Gonna have to get the griddle going.

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It's that time of the year.  The propane shouldn't freeze up.  I have to clear and clean the thing, and put a new tank in.  Eggs, corned beef hash, but this... this has been on my mind.

I wanted to make cheese steak phillies.  And may, from time to very rare time, or with the keto, or a, keto bread... homemade or otherwise, or just regular, sometimes.  But this?  I have found (if flour) keto tortillas that not only taste good, hold up, but also don't cause blood sugar spikes.  So... this one?  Yes.  It's more a matter of finding cheese with actual rennet.  I'd like to find cheddar, gouda, and a hot pepperjack or other hot spiced cheese.  But only with real rennet.

Up, and rather early?

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My days have been in a serious spin.  The goal has been to make it back to morning.  One forty eight hour pull in there.  A few off time wakes.  This and that.  And... to bed by 23:00 last night, or nearly.  Up at 9:30 this morning, give or take.  I started waking around 8:30... ish.  Working on it.  Headache, from sleep being so wildly off and changing schedule so fast.  If one of those headache types that will pass before lunchtime.

Back to carnivore, enough anyway, to lower blood sugar.  It is 129 fasting this morning.  The first sub-140 (mostly, and I think) in months.  Since I started experimenting with more veggies and some keto stuff.  Those things, in any amount whatsoever, just don't work for me.  I have to do, mostly, carnivore.  Thankfully, herbs and spices are fine, salads are fine (assuming the dressings are made from clean fats and clean ingredients), and just a few veggies are fine, if more rarely.  Even cabbage has to be on a limited basis.  But... that is true of cabbage no matter what else?  It's a self-limiting food.  Once, or twice, a month... then spread over a week per head, or such?

Sleep schedule is weird.

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Not sure when I went back to bed.  Early afternoon?  Later?  I... just can't recall.  Awake at around 22:30, give or take a quarter hour.  Sassy was fed, coffee was brewed, and toast.  The new keto bread.  But, with cause this time, not just because.  I purchased keto jam, strawberry.  I wanted to give it a spin.

It's called Choczero, ChocZero?  Something.  It has 6 carbs per tablespoon.  I only used a teaspoon, on three slices, though tablespoons are... difficult to get exact.  The idea was to use just one serving.  It spread easily enough that that wasn't difficult.  As a fact, as I was practicing, I started cutting the dose.  I would say an half teaspoon will do well enough.

Hmm?

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No, I didn't make it back to bed.  Here it is, 09:15.  Here I sit.  A bit chilled.  With the front door closed, no fans going save the ceiling fan and maybe a fan upstairs, it is just to 72 in this front room.  Very cool.  Peculiarly cool for this time of year.  If... some of my new and old tricks, combined, have changed the whole system here in my home.  Humidity is ready 45, which is a bit higher, given no rain in a few days.

Blood sugar was 196 a bit ago.  I tested it because I was feeling a bit weak?  Dizzy?  Not... terribly so, but just... the edge of something.  I assumed blood sugar had taken a downward spike.  Not so much.  Our of frustration, I had a fatted coffee.  A much lighter one, just a quarter cup of cream.  I have no idea why blood sugar is staying elevated, unless the antibiotics, or infection, have that affect.  Though, as mentioned, I have some suspicions.  Need to check a few things.

It's been sort of rough?

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Nothing hurts.  While the antibiotics I am taking aren't as effective against the now known infection, it is slightly easing that.  I had hoped to get in today, but that just can't happen.  I did call, for a price check.  It will be roughly $15.  After taxes?  Any other costs?  I... should be able to do that.

It is 77 up here, cooler to much cooler everywhere else.  I haven't turned the ac on down here.  But did turn it on upstairs, as well as close that up, when I saw that it was in the upper 80s earlier.  Not even going to check on that.  Just too tired.  Yogurt and fruit.  I know, I just can't seem to get sweet or carbs generally, out of my system.

I found the recipe.

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While late, I decided to go for it.  Five (or six) eggs, eight ounces of cream cheese, a bit of vanilla, a pinch of salt (my add), allulose and my other sweetener.  Just a touch of those.  Blend, butter the backing dish, and in at 350 for 25 to 40 minutes.

Very good.

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I have been working pretty steady.  Sorting, tossing, packing away, sweeping, moving things and sweeping more.  I have done a lot of work today.  And yet there is so much more to go!  I'm not sure just how much I will honestly be able to finish.  I will have the path cleared.  I probably do have the path cleared.  For a simple through.  Mostly.  But I'll open things just a bit more. to make absolutely sure.

