Sam woke me this morning.

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Sometimes, I suspect, the old girl wakes me for her own purposes.  Sometimes she just thinks I should be awake.  Generally she is fair, if not always correct.  Today she was both.  I suspect she wanted out.  Though... I do think she thought I had enough sleep as well.  Persistent old girl.  At least she has learned to not use claws.

Awake I am.  Teeth brushed, waiting that half hour after brushing and gargling for tea, and meds.  Blood sugar is 148, bp is 138/99, p. 90.  Better, for no good reason(s), than yesterday.  Fasting starts today.  Maybe two days, maybe longer.  The goal is five days, then longer, when I trust to go that far.  The difference between sleep-fasting and wake-fasting is that when I would sleep for weeks, my body would slow, greatly.  While awake, my body can't slow.  Which is why fasting shaves weight, wake-fasting that is.  Which is why the weight loss surprised me.  As for pain?  I think sleep-fasting was worse.  I would dream of starvation, couldn't wake to deal with it.  True horror.

I hope to do things today, if doubt.  It's 55ish, F, at 8:30.  Strange.  Or seems so to me.  I'd like to do a few small parts of several projects and a few chores.  We'll see.  First my wake-up routines.  I'm not sure if it is tea time yet or not.  Medicine and tea.  While nothing was done yesterday, I did take medicine, brush, and do my reads, save the last bp check.  That's something, and becoming pretty typical.  Later.

Bah!

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Can't fast today.  Not an issue of willpower.  I have two steaks thawed.  The boss was mowing, so I offered him a free meal.  He has other plans.  I just won't burn that much money, steak is spendy.  Tomorrow, then through Tuesday?  Longer if I can.  It gets a bit funky after several days. The mind gets wonky.

Blood sugar went higher, fasting to point today.  Then I needed a nap, and blood sugar remains in the low 160's.  It's definitely time to fast.  Bp went higher.  I was about to brush when it turns out I need to eat, so that will wait.  After lunch I hope to get to town.  Package return, another stop at the library is required.

If I can.  It's in the mid 70's, which oddly, out of the sun, feels cool to cold.  Strange what controlling blood sugar does.  I am having a kefir water soda.  Amazing what a bit more fruit does.  This one has almost as much fizz as regular soda, if it behaves slightly differently.  And it is quite tasty.  Popping the top almost gives the notion of opening champagne.  I only get two of these a week.  Will test diabetes in a bit.  These seem to cause a quick rise, quick fall, then to below the initial point, on their own.  I let the boss try some.  I think he was as surprised as I was.  Far cheaper than regular soda, too.

Later.

Up and, well, just up.

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I do hope to finish a few things, start a few things, and continue a few things.  I am feeling a bit rough today.  Just odd varied bodily complaints.  I am doing well with brushing, at least with the morning and night routine.  It's the aftermeal one(s) I... need to work on.  I stilll wake with bad breath, only now I know it.  I'm not sure that is an advantage, for me.  The rest of the world may disagree.  How in the world... I clean and sanitize, only to wake as if... I don't know.

Fasting blood sugar is a little high, again, at 151.  A longer fast, hopefully until Monday or later.  If I can hit five days... or, when I can hit five days... or more, I will.  Blood pressure was 138/100, p. 80.  That has been the same, give or take five points, the last three times, mornings and nights, since beginning that yesterday.  Still a bit high.  I am thinking of adding another carvedilol, though may hold off to see if fasting brings it into alignment.  Several more 'fasting treatments' and I am hoping my readings will more fully normalize... and stay regular.  Got to admit, fasting is helping.

The glasses I got from the V.A. are really off.  So, when the glasses I ordered off-site came, I wasn't sure.  Bother trying them or just send them back?  I went ahead and tried  them.  Better but still off?  Is it just getting used to new glasses?  I will try the V.A. glasses again.  Though those were truly awful.  I couldn't see through the upper or lower portions.  To be fair, everybody gets a pass, will mess up.  It's a bit the scripts and a bit the making of those... the first failure for them.  I do need to call.  All glasses have to go back.  What a pain.  Strange, the Chinese knock-offs were better, with a bad script?  Weird.

