.
.
Video posts, anyway. Videos started popping. Most new, a few old... Why? I decided to create two posts to break them up, as a gift, or bane, to my compatriots, sympathizers, and haters. I suspect it was a bit from each of you... what created the froth. Still, I am done. I will not comment. Every one of these popped since I retired.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Ducks, cats, and pork.
.
.
To each their own. To cats and ducks, from the pig. A pork shoulder roast with buttered cabbage and raw whole milk. It isn't bacon. As my tastes are now, it is better. Too much bacon is sugared, some is over smoked, some seems too thin or maybe rancid. Price is no guarantee. Actually spendy and cheap stuff have more in common than either with the middle. I was enjoying odds and ends until rancidity became the norm. The garbage bin has been pulled back while out.
Anyway. Fed, all of us. The furnace is going. It was set to 72° as a starter. If I take a nap shortly, begin working, or two hours slip by, I'll turn it down to 68°. It is just good to warm, well, in the mornings. Especially having been cold most of the night. And it was strangely cold out there. I believe it was eight, but frost was hanging off everything. A bit of precip or humidity, whichever with wind heading westerly with a slightly northern tick. A strange pattern. That would have added to last night but not explained the blankets.
Never mind. I am hoping to work, but food after extended accidental fasting is burning my dance card, and my love, doing dishes, is looking heavy in my arms. Even sitting, but definitely gaming, are heavier still. I'd still like to push to nine or ten. It will help make it a nap, not a true failure to wake. It increases the chance to gain and keep the day. Legs hurt, from the cold last night.
Bleh. Later.
.
To each their own. To cats and ducks, from the pig. A pork shoulder roast with buttered cabbage and raw whole milk. It isn't bacon. As my tastes are now, it is better. Too much bacon is sugared, some is over smoked, some seems too thin or maybe rancid. Price is no guarantee. Actually spendy and cheap stuff have more in common than either with the middle. I was enjoying odds and ends until rancidity became the norm. The garbage bin has been pulled back while out.
Anyway. Fed, all of us. The furnace is going. It was set to 72° as a starter. If I take a nap shortly, begin working, or two hours slip by, I'll turn it down to 68°. It is just good to warm, well, in the mornings. Especially having been cold most of the night. And it was strangely cold out there. I believe it was eight, but frost was hanging off everything. A bit of precip or humidity, whichever with wind heading westerly with a slightly northern tick. A strange pattern. That would have added to last night but not explained the blankets.
Never mind. I am hoping to work, but food after extended accidental fasting is burning my dance card, and my love, doing dishes, is looking heavy in my arms. Even sitting, but definitely gaming, are heavier still. I'd still like to push to nine or ten. It will help make it a nap, not a true failure to wake. It increases the chance to gain and keep the day. Legs hurt, from the cold last night.
Bleh. Later.
A few more posts until I can figure.
.
.
I will continue to blog. Therapy, habit... addiction? Perhaps with no visitors, it will fade. Or it will become more... legitimate. Without having to worry about the obvious sensitivities of others, prejudices even if correct, I can just write. Oh, hey, I completely empathize. As a crippled man knows better than to think he is normal, I know, and every flaw and blemish is plain before one called to God. Good God, I refuse to accept broken, wrong, fallen, as acceptable. I... just am. Everyone is, most simply don't explore it. Well, and volume and depth?
I will, as soon as fog lifts, figure out privacy settings. There are people I would allow, if I knew how. But that would take digging into the guts of the digital beast, plus trial and error. I'm not doing well. Just finding the privacy setting is proving a challenge. I had created a few posts from the flood of vids that poured in since my announcement. I cancelled them. I may put them back in the queue? Anyway... Back to regularly scheduled programming, for now.
--------------
Rough. Meds are doing well, save insulin. I am out. Days are back in session, so I will call in. I am low on everything but should have a week or two of the pill medicine. I can't make sense of the automatic system... too many doctors, prescriptions, long numbers, dates. They ask too much from at least this one. One, three, hoops too many.
Blood sugar is sub 200, but just. Haven't been eating much. Doing so little it doesn't matter. The body hurts, sometimes intensely, but the fog cuts the volume to less than numb horror. I don't bother with aspirin, it wouldn't touch the pain but might gift a bloody nose. Life is like a crisp winter day with a fresh foot of snow and a very overcast sky. Beautiful, quiet, alone, but deceptively dangerous. Death is here, and patient. I would know, it is... my game. Was.
I don't know when I was to bed. No later than 20:00? Probably several hours earlier? I kept waking cold, but shouldn't have been. I finally opened the vent to the main room. That keeps it five to ten degrees warmer, well into my optimal sleeping range, easily, with my bedding setup. Couldn't figure it out, in part because sleep was so needed. Not until three was I able to wake enough to consciously take stock.
Blankets were off, the top two layers. An unusual thing. I don't kick off, usually just putting feet out if too hot. I know it was set rightly at bedtime, because I was cold. Never did warm through the night. Ghost? Seriously, I... have visitors. Not all are ghosts. Not all are kind. Though the dark ones... seem to fear me, much as how the cats carefully consider being willful in my presence. Dunno.
Up at 5:00 to thirty after. A lot of sleep. Too much. Perhaps because I never got warm? The cold can take it out of me. Did.
I did get most of the trash collected and out. I had hoped to get more, but took what I could, when I could, how I could. I think I got a friend in trouble, kin as I see it, with my predicament. It wasn't his fault. A man just has to tend his matters and I just wasn't as able to do so. It... isn't even my fault. It just happens.
I'll grab the barrel back, feed and water critters, sort cat litter, then plot. Call for medicine, hopefully hit the dishes, then shower. And maybe start in on the kitchen and boxes? Oh, and start the grill for a pork roast. I have steamed cabbage to go with it. It's been so long since I've had a real meal.
.
I will continue to blog. Therapy, habit... addiction? Perhaps with no visitors, it will fade. Or it will become more... legitimate. Without having to worry about the obvious sensitivities of others, prejudices even if correct, I can just write. Oh, hey, I completely empathize. As a crippled man knows better than to think he is normal, I know, and every flaw and blemish is plain before one called to God. Good God, I refuse to accept broken, wrong, fallen, as acceptable. I... just am. Everyone is, most simply don't explore it. Well, and volume and depth?
I will, as soon as fog lifts, figure out privacy settings. There are people I would allow, if I knew how. But that would take digging into the guts of the digital beast, plus trial and error. I'm not doing well. Just finding the privacy setting is proving a challenge. I had created a few posts from the flood of vids that poured in since my announcement. I cancelled them. I may put them back in the queue? Anyway... Back to regularly scheduled programming, for now.
--------------
Rough. Meds are doing well, save insulin. I am out. Days are back in session, so I will call in. I am low on everything but should have a week or two of the pill medicine. I can't make sense of the automatic system... too many doctors, prescriptions, long numbers, dates. They ask too much from at least this one. One, three, hoops too many.
Blood sugar is sub 200, but just. Haven't been eating much. Doing so little it doesn't matter. The body hurts, sometimes intensely, but the fog cuts the volume to less than numb horror. I don't bother with aspirin, it wouldn't touch the pain but might gift a bloody nose. Life is like a crisp winter day with a fresh foot of snow and a very overcast sky. Beautiful, quiet, alone, but deceptively dangerous. Death is here, and patient. I would know, it is... my game. Was.
I don't know when I was to bed. No later than 20:00? Probably several hours earlier? I kept waking cold, but shouldn't have been. I finally opened the vent to the main room. That keeps it five to ten degrees warmer, well into my optimal sleeping range, easily, with my bedding setup. Couldn't figure it out, in part because sleep was so needed. Not until three was I able to wake enough to consciously take stock.
Blankets were off, the top two layers. An unusual thing. I don't kick off, usually just putting feet out if too hot. I know it was set rightly at bedtime, because I was cold. Never did warm through the night. Ghost? Seriously, I... have visitors. Not all are ghosts. Not all are kind. Though the dark ones... seem to fear me, much as how the cats carefully consider being willful in my presence. Dunno.
Up at 5:00 to thirty after. A lot of sleep. Too much. Perhaps because I never got warm? The cold can take it out of me. Did.
I did get most of the trash collected and out. I had hoped to get more, but took what I could, when I could, how I could. I think I got a friend in trouble, kin as I see it, with my predicament. It wasn't his fault. A man just has to tend his matters and I just wasn't as able to do so. It... isn't even my fault. It just happens.
I'll grab the barrel back, feed and water critters, sort cat litter, then plot. Call for medicine, hopefully hit the dishes, then shower. And maybe start in on the kitchen and boxes? Oh, and start the grill for a pork roast. I have steamed cabbage to go with it. It's been so long since I've had a real meal.
Sunday, December 29, 2019
It is about time to retire.
.
.
From blogging.
The world has changed. People have moved on, or off, or died. Those who remain don't make sense. Perhaps they never did. Maybe I just didn't get it. I had thought I did. Sure don't now. It is such a dark world. Some of that might be reflections of age and illness. Most of it is the reality of what is happening.
It will get gradually darker still. There isn't a way around it. If your nation is looking less and less familiar, if you don't recognize, or understand your neighbor, or preacher, teacher, or the new cop? When every news channel looks the same and reports the same fake news? When even white male politicians of one party, sometimes both, think the death of white males is a good thing... and still get elected?
There is nothing more to say. I just hope there is time to Yoda out rather than living long enough to have to war just to live. It's coming. It was easily foretold. Few realized it would be... this way, or with "our own" leading the destruction. Insanity, evil, it is here? Tibet was a small nation. But the United States? I guess, family by family, city by city, and state by state, the destruction was small, slow, yet sure. Look to Virginia as a most recent example, though not the worst. Or, not yet.
Good luck folks. And good bye.
.
From blogging.
The world has changed. People have moved on, or off, or died. Those who remain don't make sense. Perhaps they never did. Maybe I just didn't get it. I had thought I did. Sure don't now. It is such a dark world. Some of that might be reflections of age and illness. Most of it is the reality of what is happening.
It will get gradually darker still. There isn't a way around it. If your nation is looking less and less familiar, if you don't recognize, or understand your neighbor, or preacher, teacher, or the new cop? When every news channel looks the same and reports the same fake news? When even white male politicians of one party, sometimes both, think the death of white males is a good thing... and still get elected?
There is nothing more to say. I just hope there is time to Yoda out rather than living long enough to have to war just to live. It's coming. It was easily foretold. Few realized it would be... this way, or with "our own" leading the destruction. Insanity, evil, it is here? Tibet was a small nation. But the United States? I guess, family by family, city by city, and state by state, the destruction was small, slow, yet sure. Look to Virginia as a most recent example, though not the worst. Or, not yet.
Good luck folks. And good bye.
A shorter sleep?
.
.
I think so. To bed by 18:00, but sleep was elusive. A good night for prayers. Some suggest meandering prayers are to be avoided. For children and the dying, sometimes that is all that is available. To be honest, I would rather pray openly, honestly, faithfully, simply, while stumbling through rather than do a directed strike, in and out, asking for what I or even someone else needs or worse wants, then be on my way.
Even when short on time, I spend a bit of extra time giving thanks and praise, first. He already knows what is being requested. So should I die before finishing asking, He already Has it. What He enjoys is having His chosen spend a little time with Him. Well, that is how I see it.
Anyway. I woke, finally, around 1:30. I woke several times through the night. Ice slipping on the roof, some other odd sounds never quite identified, or just because. Sleep was good, but shorter, more difficult to obtain and maintain, blocky. I keep thinking about work, too.
Upon waking, I started on dishes. The tub is slow to drain, but I have things set up for as soon as that happens. Perhaps a load of laundry, two if they are small yet today. Wools and whites, the rest is pretty much done. After dishes, a shower and shave. Ducks will get watered, fed if needed. The girls have already been fed, but litter needs sorted. Ugh.
If I can move on dishes and shower, I can get back to the list, kitchen and boxes. Perhaps some business affairs I am sorely behind regarding, and... maybe some sort of winter outing. Bundling as needed and a short walk? I don't know, but I really want to go do something. I love the winter, mountains, and getting out. You would think me a hermit, a truth not a choice. Later.
.
I think so. To bed by 18:00, but sleep was elusive. A good night for prayers. Some suggest meandering prayers are to be avoided. For children and the dying, sometimes that is all that is available. To be honest, I would rather pray openly, honestly, faithfully, simply, while stumbling through rather than do a directed strike, in and out, asking for what I or even someone else needs or worse wants, then be on my way.
Even when short on time, I spend a bit of extra time giving thanks and praise, first. He already knows what is being requested. So should I die before finishing asking, He already Has it. What He enjoys is having His chosen spend a little time with Him. Well, that is how I see it.
Anyway. I woke, finally, around 1:30. I woke several times through the night. Ice slipping on the roof, some other odd sounds never quite identified, or just because. Sleep was good, but shorter, more difficult to obtain and maintain, blocky. I keep thinking about work, too.
Upon waking, I started on dishes. The tub is slow to drain, but I have things set up for as soon as that happens. Perhaps a load of laundry, two if they are small yet today. Wools and whites, the rest is pretty much done. After dishes, a shower and shave. Ducks will get watered, fed if needed. The girls have already been fed, but litter needs sorted. Ugh.
If I can move on dishes and shower, I can get back to the list, kitchen and boxes. Perhaps some business affairs I am sorely behind regarding, and... maybe some sort of winter outing. Bundling as needed and a short walk? I don't know, but I really want to go do something. I love the winter, mountains, and getting out. You would think me a hermit, a truth not a choice. Later.
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Freezing, but shouldn't be.
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.
It is, was, 12° F out there. It dropped to 6° to 8°. It really does often cool just at dawn. That shouldn't be a problem. I had thought I had acclimated to winter temperatures. Something in the air is different. Drier? Or wetter, but cold enough to change how it feels? I thought I might lose fingers or toes when watering the ducks shortly after waking.
I have started the grill, for beef delights, compliments to my brother. Even dressed well for the cold it really hit me. Even with the grill going, deliciously warm, glowing a bright orange, the cold is too intense to find a reprieve from regardless how close I get to the grill. Still, warm food, especially meat, and hot fatted coffee, will have to be the payoff.
So, am I freezing because of health, medicine, or just a special weather situation? I can't know. It might be a bit of each. Never mind, supper will fix it, I hope. If not, perhaps getting to dishes and a shower may. If all else fails, bundling to sleep should work. Good night, well and morning... day.
.
It is, was, 12° F out there. It dropped to 6° to 8°. It really does often cool just at dawn. That shouldn't be a problem. I had thought I had acclimated to winter temperatures. Something in the air is different. Drier? Or wetter, but cold enough to change how it feels? I thought I might lose fingers or toes when watering the ducks shortly after waking.
I have started the grill, for beef delights, compliments to my brother. Even dressed well for the cold it really hit me. Even with the grill going, deliciously warm, glowing a bright orange, the cold is too intense to find a reprieve from regardless how close I get to the grill. Still, warm food, especially meat, and hot fatted coffee, will have to be the payoff.
So, am I freezing because of health, medicine, or just a special weather situation? I can't know. It might be a bit of each. Never mind, supper will fix it, I hope. If not, perhaps getting to dishes and a shower may. If all else fails, bundling to sleep should work. Good night, well and morning... day.
Oofta. Watch what you eat!
.
.
Lost in the medicine restart, I must not have put the chicken away in time. Just the razor's edge of bad, but I got it. I realized it at the second bite. Texture... slightly too yielding, spongy. Hungry as I was I quit immediately. Not fast enough if... it could have been worse, would definitely have been worse if I hadn't the will and knowledge.
As is, three tortoise sprints to the facilities through sleep. So tired, but the horror of the option, on a real timer counting down... I wouldn't call any race fast, merely suggest they were all fast enough. I may keep the bedpan up there, just in case. If, because of it's nature, that would be an absolute last resort if no other option were available.
The first event tore me from sleep so quickly and violently that everything hurt. Getting up quickly, from the floor, before my body had time to warm, stretch, prepare, was also part of it. Not that it was all that fast, just faster than those things could happen. I took a handful of aspirin. It took from the first event at twenty thirty to waking at zero thirty for the stuff to work.
My second food event for the season. The other I thought would see me in the ER. I used Carolina reaper flecks in menudo... a Mexican tripe and hominy soup. Hot! Most folk can't go there. I also have ghost pepper flakes, but to my tastes, the Carolina's are hotter.
Anyway, Sam was being bother, so I went all expressive vocally and with face and body. Forgetaboutit! Down my spoon went, into da soupa. Uppa came a droppa da stuff, inna my eye! Wow. You think the tongue can be a wuss! Everything everywhere in that area screamed. I didn't know there were that many finely sensitive nerve receptors anywhere. Wowsa!
As soon as I could think, I decided to rinse it. But! Water makes it worse, dairy makes it better... in the mouth. But washing the eye with raw cream, with living cultures? Water. If that failed, I had a back up plan. That I was able to think that clearly in that much pain? Then again, as mentioned, I am... quite familiar with pain, lots and lots, extremely deep, pain. Pain isn't my middle name, it is a price for humility. Humility won't save me, but it can help see the narrow way easier.
I haven't had this much trouble with food since the girlfriend who kept poisoning me. Actually I think there were several. Three bad apples, peaches?, in an orchard, given that there was an orchard instead of a pair, pear?, isn't bad. Hmm? Thinking way out loud, my little chucklebunnies.
The soup had also been piping hot. I like doubling down in some areas. So I was worried. Sure, I have touched something I bet was 1000° (the stainless grill engulfed in the fire and sitting on red coals for ten minutes on a hot day), and not burned. But besides being mechanically hot, this was chemically hot, and involving, essentially, an interal organ. I was just hoping the damage wouldn't be permanent.
*slush flush* just one go, then to see, or try, literally. Hmm? No... problem. None. I still flushed three or four more times. Then toweled off and went on my way as if nothing had happened. No pain, redness, sensitivity, itchiness... nothing. My eye hasn't felt better in years. All good. Sometimes I wonder if I am human. Sometimes I simply know better.
Later.
.
Lost in the medicine restart, I must not have put the chicken away in time. Just the razor's edge of bad, but I got it. I realized it at the second bite. Texture... slightly too yielding, spongy. Hungry as I was I quit immediately. Not fast enough if... it could have been worse, would definitely have been worse if I hadn't the will and knowledge.
