of those tasks, as it ends up, will be a major concern. All of them together, at once, is not a concern. What is a concern is that some of what was brought from storage will complicate the process where it sits currently. So, to even begin doing what I need to do, I will have to... I am not sure exactly, though it has to do with moving boxes, deciding things like where the cat food should now go, seeing if the table will fit in the dining niche along with the chairs, then reconfiguring the boxes so as to have some usable space back in the kitchen. No job, when dealing with a home, is quite digital. Idea meets fact, fact goes back to idea level if it fails or proceeds, considerations arise which either let the process continue or sends it back to the idea stage, and so on, until either the job is done, all available energy is spent, or time runs out on the work period.
There are other things I really would like to do, as much because they are one shot jobs (such as setting the bed up properly) as because the items which will be used to do those jobs are currently underfoot, more so in an already overcrowded with boxes and furniture home further conflated by the new arrivals. There are far too many of those jobs to do them all right now, the bed, 3 bookshelves, a couple of end tables, and whatnot else, plus then figuring out where to put them, to try the whole set of tasks at once. Of course, with the things which need rebuilt, finding the fasteners first seems to be as much of an issue as anything else. These jobs, all little, but when connected with what needs to go on before them, then the jobs themselves, and what to do after, make the simple into minor to major headaches. Hopefully, with the bed together tonight and the kitchen re-ordered, these things become more possible tomorrow and throughout the week. If I remember to look for the connectors, bolts, nuts, and whatever else tonight, that will be a great start.
Still, a shower, a run into the store, perhaps a check up on my friend, ending my storage account, and maybe a lunch. Perhaps maybe a mix of some of those things, if my friend wants to go around town a bit to get out of his apartment. But, only after I get the kitchen done I think. A little work here, a restful drive, some chow, a little social, and then back in time to begin working on the food. Yes, that is how I am seeing things.
I just could not rest. Cooling down and chilling for a half hour was quite good though. Now to get back to it. At least nothing will be as hard as this morning was, as reasonable as even that turned out to be. Wow, life really is beginning to pop a bit. I think I am actually getting a bit excited about the prospect of getting my home in order and beginning to then get popping on the outside, yard, and maybe checking some other areas for repairs, updates, upgrades, or other types of care. (Keep saying that...)
Later.
Done.
.
.
Getting up and going was a bear. Going to bed early does not mean going to sleep any earlier, and I knew this but had to try. I was 5 or 10 minutes late, but that was the best I could muster. I will not go to Church late, period. But on some other things, there is that window. The work was not as bad as I had thought it was going to be if it was not a breeze. My wounded had performed well enough, if a couple of times it really got my attention and let me know there are still some real limits.
I tried to give the men some money for gas, offered breakfast or lunch, and came up flat. They just did it to help and that was that. At least I had a some soda they liked. What can you say to that? Thanks, thanks a lot.
As for today, I do not know what is going to happen. I would like to do a lot of things. I would like to see if the storage unit office is open and close the account, settling up if necessary. I would like to actually shower before going in, which if I go in I will do. I would like to get the bed set up, the extra furniture arranged, the table placed with the chairs around it. I would like to go to Church. I still cannot find my good shoes, which need polished if I find them! Huh? Is this not a Saturday? Bah, who needs weekends off. Just Sundays, or so they say.
The house, of course, is still a mess. I was midway through unpacking just the kitchen when I fumbled into the beehive of plumbing. Though, I do believe, that will be getting settled much more quickly with the rest of my goods here, a table to use in the kitchen (oddly, that is huge), and the plumbing tended. But too, it will not be overnight. I would guess it is going to take me two weeks to have things mostly sorted, cleaned if needed, furniture and bookcases up, and everything roughly placed. That gives me, roughly, a week to then begin cleaning a bit, grocery shopping, and any final things in preparation for a smoother visit with my Mom.
Yes, I am running at about 300 miles an hour, from the work. It feels good, if I know I will be paying a price before too long? Maybe as I am getting used to doing much more, that price is going down though. I could almost see where it might eventually simply go away for the most part. Even the 100 pound weights, if heavy, left me with no impression that I was overdoing. Things have certainly changed here, and without the need for any medicine. I really wonder if my blood pressure has fallen? Once I get on a more reasonable diet, more regularly, I think my diabetes will come into control as well. Actually, even with my occasional poor choices, my diabetes was a lot better the last time I saw it checked. And, I can get an idea about how things are when I urinate. Too much foam, not good. Sticky crystals on the toilet, I am way out. Though the lower but still too high diabetes will not always show.
I am pleased, and thankful. Good day.
.
Getting up and going was a bear. Going to bed early does not mean going to sleep any earlier, and I knew this but had to try. I was 5 or 10 minutes late, but that was the best I could muster. I will not go to Church late, period. But on some other things, there is that window. The work was not as bad as I had thought it was going to be if it was not a breeze. My wounded had performed well enough, if a couple of times it really got my attention and let me know there are still some real limits.
I tried to give the men some money for gas, offered breakfast or lunch, and came up flat. They just did it to help and that was that. At least I had a some soda they liked. What can you say to that? Thanks, thanks a lot.
As for today, I do not know what is going to happen. I would like to do a lot of things. I would like to see if the storage unit office is open and close the account, settling up if necessary. I would like to actually shower before going in, which if I go in I will do. I would like to get the bed set up, the extra furniture arranged, the table placed with the chairs around it. I would like to go to Church. I still cannot find my good shoes, which need polished if I find them! Huh? Is this not a Saturday? Bah, who needs weekends off. Just Sundays, or so they say.
The house, of course, is still a mess. I was midway through unpacking just the kitchen when I fumbled into the beehive of plumbing. Though, I do believe, that will be getting settled much more quickly with the rest of my goods here, a table to use in the kitchen (oddly, that is huge), and the plumbing tended. But too, it will not be overnight. I would guess it is going to take me two weeks to have things mostly sorted, cleaned if needed, furniture and bookcases up, and everything roughly placed. That gives me, roughly, a week to then begin cleaning a bit, grocery shopping, and any final things in preparation for a smoother visit with my Mom.
Yes, I am running at about 300 miles an hour, from the work. It feels good, if I know I will be paying a price before too long? Maybe as I am getting used to doing much more, that price is going down though. I could almost see where it might eventually simply go away for the most part. Even the 100 pound weights, if heavy, left me with no impression that I was overdoing. Things have certainly changed here, and without the need for any medicine. I really wonder if my blood pressure has fallen? Once I get on a more reasonable diet, more regularly, I think my diabetes will come into control as well. Actually, even with my occasional poor choices, my diabetes was a lot better the last time I saw it checked. And, I can get an idea about how things are when I urinate. Too much foam, not good. Sticky crystals on the toilet, I am way out. Though the lower but still too high diabetes will not always show.
I am pleased, and thankful. Good day.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I best be getting to bed.
.
.
A wake up which allows me to be somewhere at 9:00 is going to take everything I have, and then to do heavy work shortly after waking, will make it quite a day. But I am planning on confession and Church as well! Ugh... I have set my alarm for 6:00 in the hopes I can drag my lump out of the sheets, get a shower, throw something edible down my gullet, and make the half hour drive for the 9:00 meeting. But going to be at 3:00 will not work.
I have been doing very minor things, and few of them, today. Some things were done and a few things were set up. It seems I needed rest a great deal. There is only so much I can pull and push out of what I have, only so much blood, just so many dollars, and that is the way of it. I have enjoyed the day. The house stays cool enough compared to outside to really enjoy a day off. No driving was wonderful. I even took a nap in the afternoon and enjoyed it immensely. I have no guilt and will not delve into disappointment. I did what I could.
Wheat, garbanzo beans, and a mix of standard beans are either soaking or continuing on their path to being edible. It really is not much work, and I am terribly curious about both the wheat and the garbanzo beans (for real hummus). While in town tomorrow, I may even stop and get real fresh lemons for the juice and fresh whole cloves of garlic. I have bottled lemon juice and garlic powder, but I thought, if I am going to go through the kind of work it takes to actually soak, cook, and otherwise work garbanzo beans, why not go the whole way?
I put out some meats to thaw, and will buy some bread, good bread, while I am in town tomorrow. I am sure there is fresh kiln baked bread somewhere in town, being a college town and all. Though, with the economic collapse, I am not sure what we used to take for granted will remain true. Johnny's and Janey's parents are not quite so rich that they can be fat and stupid and spoil the brats anymore. Heck, the credit card companies can no longer just give the dolts cards like they used to. Still, fresh bread. Hmmm, something with a good crust, nice bite like a partial whole wheat mostly white bread, farmers bread, or sourdough! I would love to keep sourdough going, but... come on. I think that takes daily work? Even if not... I do not know...
Hey, kids, it is time for me to quit gabbing with my fingers and hit the hay. You all sleep well and, know you make my prayers from time to time. Good night.
.
A wake up which allows me to be somewhere at 9:00 is going to take everything I have, and then to do heavy work shortly after waking, will make it quite a day. But I am planning on confession and Church as well! Ugh... I have set my alarm for 6:00 in the hopes I can drag my lump out of the sheets, get a shower, throw something edible down my gullet, and make the half hour drive for the 9:00 meeting. But going to be at 3:00 will not work.
I have been doing very minor things, and few of them, today. Some things were done and a few things were set up. It seems I needed rest a great deal. There is only so much I can pull and push out of what I have, only so much blood, just so many dollars, and that is the way of it. I have enjoyed the day. The house stays cool enough compared to outside to really enjoy a day off. No driving was wonderful. I even took a nap in the afternoon and enjoyed it immensely. I have no guilt and will not delve into disappointment. I did what I could.
Wheat, garbanzo beans, and a mix of standard beans are either soaking or continuing on their path to being edible. It really is not much work, and I am terribly curious about both the wheat and the garbanzo beans (for real hummus). While in town tomorrow, I may even stop and get real fresh lemons for the juice and fresh whole cloves of garlic. I have bottled lemon juice and garlic powder, but I thought, if I am going to go through the kind of work it takes to actually soak, cook, and otherwise work garbanzo beans, why not go the whole way?
I put out some meats to thaw, and will buy some bread, good bread, while I am in town tomorrow. I am sure there is fresh kiln baked bread somewhere in town, being a college town and all. Though, with the economic collapse, I am not sure what we used to take for granted will remain true. Johnny's and Janey's parents are not quite so rich that they can be fat and stupid and spoil the brats anymore. Heck, the credit card companies can no longer just give the dolts cards like they used to. Still, fresh bread. Hmmm, something with a good crust, nice bite like a partial whole wheat mostly white bread, farmers bread, or sourdough! I would love to keep sourdough going, but... come on. I think that takes daily work? Even if not... I do not know...
Hey, kids, it is time for me to quit gabbing with my fingers and hit the hay. You all sleep well and, know you make my prayers from time to time. Good night.
Quality check on beauty?
.
.
Reading one of my daily blogs today, the notion of rating women on a scale of 1 to 10 was part of the discussion. Along with it was possibly more advanced theory regarding how those numbers vary with the intended outcome by the participants (male), of the equation. While all interesting, and possibly quite true, or not, I found myself thinking about the rating system to begin with. I did leave some ignored as usual comment about there really not being any real 10's, none that I have met, seen in pictures or movies, or have any connection with or have, ever.
Why no 10's? Simply, every beautiful woman I have seen and the ones I have encountered more closely, have flaws. Imagine if, Farrah Faucet is your thing, if she talked like Donald Duck or something. Every woman, no matter how beautiful, and to my knowledge and certainly acquaintance, has had at least (say) four things a bit... off. Weird boob sizing issues, moles where they really are not attractive, voice issues, or... something. The whole notion of 10 is an ideal that I have never seen fulfilled. Further, once the mystery is gone, the rating further declines. If you chase a 10, successfully, hope to wake up with at least a 7 or maybe an 8. And, this will change too, if you are into the long term deal. Usually it goes down from there. If you want to be a father however, pregnancy can bring back that 10 status, if in a very different way.
Oh, how dare I judge woman, compare one woman's beauty to the next? Do tease. Woman are the most horrendously judgmental beings on the planet when dealing with appearance discrimination. They can get past it too, but never letting go of their firmly held position. Changing only if some social situation calls into question her long held belief, like seeing a woman she knows to be... less, with a man she greatly admires or desires. This will either shake her confidence, lower the man's status, or both until her processes yoyo into a more or less subjective balance somewhere in there. Women are absolutely brutal in their assessments and judgment regarding beauty. They do not apply this to men, as we are not and not considered beautiful. We are powerful, perhaps, and can lend that power to a degree to their pet projects. Same with wealth and fame. And whether that be on an interpersonal, a local, regional, national, or an international level, that is how men seem to be judged. Women are so judgmental they will starve themselves, force themselves to regurgitate what they have eaten, take pills and other odd things, on to surgical procedures. But make no mistake, it is not for men. It is for their own hyper-self-image.
So, I have no problem assessing women based on a subjective objectifying basis. I also look at myself and try to see what they are seeing. I am stumped there though. Each woman seems to view things extremely differently, some loving what they see, others not so much. I do not have a good model by which to predict any woman's reaction. Though too, I know that their hormones, on top of anything else, and possible what pheromones I am giving off, have more to do with it than anything conscious or even subconscious. Not even what I bring to the table monetarily or anything else matters at the stage of the game I am in, so long as it is seen as 'decent'. The one physical attribute I have that is almost like catnip though, is my height. Well, catnip or as a vacuum cleaner to cat. Either it pulls them in, or sends them looking for cover. The majority, I would say vast majority, are attracted.
Anyway... Does the fact that women, on a scale of 1 to 10 can only reach 8 change anything? Not really. I think it simply adjusts for the emotional or psychological limitations of men and the reality of women and the truth of living in imperfect skin. What was always said about food... ah, hunger is the best spice, or some such. As with hunger, lust.
I still enjoy women, I just hold no false hope of finding the perfect woman. I am merely saying she does not exist. The woman, should I find her, will be accepted, warts and all as they say. Just as she will have to come to simply appreciate what I am when no one else is looking. And that is fine. I suppose, like the fairy tales of princes and princesses, I think we as a people have been focusing on the wrong things, filled with false hopes, and being lead down a path that cannot lead to success. I want to burst that balloon. I want to chastise the hype. I want to see men and women go back to doing what men and women do, and quite successfully, at least if left alone to it. Bah!
.
Reading one of my daily blogs today, the notion of rating women on a scale of 1 to 10 was part of the discussion. Along with it was possibly more advanced theory regarding how those numbers vary with the intended outcome by the participants (male), of the equation. While all interesting, and possibly quite true, or not, I found myself thinking about the rating system to begin with. I did leave some ignored as usual comment about there really not being any real 10's, none that I have met, seen in pictures or movies, or have any connection with or have, ever.
Why no 10's? Simply, every beautiful woman I have seen and the ones I have encountered more closely, have flaws. Imagine if, Farrah Faucet is your thing, if she talked like Donald Duck or something. Every woman, no matter how beautiful, and to my knowledge and certainly acquaintance, has had at least (say) four things a bit... off. Weird boob sizing issues, moles where they really are not attractive, voice issues, or... something. The whole notion of 10 is an ideal that I have never seen fulfilled. Further, once the mystery is gone, the rating further declines. If you chase a 10, successfully, hope to wake up with at least a 7 or maybe an 8. And, this will change too, if you are into the long term deal. Usually it goes down from there. If you want to be a father however, pregnancy can bring back that 10 status, if in a very different way.
Oh, how dare I judge woman, compare one woman's beauty to the next? Do tease. Woman are the most horrendously judgmental beings on the planet when dealing with appearance discrimination. They can get past it too, but never letting go of their firmly held position. Changing only if some social situation calls into question her long held belief, like seeing a woman she knows to be... less, with a man she greatly admires or desires. This will either shake her confidence, lower the man's status, or both until her processes yoyo into a more or less subjective balance somewhere in there. Women are absolutely brutal in their assessments and judgment regarding beauty. They do not apply this to men, as we are not and not considered beautiful. We are powerful, perhaps, and can lend that power to a degree to their pet projects. Same with wealth and fame. And whether that be on an interpersonal, a local, regional, national, or an international level, that is how men seem to be judged. Women are so judgmental they will starve themselves, force themselves to regurgitate what they have eaten, take pills and other odd things, on to surgical procedures. But make no mistake, it is not for men. It is for their own hyper-self-image.
