Made it to mass.

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Wasn't sure I would.  Did.  After, went to a meal with several of the men.  I am having trouble keeping up in mass.  Between hearing difficulty and being out of practice.  One of the gents sent me some of the prayers and such.  If I can get those sorted, I'll go with them.  If not, I'll look for a mass for dummies, or such.

Look, being there, at the edge of my ability to be awake, makes things slightly more difficult.  It is very hard to push at being awake, and try to relearn the ceremony, process.  On the good side, I did notice they have page cues on both sides of the church.  I didn't realize that until nearly the end.  I'll... keep that in mind, too.  It corresponds with readings, reprisals (or such?), and hymns.  Look, learning is a process.

After mass, and dinner, I went on to the store... stores.  Most of my list, I think.  If I did forget the list, without doubt.  The first store had everything, but the second store had that, and a few sales the other store was lacking.  Business, nothing personal.

But, I was driving through a storm.  It was slick out there!  And, the snow, often was coming down in sheets.  I'll guess we got four to six inches.  On the way home, it was, hypnotically, coming nearly horizontally, right at me.  I had difficulty seeing through it, plus the way it was coming down made staying focused, or even awake, a bit of a trick.

Well, all good.  And, yes, I showered before going.

Oh, if my spelling is a bit off, I have turned on auto-spell checking.  I don't trust it.  I realized, if you allow that, it's pretty much a key logger, by choice.  Sure, I don't write true insurrection material, plan to do any bombings, or such.  But it has come the point where being white, or really even looking white, or denying victimhood, or such, will get you in trouble with the evil government and corporate entities, plus all of the bureaucracies.  Yes, so no.

Until I can get my peronal spell checking back in order, and be more awake while writing, you'll just have to guesstimate.  So tired, now.  Burned out in ways you can't imagine.  But... it was a very successful evening.  Some weekends, I'll try to make it to both Saturday and Sunday masses.  Though, through the week, I'd like to try ot hit mass once or twice.

The Eucharist is a treasure.  Attending mass is a blessing, grace.  I have... dearly missed it.  I don't know if God will forgive my... hesitation.  It wasn't regarding Him.  It was men in His church I don't trust.  Some near, some far.  Some high, some low.  Well, and they did close for... a while.  I... lost track in those times.  Being mostly dead makes... paying attention, and being involved, while they abandonded me, tricky.

Still, the world has come back around.  If some things will never be forgotten.  If the church goes south, don't always go with it.  All I'm saying.  Amen.

Well, on to bed.  Good evening and goodnight.

Not fast.

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Still, should be in for a shower shortly.  I did have bacon and eggs, then finally got to trying keto pancakes.  I wouldn't call them fantastic.  Then again, I don't generally like regular pancakes?  Something like that.  Still, not bad.  And, to be honest, I liked these better.  Though their ideas of how many cakes a given portion of their mix makes is absolutely bogus.  Or... well... maybe not.  But the promise falls short of the reality in some way.  It's more like 1/4 cup per buck fifty sized.  And thin.  These... aren't really pancakes.  More like... larger sugar cookie sized items.

Still, not bad.  And, for my first time every making pancakes, they really weren't bad, nor difficult to make.  I won't have them daily.  But I could see once or twice a week, especially with eggs and bacon.  I had those earlier, but all together would have been much better.

I am trying to get some things managed.  Trying to keep up on business.  Sending a few gifts, to a family member... in order to... satisfy my mind.  Then again, you can only lead a horse to water, can't make it drink.  But, if I leave the animal in the presence of water, and it dies of thirst, I'm not going to worry, or grieve.

Gaming a bit.  Checking to see if events are unfolding as planned.  I'll... get to things.  Probably.  Not a bad day.  Would love to take a nap, or sleep, but I have... a few things I am trying to arrange, or check.  And... things to do.  Hmm, may have another kefir.  Love those things.  Turned over the kefir.  It was a bit wet, but... that isn't always bad.  Next time I turn kefir over, I should have enough extra kefir to put a few units of kefir into tiny containers and freeze those.  So I can switch them out in a few months.  Will try the smaller containers I usually get, and a larger container, with four or five of those smaller doses... just to see how things work, experiment.  It's how I do.

Oh, and... sometimes they get it right.  AllTrails emailed me, with some hiking paths, locally, I might enjoy.  Too early to get out.  Heck, there is a foot or two on the ground, down here in the valley.  I even know, offhand, where one of them is (at least).  And, I know the path, if mostly from driving near it.

So, a perfect path to experiment with, regarding the software.  I'd like to get it, pull the map down, and learn to follow it before trying paths which are... more difficult, less familiar, paths.  I really am hoping to get out this summer.  Or more spring.  Assuming spring doesn't remain too cold until it gets too hot?  I could see that happening this year.  It's March, and we still have so much snow.  It really isn't melting away, even a bit... or doesn't seem to be.

Well... on back to gaming.  Then a shower before long.  Good day, God bless, get off my porch!

Bothersome.

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I received a notice, from Discord, about their new policies and such.

Discord?  Wasn't even sure what it was.  Distrust the email, all around.  It might be a way for them to get into systems in which they are not invited.  Didn't click on anything.  Legit (at least, from the company) or not, I wanted to find out more.  A required program, or... something else.  Or even maybe a phony.

I looked on my phone.  Not there.  Checked apps on my computer.  Not there either.  Since I am not involved, and should not have received an email from them, I am going to call it spam through my email.  The thing I have noticed is, my email only allows spam to stick to what it wants.  Most likely they will ignore this being called spam.

One thing I do know, is now, every time it is sent, I will spam it, then delete it from the spam box.  Same with any other "social media" email.  Just... business.  Can't keep them from creating a file on me, can put as little as possible input into that.  Just... giving you ideas.  Later.

Gooderer?

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Not a real word, but what is until it is?  Though, many unreal words are being said to be real.  My word is betterer than those.

