Yes, up late again.

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Things are just off.  I haven't been working, cooking is tricky, life is complicated... yet easy.  13:30, or so.  I got to the first part of chores quickly.  It was too cold to do the outbuilding rabbits, had to warm up.  The sky cleared, at least.  And, it is 22 F, so not terrible.  But there is a wind going.  It just shoots that 22 to heck.

I did get cat litter reset, and the girls fed.  I set up breakfast, and will have that before going out.  Not sure what to eat, but I'll fix something.  Brush my teeth, take a shower, and maybe... something...  I don't know.  New Years Eve already.  A good thing.  Was running low on everything.  It's not New Years that is important, it is that it is probably payday.

Dreams, of places, times, faces... mine, various, and your, theirs.  People from ancient lands and a week ago, visiting and talking.  I don't give them what they are, I only remember and perceive, sometimes wrongly, though I think more often correctly than otherwise.  I, generally, like people.  Even when I desperately disagree with them.  I don't agree with my mother, almost ever, to be honest.  And, sometimes she very much hates me for that.  Over time, though, I think she has let go of basing love on agreement.  While I have learned to love people, simply.

People won't be right.  Even when they are right, how they present, or operate, within that, is... often dubious.  Just... a thought.  Pray for your enemy, though if you have to kill him, do so.  Pray for him WHILE you are killing him, if you can.  I...always had the ability to pray, a connection sent to God, with a two way connection.  I pray, even while I have sinned, even while I act, and of course even when I am doing nothing.  

What I had once thought of as a beam of energy turns more into an... umbilical cord?  Yea... something like that.  I have been aware of it since childhood.  But, became embarrassed and tried to undo, or hide it.  Like all teens, and some of us who were teens before our years suggested it, we are... ashamed, and try to hide what we don't understand.  Eventually, I realized, God is here no matter.  So, I... just let Him in... or... allowed myself to see that truth.  Can't keep Him out.  Now, it is no disgrace, even in my sin, to have Him near, know He sees, ask Him to heal.  Even while sinning.

Yes, it was God who taught me to love... my fellow man?  Myself in some odd ways?  Whatever you and I are.  Even if, as mentioned, I should have to kill you.  Or, while you are killing me, rightly or most likely wrongly.  If I am killing you, I have no choice but to stop you from murdering or terribly hurting someone.  And, even then, if it's two adults, and I know neither, I most likely won't act so long as I am allowed to remove myself.  I'm a cop, but not your cop.  Unless I know someone involved, or it is otherwise obvious what the problem is.

Oh, someone got my driveway today!  I thought I dreamed of machinery.  I guess  it wasn't a dream.  I saw it snowing recently, but didn't think it had snowed that much.  I had hoped to be up, and awake, and check this morning, to do it myself.  I just... didn't... couldn't... wake up!  Ugh. life is odd lately.  Midwinter rolling, roiling, dark, cold, and else.  Maybe the sunshine, today, will help?

Anyway... back to breakfast, then chores, then a few things.  Good afternoon and day.  And... get to it, yourself, if you may.