Actually I will be keeping the standard, non-bifocal glasses.  Even flawed they are better than the last glasses I got (not at the V.A., but at a local eye doc they sent me to see).  I won't let the V.A. experiment on my eyes anymore.  No drops, no dilatation, none of it.  Maybe that will help them focus on what I need, not on their trainees' curiosity.

Later.

Very good.

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As I was considering getting started, the doorbell rang.  I couldn't imagine who.  Still less than presentable, I rushed to manage that before the visitor went away.  The boss? I didn't think he was to be back for a bit?  Hmm.  Curious.  Stick lessons?  Finally!  It's been thirty years.  Total memory wipe, as with her.  I don't think the memory loss was for the same reasons.  One was just collapsing health, the other was brute trauma, though the trauma may have lead to health issues or in part.

I... wasn't expecting much.  From myself.  I did... okay.  Better than I expected, if that was a rather low bar.  It will take a lot of practice.  If I get an hour or two a week, and gain some competence, by summers end I may see about a great used stick car... low mileage, high mpg.  Or maybe not until spring if I can't find a front wheel drive.  I don't trust awd's, and rear wheel drives are useless in the winter.  Insurance is the bigger concern.  Well, after payments.  Ugh.  Keep it to $250 a month?  Dunno.  Max though.

I am excited.  Jacked.  It was, probably, 1987 the last time I drove stick, a Navy deuce and an half, to pick up the crew for physical quals?  They missed me the year before, so put me in charge the next.  I think so.  Rough old bitch, if she was actually pretty new.  Fun to play with, as long as none of the old men (xo's on up) caught you, or didn't know/owe you.  Bidniz.  She was stiff, but goosing would get the girl to blush and wiggle.

I'll see what else I can do yet.  Steak and eggs for a first meal.  Another steak in a bit.  Premeal blood sugar was 122.  I'll check again at 14:30.  Later.

The pound of flesh.

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Borrowing has costs, plus interest.  I borrowed from Wednesday, perhaps even from today, on Tuesday.  I was down yesterday.  Enough so that blood sugar was off.  I struggled with it being in the 150-160 range until it dropped, to 122 before hitting the 140s.  It ended up being a long, if lame, day.  I think if I exhaust my body beyond some level of means, blood sugars will be off.  This morning, fasting blood sugar is 143.  BP is 142/100, p. 78.

I am considering beginning the next multiday fast.  Today or tomorrow.  I have so many things to do in these next two days, it may be better to start it tomorrow.  I can work hard one or two days, but not three.  I plan to push through Saturday, if I can.  Then let Sunday be right with God.  It's the plan.

Yeah, I'll start tomorrow.  Whenever blood sugar and bp begin tilting, hit it with some dw-0.  :p  Bastages!

Today?  A shave , shower, and at least UPS, if the post office too, if possible.  With Subway having worked, I want to try JJ's, my much preferred shop.  If it works, I have a place for a treat every other week or so.  Treat?  Easy meal I enjoy.  As well, I am hoping to hit the kitchen floor, do some paint removal/sanding, and work on the watering schemes and systems.  I'll do my best.  First to wake, do morning routines, take medicine.

Later.

A long solid sleep.

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Awake around 5:00, earlier yet if getting out of bed was not of interest.  I needed the sleep.  Yesterday ended up being quite a day.  Blood sugar is a bit high, at 151.  I ate a medium bowl of pistachios right before bed.  Two reasons for the higher number.  First, I ate all day.  Never a good thing.  Second, I went to sleep before that final snack had a chance to settle out. Neither of those are absolute markers, but for me they each increase the risk.  Together they increase the risk greatly.

Today?  Waking.  Then, perhaps, more cleaning, a shower, and to town.  I dreamed of hitting some of the lower wood window trim.  And inside window dressing... plus all the other domestic work.  We'll see.  Too much work for time can clog the flow.  A few focal points a week.  Say, primarily, the kitchen and painting the windows?  Aye.  I'll need to strip those, which is the more serious part of the work.  Painting just takes time.  Well, and getting the water timer set up would be good, plus returning the last package.

Duluth is jacking my return because they have a thin skin.  Goes to show.  I told you, I'll make you famous.  Only hurting them.  I won't reorder until the return is made, and will continue to note their union-like behavior publicly.  Are you sure you want to go there... or more?

