Pleasant understandings while waking.

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The world has returned to a cooler state.  While 75° through the night, until 8:30 or 10:30, yesterday, the cloud cover finally unleaded, which cooled the area.  It was down to 65° and pretty much stayed about there most of the rest of the day?  Perhaps getting up to the low 70s as a high?  Can't remember.  I took a risk, opening the house in the early afternoon.  It worked.

The house only got down to about 73°, front and main, as I recall.  Still, it was cooler and fresher than otherwise.  Upstairs got to 66° by the time I went to bed, albeit with both air conditioners and the fan running full blast.  Other than near me, it stayed about that temperature while I slept.  I must kick out a hell of a lot of heat, sometimes.

The cool is helping.  And, with most windows open and fans on downstairs last night, it was 67° main and front.  I am billowing off reems of heat, in waves.  I can feel it.  Dripping heat.  It raised this room two degrees since I woke an hour ago.  Odd, with blood sugar only 160 and medicine sort of pounding me into the dirt, to have massive heat outflows?  Burn...  Perhaps she visits...  She always had a way with me.

If

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Some things, then more, today.  Woke into early morning yesterday, and today.  Was awake into midafternoon.  Made calls, picked up mail, and was coaxed to depart for a bit.  Asked a question to which I already knew the answer.  Received an honest answer.  Didn't like the answer.

Unlike many, despite my feelings, neither reality nor the messenger receive rebuff.  No cause or effect is damnable.  What is, is.  However, what remains is how reality may be altered.  That is what is on my mind.  To begin though?  I have a few options before me.  The paths are, probably, exclusive.  The choice  will depend on what is possible.

I have about a week to choose.  If I can begin work, cleaning the place, that is preferred.  To dig in, starting today, with Sunday a very light day, then back to it Monday.  If I can rip through the kitchen and bathroom this week, I will hold off increasing medication until I have burned as much work out of myself as possible.

If I can't work, focus, push, then I will continue increasing medication.  Then, when seeing the light of day again, burn through work when possible.  I must admit, if just for a break from the true horrors of titrating carvedilol, I am hoping to figure out how to work.  That, as a lash, is a terrible thing.  So, yes, work... a week or two, at least three to five solid, every other day, with laundry, car keys, cats and ducks, and grooming mostly on the side.  Hmm?  Shut up.

 ;p

I have been taking medicine extremely well.  I lost track of diabetes the last few days.  Ugh, always something.  It is 160 fasting this morning, so...  When I get low on meds I get stingy with them.  It doesn't make sense, but logic isn't the whole of me.  Instinct and emotion have to be negotiated, trained as possible.  Though negotiation and training require higher function, which isn't always itself available.  I do my best.

Another shower this morning.  A trim and shave as well, it is hoped.  Then a few small loads of dishes set, a single load of laundry put through, and then the bathroom getting started.  The hope is to hit the head, from starboard to stern, forward to aft, and hit the dishes... probably resetting to another soak, and finish the single load of laundry, to folding and putting up, before any other plans.

If dishes can be finished and another small couple loads set, and another load of laundry set to wash?  Great.  But I have to start small and burn through to completion, or it just... or I end up lost, getting nowhere.  Yeah, I either work or medicate.  I'd much rather work, if possible.  Choices?  Not really.  Hope.  Later.

Not everything.

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Actually only two items.  However two of the more stressful items.  A call to SS Administration.  It took an hour to get through to speak with a Jamaican.  Sometimes... it... eventually the ideas got through.  Can't tell if foreigners are just screwing around language-wise...  What I was requesting was already in progress, or so I was told.  A request of information to the V.A. was sent again on the 3rd.  So... I just need to wait for the V.A. to send another request, then return it, immediately this time.

Then a call to the V.A., for insulin.  Not sure they are going to send it.  I would get it from my other doc but I don't have a pot to piss in.  ...  Well, okay, maybe so.  It will be sent.  Not sure how much.  Some is... more than none.  Nothing like spending two... make that three... hours of stress on the phone.  But done.

So exhausted.  More work this next week.  Car keys...  Shopping...  Cleaning?  Such.  Maybe.  Now for a shower.  Maybe a shave.  A cooler day.  Partly cloudy.  Was 75° at 8:30, down to 65° by 14:00?  Crazy.  Still 75° main and front in here.  But opening up makes it feel better.  Later.

