Late waking, of course.

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With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found.  Sometimes I can suffer through.  If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family.  Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing.  That usually improves health unless extended too long.  Though no matter, I will end up cratering.  I guess, in truth, there is always a price.

I had been doing days well.  That had, very slowly, been slipping.  These recent events have caused a three hour loss.  I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise.  Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest.  Sleep and relative heat don't mix.  On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point.  Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.

Today?  I don't known that!  It is Sunday.  Without potential requirements work is not planned.  One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out.  I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load.  Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way?  Yeah.  Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go.  Ugh!

I would like to catch up on dishes and shower.  I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible.  Perhaps that isn't as possible.  Perhaps it might be.  Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors.   Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave.  As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine.  Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling.  Amen.

If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated.  Later.

Hmm? Oh, well, it just is.

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No pain.  Simply no longer asleep.  Thirsty.  Too warm hereabouts?  Tonight, I think so.  Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's.  Yeah, that's like spring!  I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help.  Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave.  If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you.  Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside!  That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).

Very thirsty.  I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half.  Thirsty!  I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely.  Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk.  Even so, these grains just won't do.  The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better.  That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst.  Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it.  Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me.  Can be large variances.  Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point.  So... kefir.  Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally.  Oops.

Dreams.  Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream.  Not the first time I heard that.  Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense.  After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words.  Yeah, I don't always understand right off.  Sometimes I never get what it was all about.  You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere?  Certainly not always to me.  Hmm?  I simply don't know, not sure I want to know.  Especially if you saw the things I don't write about.  If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.

Oh, I meant to ask the other day.  Is 275 degrees F considered really hot.  I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas.  It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was.  I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop.  Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage.  None.  So I checked if I could do that consciously.  No problem.  Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?

On to net snooping until sleep can be found.  Finishing up the album from the other night.  Not all bad.  Later or good night.

Dinner?

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The food is okay.  The refried beans were the best of the parts.  The pork isn't too bad.  These tortillas...  not my best.  More of a cooking issue than else, if rolling them into more like a Texas shape than round?  That doesn't help.  The first parts reheat well and quickly, tortillas from my shot at it, either need to be kept as dough or tossed once cooked.  Perhaps they can be frozen once cooked?  The only thing is the food is rather, hmm, filling.  On the good side a smaller portion is all it takes.  I went small, with no seconds, and I am well satisfied.

I wonder how much I have gained.  The last time I weighed in I was down, if no rounding whatsoever, into the 250's, 259.8.  Well, it was something.  I haven't been fasting, working, and...  Well... Oh, I'll get back to it, and much further along.  Not so much a thing of pride, more a result of changing how life is lead.  Health will always cause troubles.  It is just that as life smooths out, this will take care of itself in time.

It is bedtime.  Prayers first.  Hopefully a simple sleep tonight.  I must admit, I... had a feeling, later, that the pain I was feeling was from people being murdered out there.  Not bad guys on bad guys, but good people for the wrong reasons.  Iran?  Doesn't sound like that many, but our media is pro-oppression, anti-people.  Actually that is where I thought even before I eventually heard some snippet in some foreign source.  I am keeping my prayers with them, and Catalonians.  May God be with those who choose their own way despite murderous regimes.  Amen.

Good night.

Better, and another dream.

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Beside the discomfort which woke me, thirst needed to be managed.  A gallon was consumed in that short bit awake.  Half tea then on to water, which, lately, is about what I drink a day sum total, or as little as half that.  Whatever else, between the care and tending, then going back to sleep when that became an option, today is better.  Still a bit ragged on the edges so no endurance or speed trials will be arranged.  Perhaps slow shorter work efforts, a few mild meals, and an earlier turn in might be good.

As to the dream?  I don't believe sinning in a dream counts?  Anyway...  In the dream I was sent a special offer from one of the luxury Vegas places.  Their highest priced suite and amenities at their typical price.  It was sent to my brother, though at my address.  I called them, without calling him, and they agreed to let me take over the offer, if they... might have been allowed to believe I was my brother during the call.  No, I didn't lie, I simply didn't correct.  Yes, yes, I know.

Now, I looked over the package.  The lodging, which was actually...  Hmm, I have an average sized home, or before mcmansions became the norm.  This suite was at least double, possibly each floor, my whole house.  Just a rough guess, from provided info and online searches.  A week, or five days, stay, a masseuse, even an escort for the evenings.  I checked their totals, that seemed... doable.  So I checked on something else, a tailor to make a suit for my final night there.  That was going to be nearly a third of the cost, but... wow.  So?  So I bit, planned, went.

An unusual event.

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Pain.  Oh, I know it regularly.  What changed since heart medicine, at least when I can stay on it, is that pain , once I am asleep, won't wake me.  It has been some time since this has happened.  It is the same discomfort that has been disrupting mornings and much of the last day.  A weariness suffering.  Something difficult, deep inside.  I've had much worse so I don't have imminent fear, just frustration.  I will take aspirin and do a post with little else to do?  Okies.

Strange dreams lately.  The other night I dreamed, while driving, in a complicated triangular section of highway, in an odd set of circumstances, I ended up going off the road.  The area had a set of inclines, cliffs of various slopes, each of a great distance, say 500 feet, and six or seven 'runs' (I actually live in a valley, on it's floor mind you).  I was, somehow, watching my own accident from a news helicopter which was incidentally in the area and caught the whole thing, as if I was the cameraman.  At first, in the dream, I couldn't accept that it was me.  Then I was sure I would live, after the third slide, then fourth... finally, on the fifth long slide, I came out of the vehicle, could tell it was me, and was certain I was dead.  What was strange is... The body looked nothing like me in real life.  And I can think of almost no place like that.  I suppose the Twin Peaks in Colorado is about the only place I know that might have a slide range and steepness that could offer what I dreamed.
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In a dream tonight I, through an odd set of circumstances met a couple who had bought one of the other homes on the list when I had been in the market.  Now, the home was not real, but I dreamed of it then... how strange, at least to me.  In any case, one thing and some others breadcrumbed me to the area, then to them, and to more.  As it turns out, flooding was encroaching.  I met the mister, first.  I think some sort of bread concern had brought me to the area. They weren't involved but did guide.

As they told me how to get where I was going, being me, I mentioned having looked at a home, on a nearby corner, I had considered buying.  They described on, in query.  It sounded correct.  They believed that to be their home, and offered to show me.  Having taken care of my other concern I was quite happy to go see.  Well, and as rare as I am able to socialize I really do take what opportunities to do so that present themselves.  And they were a charming couple.

I remembered the place, mostly.  They had done well with the place.  Stone, as my home, probably just as old.  About to go under the approaching flood waters.  They asked me where I ended up buying.  They had looked at my place as I had their home.  I think we chose our homes for the same reason, just the other side of the coin... I wanted the country, they wanted city.

I was touched by their situation.  Initially I offered rosaries, then realized they were probably Mormon, and suggested I meant no offense.  My mind was already working on more than rosaries though.  Turns out they weren't offended, at least because they were also Catholic.  Well, okay.  Either way I had already decided to offer them lodging.  Cost, they asked?  Their share of utilities, helping with the place (I was honest), and letting me mostly alone.  If they were church goers, a ride or otherwise together would be kind... if I was ready on their time.  The deal was struck, however it would end.  I think it went well.  As the dream was ending I was helping them clean and repair their place.  We had them fully evacuated before it hit, so it was mostly just washing, sweeping, mopping, then literally rinse and repeat.  A rather pleasant dream... in one sense.

Feeling better?  Enough?  Will attempt to go back to sleep.  If not, I have some rosaries to perform, if only one at a time.  No, not for the dream, for some ladies, for their health.  I was going to anyway, but got the go-ahead as well, just... haven't been able to do all scheduled events.  If not tonight, soon, Lord willing.  Good night.

A complicated day?

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Pain, then exhaustion, then health seeming issues.  All problems were health, not all presented as such.  A bit of a nap later, around noon or later.  Bits of work through the day.  And, finally, dough was set up, and the rest is set to go.  The beans were heated a bit early, an easy fix.  The pork is ready to be crisped once the tortillas are heated and set.  Nothing fancy, just foods from my childhood or that I have learned to like since, but homemade.

Actually, if I get through the computer room next week?  I don't know.  If I do really well, in two weeks, have the front room and the kitchen completed?  A chocolate cake, even the frosting, but cream cheese based.  Hmm?  Oh, no, not all myself.  A three layer?  I will take a big piece of it though.  No coconut, or anything weird!  Just moist and chocolate, and totally homemade.  If.  Not just a poem.

Well, the dough is ready.  Dinner is just around the corner.  Later or good night.
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Good thing I noticed.  Either the device failed to log the publish button or...  No, I am sure I hit to publish.

The meal was good.  I... tortilla/flatbread takes practice.  The rest was pretty good.  Actually, other than one burned a bit even they turned out.  Half of the dough was wrapped and frozen.  Can you imagine the time before even refrigeration?  All food was absolutely fresh, dried, or partly rotten so that the bad had to be shaven off to get to the good or better.  Yeah, they lived.  Thet learned to cover bad, to do without, and many did die at ages, in ways, and in numbers that don't make sense to you.

I tell you, every time I... well, I thank God often, vigorously, every time I think of such things.  There was and will be better times, better than imagined even in faith to those who choose God through the Son.  Obviously not yet, some live less well than most would wish to imagine.  If my faith is true, then even the willfully faithful lead hard lives in these times.  Still, not forgotten either.  Still grateful, that merely be a testimony from such a one.

Full.  Difficult to know portions with a new food, or one which hasn't been eaten in so long.  I'll have to rest just a bit, then put things up.  Good night.

No nap, or else.

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Sleep wouldn't happen.  Work isn't happening either.  I did get the recipe written out.  I then started on the dough.  Measuring butter correctly from the butter logs I sometimes purchase it is rather difficult.  It is easier to melt it and measure.  But when cold chunks are needed as the final ingredient portion it seems best to guestimate.  The thing is, just dicing the butter and lard made them too warm.  Back in the cold, the freezer this time.  I'll check after this.