However, I want to clean, too.  And move boxes in to where I can sort them more easily.  I keep wanting to clean, before everything gets moved.  That isn't the most... efficient way to go.  However, there is a limit to how much heavier physical work I can do over time.  I need lighter work, after wearing myself out.  So it... might sort of be required.

Both sides of some things?

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Having a heck of a time going to sleep and waking up.  I hurt?  Numb from it, mostly.  But I know it is in there.  I just don't know why.  When living in a body which should be dead,  there is going to be pain.  But... not beyond my ability to tolerate.  Mostly, as mentioned, numb.  But I can sense it back in there.

I can't quite figure out... anything... though?  Currently, just trying to take medication, drink when thirsty, add electrolytes, add collagen, and eat... something.  Eggs and fatted coffee, for now.  It's not a lot, but it is something.  The next trick is to get sleep regulated.

Ah, right.

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I have probably gone over this a dozen times through being on keto, then going into carnivore.  That is, how to target fat, protein, and carbohydrates when those were... a thing.  Not that you ever quite get it down exactly.  But... you get it, then you lose it.  You remember, then you forget.  Back and forth.  Especially if you starve yourself for a while.  Memory absolutely sucks on a starvation diet.

It's like the brain realizes you aren't thinking well, or doing well, so shuts off other pathways for the mind.  Trying to let you know that food is what you need to consider.  Only, if your health is trash otherwise, as well, the limits and directional impulses of your body just... don't... hmm... just... you don't pick up on the clues, hints, psychic directional impulses.

Yeah?

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Wow.

Made it out.  Got to dinner.  He was going to pay, I got to it first!  Ha!  I like friends like that, win or lose, you can't lose.

Well...

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Still awake.  I made a personal call.  Then awaited a delivery.  Only got forty percent of the order though.  So... went hunting for the rest.  As it turns out, the rest is on the way.  Mostly make sense.  The boxes, for just the four of ten I received, are huge.  Two bags of sixteen pounds of 'cowboy' charcoal per.  And, yes, that's a lot of volume.

Anyway, I did get those in, off the porch.  Not as... heavy as I feared.  Then again, that is only forty percent of the order, and I was only able to carry twenty percent at a time.  These boxes were pushing my ability to grab and maneuver as is.  Two boxes at once was impossible.

Slow.

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Being cool, 62 last I checked if an hour or two ago, isn't helping.  Lack of good sleep last night is piling on to that.  And, work this week has taken it's toll.  A good week, mind you.  And I hope not to be done.  I hope to work more, even today.  Speaking of which, I think I'll get a shower before too long, then cycle laundry through, as well as setting up dishes.

I'll be eating in about an hour.  I'll try to buns recipe I spoke of... including the video below.  And, set up a right keto flour, to compare the two.  I'll see if that works, or if both works.  I'll be cooking it on the grill?  No, I'll bake it?  I don't know.  I'll see what I have that would work for cooking it, keeping it's form.  I wonder if I have dough cutter rings, a set of them maybe?  That would work on the grill, or in the oven with a cookie tray and parchment paper.  Oh, after experimenting with the carbon steel pan, cooking an egg with parchment paper, I suspect that might work on the griddle.  Though, I think I can use enough fat that it wouldn't be necessary.

I suppose I will feed Sassy now.  She is probably hungry again.  I pushed it a bit late.  Both the first and this time.  I'll get her fed shortly, and check her litter while at it.  I changed her water yesterday, so it's good.

Learning, slowly.

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So many things to learn, so few good sources with all of it together, and correct.  I learned a few thigns last night.  Some of it was review, some of it was new.  Oils, cooking oils, or fats... a review.  Sure, yes, I know, seed oils, for the vast majority, are simply terribly unhealthy.  Animal fats, for the most part, are better.

But, some things I learned, and was backed up by other of my own research?  There is one vegitable oil that is good, coconut.  If it is processed cold, virgin.  As well, while avocado virgin, cold pressed, oil is good, it is NOT good for cooking.  It has such a low smoke point, that using it to cook, minimum of 300 F is needed, and that makes avocado oil toxic.  Good for cold uses, such as in salads.  If the avocado oil is made to be sold for cooking, and is plain tasting?  It is just as bad as seed oils.  Ugh.

The best, from what I could find, is ghee.  It has a high smoke point (over 500 F), is of animal fats, and hits every positive health need and want.  Super.  I am hoping to get my shit together, and get some ghee made up.  I'll... add a vid.