So, I have no problem assessing women based on a subjective objectifying basis. I also look at myself and try to see what they are seeing. I am stumped there though. Each woman seems to view things extremely differently, some loving what they see, others not so much. I do not have a good model by which to predict any woman's reaction. Though too, I know that their hormones, on top of anything else, and possible what pheromones I am giving off, have more to do with it than anything conscious or even subconscious. Not even what I bring to the table monetarily or anything else matters at the stage of the game I am in, so long as it is seen as 'decent'. The one physical attribute I have that is almost like catnip though, is my height. Well, catnip or as a vacuum cleaner to cat. Either it pulls them in, or sends them looking for cover. The majority, I would say vast majority, are attracted.
Anyway... Does the fact that women, on a scale of 1 to 10 can only reach 8 change anything? Not really. I think it simply adjusts for the emotional or psychological limitations of men and the reality of women and the truth of living in imperfect skin. What was always said about food... ah, hunger is the best spice, or some such. As with hunger, lust.
I still enjoy women, I just hold no false hope of finding the perfect woman. I am merely saying she does not exist. The woman, should I find her, will be accepted, warts and all as they say. Just as she will have to come to simply appreciate what I am when no one else is looking. And that is fine. I suppose, like the fairy tales of princes and princesses, I think we as a people have been focusing on the wrong things, filled with false hopes, and being lead down a path that cannot lead to success. I want to burst that balloon. I want to chastise the hype. I want to see men and women go back to doing what men and women do, and quite successfully, at least if left alone to it. Bah!
Another tough day.
.
.
But it will not be an empty one, not completely. A headache is creeping in, the body does ache, and the will is somewhat sapped. My interest, physically, to be active is sapped. But need, my mental will to get things done, and the greater physical activity of late which finds me restive when idle, among possibly other things, no longer allows me to stay seated for too long. As I roam my new frontier, something always catches my eye. A task I have been considering, a chore which should be attended anyway, something out of place or a collection of items not yet sorted, all find my hands laying to work, if work of a more minor nature.
A few eggs were in the offing for breakfast. I have 3 more, so may boil extra this evening. As well, I need to soak beans, I did not get that task completed last night. The wheat has been drained, the wheat rinsed, and the jar containing them placed on a side. Further, I found a recipe for hummus, using dried beans, and they are now soaking for handling tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a tough day for it, as I will be completing the move from storage and going to Church. Still, I felt called to do that task. The cat box has been cleaned. The plants have been watered. And, while stepping out to water the plants, the condition of my yard struck me again, as did the pleasure of being outdoors. Picking up sticks might be done today. Sam will help, I am almost certain. Little bits and pieces like this are being tended and contemplated, if too, pushing too hard or far is not likely to happen.
It is both wonderful and terrifying to be on the edge of this chasm. I know, if I start down it with full force, that it is a never ending line of tasks until the day I die. There is no rest down there, only moments with which to catch a breath. My life, for the last two decades, has been just the opposite. Work being a thing I use to refresh my ability to breath easier with. Everything I think and do will change. I am not sure at this point if I can stop the change. I am not sure I want to stop it. But I do have a deep fear. Fundamentally, it has been this fear which has kept me back.
I have looked at this basic underlying problem. But, like a cubic foot of water in some sort of separated suspended place where it may still be felt, manipulated, and studied, the form and reality of it is perplexing. As a people, we have developed words and ideas to attempt to name it. We have created whole schools of thought to try and tame our fear of it. Those are just about as useful as the theory of dark matter is currently though and in truth. They fill a void we fear and do not know.
I suppose it has something to do with a lack of faith in all things of flesh. I know everything here changes, grows, dies. I know no truth can be had here, we are not capable of truth, not full complete truth. I think our minds would overload and our hearts would stop if we were to suddenly face truth. Actually, I think to a greater degree that is what death is to a degree. There are many aspects to this difficulty. Like water has physical characteristics, observable and objective properties, chemical properties, and yet is simply what it is. So too this... whatever it is.
Anyway, I am not sure I can avoid the properties of this problem interfering with the solution. It is the immovable object, in my life, being confronted by the unstoppable force. That is what is happening. One or the other will give way, and this causes no small fear. I may break. Some aspect of me has to break. Will this kill me? I am dying no matter what I do. But do I want to drown in a river, over my head in the waters of life, bashed against rocks of hard labor and an intractable world, running to my last breath in a race I cannot win? Or do I want to quietly, silently, painlessly, drift under the current without but a gurgle and maybe a start as I realize my time is done?
Yes, perhaps deep. Perhaps too deep. Perhaps childish machinations that matter not a whit in the end. But that is where today leads me, as I sense I can neither stop what has started, comprehend how I got here, decipher the future, or even understand what has been holding me back. I will say death is near. My death. I am not sure if it is here like a vulture, merely waiting for the inevitable no matter what I do. Or if it is here to see why I will not be visiting with it as soon as was slated. Is it pushing me in one direction or another. I simply know that death is near.
Whatever the case, I cannot stop now. If for no other reasons, I have things to do. Things I want to do, things I am obligated to do, things I need to do, things I simply am doing. I know like few other times in my life that my hands are not my own. I know to Whom I have placed control over them. I feel, and perhaps even see, the strings. And yet, not all of them nor the future. Perhaps the death I sense is for me, perhaps it is for some aspect of who I was, perhaps it is here to threaten me back to that easy life and death.
Too much. I have... things to do... A few aspirin might help the body. I might even take a short nap. But more will be done, the treadmill of life has been purchased, brought home, set up, and I am addicted now. There is no choice regardless of my fear. And this, too, I think, is good.
Perhaps a few pictures might help. Of how I feel and what I hope? Yes.
Later.
.
But it will not be an empty one, not completely. A headache is creeping in, the body does ache, and the will is somewhat sapped. My interest, physically, to be active is sapped. But need, my mental will to get things done, and the greater physical activity of late which finds me restive when idle, among possibly other things, no longer allows me to stay seated for too long. As I roam my new frontier, something always catches my eye. A task I have been considering, a chore which should be attended anyway, something out of place or a collection of items not yet sorted, all find my hands laying to work, if work of a more minor nature.
A few eggs were in the offing for breakfast. I have 3 more, so may boil extra this evening. As well, I need to soak beans, I did not get that task completed last night. The wheat has been drained, the wheat rinsed, and the jar containing them placed on a side. Further, I found a recipe for hummus, using dried beans, and they are now soaking for handling tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a tough day for it, as I will be completing the move from storage and going to Church. Still, I felt called to do that task. The cat box has been cleaned. The plants have been watered. And, while stepping out to water the plants, the condition of my yard struck me again, as did the pleasure of being outdoors. Picking up sticks might be done today. Sam will help, I am almost certain. Little bits and pieces like this are being tended and contemplated, if too, pushing too hard or far is not likely to happen.
It is both wonderful and terrifying to be on the edge of this chasm. I know, if I start down it with full force, that it is a never ending line of tasks until the day I die. There is no rest down there, only moments with which to catch a breath. My life, for the last two decades, has been just the opposite. Work being a thing I use to refresh my ability to breath easier with. Everything I think and do will change. I am not sure at this point if I can stop the change. I am not sure I want to stop it. But I do have a deep fear. Fundamentally, it has been this fear which has kept me back.
I have looked at this basic underlying problem. But, like a cubic foot of water in some sort of separated suspended place where it may still be felt, manipulated, and studied, the form and reality of it is perplexing. As a people, we have developed words and ideas to attempt to name it. We have created whole schools of thought to try and tame our fear of it. Those are just about as useful as the theory of dark matter is currently though and in truth. They fill a void we fear and do not know.
I suppose it has something to do with a lack of faith in all things of flesh. I know everything here changes, grows, dies. I know no truth can be had here, we are not capable of truth, not full complete truth. I think our minds would overload and our hearts would stop if we were to suddenly face truth. Actually, I think to a greater degree that is what death is to a degree. There are many aspects to this difficulty. Like water has physical characteristics, observable and objective properties, chemical properties, and yet is simply what it is. So too this... whatever it is.
Anyway, I am not sure I can avoid the properties of this problem interfering with the solution. It is the immovable object, in my life, being confronted by the unstoppable force. That is what is happening. One or the other will give way, and this causes no small fear. I may break. Some aspect of me has to break. Will this kill me? I am dying no matter what I do. But do I want to drown in a river, over my head in the waters of life, bashed against rocks of hard labor and an intractable world, running to my last breath in a race I cannot win? Or do I want to quietly, silently, painlessly, drift under the current without but a gurgle and maybe a start as I realize my time is done?
Yes, perhaps deep. Perhaps too deep. Perhaps childish machinations that matter not a whit in the end. But that is where today leads me, as I sense I can neither stop what has started, comprehend how I got here, decipher the future, or even understand what has been holding me back. I will say death is near. My death. I am not sure if it is here like a vulture, merely waiting for the inevitable no matter what I do. Or if it is here to see why I will not be visiting with it as soon as was slated. Is it pushing me in one direction or another. I simply know that death is near.
Whatever the case, I cannot stop now. If for no other reasons, I have things to do. Things I want to do, things I am obligated to do, things I need to do, things I simply am doing. I know like few other times in my life that my hands are not my own. I know to Whom I have placed control over them. I feel, and perhaps even see, the strings. And yet, not all of them nor the future. Perhaps the death I sense is for me, perhaps it is for some aspect of who I was, perhaps it is here to threaten me back to that easy life and death.
Too much. I have... things to do... A few aspirin might help the body. I might even take a short nap. But more will be done, the treadmill of life has been purchased, brought home, set up, and I am addicted now. There is no choice regardless of my fear. And this, too, I think, is good.
Perhaps a few pictures might help. Of how I feel and what I hope? Yes.
Later.
How much today, not much..
.
.
The day started late. Then again, I worked from 8:15 to midnight or a little later, to a degree then did not end up in bed until almost 3:00. Now, at some point, I would like the notion that I can do everything I did yesterday as a slightly unusual day and keep on hiking the next day. I might, or at least could, get to that point. Today though, my body and mind simply are not in that kind of shape. I am in better shape than I have ever been off medication, with only one medication ever offering this kind of function. If too, that medicine was hard to take just like the rest. I am nearing that "high" though, and doing it free-range.
As I work to expand my days, handle appointments, work on the house, fill other obligations and duties, climb out of bed earlier and regularly, eat better, and exercise, I can only see that getting better. My main threat is finding life normalizing and seeing me shrink to fit a less demanding life. This is going to be a true test. When appointments are no longer requiring me to go into town, when the paperwork is completed for all and asunder, when everything is moved in and settled, it will be my will, created need (if literal in some theoretical or health sense), and wants which will either drive my wagon, or not.
School was good for this, but I was not ready to attend school and may still not be fit. I need to be more regular in my schedule for a longer period of time. I need to be more fit, physically. And I will need to revisit old course topics and review the material well before I contemplate a return to academics. At this time, I have to prove to myself that I am not just ready but that I am able. Honestly that may never happen. I may simply be unfit for school and am not interested in chasing the rabbit down the hole only to have it disappear again.
I think Church might offer opportunities. One of the things I have been thinking about since living in Iowa is visiting those condemned to die in prison. Here the Pope and I have a slight disagreement. It is not directly over the issue, as I think we concur fully. However, where we disagree is in whether men can (and will be when they should be) kept in prison safely. Prison guards and other inmates are at risk with many of those who are or should be condemned to death. They cannot be warehoused safely at a reasonable cost to the 'state'. Anyway, that has nothing to do with me visiting them. Iowa did not have a death sentence but Utah does. So, that could be an avenue to work. Of course, going to Church and becoming a bit more involved would be a good step all by itself. As would occasional spiritual retreats with men's groups and to the monasteries. There are several here in Utah, when visiting Iowa I would like to visit the one I visited the fist time, and I could travel to many of the monasteries in the U.S. and even abroad perhaps.
Of course, my interest in the outdoors, in hunting, fishing, hiking, and camping could easily be more fully realized here, in neighboring states, and further afield should I meet and make friends with others who like to travel a bit. Horse riding and hunting using this means has been on my mind as well, if the costs are currently prohibitive. Some of this can be done quite inexpensively, considering I have been gathering a good deal of gear over the years. Any extra outfitting might merely be a 4-season tent if I want to extend that into the winter, a few minor tweaks to my gear list over time, and a few higher end pieces to facilitate safety, comfort, longevity in the field, or such.
Back to earth, I have much to do in and around the house for some time. Both simply making this home functional by setting it up, and then maintenance. I must admit, I will never quite be a homebody. Whether it is because I am a guy or because I am the type of guy I am, keeping a house neat and tidy is about as interesting and functional for me as managing a show poodle. I would rather sick Sam on the little bowed dog-mice. That would be much more fun. Bah!
Still, I will make all attempts to create some sort of functional household, maintain appearances on the outside and lawn, and do a few other things. Then again, there are real things I am planning that do not require 'Ladies' Home Journal' at all. A cistern with a rain water catch system to fill and filter the water. Considerations regarding alternative energy sources and developing a system of backup electricity, and deciding about then implementing tying that all into my current system. The repairs on the hen house. And other little needed or wanted improvements of a more mechanical, electrical, or logical nature. As well as the simple improvements possible in ones own home for optimization, comfort, or simply added function or form.
Livestock, of course, is a large responsibility, but one I am considering as well. These things would tie me down a bit. But, with a little ingenuity and in the process of making friends and become a local, this and some limited occasional travel could be managed. All of it is going into the bean grinder and being sorted. I would like to develop some means of extending my ability to be gone for a day or more. Whether through automating, or that combined with friends who can check the system, only time will tell.
For now, prepping the place, setting up the house sum total (and outfitting it a bit more), getting into better physical shape to include a little hand therapy to begin today, and taking care of external demands will see me on my way to that time where it will all come down to me getting off my butt and moving in the right direction... or not. Life and these demands, at this time, with my improved ability to function out here, is my virtual Ritalin... It is nearing an end though. The "docs" are pulling the script and all I have left is a 30 day to 3 month supply left, depending on how I use it. The choice is coming soon.
Well, that is how it is here and now. That is the forecast. I have no answers yet about anything else. I do not understand more or less. I could be wrong though I do not see where. For today though, I will rest. I might see to the lawnmower setup. I may start it. I might pick up sticks and such in the yard to prepare for mowing. I might even mow. Or, I might not. Hopefully though, whatever I do, I will not simply sit here.
Have a good day.
.
The day started late. Then again, I worked from 8:15 to midnight or a little later, to a degree then did not end up in bed until almost 3:00. Now, at some point, I would like the notion that I can do everything I did yesterday as a slightly unusual day and keep on hiking the next day. I might, or at least could, get to that point. Today though, my body and mind simply are not in that kind of shape. I am in better shape than I have ever been off medication, with only one medication ever offering this kind of function. If too, that medicine was hard to take just like the rest. I am nearing that "high" though, and doing it free-range.
As I work to expand my days, handle appointments, work on the house, fill other obligations and duties, climb out of bed earlier and regularly, eat better, and exercise, I can only see that getting better. My main threat is finding life normalizing and seeing me shrink to fit a less demanding life. This is going to be a true test. When appointments are no longer requiring me to go into town, when the paperwork is completed for all and asunder, when everything is moved in and settled, it will be my will, created need (if literal in some theoretical or health sense), and wants which will either drive my wagon, or not.
School was good for this, but I was not ready to attend school and may still not be fit. I need to be more regular in my schedule for a longer period of time. I need to be more fit, physically. And I will need to revisit old course topics and review the material well before I contemplate a return to academics. At this time, I have to prove to myself that I am not just ready but that I am able. Honestly that may never happen. I may simply be unfit for school and am not interested in chasing the rabbit down the hole only to have it disappear again.