I had hoped to get to the store, for cheddar.  It'll be a week or three before I'll be out again?  If the senses and functions don't change, that is probably true.  I am hoping to hit and finish the computer room next week.  If that goes fast, then maybe back to the kitchen.  Leaving the house is a lot more work than most sorts of effort, save on a rare day all else just falls into place.

Wow, so tired, not feeling the best either.  I may try a nap again.  Later?

Not a great morning, again.

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I finally got over the fact that I kept waking, alive, of flesh, perhaps ten years ago or so.  And, since medication... the right kind, as good as they can offer and I can tolerate... I am almost becoming accustomed to waking without grinding soul crushing pain that I knew for decades.  It... is better, but better is marginal.  Today, like yesterday, waking to pain.  More today.  Like yesterday, even if significantly worse, it will pass.  So many years, decades, when that was all I knew.  Worse, told it was all in my head.  No, I know not to trust doctors, less so the fake ones.  You know who you are.

I've been awake for a while now.  Not over the pain, not awake, not much.  What passes for news has been reviewed and dismissed.   A few spots where a chuckle or note on such, usually more precise, concise, and accurate can be found have been visited.  Music sources have been examined.  Being frozen out, or have they gone to pay channels on top of all, and they wonder why I wouldn't consider pay to view?  I can look away and kill the volume for as little as seems available... at least until I can get a machine running which will do that for free.  Bleh.

Perhaps I am grumpy.  If I suggest if people would stop trying to push things, ideas, people, and products I know to be bad or false I wouldn't have a problem.  Actually, it is only the governments' desire to force disparate peoples together so companies can grow rich as much on the divides as products which is the root of the problem.  If you can't choose not to publicly associate then you don't honestly have the freedom of association.  Why do you think schools no longer teach children the basics of their freedoms?

Anyway.  As soon as possible I'll start things again.  I did get some of the dishes washed.  I did clean the kitchen... to pre-cooking status.  There is more cleaning to do, soon.  I got everything stored for the night.  I did put a portion of lard in to chill.  Tortillas should be fast.  I may use the press, but not as a finishing process.  After that, just roll them out.  Not looking for flat bread but thinner tortillas.  Even as flatbread that is rather small.

I have to admit though, after feeding the girls I may go in for a nap.  Just not sure I can stay at it this morning?  Later.

Not quite as easy as I thought.

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Easy?  Actually it is easy.  What I mean is not as...  Each part demanded more of my time, all along each dish, than I had supposed.  With practice it is possible I might have gotten tortillas done by now.  As is the refried beans are done, and for the first time in my many tries they are every bit as good as I have ever had them.  Simple and yet not.  The pork has, by the clock, about an hour and an half.  I just checked them and will again in an hour.  Checking new foods or foods new ways often is part of the learning.  Oh, I added too much lard to then add peanut oil... new processes are all on a learning curve.

I am deciding whether to start tortillas tonight or just hold off and do the finishing of all tomorrow.  I probably have the time.  Ah, but I want to chill the lard.  The butter is chilled.  The freezer would chill it quicker, but lard does not cool fast.  Hmm?  No.  I will figure how much lard to chill though, and set that to chill for tomorrow.  I'll keep on the kitchen, and figure out how best to store the meat unti tomorrow.

Not bad.  No major problems.  It was mostly steady work, as well as I could do, with good outcomes so far.  A few more hours and things should be almost done and cleaned for the night.  If it is as good as I suspect at closing time tonight tomorrow could be a reasonable end to a good week.  I am even possibly going to catch up on dishes before the night is through and tomorrow just to punk sloth.

Good night, don't suspect I'll be back this eve.

Going along fine, mostly.

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Only one unplanned event for the day.  The dutch oven was soured.  When I store cast I usually leave it with fat.  Sure, that goes rancid but I can fix that.  Rust can't be fixed.  Still, easier if I would have started on that yesterday... not sure the lid can be worked.  The body, yes.  One shot of oil and frying off waste potatoes then a couple of fresh oil temperings and I believe it will work.  Well, there is aluminum foil, the cooking is at a low temp, so all good.

The beans are all good.  I know I wrote three hours, meant half that.  Maybe I was adding in the pan frying time?  Which is part of the reason I had to use the dutch oven.  The skillet is mighty shallow though too.  Somewhere in there tortillas.  I am experimenting wit half lard half butter, works well with pie crusts.

Back to the dutch oven.  Later.

At altitude, cooking takes what time it takes.

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The truth is, wherever you are, actually, and whenever?  With cooking, and women, there you go.  Some things take time, and their own time.  Humidity, temp, altitude, cooking method and cooking temp... so many variables... cooking by time is a luxury of great experience and rough even then.  By all of which I mean the beans are on.

I will begin with the pork in a bit.  Unlike the video, I plan on baking it in enough fats for the original application, though a mix of lard and peanut oil.  If I could find the exact fat I wanted to do make my own lard(and tallow), or even lard I had more confidence regarding, I wouldn't mind full lard.  I consider what I have vastly better than vegetable lard, and the mix better.  But good lard or tallow from the right fats is three steps above what I use.  Butter would be okay, it's just that all fats don't work for all dishes.  Out to do ghee, actually, with right butter available.  I'm not sure what temp the fat needs to be so as not to drench into the meat.  I'll have to dig on that a bit.

After that is set up, a rest, then tortillas.  It'll be quite a bit of work, and will end in a feast for several days, even with half frozen for another time.  Bummer, couldn't find the cheese I liked, at the right price, then lost track in the right store.  Oh well.  The beans are smelling good.  They have, very conservatively, three more hours.  No rush on anything, or yet.  Later.

Today?

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I know some things are in the works.  Beans to be drained and cooked shortly, pork shoulder to be chunked and that started.  Then tortillas to be put together, in about that order... When I can start anything that is.  It isn't anything getting in the way it is a sense of no sense.  One might claim that as nonsense, which if the claimant could uderstand would get you much nearer to the facts than you might choose to know.  All good, the fewer who know laments of the accidental transcendental the better.

I slept well.  Waking to minor pains which evaporated with the strengthening sun.  A sleepiness remains.  It is being engaged as may be.  As things go, bedding change, perhaps another shower, and cleaning forward and back as I cook in the kitchen.  Oh, morning prayers after stripping and remaking the bed, a rosary and reading during a break in there. I have offered two out as Christmas gifts... didn't hear if that was wanted for sure, but when is God's work often overtly sanctioned?  :p  I'd like to get cracking on the beads... I am thinking daily for lent?  Not as an end but as a beginning.

The third and final package arrived.

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Well!?!  Yes?  Yes.  I... had forgotten that there were three on the way, even while realizing that the whole time.  Somehow.  Two arrived in the mail.  In spite of not remembering what I knew, I expected them all in the mail.  Huh?  Don't look at me.  Don't even look at me, and don't tell me I didn't tell you, warn you, and not once, twice, or thrice, but often and in many ways.  Now imagine what I go through, and worse those who try to be near me.  It's not a trick, just an alternate reality?  It isn't a willful thing, whatever else, it just is.  On the good side, even if I was being patient I no longer need to be.  :p

To town after returning to drop off mail and packages then feed the girls.  Woke so late, so slow blogging and showering, I had to get to the post.  Didn't want want them to suffer for my faults.  All good.  Had to get the shopping list as well.  I got the list but still haven't found it since.  Bah!  Who needs lists.

You all know the trouble with women.  I have spared neither word nor thought on these small troublesome creatures.  Past, present, spirit, flesh, mind...  Well, that is...

A bit rough this morning.

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Sleep was complicated.  Dreams, waking more than usual, odd sleep, unable to get comfortable.  Not the worst of nights, just the worst since the last spell.  Exhaustion and fog are becoming a bit of a threat again.  I'll make an attempt through prayer, seeking the right amount of activity and food, and else, to maintain.  With a heart that is at replacement value for nearing the 3rd decade there are some days that won't be smooth.  Some weeks, months.  Still, I have learned to do what they say can't be done.

Running a bit late.  I did get a shower set of clothes ready and back, then took medicine.  With all else and plans, anicin was added to the schedule.  Blogging to wake just a bit.  Mail needs to be checked, a package, two?  No, these were ordered, except for that other one.  But I knew of it.  Not when, technically, if even surety isn't always sure?  Well, that is my story, what I see, such.

Oh, after the shower, and post if I can make it, I'll change bedding.  I tell you, having fresh bedding and being on that weekly(ish) has been a fine thing.  I had some, but not flannel.  That isn't a luxury.  Oddly, with one extra set?  I never fall behind.  When I have only had two I always fell behind.  Is three sets for each predominate heat spheres a luxury?  Not if that is what it takes to keep up.  I am not convinced that cleanliness is Godliness.  I am nearly convinced that is a pagan misconduction of the divine, divinity being spiritual, not of flesh.

Oh, I know what you, and I, have heard.  As with all that is heard that is false, it is false no matter how often, solidly spoken, or by whom.  Still, sloth is not the way either.  A near requirement of my condition at times, possibly a price for such preening pride in a mighty physiche, more so when well cleaned.  Humility.  If the choice is to learn that here or in purgatory, or pay the price here than there.  *bows head, here Lord*  Hope, work and pray to not have even that final, most difficult, step to heaven.  Fire, I can still recall what was next.  Still, while not Godly, I will diligently work at cleanliness, simply to be less offensive.

I suppose I best get at it.  Speaking with my mother, and listening to a yahoo Geranimo priest out there, I have it that on a day when the rosary may not be possible, three Hail Mary's, perhaps a few of the other rosary prayers, mixed with regular prayers, will be... not a replacement but better than not.  So... just thought I'd pass that on.  Don't really like the 'cliff note way' but between that and nothing?  Later.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow?

