Cold and lonely with out you...

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"Don't know if I can make it through..." Or so one of my songs go. Bah, I can make it on my own, but it is cold. It has been a cold wet spring. I have enjoyed it, to an extent, but it is time for some heat. Around here though, when the sun turns on the heat, it does not know it's own strength and we cook. I will see how thick rock walls and good insulation in the rest of the place works as per cooling. I am guessing a short stop to a better system will be a window air conditioner in the bedroom, maybe another room as required. But there is a nice swimming hole not more than 3 miles away too. For now though, cold... and maybe a bit lonely.

I need to figure out the last of the packing. I have, for the most part, only clothes left. Well, clothes and toiletries. I am out of room in the storage compartment, but I do have room in the auto. I did get most of what I had wanted to complete finished the other day. I actually did get two loads into storage, and another minor load into the vehicle. The computer and such will simply have to go when I do, along with most of the clothes, guns, ammo, reloading supplies, and... me. I think that is all I have left.

I will be giving my hosts a decent spot of cash for utilities and convenience. They have not required rent, so that will be easy. The way they shop for food and clothes makes gift certificates sort of difficult, so simple cash will work. A bit for coverage and a bit extra in gratitude. How much, I cannot be sure, though $150 I am thinking. They would not accept more and are probably expecting less, basing my guess on how they live and what I have see from their expectations, I can see where this would be good.

Hungry! Lunch! Something warm I should think. A quick prep, then hot, locally made, soup and bread is what I have a hankering to eat. I want meat, but cannot get enough of that at the moment, so will go light until I can buy and cook my own meats. No one, save Maddox, does steak or beef generally the way I like it. And really thin cuts, often, at the places here in town. Uhrm, though I have not tried the high end places, to be honest. One clue, to the cooks out there, do not salt the thing to death. Too much salt does not make up for poorer cuts of beef. Anywhile, have a good day.

A call was placed and answered.

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Tuesday, so I am told. I am to be at a specific place at 3:00 pm Tuesday afternoon, here in town. I am not sure if it is a dress affair, though I shall endeavor to be moderately well presented. At that time in that place I will be signing the closing papers for the house, my new, first, and hopefully long time to come residents.

My initial closing date, after a month of working on the purchase, was April 23rd. We filed... I am not sure of the actual number, but... many extensions, five if them if I were to venture a guess and at least. So, about 2 and a half months of work and worry, signatures and pressure, doubts and fears. Inspections from hell, working like men, and with the faith of saints, the angles have come through. And, no, not literally save that it is hoped that this is God's will.

Hmm, 75 days to buy a house. But given the times, financial insecurity locally, regionally, nationally, and internationally... that it went through at all is a minor miracle. People, both at the brokerage and in my circle of family and friends are elated and quite surprised. I have told the people who are 'hosting' me, my lady friend, and my mother so far. I have yet to tell my gentleman friend here in town, but I will be visiting him shortly to see how he is doing and to take a movie to watch, and perhaps some food being shared around if he has none.

Unbelievable but true. I was certain this deal was dead. Sometimes being wrong is a good thing. Now to get everything even more prepared. The leaving is less fear inducing and more in elation, which does help in preparing. I will not begin work on the garden right away, though I may start talking to people about what to add and when. My hosts know the places to go for such information, seed, plants, and such as may be needed. As well, the Mr. knows a few things about home repair and such. I am in a good way in an ever better way to begin working out the things that are on my list.

Well, just wanted to get this out there. I have... things to do!!! Cheers and have a great day! Hmm... beer, you know, is sounding quite fine right about now... Hmm... Cheers!

To the hospital again.

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Not for myself. I was visiting my friend, and he seemed to want to go out, get out of the house. He was not hungry nor feeling well enough to go shooting, but a drive up the canyon seemed to be the thing. He seemed tired at first, but this condition worsened. About halfway through the canyon, he stopped being able to finish sentences or even make any kind of sense in what he was saying or trying to say. I turned around and headed to the hospital. I really feared he had had a stroke.