A bloody nose last night and first thing this morning.  No worries.  A shower shortly will help, probably.  So tired last night.  Forgot things.  Crawled out of bed for medicine.  When I realized I hadn't brushed my teeth it was too late.  I couldn't rise to save my life.  Got them this morning.  I am brushing three times a day, when I do it right.  Slippage will happen.

I best get to waking.  Later.

So much for a nap!

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The boss knocked, at a most inopportune moment.  Keeps me on my toes?  Something. I'll be rtghh hhhttt, I'm sure he heard.  Okay, was the reply.  Do you want to work.  Do I!?!  Well.  We will.  To the stores.  Beside hardware, grocery.  Eaten, yet, Boss.  Yes and no.  Luckily his choice was next to my destination... Subway.  Any sandwich shop, really, but that was first named in a prime target a.o.

Paint, batteries, brushes, silicon, and all needed for two jobs, plus I looked at ac units, just a price check this time very doable.  Then the pudding, jello, tapioca, and coolaid... all sugar free.  Finally to the sandwich shop.  I was agonizing over whether to buy one myself, knowing it would destroy my sugar read, for days perhaps.  I... fell.  A footlong club, double meat, if "whole wheat" and vinegar, oil, salt, and pepper.  Oh well.

Back at home, we got the ladder out, and all three of my sanders.  The angle grinder was awesome, with the wound metal leg wheel it stripped like a champ.  I was wearing out, remember, I had been crashing.  Anyway, we got two of the seven upper windows stripped and painted.  I bought gooder paint and it is proving out.  May need a second coat, if only for close inspection.  And the satellite antenna is gone, plus the bolts sealed and reset.  Very good.  Well, and everything has been put up.

Well, to check the damages.  I really thought of just not checking.  Was it curiosity that egged me on?  Kills the cat, satisfaction can bring me back.  Or was it duty?  Fear.  And duty.  Always, Sir.  In any case, so be it.  My two hour aftermeal blood draw was 117.  Isn't that as low as it has been today?  Okay.  I did only eat half, won't eat there again.  Jimmy Johns, or the pizza place... they do sandwiches as well.  Satisfaction brought me back.

I need to cool, maybe shower, then to bed.  Aspirin, tea, medicine, and some gaming.  It was 68 F, in the shade.  But I worked up a serious sweat.  Later, or really, good night.

Ah well. Not today.

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Clouds have returned.  While not a complete darkening, it is darker.  I... it is taking me down.  What needs to be returned can wait.  As well, I am hoping to figure out a different means of access when using random platforms, to gain email access on 'foreign' computers.  Perhaps after a nap.  I am crashing.  I can't stay awake much longer.

Premeal blood sugar was 133, after meal (two hours after) it is 160.  Big meal, small spike, all good.  A glass of kefir and a nap next.  Kefir is excellent for some things.  And tasty once you acclimate.  Blood sugar keeps trending upward, if not as heavily or quickly this week.  Extended fasting may be a mid to long term requirement .  I am hoping to not need it, if I would like to continue, but for reasons of faith.  It offers a special sort of gift to God.

I am hoping to work after the nap.  Oh, and set up an appointment.  Always something forgotten.  Hmm, and calling the doctor office, to see about going in early for blood work, so that might be ready for him.  Not sure how fast their lab is, still.  Perhaps he could simply send the lab reports, circling issues.  We seem to not connect well, and neither his or the V.A. portals accept ps4 access, or from my attempts to date.  It's what I have.  So...

Sweeping, mopping, dishes, bedding, and laundry later?  Dubious, but it has happened.  It is the plan.  Later.
-----------------

It is about that time again.

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Fasting blood sugar the second, 152.  What is different?  Brushing teeth.  I haven't been for a while.  While I was awake earlier, I hit them... then this morning first thing.  Is that it, or are there remaining repercussions from salsa?  From what I have seen, poor food choices can come back to bite me well after, days after, consumption.  Perhaps it changes patterns, like throwing a rock into the water.  Or changes what the body wants or expects.

I will check in a few more hours, then have steak and eggs.  I have more fruit and cottage cheese, but also picked up a large supply of peanuts and pistachios.  While peanut butter may be out, I should check into other nut butters, or good peanut butters, as well as what ingredients are actually sugars or otherwise to be avoided.  I only avoid those too fast-acting as carbs.  The rest just... narrow your search too much?  You may be left with grass or cake to eat, for your king's invisible clothes foolishness.