I think Church might offer opportunities. One of the things I have been thinking about since living in Iowa is visiting those condemned to die in prison. Here the Pope and I have a slight disagreement. It is not directly over the issue, as I think we concur fully. However, where we disagree is in whether men can (and will be when they should be) kept in prison safely. Prison guards and other inmates are at risk with many of those who are or should be condemned to death. They cannot be warehoused safely at a reasonable cost to the 'state'. Anyway, that has nothing to do with me visiting them. Iowa did not have a death sentence but Utah does. So, that could be an avenue to work. Of course, going to Church and becoming a bit more involved would be a good step all by itself. As would occasional spiritual retreats with men's groups and to the monasteries. There are several here in Utah, when visiting Iowa I would like to visit the one I visited the fist time, and I could travel to many of the monasteries in the U.S. and even abroad perhaps.
Of course, my interest in the outdoors, in hunting, fishing, hiking, and camping could easily be more fully realized here, in neighboring states, and further afield should I meet and make friends with others who like to travel a bit. Horse riding and hunting using this means has been on my mind as well, if the costs are currently prohibitive. Some of this can be done quite inexpensively, considering I have been gathering a good deal of gear over the years. Any extra outfitting might merely be a 4-season tent if I want to extend that into the winter, a few minor tweaks to my gear list over time, and a few higher end pieces to facilitate safety, comfort, longevity in the field, or such.
Back to earth, I have much to do in and around the house for some time. Both simply making this home functional by setting it up, and then maintenance. I must admit, I will never quite be a homebody. Whether it is because I am a guy or because I am the type of guy I am, keeping a house neat and tidy is about as interesting and functional for me as managing a show poodle. I would rather sick Sam on the little bowed dog-mice. That would be much more fun. Bah!
Still, I will make all attempts to create some sort of functional household, maintain appearances on the outside and lawn, and do a few other things. Then again, there are real things I am planning that do not require 'Ladies' Home Journal' at all. A cistern with a rain water catch system to fill and filter the water. Considerations regarding alternative energy sources and developing a system of backup electricity, and deciding about then implementing tying that all into my current system. The repairs on the hen house. And other little needed or wanted improvements of a more mechanical, electrical, or logical nature. As well as the simple improvements possible in ones own home for optimization, comfort, or simply added function or form.
Livestock, of course, is a large responsibility, but one I am considering as well. These things would tie me down a bit. But, with a little ingenuity and in the process of making friends and become a local, this and some limited occasional travel could be managed. All of it is going into the bean grinder and being sorted. I would like to develop some means of extending my ability to be gone for a day or more. Whether through automating, or that combined with friends who can check the system, only time will tell.
For now, prepping the place, setting up the house sum total (and outfitting it a bit more), getting into better physical shape to include a little hand therapy to begin today, and taking care of external demands will see me on my way to that time where it will all come down to me getting off my butt and moving in the right direction... or not. Life and these demands, at this time, with my improved ability to function out here, is my virtual Ritalin... It is nearing an end though. The "docs" are pulling the script and all I have left is a 30 day to 3 month supply left, depending on how I use it. The choice is coming soon.
Well, that is how it is here and now. That is the forecast. I have no answers yet about anything else. I do not understand more or less. I could be wrong though I do not see where. For today though, I will rest. I might see to the lawnmower setup. I may start it. I might pick up sticks and such in the yard to prepare for mowing. I might even mow. Or, I might not. Hopefully though, whatever I do, I will not simply sit here.
Have a good day.
Even done does not mean done.
.
.
Baked, tired, sore, but... I drove in to town. My friend was not hungry, so I got myself some chow. The restaurant I had hoped to be open had just closed. I tried to call in a pick-up order. It was a no-go. So, I went to Tacobell, I think, and ordered 6 taco supremes and 2 burrito supremes. Yeah, yeah, Mom, soda too. And I ate most of it. I did say hungry and bear, I do believe. He is looking better. Think, 5 pints of blood, or units anyway, and an equal amount of saline solution, in two days.
I asked whether he had contacted his nose doctor, or whoever, about his nose. He thought he would wait until this was all finished, and I suggested he call anyway. Get an appointment set up where he can get some iron pumped in and see his other doc all in one fell swoop. Seeing a doctor who has the potential to stop the bleeding in the middle of getting enough blood and iron pumped into one to completely replenish a human should provide a little bit of gravitas toward the stated goal of him doing his magic and fixing the only known source of bleeding. Just a hat tip there.
Well, a lot of food, some chitter chatter, some tv, and then it was time to head home. On my way home, though... I thought, you know... no hiking, but I do have the lawn mower right now. How about, since I am sort of taking Friday off, if I picked up a gas can and filled it. Then I thought, well, my snowblower takes regular gas, but I am not sure about the lawnmower. Why not get two cans. Then I thought, well, if it does not take straight gas, then I will need oil. I will need oil, to some degree, no matter what. So, to Wal-Mart I go. A 2 gallon tank for the snowblower, a 1 gallon tank in case the lawnmower needs a mix, and a can of oil. On the way home, I filled the 1 gallon tank and my gas tank. I figure if it needs oil mixed in, I can simply pour some of that gas into the two gallon tank.
I just cannot seem to quit tonight. But gee are my bones, muscles, brain, back, neck, and other unidentifiable parts tired, sore, and overheated. I might not get to mowing tomorrow. Might not even pick up sticks and check for hidden items I should not run over. But... I can if I want to. Yes indeed.
Now, good night. Ugh... Wherever you are.
.
Baked, tired, sore, but... I drove in to town. My friend was not hungry, so I got myself some chow. The restaurant I had hoped to be open had just closed. I tried to call in a pick-up order. It was a no-go. So, I went to Tacobell, I think, and ordered 6 taco supremes and 2 burrito supremes. Yeah, yeah, Mom, soda too. And I ate most of it. I did say hungry and bear, I do believe. He is looking better. Think, 5 pints of blood, or units anyway, and an equal amount of saline solution, in two days.
I asked whether he had contacted his nose doctor, or whoever, about his nose. He thought he would wait until this was all finished, and I suggested he call anyway. Get an appointment set up where he can get some iron pumped in and see his other doc all in one fell swoop. Seeing a doctor who has the potential to stop the bleeding in the middle of getting enough blood and iron pumped into one to completely replenish a human should provide a little bit of gravitas toward the stated goal of him doing his magic and fixing the only known source of bleeding. Just a hat tip there.
Well, a lot of food, some chitter chatter, some tv, and then it was time to head home. On my way home, though... I thought, you know... no hiking, but I do have the lawn mower right now. How about, since I am sort of taking Friday off, if I picked up a gas can and filled it. Then I thought, well, my snowblower takes regular gas, but I am not sure about the lawnmower. Why not get two cans. Then I thought, well, if it does not take straight gas, then I will need oil. I will need oil, to some degree, no matter what. So, to Wal-Mart I go. A 2 gallon tank for the snowblower, a 1 gallon tank in case the lawnmower needs a mix, and a can of oil. On the way home, I filled the 1 gallon tank and my gas tank. I figure if it needs oil mixed in, I can simply pour some of that gas into the two gallon tank.
I just cannot seem to quit tonight. But gee are my bones, muscles, brain, back, neck, and other unidentifiable parts tired, sore, and overheated. I might not get to mowing tomorrow. Might not even pick up sticks and check for hidden items I should not run over. But... I can if I want to. Yes indeed.
Now, good night. Ugh... Wherever you are.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Work done equals...
.
.
Damn tired is what it equals. I thought I was finished when I got home. I was sore. I was hot. I was tired. The chair was comfy. No, I mean, really comfortable. I even tricked Sam into going outside for a bit. I got something cool to drink and started thumbing through blogs and the news. Nothing new, same old worse than ever news, if it is worse than ever, since the quota king took the throne. He might make a fine janitor, a good used car salesman, or a pimp more like it, but he is lousy in someone else's current position. Anyway, enough of the cheer.
What was on my list, I thought. Ouch, the flood of what is left to do is amazing. Okay, alter query. What is left to do at home that I can do. Well, better, but it sure looks like a lot of stuff and I really am all those things above, plus I only have so much time. I spent a good half hour figuring out why I cannot do anything on that list. It almost worked too. Then, something kicked in.
I thought about the list I had made earlier, in the last post. And, I think, I thought of more things. Then I got busy. A load of laundry is now in the dryer, though I did not start a second load as there simply was not enough clothes. The printer was set up. The printer works but the software for the rest of the functions is not set up and there are no instructions, so I will try to get that going. I did print 3 copies of the wheat breakfast pages, so the printer is fine. I then set up the gear for the wheat breakfast, cutting two mesh hats for the quart jars. I then measured 3/4 of a cup of wheat, put that in one of the jars, and then filled it with water and put the lid over the screen on tightly. It has started. I noticed a couple of things with that. First, this offers breakfasts not continuously unless you use 3 jars, and secondly, the type of wheat to use was not included, unless I missed something on either score? Now, a worker at the coop suggested red hard wheat for this, so I went with that. And, not having this every day, I suppose, is fine too? Is it too much too regularly? Still, I might add a third jar in the line-up either two days from now, or some time in the future. I am thinking on it.
These chores, by the way, are not being listed in the order they were done, even if I happen to write, "Next, I...", simply put I may not have done so. *hiss* (he lies!) Anyway...
I called my mother and received information from her, email addresses to send the itinerary. I sent one to her and to her beau. He can print them, she cannot. I also called and asked if the gentleman could assist me in completing the move. And, certainly was the reply. I left the day in his hands, though suggested a time. To me, 10:00 sounded better. To him, 9:00 was the time. Beggars cannot be choosers. So, Saturday will be my final moving day!
Now, somewhere in there I had found the name of my hike, looked up the particulars, found my map book, and located the trailhead. Tomorrow, however, is completely out of the question. I would, for certain, after reading the details, be dragging bottom Saturday. Still, I am getting closer to a hike. Perhaps I will roughly plan it for next Saturday... no, Sunday. I really need to get to Church, mornings are still iffy, that leaves Saturday. And a 4 to 5 hour, potentially, bush walk up and down mountains would leave me in no condition for Church, probably either later Saturday or early Sunday. As well, I might be able, now, as things settle a bit more, to begin walking to the "lake" (dam), and swimming a bit, then walking back. This will either kill me and let me know I am definitely not ready to sprint slopes, or it will confirm. Roughly, a hike next Saturday. Possibly not for a couple more weeks. We will see.
I did a few other things as well. Ah, and I emailed my hosts back after missing the Sunday meal, and explained my mixing up of days and apologized. There are some other things that were neatly or horribly scrunched in there as well. But it should be enough to know that in spite of my complaints, I got busy.
Well, there was more day and life left to me than what I had thought. Now, however, I am hungry as a bear. I might call my friend and see if I drove in, if he is still hungry. If not, I might have to stop somewhere... the Smokin' Blues, for brisket methinks! Oh no... if they are still open and serving. I NEED FOOD! Anyway, I do think that will be it for the night. When I return, I will crash.
Good night, David... Well, fine, all three of you. Bah!
.
Damn tired is what it equals. I thought I was finished when I got home. I was sore. I was hot. I was tired. The chair was comfy. No, I mean, really comfortable. I even tricked Sam into going outside for a bit. I got something cool to drink and started thumbing through blogs and the news. Nothing new, same old worse than ever news, if it is worse than ever, since the quota king took the throne. He might make a fine janitor, a good used car salesman, or a pimp more like it, but he is lousy in someone else's current position. Anyway, enough of the cheer.
What was on my list, I thought. Ouch, the flood of what is left to do is amazing. Okay, alter query. What is left to do at home that I can do. Well, better, but it sure looks like a lot of stuff and I really am all those things above, plus I only have so much time. I spent a good half hour figuring out why I cannot do anything on that list. It almost worked too. Then, something kicked in.
I thought about the list I had made earlier, in the last post. And, I think, I thought of more things. Then I got busy. A load of laundry is now in the dryer, though I did not start a second load as there simply was not enough clothes. The printer was set up. The printer works but the software for the rest of the functions is not set up and there are no instructions, so I will try to get that going. I did print 3 copies of the wheat breakfast pages, so the printer is fine. I then set up the gear for the wheat breakfast, cutting two mesh hats for the quart jars. I then measured 3/4 of a cup of wheat, put that in one of the jars, and then filled it with water and put the lid over the screen on tightly. It has started. I noticed a couple of things with that. First, this offers breakfasts not continuously unless you use 3 jars, and secondly, the type of wheat to use was not included, unless I missed something on either score? Now, a worker at the coop suggested red hard wheat for this, so I went with that. And, not having this every day, I suppose, is fine too? Is it too much too regularly? Still, I might add a third jar in the line-up either two days from now, or some time in the future. I am thinking on it.
These chores, by the way, are not being listed in the order they were done, even if I happen to write, "Next, I...", simply put I may not have done so. *hiss* (he lies!) Anyway...
I called my mother and received information from her, email addresses to send the itinerary. I sent one to her and to her beau. He can print them, she cannot. I also called and asked if the gentleman could assist me in completing the move. And, certainly was the reply. I left the day in his hands, though suggested a time. To me, 10:00 sounded better. To him, 9:00 was the time. Beggars cannot be choosers. So, Saturday will be my final moving day!
Now, somewhere in there I had found the name of my hike, looked up the particulars, found my map book, and located the trailhead. Tomorrow, however, is completely out of the question. I would, for certain, after reading the details, be dragging bottom Saturday. Still, I am getting closer to a hike. Perhaps I will roughly plan it for next Saturday... no, Sunday. I really need to get to Church, mornings are still iffy, that leaves Saturday. And a 4 to 5 hour, potentially, bush walk up and down mountains would leave me in no condition for Church, probably either later Saturday or early Sunday. As well, I might be able, now, as things settle a bit more, to begin walking to the "lake" (dam), and swimming a bit, then walking back. This will either kill me and let me know I am definitely not ready to sprint slopes, or it will confirm. Roughly, a hike next Saturday. Possibly not for a couple more weeks. We will see.
I did a few other things as well. Ah, and I emailed my hosts back after missing the Sunday meal, and explained my mixing up of days and apologized. There are some other things that were neatly or horribly scrunched in there as well. But it should be enough to know that in spite of my complaints, I got busy.
Well, there was more day and life left to me than what I had thought. Now, however, I am hungry as a bear. I might call my friend and see if I drove in, if he is still hungry. If not, I might have to stop somewhere... the Smokin' Blues, for brisket methinks! Oh no... if they are still open and serving. I NEED FOOD! Anyway, I do think that will be it for the night. When I return, I will crash.
Good night, David... Well, fine, all three of you. Bah!
There is only so much I can do.
.
.
Today was another busy day. Getting up at 8:15, after sort of being slow off the starting line in even hearing the alarm, and then trying to ignore it a bit, while debating another hour in bed or not. I did not get ready to go, though, until about 11:45, so I also did not make it to city hall. I called my friend to check on him, but no one answered. I called all day and did not reach him. He called after I had returned home. They added two pints of blood last night, but let him go home (my phone was in the Xterra, so I did not get the call last night). Then, today, they had him back in to add 3 more pints of blood. Further, next week, they will be adding iron through injections all week long. They can only add one unit of that (whatever a unit is, though not the same volume as blood) a day. He really wanted me to come back in to town to take him out to eat, but I was not doing that.
I went into Lowe's and Sears to look over some items. The Lowe's employee did not know about this, or that, or, really... anything. He did not lead me to anyone. He would not even go over the purchases, and track them, or check deals. I added the goods and installation costs and came to roughly $2,000 before taxes. Financing I asked? Up at the front desk. I stopped there. One woman was talking to her boyfriend, two were working on one checkout, one seemed legitimately talking on the phone for business, and one was doing something in and out of the office... After waiting a bit, I looked around, found a brochure on their card, and left. I suppose, if you know what you need, Lowe's might be fine. If not, you may still need to go but do not expect much help.
