Got it all done.

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Medicine, steaks, coffee, water, and cream.  All but the cream in one place.  Two different payment methods.  Three actually, two on me from the present, one on me in the past.

Coffee ground, set up, and brewing.  Everything in and put up.  Medicine about to be taken, with the rest of the regular night things.

Mostly good.

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Medicines are available, from the store I need to visit anyway.  And, they carry my coffee.  The downside is it is a bit pricey.  No real choice.  Medicine has already been started.  Gotta keep it up.  They give me what of a break they can.  It's as good as it gets.  I have price shopped several times before.  It's all the same, or so close as to not be an influence.  Where, and when, being the bigger issues compared to pennies, or maybe a few dimes difference.

So tired though.  I almost wish I had told them all I'd be in later.  Rather tomorrow.  Two days out in a row is rough.  Even being out later doesn't help all that much.  Sure hoping I can just... get going, get back, take medicine, crash for a bit.  Get medicine later, and then sleep before too late again.

Steak.

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A type I have not tried before.  Petite sirloin?  Petite top sirloin?  Oh, just petite sirloin.  I did look it up.  Took a while to get to the bottom of the top of the petite.  Just petite.  The price looked good, and I really did end up liking the standard sirloin.  This?  By the cut, and look, and such, it should be good enough.

With the price right, and the cut looking good, I had to see if they could custom cut the things.  Thick cut, for such a small filet to work with?  Maybe.  So I called it in.  Spoke with the butcher.  Told him my wants  "We can try".  So, yeah.  I ordered a good little bunch of them, in the right size, one per package (or they will try to put them just about all in one package!  Ugh).

Up, for a while.

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I had to change my leg wound binding.  Had hoped to let it go a while, but was absolutely bloody.  I keep bumping it.  Well, and Sassy headbutts the area every time she gets hungry.  Though, really, she is just making it worse.  Not sure why, sometimes, some weeks, I just hit it hard, over and over, and don't seem to be able to guard it, consciously or unconsciously, the exact opposite for whatever reason.  And, when I do that, Sassy piles on, every time.  The scent, or feel of it, or my reaction?

More honey.  On the good side, that honey medicine is doing a wonderful job.  And I was as careful as possible to in getting the honey just in the wound bed.  You... need to do this correctly.  And, this time, I am going to try to shield the leg, so as to not cause excessive bleeding, and then leave the bandaging in place for a full week.  I had planned to that this time, but the bleeding was nearly leaking out of the airtight silicon dressing.  And, that WITH a sponge in there.  It was absolutely goobered up.

On to bed, finally.

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Up late enough to feed Sassy again.  And, whatever else the medicine did, it also started helping me go.  Fluids weren't a problem.  Though, was it the antibiotics, or the extra meals today?  Whatever the case, I have... had some reasonable release.  Might have to try to eat more of my calories, in meat rather than fatted coffee.  I've... lost some weight.

My weight was down to 234.5 today.  After if figured out how to get water flowing again.  A few extra waterpills the last few days, and extra fluid in.  It usually takes both.  Both it was.  I am sure tomorrow I will be down much further, anywhere from two to even six pounds down is possible.  Blood sugar will be up, from what I ate, a lot.  Oh well.  No choice, either end.

Oh? Nearing bedtime.

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I am staying up a bit longer for several reasons.  First, in an attempt to sort day and night a bit more solidly.  Or give that a shot.  As well, to feed Sassy another meal before going on to bed.

I checked outdoors around 19:00 to 19:30, and it was 70.  Here at 22:18 it is just down to 68.  The ac's are going.  Not sure how warm it got today, but it must have been rather warm, as the main area is 75, this front room is 77, and upstairs is 75 and 77?  I thought that is what I read going up a bit earlier?  Perhaps I didn't close a window, or one was opened by someone hearing me return home?  Yea, possibly still having break-ins.  Just a few... signs.  Traps possibly opened.  Though, over time, Sassy might do things.  Or very dubiously, I might undo a trap while doing something else nearby, but I don't think so.

Oh my word.

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A gooder, if long, day.  It was brutal to even get a shower, so getting out took even longer.  I didn't get out until 13:00, 13:30?  Did some business, quickly, and got in by 14:30?  Give or take.

They were busy at the ER.  But, given that, they were fairly on top of things.  I just got home, here at 19:28, but that was just as much to do with my bladder not wanting to top off.  They gave me a quart of electrolyte water, intravenous.  Which helped.  But even that took a while.  To be honest, I gave it a shot, not thinking it would work, just in case.  Dropped enough to fill the thing five times, besides the fill, at least.  When it rains, duck?

