.
.
Still in a haze. Life just is not smoothing out. The medicine is being taken like clockwork, for the most part. I just can't seem to break some... wall, or get over some obstacle. I'm frozen, physically. Oh, little things happen, but for the most part I am blocked off. My mind and body are not cooperating well. At least I am not failing, as if life is on some sort of auto-pilot. The food coming in helps a bunch, though too. I have to admit I am a lucky man in many ways.
My friend called, twice in the last two days. My phone was set to silent though and I just noticed it. But it is, at 12:10 (pm), bedtime. When I wake, if it isn't too late, I will call him and try to arrange something. My mind just isn't working well enough to make plans as I get ready for sleep. And it might take a few days to figure out how to further shift my sleep cycle in order to get out of my home and be to town at a reasonable hour for shooting, shopping, or whatever. Gah but these times are trying.
Hmm, I need to wash clothes in order to get out too. Yeah, slipping. But living, and enjoying what of a life I have! I am thankful, humble as my life is, to not be in constant pain, to be able to do a few things I enjoy, to have the companionship of my pets, to have a few friends here and there, and to have family who loves me even while not always liking me. Life isn't bad, it is just that my "go, go, go" mentality doesn't fit the body I have. I had hoped to be all used up, or at least still buff. Instead I am more like a pet. Well, some people love me anyway. I'm not good for much, but that isn't always the point. Some people's kids... *grins*
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
A few items of prepper interest.
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D.C. and myself have been discussing fats. Oils in this case, that store well. I tried to respond with a bit of information at a link regarding the conversation at his place but that didn't work. So I am replying here, but I'll fill you in a bit.
You see, most oils, to include lard, have a relatively short shelf life. A year seems to be the average, though some fats go rancid quicker. His idea was that coconut oil would work, if processed into oil, it is shelf stable for about a year and a half. However, unprocessed (or unrefined as one faq refers to it) coconut oil has a much longer storage life. Of course, unrefined coconut oil is pretty pricey. And, once opened, I would think it would begin going rancid? I can't be sure but that would be my belief. So, buying it in smaller lots would be even more expensive. Now, there is a suggestion, that one purchase the less expensive (and non-organic) versions. But going down to that notch leaves one with oil that only lasts, again, about a year and a half. Still, it would be good to have fats.
The other notion was that producing ones own lard, and canning it at home, would add significantly to both the quality and shelf life of the lard (or tallow if using beef fat). And, of course, there are many other reasons to get into canning. Further, since my ability to get to things is rather limited, buying an item that could do a lot of work at once, getting it all done quickly, might be the way for me to go. I would definitely like to can meats, some vegetables, and a few other things. To that end, there is this behemoth. The one problem with a canner this size is that my mother, or probably any woman, could not use it without assistance. The pot, by itself, weighs 33 pounds. The pot could, in theory, hold 10 gallons. At 8 pounds per gallon roughly, that is another 80 pounds. Okay, but you won't fill it up all the way with water, mostly. True, but what you are canning weighs more than water per volume (or it would float, mostly). So, completely full and being reasonable, the thing could easily weigh 80 to100 pounds, and easily up to 150 perhaps. Even for me, and considering that it would be hot, that is... quite a load. Or... is my math going greatly astray somehow? And the base is 19 inches, quite a trick on almost any stove, my flattop could do it, using two burners, maybe, somehow? Oh, wait, I think the weight exceeds what a glass flattop stove suggests. Hmm, which would mean some sort of burner. Which means outdoors. Hmm... When I think of moving the thing, I get weird pictures of Grasshopper (from Kung Fu, an old tv series) getting branded with the snake and tiger or something, by carrying a red hot cast iron brazier with his forearms. My eyes may be bigger than my ability.
Well, just wanted to comment here, and think some things over, while putting out some information for others who consider prepping. While I live in an agricultural area, I do believe meats and even fats, will become... scarce. While raising one's own pigs sounds good, have you... ever done that? If you think other animals are good at escaping, you haven't dealt with pigs. Few animals are quite so good at that. And, there are other problems with pigs. They are quite dangerous. But, remember too, you have to butcher what you raise. Have you... ever butchered an animal? I've done a deer, a smallish one. I did a poor job, but I did get most of the meat and I did strip the little fat there was. Unfortunately, venison fat is not edible. It is considered waste and more, contamination. Anyway... Yeah, having some fats on hand would be good, until life mellows and local production and distribution of things like lard begin. That would take some time.