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Work, it is hoped.  I did have plans but those plans were developed before what was realized today.  No food.  Not that I am completely out.  What I planned to make isn't all on hand and thawing meat would take more than a day anyway.  Pork tortillas with refried beans is the promise if I did what I did.  Which I did.  I do have hamburger, which I fried tonight, as a choice with tacos or with nachos.  I made a list and almost made it out tonight.  Not quite, so frying the burger was a smaller opportunity, and it probably saved it.  I... forget.

So, after a bit tomorrow morning, the goal is shopping.  Lard, a few spices, large bags of dry beans, and such.  As well if I can find half gallon big mouth jars, for kefir and homemade sauerkraut, I'd be in the red... right red.  The kefir, of both sorts, is finally setting up, but I'm not getting great crystals out of either sort.  It just isn't doing well.  I've been keeping the heat up, for days now too.  Thankfully with the door shut and the fan, I can keep it moderately comfortable at 50 or less while sleeping.

I'll keep on that, if I think I need another couple gallons of regular milk.  It is working best with kefir.  I did try raw but it just didn't do anything.  I won't use the kefir from it, check cholesterol changes due to pressure homogination.  Yeah.  I will try to develop enough milk kefir grain to have another batch if the first raw milk group fails... if they would start producing!

Hoping I have cheese, to go with a small bowl of burger.  Then to let the main portion cool, put that in a container, up, then on to bed.  Fasting, not tomorrow, Thursday.  I plan to work Thursday but will try the keto crystals, I believe to be taken an half hour before beginning efforts.  Oh, why not the Catholic form of fasting?  Because this is a medical fasting aimed at blood sugars, and diabetes.  It works, so long as I don't crash out of potassium, and other electrolytes.  I have to go without foods for longer periods, plus low carbs.  Right, in my future fasting no artificial sweeteners.  It looks like either that is no longer functional as it had been or it has been compromised.

Yeah, looks like a few new invisible viewers.  One seems to be seeing who is looking.  Or not, if I think so.  You.  Amazed you have the time.

Hmm?  Oh, right, something to eat, I hope.  Good night and God bless.  Travel well.

Oh, and a song about some of my first thoughts on some things.  Not how I see things, not fully, now.  Doubt if I will know much while still here.

Dreams and a strange life.

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I had forgotten when I woke.  Usually that is the end of a dream.  Sometimes, rarely, it might repopulate my mind through a daydream.  In this case, an extraordinarily rare thing, the dream came back whole.  Not a lengthy dream, not complicated, if to some profound.  Or, well, perhaps you must feel about it as you will.  I forget so few see with your eyes closed.

I had packages coming in the mail.  I had not ordered them and yet I knew about when they would arrive.  I could remember the future better than the past, if nothing could quite be perfectly known.  Even in this post-heaven tomorrow, which reminded me greatly of the days before the fall of man, was not the magic future tech dream which many moderns envision.  Perfect is not absolute?

Some things were definitely different.  If that was as much due to honest innocent right intent as the fullness of other virtues, such as patience, prudence, and such.  Is the package there, at the earliest day and time possible?  No?  Wait longer.  So very different in every way.

I did notice my self there was not clothed.  Knowing where that was, and having some maturity here, and being in my prime of health, fitness, and age there, I only flushed a bit, with a touch of jealousy.  I, there, then noticed me here now and put on some color of righteous anger.  Taking my knowledge of sin there was quite out and the dream was ended.

Not just remembering the future, but knowing other minds, moving objects or self, the mind and soul in a sinless world, recoupled to flesh is... if that is the truth of things... I do, more than ever, look forward to it.  If that was true, and some of what I see and sense about me is correct... I have some suspicion I am closer to before and then than now.  I seem to connect far more dots than I should, or have actual knowledge regarding.  That could be a bad thing.  Depends on the source.  I don't seek, even avoid, can't help but stumbling right into it, sometimes embarrassingly.  Ugh, sorry about that... actually many of you.  Don't think I try.  Mike.

Oh, from what I have heard, some aspect, The Adam Notion as I will call it, is considered probable in certain circles... from experiences which can throw light on darkness.  If... I am pretty sure... never mind.  Such is for one above all our paygrades.  As I mentioned years ago, along the lines of this video, and as then now say it wasn't centuries but back before sin or much closer to that time, man was and will again be... more.  If I see it is from natural sight, only shameful in a world hiding in lies.  So be it.  I long for not just the home I have found here, but the fullness of what I occasionally even know there.  Amen.

Hey, I actually knew!

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Knew what?  I knew Christmas was arriving, kept it in my mind, and fully knew on the eve and day.  Not a health issue, more a particular man gene?  I suppose some rare woman might have it but I've never known one.  They seem to remember everything, when, who, and how.  Which... I mostly see as a failing anyway, leads to grudges.  I suppose knowing the day, date, and significance is a good thing, and even poorer health than what I have now played a part.  All I am saying is, without help I kept the events in live memory for goodly weeks, perhaps a month, in mind.  Didn't get out cards as I would have, but money and health things didn't favor such.  Next year?  One can hope.

Yeaterday was the usual refuse pickup day.  Wasn't sure if today, so soon, would be it.  A quick scan told me probably so, and recycling.  Grabbed what was in and out, done.  Sure is cool.  I wish I could pack in more, I just don't have it ready.  Through this week I am hoping to liberate much else... or some else.  Bit by bit, room by room, I should eventually have the place cleared.  A large recliner in here, a lot more open space, a change in life and pace, reading more than else.  Perhaps other changes in time.

Starting up today?  If I can.  I am in rough shape so far today.  No pain, mostly.  Just slow and rusty.  No physical limits, unless you count psychic fog as physical... given that I count it as a heart issue I do.  I am thinking more tomorrow.  Perhaps a few minor things today.  Starter projects.  But the areas I worked are still staying up, even improving by fractions since work hasn't stopped.  Bleh.  Still it would be good to complete those two rooms down to base then start on a new area or two.  All done by spring, save final riddance, that depending on when weather permits a dumpster for a fill or two, some furniture to go which requires a lot of space, perhaps?  I think it is doable.  Not, probably, starting today.

I can do certain routines, if even those slip if fog is too heavy.  Limits I used to believe mental so would... go too far to beat, unsuccessfully.  Now, patience.  If that, as with all virtues, doesn't start at home than it probably isn't what it seems.  Still, push has to exist beside it.  Prayer to guide which and when.  A bit today, more, probably, tomorrow.  Later.

Merry Christmas.

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As the day has progressed I have considered what to post.  There is music, holy songs for this day in His life.  I could not find the right song sung by the right singer or group.  I did look.  The way seemed blocked.

I can't add to Christmas.  However, as I aim toward a truly more virtuous life I have found others who have added to my life faith.  Not all material is for those who aren't Catholic.  This, however, is one.  Virtue, regardless, is only problematic if you know the difference between good and evil and choose evil or if you don't choose to differentiate.

Exciting?  In a word, if you really want to improve?  Yes.  I was honestly a bit surprised.  Not because I doubted what I suggest but because my health isn't peak.  I am somewhere around a third full, mostly not well.  No pain, just not much function, resolve, focus.  I was able to listen and understand until the last five minutes, mostly.  I was surprised that I do some of those things already, if too weaknesses were laid bare.  Anyway, if you want ideas to improve, there they are.

Merry Christmas Eve!

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So tired, in a good way.  Munching on Christmas treats, a call home, and ready for bed.  Perhaps no decorations were set out, but the crucifix and bust of Mary are always visible.  Prayers, of course, and the final ones of more import both this evening and through tomorrow.  As well, perhaps a call to my brother and his family, if that goes through.

May this Eve and the grace of tomorrow fill you for this year and for years to come.  Good night.

Curiosity.

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I have heard from the church that curiosity is dangerous.  Hmm?  Well, there is a truth to that.  It is also, clearly, wrong.  Curiosity as to the scratching at the door to my hardened heart is what led me to worship God.  Some suggest that because I do not attend church or other functions almost at all, or sing out loud, or such, that I truly haven't become faithful.  They seem to forget for my writing that I should have been dead thirty years ago and am not fully alive as is.  Just getting to town for groceries once to three times a month, and rarely exactly when I would wish it even then should explain much.  Sometimes I have starved with only a few miles, even blocks, between myself and a store.  Anyway, back to curiosity?  Well, curiosity is merely a tool.  It is only bad when seeking an easy way out, much as the way of lies to avoid punishment.  Curiosity in that direction will end up murdering your soul.

Curiosity led to an exploration recently.  I have always been curious about what an actual exorcist does, has to say, and advice he would give.  No, I didn't go seeking.  It... the video found me.  I didn't realize who, what, the speaker is, does, until... well until I did.  Surprised but... curious.  Couldn't listen to the whole thing at once.  Initially wasn't sure it could hold my interest the whole distance through.  Actually easily, only my limits on focus required me to break it into thirds.  Pretty good for me, most movies of half that length are quartered.  I plan on hearing the rest.

If you want to hear the first of several(?) talks by an actual exorcist here you go.

Working and fasting don't mix.

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It wasn't that much work.  Apparently enough to create a hunger cascade I could not control.  By then only food would work.  I did help, a small bit, with putting weights on the back of the lawn tractor, also finished dishes and put the curtains up, finally helped with the air compressor.  So, sum total, for having fasted two whole days, yeah... I can see it. So, multi-day fasting is over for this week.  Two days was what could be done.

Back to daily fasting.  The plan is to do three days next week.  This time I may plan for work, but this time use the keto stuff.  Experimenting is fine, even failure at this time is not only fine but to be expected.  So long as I learn, codify that learning into my system, all good.  It has never been failure which has defeated me in the long run, it is my shame of it to the point I deny then fail to learn from it.  Only raw success has been better at leading me to ruin.  Yes, crazy but absolutely true, for me.

