.
.
Some days I simply feel intellectually inadequate. I ask stupid questions, offer poor comments, or realize old posts were simply foolish. I say things that must make any thinking human blink a few times and wonder if they just heard what I said correctly. I am not sure if days like these are moods or realizations or just days where nothing fits so nothing is going to please the rational aspect of my mind.
I do not mind being foolish, even by accident, so long as I may recover some semblance of self respect and not lose too much respect from those whom I wish respect. I am used to being foolish, both purposefully in play and accidentally in earnest. When wrong, I would rather be told such rather than to be allowed to simply remain incorrect, though I know I may not immediately or possibly ever see my error even if corrected. I do try to see it, I do make every attempt to understand, and yet often enough I fail.
The good days are great, however. When the stars are aligned, I make connections rightly, I see the figures in the patterns in a classical sense, and I push on through the unknown into a new understanding. That process is (if orders of magnitude less) akin to actual birth in the realm of the miraculous. I suppose if I never failed to think clearly I would not enjoy the times of good mental use to anywhere near the level that I do.
I find myself terribly embarrassed about my failings, personally and socially. The embarrassment is a sliding scale, sometimes no more than like realizing I have been running around outside and in businesses with my hair a mess to something more like somehow accidentally losing bladder or bowel control publicly. Today I would rate it as, perhaps, a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10.
I am not sure how I do these things, but I do. I am not sure why I do not quit while I am only a little behind, but I do not. So, for a while, perhaps a little longer, I have decided to try my very best to stay quiet and listen. I may post, but more just the doings of life. No comments, I am grounded. As the bible, among dozens of other sources of wisdom, indicate... Even a fool, who remains quiet, may be considered wise. Which tells me that even wise men are often fools, and abstaining from speaking itself might be wise, but that is not the point. I am not worried about other fools or wise men.
No worries, deeply. And, in time, I may have some chuckles over some things. But for now I am dissatisfied. A nap might help so a nap it is.
Have a great day!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
A few orders placed.
.
.
With the help of one of my fellow bloggers (thanks Christine), I have started on my path toward learning the rosary. I know, it is simple enough. I know, even a child can do it. I know lots of things. One of the things that I also know is that I have to do some things a certain way and that is all. To that end, I have ordered a recording of the rosary with a book to go with it. I have a rosary, it has been blessed, it fits my bear paws, and it fits my aesthetic senses. I have had it fully ready for years now. That is how things go. Time taken for this, stolen for that, used over here, and wasted there. Everything has a time, and this is the time for this. Shush!
I also went to Amazon for a few things and bought a few others. Chesterton has been on my mind. And, Vox brought up, in a recent debate, a book I was not familiar with. He indicated that ANY Christian (this is my take, not a literal thing, so work with me) worth his salt must have read and understood the relevance of such a work, or at least one particular aspect of it. Hmm, never heard of it. Now, I could have just said, "He is, obviously, wrong! I am a solid Christian and I have heard of no such thing." And, as well justified as that may have been, or not, I decided to simply investigate. Why argue when you can read. Reading has something I have been lax about for far too many years. Even if I once had legions of classics, both secular, scientifice, religious, historic, and philosophical under my belt, the benefits have surely faded due to decades of disuse. Some vague senses of what I gained remain. My vocabulary is still reasonably above average. But something is missing.
Beyond C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy, I ordered the 7 books (7, I did not remember that many) Chronicles of Narnia, a series of other of his writings, and perhaps something else by him. Then I got into G.K. Chesterton. I ordered "Orthodoxy", "Heritics", "What Is Wrong With the World", and perhaps another if it is on backorder. I also, finally, created a wishlist. I am not sure how such a thing works, or if it will be valuable or useful. And I was able to name it by my common internet name, much to my small joy. I have the works of St. Thomas Aquinas, Chesterton's (one of them) books regarding Aquinas, and some study bibles that fit my nature.
It was not as costly as I have always worried. I could actually have received the rosary material free, but my guilt nature simply would not allow it. Now I have some reading to do! I will also be adding some of the books D.C. and others recommend to my wish list. I need to see how quickly I can read anymore. It took a MONTH to read the bible, for heavens sakes. How long these books will take to read causes trepidation after that. I best be to finding my dictionary as well, and perhaps investing in one which is more geared to religious notions. As well, there are some tomes, texts, and other resource materials which I would like to gain for my library, mostly pertaining to religion and Catholicism.
This, however, should cover my extra reading, aside from the potential requirements of course studies. I had thanked Vox for the challenge he, if not directly, set forth in his responses to an atheist regarding my faith and understanding of it. Maybe I will, some time in the future, drop him a note to let him now what a little incentive does. Bah, he will just say, and? Ha!
.
With the help of one of my fellow bloggers (thanks Christine), I have started on my path toward learning the rosary. I know, it is simple enough. I know, even a child can do it. I know lots of things. One of the things that I also know is that I have to do some things a certain way and that is all. To that end, I have ordered a recording of the rosary with a book to go with it. I have a rosary, it has been blessed, it fits my bear paws, and it fits my aesthetic senses. I have had it fully ready for years now. That is how things go. Time taken for this, stolen for that, used over here, and wasted there. Everything has a time, and this is the time for this. Shush!
I also went to Amazon for a few things and bought a few others. Chesterton has been on my mind. And, Vox brought up, in a recent debate, a book I was not familiar with. He indicated that ANY Christian (this is my take, not a literal thing, so work with me) worth his salt must have read and understood the relevance of such a work, or at least one particular aspect of it. Hmm, never heard of it. Now, I could have just said, "He is, obviously, wrong! I am a solid Christian and I have heard of no such thing." And, as well justified as that may have been, or not, I decided to simply investigate. Why argue when you can read. Reading has something I have been lax about for far too many years. Even if I once had legions of classics, both secular, scientifice, religious, historic, and philosophical under my belt, the benefits have surely faded due to decades of disuse. Some vague senses of what I gained remain. My vocabulary is still reasonably above average. But something is missing.
Beyond C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy, I ordered the 7 books (7, I did not remember that many) Chronicles of Narnia, a series of other of his writings, and perhaps something else by him. Then I got into G.K. Chesterton. I ordered "Orthodoxy", "Heritics", "What Is Wrong With the World", and perhaps another if it is on backorder. I also, finally, created a wishlist. I am not sure how such a thing works, or if it will be valuable or useful. And I was able to name it by my common internet name, much to my small joy. I have the works of St. Thomas Aquinas, Chesterton's (one of them) books regarding Aquinas, and some study bibles that fit my nature.
It was not as costly as I have always worried. I could actually have received the rosary material free, but my guilt nature simply would not allow it. Now I have some reading to do! I will also be adding some of the books D.C. and others recommend to my wish list. I need to see how quickly I can read anymore. It took a MONTH to read the bible, for heavens sakes. How long these books will take to read causes trepidation after that. I best be to finding my dictionary as well, and perhaps investing in one which is more geared to religious notions. As well, there are some tomes, texts, and other resource materials which I would like to gain for my library, mostly pertaining to religion and Catholicism.
This, however, should cover my extra reading, aside from the potential requirements of course studies. I had thanked Vox for the challenge he, if not directly, set forth in his responses to an atheist regarding my faith and understanding of it. Maybe I will, some time in the future, drop him a note to let him now what a little incentive does. Bah, he will just say, and? Ha!
Aha! So that is the problem.
.
.
