Warming, finally.

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Awake, but just barely.  Crashing, hard, fast.  Not sure if a nap will do, but will try.  Or just stay awake as long as I can?  I hate when I am stuck between crashing and choosing to push on.  I don't think I can push on.  But I can try to make it a nap, not a full sleep.

It is 82, at 13:07.  It's a nice 82, so far.  I brought in all but the three pants from the line.  I think they are dry, but want to give them more time, and in the sun.  They had been in the shade.  Even with the sun moving to eventually get them, I had to reposition them so that they were definitely in the sun.

I have t he ducks a splash of water, while at it.  And, earlier, I filled the dishpan at the side of the house, but added a big rock, so any silly little ones who figure out how to get in can also get out.  The big ducks won't be able to bathe in it, as they had been, but they can still clear their bills of muck.  It's something, a compromise.

Bacon and eggs were breakfast.  Medicine was taken.  It might even be late enough to take night medicine.  BP is 139/90 with a pulse of 72?  I felt a little off, thought it was blood sugar.  It is this bp.  Not a bad bp, just not a familiar range.  Actually, that is just about what is being sought.  Blood sugar is slightly elevated.  Kefir and 12 cc's of insulin, as I head to a nap.  And night pills, so I won't forget later, or have to take them if I wake at 3:00 or such.

I'm dithering, about calling my mother.  I may call my brother at the beginning of the week as well.  Trying not to be a pest.  But trying to keep a pulse on things.  And encourage the others.  We are all in difficult spots.  But we are, to a degree, what we have.  Oh, he has a wife and kids, she has a guy and many who lover her, I have friends, but... from the old days.

I do love watching the ducklings.  The bigger and littler ones.  I am looking forward to more.  Some will fall.  Yet?  Some will make it.  But, I think, they are learning how to keep them alive.  This is all of their first batches, for the muscovy.  Perhaps for the indian runners, too.  One had a batch before, not sure it's the same girl.  Hadn't named them then.

Have a great afternoon and day.

It is finally warming.

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Chores, and laundry hung.  Three work cargo pants, socks, and open toe compression socks for some nights when I need compression by my toes have had it.  I don't need compression all the time?  Well, maybe.  But I can't do them all the time.  Still, when I need them, there they are.

The birds are looking healthy, happy, and were certainly hungry.  The first batch of ducklings are able to get into the feed pans, sort of.  The new ones are still just tiny little things.  I'm not sure when Henrietta is due, but it won't be too long... assuming she keeps enough of them warm to survive.  Weather like this makes me wonder.  But the other ladies pulled through, so...

The rabbits are all good.  Feed for these this day, water for those next.  Nothing fancy, sometimes odd.  I ought to track their feed and water, but... not sure what that would get me.  More a curiosity thing.  The only one which consistently surprises me is the doe who was so mean.  I think she might be a cross between little and big.  She has the hunger and thirst of the bigger rabbits, and is twice as twitchy and aggressive as the smaller rabbits.  Dominant, brutally so.

I had thought to not deal with her.  However, like it or night, she may have the fight for life you want in a rabbit.  As long as it doesn't turn as deadly to her babies.  She would be worth a shot.  If I can find a male aggressive enough to breed her.  What a bitch, seriously.  Taming of shrews isn't just a human thing.

It was 60 when I went out and started things, a quarter to half after eight.  By a quarter after nine it was only up to 62.  And it's a colder 62, not warm or even warming feeling.  Not a complaint.  I suspect we won't get such a break from the heat, again, for a while?  Who knows though.  Summer may end up dead, or very muted.

BP is 154/98 with a pulse of 76 before medicine has been taken.  Blood sugar is 98 but after breakfast and a first smaller dose of insulin.  BP is better than usual, blood sugar is... probably a bit low.  I best eat something, of course minus insulin.  If it was 150, and I was eating, maybe a small dose.  Besides, bacon and eggs shouldn't drive blood sugar higher.

Food, then gaming as I rest.  A shower, shave, and setting up dishes after that?  It is sort of the plan.  Plans are great until they fall.  I may end up needing a nap somewhere in there.  Still, it's possible to get all things, and more, even with a nap.  That is the wonderful thing about waking early.  Good morning and day.

Colder yet.

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It is 38, as of a minute ago, outside.  I keep sliding.  The sun has been up a bit.  That hasn't changed anything, but won't for a few hours.  Probably.  It is, from word of mouth sources, supposed to get into the 100's, sources from other sources, this week.  Weekend?  I... don't know.  I don't bother with weather news.  It is often as accurate and precise, either really, as any other news.  Only they can't manipulate the reality around the reporting, in this system.

A fatted coffee, this morning.  More for the warmth than anything else.  Hungry, but... just don't have an easy meal and am not quite up to cooking yet.  Perhaps the coffee will help.

A bit of clearing of a drawer in the bathroom.  More laundry gathered if I'm not sure enough has been collected to do a load.  Maybe, a very small load of whites?  If I can get warmed, and breakfast, I would like to shower, shave, and then get dishes started.  As well, when it warms a bit, I would like to get the laundry out on the line.

I have started collecting trash, with recycling done and rebagged.  And rebagging some of the other trash cans in the house.  Quite a bit of work.  Not sure what is happening, but I'll... do what I can, as I can, when I can.  I love to work.  When it just flows, even when I have to push... when I can see to it, and am able.  If it were just a will thing, my home would be immaculate.  You have no idea how much this pains me, to live like this.

Still, for today, I have been doing a bit.  Hopefully, maybe, back to work, to some degree.  If today remains cool, and by the time I am free to do so, I am hoping to gather branches and twigs, and get ready for help moving the other hutch so that it, too, is open north and south, while being sheltered east to west.  That latter is where the sun might hit it.  And, if faced that way, I can completely open the north and south for much more airflow.  But branches and twigs are in the way.

Coffee!  Right!  Before that gets cold.  And some gaming as I take a break from this last little batch of tasks.  Be well.

A small start to the day.

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Mostly just enjoying the morning.  A few bottles collected, put into the recycling can, then that bagged and taken out.  Missed a bottle.  Oh well, I'll do that shortly.  It was right in my field of vision.

I closed the front door and turned off the fan.  Even that wasn't enough.  It continues to get cooler.  While taking out the recycling bag, I checked... 41.  It's still dropping out there.  And it's a cold 41.  Something in the air.  Moisture?  It's cold, not cool.  I'll have to get a jacket.

I best feed the girls, shortly, as well.  And clear their litter.  Twice a day, for that, even if Sam is outside for much of the day.  Doubly so if she isn't.  She drinks and pees twice as much as Sassy and Sassy is twice her size.  Weird, but it is what it is.

I think I'll game, a bit, to try to warm up.  After getting a jacket and long jonhs on.  I had thought I wouldn't need leggings, but I think I do... at least until, unless, it warms up outside.  But, geez, it is freezing, even in here at... 67, near the computer?  It is nearly mid June, right?  Temp is still dropping, even in here.

I changed the water for the water kefir grains.  But, this time, it took two half gallon jars, as the grains have probably tripled to quadrupled.  I won't be adding more jars to this process, but will maintain two.  Though, if I have enough set up, I will Put in the sugar and molasses, then put them in the refrigerator.  That will slow the process.  I will, then, add sugar one a week, say a cup.  As they grain build, I will pull those, and, what, eat them?  Don't know.  They sort of remind me of gummy bears.

Kefir, nuts, and swiss cheese for breakfast.  With a side of insulin.  While it isn't what most Americans expect, want, or could even tolerate, once I got away from all the processed feed, and artificial flavor boosters from the toxic waste they offer for ease and convenience, this breakfast is... reasonable.  Far too boring for most.  But you learn to taste the little bit in hazel nuts, and pecans are quite flavorful.  Swiss cheese is a thing of it's own, and kefir is mostly sour.  To be honest, I consider myself a special kind of wealth for my current regular feeds.  

I might be behind on utilities, again, somehow.  And I may be low for the month.  Not sure... what I did wrong, though I best check to see if they took mortgage, or twice, or something.  But, not only that I eat more rightly, but that I appreciate it?  Something are beyond coin.  Wealth is something which is difficult to be replaced, at any cost.  This may or may not be that, but I think of it as an asset.

Hmm, yeah, perhaps a choco fatted coffee, this warming.  To warm and enjoy.

Later.

A good morning.

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I can't be certain when I went to bed.  I think it was around 17:00, maybe as much as an half hour past.  It wasn't 18:00, at least a quarter away.  But it might have been just a few minutes after 17:00.  My memory became... problematic.  Though too, and again, after resetting it correctly, it looks like my alarm clock, upstairs, is back on central time.  Though was it that way last night, and whether that was the clock I used as reference, are both questions to which I simply don't know the answer.

Sleep was good.  I woke at what I thought was a bit after three.  Central time, or eastern time?  It is 02:48, actual time.  I am not sure how long it took me to actually wake, figure out clothing, and shoes, and... I... spent a lot of time waking and getting up and going.  But, no, I think... it was just, probably, all within an half hour.  Gah!

Sleep was good.  Woke several times not remembering quite where I was.  Idaho?  New York City?  Iowa?  On a destroyer, a sub?  I could tell, after a short listen, that it wasn't NYC.  Though, in these days?  Maybe it is a dead city?  Or does it ever die?  Perhaps only in the mausoleums the rich inhabit, and those neighborhoods?  At least until the hood comes for them in bulk.  I am not sure I ever sorted out where I was?  Maybe.  I just don't remember getting to that point.  I think I was asking out loud, in case a woman was around.  Waiting for a possible, sleepy, woman's voice, asking "Hmm?  What's up babe?".

