The foot got worse.

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Just the one that was already hurting.  That after being careful with it, tending the possible causes or contributers to the problem.  The reason I think, sometimes, that the cause is a person or force?  Because it only worsens when I am asleep.  The ache never intensifies while I am awake.

Only when I am nicely tucked into bed.  Not while walking on it (them), or standing on it, or being more active.  Now, part of the reason I suggest force, as opposed to person?  Because I have things blocking the path up.  Blocking the stairs.  Not impossible to get through.  But, very difficult to replace in the order I arrange things, from the far side, once having gotten things moved to enter.

What if I don't want to leave?

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It actually started with a different question.  Asked why I don't interact with Jasmine (feed her), first?  It is her dog.  Second, when she goes, Jasmine goes, one way or the other.  Oh, she assured me, she will be taking her.  if so, I feel sorry for the dog.  It will be poorly fed and poorly treated.

Later, she asked the title question.  I just said that isn't optional.  And that we would discuss this on the third or more like fourth.  When we will see if she is paying anything this month.  If not, some immediate changes will occur, including the loss of AC in her room.  And she will be expected to be out by the first.

Better, still not good.

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The foot.  I can walk on it, almost normally.  Just not without pain.  A whince with every step, like socialism's promise of a chicken for every pot.  Only, this promise is kept.  Still, much better.  I can distract from the pain with gaming, even sleep through, the now milder but yet ever present aches.

It's not just the knuckle of the big toe.  That is merely what screams the loudest in agony at the worst of it.  Other bones, even several in the ankle, all hurt too.  As the toe joint settles, and I psychically explore the pain, taking inventory, as I try to sort it, this is what I am finding.

Awake and better.

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I woke several times through the night.  Checking on the foot.  Seeing if it still hurt, making sure it hadn't become entangled in blankets, as well, checking on the other foot.  Keeping them warm enough, too, without making them too hot.  What a lot of work, if worth it compared to the options.

Doing well, so far.  I haven't gotten literally up, out of bed, onto my feet.  So that will be the actual test.  Socks, thick wool, on and off through the night.  More and fewer blankets, as needed.  Tended, well tended, as possible.

Intense pain.

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I tried to sleep through it.  I did, a bit.  Not well, not for long.  I could feel the deep, hard, throbbing aches even while asleep.  I finally surrendered, hobbled down the stairs, into the kitchen, and found my strongest painpills.  Almost surprised the glutton hadn't consumed them all.  Most of them, but there is a dose or four remaining.  I sure hope they help. 

I have been ginger with rolling in bed, careful to not extend, twist, or kick into the mattress.  I... sometimes sleep hard.  YOU fight with demons, djinn, and else in your dreams, you'll understand.  I don't even always win, or even survive.  But I get extra playtime for giving it more than is humanly possible.  I guess. 

That left foot!

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It hurts, and worse than the right foot ever did, this time around.  Part of it may be excess fluid.  So I am hitting that pretty hard.  Too, it may be that it is cold.  You would think, in the low 80s, I could go without socks.  But, no, it seems.  Shorts and a muscle shirt are fine.  PJ bottoms are too much.  But, yes, socks. Not white gym socks, but knee high wool hunting socks.  So be it. 

As well, I am being careful when sleeping.  I still wonder if someone or something twists that in my deeper sleep.  I had a pile of neatly stacked boxes tumble over the other night, up here.  I am certain that stack was stable.  And, I have heard scurrying, but with light on the area and an immediate search, absolutely nothing was found or seen.  And the sound continued while I searched... visually.  Wasn't willing to put my hand down near the sounds.

Not going to play.

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The Lies of P, without updating it anyway, isn't worth playing.  Now, both of my characters are stuck.  Getting good isn't possible.  Leveling more is... impractical in the amount of time to level even once, with the exp from available opponents.  It would take, my strength build, an hour for a level or two of mindless grinding.  Three or four levels for my dex build.

