Changes to the blog.

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The writing will be done somewhat differently, if that hasn't been noticed.  The words "I", "me", "mine", among others are being retired.  Further, the topics will be themed around news, odd bits of data, and such.  Some personal information will be included, little things taking place, minor updates, mostly near the end of the posts.  Oh, music will go on, and themed as it is, though whether that is favored or not is still unknown.  Who knows how long this will continue.  For now it just seems better.  Oh, and some editing of ideas will go forward.  A bitter tongue is just that.  Even if bitter tongues simply mean laughter on this side of the monitor.  Some people just don't get it.

In recent reading a soldier and gentleman came to be known.  Some men fight for glory, gain, or such.  Some men fight for freedom, for their homes, their family, their fellows.  The latter being the best of men, more so when they sacrifice their lives, and freedom.  Witold Pilecki was just such a man.  This man fought against the Germans in two world wars, the Russians twice, he volunteered to enter Auschwitz where he developed an intelligence cell in order to get information about what was happening in the camp and NAZI intentions for Jews to the the outside world.  In his final battle, he returned to Poland while working for the  Polish Government in Exile (based in England).  Though he had been compromised, and knew it, his work was not done.  He was finally captured, tortured while revealing nothing meaningful, then executed by the communist puppet government of Poland.  After the fall of the Eastern Bloc, when his tale could finally be told, he was posthumously awarded Order of Polonia Restituta.  While battle is something to live for perhaps, freedom is worth dying for.  And such a death should not be forgotten, here or there.  Some men simply deserve a mention.

This next piece is an example of hope in a beaten and battered nation.  One of the 50 states has decided to take a stand against poor schools, offering hope to the children stuck in them.  Louisiana has struck out on a bold new plan to offer children a chance at a good education.  The cost is probably less than doing nothing, strictly monetarily.  In other ways, doing nothing is the worst of possibilities.  Not only will children get a chance at a good education, public education will be seriously challenged to improve, private schools will flourish, and children will be able to find the type of education that best suits them.  Imagine a young man becoming a mechanic, plumber, electrician or such, and being nearly finished with his apprenticeship before he would otherwise have graduated, assuming he wasn't in the 50% drop-out statistic and therefore ineligible for such programs!  There are some good things coming.  The author of the article seems to be trying as hard as she can to find fault in the program.  About the best she seemed to be able to come up with this is that the teacher's union and Democrats hate the idea and are considering a lawsuit, and that some schools (God forbid) might have bible based education or biology books that attempt to disprove evolution (although why bother with disproving evolution, just teach the scientific method and let the students try to fit the theory into the method, done)!  Oh noes!

A final little tidbit, going along with the diy, save some money, tinkering meme.  If you have a cellphone...  Well, do you?  "Do I?", as a friend might laughingly exclaim.  Yeah?  Well, if you do, perhaps you are tired of spending extraordinary amounts of money for accessories that don't seem to be all that luxurious?  Have no fear, a plan is here.  It seems there are ways to tell if someone is a witch.  Wait, momentary confusion, but it's getting better.  No, there are ways to roll your own accessories.  Sure, you might look like a bit of a geek, some of it is pretty... well... nerdy.  But you will be laughing all the way to the bank... in your lilting weird little way.

The hour is late.

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Time flies so swiftly.  Twas only morning a bit ago, was it not?  Aye, but much has happened this day contrasted with other recent days.  A bit of business, a bit of socializing, a bit of shopping, and some money issues tended, all to the easing of a wandering spirit trying to find a place to settle.  There is much to do, yet, much to do indeed.  What will happen and when is a guess only Nemo would be sure to answer rightly.

While in town today a blood pressure station presented itself.  Upon tossing those bones the prognostication was good, 174/101, much better than recently.  That might be checked in the morn, after waking and medicine.  A suspicion remains that as those numbers fall work will go forward more surely.  So too will play and maybe exercise.  Life just seems easier, whether it is the medicine itself, the lowered bp, a mix of the two, or something else entirely will never be known.

Tomorrow, it is hoped, a bit of work will take place.  Laundry and dishes and digging should do nicely.  No promises can be made to that affect, and only hope with a bit of faith and a sense of things are what such predictions are based upon.  Who knows?

Get your home in order!

