Yes, up late again.

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Things are just off.  I haven't been working, cooking is tricky, life is complicated... yet easy.  13:30, or so.  I got to the first part of chores quickly.  It was too cold to do the outbuilding rabbits, had to warm up.  The sky cleared, at least.  And, it is 22 F, so not terrible.  But there is a wind going.  It just shoots that 22 to heck.

I did get cat litter reset, and the girls fed.  I set up breakfast, and will have that before going out.  Not sure what to eat, but I'll fix something.  Brush my teeth, take a shower, and maybe... something...  I don't know.  New Years Eve already.  A good thing.  Was running low on everything.  It's not New Years that is important, it is that it is probably payday.

Dreams, of places, times, faces... mine, various, and your, theirs.  People from ancient lands and a week ago, visiting and talking.  I don't give them what they are, I only remember and perceive, sometimes wrongly, though I think more often correctly than otherwise.  I, generally, like people.  Even when I desperately disagree with them.  I don't agree with my mother, almost ever, to be honest.  And, sometimes she very much hates me for that.  Over time, though, I think she has let go of basing love on agreement.  While I have learned to love people, simply.

People won't be right.  Even when they are right, how they present, or operate, within that, is... often dubious.  Just... a thought.  Pray for your enemy, though if you have to kill him, do so.  Pray for him WHILE you are killing him, if you can.  I...always had the ability to pray, a connection sent to God, with a two way connection.  I pray, even while I have sinned, even while I act, and of course even when I am doing nothing.  

What I had once thought of as a beam of energy turns more into an... umbilical cord?  Yea... something like that.  I have been aware of it since childhood.  But, became embarrassed and tried to undo, or hide it.  Like all teens, and some of us who were teens before our years suggested it, we are... ashamed, and try to hide what we don't understand.  Eventually, I realized, God is here no matter.  So, I... just let Him in... or... allowed myself to see that truth.  Can't keep Him out.  Now, it is no disgrace, even in my sin, to have Him near, know He sees, ask Him to heal.  Even while sinning.

As perfect as I can do it.

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an half cup of raw whole fat yogurt and a cup of fruit.  Just one, not two as has been the thing.  Low blood sugar used to scare the dickens out of me.  But, then, I felt so horrible, and like I was falling.  Now, when it is low, I barely notice.  And, am calm while  treating it.  I don't seem to be dying.  Still, nothing to goof with, but...

Just the right amount.  And, given enough time to go up and come down to some level.  Blood sugar is 99.  All I could ask from it all.  And averages for the week, biweekly, and month are 102, 108, and 114!?!  Nice.  Yea, a couple of failed days made me wonder.  But, I... it happens.  Back on track.  Should be able to keep it doing well.

It looks like it's on to bed, now that blood sugar has cleared.  Oh, I missed one of my medicines today, pill type.  Just too late to mess with trying to get both doses in.  Just... won't stay up that late, or slice the difference that thin.  Damned dangerous games I play sometimes.  Not this time.

Goodnight.

Dang it!

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I took the same insulin amount I took yesterday, with a five higher blood sugar... 156 last night, 161 tonight.  And?  Blood sugar is 56 rather than 98, or 84, or whatever it was?  Bleh.  Which, also, means I have to eat something.  It won't be that storebought kefir.  That is going out.  But I could have a bit of the raw yogurt, and some fruit.

I did a second round of chores.  The food I left the tom, earlier, was uneaten.  Not tracks, in or out, earlier or this evening.  Yet, strangely, his food items, other than the bowl I put out today, were shredded?  It's actually difficult to kill a cat.  There was no blood, either.  But, something wild might be encroaching?  No... didn't see any tracks, of any kind, to or from.

There is a dog, two actually, who pass through from time to time.  Poorly fed, unleashed, and always considered a danger.  One of them is larger, large enough to take anything.  The other is smaller, a smaller collie.  Not as dangerous, but... even a medium sized dog can be a danger to animals.  I best not catch them on my property.  No other tracks, though.  And, none for a while.

I wonder if he is domestic, but gets out and doesn't get back in time to get let in?  The tom.  Well, maybe it will bring some peace to the owner, that he is fed and allowed, when stuck out on some night.  If he is black, or mostly black, you know who.  I put out warm food tonight.  If he eats it, I'll put out chicken tomorrow night.

I called my mother and brother tonight.  Talking with mother was good.  My brother has just too many things on his mind, in his hands.  He sounds miserable.  Though, with him, perhaps, it is better to have too many things to do than nothing.  Misery comes in many flavors, but being needed is... for some... the best misery.  All I can do is call, wish him good will, pray their way, and hope the best for them.

I have finally, or am finally, beginning to leave some of my misfortunes behind.  I'll never be more than a cripple.  But I can be a fitter, or less pained, cripple.  And I am heading that way.  Between medicine and food, the right foods and more tolerable medicines, and a few other things, I haven't suffered greatly in some time.

Oh, aches, pains, and sleep hiccups.  But, really, very minor things.  And it just past winter solstice.  That I am doing this will is very good.

Chores, a second time.  The temp reads 27, but it sure seemed colder.  So I covered the rabbits for the night.  Wet, seeming, colder than the temperature would suggest, breezes, winds, maybe gusts?  I was freezing while doing chores.  Still, finished all in one pass.  Fresh water, all had plenty of food yet, and covered for warmth.  It's what I can do.

Oh, I got super, just right.  Well, an half hour late.  But, that is why I do the four hour run.  So, if there is an overage, it... isn't a major issue.  It is still a bit difficult to get enough food in, even at the cut rates.  Well, though I am having to eat from time to time after hours, but blood sugar just... does that sometimes.  And, I am keeping to few enough calories that it is still below what I had been eating by two hundred calories, or more.  If... I wasn't losing even an ounce on that supposed deficit.

I got the cat litter cleared, several times.  Now to feed them.  Maybe a shower tonight?  Then on to bed much earlier.  I hope?  Bleh.  It is snowing, again again.  The neighbor son cleared the drive.  I'll try to be up and out tomorrow, to clear it myself.  if the plow still works.  It's hinky, and beginning to fall down.  But... maybe... it will last a bit longer.  Do one or two more winters before just being removed and gotten rid of.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Late to bed, late to wake.

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Only, recently, I am sleeping more like eleven to thirteen hours.  Just... the cold, the dark, the damp.  It's just getting to me.  All good, I'll struggle against it.  Failing that, I'll snuggle in.  I'll keep trying, to do what is right, good, clean, proper.  But, failing that, I'll do as best as possible.  So it is, finding myself awake at 13:30.  I don't even think bedtime was all that late?  23:00, 23:30?  So very tired.

I did wake, a few times.  I think at 08:30?  With some reasonable notion of getting up.  Then, here I am... in time more than place.  Oh, and I couldn't ever be sure when, or where, I was, when waking.  I don't think I was ever in Egypt, but I certainly remembered being there.  Though in times which were... different.

The old world was... pretty much the same.  Dry, dusty, in the old world.  Travel was long and dangerous... even for the rich and powerful.  Keeping an army bound, and close, was almost as dangerous as not having one.  Such... strange... thoughts, dreams, remembrances.  Oh, and if women think it sucks now, they have now idea of how it used to be.  Princess or queen, wife to the nobility, royalty, or merely wealthy... could be abused horribly, then when finished, sold into slavery.  Angry about a guy holding the door?  Or not holding the door?  You... have no clue.  If I think it's coming back around.  One thing to know?  If they truly cut energy, make it too expensive?  Slavery, hard, public, owned, slavery will return.  Those are the only two options... free and easy energy sources, or slavery.  Rome didn't do slavery because it was fun... it is a damned dangerous pursuit.  They did it because they had no option.  Funny though, it's dems and their types who want a return to slavery, they just don't put it in so many words.  But destroying cheap and easy energy is the way back to slavery.  I knew they never changed their ways.

Blood sugar is high, 161 fasting.  Well, and general high carb days, two or three in a row.  Ugh.  I think it was the storebought kefir.  A right, homemade, kefir, has carbs in the 1 to 4 carb range.  I'll bet that storebought is truly much higher.  They don't let it ripen, and then add stoppers to make sure it doesn't.  My bad.  I did start real kefir last night.  But from very old stock.  Not sure it will work.  Will, probably, run it through two or three times in an attempt to clarify.  If that doesn't work, I'll reorder starter.  Actually, I may reorder any way.  Compare, contrast.

My fear of using old stock, even if it partially revivifies, is that it won't have everything it originally had.  When I get it started, I want to keep it going from now on.  Had a good long run with it, though.  I really did.  I am just hoping it really does show as low carb.  Blood sugar will show it.  As would ketosis.  I wonder if I still have the keto pee sticks.  Though, if deeper into keto, it stops being a good tester, as kentones become taken up by the body, being used, so they don't show up in the pee.  Or... so it is suggested.  Still, I'd like to take a look.

Another shower, then maybe... something something?  Oh, chores.  Best get to those immediately.  Cats have been fed.  Will do their litter before long.  It really does last, pretty much indefinitely, as long as you take the bad bits out quickly.  Thrice a day, usually.  Sometimes twice, but at least as often I clear four times a day.  The only losses are due to clumping and poo stickerage.

Dreamed a cat died, last night.  He was a) a he, and b) looked nothing like Sam, but I knew I was dreaming of Sam dying.  And I cried and cried, even into waking flesh.  Who says you have to be gone to be missed!  Oh, on to a breakfast.  Chia, regular.  I know, I would have thought I would bore of it.  But, no.  I need to get back to eggs.  I have some, need to see if they are still good.  Would be super with bacon.  And, I have bread, I can toast, that is low enough carbs, and mostly fiber... as if that really matters, at least for me.  But, low enough total carbs, which seems required for me as net doesn't work.  A piece of that, twice a week, is fine.

