Hopes.

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Had hoped to get out today.  Just isn't going to happen, not as planned.  I may yet get out, for a very short bit, but not for what had been planned.  Though, not sure even a small outing is in the offing.  So tired.  Tired?  Sleepy?  Exhausted?  I'd go with tired, with a partial order of sleepy on the side.  Not exhausted.  Too tired to work up to an exhaustion, but a bit sleepy as an aside.

Chores were done.  I was hoping for a shower, too.  Not to be, most likely.  Hungry, just can't really get going on cooking anything.  Trapped, a bit.

I used to take painkillers that worked, with two types of painkiller ingredients, plus caffeine.  That disappeared.  Then came back!  Or... so I thought.  They had made it just aspirin and caffeine, and charged a bundle for it.  The other day, I found the old formula.  Of course, much more expensive than the new formula fake stuff, but exactly the idea of the old medicine.  I am not sure how much of each painkiller type the old had, and the new seems... weaker.  Still, there it is.  If with all sorts of warnings and advisements and else.

The stuff worked on my migraines, and some of the worst of my pains.  On the other hand, I took double to triple the dose, and tried to keep total usages (albeit at those higher doses) down to once, or maybe twice, a week.  And... so it remains.  excedrin migraine.  The old one had been anacin.  Shame on them for their trickery and excessive expense for just becoming aspirin and caffeine, dropping the other, and I think even dropping the doses of the other two.

I tried it today, as things were a bit tight.  Yea, that's... how I remember it.  One day a week off from torment, almost guaranteed.  Though, for weeks, I can be numb enough, or otherwise painfree, so it's only a few weeks a month, every other month, or sometimes longer, where pain can be "tolerated" or ignored.  Though sometimes, the want of it it daily, and even then, sometimes, it won't help at all.  Still, now I have it.  If you used to like anacin, excedrin migraine may fill that void.

Something is still pretty off.  I suspect starting up medicine, full stop, damn the torpedoes, is the gig.  I have had much worse, before.  But just into the third day.  I wanted to skip last night, but chose not to skip.  If it really hits, or if I black out, fade out, and can't control it, it may happen.  But I won't skip consciously, unless I have been on it a week or two and it is really getting to me.  A short one or two dose break has... lifted spirits and allowed continuation before.  The trick is to remember to skip before it breaks me down too terribly.  Sometimes, deep in the throws of this stuff, I can't remember... anything.  Can't think.  Tricky.  Almost have to go into that darkness with a plan, hold on to the memory of the plan, before it goes all dark.  Tricky damn thing, and that isn't a guarantee.  Sometimes only a fall can allow me to regain my feet... at some point.  Still, I... have that as a plan, in case, in hope in the dark.

Hmm... I am hungry.  Food, of any kind, warm... plentiful enough... and tasty...  I can't worry about healthy all of the time.  Can't cook, or do dishes?  Hmm... actually... maybe.  If I have cheese to add, sure.  If not, not this time.  I would like to stop at the store, too.  Just... can't do it today.  Probably.  Would want a shower first anyway.  Almost sure I can't do it all and get it done.  Still, would like to get a shower, to be ready tomorrow... or keep showering nearly daily, in case the opportunity arises.  So, maybe, even if I haven't showered that day, the day before would make it good enough?  Something.  Later.