If you are going to do it, do it right.

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What goes for work and play applies just as well for naps.  It seemed late, but then midnight to 1:00 is still bedtime, so it was a good time.  I went in hard, after settling in.  Then woke roughly.  I was in there for three, only slept two, battling an half hour on either side.  The battle to wake being the toughest.  While a fight both ways, it was worth it.

The other day, when out, I also shopped.  I got everything but what I truly intended.  Paper plates, large and medium, and butter is what I really needed.  I didn't get much.  The one thing I got that I have really been wanting was beef.  I went with meaty ribs.  If I need beef, not even steak will scratch the itch like bone in ribs, grilled just so.  Yeah, I have chicken and pork, grilled right, I just haven't had beef in a long bit.  It is too expensive.  Still is, it was a splurge.  I'll heat a few on the grill later.  I cool, then plastic wrap in portion sizes, same with chicken.  Roasts I wrap whole, slice through, then wrap over the ends.

Else tonight?  I am hoping to begin dishes and trash and recycling collection.  This coming week, assuming I get it all out, the other goal is to clean the barrel(s).  Bleach, brush, rinse, repeat as necessary.  And, with the double bagging process I have implemented, there is hope they will stay sweet(er, longer).  Garbage is refuse is smelly. Still, this, well, could use a little intervention.  Hmm, and keeping the new plants watered.  Every other day for the first week, after watering for the first two days. Which means  a drink tomorrow.  Then twice a week?  I really want asparagus.  As I see sprouts, I'll fill those back in.  As is, they are only lightly buried, as per instructions.  Two years, maybe three, before they crop.

What else this week?  One more load of branches to be removed, in the field.  Cleaning my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen, getting back on meds better, and then just keeping up on else.  Oh, and cleaning and clearing the refrigerator.  All of it?  You know, maybe.  I'll sure give it a shot.  I also plan, maybe, another option which has been on my mind.  All work and no prayer makes Jack's raging... if play is good too, if play is covered.

Later.

Oh, day schedule flip?

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How, why?  I did notice I started going to bed earlier.  Noted that at least once.  What I didn't mention was that I wasn't waking earlier.  I went to bed even earlier last night, for at least the third night running.  This morning I woke at 5:30ish, between five and six hours earlier, and very shy on sleep.  If I could have stayed in bed, I would have.  The bed hurts when I can't sleep.  I don't mind the change, I was, am, just a bit nervous about sleep deprivation.  It's been a while and I'd rather not go back to it.  I almost can never flip my schedule like this.  I have some thought that it might be the start of major flips, though oh well if so.

The weather has warmed, 70 plus F days.  Sun, and it is making it down to us.  Not a bad thing.  I think that is the main culprit, in the good sense.  Now if it would slowly rise to full summer temps over the next month.  I think I could handle that much easier.  I'll get what arrives, try to make do.  I may need a nap shortly.

My back is finally hurting.  But why now, days after the rest of my body is clear of pain?  There is the tightness elsewhere, but not sore muscles.  I may hit aspirin as I go in for a nap.  Leg joints are still a bit creaky, mildly pained.  Getting old and sitting too often and too long, then trying to work, I suppose?  -  Oh, I was lifting my feet during the pedicure, and shouldn't have been, that's what happened.

Yeah, just thought a bit of potential good news would be a change.  Later.

Rough, tumble, low.

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Life.  A difficult thing often enough.  Toss in being over one's head, suffering seriously physically, while having abandonment issues exasperated, and there I go.

I have too much to do and currently no good way to do it.  The house, the fridge, new and old business, projects, probably more.  It wasn't work that brought me down.  I was down physically.  Working through it was most likely a good thing.  If nothing else it offered real, or causal, pain to balance the system failure based suffering.  I need to get back on medicine for one thing, if I am not sure that helps anymore.  Did it ever?  Can it.  I'll... give it a go again.

My body feels bad.  Ever worn a compression sock, bandage, brace for what seems like too long?  Imagine a whole-body compression device, worn way too long.  Or being gassy, but having that sensation everywhere from torso to shoulder joints to calves.  No bloat or water retention, so there doesn't seem to be a simple actual physical cause.  I haven't been complaining, through the weeks, more maybe, as that doesn't help.  A grumpy body, lack of focus, exhaustion.  Warm sunny days would, might, help, if I truly fear blisteringly, blindingly, hot days.