I need to do shopping, but don't have money until payday.  Just a few meats, salad, deli meat, cream cheese, and... not too much.  On to my day.  

All good.

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No extra food needed.  I forgot my last fatted coffee.  Hmm, actually, I think I forgot to add cream.  I'll add some shortly, as I finish it.  Even so, blood sugar is at 94.  Usually, these days, I can lay a right smack on high blood sugar.  If I have to be lighter on the punch then before.  It's boosted by slow acting, a lot.  Good enough to sleep on, when I do, shortly.  Maybe a shower first?  So, if needed, I can get out tomorrow?  Even just to plow the driveway.  Maybe.  Ah, we have two more days of month left?  Okay.

I am hoping, within the week, to see if I can begin lowering slow acting insulin.  I have some hope that with all that is happening, I might be able to cut just a bit off.  With diet in better control.  I have fast acting to fall back on, if it isn't quite ready.  I want to get off medicine, but that will taking eating just about perfectly.  With, obviously, some slop in the mechanism.

I am a bit hungry.  Not... for food... for... something.  I had plenty of fats.  I have consumed plenty of water, fluids.  I figured out how to track that as well.  Trying for 64 ounces, but usually get that without issue.  Not sure that much is truly needed, but for a keto diet, probably.  Well, and with the water pills, that can drain a bit too heavily.  Balance.

Not a perfect day.  Not a bad day.  A bit late.  Wobbly, lately.  Both in the sleep and carbs department.  But, I'll settle it down shortly.  Yea... I think, first, I'll heat my coffee and actually add some fat.  That might help.  Then a shower, or on to bed.  Goodnight, sleep well, dream well.  Or at least have the screamingest heebie-jeebie of a nightmare!?!  It's how I prefer it.

Got it.

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All the calories for the day, in four hours.  A bit carby, I'll watch that next time.  But, as mentioned, as I get going, I don't mind pushing calories or fats or else a bit much.  It will happen until my skills improve.  Well, and what I can eat, while blood sugar is diving, isn't what I can eat all the time.  Yea.

Sardines, yogurt, fatted coffee, a pork chop and one leg of chicken.  Bleh, that is so very bland.  I couldn't finish it.  I'll be saving that for the tom, or Sam... maybe a bit to each?  Sam is absolutely wild about chicken.  Even when the meat is gone, she will rip and shred at the the bone.  Loves her chicken.

I checked with my mortgage company.  They are saying the county has received, and given them no issue, with my taxes.  Something is up, or I didn't understand the paperwork I received?  I'll see if I can find it.  Second notice even?  Though this county has a questionable controller in that area.  He seems to like to jerk people around, especially veterans.  I'll have to get this sorted.  To say he dresses like a dandy, is to say the least.  Going to get this fixed.  College town or no.

Blood sugar is a goodly bit high, 156 at this last read.  So I will have a little, very little, something something, with which to take a small dose of insulin... fast acting.  Yogurt, just... plain yogurt.  Yea, I like the stuff like that.  I have to be careful, these days.  I have become rather sensitive to it.  Still, it was a carby day, was yesterday too, and want to nip this in the bud... and be more careful going forward.  Easy to just put something in and not... pay attention to what it is doing.

It stayed around 24 to 25 most of the day.  Toward the end of the day it started snowing, heavily.  It was down to 22 last time I checked.  All good.  Though we might end up with... a bit of snow.  Three to four inches in a few, the first few, hours.  At that rate it can really pile up.  Not sure if it stopped or kept, is continuing, to snow.  Pretty, and light stuff by the looks of it.  Powder, not wet.  Pretty, a straight down easy snow.

Well, on to something something, insulin, night meds, then slow acting insulin.  Perhaps later, perhaps goodnight.  Oh, but I'd like to try to get kefir going.  If it doesn't work, with what I have, I'll order new next year.  :)  I love that.

Breakfast is quite late.

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Just about to eat now, at 14:00.  Just... couldn't eat until now.  Forgot.  Else.  I have to get it in by 18:00, to be in the window within the window.  I best hit it, but I am so not hungry!  Ugh.  I'm not sure, start easy, or hit the meat first?  What is left of the chia, then some yogurt and fruit?  Yea, I'll go that way.  Then have the chop later.  Plus some walnuts, or pecans, or brazils... or sardines.

Whatever I can get in and down, I think.  I'll just do what I can.  Oh... I weighed last night, before binging anyway.  I had lost 3.2 pounds since my last weigh in.  Which, isn't much over, what, the week?  five days?  Can't remember.  At least, and finally, seeing some weight lost was good.  Probably just water, though who knows.

Cold again.  Bleh.  I'll get in the warmer part of the house, eat something warm first, and do what else I may.  Good day.

Chores, right to them.

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It's still chilly out there, but I am feeling warmer.  It is up to 26 F, I suppose compared to 8 to 12, even 14 to 15, that is warmer.  Plus, no wind or air movement.  It was... rather pleasant.  I was able to do all in one go.  Plus feed the tom.  Just dry food this morning.  I'll take him, probably, the last of the deli meat... heated... this evening.  He does seem grateful.  He doesn't growl and his when in his corner, when he is there as I feed.  He doesn't show himself, but he doesn't cat curse up a storm.

While their waterers were frozen, they were much closer to being empty.  I think having them three quarter to half full, to start, allows them to get more down?  Quicker?  Or it just seems like it?  No, I am sure.  Now, freezing is supposed to take no more volume.  Which... has an objective truth to it.  But, when bottles are malleable regarding size... i.e. they can shrivel when frozen... the appearance of volume changes.  Well, no, it does actually change.  As the water freezes in these, they shrink inwards.  And, their objective volume is decreased.  So... whether actual volume changes isn't the whole of the issue.  Objectively or subjectively?  Aye.

Remember.  It's... the little things.  They don't make all the difference, but a penny earned is far greater than a dollar earned, when spread over a million, or billion, purchases, versus over ten or a hundred.  Scale, time, small amounts, volumes, small does beat mountains, a few grains at a time.  Amen.

Breakfast is on the way.  I do have one of the chops left.  And... something, something, else.  Oh, well, yogurt and fruit?  Sure.  The difficult thing, at this point, is figuring out how to eat enough, even at my extremely reduced calorie intake, to eat my calories in the time given.  I need to eat, almost constantly, to even try to keep up.  Though, it isn't the only metric.  Blood sugar... has to be monitored.

At this point, if I can't keep blood sugar high enough, despite eating as much as will fit in my face in four hours, I may begin... tapering.  Slowly easing back on insulin... slow acting.  I'll go down to 40 tomorrow, if I am still struggling.  And, then, after that, as much as it takes.  The one thing about all this?  I may need another vial of slow acting insulin per set, but may be able to get rid of two vials of the fast acting...  Not... a bad bargain.  And... that is assuming I don't end up needing far less of everything, all told.  

Though, unless I quit insulin altogether, the longevity of the vials limits how much a reduction would involve, as to needing less.  Whether I use half the vial or the whole vial, it only lasts 28 days from the day it is first used.  Limits.  Now, for my health, using half, or quarter, is far better than using the whole thing.  Nyet?  The maffs will get you.  *grins*

Oh... I was pretty sure who was suggesting so-and-what last night.  She... showed her hand.  Actually, I was thinking it was her.  So much so that I... thought of that very post for some very odd, peculiar, reason.  Now I know.  I just... can't believe how... very well I see and she can speak, even in my tongues.

Well, on to the day.  Good morning, afternoon, and day.

I was sure I blew it.

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I made a fatted breakfast, as well cooked two thick pork chops.  The problem?  I was only able to eat half of what I made.  And, what I made... wasn't going to modulate blood sugars up all that far.  So?  So I drank raw milk.  You know, that stuff is the original coca~cola.  It has it's purposes, of course.  But, for adults?  No.  Not unprocessed.  Fermented, in one form or another?  Sure.  But raw?  No.

I had between three and four cups of the stuff.  It was a hail mary, the last thing I had in me, on me, other than candies and tabs.  Which I sorely avoid these days.  I didn't feel bad, but I desperately distrusted going to bed with a 55 blood sugar.  I feared that, boys and girls.  Waking up, having to crawl around to find a light source, then glycose tabs, then water, while trembling, unable to see well, nearly paralyzed, sweating, heaving, is no way to go through life... Assuming I do wake.

If 55 wasn't triggering my warning response, what would?  And, what condition would I be in.  Could I wake?  No, no, no, and no.  I was absolutely not going to risk it.  Still, as bad as milk is?  I count it as real, since it is natural, grass fed, pastured (when seasonably optional, hay fed otherwise).  This is as good as milk gets, not homogenized, not pasteurized, not batch combined into a glob of... pseudo milk, then processed to make it all the same... the good and the bad.  Even so, that was a LOT of sugars.  Plus the french fries earlier.

Taking blood sugar first thing, I was thinking, maybe, 200?  I... was really afraid it might even be up to 300.  More.  Who knows.  Still, gotta do it.  Put on your big boy pants and take the beating.  The meter set up, with the tab slid in, a quick prick, the blood to the tab.  Tick-tock, tick-tock.  Hurry and wait.  Ah.  What?  My blood sugar is 98 fasting?  Seriously?  All that worry, and for nothing.  Bleh.

*grinning like a kid in a deserted candy store*

No, no no no.  No candy.  How about a kid who got what he wanted, THEN escaped without trouble of fuss.  Not going back.  In spite of not getting caught, I learned my lesson.  I don't want any more candy.  I didn't even get a stomach ache.  Then again, after all was said and done, I still probably didn't eat enough calories, even for my low calorie count, yesterday!  Gah!  I just ate it late, and more to try to tend blood sugar... which wasn't causing problems, if I believed was a threat to cause serious problems, or... worse.

