Ever thought you might be near death?

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And really didn't mind the idea?  Too exhausted, pushing every limit... financial, social, physical, medical, and else.  No, I don't actively wish to die.  I simply wouldn't mind if today was my last day, hour, moment.  That isn't, however, how it works.

Although, being on point too pontently, for too long, as fragile as I am?  Yeah.  It could just happen.  My job is to tend my life, as any life.  As a duty, but even beyond, as a joy even in the suffering.  God did buy me the time to... accept the gift of life humbly, for as long as He wills it.  Even the pain, misery, and other negatives have become gifts of their own.

Much done.

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Both mom and myself were doing better.  Getting used to the cooler weather?  Resting up while trying to push through?  Health returning?  Eating a but better again?  Can't be sure.  Not certain it will last.  Got a lot done.

The grab bar in the shower was installed.  We sized it for her.  May add another inside the shower.  Her safety is very important, and that mostly being incumbent upon keeping her on here feet.  Also finally set up her knew end table, got it plugged in and in place.  Set up four magnetic strips in the kitchen, as a knife rack (or set of them).  Got Jasmine over for a bit of socializing and training, then took her for a short walk, near mom... who also got a walk in, just not trying to control Jasmine yet.

A bit done.

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Coffee going.  Food in the oven.  Trash and recycling to the bins, then the bins to the curb.  Gaming while food, coffee, water filtrstion, and the ice machine did there things.  I would have made mom her coffee, set it up anyway.  But she had already done that.

Later than I thought.  Not sure when I really started, though thought it was nearing and just after two?  Being just after five, I suppose that is to be expected.

My breath, air, was fine through the efforts.  But while sitting, gaming, coming down?  My breath seemed to escape me again.  That's actually spooky.  Oh well.  Good night.

Brutal exhaustion.

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The goal of helping mother with the salsa went terribly.  To be fair, two days ago, we ended up on the road, in shops, and else, from ten to seventeen thirty.  Me being exhausted at the start.  Then she wanted to try to work a half bushel of roma tomatoes.

I did what I could do.  Had to call it off.  Especially with her wanting that, this, else, and help on top of it.  Not a happy night.  As well, she has been pushing on this and that even through today.

I hit a point when I couldn't breath well.  Not quite to the point of going to the hospital, but to the point where standing, helping, became questionable.  She had awaken me too many times, I couldn't get back to sleep, or help her.  I had to make sure she understood that more pressure might see me to the hospital... so there would be no help.

I eventually got down, for a bit.  Resting mostly.  Sleeping a bit.  Now awake for a bit again.  I'm planning on getting coffee, perhaps heating leftover roast, drinking water, and taking night meds.  On the good side, bp was 118/68 or so, pulse around 76.  Not sure about blood sugar.  Bleh.  But that is an excellent bp and pulse.

I'll get trash out.  See if that gives rise to breathing issues.  Was it breathing, or simply my body being unable to use oxygen?  Was short of breath, to the point of seeing stars.  Not good.  Well, and feeling as if my body was nearly suffocating.  

Oh... a few vids.  One on essays, one on learning techniques, and one on... relaxing, just a bit.  Living, a bit more in the present.  And a final one on... me, I think.  Though, who ever knows?  Still haven't figured out how to embed vids, so it is what it is.

Anyway... on to food, domestics, and maybe some gaming before I attempt to sleep again.  Brutally tired, painfully exhausted, but I can't sleep.  I'll keep doing what I can, or must, or must not.  Later or good night.