The whole notion of prepping is great. Really all you are doing is buying time until some kind of local marketing kicks in, or the main markets return. There is no way you can honestly prep enough to be ready for a permanent retreat unto yourself. I have some doubts about grains that are stored for even ten years, regardless of what the brochure says. Same goes for many things. Seeds? A few bad years could wipe out an entire region and the remaining seeds could simply become nonviable. No, buying time. That is all that the best prep will do. It is merely a matter of how much time is bought versus how much time can be bought. Solo, with food stores, I would guess only two years (max) can be bought. Beyond that, some form of self sufficiency has to begin. Animal husbandry, trading, planting, wood production, and everything else. And how much of that is reasonable to have and not share? But living out in the forest, alone, would merely be a draw for the less than scrupulous. A largish team, 20 to 30, out in the forest, assuming all can and do arrive? Okay, but... who has that? I like my situation, I like what I am doing, and within what I have and can spend, it is the best option.
Think about it though, no cell phones, no cars planes or trains, no radio (or reason to have one), no computer, television, or refrigerator or freezer, no electricity, no running (or hot) water? Could it happen? In local events, it happens somewhere in the world almost every day. Katrina to Haiti to wherever. Globally? All it would take is one of thousands of things, some man-made like war or economic ruin, some natural such as a solar burst with a reversed polarity or a major but not life ending meteor or even large shifts in the crust of the earth. Those are just easy, off the top of the head, things. There are more than a thousand ways life could be moved through scorched earth back to primitive times. Thankfully, as I have suggested, barring such being enforced by a draconian global government, most failures would be (relatively) short lived. With the knowledge, and memory, of some forms of tech, the good life, and freedom, some people would find a way back to, at least, the 1950's, and within a decade or two. Life is too hard otherwise. Actually, before mechanization, slavery of one sort or another was... pretty much required. Think of this, hamburger was fine dining in Rome, back in her heyday. What it took to grind beef, considered a lesser meat today, is insane when done by hand on any scale, when added to the fact that there was no refrigeration. Bread, hamburger, even fresh milk, luxuries. We have it better than most kings. Of course, that means we wouldn't care to roll in the muck, we wouldn't allow ourselves to be slaves, and we would work toward a future, a real one, again. I do like living in America. The rest of the world can roll in muck, as it seems to want to do. But here? No, it is good here (in ways that may be being lost?). I'd love to share it with the rest of the world, but they don't seem interested. They like the idea of being rich, they just can't stomach what it takes. The loss of local control by local elders (meaning they stay rich and make sure no one else gets richer), the hard work, not killing each other constantly, you know... the little things that allow business to function. Freedom is an opportunity, and a risk. I like risk. And opportunity.
Blathering. Good night.
.
D.C. and myself have been discussing fats. Oils in this case, that store well. I tried to respond with a bit of information at a link regarding the conversation at his place but that didn't work. So I am replying here, but I'll fill you in a bit.
You see, most oils, to include lard, have a relatively short shelf life. A year seems to be the average, though some fats go rancid quicker. His idea was that coconut oil would work, if processed into oil, it is shelf stable for about a year and a half. However, unprocessed (or unrefined as one faq refers to it) coconut oil has a much longer storage life. Of course, unrefined coconut oil is pretty pricey. And, once opened, I would think it would begin going rancid? I can't be sure but that would be my belief. So, buying it in smaller lots would be even more expensive. Now, there is a suggestion, that one purchase the less expensive (and non-organic) versions. But going down to that notch leaves one with oil that only lasts, again, about a year and a half. Still, it would be good to have fats.
