Nothing doing.

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I attempted to do paperwork online.  It just wouldn't go through.  I contacted the other end.  No reply so far.  A small breakfast.  That was it.  Tired.  Unable to focus.  The cats and ducks have been tended.  Blood sugar is staying just above 90.  I think I am about to crash.  I will take slow acting insulin, again just 15 cc's.  With blood sugar that low.  I will skip supper, lunch?  Whatever.

It was warm enough yesterday and today to do some airing out.  I was so surprised, but took the opportunity.  It was good.  Later.  Good night, actually.

Odd.

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I went down right at 20:00.  Slept until 1:30, but cruised to 2:30.  Someone was in my house, but I knew who and why.  Part of what woke me.  Not a problem, I was waking already.

The water pills did there work.  Between yesterday and last night I purged two to two and an half gallons.  There is still a small amount of swelling.  I will take more today, and set up the lighter medicines.  Blood sugar is 134 fasting, but I only took 15 cc's of slow acting insulin because blood sugar was so low.  And I ate something a bit carby.  I'd much have it run a bit high than to wake in a dire low insulin level.  And, remember, I used no fast acting insulin yesterday, and I think only one 8 cc dose the day before.  I will have 8 cc's this morning, with breakfast.

I plan on making more pudding, but also chia, and mixing the two.  It would be similar to small pearl tapioca mixed in.  Toss in walnuts, and/or pumpkin seed, and or pecans, plus whipped cream?  A rather good keto treat meal.  Watch portions, an half cup with a dollop of whipped cream, and you are golden.

I am not sure if I am going to stay awake.  Will know soon.  I set the kitchen timer for several hours.  I will feed the girls then, and either shower or go back to bed.  Depending on if I see my shadow?  I am my shadow!  Never mind.  That is the plan.  If staying awake, after the shower I will finish the bathroom.  Then get a lamp or two upstairs, plus start on storage?  Hopefully.

Later.

A bit.

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Not all, but some.  Two loads of laundry, if no dishes.  Three business calls and both bills paid.  A shower but no shave.  Several other odds and ends.  Still rough, just able to do a bit.

Blood sugar is staying a bit low.  Eating enough has become difficult.  The last read was 81 so I had to eat.  I haven't taken, or needed, fast acting insulin today.  Blood sugar has been in the low 90s other than the first and last, but they average to 90.  Even having eaten, with blood sugar that low, I cut the slow acting insulin to 15 cc's.  Tomorrow will tell if that was right.  Unless there is a problem during the night.

Oh, salami is a bit too high in salt.  I'll have to eat smaller amounts and less frequently. Very doable.  Legs and feet swelled something awful.  No worries, I know how to fix that.  Lesson learned, for as long as I can remember.

Another shower tomorrow, and shave.  Plus cleaning the bathroom and starting dishes?  Perhaps a lamp upstairs and putting up some storage?  I'll do as I may.  Bedtime for now.  Sleep well.

Cats and laundry.

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Plus breakfast and lunch.  Almost.  I am waiting for the laundry to fully dry, hopefully this second spin.  Then I will shower, dress, and feed the ducks... and other things?  Hopefully.  Blood sugar dropped to 90 after having salami for breakfast.  More salami, this time with brie, and a fatted coffee shortly.  I really need to do grocery shopping.

I had forgotten to turn the furnace up.  As I was doing laundry I realized the issue and fixed it.  Thankfully it hasn't caused problems with the plans, but would have.  It looks like today might be better.  I sure hope so.  I am impossibly far behind.  That is no excuse for quitting.

Later.

Waking from another crash.

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I fell again at 22:30, shortly after waking.  I woke at 3:30.  Blood sugar is 102 fasting.  I am having salami, without a dose.  I can't put fresh tea on until I work through cold to make room for what is in the pot.  Usually that is organized through my day.  But with a two hour day, I didn't even get a fatted tea or coffee.  I was crashing almost as soon as I woke.  At least I got a shower.

