In theory.

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And given the givens.  A tank off it's tracks, while not completely defunct, is imperilled and with limited offensive capababilita.  So it it is.  Drag me to a well devised choke point and I can hold them off for days... longer if not betrayed.  Oh yes, not finished yet.  Not by a long shot.

Strange.

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I can't eat much.  Nothing tastes good.  Fatted tea is too heavy, light food just isn't cutting it.  Cabbage was okay.  Perhaps if I could boil eggs?  Especially with salad and plenty of salad dressing, as well as eggs.  Hmm, I lost the avocado and it is gone.  Bah! Perhaps buying more, as it is an excellent source of fat and goes exceptionally well with salad, olive oil dressings, and eggs.  You either love some of this stuff or it is terrible.

I made mixed meat and mushroom meat patties, along with cabbage.  I have eaten, but was tired of the food almost immediately, save for cabbage and butter.  I even spiced well, and added eggs to create a true meat loaf, if in smaller portions.  Just... boring.  I have about half the mash left.  I may fry it before long, using it in an egg and bacon casserole.  I can hope that is better.  Maybe I just don't like food anymore?

What is more annoying?  In spite of not being able to eat, my blood sugar is going up!  I may stick just with broth and cream and fatted tea, as little of that as I can eat?  Or more, as much as I can eat.  Annoying.  I'll keep at it.  Stupid, but nothing non-keto, and light volume to boot.

I need to finish a few things, then head to bed.  It's getting late.  Good night.

Awake.

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An ugly morning.  Improving quickly.  Food, in short order, will help.  The extra sleep, while still needed, became too much sleep.  Another day or two of it and life might be better.  It might take a bit to come down from the dose of medicine?  Another day to week, perhaps.  Fine.

Breakfast and a fatted tea shortly.  The ducks were managed a bit ago.  I would like to figure out a way to create nesting, so they won't crush their eggs when I feed them.  They haven't started laying yet, but it isn't far off, especially since they have already started eating their new food!  I am amazed, less than a week, if with half a week of mixed feed before.  Still, pleased about how fast they switched.  I'll hold off feeding the girls.  Especially being up a couple hours earlier than usual.

One more change of medication.  I wanted to change things one at a time though.  I feel fluid build up.  The deal, however, is if I take extra water pills I have agreed to take extra potassium.  Not a problem.  Otherwise my potassium drops to the border of too little.  I've discussed that before.  Finally a path I can afford.  I tried just two water pills, but that just isn't feeling right... a bit too swampy in there.  It might even account for some of the extra weight and lethargy.  Water, even just in cavities, is exhaustive.

Between a nap and a sleep.

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Much needed.  It helped.  I have been awake several hours but may go on back to sleep.  Part of the reason I am so tired is a strange version of insomnia.  Some of it from trying to push or pull sleep and wake cycles, some of it from things on my mind or schedule, but some of it, most of it, is from this odd inability to realize I needed sleep... just drifting through the need in a deep fog.

It may be medicine related.  I was taking one more carvedilol at night.  I meant to quit that... a while ago.  I did stop yesterday night.  Perhaps that is how I was able to sleep tonight.  It feels great, as if I am catching up on sleep.  I am, and feeling much better for it.

Someone has been going through my posts.  Every once in a while they might have a point.  I don't always get it, but sometimes.  Often it tracks with recent comments, when I understand.  It's the music I enjoy most.  Deep has been dug.  Perhaps looking for something or just looking.

Anyway, back to bed.  I am hoping to figure out swimming tomorrow.  As well, maybe a few other things.  I am well enough I will let the felines in tonight.  When well rested their company is good.  Good night, again.

So late.

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I couldn't get to bed well, easily, in a timely manner.  Zapped, but something was off.  Too full?  Part of it.  I'll be careful about food today.  I am hoping to sleep earlier tonight.  Perhaps if I can push some heavy work through this morning.  A couple of very solid, and a few light, work efforts, but early in my day.

Breakfast shortly.  Ribs and salad later.  Fatted teas through the day.  Perhaps an apple cider vinegar ketonic before the heavier meal.  If you have at least a bm a day, less than four, that tells me I am eating right, or closer to it.  No softserve, no rocks, keto is good for that if I stay on it.  While I had pizza yesterday, I at enough fat else to... butter the skids.  The only problem was that I may have eaten too much.