Still rather tired.  Not all from fasting, the season, lack of sun, and hit and miss medicine all lend wind to my face.  A nap before long?  Probably.  Though back to the computer room next chance.  I'll stick with that until done, then the kitchen.  Then?  I'll have to see when I get there.  Later.

To town.

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Love having tools and equipment.  As the compressor was being rung I added hose and just small standard kit.  No painting, socket, or nailer equipment yet.  The compressor was a bit of a haul, especially while fasting.  Sure was glad to have help.  It's a beastly machine, should be pleased with it.  On the way back also stopped for milk, storebought.  Seems good this time.  So kefir is going again.

I am shot.  Fasting and any larger effort beat me up.  I suspect a change to pj's, then very probably a nap.  Oh, I never did try the keto crystals.  I don't think I have seen all that much success with it, if I'm not sure I was trying for this.  I may have, initially, just believed it was merely a jumpstart for ketosis, not realizing it might act as a source of energy.  Too late to use it now, I am totalled, don't want to energize.

Tomorrow, or if I wake in a bit, I'll try the stuff.  Wow am I done for now.  Ugh.  Later or tomorrow.

That's more like it.

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It was a terribly slow start.  Out of bed late, took extra time to near waking, even then work has been slow.  I did finish the dishes and hang the curtains out back.  I might have done just a very few minor tasks besides as well.  About half way through hunger pangs hit, strongly.  More like a punch to the guts.  Thing is as hard as they hit was about as short as they were.  I suspect they will be back from time to time.

A break then a shower.  I didn't realize we were getting fresh snow, and a lot of it.  The neighbor boys, #1 and #3, are out taking care of it.  No, I'll get to it myself.  I just have to beat them to the punch.  It'll happen.  Without school and wanting to get their part done too, I just can't beat rabbits.  Turtles win over the long haul, if you believe such?  Especially turtle-rabbits, Doc.

Yeah, I think I'll stick with the computer room today.  At least until I have the boxes cleared, the new computer bench completed, the computer rigged, and the loveseat out there?  Today?  Dunno.  I just think, at this point, I have to begin sticking to areas or I will loose track, slip, perhaps end up sliding backwards.  The only thing I will do in the kitchen is wipe a few areas down so as to keep even.  I did the dishes after my last meal, but not the cleaning.

Ugh.  Later.

Yeah, but fasting is shorting intent.

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Fasting isn't too awful.  It does sap the will though.  It seems strange that it doesn't hurt, day fasting really must be good prep for this.  I learned to eat through mid-day rather than in the evening, which truly helped activity.  But what to do... oh right, ketone crystals, or whatever they are.  They are supposed to both jumpstart ketosis and provide fasting energy.  It is slightly easier in warmer (though not excessively hot either) weather.  Both extremes of temp tax the body even without function.  Something else with fasting?  My normal high resistance to the cold is reduced.  It was 15 degrees out the other day and that seemed chill to me.  Though perhaps that is age too, or some combo?  It worried me, still does a bit.

Work has been very light and slow.  The body is part of it, I would say 70%, but lack of focus plays a large minority part.  No complaints, just notes for myself and any other poor fool who is thinking of going this way.  I don't think it's a bad way, mind you... just that most of us are fools, and poor too... one way or another.  :p  Now, my problems will differ.  I would guess that lethargy might exist for all who try this.  Most of you don't have a heart at replacement values as a 600 pound ape riding you to your grave on top of fasting.  It really isn't all that bad, if the chill is creeping in and I'm not warming so well, which is a triple hammering.  Doable though.

I am hoping to hit the curtains, what remain, today.  The neighbor may be helping me get the air compressor.  I have just a few dishes remaining.  A shower... planned yesterday but exhaustion punched me right in the nose so that dishes were never even finished.  As well, a few boxes from the computer room to the upstairs and more fussing in there and the kitchen.  I did some things yesterday, just not as much as hoped, not fast, bleh.  I'll let you know if the keto gunk helps.  Oh I have started the vitamin b5, it is also supposed to help with lethargy while fasting.

Yeah.  I am hoping for a longer fast fairly often.  More like a week between them, if I keep them shorter, a couple of weeks if I make them longer.  I suspect longer fasting would be more efficient but will need much more careful monitoring.  If fasting goes well, and things look good Sunday, I might add a few more days on.  The extra days would be in Christmas celebration.  I'll know soon.  Too bad I haven't dropped weight, but to lose weight you have to burn and reduce intake, if as mentioned weight loss isn't an actual goal just a potential side effect.  At this point, stage, in life it really doesn't matter.  Later.

Still undone.

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Tired, sore, and even with the heat turned up unable to stay warm.  No worries, as noted this is a rest time.  I do plan to do more today than yesterday... dishes, the porch curtains, more cleaning and clearing in the two targeted rooms, and possibly other bits here and there, heavy hard work is not the goal.  The emphasis is on staying limber, being active enough that I don't 'rust', and doing more good than the other way each and every day.

A dream last night, music.  When I was learning calculus and differential equations, I could sense music back there.  Music isn't one of my talents, if something I do appreciate.  I attempted to learn music, choosing baroque on piano.  I could not learn well enough or fast enough for that to make sense, if within my abilities I did touch a far corner of the notion.  Then again, to fully go there I would have had to completely go and then be there.  I went as far as I was willing to go.  Insanity, for one such as me, lies in full immersion.

In the dream, that was remembered, as was the memory of music and song after life.  Truly no music you can hear will prepare you.  You will be part of it.  Something in the dream was connecting all music, here and there, now and then, bright and even dark... a hard song is the indication of wounds, into... healing, reason, life itself.  I don't fully understand this, either.  So much I don't know.  In spite of faults and failings, as I am dying or healing I seem to be being called closer.

Dress shoes are in, and fit.  A first pair.  Comfortable as well fitted barbed wire.  Still...  Slacks and shirts have been dry-cleaned and all else is ready.  I even am working on the rosary.  I am still usually lost at mass, perhaps...  I'll check, but I think there are five masses a week, M,W,F,S,S.  Same for both locals, at most, and slightly more distant.  Need to check, and times.

Such dreams lately.  This might be more of a dream?  The other one was more, without a doubt.  Still there is something very special to music, song.  Oh, and fasting starts today, ending Sunday evening.  Three day fasting for now.  If that is doable I might add more full days, just have to watch blood sugar and blood pressure as I go that way.  As is, 72 hours without food is no risk, just a bit of a challenge.  Hopefully one several weeks of daily/day fasting has allowed preparedness.  Later.

Where did I hear it?

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Can't say.  Recent, too recent to be possible, I heard a story about a priest who was to be sent to hell?  Well, yes.  As I have it, he didn't know where he was or what had happened to him, only that Christ was rejecting him.  He said the priest was only a priest for himself, that this was not good enough.  Mary, mother of God, begged a second chance.  The young priest woke in the hospital, fully aware of the fullness of the task before him.

I heard this on the radio a few days ago.  The problem is I haven't listened to the radio in a week or more, that station in three weeks.  Was it a dream I could not see as such?  If so, is it true?  If not a dream then what?  And, again, is it true?  First off, I am entirely certain it is true.  Next, I have no idea how it arrived to my ears.  While "listening" to it, it was just a story.  Later, definitely in a dream, I realized the hearing wasn't accidental, incidental, random.  I was being... warned? asked, invited, to grow?  A bit of both.

I don't know how.  I am a bit, very, afraid... of failure, of the unknown, of not knowing what I am supposed to do.  I think I get it, then the notion slips.  It is like trekking through the woods on a unfamiliar path.  From time to time the road comes to a ridge where the final, or a lessor, destination can be seen.  I am going toward changing the faith I have from being either just for, or even about, me.  What should it be?  I think it is meant to just be about God... not just the Being in Triune, but the Reality, the Truth, all that God Is.  I... don't know how else to put it.  I can't say I fully understand.  I can only say what direction I am charting and it is away from the only thing I have ever known, it is away from me.  ???  Yeah, I think so.

Good night.

Two naps and little work.

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Hedged by pain I remained mostly inactive.  Too tired to see past, I let the threat of pain keep me from working, mostly.  I didn't consider aspirin as that would have, possibly led to more work than intended.  As is I did too little.  All given that is how it was preferred? Very worn.  Achy.  Ill at ease.  I don't want to fall behind though either.  If it continues I will take anicin.

The goal is light work, keeping up on things as well as pushing into other areas and projects lightly.  More work in the kitchen, the love seat out to the sitting room and cleaned, the computer area readied and then employed, just little things, along with fasting over the weekend.  If all goes well, next week I would then like to begin in the living room.  Boxes sorted and broken down, items collected and organized, then cleaning.  A major hit, then an ongoing project.

It seems that I can only get just so far in an area when I run out of the ability to know where to go, what to do.  The hope is, as I get more areas into the seventy percent range I will be able to make sense of things from there?  Sure hope so.  I can't see there from here, but I couldn't see where I was to where I am.

Why the effort?  In spite of how it seems, it is natural to want to live a bit better.  A woman is quite helpful in these ways, often.  But one isn't available.  Can't afford help, so...  Anyway, just a bit more wake time then I'll hit it for the night after feeding the girls.  Good night.

Wought?

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Every major muscle hurts.  These aren't aches from sickness or that.  My muscles have been used.  It's not as if I have used them perpetually to exhaustion, as with iron works. Though some, such as legs while bending to do dishes in the tub in the tub were used until the job was done, done, done... but it's still not done.  Though today will be the last batch I do for a while.  I have learned it is much better to tax the legs than the back, the back doesn't recover as fast or well.

This last very small batch of dishes will mean I am caught up and all dishes under and through layers of kitchen stuff have been washed as well.  After this batch I'll rinse stuff, well, then set it aside for washing once or twice a week.  The only thing that has to happen is the curtains up.  I may attempt to put up extra curtain rod stabilizers.  Make that definitely put those up.  And, while I don't have what I need now, I plan to put up perches for the girls, using L-brackets, 2 x 4 offsets, and 1 x 6's?  Something like that.  Not today, soon as money is back in regular rhythm.