As is, three tortoise sprints to the facilities through sleep. So tired, but the horror of the option, on a real timer counting down... I wouldn't call any race fast, merely suggest they were all fast enough. I may keep the bedpan up there, just in case. If, because of it's nature, that would be an absolute last resort if no other option were available.
The first event tore me from sleep so quickly and violently that everything hurt. Getting up quickly, from the floor, before my body had time to warm, stretch, prepare, was also part of it. Not that it was all that fast, just faster than those things could happen. I took a handful of aspirin. It took from the first event at twenty thirty to waking at zero thirty for the stuff to work.
My second food event for the season. The other I thought would see me in the ER. I used Carolina reaper flecks in menudo... a Mexican tripe and hominy soup. Hot! Most folk can't go there. I also have ghost pepper flakes, but to my tastes, the Carolina's are hotter.
Anyway, Sam was being bother, so I went all expressive vocally and with face and body. Forgetaboutit! Down my spoon went, into da soupa. Uppa came a droppa da stuff, inna my eye! Wow. You think the tongue can be a wuss! Everything everywhere in that area screamed. I didn't know there were that many finely sensitive nerve receptors anywhere. Wowsa!
As soon as I could think, I decided to rinse it. But! Water makes it worse, dairy makes it better... in the mouth. But washing the eye with raw cream, with living cultures? Water. If that failed, I had a back up plan. That I was able to think that clearly in that much pain? Then again, as mentioned, I am... quite familiar with pain, lots and lots, extremely deep, pain. Pain isn't my middle name, it is a price for humility. Humility won't save me, but it can help see the narrow way easier.
I haven't had this much trouble with food since the girlfriend who kept poisoning me. Actually I think there were several. Three bad apples, peaches?, in an orchard, given that there was an orchard instead of a pair, pear?, isn't bad. Hmm? Thinking way out loud, my little chucklebunnies.
The soup had also been piping hot. I like doubling down in some areas. So I was worried. Sure, I have touched something I bet was 1000° (the stainless grill engulfed in the fire and sitting on red coals for ten minutes on a hot day), and not burned. But besides being mechanically hot, this was chemically hot, and involving, essentially, an interal organ. I was just hoping the damage wouldn't be permanent.
*slush flush* just one go, then to see, or try, literally. Hmm? No... problem. None. I still flushed three or four more times. Then toweled off and went on my way as if nothing had happened. No pain, redness, sensitivity, itchiness... nothing. My eye hasn't felt better in years. All good. Sometimes I wonder if I am human. Sometimes I simply know better.
Later.
Friday, December 27, 2019
Still rather empty.
.
.
Medicine. It takes a toll. I have no idea when I go to sleep or wake. Sometimes I wake too hot or cold, but can do nothing but suffer until sleep returns, hoping no damage will be done. Numb, mostly, but pain is returning. That is actually a good thing. Without pain, I can't react to it. And I'm not quite alive. It's a dangerous situation.
I think I was awake until 13:00 to 14:00. It was a haul, but I made it. Sometime in the mid to later afternoon (?) I heard the lawn tractor being started, unsuccessfully. I had some concerns, so went down. He hadn't tried to charge the old battery, putting in the new. He was having trouble even so. I thought he had already put the new starter wire in, but... not.
A bit of talk. I checked the old battery. It was down, but just to 70%. I put it on 2 amp charge, expecting an overnight charging cycle, if just an ignorant guess. Still, that was the lowest charge rate. Then went back out. We discussed new parking arrangements, and some other things while he tinkered with the machine. His pop drove by, we waved, so he stopped by for a bit.
Some things sorted, a lawnmower removal request, oh, and I asked if he would pick up my Christmas pack from my mom. I've been stuck, here at home, in more ways than one, for... a while. Pretty much since starting medicine. In gratitude I gladly shared out some of the goodies. It is good to share out a bit anyway. I checked the battery as he went to the post for me. Fully charged!
After, I crashed until midnight thirty. I have been roughly up since. Trying to get back to work. Mostly just... thinking on the notion. Gaming can help kickstart getting going. Unfortunately the game I am trying to use has too steep of a learning curve to really dig in very deeply, while being all I have available, so... Well, and is extremely stressful to play solo, if probably worse in groups. I just drift between attempting to read and make sense of blogs and news sources, getting wrekt gaming, writing, and listening to music.
The ducks and girls have been tended. Dishes are set up, but will need a lot of work. Which needs to happen as I need a shower. I am hoping to get at least a washing, so I can set them out and shower before resetting them. Always something. An attempt at... more gaming? news? blog reading? Unless I crash. Later.
.
Medicine. It takes a toll. I have no idea when I go to sleep or wake. Sometimes I wake too hot or cold, but can do nothing but suffer until sleep returns, hoping no damage will be done. Numb, mostly, but pain is returning. That is actually a good thing. Without pain, I can't react to it. And I'm not quite alive. It's a dangerous situation.
I think I was awake until 13:00 to 14:00. It was a haul, but I made it. Sometime in the mid to later afternoon (?) I heard the lawn tractor being started, unsuccessfully. I had some concerns, so went down. He hadn't tried to charge the old battery, putting in the new. He was having trouble even so. I thought he had already put the new starter wire in, but... not.
A bit of talk. I checked the old battery. It was down, but just to 70%. I put it on 2 amp charge, expecting an overnight charging cycle, if just an ignorant guess. Still, that was the lowest charge rate. Then went back out. We discussed new parking arrangements, and some other things while he tinkered with the machine. His pop drove by, we waved, so he stopped by for a bit.
Some things sorted, a lawnmower removal request, oh, and I asked if he would pick up my Christmas pack from my mom. I've been stuck, here at home, in more ways than one, for... a while. Pretty much since starting medicine. In gratitude I gladly shared out some of the goodies. It is good to share out a bit anyway. I checked the battery as he went to the post for me. Fully charged!
After, I crashed until midnight thirty. I have been roughly up since. Trying to get back to work. Mostly just... thinking on the notion. Gaming can help kickstart getting going. Unfortunately the game I am trying to use has too steep of a learning curve to really dig in very deeply, while being all I have available, so... Well, and is extremely stressful to play solo, if probably worse in groups. I just drift between attempting to read and make sense of blogs and news sources, getting wrekt gaming, writing, and listening to music.
The ducks and girls have been tended. Dishes are set up, but will need a lot of work. Which needs to happen as I need a shower. I am hoping to get at least a washing, so I can set them out and shower before resetting them. Always something. An attempt at... more gaming? news? blog reading? Unless I crash. Later.
Thursday, December 26, 2019
A pleasant Christmas meal.
.
.
The chicken was correctly done and still juicy. I only had cranberries with the second meal. It was amazing. As with holidays, often, I ended up eating a bit too much.
I won't get to any work, other than putting the chicken away. Tomorrow, or soon, I will be back to more. Medicine is still plundering energy and will. To have a Christmas meal, pretty much on Christmas day, will do nicely as for... if a minor... success. I will get the girls and ducks food, water, and else, before going to bed. Instead of their usual snacks, the ladies received chicken meat earlier.
Good night and day.
.
The chicken was correctly done and still juicy. I only had cranberries with the second meal. It was amazing. As with holidays, often, I ended up eating a bit too much.
I won't get to any work, other than putting the chicken away. Tomorrow, or soon, I will be back to more. Medicine is still plundering energy and will. To have a Christmas meal, pretty much on Christmas day, will do nicely as for... if a minor... success. I will get the girls and ducks food, water, and else, before going to bed. Instead of their usual snacks, the ladies received chicken meat earlier.
Good night and day.
Making my move.
.
.
I had hoped to clean the oven, then roast a chicken, on Christmas day. Two out of three, given my schedule, with the possibility of all three and dishes? Maybe.
I missed cleaning the oven as a first thing. It is too psychically foggy to keep everything ordered, even often on good days. So be it. I started the oven. At some point there is no easy way to change directions. Cooling off the oven, at that point, then cleaning it, then... no. Just... just no.
.
I had hoped to clean the oven, then roast a chicken, on Christmas day. Two out of three, given my schedule, with the possibility of all three and dishes? Maybe.
I missed cleaning the oven as a first thing. It is too psychically foggy to keep everything ordered, even often on good days. So be it. I started the oven. At some point there is no easy way to change directions. Cooling off the oven, at that point, then cleaning it, then... no. Just... just no.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Hit a wall.
.
.
I had been putting life back together. Work was beginning. Then the last few days... nothing. I don't remember... what has been happening? Anything? I had to stop and think... Ah, medicine. I am nearly on full dose. Started Monday. It seemed to be going well until it wasn't. At some point everything went blank. Well, and meds are inverted, due to the sleep schedule. I take morning pills at night, when I wake up, so the waterpills can work while I am awake. And they work, if I need three to work.
Blood sugar is high, at 178 fasting. It is a combination of not eating enough or often enough, and higher doses of one or all heart medicines. Perhaps the waterpills push something out? I'll keep at it as able. It was down to 84 yesterday, for no good reason. Bleh.
Mostly numb, if I can tell pain is back in behind that. Medicine related. I will have to slowly pull out of the numbness, dealing with intense pain, until I get beyond both, mostly. It is just how these things work. For good or ill, it is keeping me alive. And as little as I can do when fully medicated and beyond the worst of it, it is more, better. I only fell off trying to increase dosage to trim the last bit of problematic blood pressure, mind you. Too much or too little and that is that.
At least there is no need for painkillers yet. Sleep and wake cycles are mostly in check, reasonable, if inverted. I'll make it. I did check, looks like I have been taking my medicine. It is easy to lose doses in the fog. Not yet. I get through this stage quicker if I don't miss doses. Hard to remember in the fog, but worth the effort. It's like trying to leave notes for a future forgetful self, where you will probably be and when and while you might be more aware... without overdoing it. Too much, as with storm warnings, and it just gets tuned out.
I will try to get to dishes tonight, and chicken! It's just a little turkey you know.
.
I had been putting life back together. Work was beginning. Then the last few days... nothing. I don't remember... what has been happening? Anything? I had to stop and think... Ah, medicine. I am nearly on full dose. Started Monday. It seemed to be going well until it wasn't. At some point everything went blank. Well, and meds are inverted, due to the sleep schedule. I take morning pills at night, when I wake up, so the waterpills can work while I am awake. And they work, if I need three to work.
Blood sugar is high, at 178 fasting. It is a combination of not eating enough or often enough, and higher doses of one or all heart medicines. Perhaps the waterpills push something out? I'll keep at it as able. It was down to 84 yesterday, for no good reason. Bleh.
Mostly numb, if I can tell pain is back in behind that. Medicine related. I will have to slowly pull out of the numbness, dealing with intense pain, until I get beyond both, mostly. It is just how these things work. For good or ill, it is keeping me alive. And as little as I can do when fully medicated and beyond the worst of it, it is more, better. I only fell off trying to increase dosage to trim the last bit of problematic blood pressure, mind you. Too much or too little and that is that.
At least there is no need for painkillers yet. Sleep and wake cycles are mostly in check, reasonable, if inverted. I'll make it. I did check, looks like I have been taking my medicine. It is easy to lose doses in the fog. Not yet. I get through this stage quicker if I don't miss doses. Hard to remember in the fog, but worth the effort. It's like trying to leave notes for a future forgetful self, where you will probably be and when and while you might be more aware... without overdoing it. Too much, as with storm warnings, and it just gets tuned out.
I will try to get to dishes tonight, and chicken! It's just a little turkey you know.
She must be alone too.
.
.
A few songstresses as proxy. Yeah... I can see that. She is flirting on my wave length, stroking my cortex, stirring the testosterone system from port to stiff.
.
A few songstresses as proxy. Yeah... I can see that. She is flirting on my wave length, stroking my cortex, stirring the testosterone system from port to stiff.
Happy Christmas Eve
.
.
I woke just as it switches. I didn't get out shopping, but had found lamb chops at a reasonable price last time, and thawed it and a chicken. The chicken for tomorrow. No work was done, mostly, earlier. I may work on the oven tonight, and try to clear dishes for use, but nothing else.
Blood sugar is a bit high at 168 fasting. Only two meals does that. I will grill the chops shortly. And check the ducks. It was 36° F or warmer earlier. Quite nice. A heat wave. I greatly doubt that remains, but even 25° is a heat wave this winter. If it is warmer, it is much easier to change their water.
As mentioned, a chicken is for tomorrow... if it thaws in time. I... have methods, if they aren't preferred. No cranberry? Actually I just might have bought an extra. Nope, I have two cans! And the whole berry type! *blush* I must have bought and forgot. I can have a real Christmas dinner... uhrm, whenever it might happen. Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner this year? Noice. I may not deserve it, I won't worry about that. Then again, who actually does deserve it? I... wouldn't raise my hand if you aren't walking on water.
Merry Christmas too, by the time I post. Be well.
.
I woke just as it switches. I didn't get out shopping, but had found lamb chops at a reasonable price last time, and thawed it and a chicken. The chicken for tomorrow. No work was done, mostly, earlier. I may work on the oven tonight, and try to clear dishes for use, but nothing else.
Blood sugar is a bit high at 168 fasting. Only two meals does that. I will grill the chops shortly. And check the ducks. It was 36° F or warmer earlier. Quite nice. A heat wave. I greatly doubt that remains, but even 25° is a heat wave this winter. If it is warmer, it is much easier to change their water.
As mentioned, a chicken is for tomorrow... if it thaws in time. I... have methods, if they aren't preferred. No cranberry? Actually I just might have bought an extra. Nope, I have two cans! And the whole berry type! *blush* I must have bought and forgot. I can have a real Christmas dinner... uhrm, whenever it might happen. Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner this year? Noice. I may not deserve it, I won't worry about that. Then again, who actually does deserve it? I... wouldn't raise my hand if you aren't walking on water.
Merry Christmas too, by the time I post. Be well.
Monday, December 23, 2019
Up early.
.
.
The new early is late? Around 21:30. Crashed at 15:30, after taxes, duties, and fees. Six hours down, since I crashed asleep immediately. After thanking God for the opportunity to successfully serve His wishes, will. I don't know that He wants, say, for me to clean house. But I do believe He wants us to live well, rightly. If we can't, to strive to do so. And humbly, with a smile. I ought to find good whistling tunes.
If it hurts the whole time, make those pains oblations. He knows, and He suffered both first and best. Not asking for that, necessarily. If there isn't a way around suffering in flesh, whether heaven or hell bound, at this time. It is just that if you are hellbound there will never be a reprieve. Pain becomes, if blindly as a secondary target, the or a goal. For the heavenbound, pain is a teacher, an offering, a thing to embrace so as to know well enough to one day release, letting go of as with sin and death.
Anyway. Today? I am not sure. Perhaps hitting dishes. Then seeing about a load of laundry. If a store is open, perhaps seeking a cornish game hen, and associated feast vittles. I keep sweeping the bathroom. Now that it is clean, I am trying to keep it, as if finding a spot of sanity and serenity in an insane world, so desperately clinging to it like a man clinging to debris in a storm after a shipwreck. It feels like grabbing at straws in a tornado... where they haven't been outlawed yet. Gah!
Anyway. Food, dishes, laundry, more trash out even if I didn't get it to the curb on time... which... I didn't... I will bag it and put it in the garage. I'll have to see about bag tags. Though I usually don't have this much trash. It just collected off and then starting medicine. And, if there is more, work in the kitchen.
My back is killing me. It's not the kidneys, just the lower back. A handful of aspirin, though the first since restarting medicine and for earned reasons. Achy, but all muscular skeletal from beautiful efforts. I... enjoy this sort of pain. Just... been numb, or foggy, so if I have hurt I didn't remember for long? It is enough to throw me off my plan with an aware mind, so aspirin. I can glorify the pain raw tomorrow, a Christmas gift. Some pains are far better than others.
I am also checking out a new game. It's not really my preferred genre, or type. I may be too old, reflexes, memory, and else too slow. Rainbow Six Siege. It does cause me trepidation. Funny thing though? From what I see from these games? They don't teach you how to survive. They lead you to death.
Blood sugar is 158 fasting. Up from yesterday if still generally trending lower again. I think starting heart medicine disrupts that. Control is returning.
Yeah, I'll try to put a bit of work in. Later.
.
The new early is late? Around 21:30. Crashed at 15:30, after taxes, duties, and fees. Six hours down, since I crashed asleep immediately. After thanking God for the opportunity to successfully serve His wishes, will. I don't know that He wants, say, for me to clean house. But I do believe He wants us to live well, rightly. If we can't, to strive to do so. And humbly, with a smile. I ought to find good whistling tunes.
If it hurts the whole time, make those pains oblations. He knows, and He suffered both first and best. Not asking for that, necessarily. If there isn't a way around suffering in flesh, whether heaven or hell bound, at this time. It is just that if you are hellbound there will never be a reprieve. Pain becomes, if blindly as a secondary target, the or a goal. For the heavenbound, pain is a teacher, an offering, a thing to embrace so as to know well enough to one day release, letting go of as with sin and death.
Anyway. Today? I am not sure. Perhaps hitting dishes. Then seeing about a load of laundry. If a store is open, perhaps seeking a cornish game hen, and associated feast vittles. I keep sweeping the bathroom. Now that it is clean, I am trying to keep it, as if finding a spot of sanity and serenity in an insane world, so desperately clinging to it like a man clinging to debris in a storm after a shipwreck. It feels like grabbing at straws in a tornado... where they haven't been outlawed yet. Gah!
Anyway. Food, dishes, laundry, more trash out even if I didn't get it to the curb on time... which... I didn't... I will bag it and put it in the garage. I'll have to see about bag tags. Though I usually don't have this much trash. It just collected off and then starting medicine. And, if there is more, work in the kitchen.
My back is killing me. It's not the kidneys, just the lower back. A handful of aspirin, though the first since restarting medicine and for earned reasons. Achy, but all muscular skeletal from beautiful efforts. I... enjoy this sort of pain. Just... been numb, or foggy, so if I have hurt I didn't remember for long? It is enough to throw me off my plan with an aware mind, so aspirin. I can glorify the pain raw tomorrow, a Christmas gift. Some pains are far better than others.