I was feeling a bit beat up when waking, and while trying to wake for five hours before. Every few hours I would, like the ground hog, pop up to see if it was time.  Even when I did wake it didn't feel right.  Had to push.  The aches are passing, if I am still sleepy.  Ducks were tended first thing.  I just started their new feed.  They aren't taking to it right yet.  I knew that was a likelihood.  I may only use this feed through egg season.  While corn has problems, it does provide warmth.  Cats will get tended shortly.  Sam is already telling me it is time.  If I blow her off long enough, Sassy takes over.  A couple hours later, they become hostile.

Dishes, maybe a load of laundry, work in the kitchen and bedroom, perhaps living room.  But be done by, say, 20:00.  I need to settle after work.  The harder I worked, the more time I need to cool down.  Assuming I can get to work, keep at it.  I can always hope and try.  Later.

Hungry?

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No.  But I should be.  One of my purchases was a end date steak.  It was set for tomorrow, and ribs, burger, and something else.  Not necessarily all to be cooked tomorrow, though maybe.  If in no way all to be eaten tomorrow.  Fresh mushrooms and half a pound of brussels sprouts were ready, all but calling my name.

Of course, those had to be ketofied.  How?  Butter, a quarter pound, plus a tablespoon with the steak.  The steak wasn't the fattest, being a new york strip, but not lean either.  Still, I have learned that butter just doesn't hurt, on keto.  Fat on fat.  I have gained weight, but that was from falling off keto.

Up to 268.  I had plateaued at 260, give or take four pounds, until I ran out of medicine then hit the flu.  I am hoping swimming and spring through fall will get me going.  That is down from 285.  I really want to find trail heads.  My initial goal is still 240, then a reassessment.  Perhaps that will be enough, if I doubt it.  I am guessing another twenty to forty pounds off.

I checked swimming pools again.  I really want the high school, but it looks like the only have a short adult lap time once a day during school.  If that is a mistake, and the have two swim times, I'll definitely give them a shot.  Not sure about the aca... gas was getting stolen.  I have a disability tag now though.  Still, if it was staff, it wouldn't matter.  There is another pool, possibly.  Any available I would like to give a try.  I suppose even aca, if on a trial basis.  Being a vet may make my auto a target for college types, from staff to student.  Perhaps there is a way around that.  Perhaps not.  Though this will also be possibly true at a high school.

Ugh.  Not sure I will get out tomorrow.  If not, Friday.  I am stuffed and tired.  Food was super.  I always worry about short buys, but this one was quite good, excellent.  Everything else was amazing.  So much better than fast food, if I don't count pizza as fast food.  Good night.

Ah, right.

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An appointment.  Midafternoon.  I tried to wake earlier, starting at 10:00.  Not unti 11:30 could I wake.  Still, that is a solid push back.  Of course, I forgot the paperwork.  But he wants to see the lab work, which I had to sign to transfer from the V.A.  I need to get out tomorrow anyway.

There may be an extra advantage to having an outside doc.  I'll know before long.  It'll be well worth extra visits.

I also went on to shop.  Cabbage, some meat, other veggies too, all good keto boy stuff.  Beef ribs for tomorrow, and brussels sprouts, along with fatted teas and the keto seed pudding/cereal.  And I am going to call about swimming again tomorrow.  I don't care if I am too tired, I'd like to get back to it.  Two to three times a week, probably two to start.

I'm telling you, baby oil, with coconut and shea oil, especially if diabetic, is super.  No more skin issues, infections to sores to other... save for my hands, if lightly in just one palm for now.  It isn't bleeding or pierced through, just stained.  Only on one side.  I thought this might make that go away, I guess that will always come and go as it will.

Yeah.  I won't fast until the thawed meat is gone, so starting the middle of next week.  I may have overdone thawing.  Then again, I am hungry, and much of it can be grilled which means it has a strong opportunity to go faster.  Hot food so I don't chill like I did the other night.  That was both crazy and spooky.

Later.

Late down, late up.

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Medicine.  I was so late taking the first dose in order to take both doses I had to be up very late.  I like six hours between doses, if even that can be tight.  I would have been to sleep much earlier otherwise.  When I push through, I have to come down from the effort.  You would think I could just collapse at the finish line, but no.

Dreams, lately.  Good ones, from what I can remember.  A few women I would have liked to have had more time with, however closely or distantly I did end knowing them, some cars I enjoyed driving, places I had forgotten visiting.  To be honest, the more I saw, did, knew, the more I just wanted to go home.

I honestly only ever wanted just one woman.  The rest were attempts to replace the irreplaceable.  Couldn't remember her, so couldn't let her go and move on.  Now, sure, if a bit late.  At least I can finally remember her fondly, sweetly, kindly... and... if not completely let go, at least move on.  Enough should a good woman become available I might go her way.  No replacement, a new woman in her own right.