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It has taken many years for a proper perspective to come into play.  Without the belief in a future life is difficult to plan.  If death seems imminent, putting down roots seems fruitless.  Why save for a rainy day when all there is are rainy days?  No one can tell you what to do.  But many will.  And more still will guide through their actions.  Buying a home, saving money, storing up a bit of a larder, making the right appointments and keeping them.  The wisdom is there.  And, when someone is ready, it will all begin to make sense. No one can live your life for you.

Think before you ink?

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It turns out that, as the economy tanks, and people grow up, they learn that what was cool is no longer so profitable.  Have you seen some of the ink on some guys and even gals today?  If they are thinking working for the circus or being a permanent member of the occupy movement is the way to go, I suppose it could make sense.  Think long and hard before you ink up, you might just end up paying for it forever or at least twice.  Think.  Hard.

People are thinking to make their children bully-proof.  No, I love the notion.  I do.  It just isn't possible.  The pecking order in schools is maintained through child-to-child interaction.  And that interaction boils down to who is the biggest, strongest, or by other measures who can command.  Not only can teachers not be everywhere, or know everything, they make it their rule not to even try.  Some of them do attempt to maintain discipline within their view, though that is not an absolute especially if the bully is favored by the teacher.  As well, teaching a child self defense is fine.  But there are extreme limits to self defense.  Self defense, as well, requires a means of getting out.  Children can't quit school or even change schools.  A child who is taught well enough to defend himself to be inured to bullying will likely become the next bully.  That is how that works.  Children aren't mature enough to handle power.  If you want your children not to have to deal with might-makes-right power structures then homeschool.  Otherwise understand that your child will be party to that power structure.

Ah, here is something I would like to begin adding to my blog!  Things to do at home, ways to cut costs, and little techniques that save time,  money, or both.  Today will be regarding house cleaning.  Yeah, not my strong point, true.  But something I like to keep in mind for those rare occasions where I can get my butt in gear.  I will be looking for tool tips, reloading and general gun care ideas, home repair, and such.  For today, here are five ideas for household upkeep.

Home mortgages at the best rates ever!  Well, but few can take advantage.  I wouldn't even necessarily advise anyone to buy a home.  I did, but I didn't do it based on economics.  I did it for a freedom, and adventure.  I had my own reasons for doing so, not in line with much of the typical reasons for purchasing a home.  I do not know how much I have lost in the purchase, I don't know if I will ever recoup that in my lifetime, I do know that this is what I want.  Although, in some fairness, renting this home would be more expensive than buying.  There is that.  And I doubt if I could have found a place to rent like this in a more reasoned area like where I live.  Rent in even the smaller local the cities for anything like my home would actually cost double what I am paying, plus with neighbors I would have to worry about.

I keep getting offers, cost free to me, to halve my payments using some sort of ARM or other.  I have also been seeing articles about how companies are absolutely messing people over with these programs.  I honestly don't know about these offers.  I can't seem to dig into them deeply enough.  Oh, sure, cutting my payments in half would be nice, but not if I sold my low interest rate for a potentially higher, much higher rate, in ten years or something.  It's a dangerous world and neither banks nor the government are on your side.  So far, if a deal looks too good?  It is.  I don't take one step beyond that unless I know everything, have actual consumer advocates who know what they are doing supporting the notion, and all my research says "yes".  Thieves and liars, cross my heart, I hope you die.

I had a tough time waking this morning.  Rather than just turn off the last alarm I reset it for 9:00.  I just had a feeling that it was worth giving that a shot, and it worked.  Some days I know that no matter how many times I reset it won't work.  Some days I don't know and keep failing.  Today was good.  I won't say I jumped out of bed right at 9:00, but... I finally made it out of bed thereabouts.  I am moving slow, I am weak, but I have plans.  My friend called.  He wanted to know if he woke me.  I think he and my mother both sort of hope they do!  Bah!  Nope, not this time.  Then he wondered if I would be to town today.  Of course, mostly.  I told him I was working on it.  I have been using my timer, segmenting half hour bits of time in order to wake up, gain focus, pay attention?  Something.  I have, since starting the use of the timer, let almost two cycles go by.  Today it looks like I will need three timed segments to get going, maybe four.  But the timer does keep me in the game.  At 12:30, or 13:00, I will go in for a shower and such.  When I am dressed and heading out I will give my friend a call, letting him know to be ready.