Well, maybe not the problem. But it makes sense. I have gotten this before, from official testing, but thought to do one of those silly online tests to see if it still held water. It appears that I am still an INTJ personality type. What does that mean? I have a link and the beginning of the article below.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
And, it probably does cause difficulties when dealing with certain other types, especially those who live in the feminine... I mean feeling. Ha! I am a doubting Thomas. Though if you remember rightly, Christ did not beset Thomas and toss him out. There are reasons to doubt and their is a need for doubt. If too, their is a need for faith. It seems we might just have those two in some odd order. Then again, everybody does, they are just disordered differently. So there. :p
I am not sure if we can change what we are, how much our own actions create these patterns, how much is genetics, or how much the outside world plays a part. I only know that I would have it no other way, for my part. We seem to be a small minority, 1 percenters if you believe the writings. Which probably puts us out socially. I do not think it is necessarily geekiness, it is more that we go too deep in conversations and possibilities so that we bore even those who love us to tears, regardless if we are discussing the weather, a motor, or our relationship with our mother. And, we plan. Though the best planners among us know that a plan is a piece of paper we hold as we leave a building and head out into a hurricane. That paper IS important, but uhm, liable to change... significantly. All said and done, that is the way of it. I am comfortable with that.
Given this, I think one might now understand why being plagued by exhaustion, no matter how much it "pays", is anathema to me. It is why I keep looking for the source and a fix. My illness to me is like a programming bug to one like me who programs. The human mind and body are just a bit more complex and I really do not have the expertise to find the problem organically. As an engineering type, however, I realize I do not need to find the exact cause nor an exact fix for it, if I can find the major difficulties and find simpler means of avoiding, fixing, or rendering those problems otherwise nonbinding. There is even a possibility of using the problems themselves as positives, much the way scientists not only learned to overcome gravity but learned to use that as a source of propulsion. I am, well, still working on it. Frustrating to be sure.
Oh, if you are curious, you may go here to find out for yourself. I am not sure how accurate these online tests are. As I said, this only confirms two or three other "official" tests I have taken. If you end up being the nose picking village idiot type, do not even look at me cross-eyed (unless, of course, you are cross-eyed, for which I make some exceptions).
.
Well, maybe not the problem. But it makes sense. I have gotten this before, from official testing, but thought to do one of those silly online tests to see if it still held water. It appears that I am still an INTJ personality type. What does that mean? I have a link and the beginning of the article below.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
Profile: INTJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 27 Feb 2005
To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.
INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.
---------------------------------------------------------------And, it probably does cause difficulties when dealing with certain other types, especially those who live in the feminine... I mean feeling. Ha! I am a doubting Thomas. Though if you remember rightly, Christ did not beset Thomas and toss him out. There are reasons to doubt and their is a need for doubt. If too, their is a need for faith. It seems we might just have those two in some odd order. Then again, everybody does, they are just disordered differently. So there. :p
I am not sure if we can change what we are, how much our own actions create these patterns, how much is genetics, or how much the outside world plays a part. I only know that I would have it no other way, for my part. We seem to be a small minority, 1 percenters if you believe the writings. Which probably puts us out socially. I do not think it is necessarily geekiness, it is more that we go too deep in conversations and possibilities so that we bore even those who love us to tears, regardless if we are discussing the weather, a motor, or our relationship with our mother. And, we plan. Though the best planners among us know that a plan is a piece of paper we hold as we leave a building and head out into a hurricane. That paper IS important, but uhm, liable to change... significantly. All said and done, that is the way of it. I am comfortable with that.
Given this, I think one might now understand why being plagued by exhaustion, no matter how much it "pays", is anathema to me. It is why I keep looking for the source and a fix. My illness to me is like a programming bug to one like me who programs. The human mind and body are just a bit more complex and I really do not have the expertise to find the problem organically. As an engineering type, however, I realize I do not need to find the exact cause nor an exact fix for it, if I can find the major difficulties and find simpler means of avoiding, fixing, or rendering those problems otherwise nonbinding. There is even a possibility of using the problems themselves as positives, much the way scientists not only learned to overcome gravity but learned to use that as a source of propulsion. I am, well, still working on it. Frustrating to be sure.
Oh, if you are curious, you may go here to find out for yourself. I am not sure how accurate these online tests are. As I said, this only confirms two or three other "official" tests I have taken. If you end up being the nose picking village idiot type, do not even look at me cross-eyed (unless, of course, you are cross-eyed, for which I make some exceptions).
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sleep is still a bit odd.
.
.
I am sleeping in more regular cycles again though. Trying to regulate the temperature is difficult. Even having the air on over night, the coolest I could get it was 78 F. Still, I am able to sleep one long and maybe one short period and stay awake fairly long periods. As well, I am getting up early, if a bit too early, and staying up until early evening with a nap in there somewhere.
Today is a good day to do something. My ex-neighbor called last night and said his 9mm was fixed. The springs he ordered came in. So, he wants to go shooting. Oh, fine. I suppose. Ha! I am going to pick up some more .45 ammunition, take my .22 Henry, and perhaps my .22 pistol. It is cool enough without being cold so that we might be able to get some good long shooting time in. I will be setting up my target as well. Now that the Henry is on target, I need to practice practice practice.
Afterward, I believe I will go to a steak house closer to home. I will, again, buy for my ex-neighbor. Maybe I should nickname him Grumpy. He is, but so am I. He is just better at it. Eggs at a window, ha! I will not tell him I think it is funny, he does not need ANY encouragement. He said he has been putting on weight since meeting me. I have been losing. It balances well. He could use another 20 pounds, and I could lose about that much. So, to a good supper again we will go.
I may drive him around a bit today, if he needs that. And I might stop into the store myself as well. He says he is not cooking as much, because he does not have a hood over his stove. But honestly, I am a little worried he is merely holding back because he is not sure about some upcoming potentially expensive bills. If that is the case, I will grab some stuff for him too. Nothing big, eggs, sausage, pork chops, bread, milk, and some hamburger. The rest he has.
Oh, I best call my lady friend. I need to buy her tickets, and she wants to be on the phone to make sure I get the right times for leaving and returning, while I try and get the best price. She just wants to be a part of it, I think, and I have been known to make little tiny errors, like the day and such. So picky. I did speak to my mother yesterday morning. She had been meaning to call me that morning so it worked out. It seems she will be heading to Texas, to help my brother a bit, after their move and his back surgery. It seems his house was taken over by bees. They were not killer bees at least. It should be settled by the time she arrives. It is probably settled already.
I really have to begin packing things over to storage. I have until the 28th of this month. Well, I actually probably could move in before that or after that, by a week if I really wanted. And, actually, I am hoping to be ready a little early. So, getting weights, boxes, and some other equipment into storage is a high priority. Better to do it over a couple of weeks than to try and do it in a few days. That is brutal. I am quite looking forward to my own place, and a decent place, garage and privacy and all. Oh, and enough room to do beans and rice and other real cooking as well.
I have been eating a good deal of beans and rice. The problem is I do not have the room to cook more than a bit at a time. I lack serious storage for it, as well, once it is cooked. I do enjoy it, what I can do here. I warm it in a skillet, adding a bit of milk or water to freshen it. I have used cheese from time to time, but usually I eat it as is, though with salt. I use little salt in the beans when cooking (have to have some in there, really), but no salt in the rice. It certainly is not ribeye, but it would do quite well for a significant period of time. Throwing in vegetables is my next area of experimentation. I think broccoli, carrots, and maybe spinach would be good. Peas are added legumes, so really a bit much, cauliflower just does not seem right, but I am considering what else to add. For meats, I want to get smoked pork meat bones. Enough meat to scrape off into the mix and a good bone to lend flavor. I am not sure most other meats would lend themselves well to the mix. Hmm, bacon? Not so much I think.
I ought to get in the shower. I am sure Grumpy will be calling soon. It would be good to surprise him and actually be ready for once. He is so cynical at times, but so smooth about it that often I do not even realize he just got me... for a bit. Remember those two old guys from the Muppets? If so, you get the picture. He is actually usually pretty happy though. He just is not sure he should be and is pretty confident about what about being happy is not to his liking. Man, I thought I was good. It is nice to be learning from teh master. Ha!
Well, time to move out.
.
I am sleeping in more regular cycles again though. Trying to regulate the temperature is difficult. Even having the air on over night, the coolest I could get it was 78 F. Still, I am able to sleep one long and maybe one short period and stay awake fairly long periods. As well, I am getting up early, if a bit too early, and staying up until early evening with a nap in there somewhere.