The other notion was that producing ones own lard, and canning it at home, would add significantly to both the quality and shelf life of the lard (or tallow if using beef fat). And, of course, there are many other reasons to get into canning. Further, since my ability to get to things is rather limited, buying an item that could do a lot of work at once, getting it all done quickly, might be the way for me to go. I would definitely like to can meats, some vegetables, and a few other things. To that end, there is this behemoth. The one problem with a canner this size is that my mother, or probably any woman, could not use it without assistance. The pot, by itself, weighs 33 pounds. The pot could, in theory, hold 10 gallons. At 8 pounds per gallon roughly, that is another 80 pounds. Okay, but you won't fill it up all the way with water, mostly. True, but what you are canning weighs more than water per volume (or it would float, mostly). So, completely full and being reasonable, the thing could easily weigh 80 to100 pounds, and easily up to 150 perhaps. Even for me, and considering that it would be hot, that is... quite a load. Or... is my math going greatly astray somehow? And the base is 19 inches, quite a trick on almost any stove, my flattop could do it, using two burners, maybe, somehow? Oh, wait, I think the weight exceeds what a glass flattop stove suggests. Hmm, which would mean some sort of burner. Which means outdoors. Hmm... When I think of moving the thing, I get weird pictures of Grasshopper (from Kung Fu, an old tv series) getting branded with the snake and tiger or something, by carrying a red hot cast iron brazier with his forearms. My eyes may be bigger than my ability.
Well, just wanted to comment here, and think some things over, while putting out some information for others who consider prepping. While I live in an agricultural area, I do believe meats and even fats, will become... scarce. While raising one's own pigs sounds good, have you... ever done that? If you think other animals are good at escaping, you haven't dealt with pigs. Few animals are quite so good at that. And, there are other problems with pigs. They are quite dangerous. But, remember too, you have to butcher what you raise. Have you... ever butchered an animal? I've done a deer, a smallish one. I did a poor job, but I did get most of the meat and I did strip the little fat there was. Unfortunately, venison fat is not edible. It is considered waste and more, contamination. Anyway... Yeah, having some fats on hand would be good, until life mellows and local production and distribution of things like lard begin. That would take some time.
The whole notion of prepping is great. Really all you are doing is buying time until some kind of local marketing kicks in, or the main markets return. There is no way you can honestly prep enough to be ready for a permanent retreat unto yourself. I have some doubts about grains that are stored for even ten years, regardless of what the brochure says. Same goes for many things. Seeds? A few bad years could wipe out an entire region and the remaining seeds could simply become nonviable. No, buying time. That is all that the best prep will do. It is merely a matter of how much time is bought versus how much time can be bought. Solo, with food stores, I would guess only two years (max) can be bought. Beyond that, some form of self sufficiency has to begin. Animal husbandry, trading, planting, wood production, and everything else. And how much of that is reasonable to have and not share? But living out in the forest, alone, would merely be a draw for the less than scrupulous. A largish team, 20 to 30, out in the forest, assuming all can and do arrive? Okay, but... who has that? I like my situation, I like what I am doing, and within what I have and can spend, it is the best option.
Think about it though, no cell phones, no cars planes or trains, no radio (or reason to have one), no computer, television, or refrigerator or freezer, no electricity, no running (or hot) water? Could it happen? In local events, it happens somewhere in the world almost every day. Katrina to Haiti to wherever. Globally? All it would take is one of thousands of things, some man-made like war or economic ruin, some natural such as a solar burst with a reversed polarity or a major but not life ending meteor or even large shifts in the crust of the earth. Those are just easy, off the top of the head, things. There are more than a thousand ways life could be moved through scorched earth back to primitive times. Thankfully, as I have suggested, barring such being enforced by a draconian global government, most failures would be (relatively) short lived. With the knowledge, and memory, of some forms of tech, the good life, and freedom, some people would find a way back to, at least, the 1950's, and within a decade or two. Life is too hard otherwise. Actually, before mechanization, slavery of one sort or another was... pretty much required. Think of this, hamburger was fine dining in Rome, back in her heyday. What it took to grind beef, considered a lesser meat today, is insane when done by hand on any scale, when added to the fact that there was no refrigeration. Bread, hamburger, even fresh milk, luxuries. We have it better than most kings. Of course, that means we wouldn't care to roll in the muck, we wouldn't allow ourselves to be slaves, and we would work toward a future, a real one, again. I do like living in America. The rest of the world can roll in muck, as it seems to want to do. But here? No, it is good here (in ways that may be being lost?). I'd love to share it with the rest of the world, but they don't seem interested. They like the idea of being rich, they just can't stomach what it takes. The loss of local control by local elders (meaning they stay rich and make sure no one else gets richer), the hard work, not killing each other constantly, you know... the little things that allow business to function. Freedom is an opportunity, and a risk. I like risk. And opportunity.