Yes, death, at times, looks a lot easier.  There are days when I feel bad enough.  Or I realize how little I am doing, what a dump the place has become, and some other things.  Even that I keep fumbling getting to church!  I find the times, set up to go, get a shower early, and fall asleep, or completely miss the time, with alarms galore.  Can't focus.  I don't even get to go to the store when I want to.  I go when I can.  It is open, say... fifteen hours?  And I still can miss for a week!  Shame, horror, pain, all... make me think death would be better, wiser, certainly easier.  And, yet... I... can't... quit.  I can't just let it happen.  It would be so easy.  But, that... life, my life, the only one I can do anything about, is not just a job, it's a responsibility.  One, literally, recently, frequently, often, handed to me by God.  It's the last opportunity, if done properly, at real life.

I believe that with the fullness of my being.  He didn't let me die until I could see, and He knew I saw.  And, letting go, or throwing it away then, would be akin to the denying the Holy Ghost.  The one damnation I have yet to... perform.  The only one t here is no coming back from.  I can't say it's the same for others.  And, when I died, before, as a foolish child, I was... given some hope of mercy... but once.  So...  So I stay, and do my best, in my humble, painful, situation.  And I advise others to do the same, to their ends.  It isn't about the pain, or humility.  It isn't about you.  Hell, it isn't even your life, not even your body.  Will you be taking your body with you, when you die?  Given back isn't the same.  If it hurts, pray.  If it feels bad, pray.  If they say you don't deserve to pray because you aren't going to church, pray for them.  For they are wrong.  If you can't go, you... can't go.  Amen.

Darkness and light.

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Look, I... was suspicious.  Blood sugars, and all.  So, I had a fatted coffee.  Now, something... seemed... wrong?  It doesn't seem like I have low blood sugar.  But... I... had a feeling.  So I waited, and checked again.  And, probably a good thing I did, before just going to bed.  It just read 55!  Oh, I... feel fine.  Seriously.  Strangely.  Crazily.  I feel... good.  But that is too low.

So I'll... cook something.  I won't just let that ride.  But... why so low?  Crazy, truly.  I have meats which should be thawed, but that won't be enough.  I'll look around.  I really don't want to take glucose tabs, or candies.  Gotta do something though.  Oh... definitely have yogurt.  It's plain, but I have fruit packs.  Two 4 ounce packs usually help, but this low?  I'll have that, and some chops... thick cut.  No, that is simply too low.

How long has it been?

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I... can't remember the last time I left the house.  If you add up the last three times I have been out, it might well add up to months.  Have I been out in December?  I am almost thinking not.  If so, it was very early on.  Anyway.  Beside wanting food, I decided to get cream and some milk.  This time, for sure, I will begin turning the milk into kefir.  The stuff I have is very old.  Might or might not work.  If so, it might be rather bitter the first few shots.  So, will just make kefir grains, if possible.

Now, I grabbed yogurt, instead of cream!  Had to go back.  Three yogurts?  Ugh.  I'll see if I can find one or two containers a good home.  Oh, and I pulled enough to catch up on the milk bill.  I... am late on that.  And something else.  But... it... goes that way.

The burgers were good, and fries.  With blood sugar up to 126 earlier, and having fries, I went with 15 cc's of fast acting.  Three hours later?  Blood sugar is 85!  Gah.  I will have a fatted coffee, and hope that is enough.  I won't check or otherwise bother, unless I start feeling ill.  Still, it's good to have a treat once every rarely.  Oh, those have 58 net carbs, 63 with 5 fiber.  Fiber?  I'm thinking 63 net.  Pshah!

Then again, that is the only non-fiber, non-vegetable carbs I have eaten in... probably fifteen days.  I wouldn't want to do it two days in a row.  I am hoping not to do it two months in a row.  But... you never know.  Still, I am a bit impressed with blood sugar.  Though, we will see tomorrow.  It can seem nice the day of, then bounce for the next week.

I received a picture of my mother, holding a Merry Christmas pillow.  She is looking well, to be honest.  I think the nursing home is doing very good for her.  Oh, I'm sure there are... things.  But, she is sure looking healthy.  I'll be sure to give her a call tomorrow.  And, I think I received a Christmas gift from my brother.  A Whirly popcorn popper.  I'll be sure to thank him, as well.

My gifts are half out, half waiting.  Ugh.  Some years!

Anyway... it was good to just be out.  The trick of finding the milk place was... a fun game.  Ended up the next city over.  I was almost sure it wasn't that far, but didn't see the state line.  You know how it is with someone riding you, and you not being sure, plus it being plum dark out there?  All good.  Found it right straight the second time.

Well, on to finishing my fatted coffee.  Then to bed, when possible.  Still a bit... riled.  Being out there... drives my adrenalin to serious heights.  The world is a dangerous place.  Even the little part of it I claim.  Still, I... enjoy the thrill.  Would do it more often if I could.  Amen and goodnight.

All the waterers?

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I think so.  On the good side, the buckets of water handled them all.  It ends up being either 48 or 54.  Well, and a few extras.  That is whole sets.  I think I have six extra which don't belong to a set, if sets are of six, or three.  Anyway, that was quite a little bit of minor work.  usually I do them as I go, or in a few sets.  This time I just plum forgot.

After morning food, blood sugar was up to 107.  I could only even eat two of the three drumsticks.  Yeah, I'm not ever going skinless again.  Soaking them in salt and vinegar seemed to do well.  Chicken just isn't very good quality at this point, it usually tastes a bit skunky.  High or low brand.  It's all done by the same processors and they either don't have good work, or enough work, or their robotics suck.

I suspect it is the processors, because, at least around here, expensive or cheap, it all tastes a bit ripe.  Can't pay enough for good chickens at this point.  So far, pork is pretty good.  And, if you order your steak and have it cut, it's good.  But what's in the case, for beef, can be sketchy too.  The world had definitely changed.  If they were keeping illegals out, I'd... understand and not have an issue.  But when they are letting them in AND having bad meats, that's a no-go.

Anyway... I am thawing meat, but it won't be done in time.  So, again, I will eat late.  I plan on getting out, and getting a double or triple, on lettuce.  Heck, I might even have fries.  Just a medium?  Or would it really matter?  But, with water.  I want a shower before I go out.  But, need to refresh the rabbits waterers first.  They don't have much time to drink.  Oh, and when I put them out at night, I only have them part way full.  So they won't burst when they freeze.

I'd best get too it.  Later.

Chores were done in two parts.

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It was just too cold, for me, this morning.  I did the closer rabbits first.  I opened the tarps, on the front of their cages, lifted the tarps so they can see out.  Initially just to get to their waterers, and food bins.  But, with it not being windy, I left the tarps up so they can see.  I will close them up tonight.  Yea, I'll probably need to give them fresh water tonight.

I had to warm up, after doing the first group.  Then I got it all ready for the outbuilding group, and took food for the tom.  I hope he is enjoying.  I had about two more doses of old deli meat, one left now.  I toss it in the mic, on a plate, for 45 seconds, after cutting the circle grouping into sixths, like larger... or smaller... pieces of meat pie.  No complaints from him, so far.

The outbuilding does stay quite a bit warmer.  Their waterers were nearly empty, while the closer rabbits, of late, never get through more than about a quarter of their waterers.  Nor are they eating that much, they must need/want water with their food?  I checked the temp on the way back, up to right about 15 F out there.  And whatever wind or air movement was happening this morning has ended, or at least while I was outside.

Frigid, boys and girls.  Cold.  Gloves, cap, snow boots, two layers on the legs, warm socks, a shirt and jacket.  And I doubt if it would matter what else I wore.  Lower bp and blood sugar seems to make my sense of cold more normal.  And, yes, that is cold.  For much of my adult life, it wasn't considered cold until it hit about -20 F.  And that was in Iowa, where humidity was usually high or higher, winter summer spring or fall.

Hmm, went to feed the girls, but can't find Sam.  At her age, I always worry.  She often just rolls up, in some nook, and falls deeply asleep.  But, someday, one of these days, she... won't be waking up.  I'll go look for her again.  There are so many sneaky little places she could hide, and die.  I'll go find her.  Later.

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Was curious, so tested blood sugar before eating the first time today.  It is up to 84?  Fine, okay.  Just... interesting.  I am glad I didn't bother with it, being that low.  The electrolyte powder shouldn't have bothered it.  And I didn't take the vitamins that might, other than one chewable if it is supposed to be non-glycemic.  But who knows.

I already used wow.

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Still?  WOW!

With blood sugar a bit low, I ate yogurt and fruit last night.  I wasn't feeling bad, mind you.  I just thought it was lower than I would want to risk sleeping on.  And, I believed that to be a reasonable play, as that low of blood sugar is brand new territory for me.  Until recently, 125 was often as low as it got, unless it was crashing to dangerously low levels.  For fasting blood draws, it was usually higher... in the 150's.

Lately, 106, even 94, fasting, blood sugar levels have been becoming the normal.  But, this morning?  I have a 68 fasting blood sugar.  More?  I feel fine.  It's not a number on the way to a dive.  It seems... static... normalized... to that number.  I must be in a strong ketosis.

Since I am awake, and mostly aware, I am not going to worry about it.  I won't eat until noon, as usual, give or take up to 13:00.  Somewhere in there, as I remember and such.  I just can't believe it is so low and I am not having biological issues.  No headache, sweats, shakes, chills, any of it.  

