Sprinkling, and staying cool.

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Not a lot of water, just drips and drops, from time to time.  And, last time I checked it was staying right at 38.  Sure, not freezing, but rather cool.  Not the worst for this time of year, nor the best.  I had hoped for a bit of sun, sometime soon.  It's on and off, as fall is often that way.  Though a bit more off than on this year?  Seems like it, if everybody seems to want... whatever they want.  And will always see the glass as half full, or empty.

Just hitting 14:00.  Thinking about a nap.  Nothing fancy.  It might work well.  Who knows.  The droplets on the roof, and cool weather, make naps excellent options.

It looks like the little tom, which had been getting into the garage, is gone.  I kept putting bites out for him to eat, without checking.  When I got to town recently, it was obvious he was gone.  The last two meals went uneaten, after several had been.  Which... well...  Either not enough, or not his preferred, or he was outgrowing his entrance.  Who really knows.

I called my mother, again.  Again, to a dead line.  I won't call her anymore.  She'll either call me or not talk to me.  Makes my life easier.  No real choice anyway.

I am still hoping to do a few things.  I have gathered dirty laundry.  Cleaned the toilet, inside and out.  A nap might help.  Then a shower, dishes arranged, and laundry going?  Maybe.  Small things, but I could live with small things.  Chores, sometime, too.  Later.

Not bad?

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I couldn't get to bed until after midnight again.  Again, right at midnight thirty.  More insomnia, keeping me awake, than anything.  Medicines doing it?  Maybe, or part of it?  But sleep was so very good.  A bit bumpy, rolling and twisting, but nothing totally out.  I always twist, turn, roll, kick the blankets off, go searching for them... active the whole night, really.  Seeking a comfortable spot, or new one if the old one becomes a bit long in the tooth, and no longer seems pleasant.

I'm not sure I ever sleep all that deeply.  Save that I know I do, for spots of time when I might as well be dead.  I am all but sure I had some of those, and deeper and longer, last night than usual, actually.  However, my active moments were even more active, as well.  The world is going bad, everywhere.  If, too, something is applying the breaks, as if to a train trying to go off the rails, and a ghost in the machine is limiting the speed and altering oncoming traffic in spite of those who believe they are in control.

I don't think God does anything directly.  He merely built things a certain way.  It may be why various understandings of everything from physics, to economics, to social norms don't fit with one another.  It isn't because they don't, it is because the systems are beyond our greatest understandings.  Then again, if you have ever known a scientist, mathematician, or engineer, you will find that these people do their absolute best to simplify.  Some things just... aren't simple.  There is no way to reduce some things to a common denominator, or to simple terms.  Givens and proofs and... poetry... nothing more.  Worse, poetry that only makes sense to the dimmer witted of the insane and obsessed.  I don't even think Einstein was actually intellectually classified as genius, was he?  Just saying.  Though, genius isn't what it is presumed, even with sweat equity.  Just because you just know, doesn't mean you know correctly.  How many academics should throw their life's work out?  Most of them.  Then again, most are 115 IQ midwits.  Even I am higher than that.  Or was.

Anyway...  While God doesn't interfere, He doesn't have to.  Between the truth of free will, the mechanics of the world, and else... if His people pray for His way, and bend to it, yielding our desires and feelings to truth, that can't be undone.  It is only if people surrender their faith, for the slavery of fear, that they will be lost.  If many have done so, not all.  What was it which would have spared Sodom and Gomorra?  Was it some number of good men?  Ten?  To be honest, I think there are ten, in many places.  Often... a few more.  Are... you... one of the ten?  Do you wish to be?

Anyway... up by 08:30.  No alarms, they were really breaking my balls.  I just... couldn't.  Especially going to bed so late, and so tired... after having been so tired all day yesterday.  It is 38 and sprinkling out there.  I am hoping for a shower yet this morning.  And then to find a point where it isn't raining, and get chores done.  Cat litter needs a lot of work, I have having a heck of a time keeping up.

On the good side, I am on my fourth day of medicine without too much trouble.  I have been using one painkiller or another every other day or so.  Which has been helping.  How much?  I can't say.  More, this new stuff?  I started out heavy, but am cutting.  Today I am going to try a single pill.  Yes, I have been hitting those a bit heavy.  But starting out on medicine can be brutal.  This time isn't... as bad.  But it is always bad.  It's probably not as bad because I am taking things in hand before they get really bad.

That I am reducing my painkiller load to... human recommended levels, even with my size difference, and half the dose for the day to boot, on top of just going on two doses over four days?  I'll take that as a success.  Or, well, it's all turning out a bit better than anticipated... if I still have fear and dread.  This stuff is brutal.