Today is a day of rest.  That doesn't mean nothing will be done.  It only means what is done will be light, perhaps done at an easy pace, and I won't be pushing per job or for the next job.  Hoping for four to five work periods, often hitting multiple tasks each, finish or not.  Might not be able to stay that focused.  So long as I keep up on any mess being generated as I go, plus advancing on all fronts, I can't lose ground.

Oh, and especially on slacker days I'll hit the rosary.  I may do extra memorization work on the few prayers not fully known yet, as well as working on memorizing the various mysteries, there are five per set, and four sets, so twenty.  But in specific order, in sets, by the day.  I suppose one could just learn through use, but that necessitates having a formula sheet all the time until one knows it.  I'd rather be proactive with memorization. Besides, memorization is good for the bean, and an area I am notoriously feeble regarding.

Mostly a slow easy day, today and until Monday.  Not an all stop, just an all slow ahead.  I'll nap if needed, wanted, eat mildly... still fasting daily... would be a good day to start a three day fast... five?  Not sure if I can, might have to give it a shot?  Thursday?  I'll start tomorrow... Friday is the usual start day and I'm not ready, don't like surprises, not even from myself.  This fast will be dedicated to my dead, that their souls may rest in peace, especially those who died hard, wrong.  Impetus helps.

Later.

Hmm? Right, bedtime.

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Thunder and lightning as I go.

Not much, not bad.

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A load of laundry started this morning.  It should have been dry.  I think the juice kicks off occasionally here, has since I lived in the valley, more noticeable away from the hub city.  The curtains are also going, kitchen and porch.  As well, the kitchen table is slowly getting cleared, then will be cleaned.  I am also working to open a place on my desk for a newer machine.  I also got the rosary and a bit of reading in on two different books, with my legs elevated for at least twenty, and more like 60 minutes.

So tired.  Might try a nap.  I am starting a list for the hardware store.  I can also see a list for the grocery store, especially if I want that bean, pork, and tortilla meal, and I do.  Tomorrow or Friday I will probably chalk it in.  Just too tired today.  Yeah, a bit drained.  Definitely a nap.  Later.

Oh,well, yeah.  Just... not that much.

A slower day.

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Everything on the list and then some, yesterday.  I started kefir, two different quart jars of the stuff, one from store-bought kefir, some from dehydrated grains, both in store-bought milk as per instructions.  It doesn't look like the store-bought is working.  The must now being killing the cultures, or making them sterile so they can't reproduce.  I'll try one more quart.  It does tell me not to trust to buy it for consumption.  It's just a kefir flavored item?  I'm thinking so.  I also got all but the last load of laundry done.  I could have finished, I simply forgot the laundry and had to rush to get to the point I got it.

Today will be a bit lighter.  Finishing the laundry?  Well, continuing.  I found more.  Not all of it will go through, but some of it.  More work in the kitchen.  Just small efforts, say to finish the floor, then sweep and mop, or hit the table top.  As well, work in the computer/sitting room, sorting the desktop, moving boxes out, and I can clear the last bit of floor, but completely, sweeping and mopping in there too.  Ugh, that sounds like more work than yesterday!?!  Well, maybe sounds like it, but I don't think so?

Of course, making the bed, prayers, food, cats, and other regular items too.  And the work will be split over two days as needed.  Hmm, will sweep and mop the bathroom while at it.  Seems like a lot of sweeping and mopping, but if one waits until all is ready to be done at once, the efficiency of economy of scale makes for a simple clean sweep.  I don't have a lot of hurry in me.  If I can keep on top of the messes of life that won't be a problem.  Yes.  Something has changed for the good.

I honestly can't believe how quickly things are looking so much better.  A crew would do it in a day or two, but the mess to go through would remain.  I am betting, should I be able to maintain even half this pace, the cave will be clear, clean, and organized in two to three weeks.  I will need to purchase larger and smaller bins, but that's fine.  Oh, the air seems much better.  Yeah.  Odd how much is involved with else.

A lot. Much.

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More than planned and that faster than anticipated.  The bedroom, just that can be a day of work, what was accomplished, given my day.  Much left to do, not as much as before, in there.  The microwave got hit.  Needed it.  Cleaned up to new minus, plus?, five years.  The dishes got their final wash and are rinsing.  Oh, laundry should be ready.  Beside what was dried I put a load to wash and have one more to go through.  Yes, a shower was had.

That is pretty much it for the day.  Perhaps dinner?  I don't really know what to cook, burgers?  Maybe, if the hamburger is still good.  If not, perhaps a food run.  I'd like to wash kitchen curtains tomorrow, and reset them.  I'd also like to get new, full coverage, curtains for the back porch.  Sometimes I like them open, in the winter I like them closed, with insulated curtains... not bad in the summer either.  Spring, fall, and moderate or sunny other times, open can be good.  Bleh, you know what I mean or you don't.  Hmm, if the windows can be open, then the curtains too?  Close.

As well, I am just hitting things as open season.  After laundry I'll probably give the rosary a shot, read a bit, then check about food.  Later.

Well, you know, plans?

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I did kick out morning prayers.  As I gathered bedding and made it, for the umpteenth time I lamented the stuff around and about the bed which made making the bed more complicated.  Hmm?  Oh, but, can't that, you know, be sorted?  Well, thought I back to I, not always but today, and perhaps henceforth, is not always, is it?  Not really a question, but I answered anyway.  Well, no, no it isn't!

So I dug in.  Sorting this from that, boxes there, clothes in the basket, diving suits... what were they doing out?  Anyway... I haven't completely finished.  I need to figure out where  some things should go.  Hmm, the spare bedroom closet?  Maybe.  Still, I did quite a lot.  Then, while breaking down boxes in there, I hit the boxes gathered from the kitchen, stacking them all together.  I really can see my mother visiting with nothing for her to do.  Well, cooking.  Not sure this will last either.

A bit of a break, then on to a shower, laundry, and setting dishes to go.  After that and a break, as I head back to wash dishes, I'll move the last bits to the spare closet.  Making the bed will be lot easier if not nearly as acrobatic.  For a chunk, being as impatient as I am will either end in becoming broke and slower or limber and swift.  Like or not I break about as well as I die so...  I have warned, it isn't my size or strength that will get you, should you test, but my speed... if I even can win these days that is.  Anyway, life just got simpler.  So down so long forgot there were options.

Everything feels right.

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I relaxed, last afternoon, in preparation for sleep.  I needed and took time off, just easing down toward sleep.  Then, finally, at about 18:00, I went in, laid down, fell asleep without issue, and slept until 4:00.  I did not wake, fuss, hurt, or anything.  I woke without any pain for the first time in... I... don't know.

Today?  It's not a work day.  All that means is I won't be working to the beat of a drum, fast drum.  In some sense, at this point onward, every day is a workday, save Sunday unless my ass ends up in a hole.  The devil you say!  Well, just using the good book, so...  Anyway.  Plans?  Why yes.

After waking, making the bed and prayers.  Then setting the last load to finish drying or fluff, taking a shower while that goes, then setting the remaining dishes to a sudsy soak.  While I fold then rest, I'll hit the dishes again in two hours.  Then, every few hours... two or three depending on condition... I'll go find an area or project to attack.  So it shall go from now on.  Something to the meaning of some words I still don't fully grok, compunction and others, and prayer.  An understanding that while I can't rise above sin, Christ can free me from it, the indignity.  Something has further changed.  It's not... diminish... go west.

The work is there, cut out for me well.  If I do finish, then maintain, then other work will find me.  Fasting will continue.  So it will go until the next call, opportunity, end.  Things are different, in a very good way.  Oh, rosary too.  Couldn't get that in yesterday.  Good morning and day.

Well, okay, there is that.

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The phone man kept coming and going.  Never did need access.  He has been gone for a bit.  So I checked.  It works!  Now to call to find out about the bill.  Since August, would be nice to have it cleared.

Further, a note from ssa sent specifically pertaining to the event.  Called in and spoke with a woman who did know.  The other call was a complete waste?  The data was ignored.  I am told that the information has been applied and between five and ten days I will receive the backcheck.  Then regular payments until the review is completed.  Well, as we probably know, from then on.

What a day.  I am well and truly done.  A bit more, a call to check on things... the bill, then a bit of coming down so as to sleep in a few hours.  Two or three, never can be certain.  Oh, and laundry.  Yeah.  Crash, it's coming.  Later.  No, good night.  Just thinking, it all seems to work out when it needn't.  Oh well.

As much has been done as will be done.

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I did what I could, and just in time.  As I wrote the title the tech appeared.  Just went to check on him, let him know I was home and available.  Okay, he says.  Out of his hair I get.  It'll be a bit before I know more.  Though, to be honest, businesses hereabouts treat us well.  I... shouldn't distrust.  So used to being targeted.  I don't fit, anywhere, anywise, anyway.  I just don't, never have.

The kitchen is almost a new place.  The trick is to finish it then keep it going.  The sink, faucet and plumbing, will make that a sure thing.  I'll want a guarantee on the work, in writing.  No more goofing.

I ended up, after putting the first load in, going for lunch.  The eggs were a little old, one was nine days over, the other three days over, but they both tasted funny... pitched.  I was so hungry by then I couldn't see straight.  Yeah but shut it.  Off course, after eating up, I had a heck of a time getting back to work.  Bleh.  I did it, finishing out the corner, but even now I am having trouble "typing"... stupid device is as for texting.  Yeah, but I am way ahead.  A couple days down then back to it.  I've made an impressive solo jump.

Got to relax, let go, for a bit.  I will be planning my next steps in there.  All upper surfaces save the table are cleand and cleared.  Now to keep it that way, expand on it.  The floor is getting there.  Even the nook has been stomped into some shape.  I did good.  A start, finally.  Front room and back room, I like what two or three major prayers a day are doing.  I'll stick with that, for sure, as well.