I have medicine down.  I missed Monday morning, a Monday whole day two weeks ago, and three varied half days the month before.  Which... is superior, especially as cool as spring has been.  At least for me.  I am getting food, intermittent fasting, and multiday fasting (this weekend) down.  I was brushing and showering more regularly until medicine combined with spring trounced me a bit.  I am hoping to get back in that game.  Getting back to work on the cave is next.   Already started.  Got to keep it going.  As well, pieces and parts for my lawn watering are here.  I have a few lawn hoses to work on, a timer to set up, and watering regimens to arrange.  And I will be buying paint for trim and calking so as to finally remove an unused antenna.  Yeah.  Brush morning, and night, plus an half hour after every meal... and snack?  Seems a bit much.  Oh, and swimming, boating, and hiking (further from the city).  Metros and millenials fear giants.

So, yeah, a busy week, summer, life... if I can.  I am enjoying the warming, and cooling to a degree.  The leg is still a bit of trouble if day heat helps.  As well, I have to figure out glasses at the V.A.  One more shot.  If they fail again, I'll have to go it on my own.  Always more.  Free may well be worth exactly what you pay, rendered services do not count.

Later.
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"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good." C.S. Lewis

h/t Ace and crew

Ripped off again.

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Down around 18:00.  I thought I would sleep well, and long.  Not so much.  Awake just after midnight.  I did sleep well.  I will try to get back to sleep in a bit.  Fasting blood sugar is 137.  No, I didn't have another bite, despite a minor temptation to eat something in town.  My numbers are so good I simply wasn't willing to risk it.  I am hoping it will drop a good bit in the next few hours, or by the time I wake again.  It's not quite time for medicine, or anything.  I'd love a bite now, but wish to see what my blood sugar will do shortly, on it's own.

I did get the bathroom swept, plus cleaned the toilet.  Today I plan to get the kitchen floor swept, then mop both floors, hit the counters and stove, and get bedding changed and washed.  Plus the rest.  It seems like a bit long of a list, but doable.  Even for the mostly dead just escaping the coffin again, for a while.  The remnants of the shopping lists is waiting.  Is?  Aye.  One actual list, parted by type or particular store.

I did receive a shipping label.  Several, if I only need one.  Ask and receive, even of people, sometimes.  If, I suspect, such is and has always been the case most of the time... just not always the truth of it, not completely.  But don't forget sincere gratitude... if they act sincerely and functionally.  Otherwise heap scorn as reward for insincere, poor, dubious, devious, hateful, works.  Especially when that is all some groups offer.  The Devil works through the spiteful, and it shows.

Actually, I believe more sleep will be attempted.  I suppose my body just isn't quite used to sleeping at night.  A few more days of this and perhaps...  Good night again.  I hope.

Not all, not bad.

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Shaved, showered, load of laundry in, dressed, then on to town.  The library first.  Couldn't get all of it to print.  The most time sensitive was packaged and sent.  Tomorrow, the rest.  Needed my cellphone.  I'll... fix that.  As well, I did some but not all shopping.  Ran out of attention span and steam.  Tomorrow.  And a car wash.  Yeah.

My V.A. glasses arrived.  Yep, she screwed the pooch on the prescriptions.  Total wipe.  She meant to do that.  She only did a few "better/worse", and after putting several types of drops in my eyes.  I'll have to request someone competent and no more drops.  They are just harassing me with that at this point, because I refuse insulin.  Check.

Everything is put up, except me.  It is just about bedtime.  I just need to cool down a bit.  Blood sugar did go up, to 111.  I can live with that.  Good afternoon and night.

Slowly but... maybe.

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I didn't make it to the post.  Running slow.  I did finish the floor treatment.  Which leaves a spic n' span spot surrounded by what had been cleaner parts of the floor.  Yeah, I'll have to... get on that.  A shave then shower next.  Will see after that.  Not fantastic.  Just, if I can do a bit more?  Please?