After my masseuse left for unknown reasons, my pedicurist is leaving.  At least I know why with her.  And I got to say goodbye.  Just someone, but when you have few you deal with pretty much at all, each has an... extended value.  And then on top of the rest. The inverse of the cherry on top.  Such a mood.
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A dream, though.  Pinocchio.  Again?  I am almost sure this isn't the first time.  If this is a vastly different take.

I was Pinocchio.  Of a different sort.  Of flesh, but not what I thought.  I knew the one who crafted me, but knew him to be false... a corrupter and deceiver.  I went seeking whatever it would take to set things right, to understand, to know the truth.  Most of my kind refuse the truth for the vanity of their corruption.  I... just couldn't stop digging at, doubting, even hating, my corruption.  Still tied to it, but not enamored of it as most of my kind... the mirror just never was my thing, less the deceptive mirror.

The search began for the one who imbued what I then, originally, thought was my maker/father, with his will.  Or further, to the first or great Maker.  Most of my kind, in many ways, can't and won't see that far around, let alone attempt to approach that Being.  Reality is too painful for most.  Then again I wasn't sure there was anything out there to be found.  I... just suspected.

Cooking, nothing else.

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Tired and sore.  I wore myself out.  Can't get to things, mostly.  Chicken parts and a pork roast, grilled, crispy, perfection.  The neighbor needed the mower.  I was just putting the bird in, did pork separately.  I offered, he wasn't sure.  I went ahead without him, but he did show up.  Extra food for a hard working growing man is golden.  For me, it makes it easier to ask for help, to my mind.

Next month, work on the bathroom.  That will be the start of paying work.  I need to clean and clear my room.  I might try to remove the old vanity, drill for the floor drain, and a few other things beyond cleaning the room.  I have some ambitions, thankfully it is a small area.  I am still not sure about how to do shelving.  I want two levels, maybe three... a bottom one for towels and such.  Then a top one, possibly one for my height and one for a woman... shorter, easier to reach, upon which will go sinks.   I am not sure it can all be done in one month.  Just for the various expenses.  Though perhaps much of it.

I am really looking forward to having my own, close, bathroom again.  I have even thought about trying my hand at putting heated tile in.  Would have to check costs, and running expenses.  My electric heaters, in the southern rooms, cost a fortune to run even part-time, prohibitively to my notions.  So, without much other heat, warm floors would be nice.  A timer to have the floor warm just as I am waking, off the rest of the time.

Awake a bit early.

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Sore and early.  I keep thinking I have gone soft.  Little spots of work beat me up.  Then I remember medical facts.  I shouldn't be worn, I shouldn't be able to work.  Go find men, my age, who could be or are, and have been even for five years, on the heart transplant list.  See if any of them can help chainsaw, process, and remove a couple ton of branches and wood over a week or so.  Heck, there are many my age who can't do that. If there are some who can still run circles around me... just not among the nearly palliative.

Sleep was good.  It seemed to be going to be a good, easy sleep, so I let the girls in.  And, oddly, they behaved themselves.  A very good sleep.  A side benefit of putting out solid effort.  Another side benefit seems to be a return of my tolerance for the chill.  I have that in spades until winter slowly steals it.  It usually takes summer doses of heat to get it back.  Or, it seems, some solid work.  I'm enjoying it.  I wonder if summer work will help tolerate heat?  I think work changes something... vascular, lungs, and more, bodily changes, more so for me.  Opens up... everything.  Very strange.  But it has to be strenuous, near to excessive.  Even swimming won't do it, to the level I got, if it was only a mile an hour last time.

Hmm?  What next?  I'm thinking bigger, with help.  The stuff for the roof is too pricey for spring, perhaps fall.  However, if I tear into the bedroom and open up the en suite, that might be next.  Having a plumber on call, an extra hand on deck, and all the pieces and parts save shelving, flooring, a medicine cabinet, and paint... even ten to twenty hours a month would get it done it short order.  I just have to open my bedroom, including to the cubby hole to the crawl space to add a floor drain.  Could just have it drain right to the ground but I don't like that plan.  For now I will just use the regular water heater.   When it dies, then replace it with a tankless of the right size.  Ugh.