I am also checking out a new game. It's not really my preferred genre, or type. I may be too old, reflexes, memory, and else too slow. Rainbow Six Siege. It does cause me trepidation. Funny thing though? From what I see from these games? They don't teach you how to survive. They lead you to death.
Blood sugar is 158 fasting. Up from yesterday if still generally trending lower again. I think starting heart medicine disrupts that. Control is returning.
Yeah, I'll try to put a bit of work in. Later.
Not just those things.
.
.
I called my mother back. Just... she worries and works so hard. Of course, had to jack her. Last time she called, she hit politics. I've left that out, didn't appreciate it. So... I told her Trump was stepping down, sometime in January. As she crackled, fizzed, and whirred, I finished. In 2025.
Oh. Wonderful. She has someone she is now going to use that on. Generally a fellow Trumpian. At least she can take a joke, and use it. I think she actually enjoyed the ride. It broke up some things though, for the moment. But her gifts should be in. Christmas treats and a specific directed item purchase. Okay, but too late to check today.
Then I stayed up to after 15:00. My eyes burn. My lungs burn. I am sore, tired beyond reason, and keep flunking cognitive simple checks. A good prayer, of thanks, for the opportunity to bleed, in more ways than one, to His glory. Nothing good comes of us save through Him. And today was good. Good night, and afternoon.
.
I called my mother back. Just... she worries and works so hard. Of course, had to jack her. Last time she called, she hit politics. I've left that out, didn't appreciate it. So... I told her Trump was stepping down, sometime in January. As she crackled, fizzed, and whirred, I finished. In 2025.
Oh. Wonderful. She has someone she is now going to use that on. Generally a fellow Trumpian. At least she can take a joke, and use it. I think she actually enjoyed the ride. It broke up some things though, for the moment. But her gifts should be in. Christmas treats and a specific directed item purchase. Okay, but too late to check today.
Then I stayed up to after 15:00. My eyes burn. My lungs burn. I am sore, tired beyond reason, and keep flunking cognitive simple checks. A good prayer, of thanks, for the opportunity to bleed, in more ways than one, to His glory. Nothing good comes of us save through Him. And today was good. Good night, and afternoon.
One can hope.
.
.
Blood sugar at 67 was rather low. I had already dosed in prep for a meal! So I had a treat as well. At 121 now, I am slightly relieved. Not sure why such large swings when yesterday, today, and tomorrow see very similar consumption. Whatever, I do my best. Muddling through as always.
Laundry is getting a final run. Dishes have been reset, some washed and set to rinse. The ducks have been fed and watered. The girls have gotten litter changed or refreshed. Most trash was collected and taken out, I just hope in time. I was blocked in by a lawn mower for some unknown reason, in front of the lawn tractor... which again isn't starting. All nearly blocking a snow-locked SUV!
It took a bit, some maneuvering, pushing, pulling, defrosting, and scooping, but I finally cleared a way out and got the trash to the curb. I just hope it was out in time. It is rough in here. I am hoping, with the bathroom clean... cleaner... to start in the kitchen this week. Well, the kitchen and boxes.
.
Blood sugar at 67 was rather low. I had already dosed in prep for a meal! So I had a treat as well. At 121 now, I am slightly relieved. Not sure why such large swings when yesterday, today, and tomorrow see very similar consumption. Whatever, I do my best. Muddling through as always.
Laundry is getting a final run. Dishes have been reset, some washed and set to rinse. The ducks have been fed and watered. The girls have gotten litter changed or refreshed. Most trash was collected and taken out, I just hope in time. I was blocked in by a lawn mower for some unknown reason, in front of the lawn tractor... which again isn't starting. All nearly blocking a snow-locked SUV!
It took a bit, some maneuvering, pushing, pulling, defrosting, and scooping, but I finally cleared a way out and got the trash to the curb. I just hope it was out in time. It is rough in here. I am hoping, with the bathroom clean... cleaner... to start in the kitchen this week. Well, the kitchen and boxes.
A busy day.
.
.
The ducks got fresh water. Their food was good. I left the door open. It is... cool, at about 15° F, but without a wind or breeze. I shut it early afternoon yesterday because with the same temperature, there was a breeze, and looked to be a possible storm on the way. They get straw, but... the wind can be wicked beyond survival.
Dishes are reset. Laundry is being dried. A fatted coffee is about to go down. And something else to eat will... happen shortly, plus insulin. So tired. My back is done. But trash won't let me sleep, neither will hunger. So... a while before bed. I have to sit for a bit first. So tired. Later.
.
The ducks got fresh water. Their food was good. I left the door open. It is... cool, at about 15° F, but without a wind or breeze. I shut it early afternoon yesterday because with the same temperature, there was a breeze, and looked to be a possible storm on the way. They get straw, but... the wind can be wicked beyond survival.
Dishes are reset. Laundry is being dried. A fatted coffee is about to go down. And something else to eat will... happen shortly, plus insulin. So tired. My back is done. But trash won't let me sleep, neither will hunger. So... a while before bed. I have to sit for a bit first. So tired. Later.
Cleaner yet, but...
.
.
The tub, even sink, still aren't good enough. The sink... I thought it was a stain. Just a small yellow ick around the drain. Hard water, or rust, I thought, but no. It very slowly grinds off with the more powerful drills using bathroom grade bristles fitted to an impact fitting. It comes off in powder bits. But it actually feels tacky, the stain area. With the tub, some of it is layers of grime. It is nearly gone, just a few more passes and experimenting with other cleaners. Though some looks to be dark, black, mold... gray after much work, from under soap bottles which had been forgotten to long. I've gotten much off, but no more is being removed. I want it all back to prime!
Then a shower. No shave yet. Cats have been fed, but not the ducks. Fresh tea for my breakfast, a fatted coffee. Eggs later? Perhaps a version of Starbuck's puffed eggs? Something. Laundry is going. Just one load tonight. I would like to reset dishes. Trash has to be gathered and put out. Then? Probably a nap. The main things are the ducks and trash.
Ugh. I am all dressed, if in pj's it's enough to tend the ducks. Save for socks. I like to give my feet time to air dry and absorb the oils. The doctors laughed when I told them I use baby oil. Oh, I don't mind. Ignorance is potent. Beyond general scaliness if I don't use it, there are the hands. As is, from too long not tending, my right palm is splitting again. They seem to always have some skin issues. But if I keep on it, it stays on the top layer, sometimes as deep as two layers. Without oil saturation, though, wounds will go to bleeding in the palms, and through the top of the right hand, which seems to have a mild scar now. Laugh, I do what I must. To think, I didn't believe in stigmatas. Then again, perhaps it... I don't know.
Not bad. There is hope for the week. Later.
.
The tub, even sink, still aren't good enough. The sink... I thought it was a stain. Just a small yellow ick around the drain. Hard water, or rust, I thought, but no. It very slowly grinds off with the more powerful drills using bathroom grade bristles fitted to an impact fitting. It comes off in powder bits. But it actually feels tacky, the stain area. With the tub, some of it is layers of grime. It is nearly gone, just a few more passes and experimenting with other cleaners. Though some looks to be dark, black, mold... gray after much work, from under soap bottles which had been forgotten to long. I've gotten much off, but no more is being removed. I want it all back to prime!
Then a shower. No shave yet. Cats have been fed, but not the ducks. Fresh tea for my breakfast, a fatted coffee. Eggs later? Perhaps a version of Starbuck's puffed eggs? Something. Laundry is going. Just one load tonight. I would like to reset dishes. Trash has to be gathered and put out. Then? Probably a nap. The main things are the ducks and trash.
Ugh. I am all dressed, if in pj's it's enough to tend the ducks. Save for socks. I like to give my feet time to air dry and absorb the oils. The doctors laughed when I told them I use baby oil. Oh, I don't mind. Ignorance is potent. Beyond general scaliness if I don't use it, there are the hands. As is, from too long not tending, my right palm is splitting again. They seem to always have some skin issues. But if I keep on it, it stays on the top layer, sometimes as deep as two layers. Without oil saturation, though, wounds will go to bleeding in the palms, and through the top of the right hand, which seems to have a mild scar now. Laugh, I do what I must. To think, I didn't believe in stigmatas. Then again, perhaps it... I don't know.
Not bad. There is hope for the week. Later.
It's cleaner.
.
.
The tub, and the body. Cleaner soon, both. I sprayed the tub, the worst areas... The ring around the base and a few other areas. I found a larger brush for the drill. I will hit it half an hour, then shower. The problem is the drain is slow. If I had the money, I would increase drain pipes from one to two inches. As is... it is slow. Rinsing several times, after it drains, will help. But that is too high maintenance for a daily driver. Still, I will get it as clean as possible, and try to keep up, as I have begun doing with the bathroom in general, and hope to do with the rest of the house.
I use peroxide in my ears once to twice a month. Generally. It has been... longer. I also have stainless ear spoons, which are used twice a week. I will use peroxide twice in a row, then spoon them. Not only does it feel and seem good, but hearing improves and I get far fewer sore throats and ear drainage issues. It may even reduce snoring (though already rare) and nose bleeds. Though that last may be heart meds. I just really like clean ears. I get why not cotton sticks, but stainless is clean... I keep mine clean, can be easily kept nearly sterile.
Blood sugar is 153 fasting. Slowly improving again, again.
Oh, had a dream. I realize cops can "see" cash money. It is traceable, physically. I was wondering how they were catching people crossing the country with wads of cash. Not sure if lead, or a Faraday cage, both, or something else would shield. Surprised people haven't figured that out. Though, with crime, payoffs of official and unofficial processes are common. As are distractions. Send out a quarter of a million unshielded so as to push millions or a billion in absolute lockdown. Not sure if it is electronic, trace chemical, trace radioactive, or can be turned on or off. I just know, or believe from the dream, that it is true.
Such strange dreams lately. The other one was about a woman with the largest natural boobs I have ever seen. A thin waste too. She was willing to pillow me and feed me grapes, if I... occasionally... missed the grape... but got a berry... to blushes and giggles. Oh what a night.
A bit of browsing, then to a shower. Trimmed, I may try to get a shave to clean it off. I'd like to get the ducks fresh water, feed the girls, and get trash ready. That may be it for the day? Oh, resetting meds! Ugh. Later.
.
The tub, and the body. Cleaner soon, both. I sprayed the tub, the worst areas... The ring around the base and a few other areas. I found a larger brush for the drill. I will hit it half an hour, then shower. The problem is the drain is slow. If I had the money, I would increase drain pipes from one to two inches. As is... it is slow. Rinsing several times, after it drains, will help. But that is too high maintenance for a daily driver. Still, I will get it as clean as possible, and try to keep up, as I have begun doing with the bathroom in general, and hope to do with the rest of the house.
I use peroxide in my ears once to twice a month. Generally. It has been... longer. I also have stainless ear spoons, which are used twice a week. I will use peroxide twice in a row, then spoon them. Not only does it feel and seem good, but hearing improves and I get far fewer sore throats and ear drainage issues. It may even reduce snoring (though already rare) and nose bleeds. Though that last may be heart meds. I just really like clean ears. I get why not cotton sticks, but stainless is clean... I keep mine clean, can be easily kept nearly sterile.
Blood sugar is 153 fasting. Slowly improving again, again.
Oh, had a dream. I realize cops can "see" cash money. It is traceable, physically. I was wondering how they were catching people crossing the country with wads of cash. Not sure if lead, or a Faraday cage, both, or something else would shield. Surprised people haven't figured that out. Though, with crime, payoffs of official and unofficial processes are common. As are distractions. Send out a quarter of a million unshielded so as to push millions or a billion in absolute lockdown. Not sure if it is electronic, trace chemical, trace radioactive, or can be turned on or off. I just know, or believe from the dream, that it is true.
Such strange dreams lately. The other one was about a woman with the largest natural boobs I have ever seen. A thin waste too. She was willing to pillow me and feed me grapes, if I... occasionally... missed the grape... but got a berry... to blushes and giggles. Oh what a night.
A bit of browsing, then to a shower. Trimmed, I may try to get a shave to clean it off. I'd like to get the ducks fresh water, feed the girls, and get trash ready. That may be it for the day? Oh, resetting meds! Ugh. Later.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Not bad.
.
.
Not everything though either. But cleaning took a toll. I probably haven't seen the bathroom that clean since I moved in. I didn't mop, it honestly didn't need a complete job, just sweeping and a bit of work around the toilet. The bowl, inner and outer, the toilet seat, plus the sink and tub got hit well.
Then a shower. The feel of clean... or cleaner... was good. I may hit the tub again in a week. It... it is better, but needs a bit more. The sink and toilet are as good as they get, so just maintenance is required. My body was in as much need as the tub. Another shower, or bath, tomorrow.
It's a pretty day. White, overcast, but with a surreal fog that does more to... almost transmit light? Or, it was last I checked. At 15° F, it seems cooler than usual, if actually warmer than most recent temperatures? Well, I think so. If forced to wager, that would be my bet.
Blood sugar was better, 102 several hours after the last meal. I won't check it again. It will, by what goes for my crazy circadian rhythm, begin going up. While it isn't regular absolutely, if my body could, it would tend to something like eighteen to twenty two hours up, with six to twelve hours down. As I head toward sleep, or when I should(tm) be asleep according to the mal-rhythm, blood sugar climbs, as much as several hundred points, if lately more like a hundred and change.
I... am about to hit it. Cats and ducks first. Then that trim. I love the idea of a beard, mine are more like camel hair, far too itchy. Good night.
.
Not everything though either. But cleaning took a toll. I probably haven't seen the bathroom that clean since I moved in. I didn't mop, it honestly didn't need a complete job, just sweeping and a bit of work around the toilet. The bowl, inner and outer, the toilet seat, plus the sink and tub got hit well.
Then a shower. The feel of clean... or cleaner... was good. I may hit the tub again in a week. It... it is better, but needs a bit more. The sink and toilet are as good as they get, so just maintenance is required. My body was in as much need as the tub. Another shower, or bath, tomorrow.
It's a pretty day. White, overcast, but with a surreal fog that does more to... almost transmit light? Or, it was last I checked. At 15° F, it seems cooler than usual, if actually warmer than most recent temperatures? Well, I think so. If forced to wager, that would be my bet.
Blood sugar was better, 102 several hours after the last meal. I won't check it again. It will, by what goes for my crazy circadian rhythm, begin going up. While it isn't regular absolutely, if my body could, it would tend to something like eighteen to twenty two hours up, with six to twelve hours down. As I head toward sleep, or when I should(tm) be asleep according to the mal-rhythm, blood sugar climbs, as much as several hundred points, if lately more like a hundred and change.
I... am about to hit it. Cats and ducks first. Then that trim. I love the idea of a beard, mine are more like camel hair, far too itchy. Good night.
Cleaning first.
.
.
I am certain someone is using the tub. If they were honest, they would clean up after. So the tub, and sink while at it, are being soaked. In an half hour I'll get in and work on those. Then a shower. Hmm, definitely need to trim whiskers as well. With tomorrow planned as a lighter day, a shave after the trim would be good.
Nearly two of the tea jugs are changed out, with fresh tea. One remains. I snagged enough for a fatted tea from this last brew. Plan on another. Blood sugar is 113. The coffee pot runs too slow. Loose tea gets in and clogs the works. I'll put that on my list, and utilities. Why do I keep forgetting!
I am staying up, finally, into the early afternoon. I am hoping to grab days again, for as long as possible. This may just be a roll cycle as I started meds again though. Especially since I do the final significant increase Monday, to 12.5 mg, bid. I expect to be off for two weeks to a month before I am as on my feet as possible.
I would like to find candles, and set up a twelve days ceremony. Having prayer materials and other things for each day... perhaps a puzzle game, or find videos of important happenings planned for viewing. How can one celebrate Christmas alone? To an extent, we are always a bit alone. Easier to be alone, by myself, than sometimes being alone together. Though company, when available, is always welcome. Just saying that... it isn't bad.
I should get something arranged for Christmas Eve. A small custom meal. Or just something nifty. A large Christmas spread is just too much, all around, for even a junior giant. Though, you know, a chicken or cornish game hen, with stuffing a veggie, and cranberry something might work? Just... thinking.
I best get to cleaning, so a shower, and all else can start. Ugh. Be well.
.
I am certain someone is using the tub. If they were honest, they would clean up after. So the tub, and sink while at it, are being soaked. In an half hour I'll get in and work on those. Then a shower. Hmm, definitely need to trim whiskers as well. With tomorrow planned as a lighter day, a shave after the trim would be good.
Nearly two of the tea jugs are changed out, with fresh tea. One remains. I snagged enough for a fatted tea from this last brew. Plan on another. Blood sugar is 113. The coffee pot runs too slow. Loose tea gets in and clogs the works. I'll put that on my list, and utilities. Why do I keep forgetting!
I am staying up, finally, into the early afternoon. I am hoping to grab days again, for as long as possible. This may just be a roll cycle as I started meds again though. Especially since I do the final significant increase Monday, to 12.5 mg, bid. I expect to be off for two weeks to a month before I am as on my feet as possible.
I would like to find candles, and set up a twelve days ceremony. Having prayer materials and other things for each day... perhaps a puzzle game, or find videos of important happenings planned for viewing. How can one celebrate Christmas alone? To an extent, we are always a bit alone. Easier to be alone, by myself, than sometimes being alone together. Though company, when available, is always welcome. Just saying that... it isn't bad.
I should get something arranged for Christmas Eve. A small custom meal. Or just something nifty. A large Christmas spread is just too much, all around, for even a junior giant. Though, you know, a chicken or cornish game hen, with stuffing a veggie, and cranberry something might work? Just... thinking.
I best get to cleaning, so a shower, and all else can start. Ugh. Be well.
A weak start.
.
.
Descaling the coffee pot. It may be too old. Will know soon. Two half pots of strongly vinegar added water. The smell is something, not bad if you like it, which I do. A couple of rinse runs. It's brewing the first. While at it, and as I begin brewing fresh tea, I am cleaning the half gallon jars used to keep it cold, three of them. I am not sure they get actually dirty. Just grimy. I like them to sparkle, and be clear.
I might pop in the shower while that runs, or on the second flush if it finishes by now. I'd like to hit the bathroom while at it. I wash the toilet seat while showering. It's removable, easily. No matter, it always needs a serious washing. I have developed a few tricks to... improve the man pee thing. But there is no way around fully.
