Ok, so some days are not so great.

But some days are! I get into funks where I see the world as ending, everybody is against me (they are, but that is another issue:), and I have fears, doubts, and weakness. Goody, I am human. I really try not to spill that over, but as I think of things, sometimes I cannot stop them from rolling out. This, in truth, I regret. Even in these darkest of moments, I yet have faith, hope, and charity, even if these are not in evidence. And I would rather find a way to share these traits then my dark cloud.

Do I have certain fears, or taken from the emotional to the rational, realizations of serious potentials for doom? Yes, I see some things coming, already happening, and things that might be which are unnerving at best. But too I see hope for this world even in this world. I see people gift themselves, and their whole lives sometimes, to doing what they see is right. I see people killing and dying for goodness. And I see a whole world busy about life, delivering the beauty that is inherent in this very complex dance. A child born there, a marriage here, a graduation there, and little successes in people’s lives which allow them, and in a vicarious manner myself, to go on.

In other words, I survived my last snit with nary but a passing doubt toward hope. Yet, through the power of my words and emotions, I can and do harm others. This is not my intent. I suppose it is how I cry. I should say, it is another form of tears for me. I do cry, the big tears as Homer’s Iliad might say. Salty, bitter, bitter-sweet, and joyous droplets of life’s power roll down my cheeks. And, these I enjoy as an expression of my precious gift of life, love, loss, and ultimate hope. Yet there is a time for tears of all kinds, and a time to know when a crying room might be most proper. In the last post, I did not use the most appropriate venue for expressing my pain.

After my last post, I decided to rectify that harm with, hopefully, this gift of words. I wished to give people a hug, a rung on their ladder, a warmth, and really, love. Wherever you are, whatever your situation, find someone to leave warm and fuzzy in a true way. Do it often and any doubts or fears, unmet hungers and wants, anger, and hate fade into hope, faith, and charity. It might amaze you, but doing this will take care of all the rest. Blessings and kind thoughts.

Dreadful Notions

In the last week or two, I have been having a difficult time. Math is going fine, and I’m trying to dig into physics, which is fine I suppose. Yet, I get this feeling that time is slipping away. It isn’t the usual aging thing. I simply fear that change, harsh change, is in the air. I cannot put my finger on it, though there are things that come to mind. I just feel that something big is about to happen. As well, I have a feeling that the docile world scenery is not as it seems. Something down deep, underneath all the typical chaos of life, politics, and such as we understand it here in America is terribly wrong. No, it’s not the “Bush = Hitler” garbage. It is a giving out, giving in, or realization of an unfixable problem, a huge one. Every politician and wealthy “citizen” knows or feels it. They might even have some clues about what it means or how it will all come down. It’s a race against a clock that cannot be won. For some reason, it causes me sadness. Ah, perhaps I am merely slightly depressed. It is also not global cooling, warming, change, cooling, toxins, pollutants, etc. If that were even half close to true, Gore, Britain’s Royal (pain) Prince, and others would not be such CO2 pigs. As well, Kyoto would not have recommended taking CO2 producing plants out of the rich nations (where they are extremely tightly monitored) and sending them to nations where they aren’t monitored, while just allowing the fastest rising industrial nations to remain unaffected by constraints. Those two things tell me that the notion is fiction. But something has them going. Are they dancing on their graves? I don’t think that either, they are having way too much fun. Well, it’ll come to me (a bit too late, perhaps).

I am becoming tired again. Yes, the two might correlate, might not. It doesn’t always happen that way. I am back on medication, as well as a busy bachelor can follow a regimen. After speaking with my neighbor, it looks like geese season will begin the 20th, and I believe I will be going. Hopefully we will get a chance to target practice a time or two before then. On another note, he has brought up the idea of walking/hiking early in the morning a few times a week, three is his goal. Swimming would also be a thought, however, I have found it difficult to find reliable swimming times, especially early in the morning. Still, hiking for an hour could be fun, with some company. I need to get some exercise in, and I’ve always enjoyed the company of good people.

I have little else to say. I hope you find life simpler and less doubtful. I hope, in your doubts, you find succor. Should you not see the firsts and lack the second, I hope you can at least look inside yourself and find hope. Somedays that is all I seem to be, a walking bundle of hope with nothing of flesh. Still, it is enough. And, often in the tomorrows of those somedays, I laugh well and happily.