Hopefully a bit more work today.  Probably not much physical, or for long.  The internals are a bit rough.  Not sickly feeling, just... feeling as if they are bruised.  As bp falls, things... don't get what they have been used to receiving, blood wise.  Though some of the pain may be from having been having too high of a pressure blood flows pounding on them, then having that quickly reduced... the areas which had been being pounded can now begin to heal?  Difficult to know, absolutely.  Just some possibilities.  Still, as mentioned, not as bad as usual.

Later.

Such a strange girl.

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A few more... almost... certain.  I like the cut of her jib.

Not long ago...

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I called.  Her.  I wasn't sure I got through.  I didn't know if she ever knew I called.  Her phone is set to a message, suggesting the client, or some such, is not available to receive the call.  It has been that for some great deal of time.  Since... pretty much since I moved in.

There is no indication of who the phone line would connect to.  No name is given.  I am not sure if the number is with a primary phone company, or just a Walmart instaphone.  Nothing.  So, I... really have no idea what just happened.  Then I started seeing... old songs, and a few new, crop up.

Now?  I am all but certain.  Not even sure they are from her viewing, or... just... how things work.  Life is odd for ancients.  And, no, it isn't always, or even often, how it seems.  It's not that I don't think coincidences occur.  It's more that, at some level and point, they can't be the answer.  This is one of those times.

Oh... well... just a few.  Less than twelve hours after, and the flood continues.  As mentioned, just a few of the dozens, scores?  Maybe someone is just scraping through the barrel, looking at the oldies.  But the targeting is... impressive, if so.  As mentioned, at some point coincidences aren't possible.  It is at that point.

Hopes.

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Had hoped to get out today.  Just isn't going to happen, not as planned.  I may yet get out, for a very short bit, but not for what had been planned.  Though, not sure even a small outing is in the offing.  So tired.  Tired?  Sleepy?  Exhausted?  I'd go with tired, with a partial order of sleepy on the side.  Not exhausted.  Too tired to work up to an exhaustion, but a bit sleepy as an aside.

Chores were done.  I was hoping for a shower, too.  Not to be, most likely.  Hungry, just can't really get going on cooking anything.  Trapped, a bit.

I used to take painkillers that worked, with two types of painkiller ingredients, plus caffeine.  That disappeared.  Then came back!  Or... so I thought.  They had made it just aspirin and caffeine, and charged a bundle for it.  The other day, I found the old formula.  Of course, much more expensive than the new formula fake stuff, but exactly the idea of the old medicine.  I am not sure how much of each painkiller type the old had, and the new seems... weaker.  Still, there it is.  If with all sorts of warnings and advisements and else.

The stuff worked on my migraines, and some of the worst of my pains.  On the other hand, I took double to triple the dose, and tried to keep total usages (albeit at those higher doses) down to once, or maybe twice, a week.  And... so it remains.  excedrin migraine.  The old one had been anacin.  Shame on them for their trickery and excessive expense for just becoming aspirin and caffeine, dropping the other, and I think even dropping the doses of the other two.

I tried it today, as things were a bit tight.  Yea, that's... how I remember it.  One day a week off from torment, almost guaranteed.  Though, for weeks, I can be numb enough, or otherwise painfree, so it's only a few weeks a month, every other month, or sometimes longer, where pain can be "tolerated" or ignored.  Though sometimes, the want of it it daily, and even then, sometimes, it won't help at all.  Still, now I have it.  If you used to like anacin, excedrin migraine may fill that void.

Something is still pretty off.  I suspect starting up medicine, full stop, damn the torpedoes, is the gig.  I have had much worse, before.  But just into the third day.  I wanted to skip last night, but chose not to skip.  If it really hits, or if I black out, fade out, and can't control it, it may happen.  But I won't skip consciously, unless I have been on it a week or two and it is really getting to me.  A short one or two dose break has... lifted spirits and allowed continuation before.  The trick is to remember to skip before it breaks me down too terribly.  Sometimes, deep in the throws of this stuff, I can't remember... anything.  Can't think.  Tricky.  Almost have to go into that darkness with a plan, hold on to the memory of the plan, before it goes all dark.  Tricky damn thing, and that isn't a guarantee.  Sometimes only a fall can allow me to regain my feet... at some point.  Still, I... have that as a plan, in case, in hope in the dark.

Hmm... I am hungry.  Food, of any kind, warm... plentiful enough... and tasty...  I can't worry about healthy all of the time.  Can't cook, or do dishes?  Hmm... actually... maybe.  If I have cheese to add, sure.  If not, not this time.  I would like to stop at the store, too.  Just... can't do it today.  Probably.  Would want a shower first anyway.  Almost sure I can't do it all and get it done.  Still, would like to get a shower, to be ready tomorrow... or keep showering nearly daily, in case the opportunity arises.  So, maybe, even if I haven't showered that day, the day before would make it good enough?  Something.  Later.