Sleep was good.  I did wake to void a few more times than usual.  But I slept longer than usual.  I did go down right at 20:33.  It would have been earlier, but fussing getting to bed, some nights, just... settling in, getting things just right, and all... takes longer than other nights.  And I woke more along the lines of a quarter or more after seven, but just... so dark, cold.  It took me to eight to decide to get out of bed.

I am having a shot of electrolyte powder, plus an half teaspoon... to teaspoon... of sea salt in with it as a morning starter.  That, to wash down medicine.  When in ketosis, you really do need more salt.  And, with what I eat, I really don't get much salt otherwise.  Water is being heated for tea.

As to food today?  I have the chicken, but it... just isn't very edible, without the skin.  Still, I'll have some of that, probably as a first meal.  Heat it in the oven for a bit, then go for it.  If I had ranch dressing, it might help.  But what I have I really don't like.  Crap, I may be out of cream too.  Ugh.  I really depend on cream for my meals, lately.  I'll... figure it out.

Oh, it's either 8 or 12 F out there.  I looked, first thing, and remember it was 2 difference from ten, but can't remember which way!  Ugh.  But it is cold.  And, I thought the air seemed to be moving, wind or as a block, I wasn't awake enough to be sure.  But it is frosty on top of chilly out there.

On to waking.  A call.  And maybe some other business.  Good morning, and day.  But, still?  WOW!  I can't believe blood sugar is that low and I'm... just fine.

Yogurt and fruit, no choice.

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I don't have fruit often.  I had found the most keto friend fruit, if you can believe the labels, and as well as I can ferret it out.  As well, I used live cultured yogurt, the best that I can find.  Storebought is always going to be hinky, but for times like these, it works.  Blood sugar is 79.  It wasn't dropping, I wasn't ill, but... I would have become ill is my guess.

That was simply too low.  I would guess, in the lower 80s is as low as I will let it be, and go on to sleep without doing something.  Say, 83 is the cutoff?  Something like that.  Maybe, in time, I'll trust it lower.  Maybe even to 79, so long as I feel okay?  Maybe.  Well, there are some of my calories.  Not enough, but some.

It's just after 20:00, and about time to go to bed.  All medicine has been taken, pills and insulin.  I haven't check bp.  Just... focusing on staying awake and getting what was vital done.  And, remember, I didn't sleep last night.  So, really, I did well given the givens.  And I didn't eat much.  No way I could eat seven skinless drumsticks.

If I don't figure out how to get more protein in, I may have to just stick with higher fats.  Not sure if it will matter all that much, so long as I get enough calories in?  I'd like to learn to do that, to compare.  But, for now it seems, I'm going to have to just settle with a higher fat keto.  Funny, it took a long time for me to figure out high fats.  Now it's all I can do!

Sleep well, stay warm, remember friends, family, here and gone.  And, maybe, say a little prayer in their regards, living or dead.  I have one to add to my long list of dead.  I certainly hope he found his way.  Narrow the path, and who can be certain they are on it, and if on it that it is a truth.  Then again, it is said even if done simply not to go to hell, it will work.  It just won't be as grand?  Somesuch.  Though, I thought his notions were true, but only two ever know.  Not even demons actually know.  I still have great hopes about some of history's rascals having a change of heart at their end.  I have heard of... one, for sure.

Anyway.  Goodnight.  Sleep well, sleep warm.  And pray a little or big prayer.

No, that won't work.

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I was able to eat three pieces of chicken.  It is too bland.  Even the one sprinkled with cayenne didn't really do much.  That is over 413 calories below my already very low 1449 calorie goal.  Which also makes protein low, and fat higher by percentage, being that the rest of the foods were higher in fats, by a lot.  But, I really can't eat more.

I am hoping, if I take vitamins, minerals, and some extra, perhaps that will be enough.  Drink a bit more water, take electrolytes.  And, yes, I did take 4 cc's of insulin, fast acting.  Not sure I should have, now.  Though, as well, I am up a whole other day.  Without sleeping last night, I probably shouldn't have taken even a small amount.  Then again, you can never be sure.  I have slow acting ready, but will wait until closer to bedtime.

At least I finished feeding at that approved time.  Even with the issues, the day has been good.  Missing a bit of food, cold burned my thumb a bit, but got meds in, tracked food, got the rabbits covered and that cover secured, even fed the feral tom and girls.  They actually did enjoy that warmed turkey.  It wasn't so bad, warmed.  I... tried just a tad myself, to make sure.  I don't think he was out there though.  He was doing rounds.  Fresh snow, paw prints... leaving.  Though, probably, he will be back.  Most likely he runs rounds on some sort of clock, or by a sense of things.

The hope is to be to bed by 20:00 to 20:30.  Perhaps getting a shower before.  Though, who knows.  I may not be to bed until 23:30.  It's just been slipping away from me lately.  Insomnia?  Of a sorts.  But, the better numbers seem to be helping much more than hurting.  It is as if the xx gemstone watch was missing a few.  And while they haven't been replaced, some mass was returned, and some recalibration.  I am staying more regular, with sleep and else.  Still not able to do much, but... it's a start.  Later.

Cold!

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I kept meaning to get the tarps better arranged.  Welp, today is the day!  While at it, I get them fresh water.  It, too, will be frozen before long.  But with all sides of the cages, save the bottom because poop has to go somewhere, covered, life will be a bit better.  Logs and twigs to hold it all down.

I was only able to, up front, get the near rabbits fresh water.  I'll get the others after I thaw a bit.  They will be easy, and quick, but it was too much to keep going.  I did check the temp, 20 F.  With that wind, and gusts too, on top of it, it is much colder.  Closer to 0 F, I'd say, maybe colder yet.

The chicken is almost done.  I have been baking it covered, but just now opened it up and flipped them.  Then, will flip them in ten minutes, for another ten minutes?  I'm thinking so.  Then to try them.  I can hope I can even eat them.  If not, not sure what to do.  Go hungry, for today.  If they are good, I'll have two smaller meals for later.  If not, the cats can have what they'll eat of it.

I have an hour and a quarter to finish my meal.  Being only chicken, and water or tea, it should work well.  Blood sugar is 122, so just a wee high.  I may take 4 cc's with supper.  When I throw things off a bit, it takes a bit to sort it back out.  It may have been the turkey sticks?  Dunno.  It is amazing how well rabbits hold up to the cold.  But... this should make life much better for them, anyway.

Yeah.  Actually, though, tonight, I'll be warming deli meat to take to the tom.  He received kibbles earlier, dry cat food.  And that was planned to be all.  But the deli meat is just... a little off.  Not so off a cat can't eat it.  Or human.  Just... not as tasty.  I will warm enough to offer all the cats, or, yes, the girls would get jealous.  If they don't like it, though, I'll give them canned food.

The beeper, best get the chicken turned and reset, then the things out to those in the outbuilding.  Later.

Yea, well, what do you know?

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I made it to now.  Thought I would, after a bit of effort, make it to noon, so took the water pills.  Beyond thinking I would be awake until noon, I figured I'd be awake until later.  It's 14:06.  And I will be awake even longer.  Long enough to soak, then bake, the chicken.

Now, to get enough calories, I am going to have to blow out fats.  From now on, I need to take care of proteins first, then manage fats.  Okay, live and learn.  And, there will be days when I simply don't have on hand what is required to do that.  So long, however, that I am overdoing on fats, not carbs, I'm good.  As well, if I stay under 1449 calories.  I'm over fifty under.  Wait... I forgot.  I went with three instead of two slices of cheese.  So... crap.  Actually, adding that in, I am 109 calories short.

I could add a fatted coffee, but I am way over in fats, and I am out of cream.  No, I'll... leave it alone.  I don't have more protein, and doubt I can eat eight, let alone seven, pieces of chicken drumsticks.  I'll be good to do five... skinless or not.  But, if I am going to get those down in time, I'd best get them soaking.  That'll be a bit of a trick.  though, if I go an hour, or part of an hour over, that's... okay.  So long, really, as I am under six hours of eating time.

Well, set up anyway.  Speaking with my mother, she suggested soaking birds with a bit of an odd odor in vinegar.  To pull that out.  And, before, she had suggested soaking it in salt, for an hour before cooking.  I thought for the same thing.  Anyway, I added both salt and vinegar to the enough water to submerge the drumsticks, and set the timer.  I should start the oven ahead of time.  I'll dial the heat down, a bit... just try 350.  For forty five minutes.  Without the skin, it will need a spice rub.  It sort of makes a crust.  I have several variations I will try.

Not feeling great, if more numb than bad.  But, to be expected.  Going on something like 30 hours up, give or take a few.  And will be up for another four to six hours?  Maybe.  I will check the waterers at 16:00.  If they are frozen, I'll put some medium waterers out for the later evening and night.  And, I have some deli meat that, while not truly bad... isn't in great shape for me.  So I'll warm it, and give it to the tom.  The girls would laugh at me for offering it to them.  Or... would they?  I may see if they will eat some of it.  Just warm a few slices for each.

I might even try to get a shower in.  Would like to make a call, but don't have a voice.  When I am up like this, can't really talk.  But, if I can salvage days for waking time, I'll... call tomorrow.  Though, and again, they might not even be open today.  Some business, and of course schools, don't necessarily go right back to business.

Hopefully I can do a few things.  It's been going well today, so far.  Later.

Couldn't sleep.

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Maybe now?  Well, I want to do morning chores before going on to bed.  I'll bet their waterers are well and truly frozen.  And it's rather chill out there.  Food helps with that.  It is slightly windy out there, gusts as well.  Yea, I'll feed and water them, the tom a bit, and the girls... well, and tend their litter.  Plus changing their water... if just using one of the buckets in the house.  I suspect, if I need another bucket of water, I will have to thaw the hydrant again.

