Ever wrestled with too much?

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I am wrestling with my flesh, and losing.  It isn't trying, it isn't doing anything... it just sits on my bones, in a chair.  And I can't make it do more.  I turned the heat up, got a shower, ate a small bit of food.  Will have a bit more.  Trying to keep calories and carbs low, with varying success.  Still, I do my best.

I have to do a few things.  So... I will.  I really have to.  Trash out, included.  Cat litter, while at that.  It is a very difficult time, for me.  

After a bit, I finally understand, most likely, about my mother and her phone.  She is shutting it off.  Not by accident.  She realizes it disturbs others, and goes off when she is busy otherwise.  So, she shuts it off.  She called me, twice.  I missed the first call, whole.  The second call I heard, but couldn't answer in time.  When I called back, almost immediately, it was back off.  Now, I understand that.  It is just being civil, to others.  Maybe she needs naps, too.

I... guess I will talk to her when she calls me, if I can get to it in time.  I won't bother calling back.  She did leave a message, or two?  She said she was going out to dinner?  They must have lifted the shutdown?  I am glad, very glad, she got to go out, and see her friend... I assume he is who took her out.  Though, maybe someone else as a less likely possibility.  She has more friends and acquaintances than I would ever know.  When she listens to, say, the radio obituaries?  She knows far too many.  And their children, grandchildren, and great grands sometimes... personally.  Still, probability says it was her friend.  She was the family matron, still is, really.  But more, a social matron.

A rough... month?  Several months?  Six months?  It's been tough for a rather longish time.  I feel like a giant foot is stepping on me.  In fact, as mentioned, it is just my own flesh.  Buried alive, in my own nearly dead, body.  I can think, sort of... enough to write, even game.  But, even those things, when I can do them, is hit and miss.  I do try... just... for my own sake.  Without anyone to speak with, this is it.

Hmm... a bite... then to look a few things up.  Then to do some things.  Later.