So, I drove to Sears, expecting about the same. A new guy, of course, was the guy helping me. What he did not know, he found out or had someone else find out, what he did know was good enough. We looked through a box or two to find more information. He grabbed an actual pad on which to write numbers, prices, and such. When we were through looking at the items, he checked for deals (or his boss did, he is just learning). The only thing they did not have priced on tap was installation. They have a guy who does that. After we ran the numbers and came to a bottom line, they called his number and guess what, he answered and had his price right there. $1,650, with installation, tax, and help. Uhrm, what about financing? Currently, if you qualify, I am told, 12 months no interest. Can I apply here and now? Yes, so we begin. It takes a bit longer as I put in a fraud claim a year or so ago and that seems to be making credit applications much more time consuming and difficult. Fine by me, actually. I had to answer about 5 multiple choice questions about where I have lived. I had to really think about some of them. For example, I could not remember the number to the U of I housing, but I knew the street was right, so just went with that one. All said and done, plenty of credit was available. Too much, but, that is how it goes. I almost considered a riding lawnmower, but my lawn simply is not that big! Perhaps for a tiller, if I end up doing my own acreage, maybe... Though I will be looking for a better solution to be honest. But no. I stuck with my plan.
What is the difference? One company just made a tidy little deal, the other simply could not compete. I have a line of credit with a company, so even if I pay cash for things, I may still go with them. But if I cannot pay cash, I have an emergency repair and installation allowance. This will work from tools to whatever as well. Lowe's just blew a new homeowner off. Maybe they do not need my business? They really, as I said, might be more for contractors. Do they realize that contractors are, well, hurting? Do they realize homeowners will own their homes for many years if not the rest of their lives? No skin off my nose, just saying.
After that, I went to my appointment. It is hitting well into the 90's F now. I spoke with my doc again, about the food area. I had looked for it earlier in the day but had no luck. It seems I was on the wrong side of main. He may have told me right or wrong and I might have messed it up with a preconceived and incorrect 'visual image' of where I thought the place was. So, he offered me better instructions, corrected instructions, or whatever. I did drive by and found the place today, but I was simply bushed. To home, I will compare prices and shop if needed at my leisure now that I know. Oh, but I made one last stop, to a place I know and knew what I was getting. At Wal-Mart, I picked up an all-in-one printer. They only had one which also had a fax. I may set that up tonight, or wait. I am bone weary.
I also asked about the cost of training. He could not be specific, as it is not his program, but he thought $50 an hour tops, with some scalability for usage and maybe other things. I am definitely considering this, though honestly not for the long run. I merely want to break through the rust with a trainer, if it is possible, then get on the road to more function, and then go on my own. I am thinking more along the lines of doing this in the cooler weather, when my life might slow down a bit anyway.
I am about to call the man who suggested he would help me move the rest of my stuff. He may have forgotten all about it, I will find out shortly. Finishing that will allow me to close out of that contract and begin setting my house up more fully as well. I know I can carry more than before by a lot, but I am still a bit gimped if mostly at this point from having a really weak hand and some limits to mobility added with muscles problems with that finger still. I can only try, I suppose, and do what I can. At least we do not have to carry the weights up stairs, or even very far. I am thinking they will go in the garage for now.
Very tired. Long hot day. Some things accomplished, some things yet to do, and more planning as some things fall off the list. Now that I have a mower, I will need to get a gas can, fill it, and do that. Monday? Tuesday? Yes, probably. I need the weekend. Tomorrow I may visit my friend, watch a movie, and then hopefully go out for a hike. I will be looking at some maps and the book to try and locate the trail head before I go to sleep. I may also see if I can set up the wheat device tonight, and soak some beans beside that for supper tomorrow (and for a while to come). And that phone call. Oh, I might even toss in a load of laundry, and if I track that well, dry it and put my last load of laundry into the wash while the first load dries. Which reminds me, I need to figure out how to get 4 lines up outside for air drying. Ugh, no, really.
Later, or good night, or... something.
.
Today was another busy day. Getting up at 8:15, after sort of being slow off the starting line in even hearing the alarm, and then trying to ignore it a bit, while debating another hour in bed or not. I did not get ready to go, though, until about 11:45, so I also did not make it to city hall. I called my friend to check on him, but no one answered. I called all day and did not reach him. He called after I had returned home. They added two pints of blood last night, but let him go home (my phone was in the Xterra, so I did not get the call last night). Then, today, they had him back in to add 3 more pints of blood. Further, next week, they will be adding iron through injections all week long. They can only add one unit of that (whatever a unit is, though not the same volume as blood) a day. He really wanted me to come back in to town to take him out to eat, but I was not doing that.
I went into Lowe's and Sears to look over some items. The Lowe's employee did not know about this, or that, or, really... anything. He did not lead me to anyone. He would not even go over the purchases, and track them, or check deals. I added the goods and installation costs and came to roughly $2,000 before taxes. Financing I asked? Up at the front desk. I stopped there. One woman was talking to her boyfriend, two were working on one checkout, one seemed legitimately talking on the phone for business, and one was doing something in and out of the office... After waiting a bit, I looked around, found a brochure on their card, and left. I suppose, if you know what you need, Lowe's might be fine. If not, you may still need to go but do not expect much help.
So, I drove to Sears, expecting about the same. A new guy, of course, was the guy helping me. What he did not know, he found out or had someone else find out, what he did know was good enough. We looked through a box or two to find more information. He grabbed an actual pad on which to write numbers, prices, and such. When we were through looking at the items, he checked for deals (or his boss did, he is just learning). The only thing they did not have priced on tap was installation. They have a guy who does that. After we ran the numbers and came to a bottom line, they called his number and guess what, he answered and had his price right there. $1,650, with installation, tax, and help. Uhrm, what about financing? Currently, if you qualify, I am told, 12 months no interest. Can I apply here and now? Yes, so we begin. It takes a bit longer as I put in a fraud claim a year or so ago and that seems to be making credit applications much more time consuming and difficult. Fine by me, actually. I had to answer about 5 multiple choice questions about where I have lived. I had to really think about some of them. For example, I could not remember the number to the U of I housing, but I knew the street was right, so just went with that one. All said and done, plenty of credit was available. Too much, but, that is how it goes. I almost considered a riding lawnmower, but my lawn simply is not that big! Perhaps for a tiller, if I end up doing my own acreage, maybe... Though I will be looking for a better solution to be honest. But no. I stuck with my plan.
What is the difference? One company just made a tidy little deal, the other simply could not compete. I have a line of credit with a company, so even if I pay cash for things, I may still go with them. But if I cannot pay cash, I have an emergency repair and installation allowance. This will work from tools to whatever as well. Lowe's just blew a new homeowner off. Maybe they do not need my business? They really, as I said, might be more for contractors. Do they realize that contractors are, well, hurting? Do they realize homeowners will own their homes for many years if not the rest of their lives? No skin off my nose, just saying.
After that, I went to my appointment. It is hitting well into the 90's F now. I spoke with my doc again, about the food area. I had looked for it earlier in the day but had no luck. It seems I was on the wrong side of main. He may have told me right or wrong and I might have messed it up with a preconceived and incorrect 'visual image' of where I thought the place was. So, he offered me better instructions, corrected instructions, or whatever. I did drive by and found the place today, but I was simply bushed. To home, I will compare prices and shop if needed at my leisure now that I know. Oh, but I made one last stop, to a place I know and knew what I was getting. At Wal-Mart, I picked up an all-in-one printer. They only had one which also had a fax. I may set that up tonight, or wait. I am bone weary.
I also asked about the cost of training. He could not be specific, as it is not his program, but he thought $50 an hour tops, with some scalability for usage and maybe other things. I am definitely considering this, though honestly not for the long run. I merely want to break through the rust with a trainer, if it is possible, then get on the road to more function, and then go on my own. I am thinking more along the lines of doing this in the cooler weather, when my life might slow down a bit anyway.
I am about to call the man who suggested he would help me move the rest of my stuff. He may have forgotten all about it, I will find out shortly. Finishing that will allow me to close out of that contract and begin setting my house up more fully as well. I know I can carry more than before by a lot, but I am still a bit gimped if mostly at this point from having a really weak hand and some limits to mobility added with muscles problems with that finger still. I can only try, I suppose, and do what I can. At least we do not have to carry the weights up stairs, or even very far. I am thinking they will go in the garage for now.
Very tired. Long hot day. Some things accomplished, some things yet to do, and more planning as some things fall off the list. Now that I have a mower, I will need to get a gas can, fill it, and do that. Monday? Tuesday? Yes, probably. I need the weekend. Tomorrow I may visit my friend, watch a movie, and then hopefully go out for a hike. I will be looking at some maps and the book to try and locate the trail head before I go to sleep. I may also see if I can set up the wheat device tonight, and soak some beans beside that for supper tomorrow (and for a while to come). And that phone call. Oh, I might even toss in a load of laundry, and if I track that well, dry it and put my last load of laundry into the wash while the first load dries. Which reminds me, I need to figure out how to get 4 lines up outside for air drying. Ugh, no, really.
Later, or good night, or... something.
How much can I get done?
.
.
I can get a lot done. Or I could get very little done. Some aspect of the choice is very much mine, some aspect is not. If I begin to roll 'downhill', I get chances every once in a while to turn around and actually try to go uphill and get some work done. Little chances every half hour, hour, or several hours, like turnoffs on the time highway. While actually doing work, I do sometimes need to cool off. Any of those times, or if I simply don't want do to that next task, can see me ending up on my butt at home. Though, if I have had a string of successes, I actually, even after an extended break, tend to get back in the saddle more easily than cracking open that first couple of rounds of successful work can of worms. Still, and without any hesitations at all, I am far surpassing what I was ever able to do in Iowa except when on Ritalin.
To clear my head, I am writing out what I want to do soon and hopefully what of it I can today. After a shower and a shave, a trip to city hall is the first plan. I am trying to get an hour to wake up and get going after I write this. After that, a trip to both Lowe's and Sears. A visit to first definitely locate the outlet (I think I have a good idea where it is, but...) and then price shop some items and pick the brains of the people who work there. A call to my friend to see how he is doing. If he stayed overnight at the hospital, I am not sure when they will release him, if he is to be released today. A printer will be purchased and some ink cartridges returned.
I had a couple of boiled eggs for breakfast. I would like to find a place to have a rather small good lunch. Something a bit more fitting with my eating plans. The soup place might be a good way to go. Soup is one of those foods I have not explored well, and yet I know it has great potential in offering both great flavor and solid food stuffs. Soups never seem to fill me up though. There is something else about soups that... I do not know exactly. I do not trust? I am never sure I will like any single one? I do not know. Anyway, I will explore that today.
There may be other things on my list, depending on if I find a printer I like and am able to get it going. A couple of pages faxed out with it might be good. Some copying completed, both for my purchase rebate and for my survivalist file. And tonight is about time for me to contact the man who offered to help me finish moving. If he is still willing, I will of course be absolutely flexible about when to help, so cannot guess when the move would be finalized. I am also not exactly sure when to take my first hike. I know which hike I would like to take. Friday would be a good day, though after this week, a day off is good too. A day I do not have to drive anywhere is appreciated when it arrives. Saturday, earlier in the day, to prepare me for Church would be good if it does not wear me out too much. I think the hike might be doable after Church as well, though I worry about being half way through and having the sun setting. Until I know more, I will be a bit on the cautious side I think. The brain is just waking, so... nothing is sure yet on the more... unknown and heretofore unknowable aspects of planning.
I suppose, time to start waking. I best set a timer or... I might just sit. I might just sit anyway, but... Oh, I woke a bit after 8:00 this morning. I did have to use the alarm. I almost reset it for 9:00, but pulled free from that notion. I am still tired and food does not help. Though I think if I begin eating more lightly and regularly, food will no longer become a drag... I think.
You have a good day! Get over that hump if you want. Drag your lump over it and get what you want accomplished. If the mostly dead, very retired, lump of flesh in which I reside can be whipped into action, I am pretty sure anyone can do it. Again, good day!
.
I can get a lot done. Or I could get very little done. Some aspect of the choice is very much mine, some aspect is not. If I begin to roll 'downhill', I get chances every once in a while to turn around and actually try to go uphill and get some work done. Little chances every half hour, hour, or several hours, like turnoffs on the time highway. While actually doing work, I do sometimes need to cool off. Any of those times, or if I simply don't want do to that next task, can see me ending up on my butt at home. Though, if I have had a string of successes, I actually, even after an extended break, tend to get back in the saddle more easily than cracking open that first couple of rounds of successful work can of worms. Still, and without any hesitations at all, I am far surpassing what I was ever able to do in Iowa except when on Ritalin.
To clear my head, I am writing out what I want to do soon and hopefully what of it I can today. After a shower and a shave, a trip to city hall is the first plan. I am trying to get an hour to wake up and get going after I write this. After that, a trip to both Lowe's and Sears. A visit to first definitely locate the outlet (I think I have a good idea where it is, but...) and then price shop some items and pick the brains of the people who work there. A call to my friend to see how he is doing. If he stayed overnight at the hospital, I am not sure when they will release him, if he is to be released today. A printer will be purchased and some ink cartridges returned.
I had a couple of boiled eggs for breakfast. I would like to find a place to have a rather small good lunch. Something a bit more fitting with my eating plans. The soup place might be a good way to go. Soup is one of those foods I have not explored well, and yet I know it has great potential in offering both great flavor and solid food stuffs. Soups never seem to fill me up though. There is something else about soups that... I do not know exactly. I do not trust? I am never sure I will like any single one? I do not know. Anyway, I will explore that today.
There may be other things on my list, depending on if I find a printer I like and am able to get it going. A couple of pages faxed out with it might be good. Some copying completed, both for my purchase rebate and for my survivalist file. And tonight is about time for me to contact the man who offered to help me finish moving. If he is still willing, I will of course be absolutely flexible about when to help, so cannot guess when the move would be finalized. I am also not exactly sure when to take my first hike. I know which hike I would like to take. Friday would be a good day, though after this week, a day off is good too. A day I do not have to drive anywhere is appreciated when it arrives. Saturday, earlier in the day, to prepare me for Church would be good if it does not wear me out too much. I think the hike might be doable after Church as well, though I worry about being half way through and having the sun setting. Until I know more, I will be a bit on the cautious side I think. The brain is just waking, so... nothing is sure yet on the more... unknown and heretofore unknowable aspects of planning.
I suppose, time to start waking. I best set a timer or... I might just sit. I might just sit anyway, but... Oh, I woke a bit after 8:00 this morning. I did have to use the alarm. I almost reset it for 9:00, but pulled free from that notion. I am still tired and food does not help. Though I think if I begin eating more lightly and regularly, food will no longer become a drag... I think.
You have a good day! Get over that hump if you want. Drag your lump over it and get what you want accomplished. If the mostly dead, very retired, lump of flesh in which I reside can be whipped into action, I am pretty sure anyone can do it. Again, good day!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Not a great day.
.
.
After getting up at 7:30 or thereabouts, I was off to a slow start. I wanted to get to city hall, but that did not happen. My next cue was to visit my friend. He called about as I was getting ready to leave and said he would be going to the hospital. He felt terrible and suspected he needed blood (which has always been the case, he knows when he needs). So, visiting was out and a soft spot to simply chill was out. I asked him to let me know what was happening, whether they were keeping him. He has not called yet. He may have been held overnight.
After that, my will or way became confused and I did nothing. My appointment was late in the afternoon, as there was a presentation being offered. The guy who trains my doc was there, and the discussion, shared by he and the doc, was regarding whole health. From my studies and past knowledge, it was excellent. I did learn some things, it is good to have someone to ask minor tweak questions about the topics, people who know pat what the answer is. And, where I trust the answers. All good. I simply returned home after that. Of course, after discussing weight loss, diet, exercise, and such, I went through McDonald's drive-through for a heart stopper dinner. Still, I do not have anything ready and able for cooking this night (which I will remedy).
Tomorrow I am hoping to rise early again. Coffee was not enough to see me mobile, nor was breakfast. I wonder if a shower first thing might work? Skipping lunch was not wise either, I know this. I really need to start keeping the right kind of foods around in order to eat much more frequently, in smaller doses, of the right stuff. I am working on that, slowly. Part of the reason I am excited about the wheat cereal and legume/bean rice lunch is the possibility of splitting that out, knowing the ease of spreading that to smaller more frequent meals.