Blathering. Good night.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Does God cause or even allow...
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Does God cause or allow people to die from natural disasters? A question I saw on another blog. An interesting question, one every Christian has to come to ask at some point. Not all will find their way around to an answer. Some will seek it but not find one that fits, others will simply not look, and some will simply find the wrong answer. While it is easy to separate those who seek but do not find an answer from those who do not seek it, splitting those who found the wrong answer from those who found the right answer is a whole other ball of wax.
One answer might be that God not only allows these things, but directly causes them to happen. Another possibility is that God allows these things simply by not stopping them. Some believe that God does not constrain Satan, who does cause these events. There are other possibilities. I haven't actually looked at what Catholic dogma, the Magisterium, or general teachings and traditions might say on this particular subject yet. If it is a minor topic of the things I would like to know regarding Catholicism specifically, because I have worked this out on my own to satisfaction. I am curious, it just isn't a higher priority question. My answer is that neither God, save extremely indirectly, nor Statan at all, cause natural disasters. Satan, literally, has no power. He only has influence. God created the world, I believe that absolutely. He also created the laws of physics (not the ones you learn in high school or college, those attempt to model what of world mechanics is visible, it can't and shouldn't claim to be 'the truth'). For example, God created the earth, separated water from land, and either directly or indirectly created wind, cloud formation, and many other phenomena which end up producing storms, which turn into what we call tornadoes, hurricanes, and the rest. The same goes for volcanoes, earthquakes, and the rest. Once He created, I am satisfied that He ended His direct involvement with the workings of terrestrial physics, save when He directly causes actions (such as the Great Flood). But then, He tells us what He did and why. Some will say I am incorrect. But that is my absolute final answer, at this point.
To be honest, it is suggested that if we had faith the size of a grain of sand we could move mountains. How much less faith would be needed to stop a tornado? Or simply make it's effects irrelevant? I suggest that, when we are perfected, and New Earth is established, that the laws of physics will not be altered. It is just that they will no longer be of a concern to us. Yes, that is my grain of faith. Of course, there is the question, if faith of only the size of a grain of sand was needed, why can we not move mountains, turn or even ignore tornadoes or hurricanes or earth quakes, now? And it is a fair question. I certainly have great faith. A gift, I am told, if a treasured one. I truly will (never tested mind you) give my mortal coil before giving my faith. I will not bow to Caesar in order to spare my mortal frame. And, yet, that is not enough? No, it isn't. Sin, would be my guess, keeps us from the connection with God that would allow us to employ that faith in the way Christ spoke of it. While Christ says some, He doesn't always say all. Look, sometimes, for what is not written as well as what is written. Though too, I am only guessing. And while Christ did die for our personal real sins, until we die, we aren't finished with sin. God can be seemingly tricky, but He really isn't. Understand, when discussing with a child why a pet dies, trying to explain the physiology and reality behind it, the parts you actually do understand anyway. There are limits based on the child and their need. Comfort is better than an autopsy report. God... sees us in much the same light, I do believe. Sometimes we couldn't understand even if told the simple truth of all things. Sometimes actual physics simply is not what is needed. And, I do believe it is simple. Clumsily fantastically humblingly beautifully simple, which makes our reach for complexity almost silly.
Oh, just... thinking. Have a good day.
.
Does God cause or allow people to die from natural disasters? A question I saw on another blog. An interesting question, one every Christian has to come to ask at some point. Not all will find their way around to an answer. Some will seek it but not find one that fits, others will simply not look, and some will simply find the wrong answer. While it is easy to separate those who seek but do not find an answer from those who do not seek it, splitting those who found the wrong answer from those who found the right answer is a whole other ball of wax.