Dishes have gotten a fresh soak.  Only half filled, over half cold water.  It may need emptied and completely refilled, then given an hour to cool.  Too hot then, really, but I can manage.  Heavy duty gloves...  Then back to the kitchen and bedroom.  A bite to eat first, and to check on the trash, pulling the barrel back either way.  Yeah.

Good day.

Very good.

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Surprised.  Blood sugar is back to under two hundred, 191 to be exact.  From the mid to high 300's just last night, to getting back to where I was... didn't expect that.  Plenty of fatty food.  I am soaking chia and flax seed, enough for two to three meals.  I will refrigerate the remainder, if it will all be gone tomorrow so it probably doesn't matter.  I am soaking it in water now, then adding cream and milk for a cream by cream milk.  Mostly cream that is, a cup or two.

As well, I am quite warm.  Too warm.  Go figure.  Ah, but I figured out about the trash pickup... holiday.  Most likely.  I may see about recycling.  Some neighbors have it out, some don't, not sure if I need it.  I don't think I have a bag out there, or even enough to gather a bag.

It's been a slow few days.  Too cold, blood sugar hard spike, worn from last week, now too hot.  I'll try to get back to it before long.  It baffles me how fast I can drop from doing well.  Then again, when doing well, I am straining to function at that level in ways none of you can understand.

Always tired, beyond your comprehension.  It reminds me of when I was submerged at great depth.  Crushingly exhausting, always.  At least I can breath easily, without a mask... probably part of the reason I couldn't handle that sleep air thing.  Crushing is bad enough.  Had to be seriously professional to live in such an environment and use such tools.  Madness was always a risk.  I am no longer professional enough.

Later.

Can't trust anyone.

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My blood sugar was good, with the food.  To try a full meal, I ordered tea, unsweetened.  I ate the food and it barely registered.  Then I drank the tea.  It seemed flavored, should have known.  It elevated my blood sugar by more than a hundred and fifty points, and it remain nearly a hundred points high this morning.  It said green tea. It isn't.  I don't know if they gave me the wrong stuff, if the had sweetened in the container before and neither emptied or cleaned the container, or if they add a flavoring to their tea that has dextrose or something else in it.  I just know businesses cannot be trusted.

I was to bed late.  Very late again.  I forgot the trash last night, though realized it before bed, more while getting in bed.  I couldn't do much about it by then, save hope to wake and get it out by noon.  Up at 10:00 to 10:30, dressed, and out right away.  I was surprised to be up that early and out that quickly.  I can't be sure I was out with it in time.  I'll know shortly.

I can't remember if the critters have been fed and watered yet.  A quick check, while I check the garbage as well.  The girls haven't been fed for certain.  I very rarely feed them first thing, unless I forgot the day before.  Otherwise they push for me to wake before I am ready, even clawing me.  No, several random numbers of hours after I wake, longer if they helped wake me on their own (sometimes I get them to help me wake).

Well, I'll keep at it.  I have meat thawed, won't need to go out to eat.  I do need to do a bit of shopping though.  Beef ribs tops my list, though various roasts would be good, chicken for roasting, and maybe parts, plus fresh eggs, and of course veggies.  No fruits anymore.  Later.
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Probably missed the trash pickup.  Oh well.  Next week.  I'll leave it out until this evening just in case.  Gah!

I don't fully understand.

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Strange responses?  No...  Only, from such a strange style.  Definitely from a human woman's perspective.  It's almost... annoying.  It's how women, real women, reason, speak, think, when they have surrendered to something... someone.  It's difficult because of the fights that lead there, and the ones yet to come?  Yes.

Blew half the gig.

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Last night, that is.  My fast, had to quit.  After a shower, dressing as warmly as possible, then kicking the furnace to 78° F, I was absolutely freezing.  It actually seemed on the verge of dangerous.  Only a day and an half of fasting, and it was a warmer evening, above zero, no wind.

Eating was what I considered the only solution.  Initially salami, cream cheese, and a fatted tea.  That simply wasn't enough.  I thought more hot fatted tea, but that just wouldn't do it.  I needed solid food, but had nothing thawed or otherwise ready.  So out I went.  Fast food, but as carefully chosen as possible.

Well chosen as it turns out.  Blood sugar is still slowly dropping.  Not as fast as if fasting?  Below 200, finally.  Actually about along a similar trajectory as fasting, just a bit more shallow.  Fat fasting, technically.  I may go out again tonight, but put meat out to thaw so I don't have to keep going out.

I couldn't sleep until I warmed back up and then could cool down.  I am hoping to crash earlier tonight.  Later.