I am still gaming, but I have surrendered on some aspects of the game. Without a computer, perhaps with it, some portions, the dlc for certain, don't seem actually playable. Free, but not worth it. I have gone back to the main game to try to get an exceptionally quick game so as to gain special gear for the game.
I am hoping to do the list from recently. Tomorrow will be off, except for trash. Then Monday I hope to hit the kitchen. Well, a start. The kitchen will take the week. As well, I'll be tearing down boxes. As well, little things between. There is hope. So much to do, so little energy. I'll keep at it, at least... keep trying.
With the coffee pot ooc, and the kitchen closed for cleaning, breakfast was... simple. A small can of peas, beats, and butter. A bit carby, but veggies are a rarity, a mix rarer still. Blood sugar, at 160 fasting, is... middling. Keeping it in the 90's to 140's is as good as I can do, if actually because I haven't been eating enough. Odd, that.
Later.
.
Descaling the coffee pot. It may be too old. Will know soon. Two half pots of strongly vinegar added water. The smell is something, not bad if you like it, which I do. A couple of rinse runs. It's brewing the first. While at it, and as I begin brewing fresh tea, I am cleaning the half gallon jars used to keep it cold, three of them. I am not sure they get actually dirty. Just grimy. I like them to sparkle, and be clear.
I might pop in the shower while that runs, or on the second flush if it finishes by now. I'd like to hit the bathroom while at it. I wash the toilet seat while showering. It's removable, easily. No matter, it always needs a serious washing. I have developed a few tricks to... improve the man pee thing. But there is no way around fully.
I am still gaming, but I have surrendered on some aspects of the game. Without a computer, perhaps with it, some portions, the dlc for certain, don't seem actually playable. Free, but not worth it. I have gone back to the main game to try to get an exceptionally quick game so as to gain special gear for the game.
I am hoping to do the list from recently. Tomorrow will be off, except for trash. Then Monday I hope to hit the kitchen. Well, a start. The kitchen will take the week. As well, I'll be tearing down boxes. As well, little things between. There is hope. So much to do, so little energy. I'll keep at it, at least... keep trying.
With the coffee pot ooc, and the kitchen closed for cleaning, breakfast was... simple. A small can of peas, beats, and butter. A bit carby, but veggies are a rarity, a mix rarer still. Blood sugar, at 160 fasting, is... middling. Keeping it in the 90's to 140's is as good as I can do, if actually because I haven't been eating enough. Odd, that.
Later.
Saturday, December 21, 2019
Such strange dreams.
.
.
The one most understood was the dream most recent. But the subject was simple. Death. Or more correctly, shortly after. It is if I was waking normally, but... there was no pain. How long has it been? I am so used to a significant level of it that I don't notice the majority of it unless I push, or try new meds, or fall off, then begin them again.
Often it feels as if I am tied into some contraption from the Saw movies. Only it's purpose isn't to kill. It's job is too cause excruciating pain. The receiver never knows why, or when, or even how. Trying not to move makes it worse. Not moving, being active, enough can bring horrid waves of pain. Just sleeping beyond some variable need hurts, though sometimes the sleep is needed but still hurts. Anything to alleviate may work, for a while. But other than heart medicine, when I can handle, and remember, it, has eventually proven to be short term or a placebo affect.
So waking to no pain was... amazing. I checked, prodded the usual areas. Kidneys. I hear people who stutter dream of speaking normally. They can sing without stuttering. I guess I understand that a bit better now. I didn't question it, though, at some point, I understood it was a dream. In a way, that knowledge turned it into a nightmare. Still, I... held onto the moments.
--------------
The first dream was about commerce? I'm not exactly sure how it would be termed. The making and selling of products. I imagined all of the things made, so much of which is never sold. From bubble gum to soda to... shoes. What do they do with the warehouses of items no one buys?
Recycling has proven a fiction. Much of it is sent overseas. When China was taking it, even they knew it's actual worth, thus dumped most of it in the ocean, so Mrs. Soccer Mom could feel good about her hyper consumer life. Mr. Soccer Dad doesn't care, as long as he gets what he needs and some of his wants without too many questions.
It was a gross dream. So much waste. It is as if, most of it being unhealthy and inferior, as if someone is willing to lose fortunes to entice people to eat poorly, live unwisely? Even the biproducts, poisonous ones like fluoride are turned into water additives and dental care. Remember when doctors would recommend brands of cigarettes as being healthy? Fluoride is that, and worse, for dentists and water distributers.
It was a horrendously busy, loud, dirty, ugly, dream. The wilds are mean hard places to scratch out a living. But this level of modern living, "civilization" (is this really civilization?), I... Grubs would be better. There is no good, right, way back. Oh, I get the Uni-bomber. But that isn't the way. Surrender? How about live as rightly as you are able. And have some faith. We can't change... much. Our own mind, bent as well as we are able to God's will? Humblingly fumbly? Yes.
I have only seen one revolution do it correctly. And that only lasted a few hundred years. It has become Rome. And will remain that way until it becomes Great Britain, then, quite possibly, England alone. Thankfully her island cohabitents can't produce more children, especially now with muhammad being in the top ten boys' names. Although, that also means their future isn't their own. -- The first men of England were also mostly wiped out by invaders. I wonder if those were welcomed as well? I guess they are paying their dues? It won't change history, or repair anything. Same with America. As one of the dying, I can tell you suicide, personally or civilly, isn't the way. Not much I can do though.
--------------
.
The one most understood was the dream most recent. But the subject was simple. Death. Or more correctly, shortly after. It is if I was waking normally, but... there was no pain. How long has it been? I am so used to a significant level of it that I don't notice the majority of it unless I push, or try new meds, or fall off, then begin them again.
Often it feels as if I am tied into some contraption from the Saw movies. Only it's purpose isn't to kill. It's job is too cause excruciating pain. The receiver never knows why, or when, or even how. Trying not to move makes it worse. Not moving, being active, enough can bring horrid waves of pain. Just sleeping beyond some variable need hurts, though sometimes the sleep is needed but still hurts. Anything to alleviate may work, for a while. But other than heart medicine, when I can handle, and remember, it, has eventually proven to be short term or a placebo affect.
So waking to no pain was... amazing. I checked, prodded the usual areas. Kidneys. I hear people who stutter dream of speaking normally. They can sing without stuttering. I guess I understand that a bit better now. I didn't question it, though, at some point, I understood it was a dream. In a way, that knowledge turned it into a nightmare. Still, I... held onto the moments.
--------------
The first dream was about commerce? I'm not exactly sure how it would be termed. The making and selling of products. I imagined all of the things made, so much of which is never sold. From bubble gum to soda to... shoes. What do they do with the warehouses of items no one buys?
Recycling has proven a fiction. Much of it is sent overseas. When China was taking it, even they knew it's actual worth, thus dumped most of it in the ocean, so Mrs. Soccer Mom could feel good about her hyper consumer life. Mr. Soccer Dad doesn't care, as long as he gets what he needs and some of his wants without too many questions.
It was a gross dream. So much waste. It is as if, most of it being unhealthy and inferior, as if someone is willing to lose fortunes to entice people to eat poorly, live unwisely? Even the biproducts, poisonous ones like fluoride are turned into water additives and dental care. Remember when doctors would recommend brands of cigarettes as being healthy? Fluoride is that, and worse, for dentists and water distributers.
It was a horrendously busy, loud, dirty, ugly, dream. The wilds are mean hard places to scratch out a living. But this level of modern living, "civilization" (is this really civilization?), I... Grubs would be better. There is no good, right, way back. Oh, I get the Uni-bomber. But that isn't the way. Surrender? How about live as rightly as you are able. And have some faith. We can't change... much. Our own mind, bent as well as we are able to God's will? Humblingly fumbly? Yes.
I have only seen one revolution do it correctly. And that only lasted a few hundred years. It has become Rome. And will remain that way until it becomes Great Britain, then, quite possibly, England alone. Thankfully her island cohabitents can't produce more children, especially now with muhammad being in the top ten boys' names. Although, that also means their future isn't their own. -- The first men of England were also mostly wiped out by invaders. I wonder if those were welcomed as well? I guess they are paying their dues? It won't change history, or repair anything. Same with America. As one of the dying, I can tell you suicide, personally or civilly, isn't the way. Not much I can do though.
--------------
As the systems crash.
.
.
It is looking more like SS disability is going to be denied. Whether it is Utah, or even Trump, pushing for cuts or employment increases, bureaucrats attacking vets or marginal Trump supporters, or taking ss numbers and files to give to illegals... it is looking like a done deal.
No, "conservative" politicians aren't on our side. The big money comes from big biz, and they want slave labor... and get it. One of the things they do for their slaves is make sure bureaucrats offer them SS, and other government benefits, so they can pay slave labor wages, often with stolen id's. I know they were helping one get to work using my numbers, plus probably gave the last half year I didn't receive, to someone else. Had the balls to send me the paperwork stating so. They don't care if it is stolen from an American. I think they target vets, for many reasons. Rome did similarly, when real money became so scarce it couldn't be further stretched... or printed.
I will try to figure out how to live here. It may not be possible. Too many things need done and there simply isn't enough coin to be frugal enough to do what is needed. Just replacing a window is scary. A furnace replacement? A loan, but, that digs into what I don't have. I think that ate the previous owners. Loans and/or work needed?
No, I think it is best to clear out, then try to sell. Then be looking for a very modest place to live on little. "Owning" is dangerous... buying that is. But renting is very dangerous. Increased rates, ending the contract, lack of care. There are places I could buy a home for what I might get out of a sale. But they are places I couldn't or wouldn't, or both, live.
Iowa is an example. Too hot, too cold, and too left. They just sent a man to prison for sixteen years for burning a queer flag. They won't even talk to people who burn the US flag! No, Iowa wouldn't work. Nor Alaska. I'm not sure about Idaho, Montana, or Wyoming. Possible. But... to find a clean, Christian, small town.
Yeah. I have a lot of cleaning and clearing. I itched to start tonight. It... I just couldn't start quite yet. My muscles ached for it, my hands wanted to dig in. Just going through things will be a chore. I will keep things that are useful, can help a more frugal life. Much will go. Most of it. Even being winter, I will get an industrial bin as soon as I get half a room of boxes to go. I have moving boxes for what will be kept.
Ugh. A shower and cleaning the bathroom. Then a load of laundry? I... can't stand. Not tonight. Probably.
Why can't they just let me rest? So tired, confused.
.
It is looking more like SS disability is going to be denied. Whether it is Utah, or even Trump, pushing for cuts or employment increases, bureaucrats attacking vets or marginal Trump supporters, or taking ss numbers and files to give to illegals... it is looking like a done deal.
No, "conservative" politicians aren't on our side. The big money comes from big biz, and they want slave labor... and get it. One of the things they do for their slaves is make sure bureaucrats offer them SS, and other government benefits, so they can pay slave labor wages, often with stolen id's. I know they were helping one get to work using my numbers, plus probably gave the last half year I didn't receive, to someone else. Had the balls to send me the paperwork stating so. They don't care if it is stolen from an American. I think they target vets, for many reasons. Rome did similarly, when real money became so scarce it couldn't be further stretched... or printed.
I will try to figure out how to live here. It may not be possible. Too many things need done and there simply isn't enough coin to be frugal enough to do what is needed. Just replacing a window is scary. A furnace replacement? A loan, but, that digs into what I don't have. I think that ate the previous owners. Loans and/or work needed?
No, I think it is best to clear out, then try to sell. Then be looking for a very modest place to live on little. "Owning" is dangerous... buying that is. But renting is very dangerous. Increased rates, ending the contract, lack of care. There are places I could buy a home for what I might get out of a sale. But they are places I couldn't or wouldn't, or both, live.
Iowa is an example. Too hot, too cold, and too left. They just sent a man to prison for sixteen years for burning a queer flag. They won't even talk to people who burn the US flag! No, Iowa wouldn't work. Nor Alaska. I'm not sure about Idaho, Montana, or Wyoming. Possible. But... to find a clean, Christian, small town.
Yeah. I have a lot of cleaning and clearing. I itched to start tonight. It... I just couldn't start quite yet. My muscles ached for it, my hands wanted to dig in. Just going through things will be a chore. I will keep things that are useful, can help a more frugal life. Much will go. Most of it. Even being winter, I will get an industrial bin as soon as I get half a room of boxes to go. I have moving boxes for what will be kept.
Ugh. A shower and cleaning the bathroom. Then a load of laundry? I... can't stand. Not tonight. Probably.
Why can't they just let me rest? So tired, confused.
Friday, December 20, 2019
Gaming.
.
.
It has been what I can do. A struggle at that. If it weren't for gaming, I would sleep more. As is, tonight, it looks like it is time for bed again. I want to work. Barring that I would like to play. I will try, but I am so absolutely, uncontrollably, and terribly tired that I probably don't have a choice.
I have been playing Resident Evil 2 Remake. I rarely played the originals. Controls were mushy, logic was wonky, too many horror games (and movies) require a chosen level of stupidity (and/or greed, lust, etc). Premised that way, they aren't fun (to me). Being a horror aficionado, however, when I see something in the mixed genre being offered, and inexpensively, I will take the risk.
The game is an excellent player. But when trying to flesh out the final ends, it fails. One of the trophies refuses to pop. I am calling it a glitch, as I have gotten every other trophy, and tried this every way suggested. Broken, at least on my machine. As well, getting the fastest times, so as to get bonus equipment, has proven impossible. I suspect those to be broken. Then I saw it. They sell what you are supposed to be able to earn in-game. They want the money, so broke rng (random number generator) so that if you want it, you have to buy it.
You will see people do it online. Probably tools given special versions. Though the pc and ps4 pro to a lesser extent have hacks built into them, I personally don't think that would be enough. I am going to shelve that game shortly. I'd like to tinker with the extras a bit more. What game next? Or, maybe, I have to sleep for a week or month first. Later.
.
It has been what I can do. A struggle at that. If it weren't for gaming, I would sleep more. As is, tonight, it looks like it is time for bed again. I want to work. Barring that I would like to play. I will try, but I am so absolutely, uncontrollably, and terribly tired that I probably don't have a choice.
I have been playing Resident Evil 2 Remake. I rarely played the originals. Controls were mushy, logic was wonky, too many horror games (and movies) require a chosen level of stupidity (and/or greed, lust, etc). Premised that way, they aren't fun (to me). Being a horror aficionado, however, when I see something in the mixed genre being offered, and inexpensively, I will take the risk.
The game is an excellent player. But when trying to flesh out the final ends, it fails. One of the trophies refuses to pop. I am calling it a glitch, as I have gotten every other trophy, and tried this every way suggested. Broken, at least on my machine. As well, getting the fastest times, so as to get bonus equipment, has proven impossible. I suspect those to be broken. Then I saw it. They sell what you are supposed to be able to earn in-game. They want the money, so broke rng (random number generator) so that if you want it, you have to buy it.
You will see people do it online. Probably tools given special versions. Though the pc and ps4 pro to a lesser extent have hacks built into them, I personally don't think that would be enough. I am going to shelve that game shortly. I'd like to tinker with the extras a bit more. What game next? Or, maybe, I have to sleep for a week or month first. Later.
Christmas has snuck up on me.
.
.
I lost the date in there. I actually put Christmas and a few other holidays on my digital calendar, if they get wiped when I update. I guess I didn't update this last year? Must not have. Even so, I am in such a state that it doesn't make sense, alarms and warnings. It is that time already?
The ducks, first thing. They had pecked through the ice, which was an inch thick. At least they had been able to dig through. I watered them this morning. Midmorning or early afternoon? Actually probably between six and seven. About when I crashed? Memory has been bad lately.
Up at 16:30, give or take an quarter hour. Everything hurts, but more softly. I forgot the slow acting insulin last night. Oddly, my fasting blood sugar is 151 so about 70 points lower. That doesn't make sense. I think that stuff only works on a very regulated eating schedule. Fasting causes it to raise blood sugar. Just a missed meal, or one with too few carbs? I haven't fully figured it out. As I haven't figured out what to do about Christmas. Not sure if I can do much. I may well forget before I fully wake. A price of being the living mostly dead. Then again, I can't be sure I have been taking medicines correctly. I may go back to logging food and insulin. I just... can't... remember.
Odd, but the girls didn't visit today. It was up to 59° upstairs, the warmest it has been in a week or three? Yea, I wake. Sometimes I sleep as the dead, but... something remains aware. Though, perhaps, the girls just know how to wake me, or leave me asleep. Many of my women knew how to do both. Most of them loved to watch me sleep. Okay, I get the creep factor in that, thinking on it. If, from the viewer's side, there is something innocent, peaceful, about a sleeping woman.
Later.
.
I lost the date in there. I actually put Christmas and a few other holidays on my digital calendar, if they get wiped when I update. I guess I didn't update this last year? Must not have. Even so, I am in such a state that it doesn't make sense, alarms and warnings. It is that time already?
The ducks, first thing. They had pecked through the ice, which was an inch thick. At least they had been able to dig through. I watered them this morning. Midmorning or early afternoon? Actually probably between six and seven. About when I crashed? Memory has been bad lately.
Up at 16:30, give or take an quarter hour. Everything hurts, but more softly. I forgot the slow acting insulin last night. Oddly, my fasting blood sugar is 151 so about 70 points lower. That doesn't make sense. I think that stuff only works on a very regulated eating schedule. Fasting causes it to raise blood sugar. Just a missed meal, or one with too few carbs? I haven't fully figured it out. As I haven't figured out what to do about Christmas. Not sure if I can do much. I may well forget before I fully wake. A price of being the living mostly dead. Then again, I can't be sure I have been taking medicines correctly. I may go back to logging food and insulin. I just... can't... remember.
Odd, but the girls didn't visit today. It was up to 59° upstairs, the warmest it has been in a week or three? Yea, I wake. Sometimes I sleep as the dead, but... something remains aware. Though, perhaps, the girls just know how to wake me, or leave me asleep. Many of my women knew how to do both. Most of them loved to watch me sleep. Okay, I get the creep factor in that, thinking on it. If, from the viewer's side, there is something innocent, peaceful, about a sleeping woman.
Later.
Just can't get to it.
.
.