Today is a good day to do something. My ex-neighbor called last night and said his 9mm was fixed. The springs he ordered came in. So, he wants to go shooting. Oh, fine. I suppose. Ha! I am going to pick up some more .45 ammunition, take my .22 Henry, and perhaps my .22 pistol. It is cool enough without being cold so that we might be able to get some good long shooting time in. I will be setting up my target as well. Now that the Henry is on target, I need to practice practice practice.
Afterward, I believe I will go to a steak house closer to home. I will, again, buy for my ex-neighbor. Maybe I should nickname him Grumpy. He is, but so am I. He is just better at it. Eggs at a window, ha! I will not tell him I think it is funny, he does not need ANY encouragement. He said he has been putting on weight since meeting me. I have been losing. It balances well. He could use another 20 pounds, and I could lose about that much. So, to a good supper again we will go.
I may drive him around a bit today, if he needs that. And I might stop into the store myself as well. He says he is not cooking as much, because he does not have a hood over his stove. But honestly, I am a little worried he is merely holding back because he is not sure about some upcoming potentially expensive bills. If that is the case, I will grab some stuff for him too. Nothing big, eggs, sausage, pork chops, bread, milk, and some hamburger. The rest he has.
Oh, I best call my lady friend. I need to buy her tickets, and she wants to be on the phone to make sure I get the right times for leaving and returning, while I try and get the best price. She just wants to be a part of it, I think, and I have been known to make little tiny errors, like the day and such. So picky. I did speak to my mother yesterday morning. She had been meaning to call me that morning so it worked out. It seems she will be heading to Texas, to help my brother a bit, after their move and his back surgery. It seems his house was taken over by bees. They were not killer bees at least. It should be settled by the time she arrives. It is probably settled already.
I really have to begin packing things over to storage. I have until the 28th of this month. Well, I actually probably could move in before that or after that, by a week if I really wanted. And, actually, I am hoping to be ready a little early. So, getting weights, boxes, and some other equipment into storage is a high priority. Better to do it over a couple of weeks than to try and do it in a few days. That is brutal. I am quite looking forward to my own place, and a decent place, garage and privacy and all. Oh, and enough room to do beans and rice and other real cooking as well.
I have been eating a good deal of beans and rice. The problem is I do not have the room to cook more than a bit at a time. I lack serious storage for it, as well, once it is cooked. I do enjoy it, what I can do here. I warm it in a skillet, adding a bit of milk or water to freshen it. I have used cheese from time to time, but usually I eat it as is, though with salt. I use little salt in the beans when cooking (have to have some in there, really), but no salt in the rice. It certainly is not ribeye, but it would do quite well for a significant period of time. Throwing in vegetables is my next area of experimentation. I think broccoli, carrots, and maybe spinach would be good. Peas are added legumes, so really a bit much, cauliflower just does not seem right, but I am considering what else to add. For meats, I want to get smoked pork meat bones. Enough meat to scrape off into the mix and a good bone to lend flavor. I am not sure most other meats would lend themselves well to the mix. Hmm, bacon? Not so much I think.
I ought to get in the shower. I am sure Grumpy will be calling soon. It would be good to surprise him and actually be ready for once. He is so cynical at times, but so smooth about it that often I do not even realize he just got me... for a bit. Remember those two old guys from the Muppets? If so, you get the picture. He is actually usually pretty happy though. He just is not sure he should be and is pretty confident about what about being happy is not to his liking. Man, I thought I was good. It is nice to be learning from teh master. Ha!
Well, time to move out.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Rumblings from the dark.
.
.
After reading this article (it is very long but worth the read if you believe in capitalism and would like to see an example of how it can and does work), I started remember something I have said before. And, it became clearer. Oh, and I am stealing this link from the Goomba News Network.
I have always believed that Christianity and capitalism, not to be confused with corporatism which is another form of socialism, have a direct link both among men and in accordance with the will of God as has been written in and out of the bible. This article certainly shows what happens when men decide to be free men and to work for gain. It also shows what happens when they sit and wait to be given what they get. It is, by far, easier to give up great hope, in attempt to be shielded from great loss, for meager beans. It is also a death sentence waiting to happen. For whoever is giving you beans, in the end, will always become a bean counter. And, to that end, the beans will become more valuable than those who receive them. And beyond that, by becoming the lord of economics, any centralized planner will surely fail to be able to produce the beans. Governments are terrible about production, especially when the workers gain nothing by working harder except derision.
I see more and more clearly why capitalism is the enemy of those who support socialism and communism. It has nothing to do with the greed of capitalists. It is that very greed which ensures all near it gain. Even the greediest man can see his folly at some point and change. No government ever has by choice. It is the fact that capitalists are able to usurp power, and spread it to other non-government forces, right down to the smallest citizen. Wealth and power, in the hands of the many, in spite of the "evils of greed" is why such systems are anathema to those who seek to share other people's gains or create equality of outcome. And more, the attack on capitalism is, in a sideways or direct manner, an attack on God.
God did say, in a round about way, do these things and you will prosper. One might say he was the first economist. The sacrifices God sought were not a means of gaining for His own right if worship was sought, the sacrifices were very much a part of keeping people mindful of what they had, knowing they needed to give meant that they would tend to what they had more carefully, realizing the stock had to be in good order meant that keeping their herds (their wealth) in order was a necessary business plan, and offering some of that both to the poor and God helped them realize their place in the way of things. If you look at the mechanics of the system, it works. It keeps wealth production in order, it feeds the poor, and it maintains a humility about the wealth and the generation of it. One might even see how communists, thus socialists, have attempted to supplant God, in their ignorance and finally deceit. But God is not communal, He is King. This is the only thing they have right, if too, they must be lie about it. Humans become their sacrificial "animals", for the "good of the people".
I see, everyday, how the Godless wish to remove God and sit His throne. I see too, for millennia now, how this has always failed. The options when this occurs, for the most part, have been all of a weak tribal nature. They have taken the form of the mafia, to the zeal and corruption coming from socialism and communism. There has never been a successful revolution rooted outside of the inclusion of God as a mainstay and base for change. The one thing common with Godless revolutions is that the greed is real and absolute to the point of economic destruction and the privation of citizens in every manner possible. The stealing and misuse of all wealth and the production of wealth to the ruin of all, the corruption of the family as a social device and connection between people and between people and God, the disfranchisement of personal God given rights, and the attempted separation of man from God. The only thing to come from such works is murder on the grandest scales possible.
We are on the brink of, or past, this very precipice. This nation, which revolted within the will of God, is yielding to the evils of the rest of the world. The socialism, if firmly established, will only bring death and chaos. The iron curtain is descending. There is hope. God has always been on the side of those who sincerely choose Him, more so when their chances were slim and their numbers were vastly outnumbered by the enemy. He has indicated, even then, that it was not the people, but He who went forth. Our revolutionary forefathers were, as well, a minority and a successful one. All through the Old Testament, those few in number but rich in faith won the day through the hand of God and in faith. I am sure there are some powerful of faith still in this land. Christ showed us how One can defeat even death. Will enough remember? Will they act? What will I do?
.
After reading this article (it is very long but worth the read if you believe in capitalism and would like to see an example of how it can and does work), I started remember something I have said before. And, it became clearer. Oh, and I am stealing this link from the Goomba News Network.
I have always believed that Christianity and capitalism, not to be confused with corporatism which is another form of socialism, have a direct link both among men and in accordance with the will of God as has been written in and out of the bible. This article certainly shows what happens when men decide to be free men and to work for gain. It also shows what happens when they sit and wait to be given what they get. It is, by far, easier to give up great hope, in attempt to be shielded from great loss, for meager beans. It is also a death sentence waiting to happen. For whoever is giving you beans, in the end, will always become a bean counter. And, to that end, the beans will become more valuable than those who receive them. And beyond that, by becoming the lord of economics, any centralized planner will surely fail to be able to produce the beans. Governments are terrible about production, especially when the workers gain nothing by working harder except derision.