Down around 19:24 or so.  Up at five.  That's a bit more like it.  Though, after this, I wouldn't mind getting to bed closer to 17:00.  Not tonight, if all goes well.  But for most of the rest of the next week.  And, sleep right to five if needed, though hopefully awake more in the three to five range.

It's still deep winter, by temp, snow, and such.  So I will sleep longer.  If clouds abate, and as the days lengthen, perhaps I can cut sleep a bit.  Even so, this is one of the best winters I have lived through in a very long time.  Days and nights twisted a bit, but that was because I was sleeping a few hours more, or even several times a day, not because I was sleeping for days or weeks at a time, waking just enough to write something, then crash back to sleep.

Not as active as I would like, but just being awake is more active than usual.  A very good winter this year.  And, it has been colder, and snowier, than since I moved here.  Though I think the first town I lived in always gets more snow, and cold, being up against the mountains.  Being out on the plains, it is usually milder.

Having a kefir.  May have bacon and eggs again this morning.  Bacon is already done, but it can be warmed in the pan.  Another shower, just for gits and shiggles.  Plus, I do love those.  Tired, but... I'll push that on through.  Then set up a few dishpans of dishes.  And, if kefir is ready, flip it through.

I might do a few other things.  Who knows.  Still gaming, the same game.  Going to set a few accounts with fully upgraded weapons, which means a few light runs though the game.  As well, perhaps, trying a few classes I haven't tried before, getting those prepped.  With all the trophies obtained... yes...  I can tinker now.  Might even do a run through, on insanity, on a new class just to see... and/or with all weapons upgraded.

Wow, that kefir was sweetly tart today.  I did add keto sweetener, for as much as that works.  But it was really good.  Mouthwatering type of sweet tartness.

I've been aiming to get out since Wednesday.  Just haven't been able.  Wasn't even able to get a shower, which was a primary requirement.  Ugh.  Today?  Monday?  Groceries.  Not all that much on my list, but there... are some things.  I won't buy the spices for the pumpkin pie this month.  But I have the sweeteners and a few other things arriving.  It's planned for next month, or the month after if I am making my own butter, then ricotta from the leavings.  We'll see.

Yes, I really do enjoy cooking.  But, for something that big, I plan to give it away, just taking a slice or two when they pick it up.  This month I am trying to really watch spending.  And, just getting some of what I need, plus a few other food items, and more compression wear in order to try to keep the water out, without it hurting so much.

I am slowly getting my phone back to function.  It took a bit, still not... quite there.  I was going to have to take another set of pictures, to send for a recall, but they don't allow the brave browser.  I went to try firefox, but as mentioned, they require an account.  Oddly, my mother was signed in.  The thing is, that has never existed on this computer while she had access to it.  And she doesn't use computers.  Someone else who knew her had been hacking my computer somehow, using her as some sort of access point.  I disconnected that.  I'll check to make sure it isn't active, or connected, anymore.  Actually, since it has become a hot mess to use that, I'll just remove it.  I may look for other browsers.  But those which are secure enough to use probably aren't allowed by businesses.  They want what probably is, and should be, illegal access to our information.  Not that brave is honest, just... their illegal access probably isn't as threatening.  

Oh, but I did find that connecting through to play galaxy and play store, which was required to obtain brave on android, they somehow dumped a bunch of games on my phone.  They didn't have allowance to do that.  I had to go through and dump all those games, and check allowances and such.  

As soon as I can find a legit phone, in which I can pull the battery, I'll do so.  And, more, I need to make a small Faraday cage for the f'ing thing.  It's my phone.  Even with many things turned off, it still isn't in my control.  The only way to safeguard it is to absolutely cut it off from outside access, if even then, check it from time to time for corruptions.  I am thinking about figuring out how to crack the phones... pull google completely off.  And add what I want, and prevent what I don't want... or even access... from rogue industry and tech.  Not sure it's absolutely possible, but... maybe.

Hmm?  Oh.  That kefir sure... does the trick.  Smooth as a ready woman?  Something like that.  Sassy is fed.  I am getting ready for the day.  Taking care of problems, doing little chores and duties while tending... business.  It could be a good day.  Later.

Certainly not everything.

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But much of what was... needed, possible... for today.  Water jars filled, a spare in the r.o. carafe, and the reservoir filled.  Bacon, the whole lot, baked off, then stored in the refrigerator.  Bacon and eggs as a gift for my efforts.  About an half dozen to dozen little tasks like that, plus what was done this morning.

I had to take my time, bide my time.  I couldn't bum rush the sets of efforts.  Sometimes I could do two, or three, little things at a time.  Sometimes only one at a time.  And, finally, one of the bigger ones... a shower.

As much as I love showering, even bathing, at times they are a lot of work.  Today, this whole week, was such a time.  But, done.  I was worried it might lift me, raise spirits, enliven, as I am getting ready for bed.  No, that... isn't a problem.  It did the opposite, strangely.  Wonderfully.  I should float down to bed, and sleep quite well.

I have been paying attention to finances and business.  I am trying to... get things set just so.  Get a few things closer to being paid off.  Yet keeping enough money in the account so that I don't stumble half way through the month.  Am I getting it?  Until a few things clear, nothing is clear.  Utilities of various sorts, mortgage, and?  I'm not sure.  Still, I think so.

I am not so much doing personal accounting, but I am guessing, on shoestring budget.  With gas and electric changing so much, and a few other variables, it is... difficult to keep it just right.  But, each month I am getting closer to a right arrangement.  Perfect?  I don't think that is possible, as things are.  But, I... am doing better.  Improving each month.

I much prefer fire and forget.  Can't trust businesses to play right.  So I am having to stay somewhat conscious, to pay attention, and to watch everything.  Some of it has been my fault, some of it not so much.  We'll see.  But, as mentioned, doing much better.  I still have debts.  But those are coming down, and savings is going up.  Zero interest, on debts, for the moment.  Getting it paid before interest kicks in is the trick, then keeping it just at some nominal floating balance after that.