I do realize my medicine can initially cause problems.  When I first went back on them I could not stay awake for long.  I became more functional though.  I was aware that I was sleeping a great deal but could maintain some food, my small needs and wants that are required at this point, and I was able to stay on the medication.  I did improve to being able to maintain a day schedule after a week or so of medication.  After doubling the troubling medication I am still able to maintain the day schedule I worked to create.  However I am able to do almost no work.  It is both a concentration and energy issue.  I knew there would be consequences.  And there are.  I have no idea how long it will take for me to become even a bit more functional again.  Though I suspect that has something to do with how long it takes my blood pressure to come down, which I haven't seen.  So...  Still, I am aware and awake, on a day schedule, on my medication, and heading into more function.  It's just a matter of time.  I sure hope the bp starts coming down though.  It has been exceedingly high lately.

Hmm, well, on to a bit more waking up.  Have a great day.

Got milk?

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Living in Iowa, I had come to believe that raw milk was illegal. Now, I had found a place to get my illegal goodies. It was a bit of a drive though, actually a goodly drive. Eventually I just stopped going to get it. Since moving to Utah I didn't think about raw milk. I have had too little functional time and too much else needing to be done when I could get going. An article, however, just reminded me of my love of raw milk. And led me to understand that it is not only legal in some states, it is legal to buy in some grocery stores in some states! A quick check and... Okay, not legal to buy in stores, but quite legal to buy from farmers directly. So, this morning, I have been looking for a local source! So far no luck online.  I think asking locals might be the way to go.  Not just cows milk either, I wouldn't mind finding a source of goat milk too.

Ha! Rattling nerves.

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This morning when I turned on my machine my screen was... sideways.  Someone decided a little hacking was in order.  Some woman, or more likely her white knighting beta (or delta or less)?  Or was this a Brett Kimberlin et. al. attack?  I can't be sure.  My guess is it was Brett and lackies, though some women have been known for a penchant for absolutist notions too.  Neither can handle the truth, generally.  Feminism, which many, perhaps most, American women have been branded with right down to the bones is no different from the politics of Brett.  On the good side, it looks like that sort of politics is on the way to the scrapheap of history.  Little signs of the possible changes have been seen in the Democrat nomination process, the Michigan Walker recall polling, political polling on many fronts, and the general vibe.  This next election isn't about a president, the house, or the senate, it is about whether America returns to a free nation with non-partisan equal laws (save those that favor minorities and women, of course, for now) or if we continue into the madness that has become America.  If the left loses they will not soon gain access to power.  It is whispered that not in the lifetimes of their young activists will communists/socialists get to this level.  While I won't hold my breath on that, I can hope that it won't be seen again in my lifetime.  If they win, America as it has been known is lost.

All good.  I love reaching out and touching.  It makes me feel like I'm really there for people.  They, in time, see how weak they are.  When they cannot deny the truth, they must attack from the shadows.  The place of lies, deceit, hate, and rage.  Weakness and foolishness and their fellows in that darkness should be a clue that they are in the wrong place.  Usually they are so hate-filled that they will not relent.  Until they bow a knee they will never know truth, success,  or more... love.  Only hate festers in the dark.  I will pray for them, if too I will do everything in my power to see them undone in their actions.  I can, and do, forgive.  That doesn't mean I don't seek just punishment.  If they don't leave those circles, let go of even small pieces of that hate, they are damned.  Hate was the hardest of the first things for me to surrender, to God.  I don't hate, I simply recognize evil.  From my own past.

Hmm, not much else going on today.  I woke late but went to bed late.  I'll... try to not do that in the future.  I have a good thing going with this day schedule run.  I would like to get a few things done today.  Laundry and dishes might go forward, and more digging.  I don't think I am up to two digging sessions yet.  But it is hoped that before long I will begin being able to work twice a day.  That will only ever be a summer thing, winters are too brutal for me.  I might be up to digging a bit more, though I honestly think that I should only dig or otherwise work hard every other day.  I don't know.  For now that is probably best.  Tomorrow I have business in town.

Good day.

Having been crushed...

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by estrogen, I have no way to go but to concede.  So, I thought some mood music would be good.

All dang day!

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Yeah, well, I am pleased I ever even got to town.  I did get my shower and shave in about when planned.  I simply could not get to the next stages.  Finally, at about 16:00, I was able to shame myself into getting into the X and driving into town.  I did return the other hydrant, and they took it, without a receipt.  I think they did that because I bought more than I brought back?  I bought both the digger bar and a post hole digger (for $10 less than Amazon's offer plus no shipping, and I think about the same less than HD, on the items).  All good.