Hoping.

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Having a rough time getting going.  I thought coffee and food would help.  It really didn't.  I mean, it was good.  Just not... good enough.  Still, I will head to things now.

First a shower.  Then to get dressed.  It's up to at least 74 our there, if that was an half hour to hour ago.  The ac is off upstairs, will have to turn that back on.  It had gotten to 76 when I woke?  So is probably a good deal warmer up there.  I don't want to try to go to bed in the 80s, or especially the 90s up there.  No!

Amazed at how fake everything is.

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Oh, sure, I see it.  It hasn't been a secret, for a long time.  However, quite often, there was some truth to some things.  Places, people, ideas, which were still clear.  Now?

There are a few places which do some diligence.  I make the effort, if I keep out of the mainstream, purposefully.  And I have limits.

Up, but for the day?

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It was 76 up there, down near me.  Didn't look at the main room temp.  Warmer though, I have to guess.  Turned off the ac when I went to bed, opened the windows, since it was 59 outdoors.  It is 71/72 up front/in the main this morning.  The ac is also off down here.  The fans and ceiling fan are going.  And it has warmed just a bit, to 61 outdoors.  There is still some moisture on the ground, but not as if a fresh rain landed.  Only what remains from several to many hours after.  Still, always good to see rain.

Must have rained well.  There is a puddle out there, in the front.  Sort of unexpected, that.  Would have thought the world would have swallowed that whole, by now.  Though, it is where vehicles create a minor rut.  So it's not all as it seems.  Even so, a bit surprised.  A good surprise.

I have increased the water pill, back to the official dose.  Just to push the extra that was staying in me out.  It's not due to bp, or else?  Well, maybe.  I haven't been able to tolerate compression hose for a few days... week... weeks now?  Some short to middling span.  And, some resistance to going, from the infection, or whatever is happening in there.

Trying to think back, remember.  But I just don't think I caught my testicles anywhere, bumped them, crushed them, hurt them.  But that sort of pain is passing more fully.  It's different sorts of pain and discomfort.  Itchy in there?  Burns when I pee, usually.  The chord feels swollen, thus the resistance to going.  Some pain, radiating from the groin on up?  A bit of a knot of pain in the lower to mid torso.  Okay, some pain still reminding me of being hit, but much less at this point, on that score.  Well, the kidneys hurting just a bit.  And feeling slightly backed up, plumbing wise.  There.  Just trying to get the whole story down, before going in.

Blood sugar is still rather high.  With just water, since the beans and wienies, its down sixty four points, if still 146 fasting.  I can't believe the chili was so high, but I did have two cans.

Neck has kinks.  But else is okay.  Sassy slept with me, pretty much, the whole night.  She went downstairs a few times.  For business?  Water?  To scout her world?  I'd roll, get comfortable, and she'd be back.  I do enjoy having a sleeping pal.  She gets some itches and petting out of the deal, before I fall asleep.  She tries to poke my arm with her claws if she wants more, sometimes that works, mostly not.  I figure out how to keep her switch-blade claws from being able to tenderize my arm.  Brat!

On to looking around, waking up.  Good morning.  Good day.  Oh, I best check when the bank opens, and when costco opens.  Not necessarily for today, but... would be good to know, before long.

Thunder.

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Caught me off guard.  Such resonating booms.  Not as close as it sometimes is, but close enough to feel it.  I doubted it would rain.  Both a bit early, and just my standard pessimism.  So I didn't bother looking.  However, I had to get up for something else.  Water.

Decided to look.  Hmm, it wasn't water.  It was still 82 up here in front, which is oddly comfortable?  Well, sleep was so cold, so yes.  As I opened up I looked, well.  It's already dark, so I had to turn on the porch light.  Yes, raining, still, and for a while by the looks of things.  Nice, very nice.  So it was definitely cool enough to be worth the bother.

Some things seem better.

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Some things worse.  I was hoping I would wake up and just think, nah.  And nah, but not to going, to not going.  Not tonight, of course.  But, tomorrow, sure.

I finally got to sleep.  And slept well for a while.  Would still be sleeping, but a neighbor who is helping me with a will, called.  A copy!  I can work on that, rework any numbers, be more exacting.  There can be numbers, but percentages are best, with limits and maximums?