Had to laugh.  They suggest that I am doing so well that they want to offer another line of credit.  Laughed, I did.  Right out loud.  No, I don't think so.  I suppose I could bury myself in debt, then go for a bankruptcy.  I just don't want to go there.  I'm surprised they haven't closed that off, yet.  It will happen.  I'm just not interested in usury.  I used this card to get food, and supplies, for a longer haul.  Did it, have it, now to pay it down and get out from it... mostly.  I'll use it, and savings, to repair the house.  But only when I could pay it all off, if needs be.  A quarter debt, a quarter savings, and half from monthly income?  That's the hope.  On bigger items that won't work.

Anyway... it's about bedtime.  Sassy has been well fed, and tended, today.  I've had a meal and several kefirs, plus a shower!  Love those things.  Now it's on to bed.  Right around 19:24.  Very good.  Good evening and goodnight.

Nearing 32?

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Last I looked it was.  Though it was melting the driveway and sidewalks of any snow which had fallen, and ice which was still around.  Not removing much snow, yet.  Still have... a foot or two on the ground, other than were it was piled while being removed.  All good.

I tried to call my brother.  He didn't answer.  So I called my mom.  She thought I was being fussy and argumentative.  I thought she was.  Had to laugh.  Not sure if she thought it was funny, but I did.  Still, we did end up having a good conversation.  No!  Or... mostly.

My brother called back a bit later.  All good.  We had a good talk too.  We are... beginning to see eye to eye on the V.A.  He realizes they can't be trusted.  They are just hiring people, and using us to bill for them, everyone getting a mongo cut, our health isn't of their interest.  I suggested getting a second opinion.  He thinks he may go to a real doctor.  I wish him the best.

I keep hoping to get more going.  Not sure anything else will, can, happen.  Still wanting a shower.  Just so darned tired.  In the process of baking bacon, in the oven... yes.  I got most of it done.  One more batch.  Then I'll have some bacon and eggs.  Love that stuff.  And, should have bacon to add to liver and onions.  Love that stuff.

I might yet get a shower.  We'll see.  Later.

Good.

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I got a few more minor chores completed.  This, and that.  Three, maybe four, but all very small.  Working on a few more.  And, I got the final trophy for the game.  I figured these last two would somehow turn out to be more difficult than they seemed.  That wasn't the case.  However, the last one took everything up to this point, plus a step further, to complete.

I won't end the game.  I may go on and play on through, in an attempt to maximize certain items in the game, should I ever seek to play it again.  And, really, I would like to get my favorite weapons maximized for a potential insanity level play through.  Just to... see if that shaves even more difficulty from the thing.

Now, to get a shower.  Not quite yet, but soon.  I'm filling the water jars, from the r.o. device.  Maybe a tea after?  I lost track of water, and this happens.  Anyway, doing well for the day.  I had hoped it would warm a bit.  And it may yet.  But currently it seems about where it was?  I thought I looked, but memory sucks in the shady days of winter.

Be well, Godspeed, God bless, and... later.

---------

So much for a rebate or exchange, on the air fryer.  The company doesn't allow the use of Brave browser.  And Firefox has gone stupid.  Have to sign in?  No, I won't use that.  And there aren't any other browsers which are safe to use.  Oh, you use a different one?  Cool.  Either you know what you are doing, or don't.  Oh well.  I'll just chuck it.  Not much to be done for it.

Gaming.

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That wasn't all.  I got the trash together and out, and the last of the recycling.  Still some of that to pick up, but... the low and mid-low hanging fruit of that has been managed, and all the trash.  Well, all that is actual trash, is out.  Boxes, and other stuff, sure.  But for now that doesn't count.

As well, kefir was turned over.  Heating water for a fatted coffee.  Would like to eat, but not all that hungry.  Odd.  I just haven't been hungry in a while.  I've been consuming kefir, and other things, but rather small meals.  Kefir fills.  Maybe that is the whole of it.  Or, I am just a bit ill?  Not sure.  

A thin layer of snow, over everything.  Just enough to freshen the white out there.  No ice under, so it's just fine.  It is 25 out there.  It started at about 23 this morning, when I wake, and has been creeping up a degree every few hours.  I... can't quite call that warming.  Just the sun doing what it can, through the clouds and else.

I am down to one last trophy.  Then I can put the game(series) up.  Then?  On to Fallout 4.  It seems I never completed the trophies on that.  Odd, in that I play it every few years.  Not sure why I didn't.  Perhaps I thought the trophies were too ridiculous, didn't like the idea of them (if I have to do evil things, I won't), or just... never thought about it?  Dunno, I'll figure it out.  And, after that, I have one more open world game to do.

Not that I'll be playing game after game after another.  I'll take some time off, after this group.  A few weeks, months maybe.  Try to take the gains of function, and work those into more of a physical function... get to dishes, the hall, boxes, and such.  Try to get back to physical work, until that crashes me and I need rest.  Then use a game to push back to some sort of function.  It's as good as I can do.

A shower, in a bit.  Then?  Who knows.  Not a bad day, so far.  Later.

A similar cycle.

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Down at 19:32, up at 3:23?  Something like that, as good as memory serves.  A good night of sleep.  A reasonable wake.  Not as painful today.  All good.

I got to somethings right away.  Sassy was fed.  I've been... late, and slow, with feeding her.  The last two mornings have been good.  But through the day I have been slacking.  I'll improve on that.  Then, trash and recycling collected.  Recycling out.  Now to finish getting trash out.  Nearly done.

I had to rest.  Sit.  But, I wanted to work on the warrantee for the boots.  It was messy to get to it.  More pictures.  They wanted some specifics.  Tag, general picture of boots, plus proof of purchase/receipt.  I think I got it.  Had to sign in to their site, fill out a form, then reply to an email with pictures and a copy of the receipt of purchase or some such.

But... the phone has the pictures.  Still, it was mostly easier to respond on the computer, but the two don't really talk, and I don't want them to.  Had to allow things, for the phone, which I don't normally allow.  Microphone?  Location?  No.  Which means my phone only works when I add allowances.