I see more and more clearly why capitalism is the enemy of those who support socialism and communism. It has nothing to do with the greed of capitalists. It is that very greed which ensures all near it gain. Even the greediest man can see his folly at some point and change. No government ever has by choice. It is the fact that capitalists are able to usurp power, and spread it to other non-government forces, right down to the smallest citizen. Wealth and power, in the hands of the many, in spite of the "evils of greed" is why such systems are anathema to those who seek to share other people's gains or create equality of outcome. And more, the attack on capitalism is, in a sideways or direct manner, an attack on God.
God did say, in a round about way, do these things and you will prosper. One might say he was the first economist. The sacrifices God sought were not a means of gaining for His own right if worship was sought, the sacrifices were very much a part of keeping people mindful of what they had, knowing they needed to give meant that they would tend to what they had more carefully, realizing the stock had to be in good order meant that keeping their herds (their wealth) in order was a necessary business plan, and offering some of that both to the poor and God helped them realize their place in the way of things. If you look at the mechanics of the system, it works. It keeps wealth production in order, it feeds the poor, and it maintains a humility about the wealth and the generation of it. One might even see how communists, thus socialists, have attempted to supplant God, in their ignorance and finally deceit. But God is not communal, He is King. This is the only thing they have right, if too, they must be lie about it. Humans become their sacrificial "animals", for the "good of the people".
I see, everyday, how the Godless wish to remove God and sit His throne. I see too, for millennia now, how this has always failed. The options when this occurs, for the most part, have been all of a weak tribal nature. They have taken the form of the mafia, to the zeal and corruption coming from socialism and communism. There has never been a successful revolution rooted outside of the inclusion of God as a mainstay and base for change. The one thing common with Godless revolutions is that the greed is real and absolute to the point of economic destruction and the privation of citizens in every manner possible. The stealing and misuse of all wealth and the production of wealth to the ruin of all, the corruption of the family as a social device and connection between people and between people and God, the disfranchisement of personal God given rights, and the attempted separation of man from God. The only thing to come from such works is murder on the grandest scales possible.
We are on the brink of, or past, this very precipice. This nation, which revolted within the will of God, is yielding to the evils of the rest of the world. The socialism, if firmly established, will only bring death and chaos. The iron curtain is descending. There is hope. God has always been on the side of those who sincerely choose Him, more so when their chances were slim and their numbers were vastly outnumbered by the enemy. He has indicated, even then, that it was not the people, but He who went forth. Our revolutionary forefathers were, as well, a minority and a successful one. All through the Old Testament, those few in number but rich in faith won the day through the hand of God and in faith. I am sure there are some powerful of faith still in this land. Christ showed us how One can defeat even death. Will enough remember? Will they act? What will I do?
Gotcha!
.
.
I finally realize what was causing sleep problems. Once again, it is simply too hot! The outside temperatures are between 50's and maybe up to the 70's outside for highs. They fall to the 20's and 30's at night. All give or take, roughly, but close enough. However, everyone has been adding coal to their fires. Inside, the temps have been in the 80's. It certainly is not my heat factories making this. What I have on for heat keeps my sleeping area about 60 to 65 F and the rest of the apartment around 55 to 60 F. My neighbors seem to like it hot. So... I am using my air conditioner to once again cool things. And sleep has improved. Too hot or too cold, and I have troubles. I had stopped looking at the thermometers, as I just assumed that would no longer be a problem and had figured out how to heat my apartment just so. I really cannot wait for the move. How I set the furnace through the thermostat is how it will be.
The trip was both fun and successful. Though we could find no large rifle or large pistol primers, we did find a ton of small pistol primers. I still have some large pistol primers, so that is good. Now my neighbor can reload much more easily. They were not selling whole boxes of primers, however, only selling them 200 or 300 at a time at the places we stopped. Between us, I think we bought 400 magnum small pistol (for his .357), and another 600 small pistol primers (for his 9 mm or his .357). I also purchased several .22 ammunition types. A few more boxes of that which I know I like, a box of 400 standard velocity by a new to me manufacturer, 50 rounds of .22 bird shot, and a couple hundred rounds of .22 short rifle which end up being subsonic in my Henry. He looked for 9mm bullets, but the only thing he could find came in a box of 5,000 and they would not part it out per hundred. If it were not for the difficulty finding primers, he might have considered that. As is, reloading 5000 9mm, with his cache of primers split between it and the .357, it would take him a decade to use that many bullets. So, no luck on that score.
I was finally able, on the way back, to order a ribeye steak from Maddox. Let me tell you, that was not a steak. It was a roast! And, beautiful! Juicy, good bite, beefy, proper fat, perfect. It is a tie between it and the other best steak I have ever had at a restaurant. The competitor was eaten at a very (very) nice restaurant in Ithaca, New York. The one thing I liked just a bit more about the Ithaca steak was that it had some bone left on the steak. I love gnawing on a bit of bone (and if I am a paying customer, in a steak house, at those prices, I will indeed gnaw!). The meat itself was truly equal. The difference, however, was price. I paid nearly three times for my steak in Ithica (no complaints, at all, mind you, just a note). I bought my neighbors lunch as well. Even with two meals and tip, I paid less than I paid for the Ithaca steak. Ha! Wonderbar, wondergood, wondernummy. Ha! I could not eat it all. I have become a bit smaller of gut. I just had the last 2 pounds of it (he exaggerates a *mite).
Then I tried to stay up a bit after returning to the cave. I did not sleep Tuesday night to make sure I would be sure to be awake for Wednesday's affairs, and perhaps to reschedule my days now that I figured the heat thing out (80 F in here, and I wondered why I could not sleep, or stay awake, or get comfortable!). I awoke at 3:30 or so this morning. It will make for a long day but I think with this new feature figured out, I should be better and a long day is good. So, perhaps, I am back on the gravy train. So many things to track. Temperature, food, water... things most people simply know and tend, things I have to remain conscious of because I simply do not have the physical to mental to spiritual connections most people have. That, my friends, is what my "illness" is. Nothing more and nothing less, I am simply disassociated. Which means I will fall again and again. Much like someone who has no sensitivity in their extremeties will burn, cut, and bruise those. My whole body is an extremity. And yet, for a time, a disciplined leper was able to live in the general population if he could tend his extremities. So too, can a dissociative, if he learns some discipline. Knowing does not cure, but it does allow opportunity that simply did not exist before.
I guess I always knew the above. I simply did not grasp the enormity of it. Either that or I simply refused to see it. Maybe I could not know it. Where I lived was not the right place to know it. With security issues walking down streets and selling drugs and urinating outside, being freefloating and disassociated in case pain happens so that I might better defend and survive makes tending that very thing dubious. Why would you worry about speeding if evil is rolling up behind you? It is only when you get where you do not need speed that you might consider the dangers of it. Disassociation was the better of faults. Here, not so much, so I may learn to lay my head down and to feel my body and grow into it again. Ah, that makes sense. Whether I will be able to come into my own, who knows. But knowing and having the security to do so makes life better.
Well, good morning!
*mite, might, bit, what?
.
I finally realize what was causing sleep problems. Once again, it is simply too hot! The outside temperatures are between 50's and maybe up to the 70's outside for highs. They fall to the 20's and 30's at night. All give or take, roughly, but close enough. However, everyone has been adding coal to their fires. Inside, the temps have been in the 80's. It certainly is not my heat factories making this. What I have on for heat keeps my sleeping area about 60 to 65 F and the rest of the apartment around 55 to 60 F. My neighbors seem to like it hot. So... I am using my air conditioner to once again cool things. And sleep has improved. Too hot or too cold, and I have troubles. I had stopped looking at the thermometers, as I just assumed that would no longer be a problem and had figured out how to heat my apartment just so. I really cannot wait for the move. How I set the furnace through the thermostat is how it will be.