Later.

Time slips away so fast when busy!

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Dishes, the ones set to go, were finished.  Instead of taking a shower I decided to wipe down counters and the stovetop.  That should only take a few minutes?  More like forty five?  Yeah.  Got the sinks too, and cleaned then started the polish process on the stove.  Waiting for the goop to dry, not in an half hour?  Whatever.  Anyway, that cut the time down to five to six hours, or two maybe three work periods... so to the corner.  I am hoping it is still possible.  I think it is.  Will be tight, have laundry to run as well.

She, the kitchen, still looks, and is, a bit of a mess.  I doubt if the repairman will notice what has been done.  The thing is it is well on the way.  Yes, I am tossing.  I think I'll be tossing a lot more throughout the house.  If it's too good but I really can't or won't use it, off to charity.  Or... toss.  I'd like to get my life down to vehicle portable, minus the larger furniture.

Problem?  Hungry.  Nothing to eat.  Might check the eggs.  If good enough, fresh enough, may boil.  Hungry!  Later.

Awake, in good order and time.

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Sure, I said I didn't want to start with a work order.  Sure, I did something about it, just not enough.  The dishes have to be out of the way.  I gave most of what is left a solid hit.  But it needed another wash.  I just didn't have that in me.  Left to a hot sudsy, I hit them first thing this morning, then set them to a hot rinse.  The very few dishes et. al. remaining will fit in the wash bin off to the side.  Next, to make the bed and morning prayers and planning.  With gaming sidelined, a rosary seems likely, and devotional reading.  Hmm, perhaps rather than the whole book, how about the Catholic daily readings?  It covers the OT, NT, and the Gospels, pretty much fully in a three year rotation... assuming they haven't dicked that up too, while I have been sleeping?

End their government buy-out, president Trump, and that of all churches.  Force them back to suffering the will of their peoples.  Only good shepherds will receive bounty, humble as that is, and should be!  End the tyranny of theological elitism divorced from the will of the people of God, and God Himself, by those who currently don't need to worry.  Gold has clouded their vision, let them to tear their fine vestments and to sackcloth and ash get them hie!  I love me some hieing!  Amen!

Right, now that my Christmas wish list is out there, back to the grindstone.

Right.  Anyway.  Actually, in two hours, give or more likely take, I'll hit the dishes then the shower.  Just baseline.  I'll dry and dress at a leisurely pace in hopes I can slingshot nearly right back to work.  Worried about having "his" corner fully cleared and cleaned for him, I will start there first.  I have a small but heavy chest to remove, a rolling cart to clean and move, and just general clearing and cleaning in the nook.  If I get that done fast enough, back to the rest of the kitchen.  I'll probably do dark cottons around 10:00 which will easily see to white cottons, with bleach, going in by 12:00?  All just a plan... which planners, at least if ever also operators, know are usually great and solid only on paper.  Why do you think they wink and smile so often?  Still, better to be your own forward command than having some jaggoff who is just earning his bona fides regardless of your outcome.  Both or neither or I refuse to play the game and I guarantee you can't make me!

Not done but done.

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No way was I going to finish all that.  I am a bit surprised I went back to work at all.  The pace was still good.  It's the volume.  At my pace it would take two or three days.  I can't do that much straight, even assuming I don't get sick, for any reason.  It is time to figure out sleep.  Perhaps I can hit things hard tomorrow.  Oh, but I can do the laundry in the dryer.  Might have to fluff it, or actually finish drying, but that is fine.  I don't want to have to mess while trying to wake, throws me off my game.

I noticed someone, and most likely a pair, one adult one younger, had been up my drive, probably in the garage?  You know me.  Still, I have learned to say naught until or unless something (bigger, or expensive) goes missing, or a neighbor was by or even good news.  Fussed on it, but...  Found out the neighbor and son number three were by.  Had an idea for the plow.  Didn't work, but noticed an extra round in the tongue, slid it all that way, and cha-ching.  Son no. three scored the win.  Funny, it's the son who wears bigger shoes than his pops.  No slight, his shoes are larger than mine too.  Still, not bad for casual viewing of the tracks from five feet or more, through dirty windows on a dark day.  Not sure what they dragged, unless that was the tongue, but I don't see tire tracks.  Some things, more than others, leave me curious.  No worries, not on these, just curious.  Sure am grateful.

Oh, right, laundry.  I think this is good night.
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Scratch laundry.  Already did that.  So I hit the dishes.  I also remembered airing the place out was on the list.  So I have that going for an hour.  If I can, when I close it all down, perhaps I'll do the last wash, then set them aside so I can shower first thing.  Ah, and I took trash out.  Not sure if it's recycling.  Man I need that.  I think I'll take that out just in case.  Better to be wrong this way than the other.  Ugh.

I don't think so.

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I won't say I am blazing through the work, if I am doing okay.  It is just that there is so much to do.  Much of it is very light work, heavy in decision making and organization.  Even so I pace well.  The volume is the problem.  That and I can't get a nap in.  It should help, it just isn't possible to now.

The counters are cleared, cat litter change has started, the floor clutter is being wrangled, dishes are being put to soak as found.  Just left out and got dusty.  I really need to hit the dishes to open that area for several reasons.  Low priority becomes the bottleneck, of course.  I am making serious headway but breaks aren't cutting it and I can't nap.  I'll keep at it.

I am getting close in several rooms.  The spare bedroom, the computer room, even my bedroom a tiny bit.  If I can dominate the kitche and bathroom...  I'll hit it again, see if a nap is possible then.  Finish clearing boxes, the surface of the table, and fill one litter box and dump and wash another.  Oh, and dishes?  Yeah.  It is the goal.

Later, unless I crash.

A slight change of plans.

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Rather than read while waiting for the clothes to finish, I did something else, something I have been contemplating since I joined the church.  Initially I had things to work out.  Then, well, it just seemed too complicated.  I just haven't been able to see my way to it, until today.  I found one, which has been blessed, a rosary.

It took about thirty minutes, perhaps a bit more.  I had the timer set for laundry.  I know all the prayers, save the fatima addition if that is optional.  The beads were smaller, which actually wasn't as much of a problem as anticipated... actually no problem at all.  Now I worry the one with larger beads will be a problem to use?  I'll survive.  When I received the refund from the dress shoes, not liking one, I only reordered one of the shoes a size up, then a "dress" rosary.  It'll be my daily house one.  I would like to get several more, for the vehicle, for travel, and a few spares.  Standard will do, could even make my own.  They need to be blessed before use, bought or made.

I was abit surprised at how well it went.  Contemplating times in the life of Jesus while praying is a new sort of thing.  Sometimes contemplation would trip the tongue, sometimes contemplation would get lost in the spoken prayer words, but generally I did well.  Daily?  I can attempt to add it, more since I am backing out of gaming.  Maybe.  I sure would like to learn to do the rosary without a cheat sheet.  No reason save time (and for me possibly focus) this couldn't be employed several times a day... for intentions and practice.  I was also surprised at the improvement from, through, just one run.

Laundry is done and away.  Dishes are soaking, but not a priority.  Cat litter, clearing counters and the floor, sweeping, trash, then mopping?  I'm sure pushing for that, and today.  I'll have to push hard and lean in heavy.  I'll know later.  I still have an hour to my break, need it.  I am almost sure I'll post another time.  Later.

That was a lot more work than words suggested.

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The pre-morning startup, as it was being formulated and written, seemed like a breeze. It might even be once awake or on some days.  I did it all and went ahead and started the laundry.  I can do a load of whites tomorrow if I... I do have a load of cottons which have been sitting too long.  Both that and whites would help.  Anyway, yeah, more than it seemed.

As to my breaks?  I'm not up to gaming.  I just way over leveled for a boss and took in an in-game npc.  It still took all my expendables and five minutes or more.  The next boss is solo, unless you want to play with others.  I don't.  Looks like another game trying to force multi-player.  Well, and again with fake bosses... you have to lose to most of them, often several times, then the game just gets easier.  Trust me, you don't improve that much.  I'll just read in that time.  Along with the Imitation of Christ and the bible, I have a few history books I could add in.  If I catch up on, in, my world, and feel better but can't get out, maybe I'll game more... maybe.  Or better find exercises to improve memory and such, start walking, or real things.

Back to waking, been at it an hour, just decided I was done with gaming so decided to blog that and the rest.  Oh, eggs, if fresh, are still okay, the better ones.  So whether they have been old, a bad batch (I do check), or what...  I might boil what I have if they are fresh enough for lunch and snacks for the week.  I'd like to get back to eggs, but I have to check dates in the store, mark them for easy home checking, or boil them right away and toss after five days.  A good food if it's good.

So?  On to reading.  I may even keep my legs elevated for twenty minutes a day.  Docs told me to elevate the legs, but never told me how long.  Even with a recliner long stretches of that would be annoying, impossible without.  But, for twenty minutes?  Sure, just read on my back with my feet on a wall.  If that is or gets more comfortable I might do it for longer periods and every time I read.  Instructions, people.  If someone, anyone, had mentioned this as a twenty minute exercise long ago I might have considered it.  Sure, I might have said no, and not done it, until it made sense or more I could see how to do it.  I would have been doing it over a decade ago!

I'll give it two hours.  If I tire of reading first I'll hit work.  If I get drowsy I'll nap.  I will get the laundry a check, and get dishes going, first.  Tiring but nice, enjoy working, just wish I didn't need rest so often.  Later.

Down, so hard and fast I barely saw it arriving.

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All good. It means I used what energy resources I had available, perhaps then some.  All dishes, save that one small odd-size batch, are done and away.  Well, some need stored more properly, and will be today.  No shower but didn't want to go to bed with wet hair and wasn't going to be able to make it awake long enough.  I have a hair dryer, for when one or another female type was here.  When crashing loud noises are multiply annoying and are already a nuisance.  I could have done laundry but the mind begins closing doors automatically.  Some reasonable options get lost in the psychic sunset.