Still, working between the two devices, I got the response written on the computer, then got the pictures and pdf of the proof of purchase put on the reply.  Actually, I think I had to do the proof of purchase on the computer, too.  Still, done.  Sent.  Then, after sending it, I looked it over.  And, yes, reading and viewing were easy enough.  Good job.

Next, to get the trash out.  One bag to go.  Next, some gaming.  So I can wake up, and ease into the day.  A shower before long.  Though I may try to turn the kefir over.  And, perhaps, have a cup or two of it.  If I can.  Tired, to the point my lungs and heart feel slightly tired, even burn a bit.  Pretty... usual, these days.  Later.

Again, a bit later than hoped.

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Couldn't do much through the day.  Toward the end I found a project.  Looking for a blog post.  Still looking.  Though I have set the project aside, as I realize it it bedtime.  19:20, and I am exhausted.  Didn't get my shower.  Oh well.  Did put the thawed meat in the fridge, so at least it won't go bad... or overnight it won't.

Yes, on to bed.  I'll crash, hard.  Goodnight.

Not sure what they believe.

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Dead, or should have been.  That's... no doubt true.  Did things, that people don't, can't do?  Doubt they believe.  Though... they suspect something.  They just won't believe what they... can't... see?  Something like that.  Though, too, I think they mock.  I... enjoy.  Annoying if it gets a point, that sorts itself out.

Almost seven?

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Time sure flies, when trying to wake while not doing a great job at it.  Not even sure how time went by so quickly.  I was doing something.  Blogger seems to have changed something.  I attempted to do a search, based on tags.  Instead, it placed tags on a bunch of my previous posts.  I have been going through, pulling those off.

I am not sure how many posts were wrongly tagged.  Only that I got through the first section, which had four new tags.  There are... a lot left which where labeled "music", but which have no music on them.  So, I suppose, I was actually doing something.  And it is a long, boring, repetitive, easy to mess up, task.

Some posts maintained their original tags, others didn't.  I have no idea how, or why.  But I am doing my best at resetting things correctly.  Many may lose small tags, like "dream(s)", or "health", etc.  I'm still not sure how to use the new system for searching.  Have to wonder if they did that just to mess up posters.  Trying to get rid of us.  Surprised they haven't just shut down, to be honest.

Still, it's what I have until it's gone.

I think I'll have a can of sardines, then later gizzards.  I'll skip eggs and bacon, for today.  Oh, and I want to have bacon ready, for when I do liver.  The mix, with onions and bone broth, is quite good, and good for you... if you can handle it.  Sardines aren't bad either.  Too small to be farmed, so free harvested.  And, with a plentitude of omega 3, to help with the omega 6s from most of my meats.  Though, if you get rid of seed oils, you will bring your omega 6s way down.  I can't afford sea foods well enough to make it one to one, but I can... improve things, vastly, by adding a couple of tins in a few times a week, perhaps other canned fish as well.  I just don't have a good way to eat enough of it.  It's a bit rich as canned, and too expensive fresh... or what passes for fresh on highland near desert inland areas.

Still, I do enjoy, from time to time.  Might have two cans.

A shower, and resetting kefir, are the primary more immediate goals.  But I still need to wake a bit, energize.  Perhaps sardines will help.  And a fatted coffee.  Later.

Scheduling has... potential.

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I was awake until 18:00.  That was a bit later than planned.  Thankfully it didn't get too out of hand.  An hour longer than planned.  That I can still work with.  If I stay up far too long, I'll end up spinning through days and nights.  I was able to stay down until nearly three.  I wouldn't have minded a little more sleep.  As, lately, I have been sleeping more like twelve hours.  It's just how deep winter works for the ill, and high summertime.  My body is limited, needs more rest at times.  At least I am not sleeping for weeks at a time, or longer.

I probably got up every few days, for something to drink.  A gallon of milk, a gallon of water, or such.  And to pee.  Once every week or two I would drag myself out and eat, usually.  There were times I am pretty sure I slept for more than a month, just getting up for water and pee, no food.  Didn't lose an ounce.  Ate a whole chuck roast, potatoes, and else, when I woke.  All at once.

Medicine has helped things.  Even if I am no longer able to get it, it has... helped something.  So I don't even sleep weeks at a time these days.  Just longer or shorter days.  Though, from time to time, I do sleep several shifts in a day.  But that's different.  Usually when I have pushed too hard, worked too hard, for a bit too long.  That, too, used to cause me to sleep days or weeks at a time.  Now sure what medicines did, but they... altered... something.

So, up, today.  It is actually in the morning, if early morning.  Though not so early as to be a grave difficulty.  I checked my card.  I pay my amazon card off, then use it when it is clear.  It was clear, so I placed my order.  The goal, at this point, is to pay it off, use it lightly (decreasing monthly lately, and hopefully from now on), paying down some of the usage, and keeping a mild balance.

I do have another card.  That got a bit ahead of me, but I have planned to pull that down, and get it under control.  When it gets paid off, I'll use it and some of my savings for a new electrical panel.  When that gets paid off and savings recouped and then some, I'll begin taking quotes for a furnace and air conditioning unit.  Bit by bit, I guess.

A shower is in the plans.  Didn't get to it yesterday.  As well, collecting trash and recycling.  A bit more work in the bathroom.  I have been doing bits and pieces, keeping slightly up, but it always needs a bit more of a push to keep it topped off.  And, perhaps, get to that hallway.  Not sure I believe I can do these things.  Winded, my lungs burn.  I will make plans anyway.  We'll see.

Some kefir, for breakfast.  Now for fatted coffee.  Caffeine doesn't add much, to me.  But it does, or can, add some.  Maybe bacon and eggs later.  And gizzards again for my main real meal.

Groceries tomorrow, Friday?  Something.  Dishes in there somewhere.  Working on laundry that has been done.  Ugh.  So much to do.  Later.