Downstairs and upstairs is all around 70.  I think, oddly, it was warmer near me.  Windows were closed, but a fan on.  Just upstairs, on me.  It was 73 near me.  it is 45 outside.  Not too cool to enjoy, actually.  So I opened the front door just a bit, and have a fan going in the front room, to balance me, the machine, router, and light.  Staying right at 70.

I still have two jackets hung out.  Those are thick hefty material, and layered of it.  More cold fall through colder spring items, which will be put up after washing.  I have my synthetics ready to go out on the line in a bit.  Don't really want to do it in the dark.  Not afraid of the dark, that is... one of my claimed zones.  It's more a matter of not wishing to hang things wrong.  I will be trying to figure out how best to hang things so the seems are right, and they fold well.  I need to see to do this thing correctly.  Maybe when I have developed a best practice, then I can do it in the dark.

Still very pleased with the chicks.  Maybe some will make it, maybe none.  Life isn't in my hands.  Neither is death.  Not fully, or in very many ways.  For life, there must be death, of course.  But, for whom the bell tolls?  That is not within my purview, even when it seems to be.  Even God, in a dream, told me death is not preferred.  A whispered thing.  A thing I took to heart.  I... didn't like the restraint, initially.  Does He know with whom He was speaking?  Yes, and probably better than I know.  So be it.  I have come to... if not understand?  To... cope with, or... accept, perhaps even rationalize.  If He asks it, then so be it, as far as I am able.  Hey!  I thought I was Cain!  :p

I didn't get dishes started.  But I will today.  One thing at a time, as much as I can do, and at it.  I did get laundry not only, I think, all loads possible in and done, most dried, and much of it upstairs to be finally sorted, folded, hung, but towels folded and mostly away, and... a very good run on those.  Took all day, small batches, when and what I could do.  Hanging the coats about busted my balls, but... And the towels, when I hung those.  Ugh.  Still, it's all a start.

The hope is to finish dishes, then begin clearing and cleaning.  I have the counters in half decent shape.  They and the cooktop need a more thorough clearing and cleaning, but are so-so to start.  Then to hit the table, and get to where I can begin sharpening blades, and maybe having my meals, and doing business, out there, on that.  Well, and finishing the bathroom.  

I would like to get the bathroom to absolute spic and span cleanliness, then keep it that way.  I have been keeping the toilet, and sink, really well... once I figured out how to get the sink clean.  The tub is clean, but needs sorting a bit.  Ugh.  One thing at a time, but getting there.  I wonder if if it is plastic, from the base of the plastic tub I use as a wash basin.  Perhaps, with very hot water, it melts a bit onto the porcelain in the cast tub?  Anyway...

Well... that's that, for now.  Milk should be showing up today.  Five gallons, and cream.  Yes, I am going through that much milk, turning it into kefir.  I may have to add one more jug.  I am also practicing to see if the jars do better with the lids tight, or loosened a bit.  

For the vinegar, yes that is still a thing, it works far better to shut and tighten the lids.  If I leave them a little open, white potentially mold begins to settle on top.  As well, I have found that if any fruit begins to come to the surface?  Remove it.  But with a water fill, NOT with a spoon.  Swirl too.  A spoon may be handy if the stuff has gotten to the sides, at the top, and is clinging.  

The last few days, after flushing the mold very well and consistently, twice a day, have been mold free... with the lids cranked down.  Not airtight lids, but... I'm not sure that is wise either.  Anything forming at the top gets dumped, then rinsed, and replaced with fresh water.  It is beginning to do well.

I suspect the water kefir should be changed.  One last dumping of it all?  Or this and next time?  Then on to getting that going for real, and beginning to bottle it in those swing top, old time soda bottles.  A little fruit in with them, as they second ferment on the counter for a day, then into the fridge for a couple of days.  Headspace and a little caution are your friends in these processes.

Well... enough about all that.  Good morning and good day.

Some things bring cheer.

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While sorting through life, and troubles, toils, and efforts, I started a load of laundry.  Jackets and other heavier things.  Those were done, and the sun is out.  It's in the low 70's out there, maybe just at 70 last time I looked?  I thought so.  But warm enough, and no threat of rain I could tell, so the items were set out to dry.

While out there, Sam... wanted attention.  I mean... really wanted attention.  I gave her some, and promised to let her in when I went in.  This seemed to relax her.  Not sure what was up, but it's okay.  I'll take care of her, and tend her as I may.  Little, and old, but she has as much say as I can offer.

While putting up the clothes, Mourning Dove was acting a bit peculiar.  Fearful?  She usually isn't afraid of me, or as afraid as others.  I stopped what I was doing, and approached, gently, slowly.  She began acting a bit more peculiar, so I stopped.  Aha!  She has chicks.  Four, little blobs of yellow, black, feather, beak, and feet.  Tiny little things.  So I calmed her and backed away.

So, at least for now, it looks like I have two mommas with, currently, seven chicks, and more on the way with another of the ladies.  Oh, I am quite pleased.  There really isn't much I can do for them.  Make sure the pool is on a tilt, so they won't drown (probably).  Don't fill the side dishpan pool, until they are all bigger.  Tossing feed just for them doesn't seem to get them fed any better.  The mothers seem to know how to feed them, by showing them where, how, and maybe what to eat?  Still, I will toss some feed on the ground... where they can see me doing it.  Not much else I can do.  I am so pleased.

Hmm?  Well, dishes, it is hoped, yet later today.  I'm not moving fast, or well.  It is cool enough, in here, still.  At 75, near the computer, in the front room, mid-afternoon, and cooler everywhere else, it's okay.  Still, sleep is off, food is off, bp still isn't all that good, and blood sugar... at least that wasn't too bad last time... 141 I think?

Yes, dishes.  Oh, and another load of laundry to be put out, in an hour when it is done, or so.  Mostly pants, synthetics, work cargoes.  Those will go on the other other line, and I'll bring in what little is dry.  Dishes may just go in, and not all of them.  Most though.  Pots and a pans, cooking utensils, for now.  Not a lot to do, but I'm not moving fast or well.  That will have to do.

Fragile.

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Some days are so... unnerving.  I can't die, or live.  I... have found I am able to take care of a few animals... feebly.  I can't keep them all alive, but have created a system of feeding, watering, containing, and/or loosing which allows most of them to survive.  And, when things cool, perhaps I will be able to begin more of a production... in which I can gather the fruits of my efforts.

Still, for now, just feeding, watering, and tending litter, for a few creatures... and myself... is about as much as I have been able to successfully do.  I may be stepping up, for another project or two.  But... those are... only possibilities.  I have fairly stout limitations.  Even so, I am making plans to do more.

I have quite alcohol, tobacco, and carbs mostly.  I take my medicines, when I can, as faithfully as I am able.  I have done everything I can do to improve my condition.   Even caffeine has been slashed to a few times a week.  None of it seems to matter.

I keep hanging on.  Not because I know I will improve, but because I know it could be worse.  And I suspect it will get much worse, long before it gets better.  I have surrendered my option of suicide.  So, I... will probably live a fairly humble... humbler... life in some not too distant future.  A year?  Ten?  Thirty?

To be honest, those aren't the problems.  It is being alone to do more than I can do.  A minor boss might help.  A little guidance, a little help, someone to do what I can't, when I can't, and probably vice versa.  Not all that fancy.  But, it seems, all help comes with fairly high costs of association.  It's just the way of it.  Damned, as they say, if you do and if you don't.

I have learned not to care.  No, not in the way it could mean.  Only... to let go... of ego, and wants, and demands.  To do merely what I can, when I can.  And, so, I do.  But it can feel like a shallow, nearly empty, life of service to... ideas, principles, theories, philosophies, which I can never hope to fully grasp.  Still, it's... I know, at least, what I can't do.  And I have some idea of what I can do.  And, so, I do it.

Fragile.  But... too... there is a grace in that.  Just that.  Later.

Ducks, rabbits, and cats.

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Mostly.  I still have litter to hit.  But I did that last night, last thing.  Maybe even this morning?  I can't be sure about this morning.  Though, if so, right as I woke.  Anyway, the critters have been watered and fed as needed, cats have already had two meals and snacks.  Sam is outside.  She'll have her fun then let me know funtime is over.

It has been slowly warming.  At 64, right at 11:00, it's not bad.  Still rather cool in the cave.  I have closed it up, to keep what I can though.  I'll be able to take the jacket off shortly.  Maybe.  It is up to 70, in this front room.  Who knows how much it might warm.  Or if more of these are around the corner.  Never say never, we just had a never.  Actually, a whole bunch of them.

I'll have to see what I have for food.  Not a lot thawed, but the instapot is good for that.  I'm not, mostly, hungry.  Though, that works right until I am starving.  Kefir, perrier, and fatted coffees do a bit, but real food really has to be eaten from time to time.  I'm thinking another roast pork, maybe beef if I have a chuck.  Later in the week, I'll make chicken... or... a few days from now, anyway.

I best get to something else.  No more laundry, not until I am more sure about the outdoors... it getting back to normal.  Though, I suppose, it doesn't have to be warm?  And the sun, even if it is cool, will do it's work, at it's current angle?  Don't know, for sure, but think so.  Dishes and laundry, today, then.