Then, by this fall, I should be able to put enough scratch together for roof sealant.  As well, finish rekitting appliances.  I think I'm going with a new water out reefer, a smaller side refrigerator, and a dishwasher.  Next spring the hope is to have enough stowed for at least a new electrical main and new central heating and cooling.  Eventually the kitchen floor, a sub to the garage,  new roof waterways and storage...  I sort of don't think raised beds are in the books.  More edibles, however, here and there?  Perhaps, in time, a new automatic watering system.

I did remember to thaw meats.  To be barbecued.  Chicken hindquarters and the pork roast, the burger will just go to crumble and the lamb chop was grilled for supper.  As well, I'd like to boil some of the eggs.  Just to have some on hand.  Not all though, I want to fry a few soon.  While cooking, the goal is to wash and straighten out there.  That, perhaps a bath, and maybe a shave?  That is all I have planned for today through tomorrow... well, maybe a few phone calls.

Good day.

More.

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More help, more work, times two.  The neighbor wanted the mower, as per usual.  It is a good deal.  While he was doing that, without telling me, he also raked.  I wasn't up to that level but had I known I would have been out helping.  I had started planting though.  Then decided to take a shower.  Got that and got back to planting.  He showed back up and dug right in.  I hadn't expected to finish tonight, but, done.  It is being watered as I write.

Tomorrow is phone calls, dishes, and perhaps shopping.  Mostly paper plates.  I am hoping to grill most foods from now on, except for an occasional baked potato.  Difficult to grill those, or for me.  The difference help makes is quite impressive.  Only a few hours at a time, but I can do some honest work still.  I really enjoy it too.  Not like these younglings, but not bad.

Wonderful.  I have steaks ordered for the first, ribeye.  That is partial, plus cash, and other tools or toys.  He needs steel toed boots, too.  Beats spending on junk, which I have been heard tell to do.  Oh, and the raft and climbing gear use.  I have smaller but fun toys and tools.  And time, even energy, with a little help.

On to gaming.  Yeah, days and nights are sliding.  Considering this spring, I am surprised my days and nights aren't zipping around.  Good night, even if it's not close to bedtime.  See you on the flipside, unless a thought haunts my night.  Sleep well.

Some, more soon?

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A few calls.  Not all, but they are lined up.  Two more, three actually.  My doctor left a message to call back.  Too late for calls today.  Tomorrow.  A piece for my air compressor is on the way.  Eight to ten days, really?  The woman was pretty rude, too.  Still, done.  One other call that turned into such a nothing it has already been forgotten.  Then I just lost track.

It is such a chilly day.  The highest I have seen is 62 F.  While not terribly cloudy, there is enough of something up there to keep most of the sun out.  Very strange.  The lack of sun and warmth makes the day difficult, add on the heavier work lately and...  I am not surprised by today, even if the sun was shining like a top.  Then again, it could be much worse.  After the last snow storm my mother enjoyed, the ten incher, they received seven inches in another storm.  As bad as it has been, I wouldn't bet they haven't been hit again.  Still, the weather is adding to a slowdown even here.

I am hoping to shower, perhaps do some planting, maybe shave.  IF.  If I can remember, focus. Might take a nap in there somewhere.  Later.

Fantastic sleep.

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Sore but not tired.  Twelve hours down.  No dreams.  Only minor fussiness.  Waking a few times, Sam or Sassy beating on the door or yeowling.  Is that Chinese... Catonese?  I knew one of them was a damned commie spy!  The other is a government stooge though, I think.  Damn those pet treats!  Anyway, I went immediately back to sleep.  When I need hard sleep, I don't let them in.  Plus they have been in with me for the last three or four days.

Almost to the sore state that begins numbness.  I do have dead zones, the main muscles used for sawing and lifting.  Must be lifting and sawing right as my back only has minor tickles here and there.  Getting some solid vein poppage.  Actually, I feel better than I thought.  I have phone calls, dishes, planting, and maybe a shower and/or shave on my list.  Calls are easy enough, but I'd like to do some physical work too.  Maybe.  A late start, so I best at least line up calls first thing, make them in a bit.  Any actual work can happen any time, even after dark.