Some sleep.

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With both ac's on full blast, it was down to 70° when I went upstairs to nap.  As I slept, the sun went down.  Even so, it only got down to 68° up there.  I think I am kicking out a lot heat.  That isn't all though.  At 22:30, when I went to bed, actually well after sundown, it was still 75° outside.  Waking at 2:00, it is still 68° outside.

I actually woke because I was too warm.  Almost hot.  I had hoped it would be cooler down here...  75° main and front.  The weather is... is this more normal just odd for the cold summer, or is it unusually warm?  I think it is actually normal.  If so, then it wasn't a little cooler this summer, but a lot cooler.

I am hoping to do some picking up, get a shower, then get back to sleep for a bit, while it is still cool.  I won't be able to do much... trash gathered and out, litter changed while at it, a shower and shave, then down until morning.  Ugh.  Too warm.

Difficult.

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Problems.

Too warm.  Strange weather.  Downstairs and up, it just won't cool.  While, I think it read 50° outdoors at night lately, all I could get it to was 73° inside downstairs.  Upstairs, during the day, with both air conditioners going as full tilt as possible, 72° is as low as it would get.

Through the last half of July and most of August, 66° was a common low both downstairs and up, 68° had become typical.  Only occasional ac use, and only one mostly was needed.  Now I can't get close.  And heat fatigue is setting in.  Heat sensitivity has returned and the world has become irreconcilably warmer for the moment.

Starting and upping the dose is part of the problem.  It is messing with diabetes and other things.  Strange how potent these medicines really are, carvedilol is the strong one.  The others don't seem to have side effects.  I am currently taking nearly 10 mg twice a day, and in nearly a week will go up to ~32 mg total a day.  Though, as mentioned, an uncle was on 5.xx a day.

I was able to make a few calls.  Family.  Brother and mother.  Tomorrow I am hoping to be up to business calls.  So tired.  In part meds, in part heat plus increased sensitivity.  Mostly the meds, I would guess.  The heat is just a contributing factor for now.  I need to find a way to cool off though, or it will become a bigger part.  I really have to cool off occasionally.  Not happened in days now.

Later.  Back to bed for a nap?  Going to try.

Almost feeling good.

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Well, first, I am almost awake enough to know the difference.  The last few days have seen that, the last two days have been better with that in mind on top of improvements in health feel.  Everything felt better and improved more today.  I don't feel like the world is closing in on me, crushing me.  Medicine is leveling back out.

Diabetes has been higher.  I am dosing to keep the average in the high 120s or low 130s, the latter this week.  I do suspect heart medicine messes with that until it all levels out.  It looks like I get a few days of improvement before I add my next, larger, dose back in.  Still, it is getting there.

Night and days are twisted.  But I have, pretty much, full if empty days and nights.  I keep considering work.  I'll... get to it.  The dream... dreams... tonight?  Of this her..  She wasn't a smoker, but it still fits.  Yes, she just is one of my favorites.  Just in the rearview mirror?

Someone has to have some line in, whether they know and understand or not.  They catch these things too well, before I write or otherwise express.  Friend, dame, or foe?  Women, each, can act as both.  Can?  Does.  There is a... reason, price, joy that goes with that.  Oh, yes.  Later.

How do they do that?

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Don't know.  Do... enjoy?  Enjoy?  Something.

Which way does it...  Never can quite tell.

Where do they even find these.  A fan, and I haven't seen these.



Meaning?  Simple or complex.

More.  An anomalous accusation?

I really do enjoy.  Just algos unlocked.  Still...

What a strange girl.

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Knows how to get my attention.  But she... can't stop it.

Late and early.

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Considering a 16:00 down time, a dark noon rising seems reasonable.  Add the starting and titration of meds plus a twenty... six... eight... or more stretch, and it becomes an early rise.  Yet, zero dark hundred will always be an early or late rise.  For my poetic purposes, adding opposites to the same ends, it will go late.

The grass is getting watered.  It really is doing well.  Not much rain recently, but it had been cool until a few days ago.  Something changed.  It isn't that it got hot, it merely snapped back to seasonal temps.  Which, even in September, is warmer than most of August, July, and part of June?  So it seemed to me.  No complaint, weather is and does what it is and does.  As with pain, in life, the options aren't as reasonable as simply accepting.  Besides, it is pleasant to have a bump of warmth before winter sets in.