No, but I tried.

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I just can't get going.  Tomorrow.  If I am alive.  Probably be up later.  Just not for long.  Sleep is double cyclical, meaning I sleep twice a day, and hope for... a while longer up at some point, to get something done, anything.  Even just sitting for a while.

I've been sitting here, but mostly asleep.  No way could I even drive in, let alone a four hour gig, then a drive home.  Well, and I'd have to shower first.

Oh. Ugh.

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On the good side, they did pass the information on.  I was beginning to feel so terrible.  And had been on the line, waiting, for an half hour, because they were keeping people on the line excessively.  Anyway, so, yes, I got a call back.

Sounding out the symptoms?  It sounds rough.  It might be little to do about little, or it might be a serious infection, possibly of several places.  Never thought about kidney infection, or kidney and bladder?  But why?  Perhaps from the wound?  It... was exhibiting signs of infection.  And, of course, they always want to check the bum.  No, just no to that.

Public unions need to be destroyed.

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I called in to the VA.  I told the woman the problem, after being required to give her far too much personal data for her level of employment.  Then, giving her the information, and asking her to send a note to the nurse working with my doctor.  She wanted me to stay online.  I asked why.  She said to make sure she had it right?  Oh, there's... nothing extra.

She just wanted me to stay online to get more minutes of time, to put in.  She probably gets paid by the minute, or her employer (over)charges, by the minute, of which she gets a pittance.  And, she tried to force me to talk to a nurse.  The nurses they have through the center are more useless than the operators.

Awake yet.

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I wanted to sleep a long time ago.  It just wasn't 'doing'.  Even with ac's running, fans going, and everything set, currently, to optimal cooling, it is still 77 in this front room.  Outdoors is 67, and that only because a storm moved in?  Or... maybe that kept it warmer.  Sometimes it can do that, too.

I have the fan blowing right on me.  It actually makes it feel chill, but not really be cold.  Odd how that works.

Half a steak will do.

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I'll put the other half up shortly.  I did have bitters, as I suspected it would be a bit rich for my current condition.  I think that was a good call.  But, having some meat was really pleasant, needed, wanted.  A fatted coffee with it.  The rest of the day will be just water, perhaps with another dose of electrolyte powder, or just to finish off the first dose.  What of it is left in the jar.

I am still amazed at how sharp that mixer part was.  Cutting so deeply, and two thirds the length of my index finger?  Well, whichever finger is next to the pinky.  And, while my hands are petite, for my size, they are... long enough to palm a basketball.  Mostly.  Aging and lack of practice make that a bit tricky.

Brutal day.

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I was awake until... later in the morning.  Ten, noon, something.  I think?  Was so very tired though.  I was staying up in the hopes of getting to town to do shopping.  That... probably won't happen for days, maybe a week.  Why?  Because I am absolutely burned out.  Like a mouse, after a cat has played with me right up to death.  Things hurt in ways I can't understand.

I did find steaks, good ones and bad, in the drop in.  I tossed some of the bad, will have to toss more.  There is a real limit, especially on thinner steaks.  If you bother with thin steaks, eat them in two months, or just toss them.  They get greasy, are difficult to cook, and get frostbit very quickly.

On back to bed?

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I was looking for the burger.  It was left in the oven.  It doesn't smell, but it's not good.  So I just double bagged it, in grocery bags, tied it up, and tossed it.  Yes, it's not good.  Nothing else really available for dinner or supper, whatever you call it.  Which is fine... I really wasn't hungry anyway?  Hmm, maybe there is something in there, easier to eat.  Or... it just doesn't matter.

The last time I checked, it was only down to 68.  But that's been two hours ago?  It just isn't cooling off all that much.  Humidity is holding it, or was.  Which is fine too.  I just doesn't matter.  I should sleep well.  Oh, but it is up to 70?  Strange.  Humidity?  A front of some sort moving in?

Agony.

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The honey poultice hurt, a lot.  When I got home, and settled a bit, I decided to go on back to bed.  So very tired.  But that burning!  All morning.  I could rest, but not sleep, for the first... four hours?  Or so.

Rolling, flipping, flopping, trying to find a more comfortable position.  None were to be found.  simply resisting the urge to rip the dressing and honey medicinal patch off and out was... all that I could do.

Made it!

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A wound clinic appointment.  This morning.  I wasn't sure I would make it.  Even feeling better, getting a shower, getting dressed, and getting out on time, were all tricks I had to push to complete.