After rising, whenever, I am still hoping to visit city hall. Then I would like to find the outlet my doc spoke of, for a final assessment of costs and product availability, regarding storage foods. It might well be that, locally, through the Mormon Churches kind outreach, it may be much more affordable (thus sustainable and scalable), to store foods here in Utah. As well, I would like to visit Sears and Lowe's and do an assessment test on deals, bargains, and apples to apples price testing on the soft water kit, reverse osmosis kit (both installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I know what I want and need (for the most part), but I do not know what kind of deals can be generated by multiple larger item buys.
As well, I will be able to check on my friend again tomorrow. I am not worried, I do think the hospital here is good. But not knowing is a frustration. I am glad he called and we had that little talk Monday. Perhaps it was not my place, but if not mine, whose place was it? He really should not just die. I suppose if no one cared, he might even begin to not care though. Useful? Who, actually, is useful? Most suits in D.C. are less than useful, collecting for themselves and spending beyond that, other people's money, often for a very negative impact on the economy. How many people could most companies simply fire without any impact on their production, no impact at all? (A: Lots) No, that does not work. Anyway... I will check on him too. Heck, I am more useless than him, "earning more" and doing no more.
Oh, I had more flirtations today than I have had in a while. I remember why I was an empty suit, and... The notion is tempting. Appearances are so important. Let it go when you can, want to, need to, or whatnot... but never do so out there. The fish, indeed, are hungry and biting. That is all for that. Well, one other thing... I had a, I would guess, 25 to 30 year old woman blush like a bonfire while I was simply chit-chatting at a check out counter. Huh? I must have forgotten some things I used to know.
Well, a bit of blog reviewing, a check on news from more trusted or local sources, then I think it will be bedtime. I did nap, but... it feels like bedtime...
Good night, Harrison... Hope you enjoy the Corvette.
.
After getting up at 7:30 or thereabouts, I was off to a slow start. I wanted to get to city hall, but that did not happen. My next cue was to visit my friend. He called about as I was getting ready to leave and said he would be going to the hospital. He felt terrible and suspected he needed blood (which has always been the case, he knows when he needs). So, visiting was out and a soft spot to simply chill was out. I asked him to let me know what was happening, whether they were keeping him. He has not called yet. He may have been held overnight.
After that, my will or way became confused and I did nothing. My appointment was late in the afternoon, as there was a presentation being offered. The guy who trains my doc was there, and the discussion, shared by he and the doc, was regarding whole health. From my studies and past knowledge, it was excellent. I did learn some things, it is good to have someone to ask minor tweak questions about the topics, people who know pat what the answer is. And, where I trust the answers. All good. I simply returned home after that. Of course, after discussing weight loss, diet, exercise, and such, I went through McDonald's drive-through for a heart stopper dinner. Still, I do not have anything ready and able for cooking this night (which I will remedy).
Tomorrow I am hoping to rise early again. Coffee was not enough to see me mobile, nor was breakfast. I wonder if a shower first thing might work? Skipping lunch was not wise either, I know this. I really need to start keeping the right kind of foods around in order to eat much more frequently, in smaller doses, of the right stuff. I am working on that, slowly. Part of the reason I am excited about the wheat cereal and legume/bean rice lunch is the possibility of splitting that out, knowing the ease of spreading that to smaller more frequent meals.
After rising, whenever, I am still hoping to visit city hall. Then I would like to find the outlet my doc spoke of, for a final assessment of costs and product availability, regarding storage foods. It might well be that, locally, through the Mormon Churches kind outreach, it may be much more affordable (thus sustainable and scalable), to store foods here in Utah. As well, I would like to visit Sears and Lowe's and do an assessment test on deals, bargains, and apples to apples price testing on the soft water kit, reverse osmosis kit (both installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I know what I want and need (for the most part), but I do not know what kind of deals can be generated by multiple larger item buys.
As well, I will be able to check on my friend again tomorrow. I am not worried, I do think the hospital here is good. But not knowing is a frustration. I am glad he called and we had that little talk Monday. Perhaps it was not my place, but if not mine, whose place was it? He really should not just die. I suppose if no one cared, he might even begin to not care though. Useful? Who, actually, is useful? Most suits in D.C. are less than useful, collecting for themselves and spending beyond that, other people's money, often for a very negative impact on the economy. How many people could most companies simply fire without any impact on their production, no impact at all? (A: Lots) No, that does not work. Anyway... I will check on him too. Heck, I am more useless than him, "earning more" and doing no more.
Oh, I had more flirtations today than I have had in a while. I remember why I was an empty suit, and... The notion is tempting. Appearances are so important. Let it go when you can, want to, need to, or whatnot... but never do so out there. The fish, indeed, are hungry and biting. That is all for that. Well, one other thing... I had a, I would guess, 25 to 30 year old woman blush like a bonfire while I was simply chit-chatting at a check out counter. Huh? I must have forgotten some things I used to know.
Well, a bit of blog reviewing, a check on news from more trusted or local sources, then I think it will be bedtime. I did nap, but... it feels like bedtime...
Good night, Harrison... Hope you enjoy the Corvette.
Comparing and contrasting.
.
.
I think retailers do try to make it difficult to compare products. They change sizes, carry different product, have different varieties, making an apples to apples comparison a bit like economic and logic gymnastics. Still, I tumble over the size differences, do a little research regarding product types and what would be best for this or that, and... still end up scratching my head. I am guessing it will come down to what the best advice I can find suggests, a bit of gut instinct, and simply acting (in purchasing) in spite of that gnawing feeling I always get when I get the nagging feeling I am out of my depth.
I am trying to compare grain prices at the moment. I have one more stop today to investigate a potential new, and from what I hear, better outlet for some or much of my long term food preparation. The only thing on my side is that I have looked around, I have been price shopping for some time off and on, and I have a rough idea what I need.
Of course, whether to plan for 1 person, as I had thought to do, is now seemingly unlikely. I am beginning to think that planning for 3 people is the way to go, at least at this point. Beyond offering more room for my own needs, mistakes, and waste (it happens, I cook enough to know), it includes some room for charity. Who knows, she...
...might show up and say, well, are you going to feed me or what? What else could I do? The poor thing cannot even afford clothes to cover herself completely. I am such a teddy bear that way. Oh, and I would cry crocodile tears all the way to my pantry, bee-line too, of course. *toothy grins*
I had hoped to begin building a post, with links to some of the many topics, products, and processes I have bought, am preparing to buy, or am toying with, but until I can get this last thing sorted, I will hold off on that post. Still, it is frustrating. One other thing I will be doing, once I get my printer going, is beginning that buying list D.C. has linked most recently. That is to D.C.'s page. Here is the actual page which his link originates, with the food buying guide. I want the thing printed, as some of the items will not be needed. My eating habits are changing to add more grain and rice, so my dietary needs in other ways may be reduced and I would like to see while shopping so as to navigate more on my feet.
Well, the coffee is almost gone, I am getting nothing done since my price comparison shopping seems to be a bust, so it is time to get on to some other things. Hmm, even with this waking, seemingly lost cause, blogging, and a shower and shave, I will still be on my feet and going before I have usually been waking for a goodly bit. I guess that cannot be all bad, since this has been my goal. Bah! I will find something else to complain about later, I am sure.
Good day.
.
I think retailers do try to make it difficult to compare products. They change sizes, carry different product, have different varieties, making an apples to apples comparison a bit like economic and logic gymnastics. Still, I tumble over the size differences, do a little research regarding product types and what would be best for this or that, and... still end up scratching my head. I am guessing it will come down to what the best advice I can find suggests, a bit of gut instinct, and simply acting (in purchasing) in spite of that gnawing feeling I always get when I get the nagging feeling I am out of my depth.
I am trying to compare grain prices at the moment. I have one more stop today to investigate a potential new, and from what I hear, better outlet for some or much of my long term food preparation. The only thing on my side is that I have looked around, I have been price shopping for some time off and on, and I have a rough idea what I need.
Of course, whether to plan for 1 person, as I had thought to do, is now seemingly unlikely. I am beginning to think that planning for 3 people is the way to go, at least at this point. Beyond offering more room for my own needs, mistakes, and waste (it happens, I cook enough to know), it includes some room for charity. Who knows, she...
...might show up and say, well, are you going to feed me or what? What else could I do? The poor thing cannot even afford clothes to cover herself completely. I am such a teddy bear that way. Oh, and I would cry crocodile tears all the way to my pantry, bee-line too, of course. *toothy grins*
I had hoped to begin building a post, with links to some of the many topics, products, and processes I have bought, am preparing to buy, or am toying with, but until I can get this last thing sorted, I will hold off on that post. Still, it is frustrating. One other thing I will be doing, once I get my printer going, is beginning that buying list D.C. has linked most recently. That is to D.C.'s page. Here is the actual page which his link originates, with the food buying guide. I want the thing printed, as some of the items will not be needed. My eating habits are changing to add more grain and rice, so my dietary needs in other ways may be reduced and I would like to see while shopping so as to navigate more on my feet.
Well, the coffee is almost gone, I am getting nothing done since my price comparison shopping seems to be a bust, so it is time to get on to some other things. Hmm, even with this waking, seemingly lost cause, blogging, and a shower and shave, I will still be on my feet and going before I have usually been waking for a goodly bit. I guess that cannot be all bad, since this has been my goal. Bah! I will find something else to complain about later, I am sure.
Good day.
A different part of the day sure looks, feels, and smells different.
.
.
At 7:35, computer warmed, logged into, and a small breakfast it the right place, I contemplate things a bit differently than usual. It has been some time since I woke at this cool of a part of the day. It is nearly... no it is... chilly this morning. Refreshingly chilly. It seems like forever since last I felt an actual bit of chill, and I would not say I have ever felt it in my new home though maybe. It is a good set of new things after yesterday's whirlwind. But I cannot stop with yesterday or this morning. Much to do, little time to do it as I see it and maybe just how it is, and people want to visit.
I have a number of things to do today, though nothing appointment like until much later in the day. For now, a medium wake up, for which I am about to brew coffee in the French press. Some news, the blogs, and of course my own blog, need to be covered. Then perhaps a few tinkerings about the house, some new containers need to be cleaned and stowed, the silverware I have been meaning to get to are still sitting on the counter and their being tended will see me with more counter space to boot. A couple of final loads of laundry, at which point I will be caught up with both my usage and the various unpacking finds I have made so far. A shower in there somewhere to be ready to head out, and a bit of comparison shopping on the links D.C. kindly found and put out there for me (for the zillionth time?).
Regardless about grain prices, I will probably join Sam's Club today. The price of some things is just ridiculously low, on many of the products I use, when bought in bulk. Commercial cans of ketchup? I think not. Commercial amounts of many other things, from trash bags to whatever and odd things from wheelbarrows to other things can be had. Need? Use to be sure. Some people only ever use shopping bags for garbage, which is fine. Others find whatever they need at garage sales. Which amazes me. I am stuck, to some degree, with doing things the way I do them as I cannot always remember to be where I might find whatever. I am limited and so be it. So, for me, Sam's Club will probably pay.
After joining the above, I need to take the printer cartridges back. But there is more wrong with this printer than I can figure. Nothing has worked to get past the machines out of paper or ink problems. I think the thing is dead, give or take, and just does not know it. So, I will be looking for a new printer. Now that I have a phone, a device with fax along with all else I have might be convenient. I could very well fax the darned papers myself for far less than I have been paying. And, one last thing for certain. I would like to have Sears and Lowe's compete for price and a bit of financing for 4 items... a water softener (installed), a reverse osmosis system (installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I can pay for more (or less) of it, but not all of it. Even a 6 month, interest free, situation would be enough to cover that rest and see me without more cost via financing. Not sure any but the mower and weed whip will happen otherwise, this month.
After that, I am not sure. I am still a bit fuzzy while in the waking process. A visit to with my friend will occur sometime this afternoon. I might take a movie. But before that, I may need a nap. Probably before going to town. If It is going to be another long day. Starting this early is so odd. Hmm, perhaps too, a revisit of city hall to make sure everything is in order, figure out what the bill will be and if it is due, and to ensure they have the correct mailing address, as they currently only have my physical address.
Well... Good morning! Uhrm, I think?
.
At 7:35, computer warmed, logged into, and a small breakfast it the right place, I contemplate things a bit differently than usual. It has been some time since I woke at this cool of a part of the day. It is nearly... no it is... chilly this morning. Refreshingly chilly. It seems like forever since last I felt an actual bit of chill, and I would not say I have ever felt it in my new home though maybe. It is a good set of new things after yesterday's whirlwind. But I cannot stop with yesterday or this morning. Much to do, little time to do it as I see it and maybe just how it is, and people want to visit.
I have a number of things to do today, though nothing appointment like until much later in the day. For now, a medium wake up, for which I am about to brew coffee in the French press. Some news, the blogs, and of course my own blog, need to be covered. Then perhaps a few tinkerings about the house, some new containers need to be cleaned and stowed, the silverware I have been meaning to get to are still sitting on the counter and their being tended will see me with more counter space to boot. A couple of final loads of laundry, at which point I will be caught up with both my usage and the various unpacking finds I have made so far. A shower in there somewhere to be ready to head out, and a bit of comparison shopping on the links D.C. kindly found and put out there for me (for the zillionth time?).
Regardless about grain prices, I will probably join Sam's Club today. The price of some things is just ridiculously low, on many of the products I use, when bought in bulk. Commercial cans of ketchup? I think not. Commercial amounts of many other things, from trash bags to whatever and odd things from wheelbarrows to other things can be had. Need? Use to be sure. Some people only ever use shopping bags for garbage, which is fine. Others find whatever they need at garage sales. Which amazes me. I am stuck, to some degree, with doing things the way I do them as I cannot always remember to be where I might find whatever. I am limited and so be it. So, for me, Sam's Club will probably pay.
After joining the above, I need to take the printer cartridges back. But there is more wrong with this printer than I can figure. Nothing has worked to get past the machines out of paper or ink problems. I think the thing is dead, give or take, and just does not know it. So, I will be looking for a new printer. Now that I have a phone, a device with fax along with all else I have might be convenient. I could very well fax the darned papers myself for far less than I have been paying. And, one last thing for certain. I would like to have Sears and Lowe's compete for price and a bit of financing for 4 items... a water softener (installed), a reverse osmosis system (installed), a lawnmower, and a weed whip. I can pay for more (or less) of it, but not all of it. Even a 6 month, interest free, situation would be enough to cover that rest and see me without more cost via financing. Not sure any but the mower and weed whip will happen otherwise, this month.
After that, I am not sure. I am still a bit fuzzy while in the waking process. A visit to with my friend will occur sometime this afternoon. I might take a movie. But before that, I may need a nap. Probably before going to town. If It is going to be another long day. Starting this early is so odd. Hmm, perhaps too, a revisit of city hall to make sure everything is in order, figure out what the bill will be and if it is due, and to ensure they have the correct mailing address, as they currently only have my physical address.
Well... Good morning! Uhrm, I think?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Game.
.
.
After hearing this term batted back and forth, all this jazz about alphas, betas, and whatnot, and a very little reading (I was not really all that excited about it, just curious), I could not wrap my mind about what was being discussed, so I simply ignored the matter to a degree. And so it has been for some time. Then, recently, it came to me... That is what was used every time I had a dalliance. There is no trick to it, no magic, no... anything. It is what a man uses when he wants to get close to a woman, or quite often, how he tames a shrew. And, to some extent, are they not all shrews? It is part of their game, I suppose. Some play it up front, others play it mid game, some use it as end game strategy, I suppose others are shrewish off and on. I do not really know the strategy of women, it seemed quite irrelevant to my needs, purposes, goals, or the results to be honest.
It does seem as though someone has spent a great deal of time turning what any experienced, half-sharp, typical boy then man will figure out on his own. I have to wonder how pencil-necked the author must be. Even if his strategy works for him, I have to think that it is the only strategy which would. I could be wrong, but I would have to find out better to believe. And, as usual, I would still be somewhat suspicious. Turning the art and aggression of romance into chess just does not cut it. Too much is missing, more so since the stated ends of most of the "gurus" of Game is merely sex.
So, after all this time about wondering what this thing is, I realize, I have known it my whole life. Or, since I was about 5. That is when I "seduced" my first lover. Neither of us new a thing, but I did get it done. If too, I had no clue at the time what 'done' meant, only that I could not bring myself to quit until it was, until years later. Three or four years after that, I began having more regular sex and finally understood. Ah, orgasm.