I do believe I will change sheets, set the laundry to fluff while I shower, then fold or hang laundry before my two hour (roughly) wake period.  Then I'll be right to hitting the kitchen when I officially kick off the day.  I have all of today and half of tomorrow to make the kitchen and bathroom presentable.  Then I can do cooking.  Still want to put together tortillas and else.  And, perhaps, scones using buttermilk from clotted cream plus the clotted cream itself.  How many, these days, can say they have tried such, how fewer can suggest they had such by making their own?  I much prefer made at home from as fresh and raw as possible.

I really get the feeling, again, that I might be onto something.  My schedule may remain too shifty for regular employment, but with my waking time, I may be able to begin using it far more productively.  The downside is I will now feel every bump in the road.  Every ache, pain, fever will be plain to see and feel.  Worth it?  To me?  Yeah.  I am mostly used to pain, even refusing all but three painpills when my ribs were cracked.  I hated the feel of that as I do the fog.  I'll take pain and truth over lies and seeming painlessness any day.  There are limits, they just won't be found in the area were fog is lifting.  Aspirin should handle minor occasional excesses.

Well, on to the day.

Going well.

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All the first and second batch dishes are done.  I still have more.  Not much, technically a batch if really twenty pieces, mostly large and awkward items that just did'nt fit with else.  I'll put those to soak after the shower, but they aren't high priority.  Just the kitchen and bathroom plans are going to be major strains even if I can keep up the pace.  Doable, probably, just brutal.  It looks like I've broken out of lockdown and unlocked access to the work panel.

I thought about a nap.  Decided to call my mother.  She wasn't home, so in I went.  But, in case she called back, I began reading the bible again.  Just as I was shutting down the phone rang.  How about that, she had Santa for snacks or a meal today, in gratitude for his work.  Had to smile.  His day is today, there.

After that I decided Iwas awake, so finished the dishes, quite a few.  This, another break, then I'll hit the kitchen.  Clearing higher then lower horizontal surfaces, counters and the floor if you like it plain.  Then cleaning.  Everything has to go.  And I pretty much mean it.  If I can chew that up today I will hit the nook tomorrow.  I... have doubts.  A try I will give.

Hmm, heated roast and a potato, then a break.  I am sweating, and have had three work periods so far.  I still have to be a bit cautious with exertion.  And yet there is so much to do with little time.  I had a flash of my mother showing up to nothing to do (then REALLY getting angry ;p ).

Never sure.

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I might add the goal of subduing the earth, walking on the sun, or even something wild like doing the dishes.  That doesn't mean plans will be completed.  I thought it would be piecemeal, the dishes.  A part of them between breaks.  The pain, mostly, has lifted... some bits back there better ignored.  My mind puts up little signs on the pain-flowers... "Do not touch!", "You break it you buy it!", "Don't follow the tendrils!" and so on.

A good longer sleep.

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Sometimes I resist sleep, especially when it begins to go long.  Most sleep for some time has been brokenby, even infused with, pain.  When that broke, I could only sleep five hours or so at a time, painfree and solid, but so short.  I, for a very rare time, was happy with ten hours down.  No pain, breaks but standard ones.  I wake with a host of morning pains including a minor headache, all of which will most likely be gone by the time I wake, or more fully.  Not every day sees me fully awake... if I... think the difference would be lost on most.  Hmm?  Oh, nothing to fret.  I really am, sometimes, jealous.  Bliss.

Back to work.  Business is concluded for the week, so I can stick to the house.  With a phone man arriving Monday, I want the kitchen kicked out.  Doable?  I'll find out.  He will be working back in the nook.  I hadn't planned on that, if I have wanted it clear.  Dishes and laundry need finished. It's a lot of work, and I had hoped to get to the computer/sitting room too.  Not possible, all of it.  Kitchen and dishes, probably laundry since that is just folding.  Beside airing the house a bit Sunday and Monday, I'll change the bedding and have it washing about the time of the visit... it does well as a... odor blocker, deodorizer, something.  Cooking and baking does wonders to, though a small pot of simmering water with sweet spices is good.  Most deodorizers are questionable.

The worst things for odor is dirty dishes and cat litter, well and too inactive ogres.  I'll push on dishes to get a shower.  Might change out cat litter whole, if by parts so they still have access, washing each pan and lettering it dry before doing the next.  I may be moving away from standard litter pans.  Too shallow without the hood and Sam won't enter a hooded box.  Just clear taller bins, perhaps in time with the lids on.  Some recommend really big ones.  Nive, but the volume of litter would be huge.  If the litter held up, by volume versus time breakdown, maybe.  I just don't know.  Get the bin, cut a hatch two to three inches higher than two to three inch deep litter, and there you go.  Clear because voiding is a risky time for a cat, they like to see around them.

The first thing once finances have been sorted if the work right.  A kitchen faucet and plumb purchase and service, then massages.  Those lowered my bp a lot.  Meds, what I can take, help.  They just can't fully, or always, work as well as hoped.  I just hope this gets sorted soon.  Proving they can do as they please which tells me more needs to be done.  I think the right man for the job is on the job.  He can only go just so fast though. We need ten like him in a row.  Won't happen, people choose destruction tomorrow for more gold today in too vast of numbers.

Ugh.  A few hours of gaming to light up the tubes.  Best turn the furnace up, drain and reset the dishes, then to it.  Good morning.

Seemed brutal.

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I kept it light, doing less work than hoped but taking care of more business.  That business takes more out than it seems that it should.  All bills, of which I am aware, are current, if one is pending.  Doesn't look good on that one.  We'll see.  Chatter, gab, talk, and hold-hell, hated it.  Still, everyone I spoke with spoke (American) English as a first language or otherwise very well.  Ugh.

I also did roast beef, using American organic garlic.  Wow.  I had thought it was me.  Nope, Chinese garlic is as tasteless as it is bad for you.  Cheap and tasteless?  There you go.  Thing is it's way too expensive.  I may try to grow it.  But that is work, requires at least some care, not all can do it.  Not sure I can.  Plus, how much?  Still it was wonderful to smell and taste garlic again!

Some dishes.  The rest tomorrow.  Laundry too?  I'm dragging, slogging through as I may, keeping pain in check, and just living.  It's okay.  Not perfect, still hurt solidly, way too tired, but... okay.  Good night.

Old realities, new truths.

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I remember being introduced to one of these songs, more officially, at about the time I found the other.  I am sure the introduced song had been heard, just not when it made sense.  I heard the darker one first.  Hearing the other after was so harsh.  Something inside broke?  I spent months going back, listening to one, the other, or both.  Agony.

In time I either wore down to nubs or let it go.  There was no... consoling? reconciling?  I probably just hid it, from it.  I know almost nothing I write makes sense to most of you.  Some sort of entertainment?  Perhaps mostly looking for new or different music?  Most won't understand any of this.  Less the change.

Nothing, of any real significance, has changed... in my life.  All the same.  Save perspective.  I am no longer looking to end one to begin the other.  I now live both.  Gripe, sure.  But I am in both songs at once, gratefully.  I can do that.  I am no longer were the only way is up.  I have risen.

Such a different place without but seeing in a new way.  I am home, whatever else.

Moving right along.

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It might not be all that snowy but is cold.  While we don't usually get much in the way of wind, it seems as if we get some, from the wrong direction, it really is worse, even in here, inside I mean.  Today is cooler, if that is just normal seep.  Hmm, or the thermostat wasn't turned up?  Bleh, always something.

I called the phone company.  It's time to pay but I won't. Phone hasn't worked since August.  Service is being sent.  They won't say if reimbursement will be made.  I am sure they just never turned it back on.  So it looks like they are going to try to jack me on this.  Yeah.  At least I enjoyed shooting down their cable tv spiel.  They are desperate.  Wonderful!

Dishes are being done a bit at a time.  I'm not up to major efforts.  Another bill, in a bit.  A call for help with a package retrieval was roughed in.  Bit by bit.  Hopefully I'll get to laundry and the kitchen yet today.  Might not finish the kitchen.  If I can do even a third, mostly clutter, I'd be happy.

Saved some of the bacon.

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So little vital physical being.  I used every bit of it, then stretched.  I was taking it slow or I would have ended up in trouble, more trouble, yesterday.  As is I just broke a bit and seem mostly better for it as I wake.  However, today until Monday, if work is planned, it will be light duty.  Smaller chores and projects, mostly indoors, as islands of time surrounded by oceans of rest.  I have to regain footing a bit cautiously.  I have been down for a very long time.

One group of new dishes has been started.  The dishes needing just a final rinse will get that when I feed the cats.  I'll give the dishes needing washed a shot, see if they will go in with the rinse, then square that circle as if I knew what I was doing.  A few hours later, laundry will get fluffed as the kitchen gets hit.  Nothing too heavy, just clearing, sorting, tossing until I am sick of it or done, per session.  I will hit that until done, then move back to the computer room, sitting room.  It is so close.

I can also handle phone work today.  Two bills, a check on several things, and whatever else might occur.  No milk, I think?  Wait, I always forget about that, there might be a way.  I don't know else.  Don't want to shower or shave too often, raw hide.  Tomorrow. Oh, could see if the shoes returned have deposited, some companies trust when the packages hit ups, some wait.

There is pain, but it isn't the more odius levels.  Mild, to be noticed, gauged, but pushed.  Can't let this stuff win without resistance but no need to blindly antagonize.  It, often, is your friend, letting you know something is wrong, or even right.  Actually, I don't think too little food is the problem.  I think I need to either eat more or eat less.  This daily fasting, every day, is the worst.  I never quite get unhooked and then undo my escape, staying perpetually in minor or heavier pain.  I may try three, even five day full fasts.