That digger bar is something else.  It is a more serious tool than what I suspected.  But it weighs a ton too, quite a tool to work.  I evened the sides of the step I dug, and dug a bit on the next step down, but I pretty much crashed.  It wasn't the muscle usage.  It was more that today is not a work day, as per my lame corpse.  My darned corpse simply will not kick over.  Getting showered, shaved, dressed, and to town took everything I had and more.  Son of a gun it's a brutal thing to have your body act more like a corpse than a living mobile working tool, like mine does.

Hmm, I really do think I am more commonly read than even I sometimes suspect.  Women were just gnarly today.  A few of them kicked over when I used a little charm on them, but pretty unwillingly.  One betrayed the women's cause, actually flirting, after a little attention, before remembering herself and backing off a little bit... but not too far.  She was a cutey, too.  Oh yeah, the old boy still has thump!  A rat bastard I may be, but that don't confront any women in the way of my charm, even if she hates my male chauvinist pig guts, so there?  Hehehe  God loves me, this I know. 

Well, probably not much is going to be done with the remainder of the day.  But I have the digger bar and the post hole digger when I can get to it.  I would like to set up an appointment with cardiology tomorrow, but if it requires a visit to my "primary", I may just skip it.  I get tired of going to places where I am not welcome.  SLC may not want me but they know how to keep it in their pants.  Not so much so at Ogden.  While I have a new doc there, and he seems okay, the staff makes it clear that it is their clinic and I am not welcome.  Which is fine, then don't make me go there.  Union people wonder why so many of us hope not just states, but the feds, bust the unions in their ranks... they only have themselves and their rotten attitudes to thank for it. 

Hmm, on to some reading.  Have a good evening, night.  Sleep well and all that.

Up and at it?

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I don't know about today.  I was up with the second alarm or just shortly thereafter.  I wasn't going to allow myself to sleep in, even a little bit.  It was tough getting up.  I even went to bed and fell asleep quickly and early last night.  Never mind, I am still planning to get a shower in a hour or less then go to town to do my tasks.  That is the plan, anyway.  Ah, coffee is brewing.

I seem to have made a lot of women angry recently.  Talk about being snubbed at other blogs.  Here, there, they are like hot little baked potatoes, some of them even split open and steaming.  Why?  Some of it may have been my recent writings here and things I have written at their blogs to include that I don't believe women have a good handle on justice.  One woman suggested she knows all about justice, having to deal with children all day.  I suggested that her children probably don't kill each other and that if that occurred not only wouldn't she handle it, most likely she couldn't.  The truth hurts.  Angry?  Be angry.  Really.  Go pout, ignore my comments, whatever makes you think you can ignore the truth and live on in your fantasy.  And, no, your poor sportsmanship will not change me, it will only add to my belief.  The two go together like a fine wine with a true Italian meal.  I will not cave on the truth or buy your bullshit just because you pout.  If boys and men couldn't beat me into submission, women can't pout me into it.  Need a hanky?  Get it yourself big baby.  Yeah, and that is exactly what my women get told when they went there.  I never pandered for a little leg, didn't need to either.  :)  Heck, even some local women seem a little put out.  Good for them.  I love to see a woman pout in the morning!  It smells like... estrogen napalm!

I didn't get the trash out yesterday.  Yep, I need to start on that two days ahead of time it seems.  Then again, I didn't have that much trash so it isn't a worry.  I don't know how some people fill that darned thing every week.  Is it mostly food prep, or do most families just use a lot of everything?  If it wasn't for the odor that would be created, I could honestly only need to put the trash out once a month, perhaps in slower times once every other month.  Even when I cook I just don't go through that much packaging, mostly cooking things from scratch so just having meat, dry bean, and such packaging.  Anyway, I should at least get the kitty litter changed yet this morning.

I am feeling better this morning, I think, as I wake.  A cup of coffee, a little more reading, setting out a plan for the day, a shower, a shave, getting dressed, and getting out.  I have no idea how long it will take, but I think it will get done.

Have a great day yourself.

Blogger arrested for blogging.

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The same convicted domestic terrorist who chased Stacey (The Other) McCain out of his home has, through filings on another blogger, gotten the Maryland court system to arrest another blogger.  Ostensibly both McCain and Aaron Walker (and many others) are being harassed by a domestic terrorist to the point of leaving their homes, losing their jobs, and now being jailed.


FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION Aaron Walker, whose complaint against convicted terrorist Brett Kimberlin became a conservative cause célèbre this past week, was reportedly taken into custody today after a court hearing in Rockville, Maryland. One person who attended the hearing in Montgomery County District Court said that Kimberlin asserted that Walker’s continued blogging represented a violation of a “peace order” Kimberlin had obtained against the Virginia attorney, who says Kimberlin tried to “frame” him for assault earlier this year. During the course of the hearing — which reportedly lasted about an hour — Judge C.J. Vaughey appeared to become increasingly hostile toward Walker, who was taken into custody when the hearing concluded. On Thursday, May 17, Walker published a 28,000-word account of his experience being targeted by Kimberlin, which soon caught the attention of leading figures in online New Media, including University of Tennessee law professor Glenn Reynolds, who writes the popular Instapundit blog, and bestselling author Michelle Malkin, who warned her readers, “Please remember: Kimberlin is a radical, violent, lying, dangerous felon.”

Stacey is keeping this story updated, there are updates at his site at the link above.  All I can say is some judge is about to get the wake-up call of his life and a terrorist is about to find out the cost of such behavior.  Fast or slow, this is still America.  Hmm, should be interesting to see what all gets shaken out of those fruit trees, innit?  While it is a problem, right now, for a lot of people, military men and the police are not the only ones who have to pay sometimes.  And if they, we, don't pay, we lose our claim to freedom.

Keep it up guys.  This has to be solved, it has to be figured out, it has to be dealt with.  Go, go, go!  This is OUR soil, fight for it!

I wish I knew how to pin things, so that they stay at the top of the heap.  This is big.  Otherwise I'll just have to keep supplementing posts with snippets and links.

Ah! So that's the problem.

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Just staying awake today has been difficult.  Waking up has taken a very long, unusually long, time as well.  When I finally started to make sense of my world I realized something.  I'm COLD.  Chilled to the bone, really.  I thought perhaps I had turned the furnace off.  Nope, 72 F and running.  If it gets below 66 I can have a difficult time waking.  At 70, definitely 72, I usually do well.  Save when it doesn't matter, like now.  Something fails, in my body, to be able to use heat, retain heat, whatever.  This is one of those days.  And those days are difficult.  I will be doing good just to stay awake until bedtime.

They say diabetes can do this, but I have had this problem in pretty much the exact pattern for a very long time.  Days or weeks where I just can't get warm, sometimes where I can't get cool.  It probably has something to do with the heart, though what precisely I don't know.  It might even be other organs having problems with a low oxygen.  I don't think doctors know.  Odd, with heart disease being so prevalent how little they know about it.  Then again, even with super-funded things like some cancers, they still seem to know the disease, or how to treat it, no better.  Basically the human body is too different, one from another, and too complex even where that not so, for anybody to get a good grip on diseases and how to treat them.

I have tried several times to schedule an appointment with the cardiology clinic, or whatever it is called, but keep getting referred to the wrong places.  I will look through my wallet.  Perhaps I have a card with the exact information, a specific name, or something.  Just calling and asking isn't getting the job done.  And I am quite sure they will want to continue having me come in.  My guess is the place is bedlam after a three day weekend, so it will be up to me to get through.  I'll call on the medicine too, soon.  Though, if I have been timed out of that clinic I might not have refills.  This could get tricky and I'm just not up to being clever today.

Dang but I want a nap!  Later.

Up late, moving slow.

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Yada, yada.  At 9:30 I finally crawled out of bed.  The dream of Sassy, the young cat, pouncing through the air at me in some as of yet unseen in reality act of fury at not being fed woke me.  So, the girls were fed right away.  It is hitting 11:00 and I am just coming to grips with the fact that I am alive, awake, and need to get going.  I need to buy a breaker bar and aspirin.  I will just take the hydrant that was too short in and worry about getting a refund there.  Something about not asking for permission, just doing.

Sleep was good.  Another cool night.  There can't be many of those left though so I might as well enjoy them.  My bp, after getting to my max dosage of medicine since Thursday, is 214/133.  I need to set up an appointment with my doc and order some medicines.  Though I don't know what they can do.  More medicine isn't viable.  There might be another medicine they could try but new medicines have a way of not working out well at all, one way, another, or sometimes not working in every way possible.  I am sort of, possibly, at the end of the road with doctors and medicine if this stuff doesn't kick in though.  I did see the other day where they might have a procedure which deadens some nerves near the kidney(?).  But that only drops bp by 33 points or so, and is experimental.  I stayed away from their experimentation in psychology/psychiatry though.  I'm not about to let other quacks start doing weird stuff now.  They are all the same.