In spite of the expense, the medical care there is good. Really good I think. Medical people are an odd lot, I certainly do not fit in there at all. But they were kind, and some were very nice. The same man who sewed up my hand worked on my friend. Some of the nurses were the same. It was funny, if odd. Odd, I keep saying that, and meaning it, somehow. If you are sick, I would recommend this place, or wounded. But odd. Ha!

He was not interested in going into the hospital. I brought a wheelchair down but he would not get out. So, into the emergency room I went. I explained the situation. The young lady at the front desk arranged to have several people come out to help. A young lady and a middle aged woman arrived to help, and between the three of us we cajoled him out of the vehicle and into a wheelchair. Quite a task, actually.

Initially I was not sure what to do. I was not sure if they knew what to do. They suggested, since I knew him, his history to a degree, and was a familiar face, that I go on in and inform the medical staff and stay with him, after they changed him into their version of a nightshirt and had him in a treatment room bed. And so I did. I was able to fill them in on what I knew, and fairly accurately as it turns out. From what I told them, they ran a number of tests.

It turns out he was low on blood. He had had a severe nose bleed this morning, he had told me, and I guess he had indeed. They initially hooked him up to a larger bag of saline solution. His blood pressure was sitting at about 91/34. The saline drip helped a bit, but he still looked quite pale and could not always talk yet. And, he was still in the "No!" mode. They ended up putting three units (pints?) of blood in him, along with another 3 similar sized to the blood units of saline as well, on top of three quarters of that initial and large bag of saline. When all was said and done, his color had returned, he became hungry, and he could speak and walk as well as ever before. Absolutely amazing. Though I suspect he needs iron, now, more than ever. He is supposed to call his regular doctor for a visit in the next few days, as might be possible with his doctor's schedule of course.

So, that took me from late morning or early afternoon until just about 20:30. It never bothered me to be there. I did not get bored. I had no worries other than that he get what he needed. They did not keep him, so I took him home. Now, I was getting tired toward the end. I have been up since 3:30 or so this morning. Still, that will just make sleep the sweeter. And, I actually and literally saved someone's life today. More, it was someone I like, even love (in a manly way, mind you). He could not have taken care to go in and he would have died if not treated. His blood pressure alone would have done him in as it would have dropped further.

No, it was a good day. I will be checking on him a bit more closely for a bit, making sure he gets in to see his doctor (and recommend to him and to his doctor that he receive iron shots). Once he is on his feet I am going to take him out for a steak (or whatever he likes). I will get him up to speed on health and eating before too long.

Well, have a good night. I am very tired, this is probably rambling. But, so be it. And again, good night.

A work day.

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Much to do regardless of the deal breaking or making it. Packing, my bane and bother for the moment. I need to be ready to move yesterday, as it were. I have bits and pieces strewn around a bit, though that circle has been closing. The Mrs. is seeing to that, and thankfully. I have no mind for it. I know she would prefer me to be a self starter, as would I. But hints of this nature do not go unheeded. She has been married many years now, and is patient. I think she is used to how men are and knows how to handle men in the fashion a wife does. She uses these skills effectively, and patiently, and is pretty sure I will take the hint, get the message, and go do. And, she is right. See, in spite of my notions of women that can be negative, this is a good one. It can, at times, seem too good. Ha!

So, today I will take those hints and do as much work as I am able to do. The sorting is the thing that slows or even stops me in my tracks. Moving this, carrying that, even laundry, are no difficulties. Figuring out where this piece goes, how to fit those in there, and finding everything, as I said, has, can, and will in the future, bind my actions, slowing or stopping my work. But today I will push and pull past my limits as I am able. A few loads of laundry to break the binding nature of the other work, and a few loads hauled to storage will also help.

One way or another, I will be as prepared as I am able by tomorrow, to move. It is my goal to be able to pack a suitcase (or more, put the few clothes not already there in it) and walk out by noon tomorrow. Then live like that until the first of the month. Even if I think the deal will definitely go through, I will get a motel/hotel for the time it takes, more on the weekly rate if there is some other hiccup. During that time I will begin finding my camping gear in case the deal becomes even more protracted. Though, to be honest, I do not think the sellers will wait much longer. I did not see the date given on this last agreement to buy, though I am thinking it is no more than a week and a half from my having signed it some several days ago.