The lungs are actually doing better.  Perhaps greater stress on them helped make normal breathing simple, or I fully pumped out air, cleaning and clearing right to the bottom, perhaps something(s) else, or even a combination.  Life, as to breathing, is much better.  One of the calls today is to investigate swimming.  Maybe once a week to start, or twice actually.  No pass until I see how it goes, summer and winter.  It is a closer drive than the last.  Yeah.  That will help.

I realize, for the rest of my life, I will struggle.  To push, pull, jostle, with hurt, focus, even breath sometimes.  But I was built to last.  I have a long gruesome road out there.  And, yet, I'll tell you, I am not just subservient to the road ahead, I am... looking forward to it. I think there is still a lot of good out there yet, maybe even a woman.  Crazy as such a notion is, there it is.  It's good to have peeps, and dames are all I like.  Mostly like them.  A rose by any other thorn.

Well, I'll wrangle the numbers I don't have, wake, read, game, then get to it.  I'd sure like to plant things today, even over dishes.  I really need paper plates.  Later.

Work.

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I really tried to talk my way out of it.  Wouldn't take a no.  Was willing to work solo.  I... just couldn't allow that.  My last official bp?  226/124, pulse at 120.  Still, I could so I did.  Got a lot more done than anticipated, and in an hour and change.  But I am beat.  A bit of final processing and a lot of hauling.  Quite a lot of work.  Beat like a stray.

I'll get to planting when I can.  Soon.  They need to go in pretty fast.  Thursday, at the earliest, though.

The lad bit himself with the chainsaw.  Just a bit, but.  I have saw proof chaps, he wore them last time, why not today.  I didn't see it happen.  It was right as we were finishing logs for the community fire wood pile.  Ended the day.  No more sawing, at least not without chaps.  Might need stitches.  Yeah, I'll cover if so.  Those chaps are pricey, but probably cheaper than even the out-of-pocket stitches.  Dang kid, trying to get one of his parents to end me!

I was going to get dinner too.  I gave him a few dollars.  If he needs stitches he can get a meal on the way.  Gah.  I need to purchase butterflies (bandages).  I do have staples, medical, two sizes, but those are for no-doctor events.  Three butterflies, medium to small, would probably have been enough.  Dang kids, trying to give me a heart attack.
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All is well.

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Internet downtime.  While trimming the trees, a branch snagged the internet, Saturday. They were worried I'd be upset.  Not a chance.  To have those gone, no longer worrying about both internet and power lines every time the wind blows, but not shelling out $600?  Yeah, no problems.  An internet timeout is good from time to time as well.

We cut a lot more tree sized branches.  I worked to my end, Saturday, then kept going back to it as I could.  Then worked more yesterday.  I am hoping to do more today but I can't promise.  I am sore and very tired.  Still, it is possible.  All I would be doing today is processing and stacking good wood and branches separately.

The house is falling apart though.  I have been doing so much outside work, and ran out of paper plates.  I'll... get on it soon.  I also need to get fresh coffee, just a pot in the morning, with fresh cream, then back to tea for the rest of the day.  I absolutely enjoy the DeWalt cordless tools.  I've been running them through their paces without a hitch, save the compressor... which reminds me... a call to them today.

I think the asparagus is in.  And one of the new ac units.  One or two more before summer heat.  I refuse to cook, I'll figure it out.  If needed, I may have another trick for if it gets really dry.  It'll work, the trick, with window or whole house ac.

Definitely asparagus, plus I have jerusalem artichoke bulbs in.  If I can do something today, it will be those.  Oh, did I mention?  I have a source of fresh eggs, delivered!  Life is getting better.  They don't do meat birds, or yet.  Raise chickens and ducks, so I have some hopes.  All good as is even so.

Even being tired, I got a shower and made it to the post, then called to order steaks from the local butcher in various thicknesses, and called to change an appointment to what it was supposed to be.  Next, to find the number for DeWalt, about the compressor.  That... may be it for the day.  Tired and then some.

Good day.