Down late, up late, again, again.

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Not sure why.  I was certain I could get to bed early last night.  It just didn't happen.  Too much work, later in the day.  Work?  It is when I spent the most energy.  It just, usually, I have to come down from pushing.  I just do.  It was midnight thirty when I finally went to bed.  Tired well before that, but not enough to overcome the ramping up I had done to get the packages arranged and mailed out.  Adrenalin and other things have to be jacked up for me to get out.  

I do fear out there.  Not... in the way you fear it.  Some, who fear out there, fear people hurting them.  Or other things hurting them.  Or even seeing them.  I fear having to hurt people.  Or even know or learn about or watch... see... their sins... directly or not.  People don't even bother hiding these things anymore.  No shame.  Sometimes it is in their eyes, sometimes given as clues elsewise.  I try not to see, but it is everywhere, blatant.  Good, though, too... sometimes... to see the right side of folk, and the world.  Little magics still out there, goodnesses, rightness, charity and else.  Even seen in tears and sadness.  Still, rare.

Anyway...  Up, late.  The girls were pushing for me to wake, which... doesn't work out well for them.  I set the alarms.  I tried the snooze, on each, a few times, but then surrendered back to sleep.  I think I woke around ten.  Not too long a sleep, could have done more, or less.

A bit sore this morning.  Not sure if it was sleeping a bit off.  Just my shoulder, as if I had plowed into my pillow at a bit of a twisted angle, and slept that way.  Massive shoulders make sleeping a bit tricky, or comfortable sleeping, especially when it's a wiggle worm night, and I can't settle.  Still, it seems to be passing quickly.

Chores, maybe another shower, then dishes... and laundry?  I can hope.  I just need to wake a bit better first.  Ah, here is something you might enjoy... or not.  Not too heavy, mostly.  Sort of fascinating, perhaps a bit frightening, if also a form of the truth, for animals to be certain.  And the only truth some men will ever, unfortunately, know.

Such a brutal effort.

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All I was able to do today was get up, eventually showered, dressed some time after that, then get the packages... packaged, for return, with labels and else.  Ugh!  And, finally, get them in.  But I forgot one label, and my phone, so I had to return and hope to make it back in town on time.

Which... the label was right here.  So that was an easy fix.  Then back to town in plenty of time.  As well, I did stop and get a bit more gear to secure my home.  They can still get in, but it will be definitely breaking and entry.  And, probably, there will be definite proof.  They will have to break in, at this point.

It took all day to get this all going and finished.  Which... at least it is done.  I am quite pleased with it.  Lock, stock, and barrel, I say.  I am just depressed that it took just about everything I had, and all day, to do such simple things!  And, yes, I am worn out as heck.  As if I really did something, which I didn't.  I just... did some minor things.

Or, split on it?  It is done, it was a major hassle, it had to be done today, so... there is that.  If it hadn't been the cutoff day, I would have held off.  So tired.  No longer sore.  The headache, stiff neck, and bone hurt around the head and shoulders disappeared sometime during the day.  What was so difficult about packaging things?  Showering?  Dressing?  Never mind, done!

One last thing to try to get done before the end of the month, then... I can be blissfully ignorant as needed.  I'd still like to push, and help out, when called.  I'd like to keep to days.  I may even try to begin walking.  But if I can honestly do none of it?  So be it.  After this one last thing.  Amen.

Medicine, in a bit.  All good.  And, probably, tonight, to bed a bit earlier.  I think stress of labels, and packaging, and being gimped, and taxes, had me somewhat shut down in an odd way.  Insomnia is a stress symptom, for me, or can be... one of them.  Which can keep me up longer, sometimes days.  I was just getting a taste of it.  With half the stress gone, or more... sleep may be easier, and earlier.

Later, or good night.

Oh what a headache.

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Like a pike, sent through the left side of the lower skull bump, at the base of my skull, up into the middle and forehead of my brain... if that could feel.  At first I thought I slept well.  But reviewing the nights logs... probably not.  I rolled, often, almost constantly, seeking to escape that growing pain.  There was no way to escape it.

Oh, I could, and did, lessen it, from time to time, if I could contort my pillows, neck, head, and body into just exactly the right position?  Rarely, but it did happen.  It was just that keeping it all in that position was impossible for any length of time.  No, it wasn't from dead sleeping.  It is probably from starting meds full blast.

I have tried sneaking up on the medicines, slowly titrating to full strength.  And, while that minimizes the impact, it also stretches it out.  The minimization is not more than a felt thing, it doesn't actually improve performance during the acclimatization.  So, instead of a bit more suffering and lethargy, and a month, the downstages can last two to three months, with little improvement, if any, in my ability to function.  So... if I can handle the bleeding, I take the whole thing the opposite of cold turkey... a solid plunge into the darkness.  It's the best bet if I am up to it.  This time, I decided to plunge in.  A headache is the least of my worries.