The trip was both fun and successful. Though we could find no large rifle or large pistol primers, we did find a ton of small pistol primers. I still have some large pistol primers, so that is good. Now my neighbor can reload much more easily. They were not selling whole boxes of primers, however, only selling them 200 or 300 at a time at the places we stopped. Between us, I think we bought 400 magnum small pistol (for his .357), and another 600 small pistol primers (for his 9 mm or his .357). I also purchased several .22 ammunition types. A few more boxes of that which I know I like, a box of 400 standard velocity by a new to me manufacturer, 50 rounds of .22 bird shot, and a couple hundred rounds of .22 short rifle which end up being subsonic in my Henry. He looked for 9mm bullets, but the only thing he could find came in a box of 5,000 and they would not part it out per hundred. If it were not for the difficulty finding primers, he might have considered that. As is, reloading 5000 9mm, with his cache of primers split between it and the .357, it would take him a decade to use that many bullets. So, no luck on that score.
I was finally able, on the way back, to order a ribeye steak from Maddox. Let me tell you, that was not a steak. It was a roast! And, beautiful! Juicy, good bite, beefy, proper fat, perfect. It is a tie between it and the other best steak I have ever had at a restaurant. The competitor was eaten at a very (very) nice restaurant in Ithaca, New York. The one thing I liked just a bit more about the Ithaca steak was that it had some bone left on the steak. I love gnawing on a bit of bone (and if I am a paying customer, in a steak house, at those prices, I will indeed gnaw!). The meat itself was truly equal. The difference, however, was price. I paid nearly three times for my steak in Ithica (no complaints, at all, mind you, just a note). I bought my neighbors lunch as well. Even with two meals and tip, I paid less than I paid for the Ithaca steak. Ha! Wonderbar, wondergood, wondernummy. Ha! I could not eat it all. I have become a bit smaller of gut. I just had the last 2 pounds of it (he exaggerates a *mite).
Then I tried to stay up a bit after returning to the cave. I did not sleep Tuesday night to make sure I would be sure to be awake for Wednesday's affairs, and perhaps to reschedule my days now that I figured the heat thing out (80 F in here, and I wondered why I could not sleep, or stay awake, or get comfortable!). I awoke at 3:30 or so this morning. It will make for a long day but I think with this new feature figured out, I should be better and a long day is good. So, perhaps, I am back on the gravy train. So many things to track. Temperature, food, water... things most people simply know and tend, things I have to remain conscious of because I simply do not have the physical to mental to spiritual connections most people have. That, my friends, is what my "illness" is. Nothing more and nothing less, I am simply disassociated. Which means I will fall again and again. Much like someone who has no sensitivity in their extremeties will burn, cut, and bruise those. My whole body is an extremity. And yet, for a time, a disciplined leper was able to live in the general population if he could tend his extremities. So too, can a dissociative, if he learns some discipline. Knowing does not cure, but it does allow opportunity that simply did not exist before.
I guess I always knew the above. I simply did not grasp the enormity of it. Either that or I simply refused to see it. Maybe I could not know it. Where I lived was not the right place to know it. With security issues walking down streets and selling drugs and urinating outside, being freefloating and disassociated in case pain happens so that I might better defend and survive makes tending that very thing dubious. Why would you worry about speeding if evil is rolling up behind you? It is only when you get where you do not need speed that you might consider the dangers of it. Disassociation was the better of faults. Here, not so much, so I may learn to lay my head down and to feel my body and grow into it again. Ah, that makes sense. Whether I will be able to come into my own, who knows. But knowing and having the security to do so makes life better.
Well, good morning!
*mite, might, bit, what?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Working on the computer.
.
.
I have learned and am advancing regarding the computer. I have some doubts about whether I will be able to get through it all though. I am using Windows XP Professional, without any of the updates or security packages, according to winver. Though I do have some upgrade packages when I look through "Add or Remove Programs" in the Control Panel. Odd, as I am sure these were installed at one time. I have tried sfc /scannow, along with the XP disc. It whirred and hummed, and seemingly finished. That was it, there was no indication that anything was wrong or right, that it replaced any files, nothing. It simply finished. I also removed Office, then reinstalled. In spite of that, when I went in to MS Outlook to set up my email, it was as if it had not been removed. It was still set up as if it had never been removed.
When I try to open Internet Explorer, I get "The procedure entry point SHRegGetValueW could not be located in the dynamic link library SHLWAPI.dll". When I try to run MS Outlook, I get "The procedure entry point CreateInfoWindo could not be located in the dynamic link library MSOERT2.dll". When I open the Window securiy Center, in the control panel, all I get is a link to automatic updates, which is dysfunctional.
I have used Webroot Anti-virus with Spy Sweeper to look for infections, and I used Microsofts malware offering as well. Nothing is showing up. I have found that large chunks of the computer is locked from my access or dysfunctional. That I can access the internet is a minor miracle. I just wish the internet was more useful. As I said, most of the suggestions require risks, such as turning off my security software, which would be somewhat tolerable, for a short while. if I could turn on XP's firewall at least. Some suggest copying and pasting something into the Registry which would reset it. However, that is risky even if they were definitely offering help on XP, pre-security package. Messing with Registry is just something unwise at my level of computer use.
This is an old machine, with a 3.3 Mhz Pentium 4, 800 (I think) dual front side bus, 2 GRAM, and apparently running XP Pro, with no security updates. I cannot even tell which IE it is running as it will not even open, merely stating the above.
I am simply uncertain if this machine is mechanically/electrically broken, say the HD has dents in the wrong places. Or if the software is conflicting, say the security suite is not allowing updates, or allowed only certain ones making the OS simply not function. Or if the updates were not done correctly and that caused a problem. Online help, so far, has been a bust. Though I have learned a few things. Nothing that will help with a fix though.
I figured out why my ex-neighbor was not answering his phone. I had thought they installed it Friday. I guess not, they just installed it yesterday. Same with his t.v. He must have been going nuts. And, I simply thought he was busy or something. In any case, I will be picking him up tomorrow to see what is happening around the ammunition and reloading world. Who knows, we might run into some primers. I have bullets, if he needs those, for the .45 acp. But they are 230 grain, fmj, round nose. He prefers 200, 185 more, and round nose, but jhp more as well, when he can find them. He likes them light and fast, or whatever.
I have seen a computer shop downtown. Since I will be out, I might stop and ask them for advice. Of course, most shops I have visited would rather a.) sell a new machine, b.) strip and wax, or c.) wish you good luck and talk about the newest biggest baddest video board EVAH. Who knows, this is not quite Iowa City or Spencer. Both have their ups and downs but neither had technology upkeep as an up.
.
I have learned and am advancing regarding the computer. I have some doubts about whether I will be able to get through it all though. I am using Windows XP Professional, without any of the updates or security packages, according to winver. Though I do have some upgrade packages when I look through "Add or Remove Programs" in the Control Panel. Odd, as I am sure these were installed at one time. I have tried sfc /scannow, along with the XP disc. It whirred and hummed, and seemingly finished. That was it, there was no indication that anything was wrong or right, that it replaced any files, nothing. It simply finished. I also removed Office, then reinstalled. In spite of that, when I went in to MS Outlook to set up my email, it was as if it had not been removed. It was still set up as if it had never been removed.
When I try to open Internet Explorer, I get "The procedure entry point SHRegGetValueW could not be located in the dynamic link library SHLWAPI.dll". When I try to run MS Outlook, I get "The procedure entry point CreateInfoWindo could not be located in the dynamic link library MSOERT2.dll". When I open the Window securiy Center, in the control panel, all I get is a link to automatic updates, which is dysfunctional.