Be well.  Later.

Still pretty cool out there.

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Up nine points, to 41, just a bit before 08:00.  I had to close the windows.  The cold was getting into the house.  It had dropped from 68 when I came down to 65.  Very strange, those windows had been open all night already.  Maybe morning air movement was bringing it in, but I didn't feel that.  Just, of a sudden, a sudden frigid environment.

Someone is visiting very old posts.  I'm never sure why.  Just as stories?  Is there some understanding, belief, or the want of such?  I never can tell why.  Some of those stories bring back rather strong memories.  Nancy, Shelly before her, the pressures of chastity when... I didn't know better, of my own accord.  I simply knew that... some things weren't allowed by civil society, in spite of almost being pushed by it?  The confusion as lies build up and pregnancies can happen.  It's all a trap, and, yet, not.  It just seemed, doing the right thing, or the wrong thing, made me the bad guy.  Even by the bad guy who became the good guy who... wanted me to be the bad guy.  I was the bad guy, I just... didn't want to... make babies, quite yet.

Other memories, thoughts.  Someone is digging.  Dreams, which... may or may not have anything to do with a past I don't remember.  Dreams, of course, always have elements of fiction, or often can.  But... not always.  And, not always the one some suspect.  I account my dreams as well as I may.  Even if I know something in the dream is not accurate to life, I write it as I dreamed it, not as I know it.  And I pretty much stick to the script, even if I don't like the script.  The dream isn't mine to alter.

But very strange what is being picked to review.  All good.  I do see that my blog, like myself, is slowly dying.  I'm not sure which will hit bottom first.  Probably the blog.  I am not even certain it is being allowed visibility, if I do my part in that.  I think other parties make even a direct search difficult.  If one doesn't have a link to a post by which to enter, access may not be easily made.  My guess, then, is this is an old timer.

At it again.

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Awake at about 03:30.  Give or take a quarter, if I'm pretty sure that is nearly spot on.  And hour and ten has passed.  Where it went is anyone's guess.  Not fully awake yet.  Blood sugar was probably high, had fast food last night.  Not the soda, or even fries.  Sometimes it doesn't matter.  So kefir and insulin for breakfast.  Pills, soon.  Should have taken them with kefir, it's mostly drinkable.  But... forgot.

It was 68~69, warmer near me, upstairs.  It is 68 everywhere down here, or anywhere with readings and the front and back of the house feel similar enough.  Even with the machine running, a light on, and me here, it has only jumped a degree in here.  Outside, last I looked, was 33.  

Microsoft added "extra data", with their most recent patch, including a false weather report, suggesting it was 39 outside.  It took me ten minutes to figure out how to turn off their propaganda package.  Always lying about the weather, temperature, politics.  It's... all they offer.  I... know their master, and rejected that one soundly.  I reject that one's rejects as well.  Losers grow up to... be bigger losers.  Money doesn't change much.

I had thought to hit chores, but it may yet freeze tonight.  No need mess with that whole problem.  I'll wait until sunup.  I could fill some waterers, though.  Then again, getting fresh water, that will be cold as ice.  Even indoors.  I don't want to run the furnace, as 68 is fine by me, at the moment... dressed warmer.  So... that will wait too.

I suppose I could fuss with laundry.  Put another load through, synthetics... pants, a few sock types, a shirt or two.  The best work pants I have... Duluth Trader... good for work, and they are excellent cargo pants.  I just wish they weren't so pricey.  A hundred a pair, on sale, more or less?  Once in a while, a bit lower, but not much.  I'm not sure if I have enough woolens or anything else.

I am almost hoping for sunshine, to find out how well that works with clothes.  Though, if I get a couple more cool days, I'll take it.  I'll have the rest of summer to burn myself and my clothes.  Rarely will I get natural 68 days, inside, even with fans and ac, even two or three units going.  It just doesn't work that way.  Though going from the low 80's, which was already down from the mid 90's, to the high 50's as highs, and from the 60's to the 30's as lows?  Very strange.  I'm pretty sure I've never seen anything like this, in this season.  But I'll take it gladly.

If I didn't mention it, it looks like the egg sitter is one of the indian runners.  If I suspect one of the muscovy hens is also hiding a batch, somewhere.  She is a bit of an oddball though, doesn't play reindeer games with the others, a bit of a loaner.  She is also one of my favorites... Mourning Dove, I named her.  A bit darker grey, but mottled almost similar to the doves.  And one of my mother's favorites, depending on her mood?  Sometimes she seems to love something, then she is busy and doesn't care, or has moved on.  :p  Women.

Yes, today?  Dishes, laundry, chores of course.  I have been keeping up on cat litter.  Oh, and I'll feed them now.  Never feed them right when I wake, or they become pushy that way.  I actually wait until they leave me alone, and then about an hour or two after that, I feed them.  It... sorts things better.

I'll game, a bit, first... to wake up.  At 68, it is a bit cool.  But I don't want to warm the house.  It may become blazing out there.  Never heat the house in the summer.  It would take days to get that out of the place if it turns hot on top of it.  A jacket, or sweater, if I am too cold to function right.  Good morning and day.

Very cool out there.

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It is 44 just now, was 50 an half hour ago, may be dropping to freezing or below.  The wind is gone, but the cold is definitely here.  Tomorrow?  Who knows.  For all I can be sure, it might be right back to 80, 96, or even into the 100's.  When it isn't going cold, it seems to be going extra hot.

I had been sleeping.  A minor interruption.  I think I may go back to bed in a bit.  I did end up putting a load of laundry through, but will just dry those in the machine... if I haven't.  But I do like the feel of hung dried clothes.  I would like to have the sun hit the clothes, though, too.  That just... cleans, in a way no soap or water can.  The clothes feel fuller, stronger, better somehow... even just from air drying.  I can only imagine what the sun will do.  Looking forward to finding out.

Well... on to dishes, and laundry, at least checking things, and getting a few loads of dishes set up.  Medicine has already been taken.  Except slow acting insulin?  I think so.  A bit of computing, maybe just a touch of gaming, then back on to bed.  I should sleep quite well.  I have some windows open, up and down stairs.  I may sleep with a fan, but won't need the ac, or even both fans.  Though, to be honest, I'm not sure the second fan upstairs helps in any significant way.  I may have to work at configuring it so that it does?  I don't know, will see.

Later, or more likely good night.

Warming.

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While I did have windows in the main part of the house open, I was worried it would heat up, then overheat the house.  So I opened the front door a bit.  To track the general feel.  And, before taking a shower, I checked.  It had risen to... 64?  Right.  And my humidity reading?  Lo.  Lo%?  Really?  Very, very strange.  I have never, since living here, seen that reading.  And the comfort index, at 76 F inside, near the computer, is "uncomfortable, cold".  Very very strange.  The upstairs hygrometer reads 22.  Even that is as low as I have ever seen it.

A shower was taken, and a shave had.  Used a razor I hadn't used before, adjustable.  I... may need to dial it back a bit.  At least until I get used to it.  But, boy did that thing clean the wishers, and the top layer of skin.  Yes siree.  I'll put something on it, in a bit.

I have another load of laundry in, but not going.  Not until the laundry outside is done, and in.  I also need to finish chores, tending rabbits.  Those first, and if ready after, I'll grab the laundry.  Still not sure I should do another load.  Not until I am more secure that it won't rain.  My mother says there is a cold front that came through.  Whatever, but... yeah.

I called her because I have texted someone, about something, several times... to no reply.  Maybe he puts his phone up while working these days?  It is just unusual.  So I called to see if the phone really had been shut off.  Nope.  A short call, about this and that.  But, also, checking in.  It... gave me an excuse to call and ask without... calling and asking?  She was doing something else though, or watching something interesting.  Probably the death notifications!  Gah!  Freaky, but... then again... she knows so very many people.  It's here thing, living, dying, dead.  I hope she is missed by the people for her care of them, in this odd little way.  She remembers people who don't even remember themselves.

Anyway... I had to sit, after showering and shaving.  Back is oddly out.  A bit of lifting recently, laundry, this and that.  It has added up.  The only package today?  North Atlantic cod liver... canned, like sardines.  It isn't a pleasure meal.  Not sure I can eat it.  But... the nutrients make it worth a stab.

Blood sugar is down to 86, bp and pulse is a few points lower, top and bottom, and pulse.  Nothing worth mentioning though.  Usually housework, even mild stuff, can help lower bp.  Oh well.  I am taking medicine every time, and fairly well on a relatively normal, for me, schedule.  Bah!

Well... on to resting, before getting to chores, then finishing laundry.  Everything needing dried by machine should be done too.  All in all, a good start to the day, if also nearly a close.  Tylenol, evening meds, slow acting insulin, and maybe eggs, bacon, and fast acting insulin.  Bleh.  Good day.

The wind has gone.

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.

The cool remains.  A strange event, I would call it.

Kefir and water.  Working up to bacon and eggs.  Perhaps a keto mug bread to go with it?  Maybe.  I have fresh ingredients now, it may help.

Someone is digging far back into the older posts, from a decade and more ago, sometimes.  They are looking at... specific things.  They seem to know what they are looking at, for.  Trying to show me something, or just... looking from what has been written recently, here or as comments.  Some of those comments, which are connected to the searches, were never posted.  That, as I have suspected, doesn't mean they weren't read, or captured.  Strange.