Forgot about another blood sugar read, until now.  It is 109.  That is probably as low as it will go.  Probably.  No more food today.  I suspect it will go up when I do a bedtime check in four to six hours.  And I expect a higher fasting blood sugar in the morning.  As my days and nights are switching back to normal, I am giving bp a chance, with medicine right righted, to settle.  A few more days and I will begin that again.

Oh, my leg is improving as the double pj's, warmer days, and cut water pill dose begin to mesh into a functional solution.  Oh, what a relief.  I was beginning to wonder about that one.  I've never had such a problem.  Does bone cancer hurt?  Or like that, perhaps initially?  Every year on the chronograph... if nothing else, cancer.  And I have cheated Death so cruelly.  Payback may be just as ruthless.  If, as with the whims of Fortuna, so too with Death, I crack funnies even as she hides my expressed back to her indignities.  I am beginning to think it has started to truly hurt them more than me.  What a gas!

Hmm?  Shut up.  Later.

Checking closer.

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With blood sugar consistently lower, with exceptions for food testing, I wanted to begin seeing about the time it takes for blood sugar, eating gooder(tm) foods, to begin dropping.  Initially that was all over the board.  From a few hours to... days.  As I cleared or eliminated foods, and fasted, regularity has set in.  Still, I'll be checking fasting, premeal fasting, then one meal - premeal, two hours, three hours after, then bedtime, for the next three days.

Today was quite good.  Premeal was 131.  Not great, not horrible, it was what it was.  The salsa messed things up.  After two hours it was up to 158, not a bad spike.  That was a full meal, the second for the day.  It, three hours after, is back to 131, and probably still falling.  I will check one more time, in an hour.  I am still day fasting, eating all within six hours.  Mostly.  I may need to... watch the time a bit more carefully.  I am working on meal size as well, which is helping.  Yes, I can, and should, eat much more than you.  God demands more poop from me, so I get more food!

It is amazing.  First the lowered numbers, now the rate of refresh.  This project is coming along nicely.  I see why the V.A. doesn't want to provide a tester.  Can't sell insulin to a self starter.  And they want no part of that.  Thankfully I don't need them.  I have a doc who doesn't mind me figuring it out on my own.  If he won't call me back.  Perhaps he... Hmm.  I'll try to call again today.

Ah!  While I didn't catch my doc, I did get some info and set up an appointment.  Yeah, diabetes freaked him out too.  When he tested, my a1c was 11.9.  The V.A. tested my a1c at 10.  Freakishly high, absolutely no doubt.  But my blood sugar was running up to 463 at the time he tested, around 230's when they tested, and averaging 124 (all), 148 (aftermeal), and 118 (beforemeal) for this last week.  Medicine is simply not an option.

I did start in on the floor.  It... was a spooky mess.  I had a plan, and some hope.  It is working quite well.  I got the main spill.  I will completely clear that area, let it dry, then sweep all, and hit the whole floor again.  I'll sweep the bathroom, then shave and shower.  Shaving last works for some, it just doesn't work for me.  Oh, I'll set up another pedicure right now, and put both appointments in the device.

Checking baffles.

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Among other things.  The baffles?  Revisiting the last meal, sans salsa.  And?  In two hours my blood sugar dropped (aftermeal) 33 points, to 177 from 210.  Three to four hours out and it is down to 131.  Definitely the salsa, only two tablespoons, or less, of the stuff.  Nutz!  Can't trust any processed.  At least the in-store stuff is honest, and the spike is milder.

Trash and recycling are out, if it is only trash to the curb.  I'll be ready next week.  There was more trash than I thought.  It is 45 out there, which I enjoy.  As long as I don't sit in it. Leg isn't quite as bad with layered pj's, and in the high 60's in here.  Another batch of food going.  Same, again.  Hey, it's mostly ready and easy.

I am hoping to do the floors, then get a shower in.  Perhaps make it to the post office and who knows what else.  We will see.  I just don't want to set myself up for a disappointment again.  I do remain hopeful.  Later.

What a rip-off!

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I was certain I'd be getting to work.  Lunch rolled around, I ate, and here I am, just waking.  Tested a food, again.  No more salsa.  Whether it claims sugar or not, all processed probably has it.  My blood sugar, with food that usually lowers blood sugar over four to five hours, is 210.  No more salsa unless I make it myself, fresh.  Perhaps it is the type of tomatoes they use, if I really suspect there is sugar in there.