So, to begin. Ugh... Help me... Hold me? Bah, scoot. I have work to do.

Have a great day.

Going through?

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I received a call from my broker today. There was a failure to upload, yesterday. The inspection report did not reach the V.A. lender. Calls have been made but nothing has been heard about whether the report has again been sent or whether the lender has received. Neither the inspector nor the loan agents are easy to find, unless of course they need something. I have another paper to sign, merely an extension to the agreement to buy. Is this the third, fourth, maybe fifth extension? I can not keep it all clear.

He did mention that a large part of the problem was working with the right, or in this case wrong, people. I have a very good idea who the wrong person was, but feel I should not say a whole lot at this point. I will say that walking into a house that is 150 years old, give or take, and expecting it to be brand new, is probably not a really good plan. Being anal retentive is neither good for one's health nor good for business. It all has to come out in the end, pun may or may not have been intended. However, one can always hope for appropriate measures which seem to occur naturally, no? I have it, the scoop as one might say, that the deal will go through as quickly as this Friday or be delayed as long as next Wednesday, depending on the financiers' speed in deciding.

I must admit, at this point, I am torn. Do I really want this? Is this the right thing at the right time? I am 70 percent in favor, 30 percent against, roughly. In the dead of night, or in times of doubt, it seems much closer, or even the reverse of the percentages given. But I know that is merely fear leaking out and spilling shadow on my thinking. Owning a home, the upkeep, the work that does need doing, the gardening I am planning, and all the rest is a huge responsibility. Oh, and keeping up the yard, the house generally, and appearances generally.

Am I ready? Of course not. No one is truly prepared to take command when it is there time. Can I become a good landowner and minor lord of the small plot being purchased? That is where fear creeps in. I think I can do a good deal of the work, organically or natively. But the details, the more protracted and complex tasks (like rebuilding the kitchen from floor to cupboards), and maintaining the yard (like planting trees to ready for replacement when the older trees begin dying), and such... I simply do not know. A wife, I can tell you, would help... and hurt. I would be able to do less directly but more in the reality of the coupling. Ackh!

So be it, what will be will be. I will simply do what I can and live with the consequences. There are no direct and right answers to these types of questions. There is only probability and speculation, doubt and fear, some joys and work. And so it goes, as do I, into the nether of thought. Silly, perhaps, but true.

Have a great day!

Additional thoughts:

If this does actually go through, though, I will be quite thankful to that ol' stick in the mud. So, never mind my terse words. Well, not completely... And, of course, conditionally. Bah!

Medical update.

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After half a dozen calls, some disconnects, ignorant operators, being passed around like a cheap bottle of wine by hobos, and a few people who had some kind of clue, I may have solved the $406 at time of billing a week ago as per the bill, but is now $550 dollar bill according to the woman I spoke to today, regarding the emergency visit. Uhrm, this was for 5, count them 5, stitches.

The V.A., who I called after having called the hospital's service line initially and been turned away from their automated system because neither my social security number nor the assigned account number were found in their system, sent me from office to office three times, dumping me at a message center which gave the number I was to call too quickly for me to catch. So, I called back and went through a myriad of phone centers to reach the office I had been told I was being connected with before the far too brief message was received and then being promptly disconnected. This time I spoke with a human. I asked her what the number was that I needed to call in my predicament. She gave it, then said I was already speaking with someone in that office. Okay.

So, I explain the situation and I am told that I have to report non-V.A. medical treatments immediately. But she listens as I explain that I did not know this and add the fact that the incident happened on weekend. She informs me that immediate means within 72 hours. Fine, now I know. I best keep that number on me, well, no, I will just leave it to the hospital to figure out, whatever. She looks through my file and can find no billing request from the hospital. She suggests I call them and have them submit the bill, which will be reviewed (at least paired, perhaps not accepted) by a nurse. Things did become more friendly when I said I was 100%, her files showed no previous billings like this, and her records showed something else... I heard a slight... change in her voice and her presentation to me after something specific but unmentioned, certainly after those things in total. She lightened and softened her voice and manner a good deal. Whatever.