It was in my early 20's when I decided that Game was not right. Well, perhaps how I was using Game was the thing that was incorrect, if I did not understand that at the time. It seems that we must age, try, fail, and experience in order to grow and learn. Still, at that point, I decided to change my whole approach. I would be kind, I would be attentive, I would... it failed. It failed miserably. No, I still had love(rs). But being a bad dog was the nature of the beast, and I did not know how to undo that. Perhaps at that age with the rearing I had, that was as good as I was capable of doing. Perhaps too, I simply did not understand enough to fundamentally change either my use of Game, definitely not the main other variable (women), nor the circumstances of social disconnect with sexual amoral attitudes and allowances. Even a stint being celibate did not fix the problem. I kept trying, and failing, ending up in my own doghouse of shame in spite of having no difficulty finding, keeping, ditching, or even having multiple love(r)s.
It has only been in the last 10 years that I came to understand a few more things which would allow me to rearrange my life a bit. I realized that the ends I was getting were not the ends I was looking to obtain. However, I realized too that the means, generally, had nothing to do with the outcome. Game, by itself, is the only functional manner in which to find a mate, whether temporary or long term. So, I had to ask, what was my problem. Other variables, of course. Choosing women who could not or would not be viable long term loves or lovers (more or less on that last... digging up bones was an occasional habit back then). As well, having no clear cut idea of what I wanted with a woman (the classic... dog chases car every day for weeks, one day he catches it... then what?). Beyond, I did not know if I even wanted a family.
Time to make some decisions. My last love(r), my current lady friend, was the last of my mistakes. Friend? Sure, give or take, and for my part. I can never trust her with anything significant, there is something fundamentally wrong with her. After her, I became celibate again, and attempt to keep that as close to a vow as I am humanly possible. In this state, I have been considering what I want with a woman, whether I want a family, and how to achieve those things.
Game, as I have suggested, as brutal as it is, is the only method. It creates a hunger in her, it develops some of the natural antagonism needed for a partnership (call it the emotion aus jus of love, romance, and that sort of thing). It also creates a hierarchy in the relationship. It is part of our animal inheritance, I should guess. I have decided I want a woman for more than sex. As fascinating of creatures as they are sexually, there has always seemed more too them, if I have never understood that (and realize I probably never will). Still, I do not have to understand women fully to fully engage them as whole beings. They have so much to offer. Being as often wrong as right, like us, melding the minds to a degree can come up with better options (in certain areas... out of my computer, woman!). A bit more, I do want a family. Children, that is, along with a wife.
Time is growing late. Oh, I could live to twice my current age and more. But do I really want to be a 90 year old father? Or a 70 year old father. Heck, if I start now, I will just push them out of the door before I hit my mid-sixties. Still, I suppose, I do have some time. Now, though, it is time to seriously begin looking. I am not sure how deep or wide the pool of women is here. But I do know I will be looking, using Game, winnowing a good bit, and may well come up with a wife. Children? As with all things, this too is in His hands.
As with many changes planned and being actuated, this is becoming more real every day. This search will take place. A wife, children, as I said, knowing whether or not either will be found or produced is not within my perview. All I can do is go out and beat the street, knock on doors, and try to tame my own shrew. What a change, and yet such little changes compared to what I thought was needed. I suppose, too, even in this and back then, I think God was guiding. If nothing else through the gift of conscience. I bowed to it and Him and here I am, looking for a second master in the form of a mistress. Go figure. It is, indeed, His plan.
Good night, Uncle Bobby. I will say a prayer for the deliverance and rest of your soul tonight.
.
After hearing this term batted back and forth, all this jazz about alphas, betas, and whatnot, and a very little reading (I was not really all that excited about it, just curious), I could not wrap my mind about what was being discussed, so I simply ignored the matter to a degree. And so it has been for some time. Then, recently, it came to me... That is what was used every time I had a dalliance. There is no trick to it, no magic, no... anything. It is what a man uses when he wants to get close to a woman, or quite often, how he tames a shrew. And, to some extent, are they not all shrews? It is part of their game, I suppose. Some play it up front, others play it mid game, some use it as end game strategy, I suppose others are shrewish off and on. I do not really know the strategy of women, it seemed quite irrelevant to my needs, purposes, goals, or the results to be honest.
It does seem as though someone has spent a great deal of time turning what any experienced, half-sharp, typical boy then man will figure out on his own. I have to wonder how pencil-necked the author must be. Even if his strategy works for him, I have to think that it is the only strategy which would. I could be wrong, but I would have to find out better to believe. And, as usual, I would still be somewhat suspicious. Turning the art and aggression of romance into chess just does not cut it. Too much is missing, more so since the stated ends of most of the "gurus" of Game is merely sex.
So, after all this time about wondering what this thing is, I realize, I have known it my whole life. Or, since I was about 5. That is when I "seduced" my first lover. Neither of us new a thing, but I did get it done. If too, I had no clue at the time what 'done' meant, only that I could not bring myself to quit until it was, until years later. Three or four years after that, I began having more regular sex and finally understood. Ah, orgasm.
It was in my early 20's when I decided that Game was not right. Well, perhaps how I was using Game was the thing that was incorrect, if I did not understand that at the time. It seems that we must age, try, fail, and experience in order to grow and learn. Still, at that point, I decided to change my whole approach. I would be kind, I would be attentive, I would... it failed. It failed miserably. No, I still had love(rs). But being a bad dog was the nature of the beast, and I did not know how to undo that. Perhaps at that age with the rearing I had, that was as good as I was capable of doing. Perhaps too, I simply did not understand enough to fundamentally change either my use of Game, definitely not the main other variable (women), nor the circumstances of social disconnect with sexual amoral attitudes and allowances. Even a stint being celibate did not fix the problem. I kept trying, and failing, ending up in my own doghouse of shame in spite of having no difficulty finding, keeping, ditching, or even having multiple love(r)s.
It has only been in the last 10 years that I came to understand a few more things which would allow me to rearrange my life a bit. I realized that the ends I was getting were not the ends I was looking to obtain. However, I realized too that the means, generally, had nothing to do with the outcome. Game, by itself, is the only functional manner in which to find a mate, whether temporary or long term. So, I had to ask, what was my problem. Other variables, of course. Choosing women who could not or would not be viable long term loves or lovers (more or less on that last... digging up bones was an occasional habit back then). As well, having no clear cut idea of what I wanted with a woman (the classic... dog chases car every day for weeks, one day he catches it... then what?). Beyond, I did not know if I even wanted a family.
Time to make some decisions. My last love(r), my current lady friend, was the last of my mistakes. Friend? Sure, give or take, and for my part. I can never trust her with anything significant, there is something fundamentally wrong with her. After her, I became celibate again, and attempt to keep that as close to a vow as I am humanly possible. In this state, I have been considering what I want with a woman, whether I want a family, and how to achieve those things.
Game, as I have suggested, as brutal as it is, is the only method. It creates a hunger in her, it develops some of the natural antagonism needed for a partnership (call it the emotion aus jus of love, romance, and that sort of thing). It also creates a hierarchy in the relationship. It is part of our animal inheritance, I should guess. I have decided I want a woman for more than sex. As fascinating of creatures as they are sexually, there has always seemed more too them, if I have never understood that (and realize I probably never will). Still, I do not have to understand women fully to fully engage them as whole beings. They have so much to offer. Being as often wrong as right, like us, melding the minds to a degree can come up with better options (in certain areas... out of my computer, woman!). A bit more, I do want a family. Children, that is, along with a wife.
Time is growing late. Oh, I could live to twice my current age and more. But do I really want to be a 90 year old father? Or a 70 year old father. Heck, if I start now, I will just push them out of the door before I hit my mid-sixties. Still, I suppose, I do have some time. Now, though, it is time to seriously begin looking. I am not sure how deep or wide the pool of women is here. But I do know I will be looking, using Game, winnowing a good bit, and may well come up with a wife. Children? As with all things, this too is in His hands.
As with many changes planned and being actuated, this is becoming more real every day. This search will take place. A wife, children, as I said, knowing whether or not either will be found or produced is not within my perview. All I can do is go out and beat the street, knock on doors, and try to tame my own shrew. What a change, and yet such little changes compared to what I thought was needed. I suppose, too, even in this and back then, I think God was guiding. If nothing else through the gift of conscience. I bowed to it and Him and here I am, looking for a second master in the form of a mistress. Go figure. It is, indeed, His plan.
Good night, Uncle Bobby. I will say a prayer for the deliverance and rest of your soul tonight.
What a day!
.
.
And, I think, I mean that in the best of ways.
I did get my shower and make it to city hall in time to talk to... someone. She is not the regular clerk, secretary, mayor, whoever, but she was friendly, took my name and phone number, and will pass it on. Monday is trash day, every other Monday is recycling. Today was both. Okay, I can do that. Still, I had not gotten everything I wanted to take to town, so I came back home and grabbed some things, ensuring Sam did not sneak, shove, or sprint by me as my time was short, or so I thought.
In town I stopped at... it seems like... a dozen places. Sam's Club employees allowed me to wander the halls. While there, I took down the price of various items I know I use, marking the numbers and the price on my little "pad". Next, a visit to the coop. They have things Sam's Club simply did not seem to carry (though... well, it was me looking and I was not exactly doing an inventory). I took some prices down there and picked up several pounds of hard red wheat, among other things. Oh, right, I purchased tahini, for hummus, which I will make... soon, I am sure. After that, I went to lunch. Then, to what I thought was my appointment. But both today and tomorrow have appointments at 17:00 and then 17:30. So, to Lowe's I go. Screen, for the wheat system, since my internet search came up bust. As well, I purchased a couple of wire clippers, better ones. One for the vehicle and one for the house, so I do not cut myself again. I almost got cut again recently, while cutting those same type of bindings. So, I promised to get these but with so much going on and such large lists of so many varieties... Well, today was the day.
I then went to a grocery store to attempt to get my regular toilet paper and paper towels. They were well over twice the price I am familiar with! Running a little low on time and energy, I called to see if my friend was home. Sure enough, and he thought it would be just fine if I came by. So, on my way, I grabbed him a bit to eat as thanks. Plus, he does not eat like he should anyway. When I arrived, we talked a bit. He is looking a little pale. The good news? He did try to visit the doctor who worked on him before, but the doctor was out for today, as was his staff. So, he will be calling tomorrow. Whatever I said lit a fire and he is taking care. Good, good... I am pleased with him. I only said the obvious.
The chiropractic appointments, to be honest, are excellent. Not only is pain, for the most part, really leaving (mostly, which is quite good) but too, from interaction and the 'works', whole body flexibility and function seems to be... advancing. This is quite good. Yeah, I know, doubting Thomas and all... I will admit to still being dubious. It is just that results will win me where words will not, even if then only partially. Oh, while discussing my exploration of wheat cereal with my doc, he seemed a bit excited himself. He is a solid collector of foods and whatnot, but had not really considered how to use this it seems. So, when I get my stupid printer to work (or buy a new one as may be needed), I will print out a copy for him. Oh yes, another thing while there. I was asking where he goes, where the best prices for this type of thing is. He told me about a Mormon outlet there in town. I will be visiting it tomorrow and will see what they have, prices, and information available! He says they do not run a profit business and that any are welcome. Being a talker has it's benefits... usually.
After the appointment, I had to make one or more stops. First a fax was sent, to the insurance adjuster. I have another two faxes to be sent but cannot do that until I can write a letter, print it, then fax that with another paper. I bought printer ink, but I think it is the wrong one, so it needs to be returned tomorrow. I decided to try and do the rest of my shopping at Wal-Mart. TP, paper towels, of course, but I also grabbed printer paper, a water timer, leaky hose for watering (though that may go back, depending on the sprinkler), fertilized potting soil (organic, but that is all they had), 4 more small planters, and jars for the wheat. I could not find a funnel that would fit the thermos, so... I bought an oil funnel and will trim it. Do not worry, D.C., I will not use duct tape on any of it and make matters more hick!
I think, I think I say, that is all I did today, though I make no guarantees. Upon arriving home, I called my mother to see if she has arranged for wheelchair service at the airport. Not yet, but I will keep both her and my friend reminded. What an EXCITING, LONG, BUSY, SUCCESSFUL DAY! My world, is, indeed, changing and for the better.
.
And, I think, I mean that in the best of ways.
I did get my shower and make it to city hall in time to talk to... someone. She is not the regular clerk, secretary, mayor, whoever, but she was friendly, took my name and phone number, and will pass it on. Monday is trash day, every other Monday is recycling. Today was both. Okay, I can do that. Still, I had not gotten everything I wanted to take to town, so I came back home and grabbed some things, ensuring Sam did not sneak, shove, or sprint by me as my time was short, or so I thought.
In town I stopped at... it seems like... a dozen places. Sam's Club employees allowed me to wander the halls. While there, I took down the price of various items I know I use, marking the numbers and the price on my little "pad". Next, a visit to the coop. They have things Sam's Club simply did not seem to carry (though... well, it was me looking and I was not exactly doing an inventory). I took some prices down there and picked up several pounds of hard red wheat, among other things. Oh, right, I purchased tahini, for hummus, which I will make... soon, I am sure. After that, I went to lunch. Then, to what I thought was my appointment. But both today and tomorrow have appointments at 17:00 and then 17:30. So, to Lowe's I go. Screen, for the wheat system, since my internet search came up bust. As well, I purchased a couple of wire clippers, better ones. One for the vehicle and one for the house, so I do not cut myself again. I almost got cut again recently, while cutting those same type of bindings. So, I promised to get these but with so much going on and such large lists of so many varieties... Well, today was the day.
I then went to a grocery store to attempt to get my regular toilet paper and paper towels. They were well over twice the price I am familiar with! Running a little low on time and energy, I called to see if my friend was home. Sure enough, and he thought it would be just fine if I came by. So, on my way, I grabbed him a bit to eat as thanks. Plus, he does not eat like he should anyway. When I arrived, we talked a bit. He is looking a little pale. The good news? He did try to visit the doctor who worked on him before, but the doctor was out for today, as was his staff. So, he will be calling tomorrow. Whatever I said lit a fire and he is taking care. Good, good... I am pleased with him. I only said the obvious.
The chiropractic appointments, to be honest, are excellent. Not only is pain, for the most part, really leaving (mostly, which is quite good) but too, from interaction and the 'works', whole body flexibility and function seems to be... advancing. This is quite good. Yeah, I know, doubting Thomas and all... I will admit to still being dubious. It is just that results will win me where words will not, even if then only partially. Oh, while discussing my exploration of wheat cereal with my doc, he seemed a bit excited himself. He is a solid collector of foods and whatnot, but had not really considered how to use this it seems. So, when I get my stupid printer to work (or buy a new one as may be needed), I will print out a copy for him. Oh yes, another thing while there. I was asking where he goes, where the best prices for this type of thing is. He told me about a Mormon outlet there in town. I will be visiting it tomorrow and will see what they have, prices, and information available! He says they do not run a profit business and that any are welcome. Being a talker has it's benefits... usually.
After the appointment, I had to make one or more stops. First a fax was sent, to the insurance adjuster. I have another two faxes to be sent but cannot do that until I can write a letter, print it, then fax that with another paper. I bought printer ink, but I think it is the wrong one, so it needs to be returned tomorrow. I decided to try and do the rest of my shopping at Wal-Mart. TP, paper towels, of course, but I also grabbed printer paper, a water timer, leaky hose for watering (though that may go back, depending on the sprinkler), fertilized potting soil (organic, but that is all they had), 4 more small planters, and jars for the wheat. I could not find a funnel that would fit the thermos, so... I bought an oil funnel and will trim it. Do not worry, D.C., I will not use duct tape on any of it and make matters more hick!
I think, I think I say, that is all I did today, though I make no guarantees. Upon arriving home, I called my mother to see if she has arranged for wheelchair service at the airport. Not yet, but I will keep both her and my friend reminded. What an EXCITING, LONG, BUSY, SUCCESSFUL DAY! My world, is, indeed, changing and for the better.
Up and moving.
.
.