One answer might be that God not only allows these things, but directly causes them to happen. Another possibility is that God allows these things simply by not stopping them. Some believe that God does not constrain Satan, who does cause these events. There are other possibilities. I haven't actually looked at what Catholic dogma, the Magisterium, or general teachings and traditions might say on this particular subject yet. If it is a minor topic of the things I would like to know regarding Catholicism specifically, because I have worked this out on my own to satisfaction. I am curious, it just isn't a higher priority question. My answer is that neither God, save extremely indirectly, nor Statan at all, cause natural disasters. Satan, literally, has no power. He only has influence. God created the world, I believe that absolutely. He also created the laws of physics (not the ones you learn in high school or college, those attempt to model what of world mechanics is visible, it can't and shouldn't claim to be 'the truth'). For example, God created the earth, separated water from land, and either directly or indirectly created wind, cloud formation, and many other phenomena which end up producing storms, which turn into what we call tornadoes, hurricanes, and the rest. The same goes for volcanoes, earthquakes, and the rest. Once He created, I am satisfied that He ended His direct involvement with the workings of terrestrial physics, save when He directly causes actions (such as the Great Flood). But then, He tells us what He did and why. Some will say I am incorrect. But that is my absolute final answer, at this point.
To be honest, it is suggested that if we had faith the size of a grain of sand we could move mountains. How much less faith would be needed to stop a tornado? Or simply make it's effects irrelevant? I suggest that, when we are perfected, and New Earth is established, that the laws of physics will not be altered. It is just that they will no longer be of a concern to us. Yes, that is my grain of faith. Of course, there is the question, if faith of only the size of a grain of sand was needed, why can we not move mountains, turn or even ignore tornadoes or hurricanes or earth quakes, now? And it is a fair question. I certainly have great faith. A gift, I am told, if a treasured one. I truly will (never tested mind you) give my mortal coil before giving my faith. I will not bow to Caesar in order to spare my mortal frame. And, yet, that is not enough? No, it isn't. Sin, would be my guess, keeps us from the connection with God that would allow us to employ that faith in the way Christ spoke of it. While Christ says some, He doesn't always say all. Look, sometimes, for what is not written as well as what is written. Though too, I am only guessing. And while Christ did die for our personal real sins, until we die, we aren't finished with sin. God can be seemingly tricky, but He really isn't. Understand, when discussing with a child why a pet dies, trying to explain the physiology and reality behind it, the parts you actually do understand anyway. There are limits based on the child and their need. Comfort is better than an autopsy report. God... sees us in much the same light, I do believe. Sometimes we couldn't understand even if told the simple truth of all things. Sometimes actual physics simply is not what is needed. And, I do believe it is simple. Clumsily fantastically humblingly beautifully simple, which makes our reach for complexity almost silly.
Oh, just... thinking. Have a good day.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Minor successes.
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I did make a meeting recently. While it seems as if it should be easy, it depends on my sleep cycles and how much flex I have with that. And, to a degree, how well I am simply doing. Sometimes I can twist my arm if an event is a few hours out of my cycle. This time I woke with three hours to get ready. Some days that is not enough time. Everything I do is rather complicated. Any one who has dealt with autism probably would understand a bit more. Things, often, have to be just right. Rather than have a tantrum, however, the activity just can't go forward. At least with this one I know, every month, when it will happen. I also receive an email and a phone call (auto-call) the day before or on the day. And still it can be missed. Ah, but twice in a row? All good.
When out to the meeting the other night I went grocery shopping, afterward. Milk, salami, and cheese, as well as a couple of additional good snack items... two brands of hummus so as to perhaps find one I prefer, some whole(r) wheat rolls for the hummus, and grapes. Just a little extra. And while it is a small thing, I have been making coffee, grinding my own, and keeping up on that little chore. Personally I like coffee better than Splenda diet soda. Sometimes I add powder Splenda, sometimes sugar, sometimes I add nothing! Well, always a bit of milk. I just can't seem to get going on much else though, at all.