Tired. And everything hurts. Titrating to my dose, about half way there if plans continue. Actually a third of the way, but the last portion is the easiest. Blood sugar is odd. It has been in the two hundreds, 220 fasting today. I have been dosing up, but cautiously. This isn't diet. It is organs reacting to potent meds. Too much insulin at just the wrong time and death would be easy.
As is, my dose dropped blood sugar to 114. I really have to be careful. A normal dose, 8 cc's, with a second meal. In an hour I will test, and have a fatted coffee, with or without a final dose. I was unsure whether to dose again, after that, or not. I was beginning to think my sweetener had been sabotaged. Nope. And I am eating right, so it's just the body acting up even more than usual.
Ducks are fed and watered. Raised quite a squawk when I stepped out. At 10° F, their water was nearly frozen through. I like to catch it with some liquid, as this time, it makes it easier to empty and wash out a bit. They were pleased as punch. After them, the cats got fed. I am feeding the girls much less, but it is paying off. Sassy can now get the spot that troubled her. And she just looks better. She will never be skinny, but she doesn't have to be rotund. I'd love her anyway, but that would be on me.
I asked Vox, Populi not the lib Cali thing, if I could comment again. I've been reading nearly daily. I offered no promises but suggested my life, intent, has changed. Mostly it would be to ask questions. Sources for topics, or specific information questions, as opposed to rhetorical questions or other non-question questions. It seems that is acceptable. I don't always agree, but he and the ilk are... valuable. I sometimes consider myself Guts to his Griffith, from Berserk. Not always a pleasant notion, perhaps incorrect. If true, a fated thing? When I remember, I'll add his link. But... which section?
.
Tired. And everything hurts. Titrating to my dose, about half way there if plans continue. Actually a third of the way, but the last portion is the easiest. Blood sugar is odd. It has been in the two hundreds, 220 fasting today. I have been dosing up, but cautiously. This isn't diet. It is organs reacting to potent meds. Too much insulin at just the wrong time and death would be easy.
As is, my dose dropped blood sugar to 114. I really have to be careful. A normal dose, 8 cc's, with a second meal. In an hour I will test, and have a fatted coffee, with or without a final dose. I was unsure whether to dose again, after that, or not. I was beginning to think my sweetener had been sabotaged. Nope. And I am eating right, so it's just the body acting up even more than usual.
Ducks are fed and watered. Raised quite a squawk when I stepped out. At 10° F, their water was nearly frozen through. I like to catch it with some liquid, as this time, it makes it easier to empty and wash out a bit. They were pleased as punch. After them, the cats got fed. I am feeding the girls much less, but it is paying off. Sassy can now get the spot that troubled her. And she just looks better. She will never be skinny, but she doesn't have to be rotund. I'd love her anyway, but that would be on me.
I asked Vox, Populi not the lib Cali thing, if I could comment again. I've been reading nearly daily. I offered no promises but suggested my life, intent, has changed. Mostly it would be to ask questions. Sources for topics, or specific information questions, as opposed to rhetorical questions or other non-question questions. It seems that is acceptable. I don't always agree, but he and the ilk are... valuable. I sometimes consider myself Guts to his Griffith, from Berserk. Not always a pleasant notion, perhaps incorrect. If true, a fated thing? When I remember, I'll add his link. But... which section?
Thursday, December 19, 2019
Oh well.
.
.
I was up until 13:30. The ducks were watered twice. It was up to 20° F, I believe when watering them the final time at around 13:00. Lately that is to be considered warm. I woke at almost 19:00, but was able to go back to sleep until 21:00, maybe a bit later. Not much since then, or yesterday.
I did slow cook the pork shoulder, and get it refrigerated. I need to shred it tonight. Hopefully get to the list of chores too. Just a shower, trim, bathroom cleaning, and a single load of laundry would do. Well, and the pork. Some to be refrigerated, some to be packaged and frozen... in parcels just large enough for two or three smaller servings.
A salad and homemade ranch dressing as breakfast. I'd like to make a small blue cheese dressing. It's my favorite, but so rich I eat it lightly are rarely. Roquefort? Gorgonzola? Standard blue? I ought to experiment. I should warm some pork and have a bite of that, and turn the furnace up while at it. Hungry and cold is no way to get things done. Later.
.
I was up until 13:30. The ducks were watered twice. It was up to 20° F, I believe when watering them the final time at around 13:00. Lately that is to be considered warm. I woke at almost 19:00, but was able to go back to sleep until 21:00, maybe a bit later. Not much since then, or yesterday.
I did slow cook the pork shoulder, and get it refrigerated. I need to shred it tonight. Hopefully get to the list of chores too. Just a shower, trim, bathroom cleaning, and a single load of laundry would do. Well, and the pork. Some to be refrigerated, some to be packaged and frozen... in parcels just large enough for two or three smaller servings.
A salad and homemade ranch dressing as breakfast. I'd like to make a small blue cheese dressing. It's my favorite, but so rich I eat it lightly are rarely. Roquefort? Gorgonzola? Standard blue? I ought to experiment. I should warm some pork and have a bite of that, and turn the furnace up while at it. Hungry and cold is no way to get things done. Later.
A curse or a blessing?
.
.
I can never tell. I... enjoyed, agree. I can see how it might be a judgment, or an acknowledgment in the positive.
.
I can never tell. I... enjoyed, agree. I can see how it might be a judgment, or an acknowledgment in the positive.
Someone got it wrong.
.
.
Lonely? Sure. Even... wishing to be frisky. But... not. If I could find a woman to marry, then, you bet. Dying? Yea, but it doesn't matter. Interested in women? Sure. Seriously, I won't risk my soul for a bit of sex. I quit screwing around a long time ago. Oh, it's on my mind. Women are terribly attractive creatures. Chunky or thin, to points... tall, short, simple, gorgeous, curved, or less, women make me sweat.
.
Lonely? Sure. Even... wishing to be frisky. But... not. If I could find a woman to marry, then, you bet. Dying? Yea, but it doesn't matter. Interested in women? Sure. Seriously, I won't risk my soul for a bit of sex. I quit screwing around a long time ago. Oh, it's on my mind. Women are terribly attractive creatures. Chunky or thin, to points... tall, short, simple, gorgeous, curved, or less, women make me sweat.
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
All is well, and awake, at 19:00.
.
.
Quite a sleep. I believe I was to bed around eight, give or take an hour either way? I woke several times, with the intention of waking. It simply wasn't possible until now. Innards feel as if I have been run over. Muscles are tired. Blood sugar is 200 but I have been eating rightly, and dosing correctly. The high up there was 47°. The low was 42°. Might have been part of it? Maybe, but not all of it.
Dreamed of all the types of panties I have seen women get into and out of through the years. It wasn't an erotic dream, more like accounting? Well, not... that boring. Some women wore perfectly formed garments. A woman's shape really explains much, and even skinny women, my usual save one out of curiosity... two actually, have very different forms. A strange but fascinating dream. From it I remembered a few women I had forgotten. I have asked forgiveness, and received it. Plus been celibate for right at fifteen years now. I would much rather have a wife, but they are more interested in hooking up. I'm done with that.
A bit of waking, then a shower, trim, and maybe a shave. If possible, back to the bathroom. It is still rather clean. But a quick sweep and mop, after cleaning the toilet. Then to work in the kitchen, setting up dishes, and maybe a load of laundry? I might get... even to where I was, and a few steps beyond. The goal is the whole kitchen this week. I will be sacking food for the pantry. Canned meats I tried but simply can't use. They require bread. Though some, like a newer type of canned tuna, just aren't edible, as I use them. That will open space for canned veggies and fruits I do use.
Yes, the bathroom, laundry, kitchen, and dishes, by Friday. That is the plan. Possible, even in my state. No guarantees. Oh, the girls are letting me know they are hungry. And I will reset the duck water, and put some feed in. I have a final dose of that roast, but need to heat a veggie with it. Oh, and thaw more meats. I have a pork butt thawed. It was on a far less than half price sale, so I bought two huge cuts at a buck a pound, if still spendy. That will get grilled. Should start it now, leave it go until... it's done.
Later.
.
Quite a sleep. I believe I was to bed around eight, give or take an hour either way? I woke several times, with the intention of waking. It simply wasn't possible until now. Innards feel as if I have been run over. Muscles are tired. Blood sugar is 200 but I have been eating rightly, and dosing correctly. The high up there was 47°. The low was 42°. Might have been part of it? Maybe, but not all of it.
Dreamed of all the types of panties I have seen women get into and out of through the years. It wasn't an erotic dream, more like accounting? Well, not... that boring. Some women wore perfectly formed garments. A woman's shape really explains much, and even skinny women, my usual save one out of curiosity... two actually, have very different forms. A strange but fascinating dream. From it I remembered a few women I had forgotten. I have asked forgiveness, and received it. Plus been celibate for right at fifteen years now. I would much rather have a wife, but they are more interested in hooking up. I'm done with that.
A bit of waking, then a shower, trim, and maybe a shave. If possible, back to the bathroom. It is still rather clean. But a quick sweep and mop, after cleaning the toilet. Then to work in the kitchen, setting up dishes, and maybe a load of laundry? I might get... even to where I was, and a few steps beyond. The goal is the whole kitchen this week. I will be sacking food for the pantry. Canned meats I tried but simply can't use. They require bread. Though some, like a newer type of canned tuna, just aren't edible, as I use them. That will open space for canned veggies and fruits I do use.
Yes, the bathroom, laundry, kitchen, and dishes, by Friday. That is the plan. Possible, even in my state. No guarantees. Oh, the girls are letting me know they are hungry. And I will reset the duck water, and put some feed in. I have a final dose of that roast, but need to heat a veggie with it. Oh, and thaw more meats. I have a pork butt thawed. It was on a far less than half price sale, so I bought two huge cuts at a buck a pound, if still spendy. That will get grilled. Should start it now, leave it go until... it's done.
Later.
Definitely cold.
.
.
At one time, negative twenty to forty °F was doable, easily. Then again, pj's and flip-flops, even with wool socks and a jacket isn't exactly dressing for success. I have boots, just thought... shouldn't think. Still, a temperature plunge is probably good for the body occasionally? Well, and it can be thrilling.
Ducks were fed and watered. Their water from yesterday was completely frozen, as expected. I have learned how to get that block out without, this year so far, breaking a trough. Having two in circulation makes life easier. More would only get in the way. A few in deep reserve is wise, as these will eventually break.
Meds are in. Blood sugar is still high. I remember now. I suspect heart medicine of interfering with insulin. I suspect it does. More as I start and increase the dose, but generally and from time to time it spikes it. I am not sure if it is a chemical thing or biological thing, such as forcing blood out of organs like the lungs, where blood might become somehow sugared... or perhaps the medicine suppresses kidney and/or liver function? Though I believe I will pass on the store brand of unsweetened fruit. My old brand works. It costs twice as much. But having fruit occasionally, without messing up blood sugar, is great.
I am trying to stretch the day out, have, but am losing cohesion. Good night.
.
At one time, negative twenty to forty °F was doable, easily. Then again, pj's and flip-flops, even with wool socks and a jacket isn't exactly dressing for success. I have boots, just thought... shouldn't think. Still, a temperature plunge is probably good for the body occasionally? Well, and it can be thrilling.
Ducks were fed and watered. Their water from yesterday was completely frozen, as expected. I have learned how to get that block out without, this year so far, breaking a trough. Having two in circulation makes life easier. More would only get in the way. A few in deep reserve is wise, as these will eventually break.
Meds are in. Blood sugar is still high. I remember now. I suspect heart medicine of interfering with insulin. I suspect it does. More as I start and increase the dose, but generally and from time to time it spikes it. I am not sure if it is a chemical thing or biological thing, such as forcing blood out of organs like the lungs, where blood might become somehow sugared... or perhaps the medicine suppresses kidney and/or liver function? Though I believe I will pass on the store brand of unsweetened fruit. My old brand works. It costs twice as much. But having fruit occasionally, without messing up blood sugar, is great.
I am trying to stretch the day out, have, but am losing cohesion. Good night.
Crashed.
.
.
Shortly after that last post. Went down hard. Perhaps the cold got to me, maybe it was just stress relief from having the paperwork out and off. I can't be sure when I went down. Probably between 18:00 and 20:00, if I am guessing earlier. Maybe before. I woke at dark noon thirty. No choice on either side. I actually wanted to stay awake, and then I wanted to remain in bed. No choice at all.
A bit of a headache, and general aches and pains. Mostly on the milder side. Too warm, oddly, all day. Blood sugar is down some, to 169. Very strange. Sleep being off, stress, it all adds up. That beef was sure good. I had almost forgotten how good good beef truly is. I was beginning to wonder if I remembered incorrectly or if the government and/or beef industry had decided we eat to much so decided to make beef tasteless. I suspect they have colluded to price it out of our diet.
I had almost missed Mondays pills. The tilting sleep cycles, cold, and pushing schedule to get things done, plus the load the medicine adds, makes it difficult. I caught it early enough this afternoon to begin trying to fix it. Add afternoon meds as another party to the crash. I best take night pills before it gets... done! I'll take morning meds sometime in... well... the morning... at bedtime. Who's on first? Yes. I will, actually, take night pills, in the morning, at bedtime. Fixed it for you... me.
A handful of aspirin and back to... nothing. Later.
.
Shortly after that last post. Went down hard. Perhaps the cold got to me, maybe it was just stress relief from having the paperwork out and off. I can't be sure when I went down. Probably between 18:00 and 20:00, if I am guessing earlier. Maybe before. I woke at dark noon thirty. No choice on either side. I actually wanted to stay awake, and then I wanted to remain in bed. No choice at all.
A bit of a headache, and general aches and pains. Mostly on the milder side. Too warm, oddly, all day. Blood sugar is down some, to 169. Very strange. Sleep being off, stress, it all adds up. That beef was sure good. I had almost forgotten how good good beef truly is. I was beginning to wonder if I remembered incorrectly or if the government and/or beef industry had decided we eat to much so decided to make beef tasteless. I suspect they have colluded to price it out of our diet.
I had almost missed Mondays pills. The tilting sleep cycles, cold, and pushing schedule to get things done, plus the load the medicine adds, makes it difficult. I caught it early enough this afternoon to begin trying to fix it. Add afternoon meds as another party to the crash. I best take night pills before it gets... done! I'll take morning meds sometime in... well... the morning... at bedtime. Who's on first? Yes. I will, actually, take night pills, in the morning, at bedtime. Fixed it for you... me.
A handful of aspirin and back to... nothing. Later.
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
A fine beef roast.
.
.
Finally! Since my long time store cashed out, I haven't seen a good roast, with fat and marbling. If I want venison, I'll find it. Horrible, dry, lean, with little flavor, yet priced high as if it was good. Good only for idiot academics. I decided to visit a chain of my previous store. They had real roasts.
Grilled. Perfect. The grill did take a second lighting, but just. It was the cold. It was already to -5°ish F. I must admit, it was tough to be out there at that temperature for me! Getting old, or just spoiled by the relatively pleasant weather so far? Worth it though. So hungry for good beef. If I hate paying steak prices for roast. Ribeye is beyond my wallet, even pork is starting to get too expensive.
I can, for now, have a couple roasts a month. And will, if the don't change their cuts. I won't eat cardboard at steak prices. Perhaps a second helping. Oh, they are only offering them in two serving packages now. Even then there is sticker shock. We are becoming like the USSR. Although the aisles are full, no one can afford it. I assume they toss it? Or does it just become McFood? No one is buying. Go to the store three days in a row, watch the steak and even roast sections...
Centralized planning and banking, communism, dressed up as capitalism. I guess there is still enough to go around, for now. But, if this continues, I am seeing civil war. It's why they are pushing for replacement populations in all of the West.
.
Finally! Since my long time store cashed out, I haven't seen a good roast, with fat and marbling. If I want venison, I'll find it. Horrible, dry, lean, with little flavor, yet priced high as if it was good. Good only for idiot academics. I decided to visit a chain of my previous store. They had real roasts.
Grilled. Perfect. The grill did take a second lighting, but just. It was the cold. It was already to -5°ish F. I must admit, it was tough to be out there at that temperature for me! Getting old, or just spoiled by the relatively pleasant weather so far? Worth it though. So hungry for good beef. If I hate paying steak prices for roast. Ribeye is beyond my wallet, even pork is starting to get too expensive.
I can, for now, have a couple roasts a month. And will, if the don't change their cuts. I won't eat cardboard at steak prices. Perhaps a second helping. Oh, they are only offering them in two serving packages now. Even then there is sticker shock. We are becoming like the USSR. Although the aisles are full, no one can afford it. I assume they toss it? Or does it just become McFood? No one is buying. Go to the store three days in a row, watch the steak and even roast sections...
Centralized planning and banking, communism, dressed up as capitalism. I guess there is still enough to go around, for now. But, if this continues, I am seeing civil war. It's why they are pushing for replacement populations in all of the West.
Ugh!
.
.
Waking was a chore. Rough. I had to reset the alarm for more sleep. Was so very tired. Had to hope I didn't mess it up. Woke before the alarm. Still so very tired, but had to get up. I wasn't sure the alarm, if it had even been set correctly, was going to wake me.
Then I couldn't get going. A shower was planned. I had one yesterday. But hate leaving without a fresh shower. No choice today. I was running out of time. Uhrm, ran out, and then some. I was out of time and choices. I had refreshed the water... ice... for the ducks. And, baby, it was cold out there! It was 7° F, nipped a pair of horizontal icicles to the tune of... Frosty the snow man.
Then to town. Just in time for an almost guaranteed overnight delivery. Almost? Yeah. Very expensive. No choice.
Then a bit of shopping. It is 0° as the sun set. I redid the water for the ducks. It was already beginning to freeze. Less in their trough, easier to get it out tomorrow.
Still so very tired. Lighting the grill. Blood sugar was 233 for absolutely no good reason this "morning". It was in the 120's and 130's yesterday. All I can think is that I used an older no-carb sweetener bottle, that has dehydrated down to a too potent solution. I'll keep at it.
Best check the grill. Later. Probably.
Monday, December 16, 2019
Awake and getting to paperwork.
.
.
Down around 10:30, up at 16:30, probably. Too little sleep, but with a middle night nap or partial sleep, life seems okay. A shower, a call for help with the paperwork, and the ducks given their second watering, I am ready. Help will arrive shortly. Paperwork doesn't make sense, at the moment. I did arrange a small work area.