Half an hour to 17:00.

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I... can't do much.  Still haven't showered, not sure I will, can.  But... I am pushing through the day.  It hurts.  Not a headache, but a mind ache.  And, yes, the heart hurts.  Denying it sleep stresses the thing.  And, yet, if I don't, I suspect I would have died long ago.  Have to... push, just not too hard?  Something like that.

While up, I was looking through y.t.  It is lightly moving, showing new things, showing old things.  It had been stuck for... a long time.  I did find a few things I enjoyed.

14:00, and counting.

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Seven minutes shy, but I'll get there.  Perhaps make it another hour or two?  It hurts.  But... I'm trying.  Wednesday?  Yes.  So... I have a few more days to make it to later afternoon.  The goal is for Saturday.  Ugh.

I haven't taken a shower, but will keep trying.  Didn't have much to eat.  Sardines, and a fatted coffee, it turns out.  I'll have another kefir before bedtime.  And, if possible, turn the kefir over, reset it.  So tired though.  Not sure I can do that.  I'll fight for the shower.  Not sure I can fight for the kefir.  Though... who knows.  Sometimes it works out.

I was amazed.  Looking outside, the driveway was not only cleared, but was clean down to the tar.  Did it warm?  I've been underdressed to go out, in hopes of getting a shower.  So... I... didn't go out!  Love it when the ice is gone.  There was ice down there.  I didn't think it would clear off for a while.

I had hoped to get to the store today, but it's just not possible.  Just getting a shower will be a trick.  A shower was required, for me to get out.  But I haven't gotten to it in as timely a fashion as possible.

Still hungry.  I did pull out three packs of meat.  Burger, pork roast, and gizzards again.  Yes, I... really like gizzards.  Will pick up more, if available, next time I am in.  Meant to do livers, but keep forgetting to buy onions and pull out frozen stock so as to make it rightly.  Hmm, I have chicken, and beef, liver.  I'll try chicken this next time.

I keep writing lists for the store... and promptly losing the list!  I have written three lists so far, and have no idea where they have gone.  Ah!  Found one.  It's only a partial.  I know there were other things I wanted.  Remembered a few things... light olive oil... for mayo, onions for a dozen things, garlic for aioli, and more butter.  There are other things.  I think I saw corned beef on sale.  I really love that stuff, stock up enough to have it a few times quarterly.  I would love to corn it myself, but, right now, that's just a bit much.  And the meat to do that with costs too much currently.

An ugly day.

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It isn't snowing, or last I looked.  And the roads are clear, my driveway too.  That isn't the problem.  It is a wonderful winter day, as far as they go.  No.

It is being so very tired.  My house being in such a mess.  So tired it nearly hurts.  I am planning a shower.  Just... to clean me up a bit.

I have paid a bill or two?  It's a start.  Most others are on automatic.  Though I need to check utilities.  Last month, if I saw correctly, I was three dollars and change in debt?  Right.  The last bill I was was that.  Then, I have to wait until the 8th or 9th to see if they took my mortgage out before spending anything more.  Well, other than pulling some walking money, and doing some grocery shopping.

I did get money put into savings.  And added what I had to take out last month.  While I have had to pull money from checking, so far I have been able to put it back.  It's been a struggle, but I am working on it.

I just feel so tired!  Oh, maybe a cup of tea, or coffee?  That might help.  It's just a bit after eleven.  I shouldn't feel this tired.  Okay, fine.  Some coffee, a shower, and I'll see from there.  Later.

Memory doesn't serve.

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Still, I think it was around noon when I went to bed, give or take two hours.  More likely shy of that mark, but difficult to know.  Just waking at about a quarter to one.  Would have kept sleeping if that were possible.  Trying to push days and nights around.  With some minor success.  Need more!  

Today?  Well, it's payday.  If I can get a shower, I'll go shopping.  I'd like to do a quick sweep and mop in the bathroom.  I have been keeping the sink and toilet fairly clean.  Laundry is pretty much done, but dishes need hit.  Don't know what, if anything, I can do.  Will... do what is possible in those areas.

Sleep was good.  Warm enough.  Sassy slept with me for the last few hours.  And was given a good few sessions of itching and massages.  Which helps me wake.  She really enjoys the simple things.  And, I have learned not to scratch too hard, and massages are more along the gentle side.  She loves how I treat her, these days.  Took a while to learn, but learn I have.

Then again, sometimes she just likes to sleep there near me.  I take care of her heating, so she can just sleep deeply.  I sure enjoy my little feline friend.

We'll see, about finances, this month.  Should be better.  But I am holding on any bigger spending.  Just... trying to see where I can get.  I still have $60 in walkaround money, and $130 and change in the main finance account.  So, I can replace the $200 I pulled from savings, without too much difficulty, as well as the usual $200 in for this month.  Trying to keep up.  Gotta fight for it, some months.  But... yeah... I have been fighting, if taking a bloody nose here and there.

I'll keep at it.  In a year or two, I may have enough to begin getting some things done on the house.  Electrical, first.  Then, a few years after that, a new furnace and central air.  Then, maybe, a year or two after that, new flooring in some rooms.  Ugh.  Or the bathroom redo.  You know, things.  I would still like to use credit, for a quarter of those bills.  Keep enough in savings to cover the credit if need be.  Just to... not squeeze any resource too much, at any given time.

Well... on to my day.  Kefir going down as I write.  I'll get something else in a bit.  Have a good morning, day.

Crashing.

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I've tried to get to a few more things.  Truth is, I should have crashed after shoveling the first time.  I held out well though.  Did pretty good.  And got a bite to eat.  Soup, nothing fancy but it was warm.  With the fats, it was filling enough.

I did receive information back, from Keen.  But that system is down until Wednesday.  It happens.  At least they let me know.  And, they suggested they will back their sales, even if through amazon.  Some companies won't.  All good.  Just have to weight.  I even learned how to use the camera on my phone, and got some pics.  However, getting that to email is another thing.  