Just one of those days.  I had... things on my mind.  No, not the usual.  Just business, which needs tending.  And I seem to be tripping over it, knocking me out of the opportunity to tend it.  Bleh.  It's how it goes, sometimes.  Will have to push my way too it.

Blood sugar is 122 this morning.  But, while fasting, it wasn't a sleeping fasting blood sugar.  I'll take medicine, pill form, but evening not morning.  Or those waterpills would have me awake all "night".  Missed slow acting insulin last night.  Will get that this morning.

Tricky dang day.  Tripped, possibly, out of my day schedule.  Or, maybe, I can recoup with some pushing.  Maybe.  Later.  Well, no, goodnight, and good morning and day.

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Windy, with milder but noticeable gusts.  The waterers were just beginning to freeze, which didn't make sense.  The thermometer told the story.  It is 30 degree F out there.  Not nearly as bad as it seems, feels when the gusts hit.  All critters, save the ogre, have been fed, watered, and had litter cleared.  It really does take a bit, for me anyway.

I had thought, perhaps, to stay up.  Just... to early afternoon, or later maybe.  But, no.  While I was doing things, the possibility seemed real.  When I sat, because of exhaustion, I realized there was no way to continue.  On to bed.  I won't be sure whether to try to push the waking time, or to... well... I'll see when it seems about that time.  Perhaps I will be able to sleep to 03:00 to 05:00, if I doubt it.

Goodnight.

Up late.

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Just... couldn't sleep.  Earlier, I realized I hadn't eaten nearly enough.  I am running at 1450 calories, shy one but rounds well.  And I will do that.  But I won't do 1k, which is where I was at, when I logged everything.  So, I had some cheese, beef sticks, and a fatted coffee to just about exactly get me to the calorie goal.

If I can do that, and for a week, but really two, then I check things again.  If weight loss occurs, good.  If not?  Perhaps attempting to be more active.  But, if I could do that, I would have done that.  Not sure it is more possible on that steep of a calorie deficit if it wasn't on larger doses of calories?

Blood sugar has been a bit odd.  Starting at 153, then 71 after a meal and 8 cc's of fast acting insulin.  Then 127.  I rechecked, because when nursing that finger, to stem the blood, it tastes sweet... so I washed any potential taint of liquid sucralose off and retested.  Nope, well, 129... still... same.  I was always curious if sucralose, on the fingers, might cause a bad/high reading.  I would say this strongly suggests not.  Then 105, later in the evening.  I won't check it now, it could be doing very odd things.  Weekly average is 107.  The minor mistake is being... amended, quickly?  I have seen it bounce for a day or two.  So... will see tomorrow morning.  And, I only overdid intermittent fasting by about an hour... given that I started late, ate for the four hours, then ate another hour later, but still within the six hour range, at least.  Bleh.

I have always been a bit curious about what bp does at night.  Though, of course, being awake at an odd, very late for my recent schedule, hour, will possibly skew the results.  135/87 with a pulse of 71.  I get the bp, but not the pulse.  I... think  that is a good thing.

Difficult day.

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It is just rough.  I am tired, mildly achy now.  It was worse, got better, but... still, there is just something not doing well, right.  I did take fast acting insulin.  Not much, but... some.  Blood sugar is at 71 though I am not crashing.  I will be having a can or two of sardines, with those crackers.  But that will be it for today.  Unless blood sugar takes a harsher decline.  Oh, I'll have a fatted coffee too.  Lightly fatted.

I did get the chores done, finally.  Late, but done.  Their waterers seemed to be just frozen, mostly gone.  And they ate well, usually a sign that they were drinking well and long.  As well, I took the  tom some food.  He didn't seem to be home, but then I am sure he roams when hungry, looking for whatever he might be able to eat.

The girls have had their litter cleaned twice today already.  and have been fed and treated twice.  They will get one more group of treats, and that is it.  I'll leave the sardine tins for them, they... eat some of that, sometime.  I am sure it is good for them.  Plus, they really like it... when they like it.

Trash is nearly all ready, most of it out.  I just have to get it to the curb.  Not sure if this is a three or four day weekend though?  I'll put it out, find out tomorrow.  If it has to be out for two days, okay.  I am also not certain if it is recycling day... every other week.  But, it will go out too.  I'm never sure.

Lots of wind, and/or air movement.  Makes it colder, and drafty, in here.  I have the furnace up.  That helps, a bit.  But there is more to it than just the air temp.  The low blood sugar is part of it, and getting used to lower blood pressure is always a part of it.  Oh, lemongrass is what I am diffusing this afternoon.  Quite a nice scent.  Grapefruit, pine if I have it, or eucalyptus if I don't... one of those next.  Not sure I want to mix, at first.  But, may review what other people like to mix.

What surprised me was the neighbor's son... recognized, roughly, frankincense.  Now, he thought it smelled floral, which frankincense isn't.  But, when I asked of this, or that, he got it right.  Recognition showed in his expression.  This is something I know, do.  I see.  Perhaps they use that in their church, and he has some involvement?  Maybe he just likes that particular scent, from church and remembered it?  It... impressed me.  Few would know that scent, and suspect it is what was on show.  Good shot, youngling.  I don't generally know it well enough to recognize it, I simply use it during Christmas, and a few other, holidays and for specific reasons.  I just don't recognize it... too rare of use, and subtle of scent, for me.

Later.

Awake.

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A bit earlier.  Not too much earlier.  Ten, eleven?  Can't be sure.  A neighbor, as a family group, was heading out of town.  When they realize their tire was... shredded?  Well, yes, somehow.  Sidewalls.  Rear right (driverside) tire was completely wrecked.

My bigger roller jack is out of hydraulics, needs to be fixed.  So, while I didn't have that, I had tools, a brick, and this and that.  As well, a compressor.  They had to put on the spare, which meant jacking it down from underneath?  Actually, it is lowered from above, but in... an odd way.  Still, they got it changed, and sorted out.  But, it turns out, all of the tires were low.  So... they are going to use... my compressor at his house?  :p  Yea.

Should be on their way soon.  They have a long drive.  I sent my portable with them.  Better for topping off, though can fill a 44 psi tire in a pinch.  Did.  But all of the tires were very low.  So...  I did offer them my suv.  But, for now, they've got it.  It's cold out there, baby!  Actually, it was 25, so not too bad.  But I had just waken.  Just crawled out of bed.  It got to me more for that than when I normalize after waking.

Sort of wet, though, too.  Snowing, maybe raining earlier?  No, probably not.  But a slushy snow.  Moisture in the air for it.

Well, on to breakfast.  Blood sugar is a bit high.  One of the foods I consumed, even lightly, was rather high carb.  I know what did it.  So...  All good.  at 156 fasting, I'll get it sorted quickly.  And, yes, I woke up, after being nearly asleep, and got down to get the slow acting insulin in, in spite of really not wanting to do so!  

I am thinking chicken drumsticks for today.  Without skin, unfortunately.  I'd like to save it, for frying at some point.  Maybe I will, maybe I won't.  Not sure who well it lasts frozen, or when I'd get to it.  Would make good cracklin's like croutons for salad, but I have no idea how to measure calories or macros.  Could look.  It's a Jewish food, since they can't have bacon.  Maybe they have Jewish keto dieters?  Who knows.

I have the water heating, for breakfast.  And best get the cats fed.  Do their litter first.  Oh, and turn up the heat.  Ugh.  A better sleep last night, for whatever reason.  Not as sore.  And, the soreness and achiness is just from the night before.  Much better sleep last night.  If there are strange things happening health and elsewise lately.  Strange, I tell you.  I can't quite nail what all is happening, only that there are... odd things happening.  Both good and bad.  Meh.  Later.

A bit rough.

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Aches, here, pains there.  Nothing major, just many and all of medium level.  I'll take a pain pill, or two.  I took pill medicines late, but should get them all taken by bedtime.  Yes, I am remember to not take the little carvedilol pill.  I would have thought that would have helped by now, thought that may or may not be part of the problem?

After what I ate, I wasn't sure how blood sugar would run.  At 104, I suppose that is good enough.  With averages for the week, biweekly, and monthly running 107, 112, and 122, I... can't complain.  Well, some weight loss would have been nice.  Controlling for carbs, I would have thought, would have taken care of some weight loss.  Then again, maybe this isn't carbs.  

I have been changing which insulin I use, and how much.  Although, if my food logging is accurate, and I have been doing my honest and level best to make it so, carbs are almost completely eliminated, save for fiber, and from raw vegetables.  Well, even those are controlled.  It's more that they are the only carbs I am consuming.  I haven't even been having potatoes from time to time, or other starches, certainly not sugars.

It is sort of amazing.  And, yet, annoying.  We will see what ~1450 calories a day does.  On top of carb control.  Oddly, today?  I only ate about 1k calories.  I am a bit hungry, but... yea...  The off turkey turned me a bit off, from food.  I did try the wing.  It, too, was bad.  Oh well.  I am feeling hungry, but... probably won't eat more?  Actually, I should.  Celery sticks and two tablespoons of peanut butter.  I know, I know, but it IS Christmas.  Shouldn't go hungry on some days.  But have to be careful of else.  Carbs are so sneaky.

I am probably going to be to bed early tonight.  It's a nice, quiet, night.  My mind is at ease, and I don't think I am alone.  People seem to be at peace, at least hereabouts.  The quiet is amazing.  Yes, I can... sense it.  Goodnight, perhaps.  Maybe later.

A shared Christmas.