Whites are going in right away.  A timer has been set to feed the girls, at which time I will dry the whites, take a shower, and set up dishes.  That is the plan.  I trimmed whiskers, so am hoping to shave today.  And I need to set up medicine.  I hope all the extra sleep will see me ready.

I have been gaming, but even that is above my current paygrade.  Blogging has been spotty.  Even watching movies on or through amazon prime is a challenge.  I can only do small bits of this or that before having to move on, or go back to bed.  It really is a difficult time.

Hmm... maybe some extra heat?  When fresh tea is going, I hope to make chia with sugar free strawberry preserves... or jam.  Still a bit sugary, as a berry... dose is your friend, and gluco-drops... again with dose control.  If it is too little, you may atrophy (self-cannibalize), too much and you poison yourself, even if it is just through fat storage by insulin as a biproduct.  Later.

Awake again.

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I can't be sure when I went down.  Before noon, I am almost certain.  Waking at 20:30 means a full sleep.  I was worried about blood sugar, as right before crashing I had a larger salami and brie lunch, but didn't do another dose.  As it turns out, no need to worry.  Blood sugar is 114 fasting.  Oh, and since awake at the right time, I will dose with slow acting blood sugar.  I will keep it at 20 cc's for at least another week.  I want to see fasting closer to 100.

I will shower today... tonight.  And probably tomorrow, whatever that word means.  And call and work.  I may end up going back to bed after drying from the shower.  Life, currently, is harsh.  I'll keep trying.  Later.

Very good.

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Blood sugar went from 128 to 111 with the slow acting insulin, now down to 20 cc's, perhaps to be bumped down a few more cc's soon.  Then, with a heavy but truly keto meal and 8 cc's of the fast acting stuff, it is down to 97.  I do believe more salami would be good.

The ducks have had their first time out, and were enjoying it.  I only shoo them back in for their own safety.  I hope to let them out again later.  It was warm enough to run fresh water into their pool.  Clean ducks are warm ducks... and happy ducks.  Yea, I like critters and kids, in the right ways.

A few calls today.  Bills and personal.  Behind, but... will try.  Or tomorrow.  My heart is tired.  Not sore or ill otherwise.  A shower before long.  I would really like a bath a time or two a week.  I need to soak my feet and that is the easiest way.  Perhaps working in the bathroom, definitely doing a load of whites.  I need to go shopping, but can't quite yet.  Later.

Awake

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Surprised?  I am, some days.  Blood sugar is 128 fasting.  Should be lower, but the body just does it's own thing.  All day yesterday, blood sugar stayed between 91 and 95 after the 101 reading, and with only the single doses of slow and fast acting insulin.  I didn't have another meal until 17:00, a very light one, then went to bed at 19:30.  A very long day.  I am trying to get days back, for as long as possible.  The ducks were given two times out, but returned to their pen quickly the second time.

Sam continues to... what... yeowl through the veil.  I do know that.  She sees what has gone before, what waits, but can't let go.  The body isn't ready or able to... release.  I feel for her, but can't, won't, interfere.  Death must come in it's agonizing slow painful time.  I let her go, but offer her comfort when she will take it.  A bit jealous, her time approaches.  It might be years off, but barring... interference of some sort, I have decades to yeowl left, more dead than alive.  Speak of the devil... she knows even when I think of her.

Not so hungry first thing, so slow acting insulin is going in first.  I should have pushed, taken it at or a few hours before bedtime.  I was just holding on, thinner than skinny of thought.  I couldn't have thought myself to that within the moment.  But I CAN precognition a thing, preset parameters, then zombie act.  So it is done.  It isn't a forever thing, as my schedule changes without control.

Not one major bloody nose this morning!  TWO!  Bastard nose.  Sure, the rest of me too, but I pick on misbehaving parts as need be.  Not literally, mind you.  But no headache.  Aspirin relieves one, creates the other, problem?  I need to reset some meds today, and check bp.