No, I knew that was happening.  If I am not certain who is doing the capturing, and elimination of comments.  The host, or an external source.  Your tax money at work, as likely as tech slave labor.  Things must really not be going for them.  Though, too, many of the sites you visit, thinking they are conservative, are false.  Just know that.

I want a shower and shave first.  The rest, other than the rabbits, will just happen when and how they can.  Got a call, purportedly from Verizon, saying my account had been deactivated, could I just put in all my data.  Yea no.  And, right as rain, my phone works just fine.  Not sure why they would go after my phone.  I suppose they are desperate these days.  Just as likely former, or even current, Verizon employees.  Who else would know how to jack that around for some sort of profit?

It is 78 here, near the computer... and I am shivering?  Very, very strange.

Hungry.  Just... can't really get to it, quite yet.  Hopefully soon.  Not a physical hunger, or psychological one either really.  It is a knowledge I need food.  More like a modeling system which realizes the gas tank should be nearing empty, by theory.  I think it is correct, it's all I have to go on currently.  Can't really get hungry these days.  Later.

Wow.

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.

As promised, I got to laundry.  Two loads out, and up, save the unmentionables.  Besides, bullet bras in that wind could... never mind.  Seriously though, boxer or brief?  Both, but it's nobody's business.  Not even, really, my own... other than to know what to buy next time.

I started putting things up, then my fingers started to hurt.  From the cold?  It had been almost 70 shortly before I started.  It... could it be the wind?  Was it strong enough?  I finished putting things up, then returned, checking the temperature on the way.  It has dropped to 57!?!  I... have never seen it do that.  You do realize it is June 10th, right?  It was 80 the last two days, with the wind keeping it even that low.  Very peculiar.  I am sure I have never seen a summer temperature drop without clouds and rain.  There is, or was, a small bit of overcast.  If the real sun blocking was coming from particulate... which has been in the air all night for the last three or four days.  I honestly wonder what is happening, as that simply isn't normal.  Did they burn up California, or Alaska, or... China?

It is 77 near the machine, and I need the warmth!  My bones hurt, and fingers, from the cold.  It was 57 out there, but there was a chill factor happening.  Seriously.  I'll bet it was more like 48~52... roughly.  My kind of weather, but handling wet clothes, on top of having grown used to the 80's and 90's, it threw me.  Interesting.  Interesting times we live in.  Not usually a good thing.  My... kind of times.  Born, built, and dying for these times?  We'll... see.  *wink*

Well, a break, to... warm up.  No need for more laundry, not until the other laundry dries.  No room.  My clothes are HUGE.  I guess I am so used to it, and have never hung them up, so I didn't realize.  A single shirt takes about a yard!  My cargo and sports shorts even take about that much, or more.  Two fifty yard stretches, nearly full with just twenty to thirty items?  Okay, maybe more than a yard.  As I have them as close together as possible.

A shower and shave, after a rest.  Then to set up dishes, do the rabbits, check the laundry on the line and the clothes in the dryer...  Oh, and breakfast, sooner or later.  I took meds, a couple of hours before the last post, taking the new medicine right in the morning.  I switched those for the next two weeks.  So, yeah, I took the new medicine before checking blood pressure, by a long two to four hour lead time.  Bleh.

More today?  Not sure I will get to what is planned.  If I do, and am still awake, and can, then... maybe.  Crazy out there.  I have opened some of the house back up.  Crazy.  Have a good one, be well, and later.

Just about time to get back to things.

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.

Laundry baskets were policed, taken back to the laundry room.  Laundry put in them, another load put to wash.  What isn't to hang dry was put in the dryer.  Litter was managed, for the girls, fresh water brought in, and they were fed.  Vinegars, water kefir, and milk kefir were checked and managed a bit.

Next, after a longer break, is to get the laundry out and up, perhaps putting another load into the wash.  Oh, right, yes, I did get everything closed up, before heat it.  It was at 69 when I started my break a couple hours ago.  After the laundry works, a shower and shave.  Though I may shower and shave before starting the washer.  It doesn't use all the hot water, often I wash on cool to cold, about every other or every third cycle, I'll use warm.  Sometimes, rarely, hot.

If I can get all that going, then I'll get the rabbits what they need.  I have already set the ducks up.  It looks like one of the ladies is sitting another batch.  I... haven't determined which one.  Though, who knows, they may be taking turns?  Doubtful, but... they are starting to... become a herd, as far as ducks go.

As well, dishes will be set up.  though, sometime, I'd like to make bacon and eggs, with some kefir.  And a dose of insulin.  A small dose, perhaps 8 to 12 cc's, depending on... my gut instincts.  Too much and it will crash, nothing and it'll keep going up.  Might keep going up anyway.  Still, better too high than too low, if I... am doing my best to get it right.

Blood sugar is 151 just now, after fatted unsweetened coffee and two cups of kefir?  Blah.  BP wasn't happy, at 152/98 with 78 pulse.  *shrug*

Well... on to those things... whatever they were?  :p  Bleh.  Memory sucks as it heats up and I get tired.  Will try to keep the day going, for a while anyway.

It hasn't cooled, even though it did.

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It only, last I checked, got down to 68.  Which is... rather warm.  But the wind!  Gusting through.  It cooled off inside the house, a bit more than would otherwise have been possible.  To 74 here near the machine, where I have been most of the night.  The rest of the house is around 71 to 73.  Though the back might be cooler.  No reliable device to read the temp back there, yet.

Ugh... the sun is already starting to come up.  Then again, a load of laundry was done.  I could get that out.  I got the towels in.  A wrestling match, though not for their weight or size this time.  I refit the line... which held very well by the way.  I put another loop in it.  But I kept making it too far along.

The rope is tight, knots don't go in or come out easily.  Why I kept overshooting?  Well, in part, it took a lot more line to create a knot that it seemed.  Anyway, I did get the one line tightened up.  I may, after loading that line, before loading the other, tighten the second line.  Then, a break, as that will wear me out.  Then a shower and shave.  After which, another load into the washer.  I will dry some things, I don't put everything out.  Anyway, it's a start.

Not much else done last night.  I did check on the critters.  They are all looking pretty good.  Some were nearly out of water, some were running short on food.  All good, didn't bother last night because they don't eat or drink at night.  Mostly.  But, first thing, I'll get to them.

It almost looks cloudy out there.  But that might just be the morning sky.  Or, possibly, just on the periphery.  I'll know more in a bit.  Blood sugar is right at 100, in spite of having another couple cups of kefir, and a couple ounces of pecans.  Whatever.  Oh, I'll take morning meds while I am at it.

No pain, mostly.  A few odd aches way back, almost off the radar, and I think from wrestling the line, so fair game.  I don't mind pain from effort.  It can be normal, might be natural, especially when using things that haven't been used in a bit.  Tightening 100 feet of line is... a bit more than it might seem (100 feet total, as 50 foot, on a looping track).  Especially after it has weathered a bit.  Still, quite pleased with that line.

On to... something.  Hopefully, eggs and bacon yet this morning.  And more kefir!  I really do love that stuff, and plain.  I just wish there was a sweetener which didn't cause a reaction.  Oh well.  I can live with plain, easily.  And, with pH test strips, I might be able to find out why blood sugar can spike.  Perhaps it really isn't fermenting correctly, fully.  Later.

Not cooling.

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Last time I checked, an hour or two ago, it was just down to 72!  Way too warm to be of much help.  The wind seemed to be going, but it wasn't bringing anything cool in.  It is 77, here near the computer, 75 pretty much everywhere else.  Though, just now... did I feel something cool, air with a touch of moisture?  Or am I just hoping.

Kefir, and a fatted coffee, with a dose of insulin... 16~20 cc's, iirc... and a few hours, three?  Blood sugar is at 116.  Very, very strange.   I didn't trust it, to not crash, so went slow and light with the dosing.  Glad I did.  That's an 84 point drop, with the food that seems to be causing spikes?  Very strange.  There was one other thing I had some concern about... the vinegars I have brewing.  I had been sampling those.  I stopped doing that a few days ago.  So, yea, no.  That isn't it.

I wonder, if I cap the kefir too tightly in the refrigerator, if that will revert altered sugar back into some sort of sugar again?  I can't thing so.  I believe, all that would do, is create a more carbonated drink.  Especially since it is in the fridge only a few days before use, after having fermented well enough on the counter.  So, no.

The only thing I can imagine is if the kefir is being used, or drained off, and refilled with whole milk.  In the fridge, it wouldn't ferment quickly, and would then contain more lactose... sugar... might as well be.  But I'm not seeing evidence of that, and, yes, I have... tricks and traps to check.  They would have to bring their own milk in.  It... becomes a dubious proposition, at that point.

The other thing is, the medicine.  It comes from China.  There is a reason China is not trusted, and shouldn't be making our medicine.  Though, too, our medical industrial complex is almost as lethal to those it sees as unfit, or tries to be, as the military industrial complex.  Both of which are quite comfortably in bed with China.  Ugh.  Not much I can do about that, save try to work my way off insulin.  But... that hasn't been doing so well.  Something isn't adding up.  I have limits as to figuring it out, sorting it out, and finding a solution.

Oh... on to set up laundry, though a shower and shave first.  Which means bringing the towels in.  OH!  Yea, wind just picked up, majorly!  And it IS cooler.  I best get going.  It might even rain.  Anyway, a few things tonight.  I got a few things yesterday.  I'll do what I can.