I start the first jump in medication today. From 6.x mg twice a day to 6.x and 12.x mg, the first morning, the last at night. I will go to 12.x bid next week. Pushing it, but I have no great benefit to stretching it out. The only question remains to whether I can endure the pace, without falling, or hurting too much. Pain is slightly elevated, but so is numbness.
I would like to get to shopping after, but will wait until I get in to mail it tomorrow.
-------------
Done! Through the magic of blogger time skipping. Ready to send. Now I can... figure out the night. Hopefully to bed early, if just for a while. Or a longer stretch if possible. Just having the paperwork done lifts a lot of stress. Sometimes that eases life, this time it adds to the pain in spite of taking a heaping helping of aspirin earlier. It can go either way.
A fatted coffee. Perhaps a chicken thigh. As well as insulin. All other meds are taken. Bleh. I'll keep at things. Later.
.
Down around 10:30, up at 16:30, probably. Too little sleep, but with a middle night nap or partial sleep, life seems okay. A shower, a call for help with the paperwork, and the ducks given their second watering, I am ready. Help will arrive shortly. Paperwork doesn't make sense, at the moment. I did arrange a small work area.
I start the first jump in medication today. From 6.x mg twice a day to 6.x and 12.x mg, the first morning, the last at night. I will go to 12.x bid next week. Pushing it, but I have no great benefit to stretching it out. The only question remains to whether I can endure the pace, without falling, or hurting too much. Pain is slightly elevated, but so is numbness.
I would like to get to shopping after, but will wait until I get in to mail it tomorrow.
-------------
Done! Through the magic of blogger time skipping. Ready to send. Now I can... figure out the night. Hopefully to bed early, if just for a while. Or a longer stretch if possible. Just having the paperwork done lifts a lot of stress. Sometimes that eases life, this time it adds to the pain in spite of taking a heaping helping of aspirin earlier. It can go either way.
A fatted coffee. Perhaps a chicken thigh. As well as insulin. All other meds are taken. Bleh. I'll keep at things. Later.
Beat.
.
.
A hard life. I did find the paperwork. It is now a matter of filling it and returning it. I had held off, hoping for medical. I got some of that but fell through on a final visit, with primary care. Hopefully a few specialists to be consulted from there. I am in some trouble, sorting out medicine. It isn't helping, but will. No more attempts at higher doses.
I didn't get the ducks twice yesterday, but will today. Already got them as I am about to crash. I will get the girls too, and their litter. Blood sugar isn't as good as it's best, but is improving. I'm working on it, mostly needing to eat better. Always something. Then again, I am absolutely certain they... my continued life baffles them.
Some of them find joy in it, others don't understand why I don't commit suicide. They know I am in beyond terrible shape. Numb is as good as it gets, and that isn't living. As I have learned I tell them. God's will, not mine. Never was, if at once I thought so. The horror that is my life, the humility it offers, are the greatest gifts I will ever receive. Most of the time I see it.
I took a nap last night. Or partial sleep? I have no idea how long, or even roughly when it started or stopped. Only that it was dark. It didn't allow for a rested feeling, it simply was required. Perhaps it will help rest today. Always tired lately. Way too tired to even think. Waves of exhalation. Can exhaustion kill?
I'd best feed the girls, get the trash out, and have a spot of tea and insulin so I can tuck in shortly. A cooler day. At 15° F, there is that. But there is something else to it. Good night and day .
.
A hard life. I did find the paperwork. It is now a matter of filling it and returning it. I had held off, hoping for medical. I got some of that but fell through on a final visit, with primary care. Hopefully a few specialists to be consulted from there. I am in some trouble, sorting out medicine. It isn't helping, but will. No more attempts at higher doses.
I didn't get the ducks twice yesterday, but will today. Already got them as I am about to crash. I will get the girls too, and their litter. Blood sugar isn't as good as it's best, but is improving. I'm working on it, mostly needing to eat better. Always something. Then again, I am absolutely certain they... my continued life baffles them.
Some of them find joy in it, others don't understand why I don't commit suicide. They know I am in beyond terrible shape. Numb is as good as it gets, and that isn't living. As I have learned I tell them. God's will, not mine. Never was, if at once I thought so. The horror that is my life, the humility it offers, are the greatest gifts I will ever receive. Most of the time I see it.
I took a nap last night. Or partial sleep? I have no idea how long, or even roughly when it started or stopped. Only that it was dark. It didn't allow for a rested feeling, it simply was required. Perhaps it will help rest today. Always tired lately. Way too tired to even think. Waves of exhalation. Can exhaustion kill?
I'd best feed the girls, get the trash out, and have a spot of tea and insulin so I can tuck in shortly. A cooler day. At 15° F, there is that. But there is something else to it. Good night and day .
Sunday, December 15, 2019
Chicken and mushrooms.
.
.
Baked together, separately. The chicken was lemon water brined for several hours. It all came out perfect. Blood sugar was 103 before dinner. Fasting, this morning, it was 168. It is trending back down. Mostly. I need more fats. Back to whole cream beverages. It really helps, if you can keep up.
I won't be awake much longer. Just long enough to put the chicken away and take slow acting insulin. Crashing. Medicine I think. Good night.
.
Baked together, separately. The chicken was lemon water brined for several hours. It all came out perfect. Blood sugar was 103 before dinner. Fasting, this morning, it was 168. It is trending back down. Mostly. I need more fats. Back to whole cream beverages. It really helps, if you can keep up.
I won't be awake much longer. Just long enough to put the chicken away and take slow acting insulin. Crashing. Medicine I think. Good night.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
It wasn't the battery.
.
.
Throttle cable, or so I was told. Oh well. I couldn't wake until 15:30ish. I tried, several times. I heard the machine kicked over. Wanted to get up and visit. Went to roll out the other side. I fell asleep in the roll, waking some time later to silence. It looked like a lot of snow, but I was told it was an inch to two depending on where.
I best get all fed and otherwise tended. I would like to hit the ducks twice, with fresh water, today. One of the times will be in the dark, but they seem to find it. As well, I am hoping to push through so as to get them fresh water in the morning. They deserve good care, and I usually offer it.
Strange how tending animals leads to... a better nature. Hired hands seem to begin to hate animals. Although the work can become overwhelming. Not for me, for now. I have heard there is a great demand for duck eggs. I am just not sure how sustainable the business model is, how many ducks I can practically raise, and that I don't want to have them lay in the winter, which isn't good for business.
Odd, but foodies, who demand organic etc, in real life don't care about anything but certifications and volume. They certainly don't care about your flock or herd, or actually natural processes. That would be our job, or often not... money, money, money. Of course, if I went with a mix of meat and egg birds... but only if I could find a meat processor who would do the culling. And it doesn't pay well. It would be a hobby, but would pay for itself... in theory.
Life isn't about winning. Can't win... of flesh. Everybody, even God if you believe Jesus was God, will die if He comes in flesh, to the world as it is. Angels and their children too. It isn't about winning, or losing. It is about finding a better way... through life... and some of us believe, know, a better way even through death.
Ducks, pets, friends, family... each offers some things to improve one's lot. An opportunity. I prefer opportunities, as I may. Right, of to tend my opportunities.
Good day, evening, dinner, company, and life. Later.
.
Throttle cable, or so I was told. Oh well. I couldn't wake until 15:30ish. I tried, several times. I heard the machine kicked over. Wanted to get up and visit. Went to roll out the other side. I fell asleep in the roll, waking some time later to silence. It looked like a lot of snow, but I was told it was an inch to two depending on where.
I best get all fed and otherwise tended. I would like to hit the ducks twice, with fresh water, today. One of the times will be in the dark, but they seem to find it. As well, I am hoping to push through so as to get them fresh water in the morning. They deserve good care, and I usually offer it.
Strange how tending animals leads to... a better nature. Hired hands seem to begin to hate animals. Although the work can become overwhelming. Not for me, for now. I have heard there is a great demand for duck eggs. I am just not sure how sustainable the business model is, how many ducks I can practically raise, and that I don't want to have them lay in the winter, which isn't good for business.
Odd, but foodies, who demand organic etc, in real life don't care about anything but certifications and volume. They certainly don't care about your flock or herd, or actually natural processes. That would be our job, or often not... money, money, money. Of course, if I went with a mix of meat and egg birds... but only if I could find a meat processor who would do the culling. And it doesn't pay well. It would be a hobby, but would pay for itself... in theory.
Life isn't about winning. Can't win... of flesh. Everybody, even God if you believe Jesus was God, will die if He comes in flesh, to the world as it is. Angels and their children too. It isn't about winning, or losing. It is about finding a better way... through life... and some of us believe, know, a better way even through death.
Ducks, pets, friends, family... each offers some things to improve one's lot. An opportunity. I prefer opportunities, as I may. Right, of to tend my opportunities.
Good day, evening, dinner, company, and life. Later.
No sleep.
.
.
In spite of excess sleep, I wanted more. I wanted sleep almost since waking. It just wasn't possible. Is it mind versus body? Does spirit take a side? The body said not just no, but hell no. The mind hurts. It has a strange weariness. Medicine, of all sorts, are going in rightly, if roughly. Probably to negative effects for now.
I have been eating. Showering every other day, if more would be better. When meds shut my body down, things don't work well. Still, I have limits. The ducks are only getting one tending a day. It's what I can do. The cats get more, usually. They have strangely become patient with me.
Not much else I can say. Have a good weekend. I am attempting to get sleep, medication, and paperwork on track. Good night and Godspeed.
.
In spite of excess sleep, I wanted more. I wanted sleep almost since waking. It just wasn't possible. Is it mind versus body? Does spirit take a side? The body said not just no, but hell no. The mind hurts. It has a strange weariness. Medicine, of all sorts, are going in rightly, if roughly. Probably to negative effects for now.
I have been eating. Showering every other day, if more would be better. When meds shut my body down, things don't work well. Still, I have limits. The ducks are only getting one tending a day. It's what I can do. The cats get more, usually. They have strangely become patient with me.
Not much else I can say. Have a good weekend. I am attempting to get sleep, medication, and paperwork on track. Good night and Godspeed.
Friday, December 13, 2019
Missed.
.
.
Not by > . < that much, but by a country mile. I had up to twelve hours for sleep, if I didn't think it would be needed. I had two alarms set, the last... with an half hour of snoozes... would get me up with an half hour to shower and shove off. As difficult as things have been, and still making it, I had absolutely no doubt about this.
I only remember hearing one alarm. My brother called, two hours before the first alarm was to sound. We had a good if short conversation. I am not sure what alarm, or snooze, I heard. I don't remember what I did about it. Usually, if I can't think, I just hit the big old easy snooze button. When thinking is unreasonable, it's as logical as it gets!
I woke, ignoring a potentially three hour drive to get there, an hour after the scheduled appointment. Between the first alarm and sleep, plus an half hour to settle, I had twelve hours... call that twelve and an half hours. Then an hour between alarms, and an half hour of snoozes and allotment after those snoozes. Plus three hours for travel. Then the hour after the appointment. I slept, 12 1/2 + 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 3 + 1 = 18 1/2 hours? Really? It's been a while since I have slept like that.
I did wake several times, before and after I was late, if without help from the alarms. I tried to wake. It was as if my body was stuck in nearly dry concrete. It just wouldn't budge! Medicine? Weather? Well, on top of pushing recently. Probably a bit of each. Gah! Injury to insult? Despite my efforts, intentions, I have an headache from sleeping too long!
Blood sugar is a bit high. I was a bad boy, rolls. Just plain ones, but... with hamburgers. Still, nicely below 200, so... Bleh. Later.
.
Not by > . < that much, but by a country mile. I had up to twelve hours for sleep, if I didn't think it would be needed. I had two alarms set, the last... with an half hour of snoozes... would get me up with an half hour to shower and shove off. As difficult as things have been, and still making it, I had absolutely no doubt about this.
I only remember hearing one alarm. My brother called, two hours before the first alarm was to sound. We had a good if short conversation. I am not sure what alarm, or snooze, I heard. I don't remember what I did about it. Usually, if I can't think, I just hit the big old easy snooze button. When thinking is unreasonable, it's as logical as it gets!
I woke, ignoring a potentially three hour drive to get there, an hour after the scheduled appointment. Between the first alarm and sleep, plus an half hour to settle, I had twelve hours... call that twelve and an half hours. Then an hour between alarms, and an half hour of snoozes and allotment after those snoozes. Plus three hours for travel. Then the hour after the appointment. I slept, 12 1/2 + 1 + 1/2 + 1/2 + 3 + 1 = 18 1/2 hours? Really? It's been a while since I have slept like that.
I did wake several times, before and after I was late, if without help from the alarms. I tried to wake. It was as if my body was stuck in nearly dry concrete. It just wouldn't budge! Medicine? Weather? Well, on top of pushing recently. Probably a bit of each. Gah! Injury to insult? Despite my efforts, intentions, I have an headache from sleeping too long!
Blood sugar is a bit high. I was a bad boy, rolls. Just plain ones, but... with hamburgers. Still, nicely below 200, so... Bleh. Later.
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Not much.
.
.
So very tired. Yet sleep isn't possible, yet.
I did get the grill going. It took five attempts. So wet out there, it just choked fire. Hamburgers. I didn't overdo them this time. Overdone burgers, especially grilled, are difficult to eat. These were good. I may yet have a salad. Avocado, onion, mayo, and mustard made for a good dinner.
With my store gone, if the new (to me) is good, I am exploring their brands. They do have the fruit brands I used to eat, but also their store brand. I am not sure about taste or label truth, so I am comparing. I went with greek yogurt and no sugar added pineapple. No choice for the yogurt, but it was a brand I know and trust. Unfortunately, I think the store brand fruit is too sweet... which means it may not work. Though I will try other fruits, even this one again. Perhaps potatoes are still cursing my blood.
Meds are going in. Yes, they are being difficult. Making life, the brain, sluggish. But it has been worse. No sun for days doesn't help. And, of course sleep being so off. I will keep at it. I am doing the absolute best I can do. Hmm, I may see if the battery charger works on the new battery, while seeing if the new battery is ready. I may try to charge the old battery while at it, over the weekend. Ugh.
Later. Good night if not.
.
So very tired. Yet sleep isn't possible, yet.
I did get the grill going. It took five attempts. So wet out there, it just choked fire. Hamburgers. I didn't overdo them this time. Overdone burgers, especially grilled, are difficult to eat. These were good. I may yet have a salad. Avocado, onion, mayo, and mustard made for a good dinner.
With my store gone, if the new (to me) is good, I am exploring their brands. They do have the fruit brands I used to eat, but also their store brand. I am not sure about taste or label truth, so I am comparing. I went with greek yogurt and no sugar added pineapple. No choice for the yogurt, but it was a brand I know and trust. Unfortunately, I think the store brand fruit is too sweet... which means it may not work. Though I will try other fruits, even this one again. Perhaps potatoes are still cursing my blood.
Meds are going in. Yes, they are being difficult. Making life, the brain, sluggish. But it has been worse. No sun for days doesn't help. And, of course sleep being so off. I will keep at it. I am doing the absolute best I can do. Hmm, I may see if the battery charger works on the new battery, while seeing if the new battery is ready. I may try to charge the old battery while at it, over the weekend. Ugh.
Later. Good night if not.
Almost.
.
.
Another appointment. Wouldn't have mattered when. It was more about being both awake and able to function. Two out of two is required. I was able to be awake, but couldn't get out. A shower, even a trip to the post office, but I was failing. The crash was coming so very fast. The trip to the post office was a test. Amazing how fast cold weather will help shut things down, or revivify if the body is ready.
Ducks were fed etc. Cats too. Then I slept so hard it almost hurt. I can't be sure how long, waking at ~14:15. I think I went down very shortly after 8:00? I am only awake because I have been twisting, shoving, a pulling my sleeping and waking hours so brutally that my body doesn't know when to be awake or asleep.
I'll try to figure a few things out. I rescheduled the appointment before I was late. I need to find paperwork. My mother called, left a message to call back. Blood sugar is too high, 198 fasting. Potatoes. Lots of potatoes. With the corned beef. And carrots. At least it wasn't sugar and it is gone. That was my Christmas feast.
I... best get to waking. Oh, the thigh high compression socks are required. I can't help but think I one of the three muskateers while wearing them. Have to don them, shorter ones were beginning to deform the high calf area rather than expel the fluid. Sure hurts to put them on. But it works fast. I have found that about twelve to twenty four on and off, with medicine, is best. If I think I need to up the waterpill dose for a few more days.
On to... something? Later. Or good night.
.
Another appointment. Wouldn't have mattered when. It was more about being both awake and able to function. Two out of two is required. I was able to be awake, but couldn't get out. A shower, even a trip to the post office, but I was failing. The crash was coming so very fast. The trip to the post office was a test. Amazing how fast cold weather will help shut things down, or revivify if the body is ready.
Ducks were fed etc. Cats too. Then I slept so hard it almost hurt. I can't be sure how long, waking at ~14:15. I think I went down very shortly after 8:00? I am only awake because I have been twisting, shoving, a pulling my sleeping and waking hours so brutally that my body doesn't know when to be awake or asleep.
I'll try to figure a few things out. I rescheduled the appointment before I was late. I need to find paperwork. My mother called, left a message to call back. Blood sugar is too high, 198 fasting. Potatoes. Lots of potatoes. With the corned beef. And carrots. At least it wasn't sugar and it is gone. That was my Christmas feast.
I... best get to waking. Oh, the thigh high compression socks are required. I can't help but think I one of the three muskateers while wearing them. Have to don them, shorter ones were beginning to deform the high calf area rather than expel the fluid. Sure hurts to put them on. But it works fast. I have found that about twelve to twenty four on and off, with medicine, is best. If I think I need to up the waterpill dose for a few more days.
On to... something? Later. Or good night.
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Success isn't always what it seems.
.
.
I have been able to manipulate sleep and waking cycles to make appointments. However, in doing so, I have lost almost total control, even influence, over everything else. I am eating, sleeping, and awake as if an animal. I have one last appointment to make, and one set of paperwork to do, then I can devolve to winter mode caveman living.
I have attempted to manage life. There simply isn't a way, means of manipulation, as driving on ice after finding an ice patch at speed. I didn't wake until noon. I have no idea when I went to bed. I just remembered medicine, save insulin. Blood sugar was a bit high at 178 but not bad with corned beef and fixings.