Fresh tea is brewing.  A few pieces of salami, chia with pumpkin seeds, and a fatted coffee in an hour or two.  A strange breakfast, but it does well for my purposes.  And it might well surprise you how good it tastes, even purely keto.  It does take choice and sacrifice to get to this point.  But once here, going most of a day without food isn't a concern.  The difficult part of keto is the psychology of wanting food as a drug.  Carbs are sugar is crack.  I miss the rush... crave it.  More than I missed tobacco or booze.  Two years since my last drink now?  Three or four since tobacco?  QUITTER!  ;p

Good day, night, and morning.

Often surprised.

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A larger breakfast, or it seemed.  Still, I kept to a suggested dose, 8 cc's.  I didn't think it would bring it down.  At 101 the control is about perfect.  I need to take slow acting now.  The goal is 17:00 to 19:00, but with cycles so screwy I do what I can.  I went to bed early afternoon, too early.  I woke shortly after midnight, but was hungry.  Too hungry.  So, now, between meals, is my chance.

I did start the insulin log.  It stays on the fridge, and will go to the doctor offices with me.  I am putting a date heading, then lines for; time; current (or last check) blood sugar; and amount and type of insulin taken.  That... should alleviate... mistakes.  Those mistakes can be lethal.  Ugh.  Nearly have been.

I won't eat for another four hours.  I may crash first.  Hmm...  I wonder...  Perhaps measuring food, exactly, then tracking calories?  Or as closely as possible?  I have a decent kitchen scale.  Accurate to 0.1 ounces or better, .1 gram actually, it just doesn't go down the two or three decimal places to equivalent accuracy.  I... think.  Weigh it all, from chia seed to cream to prepopped popcorn.  I have a calorie book... somewhere.  Though there is always the internet.  Anyway...

It is 38° F outside.  Which is very good.  The last night I checked, it was 17°, if that was two or three (?) days ago.  It won't even freeze the water for the ducks.  Very nice.  I have it set too 70°.  That seems way too hot.  With it so warm outside, that makes sense.  I can probably go with 66°.  Anywho, later.

Oh, but first?  *blush*

Sleep cycle is insane.

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When I go to bed, without choice, I can't tell if it will be for three hours or as many as twelve.  I haven't slept longer, yet.  The same goes for waking periods, they too are between three and twelve hours.  No choices.  When awake, the world closes in to the point I can't keep my eyes open or think.  I stop being able to see a next move.  The pain of sleepiness slowly increases as well.  When I wake, I pop out of sleep, no going back.  In spite of how it may seem, I can't stay in bed if I am not sleeping.  It is too uncomfortable.

I am surprised my feet and ankles aren't swollen.  Daily headaches, more really, was my first symptomatic tipoff.  Possibly grogginess, sleep problems, and general psychic fog, but those... slip under the radar by their very nature.  As well, they make noticing other problems much more difficult.

I am going to restart all the easy stuff first.  Since I am not puffing up about feet and legs, I will go with one water pill.  After a week, two actually, of that, I will start the hard stuff, 6 mg bid... uhrm twice a day... to start.  Ugh, but this hurts.  Hmm...  I really should start with 6 right off, but I want to see what the little league stuff, vitamins, and minerals do, on their own, for two weeks.

Fresh tea is brewing.  Blood sugar is a bit higher at 138 fasting, weekly average is 106.  I am going to start keeping an insulin log, I... can't remember what I took, or when... gets spooky... in the dark... taking potentially deadly stuff.  To be able to see wars thousands of miles away, see people's dreams, remember the past and present, remaining... relatively sane, but not to know if I took insulin?  Bah!

Later.

Someone suggests keto flu.

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Not an unreasonable suggestion.  That and I have completely lost track of heart medicine, vitamins, and minerals!  How could I forget?  How long has it been?  A week or weeks?  I honestly don't know on either score.  I'll have to see if I have lower doses of carvedilol.  Worst case, I have to split pills.  They are an oblong diamond shape, so don't cut in a pill cutter, and don't split evenly, so doses are irregular.

Yeah.  Definitely the minerals help keep keto flu down.  But the effects of being off meds...  How in the world did that happen?  Ah!  Winter happened, and early.  My mind went to sleep, some portion of it.  It is embarrassing to admit.  But, there it is.  Now the explosive bloody noses and daily worsening headaches make sense.