An hour later than I had hoped, and still having to chug through to wake up, but. I might still make it to city hall in time to transfer utilities. As well, I am chugging to wakefulness much quicker today than... in a long while. I have, as they say, things to do. I think this bug of life and getting things done as well as I am able is getting to me. I... like that.
I have already done one job today. I completed the drying of the last of the laundry from last night. Two more small loads and I will be done altogether. I wash woolens (socks for the most part) and whites separately. Both need cold water and special detergents (at least from time to time on the woolens). I need to figure out how to put up a clothes line, with multiple lengths of line, to utilize the summer and cut down on electricity. Plus, to some degree, I like line dried much better. Maybe not with jeans, if memory serves, but with the rest. And towels soak up more when line dried, if they are a bit 'harder' (which, to me, is usually a good thing as well).
I have a lot of plans for today, but first and foremost, is getting to city hall. Then a trip to Sam's Club, the localish coop, and maybe a few other places to get the wheat breakfast experiment of ought 10 (ha!) going. Toilette paper has to be bought! Wow, that was an oversight. I was not able to get the printer to work. I am not sure if replacing the ink cartridges will work or is even wise, but that looks like the next move. And, I can fax one of the things I need to send in today. Then a stop by to see my friend and give him another jolt of my opinion. And of course, my appointment in there somewhere. Shrug... I will do what I can.
Oh, my comment section seems to be dysfunctional. I get the emails with the comments, and even respond to them, but... They simply are not appearing on my page. As well, when I comment on some other blogs, my comments have not been showing up, even one's not affiliated with blogger. I wonder if there is some sort of partial block on things. A hacker, government experiment (to block specific people), or some such going on, or whether blogger . com has bungled things (or my ISP has). Hard to tell. I might never know for certain.
Laterz!
.
An hour later than I had hoped, and still having to chug through to wake up, but. I might still make it to city hall in time to transfer utilities. As well, I am chugging to wakefulness much quicker today than... in a long while. I have, as they say, things to do. I think this bug of life and getting things done as well as I am able is getting to me. I... like that.
I have already done one job today. I completed the drying of the last of the laundry from last night. Two more small loads and I will be done altogether. I wash woolens (socks for the most part) and whites separately. Both need cold water and special detergents (at least from time to time on the woolens). I need to figure out how to put up a clothes line, with multiple lengths of line, to utilize the summer and cut down on electricity. Plus, to some degree, I like line dried much better. Maybe not with jeans, if memory serves, but with the rest. And towels soak up more when line dried, if they are a bit 'harder' (which, to me, is usually a good thing as well).
I have a lot of plans for today, but first and foremost, is getting to city hall. Then a trip to Sam's Club, the localish coop, and maybe a few other places to get the wheat breakfast experiment of ought 10 (ha!) going. Toilette paper has to be bought! Wow, that was an oversight. I was not able to get the printer to work. I am not sure if replacing the ink cartridges will work or is even wise, but that looks like the next move. And, I can fax one of the things I need to send in today. Then a stop by to see my friend and give him another jolt of my opinion. And of course, my appointment in there somewhere. Shrug... I will do what I can.
Oh, my comment section seems to be dysfunctional. I get the emails with the comments, and even respond to them, but... They simply are not appearing on my page. As well, when I comment on some other blogs, my comments have not been showing up, even one's not affiliated with blogger. I wonder if there is some sort of partial block on things. A hacker, government experiment (to block specific people), or some such going on, or whether blogger . com has bungled things (or my ISP has). Hard to tell. I might never know for certain.
Laterz!
A rough end to a long day.
.
.
I will not say it is a bad end, only that I am feeling it. Though little was actually accomplished, I did need the rest. And yet, I am ready for bed and have been for a while. However, some last minute chores have kept me up. I have set my alarm for 9:00, which will be tough, but I need to get local utilities covered.
I did boil a dozen eggs for breakfast this week, do three loads of laundry, the last of which will simply go into the dryer as I slip into bed. I did keep up with dishes as I cooked and ate, doing some extra along the way. I also researched a dozen topics and looked for a number of products today. The plants have been watered, Sam has been allowed in and out and in and out and is now sitting in my lap asking if sleep will happenz? So, it has not been a complete waste. Did I mention, I am looking into growing my own tobacco? Here and I had thought it to be quite illegal. Only if growing it for commercial purposes is it restricted and strictly regulated. Interesting. Chew, pipe, and cigar tobacco is of interest to me, though they obviously have cigarette tobacco. I doubt if I will need a portion of what a smoker would need, as I chew a can a week (as apposed to a pack or two a day) and smoke cigars and my pipe only occasionally.
Tomorrow will see me in to the chiropractor, at Sam's Club, to the coop, and buying a few things. Though I do have eggs boiled, that is not my favorite breakfast. However, I have decided that breakfast must be had and eggs will do. I am really hoping to have a supply of wheat and the kit for sprouted wheat breakfasts. I cannot say if I will like it. Still, like or not, it may go on the menu... much like eggs are currently on the menu.
There are so many things I am looking at and into with plans all over the board. And, yet, with my finances and current ability, some of it looks neigh impossible. Of course, I thought moving to Utah was a pipedream. I thought buying a house was a lark. What can be done will be done, over time, and probably more than I think. I have to wonder that many people are in the same boat. And people that are much further along feel, oddly, the same way I do. How to get there fast enough without destroying their life or even health, and in many ways. I have come to a, possibly wrong, conclusion that the people who lived here before me went too far in a contracting economy and lost it all. They pushed well, but then got lost on the road to capital wealth.
False environmentalist did not help them, they must have left a couple hundred dollars in those fancy new light bulbs, most of them seem quite new. As usual, I have had two new ones burn out already. I will replace the lot of them, and no, I will not be finding some toxic recycling or dumping ground and paying a small fortune to dispose of them properly... or what they say is proper. A simple burial in the local landfill with a promise never to buy such dread things again. And a weary sigh at the foolishness of it all. They are cooler, literally, but at the price in so many ways, they might as well be nuclear waste.
Well, a few more things folded, put on hangers, or otherwise properly reposed until their use is needed, and then sleep. For some reason, this day seems to be one of my longest on recall. Just one of those things...
Good night, Nancy. Yeah, I remember you well and warmly, and even know where you are. Sweet dreams little one.
.
I will not say it is a bad end, only that I am feeling it. Though little was actually accomplished, I did need the rest. And yet, I am ready for bed and have been for a while. However, some last minute chores have kept me up. I have set my alarm for 9:00, which will be tough, but I need to get local utilities covered.
I did boil a dozen eggs for breakfast this week, do three loads of laundry, the last of which will simply go into the dryer as I slip into bed. I did keep up with dishes as I cooked and ate, doing some extra along the way. I also researched a dozen topics and looked for a number of products today. The plants have been watered, Sam has been allowed in and out and in and out and is now sitting in my lap asking if sleep will happenz? So, it has not been a complete waste. Did I mention, I am looking into growing my own tobacco? Here and I had thought it to be quite illegal. Only if growing it for commercial purposes is it restricted and strictly regulated. Interesting. Chew, pipe, and cigar tobacco is of interest to me, though they obviously have cigarette tobacco. I doubt if I will need a portion of what a smoker would need, as I chew a can a week (as apposed to a pack or two a day) and smoke cigars and my pipe only occasionally.
Tomorrow will see me in to the chiropractor, at Sam's Club, to the coop, and buying a few things. Though I do have eggs boiled, that is not my favorite breakfast. However, I have decided that breakfast must be had and eggs will do. I am really hoping to have a supply of wheat and the kit for sprouted wheat breakfasts. I cannot say if I will like it. Still, like or not, it may go on the menu... much like eggs are currently on the menu.
There are so many things I am looking at and into with plans all over the board. And, yet, with my finances and current ability, some of it looks neigh impossible. Of course, I thought moving to Utah was a pipedream. I thought buying a house was a lark. What can be done will be done, over time, and probably more than I think. I have to wonder that many people are in the same boat. And people that are much further along feel, oddly, the same way I do. How to get there fast enough without destroying their life or even health, and in many ways. I have come to a, possibly wrong, conclusion that the people who lived here before me went too far in a contracting economy and lost it all. They pushed well, but then got lost on the road to capital wealth.
False environmentalist did not help them, they must have left a couple hundred dollars in those fancy new light bulbs, most of them seem quite new. As usual, I have had two new ones burn out already. I will replace the lot of them, and no, I will not be finding some toxic recycling or dumping ground and paying a small fortune to dispose of them properly... or what they say is proper. A simple burial in the local landfill with a promise never to buy such dread things again. And a weary sigh at the foolishness of it all. They are cooler, literally, but at the price in so many ways, they might as well be nuclear waste.
Well, a few more things folded, put on hangers, or otherwise properly reposed until their use is needed, and then sleep. For some reason, this day seems to be one of my longest on recall. Just one of those things...
Good night, Nancy. Yeah, I remember you well and warmly, and even know where you are. Sweet dreams little one.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Utah, becoming more and more the place to be.
.
.
Aside from having the right to carry a loaded pistol in my vehicle, open carry in most places (not the big cities, or even many small ones, mind you... though even that is becoming more likely as the state and cities hammer out who has what rights with the state coming down on the citizen's side of things... and winning I think). But a law is set to be proposed allowing all Utah residents the right to conceal carry... without a permit. Beyond that, the author of the proposal is a man after my own heart. So, perhaps, there are some politicians who can get it right. Well, if fed and watered properly? And, of course, with much support. It works both ways. Here is one of the articles on the matter. I may have found a politicians whose coffers deserve a bit of my, if piddly, money. Sure, give if you like, but why not find your own politicians? Unless you live in Utah, then send it in!
Something else they might be doing is offering the option to license, for out of state reciprocity purposes. One of the things that might change with that is to add range shooting qualification for an even greater reciprocity. Nothing says loving like arming the ants?
That is something I need to begin working on again. I like the idea of concealed carry (if generally I prefer open carry). Sometimes, however, conceal carry is simply smarter for a number of reasons.
Yeah, whatever. Get out of here. Ha! Or, get on your bikes and ride! (fat bottomed girls, after all and all that jazz)
.
Aside from having the right to carry a loaded pistol in my vehicle, open carry in most places (not the big cities, or even many small ones, mind you... though even that is becoming more likely as the state and cities hammer out who has what rights with the state coming down on the citizen's side of things... and winning I think). But a law is set to be proposed allowing all Utah residents the right to conceal carry... without a permit. Beyond that, the author of the proposal is a man after my own heart. So, perhaps, there are some politicians who can get it right. Well, if fed and watered properly? And, of course, with much support. It works both ways. Here is one of the articles on the matter. I may have found a politicians whose coffers deserve a bit of my, if piddly, money. Sure, give if you like, but why not find your own politicians? Unless you live in Utah, then send it in!
Something else they might be doing is offering the option to license, for out of state reciprocity purposes. One of the things that might change with that is to add range shooting qualification for an even greater reciprocity. Nothing says loving like arming the ants?
That is something I need to begin working on again. I like the idea of concealed carry (if generally I prefer open carry). Sometimes, however, conceal carry is simply smarter for a number of reasons.
Yeah, whatever. Get out of here. Ha! Or, get on your bikes and ride! (fat bottomed girls, after all and all that jazz)
Doh! It is Monday.
.
.
For whatever reason I was thinking today was still Sunday. I missed yesterday's meal and am not having one today either as it turns out. Still, I have meat aplenty and will partake shortly. A couple of cold brots, warmed if I am in that mood, goes a long way toward fulfilling my needs and wants. I received an email from my regular hosts that next Sunday is off. So, two weeks of no company and no food? I will survive.
I am trying to get my printer to work. The fool thing says there is no paper while I know darn well there is. There might be a lever or something maladjusted. I will be tinkering with the thing over the course of the afternoon, in my usual high speed fashion. Do not look at me like that! I need and want to get it going. I have a letter to write and print and another set of tasks for it.
A discussion with D.C. (you are welcome) brought to my attention, again, the problems with bookmarks, then carrying that notion on to internet access sometimes but certainly in a SHTF scenario, not to mention the internet kill switch the dictator in chief is vying to obtain (or has received), and all things electronic are somewhat questionable. To that end, I intend to begin a project of printing and filing survival type materials. Everything from wheat cereals to cistern building plans and on to whatever I think I will, or might, eventually need. As well, some things I may never get to but which could be useful, such as larger building plans, how to cut down trees, and other such data. Along with my books about electricity, electrical systems, science, mathematics, and other sources, I will begin developing a database, in print one way or another.
If something unforeseen and catastrophic happens merely to the internet, but the world has not quite ended (as we know it), a quick scan and paste job would see any particular piece back out there for whoever may need or want it. This will further D.C.'s notion of the weakness of bookmarks, and his idea of creating a sidebar dedicated to real ideas intended to prepare for both a more basic living and for a possible future where that might be the only option. Only, stolen and implemented here... soon... Yes, soon, maybe, or shortly.
Of course, I am filling a already overloaded job basket with more jobs, but that will help me stretch. More, it fits my style of doing things and is more practical than some of the work projects currently in the near queue. As well, it might well end up with me doing some of my projects a lot better, with less expense and greater function (and perhaps form), than what I might have stumbled through on my own. Yes, yes, I do think this will work.
Anyway, first I have to get the dratted printer to print.
Ciao.
.
For whatever reason I was thinking today was still Sunday. I missed yesterday's meal and am not having one today either as it turns out. Still, I have meat aplenty and will partake shortly. A couple of cold brots, warmed if I am in that mood, goes a long way toward fulfilling my needs and wants. I received an email from my regular hosts that next Sunday is off. So, two weeks of no company and no food? I will survive.
I am trying to get my printer to work. The fool thing says there is no paper while I know darn well there is. There might be a lever or something maladjusted. I will be tinkering with the thing over the course of the afternoon, in my usual high speed fashion. Do not look at me like that! I need and want to get it going. I have a letter to write and print and another set of tasks for it.
A discussion with D.C. (you are welcome) brought to my attention, again, the problems with bookmarks, then carrying that notion on to internet access sometimes but certainly in a SHTF scenario, not to mention the internet kill switch the dictator in chief is vying to obtain (or has received), and all things electronic are somewhat questionable. To that end, I intend to begin a project of printing and filing survival type materials. Everything from wheat cereals to cistern building plans and on to whatever I think I will, or might, eventually need. As well, some things I may never get to but which could be useful, such as larger building plans, how to cut down trees, and other such data. Along with my books about electricity, electrical systems, science, mathematics, and other sources, I will begin developing a database, in print one way or another.
If something unforeseen and catastrophic happens merely to the internet, but the world has not quite ended (as we know it), a quick scan and paste job would see any particular piece back out there for whoever may need or want it. This will further D.C.'s notion of the weakness of bookmarks, and his idea of creating a sidebar dedicated to real ideas intended to prepare for both a more basic living and for a possible future where that might be the only option. Only, stolen and implemented here... soon... Yes, soon, maybe, or shortly.
Of course, I am filling a already overloaded job basket with more jobs, but that will help me stretch. More, it fits my style of doing things and is more practical than some of the work projects currently in the near queue. As well, it might well end up with me doing some of my projects a lot better, with less expense and greater function (and perhaps form), than what I might have stumbled through on my own. Yes, yes, I do think this will work.
Anyway, first I have to get the dratted printer to print.
Ciao.
Sympathy? Yes and no.
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More on the negative side of things. That is not always true. If people are in a poor position with little or no fault of their own, I exude sympathy, empathy, or the like. If those cases are rare, so much the better. I will not give sympathy for a lack of self concern, a modicum of attention to upkeep of devices and equipment, a reliance upon unrealiable, unsavory, or unwise principles, people, or processes, and none for a lack of effort on the part of the protagonist. However, if in deep, I have the time, I see some effort, or I judge a nudge is needed, I will offer that in the absence of the sympathy, et al.