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A neighbor called to see if I would accept some of their meal.  I gladly did, and enjoyed.  Not sure how to log it, but today, I won't worry.  Tasty.  Good thing too.  The turkey drumstick I tried tasted... dated.  It was fresh, from the store.  And everything seemed right.  Even Sam walked away from it, after a few tugs.

I haven't tried the wing.  But I am a bit full, and time is running out.  I'll save it for tomorrow.  If it doesn't taste good, I won't waste time with it.  My guess is they didn't, where it was processed, get that drumstick packaged and in the cooler fast enough, or the cooler was subpar.  Just a bit bad.  I hate that, when I pay a real price for a piece of meat, to have it be bad.

I did reset the app.  Since I have been already over 200 average calories below the 1879 diet calories, and it is low carb to boot, I found a way to subtract that 200 plus another 230.  The app didn't like it, it says a grown male needs 1500 calories a day.  The problem is, that isn't allowing me to lose any weight, and I have been logging accurately.  If anything, I have been logging more than I have been eating?  Yea, I guess that wouldn't work for me.  But, still.

As mentioned, there were three or four days where I did eat less than 1350, or so, or even fewer calories.  I don't think they understand what sedate means.  And, my metabolism absolutely sucks.  Actually, today?  I doubt if I hit 1350 calories.  The turkey drumstick was less than a pound, and that was with bone, of which I ate little, once I realized it was off.  And, I only ate some of what was brought.  I... have limits, of appetite, these days.  I can only eat just so much, of almost anything.

As well, even on a feast day, I finished eating in four hours.  As to food?  I think I'll have to figure out how to add more veggies.  Minimizing butter or other flavor fats.  It's doable.  Steaming works well, and just a bit extra salt, which keto diets require anyway, though with some butter just not quite so much.  As well, pulling skin from even chicken hindquarter parts, and adding the meat to salads.  It won't be fancy.  But with blood sugar doing so well, the next trick is to lose some weight.  All I have, initially, to lose, is 36 pounds.

I was right, eating 1679 calories, per day, and I lost nothing.  Well see at 1449.  If not, I guess I'll have to go even lower.  Odd, though.  While I doubted I would lose weight, I thought I might... to.  Hoped.  We'll try again.  

I did text my brother.  Now plan to call my mom.  The other peoples I was going to contact, contacted me before I could.  All good.  Later. 

Turkey is going.

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I really couldn't find good instructions for turkey drumsticks or wings.  So, I am just going to make it up.  In the oven, at 415 F, initially covered, for 40 minutes (starting from a cold oven).  I will open them up, at that point, and put them back, open, for another twenty minutes, then flip them for another probably half hour.

Spices are typical.  Save I did add my hotter cayenne to the wing, just a very light dusting on both sides.  I don't, currently, have a working meat thermometer.  I had three, at once.  Two are just gone, one is broken.  Don't even look at me.  A bad neighborhood.  Anyway... So I'll have to go by instincts.  I'm guessing the wing will come out first.  But I want the skin crisp, on both.  And, of course, the meat well done.  Some things, such as birds, and pork, it's just best to do well done.

That will be it for food today.  Though, until time is up, until 17:00, I may eat to my hearts delight.  And, if it doesn't do the trick, I may eat celery and a tablespoon of peanut butter, and maybe a some fruit, with whipped cream?  Maybe.  As long as it is diabetic and keto friendly, today is a feast day.  Not going to push it, but won't go hungry, either.

I hope you all have something something coming your way for a meal.  Perhaps friends and family over, or a call.  And, if not, well... I've done that many years.  Find some joy in that, too.  I have usually enjoyed Christmas, alone and hungry.  You can do it, with a bit of prayer.  Be well, eat well, have a great day.  It's... up to you.  Amen.

Oh, I best get to chores.  I'll definitely save a bit of meat for the tom.  He won't be getting much from now on.  Once in a while, some extra chicken, or such... from time to time.  Though he will get dry cat food daily.  Perhaps it will be a good year for him?  I will try... better than it would have been, without a sponsor to be sure. 

Merry Christmas.

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Noon, and some.  Sore too.  I couldn't sleep well going back to bed.  And, my mattress was out of alignment, the top with the bottom mattress.  But I was so tired when I went back in that I didn't realize.  Like sleeping on a speed bump!  Which, in part, is why I slept so late.  Couldn't get good sleep.

Still, all good.  Still thinking about that dream last night.  It is as if my eyes are still dilated beyond the planes of flesh.  As if still seeing into the sun... Sun.  I can see why, if others had 'dreamed' of being in His presence, without knowing Him through Christ and the book, might well think He is the sun god.  Without context... yea.  And... such dreams are not... easily set aside.

Wasn't there a pharaoh who believed there was only one true god, and that it was a sun god?  I think, through history, there were others who made similar claims.  Gilgamesh's wife had similar things being presented, but she was an creature of altogether evil, if you ask me.  Anyway...

Their litter, first thing, then fed.  When I wake this late, I will feed them.  Next, I have breakfast going.  It will be late, but Hopefully within the hour.  Then, to eat the rest by 17:00... to eat all within the four hour range.  A call and a few texts.  Don't wish to disturb.  Never sure when to send, trying to not hit their meal times.  But some eat it at noon, others in the early afternoon, and some don't eat their feast until regular dinner time.  It's... a trick.  I'll do my best.

Blood sugar is 96.  Oh, but it doesn't look like I am losing any weight?  Then again, I weighed myself at the end of the day.  But, fully unclothed, I weighed 276.6?  Bleh.  I have averaged nearly two hundred calories under the supposed weight loss calorie count for the last nine days.  So... I'll have to begin cutting everything all over again.  BUT!  I did maintain.  So, potentially, I know where the zero is.  The trick is to figure out what a maintenance caloric intake is... at that level, THEN, figure out how much I really need to cut.  I will tinker with some of the programs, see where to go from here.  But, it's a start, and I did very well.  It should make a four hour eating window, for intermittent fasting, much easier.

Thankfully, there have been days I have gone five hundred less calories, and even less, without too much difficulty.  Though I have to admit, I will most likely have to eat higher fats, to tolerate that much lower calories.  Not for the necessity to burn, but for the satisfaction.  Proteins aren't... satisfying.  Carbs and fats are satisfying, if carbs are short run satisfactions.

Oh, but on the good side?  Blood sugar is... very well controlled.  Sure, I am using insulin.  But, I have always been using insulin.  I have done this before.  For whatever reason, this is working for that.  Now to get weight loss as a part of it.  Yes, I think it is possible, maybe.  It just won't be as easy as it seemed like it might be.

It does look like it snowed, but certainly not five feet as some were suggesting.  How much I can't yet tell.  Cats first, then I forgot to step out to see.  One second...  Ah, it looks like, whatever we got, only about an half inch remains.  And, it is 35 out there, so it won't last long.  I may get the plow going today, just to... make sure it doesn't ice over.

I had as good of a Christmas as one could wish, at least as an adult.  A dream?  Okay.  A wonderful one.  Amen.

Going to bed clean.

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Nothing like dreaming of God to make one wish to be in top order.  Even if just going back to bed.  Cleanliness may not truly be next to Godliness, it just isn't on the same plane.  But it is a grace, for here, to allow a moment from our fleshly humilities... one of them being able to be unclean.

On back to bed.  For a fine sleep.  And pleasant Christmas morning.

Blood sugar is 71, but honestly, I am not worried about it.  It isn't crashing, it is just low, perhaps a normal through the night?  I suppose, if it drops, I have things to fix that, up there.  Goodnight.  And... good morning.

Such dreams!

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I had thought I would dream of some Christmas past.  A time, as a child, or youth, when family, friends, gifts, and food were in plenty and generous.  If, of course, I dreamed a thing.  I suppose, when I was a child, I did as a child.  When I became a man, I put these things away and took up things as a man.

No, my dreams were of speaking with great theologians, doctors of the church.  Though, to be honest, our conversations were short.  We... weren't gathered to do exposes on our understandings, or discuss what we thought were the best or most sure notions regarding various considerations.  We were there, waiting, for His birth... in a time before that time.  We knew, even at His conception, our Lord had won.

It seems we waited a near eternity.  When He was born, our joy was great.  Oh, we did discuss things.  We did talk.  In quiet moments.  If mostly focused on what was about to happen.  Imagine, once a saint, safely in heaven, taking pilgrimages through time... to be there... to see.  And with the ones you love.

------

The next dream was to be in God the Father's presence.  As a son before his Father.  Adoration, praise, prayers, directly.  How could this be.  Tears of joy, and of sadness, wiped away.  Humility, but that too set aside.  Averted eyes, but brought to look into His glory.  I could not see until I could not fail to see.  But what I saw was too much for... me to know here.

------

I am sure there is more, but I can't... give more.  Swallowed in moments, or eons.  I'm not sure there is a difference there.  I didn't even mind returning.  Who can worry, after seeing.  Being crippled, in pain, unable?  It's... okay.  It's really okay.  I woke, not able to go back to sleep.  I'll get there, soon.  Just wanted to write these things, and maybe take a shower.

Chores and a gift.

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Their waterers still had water, and were still running, so all was good.  It's a cold day, in that it is wet.  But the wind had died.  If it may be sprinkling.  All good.  A little extra water, one way or another, isn't a bad thing.  We could definitely use the moisture, one way or the other.

I looked around for nesting boxes.  Found, without difficulty.  Then I had a few other thoughts.  I had an old pillow.  It's been washed, is clean, but was just a bit... dated... so it had been replaced.  I thought to use it, but it just wouldn't fit well.  A bigger box, set of boxes actually?  Well, that wouldn't have worked all that well.  It would have become too big, and really, I'm not sure that would have sized well enough.  So, instead, a cozy blanket purchased for when the Sassy was smaller, but no longer really uses.  Well, or when Sam insisted on scratching, and... that wasn't working for me.  Some such.