Oh, but something else I learned?  The best oil or fat for deep frying?  None.  Don't deep fry, certainly not regularly.  Quarterly?  Okay.  Not the best, even so, but... okay.  Life happens.  Oh, and for best oil?  At that point, it doesn't matter.  Peanut is probably easier to find, cheaper.  But from a health standpoint, it doesn't matter.  Further?  Don't filter and save the oil.  That is far worse.  Just don't do it.  Bacon grease is different, that you can do.  But that is rendered, not truly deep fried, or refried.

Not much.

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I just couldn't get to much.  Just... too tired.

I did make a portion of beef tartare.  The roast was quite frozen.  I had to take it out whole... or what was left.  Then I had to let it thaw a bit.  It never really did thaw well.  But, it did cut better.  While working the big, whole, roast, I cut it into portions.  And, really, should have cut those portions in half.

I have eaten larger portions, yesterday and today.  But think, after I have worn the novelty off, that five to eight ounces of meat should be plenty.  Then with the accoutrements, that should be plenty.  Further, I would keep the added bits to smaller portions as well.  I have quite enjoyed this though.

No work.  I'm just... barely staying awake.  Couldn't focus, to game.  Couldn't read much, online.  Just... drifted through the day.

I am hoping I can do better tomorrow.  This week.  I'll... see.

Haven't heard from my brother or mother.  I think they have definitely just stopped communicating.  Not sure if it was something I said or did.  But, so be it.  I am too close to death to push or pull.  I'll probably keep it to messages.  If they contact me, I will just text them back.  Keep it... distant.

Not feeling too bad, nor great.  Just... alive.  It is about bedtime though.  If I thought I could get to some work, I would stay awake.  But I think I would just ruin my sleep.  A few painkillers as I go to bed.  I took waterpills this morning, and will go so again yesterday.  But that should be about that.  Probably.

Nearly noon.

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Bits and pieces, through the night and morning.  Not... a lot.  Short work periods.  No heavy work.  But a lot of little things, between resting.  Couldn't really game.  That, too, takes energy.  I would rather do mechanical labor than game, but that isn't always an available option.

I didn't get a shower, but the tradeoffs were good.  I didn't get recycling gathered and out, but will.  I got much else I wanted, and a few more things.  The coffee seemed ready, this morning.  So I pulled the grains, which are in a nut milk bag, then put the liquid in the refrigerator.  As well, I reset kefir.  It is smelling off.  I don't understand.  How could it be off already?  Maybe it is just my perception.

I checked the creme fraiche, but that seems... off... too?  I just don't understand.  It has worked perfectly the last few times.  Very strange.

It snowed again last night.  Perhaps two more inches down, though there isn't a foot of snow on the ground anymore.  And some areas are finally becoming bare... of snow.  And it seems to be soaking in, which is greatly needed.  A few weeks, or even months, of a healthy soaking, and the aquifers, general surface water tables, and such should improve.

Gaming?

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Not all of it.  Yes, some.  I am doing little bits of tasks between playing.  Trying to do more, somewhat limited.  The cold, this continuing winter, the dark, all waorking against me.  Doing my best, and doing some things.  Just not fast enough to get ahead, let alone keep up.

Working on dishes.  I got all the jar lids cleaned.  Plastics, more useful for kefir and other ferments.  A partial load of the jars and a large pot were also cleaned.  If I can push a bit, I can get eggs boiled.  Love those.  As well, I plan on making liver and onion tonight.  Nothing fancy, but it should do.  And it really is healthy.

I might be able to get the rest of the dishes in there done yet tonight.  As well, perhaps, a shower and trim... maybe even a shave.  Laundry is all caught up, finally.  Oh, well, there is always some more to do.  But, I don't think there is enough even now to do a load of any of my sorting types.

As well, I am going to make a batch of cold brew coffee.  Give it 48 hours, out.  Then filter it and put it in the fridge.  Just have a cup at a time.  Better in the summer, and warmer spring and summer months.  But, for ease, I think I will make a batch, heating what I need.  While I love the little french press, it is a) little, b) doesn't keep the coffee warm, and c) is a bit of a mess to clean out.  Always something.