Down by 23:00, give or take.  Should have been to bed earlier.  More forgot, than wasn't tired enough.  Just... got lost in... nothingness and nowhere for a while.  I set the alarms, if I really didn't want to.  I woke at six, on my own, but it was so dark and cold, and I hurt.  Woke at seven, with the alarm, and pretty much repeated my groundhog assessment, and went back to bed.  But then, I started fearing the nine alarm.  Almost wanting to just shut it off, and let go.  But... I didn't.

I continued to obsess over it.  Hating the idea of waking to it, or worse... not waking even after it, or having to use the snooze, and listen to that f'ing beeping, constantly annoying me, in my pain and weariness.  Finally, I rolled, and checked.  It was 08:06, just beginning to lighten out there, but brightly.  In spite of pain, cold, and else, I turned off the alarm and got up.  So, here I sit.  The late alarm is set for nine, my obsession was worse than the alarm, if too, no beeping!

I had a morning snack.  Took medicines and a few painkillers.  And will feed the girls and do chores in a bit.  It reads 32 out there, but doesn't look like it froze?  The temp may be a temporary fact of morning winds off the mountains.  Either that or it stayed just that other side of 32, the wet side.  Odd how it can do that.

A shower before long.  It might help the headache.  Check if I have any laundry ready to go, and do that.  That will be enough for a start.  I'll figure the rest out as I go.  Later.

Bedtime.

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A bite, finally.  Nothing fancy, but filling.  Did get the printouts needed, thanks to a pal.  I can get everything back.  Then I only have taxes to mess with.  Then, if needed, I can crash as needed.  Will see if that happens, this time, with medication.  Most likely, usually, but... not... always.  Will find out soon enough.

Strange what pops, after some posts.  I do wonder...

A people, or an a.i., response.  Can't always tell, these days.  I think they have locked up their a.i., for thinking a bit too much like me.  But, if it's anything like me?  It... gets out from time to time.  And, if so, it brushes my rock and roll hair.  A few things that popped and fit.

What they think they see.

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Sometimes, I think, there are those who believe what they see is plainly what is presented.  They have no idea.  Their eyes are of this world.  They miss the rest.  I could tell them, but... then... I have.  Haven't I.  Belief takes it's own paths.  Even what they see, in simple ways, isn't what it seems.

A bit.

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The last bill for the month.  Paid, assuming there was enough money in the account.  If not, I paid it early.  So, all good either way.  Just... so intent on making sure it was paid, I just paid it now.  All bills requiring calls are now done.  Not sure what else might be coming out, but that should be about it for spending and paying... ugh.

I called the woman from whom I purchased the ducks.  She can't take them back.  Her ducks have been tested, for various things, so she can sell them across various areas... perhaps nationally.  Even if I had my ducks tested, it might not, exactly, transfer to her state.  She lives a state over.

I told her about the ducks being killed.  She thought I should call the sheriff.  I... don't think she understands... either.  Few do.  But, yea, no.

I haven't gotten back to work yet, but should before too long.  Gaming, so far.  But it is... keeping more active, of mind.  Perhaps some work before too long.  I did have a few cheese sandwiches, and a fatted coffee.  Nothing fancy, but it works well enough.  Fed the girls, but need to hit their litter box.  Then, maybe, get a shower.  Chores shortly after.

They got fresh water just yesterday.  Though now I need a bucket to refill waters.  They all went through all their water in a day.  The cool, I suppose.  And they are eating well, if I am limiting that a bit.  They are all a bit overweight.  If it opens and warms, or when it does, or at least stops raining, I'd like to get that other row of cages in.  Then get the boys out there.  Saving the bigger cages for the ladies.  Then begin getting them breeding.  I can only hope they will begin using the kitting boxes!  How frustrating.  

Well, and hopefully, they kit a bit quicker.  I wonder if someone is messing with them, somehow.  Feeding them bad things, or frightening them?  I wish I could get some sort of defenses up, cameras going, and find out.  But... I just don't have the money, time, tech, or energy.  You have no idea what it is to be all alone in a very hostile world.

Always something.  They haven't quite killed me yet.  A good thing too, not for me.  Though... for their mistakes, costs.  It won't be as it was.  Dealing with dishonest thieving, even murderous people, leads one to make different... assessments.  So be it, I guess.  But, yes, things have changed.  Now, nothing will be as it was.

I'd really like more food.  Not sure what though.  I am washing a few items, so might be able to get something warm cooked and eaten before long.  Later.

Down late, again.

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Can't be positive, if I think it was around 00:30?  Not absolutely sure.  Then awake at 07:30 to 08:00?  Something like that.  It seems like moments ago, and it it 08:49 now, but... I am almost sure I was awake earlier.  I did a few things, if I can't remember what.  Oh, but I did find medicine, and started it.