Check into Russian research.  WITH MEDICAL SUPERVISION they have people fast for up to three weeks.  Speculation is that can be stretched much further.  Germany also has at least a clinic.  Extended fasting is only for clinical settings or if you have willing and able medical attendance at home.  For me five days is as much as I will do, and probably only twice a month... Hmm, might keep it to three days, can do that weekly.  Still, the problem with three days?  You are just getting over hunger by the time you begin eating again, never a free time.  It's got the same drawbacks as daily fasting.  I may have to... explore.

So much for my hunger yesterday.  I prepped a nice meal but couldn't finish, or even German, half a sandwhich, even while I still felt hungry.  Bloated full on half a six ounce sadwhich and still with hunger.  Something is just off in there.

So many of them.  No chance.  Ruinations.  I used to believe it was me.  Not so much.

Stuck behind the phone.

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Call after call, nothing.  Called the main company.  Tyrone, third return Georgia state prison, could he get some personal inf... click.  No.  Probably got too much as is.  Really, Cub Cadet?  At least get English speakers.  Ebonics doesn't count.  Add a three?  I finally called the local store.  I'll have to return it if they can't instruct.  I don't need more paperweights.  I did go out, tinkered.  Perhaps mine is missing cutouts?  The hole in the handle, near where it is supposed to fit, does fit over two keyed/cotterpinned posts, but I didn't find a way to turn that into mechanical lift.  Waiting for a call.  Not hopeful.

Good. All Good.

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Now?  To tip the boat!  Weeee!

Back?

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I was wondering myself there for a bit, but yeah, I am thinkig I might be.

Done!

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At least the list as written.  It hurt about half the trip, until stopping for lunch and breaking into anacin.  Fast, love that stuff. Still, once a week, rarely twice if pain is excessive, persistent, preventing meeting needs, or some mix.  If otc works, all good.  While I think suffering is the majority of what is left to me, as joyfully as possible, sometimes enough is enough.

Kefir grains, organic American garlic, on top of beef and potato mashers.  I know, but... it's been a while since I was out.  Oh, and what is with gay guys?  Are they that... urhm... hard up?  I make it quite clear.  Which is why I avoid.  I wish women found me handsome.  Okay, non-tattooed, single, morally and viably eligible dames.  Yeah.  Never mind.  A pox upon both their houses.  Maybe they should try each other.  New comedy meme, "Whose on top?".  ;p

Life is better.  I can't believe a few otc helped as it did.  I'll have to wind down.  If the pain returns I will hit it again.  I haven't had sleep not continuously broken by pain in... a long time, and I think that was just a nap.  I NEED sleep, would almost kill for it.  Maybe, if I can catch a break Ican work through the pain.  Can't dose it too often, loses affect.  Haven't suffered this level of pain and fog perhaps ever.  One cancels the other.  It might be a, if harsh, sign of improvement.  My fog doesn't go as deep as it did?  I think so.

Anyway, later.  Or good night, in case the floor falls out from under me.

It just isn't letting up.

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A bit more eaten, to no good ends.  It feels, now, as if something is trying to bust out of my chest.  I have a package in, need to return shoes, and do shopping.  It's time for a shower too.  I have dishes blocking that.  Can just drain and set aside but this pain is really weighing me down.

Some jackwagon adds links for addiction treatment.  If I could afford drugs I would be spending it on medicine then my home.  Seriously, piss off.  You aren't funny even in a clown way.  Some people are stupid, some are evil, there is a lot of crossover.  If you want to actually help, pray.  Somehow I don't sense that is your way, even if you play the part.  May you find Wisdom before He finds you.

I'll really try to get out.  Aspirin would really be good to replace.  Oh, no.  First, aspirin?  Docs want me to take that.  I take a lot less as I don't trust them, or seriously thinned blood, too easy to bleed out.  If that is trying to suggest I used two and an half bottles in three months, you are an idiot.  Hmm, that... leads me to who you might be.  Yeah.

May try to nap first.  Anything to break the pain up a bit.  Later.

Too little food?

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I am eating daily.  Enough to stay regular.  The volume might be the problem, about an half pound of food a day, usualy eating only once a day.  Worse, it hasn't been as fatty as it needs to be.  Ketosis is measuring at 40 plus, weight is going up, bodily volume is going down.  I ordered several shirts, not realizing one was slim fitted.  It was just a wee tight.  I was rather surprised how well it did fit, actually.  Two or three of the middle buttons were slightly puffed.  I was preparing to return it when I realized, in six months or less it would fit easily, perhaps loosely.  I really want to get a suit or two but don't dare.  Not yet.  Anyway I just keep coming back to food being the issue.  Not being able to cook as I would like, I might have to seek out fattier foods.  Barbecue packs, even fried chicken, food I can just pick up.  Carbs?  Other than avoiding sugar I won't greatly worry about the rest.  If a week of heavier eating doesn't solve it, and I'm not dead, I'll make an appointment and just hope meds will last or I can afford them too.  The first of next month is the soonest I can do it, the rest is up to the doc.

I haven't felt this bad in a long time.  I don't remember feeling this bad for this long, and not while also so fogged up on top of it.  Fog used to block the pain.  Bleh.  Yeah, if this last trick doesn't do it I have to go in.  If it's something bad?  I'm going to die.  I'm not letting them mine bits or parts, experiment, or otherwise get rich off my pain and death.  If it's a minor thing, fine, we'll do it.  All I'm saying.

Also working to get regular water in, or mostly.  I can't drink straight water.  It creates thirst somehow.  I've tried just drinking a sip every five to fifteen, I've tried ice.  I really wanted to make it work.  I end up unable to drink then becoming dehydrated.  I have to have something, if most additives are really questionable.  As is I drink brewed loose-leaf tea Darjeeling with six drops of sucra drops per quart.  I used to drink several gallons a day, but have cut that to half or less.  Now I am just adding iced water to ever other jug.  There is still enough rmaining for mild flavor but I am getting mostly water.

Anything to fix this.  If, too, some of this is just better in the long run.  Fever is definitely gone.  A trace flickers from time to time, but is over unless something else attacks.  The pains can be different daily.  When I woke, and often, it is chest, lungs burning(?), heartburn.  That has morphed to an ache under the middle of the left ribcage plus burning lungs, sore arms as if in a confined space, bumping the metal and getting sort of weary from that, and a hitch in my left side as if from jogging or sprints.

Later.

Beef roast.

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Solid food seemed a possible curative.  All pains are gone save indigestion/sore area where ribs connect.  Could be diet or sleep angle problems.  Beef fixes much for me, it's my chicken soup.  Not this time. Still, the rast won't go to waste.  Ah, the fever is fading too.  I didn't get to much, not even gaming... as far as I can tell.

It's time to crash.  What a miserable while.  It's been hurting to much for two long.  Oh well.  Good night.

Held it to a nap.

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It was a good rest.  It didn't change the pain, that went from bad to worse.  There is also a pretty heavy fever.  While I slept I didn't feel the pain.  I would still be sleeping if possible.  I woke bolt upright, there was no choice.  My face feels like a ripe tomato looks, probably looks like one too.  It doesn't help with muscle aches but it has begun numbing other pains.  Can't say which offhand, when numbing occurs it hits more than pain.  Never can remember what to do with fevers.  I do turn up the heat and try to bundle, if I can tolerate.  Sometimes that just doesn't work.

I have, had, plans.  If memory kicks in, maybe.  It was light easy stuff.  I simply can't see beyond the red fog.  Gaming.  Can't say I will play well, but it'll... take care of itself.  I sure wish I could sleep.  Later.

Ouch.

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I did push everything... I was awake nine hours past normal bedtime going in at 17:00, was more active than my bones advised, and then woke up without choice at 22:00.  Everything hurts again.  The hope is it will pass shortly, then I can do some work, then maybe I can can nap before business efforts tomorrow, maybe more done?  Or... whatever.  When you are broken you... get what you get.

Started a new game.  Dishonored 2 was dull the first playthrough.  The powers were boring, the "morality" of pacifism, the "ethics" of poor people loving elites with absolutely no sense of law, the creepy dimwitted sjw "logic", all of it fed excruciatingly by forcibly slowing gameplay so as to feed drivel I knew was a lie as a preteen.  Glad to be done with that moronic waste of time.  The fog can prohibit exit from even repetitive gaming hell.  Oh, yeah, I don't recommend.  Perhaps if you want your children being effeminate Che supporters?  There... ya go, and here is your card.  Don't you love it when rich and leftist hicks turn their children into Manson and Che bots while laughing at good parents with accents and faith?

This game, like some lately, is made artificially difficult.  I play it to kill time.  The games I like are limited.  First, no false preaching.  Actually no preaching.  That is for church and personal exacting pursuit.  I refuse preaching by those who are incorrect, those who aren't even faithful (modernist pilgrims, you call secular humanists), or... really any save who I travel to provide that allowance.  I like a good story.  Those start with the truth, the feather the facts around the truth.  Break the possibles by denying truth and the story dies.  I expect exploration beyond the line, extras hidden about.  Don't add secrets no one would actually find.

I'm not really into the mythos, as a general rule.  That is usually toilet paper, often used. Do they outsource writing to third-worlders or is that quota work, women blacks what's the diff?  As long as they don't shovel it me, whatever.  Sometimes I am curious about some element, usually to be taught not to seek in this area with yet another imbicilic bit of trash.

As for gameplay, I do prefer action.  And while I can slog through Dark Souls type games, I prefer difficulty settings, which my current game doesn't have.  I like shooting through, getting a lay of things, checking out the story, perhaps mythos if that is done well, and general lay of things (British is horrible, there logic is either of peasant or nobility, stupid and they deserve each other).  Still, it most likely will do.  No more elite royalty on and on about their love love love of those poor they keep in the streets, only noticing when shoved onto the same streets.  Idiot sjws... I wonder if they are merely British... on the peasant side, of course darling!  *snort, giggle, snort*

/rant?  For now.  :p  Later.