I have used Webroot Anti-virus with Spy Sweeper to look for infections, and I used Microsofts malware offering as well. Nothing is showing up. I have found that large chunks of the computer is locked from my access or dysfunctional. That I can access the internet is a minor miracle. I just wish the internet was more useful. As I said, most of the suggestions require risks, such as turning off my security software, which would be somewhat tolerable, for a short while. if I could turn on XP's firewall at least. Some suggest copying and pasting something into the Registry which would reset it. However, that is risky even if they were definitely offering help on XP, pre-security package. Messing with Registry is just something unwise at my level of computer use.
This is an old machine, with a 3.3 Mhz Pentium 4, 800 (I think) dual front side bus, 2 GRAM, and apparently running XP Pro, with no security updates. I cannot even tell which IE it is running as it will not even open, merely stating the above.
I am simply uncertain if this machine is mechanically/electrically broken, say the HD has dents in the wrong places. Or if the software is conflicting, say the security suite is not allowing updates, or allowed only certain ones making the OS simply not function. Or if the updates were not done correctly and that caused a problem. Online help, so far, has been a bust. Though I have learned a few things. Nothing that will help with a fix though.
I figured out why my ex-neighbor was not answering his phone. I had thought they installed it Friday. I guess not, they just installed it yesterday. Same with his t.v. He must have been going nuts. And, I simply thought he was busy or something. In any case, I will be picking him up tomorrow to see what is happening around the ammunition and reloading world. Who knows, we might run into some primers. I have bullets, if he needs those, for the .45 acp. But they are 230 grain, fmj, round nose. He prefers 200, 185 more, and round nose, but jhp more as well, when he can find them. He likes them light and fast, or whatever.
I have seen a computer shop downtown. Since I will be out, I might stop and ask them for advice. Of course, most shops I have visited would rather a.) sell a new machine, b.) strip and wax, or c.) wish you good luck and talk about the newest biggest baddest video board EVAH. Who knows, this is not quite Iowa City or Spencer. Both have their ups and downs but neither had technology upkeep as an up.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tecnhology can suck.
.
.
My newer computer, as I have said, is down. It is a Toshiba N205. It indicates the video cable is disconnected and goes no farther. I will have to get that in to some place soon. It has the only email access to my primary email. My old machine, what I am using right now, has a bunch of .dll problems. I could not get either windows email programs to work, so I tried every one of the top 12 free email programs (such as Thunderbird, Eudora, Mulberry, and which ever other ones also supported security required email accounts). Not a single one worked. So, I go to Explorer to try and do some things, since it is required for Microsoft updates and such. Guess what? It to has a .dll problem. So, I go online and try and track these things down. I found the software CDs for XP and Office, they are not helpful, as far as I can tell. I tried to take off and add some things, though in truth I am not sure how to do much that way.
Between people trying to sell something you do not know if you will need and fixes that simply do not apply (such as bad Microsoft security updates which are not on my system) to advice that is so complex Spock would probably throw the crap away and just build a new machine (out of twine, if he is anything like McGyver). The last time I tried to do this, I bought 4 or 5 programs, spending several hundred dollars, and, look where I am. I have thought about taking it in somewhere, though usually they just suggest wiping it and starting over. Or, signing something that says it "could be" hundreds of dollars and they might not be able to fix it either.
It is not like I am stupid. I have been monkeying with computers for almost 2 decades, as well. I simply am not sure what to do. I would rather do it myself. Finding a single source that is trustworthy and spot on has been, to date, not a successful search.
While I was running a check for malware, I attempted to take the Toshiba apart. I only succeeded in removing the battery, the power bar, a bunch of screws, and a couple of panels. I suppose I could have pried, but that is not wise without an idea of where best to pry. I could look it up, or try to, on the internet. As I have said though, quite often the internet offers bunk. As well, some people are quite willing to live with a broken up, questionably running, device, just to say they "did it". I am not quite that loose. My Mommy will not buy me a new one, no matter how big my puppy eyes get.
So, for the moment, I am flying a bit blind. At least, after a couple of tries, I was able to get comments sent to an alternative email address. But most of my business, and main contacts, go through my main email account. I will keep working. The one good thing is having my 20" (or bigger, cannot remember with certainty now) back. Compared to that 9", 10", or 11" screen, this is awesome again. The real schmeal would be to get them both up and going again. Then I would be cooking with oil.
.
My newer computer, as I have said, is down. It is a Toshiba N205. It indicates the video cable is disconnected and goes no farther. I will have to get that in to some place soon. It has the only email access to my primary email. My old machine, what I am using right now, has a bunch of .dll problems. I could not get either windows email programs to work, so I tried every one of the top 12 free email programs (such as Thunderbird, Eudora, Mulberry, and which ever other ones also supported security required email accounts). Not a single one worked. So, I go to Explorer to try and do some things, since it is required for Microsoft updates and such. Guess what? It to has a .dll problem. So, I go online and try and track these things down. I found the software CDs for XP and Office, they are not helpful, as far as I can tell. I tried to take off and add some things, though in truth I am not sure how to do much that way.
Between people trying to sell something you do not know if you will need and fixes that simply do not apply (such as bad Microsoft security updates which are not on my system) to advice that is so complex Spock would probably throw the crap away and just build a new machine (out of twine, if he is anything like McGyver). The last time I tried to do this, I bought 4 or 5 programs, spending several hundred dollars, and, look where I am. I have thought about taking it in somewhere, though usually they just suggest wiping it and starting over. Or, signing something that says it "could be" hundreds of dollars and they might not be able to fix it either.
It is not like I am stupid. I have been monkeying with computers for almost 2 decades, as well. I simply am not sure what to do. I would rather do it myself. Finding a single source that is trustworthy and spot on has been, to date, not a successful search.
While I was running a check for malware, I attempted to take the Toshiba apart. I only succeeded in removing the battery, the power bar, a bunch of screws, and a couple of panels. I suppose I could have pried, but that is not wise without an idea of where best to pry. I could look it up, or try to, on the internet. As I have said though, quite often the internet offers bunk. As well, some people are quite willing to live with a broken up, questionably running, device, just to say they "did it". I am not quite that loose. My Mommy will not buy me a new one, no matter how big my puppy eyes get.
So, for the moment, I am flying a bit blind. At least, after a couple of tries, I was able to get comments sent to an alternative email address. But most of my business, and main contacts, go through my main email account. I will keep working. The one good thing is having my 20" (or bigger, cannot remember with certainty now) back. Compared to that 9", 10", or 11" screen, this is awesome again. The real schmeal would be to get them both up and going again. Then I would be cooking with oil.
Something is off, again.
.
.
Other than Sunday dinner, I have been rather dysfunctional. Neither eating or drinking as well as I should be and staying up and sleeping in odd periods. It might be the heat and cool. During the days, when most are gone, the place gets a bit cool. At night, when people return, they all turn their heat up high... or maybe being in the second story, I get the residual heat they are not getting enough of therefore they turn their heat higher. Though I am beginning to think it is a sugar thing. I should not be able to drop blood sugar levels 150 or more in a few days, but it can and does. I was a little over 300 a few days ago. I have eaten at up to 4 meals since then. And, after sleep fasting for 6 hours after my last meal, I woke up and ate a drumstick ice cream treat. Then remembered to check my blood sugar. Even with the ice cream a half hour to hour before testing, it was only 180. Something is just goofy. I do think that whatever is wrong is physical, has something to do with blood sugar, and seems impossible to track down.
I have also noted that if I try to eat three squares a day, or even two, my blood sugar will not go below 240-280, period. It does not matter how well I attend the recommended diet. As a fact, if I try to go without sugar and carbohydrates completely, my blood sugars inexplicably go up. Moderation, of course, is key. A bag of Oreos or large bag of peanut M&Ms and my sugar jumps. I would guess about a standard sized bag of M&Ms (of any type), or the equivalent of sugars, every other day and I am good. And I need to watch carbohydrates, though two meals a week is not a problem. I have to wonder if my Lakota and Navajo genetics are simply at odds with my French and Spanish blood? Buggers, some wars never end.
