Short but exceptional.

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Sleep that is.  You can't enjoy sleep until you get poor sleep with no rest from it, and for a while.  With as dysfunctional as I have been for so long, I am surprised I am able to find good rest.  Part of why is that I no longer judge or attempt to drive myself so harshly.  What did Cohen say in a later interview?  Something about no longer having an internal voice screaming at him that he is fucking up?  Right, right.  I gave that voice to the only one who has a right to it, and He doesn't need it or use it.

I must admit, I thought I would be dead by now, this time.  I have sat for months.  All attempts to get to work end up nought.  Or worse, as with dishes, blocking up my access to the shower.  I would die to have a shower, but there is a heretofore insurmountable mountain of effort in the way.

I look at it, I reset it, I...  today?  Always a hope.  I look around me.  I want it fixed.  With help, but not alone.  Stuck in my head, able to see but not do.  I went without games, hoping that would force the issue.  I just slept more.  So I found games.  Though for a while, I couldn't play games either... months?  They produce more drive, but not of body.  At least there is entertainment and vestiges of action, activity, function, when I can play.  It offers... something.

Perhaps as medicine normalizes, I can dig back in?  Will see soon.

Been without insulin for a while.  Blood sugar is 154 fasting?  Okay.  I will check it after a fatted tea.  Curious now.  That is nearly as good as it gets with long-acting insulin provided.  Fast acting alone too, sometimes.  Quite strange.  With that idea, I set a fresh pot of tea to brew.  Such a very strange world.  But in God's hands, even as a failure, it isn't a bad one.  Some people in it, but that isn't my problem even when it is.  Mostly.