As well, I finally figured out my bathrooms. I kept cleaning them to no effect. I tried bleach, ammonia, and vinegar based cleaners, I tried various home remedy ideas. I cleaned with the toilet brush. I even broke down and scrubbed them by hand. With each method I tried each solution with time between so as to not create chlorine gas, all to no avail. I was starting to just think there was something wrong with me! Nope. Lime Away, I believe it is called, took every bit of gunk and grime away. I had tried that on other things before to no avail, it seems just the right thing at just the right moment is the trick. My problem is my moments of function are so far apart that what could have been a weeks affair became a six month struggle with a toilet! Heh! I merely wiped it with the brush after letting that stuff soak in for about an half hour. You have no idea how much having a clean toilet lifts the spirits. It was simply looking spooky. And, despite the toilet being hidden, it is a required use item. So, every day, throughout the day, I was faced with... FAIL! No more... I even tried it on the out-of-commision toilet, to similar effects, if it was no where nearly as bad for some odd reason? If I ever get that water heater in and the water back on, I will be in excellent shape. While the tub is fine, and the shower actually looks good, I may try that product on the shower when I get water back to it. Just to see. I know I have and continue to occasionally scrub the shower, but there is little bits that I can't get off. Gunk too small for most to see, and I have scrubbed those areas many times. But, no... I still see it, and hate it.
And the toilet plunger I got? Still works like a charm. Plus, the cabinet it comes in is truly fantastic, hiding all the gunk, easy to use, and it opens and closes without needing to touch anything but the plunger handle. Yes, little successes. I take what I can get.
My home is a mess. Laundry is piled up. The kitchen doesn't contain, but has become, a science experiment. I have lost my ability to keep up, on most things, at all. I am not sure what is wrong. Since beginning medicine again, while I can think more clearly, and more often, I am still tied to the bed or inactivity, improvement is not coming around as quickly as I had hoped. Last time, though, it took two to three months, if too I had really bad edema. I had hoped to be getting back to Church, at least more regularly, by now. I have made the attempt several times, but even with the timer I simply lose... focus... and become too late. Even showering earlier and being dressed, time has simply escaped me. No, I don't know how. I can only explain what happens. It probably has something to do with the brain and oxygen, blood flow, and such. It is better than what it was before I started but it is so very far from... where it could be, should be.
The weather has been staying cooler though too. That seriously may be a part of it. Well, and I may honestly expect too much at times, for myself in any condition, let alone in the condition I am in. I have always been told that I have extreme expectations. And, at times, I have fulfilled that. I definitely aim high. I still think my aim is right, it is just my body that is wrong. But I can't be sure. The only way to know is to have a body and mind that work. Hey, buddy, can you spare a functioning heart. Uhrm, with the caveat that I can install it without no seems nor needlework. :p
Ah, I'll keeping plugging away. *plug*
*plug*
*plug*
Later. Or... good night?
.
I did make a meeting recently. While it seems as if it should be easy, it depends on my sleep cycles and how much flex I have with that. And, to a degree, how well I am simply doing. Sometimes I can twist my arm if an event is a few hours out of my cycle. This time I woke with three hours to get ready. Some days that is not enough time. Everything I do is rather complicated. Any one who has dealt with autism probably would understand a bit more. Things, often, have to be just right. Rather than have a tantrum, however, the activity just can't go forward. At least with this one I know, every month, when it will happen. I also receive an email and a phone call (auto-call) the day before or on the day. And still it can be missed. Ah, but twice in a row? All good.
When out to the meeting the other night I went grocery shopping, afterward. Milk, salami, and cheese, as well as a couple of additional good snack items... two brands of hummus so as to perhaps find one I prefer, some whole(r) wheat rolls for the hummus, and grapes. Just a little extra. And while it is a small thing, I have been making coffee, grinding my own, and keeping up on that little chore. Personally I like coffee better than Splenda diet soda. Sometimes I add powder Splenda, sometimes sugar, sometimes I add nothing! Well, always a bit of milk. I just can't seem to get going on much else though, at all.