Slipping and sliding. I had hoped to be to bed about now. I have to stay awake for four more hours, so as to take night meds. An early rise again. If possible.
Not sure what is up with the girls. Spoiled, lately, but at least Sam is being mean. Perhaps Sassy, but if so, not to my knowledge. Weird how they get. Later, or good night.
.
I have been able to manipulate sleep and waking cycles to make appointments. However, in doing so, I have lost almost total control, even influence, over everything else. I am eating, sleeping, and awake as if an animal. I have one last appointment to make, and one set of paperwork to do, then I can devolve to winter mode caveman living.
I have attempted to manage life. There simply isn't a way, means of manipulation, as driving on ice after finding an ice patch at speed. I didn't wake until noon. I have no idea when I went to bed. I just remembered medicine, save insulin. Blood sugar was a bit high at 178 but not bad with corned beef and fixings.
Slipping and sliding. I had hoped to be to bed about now. I have to stay awake for four more hours, so as to take night meds. An early rise again. If possible.
Not sure what is up with the girls. Spoiled, lately, but at least Sam is being mean. Perhaps Sassy, but if so, not to my knowledge. Weird how they get. Later, or good night.
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Wonky, if functionally.
.
.
I missed my last appointment. This doctor is leaving too, if not by choice? I was able to reset and see him a final time. Now, with all that has been happening, just starting meds, and sleep completely off the rails, I wasn't sure about making it. I slept when able, setting two alarm clocks.
Surprises. Not only did I wake, I woke on the first sounding of the first alarm. I got to a shower quickly, and was dressed and ready to go in time to feed and water all critters.
BP was better. 180/100 isn't great, but it beats 207/145 by a goodly shot. Especially without meds immediately. I just couldn't put it together. They, all of them, here and there, worry about suicide. As discussed, I have... a deal with God. Life and death are His. Suffering... is part of my road to humility... and truth. No, suicide just isn't in the program.
After, shopping. I need charcoal yet. As well, I didn't find chuck roast that was satisfactory. My old store closed. This new one, a long time competing neighbor, has improved without the excessive stress of such intense rivalry. The only thing, to my mind, they don't do well, is chuck. It looks and tastes more like round, trimmed to lean, and without marbling at all. I will be shopping around for that. A good chuck is a very beefy cheaper cut, their version is as cardboard. Still, most else is good enough to superior.
Beside meats, canned veggies and fruits without added sweeteners, plain greek yogurt and cottage cheese, salad makings, all sorts of food. I was rather low. Now I am nearly broke. But I have a bit to eat. It should carry me a while. I tried something new, ever... pomegranates. I remember, as a very young one, watching Greg G. get them from a grocer and eat them. He wouldn't share. I have always been curious. Not my favorite, messy, but... different.
Oh, I forgot to pay the doc. I'll be back soon. I am making corned beef, with cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. It'll be a bit. Wasn't thinking about how long it would take, or how late it was, until it was too far along. The beeper for potatoes and carrots. In an hour, cabbage and mushrooms for the last half hour.
Later or good night.
.
I missed my last appointment. This doctor is leaving too, if not by choice? I was able to reset and see him a final time. Now, with all that has been happening, just starting meds, and sleep completely off the rails, I wasn't sure about making it. I slept when able, setting two alarm clocks.
Surprises. Not only did I wake, I woke on the first sounding of the first alarm. I got to a shower quickly, and was dressed and ready to go in time to feed and water all critters.
BP was better. 180/100 isn't great, but it beats 207/145 by a goodly shot. Especially without meds immediately. I just couldn't put it together. They, all of them, here and there, worry about suicide. As discussed, I have... a deal with God. Life and death are His. Suffering... is part of my road to humility... and truth. No, suicide just isn't in the program.
After, shopping. I need charcoal yet. As well, I didn't find chuck roast that was satisfactory. My old store closed. This new one, a long time competing neighbor, has improved without the excessive stress of such intense rivalry. The only thing, to my mind, they don't do well, is chuck. It looks and tastes more like round, trimmed to lean, and without marbling at all. I will be shopping around for that. A good chuck is a very beefy cheaper cut, their version is as cardboard. Still, most else is good enough to superior.
Beside meats, canned veggies and fruits without added sweeteners, plain greek yogurt and cottage cheese, salad makings, all sorts of food. I was rather low. Now I am nearly broke. But I have a bit to eat. It should carry me a while. I tried something new, ever... pomegranates. I remember, as a very young one, watching Greg G. get them from a grocer and eat them. He wouldn't share. I have always been curious. Not my favorite, messy, but... different.
Oh, I forgot to pay the doc. I'll be back soon. I am making corned beef, with cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. It'll be a bit. Wasn't thinking about how long it would take, or how late it was, until it was too far along. The beeper for potatoes and carrots. In an hour, cabbage and mushrooms for the last half hour.
Later or good night.
Monday, December 9, 2019
Back to medicine.
.
.
Yes. I said I would start again when returning. Couldn't think in that way until today. I am starting at 6.x mg, morning and night, of the hard stuff. The rest of the medicine at regular full values, except extra waterpills for a few days. I am taking daily mineral supplements, over daily vitamins and minerals, for the first two weeks. Being low on potassium means these may be low to, but either way these help with that, especially when taking extra waterpills.
Blood sugar was 148 fasting. It is almost back down to where it was. It is being odd though. Patience... I need to eat and dose, but I... just... I want food, I guess. My mind does. My body is telling me my stomach is stone. That it wouldn't know what to do with food. Please, don't send anything. Perhaps a very light fatted coffee and an ounce of nuts? Bleh.
Dark out there. Not as dark as it could be, but certainly not bright. It actually isn't a part of the problem currently. Nor is the temperature. It's in the 20's to 30's, which for giants, ogres, and sech, quite pleasant. Rain or melting snow/slush can be killjoys, and heavy or even a steady wind, can make even such pleasant temps uncomfortable to worse. But it is nice when I have been out.
The battery charger is here. Surprisingly arrived early. I am generally on the late route... rout? Anyway... I... will get it going when I can. Still pretty wrecked. Medicine is one thing. Figuring out a new contraption, pulling a battery, and setting it all up safely, are different matters. Soon.
I may take a nap shortly. Ugh. If I can. Sometimes, often, choices are slim, or nonexistent. I want a nap, if that counts? Oh, aspirin too. That I can do. Later.
.
Yes. I said I would start again when returning. Couldn't think in that way until today. I am starting at 6.x mg, morning and night, of the hard stuff. The rest of the medicine at regular full values, except extra waterpills for a few days. I am taking daily mineral supplements, over daily vitamins and minerals, for the first two weeks. Being low on potassium means these may be low to, but either way these help with that, especially when taking extra waterpills.
Blood sugar was 148 fasting. It is almost back down to where it was. It is being odd though. Patience... I need to eat and dose, but I... just... I want food, I guess. My mind does. My body is telling me my stomach is stone. That it wouldn't know what to do with food. Please, don't send anything. Perhaps a very light fatted coffee and an ounce of nuts? Bleh.
Dark out there. Not as dark as it could be, but certainly not bright. It actually isn't a part of the problem currently. Nor is the temperature. It's in the 20's to 30's, which for giants, ogres, and sech, quite pleasant. Rain or melting snow/slush can be killjoys, and heavy or even a steady wind, can make even such pleasant temps uncomfortable to worse. But it is nice when I have been out.
The battery charger is here. Surprisingly arrived early. I am generally on the late route... rout? Anyway... I... will get it going when I can. Still pretty wrecked. Medicine is one thing. Figuring out a new contraption, pulling a battery, and setting it all up safely, are different matters. Soon.
I may take a nap shortly. Ugh. If I can. Sometimes, often, choices are slim, or nonexistent. I want a nap, if that counts? Oh, aspirin too. That I can do. Later.
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Running a bit late.
.
.
Then again I was awake late dealing with diabetes. Ducks were fed and watered. Their water wasn't frozen. It was 36° F, though. Still, surprised it didn't freeze overnight. I think, if they get fresh water right before dark, it is relatively quite warm, what we might call a sauna, so they use (and abuse) it. That is what it is for. I need a couple bags more feed. With mice etc being excluded, mostly, feed lasts a lot longer. I still need to trap out there.
The timer is set to feed the girls. Their litter was finally changed, and treats are again in stock and being dispensed. Truth is, they are fed and otherwise tended better than I am. If I can only care for one group, the critters get first dibs. Not always perfect, but they... don't have it too bad. Far better than in the wilds.
Blood sugar crept up again. At 189 fasting, I will have to work on it. No major problem, given yesterday. Back to begging a downward trend, but less than two hundred. Though it may continue to climb, a little to a lot, the next few days. It... just does as it pleases, when it chooses, sometimes. I can only do what I can.
Still a bit rough. A mild headache, slight nausea, minor feverishness, muscle and joint pain... this could be something along the lines of flu, or that recurring 'infection'. Both can have these symptoms. I am not sure if I have one or several bugs. I am not sure if it was from experimental vaccines or raw exposure. I have been in some ugly places, lands of death where I am all but sure most of the population is diseased. That, if I had to guess, is the majority cause for simpler paganism, hoodoo, and voodoo. If I didn't know better...
So why God? Many reasons. Not necessarily those in the church, but definitely God and the church. Even Christ had Judas, though even his Rock failed. I think Christ wanted us to know, recognize, snakes in places of power, to understand, one day, there would be nothing else. When families are discouraged, pedophilia adopted, fundamentalism deigned sinful, you know you walk in shadows.
I have been watering my houseplants, getting them back into order. I found their food spikes and gave them a couple per, plus another slightly above room temp shower. They are looking much better. I really need to get hooks up, put them out here. I'd like to get a dozen more, but they are a bit pricey. I could split some off, but I also want some variety. Later.
.
Then again I was awake late dealing with diabetes. Ducks were fed and watered. Their water wasn't frozen. It was 36° F, though. Still, surprised it didn't freeze overnight. I think, if they get fresh water right before dark, it is relatively quite warm, what we might call a sauna, so they use (and abuse) it. That is what it is for. I need a couple bags more feed. With mice etc being excluded, mostly, feed lasts a lot longer. I still need to trap out there.
The timer is set to feed the girls. Their litter was finally changed, and treats are again in stock and being dispensed. Truth is, they are fed and otherwise tended better than I am. If I can only care for one group, the critters get first dibs. Not always perfect, but they... don't have it too bad. Far better than in the wilds.
Blood sugar crept up again. At 189 fasting, I will have to work on it. No major problem, given yesterday. Back to begging a downward trend, but less than two hundred. Though it may continue to climb, a little to a lot, the next few days. It... just does as it pleases, when it chooses, sometimes. I can only do what I can.
Still a bit rough. A mild headache, slight nausea, minor feverishness, muscle and joint pain... this could be something along the lines of flu, or that recurring 'infection'. Both can have these symptoms. I am not sure if I have one or several bugs. I am not sure if it was from experimental vaccines or raw exposure. I have been in some ugly places, lands of death where I am all but sure most of the population is diseased. That, if I had to guess, is the majority cause for simpler paganism, hoodoo, and voodoo. If I didn't know better...
So why God? Many reasons. Not necessarily those in the church, but definitely God and the church. Even Christ had Judas, though even his Rock failed. I think Christ wanted us to know, recognize, snakes in places of power, to understand, one day, there would be nothing else. When families are discouraged, pedophilia adopted, fundamentalism deigned sinful, you know you walk in shadows.
I have been watering my houseplants, getting them back into order. I found their food spikes and gave them a couple per, plus another slightly above room temp shower. They are looking much better. I really need to get hooks up, put them out here. I'd like to get a dozen more, but they are a bit pricey. I could split some off, but I also want some variety. Later.
Wow. Freaky.
.
.
As mentioned, my blood sugar was high. So, with dinner, I gave it a more solid dose, as per my usual. As I was thinking about bed, I was feeling... off... like food that had been left out. Blood sugar had fallen to 59. I felt off, not horrible. Glad I checked. Problem. I just ate, no room for more food.
Aha, carb tabs. Perfect for this. So... I had one. Then two more, then two more. I couldn't stop! I probably, no kidding, ate twenty! I knew my blood sugar would be shot. Still, had to test it. A few hours, threeish, later, and it was 148? I expected the high hundreds, perhaps into three hundred. Wow. I must have seriously needed them.
I will have another small meal and a small dose. Weird happenings. Gotta be careful.
Then on to bed. Good night.
.
As mentioned, my blood sugar was high. So, with dinner, I gave it a more solid dose, as per my usual. As I was thinking about bed, I was feeling... off... like food that had been left out. Blood sugar had fallen to 59. I felt off, not horrible. Glad I checked. Problem. I just ate, no room for more food.
Aha, carb tabs. Perfect for this. So... I had one. Then two more, then two more. I couldn't stop! I probably, no kidding, ate twenty! I knew my blood sugar would be shot. Still, had to test it. A few hours, threeish, later, and it was 148? I expected the high hundreds, perhaps into three hundred. Wow. I must have seriously needed them.
I will have another small meal and a small dose. Weird happenings. Gotta be careful.
Then on to bed. Good night.
Saturday, December 7, 2019
Just sitting.
.
.
Very tired. Nothing hurts, if I am still rather numb. Cats and ducks have been tended, twice. Cat litter desperately needs changing. But treats are back in stock. The ducks have plenty of food and their water was still good. I will change their water, hopefully before dark.
The grill is going. Chicken hindquarters and a bit of beef. Later, I am hoping to make cabbage. I haven't been eating right, and it shows. Not enough, not enough fiber. I will fix that. A gift, if I can get dishes done and the stove and oven clear and clean, is corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes. Otherwise I will skip the potatoes.
Have you ever realized, if you were nice to someone, giving them the food, drink, and any other excess they might want, you would kill them. Just a thought.
Except cats. Mostly. ;p
I was going to take a nap. Thankfully I remembered the grill was lit. No real danger, just a waste. And while not truly hungry, a keto thing, food sounds good. It just does. I blood sugar is rather high, after breakfast and a dose. My guess is the cheese, a blueberry stilton. It tasted sweet, must have added sugar. Usually I check, things get through one way or another, from time to time. No major hiccup, I was careful because it seemed too sweet. It'll take a day or two, but shouldn't be too bad. Time to flip food. Later.
.
Very tired. Nothing hurts, if I am still rather numb. Cats and ducks have been tended, twice. Cat litter desperately needs changing. But treats are back in stock. The ducks have plenty of food and their water was still good. I will change their water, hopefully before dark.
The grill is going. Chicken hindquarters and a bit of beef. Later, I am hoping to make cabbage. I haven't been eating right, and it shows. Not enough, not enough fiber. I will fix that. A gift, if I can get dishes done and the stove and oven clear and clean, is corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes. Otherwise I will skip the potatoes.
Have you ever realized, if you were nice to someone, giving them the food, drink, and any other excess they might want, you would kill them. Just a thought.
Except cats. Mostly. ;p
I was going to take a nap. Thankfully I remembered the grill was lit. No real danger, just a waste. And while not truly hungry, a keto thing, food sounds good. It just does. I blood sugar is rather high, after breakfast and a dose. My guess is the cheese, a blueberry stilton. It tasted sweet, must have added sugar. Usually I check, things get through one way or another, from time to time. No major hiccup, I was careful because it seemed too sweet. It'll take a day or two, but shouldn't be too bad. Time to flip food. Later.
Wrecked.
.
.
Oh, well, I made it up and back in spite of all. What all? Two hours of sleep in the forty eight before, then the rest.
I had started the waterpills, but not potassium. With potassium out swelling still high even if comparably better, and bp predictably sky high, I was sent... escorted... to the emergency room... over my mild rebuffs. In went potassium, magnesium, bp stuff, and some others. An ekg and chest x-ray were administered. And I was there until after 14:00.
I... napped between visitors and procedures. Surprised I could wake without much fuss. Adrenaline, around strangers, is potent in me. I can't be more certain about when I was let out. Closer to, slightly before, or a bit after, 14:00? I don't know how long the drive home was. I was able to shop cat supplies but not groceries after.
When I returned home, I planned blogging and gaming, to come down. No dice. I was lucky to get things in from the car. I did feed and water furry and feathered friends, get purchases and travel gear in. Oh, and noted someone had stolen a quarter of the gas from my car at the V.A. parking garage.
At some point, before falling out of my chair, I made it to bed. It's a... strange morning. I can feel nothing, barely think, as foggy of mind as it is out doors. I'll... try to get going. Blood sugar is 143 fasting. Still trending lower, other than the anomaly of yesterday's sleepless reading.
Today? I... have no idea. Hopefully something.
.
Oh, well, I made it up and back in spite of all. What all? Two hours of sleep in the forty eight before, then the rest.
I had started the waterpills, but not potassium. With potassium out swelling still high even if comparably better, and bp predictably sky high, I was sent... escorted... to the emergency room... over my mild rebuffs. In went potassium, magnesium, bp stuff, and some others. An ekg and chest x-ray were administered. And I was there until after 14:00.
I... napped between visitors and procedures. Surprised I could wake without much fuss. Adrenaline, around strangers, is potent in me. I can't be more certain about when I was let out. Closer to, slightly before, or a bit after, 14:00? I don't know how long the drive home was. I was able to shop cat supplies but not groceries after.
When I returned home, I planned blogging and gaming, to come down. No dice. I was lucky to get things in from the car. I did feed and water furry and feathered friends, get purchases and travel gear in. Oh, and noted someone had stolen a quarter of the gas from my car at the V.A. parking garage.
At some point, before falling out of my chair, I made it to bed. It's a... strange morning. I can feel nothing, barely think, as foggy of mind as it is out doors. I'll... try to get going. Blood sugar is 143 fasting. Still trending lower, other than the anomaly of yesterday's sleepless reading.
Today? I... have no idea. Hopefully something.
Friday, December 6, 2019
A hard, good, start.
.
.
I wasn't sure it was possible. I have had to mess my sleep up something awful to get out. Actually to be awake yesterday. It has carried over since. Little sleep yesterday night, none last night.
Doing okay. Headache, just a touch of nausea, the rest is numb. I had cold tea in a thermos ready to go. I also made fresh hot tea for warm fatted drinks for the drive. It is difficult to eat, but I must.