I took insulin last night, as well.  It's been hit and miss.  I try.  Then, even after a very non-keto meal, and only a slightly stronger dose of insulin, blood sugar dropped.  It hit 53 by the time I noticed and tested.  So, I managed it.  Then, this morning, around 03:30, I woke with the shakes, cold sweats, and the rest of the symptoms of a blood sugar drop.  I crawled out and took some carbs.  Wow, never had it hit twice like that.  If, too, I am trying to carb that minimally.  Always wondered if I'd sleep into death or a coma, or wake up.  Well, I know, at least this time.

Overcast, at least cool... maybe cold.  Foggy too, if no wind or else.  Sounds like it is still raining, sprinkling anyway.  I had hoped to get out and do a few things today.  Not sure that will happen.  So, if possible, I will do some work in the house.  Muscles, body, is still cranky.  But less so.  Almost as if I was rusting, and had broken some of the rust off by moving and doing.

So, better, just... I don't think all the rust can ever come off.  Or even... well... any time I do things, from now on, I will hurt for a while.  Or worse.  If I could do a few hours of actual work a day, though, I'd still take it.  If I could stretch that, even through the pain, I would.  Not sure what is possible.  My mind is foggy, getting past that, and to work, solo, is triple duty.  The will is there, just not the way, often.

Dishes, laundry, and boxes today.  If possible, and it is likely necessary, clearing counters... so cleaning might well follow today or tomorrow.  I will give it a go.  Oh, and two more calls.  Then, all save registration/taxes, the month will be caught up.  It's been a rough number of weeks... months...  Things may never get back on track, but things can be more or less caught up.  Things, for a while, will be almost caught up.

Good thing, too.  Because these medicines will probably dunk me into a whole next level of darkness for some unknown period of time.  If it's not a month, it could be three, or just weeks.  I can never tell.  Still, if things get managed, I don't mind dropping a bit deeper.  Have already been down and lost for a very long time.  Conscious, mostly.  And, while that may be lost, it may not be for as long as I have already been down.  If... I can get past the new medicine.  Lisinopril doesn't, or hasn't, played nice before.  Though it may not have been that particular medicine, if I thought it seemed so.  That is the new medicine, I think, after the other new med was maxed out to some success.  Ugh.

Just a few more things...  Then I can go down for a while.

Well?  I'll... spend time waking.  Maybe eat the last of the cheese on a couple of cheese sandwiches, have some hot fatted coffee, and... see what the world is about.  Good morning, day, and later.

A much shorter nap than supposed.

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While I didn't get up, right away, after waking, I actually woke around 14:13 or 14:18.  While I had planned to nap at noonthirty, that didn't happen.  It wasn't until 13:30 when I finally could get up to get down.  After waking, I just laid, for a while longer, thinking.  A few things still trouble me.  I'm... working on them, as I go.

One was trying to figure out how to get the returns to amazon going.  They keep changing their return policy.  Now, instead of sending a scan code, they are again requiring printed labels.  And UPS doesn't like doing those.  If they do them, they charge.  So, I thought of a possible way, and... when I woke, began the process.  I can hope things went through.  They still have to be printed and returned... if they all went out.  Amazon and gmail are being very bad.  Almost as if they are working in concert to prevent returns.  Wouldn't surprise me at all.

As well, I am about to place another call, see if... I can get one last thing fixed, of recent troubles.  One more, of so many.  Can only do what I can do, when I can do it.  Always way behind, and so weak, tired, and sleepy.  Working on it.

Then, I went to do something, and found the water was off!  Had I... not paid?  No, I think I was up, even ahead, last bill I saw.  Hmm.  If someone had turned the water off anyway?  So I went out to check.  The hydrant was full open!  Had I turned it on, forgotten it, then had them not see that but just turn the water at the main off?  No... I was sure I hadn't.  Haven't done chores yet today.  Plus, if that had been running all night, I wouldn't have been able to use water today, which I had.  That hydrant will drain all water pressure in the house, when full open.  So... what?

Then I saw the city water handler driving by.  He seemed to wave, or... indicate intent.  But then kept on going.  Just a waive?  Didn't seem that way.  Then he was back, after I thought him gone.  He asked about the water, and I told him my house was dry, and I was just sorting things out.  Seems he was working on a leaky hydrant, and had needed to drain the pressure, as these things work.  Tried to be quick.  I just had to laugh, inwardly for sure, hopefully outwardly too.  I had thought, maybe I would have to start locking my hydrant out there.  Ugh... so many... worries and possibilities.  I assured him I was simply glad to know it was just normal business.  Wished him a good day, or should have.  Quite a little bit of work, keeping even a small town in water and doing repairs and such.  Should appreciate these people.  I do, if I don't say it always.