I would really like to... get things cleared and cleaned, as much as I can, in case my mother shows up.  It won't be immediately.  But... it... if it happens... will happen quickly.  I think she will be happy with my pantry, but will add some things.  I am hoping she can figure out my keto ingredients though, because I won't allow flour, or sugar, in my foods.  I've worked too hard, even if it doesn't really show.  Not even in my health.  Not. the. point.  It is the only thing that slightly works, and the meds I am finally taking, when I can.

Later.

Secret King

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I have heard that used as an accusation.  I... had to laugh.

There is... no secret about it.  As a child of God, which even the darker amongst us may be, there are none but kings.  Urhm, save for the queens.   And, no, if you have to try to get the law to push others to call you that, you... aren't a queen, or king.  Meh.  Those who are not viable sons of God, or who are on a path other than to Rome, are not kings.  Perhaps some may never go that way.  Christ said He was here for the many, not most, certainly not all.  What "the many" means is... for Him to sort.  Though... we can speculate.

I won't speculate, not this time, in this moment, for this post.

A secret winner, then, I am told.  I... did laugh.  There has never been a time I am a secret winner.  Sometimes I do win, but... don't share.  Why bother.  Either do, or do not.  Can I be wrong?  I hope so.  Anyone who thinks they are right all of the time, probably even most of the time, is... seeking headaches beyond their capacity to ameliorate.  Not the exact correct term, but with historic meaning.  For one.  But, that isn't important either.  Remember, Christ won it all by dying.  So... winning... is sort of a tricky thing... assuming you believe.  I think many fail to believe because they can't see victory in the grave.  Fair enough, for animals.  

Further, and to be honest, I... avoid the idea of winning.  Not that I am not competitive.  Not that I don't care about "being right, or correct, or such".  More that, winning, in a world of sin, is a thing of pride.  No heaven can Lucifer show me is greater than my pride.  Watch this thing.  Still, it's more.  It is also because winning, for my sake, on my terms... there is nothing that turns my blood cold and causes more trepidation.  Oh, it could happen.  And I'd regret it only slightly less than Satan regrets his choices, even if zit can't change them.  No no, His will, or nothing.  I'd rather be a humble mouse than a worldly victor.  Or, more, a victor within my will, my way.

I pray I don't win, not too consistently.  Even in my best natured attempts, of my own, I will fail, fall.  All that is good, in or from me, falls from the tree of the One Who made me.  To my own devices, I am, currently, of sin.  Fallen.  Whether man, nephilim, or child of djinn.  Yes, I know... of those, too.  Or, their possibility.

If I am to win, while it won't be secret, neither will it be my doing.  It will be a grace, by doing His will.  The Father's.  For now.  And just how well do I do that?  I can't even perfectly take my medicine, or eat and drink so that my illnesses are controlled, no matter how well I try.  So... doing God's will?  I can't even know His will, not fully.  But that is my absolute intention.

A late rise.

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My upstairs clock must be off, again.  Bumping the button which changes the time zone is easy, and I haven't found a fix.  Still, it's not let me down so far.  Just been off a time or two every few months.  Anyway, it looks like I slept until 21:00~21:30?  Perhaps an hour earlier?

I have been awake, doing a few things, then now computing, for an hour or two.  Time is difficult to track when just waking.  And it is just now about a quarter after twenty hundred.  I had thought that was the time when I woke.  Though... too... the fog of waking can blur memory as well.  I'll check the clock up there before going to bed tonight.

I think I saw that it was 60, after waking.  I have most of the house opened back up.  I need to open the front door and the upstairs, while at it.  But, I brought in a few packages, and that broke me for a bit.  Not sure why.  It was less work than the last group of packages.  But it totally wiped me out.

I thought, perhaps, blood sugar was low.  When it is low, almost any work will use up the vapors they are working on.  But, no.  Blood sugar, again, was a bit over 212!  It really shouldn't be.  It was 177 at the last read, but I hit kefir, fast acting (15 cc's) and slow acting (25 cc's).  While kefir, technically, because of bureaucratically imposed inaccuracies is stated to have four to six carbs per cup (since that is what goes into it's production), but in truth, with testing, it proves to have one or less carb per cup.  So it shouldn't be that... unless someone is drinking some, and topping it with fresh milk?  Or just doing that to increased carbs.  I... need to figure this out.  Yes, there are those who would harm, close.  There are those who would help, not sure they would help against those who would harm.

Blood pressure, though... is... that is very strange.  It is 124/93 with a pulse of 83?  That's crazy low compared to just yesterday, or the day before.  I wasn't thinking the new medicine was working.  I'm taking it on a strange kilter, sometimes in the "morning" whatever that is, sometimes at "night", as defined by... fates, sleep, waking cycle...  Still, that is crazy good.  If the diastolic could come down even ten more points, that would be very, very, good.  Why did it take so much, and so long, to get that?  Whatever.

My mother called today, to say she is doing and feeling better.  I hope so.  One can always hope her bad day was just a moment.  That palsy, from whatever source, will pass.  If she can get packed, and set up, my house is literally her house, save for two rooms.  Well, and the little bathroom.  My bedroom, my computer room, and one of the two bathrooms she probably can't use well anyway... if it has to be rebuilt.  Bleh.  She will even be allowed to set some rules, push me to get the trash out, and have me cook and help wash dishes.  Even my rooms, I assume, if I don't keep up, she will... muck with, from time to time.  It's... their brains, their mind, their systems.

A woman, always, rules the house.  Or it is in chaos.  This I know.  Mother, girlfriend, wife, daughter... leave certain things in their hands, and abide their silliness, to a degree.  Life is much easier and better, with a goodwife around.  Remember, a woman's mind may not go deep (I claim), but it never. shuts. off.  Ever!  Men?  What are we thinking?  As often as possible?  Not. a. damn. thing.  Who is asking?  :p

Assuming I can continue to afford my home.  Assuming she still thinks that would be a good plan.  Assuming she and I survive to that point.  Mi casa es tu casa, to her.  And, if she can direct, I can probably help her more than I can help myself.  Plus, I have an... associate, who can help with things I can't do alone.  Women love to be bosses.  And, in certain refined places and parts of the world, they are good at it.  So, really, I hope she can.  I'll do what I can for her.

Some are questioning whether she should.  That... isn't for me to say.  It will not be easy.  But, it doesn't have to be that difficult.  If it gets rough, I grab a few things and get lost for a day or three.  If  that doesn't work, I just get lost for longer and longer.  Worst case, she will be on her own.  It really is that easy.  Thinking of doing that anyway, if I can't keep the house.  Later.

Trying to stay awake a little longer.

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.

Cats fed, their litter sorted.  I checked the towels.  The are probably dry.  but I want them to be sun kissed.  It kills anything and everything?  After bleaching, probably.  Plus, it makes them so much more absorbent and scratchy, a good thing, as I like it, in this case.  The wind had pulled a few corners from the clips.  But I have five to six holding each, so nothing had dropped or even touched the ground.

Medicine was finally taken.  I kept thinking about it, just didn't quite get to it, until now.  While I was out, I checked the temp.  It is 80, now, and again, as yesterday.  It's sort of a warm 80, there isn't a lick of moisture in the air, on that wind.  The wind simply carries about residual heat.  Or... sort of.  It just moves it from one hot spot to the next, but it feels more comfortable, almost.

I'd love to get a shower in, and a shave.  Do more laundry, and dishes.  But I am shot.  I am just, at this point, pushing to get through this last round in the ring with Sleep looking for a tko, or worse... better... but for which of us?  Putting me out of my misery for a bit would be a good thing even for me.

Two months and two weeks, on medicine, with only one day dropped completely, due to my schedule slipping over a cliff.  Didn't see it coming, didn't hear it leaving, just woke up a full day after and realized I must have missed medicines and the day.  A few times late to take it, but... those were fixed well enough.

So tired.  Trying so diligently to remain awake, just a bit longer.  But I think the gig is finis.  Good afternoon, day, and night.

Barely keeping my eyes open.

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.

That last bit of work may be it.  Blood sugar is back up to 177?  That just doesn't make sense.  Yes, another kefir, and insulin.  A small dose though, say 12 cc's.  I can take night meds.  It is bedtime after all.  I'd best turn the ac on upstairs, and give it some time to run, before crashing.  If I can.

It's just around noon.  Five 'til.  I was doing good until I hit some sort of wall.

I will do litter, and feed the girls, after getting the ac going.  I could just fall asleep where I sit if I didn't think it would end up hurting.  Good day and night.

Some of it.

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Chores, if I hadn't mentioned.  Last I looked it was already up to 75, at between 09:00 and 09:30.  The wind is wicked though.  No clouds with it, really.  And not really cool, if I think it helps with the cooling.  The sun will burn you down where you stand, but if you keep moving, the wind keeps the radiant, reflective, heat from getting to you... or at least it isn't as noticed.

The towels were finally put out.  All four flagship bathsheets, plus a few kitchen type.  Those are monsters to wrestle onto the line.  It's amazing how much those things weigh when even damp.  Plus, they are so long.  It is both the weight and the cumbersome nature of the exercise which get to me.  But done.

I'll, after a bit, get in there and start a load of regular clothes.  Hopefully to hang those out as well.  If the line doesn't snap.  Not sure just how much that would take.  But with this wind and those towels, I'd bet it will be a test.  I may need to use the metal wire line I bought, just in case.  Use that for these towels, as a priority.  I'd like to get another line or two up anyway.