Gmail isn't working, or much else.  Not sure what I need to do to get it working.  Will... keep working on it though.  I'll probably sort it out in time.

Rough.  Can barely keep my eyes open.  Not sore.  Not even exhausted, or tired.  Just... very sleepy.  Have a great day.  I'll keep trying to push, one way or another.  I both stretched my day, and did some heavy (for me) work.  Life is good.  Just need some sleep.  Goodnight.

Finished a bit of the drive and sidewalk.

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The wind has gone down.  So it was much warmer.  It has stopped snowing, so that was good.  I did get a good bit winded, but was able to do the whole project in one go.  Well, what was left of it.

After, I contacted Keen.  I purchased boots from them a bit ago, last November, near the end.  The strap for one of the laces broke.  Keens are a bit pricey, but usually very good.  This... I felt... was unusual.  So, I contacted them.  I even took pictures, in case they want some.  When this business is complete, I will kill my camera again.  It shouldn't require the microphone.  So I shut it down.

I am hungry.  I did have some kefir, which... helped.  Tried to go earlier, just... wouldn't happen.  An hour or two after kefir and... softserve.  :p

Not sure... ah!  A can of soup, with some extras.  A can of carrots, or peas, maybe both.  Some spice, of the hotter sort.  And cheese, perhaps some sour cream, or creme fraiche... whichever I have that is still good.  Yes, that... makes for a fine small meal on a cold day.  Later.

Another three to four inches.

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Yes, more snow.  And it is still coming down hard.

I redid what I had done.  Only, this time, I am shoveling a path to the front, and clearing the forward... southern... however you want to call the sidewalk to my front stoop.  Just... because.  Didn't wear gloves or a scarf, so had to return before I could finish.  Then again, it's breaking my balls again.  So would have had to return anyway.

So far, we have had around eight inches?  Seven for sure.  It's beautiful.  But could be lethal without much effort, more so up into the mountains.  Still, life depends on death.  For balance?  Well, just because.  If no one, or thing, died, room would be tight, and no one nor anything would eat.  Just... a thought.

I'll warm up a bit, then get back out.  I'll try to keep up on those areas.  Just... to say I did something.  Gonna crash after this one or another one.  Though I'd crash last time, but made it through, strangely.  Surprises abound.

Oh... I keep trying to get to where I can remember morse code again.  I think I had it, once, so very long ago.  Whether I did or didn't is a whole other thing.  But, I'd like to get it back now.  Just... because.  Then, find a source, and keep the function in better shape.  Here is... a way that looks good to me.  Maybe?  Maybe.

Checked the temp.

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While doing so, I noticed snow.  Four to five inches?  Something like that.  So, I got the shovel, gloves, a headwrap, and went to it.  Not... all of it.  Not close.  But the first ten yards out from the garage.  It helps, if someone works it.  Just... makes it easier to clear.  Plus, makes me feel... like I did something.

Not much, but not bad.  It did break my balls.  Getting old, it was a bit of depth, and it was a wetter snow than usual, for this year.  But, I did it.  I even enjoyed it, if I might end up needing a nap before long for it.  Nap?  Or another night's worth of sleep.  Difficult to know for certain.  Lately, when I go down, it's for a goodly bit of time.

Sort of hungry, but... that... requires cooking.  Hmm, might be able to get some kefir in.  I may have to consume some of it in order to reset it anyway?  Some.  Not my usual amount?  Not sure.  I'll review the situation.  Hmm, would love to find parchment paper.  I am sure I had a bigger roll.  Maybe the whole thing was taken?  Why?  Well, I'd like to use it in attempt to fry eggs.  Uhrm, what, you ask?

Not terrible, not great.

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I think I went to bed around ten?  I woke up... after 23:00.  How much after I just can't say.  Within an hour or two?  Probably.  Just not doing all that well.  Not in pain.  Not mechanically inept.  Foggy, of mind, from having pushed and not quite being able to get back on my feet.

I am tracking a few things.  Keeping up on a few things, and preparing to try a few things in order to use compression more often.  What I currently have, for compression socks, are... mostly... harsh.  I can't wear them daily.  So, I am looking at a few alternatives.  Lighter and longer.

On the good side, I think I have gotten my legs and body emptied of a lot of excess fluid.  I may not be dying, but living without suffering takes a lot of work for me.  I have to be careful what I eat, drink, and how much of each.  I have to be careful not to cut myself by accident, everything I do needs to be planned, and implemented... assuming I can.  But it's what I have got.  God hasn't let me die?  Not absolutely sure on that, but the things I have lived through, just the things I tried to do to myself?  If that isn't miraculous, I don't know what is.  And, add in what the world, biology, and other men have done, attempted?  Yeah.  It... sure looks miraculous.  Still, there it is.  A lot of work.  At this point, I... do it... I do my best.  I'm not just being sustained by and external force.  I am doing my part.

A dream.  I have lost most of it.  But it was extremely long.  Every time I thought it was about to finish, a new chapter would occur.  In time lapse, it was probably about a month of living.  With sleep, days remembered, some days fully lived.  I could discuss enough to give you an idea, but won't.  You'll... probably understand before long anyway.

A double bloody nose this morning.  But they are done, mostly, so far, already.  I've had a few, recently, lasting all day.

Sassy slept with me much of the night.  Sometimes she does, usually she doesn't.  Cats aren't dogs, that's for sure.  And, usually, when she sleeps with me, it's just to try to wake me to get food!  She's a practical girl.  Last night she was just up there to sleep.  I enjoy having her with me, but cats are cats.

On to something?  Gaming, if I can.  Though the game might be having a problem.  Some trophies don't seem to be popping as they should.  And one of them doesn't seem doable?  It requires actions, that produce an outcome, that doesn't seem to be happening.  I'll... keeping trying.  If... I can get to it.