As well, I finally figured out my bathrooms. I kept cleaning them to no effect. I tried bleach, ammonia, and vinegar based cleaners, I tried various home remedy ideas. I cleaned with the toilet brush. I even broke down and scrubbed them by hand. With each method I tried each solution with time between so as to not create chlorine gas, all to no avail. I was starting to just think there was something wrong with me! Nope. Lime Away, I believe it is called, took every bit of gunk and grime away. I had tried that on other things before to no avail, it seems just the right thing at just the right moment is the trick. My problem is my moments of function are so far apart that what could have been a weeks affair became a six month struggle with a toilet! Heh! I merely wiped it with the brush after letting that stuff soak in for about an half hour. You have no idea how much having a clean toilet lifts the spirits. It was simply looking spooky. And, despite the toilet being hidden, it is a required use item. So, every day, throughout the day, I was faced with... FAIL! No more... I even tried it on the out-of-commision toilet, to similar effects, if it was no where nearly as bad for some odd reason? If I ever get that water heater in and the water back on, I will be in excellent shape. While the tub is fine, and the shower actually looks good, I may try that product on the shower when I get water back to it. Just to see. I know I have and continue to occasionally scrub the shower, but there is little bits that I can't get off. Gunk too small for most to see, and I have scrubbed those areas many times. But, no... I still see it, and hate it.
And the toilet plunger I got? Still works like a charm. Plus, the cabinet it comes in is truly fantastic, hiding all the gunk, easy to use, and it opens and closes without needing to touch anything but the plunger handle. Yes, little successes. I take what I can get.
My home is a mess. Laundry is piled up. The kitchen doesn't contain, but has become, a science experiment. I have lost my ability to keep up, on most things, at all. I am not sure what is wrong. Since beginning medicine again, while I can think more clearly, and more often, I am still tied to the bed or inactivity, improvement is not coming around as quickly as I had hoped. Last time, though, it took two to three months, if too I had really bad edema. I had hoped to be getting back to Church, at least more regularly, by now. I have made the attempt several times, but even with the timer I simply lose... focus... and become too late. Even showering earlier and being dressed, time has simply escaped me. No, I don't know how. I can only explain what happens. It probably has something to do with the brain and oxygen, blood flow, and such. It is better than what it was before I started but it is so very far from... where it could be, should be.
The weather has been staying cooler though too. That seriously may be a part of it. Well, and I may honestly expect too much at times, for myself in any condition, let alone in the condition I am in. I have always been told that I have extreme expectations. And, at times, I have fulfilled that. I definitely aim high. I still think my aim is right, it is just my body that is wrong. But I can't be sure. The only way to know is to have a body and mind that work. Hey, buddy, can you spare a functioning heart. Uhrm, with the caveat that I can install it without no seems nor needlework. :p
Ah, I'll keeping plugging away. *plug*
*plug*
*plug*
Later. Or... good night?
You really aren't special?
.
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Yes and no. You are special to those who love you. Why? Because... shut up. You are special in what you do. If you are really good at something, that makes you better than other people at what you do. Some people absolutely amaze me. A few people truly impress in a few areas of specialty. Soft sciences merely get a chuckle, but a serious mathematician, solid engineers, materials property guys, programmers, and even top linguists whether they be true masters of many tongues or a top English writer grab my attention. And I must be honest, women who run families and homes amaze me. Some like athletes, but having been... well above average in some of that, and realizing to become more competitive would have required drugs, that is no longer... seen as all that worthy. But too, no matter how good someone is, we are replaceable. Not in the heart. No one can replace a loved one. But in the flesh. There is nothing we do that someone else can't do, and possibly (probably) much better.
No, here and most people I know? It is known that there is no special status. I would say most people I know well realize this. Catholics, Mormons, and most other folk with whom there is some association generally tend toward the humble. Oh, well, there are times. And this ogre certainly has moments of pride. But it is generally known that we fail the mark. None of us, for example, can walk on water, move mountains, or go a day without sin. And, for most, that honestly is the goal. It is difficult to hold too much pride in such circumstances. It would be no different than believing you are bulletproof on a battlefield. Sometimes, to reach the objectives, you have to forget the bullets for a bit. But if you don't have the notion of what bullets do, and their physical characteristics in mind, you will be lost. So it is with sin, and life.
.
Yes and no. You are special to those who love you. Why? Because... shut up. You are special in what you do. If you are really good at something, that makes you better than other people at what you do. Some people absolutely amaze me. A few people truly impress in a few areas of specialty. Soft sciences merely get a chuckle, but a serious mathematician, solid engineers, materials property guys, programmers, and even top linguists whether they be true masters of many tongues or a top English writer grab my attention. And I must be honest, women who run families and homes amaze me. Some like athletes, but having been... well above average in some of that, and realizing to become more competitive would have required drugs, that is no longer... seen as all that worthy. But too, no matter how good someone is, we are replaceable. Not in the heart. No one can replace a loved one. But in the flesh. There is nothing we do that someone else can't do, and possibly (probably) much better.