Waterers were caught up, before chores, then any empty waterers after were filled.  All ready for several days.  I have a few more middle sized waterers coming, of different designs.  I'm not sure which will work best, or be easiest to use and longest lasting.  Only one way to find out.  Both have top opening filling, so I won't need to remove them, save for cleaning from time to time.  If, still, I would like to get a gravity watering system going.

A bit of a break.  Then to a shower, shave, and getting more laundry started.  Another break, and on to setting up dishes and clearing the bathroom.  Hmm, actually, I should at least clear out any clothing from the bathroom, to put in with the wash.  Yeah.  I'll sweep later, in there, if possible.

Blood sugar is down to a reasonably smart 122.  Or up to it, actually.  I am almost afraid to eat, but definitely afraid to not eat.  Both could be disastrous.  Though, plain and simple, it is much better to have high blood sugar than low.  One is eventually lethal, one is nearly immediately lethal.  I wonder if they are trying to get me to off myself.  I don't always trust them, or the medicine they are giving out.  It seems to be inconsistent.  And, yea, I have already been dealt with thusly.  They knew it was a bad heart from the beginning.  Didn't treat it.  Didn't even diagnose it.  Yea.  They do those things.

Well... on to a break.  I am hungry, but as mentioned, I don't want to eat.  I don't have much to eat, though, either.  Kefir.  Which is good.  I suppose I could have two cups of it.  That and gaming, for now.  It's... about all I can do.  Well, feed the girls, and check their litter, then sit?  Yeah.  I am... almost getting some groove back.  If I don't crash, or lose it, I might get some work done this week!  Later.

Feeling better.

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.

I won't bother testing for several hours, unless I begin feeling really bad again.  Two cups of kefir, and two 4 ounce cups of fruit, no sweetener.  I guess I simply can't use sweetener, not even the keto approved kind, not mixed.  Cooked?  I'll have to see.  I suppose I could try other sweeteners.  But, to be honest, if even stevia develops an insulin response, I'm not sure much else out there will work.  I have tried... six different types now.

Medicine has been taken.  Slow acting insulin was taken around 02:00, when I remembered it.  The pills weren't taken until 04:30 to 05:30?  Some time in there.  Regular morning pills, as I am trying to get days and nights back switched around.  It's just that I am awake much longer.  The light, and heat, sort of alter my plans.  But I might be able to swing it, sleeping from early evening until later night or early morning.  Maybe.

It's cool in here.  It is 73 in here, near the computer, more like 70 to 71 everywhere else.  Very nice.  Oh, and upstairs was 72 generally, 75 where I sleep... if too that is on the east side.  And, that is just with fans.  It has already gotten to 65 out there, up twelve from last night's low, or the lowest I saw it.  And it is only 07:30.  It's... going to get warm... hot... possibly very hot... today.

The ducks are fed.  And getting water.  I'll actually reset the waterers, get the rabbits, then take a shower and shave.  Then put the towels out, and another load in the wash.  Not sure I will... oh... I will set up some of the dishes.  And, just maybe, clean off the freezer top, to place clean dishes.

I keep checking the ongoing milk and water kefir, and the attempted various fruit vinegars.  You really need plain fruit, not sulfated... or such.  You can ask for them, try to find them.  But they are as likely to lie as not it seems.  I don't mind if they are sugared, the fermentation will handle that.  I am getting white splotches, which isn't a good thing.  But, so far, I am keeping ahead of that.  Twice a day, just look in.  Part of the trick is getting rid of anything that floats, and the easiest way to get rid of the white stuff is to overflow the jar, down in the sink... with r.o. or other purified water of course.  You can't have bleach in it.  Bleach is good, but not for all things.

Yea.  I'll keep trying.  To do some things, to stay awake into the early afternoon to later afternoon or evening.  Chores, cats, and food... medicine too.  Well, and checking variables.  Oh, bp is 168/105, with a pulse of 80.  The pulse is good.  The rest is trash.  Better than 205/180, I guess.  Meh.  I'll give it to Monday.  Though, perhaps, I should check it after taking it in the evening.  

Actually... since I don't seem to be having adverse reactions (perhaps some swelling in the feet, if that should pass in a few weeks... and some minor extra weariness, which summer seems to burn off somehow), I may try taking it in the morning from now on.  Anyway, I will test it an hour after taking it this afternoon.  Too late to switch when I take it today.

Hmm, oh... turn of duck water, refill the waterers and get those out, with food, to check the rabbits.  Then put the towels out.  Then a break, then a shower and shave and whatever else comes next.  Right... yea...  Ugh.  Later.

It dropped a bit quickly.

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Blood sugar...  It dropped from 264 to 87.  That is a 177 point drop.  Yes, I used a larger dose of insulin, but I ate a medium to large meal as well.  And it wasn't some crazy large dose, just a bit more than the 20 cc's I often use.  I need to eat something more, quickly.  I had kefir, as I felt the slide, before I even tested.  Crashing, terribly, harshly.  Not sure what to eat, but I am avoiding the sugar tabs.  I think those, too, will just as often not cause a problem for a day or two.  Sometimes it jacks blood sugar right away.  Sometimes it takes hours or days.  It is still dropping, I have to do more than kefir.

Hmm... I do have fruit bowls.  Two of those, last time, with kefir, blended into a smoothie, seemed to work fairly well.  No sweetener added, if there is some in the fruit.  Stevia and some other form.  It beats gobbling a roll or three of sugar tabs.  Yes, I'd best get to that before I pass out.  Still dropping.

It was down to 54 outside.  I haven't done much else.  I need to get the waterers reset.  For the closer rabbits, I have plenty, a full resupply for a day, nearly two.  But for the rabbits in the outbuilding, I am out.  They have enough water, out there, for a fully day or two... I checked late last night.  But I want water ready for replacement as needed.

Then a shower and shave?  I did get the upstairs opened, and fans going.  It is down to 72, right here near the computer, with the lights and router and me.  It's almost cold.  But... I'll take that.  Yea, a smoothie, a little time gaming to get my bearings back in trim, then a shower and shave.

As soon as the sun comes up, I'll get the towels out to dry.  I am using an old one, for now.  But all will be washed and sun bleached, cleansed as only the sun can do, for my next shower.  I am trying to wash them after every shower.  If... I... am reluctant to do that.  It seems excessive.  And, yet... it also seems right.  It isn't the work, it's the... use of everything, if too the work.  Bleh.

And, sometime, I will at least get dishes soaking.  Maybe even finish some yet today.  I'll give it a shot.  On to something to eat.  Later.

Dinner and thoughts.

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The leftover pork roast, with the canned beefy mushroom sauce was... quite good.  Would have worked well with the hamburger, with a beef roast, or much else.  I am very happy with that purchase.  I'll just have to see how well, over time, it works with blood sugar.  I am having a beastly time controlling blood sugar, even really eating rightly.  

As a fact, in spite of dosing, just eating kefir (which had been fermented two full days at 75 plus, and in the fridge for three days so should have been solidly beyond having much lactose), and dosing (15 cc's of fast acting insulin), my blood sugar was 264!  The only other thing I consumed was flavored and plain perrier.  Could "natural flavors" be triggering an insulin response?  I have pH strips on order, for next month.  That will help me make sure.  Still, as sour as I like it, it should be nearly out of milk sugar.  Gah!

Anyway...  I best get up, open up the upstairs, soon.

A few things.

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More laundry sorted, if I still need to collect laundry baskets to move the sorted clothes to where I can fold or put them up.  Well, and I want to open the upstairs, s well.  A bit of kefir, now a fatted, unsweetened, coffee.  I figure one or two of those every other day.  Works well.  Plus, it offers actual, good (especially for keto), calories.  Helps stave off hunger, or unreasonable hunger anyway.  Remember, for my size, I am honestly allowed 1800 calories, on a fasting diet.  I'm not sure that is exactly right, though, either.

I had thought to start the sprinkler, in the back yard, but I'll do that tomorrow night.  Watering areas every other, or every third day, and for less than an hour on any spot, except when I lose track.  I should get the mower going tomorrow, at least hit the front thatch.  Maybe the back yard too, if it looks healthy enough for it.

I did check on the critters.  Everyone is looking well.  The cool night is really pleasing for all.  I also checked the water kefir grains.  They really are doing splendid.  So I hurried the cleaning of an half gallon jar, so as to reset the grains into that.

They might actually have nearly doubled, right off the bat.  I am amazed at how many grains there are now.  I am just going to drain the liquid.  And, probably, at least with this next batch, and very probably the one after.  While I am rather thirsty for kefir water, I'd rather go slow and get it right.  At this rate, by the time I get to the third jar, and as I am moving to the fourth, I very well may have enough grains for two half gallon jars!  This stuff is amazing.  And, it was six months past their recommended use-by date.  Interesting stuff.  I may begin freezing little packets, from time to time, and if not used, then replacing after, say, four packets are in circulation.  Just a tablespoon, in a little ziploc.

The water is ready.  It still takes a while to fill a jar.  Now to switch the kefir to the new bigger jar, and sugar and add molasses.  I love... playing with my food.  Later.

A cool one already.

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At 56, and not even midnight yet, it's looking good.  I opened the downstairs, will get the upstairs opened the next time I'm up and around.

I have started on laundry, just "old" stuff, sorting, folding.  A start.  I've actually got it all sorted, I just need to get get a basket or two so as to more easily get the items to their places.  I want that extra freezer open, for water bottles... for now.  I'll do what I can.  Should be able to clear the laundry room, and maybe do a load or two of dirty clothes as well.  Hang them at first light.  Is this a clothing Western?

