Some days.

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Some days I simply feel intellectually inadequate. I ask stupid questions, offer poor comments, or realize old posts were simply foolish. I say things that must make any thinking human blink a few times and wonder if they just heard what I said correctly. I am not sure if days like these are moods or realizations or just days where nothing fits so nothing is going to please the rational aspect of my mind.

I do not mind being foolish, even by accident, so long as I may recover some semblance of self respect and not lose too much respect from those whom I wish respect. I am used to being foolish, both purposefully in play and accidentally in earnest. When wrong, I would rather be told such rather than to be allowed to simply remain incorrect, though I know I may not immediately or possibly ever see my error even if corrected. I do try to see it, I do make every attempt to understand, and yet often enough I fail.

The good days are great, however. When the stars are aligned, I make connections rightly, I see the figures in the patterns in a classical sense, and I push on through the unknown into a new understanding. That process is (if orders of magnitude less) akin to actual birth in the realm of the miraculous. I suppose if I never failed to think clearly I would not enjoy the times of good mental use to anywhere near the level that I do.

I find myself terribly embarrassed about my failings, personally and socially. The embarrassment is a sliding scale, sometimes no more than like realizing I have been running around outside and in businesses with my hair a mess to something more like somehow accidentally losing bladder or bowel control publicly. Today I would rate it as, perhaps, a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10.

I am not sure how I do these things, but I do. I am not sure why I do not quit while I am only a little behind, but I do not. So, for a while, perhaps a little longer, I have decided to try my very best to stay quiet and listen. I may post, but more just the doings of life. No comments, I am grounded. As the bible, among dozens of other sources of wisdom, indicate... Even a fool, who remains quiet, may be considered wise. Which tells me that even wise men are often fools, and abstaining from speaking itself might be wise, but that is not the point. I am not worried about other fools or wise men.

No worries, deeply. And, in time, I may have some chuckles over some things. But for now I am dissatisfied. A nap might help so a nap it is.

Have a great day!