No, here and most people I know? It is known that there is no special status. I would say most people I know well realize this. Catholics, Mormons, and most other folk with whom there is some association generally tend toward the humble. Oh, well, there are times. And this ogre certainly has moments of pride. But it is generally known that we fail the mark. None of us, for example, can walk on water, move mountains, or go a day without sin. And, for most, that honestly is the goal. It is difficult to hold too much pride in such circumstances. It would be no different than believing you are bulletproof on a battlefield. Sometimes, to reach the objectives, you have to forget the bullets for a bit. But if you don't have the notion of what bullets do, and their physical characteristics in mind, you will be lost. So it is with sin, and life.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Ouch, wouch, and three other words like those.
.
.
No, no pain. No grump. Nothing terribly wrong. It is merely that nothing is right. Imagine driving at night and having your headlights dim to a third their standard brightness, the interior lights go off altogether, while needing to get somewhere in a timely manner. At least the drive isn't through a pass with steep cliffs. So, life moves ahead at a snail's pace. What needs to be done is food, a bit o' caffeine, and feeding cats. All else is mostly beyond reach. Well, there may be something that can be done tomorrow evening. Barring that? Oh, a shower was taken. Heavenly!
Medicine continues. The medicine dispenser was reloaded on time, without missing a beat, this time, for the first time since restarting medicine. Blood pressure has not been checked in the last three or four (or more?) days? Why push it, it doesn't come down quickly, until it drops precipitously. It is frustrating to watch for that. As the world warms up though, and with medicine back in the gullet, life has a chance of picking up again. One of the things that will be created, should that happen, and before fall sets in, is that a daylamp station will be developed. That might hold the winter collapse at bay, or at least make it less devastating, or at least delay the onset. But that can't be created in the middle of the winter outage. Nothing gets done when that sets in.
Plots go on. The plan to make it back continues. Oh, feeble perhaps, but that is what is available. Some creatures where simply not given the option of quitting. Some creatures just can't seem to die. Then again, there were times, in real life, when life was on the brink. All it would have taken was a simple pause, a little release of effort, and the thing would have been done. Surrender wasn't ever an option then, and it has become no more of an option since. It may appear that surrender has been rendered. If you believe that you believe incorrectly. Moving at the speed of turtle, or even being pulled in the opposite direction intended, the direction will not change. Onward and upward!
.
No, no pain. No grump. Nothing terribly wrong. It is merely that nothing is right. Imagine driving at night and having your headlights dim to a third their standard brightness, the interior lights go off altogether, while needing to get somewhere in a timely manner. At least the drive isn't through a pass with steep cliffs. So, life moves ahead at a snail's pace. What needs to be done is food, a bit o' caffeine, and feeding cats. All else is mostly beyond reach. Well, there may be something that can be done tomorrow evening. Barring that? Oh, a shower was taken. Heavenly!
Medicine continues. The medicine dispenser was reloaded on time, without missing a beat, this time, for the first time since restarting medicine. Blood pressure has not been checked in the last three or four (or more?) days? Why push it, it doesn't come down quickly, until it drops precipitously. It is frustrating to watch for that. As the world warms up though, and with medicine back in the gullet, life has a chance of picking up again. One of the things that will be created, should that happen, and before fall sets in, is that a daylamp station will be developed. That might hold the winter collapse at bay, or at least make it less devastating, or at least delay the onset. But that can't be created in the middle of the winter outage. Nothing gets done when that sets in.
Plots go on. The plan to make it back continues. Oh, feeble perhaps, but that is what is available. Some creatures where simply not given the option of quitting. Some creatures just can't seem to die. Then again, there were times, in real life, when life was on the brink. All it would have taken was a simple pause, a little release of effort, and the thing would have been done. Surrender wasn't ever an option then, and it has become no more of an option since. It may appear that surrender has been rendered. If you believe that you believe incorrectly. Moving at the speed of turtle, or even being pulled in the opposite direction intended, the direction will not change. Onward and upward!
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