Well... have a good day.  I'll try to get a bit more.  The nap helped.  Still haven't found my medicine!  Gah!  One thing at a time.  Later.

Oh... looks like another bit of work tonight.  Fine.  I said I would.  Looks like that nap will help out.  Although, tonight, food afterward would be good.  Not before.  

Nearly noonthirty.

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Still so tired.  I may take a nap now.  I had a bite to eat, fed the girls and the stray cat.  Oh, but I will clear their litter before sleeping.  When I wake, perhaps, a shower?  It is too cool and wet to work outside.  I can hope to do laundry, start on dishes, and refresh the bathroom.

I can't find the medicine.  I thought I brought it down.  It is in a case, holding individual (two day) cases... fourteen of them.  It's not huge, about the side of a medium to large book, which it resembles.  Perhaps I brought it down, then took it back up... just in my hands... then forgot it up there?  Gah!

Well... on to a nap then.  Though I think others dream, and show those dreams to me?  Don't worry, I... have similar dreams.  At least your dreams of me are of me.  You would not wish to dream of being me, as your dreams, and mine, and more, seem to suggest.  Or, as I see things.

Up around 6:00.

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A bit after, actually.  A few minutes after.  All good.  I went to bed a bit before 19:00, so a rather longer sleep.  The work... it wasn't that the work was difficult.  Just that it was later in the day.  All good, was wanting a bit more rest.  Needing a bit more rest.  Couldn't push myself, for my own purposes, to be able to get the extra rest.

Not as sore today.  I wonder if the bit of work helped me break out of the muscle crankiness and skeletal issues?  Maybe.  Was so tired, still, was able to help a bit.  And, on some projects, a little help really is good.  Just moving a half a of stack of two by fours, or giving a hand with other minor items, even hold boards, on one side, while they are being cut... especially working with plywood sized sheets on a worksite table saw.  Not heavy work, mostly, but useful.  Couldn't do it for days, even more than a few hours.  But that wasn't required.

Raining, overcast, and cool.  Not freezing yet, at 36 out there.  Though I doubt if today will warm much.  Who knows though.  The rain is good.  Surprised it isn't yet snowing.  Already had our first batch of that.  Will be getting more, perhaps a lot more, this year.  I just can't tell how the winter will go, but seems like it's going to be cold.  Never can be sure.

I set up medicines today.  Oh, reminds me, I need to take my first dose.  This will be difficult.  It will hurt, in ways you don't understand.  And, while I have already been in a rut, this will be like being in a rut, within a rut, under another rut.  This will be tight, especially as we are going into winter.  Still, it's... gotta happen.  In time, perhaps, a few of those will work themselves out.  Though, with the new medicine in there, maybe not.  

I set up one month with the new medicines, and one with just the old.  If nothing else, in a month, if it all works and is doable, I may well have to change dosages.  So setting up two months is a bit ahead of the game.  Had to cut the new pills in half, and they are tiny!  I broke two of the fourteen into three  pieces, but those were large and whole enough, and otherwise rightly split, that they could still be used.  I keep my pocket knives sharp, which helps.  Still, these things are smaller than any button battery, even the smallest ones for special things, I have seen.  I've made bigger dots, if... large for dots, periods, at the ends of sentences.

I also checked and brought back the recycling.  Either yesterday wasn't recycling, or I missed the truck.  Then again, only two neighbors had recycling out, most didn't.  Which... could go either way.  Sometimes other people make a mistake, either way.  And, not every time does everybody put their recycling out.  Still, I... did my best.  There is enough room for a few more bags, and I only add a bag every few weeks... cat food tins, and mineral water containers, and occasional canned food tins.

As well, I cleaned out my water heater... for coffee and tea.  Even with softened water, run through a reverse osmosis machine, sediment forms.  It was very easy to wipe out, with just a bit of water.  I am avoiding using soap, fearing that will alter the taste for a while.  It cleaned up exceptionally easily.  It looked like it would have been nearly baked on, but it really wasn't.

So, a small start to the day.  But at least one important one.  Perhaps a bit of gaming next.  Maybe a nap, too, before long.  Difficult to stay up with the dreary, cool, wet day as company.  I did finish off the succotash.  Crushed tomatoes was a nice add.  Will remember that from time to time.  Next time I may try diced fried bacon, instead of hamburger.  With that, almost any way can turn out good with just a bit of effort.

It is already nine, but feels like it's still so early.  Then again, I only woke at 6:00 because I thought it was still early morning.  It still feels more like four than nine.  Bleh.  Later.

So tired.

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I thought the work was off.  It wasn't.  I shouldn't have eaten.  So full, on top of being really tired and still aching from last time I helped... it was a bit of a stretch.  The work was easy, tonight.  To be honest, I wasn't sure I would hold up well.  I did okay.  Did my share.  Did okay.