I haven't been tending the wound well.  So it was a bit rough, but not too awful.  The doctor is having me go back to the honey treatment.  It's not my favorite, it stings a bit.  I will do it, I will do it as well as I can.  He did teach me a minor trick, as to getting it to fit in more comfortably.  It will, does, burn a bit.  A price I will pay in order to get this stupid thing healed.

Just barely.

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I beat the alarm.  By five minutes.  I... just... wanted to see how close it was, rolled over and... just in time.  Now, initially I turned of the early time, so as to roll back in and sleep until the next alarm.  Before I even rolled over, I deciding against that.  I had set the alarm clock down and was about to tuck back in, when I just decided to get up.

It must be a better day.  Not that I am feeling a ton better.  I still have odd aches and such.  But, when I am doing better regardless of else, I... like to be out of bed.  As soon as possible.  I don't dream hard these days, or often.  But I used to hate to sleep for that reason.  The instinct remains.

Pretty good.

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It took hours, to get the griddle finished, a second go, then the burger cooked.  It got done.  I just finished a bit of it.  Can't eat much, didn't think I would.  Sure looked like a lot, but lettuce seems to be more eye than stomach.  A good cup and a half of burger, at most.  Some spice and sour cream to finish the thing.  Perfect?  More solid that I have been able to eat, and carnivore(ish) enough to not feel guilt.

I cleaned the griddle after finishing.  So, really, it's ready for more food, before too long, as needed.  I only use a portion of the grill, at any given time.  This time I used more, as I cooked a mess of hamburger into beef crumble.  Still, having been cleaned well, and again, and seasoned, then cleaned after, the two (of four) spaces I used are ready for another meal or three, depending on how well I clean after each.

Maybe.

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I got to the grill.  It needed some attention.  So I heated it, then went out with the duck fat.  Bleh.  Either the duck fat is rancid, or was just too strong?  Whatever the case, I decided not to continue with that.  Butter doesn't work, ghee perhaps, but I haven't made any.  Then I remembered.  Buckets of coconut oil.

But those are really old.  A decade?  Maybe.  Maybe more?  Kept sealed, in the basement.  What, about gallon or two gallon sized?  Something.  Organic, cold pressed, and as mentioned still sealed.  I had no idea how well that would work, but it's what else I had.

Better.

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Just plain better.  No major exemptions.  A bit of soft discomfort, but there... is... always soft discomfort.  Well, or more solid pain.  That is just life.  Failing organs, or the sense of it, is more severe, even for me.  And... mostly rare.  A few times a year, less these last few years.

I am hoping to get burger going on the griddle yet tonight.  Not sure, just hoping.  Then, to spice it, add it to romaine, add some cheddar and sour cream, and call it dinner.  If... the lettuce is still good?  I'll check shortly.  If I can get to it.

That did help.

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Yogurt and fruit.  Not the best, but tolerable, edible, comfortable.

I'll tell you, there for a while there, I thought I was, or might, die.  Didn't want to... put it out like that.  Something was really wrong.  I figured, one of those naps I just wouldn't wake up from.  Wow.  That was a bit harsh.

To eat or not.

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I hate when I get better, start feeling better, but not quite enough better to move on back into normal life things.  Like eating.  I have some want of food.  But my body isn't quite able to eat, digest, food.  Or... I don't believe it is.  Perhaps yogurt?  Or some mild egg dish, like custard?  But I would have to be able to stand long enough to prepare that, and tend it while it cooks.

That doesn't sound all that difficult.  But given my condition, it really is.  If I can even do something, it will probably be yogurt, with fruit.  Which will ruin my blood sugar, but get me something soft, easy to digest, and with some good with the bad.  Yes, I think I will eat, yogurt and fruit.

Better?

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Cautiously, I suggest that.  Everything that is wrong is still there.  Milder?  Improving?  I think so.  If, too, I can't yet be absolutely certain.  Sleeping a lot, that is certain.  Sleep really is helping.  Life has been very difficult since yesterday morning.  Before then, but it got really bad right about then.

If you have ever worked yourself half to death, into a dither, and kept going?  And your body finally just quit the whole game?  But, as it is starting to get oxygen back to the oxygen starved cells, lungs started not burning, muscles are just coming back from being burned out?  Not... back to it, just not as bad as it was, and more into recovery than still suffering?  That's... about where it feels like I am.

Really rough.