Not drinking a lot of coffee.  Maybe a few very much smaller sips through the day, rather than one to three quarts of freeze dried coffee a day.  Less actual fluid, if probably a similar amount of coffee going in, to make the stuff, by volume?  Not sure if they are equivalent in caffeine.  And, it is much more hit and miss when doing french press.  More like one or two a day.  The stuff is definitely stroger.  And, yes, that helps.  Though, with the french press, I am trying to cut out "keto" sweetener.  Just the coffee, and cream, much more often anyway.

Cold and dark.  Oh... I forgot to measure the bars from the garage door rollers.  It looks like replacements are either 4" or 7", if I think 7" bars are usually for double wide doors or more, or heavy doors.  Though, perhaps, for older garage doors?  Mind may be heavier, and older.  Still, best just to check.  I'll check right after I finish.  I have the 4" bars in the cart.  Pretty sure, just ought to check.

I will look up keto liver, onions, and gravy.  I have number of wheat flour alternatives.  But some of them really don't translate for thickening, or else.  I'll... go look, then measure the bars on the garage door rollers.  Then either do a few more dishes, or begin on the liver.

Oh... I was thinking?  I have too much liver in a pack, any pack, for one.  It's... just too much for liver and onion night.  However, I made pate in the past.  And liked it.  Couldn't remember how I did it, so I went looking.  Hopefully this will help if I need a memory booster in the future.  I may save out what I don't think I can eat, and make pate after supper.

Going through my supplies.

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I have flour, glutens, oat fiber, and such from years ago.  Just never used it.  If it has been opened, I toss it.  As for if it hasn't been opened?  I am just about to look up what sort of shelf-life some of these things happen.  Best sold by xx/2022?  But, if it has a practical shelf-life of five or ten years, sure, I'll at least try it.  If not, toss.  I hate to toss, but sometimes you have to.

I do have fresh stuff, just in case.

The goal is to finally begin making keto breads, and buns, and such.  I found a source for a couple of good flours.  One for deserts, mostly.  The one I will put in today is for breads and such, mostly.

14:00, and counting.

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Seven minutes shy, but I'll get there.  Perhaps make it another hour or two?  It hurts.  But... I'm trying.  Wednesday?  Yes.  So... I have a few more days to make it to later afternoon.  The goal is for Saturday.  Ugh.

I haven't taken a shower, but will keep trying.  Didn't have much to eat.  Sardines, and a fatted coffee, it turns out.  I'll have another kefir before bedtime.  And, if possible, turn the kefir over, reset it.  So tired though.  Not sure I can do that.  I'll fight for the shower.  Not sure I can fight for the kefir.  Though... who knows.  Sometimes it works out.

I was amazed.  Looking outside, the driveway was not only cleared, but was clean down to the tar.  Did it warm?  I've been underdressed to go out, in hopes of getting a shower.  So... I... didn't go out!  Love it when the ice is gone.  There was ice down there.  I didn't think it would clear off for a while.

I had hoped to get to the store today, but it's just not possible.  Just getting a shower will be a trick.  A shower was required, for me to get out.  But I haven't gotten to it in as timely a fashion as possible.

Still hungry.  I did pull out three packs of meat.  Burger, pork roast, and gizzards again.  Yes, I... really like gizzards.  Will pick up more, if available, next time I am in.  Meant to do livers, but keep forgetting to buy onions and pull out frozen stock so as to make it rightly.  Hmm, I have chicken, and beef, liver.  I'll try chicken this next time.

I keep writing lists for the store... and promptly losing the list!  I have written three lists so far, and have no idea where they have gone.  Ah!  Found one.  It's only a partial.  I know there were other things I wanted.  Remembered a few things... light olive oil... for mayo, onions for a dozen things, garlic for aioli, and more butter.  There are other things.  I think I saw corned beef on sale.  I really love that stuff, stock up enough to have it a few times quarterly.  I would love to corn it myself, but, right now, that's just a bit much.  And the meat to do that with costs too much currently.

Butter.

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Oh, storebought can be okay.  Well, not really.  I looked more closely at the ingredients on storebought butter.  I hadn't done that in a long while.  Either recipes have changed, or I wasn't as particular, knowledgeable, about food the last times I did that.

I was only able to find one brand of butter that didn't have... stuff in it.  From "natural flavors" to... really whack things.  My, to now, go to brands failed even more miserably.  And labeling?  They might as well quit labels.  You can't add sugar and have there be no carbs.  But, sugar in butter?  Yes, in some.

Still awake.

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The game drew me in.  And, beat me up for a while.  Oh, I did get through things, but slowly.  Then... I'd go on another mission.  Achy for it.  Painpills, tonight.