My friend called me today to tell me he had two nose bleeds. Both lasting an hour or more. These are the nose bleeds that have caused me to actually witness him being filled with 1 large bag of saline, 3 small bags of saline, and 3 units of blood! He knows of a fix, but he has been reluctant to push for the surgery. True, the surgery is temporary, lasting only 2 to 5 years. True, his finances are slim (if he manages them very well). And, sure, he is dependent on the charity of a local, state, and national populace. However, by not taking care and going for the fix, he is ending up costing more in emergency room procedures. He may well have, through loss of blood, caused his iron deficiency as well as other deficiencies in his blood. And he is risking his very life.
When he called today, he thought he would receive sympathy. Or, maybe that was on his mind. It was not in the offing. I gave him a stern set of my thoughts on the matter. Further, he will not get away with merely that. I will be checking his progress in contacting the doctor who has fixed his bleeding twice or more in the past. He has some anomaly in his nose, the cartilage, which causes the bleeding. It can and has been patched. I will bug him when I visit and by phone until he arranges an appointment.
It is his life, but if he is going to impact my life with his problem, I am going to counter that with action. I told him I do not want to hear that he was found dead in his apartment because he let a nose bleed go. Oh, I also told him to call someone if his nose bleeds more than half an hour. Well, it does not so much bleed as squirt blood right through whatever he tries to suppress it with. Two of such, or several of those over several days, and he might find himself unable to think fully, like the day I took him to the ER. He will die.
I also suggested that, at this time, he is merely a government subsidy to hospitals and clinics. He is a mild money-maker for them. If he takes the right steps, he will become expensive enough that they will see to a fix. If that house in Malibu is becoming less attractive because of a patient, that patient will go to the head of the line for a real fix rather than a mild patch. And, yes, I think that is true. Too much of medical, especially for the poor, is about using them to pad the bottom line at the least expense to the medical community. It is not about comprehensive health care. This, before the obamanation thing. I can only imagine afterward! Heck, I think the V.A. is, anymore, just a secure job for often unemployable doctors, nurses, and bureaucrats than anything resembling health care for disabled veterans. It has been opened to any and all veteran, not just disabled veterans, making it just another medicaid type scam. Or, something like that.
Bah! But NO sympathy. If I had a reasonable medical practice with which to work, I would be doing so. If they knew what was wrong and proved useful in fixing it, I would be at the V.A. He has it and will not use it. Only anger, scorn, and a push will he get. Just saying.
Anyway. One thing off my list, as he is feeling too weak to attend the family event, so I too will not be attending. I am both happy and disappointed. I like his family and gatherings in general. I was looking forward to another meal out. And I like seeing him get together with his family, whether he likes it always or not. Though I know he does if we share curmudgeon notions about everything from time to time, for him, it shows on this issue. However, now I will not miss my regular Sunday affair on top of it. It would have been too late to do both. And, I have a few things I would like to share with my hosts. One, that they might be eligible now for one of the obamanation medical plans and then about that breakfast of champions (or lunch, or option) I wrote of earlier. So, good and bad, take it as it comes.
.
More on the negative side of things. That is not always true. If people are in a poor position with little or no fault of their own, I exude sympathy, empathy, or the like. If those cases are rare, so much the better. I will not give sympathy for a lack of self concern, a modicum of attention to upkeep of devices and equipment, a reliance upon unrealiable, unsavory, or unwise principles, people, or processes, and none for a lack of effort on the part of the protagonist. However, if in deep, I have the time, I see some effort, or I judge a nudge is needed, I will offer that in the absence of the sympathy, et al.
My friend called me today to tell me he had two nose bleeds. Both lasting an hour or more. These are the nose bleeds that have caused me to actually witness him being filled with 1 large bag of saline, 3 small bags of saline, and 3 units of blood! He knows of a fix, but he has been reluctant to push for the surgery. True, the surgery is temporary, lasting only 2 to 5 years. True, his finances are slim (if he manages them very well). And, sure, he is dependent on the charity of a local, state, and national populace. However, by not taking care and going for the fix, he is ending up costing more in emergency room procedures. He may well have, through loss of blood, caused his iron deficiency as well as other deficiencies in his blood. And he is risking his very life.
When he called today, he thought he would receive sympathy. Or, maybe that was on his mind. It was not in the offing. I gave him a stern set of my thoughts on the matter. Further, he will not get away with merely that. I will be checking his progress in contacting the doctor who has fixed his bleeding twice or more in the past. He has some anomaly in his nose, the cartilage, which causes the bleeding. It can and has been patched. I will bug him when I visit and by phone until he arranges an appointment.
It is his life, but if he is going to impact my life with his problem, I am going to counter that with action. I told him I do not want to hear that he was found dead in his apartment because he let a nose bleed go. Oh, I also told him to call someone if his nose bleeds more than half an hour. Well, it does not so much bleed as squirt blood right through whatever he tries to suppress it with. Two of such, or several of those over several days, and he might find himself unable to think fully, like the day I took him to the ER. He will die.
I also suggested that, at this time, he is merely a government subsidy to hospitals and clinics. He is a mild money-maker for them. If he takes the right steps, he will become expensive enough that they will see to a fix. If that house in Malibu is becoming less attractive because of a patient, that patient will go to the head of the line for a real fix rather than a mild patch. And, yes, I think that is true. Too much of medical, especially for the poor, is about using them to pad the bottom line at the least expense to the medical community. It is not about comprehensive health care. This, before the obamanation thing. I can only imagine afterward! Heck, I think the V.A. is, anymore, just a secure job for often unemployable doctors, nurses, and bureaucrats than anything resembling health care for disabled veterans. It has been opened to any and all veteran, not just disabled veterans, making it just another medicaid type scam. Or, something like that.
Bah! But NO sympathy. If I had a reasonable medical practice with which to work, I would be doing so. If they knew what was wrong and proved useful in fixing it, I would be at the V.A. He has it and will not use it. Only anger, scorn, and a push will he get. Just saying.
Anyway. One thing off my list, as he is feeling too weak to attend the family event, so I too will not be attending. I am both happy and disappointed. I like his family and gatherings in general. I was looking forward to another meal out. And I like seeing him get together with his family, whether he likes it always or not. Though I know he does if we share curmudgeon notions about everything from time to time, for him, it shows on this issue. However, now I will not miss my regular Sunday affair on top of it. It would have been too late to do both. And, I have a few things I would like to share with my hosts. One, that they might be eligible now for one of the obamanation medical plans and then about that breakfast of champions (or lunch, or option) I wrote of earlier. So, good and bad, take it as it comes.
A new day, new food plans, and assundry.
.
.
I have not received a call from my friend. I had a tough morning though, so that is good. I woke at 9:30, easily, but was in such pain from headache, neck, and back or something... that I took some (lots of) aspirin and went back to bed for an hour. Oh what help that was. I was not necessarily tired, but the pain was... severe. I was not awake enough to isolate where or what regarding the pain, just that there was a wall of it and I could not function through it. The extra hour helped, with the aspirin. The mix is almost a pure cure to any pains of neck, head, back, and shoulders I have every experienced. More will be needed later, I know this too.
I will, now, after waking up, prepare for the day. Shower, shave, brush teeth and hair, dress and put on a smiley face, give or take. Hopefully to be ready for a call. I may even, if not called by then, drive in to town and just visit with my friend until the call arrives. That way we will be ready whenever and close at hand as well.
After a bit of back and forth on whole wheat for breakfast, I think I am sold. As well, the people who kindly allowed me a month overstay with them at their house, the Mr. in particular, had a breakfast meal of his own of rice, legumes, and maybe some other stuff, that I am considering adding to my diet. I could see using one as breakfast, the other as lunch, saving meat for dinner. I know that when I do not eat something early and for lunch, I eat much more all at once, I do not have as much daylong stamina, and there are other problems. I would guess my current eating habits are tres mal. Sehr gut is the way to go.
And you all thought I was merely looking for a different place. No, what I am seeking out here is a new life. A life with some future and longevity. A life with meaning, purpose, use, and function. And a simple change of location will not offer that, it was only the doorway and an offering of the fertile grounds and good neighbors with and with whom to explore and conquer this concept. No, the quest has only just begun.
I feel, sometimes, nearly hopelessly overwhelmed. Changing habits, preconceived notions, long held beliefs, patterns of living, on top of being in unfamiliar territory as a vast minority is asking just a bit. And yet, God seems to be with me. As I attempt to follow His ways, pray to do His will, and honestly attempt to give my life over to Him, I find myself meeting the right people at the right time to make a shift here. Learning a new concept there. And beginning to see myself, others, and even God in a way I could not have foreseen. My only credit has been that I heard His voice and decided to follow it. And, here I am. I do need to get to Church, my following needs both legitimate guidance, functional worship, and fellowship or it might easily become warped. And, that is coming. It is all coming, one piece, one thought, one action at a time.
Anyway, that is what I see on a sunny Sunday afternoon, in northern Utah, sitting in my new home. Pleased, satisfied, but knowing the road is not done and it is not an easy road to follow or stay on.
Hup, best get to some things. Good day.
.
I have not received a call from my friend. I had a tough morning though, so that is good. I woke at 9:30, easily, but was in such pain from headache, neck, and back or something... that I took some (lots of) aspirin and went back to bed for an hour. Oh what help that was. I was not necessarily tired, but the pain was... severe. I was not awake enough to isolate where or what regarding the pain, just that there was a wall of it and I could not function through it. The extra hour helped, with the aspirin. The mix is almost a pure cure to any pains of neck, head, back, and shoulders I have every experienced. More will be needed later, I know this too.
I will, now, after waking up, prepare for the day. Shower, shave, brush teeth and hair, dress and put on a smiley face, give or take. Hopefully to be ready for a call. I may even, if not called by then, drive in to town and just visit with my friend until the call arrives. That way we will be ready whenever and close at hand as well.
After a bit of back and forth on whole wheat for breakfast, I think I am sold. As well, the people who kindly allowed me a month overstay with them at their house, the Mr. in particular, had a breakfast meal of his own of rice, legumes, and maybe some other stuff, that I am considering adding to my diet. I could see using one as breakfast, the other as lunch, saving meat for dinner. I know that when I do not eat something early and for lunch, I eat much more all at once, I do not have as much daylong stamina, and there are other problems. I would guess my current eating habits are tres mal. Sehr gut is the way to go.
And you all thought I was merely looking for a different place. No, what I am seeking out here is a new life. A life with some future and longevity. A life with meaning, purpose, use, and function. And a simple change of location will not offer that, it was only the doorway and an offering of the fertile grounds and good neighbors with and with whom to explore and conquer this concept. No, the quest has only just begun.
I feel, sometimes, nearly hopelessly overwhelmed. Changing habits, preconceived notions, long held beliefs, patterns of living, on top of being in unfamiliar territory as a vast minority is asking just a bit. And yet, God seems to be with me. As I attempt to follow His ways, pray to do His will, and honestly attempt to give my life over to Him, I find myself meeting the right people at the right time to make a shift here. Learning a new concept there. And beginning to see myself, others, and even God in a way I could not have foreseen. My only credit has been that I heard His voice and decided to follow it. And, here I am. I do need to get to Church, my following needs both legitimate guidance, functional worship, and fellowship or it might easily become warped. And, that is coming. It is all coming, one piece, one thought, one action at a time.
Anyway, that is what I see on a sunny Sunday afternoon, in northern Utah, sitting in my new home. Pleased, satisfied, but knowing the road is not done and it is not an easy road to follow or stay on.
Hup, best get to some things. Good day.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A nice celebration, but...
.
.
It is not over. I have been invited to another celebration party tomorrow some time. The family of my friend has invited him and the "funny looking guy"... or so he says. I asked, "Really?", and he actually fell for it and answered, "No!".
Anyway, chuck roast, hamburgers, brots, and ribs were cooked on the grill tonight. With so much on such a limited space, it took a bit longer to cook. Still, it all finished well and was tasty too! He ate little, but sometimes he is like that. Age and health are not in his favor. Then again, a large baked potato with butter and sour cream does fill one up. I had a smattering of this and that and it was, indeed, good.
I am learning how to keep the cat from the raw and cooked foods. I have learned to be a little tricky and vigilant when that is not possible. The trash, unfortunately, is going to have to be secured in some other fashion though. She has figured out how to tip the kitchen basket. I bought one with a lid she cannot penetrate, but when it tips, that comes off.
I am enjoying the weekend, and for the most part, not worrying about anything. I hope many people are doing that as well. Though I suspect with unemployment, so many businesses going out of business, the poor outlook on improvement, and the mud of socialism washing over everything and everyone, that may not be as true as I hope. I do not pray for jobs so much, but I do pray that people find their own way in this mess. Jobs will not come by prayer but through political change. Even a change back to the last President Bush would be, well, mostly, good enough, in the short term. If we do not turn back the clocks politically, back to before Democrats were open socialists and Republicans became secret socialists, there is not going to be a grand new economic tomorrow... Ever. As I said though, I attempt not to look at these things.
I am looking forward to tomorrow. Depending on when that party is, I may end up going to two meals out, with my regular Sunday dinner group and the dinner with the family of my friend. Wow, food! I have been living on leftovers for a goodly while, and frozen dinners for a good bit before that, so real fresh food is like catnip to a cat? Something like that. I did stuff a bit tonight. I think, somehow though, I will manage tomorrow. On some things I really am an optimist.
And, I did the dishes before I left. The meat is safely stowed in the refrigerator. The plants will get their second watering of the day. My belly looks happy, if somewhat sleepy. So, it is about time to crawl into bed and enjoy a cool night, the temp is supposed to drop to a delicious crisp 45 F. Oh, I will sleep. I will sleep well, hard, deep, and fat. I will dream of steers which I can cut off what I want to eat and ride the rest home. I will dream of cool refreshing drinks and chatter. I will dream of pleasant days, pleasant company, and a world to explore. I might even fly tonight on my way to some dreamy place or mission against tyranny.
Be well. This dog is going to his doghouse. Good night, Shelly.
.
It is not over. I have been invited to another celebration party tomorrow some time. The family of my friend has invited him and the "funny looking guy"... or so he says. I asked, "Really?", and he actually fell for it and answered, "No!".
Anyway, chuck roast, hamburgers, brots, and ribs were cooked on the grill tonight. With so much on such a limited space, it took a bit longer to cook. Still, it all finished well and was tasty too! He ate little, but sometimes he is like that. Age and health are not in his favor. Then again, a large baked potato with butter and sour cream does fill one up. I had a smattering of this and that and it was, indeed, good.
I am learning how to keep the cat from the raw and cooked foods. I have learned to be a little tricky and vigilant when that is not possible. The trash, unfortunately, is going to have to be secured in some other fashion though. She has figured out how to tip the kitchen basket. I bought one with a lid she cannot penetrate, but when it tips, that comes off.
I am enjoying the weekend, and for the most part, not worrying about anything. I hope many people are doing that as well. Though I suspect with unemployment, so many businesses going out of business, the poor outlook on improvement, and the mud of socialism washing over everything and everyone, that may not be as true as I hope. I do not pray for jobs so much, but I do pray that people find their own way in this mess. Jobs will not come by prayer but through political change. Even a change back to the last President Bush would be, well, mostly, good enough, in the short term. If we do not turn back the clocks politically, back to before Democrats were open socialists and Republicans became secret socialists, there is not going to be a grand new economic tomorrow... Ever. As I said though, I attempt not to look at these things.
I am looking forward to tomorrow. Depending on when that party is, I may end up going to two meals out, with my regular Sunday dinner group and the dinner with the family of my friend. Wow, food! I have been living on leftovers for a goodly while, and frozen dinners for a good bit before that, so real fresh food is like catnip to a cat? Something like that. I did stuff a bit tonight. I think, somehow though, I will manage tomorrow. On some things I really am an optimist.
And, I did the dishes before I left. The meat is safely stowed in the refrigerator. The plants will get their second watering of the day. My belly looks happy, if somewhat sleepy. So, it is about time to crawl into bed and enjoy a cool night, the temp is supposed to drop to a delicious crisp 45 F. Oh, I will sleep. I will sleep well, hard, deep, and fat. I will dream of steers which I can cut off what I want to eat and ride the rest home. I will dream of cool refreshing drinks and chatter. I will dream of pleasant days, pleasant company, and a world to explore. I might even fly tonight on my way to some dreamy place or mission against tyranny.
Be well. This dog is going to his doghouse. Good night, Shelly.
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