A shower, too, next time I get up.  And a shave.  As well, any clothes stacked in the bathroom, clean or dirty, will be taken out.  They have been there too long to be comfortably worn.  Then, maybe, some sweeping and mopping.  The toilet I generally keep up on, but the floor is rough.  As well, I could finish cleaning the sink.  Now that I have those ringlet stands for razors and my toothbrush, cleaning that off more frequently will be less of a hassle.  Keeping it up will be easier.

After the shower, setting up several smaller dishpans of dishes, mostly smaller pots and pans, will get that going.  The freezer top, in the kitchen, is mostly open, just needs washed.  So dishes can go through pretty quickly.  And the other counters can be cleaned.

I have been clearing out the really old dairy kefir.  It gets a bit too tangy, even for me.  But that also means I have a lot of kefir brewing, and little on hand.  A temporary thing.  I need to check, stir, and perhaps fill, the vinegars and water kefir.  Juggling glass and goo is an odd thing, but I enjoy... especially the fruits of the toil when it gets there.  

It does look like the water kefir grains are really going.  I may have to transfer that to an half gallon jar.  My worries that the grains weren't going to take off was wrong.  And, the refrigerator/freezer dank smell seems to be going or completely gone.  It was so strong at first!  If it looks to be doing as good as quick glances indicate, I will clear out the old water, sugar, and molasses, and do an half gallon jar up for my little friends.

Something to eat though?  I do have more pork roast.  I've been eating it, four to six ounces at a time.  I also have burger, and ground turkey and pork yet to fry.  As well, I ordered cream of mushroom that is supposed to be low carb.  It has 5 carbs per serving, with 2.5 servings per 12 ounce can.  I'd like to try that, some of the roast, and some veggie or other.  Though, later.  Kefir and insulin, for breakfast... a very light dose, say 12 cc's.  Just a nudge downward... hopefully.

I might be getting back to things, or maybe the cool is just the boost for the moment.  Later.

Six hours down, anyway.

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Odd thing, about upstairs.  When I am not there, it is two degrees warmer than when I am there.  Maybe more on a hotter day.  It doesn't make sense, but there it is.  And I still put out heat like a furnace.  I'm sure it is physics, but physics, at times, can be messed.  Then again, I'm not dead yet, so... I suppose this is a more minor of miracles.

I dreamed that medical could and did tell the truth.  My mother's illness is due to the 'vax'.  While these diseases do occur when people are older, not generally when they are that much older.  No reason to discuss it, with her.  Even if she had irrefutable proof, she would know she was right.  And would be proud of her decision.  If my dream was true.  That was the crux of it.

I also dreamed of a girl from the first highschool I was enrolled.  I didn't date her, but we had love eyes a few too many times.  And she had highschool girl boobs and ass in all the right ways and places, and those eyes that just captured the man which was budding in me.  She had braces, but I wouldn't have cared.  She was so ready.

Half of my flaws, as a young man, was that I already knew far too much.  I also knew I wouldn't... treat her right.  I was looking for sex.  Girls were looking for that too, but to be settled.  Their mothers, and much older sister, on the other hand...  Never mind.  Even those I mostly... escaped past, usually.  After having spent much on nothing, I... even I... had begun looking for more.

Well, celibacy isn't meant to last.  I do what I can, but sometimes, with dreams like "Genie"... *sigh*  I even pray to slow, or stop, it.  And, sometimes that works.  I am still not convinced, without an orchiectomy, perhaps even with it, that pure celibacy is possible.  And we ain't no boy poodle, or tom cat, to be fiddled with.  Besides, this is just until I marry.  Probably isn't going to happen, but... my sex drive is just in mothballs, technically.  It isn't dead, meant to be totally abandoned, or even mine to destroy.  Still, of all the things I have lost, why would this one have been... reserved?  Bleh.  My God, she was a gorgeous, pleasing, slice of fuckable meat.

Blood sugar is high.  Shouldn't be.  My last reads before it were 109, 123, the 148.  In spite of only drinking water from after the 109 reading?  And, after the 148, as I was going to bed I took kefir, a 20 cc shot of the fast acting, and 25 cc's of the slow acting.  It really doesn't make sense.  Did I even eat today?  Other than kefir?  And not much of that... probably three cups... Oh... I know.

I... mixed sweeteners in my coffee.  But early this morning.  Very strange.  I used far less of either than I normally would.  Still, it... seems to trigger a response, just much later, like a delayed bomb.  Very odd.  I guess that theory is debunked too.  The last one to be checked, again, through time delays, is whether sweetening cooked foods, like mug cakes, works to neutralize the effect.  I thought it did, but then I wasn't understanding this delayed reaction thing.  Since it isn't actually a carb, I suppose it takes my body time to react?  Not sure, I just... I can't have sweeteners... not this, not that, not the other.  SOB!  Gah!

Tonight?  Not sure.  A bit rough, around the edges, but nothing like the last few days.  Minor shoulder soreness, a bit of midsection discomfort, a few this and that and those.  All mostly minor.  I am going to take tylenol.  Perhaps it can knock those back, give me a clear shot at some work, and possibly see me back to bed by early morning.

A bit more laundry, a shower and shave, dishes started again, checking on the various kefirs and vinegars I have brewing, the cats, and welfare checks on the feathered and long eared friends and foes out in the yard?  Oh, and rebagging a few trash cans.  I have, at least, be getting those out fairly well.  Keeping ahead.  But, it's only because I have several cans, bagged, using just one at a time.  Live and learn.

Later.

Still awake.

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Not for long.  It is still right at 82 out there.  With wind still going.  Quite a strange thing.  I'll take what I can get of it.

My brother called.  My mother has fallen again.  At least one more time.  And, now, she has the shakes.  He says they have her on medicine for some of the neurological problems.  She really may be in some physical trouble.  She has a surgery coming up, then shortly after a visit with a doctor who specializes in these things.

My brother had to take a bit of time to take a call from his wife, who is with her mother... who is going through chemo... her first dose today.  Not a great time, for us, on several sides of things.  My brother... doesn't handle change, or multiple problems at once, well.  Oh, he'll get through them.  But... it's... not his thing.

Not much I can do.  Pray.  I don't have the coin to go visit home, or I would.  I can call and talk to her.  She wants, if she has to, to go into a nursing home there.  She knows people for a hundred miles around, and more really.  It is where she was raised, and has lived mostly, and most recently by a lot of years.  Still, I'm hoping that isn't required.  We will see.  I hate being stuck here.  But that is the way it is.  Then again, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my house, either.  So... yeah.

I have been able to be awake fairly well.  It isn't much cooler in here than yesterday.  The outside might be cooler, but that is air flow.  Can't get that inside.  And the sun still strikes immobile objects, and warms them pretty much the same.  Meds have been taken.  As much food has been eaten as possible.  I think it is bedtime.  Didn't make 17:00, but I did make 16:00.  It's a good show, for now.

Good afternoon and night. 

It is still at 80.

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Or was a few minutes ago.  Wind was still at it too.  Very nice.  I am staying awake well, even if it is hitting 80 near the machine, and probably 76 in both rooms generally.  The rooms I have places to do things.  Not very energetic, but that is to be expected.  Until I acclimate to the temperatures better, if possible, doing little is sort of how it has to go.

I am hoping to make a call yet today.  I would like to have gotten out, and to the stores.  I just don't see that happening.  But I am breaking into the day time hours.  Whether I can keep that schedule, who knows.  It's a... goal... plan... hope?  I took morning medicine early enough that I can take afternoon pills soon.  Just so I don't forget.

I think of calling my mother.  But she really seems moody lately, at least when I call.  Rather... mean spirited.  So, I'll... just... wait.  

Oh, tore my leg open... somehow... last night.  Not sure when, or even a clue as to how.  I bumped it a number of times, but didn't think the bumps were that bad.  It is rare that I hurt myself, or get hurt.  Thick skinned.  but I was out, in the night, wrestling with hoses and this and that.  A branch, twig, something... is my guess.

Well, on to... I don't know.  I think I really am through with Resident Evil Village.  I have done what I can do.  I know someone who may wish to play it.  Besides, I'd like to see what he and his friends can do.  Whether they think it is too stupid hard to be worth the bother as well.  It was fun, for a while.  It isn't even worth finishing on the hardest level.  Either it's all r&g, badly balanced against the player, or my social credit score is bad with them, and they make it impossible.  Don't kid yourselves, leftists track you better than you cover.  And they make many of these games, even if the clients keep them shut up.  It doesn't mean they can keep them from damaging game play for specific people.  Not worth the effort.  Poor design, implementation, or sjw'ism.

Meh, I do have games with more play to them.  Later.

Nearly 11:00, and 80 out there.

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I'm not sure, but I think this is cooler than this time of day usually is... or, at least since it started hitting the 90's regularly.  Something in the air, it just... feels cooler out there.  A cooler 80, while last night was a warmer 70.  Odd how things work out.  A lot of particulate in the air last night.  Maybe it is still in the air, but higher, today?  Very strange.  It's been like that the last several nights.  Close to the house, I don't notice.  It's when I head out to the outbuilding, to check on those rabbits, that I see in the flashlight beam or beams.  Sometimes I have a flashlight, sometimes a headlamp, sometimes both.