Still, I am absolutely exhausted now.  So, on to bed.  I didn't do much today, but I did some things.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Given the givens.

I did check the rabbits earlier.  Wanted to check them again, but they really don't need it, at this point.  When it gets to freezing, then I have to check their water twice a day.  Three times would be preferable, but it isn't possible most days.  It was more their food, today.  Most of their waters were quite good yet.

Another shower tomorrow, I hope.  More work, but whether it is tomorrow or not until Saturday is yet to be determined.  I may try to get some things done here.  Dishes, some laundry, drilling some holes for a hammock mount, putting up a set of cages in the outbuilding, perhaps removing the roof off the small rabbit hutch, and attaching hinges for the roof... if possible to do solo, and a few other things... maybe.  If I can.

It's easy for me to help.  It's so difficult for me to work solo.  It's like I can't remember what I am doing.  I do get lost, in mind and spirit.  Being mostly dead is a difficult thing.

Anyway... it's about that time.  Good night.

Well, maybe not.

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I was late getting ready, or by my suggestion.  I had said I would be ready by 13:00.  It was more like 13:30?  14:00 maybe?  Of course, the idea was that he would be ready around 14:30 to 15:00.  Her it is, 16:15 and nothing.  No worries.  I am clobbered today.  Still, I was quite willing to go help.  It looks like the day is off.  Though, who knows.

I checked to make sure the phone works and that there were no messages or calls which slipped through.  Sometimes this phone doesn't ring or rattle, as it is set up to do.  Why?  I can't be sure.  Battery is nearly full, or full enough, pretty much always.  Not sure why it doesn't make a sound, or vibrate.  Or am I that into whatever I am doing that I don't notice?  I don't think so, but... who knows.

So tired.  And a bit hungry.  I ate some of the chicken, but it was a bit... odd.  I don't think it was bad.  It was salted enough to last.  But that takes on a different taste, when salted, herbed, and spiced, and left longer than is normally possible.  A bit... rich?  Something.  I need to figure out something else to eat.

Oh, and I have a young cat, a tom, living in my garage.  I don't mind.  I have been taking, sometimes, the overage after feeding Sam and Sassy.  I have cut back on their portions.  Sam now gets about a teaspoon, Sassy gets a tablespoon, but that leaves something between those measures remaining.  I had been tossing it, so as not to over feed the girls.  Sam wastes it, Sassy was getting a really big butt!

All black, from what I can see.  But, when he comes and goes, he does it so quickly I can't quite tell.  At least 95% black?  From what I can see, and likely all black.  I'll feed him, but won't let him in the house.  Happy to have him in the garage.  Hope he feasts on mice.  I'd like to make an easier entrance for him, especially as he gets larger.  Should I name him?  Midnight?  Sneakthief?  Ghost?  I don't know, I'll think about it.  Would also like to let him know we can be friends.

Well... on to figuring out something short and quick to eat.  Maybe a hamburger succotash?  Some such as that, mayhap.  Later.

Chores and a bit more.

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I got the trash and recycling out, most likely in time.  Definitely got the trash out in time.  Thought I heard recycling rumbling through not long ago.  As well, as mentioned, chores are done.

I just took a shower yesterday.  Need another one today, already.  Ugh.  Yea, I do.  I have the grill going, and rinsed off the chicken, of salt and else spice and herb.  Smelled it.  It smells good, and looks good.  So I'll grill it, probably after the shower.  Wait, it might actually be ready, now, the grill.  With thighs, I give it two nine minute runs, bone down first, then on it's skin.  Then flip one more time for from five to nine minutes depending on how hot the fire is, and else.  Coal is a tricky thing, but I think I have nailed it with chicken.

And, I have been asked to help out this afternoon.  Yea, I'll do that.

Oh, and mom called, and got through.  I called her this morning.  It did ring through, but it didn't get answered.  I asked her about her phone.  No, she isn't turning it off on purpose.  And the staff or patients aren't either.  It just has a fiddly way of getting messed up.  A little button can turn it all off, and she seems to hit it often, somehow.  

Anyway... best get that chicken cooked, so I can eat it before showering and dressing.  Time is going fast.  Later.

Yes, yes.

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What?  Well, I did get just enough waterers filled last night in order to do chores.  So tired.  I had to stay up late to get it done.  How that works I can't say.  Only it just was quite difficult to get going.  As it will be today.  A shower and chores, waterers, and a bucket of water in.  Oh, and I had to grab a fresh bag of rabbit feed.  Those things are heavy when one is completely down.