Haven't eaten much.  Can't really get to it.  Not all that hungry.  I'll have some kefir shortly.  Didn't even eat that yesterday.  Too tired, had missed resetting it for a day or two and was low, and really wasn't all that hungry.  Too tired.  Oh, and I best pull meat from the freezer.  A pork roast and a beef roast, burger, liver?  Something... two of those, three if liver as that is a single meal.  Hmm, need onions for that, and stock to be thawed.  Bleh.

Good morning and day.  Later.

What was possible.

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No work.  Only short times of gaming.  But awake until 13:18.  Trying to push back into full day.  Might take a while.  This is a good shot.  I'll now see about staying down long enough to push it along.  Chances aren't all that great.  As well, staying up tomorrow?  That will hurt.  This hurts.  Still, will give it a shot.  Need to try to be able to be awake later in the day by the end of the week.  Ugh.

It looks like y.t. is stuck on not adding things.  So be it.  I keep waiting for a fairly large refund from amazon.  Not that I need it, just want to use it in order to buy a few things out early, before next month.  We'll see.  And, looks like my account has stabilized, visa vie checking.  Nothing more has gone back out.  More than half of what I put in remains.  It can be sent back to savings if that remains, on top of else into savings.

Okay, a few things.  But very small checks on things.  On to bed.  Goodnight.

Better.

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I made it through the crash.  Easy gaming, the food, and electrolytes in a drink mix to actually slake thirst.  I have been so terribly thirsty, yet so foggy of mind, that I couldn't make sense of things.  Drinking more water won't necessarily slake thirst.  Something in my system was just off.

So, carbonated water, electrolyte powder, and red wine vinegar... a much greater portion of water mind you, just enough red wine vinegar to taste and then a touch more.  That mix hits thirst like a freight train.  I had to do it twice, but am so satisfied.

Usually I have kefir to deal with thirst, or mostly.  But I didn't reset it yesterday, for exhaustion.  I got it this morning, but all things are low.  It'll be another day before I am back to drinking it well.  Two days of not resetting?  Or did I drink more the other day?  Something in there.

I'll make tea in a bit.  Seems cold.  That helps.  It snowed, not sure how much.  Doubted if I could get out today, so wasn't worried.  But it has been cleared.  Such a fine gift.  I didn't see who did it.  I've got other gifts to offer.  Nothing fancy, nothing they might feel a need to reject.  Not even sure they would enjoy it.  But... it's one of my favorites.  In time.  May offer them several, so they can share it out, or eat several times.  Canned corned beef hash... a treat with eggs and maybe bacon, and toast if you are allowed.

I also called my mother this morning.  I aimed for right after her breakfast.  And... I hit right after her breakfast.  I like it when a plan comes together.  She wasn't perfect.  Thank God.  But she sure tried.  She did what she could, and more.  It's not a fair world, it wasn't to her, or her parents, or theirs, or anyone's.  All we can do is the very best.  She didn't spare the rod, or belt, or hug.  She spent her life on us boys.  Good to talk to her, from time to time.  Would like to see her, just don't have the money.

I am thinking about more to eat.  Not sure what.  It would have to be canned.  Soup?  Not my favorite, but it's light.  Adding cheese, perhaps a can of extra veggies, and some hot spice.  That might do.  And, I have keto crackers.  I really enjoy crackers, but can't have them.  This is... nearly like those.

Still awake.

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Not doing much.  Even gaming is... a bit much for long.  I can play for a bit, then need a break.

I did find a last piece of roast beef, and had that as my meal for the day.  It was something, though not great.  There is a bit of a limit to how long those last.  It hadn't gone over it, but was getting close.  Food, some days, is... just food.

I had hoped to get to a few things.  Probably won't, can't.  Just too weary.  I may end up back in bed in a short bit.  All good.  If required, it is simply what must be done.  I'll get to work when I can.  It might not be this week.

Did get a text.  Messaged back.  Letting people know what is possible.  Well, and that I am sort of down for a while.  But I'll get to things.

My foot is hurting, again, today.  Every other or third day, lately, it has hurt.  Not sure why.  The pain isn't disabling, just... annoying.

On to a bit more gaming, then probably to bed.  Had hoped to gather trash, and get it out, and to the curb.  But that just isn't going to happen.  Can barely stand.  Just moving to where I can play the game, then doing that for an hour, will be a trick.  Later.  Or,,, more likely... goodnight, again.

Awake, pleasantly?

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No pain, water weigh most purged, not confused or foggy, really, a pretty good morning.  Not that I'll do a lot.  Still recovering.  I did some twists and flips with sleep and wakefulness, and some work, which I wasn't ready to do.  So my body is weary in ways I can't fully express.  Down to the marrow in my bones, there is an emptiness which is crushing.  Though, without pain, it isn't... so bad.  I just have to slow down, relax, and just... breath.

It'll be a week or two before I am back on my feet.  Getting back to mass is being planned.  I looked up the schedule at the closest church.  Looks like they have masses every day of the week, now.  Wednesday mass is in Spanish, but I might still go, if that is a day I can go.  I won't be able to go every day.  Just in fuel, I couldn't afford it.  But, I could go several times a week?  Plus one of the holy days (Saturday or Sunday, depending on my sleep schedule).  Really, for me, there are three masses on those days which are doable, in English.

As well, there are now two days for confession.  With the old business cleared, I can take care of these things locally and regularly.  I will be examining anger, gluttony, and laziness specifically.  I am terribly limited, in focus and function.  But I will be looking to see if these are issues, or when they are the issues.  When this close to dead, it really is a hard life.  And, yet, there might be... small increments which might be improved.  They are unknowns.  Areas which give me pause.  Of course, there are the usual.  Three months of pure chastity, at a time, is the best I have been able to do.  Usually just days.  Still, it's... an ongoing effort.  I would like to speak with those who have taken the vows, among those the ones who take them serious and keep them.  I am curious if my difficulties are... common.  Or if I just am not good at the vow.

I think I went to bed somewhere between ten and eleven, and woke after 22:00.  Perhaps half after.  Sleep was good.