You know, remembering back, I realized they did some minor checking of my heart when I first became ill, and throughout my illness.  It wasn't until they did an ultrasound type of test, where they actually looked at my heart, that they found the problem.  They suspected the heart, they just didn't look at the problem closely enough.  In all other tests my heart seems perfectly normal.  Odd.  And they didn't consider looking at my heart more seriously, even after high blood pressure, until I had severe edema.  They missed that boat at every turn, but at least now, in my mind, given the general incompetence inherent in medicine, another form of science, I am at ease that they were at least considering things.

Well, I best get going.  Another hour is needed to wake up though.  It's been tough breaking out of sleep lately, today is no different.  If I can't, there is tomorrow.  I just hoped that a little rest over the weekend would help.  Have a great day.

So many men.

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If you look around the web a bit, you find articles about the number of men, officially, that America has lost in the many wars.  There are those not included in those numbers, too, of course.  Indian fighters both official and men who died trying to protect their family, small patch of land, and livestock, it isn't convenient history at this time.  Men who died doing things the government denied.  But also not counted are officers of the law and intelligence services.  I don't know how many more than the one million plus official count that becomes, just that they should be remembered with honor as well.

Beside the real number is the quality of men.  These were not men who had few options, no hope of a future, and no choice.  The men who have died, and continue to die, for the cause that is America are men, barring conflict, who could have been just about anything.  They were free men.  They could have pursued an education, or chosen a career as a carpenter, they might have become a candidate for some office, or even become the president of the U.S.  These were men with a wide open future.  Young healthy intelligent men full of potential.  

I personally am grateful to these men.  My grandfather, father, all of my uncles, some of my cousins, and some of my brothers have served.  Some have served in war some in peacetime.  While I lost none of my family to war I did get to see something else.  It is amazing to see what men who make it back go on to do with their lives, their country, and their families.  It is painfully obvious what a treasure we have left on battlefields the world over.  We get to do what many men can't do. 

To the men who are still serving, home and abroad, thank you.  I know how hard you work, how thankless it can all seem, and how little we pay you!  I hope you know, in your heart, what you do is right.  I hope you keep it up, do your work, but more that you end up at home ready for the next day or the next deployment or the next part of your life.  You really are appreciated.

Very good.

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Up before 8:00 again.  Sleep was a little off last night.  I couldn't tell you why.  I did let the girls sleep with me and on cooler nights they tend to crowd me.  I had my bedroom windows open and it was rather cool.  Coffee is already on, just a half a pot if I do use three dosers and change for six cups, which ends up being just one of my cups.  I may start just setting the thing up at night, setting the timer to have coffee waiting first thing when I wake up.  It seems like common sense save that usually I have no idea when I will actually be climbing out of bed.  While cold coffee is fine, for me, beyond not knowing when I will be getting up I may well forget there is even coffee out there in some of my stupors.  Still, for now, I think that is the plan.  Who knows, maybe coffee will be my ticket to regularity.

The sun is out this morning for the first time in... days!  I have enjoyed this cool weather, it may well be the last of the truly cool we get for the summer.  Now temps will be riding the higher trend until they start hitting the hundreds.  At least it will be drying out.  Sleep may become impaired due to the heat.  I really need to think about a way to cool the house just a bit more.  While I can, for the most part save the absolute hottest days, keep the house below 80 in here, or 20 degrees cooler than the outside, that still gets a bit tight.  If I could cool the place to 72 it would feel actually almost chill.  Even just having a single room cool would help, definitely for sleeping or naps.  I'm thinking on it.  The good thing about the heat is it does get me going, work wise.  So I actually don't think I would want central air even if I could afford it.  Like a ship with sails, I merely need to learn to capture that heat energy, which takes focus.  I need sleep to focus.  And heat can be an extreme deterrent to sleep.  There is always a catch.  Last summer was the best summer in my history.  This summer?  I hope to make it even better!  If the trend continues, next summer I will build an extra house out back!  :p