It is good to finally have a real lawn.  The grass is really expanding.  I may add seed after mowing is done but before the first frost... or before frost really sets in.  Let it settle through the winter, under the snow.  These last few years, with a lot of help, has really seen improvement.  Now to clean windows, do more out there, spiffy up.

Blood sugar was really high again, considering a near fasting day.  At 175 it was better than yesterday 'morning'.  I truly suspect organs, besides the heart, really slow as the medicine slows the heart.  Until a bottom function is found, which won't happen until several weeks or months after topping out medicine, nothing will work as it should.  As long as I understand and have a way to treat the most serious issues, and can handle the pain of near failures, I'll get through.

I may take a nap in a bit.  After it get a few areas done.  Later.

Why the worry?

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If it's not you then think on it.  When have you been asked?  Potential inclusion here is rather scant affection.  It assumes you read here.  If you aren't interested, as suggested, you... wouldn't read or listen to the music.  I really think any problem you might have would, pretty much, be self inflicted.  Besides, aren't you wed yet?

It didn't stop there.

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I don't...  Well, it just is.  Can't always believe me, either?  Cheers.

Hello.

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A flood of new and old.  No visitors, according to blogger.  AI?

Visitors.

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Funny what is heard.  Belief?  No.  It isn't what she says.

Brutal. Harsh. Painful.

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At least I know why.  Medicine.  I just bumped It from 6.x to almost 10 mg twice a day.  My uncle, at two hundred at least, could only take 5.x a day total.  I picked up his medicine, noticed the same med, so looked at the dose.  My guess is most people can't take even half what I am taking.  Carvedilol.

It is absolutely flooring me.  I am sleeping so hard I don't roll.  While the cot is better than the floor, it isn't much better.  If I roll it works out okay, even, probably, now on the floor.  Without rolling I am in a milder agony.  Actually, I sit too much, without moving enough, as well.  Sort of a double whammy.

I plan to titrate up the final bump next week.  I suspect it will take two to six weeks before some level of normalcy returns.  On the good side, I didn't go six months without meds, and bp averaging 216/186 for that time.  And have to have my mother fly out to help.  I have limped through to get meds, keep up appointments, and get back on them.

Now, blood sugar was 196, for no good reason.  I am guessing medicine is playing havoc with organs and all.  I have medicine to deal with this.  It's just the idea that eating right, in weightlosing proportions, and the number is so high.  Frustrating.  Nothing to do but to keep at it.  Later.

Almost certain.

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Or just a flitting shadow of a woman once known?

Grilling then bedtime.

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I had other pork shoulders, want to try them before dismissing.  The last one may have been thawed too long.  Besides, other food will be grilled, so it isn't a waste.  I just hate to waste.  If I can't eat it, fine.  But if I can... only one way to tell.  Burgers, sausage, and lamb burgers, will also be going on.  Nothing fancy, but serviceable.

The cave is down to 71°.  Not bad, if oddly warm compared to how it had been.  It actually feels cold.  I will turn of the back fan when the meat is ready to go.  The grill has to be heated then cooled.  Worth the bother.  If I turn off the front fan, which pushes air out the front door, the places heats up.  With the back fan off, it stays static but seems warmer.  A strange weather has set in.

Blood sugar is staying reasonable.  I haven't figured out a tea replacement.  Though, perhaps, it doesn't need to be a total elimination.  Perhaps half a gallon of water and tea, a quart of on then the other, plus a quart of milk (already in practice, when remembered) and a quart of fatted coffee.  Still a lot of caffeine, but a start...

After dinner, bedtime.  I would already have gone to bed but I was hungry and remembered the thawed fresh meat.

Oh, I am going to begin tinkering with electrical.  I have lighting fixtures upstairs and outlets not working, as well as a gfci which I think is fake, or badly installed.  I have a good multitester, ordered a good clamp one plus a few tools and better leads.  I do need to track down a few other tools, to sort out the fuse box and a few other things, but... I am getting to things between when it is too hot, cold, and wet... it is hoped.  One success will lead to others.  Good night.