As I have said though, I do what I can, when I can. So, when I can, I will. My kitchen needs tending heavily. It would make food prep a bit easier and quicker. Yeah, I can work in a mess, but it would be much better not having to do so. Laundry is still in the Xterra. At least it has been cool.
I have been tinkering on the machine, trying to extend my awake hours, working on next weeks Mute Monday, trying to access my email on this computer, and I received a call from a buyer broker today. We spoke a good bit regarding what I had indicated... size, acreage preferred, house style, location, price (up to $1k, all told (payments, taxes, insurance)). Then he offered some advice, a few recommendations, and let me know he would be happy to take me looking even well in advance and nearly recommended doing so. When the conversation was over, I remembered to put his name in my contact list. I did that three-quarters asleep but I think I did well enough. He will be sending me properties to look at. Well, if I can get email on this machine to work! Argh!!!!!!!!!! I... cannot... think... when I am... this tired! Figuring out email is ending up a nightmare. I have tried three different email programs (the one on here is broken, somehow and the CD to fix it is... somewhere in a pile of boxes).
Oh well, a bit at a time, when I can. Tomorrow I will attempt to get out. I would like to get a haircut and move more boxes and weights to the storage area. Maybe that will get me motivated to do laundry. Who knows. I ought to check on my ex-neighbor too. If I can sleep, or even get up. Afternoons would be good at this point. Anything but this rolling sleep wake sleep wake cycle that gives me 3 days within a day. Ha, I thought it must be Tuesday or Wednesday... maybe Thursday, by now. I get lost in the rinse cycle.
Hey, but I am still good. Just a bit mixed up. I have had worse. And, I am pretty sure, here, somehow, I am figuring things out. And, even if I do not figure things out to become functional, I will be in a better place to do things those few times I am able to do them. If need be, I think I really can be good with that!
Have a great day, or night, or morning, or what ever it is for you... Or me, for that matter. Blessings.
.
Other than Sunday dinner, I have been rather dysfunctional. Neither eating or drinking as well as I should be and staying up and sleeping in odd periods. It might be the heat and cool. During the days, when most are gone, the place gets a bit cool. At night, when people return, they all turn their heat up high... or maybe being in the second story, I get the residual heat they are not getting enough of therefore they turn their heat higher. Though I am beginning to think it is a sugar thing. I should not be able to drop blood sugar levels 150 or more in a few days, but it can and does. I was a little over 300 a few days ago. I have eaten at up to 4 meals since then. And, after sleep fasting for 6 hours after my last meal, I woke up and ate a drumstick ice cream treat. Then remembered to check my blood sugar. Even with the ice cream a half hour to hour before testing, it was only 180. Something is just goofy. I do think that whatever is wrong is physical, has something to do with blood sugar, and seems impossible to track down.
I have also noted that if I try to eat three squares a day, or even two, my blood sugar will not go below 240-280, period. It does not matter how well I attend the recommended diet. As a fact, if I try to go without sugar and carbohydrates completely, my blood sugars inexplicably go up. Moderation, of course, is key. A bag of Oreos or large bag of peanut M&Ms and my sugar jumps. I would guess about a standard sized bag of M&Ms (of any type), or the equivalent of sugars, every other day and I am good. And I need to watch carbohydrates, though two meals a week is not a problem. I have to wonder if my Lakota and Navajo genetics are simply at odds with my French and Spanish blood? Buggers, some wars never end.
As I have said though, I do what I can, when I can. So, when I can, I will. My kitchen needs tending heavily. It would make food prep a bit easier and quicker. Yeah, I can work in a mess, but it would be much better not having to do so. Laundry is still in the Xterra. At least it has been cool.
I have been tinkering on the machine, trying to extend my awake hours, working on next weeks Mute Monday, trying to access my email on this computer, and I received a call from a buyer broker today. We spoke a good bit regarding what I had indicated... size, acreage preferred, house style, location, price (up to $1k, all told (payments, taxes, insurance)). Then he offered some advice, a few recommendations, and let me know he would be happy to take me looking even well in advance and nearly recommended doing so. When the conversation was over, I remembered to put his name in my contact list. I did that three-quarters asleep but I think I did well enough. He will be sending me properties to look at. Well, if I can get email on this machine to work! Argh!!!!!!!!!! I... cannot... think... when I am... this tired! Figuring out email is ending up a nightmare. I have tried three different email programs (the one on here is broken, somehow and the CD to fix it is... somewhere in a pile of boxes).
Oh well, a bit at a time, when I can. Tomorrow I will attempt to get out. I would like to get a haircut and move more boxes and weights to the storage area. Maybe that will get me motivated to do laundry. Who knows. I ought to check on my ex-neighbor too. If I can sleep, or even get up. Afternoons would be good at this point. Anything but this rolling sleep wake sleep wake cycle that gives me 3 days within a day. Ha, I thought it must be Tuesday or Wednesday... maybe Thursday, by now. I get lost in the rinse cycle.
Hey, but I am still good. Just a bit mixed up. I have had worse. And, I am pretty sure, here, somehow, I am figuring things out. And, even if I do not figure things out to become functional, I will be in a better place to do things those few times I am able to do them. If need be, I think I really can be good with that!
Have a great day, or night, or morning, or what ever it is for you... Or me, for that matter. Blessings.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Dinner.
.
.
I was really moving slowly today. Nothing seemed to work right, from my brain to my computer. Watching the clock seemed futile, as every time I looked I was simply that much closer to being late and yet I did have to keep an eye on the clock.
My little computer seems to have a problem with visuals. It will not run. I tried to turn off some things related to it in the pre-set up, but then it could not find the OS. Oh well. I suppose I will have to figure out where to take it, or send it, for repairs. It should still be under warranty. I am using the big old machine, for now. With the desk I am using the screen is huge. That and having gotten used to a mini-screen on the notebook. I worked with it as much as I could until it was almost too late.
Then I rushed to undress, shower, brush my teeth, and jump into clean clothes. Hmph, half of my shirts have spots on them. Enough spots so that even I cannot agree to wear them. I will simply have to spend extra time washing and rewashing them to try and remove the stains. I am not sure what is on them, as I do not recall staining them when worn last, but oh well.
Dinner was very good, again. They have not used the soda siphon, but they have been researching CO2 cannisters, and trying to figure out if they need to search for food grade CO2. I think it is probably all the same, but I could be wrong. They are saving it for Hawaii, and passion fruit juice, so I hear it. And, CO2 being compressed, there is some consideration about how best to ship it as they do not think they will be able to take it even in check in luggage and shipping to Hawaii can be terribly expensive. I could not help them there, other than to agree that it is expensive.
There were four of us tonight, so it was a bit quieter. They had been discussing religion, and so I asked if they are Mormon. Not, as it turns out, or religious at all. They indicated they are typical academics with no faith as such. I had been curious. When we got to speaking about blogging, I fibbed a bit. But that happens. I have had my blogging become known, and to bad ends, within academic circles before and would just rather not go through that again. Still, I do wonder if they already know. It is difficult to know.
I did suggest that I would like to figure out how to carry on with meals on Sunday. The hostess suggested that it was a pleasant thing to do, and ensured she at least kept the place up a bit more. I had thought of that and agreed. And, a homecooked meal once a week at least, seems like a good plan. If some of the other people who show up once in a while would want to do something like that, I might ask them to offer suggestions. I can do most beef meals, roasted or fried chicken, some pork meals, shrimp, and things like that. Though sides and planning, well, it has been a while since I cooked full meals. Both the challenge and the company, plus the call to keep the place up, would all be worth the effort.