Memorial day, huh?  I have always said that I celebrate important holidays every day of the year.  Christmas and Easter are every day celebrations, if too I do like the notion of them having their own day.  But memorial day is probably the most everyday holiday for me.  So many people have been lost to time and death for me personally.  Almost everyone I ever knew is gone one way or another and I knew a lot of people.  And I do think of all the men who have died for this country.  In part because, no matter what, this country has been good to me in many ways.  I don't always claim to be America, I don't.  After looking at that notion more closely though I realize that it is simply because I am ill and that illness keeps me detached.  While I have my fears for her future, I do think America has been an exceptional nation among nations and through history.  May her flag fly forever, and may those colors and the sacrifices made by many men for her flag mean freedom so long as our flag flies.

Have a great day.

Weird.

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The last few nights I have simply been able to get to bed at a reasonable hour, and stay up during the day after rising early enough for my tastes.  I am not even trying, if I have been setting the alarm clocks just as a booster.  The days have been overcast and cool, too.  I am not getting much done but I did work a goodly bit (for me) for a couple of days in a row.  Further, I have cranked up the medicine.  I can't tell if this is a fluke, the medicine, more sun (even if I can't see it), or what.  I only know that this is the type of schedule that most of you do naturally almost every day.  For me to get that little bit of a taste of normalcy is like you finding $1k to $10k somewhere, or receiving something like that.  It is a rare, very rare treat.

I do hope to keep it going.  If I can find my feet while in a day schedule, I might begin planning to attend Mass again a bit more regularly.  I might be able to get my home in order again.  I could see myself to more work on the projects.  For right now I just want to cement this schedule into place as much as possible.  My first steps at beginning to use the day schedule, or even a regular schedule, will be Tuesday.

The plan that day is to go to town, preferably rather early.  Then to get the digger bar, return the hydrant, and get aspirin for my medicine regimen, have a lunch either in town or grab something on my way home.  Then, chill for a few hours after the meal and get to digging.  The digger bar would make it a lot easier for me to carve out the next step in the pit.  As is, the handled pick would be a little odd to wield in the tight space, down on the that first platform I dug down to create.  It might take me a day or two to dig that next step.  After that, I would like to continue by digging down into the hole.  I need about a foot, I should think, below the pipe, for gravel, to allow the hydrant to drain properly.  I am, I think, getting stronger.  Not by leaps and bounds but in a slow progression.  Stamina is a pain to increase.

The trash does not, it turns out, need to be put out tonight.  So, simply, I won't.  But I do plan to do that earlier in the day tomorrow.  I hemmed and hawed and now it is bed time.  At just a bit after 23:00 I am beyond ready for sleep.  I don't know why I am receiving this gift of good sleep and solid days.  I just know I am pleased as punch and grateful to know even this humble pleasure.  Something I realized, remembered, is that when I have a woman in my life, she has always regulated my days and nights to a great degree.  I have always liked sleeping with my woman.  And I won't be with a woman I don't like a fair amount of time together with during the day.  That last one was weened on a dill pickle, and showed it quite often.  If too I enjoyed even that, mostly. 

Yeah, a woman, a wife, would... help.  It's odd how much having a woman to love helps.  I like to think I helped them as much, and I think they would agree.  I honestly do.  I'm not always pleasant, and I won't tolerate bullshit or doublespeak, and even with that I'm solid to a woman.  Yeah.  Marriage, prayer, it's all coming together.  I've decided I don't have shame for even the worst of my sexual history (none of it was any worse than having a one-night stand with a married woman with a girlfriend/fiancee at home though (oh yes, there is much worse out there, if too that is quite bad enough)).  What I feel, oddly, is sadness.  I am sad that I missed out on having a long life with a woman, growing old with her, and having someone who knew everything and still mostly liked and loved me and me likewise.  It's sad.  So, I best get off my sad ass and get busy fixing that.

Good night.

Men and wine?

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While reading a recent blog that deals out advice for men I saw, what I hope, was a joke about an article regarding men ordering wine as a means of attracting better women. Now, I can't be sure, since the post regarding the article was rather straight lipped. But when the the post went on and on about men not drinking beer, that ordering wine was the thing, I kept getting this funny feeling that my leg was being pulled. And I hope it was. Either that of the author was back, fresh from a "Be Beta or Less" seminar.