I turned kefir when I woke.  Should have done it before bed, but was crashing so harshly I couldn't.  Am working the sprouts.  They are taking longer, for whatever reason.  And I need to figure out something for food today.  I may have a bit of roast?  If so, I am all good.  But I'll need to take meat out of the freezer as otherwise I am nearly out of cooked meats.  Burger, pork this time, and more chicken?  Something like that.

I need lemons, cultured buttermilk, and blue cheese from the store.  Perhaps a few potatoes.  I'm thinking I should clean and bake all those, then wrap them for the refrigerator.  To be second baked whenever needed.  A few times a week.  Not sure how long they will last in there?  May find out.  Just need one or two a week.  I'd like to check the theory of resistant starches with potatoes, rice, and... other things.  I'll start with potatoes, see if second baked spike my blood sugar, and if so by how much.  I need something else from the store, but not much.  Maybe fresh veggies, and salad?  Not a lot, but... yeah.

This week I am hoping to make more creme fraiche, ranch dressing, and this time blue cheese dressing from the same pre-ranch base.  As well, I am hoping to make mascarpone cheese.  Oh, something good with mascarpone cheese?  It is a superior stabilizer for whipped cream (homemade).  It makes it last much longer.  And, mascarpone cheese is just cream and lemon juice!  Check.

As I get these things together, I keep looking toward the crustless pumpkin pie/pudding.  The only thing I won't have squared, yet, is ricotta cheese.  But, if I actually end up making homemade butter, that... may solve itself.  Not something I would do every day, or week, or month.  More like a once a year thing.  Twice?  Like cooking turkey, or ham, or... such.  A rare treat.  

But the skills, and knowledge?  Those are priceless.  Especially considering the savings over purchased whole products of those natures.  Remember, the French merely made do.  They had a bit of cream, and some citrus, so... rather than eating each independently, they combined.  Realized one was an acid, the other reacted favorably to it.  Whatever they had, they might have little of it, fresh, at any time.  So... they learned to mix and match.  The French, other than the king... who ended up beheaded, and rightly... all kings, and queens, deserve that... were relatively poor.  Had to make due.  And did.  Ate like kings.  And, really.  Now, the king had ten courses, or fifteen.  The peasants just one or two, if lucky.

I wonder if people realize that while the king dined, a dozen people, between him and the kitchen, tasted bits.  From testing for quality, flavor, and else, some checked for poison.  Bureaucracies have existed since the first king realized he couldn't enforce things himself.  Then, even he, became a slave to the system.  But everybody who could took a bit off the king's plate, out of the treasury, etc.  All stolen from the workers.

What?  Just... chuckling.  Mostly.

On to... something.  Good 'morning', evening, night, or whatnot.

Absolutely exhausted.

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I did what I could.  I pushed beyond my boundaries.  I did get things done.  But it will cost me.  I have been fighting to stay awake, even to get to some work.  That isn't going to happen.  In fact, I am going back to bed before I fall out of my chair.  Can't focus on gaming, or blogging, or seeing what is happening around the world.  Just too tired.

I have dumped a lot of fluid.  Been going about every fifteen minutes.  Must have stowed way too much... wherever it goes.  Four liters out last night.  So, yes.  I am getting rid of fluid.  If, too, I am getting leg cramps.  I'll have to add minerals when next I wake up.  Vitamins too.  That does help.  Maybe potassium pills, the heavies.  Just until I have dried out a bit.

Well, on to bed.  Good day and goodnight.

Not exactly certain when I went to bed.

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Definitely looked at clocks.  Down here, upstairs at the alarm, and at the phone as I was setting it for night mode.  Nothing stuck.  No surprise.  My last post was sent in at 18:45... I thought I just read.  Sandy morning head fog.  Sometime around there.  Though, I added a vid or two a bit after that, perhaps an half hour later?  Somesuch.

I woke at two, right at.  Spent time binding my feet and legs, with the elastic bandages.  Not quite up to compression socks today.  Yet need something to help dump water.  A few days of, I think, running hot on hours, and twisting my schedule, in the wind, pushing well past may abilities to do well, I think, caused massive water buildup.  Sodas didn't help with that yesterday, but was necessary for other things.  I'm tending that... water pills, compression, what I can.

Foot is killing me, again, today.  But no painpills today.  I get those, generally once a week, or every third day on which pain persists... unless I can just say I am going to and skip it.  I hate pills, even more than pain, mostly.

Still, given what I just did, things... are good.  Now I can die in peace, should that happen.  Prayers are now efficacious.  I told the priest I would pray some rosaries this month, in gratitude.  As well, I have penance.  Usually we do that there, and then.  But I was crashing so quickly, and roughly, I... couldn't.  I know what the prescription is, and will abide it.  And more, of course.  Back on the road, and in the right direction.  Did I say road?  I meant path.  While it seems narrow, rocky, strewn with peril... and is.  There is only one way home.  I, for my own part, believe this is it.  And will not stray for popular collectivism, cynical denials, blasphemous among us, or else.  If today's leaders fail, then look to the fathers of the church, to the magisterium, to the church doctors, and let the false continue on their damned merry way.  Do as thou would, I will not go that way.

Not... really happily awake.  Just awake.  Kefir, raw, going down.  Breakfast, later.  There is a method of cooking I would like to try.  If it works, especially if I could do several eggs at a time, this would... ease cleanup without much fuss.  Oh, I don't think I have shared this.  Not sure I believe, but I don't need to believe, just try.  My problem is I can't find my industrial roll of parchment paper.  Was looking for it to make fish, anyway.  Playing with food is a joy.  I'll keep looking for it.  If I don't find it by April, I'll order another big roll of the stuff.

Life can be a joy.  It doesn't even have to expensive, if you can use your imagination and the ideas of those who came before us.  Look, the whole world is out there.  Even being broken, in pain, hobbling around, I... am doing what I really didn't want to do.  Living.  And rightly, well in my little way.  Later.