So, I call the local hospital at which I was seen, this time I call the hospital itself and ask for billing. They do not have my social security number, they have the case filed as workman's compensation (in spite of it being a recreational firearm accident), they have nothing about a V.A. claim, they do not even have me listed as a veteran or with any connection to the V.A. in spite of my having filled out copious amounts of paperwork, them having taken photo copies of my V.A. disability card and driver's license, and having had to tell an initial interviewer secretary (guy, yuck), an initial medical screener, a second screaner, a man who did the work (a physician's assistant), an anesthesiologist, and the final reviewer of the work (a doctor I think), about my billing data and V.A. status. I guess incompetence is the new medical mode of the day.

In any case, it is between them to figure out at this point. I would be curious to know how it ends up, however I doubt I will ever be informed. My guess is the hospital is trying to stack the bill since it is the deep pockets of the government it is trying to pick, and the government in this case is already socialized medicine and so will decline the padding and probably some of the meat and give them an offer they cannot refuse... that of little or nothing. Call me a humble to entertain critter and leave off there. Let the monsters enjoy each others' throat and blood. I have popcorn and no skin in this game anymore otherwise. Oh, and the beauty, to me, to add, is that this medical network, as well, has socialized to some degree. Ha, state versus federal vampires. hahaha

No news, still.

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I called my broker yesterday afternoon. Nothing to report. I am never quite sure about what he says regarding inspections though. He said that the place had been inspected, and that to his knowledge, the inspection was successful. This having been a familiar and incorrect notice before, I initially took the thing with a grain of salt. Then he suggested that some sort of work remained, or had been done, though this too was not clear. When I started asking what, when, how, money, why... He said his brokerage and the seller's broker agreed to pay to have it done out of their pockets. Well, interesting, but... So I am not sure if this is done, if it is whether it has been inspected. If it is not completed, I know it will have to be inspected, so have they arranged for an inspection as soon after the work is done as possible or are they waiting for the work to be completed to call for an inspection?

Today is the day I am supposed to begin searching for an apartment! I have no choice but to go forward with that. I have two options here. First, I can simply find the least expensive place I can and crawl away to horde money. Though to be honest, I do not think it will matter. My guess is that if the finance companies and banks are in such trouble, and doubting the Federal government through the V.A. loan process, next year will not be good either. Once houses have dropped to a certain level, and they remain unsold, they are simply removed from the market through one financial mechanism or another in order to "create" value once again. As well, though many see deflationary flags, to my mind hyper-inflation is the beast to watch (though in truth, watching either one and ignoring the other would be a disaster in spite of the fact that once policies are in play for one, switching them over to protect the other would be so slow and clumsy as to more likely do more damage, fiscally, than doing nothing would be... although here the terms of the disaster may be mitigated over time if the initial damage might be greater in the short to mid-term of the thing). Well, that is my thinking anyway. My other apartment option is to hold out for a rent by the month place, usually dives, plan on taking this over again in the fall, and work it that way. Or, to go "camping" for the summer.

So, what I am saying is, I am not sure houses, loan packages, or any such thing will necessarily be available even by next year (let alone favorable ones, if the uncertainty that exists today passes for that). Further, after having done this much work with the V.A. mortgage center, I am not sure I ever want to work with them again. I really think they have been working to kill what they cannot legally deny since the whole operation began. I get this mental picture of drunken U.S.S.R. bureaucrats, who drink because they have a miserable job, doing harm which is technically illegal in spite of having been hired to do good, developing reason after reason, demand after demand, knowing in the end people have only so much time to pause their lives in pursuit of what was promised and which they swore to do. Beyond, they know that should the politburo change the course it is on, they could be tried for their unofficial ordered actions. What they are currently doing could land them in jail, or worse, bureaucracies being highly populist as they are. High crimes, high times... for another round of Vodka! The grind goes on.