No, wine is fine. For home consumption, on rare occasions such as high dining with the dame de delight, or just as a rare thing just because. But for social events I will sooth my taste buds and nerves if needed with a bit o' barley and hops in a glass sans glass preferably. Further, while looking for a mate, I am not going to give up my choices to hope to please some unknown potential Miss or even Misses. It won't happen. She will know who and what I am up front. I suggested if the men were going to begin kowtowing to some anonymous woman's wishes before they even meet her perhaps they ought to just hand her their junk, car keys, house, and whatever else she will take in the divorce.

Now one commenter piped in about how elegant ordering wine is to a potential mate. He, of course, has an income double the baseline wealthy, at least. No, I won't jump on that. If you have it, great. What I will say is when you have the kind of money to self select, you can do pretty much whatever your pampered butt wants. But in real America, in any of the bars or joints I've been in, if you order wine and you are male, you might as well do it in a dress. Further, one thing you will note? Kings, Emperors, Clergy, and academics on stage... all do wear dresses, essentially. Oh, call it what you will. It is a sign of power to do what would get a common man beat in the street for doing. Lets not play games.

If you don't have the money, power, fame, or some combinations of such, don't try to pull off some things. Don't. Even then be careful where you try it. I doubt if he has been in a bar where the drinks cost less than an average hourly wage, as a regular patron and ordering wine anyway, in... maybe never. While I did learn to do my own thing, and became handily powerful enough to enforce my ability to do so, I also learned that there are limits for the common boy and man. I would love to see him forced to live on my income, in my world, and try ordering wine at my joints. I don't know if he was serious, which would mean he is delusional about much of the real world... or was joking to see who would play along... or what.

Beside that, as I said, if you like beer, drink beer. If you happen to like wine, fine, do that, but be a little discrete about it. Just know there may be real social hits. And just because some woman prefers wine drinkers? Don't think all, or even a majority, or just the pretty ones do. Be yourself, do your thing up to a point, that is all. Some people's kids...

Memorial Day.

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I really don't like this holiday.  No, it's good to remember family, friends, and even associates who have died.  It is good to celebrate life, and the bittersweet part of it that is love and love lost.  It is good to get together with family and friends and have a small feast.  For me, I remember some of the lost every other day it seems.  I enjoy life as I live it.  And every meal is a feast for me.  Still, I'm not a working stiff, I won't begrudge you all.  So, enjoy it!

The weather has closed in.  I suppose I could still figure out how to fire up the grill and get something grilled, just because.  And I might too.  I might even drive into town later, whenever I get my legs under me, and see if there is anything good to eat.  Nothing fancy, nothing special, something however that I might be able to make mostly rare.  I love the outside seared sometimes, just to fool my eyes.  Or, really, fool the eyes of other people.  Even my chuck roast is sometimes cooked that way.

Sleep has been great.  Getting to bed has been so natural lately, even with the overcast days.  I am getting to bed before midnight and waking before 8:00, if this morning it did take the first alarm clock to get me ready, and the threat of the 8:00 alarm to get me up by 7:30.  A pot of coffee is on, and I put the whole pot of beans on the heater.  That is lunch and dinner, if I might cook an egg.  If I do get to town, I will probably grill tomorrow.  I am on the higher dose of medicine, finally, too.  If, in two weeks, I am normalized on the stuff and bp is still not coming down I may consider adding just a bit more.  The doctors want double the amount I am taking, and possibly even more, so me creeping up isn't a problem.  For me, I just have to watch out for medicinal wipe-out.  That is worse than even my occasional crashes, deeper, darker, blanker.  And, while I am not extremely active, I am keeping some things... at least in the queue.  I am doing a few small things.  I am keeping fed, mostly.  All good, it keeps the door open from my side, so when an opportunity knocks I have a chance to scramble to it.

With this weekend I have taken all bets off the table and am just enjoying some down time.  But conscious downtime, and there is a big difference.  If you push, and nothing moves, but you are sweating and cursing and sore, did you do any work?  A physicist will tell you that you did not.  God knows I did.  I need some time, sometimes, where I am simply leaning.  That is this time.

I hope you have a great weekend.  Get out with family, friends, co-workers, or even join me in the virtual slacker lounge.  I might even join you in a beer or two.  I think I have some olives left for a beertini.  Love those myself.  Hmm, a snifter of scotch after a grilled meal tomorrow would be nice.  My bottle is feeling a bit neglected.  May your memories be powerful, moving, and every bit as bitter and sweet as you can handle.  There is nothing wrong with that.