It is up to 78 in this front room, near the computer, if probably 76 as a whole.  Strangely, the living room is, was, 75 after the sun came up.  This room was still 72.  I just don't get how that works.  Not really tired, slightly hungry?  Yea, but I couldn't eat much last night.  I made a decent spread, but just couldn't eat.  As with sleeping, I think the heat has me off my feed and sleep.  It would be nice if it would take a few pounds off.  But my body seems to just slow my already glacial metabolism when I stop or slow eating.  I had hoped kefir would help, but it really doesn't.  Not with that.

Clouds look to be trying to rebuild, or are arriving on the wind.  And the wind is pretty steady and cooling.  Not quite darkening, but slightly shaded out there.  It helps.  I really enjoy days like today.  I may be able to stay up until this evening.  The cool helps, but that isn't all of it.  A running headstart, somehow.  I have been fighting the heat, and losing.  But have been looking for my chance.  This might be it.

Hmm, kefir.  That would be good.  Blood sugar is 128 currently, so all good.  I keep checking, because I kept expecting it to drop.  If often does when I get near 100.  All good.  I won't bother testing until bedtime, if I stay awake until 17:00.  Otherwise I won't bother.  Later.

As one good thing goes, another arrives.

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The clouds, which brought the temp down a bit early, have mostly vanished.  Evaporated, I suspect, by the blazing sun.  A breeze, sometimes full wind, has picked up.  A cool wind.  I didn't check the temp, but it felt nice, especially in the shade, when I checked on the critters one more time.

No one needed anything, but many of them got a short massage.  Hazel hissed and was in no mood for it, but she got some loving anyway.  To be honest, they were all a bit moody.  If it heats up, I will get them a frozen bottle per cage, except for the double.  They will get two.  I don't want them, potentially, fighting over it.

It is almost time to call the health food store.  I just want to see if they have stopped the mask baloney.  If they have, I'll stop in from time to time.  I need to find a kombucha container.  I suppose an half gallon jar will do, and I have a few.  It's... just... I'd like to do it right, and have a vessel for a scoby hotel.  I do have bottles, but they need to be cleaned.  Just dusty, at this point.

I found two packs of water kefir grains, frozen, in the fridge freezer.  They are out of date, by six months.  And they smell of 'refrigerator' or 'freezer' odor.  But, who knows.  I added sugar, molasses, and both packets, in case they don't have much viability.  If they take off, I'll put them in an half gallon jug or jar.

I probably won't consume the first batch or three.  Just to get rid of the freezer odor.  Which is fine.  The nice thing about kefir water is that, in warmer weather, it takes as little as two days to go through a whole process.  Even if only a quarter of the grains are capable, in a week I should have triple to quadruple the starting portion, which is easily enough to kick out an half gallon to gallon every few days.

The difficult part about water kefir is bottling the stuff.  As I remember, the trick that often isn't suggested, is putting a few dehydrated pieces of fruit into the bottle, letting that ferment on the counter for a few days further, burping it along the way, then put in the fridge for a few days to a week.  That makes the best low-carb soda you can imagine, minus caffeine even.

Still, it is difficult keeping up on fermenting, bottling, second fermenting, and cleaning it all out and starting all over again.  Though, to be honest, my house stays (usually) below 75, and a lot less than the 85 that is optimum.  So it usually takes more like three or four days, and longer if I want it richer.  Even that is a lot of work.

Oh, to call that store.  One can only hope they have stopped letting the idiots rule their business.  Then again, often, it's those people who shop there.  There is that.  As it turns out, they no longer require the mask, even for their employees (thankfully... always felt bad for those who had to).  And they do have raw kombucha, in stock.  Ugh...  Maybe I can make it tomorrow?  At least I know, but things change, quickly.  Bleh.

Blood sugar is 109.  It was 105 half way between this read and the 123 reading.  Well... okies.  I'll take that, gladly.

I have been trying to keep up on shaving and brushing, and doing fairly well.  Showering as well, if that can be hit or miss.  I need to get some things, from several stores.  Just not sure I can, today, even tomorrow.  You have no idea what it means to not be able to just get and go, often.  I do my best.  I haven't died yet, or... again... or for lack of getting and going.  But diabetes isn't helped by eating shelf-stable foods, or some things in excess.  Anyway... I'll... get to it when I can.

Good morning and day.  I... am zooming on coffee, trying to make it not night, not quite yet.  I'll try to hit early afternoon if possible.  Later, hopefully.

Well? Won't be to bed for a while.

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Once again, I just can't sleep.  It has cooled off a goodly bit.  Well, to 70 and 72 in this warmer room.  Some sort of milder weather is moving through.  Partly cloudy.  The temperature outside dropped to 56 or so.  I am not sure if that is my problem with sleeping, or if it... just... happened.

I did finish chores.  More feed was needed than anticipated, and less water.  I only had to change two waterers.  Very strange.  The ducks were hungry, and thirsty.  Not much to them.  But the rabbits take time.  The rabbits do have a better potential for meat production though, too.

A few mosquito bites, or something.  Somewhat surprised they are out and about at this temp, and before sunlight really did more than peak over.  I suppose they are about to begin getting started.  Which is why they are beginning to spray for those pests this week.

I may try to stay awake long enough to make a few phone calls.  Perhaps do some work.  Oh, to get the towels out on the line.  I washed them, again, last night... to include the last towel.  All four need to go out.  Sun drying, at least towels, is awesome.  They really absorb water from that, and act as a male version of the luffa.  Loofa?  Something.

Well, on to... something.  Until I can make those calls.  Later.

Couldn't get to sleep.

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I did eat, something.  Not much.  Insulin with it.  And slow acting insulin in there eventually too.  Should have taken it earlier, but I'm not in good shape to keep up on things.  It is at 60 this morning, but that isn't cooling the house much.  I sort of have to cool enough, or become exhausted enough, to sleep.  It may be nearing.

However, I wish to stay up, at this point, long enough to do chores while it is still cool.  I'll need to grab another bag of rabbit feed.  There were a few looking to be out or just about.  I checked while I was out doing messing with the sprinkler and hoses.  I don't think the waterers are too low, but if they are, in the morning I replace them just in case.  I don't want them going thirsty.  I don't mind them being hungry over night, but I want them to be are rarely thirsty as possible.

I have been playing Resident Evil Village.  I'm not sure if the devs can make it so some players can't get through.  But I can't get through.  Maybe I am too old, but I've had this happen with some games before.  Usually it was defined as a bug, but this is just impossible.  I think they do attack some people.  It is based on social scores.  Either that or they are breaking their games, making them unplayable for even reasonable players.  Yes, it could be either, maybe both.  I can't recommend the game, unless you are a solid liberal.  Though even that won't save you, if you take the wrong stance on one wrong thing.

I have to be awake for a few more hours though.  I may have to put REV away, and get Cyberpunk out and back in.  Just something to do while I try not to sleep.  I could almost sleep now, but then I wouldn't be able to get up in time to do chores while it is still cool.  I'd probably not make it back up until this evening.

Later, I guess.  Stuck.  But it's the way it goes.

Yeah, it really is warm.

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It is just hitting 68 out there.  At 03:32, that's not a good sign.  It is pretty normal for summer.  And summer didn't start as early as usual.  I suppose I can't complain.  But I do!  The ac has been running for a while, upstairs.  And it has been closed off.  While it worked that one day, it was cooler outside.  Today, leaving the door open will ruin the cooling happening up there.

The alarm went off, to turn the water off out there, a while ago.  I'm just not doing the best, so didn't fully understand... didn't have the energy to do much about it.  It's been turned off.  As well, I moved the sprinkler to near where I'll be setting it up tomorrow.  I also disconnected the hose which was leaking.  More tape did no good.  I am sure there are repair kits, but to be honest, I haven't been all that impressed with them.  Not sure they are worth the money and time.  Still, I might try one more shot.  Maybe.

Hungry, need something else, I just don't have anything easily available.  Sardines.  I had some.  But those are too rich to eat to a full state.  One can is pushing it.  And, kefir, of course.  But that just isn't substantial enough.  I need something more.  Already had roast pork, not interested in more.  Gah!  I'll... look around.  Maybe there is something.  Either way, after that project is figured, one way or the other, it'll be bed, or nap, time.

Good morning and night.

The shower helped, for a bit.

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It just isn't cooling off out there though.  It reads 64~65, but feels more like 70.  The inside is getting to 74~75, at least downstairs.  I doubt if upstairs is any better.  Oh well.  I did shave and tend the teeth while at it all.  I would like to eat something, while at it.  I had a small dose of pork roast.  Not sure what else is available.

The lawn is on the last portion for watering.  I forgot to set the timer, for the last section.  But set it this time.  That area might have gotten a longer run, but it probably needs it.  I'll give it a couple of days, then mow?  Maybe.  I need to tend twigs, and larger branches, but... yeah... in this heat?  When it isn't too hot, I am sleeping, unless it is too dark.

Brutal out there.  I remember, that first day it got to 78, then 80, and it felt good to finally have it warm.  Then it went to 96 and is that, plus or mind small change, every day.  Yea.  I may get something to eat, then try to sleep for a bit.  I'd like to get chores first thing.  And be up into the day a bit.  Probably setting up the ac upstairs a bit before bedtime... sometime around noon?  I'd like to have some daylight.  Do what I can.

Now to just let the lawn get some water, get some food in, and perhaps take medicine while eating.  Then a shorter or longer nap.  Hmm... best put the ac on upstairs right as I go to set up dinner.  Or sleep will be bad, again.  Later.