I have tried the bosses, continuously.  Hitting them five to ten times before going back to attempt more leveling.  I have tried blind blocking, studied blocking, just beating the things and dodging.  No way through.

A cool day?

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Depends on how you see things.  Compared to the relatively hot summer days so far?  Sure.  It is reported to get to 89 as a high, out there, today.  At one time, that was brutal to me.  With the weight and size off, even the mid 90s and low 100s are okay, for a bit.  This temp, if that turns out to be fact, is almost pleasant.

Just gaming today.  As usual.  I haven't made coffee today, and may not.  I also may not eat.  I simply don't need food, not daily.  I like it, some days, most days.  I enjoy it.  Usually.  I simply don't need it.  It is good to go without.  As with feasting, I offer my fasting up to God.  In gratitude for the plenty I have.  I just can't pay another's way, less so the ungrateful.

Lies of P: part two

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I keep trying to sort this game.  Having realized how much better a dex weapon was, and being inextricably stuck with that first 'toon, I started a second, this time dex, build.  It... was doing better.  Until a certain boss.

I wasn't needing to hyper level, if I did some of that.  And, all leveling mats are being used for the better weapon.  I made it through a boss and three mini bosses (often harder than actual bosses, if the fights are shorter (if you can win) and sometimes optional.

Almost.

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My right foot, the knuckle belonging to the big toe, again, began to hurt.  About two weeks ago.  So... I have been very careful with it.  Not putting too much pressure on it, keeping walking to a minimum, babying it.  And it has nearly worked.  The pain is down to a softer ache, rarely registering above the other, mostly currently, and also background, pains.

Further, I was being extra careful to not have the pain get into the other foot.  How can you be cautious when you aren't certain of the cause(s)?  Trust me, I could be, and it was working.  However, just as my right foot big toe knuckle is nearly healed, the left said knuckle has gone full retarded and hurts just as bad as the right had been.  More care going forward.  And, at least, it wasn't both at the same time.  Or so far, or to this point.

She knows.

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Not certain if she fully understands, believes.  Further, she is attempting to own the notion.  Threatening to move out?  Okay.  She suggests she'll be out this month.  No, I wouldn't mind.  I won't buy more groceries, and will eat my food until she is gone.  No more buying as a general rule. 

She told me she is joining the mormon church.  I... thought she had.  Her nicotine and caffeine habits are going to... be a problem.  Not my problem.  I doubt if she will be taking Jasmine.  That or back to the pound.  She can't have the cats, especially after beating the kitten nearly to neurological retardation.  The kitten is doing better, but is terribly afraid at times, and still has twitches.

The lies of P

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Here is an honest review.

A recent game purchase.  On disc.  No updates.  Without updates there is only the regular play mode.  Which... is very difficult?  I have read that, if updated, you can choose from three difficulty levels, the other two easier than the one I am playing.

Sleep can be exquisite.

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Tonight was one of those.  Awake.  But maybe back to sleep?

Having the room 75, even down to 68 if it gets cooler outside, has helped.  Well, and while I haven't spoken with mother, the... decision has been made.  The future beyond that is murky, muddy, messy, and uncertain.  But probably involves emptying, packing, and moving a long way away.

I would like to think there is a woman in that future.  But the truth, as every man knows, is that women are nothing but trouble.  Liars, thieves, in it for themselves.  I'm not convinced I could afford, this way or that, a woman... here or there.

Several folk have suggested...

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that, while kicking back, of an evening, afternoon, morning... when they had a moment and no immediate demands... while reflecting on things... just how much they have been through, suffered, survived.  How well they made it through all these things.  So... I gave it a shot.  Yes, I am different.

Oh, no... I saw what they saw.  How many graves I have literally clambered out from, how many wounds of all sorts and natures I have endured.  How much stress, hatred, and else I have had to contend, defend against, often just suffering through with no means of immediate mitigation.