I also found some actual house insulation, for between the boxes.  A perfect, tight, fight.  I'm not absolutely sure it will work for him, but maybe.  It is out there, as is... was... a bit of leftover steak.  I really didn't want to give up the steak, or share with Sam.  Sassy too?  Never sure if she partakes, but there is enough.  Sam doesn't finish, or immediately, and it ends up gone.  Yet, somehow, I never see her eat my food.  Strange how... cats can do that.  It's as if she doesn't want me to see, so I don't see for her will, if partly against mine?  We are an off family, but it works.

I'll see tomorrow, if he is sleeping in there?  I may put it back, further in, though.  It may be a little exposed for him?  Still, I have done, for tonight, what can be done.  I suspect he may realize he is well considered, and appreciated, if he knows not why.  Who can ever know.  Oh, no worries, it isn't enough to feed him completely.  But it will help, especially as he is still growing.  It'll mean a missed meal isn't so harsh.  It'll mean growth, and health.

Blood sugar is 107.  Just a touch high, but... really?  After 1,773 calories today (it is a feast day, and still below my weight loss plan by 146 calories!), in less than four hours?  I'm good with that.  Definitely eating the right foods for some control.  Night medicines shortly, and on to bed by 20:00?  Well, that is the plan.  

Goodnight.  Dream well.  Even if beyond Christmas presents under a tree, a morning pj raid on those things, candies and sugar plums and such... dreams can sure take one back.  May you... remember... the good ones.  I still remember my grandpa telling me he had helped Santa, who got stuck in the tree outside.  In his union longjohns, no less.  My brother and myself got our first bikes that year... in Royal, I do believe... my fourth Christmas, I think.  Red bikes, with training wheels, and those fluttering things from the handlebars, if those were chrome, other than the white rubber/plastic grips.  Never did know what those strips of plastic which flutter were called.

Anyway.  Sleep well.  Dream well.  See you in the morning.

In four hours.

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I do think if I am going to attempt to consume my meals within four hours, eating the big meal first is best.  Oh, and after that meal, before my next part, a snack really, I did a blood sugar test, 92.  Very good.  I'll test later.  I even remember vitamins and electrolytes.  Plus, now, salt, sea salt.

I have some suspicion that keto is put off by insulin, especially fast acting insulin?  In any case, as I use less and less of that, ketosis begins to take place.  And, because of offsets and slow acting insulin, plus the fast acting I take, ketosis takes longer to be processed.  Which means the difficulties of late have been keto related, not bp, the flu, or else.  Though barometric pressure might has something to do with it yet.

One of the cures is adding a bit of salt to the diet, temporarily.  Though salt deficiency is a potential problem with keto.  I do take vitamins and minerals, plus extra minerals of certain sorts.  For the water pill(s), and for keto, both which can cause opposing body fluid issues, and yet the same symptoms and end problems.  You would think they would cancel, if I believe they expand the extremes of the other, making control a bit tricky.

So, I do what I can.  Chores, or at least a water check in a bit.  Plus a bit of Christmas Eve dinner for little black tom out there.  It is good to be appreciated, and he is.  Oh, I may have to get him a sleeping box... see if he likes it.  A box in a box, with insulation between, and an old blanket inside the inner box.  Who knows, he might even become a minor pal.

I'm saving Christmas well wishes, for the most part, until tomorrow.  I always have a good Christmas, and Christmas to a degree, is every day.  It celebrates not a buying time, or gifting time, save that the latter is meant to resemble my Lord's gift, the greatest gift.  Or, really, the beginning of it.  No, it is a celebration of the birth of... Hope.  Imagine, one borne of darkness, brought to light.  Nothing but blinding.  Not a gift, at first, as Saul, who saw to become Paul.  So I saw.  Anyway... believe or else.  Every day is Christmas, as much as my tale is a truth.  Perhaps just to me?  Perhaps.  Believe as you wish, I know what I must.  Blinding Light, daily.  Through which I now see.  Amen.

Anyway... it's about time to check on the rabbits, warming a handsome little bite for the black tom.  Oh, and to get a little nest for him.  Warmer, in the mid 30s, but now with wind.  And moisture from melting.  I'm sure he'll appreciate.  Later.

Rich.

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Ribeye.  For Christmas Eve.  A bigger one.  That and a salad.  Oh, and I finally tried the crisps, keto crackers, as croutons.  Very good, actually.  Reminds me more when restaurants would put crackers in with the salads they offered, then true croutons, but... I... enjoyed those, and then.  Of course, back then, they cooked with real fats and butters, and were considered unhealthy.

It was a bit much for me, alone.  So Sam got some, and I am saving a little piece to reheat and take when I check waterers.  It was 35, or so, last time I checked out there.  The world is slowly melting.  I hear we may get serious snow, though whether here, exactly, or just nearby, I can't say.  I don't really get that sense, but that doesn't mean not... it just means I don't sense one way or the other.  Actually, if I were to go by my senses, I'd say we won't get much.  Difficult to know, though, always.  Even when I do feel, it... doesn't work that way... or every time.

I am not sure I enjoy having the heavy meal early.  I'm not sure if that is the better way to work this.  All I know is, for today, I am trying it.  Sam sure enjoyed her portion.  I wonder if Sassy will have some?  They are strange girls, taste-wise.  What one likes, the other doesn't necessarily like.  I do like sharing with them, though.

A few beef sticks, and chees slices for what would more pass for lunch, being the middle meal.  Then a chia breakfast for supper.  Turned around a bit, but all good.  I am using a timer in an attempt to not run too late.  Perhaps, even, with my heaviest meal down, to attempt to finish eating within four hours, instead of six.  I'd really like to punch that timetable, so as to have time for any kind of error, and still be within the six hour window of intermittent fasting... but also to, if I do well, get a bit extra on the fasting front... a few hours a day adds up.

I did review the thoughts from another keto guru.  I keep reviewing things.  The problem with 150, or a weight loss portion of 141, grams of proteins a day is that I can't find a way to get that much protein down without using protein powders or such.  Which... I question.  Or, at least, not get that much down and keep fat lower.  I can eat ribeyes all day, but that will be a lot of fat.  And, lean proteins are... somewhat dubious.  Chicken breasts?  Not... doable.  I suppose, I could remove the skin from chicken?  Crisp that for later, as I had been doing.  That is... quite nice.  But, to keep the fat down, I couldn't eat all of it?  Though that might make a really nice crouton type thing for salads, too.  And, without dressing, just that crisped and spiced?  Maybe.

Still, I haven't figured out a way to get that much protein into my diet.  And I really don't like, or trust, powders or bars or such.  Anyway... I am continuing to sort these things out.  As well?  The percentages given don't seem to be matching the calories suggested or the grams by ratio.  Ugh.  I think someone, most people, suck at math.  I'm not great at it, but I know 33% doesn't equate to over half the calories, 4 to 9 ratio or not.  Perhaps the opposite, or closer to it.  But, not if dealing with calories, only percentage of what is eaten?  Trust me, yes, I believe so.

Hmm... let me think out visual...  33% of say fats, carbs, proteins... but by mass? macros? calories?  I'm not sure mass works here, or in a way I could conjure.  But, macros?  Lets say you were eating 100 grams (scale as needed by your dietary guides).  That would mean 33 grams would be fat, and a third, but 33.  That would equal 33 grams of fat x 9 calories per gram, so... 287 calories.  Since carbs and proteins are the same number of calories per gram, and equal 33%, they would each come out to 132 calories.  So, total calories would equal 551 calories per equally distributed macros.  However, from this side, fats would be 52% of calories.  See?  Gotta be clear which side of the mark you are using the percentages, because they really don't make sense both ways, to each other.  Clarity, people.  And accuracy.  

My new new plan is... 91.7 grams of fat, 113 grams of protein, and 20 grams (or less) of carbs (allowing for 20 grams of carbs in raw fresh veggies, fruits, or fibers as well).  So, actually, 91.7 g-f, 113 g-p, and 20(up to 40) g-c.  Ugh, but that variable makes it ugly.  Still, min-max?  Right?  Right. 224.7 grams... but that is useless, it has to be in calories, or it's a + b = ???.  So... calories...  1,357 low to 1,437 high calories, and percentages are... 60% f-l, 33% p-l, 6% c-l, to... 57% f-h, 31% p-h, 11% c-h... l being 20 carbs, high being 40 carbs.  Ugh.  But, if as mentioned, it doesn't work from the calorie side of it.  Which is it's own tricky widget.  

Well, assuming I use this plan... which... I have decided to do.  Then again, I looked at, say, a chicken thigh or drumstick, minus the skin?  That is between three and four to one protein to fat.  That... is doable... if I could handle that much chicken, without skin.  Ugh.  I suppose I could go with leaner hamburger, or even ground turkey.  Well, with any ground meat, it depends on how lean.  At 90%, burger is over 2 to 1, protein to fat.  Still... I'll... see how this new new works, as to practical ability.  While also working at getting more protein in?  Yes, yes, fine.

The thing is, often, the suggestions for this and that don't work as they suggest they will.  Remember, as a child, being duped as to how fast Santa would have to fly?  To, eventually, either realizing the numbers weren't... possible, even at the speed of light, or perhaps worse, growing up to realize it just ain't so?  At least I sorted it out my way.  Oh well.  Well, I will sort out my diet, since others seem not able to do so.

Finally!  I have my mind, app, and menu set up.  Well, to a way that actually matches mathematics with application... if user error may be involved.  Keep it simple, stupid?  Aye, at least... walk until you can run, right?  I will work on increasing protein, decreasing fat, while balancing carbs in that nebulous large variability within variabilities.  Bleh, double bleh.