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Not sure what is so wrong?  The higher humidity, along with the higher heat?  Pushing a bit further than I should have, and in it?  My heart hurts.  My body in general hurts.  Everything, every part of my body, is tired.  More than tired, exhausted to the last bits of capacity.

It's as if everything I have for energy, and every little engine in my body... I am out of all fuel, and all the engines are completely overheated.  I am having trouble just sitting here.

Rough. Rough!

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Every muscle, joint, and bit of connective tissue which allows me to sit up, get out of bed, stand, lift, or else, hurts.  For no good reason.  If I had been working for days in a row, sure.  But I haven't been.  I have been, by necessity, taking it easy.  Maybe I did push too hard and I simply haven't recovered.  The little bit up on the roof was... something else.  Various other excursions, efforts, chores, too.

I like it, in one sense.  I love exhausting myself.  I just wish I had done more to get to this point.  Unfair.  Maybe.  But life isn't fair.  So... I just have to rest, relax, until I can get things rearranged.  The heat might be getting to me, or at least limiting my recovery.  All good.  I'll... do what I can.

Surprised.

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I did get the trash and recycling gathered and out, then to the curb.  Wasn't honestly sure that was going to happen.  My body hurts, my torso, legs, arms, neck.  Everything that is used to move, lift, carry... hurts.  Not... terribly, but tired too.  I wasn't sure I could do it.

As well, I bagged the bins back up, ready for this next week.  Nice.

On back to bed.

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Oh, but I have to get trash and recycling out.  Yes, I'll... do that.  The on to bed.  It was cool enough a few hours ago in order to turn the ac off down here, and open a few things up.

Still feeling rough.  Things hurt, inside.  Organs, bones, connective tissues, arms, legs, and midsection mostly.  The neck and back a bit as well.  It's a difficult time.

Oh, the side bruise.

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I had stopped checking it.  It seemed to have become... stuck, at about three to four ounce sized, or so?  Hard, but not like a rock.  More like a thick pack of leather?  I gave up on it, as it wasn't shrinking, softening, or doing anything.  A few days ago, quite by incident,  I bumped the bump, so decided to check it while reminded of it.

It is much smaller.  It is now, probably down to one to two ounces (think of a burger patty, but made of leather).  And deeper in.  If I brush by it, on the surface of the kin, it can't be felt.  I have to push in, find it, to sense it.  Fantastic.  Still, I hoped it would already be gone.  It's at five months now?  Or so?  The first appointment I have listed was the second week of April.  Though, was I going in before then?  Sometimes I just changed that date to the next, so sometimes I removed the previous day.  But that might be about right?

Not sure when, but back to bed.

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Again, again.  It is 20:27 as I wake.  I slept well, hard.  With the ac on since it was afternoon.  It is still on.  I'll want to turn it off before too long.  It is just down to 80 out there, but in the mid to low 70s everywhere, but 78 here.  Which... honestly, with the fan going, is pleasant.  Need a bit of warmth to kick the machine over.

Feeling better mostly.  Oh, the complaints remain, they are simply much milder.  Blood sugar had been 172 earlier when I was awake.  It is now 133.  For reasons, none, or maybe that was my body having some sort of hiccup in which blood sugar just wasn't... working, or was being mass produced for good or no reasons.  I have noted, at times, when my organs hurt, blood sugar can go a bit sideways.  There is nothing to be done for it.  But, 133 is better than 172, I'll happily take it.

Not dead!

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Still a bit miserable.  Waking midafternoon, around 14:30, I'm not moving fast or strongly or more than with some great effort.  The heart isn't tired, after a bit of rest.  But it feels like I was kneed in the groin, in such a way to harm the man parts there.  It hurts right up into my torso.  Some minor nausea.  I don't think I did catch them, or such.  I just think whatever is wrong is causing something like that sort of discomfort.

The back still hurts a bit too.  Muscles and arms ache for no good reason, more on the arms, biceps and triceps for no good reason.  Just getting off the floor, out of bed, was a stress to them for some odd reason.  And still a bit weary.  May go back to bed in a bit.  Or not.  If I can, I would love to sleep another four, six, ten hours?

Up, and all.

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Not staying up.  I had an event, but I am having to cancel.  I sent a text to the chief.  It is as much as I can do.

My heart hurts.  I took a handful of aspirin, for the pain and the particular sort of pain.  It can, has, helped.  I don't think I'll die, but I am toast.

Look, I... hear you.

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Believe?  Yes.

Remember.