I think they chuckle a bit at my idea of owning a more secluded place, with horses, and maybe goats. For people who believe yesterday, becomes today, which will become tomorrow without end or problems, it must be humorous. I understand that and take zero offense. Much like my last landlord, who when he found out I had purchased an AK-47 suggested quite cynically, I am sure THAT will come in handy. I thought about suggesting that if it is never needed, all the better, but if it is needed at some point, nothing could replace it (or it's ilk). But some people simply cannot or will not understand until they are broken and on their knees. I saw him go from being a fairly comfortably set retiree to being very afraid he might be living on beans and rice in only a few years. His wife continues to work because they cannot afford to have her quit. He, I think, would like to go back to work as well (not really, merely for financial considerations) but I think it would be a bit much in schooling and some other things at this time.
Yeah, if life gets very hard, a lot of people are going to be more than just a little worried. The baby boomers who are retired and thought money was enough are finding out that both the worth of the dollar and the value of stocks are becoming a fiction. Their house is not worth the million it was supposed to be worth by now. It is not even worth what they paid for it. Nothing is going right, but by (little g) god, they will have medical care! They have no clue. And they are finding out that voting does not do them much good either. Their feel good vote is going to break them and give people who have never worked insurance while merely eating up what is left of what they thought was their secure future. And at their age, there is little they can do to change anything. I do worry about the old, especially those with few, or worse no, children. Yes, that is getting close to including me. The only cure the state has is euthenasia.
Time to get to bed and try and be up early. Sleep should be pleasant tonight. I have not done very much today, but I have been pushing to be awake when I can. Tomorrow I will get back with my neighbor about the rifle trip, probably pick him up for coffee somewhere, and see if he wants or needs to do anything. Another day at the range would be good. Oh, and I best do laundry and clean the place up a bit. I have been sliding.
Sleep well.
.
I was really moving slowly today. Nothing seemed to work right, from my brain to my computer. Watching the clock seemed futile, as every time I looked I was simply that much closer to being late and yet I did have to keep an eye on the clock.
My little computer seems to have a problem with visuals. It will not run. I tried to turn off some things related to it in the pre-set up, but then it could not find the OS. Oh well. I suppose I will have to figure out where to take it, or send it, for repairs. It should still be under warranty. I am using the big old machine, for now. With the desk I am using the screen is huge. That and having gotten used to a mini-screen on the notebook. I worked with it as much as I could until it was almost too late.
Then I rushed to undress, shower, brush my teeth, and jump into clean clothes. Hmph, half of my shirts have spots on them. Enough spots so that even I cannot agree to wear them. I will simply have to spend extra time washing and rewashing them to try and remove the stains. I am not sure what is on them, as I do not recall staining them when worn last, but oh well.
Dinner was very good, again. They have not used the soda siphon, but they have been researching CO2 cannisters, and trying to figure out if they need to search for food grade CO2. I think it is probably all the same, but I could be wrong. They are saving it for Hawaii, and passion fruit juice, so I hear it. And, CO2 being compressed, there is some consideration about how best to ship it as they do not think they will be able to take it even in check in luggage and shipping to Hawaii can be terribly expensive. I could not help them there, other than to agree that it is expensive.
There were four of us tonight, so it was a bit quieter. They had been discussing religion, and so I asked if they are Mormon. Not, as it turns out, or religious at all. They indicated they are typical academics with no faith as such. I had been curious. When we got to speaking about blogging, I fibbed a bit. But that happens. I have had my blogging become known, and to bad ends, within academic circles before and would just rather not go through that again. Still, I do wonder if they already know. It is difficult to know.
I did suggest that I would like to figure out how to carry on with meals on Sunday. The hostess suggested that it was a pleasant thing to do, and ensured she at least kept the place up a bit more. I had thought of that and agreed. And, a homecooked meal once a week at least, seems like a good plan. If some of the other people who show up once in a while would want to do something like that, I might ask them to offer suggestions. I can do most beef meals, roasted or fried chicken, some pork meals, shrimp, and things like that. Though sides and planning, well, it has been a while since I cooked full meals. Both the challenge and the company, plus the call to keep the place up, would all be worth the effort.
I think they chuckle a bit at my idea of owning a more secluded place, with horses, and maybe goats. For people who believe yesterday, becomes today, which will become tomorrow without end or problems, it must be humorous. I understand that and take zero offense. Much like my last landlord, who when he found out I had purchased an AK-47 suggested quite cynically, I am sure THAT will come in handy. I thought about suggesting that if it is never needed, all the better, but if it is needed at some point, nothing could replace it (or it's ilk). But some people simply cannot or will not understand until they are broken and on their knees. I saw him go from being a fairly comfortably set retiree to being very afraid he might be living on beans and rice in only a few years. His wife continues to work because they cannot afford to have her quit. He, I think, would like to go back to work as well (not really, merely for financial considerations) but I think it would be a bit much in schooling and some other things at this time.
Yeah, if life gets very hard, a lot of people are going to be more than just a little worried. The baby boomers who are retired and thought money was enough are finding out that both the worth of the dollar and the value of stocks are becoming a fiction. Their house is not worth the million it was supposed to be worth by now. It is not even worth what they paid for it. Nothing is going right, but by (little g) god, they will have medical care! They have no clue. And they are finding out that voting does not do them much good either. Their feel good vote is going to break them and give people who have never worked insurance while merely eating up what is left of what they thought was their secure future. And at their age, there is little they can do to change anything. I do worry about the old, especially those with few, or worse no, children. Yes, that is getting close to including me. The only cure the state has is euthenasia.
Time to get to bed and try and be up early. Sleep should be pleasant tonight. I have not done very much today, but I have been pushing to be awake when I can. Tomorrow I will get back with my neighbor about the rifle trip, probably pick him up for coffee somewhere, and see if he wants or needs to do anything. Another day at the range would be good. Oh, and I best do laundry and clean the place up a bit. I have been sliding.
Sleep well.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ah, it actually does make some sense now.
.
.
Shamelessly stolen from Stacey McCain, from the Other McCain. Because, a.) he probably would not mind, b.) I think the ideas are things he might like spread, c.) because it helped me make sense of my blind, deaf, and dumb sense of understanding in the world today, and d.) because I really can be a clepto! Fine, I admit it. But, he stole it first! Ha!
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I feel better now. And, yes, it was like looking at a picture from a distance and not getting it at all, then having the picture turned the correct side up and being handed binoculars or something. I bet a lot of you might get the picture from this.
Fine, fine... I will try to go back to bed. It sounds like the frat brats have ended their Lord of the Flies rally, so maybe I can sleep some more. Oh, to those in the know... perhaps an apple in the pot would not hurt after all. hehehe Something is different in Utah. ...tiny bubbles...
.
Shamelessly stolen from Stacey McCain, from the Other McCain. Because, a.) he probably would not mind, b.) I think the ideas are things he might like spread, c.) because it helped me make sense of my blind, deaf, and dumb sense of understanding in the world today, and d.) because I really can be a clepto! Fine, I admit it. But, he stole it first! Ha!
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One of my fundamental beliefs about culture and humanity is that morals and folkways are subject to natural selection. You need not believe in sociobiological bilge to share this belief; you merely need to agree that some ideas confer advantages over others. The classic example is the Levantine disdain for pork chops; not a bad idea to avoid parasites in primitive Middle Eastern countries. It doesn’t matter how the idea of avoiding pork chops originated; people have weird ideas all the time. What matters is that the custom was useful enough, and it has been handed down to modern Jews and Muslims the world over. The reason for it is no longer true in the civilized lands, since trichinosis is no longer a problem in, say, America, but this is a very recent development, and in many parts of the globe, it is still a good idea to avoid pork. Culture and morality are machines for transmitting basic survival truths across generations.
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I feel better now. And, yes, it was like looking at a picture from a distance and not getting it at all, then having the picture turned the correct side up and being handed binoculars or something. I bet a lot of you might get the picture from this.
Fine, fine... I will try to go back to bed. It sounds like the frat brats have ended their Lord of the Flies rally, so maybe I can sleep some more. Oh, to those in the know... perhaps an apple in the pot would not hurt after all. hehehe Something is different in Utah. ...tiny bubbles...
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