Not bad?

.

.

I couldn't get to bed until after midnight again.  Again, right at midnight thirty.  More insomnia, keeping me awake, than anything.  Medicines doing it?  Maybe, or part of it?  But sleep was so very good.  A bit bumpy, rolling and twisting, but nothing totally out.  I always twist, turn, roll, kick the blankets off, go searching for them... active the whole night, really.  Seeking a comfortable spot, or new one if the old one becomes a bit long in the tooth, and no longer seems pleasant.

I'm not sure I ever sleep all that deeply.  Save that I know I do, for spots of time when I might as well be dead.  I am all but sure I had some of those, and deeper and longer, last night than usual, actually.  However, my active moments were even more active, as well.  The world is going bad, everywhere.  If, too, something is applying the breaks, as if to a train trying to go off the rails, and a ghost in the machine is limiting the speed and altering oncoming traffic in spite of those who believe they are in control.

I don't think God does anything directly.  He merely built things a certain way.  It may be why various understandings of everything from physics, to economics, to social norms don't fit with one another.  It isn't because they don't, it is because the systems are beyond our greatest understandings.  Then again, if you have ever known a scientist, mathematician, or engineer, you will find that these people do their absolute best to simplify.  Some things just... aren't simple.  There is no way to reduce some things to a common denominator, or to simple terms.  Givens and proofs and... poetry... nothing more.  Worse, poetry that only makes sense to the dimmer witted of the insane and obsessed.  I don't even think Einstein was actually intellectually classified as genius, was he?  Just saying.  Though, genius isn't what it is presumed, even with sweat equity.  Just because you just know, doesn't mean you know correctly.  How many academics should throw their life's work out?  Most of them.  Then again, most are 115 IQ midwits.  Even I am higher than that.  Or was.

Anyway...  While God doesn't interfere, He doesn't have to.  Between the truth of free will, the mechanics of the world, and else... if His people pray for His way, and bend to it, yielding our desires and feelings to truth, that can't be undone.  It is only if people surrender their faith, for the slavery of fear, that they will be lost.  If many have done so, not all.  What was it which would have spared Sodom and Gomorra?  Was it some number of good men?  Ten?  To be honest, I think there are ten, in many places.  Often... a few more.  Are... you... one of the ten?  Do you wish to be?

Anyway... up by 08:30.  No alarms, they were really breaking my balls.  I just... couldn't.  Especially going to bed so late, and so tired... after having been so tired all day yesterday.  It is 38 and sprinkling out there.  I am hoping for a shower yet this morning.  And then to find a point where it isn't raining, and get chores done.  Cat litter needs a lot of work, I have having a heck of a time keeping up.

On the good side, I am on my fourth day of medicine without too much trouble.  I have been using one painkiller or another every other day or so.  Which has been helping.  How much?  I can't say.  More, this new stuff?  I started out heavy, but am cutting.  Today I am going to try a single pill.  Yes, I have been hitting those a bit heavy.  But starting out on medicine can be brutal.  This time isn't... as bad.  But it is always bad.  It's probably not as bad because I am taking things in hand before they get really bad.

That I am reducing my painkiller load to... human recommended levels, even with my size difference, and half the dose for the day to boot, on top of just going on two doses over four days?  I'll take that as a success.  Or, well, it's all turning out a bit better than anticipated... if I still have fear and dread.  This stuff is brutal.

Hopefully a bit more work today.  Probably not much physical, or for long.  The internals are a bit rough.  Not sickly feeling, just... feeling as if they are bruised.  As bp falls, things... don't get what they have been used to receiving, blood wise.  Though some of the pain may be from having been having too high of a pressure blood flows pounding on them, then having that quickly reduced... the areas which had been being pounded can now begin to heal?  Difficult to know, absolutely.  Just some possibilities.  Still, as mentioned, not as bad as usual.

Later.