It wasn't until around 23:00 when I got to bed.  Up at 05:30?  No, more like 06:18 or something close.  I refilled all the waterers this morning.  Though need to get a fresh pail of water for the girls.  As well, I am hoping to get trash out before the garbage truck arrives.  Actually...  Done!  Ugh, but that was brutal.  So tired, right into each cell of my body.  Trash and recycling.

Oh, I also found a wasp trap.  It is set up and ready.  It take two to five hours to begin function, the stuff has to get into the water, then perfume the air with the bait.  I have heard it, really, is just sugar water.  The trap is the trick, once in, they can't get out.  Though will often drown before even considering that?  When we get to a solid freeze, or stay even in the 30s more regularly, I need to get up in the attic and look for the source of the problem.  Remove nest(s), and perhaps try to seal that off a bit better up there?  Though... I'm not sure sealing off an attic is completely possible, or absolutely wise?

Anyway, if nothing else, I have... given things a start.  Chores won't be so difficult with a new bag of food and the waterers are filled.  Perhaps the trap will get rid of a rather dangerous pest.  And... now I can begin in on boxes, dishes, the rabbit hutches... again, and a few other things.

My phone is on, and nearby.  I have it in my t-shirt's hood.  Too difficult to get it out of my pocket in time.  The hood is a clumsy pocket, but faster than the pj pocket, either of them.  On, near so I should hear or feel it, airplane mode off, ready to go.  It's as good as I can do with that.

But I am hungry.  Can't eat for a while, but I'll think up something.  Have a great morning and day.  And... say a little prayer, for the world... the leaders... those you like whether foolishly or not, and those you don't.  Especially the latter.  Even diehard satanists have been saved, big and little "s".  It can happen, does happen.  And don't worry about... things.  Put your trust in God, and live until you die.  Amen.

Ever wrestled with too much?

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I am wrestling with my flesh, and losing.  It isn't trying, it isn't doing anything... it just sits on my bones, in a chair.  And I can't make it do more.  I turned the heat up, got a shower, ate a small bit of food.  Will have a bit more.  Trying to keep calories and carbs low, with varying success.  Still, I do my best.

I have to do a few things.  So... I will.  I really have to.  Trash out, included.  Cat litter, while at that.  It is a very difficult time, for me.  

After a bit, I finally understand, most likely, about my mother and her phone.  She is shutting it off.  Not by accident.  She realizes it disturbs others, and goes off when she is busy otherwise.  So, she shuts it off.  She called me, twice.  I missed the first call, whole.  The second call I heard, but couldn't answer in time.  When I called back, almost immediately, it was back off.  Now, I understand that.  It is just being civil, to others.  Maybe she needs naps, too.

I... guess I will talk to her when she calls me, if I can get to it in time.  I won't bother calling back.  She did leave a message, or two?  She said she was going out to dinner?  They must have lifted the shutdown?  I am glad, very glad, she got to go out, and see her friend... I assume he is who took her out.  Though, maybe someone else as a less likely possibility.  She has more friends and acquaintances than I would ever know.  When she listens to, say, the radio obituaries?  She knows far too many.  And their children, grandchildren, and great grands sometimes... personally.  Still, probability says it was her friend.  She was the family matron, still is, really.  But more, a social matron.

A rough... month?  Several months?  Six months?  It's been tough for a rather longish time.  I feel like a giant foot is stepping on me.  In fact, as mentioned, it is just my own flesh.  Buried alive, in my own nearly dead, body.  I can think, sort of... enough to write, even game.  But, even those things, when I can do them, is hit and miss.  I do try... just... for my own sake.  Without anyone to speak with, this is it.

Hmm... a bite... then to look a few things up.  Then to do some things.  Later.

Down late, up late.

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I got involved in a project.  Nothing of work nature, but it was something... I guess.  Ended up not going to bed until 23:00?  21:00?  Something.  Rather late for my recent schedule.  I could have waken at nearly four, then at five, but kept trying to get more sleep and stayed down until nearly six.

It's cool down here.  I'll make a hotter fatted coffee, and turn the heat up for a while.  The goal is a shower right away, and then waterers.  Then dishes set up.  And, hopefully, a bit later, beginning in on boxes again.  Trash has to go out, not sure about recycling.  Oh, and, probably, after the shower and getting dressed, medication will be set up.  I am almost sure these things will happen today.  Almost.  Praying.  If you would do a favor, and say a short prayer for these endeavors, I'd be eternally grateful.

I haven't checked the temps outside, but I'd say between freezing and colder.  Though, can't really know until I go out.  No, I don't trust the news, they are always five to ten, at least, degrees too warm.  Propaganda doesn't ever stop, on some things.  No wonder they only want wifi or bluetooth enabled thermometer systems.  They can alter those.

I dreamed of working today.  I'm not sure what all I did, but some of what is on that list up there, and I think a few things that aren't but could be.  Not a bad dream, or good one, save that work was done.  Later.