Oddly, diabetes is... my weekly average is 104.  I am wondering if there is some conflict between heart medicine and diabetes?  Time will tell.  I thought it was still Sunday.  Oh well.  I... It is bedtime.  I will solve this the next time I am awake.  I do think keto flu is a strong component, if not the only one.  Good night and afternoon.

Something is very off.

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I crashed again.  I am not sure... hmm, actually I did a read right before going back to bed, to make sure it wasn't a blood sugar dip I wasn't sensing.  It says 11:10, so up to ten minutes after.  I am woke at 18:30, so a full night's sleep.  It has been dark.  That might be it.  And it is already sundown at this time.  So... yeah, it's a seasonal adjustment phase.  Ugh.

I did get blood sugar to 148 earlier.  A quart of milk did that, as popcorn doesn't really move the dial.  At waking, blood sugar is 109 fasting.  Crazy.  With sleep crashing in as it is, I may have to just peg taking slow acting insulin at a specific time of day, say between 17:00 and 19:00, unless I will be sleeping... adjusting as necessary.  It gets screwy when time gets lost in sleep though.

Fresh tea is brewing.  The last of the pudding will be had, or nearly?  Probably makes for or five half cup servings.  With a few nuts or seeds, it makes a reasonable side.  And it is nice to have chocolate that doesn't shred keto and diabetes.  Halloween candy wouldn't have been so nasty if I had found this first.  I'll bet they have vanilla and butterscotch too.  I am not fond of butterscotch, but... even my diet isn't all about me? Right.  You don't have to understand, if every mother who cooks for a family does.

A side ache?  As if gassy?  The world is a dark, strange, place.  My dreams were... not good.  Prophetic.  I won't share though.  No use.  Americans have decided their fate.  No words will change the collective suicide of a people.  What does surprise me is how so many will be so surprised when they finally realize what has happened.

Later.

What am I doing right or wrong?

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Seriously lower blood sugar.  After a reasonable meal, no fast acting insulin, blood sugar is 85.  I have to eat more.  I need to shop tomorrow, meats.  I may lower the slow acting dose.  Say, down 5 cc's to 20 cc's.  I am already not using fast acting often.  It's still good to have on hand.  The thing is, morning blood draws are still a bit high.  Tricky to get this without getting that.

A bowl of popcorn will do?  Yeah.

Ducks were let out.  I feed them enough for two days, but like to put fresh water daily, and let them out for a bit.  If I can be up correctly, letting them out twice would be good.  With the posts holes dug, I just need to decide the best way to set the posts.  Cement is out.  Either foam or dirt, with or without tarring the posts first.  I... just don't know.

I'd like to do whites, finish the dishes in the sink, shower, and set up dishes in the tub.  Maybe.  Oddly, with the furnace only at 70°, I am almost too warm.  Bundled, but no more than usual.  I'm telling you, my body is really weird.  When it works, fully...  St. Michael's sword?  Son.  Believe as you wish, I only suspect.  I am all but sure it has to be crippled... until the trumpet sounds.  So be it.

A nap, it turns out.

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I really thought, from feel and experience, that I was going down for a longer count.  Sore, sleepy, weary, groggy, all together in one packet.  I wanted to go down long.  Three hours about as exactly as... no I think just exactly... given a half minute to settle in and similar to rise.

Blood sugar is 72 at waking.  I best eat.  No need for insulin.  Oh, earlier I suggested I wouldn't dose if below twenty.  Unless I was eating.  Since I always eat when I dose... my real cutoff is around 100-110, depending on what I am eating.  Just a fatted tea?  110.  A fatted tea, three eggs and cheese, plus etc?  100.  I am well below dosing.  Hmm, I have tuna and pudding, with walnuts this time.  And a glass of milk.

Very strange.  I am not eating or drinking much differently than before.  Something doesn't make sense unless my suspicions, certain among them, were true.  The rooster indeed?  Indeed.  Later.