I do love this app.  It allows me to set things up fairly easily, from goals to % of goals, and a few other things I haven't quite started tinkering with.  The only thing it really doesn't do is make sure the percentages, for example, match with the actual numbers... in calories.  So... yeah.  But... it's not bad.

Numbers, math, on Christmas Eve?  Yes.  Yes.  No time off for good or bad behavior.  You are welcome!  Later.

So...

The good and bad of early.

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Waking up early, that is.

The bad?  Well, if you don't eat until noon?  Hunger can kick in.  My stomach is growling.  Possibly, in part, due to the requirement of a late meal.  I threw things off a bit.  Still, I get to feel the hunger, from around six until noon.  And, yes, it is showing.  As well, I am beginning to tire?  In part because it is dark out there, still.  On sunny days it is a bit easier.  In the summer it can be excessive, until I crash from cumulative sun overdosing.  In the winter, it starts out that way.  This year has been rather good, on that, though.  But, today, it is a bit rough.

The good?  I was able to get to chores before I have even been waking!  I love to get chores early, around sunup or give or take an hour.  I hate when the day has ticked a large or even larger part of the way through.  And the rabbits love an early visit.  They just... I can tell.  When later they are... grateful, but not pleased.  When it's around sunup, they are... ready.  And quite pleased.  Plus, as I finish, it is about time to feed the girls, when this all works out.  

I get their litter first thing, these days.  Often clearing their litter again, right before 'breakfast' at noon, and then, before going to bed.  By the way, clearing the litter multiple times a day, even just twice, makes it last much much longer.  If I forget, for two days?  It all has to go.  If I tend it three... probably twice a day but definitely three times, it lasts forever!  I started with three smaller bags, and in two weeks have only had to 'sweeten' it with two bags, one just yesterday.  And those boxes are peculiarly pleasant even still.

The girls absolutely treat me like a king when their water, food, and litter are maintained to their standards.  And it makes it easier for Sam to tend her old self.  I like to think she continues to live because life is worth it, and she feels loved.  And I work toward that end, in many ways.  Well, there is their alarm.  Time to feed them.  Later.

Oh, but bp was 123/82 with a pulse of 69.  Check.  Giving the meds some time, and allowing for waking up?  One or both of those seems to help.  Yes, chores are done.  And the tom got some food too.  I'll probably feed him daily, twice if there are meat leftovers to go around.  I could hear him, in there, fussing.  He knew food was there, but didn't like company all that much.  :)  I love the way he hates me.

Magic.

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Not 20:00, or even 20:30.  Still, but 21:00 pretty much exactly.  To bed.  I was worried about blood sugar, but felt enough better than I went on to bed.  I slept well, mostly.  Neck, ribs, head, and shoulders, however... I couldn't find a right placement for sleep, so it was a bit of a rough night.  Finally, around five, I woke and worked on a better sleeping arrangement... and it worked!

I didn't think the new arrangement would do much.  Too much sleeping wrong for a few minutes to hour or two to correct.  Still, at least I was in a better place.  About a quarter to six, I woke.  A, that... is super.  I had been hoping to wake earlier.  And, b, that was a short sleep in a better position, but it did help quite a lot.  Even so, painkillers first thing.  I am hoping between that last near hour of better position, and painpills, I might have a better day than yesterday.

Medicine down, with the painkillers.  And my absolute record blood sugar, at 84 fasting!  I won't worry about blood sugar until 'breakfast', at noon.  Haven't decided what I am having.  But, I may have my heave meal at noon?  To see if 'breakfast' is good.  At noon, especially waking at near 06:00, is not a true breakfast, it is just the time when I happen to break my fast?  Right.  So, having the heavy first might not be bad?  I have a steak, the one for the week, thawing.  Or probably thawed.  That and... salad?  With cracker croutons?  And some cheese?  Sounds good to me.  Not a lot of cheese, perhaps a quarter of a cup, of parmesan?  With italian dressing?  Really, sounds good to me.

Then, perhaps, a few meat sticks and cheddar slices?  Then, possibly, half a chia breakfast, or whole?  Something like that.  Nothing fancy.  But it is definitely doing the trick, innit?  And 84 blood sugar, especially fasting?  I... never would have dreamed.  And, I am not crashing.  It's... stable.  That number does cause me some fear, but... I... am going with it.  Leaving it, trusting it.

I did eat about a cup and an half of yogurt, with two small containers (4 ounces each, I think) of low-carb(ish) fruit bowls... pineapple and passion fruit, sweetened only with stevia... or so it says.  Plain yogurt, otherwise.  Oh, I didn't log that.  I'll have to add that.  Yes, I'm... a stickler.  And, while it did throw my intermittent off, tending blood sugar drops is higher priority without question.

Oh my word.  I wouldn't have believed blood sugar could be this well managed, without becoming a terrible monster in the other direction.  I definitely feared it.  Then again, this is one day.  Or two... or... a week.  When it becomes a month, or three, or a year... then we will talk.  Still, it is being managed.  I can't say I am doing all that much, but I am doing what I can.  And tracking it.  I still... don't... understand.  But I will take it!

BP is a little high.  But two things... first, I am altering the conditions of the contract, be happy I don't change things more.  And, it hasn't been given time to work, so it... often is a little high first thing.  I'll... do a read later.  Really, if I have to do several rereadings, I... don't like it.  Besides, I'm lazy.  Still?  This bp is better than when I was on my most stable platform medication, before adding new stuff, and at the worst time to read it.  So... it's... better.

As well?  It is 32 F out there, on the thawed side.  The moisture, even on the ground, is thawed... wet... not frozen.  And, yes, 32 can go either way.  So, when I go to chores, I'll bet the waterers are much closer to empty.  The rabbits will drink last bits through the night, just not much, especially if they freeze quickly.  All good.

To be honest, it is a pleasant day out there, for this time of year.  A good start to a Christmas Eve.  Hmm?  Ribeye on Christmas even, turkey on Christmas day?  Not a bad deal.  Probably one of the better Christmas feeds in... well... quite a while?  I don't actually remember.  But I think so.  Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve.

Something is really wrong.

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BP is 122/79 with a pulse of 80.  So, nothing wrong there.  Blood sugar is 74.  A little low, but I shouldn't feel this awful at that level.  Fruit and yogurt, I hope, will do it.  Neck is cranky, a headache might be on the way.  Bones, really, in the neck and shoulders, which seem to be getting worse.  And, I did drop the 3.xxx mg carvedilol tab tonight.  There is some sort of weather pattern moving through, maybe it has some sort of effect?  I need to get a barometer.  See if that isn't it.

Flu-like symptoms, a bit of a fever, mild this and that.  But things that aren't flu-like.  Ah, remember when I said I felt like it was altitude sickness?  There you go.  That is exactly what it feels like.  Breath, difficult to keep and catch.  Tunnel vision.  And, everything takes a long time to do, and is difficult to do.

I did get the trash and recycling together and out.  Well, to the bins.  As well, I got the plastic cleaned off the racks., mostly just going with the foil.  After I clean those, and the oven, I'll darned for sure put that back on.  I do have holes in it, but so that one leaks on the other, mostly, without leaking on through unless there was a large amount of fluid involved.  This plastic wasn't very viscous, so didn't get on through.

I'd like a shower, but don't think that will happen, not tonight.  Tomorrow, first thing, it is hoped.  And, I am not going to fuss with staying up, babysitting the blood sugar reading.  I'll just eat a good cup and half, plus two fruit containers, and call it good.  If I hit a hard drop, I have candy up there.

Oh, and... while it is windy out there, it was 32 when I took trash and recycling out.  Plus, the world was... melty.  Wet, still, not freezing over.  I am sure it will by morning.  And, I'll be to bed by 20:30.  Would be right here at 20:00, but I need to eat something, and I am a slow damned eater.  I almost wish I could eat fast, as I used to.  Though... come to think of it... I have never been a fast eater.  A few exceptions, but not a norm.

Goodnight.

Good, and yet rough.

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Everything feels achy.  As if I had a flu.  Only, it's not that.  It is low blood pressure, I really do believe.  Maybe lower blood sugar too?  Maybe.  Food was eaten before 18:00.  So, all good that way.  The goal is to be in bed by 20:00, or so.  It seems warmer, if I forgot the furnace on high all night, and then just left it higher through the day.  I will lower it tonight.  That might have been the trouble with sleep.  Perhaps it really was too warm, or to what I have gotten used to.

Sore, actually, as well.  My muscles hurt.  Doesn't make sense.  Every little thing I do wears me out, as if I was doing heavy workouts by just carrying a bucket of water, or getting supper going.  I tell you, it doesn't make sense.  Especially with the numbers being so good.  At least I have been able to do the little things.

I am hoping to get trash together and out, and maybe  shower.  Well, before I can get a shower, I'll need to clear the grates... from the oven.  Hopefully it will all just peel off, the plastic on the aluminum, some of it probably wrapped around the wire.

I purchased something for the house.  Candle powered essence diffusers.  Soap stone, carved.  Not all that fancy, but... decent looking, especially when lit.  I had to look up how to work them.  Easy enough.  I have some essential oils from the past.  And, being the season, used frankincense.  Just one going.  But... it's... something.

I'll need to do more than that, but... for now... it is something.  I have a decent selection of essences.  Wasn't sure what to do with them, after some things I had planned fell through.  This will work.  Hmm, on to seeing about getting trash out, and managing litter.  For all my problems, I have been taking care of things fairly well lately.

Just not caring for the house much.  I'll... keep trying.  Goodnight.