The trip was easy. The roads clear and fast. What often takes two to three hours took just a wee over an hour. Okay, nearly two, but still. Now, I wasn't speeding... abnormally. It was amazing. interstate highways are grand when open. Still, that leaves me her way too early!
Blood work is done. Not sure if processing is open yet, or will get to it in time. But there is a reasonable chance that labs will be ready in clinic. ... Almost two hours early? Bah. If I hadn't left early I guarantee I would have been late.
Blood sugar was 136 fasting. But no sleep messes all such things up. Difficult to know. I didn't feed the girls before leaving. A half day of fasting a week keeps them thinking. But I did get the duckles fresh water. They could have opened the water, but it was well used and very cold. They had plenty of food
I would love to nap, but that... wouldn't work out. Or... am I home, dreaming this? Imagine writing a post while technically not awake. Insomnia.. Later.
.
I wasn't sure it was possible. I have had to mess my sleep up something awful to get out. Actually to be awake yesterday. It has carried over since. Little sleep yesterday night, none last night.
Doing okay. Headache, just a touch of nausea, the rest is numb. I had cold tea in a thermos ready to go. I also made fresh hot tea for warm fatted drinks for the drive. It is difficult to eat, but I must.
The trip was easy. The roads clear and fast. What often takes two to three hours took just a wee over an hour. Okay, nearly two, but still. Now, I wasn't speeding... abnormally. It was amazing. interstate highways are grand when open. Still, that leaves me her way too early!
Blood work is done. Not sure if processing is open yet, or will get to it in time. But there is a reasonable chance that labs will be ready in clinic. ... Almost two hours early? Bah. If I hadn't left early I guarantee I would have been late.
Blood sugar was 136 fasting. But no sleep messes all such things up. Difficult to know. I didn't feed the girls before leaving. A half day of fasting a week keeps them thinking. But I did get the duckles fresh water. They could have opened the water, but it was well used and very cold. They had plenty of food
I would love to nap, but that... wouldn't work out. Or... am I home, dreaming this? Imagine writing a post while technically not awake. Insomnia.. Later.
Thursday, December 5, 2019
Nothing fancy.
.
.
Battery and a reasonably flexible charger are on the way. Extra was spent for a faster delivery... for the battery. The charger was prime, so Monday if weather holds. It should work for just about any battery for vehicles and solar types, if limited to 12 volt. It doesn't store energy, it has to be plugged in. Those die fairly quickly. If you don't use those frequently, like weekly, skip those, get jumpers.
As to weather, it is staying just below freezing, with a ten percent chance of precip. Terrifying to not be sure. It's a long stretch where anything can and maybe has happened. Still, unless I walk out and see ice, or hear warnings, I am planning a go. I need to shower, then crash for a while.
The ducks got their second watering. And they needed it? Perhaps not. If the ice is thin, they can open it. I've seen them open nearly an inch of ice. They prefer fresh, warmer, water. I do my best. I usually close the door too. I think I left it, will close it shortly. I do my best.
I'd best get to it. Sleep has been torn up in my effort to make appointments. It just has to be done sometimes. I need to do grocery shopping too. Cat stuff, my food... I still have the list from before. Some of it that was bought has been used already. I'll take the list, just in case.
Blood sugar, if again trending lower, was still a bit higher fasting. But the one after meal read was 115. Not perfect, not bad. Averages are running much higher, but mostly because I am having high fasting reads but only doing one after meal read. Still, I'd lay dollars to dimes my a1c is vastly improved, perhaps in the higher 5.xx range.
Later, or good night most probably. Sweet dreams.
.
Battery and a reasonably flexible charger are on the way. Extra was spent for a faster delivery... for the battery. The charger was prime, so Monday if weather holds. It should work for just about any battery for vehicles and solar types, if limited to 12 volt. It doesn't store energy, it has to be plugged in. Those die fairly quickly. If you don't use those frequently, like weekly, skip those, get jumpers.
As to weather, it is staying just below freezing, with a ten percent chance of precip. Terrifying to not be sure. It's a long stretch where anything can and maybe has happened. Still, unless I walk out and see ice, or hear warnings, I am planning a go. I need to shower, then crash for a while.
The ducks got their second watering. And they needed it? Perhaps not. If the ice is thin, they can open it. I've seen them open nearly an inch of ice. They prefer fresh, warmer, water. I do my best. I usually close the door too. I think I left it, will close it shortly. I do my best.
I'd best get to it. Sleep has been torn up in my effort to make appointments. It just has to be done sometimes. I need to do grocery shopping too. Cat stuff, my food... I still have the list from before. Some of it that was bought has been used already. I'll take the list, just in case.
Blood sugar, if again trending lower, was still a bit higher fasting. But the one after meal read was 115. Not perfect, not bad. Averages are running much higher, but mostly because I am having high fasting reads but only doing one after meal read. Still, I'd lay dollars to dimes my a1c is vastly improved, perhaps in the higher 5.xx range.
Later, or good night most probably. Sweet dreams.
An early afternoon rise.
.
.
I had it in my mind to wake early enough to investigate a battery. I can get one by the 16th for $64, or the 10th for $78, if memory serves. I am checking with someone local. As well, I found a charger for it. Not sure if I need Club Cadet brand, will compare. Maybe there are better all around chargers, with trickle etc? Yeah.
Will be trying to charge this one until the other arrives. Could end up with two batteries, though this one is probably at the end of it's life. ~ News... no battery locally. If I want one, I have to order. Now or..?
As to weather. Good news and bad, really bad, news. It isn't snowing! It is sprinkling. Boo... hiss. If it is light, short, and they can keep up on it, cool. If not... ice. I won't play out there with any ice, even with the Xterra. Not good. Oh, but battery... should I order or wait? No, best to order. Bleh.
Later.
.
I had it in my mind to wake early enough to investigate a battery. I can get one by the 16th for $64, or the 10th for $78, if memory serves. I am checking with someone local. As well, I found a charger for it. Not sure if I need Club Cadet brand, will compare. Maybe there are better all around chargers, with trickle etc? Yeah.
Will be trying to charge this one until the other arrives. Could end up with two batteries, though this one is probably at the end of it's life. ~ News... no battery locally. If I want one, I have to order. Now or..?
As to weather. Good news and bad, really bad, news. It isn't snowing! It is sprinkling. Boo... hiss. If it is light, short, and they can keep up on it, cool. If not... ice. I won't play out there with any ice, even with the Xterra. Not good. Oh, but battery... should I order or wait? No, best to order. Bleh.
Later.
Well...
.
.
The neighbor stopped by, with his other neighbor's snow removal system. It has a snowblower. After opening up the drive, he checked mine. There was gas in it. Half a tank. So that wasn't it. There were dummy warning lights. But the oil was good, and battery was putting out 12v, at least until someone kept on it.
Not sure what to do. Hopefully no more snow or I will have to cancel the next appointments.
A nap in a bit. Then a shower, shave and back to dishes. I can't seem to eat.
Later.
.
The neighbor stopped by, with his other neighbor's snow removal system. It has a snowblower. After opening up the drive, he checked mine. There was gas in it. Half a tank. So that wasn't it. There were dummy warning lights. But the oil was good, and battery was putting out 12v, at least until someone kept on it.
Not sure what to do. Hopefully no more snow or I will have to cancel the next appointments.
A nap in a bit. Then a shower, shave and back to dishes. I can't seem to eat.
Later.
Not my fault.
.
.
An appointment this morning. For it, wrestling with sleep. Too little but some, this time. A struggle waking, but up in time to shower, shave, have some sitting rest, and get there with time to spare. Except... snow... three inches? Perhaps the plow would knock it out in time? No gas! Could I shovel out?
I gave it a good shot but got smacked down so hard after a fifth of it I am sitting without choice. If I had to the afternoon, maybe... but no guarantee even then. I can't even find my big gas can. I... did what I could. I will try to reschedule. Hell of a lot of effort first thing. Too much. Well, not dead, yet, for it. Maybe next time.
I did what I could, and it wasn't bad. It just wasn't even close.
Ducks have been tended, cats will be shortly. Fresh tea is brewing. Blood sugar is 159 fasting. I suppose I will just work in the house. Bleh. I even washed clothes so they would be fresh, for certain, through the night. *sigh* Not a bad effort, simply an unsuccessful one. Effort alone is not enough in the real world. Later.
.
An appointment this morning. For it, wrestling with sleep. Too little but some, this time. A struggle waking, but up in time to shower, shave, have some sitting rest, and get there with time to spare. Except... snow... three inches? Perhaps the plow would knock it out in time? No gas! Could I shovel out?
I gave it a good shot but got smacked down so hard after a fifth of it I am sitting without choice. If I had to the afternoon, maybe... but no guarantee even then. I can't even find my big gas can. I... did what I could. I will try to reschedule. Hell of a lot of effort first thing. Too much. Well, not dead, yet, for it. Maybe next time.
I did what I could, and it wasn't bad. It just wasn't even close.
Ducks have been tended, cats will be shortly. Fresh tea is brewing. Blood sugar is 159 fasting. I suppose I will just work in the house. Bleh. I even washed clothes so they would be fresh, for certain, through the night. *sigh* Not a bad effort, simply an unsuccessful one. Effort alone is not enough in the real world. Later.
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Cooking tech.
.
.
While I don't cook as often, I still like to cook. Since figuring out how to use stainless and cast, and why high carbon pans don't work so abandoning those with aluminum and non-stick pans, I have been experimenting with utensils. One sort of traditional spatula has come out on top, but the rest are chinese/wok utensils.
Finding decent utensils that don't have huge handles, cost far too much, and hold up to gorilla strength use at times, in traditional European shapes, has proven futile. Gladly, in some sense. Those things drove me to go where few gweilo go. And while they can stick their crude chopsticks wherever they like, their utensils are worthy tools.
Just check out their tools. Find solidly built ones and give them a shot. The one nod to European cookery is the long flat fish flipper spatula, with slats. It works terribly well for certain things. So many European utensils are made of soft, untempered steel, or cost a fortune, or have huge handles which makes storage and organization difficult, or all and other problems. It is like sellers are trying to sell what we don't want to buy.
Actually, that is the problem with cars. I don't want automatic headlights, or anything else. I don't want airbags everywhere. I don't want electronic trash littered through the vehicle. I don't even want automatic transmissions anymore. And the cheapest they can build a new car is crazy. If they burn, it is either the industry's choice or government, though the two collude against us, so...
Oh. Hmm? Just thinking and grumbling as I get ready for animal care. The girls are getting feisty. After, a few calls then a nap. Later.
.
While I don't cook as often, I still like to cook. Since figuring out how to use stainless and cast, and why high carbon pans don't work so abandoning those with aluminum and non-stick pans, I have been experimenting with utensils. One sort of traditional spatula has come out on top, but the rest are chinese/wok utensils.
Finding decent utensils that don't have huge handles, cost far too much, and hold up to gorilla strength use at times, in traditional European shapes, has proven futile. Gladly, in some sense. Those things drove me to go where few gweilo go. And while they can stick their crude chopsticks wherever they like, their utensils are worthy tools.
Just check out their tools. Find solidly built ones and give them a shot. The one nod to European cookery is the long flat fish flipper spatula, with slats. It works terribly well for certain things. So many European utensils are made of soft, untempered steel, or cost a fortune, or have huge handles which makes storage and organization difficult, or all and other problems. It is like sellers are trying to sell what we don't want to buy.
Actually, that is the problem with cars. I don't want automatic headlights, or anything else. I don't want airbags everywhere. I don't want electronic trash littered through the vehicle. I don't even want automatic transmissions anymore. And the cheapest they can build a new car is crazy. If they burn, it is either the industry's choice or government, though the two collude against us, so...
Oh. Hmm? Just thinking and grumbling as I get ready for animal care. The girls are getting feisty. After, a few calls then a nap. Later.
Up before sunrise.
.
.
It isn't exactly early, rising at about 7:00, but it is earlier. Cold out there, about 17°F, if my eyes read rightly, and foggy. A special sort of winter dreariness, a haggard look, like a foggy rundown pier, only pulled into, wed with, our highland setting. A strange, almost dangerous, feel to the scene. Only it isn't a drunken dock worker or sailor who might get you, but the cold.
The furnace has been turned up, heat flows as I speak. Toenails are becoming an issue, so will be hit. A shower in a bit, then a shave, resetting dishes, and perhaps laundry... if I can get a load together. Then, perhaps, a start on tearing boxes down and getting the upstairs arranged.
.
It isn't exactly early, rising at about 7:00, but it is earlier. Cold out there, about 17°F, if my eyes read rightly, and foggy. A special sort of winter dreariness, a haggard look, like a foggy rundown pier, only pulled into, wed with, our highland setting. A strange, almost dangerous, feel to the scene. Only it isn't a drunken dock worker or sailor who might get you, but the cold.
The furnace has been turned up, heat flows as I speak. Toenails are becoming an issue, so will be hit. A shower in a bit, then a shave, resetting dishes, and perhaps laundry... if I can get a load together. Then, perhaps, a start on tearing boxes down and getting the upstairs arranged.
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Not as planned.
.
.
A bit too tired. I am hoping to do a bit more. No guarantees. I should be to bed earlier tonight. That should help with other plans.
Beside being tired, I felt ill. I worried it might be low blood sugar. At 111 that wasn't the problem. Lighter meals today, but three of them. I'll do a final check in a few hours, then go on to bed. Really not feeling well, if I have, usually do, felt much worse. I will put laundry in the dryer and at least refresh the dishes, but that is probably it.
.
A bit too tired. I am hoping to do a bit more. No guarantees. I should be to bed earlier tonight. That should help with other plans.
Beside being tired, I felt ill. I worried it might be low blood sugar. At 111 that wasn't the problem. Lighter meals today, but three of them. I'll do a final check in a few hours, then go on to bed. Really not feeling well, if I have, usually do, felt much worse. I will put laundry in the dryer and at least refresh the dishes, but that is probably it.
A bit worn, but with plans.
.
.
The bathroom looks really good. I went down between three and four, am waking just after eleven. Aches and pains, but those as likely would have arrived whether I worked or not. Aspirin. It's been a while. I took waterpills last night, drained about a gallon overnight for that. Other than itchy skin from skin expansion and contraction, all is peachy.
I had hoped to jump right to it this morning. No such luck. Until my innards receive their share of the painkillers, they aren't onboard with nothing but sitting. Have you ever been exhausted, and ringed by pain that will only get much worse before it gets better? That is were I am. Perhaps the pain will ease or I will become more awake so as to handle the push through.
.
The bathroom looks really good. I went down between three and four, am waking just after eleven. Aches and pains, but those as likely would have arrived whether I worked or not. Aspirin. It's been a while. I took waterpills last night, drained about a gallon overnight for that. Other than itchy skin from skin expansion and contraction, all is peachy.
I had hoped to jump right to it this morning. No such luck. Until my innards receive their share of the painkillers, they aren't onboard with nothing but sitting. Have you ever been exhausted, and ringed by pain that will only get much worse before it gets better? That is were I am. Perhaps the pain will ease or I will become more awake so as to handle the push through.
Late, but...
.
.
I kept slowing down. It took longer to do less in a strange reductive degeneration. Well, and legs and feet started to swell. I have been on them too long today. It's not every day, some days including today. I didn't do all that much, but enough for that. Nicely tired too.
Whenever I get up, I'll get to it again. Not bad. Good night.
.
I kept slowing down. It took longer to do less in a strange reductive degeneration. Well, and legs and feet started to swell. I have been on them too long today. It's not every day, some days including today. I didn't do all that much, but enough for that. Nicely tired too.
Whenever I get up, I'll get to it again. Not bad. Good night.
Monday, December 2, 2019
Almost.
.
.
The bathroom is mopped, toilet is clean, and I am about to trim and shower, then set dishes up. Then to bed. No laundry, but I really hit the floor and toilet very well. It took four shots, and I swept between several of the moppings. Very hot water allows for a fast drying. It was along the edges were buildup needed effort, and the drill with a brush.
Dinner was good. I had blood sugar lower. Something I ate later caused a bump, which remains. I can have smaller portions of meat twice daily, but I need to be careful with veggies. A potato? Small, twice a week, with extra fats to shift the macros. Carrots or other sweet veggies? Also a few small doses a week. But not all together. The baby carrots needed eating, as with killing sometimes in Texas. I already had a potato going. Oh well. Still, the 130s aren't murder, I just prefer better.
.
The bathroom is mopped, toilet is clean, and I am about to trim and shower, then set dishes up. Then to bed. No laundry, but I really hit the floor and toilet very well. It took four shots, and I swept between several of the moppings. Very hot water allows for a fast drying. It was along the edges were buildup needed effort, and the drill with a brush.
Dinner was good. I had blood sugar lower. Something I ate later caused a bump, which remains. I can have smaller portions of meat twice daily, but I need to be careful with veggies. A potato? Small, twice a week, with extra fats to shift the macros. Carrots or other sweet veggies? Also a few small doses a week. But not all together. The baby carrots needed eating, as with killing sometimes in Texas. I already had a potato going. Oh well. Still, the 130s aren't murder, I just prefer better.
Not moving swiftly.
.
.
Ducks, girls, and myself, food drink and insulin. Ducks were handled early enough that I refreshed their water, putting much less, but fresh, in for the end of the day. It will freeze, but is easier to clean out being shallow. Blood sugar is at 91 as I prepare for a second meal.
The real problem with keto is food boredom. It isn't just that one doesn't get the carb, starch, and or sugar rush. It is also that food loses most of it's gratifying flavor. No, I can still taste everything, perhaps more acutely in ways. But it is like hearing underwater, or eating similarly. Which, oddly if much more rarely, leads to overeating. Eating while waiting for... something... anything.
.
Ducks, girls, and myself, food drink and insulin. Ducks were handled early enough that I refreshed their water, putting much less, but fresh, in for the end of the day. It will freeze, but is easier to clean out being shallow. Blood sugar is at 91 as I prepare for a second meal.
The real problem with keto is food boredom. It isn't just that one doesn't get the carb, starch, and or sugar rush. It is also that food loses most of it's gratifying flavor. No, I can still taste everything, perhaps more acutely in ways. But it is like hearing underwater, or eating similarly. Which, oddly if much more rarely, leads to overeating. Eating while waiting for... something... anything.
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