Anyway, my plans failed.  I will try to get cat litter and trash out, and hit the kitchen floor.  When, as, if, I can.  I was so certain I would get to it.  I wonder if the sweet crashed my boat?  If I think I was slipping before?  I just can't be sure on that.  I'll... keep aiming at work.

Oh, something odd?  When I bake a potato during the day, it can get up to 76 in here.  Even so, I can feel cool to cold.  Quite odd.  I believe that is from diabetes coming under control.  It is amazing.  I am wearing layers in the summer.  Me?  Summer?  Is it why my leg has been aching?  I have two layers of pajama bottoms, which is helping.  It may be from sitting too much, or on top of else.  Got to get to swimming.

A few hours to wake, then cat litter, trash, and recycling... if I am not sure that goes out today, it will go at least outside.  When I fast, it sure cuts down on the various refuse.  After that, sweeping the bathroom and hitting the kitchen floor.  Later.

Naps are awesome!

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Can be.  This one definitely was.  I went in a bit before 7:00 or up to 8:00, then slept to just now at 10:00 and change, waking immediately and fully.  Dreams, gooder, and even better ones.  Slept so well I forgot it was a nap!  I thought I'd be waking to a new day.  Nope, A fresh and top start to 'yesterday'.  Which... is fantastic.  I think I can work today.

Trash out, cat litter sorted and a partial change, floors and remaining counters plus the stovetop, another hit on the bathroom, plus bedding and laundry?  It's the plan.  Some of it is catching up, some of it will be getting ahead.  Yeah, I am looking forward to work.  Just a small bite before digging in, a medium bowl of peanuts.

How much of that will get done is anyone's guess.  Sometimes I do more.  No further communication from my friend.  I am beginning to think he had a few snifters and his thoughts got away with him.  No matter, I would like to try to catch up and stay ahead, if that will take outside help.  I will see, as with health, what I can do myself, especially as health improves.  And, of course, there is always the chance my mother could visit.

Blood sugar went up to 157 before a meal, 168 after a meal, and is at 129 as I wake.  Not great but still not bad.  Pork ribs, corn, something, and milk for my big meal in a few hours.  I really love grilling.

If the world would warm, that would be good too.  I need that.  A bit of waking first.

Still with the leg.

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My leg improved, but only yesterday, after starting back on the water pill.  Or, more, when it started to do it's job.  With the pool drained it is back to being painful.  Nothing I have or am doing, except that and the pedicure, have helped, and helped for very short periods.  Oh, I said I would get back to lotioning my legs.  Maybe that would help?  A low slow if constant hard ache.  Probably a very mild charliehorse or that is what it brings to mind.

Blood sugar was a little high, at 138.  I had two big meals yesterday, foolishly.  It got to 161 last night at bedtime.  I didn't make it to town, for smaller meal makings.  I have some left, but variety is lacking.  Today, boring or not, I'll stick to smaller meals, save one.  Oh, peanuts and popcorn could mix things up.  One large meal and two to four, rarely five, small meals or snacks seems to work for me.  BP is middling ugly.  Not as high as it got and was going taking medicine wrongly, but not down where it had been. I am chalking this off to my schedule being mixed up, if that isn't fully as bad as medicine being off.

Funny, I didn't think I would be considering 138 as a higher number so soon.  I expected that to be out several more weeks, even a month or two, further along.  I will make mistakes, I will be trying various foods... perhaps it wasn't the second big meal, but the kefir water?  Actually, from experience, I am almost sure of it, though together more so.  As well, if kefir water is worth the jump, I may still use it a few times a week, if it is easily recoverable.

Oh, I have milk kefir back on the menu.  Believe or else, that stuff is tasty.  If raspberry bushes get figured out, the mix would be quite the thing.  I don't trust frozen berries without a source, or worse from China.  Our FDA is only in play to eliminate American growers, not to ensure quality at all.  Do they even actually inspect any imported foods, or are they only in 'the business' of adding expense and shutting down US growers for no good reasons?

Well, on to waking.  Sunday already?  I am still tired.  So cool, and July is speeding at us. Oh well.  There are some advantages.  I'll figure out what my plans are as I wake.  Good morning and day.