I have been packing bits at a time, doing laundry, and feeling like a cat too far out on too thin a branch, far to high off the ground for any kind of safe landing. No worries, unlike a cat, I do not panic. Worse comes to worse, I will merely become homeless. And, to some degree, I am considering this anyway. I am not sure I will have time to close this deal before my allotted time here is done. So, if I cannot find a rent by month place in a reasonable fee bracket, I am strongly considering being homeless. Heck, if I like it, I may just keep it. I do have a tent and some minor gear. My auto can work as a temporary safe place for gear, if a weak one. Not a fun life, but preferable to year (and sometimes 2 year) contracts, missing out on a house, or some of the other options. So goes it.

Well, that is all for today. Or, now at least. I will tinker, hope the day warms enough that I may begin a bit of work, and begin looking for a place while hoping for a call. No, no, there is one more bit of information. It seems the V.A. is not paying, or has not paid for, my emergency room visit. I received a bill from the hospital yesterday. I will call them sometime today and let them know that this is between them and the V.A. If they razz me about it again, I will raise a stink or ignore them, at my leisure. If they try and damage my credit, I will sue.

Have a good one.

Hello, hello!

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A fine Sunday morning to you all. I hope you find some time to visit your house of worship, or should you not be of such an inclination through a variety of reasons, that you find time to enjoy this day in a pleasing, restful, kind way. This day was set aside by God, not just or even mostly for Him, but for us. Most of His rules and regulations, seen rightly, are much the same. In any case, I do hope you find some rest and a bit of peace this day.

As I said, next Sunday is my goal to be to church. Shoes need polished, a minor wardrobe needs set aside and prepared, and nerves need to be adjusted. And, of course but not of the lesser of important things, confession is to be performed. I do not fear as I used to, though make you no mistake, I do fear. The closer to the time, the more the fear. I do not fear God's rejection, only my complete understanding of my wayward manners. In there my sins become exposed to the light of day, of the light of Christ, and it is an ugly thing. But the release, the cleansing as it might or perhaps is called, is of such beauty. It is always difficult to see through that initial dark tunnel to the light though. It is a heavy chore. It just so happens to have such a beautiful ending that I believe in it.

My host and hostess are, indeed, kind people. We disagree on much, agree from time to time, and simply do not understand each other well enough to agree or disagree on some things. To my mind, however, we enjoy a quite friendly relationship. I certainly grant an honest respect for who they are, what they believe and understand, and that they have come to abide a world in the ways they feel necessary. Though they have some things tended, they have done so by diligence and care. They have tended their finances and lives so as to attend some greater hopes, and have done so quite well. And yet I find them, perhaps especially in their happy situation, to be merely (no slight here intended in even the most minor way) salt of the earth people. I hope that I continue to be a party to their dinner invitations for so long as they have them, and perhaps have them to my place or even out to dinner from time to time should the house I am hoping for not come through.

I have finished the novel I was reading. The ending, it is said, was a poor ending. To my mind, however, it was a good ending. I must admit I had, at times, hoped him to be arrested. Fie, but my anger, at times quite justified, lead me to the devil's hope. In any case, though I disagree thoroughly with almost every aspect of that book, I must admit that the writing is of exquisite form. Though it is not simple reading, it does not leave one confused in the least. I am torn as to whether read a few more of the author's earlier works or whether to read "The Idiot", by another Russian dissident type. Or, to be honest, to turn these anarchist manuals over to some library where some librarians can drool over them and find works more suitable to my mind and station. Bother but for the complications and considerations one must face in life!

Well, back to tinkering. I am rebuilding my browser bookmarks. I had quite a collection of places, faces, names and such. But the wiping of the memory has left me unsure what I had, where to go, what to get. Much of what I had was developed while need was more current. Others are business connections for paying bills and such. Others were purely personal. Thankfully, merely finding my blog has reunited me with most of my blog sites.

Bit by bit, as always, the tasks I pursue will find their place and time and be done or will drift away on a sea of empty promises. There is, after all, only so much a man can do, no matter how great or small he is. Sometimes I wonder that the littler man can do more as he is not defined or confined by the realities of "great men". Which, uhrm, leaves me wide open! *smiles*

Peace be with you.